#oh my god hes so sweet

[we-are-inevitable]

i! love! ryan! kopel!

[egophiliac]

he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!

PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE

[myrkulitescourge]

the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

[kensatou]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

[bubbarnes]

“... I'm really, really grateful to be here and I'm very thankful for each and every one of your smiles and hugs and care and warmth and love.”

[heybiji]

[p4nishers]

can't believe tom hiddleston ACTUALLY interrupted the interviewer to say "one last thing, i think mobius is loki's friend and i don't think loki has ever had a friend before" like king. i love how u felt the need to add that truly

[notbecauseofvictories]

I've seen that "the immortal loses their loved one but not their loved one's family; what if the immortal stayed close, followed them down the generations?" post a dozen times, and I understand it's intended to be sweet---but every single time I see it, all I can think is that it's straight-up the beginning of a horror story.

[m3lodyxo]

Imagine if you were there durring the riot and got arrested before you could see Silco again. For years you're in Stillwater, thinking about your friends, not even knowing most of them are dead.

You're finally let out and begin to rebuild your life when you get kidnapped and in some room strapped to a chair.

Then you suddenly hear a voice and just freeze.

You guys are left alone in the room and Silco doesn't even know what to do cause you're just standing there, not saying anything.

---------------------------------------------------

Silco: Stop being so stoic {name}

You, approaching him: ...

Silco: Go on, shout, scream, SAY SOMETHING FOR JANNA'S SAKE

You cup his face and smile with tears in your eyes: You're as beautiful as the day I lost you.

Silco: ....

And he just breaks down in your arms because he thought you were gone forever. No one had told him you were in that damned prison. He would've done something to get you out sooner. He thought you were dead like all the rest. That you left him alone after promising him you'd never leave his side. All these years he believed you betrayed him, just like Vander. Leaving him to fend for himself. And here you are now, looking at him as if he hung the stars.

[naamahdarling]

I didn't get pics I didn't get pics my phone was in the bedroom charging but FANCY IS PLAYING WITH THEM. Not next TO them but INITIATING PLAY WITH THEM.

Not bitchily, not reluctantly, not with a short temper, not tolerating THEIR advances, but making her OWN advances! Inviting them in!!!!!! Even the detested Junie!

CRYINGGGGGG.

[seokminfilm]

mary janes | lee seokmin

pairing: lee seokmin x reader

warning: non-idol au, kindergarten teacher!seokmin, fluff & romance, kissing, mentions of marriage, slightly suggestive, seokmin uses love & sweetheart, reader uses love and seokmin's nicknames, reader is called mrs. lee by the children, christmas is literally so in, the usual "seokmin soft hours" turn into "(not-so) soft seokmin hours"

Kids ran around like crazy as people started to settle into their seats, and the kindergarten teachers patrolled backstage, browsing to make sure all of their kids were ready and in position. You smiled at two of them as they passed, and they waved at you, familiar with you since you were related to Seokmin, your boyfriend of a year and one of the aforementioned kindergarten teachers.

“Ji-ah?” Seokmin asked, and a tiny female voice answered with a chirpy “Here!”, causing him to smile and mark at his clipboard again. “Seojoon–we are not using the confetti baskets yet. Put them down.” Seokmin sighed tiredly, and the troublemaker reluctantly applied, dropping the basket as other kids snickered.

“Alright, everyone! We’re almost there—” Seokmin consoles the impatient children, glancing down at his watch as he smiles. “Just twenty more minutes.”

“Twenty more minutes?” A little girl asks, and half of the class groans and sighs. “I can’t wait any more! I want to go sing now!” “Why do we have to wait?” “Ugh, this is gonna take forever!” The bunch of kids started complaining, little voices coming together to make a stew of impatient sounds, to which Seokmin had to silence them all.

“If you all listen to me and just continue having quiet talking sessions, time will fly by quickly, I promise,” Seokmin’s brown eyes were wide as he gave them a sweet smile, and all of them were easily persuaded, falling to the ground as they sat with their friends and talked. 

