#oh my fucking god i am scarred
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i just watched the last two epsiodes of season 1 of yellowjackets
i'm not fucking sleeping
#oh my fucking god i am scarred#oh my god#it's all down hill from there#anyway in my head they are not dead#and coach is living happily with his fucking boyfriend#and fucking nat and travis and together#and shauna never got pregnant#and lara lee is okay#i need her to be okay
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I hate having hair actually. I want to shave it all off.
#one half of my head is curly the other is almost straight#I swear to fucking god I'm using the same amount of product on both sides#one day im going to lose it im just going to get rid of all of it and it will be my favorite day#where did I even get this from. not a single person in my family has curly hair.#I would cut it much shorter but Oh Right. Lmao Scars. Which I Am Self Conscious About#raven rambles
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN A SHIP IS COMING?!
#I’m trying to remember the route roran took#HOLY FUCK IS IT HIM?!#OH FUCK IF ITS RORAN ITS SUCH SHITTY TIMING#EITHER THAT OR ITS FOR THE KING BC WE DON’T HAVE A SHIP#AM I OVER THINKING THIS?!#THE SHIP IS SCARRED AND DAMAGED AND THEY JUST BRAVED A WHIRLPOOL#OH MY GOD THE NEXT CHAPTER IS RORAN#eldest#inheritance cycle#concha reads
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can't post about this where the guy im crazy over or whatever can see it but man hey <- on his third drink kind of crazy that i really did think like wow im never gonna recover from the horrible things this guy did to me and he's gonna fuck with me forever cuz he's like or whatever only to realize hm no actually i Can actually decide to just. get better. and ignore that shit and live my own life and find people who actually care abt me and aren't like yk abusing me to get their rocks off or whatever... crazy...
#be not afraid#im nicer now and happier#and im not banned from a thrme park for threatening to kill people so thats somwthing right#coming up on 1 year since moving out aka the nest decision and probably the only reason im not out here with stab wound scars or smthn#never date a mf whos entire personality is being mean on tumblr and lying about heing popular man.#i love my friends i need to put them in my little ptri doshes forever and i#unfortunatelt am kinda down bad for this giy huh#qoke up to just#one of the nicest messages ive ever received out of nowhere and was liek oh so thats what its supposed to be like#not the#yk#isolating you from ur friends or choking u or getting u fucked up enoufh to pass 9ut#thank god
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NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!
#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield.....#do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay...#oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious#HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH#THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!!#SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!!#big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...)#kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now.....#if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom#fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass#using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH#nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled#KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again....#he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them#while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons)#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1028#luffy king of everything that was such a slay#they changed luffy chiquito's design....#i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj#yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is....#WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!!#i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know#but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw#or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it....#shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj#uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start???#episode 1029#that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on
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new fear unlocked!!! 🤭
#MY FUCKING PHYSICIAN#OH MY GOD#SOMEONE PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ON ANY AND EVERY LAW ABOUT DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY IN THE USA#THEYRE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL MY PARENTS ANYTHING IF I SPECIFICALLY TELL THEM NOT TO RIGHT??????#I DONT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT ANYTIME SOON BUT I AM SO FUCKING SCARED NOW OMFG#THEY CANNOT KNOW ABOUT THE SH SCARS
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The thoughts, hand em over. (No pressure but I wanna hear em :D)
oh god what have u done.
context.
OK SO,. (BE WARNED THIS IS LIKE. REALLY LONG AND BRAINROTTY.)
first off i must put here as per the law i am not in fact armchair psychoanalysing mc youtubers grian and mister scott S. major this is me looking at the 3L series as is it were a performance and their actions in said series as characters and blah blah blah so on so forth this is Fanfiction and Shipping and woowoOOwoo We Are Being Sillyyy with a miku song.
i'm gonna infodump abt a bunch of stuff including some heavy topics like emotional abuse and dubcon (NOT in detail the song just has those vibes)
so uh if you're reading this for Some Reason know that 👍
ALRIGHT WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY Vampire the song itself is (at least my reading of it) a song about a toxic relationship. The singer is very much not a Good Person and the main chorus is just them disregarding their partner's needs and pushing the relationship even further.
But the singer isn't completely irredeemably evil, since they really do love the person they're abusing (in a childish sense of the word love, anyway) and seem to be at least acutely aware of how they're not really a good person.
