#oh god this meme ruined us all

[kingly-genderfluid]

The immediate second I got the news that Biden dropped out

I went on a search for the fucking destiel meme just to see how many variations there were.

[stall1iion]

champions love - five

Liked by f1wags, y/nupdates, maxverstappen1, y/nofficial, redbullracing and many others

f1 and there is our ice queen, arriving in fashion to her first race of the season in Spielberg! 🇦🇹 A new fashion queen on the grid perhaps? 👀

#F1 #Formula1 #AustrianGP

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username1 oh she looks beautiful

⤷username4 right? Like can Max fight??

username69 so we're gonna ignore that f1 admin is a figure skating fan??

⤷f1 of course I am 😼

username15 f1 fashion game is SO BACK

⤷username27 lewis and her are about to show up slaying 🫡👏🏾

⤷username9 no literally, Fashion Queen and King of the Grid

username90 I met her! She’s genuinely so nice!

username62 lewis has some competition fr

username12 she flew to austria for a MAN?? 🤨

⤷username44 to be fairrrrrr that man is MAX VERSTAPPEN and her boyfriend so….

username8 of course she’d be more focused on an outfit then supporting max

⤷username7 relax?? She’s literally wearing a flowy shirt and some jeans, just because she got dressed doesn’t mean she’s not there to support

username37 ice queen? Ice flop maybe

⤷username35 oh yes, a two time olympic champion, truly embarrassing of her 🙄

username3 great another american ruining the sport

⤷username77 surprised she isn’t fat like all the others or is her shirt hiding that?

⤷username98 I was trying to ignore your blatant xenophobia and sexism but like I genuinely can’t, one: her and logan aren’t ruining the sport at all and two not all americans are fat, you see fast food and automatically assume and it’s crazy when one good click on the comment above and you’d see she’s an olympic figure skater and better than you’d ever hope to be

⤷username35 let them hate, they find every little thing to hate on because they can’t be them. See how many hoops they have to jump through to say anything offensive

liked by bsf1, bsf2, maxverstappen1 and many others

y/n.jpg time to see my first ever vroom vroom race in person but at least I have my newest pookie with me 💗

tagged: lilymhe

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bsf1 pookie we miss you 😢

⤷y/n.jpg i miss you too 😢it’s time for me to watch men go vroom vroom in fast cars

bsf2 why didn’t you take us??? 😭😭

⤷y/n.jpg because you had work pookie?? 😞

⤷bsf2 oh…yeah….like i wouldn’t quit to go to a race 😞😢

⤷y/n.jpg yeah no…keep that bag, I promise i’ll take yall when you guys are free ♥️

alexalbon omg is that where my girlfriend went???

⤷y/n.jpg sorry she’s my girlfriend now 🫶

⤷lilymhe I know where home is 🫶

⤷alexalbon UMM???

maxverstappen1 was the meme necessary?

⤷y/n.jpg yes it was, my vibe was incomplete without it

⤷y/n.jpg expect more btw 😋

⤷maxverstappen1 oh god 😐

⤷y/n.jpg good luck on your race ☺️

liked by landonorris, bsf1, bsf2, and many others

y/n.jpg …so that was a tough loss um…how do you feel after that?

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landonorris how the fuck you think I feel?

⤷y/n.jpg I have a gift for you

⤷landonorris stop I’m supposed to be mad rn

⤷y/n.jpg what he say fuck me for? 😟😔

username2 😭wtf? why is she so unserious

bsf1 how was the race in person?

⤷y/n.jpg loud as fuck 😭

⤷y/n.jpg it was like going to a hotter, louder monster truck show

charles_leclerc the meme?

⤷y/n.jpg your very memeable charlie, it’s a talent really and one that will be showcased on my page way more often

⤷username99 CHARLIE??

lilymhe we still on for drinks?

⤷y/n.jpg of course

⤷username5 max didn’t win and literally caused Lando to crash, what does you need to get drinks for?

⤷y/n.jpg see I don’t know if you know but it’s called, I’m my own grown ass person who can get drinks whenever I want

username4 not her making fun of Lando after her boyfriend ruined his race

⤷username7 *liked by author*

what are you talking about? Lando quite literally responded and he’s obviously not mad at her nor is she making fun of him

username9 both were scrapping and made mistakes. We’ll get em next week!

username23 just wait till next weekend, those guys are going to boo every chance they get, don’t be discouraged!

⤷username44 oh you must’ve missed it but they already started making comments towards her, apparently a fan of hers asked for a autograph and some butthurt fans called her all kinds of names

⤷username23 oh wow, yeah I would’ve never guessed from this post

⤷username1 y/n is not new to getting hate, after her first championship some commentators were calling her a possible “one hit wonder” and fans were saying her coach was better off coaching others

Y/N L/N Talks All Things Sport-Like, Relationships And Careers

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 163,713 likes

View transcript

“Our next guest is an expert on skating and ice, her olympic career on the rise, please welcome Y/N L/N!”

[Inserts Y/N with cheers] “Welcome to the show! Uh you look fantastic, thank you so much for being here”

“Thank you for inviting me, Jimmy! And for the food!”

“No problem! Figured it was the least I could do after the flight here, um…so y/n your career has always been eventful but it's currently exploding right now and everyone’s talking about Y/N L/N and so I wanted to show you this photo and tell me if you remember how growing up in figure skating was” [shows a picture of younger y/n in her first competition]

“Oh….this was when I was 12, I had just started competing after begging my mother to sign me up for a skating academy for like a whole year [laughter]”

“Did you win this competition?”

“No [laughs] I got like fourth place and was convinced I wasn’t made out to be a skater and went home that night and cried the most i’ve ever cried I think”

“Wow, here’s you like what..six competitions later and look you’ve got a gold medal” {shows a different picture of her on the podium with a bright smile] [insert cheers and laughter] “I’m so happy for you, what did it feel like?”

“Um, well it felt like I was right all along, that my mom and coach were right and it just gave me a huge boost in confidence after that”

“And- I mean- look at you now two time olympic champion back to back, that is amazing- absolutely amazing. Uh- a little birdie told me that when you first signed with Team USA- um you were in a Chick-Fil-A drive thru when you got the call”

[laughter] “Um..yeah! I was actually at work- um, i worked in a chick-fil-a like ten minutes down the street from my house and I got the call from the recruiter and I was like “oh god, I can’t be on my phone at work but I have to take this…screw it” and i picked up the phone and if you ever watched the draft for the nba then it’s kind of like that, I remember I squealed and dropped to the floor as I accepted and I just could not shut up about it for the rest of the day”

[laughter] “yeah well that must’ve been an amazing feeling! To know your accomplishments have been recognized and that you were about to go to the big leagues”

“Oh yeah, I was riding on that high for like a week, it felt like- yeah- i did it. I mean, I felt like I kind of made it already when I won the rest of my competitions growing up but that call was the little cherry on top, you know? I was 18 years old at the time of the phone call, just out of high school but then it was like a massive dump where I was unsure of myself and if I really was that good. Hate really got to my heart during that time, I had already reviewed a large amount of misogyny that I had almost given up too many times to count”

“I had to push myself and remember why I was there, first and foremost my passion for the ice, and I wasn’t going to toss away my dream due to bigoted men around me. They wanted to see me fail and I wasn’t going to let them succeed”

“Beautifully said. I know recently a few fans have reacted poorly after the results of the most recent grand prix in Austria..how do you feel about that?”