Warm with the feeling of greeting parents, grandparents, and family members, and the lingering spirit of decorating the school’s lobby and handing out candy canes warming your heart even more, you came to approach your boyfriend, tapping him on the shoulder as he turned to you.

“And there’s my love.” His voice softened, reminding you of the intimate times you spent at home together, baking Christmas cookies or decorating your small apartment.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Seokmin kissed your cheek, and you smiled, holding his hand as you greeted him. “Hi, Seok. Is everything going well?”

He laughs dryly, rubbing his forehead tiredly as he mumbles, “Surprisingly. I think it’s a Christmas miracle.” You laugh animatedly at his apparent tiredness, and you squeeze his muscled arm hiding under his collared black suit, giving him a sweet smile.

“You’re doing great, love.” You promise, and Seokmin can’t help but break into his signature dazzling smile, leaning into you as a type of discreet hug.

“Mrs. Lee!” One of the students happily exclaims, and the whole class erupts in cheers to which you try to calm them all, pulling away to give each of them a hug.

All of Seokmin’s class were enamored with you—they treated you so much differently from Seokmin and listened to you faster than they did any teacher.

They referred to you with Seokmin’s last name, and no matter how much you corrected them, they never stopped. Even though it made you blush, Seokmin found it quite cute, and therefore the kids continued to call you Mrs. Lee.

“Hi, everyone! Are we all excited?” You ask, and the small crowd of kids erupt into cheers and chatting, to which both you and Seokmin get them to quiet down. “I’m excited to hear you all too. Just please keep quiet for me, okay? We’re starting in ten minutes now.” 

“Ten minutes?” “Ten minutes!” “That’s still so long!” “Oh, I can’t wait to sing and wave to my mommy and daddy!” The kids all run up to you and express their excitement, to which you laugh and cheer them all on as you interact with them quietly.

Seokmin’s eyes light up with love for you as he watches you interact with his students like it’s second nature to you. You weren’t a teacher or a person who worked with kids often, as you were a barista at a low-energy cafe where college students spend their mid-terms: you still interacted with children like you were made for it, and it made Seokmin’s heart pound as you hugged a rather shy girl, making sure to comfort her apparent nerves.

At that moment in time, Seokmin wondered what it would be like to give you a baby of your own. He dreamed about how it would have his nose and your soft lips, and how you’d love it and take care of it just like you did the children of his classroom. A tiny boy’s hands wrapped around your hands had Seokmin’s heart melt a little more, and he had to bite back the urge to kiss you out of your pretty red dress and Mary Jane heels you had worn for the occasion.

“Mr. Lee, I have to tinkle.” The shockingly vulgar comment slapped Seokmin back into the now—back into the craziness of there being less than five minutes before the classes assembled on the stage, and back to the fact that a little boy about the age of 5 had to pee.

“You have to use the bathroom? Now?” Seokmin’s face was quite red from the fact he was thinking about some not-so-kindergarten-friendly things about you while surrounded by five-year-olds and a child had tugged on his pants to let him know that he had to tinkle.

“Mhm, I can’t wait.” The boy frowned, and Seokmin put his hand on the boy’s back, leading him to you as he sighed. “Hey, love, can you take Seunghae to the bathroom?” Seokmin sighed, and you looked at him surprised, stunned by both his reddened face and the red face of the kid who had to use the bathroom—currently holding his crotch with an urgency in his eyes. Wanting to question Seokmin as to why his cheeks were a bright red, you nodded quickly, escorting Seungjae to the tiny, slightly rickety bathroom backstage.

Once you finally got Seungjae to stop sniffing the scented cubes decorating the dusty bathroom, you ushered him back to Seokmin’s now-standing class, inserting him into the line as all the kids were giving Seokmin tiny thumbs up as he prepared to go out and speak to the eager congregation.

“You’ve got this, Minnie. You’re gonna do great.” You give him a quick, modest peck to his warm cheekbone, and he smiles at you, eyes raking over your pretty features he had memorized a thousand times before as he fell in love with you a little more. “Thank you, sweetheart. Keep them organized for me.”

You smile before quieting the kids, giving him a pretty, dazzling smile as he feels all his worries and tenseness wither away in the blink of your sparkling eyes. He enters the stage as a new person, overjoyed and more than ready to lead the children through the Christmas program he had worked so hard to present.