But of course, they "eh whatever" these self-reflections pretty fast cus they're having fun with the relationship. This specific set of translyrics reads to me like a bit of self-victimizing as well like "oh, I'm so tortured by feeling like a bad person because of the way I treat you. But I love you so you don't really have a choice but to forgive me."
Speaking of translyrics this is where Micchi's version comes in. While I ADORE Rachie and Anthong's version I do have some nitpicks..? And one of those that I am unreasonably pet peeved by is this right here.
In the original JP version, the lyric is simply kimi mo vampire, meaning simply You're (also) a Vampire. It's alot more obvious a change and hits harder imo than "My little Vampire" which still puts the singer in the position of power.
Micchi's version of the lyrics on the other hand stick a lot closer to the original
And I might just be imagining this but there seems to be a switch in the power dynamic in this version as well. The singer is now inviting their partner to be "rough" with them and the repeating mantra of "you're the ONLY ONE for me" sounds more desperate than anything else.
Micchi's lyrics in general are a bit more wet cat coded. I still prefer Rachie's as a whole but Micchi's singer definitely seems to be more regretful of what they've done and blame themselves for essentially turning their partner into a different, more hostile person. (aka turning them into a vampire lol)
In a lot of ways the vampire metaphor is really unsubtle. Bloodsucking parasite attaches themselves to someone and turns them into a bloodsucking parasite as well.
SO HOW THE FUCK DID I GET GRAIN AND SCOOTER FROM THIS WELL.....
When I think about 3L one of the main things that lights up the lightbulb in my mind is the parallels between all of the four "main" partnerships, with Renchantyn vs Desert Duo as the most obvious comparison point but I think they all mirror and subvert each other really well.
Grian/Scott are like birds of a feather to me in a similar sense that Scott/Cleo are, but while Scott and Cleo have this mutual understanding with each other with Grian it's a bit more complicated.
I CAN't. FOR THE LIFE OF ME. FIND IT AGAIN bUT there was a bit in Third Life when Scott said to Grian "and maybe once our husbands are dead we can be free" and Grian laughs and that basically inspired this Whole Thing 🙏🙏
(an apology for all the wholesome flower husbands shippers who i know follow me cus im about to unleash my full toxic yaoi adaptation of them) (desert duo fans from what ive seen are already insane so you're okay)
In my own mind Grian and Scott are both somewhat.. manipulative? Might be a bit harsh of a word? But they definitely play to survive more than some of the other people stuck in there with them. (cleo too but she sucks at it and she can get her character analysis essay next week)
At least in my view, their partnerships with Jimmy and Scar respectively were born more out of a need for safety in numbers and to get someone to essentially keep them safe until they're no longer of use. Grian definitely felt bad about creeper-ing Scar in the first episode but I don't think he was quite expecting to spend the whole series in debt to him 😭😭
Scott (like the singer in the song oh my god) isn't really a monster so to speak, just someone who has a messed up view of love. Probably has some sort of tragic backstory that explains the way he is that we'll get to see in the anime adaptation idk. He does care for Jimmy but in like.. the way someone might care for and love a pet. You LOVE your dog to fucking death but you wouldn't like.. trust your dog with taxes or respect its autonomy.
also these lyrics are both hilarious to me considering the uh current brainrot.
Grian on the other hand probably Wants to be like Scott and be able to have someone wrapped around his fingers like that but he can't cus it's Scar not Jimmy and he's Grian and not Scott. I imagine he'd get tired of Scar's shenanigans when he's with him but as soon as he's left the room it's all why's it so quiet D: where's scar D:
I like to think that everytime he THINKS he has a handle on Scar finally and can actually stand a chance to survive this thing Scar does something completely unhinged off the wall and Grian's like WAIT WAIT WAIT NO
basically he gets way too attached and doesn't like it and to make it worse he has no idea wtf is going thru Scar's head👍
SO when they eventually team up I think Scott and Grian would have this little "wink wink nudge nudge they don't know" kinda thing going on.
and then in my little fanfiction world somewhere along the line Scott would end up sensing that Oh, We're actually not exactly the same.. interesting.. and kind of start looking at Grian with this sense of amusement/pity cus aww, look at you getting all attached to the person you were planning to betray, that's so cute and Grian would see the worst of himself reflected back to him via Scott. It ends up strengthening Desert Duo's relationship if anything else.
Of course then Jimmy dies and Scott's emotionally destroyed by it but he's still like.. skirting around it. I'd like to think he gaslights himself with any genuine Emotions he has cus like.. he knew this was coming, this is all according to plan, so why would he feel anything for him now that he's gone?