“Well um, I get that they're mad, you know? No one wants to see a driver forced out of a race following a collision but again, I had nothing to do with that, you know? [laughter] Um..just because I’m dating Max does not give them that excuse but again, there will always be haters and so I do what I do best and ignore them the best I can; I know not everyone can respond maturely and things can be said in the heat of the moment so I try not to hold it against them”

“Right, well what are your plans for the future? Is another championship in the cards? Another career even? Maybe a more serious relationship outcome with Max?”

[laughter] “Um well figure skating is definitely the dream, you know, a lot of people will say I’m too old to be on the rink but frankly, there is no maximum age to figure skating, i’ll retire of course when I’m ready but um, that’s no time soon [laughter] um growing up I was really into psychology. Obviously as an athlete I know the importance of mental health and how it can truly affect your performance and career but I was obsessed growing up, probably from all the late night reruns of crime shows like law and order and 48 hours {laughter}’

“and um I don’t know about the last one, we haven’t really talked about anything like that, I think we both enjoy our lives together but i wouldn’t be opposed to any sort of change”

“Great! Well um, Max if your watching, there’s your sign right there [laughter] um…I googled you today to see what pops up and um..”

“Did you not know who I was beforehand?”

“No [laughter] no- i can do..I know all your poses and I can do it”

“Oh can you?”

“I can do it, no- no I just wanted to see what pops up and it says did you mean: ice queen or ice princess and I think that’s kind of fun, tell us about that”

“Um, I definitely didn’t do that- I guess someone at google loves me or something [laughter] but the nicknames ice queen or princess is from the 2018 Olympics when I won my first championship and that day I was wearing a white and silver costume that I was absolutely shivering in [laughter] but um- yeah, the judges and everyone liked it so much and I think the name came from one the judge's comments on my performance actually and everyone just ran with it and i liked it so much that I kept it [laughter]”

“Can I just tell everyone some of the stats you have right now, because wow. You are currently the highest paid figure skater at a net worth of 90 Million dollars. You are a 5 time US champion from 2011 to 2016 and 6 time World Champion from 2017 and 2023, you have countless endorsements with brands such as Disney, McDonald’s, Starbucks, Visa, Campbell’s Chevrolet, Coca-Cola, Kraft, and United Airlines. You’ve been given the James E. Sullivan Award for ‘Best Amateur Athlete, U.S. Olympic Committee ‘Sportswoman of the Year’, Readers’ Choice ‘Figure Skater of the Year’, Teen Choice Award and ‘Cosmogirl of the Year’” [takes in a deep breath] “phew…that was a lot to read [laughter] but yeah, that is all you’ve done since you were 12, that’s amazing!”

“It sounds so much grander and shocking when you read it all out like that! [laughter]”

“Yes well it was lovely speaking to you and wearing out my vocal cards reading all that [laughter] this is Y/N L/N, everybody! [cheers and applause] Thank you for coming! Stay tuned for our next guest after the break!”

→ Face claims: (completely forgot to do these but we have: Lori Harvey and Zendaya) 

→ y/n and lily left the grid while waiting for the race to start to get food (she wanted authentic local food)

→ in the interview y/n did shade both lando fans and lando himself 

Author's note!

Hey guys! I worked hard with this one lol! Could not figure out how I wanted to do the interview and just decided to type it as if it was like a little youtube clip of the show so the brackets are like youtube captions. I wanted to wait until after Austria since I finally got the story aligned with recent events (obviously a fictional version of them). Plz don’t send any hate for the shade I threw in here, I love Lando and in fact do have his merch but his response to today’s race was slightly immature and dare I say whiney, plus i did steal some actual comments from instagram posts under red bull so :/ also had to include the weird thing europeans do where they hate on americans for seemingly no reason? Like I've gone to Europe and the hate I get is actually mind boggling. ANYWAYS! Hope you enjoy this chapter, maybe put in some request for what you’d like to see in the next because i have NO IDEA. 

Taglist: @boiohboii @ale-522 @ietss @theseerbetweenus @jaxx-7 @sainzluvrr @the-untamed-soul @ashy-kit @hc-dutch @nichmeddar @delululeclerc @sweate-r-weathe-r @dhanihamidi @tellybearryyyy @luvsforme @samantha-chicago @theblueblub

༉‧₊˚  CHAMPIONS LOVE ༉‧₊˚

⤷ Following the messy breakup between Max Verstappen and Kelly Piquet, Max’s manager comes up with a solution to divert the attention – a fake relationship. His new girlfriend? Two time olympic gold medalist figure skater, y/n for the USA team. Easy? Well…

[celestiaras]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ oh ver, my dearest ]❜

━━━ .°˖✧ requested by anonymous ˚₊ ⊹

ft. ver vermillion x f! reader — xsoleil, nijisanji en

╰₊✧ since it’s your first time, he promises to be gentle┊1.9k words

contains: smut!! dom ver & sub reader┊established relationship, mentions of ver fantasizing, mentions of masturbation (both ver & the reader), first time together & reader’s virginity loss, nipple play, fingering & receiving oral, gentle unprotected sex, slight corruption kink, some praise & body worship, pulling out, pet names (baby) & true love, it’s so fluffy, mentions aftercare

➤ author's note: good god this took way too long and i had to fight the urge for ver to call the reader ‘babygirl’ for the memes because it would ruin the mood

ver vermillion is your high school sweetheart who’s also your first in everything romantic: your first serious crush, your first date, your first relationship, and your first kiss. he’s your first love, like a prince charming from the movies you watched when you were little. he’s the man you can see yourself settling down with and marrying even though you previously never thought your relationship with the busy student council president would last this long. and, of course, he feels the same way! you’re the apple of his eye and he adores you more than anything, just waiting to stabilize your young adult lives before officially tying the knot. everything in your relationship is perfect with healthy communication about wants and needs resulting in little to no fights!

except there is one thing that he keeps secret from you, that being his physical desires. he doesn’t want to rush you when you aren’t ready or make you ill at ease about something that should be pleasurable so he keeps his pent-up frustrations to himself, making use of his fist and his seemingly infinite list of dirty thoughts regarding you that he has tucked away in his mind. unfortunately, it leaves him feeling somewhat hollow on the inside once he finally reaches for some tissues to clean up after himself. doing it alone relieves the tension at the moment, but it leaves him longing for you even more. despite these shortcomings, it solidifies his resolve even more. he is, of course, a gentleman above all things. your comfort and happiness come above everything, reminding him that your first time together will be even more special when it happens.

the importance he’s placed on this moment makes it feel like a wet dream when it actually happens, not quite the first make-out session you ever had but indeed the first time he’s had you under him like this with dim lighting to help set the mood. you smell like his cologne in his oversized hoodie, notes of vanilla and bulgarian rose mixed with the scent of your shampoo that clung to your damp hair. he ran his fingers through your locks to pull your face closer to his, deepening the kiss and pulling soft moans from you in the process as you hooked your arms around his neck. he was so close to you, bodies pressed up right against each other and making you feel feverish from the inside from want and knowing that you were being wanted.

his hands began to explore your body, reaching under your clothing to trace the outline of your hips to your upper thighs. a slight whine from you made him pull back to check in on you, “is this okay? do you want me to stop?”