“Goodbye, Mr. Lee! See you in three weeks!” One of the girls you had recognized as one of the ones who had a massive crush on Seokmin squealed, and he smiled, handing the sign-out clipboard to another parent whose child was holding onto his hand, tears in his eyes as if he didn’t want to leave.

The Christmas program was a success—even with its slipups and unexpected plot twists. All the children were on their best behavior, even if some had their unexpected spotlights (referring to that one part of 12 Days of Christmas where the kid burst out into tears instead of saying five golden rings), and the parents gave everyone a standing ovation at the end.

“I don’t wanna leave you!” The kid screamed as tears poured down his face, and Seokmin dropped to his knees, wiping the tears away from the boy as he gave a soft smile.

“You have three weeks of no school and no counting! Enjoy it for me, okay?” Seokmin holds up his hand for a high five, and the boy slowly calms down, giving him a high five nevertheless as his dad picks him up and thanks Seokmin before saying goodbye.

“Good work tonight, love. You were great with the kids. I think they love you more than me.” Seokmin frowns, and you can’t help but laugh, hand landing on his firm chest as he smiles down at you. “I love you more than me, so I can’t pretend like they’re wrong for that.” You reply, and Seokmin glares at you, a playful yet warning look on his face as he crosses his arms.

“You better not love yourself more than me. You’re just as special to you as I am to you.” Seokmin’s voice is serious, and you kiss the tip of his nose, watching as his hard countenance breaks and reveals his famous wide smile and sparkling, crescent-shaped eyes as you sigh.

“Okay, okay. Don’t lose it just yet, Mr. Lee.” You tap his lapel, and he just grins at you, smile fading just a bit as you check the clipboard, your eyes dancing over the now checked-off names.

“Well, that’s everyone,” You mark the last name off on the clipboard, double-checking as you look at Seokmin again. His eyes are already on yours, and the soft smile on his lips is enough to make your whole body heat up. “What?”

“You look so pretty, baby. I love your Mary Janes and those delicate sparkly tights you have on.” Seokmin’s hand ghosts over your waist and glides down your hip slowly before you giggle, pulling away. “Thank you, Minnie—you do know we’re still in the school’s foyer, right?”

“I do,” Seokmin’s voice is lowered, and he looks at you with those pretty brown eyes, hand going to cup your cheek as he smiles. “We are done with the Christmas program, and I’m allowed to go home, so why don’t we change that?”

“Yeah, okay,” you agree, clearly softened by Seokmin’s smooth, enticing voice. He giggles at your dazed expression and takes your hand, quickly saying goodbye to his chatting co-workers before leading you to the car.

Even though it was cold outside and snow was falling, you didn’t feel the chill at all. It felt overwhelmingly warm between you and now hot and bothered boyfriend Seokmin, and you both knew there was only one way to solve that problem.

One you couldn’t solve with your pretty Mary Janes on.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

Kenzaki rolling up in Zi-O looking like he's been lying face down in the toku quarry for ten something years just letting current series film stunts over him...

[sampilled]

I hate that they gave Sam a stupid reason for hating Halloween (he embarrassed himself at a Halloween party) when his initial reason for hating Halloween, that his life FUCKING SUCKED was a much better reason

Like he had an alcoholic father that was lost in his grief and who didn’t try to make anything special for him and his brother never mind the holiday that happens 2 DAYSSSS before the anniversary of his wife’s death

Like he says it himself. He doesn’t care about Christmas or Halloween. He never trick or treated. They had kfc for Christmas. His first experience of a family holiday was with someone else’s family. No one ever cut the crusts of his sandwiches!!!!

Like dean sees Halloween and horror movies and dressing up as escapism. Halloween was probably his fav for the opportunity to escape his life for a night and get free treats that he wouldn’t usually get.

Sam sees holidays as depressing reminders of how shitty his life is 💯

[izaacs-notdeadyet]

I think about this image often

"The gang hates me and only lets me stick around cause of Darry and soda!"