While Scott gets some time to come to terms with the fact that he actually cared about Jimmy too late for him to repair their relationship Grian and Scar end up punching eachother to death in a cactus ring. The End 👍
tl;dr i need to pick up writing fanfics cus oh my god
#asks#HAHAHAHAHA DON'T READ THIS#op is Unhinged#usually im more normal on my main i promise#but writing all this down was fun i should do it more#despite it all this couldve been even fucking longer#if i decided to go even more in depth w/ my toxic yaoi fh and whatnot#cus i do think jimmy ends up catching some bad habits and scotts like oh god what have i done a bit#BUT i am going to draw them again and i can rant abt them there#i think i almost wrote scott too evil here a bit?? but i reassure u he's just a Guy#like trap me in a death game i would manipulate a naive blonde boy too tbh#but i'd end up being grian cus im small and angry and unable to get a proper read on scar goodtimes#heavy brainrot#i might make this songs thing a series i liked doing this alot....#i need a funky lil tag for it.#trafficshipping#<-- for filtering#trafficvocabrainrot
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Nova sexy calendar! Nova sexy calendar! Black towel nova sexy calendar. I’m just playing stupid to hide my emotions about the fact that she literally is supernova
#havent read the fic yet i just read the post#and i was like… its so obvious#why am i tearing up#guys just today did i discover that tazmuir is an out lesbian#…just so that u have a grasp of how dumb i am#of fucking course she’s an out lesbian oh my god DUDE😭#the locked tomb#harrow the ninth#harrow nova au#tw scars#harrow nova
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the juxtaposition of the name hotguy vs writing superhero angst is making me lose it but like what do i do. change his name??? no. anything to avoid having to come up with superhero names.
#im already contemplating changing cuteguy's name#bc i am so. ehh. about whether or not grian would willingly choose the name cuteguy#especially if he didnt know scar personally#like i could rationalize it but im Thinking ok#i also have no fucking clue what grians powers are here LOL#im going boring for scar sooo#OH GOD#i have not been factoring in superpowers in my superhero au oh god#like thats gonna change the way society is huh#wuh oh!#world building huh#anyway. my head hurty#physically and metaphorically
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tw stupid vent in tags
#tw self harm#tw vent#“being a teenager is the best!” I CUT MYSELF ALMST EVERYDAY.#IVE SCARRED MYSELF SO BAD ILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO WEAR SHORT SLEEVES NO MTTER HOW LONG IT SBENE SINCE IT HAPPENED#I ONYL SPEAK TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLE IRL I AM DETERIORATING#I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING SCAR SO BIG U CAN FEEL WHERE IT GETS DEEP#HOW .#HOW IS THIS GOOD#HOW DO I HAVE HTE BEST LIFE HOW R PEOPLE JEALOUS#WHENEVER I GET MISGENDERED I CANT HELP BUT BITE MYSELF UNTIL I BLEED which is really hard to do...#IM SO SIKKC OF IT#IM SO TIREDD.#im going insane again arent i#THERES NOT BEEN A WEEK WITHOUT SELF HARM SINCE GOD KNOWS WHEN#EVERY LIMB HURTS except my right leg specifically i saved that one for spare parts#oh and my goddamn mother only cares about how ill look because of the scars and not that im FUCKING BLEEDING OUT BCUZ OF HER NO LESS#DOES IT GET BETTER. DO I STOP CUTTING MYSELF??#everytime i see a little too much blood it reminds me of when i did it and i feel sick to my stomach
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I CAN PROMISE YOU I WILL BE UNBEARABLE. LITERALLY NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED FOR A STREAM. MY GOD
#PLEASE OH MY GOD#SCAR PLAYING PHASMOPHOBIA#OH MY GOD#HOLY HSIT#I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS#SO VERY NORMAL#FUCK I MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM#ASUIHAIUDHA#stiff talk#i think its time for a new tag:#stiff simp#idk i dont have any cool or interesting tag for that#gtws
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8 Shows to Get to Know Me
I was tagged by the delightful @the-marron <3 thank you <3
Now everyone, act like these answers are remotely surprising okay? ;)
Doctor Who
2. Merlin
3. In the Flesh
4. Being Human
5. Guardian
6. The Uncanny Counter
7. The Untamed
8. The Devil Judge
Oh god now I want to rewatch them all.