“n-no, please, ver… i want…” you were so ethereal and fuckable in that moment that he felt himself twitch in his pants just by looking at your pretty face, lips slightly puffy and pupils dilated with lust. he always finds you beautiful, but something about how innocent you looked with all of your cute tantalizing sounds as you squirmed from his touch had him feeling restless. “i want you."

ver’s heart fluttered and he placed one last chaste kiss before resting his forehead on yours, “don’t worry, i’ll take care of you. i promise to be gentle.” he’ll strive to practice constraint to make sure that your first time will be remembered as romantic and intimate, a step forward together to further strengthen your bond. in time when you’re more comfortable though… he’s going to straight-up ruin you— turn you into his lovely little cock-slut who’ll beg for him so sweetly… but he’s getting ahead of himself.

he’s never seen you so exposed like this, his eyes practically glued to your chest and mesmerized by what the lamplight allowed him to see. whenever he almost catches even a glimpse of you, you would hide away calling him a pervert, but you can now see that you were right even if you were joking. ver was always a boobs guy, you suppose, bringing up his hands to cup your soft breasts just marveling at their size and shape that wasn’t hidden away by a bra.

“don’t stare…” you muttered, “it’s embarrassing.”

ver simply hummed in response, slowly raising your hoodie to remove it from your upper body and leaving you in nothing but your underwear. he turned his focus back on your tits, taking one nipple between his index and thumb before following his instinct to move his mouth to suck on the other. it’s such a foreign sensation since you tend to neglect your bust when experimenting with yourself, but you now realize how sensitive they actually are as you begin to whimper from the feeling. you’re usually so quiet because you were self-conscious about how loud you could get when excited, but oh, you sounded like a song with every moan that rewarded him for his actions as he popped his lips off one hardened nub to give attention to the other.

as nice as it was, you desperately craved more stimulation to soothe the aching heat blooming in your core— not even realizing that you were beginning to subconsciously not-so-subtly grind on your boyfriend’s thigh in an attempt to chase more of the pleasure building.

needless to say, this didn’t get past his observant eyes and made him chuckle, “be patient, i’ll give you everything you want in just a moment.”

“please…” you whispered, voice strained with need, “don’t tease me…”

his index trailed from the valley of your chest to the line down your belly before hooking into the elastic of your panties, pulling them along your legs until you were fully naked on the sheets. even with your lack of clothing, you still felt hot with desire. sensing your unease about being the only one nude, he took the time to strip himself of his baggy t-shirt to put himself on display to you as well— he really is handsome with his tousled red-black hair and unblemished fair skin.

you felt his breath ghost over your heat as he positioned himself between your legs, making you realize just how wet you were even though he hadn’t even touched you there yet. while your eyes were shut tight, his remained open to fixate on your face and expressions while licking long stripes along your slit to your clit. his hands snaked around your thighs to keep you still and prevent them from twitching so much, yet your hands were a different story and reached out to grab onto the sheets under you that were becoming increasingly more disheveled.

ver wrapped his lips around your delicate pearl and gently took it into his mouth, sneaking his slender fingers to press into your hole. it doesn’t quite hurt, but it’s certainly new and had you gasping as he slid a second one in with ease. a mix of your arousal with his saliva was dripping down his chin as he began to move his digits in a scissor-like motion to stretch you out.

“you taste so good,” he smiled against your cunt, his words adding vibrations right through your core, “such a pretty pussy to match your pretty face.”

your airy moans were soon replaced with outright cries of pleasure, your toes curling at the feeling of ecstasy shooting up your spine. unadmittedly, you’ve never made it this far on your own since it always got too intense for you to continue, but thanks to your loving boyfriend, you got the taste your your first orgasm— making you choke and see stars as you drenched his fingers and mouth.

he moved away (high-key feeling proud of himself) after knowing that he prepped you enough to take his rock-hard cock, looking at up him with pleading eyes as he whipped off his mouth with his forearm— not daring to look at the bulge that formed a prominent tent and just meeting his eyes instead. he pulled himself from his sweats and pumped his erection a few times, muttering words that were just out of earshot.

“are you ready, baby?” his voice was somewhat strained with want and trying his very best not to fuck you like a feral animal right now, focusing on your comfort.

the tip of his cock prodding at your virgin entrance made you feel nervous at first, but ver’s kisses all over your face made you feel more at ease and you nodded firmly to indicate that you were ready for him. he took his time to ease himself into you with a desperate sigh, allowing you to feel every inch of him while he came back down to your level to press kisses all over your face.

he wasn’t too big to the point where you thought he would split you open, but it was certainly enough that he had to give you a minute to get used to his size. your lower half was buzzing with pleasure, his cock brushing up against all the right spots in your throbbing cunt that you didn’t even know existed.

once you felt well-adjusted, you let out a shaky breath, “you can move now… p-please… keep going…” you were so shy with the back of your hand covering your mouth as you said it, but ver was about to gladly indulge the two of you with your permission.

“ahh, fuck, you’re so tight…” his pace wasn’t too fast, mainly because he was fixated on where the two of you were connected, unable to tear his eyes away from your pussy greedily sucking him in and making it difficult for him to pull out and push in. “shit, you’re so fucking beautiful, doing soo good for me..,”

all embarrassment of being too loud dissolved once he penetrated you, beginning to freely moan with the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing off the walls. he knows it keeps on crossing his mind, but god, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting— seeing you so vulnerable under him and trusting in him for him first had him suddenly feeling full of love just as he felt many times throughout the years of being your lover.

he reached out to intertwine his fingers with yours as he continued to press into you, his pace gradually becoming more sloppy with every move of his hips. the now familiar feeling of a knot tightening in your stomach was signaling your second orgasm, clamping onto his hands until it snapped. he soon followed suit after feeling you contract and spasm around him, doing a few more thrusts before pulling out and spilling his seed onto your torso.

while he could have gone for a few more rounds personally, he knew that you were spent and absolutely exhausted. he proceeded to put on his now-soiled sweatpants properly and gave you another open-mouthed kiss, wiping off the bit of drool trickling out your mouth with his thumb. “let me run a bath for you, okay baby? i’ll wash the sheets and you can sleep afterward, does that sound good?”

you nodded weakly and gratefully accepted the bottle of water he handed to you after opening the cap, watching his retreating figure head into the bathroom to fill it with warm water and probably some bath salts as well.

yep, this was definitely the man you wanted to marry.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to the Lone Flame's Chapter 213

New title - 27. The Lone Flame in the Ice

TL;DR - Old man faints after seeing the half-blood dragon. Dragons say that mana and aura were "restricted" in this world. Raon can use mana but suffers from nosebleed, so Cale forbids using it. Some background history of the place.

Power Restrictions The old man fainted after seeing the half-blood dragon atop the castle, so Cale invited their group inside. But he had some discussions with the dragons about the use of mana here. What they learned was:

Mana was being 'restrained' in this world

Aura was also 'restrained', but not as bad as mana. CH could still use 20% of his aura.