BOY YOU'RE THE GANGS LITTLE BROTHER DONT PLAY WITH ME

[littleplantfreak]

'When', not 'if'

("I'm not a romantic" I cry and scream before dropping the most sickening thing i've written to date. Blame @stunie because i did tell her i would write the most ume thing ever and maybe this is it. The title in my docs for it is 'Fucking disgusting' but i figured i better not title it that here because I'd be seeing it in my notifs lmaoo)

SFW/no cw unless you hate fluff

When you wake up from your nap, one of your slippers is gone, and there's a blanket on you that wasn't there prior. Looking at the clock, it's been about an hour since everyone had left your apartment once your birthday party ended. The day as a whole had been chaotic, your boyfriend shoving you out the door with a note to go see Kotoha.

The note took you farther than that, though, as it seemed Umemiya created a whole scavenger hunt for your birthday that had you running into all of your friends, having dessert at your favorite cafe, and eventually ending up at your shared apartment to find that all that time spent around town was a distraction so that he could set up the space for your party. After it had ended, you were banished to the couch because princesses aren't allowed to help clean up their own birthday parties, which had you huffing and falling face down into the chicken shaped pillow affectionately called Mr.Clucky.

It was a product of your boyfriend's endless cycle of hobbies when he took up sewing. A little lopsided and overfilled with stuffing, you complained to and into Mr.Clucky with your face pressed into him. Apparently, he was soft enough to fall asleep on because before you knew it, you had been drooling on him the entire hour. Prying yourself off the couch took more effort than was almost worth it before your eyes fell on the reason you were so tired to begin with.

Hajime smiles and hums looking at your bleary eyes. "Good morning sunshine, I was just about to take you to bed," he says, folding a dish towel over a chair. You toss off the blanket and grab on the slipper that fell under the living room table before padding up to him. Dipping your hands under both of his arms to lock them together behind him, now your face is in his chest instead of the chicken, which is entirely preferred.

"Don't wanna go to bed just yet," you muffle, sinking even deeper into him when both of his arms wrap around you in support. He smells like dish soap and birthday cake, and you turn your head to hear the heartbeat in his chest.

"What do you wanna do lovey? You know I'd give you the world if you asked," you can hear the rumble of his voice in his chest with your pressed ear. He's cheesy, but half asleep, you feel just as much, if not cheesier.

"I have the world if I have you, they're one in the same. So just you is more than fine." Your eyes are closed, but you feel him shiver a little. "I wanna dance with you, though," you say, voice still soft and kinda raspy from sleep.

"Dunno if I can top what you just said even when I propose," he chokes out a laugh, or at least you think it's one. He shifts his hold a bit and starts leading you both in a lazy sway that starts near the toaster and ends next to the potted plant at the back door before starting over.

"When? Not if?" You tease him, a hand going to scratch the nape of his neck lightly.

"I'll never meet another you, so I'm pretty set on When."

"I'll say yes." Because you will. You can't imagine a life where you wouldn't.

"And I'll still cry when you do." You can tell he's crying now because it comes out shaky and his hold tightens a bit, before you lean back, stopping your impromptu waltz. Both of your hands come up to cup his face and look at his teary grey eyes before cooing at him.

"You big baby! Save those tears for When please. You'll be congested and sniffley all night if you don't stop." You start cleaning off his face with your sleeve, but he stops one of your hands and starts peppering your palm and wrist with small kisses. "I think I'm ready for bed now. Princess's orders," you say, dragging him towards your bedroom. You'll have to figure out tomorrow just how soon When is going to be, but for now you can hear the slow thumps of Hajime's steps as he follows behind you, squeezing your connected hand. It's not pressing in the least, you think, because it feels like there will be plenty of tomorrows too.

-----

When you wake up in the morning, it takes you an hour to realize Hajime had put the ring on your finger while you were asleep.

It takes you five minutes to run through town in your pajamas, barefoot to find and full on tackle him in front of the place he was about to get your breakfast in.

And it takes about two minutes of unintelligible blubbering on both your parts before anyone understands what is going on.

No one timed it, but if they did, it would've taken less than ten minutes for the whole town to find out via texts, calls, and yells down the streets and through windows that you're engaged.