Tagging @dobranocka @miss-ingno @programmedradly if any of you fancy answering? the intense nervousness i get about tagging people is so fun hope it's okay?
#tumblr nonsense#mutterings into the void#look. the day i don't bring up dw is the day you need to worry ive been taken hostage.#and ofc i had to pick the most ridiculous gif possible#did i get halfway through this list and realise oh god my found family love is so fucking glaringly obvious? perhaps#why yes bbc 3 scifi/fantasy dramas that shattered my heart is a genre i am very hung up on thanks for noticing#if a show has never caused me to cry actual tears is it really worth remembering?#i like to be permanently scarred by the media i consume thanks
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I just realized that if I ever came up with a fucked up universe for each of the Fire Emblem games, I could put those together in a fucked up version of Engage in my head and inflict so much psychic damage.
#theo plays engage#the idea hit me while getting emblem corrin#like oh my god#imagine engage but the emblems have the fucked up lives i give characters#byleth just like ‘yeah i tried to kill my sister and am mentally and emotionally scarred now’#corrin is just…driven to insanity in the worst case and the best case is them being dead#lucina would become the most normal person because i can’t fuck her life up more than awakening already did
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the urge to overthink whether a coworker was sneering or chuckling because i was reading a YA book called a King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo and had trouble explaining that it was a series by stuttering over my sentences is fucking haunting my very soul rn. .
#bee speaks#is this anxiety?#is this a symptom of autism?#is this ADHD??#i literally cannot tell#oh god am i just socially awkward#oh my god#brb banging my head against a wall and screaming#and im not even mentioning the way my brain is conjuring a hundred scenarios#where they're talking behind my back over the countless things i got wrong in work today#the whole time i was like#stay calm#stay fucking calm#at least it's funny though#king of scars#leigh bardugo#six of crows
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#i wish i could talk about wanting to kill myself without triggering and or making people concerned#like.... i tried once and i am not able to.do it#but i dream of jt yanno?#my fucking nonexistent pain tolerance and phobia keeps me alive#and im doing the three diagnostic meetings with a psychologist right?#and i know i probably should tell.her about ig#but like..... why lol#its not like.im gonna actually do it#i had a prime opportunity (jumping off a building on the fifth floor) but i was too scared of surviving and possibly laying on the sidewalk#with like mangled bones and shit#sk its embarassing yeah? ''oh yeah i keep analyzing every situation on how i could do it but i am never gonna go through with it“#fuck sorry for rambling but i NEED to get it out#the one time i actually tried a few months ago it hurt too.bad and i chickened out#like i bought numbing cream and everything and it STILL hurt as fuck#and i didn't even cut deep! theres not even scars!!!#thats so fucking pathetic#tw suicide#tw depression#tw self harm#god this is stupid#please nobody reply to this this is genuinely just a very sad and very lonely person rambling#delete later#oh sober milo is gonna regret thiz
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eye pain is the WORST kind . worse than teeth even maybe
#esp when u cant rub ur eyes or itll maoe things worse#typing this w my eyes closed i hope it is comprehensible#anyway whwt the FUCK i am in so much pain from one eye only and its like . im aftaid#the flap they made during frmto lasik has moved or smthb. and itll wont end#bc whenever i open my eyes/blink iy is painful#resolved to do that very rarely . anyway eave me x . avcording to my doctor/surgeon i actually had#a scar that was imperceptible initially on each eye and thats why thos whole thing has been so#excruciatingly painful . like apparently ur notnsupposed to rly feel anythiny in femto lasik but it was#literally the worst pain i have ever felt in my whole life (i have a rly high pain tolerebce due to reasons);#anyway i have a feeling this may be due to the wounds/scars too idk...#also i had fat grafting to fill in my under eyes and like . it was suchba slight procedure and was done when i was under#anaesthesia for another procedure...that i forgot abt it. bc i dont rly touch my under eyes. anyway during lasik they#use this device which puts pressure around ur eye sockets which ahould have been fine#but it was putting a lot of pressure on a newly grafted area of my face and i was like . oh i see ! i want to scream !!!!!#but i couldnt say anything bc it was cutting a hole in my eyes and i was like yeah talking rn is a bad idea. but afterwards the nurse was#like . you look like you are literally going to pass out oh my god are you ok ?? and i told her abt the under eye thing and she was like.#YOUBSHOULD HAVE SAID THAT EARLIER like yeah ik im sorry 😭#personal#anyway lol its fine i just want to rub my left eye sooooo bad it is so . annoying /painful UGH
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