The restriction was regardless of race, because Rosalyn could not use mana too

Mana is part of the laws of a world. So if a dragon could oppress the world, controlling its laws was also possible

Raon could use his mana, but with some exertion. But when he suffered from a nosebleed, Cale was alarmed and forbade Raon from using it without permission. And then we had this funny scene afterwards. 😂

Cale: You can use magic if Eruhaben-nim or Sheritt-nim give permission. But don't use it now. Raon: I understand! I won't do it! And I won't have a nosebleed again! I am not as feeble as you, human! Cale: *feels a bit offended, but nods* Yes, you're not as feeble as me. Raon: That's right! I am strong! I will be the strongest of all 7 year old dragons! Cale: *sees Raon's undeniably plump feet* Yes. That's right. You are right.

Of course, Cale felt troubled with the power restrictions in this world. But what puzzled me was that dragons could still use telepathy despite there being a restriction on magic? Is telepathy not magic then?

And what about his ancient powers? Can Cale use it? There was not a mention of it in today's chapter, so I guess we'll find out later.

You Know Nothing, Cale Snow We get an info dump about the place where they were in:

The old man was a village chief

They arrived at a high place near a village below

The land they were in was the northern part of the Har Kingdom

Behind the village was the Erghe Mountains, a rugged mountain range

Har used to be an empire, but became a kingdom after the last emperor died 200 years ago

The Har Empire was the last empire referred by the dead dragon Maxi in the crown lore she gave to Cale

The archduke's family fell into ruin after the archduke protected the last emperor of the Har Empire

Beyond the Erghe Mountains was the Holy Empire, the only empire in this world located in the center

The Holy Empire worships the living god, the dragon

Annually, the Holy Empire sends a punitive expedition to the Erghe Mountains

Their aim is to erase the dirty bloods living there, the beastkin who live in hiding in the Erghe Mountains

The archduke used to protect this land together with the beastkin warriors

The strongest beastkin warriors were the wolf beastkin

The archduke family were known for their blood red hair

The archduke family was called the Snow household

The archduke got the nickname "The Lone Flame Burning in the Ice" because the red-haired archduke was always surrounded by the Blue Wolf beastkin warriors (ice has a bluish tinge)

Oh yeah, I'm going to use the word "archduke" instead of "grand duke" from now on because of the majority vote on Discord.

Moving on, I thought Cale was in the world of a rofan, but he was actually in the world of A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones... 😂There's even a Snow surname here. 🤣🤣🤣 And there's a line in today's chapter where the old man thinks that the red-haired man really knew nothing (about this place). Oh, the meme! 🤣🤣🤣

Ending Remarks Lots of interesting stuff today because of the background lore. But now we have the fan theory that the Thames household used to be called the Snow household before migrating to Cale's world. The blue wolf tribe living in Cale's world also supports this theory if you consider that the blue wolf tribe worked together with the Snow household before. There's also the thing about the blue wolf tribe being abandoned by god, which in Aipotu translates to the living god (the dragon) abandoning (hunting/erasing) them. See?

[pooks]

time to nag about my headcanon "Percy has Seer powers" and why that is a great idea

first of all, a little clarification; this isn't common knowledge to the younger siblings. only Arthur, Molly, Bill and Charlie knows. they kept this secret after Fabian and Gideon Prewett died

this implies that they died to protect Percy, who was just this tiny toddler who had absolutely no control over what he could See

the result is to keep his Seer powers secret

some background info; Percy's Seer powers is a rare gift that is apparently passed down from the Black side

Cedrella, aka their paternal grandmother, had it and has taught Percy how to use and control it. that's why Percy had a more closer bond to his granny than the rest of the family.

Arthur did not inherit it, but one of his brothers did. unfortunately, his poor brother is dead (it's not Billius, but someone else cause Arthur had three brothers accourding to the wiki) because he rather die than to let himself being caught by Voldemort and used as a tool.

while he doesn't understand Seer powers too well, Arthur respects it and is trying to be supportive for Percy.

also at a later point, Percy had 1 Bad Incident™ involving his Seer powers and it slightly traumatised him enough to not try to use it again

he takes divination in his third year for two reasons; 1, he also want to achieve 12 NEWTS like Bill. 2, he wants to understand his weird future-seeing power.

Oliver, his roommate (oh my god they were roommates) finds out by accident and keeps nagging him about the future Quidditch match results. Percy refuses cause that's SPOILERS

and now ONTO THE FUN STUFF

Percy can look far into the future, but he settles for the fun stuff

he occassionally makes references to memes and vines

his siblings doesn't understand them at all

at least until they're all adults with families in the future

and they be like "YOU KNEW"

and Percy just smiles innocently even though he absolutely isn't

Harry and Hermione aren't safe from Percy's Seer Shenanigans either

everytime Hermione is working with a crossword, Percy's eyes flashes green for a moment and when he opens his mouth, Hermione hits him with a pillow cause he was about to reveal the answer

Harry asked Percy once if his Seer powers was why Fudge promoted him. Percy simply smiled and said "yes, that was the reason. but the idiot didn't realized that i tricked him all the time and sent him on a wild goose chase."

aaaaand some Ministry shitshow stuff;

HEADCANON TWO; PERCY MADE LIFE SOUR FOR FUDGE AND THE IDIOT NEVER REALIZED IT

ofc Percy would be petty af once he figured out Fudge only wanted him because of his Seer powers. which means the fucker looked at the classified information in his personell file. Percy is obvs mad about that, but it's too late to tell his family about it and he decides to be an absolute menace about it without being caught

"getting caught means that you weren't smart enough to get an escape plan"

Percy takes full offense of being treated like a tool instead of a human with rights

he burns several draft-ups for the "updated law for underage magic" because they're fucking awful and he knows the bastard wants to ruin Harry's education. that also means he would ruin his baby siblings' educations.

he also burnt the suggestion papers about giving Azkaban prisoners the dementor's kiss without trial.

the law suggestions about banning human rights for werewolves, wizard hybrids and squibs also got BURNT INTO ASHES

Percy: I decide the future now. >:)

Scrimgeour makes an early bird appearence cause Fudge can't find the law suggestions anymore and he was the idiot to not keep copies.

after investigating privately, Scrimgeour finds out that Percy burnt them up and this madlad explains why.

suddenly Scrimgeour fully supports Percy and says his late uncles would be proud. bonus: Scrimgeour simply says to Fudge that he can't find things that may be gone forever, it's sadly "lost media" now.

Percy, getting the idea from the twints, orders dragon fertilizer (it's dragon dung lol) subscription from norway's dragon research center and sanctuary and sends it to Umbridge, using her forged signature

he's careful to not get caught, so he looks into the future (a bit at the time, though)

feel free to add some of your own ideas/suggestions/headcanon about Seer!Percy Weasley :)

[dairy-farmer]

Okay but... I just made myself giggle, so I have to share this.

You know what's REALLY reasonable to assume? That if you get yeeted into the Literally Endless Mutiverse, land in an alternate Reality, and are working to find a way home... once you FIND a way home?

You will LITERALLY never seen ANYONE from this dimension, ever again.

You can kinda assume that, right?

Your Revolutionary 5th century French Alt-Self isn't gonna show up at the local coffee shop and strike up awkward conversation. That Beastman you punched, isn't gonna run into you at the corner store. You go home. Never see them again.

Sad to lose new friends? Yeah, always.

But! *cough* :Y if..... say....

You were to Action Movie Slut It Up, while "abroad"? Maybe fuck a steam punk captain in his office. Do unspeakable things to that Sci-Fi Detective as the city burns around you? Etc etc? Because your young, your mentor is a hard-ass, your brother will MURDER anyone who tries to sleep with you, and maybe you are just? Unbearably horny?

......t-there's no way that could come back to bite you right?

EXCEPT?

You have been ROCKING these poor bastards WORLDS. Are THE, Singular, "One Who Got Away(tm)". Because you did NOT hold back and ABSOLUTELY let your freak flag fly. They THOUGHT they knew Passion, but after you? They realized they were FOOLS.

Then you just... pulled your pants on, left them changed men, ruined for anyone else, and FUCKED OFF to another universe.

God damn power move. (You magnificent bastard.)

But do they REMEMBER you? Yeah. Yeah, they fuckin have a SHRINE to you. They remember.

All this to say? The Bats, JLA, and Tim's teammates LEARN some shit about what he gets up to when sucked into other realities. Because like HALF the grizzled BAMFs that appear, when some asshole BREAKS THE MULTIVERSE and they have to work together to fix it? Take ONE(1!) look at Red Robin and go varies versions of:

"Babe~♡! Darling! My fuckable little delight! How are you~♡? :D "

And just? Oh. Oh no. Tim can FEEL the other Bats slooooowly turning to look at him, the Demand For Answers BURNING in their eyes. But what's WORSE? Is the BAMFs HEARD each other. And immediately turned on each other.

Because OBVIOUSLY, one of THESE fuckers must have been the bastard who SEDUCED Robin away from them. (Incorrect. He was using them for passing companionship and mostly their bodies. Also their tech. Space ship. Strategic castle location. Again, mostly their bodies.)

Just? Tim Drake, Secret Slutty Homme Fatale of the Multiverse. Bruce and Dick are gonna chain him up in bubble wrap in a BUNKER after this, if those idiots keep talking about his "passionate embrace". But he can't STOP them because Kon has a hand on his shoulder about as easy to move as your average mountain range.

Kon has QUESTIONS. :) Buddy, Bro, dear friend of his.

Bart stop laughing at him and help.

He's gonna die. Fuckless. Don't do this to him, bro. Bart, please.

-🐼🐼🐼

all i can think about is tim as this sonic meme 😂

[thewertsearch]

See, these three make perfect sense for Dave. We've got the funny meme troll, the funny meme troll, and the funny meme troll who's flirting with him.

TC: ArE YoU ReAdY TC: To gEt tHe hOrNs yOu dOnT HaVe TC: CoNfIsCaTeD AlL LiKe tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN HoNkTrAbAnD ThEy aRe TC: BeInG AlL IlLiCiT As tHe vAsT JoKe iTsElF

Aradia just mentioned the 'Vast Joke', and now Gamzee is using it as part of his trolling efforts. I guess it's a part of Sburb's lore that the kids haven't yet encountered.

I doubt Gamzee will be enlightening us, though. He probably just thinks it's a juggalo thing.

TC: YoU GeTtInG YoUr hOrNs aLl hAnDeD To yOu, If yOu pEePs aNaToMiCaLlY WeRe sUcH To bE LiKe tHaT TC: DoInG ThAt's tO MeAn lIkE YoU GoT MoThErFuCkIn sAsSeD OuT TC: As iN TrOlLeD

It honestly takes a minute of painstakingly parsing his text to even realize that he's trolling - which means he's already succeeded.

TG: oh god thats right TG: you were the best troll

See, Dave gets it!

TG: it was months ago for me TG: you did your bizarrely oblivious juggalo thing TG: then bitched and moaned at me for ruining your religion or some horseshit TG: like i guess a weird crisis in faith i dunno TG: and then TG: you kinda got over that i guess

We haven't seen this conversation, but I could pretty much write it myself:

Gamzee raps at Dave.

Dave memes on Gamzee for being a juggalo.

Gamzee learns that he's worshipping a band from Earth, and realizes how bizarre his situation is.

Then he immediately gets over it. Because, y'know, he's stoned out of his mind.

TC: My mInD'S NoT ThAt sHaRp nOw tHoUgH, iT'S BeEn aGeS SiNcE I HaD A GoOd pIe

Or not - maybe he'll sober up soon.

It'd be funny if a straightedge, post-juggalo Gamzee ended up being one of the more competent trolls - although that would mean more conversations iN HiS qUiRk, which I wouldn't exactly relish.

TC: I WaSn't tHe dUdE Of tImE TC: I WaS ThE TC: ThE MoThErFuCkIn TC: BaRd oF TC: FuCk

Oh, he's a bard! Hell yeah!

Bards are my favorite D&D class. They're charismatic generalists, with a fun, musical flavor to their abilities. It's a good fit for Gamzee, too - bard isn't far from jester, which isn't far from clown.

In Sburb, I imagine that it's an oddball class for Players who don't dance to anyone's tune but their own.

Gamzee barely qualifies as a Player, and is hardly aware of the game going on around him - but I'm sure he'll have his moment to shine. It's worth noting that, if built correctly, a Bard can also be one of the most powerful classes in D&D.

TG: do you remember if you watched any videos TG: from earth [...] TG: youve got to check this out TG: trust me itll lift your spirits shit will all make sense to you finally TG: youll finally figure out who you are and why you worship all this ridiculous clown bullshit [...] TG: http://tinyurl.com/MoThErFuCkInMiRaClEs

Dave has decided he may as well kickstart Gamzee's crisis of faith...

...and accidentally kickstarts a kimessitude that will be written in the stars.

Eat your heart out, Karkat.

[vdragon-creations]

TMayNT Day 13: Best Don

Day 13 of @tmaynt Prompt: Best Don!

Oh my sweet, how I've waited for this day! It should probably come as no surprise to anyone who fallows me or anyone who saw my Day 1 entry that Donnie is my favorite turtle! Hands down, no contest!

But here comes the hard part. Choosing my favorite! Gunna be honest, it's a very hard decision. Each Donnie has a quality to them that I just adore! Intelligence! I don't like to think of myself as that smart, at least not in the way Donnie is! And I love me some soft nerdy types! And when it comes to personality, it gets even harder to pick, because literally ALL of them are just precious.

87 is smart but a bit of a dork! 2003 is...goals. Sweet, kind, has a tiny bit of spice to him, and still has the skills to pay the bills! 2007, while not having much screen time, is a reliable man.

IDW, tbh, I've yet to read the comics in full, but from what I can see, he seems a lot like a mix of both 2003, 2007, and 87 Don. As in, while he's a little more softspoken then the others, he can still hold his own in a fight! And despite having been through some clearly otherworldly shit, he's a skeptic when it comes to magic. But I love the way they wrote him! (And his death scene still makes me cry! And seeing him still deal with pain from that incident is just *Chef's kiss*!)

2012....well...I don't have much to say about him. Frankly he's my least favorite out of the bunch, and all because the writers really wanted to play fanfic writer and they leaned whyyyyy too hard into the nerd stereotype. Resulting in making him borderline creepy to April. (Not that she's perfect either because goddess on a stick I'm not getting into that today.) The one thing I'll give him is that his sarcasm in this one made his very funny to hear in banter, and I apricate that they were trying to do more then just change the skin colors to make the boys stand out from one another. (But guys...really....the gap in the teeth was just not necessary..)

The Bayverse Donnie was one that had to grow on me a little, cause I'm part of the crowed that thought they looked a bit rough. But I agree that that's kinda the point, they're mutants. They more then likely would be a little rough looking irl. But after aa bit, he does start looking pretty cute anyway! And his voice is on par with 2003, in that he just sounds so sweet! I wanna hug him! (PLUS, THE FUCKER IS 6'8"! I'M 5'3"! And I do have a weakness for taller dudes. Bonus if they wear glasses! :3)

Now, for Rise. I was once part of the Cowaboomer crowed that thought that since RISE was so different from the other versions, it was there for ruined. I've since watched it, and the movie, and if anything, I've proven that I no longer think this way! RISE Donnie tho...he had to grow on me. At first I really didn't like him. His personality was such a stark contrast from all the other versions that it was almost like he was a whole new character! And with the art style of RISE being so different, his design was quite a jolt too. (The eyebrows are...a choice.) But after a while, that smug fucking smile had me feeling a type of way. The way he'd make me laugh was starting to become infectious! And the next thing I knew, I fell for this version too! Pretty hard I might say. And while 2003 Donnie is the sweetest bean to ever grace my screen, RISE became the living definition of the meme "I'm a luxury few can afford!"! And I love him!

After that, we had the batman cross over that brought us another Donnie! Once that I'm happy didn't lean too heavy on the other versions. He looked a little like 2012, but was like a gentle mix or 2003 and Bayverse! He also got a lot more lines and personality in that movie! (As well as a broken arm! RIP)

Then Mutant Mayhem showed up, and oh my god if he isn't the same insufferable anime fan I was when I was a teen! He made me laugh, and was still an adorable little dork!

And then we have Fortnite Donnie, who...i gotta be honest, I don't play Fortnite. So I'm not sure if he or the others get much of a personality or story outside of the same story of the turtles that we all know by now. So i can't judge him based on personality. But...I do like his design. Tho I will continue to say Fortnite had NO RIGHT to make him THAT damn fine!

In the end, I love all Donnies! Some more then others, but they all mean something to me! And it was hard to choose! but in the end, I chose the two that had the most influence on me!

[heyhellohihowareyou]

Why “Ball Game Tournament Time” is underrated as hell

BASEBALL EPISODE! BASEBALL EPISODE! Any anime that has a baseball episode in it is bound to get Hailey hooked!

And this one is about her Sugi boy! She’s all for him getting more screentime!

Out of context picture

I’m pretty sure that this was the episode that started the “Jiriki Hongan Revolution” intro (Correct me if I’m wrong) and since it’s tied as my fav AC intro, this episode gets points for starting it!

Baseball fanatic Koro is best Koro!

Anyways, did I mention I love baseball episodes because I love baseball episodes

Found a cute side character with freckles. Appreciate her NOW!

Two very good boys right here!

Kimura gets to do something! We must savor this moment while we still can!

Awww a cute Mimura!

I live for a badass Sugi boy (Even though this one is in Shindo’s head 😅)

Also, start the count for how many times Shindo looks like he’s about the piss himself

Ain’t this such a great episode! 3-E is succeeding and showing the main campus kids what’s what! Boy I sure hope no one ruins-

Bitch. Can you please stay out of my feel good sports episodes and not traumatize people at all? You’re bringing down the vibes man 😕

Well the girlies are back at least! Kind of wish we got to see them play though.

Kayano: “It’s just that the other team had huge jiggly boobs! It made me so made that I couldn’t concentrate!” Kaede sweetie you are not beating the allegations 🩷💜💙

Nothing to say except I like Maehara’s bewildered face

GAKUHOU STOP FUCKING MANIPULATING TEENAGERS FOR FUCK SAKE

I hate the man but those eyes though

Irina: “Aha! I think I get it! So you hit a ball with a stick!” Never change Irina. Never change.

Oh my god EVERYONE SHUT UP RIGHT NOW AND LOOK AT MY BOY!!!

Did I mention that I adore Sugino. Well, I ADORE SUGINO!!!

I swear to god Gakuhou doesn’t have life WHY ARE YOU HERE!?

Also, anyone else felt bad for Shindy this episode? Sure he was sort of a cocky bastard for the first part but man is he put through hell here.

Karmster using his bitch powers to good use (Yes, Karmster is his new name now)

Also this should be a meme template

I saw the glowing red eyes and my first thought was “Baki?”

Nothing to say except that I find Isogai’s little sigh cute

Bewildered Shindy

Gakuhou: “Crack a skull if need be.” Why aren’t you in jail yet?

We love Karmster’s little bitch face

Karmster: “Swing like you’re trying to kill us.” My guy is in distress

Nagisa: “That’s got him pretty shaken up.” Pretty Shaken- MY GUY IS TRAUMATIZED!

Again, poor Shindy. Like seriously get this boy some help.

I’ve caught two bright smiles in one screenshot!

Sugino: “Didn’t mean for things to get so crazy.” Shindy needs to go to therapy

Juuuust Karmster

Hadn’t mention before but I love listening to Sugi’s dubbed voice. For someone who shares a voice actor with the loud mouth that is Katsuki Bakugo his voice is nice to listen to

Sugino: “It was about being proud of my new friends. I wanted to show them off.” Sugino I fucking love you.

Welp that’s it. That was a good ass episode that we as a fandom should talk about more! It’s season 1’s version of leader time to me. In fact it’s part of my top ten favorite episodes of the series (I really need to make a list) I don’t say it that much but Sugino as a character brings me so much serotonin so watching this episode was a joy for me! Combined with the fact that I love baseball this episode was an absolute delight.

I keep forgetting how bad I feel for Shindy boy here. Like, he was just slightly cocky and he ended up getting manipulated left and right. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up having nightmares about the 3-E students sniping him in his sleep or something.

Anyways, like I said. This is a good episode and we should really discuss it more. We should discuss Sugino more. DISCUSS THE BOY! <—— Barely discusses the boy in question

[whoslaurapalmer]

okay so many book of bill thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ⚠️

-me, earlier: i hope it is as good an experience as journal 3, tasty little tidbits and lots of decoding and sticky notes and everything.......... -AND IT WAS!!!!!!!

-i know the big fear going in was like, we were gonna get too much bill backstory and it would ruin him as a character, and i'm so so so thrilled that THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPENED -we got a little more to add to the 'flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams' and a little more about how bill felt about living there and his hand in destroying it and honestly to me it was just. perfect. just some extra little things to think about with nothing really, truly concrete -definitely something to chew on with bill saying 'a monster' destroyed his home and him being 'twisted out of shape after the kill' and that he'd consider changing it.. like there's definitely a way to take it maybe as a tragic backstory but it also doesn't have to be because there's still so much we don't know about how it happened. and bill has........so many multitudes -like, i think, even if he has regrets? bill would do it again. he 'looked at the stars' and wanted to be one and mutilated his home world for it and although it wasn't his intent i really do think he'd do it again. there's probably a version of bill that has done it again -like personally i'm pleased with it, i'm not thinking overly hard about it, i think it's just something else to yeah chew on, and keep chewing

-aaaaa there's just SO MANY THINGS to talk about. so many fucking things!!!

-i love the page setups! i love the like, science book looking pages. the ads. the omnipresent superficial physicality of a non-physical being. -AND -HOLY SHIT -THE GREAT GATSBY -JUST, THERE, FIVE PAGES OF THE GREAT GATSBY -GREAT GATSBY -incredible. absolutely so, i'm still laughing

-THE TROLLEY PROBLEM PAGE. THE TEST. THE 90S 'SQUINT TO SEE A PICTURE' PICTURE. MCKAYLEIGH. THE REFERENCE TO THE FAKE JOURNAL AUTHOR LEAKS. THE 'IT WAS ALIENS' MEME. WOULDST THOU LIKE TO LIVE RIDICULOUSLY. ABE LINCOLN RATATOUILLE. CIPHER, I CHOOSE YOU! THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS PUDGYLILDARLINS TRI ANGELS COLLECTION, BY MARTHA

-no I REALLY thought we were gonna get CONFIRMED SAME COIN. on the chapter cover for bill's origins he's literally coming through the wall of stan and ford's childhood living room. stan's page going 'how is bill even writing this anyway?? where is he??' the stress from the axolotl on 'different form'. I was sooooooooo anxious to turn the page at the end bc I was like oh my god is this it. is this it. IS THIS IT -it was not! -but goddamn. -although. wait. actually really reading the therapy part with my brain in gear compared to seeing it last night -yknow....................i mean...................he's eligible for reincarnation if he "completes" therapy -so -so -SO -HELLO??????????????????????????????????? -WAIT????????????????? -is it. are we considering. this is happening

-I felt the delight and horror and heartbreak that only ford's journal entries can make me feel. godddddddddddddd -GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -i've always stood by, ford loved bill but bill only saw ford as someone easy to manipulate and, yeah, absolutely seduce, but that bill very much never felt the same way -and I still generally stand by it but also. wow yeah ford was very. special and exciting and desirable to bill. his idiot his genius his perfect vessel and partner, better than anyone else bill ever tried to use before him. and bill was very much enamored by how much ford revered him and wanted his company -THE. THE FUCKING KARAOKE PAGE?????????????????? -hand to my mouth, wide-eyed in horror -right up there with the sinking, heart-wrenching experience of the 'my muse lied to me' pages in journal 3

-"but then he'll disappear for weeks, months at a time, and i am left to wonder. has it all been in my head? and if it has...would that be enough?" FORD.........................

-ford: are we still partners? bill: LOOK YOU'RE THE ONE CAVORTING WITH A HILLBILLY me: y'all. i swear to god.

-bill: no i was soooooo totally fine when ford locked me out of his mind and his life and stopped doing what i wanted him to do soooooooooo okay with it ahahahahaha the police report: he was NOT FINE

-"I know sixer secretly loved our 'will-they-won't-they-destroy-the-world' relationship. this was just his way of keeping things spicy!" BILL

-bill: i will NOT talk about the removed henchmaniac (who i swear to god looked like fucking JHESELBRAUM????? it has to be jheselbraum.) but LET ME GIVE YOU ALL THE HOT DEETS ABOUT GETTING BETRAYED AND STABBED IN THE BACK BY A HUMAN. UHHH I MEAN. WOW WHAT AN ASSHOLE, HUH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-bill: i'm totally gonna be on the lookout for My Prophesied Enemy. They Will Definitely Not Get Me! No Sir!!! -also bill: WOW WHAT A TASTY HUNK OF HUMAN SURELY PINNING ALL MY DESIRES ON HIM WILL NOT BACKFIRE ON ME IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. THIS WAS NOT A PROPHECY OF MY DEMISE BUT SURELY MY SUCCESS!!!!!!

-mabel: BILL SOUNDS LIKE A CREEPY EX BOYFRIEND me: mabel my beloved mabel it's mabel my blorbo i love her so much and she's RIGHT

-dipper and mabel: you tried to kill my sibling and if i ever see you again it's On Sight Murder :) me: i love them :') oh my god :') my babies :')

-mabel in journal 3: i found this note where bill was gonna make dipper kill himself so that's horrifying ford in journal 3's missing pages: he literally could have made me kill myself so that's a thing that's happening -AND THEN BILL TRYING TO CALL STAN AND SAYING IT TOO

-oh my god and mcgucket!!!!!! and ford's crush on him too and their college photograph and fiddleford making him gloves and trying multiple times to make them, and making him a snowglobe and them celebrating the holidays together and just :(

-bill giving ford rats vs mcgucket giving him mittens. and fiddleford DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS WIFE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

-and ford finding dipper and mabel's footprints from the time traveler's pig outside his door and looking to see if there were any kids lost in the woods my whole fucking heart oh my god :(

-bill: YOU GOT 72 HOURS, I'M GONNA SEND SOMEONE TO STEAL YOUR EYES MAN, NOT KIDDING ford to stan when he arrives: DID YOU COME TO STEAL MY EYES????? me: god nothing does tasty callbacks and everything like gravity falls. i love it so much -like he's so GOOD at revealing the right things about a story at the right time and place but NEVER revealing too much. never saying everything. there's clearly always more but we will never get it all. which is so nice -like i was READY after all this time to get a couple more details but nothing concrete. and i love it so much and it's just -aaaa! -anyway!!!!

-bill: see i went no contact with my home dimension, they were holding me back me: oh bill's the kind of guy who goes to therapy and uses the like, "therapy buzzwords" wrong, you know what i mean? me: and oh god he's not even IN therapy yet

-wendy dreaming about her mom :( -pacifica having nightmares about not breaking her family's cycle of abuse :( -HEY. HEY WHAT ARGUMENT DID DIPPER OVERHEAR. HELLO???????????????? -was that brought up in journal 3????? i do not remember and i gotta go back through bill to do the decoding so i can't reread journal 3 right away but fuck i really want to now -but also HELLO OKAY WHAT WAS THAT ARGUMENT ABOUT?????????????

-so fascinated. intrigued. wide-eyed about the parallel universe dipper and mabel part. universes where the pines family didn't win........all those different versions of them........

-"THEN HEADBUTT THE MIRROR TO SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS!!!!" -ahahaha.......haha..............ha...........................

-ROBERT RENZOBBERT SR AND "the gentleman's two-handed hooting bird removal scoop" oh my god -and pitt bros!!!!!!!!!

-"in lieu of an answer, stanley submitted a drawing of a possum with a knife." SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM!!!!!! SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM MY BELOVED IT'S SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-ford: i was whistling a 1960's tune. james and bobby, i believe? me: wait like the boys????? like my boys????? like the dream of james hurley and bobby briggs in their silly boy band???????????? oh nah probably not. me: /googles google: behold! james and bobby purify singing i'll be your puppet me: OH NO. FUCK. OH MY GOD. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

-the fucking sticky notes oh my god

-okay finally did all the decoding -- was able to get bill's language myself which was so much fucking fun (minus 4 letters that i just think aren't used at all???) and i had to look up the runes. then as i was translating them i realized the alphabet was IN the book which i had never fucking considered and REALLY SHOULD HAVE. thanks hirsch!!

-oh my god the two owl house references in the runes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! awww..........

-okay i think i decoded everything. i think. i THINK i have spent all day doing it and i'm tired. god what a glorious experience

[choppedsouldreamer]

Part 3 Of my story...and things are ANGSTY!!!!

The Madness Kicks in.... And Someone else Tries To Take Hold..

In a matter of minutes, Crazed went from silently watching as SMG4 was looking on his phone to grinning like a maniac once Four decided to get up and do some work...now sadly was his time to shine....Four made his way to his room, sitting down in his chair and turning on his computer, about to work on some memes or possibly a new video whilst Crazed menacingly hovered behind him, it didn't take long until the hallucinations strengthened to the highest degree......Four worked away at his computer, "SMG4~ why are you in such a rush~?" Crazed chuckled lowly "Crazed...it's been FIVE MINUTES! can you leave me alone? I really just want to work on this-" Four protested by Crazed quickly cut him off "Oh no no no no, you have to take your time....i'm sure you understand..I mean it's not PERFECT yet.....do you REALLY want to disappoint your fans? Or your precious friends~?" Crap...This wasn't just Crazed being his usual annoying self....HE isn't even that bad half the time..only being like this at rare times..THIS was Mr Puzzles' doing.....What did he want from him this time?..."SHUT UP! SHUT UP YOU ADWARE PIECE OF SHIT!! STOP TRYING TO GET IN MY HEAD!!!.." Four snapped, but it was no use.....static soon started to fill his ears, loud and unbearable....He gripped his head in a desperate attempt to drown it out yet nothing worked....he can't let himself get controlled..not again. The voice of Crazed, which was just Fours but more glitchy and chaotic sounding soon Drifted to Mr Puzzles'...

"Oh you naiive, little man! Did you REALLY think you could just ESCAPE?! Without a SINGLE SCRATCH OR MARK?!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! HOW ARE YOU FINE?!?!?" The hallucination screamed with anger and confusion, but it was true...how did Four not get any physical damage from that month and a half apart from not eating or sleeping..?..he had no scars..almost as it never happened......was it luck?.. "You just HAD to RUIN my plans! I could have so EASILY gotten those five stars from the beginning if it wasn't for YOU!..." He continued...then his tone drifted to a more calm yet insane tone "A magnificent drama..where the leader of all his friends turned on them for something as simple as a video....." "You won't win.." "w h a t?" "I said you WON'T WIN!... Every time there is someone that tries to destroy or hurt the crew we DEFEAT them! Do you think we won't do the same to you? Yes we tried before...But I'll be damned if we don't try again and send you to the damn either..." Four threatened...determination filling his blue eyes, teeth gritted with pure hatred. Mr Puzzles actually paused at this...he wasn't expecting such a threat from the man, especially when he doesn't even fight often! Yet here he was giving him a death threat..no, PROMISE...... "Well would you look at THAT! SMG4 getting all RILED UP!! HAHA! I knew you had it in you! All I had to do was poke, poke and PROD at your little, PATHETIC mind and body to get you to finally snap again!" Mr Puzzles said wickedly still through the hallucination of Crazed......It seems as though Four is really going to have to fight back his own mind, feelings, and this sickly TV bastard... God why is this the one time the crew isn't around to help?! THINK FOUR THINK!! Wait...SMG3!!! THAT'S IT!!!!

[570 words and a cliffhanger WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!]

[alchemist-shizun]

I was waiting you've been waiting ... MYATB final ep live reaction!

Somehow even later than last night, not only did I work for 6 hours again, I have guests over, but with no further ado let's begin!

first off i am terrified, somehow, even if im sure everything will be fine

STARTING OFF STRONG WITH THE HUAIBAO FANCAM. Does anybody look at first episodes Xiaobao expressions and how much of a genuine happy and warm smile he had, and now it's been SO LONG since we've seen one. Healthy happiness where are you?

Also. If I had a nickel for each time a danmei character falls off a cliff i'd be fucking rich let's BE REAL

lil meowmeow ...

XIAOBAO IS LOOKING FOR THE PENDANT SOMEBODY HOLD ME BACK

IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOOD XIAOBAO NO WORRIES this is so funny to me

Su Yin it's your turn for some character development come on I believe in you I know you won't disappoint me COME ON

My main question is why make him suffer so much things can be fixed so easily. so easily. oh my god.

Internally I'm also laughing a bit because Su Yin is just saying THIS MAN RUINED YOUR LIFE AND U WANT HIM BACK JUST HOW GOOD WAS THE DICK TELL ME. TELL ME

look at him, moisturized, in his lane, i dont know how the rest of the meme goes but you get it

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. YOU NEED TWO PEOPLE WITH STRONG INTERNAL FORCES. OH MY G O D u mean to tell me both Huai'en and Su Yin need to help him, this makes my ot3 mind go insane. This is beautiful, thank you Que Siming, again, he fixes everything, he is insane

NNNNNNNNNNnNnNnim goinG INSANEEEEE SIMING'S LIL be careful TO JINBAOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOPPPPPP IM SO SOFTTTTTTTT WEEPS WEEPS WEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS.

A few words for Xiaobao in this scene because holy shit. My boy is wholly desperate he'd do anything just to let Huai'en live, his feelings have been a mess for so long but he still finds it in himself to care about him so deeply he's better than any of us

This entire drama has been either of them in bed suffering and the other watching over, beautiful

holy fucking shit they FINALLY kissed. I'm going insane. THEIR HANDS!! THEYRE SO SOFT. Huai'en looks so cute after being kissed, they're so I'm so insane. my children.

i love my sick wife (literally either of them)

THEIR LITTLE SMILESSSS THEYRE SO SOFT AND VULNERABLE I WILL CRY

"swear to god if u and i become like this i give you permission to kill me" the most homophobic gay ever

I think he might really be one of my favourite characters I swear. Give an award to his actor. he is so disgusted by everything I love him

OH WOW OKAY. BATH TIME? Oh my god Su Yin and Huai'en. Here we go. My immediate response is "just kiss about it" but I don't think they will. Their tension would bleed out so easily

OOOO ZHAOCAI'S A MEANIEEEEEEEEEE

huaibao: having a small moment. Su Yin: THIS AINT ABOUT YOU!! i love them all, good god, he is hilarious, his jealousy is visible from three hundred miles

The healing process is so interesting to watch, I could just stare at them work for hours

WHY IS THIS GUY STILL HERE. WHAT. Thats a lot of food for a prisoner. TELL HIM LI GONGXIANG. HE IS SO AWESOME. God I ucking hate this guy.WHY ARE THEY LEAVING HIS CELL DOOR OPEN

HAPPY LITTLE THINGS

"Who am I to be mad at you?" I KNEW ITTTTTT I KNEW YOU'D CAVE SU YIN I LOVE U. WOOOOOOOOO

Heeeeeeeeere comes the cocklockkkk

MY TRIO OF WONDERS TWT <3 MAN the best dumbass trio ever

this is so fucking funny those two are lounging and there the others go being dramatic

im going to cry over su yin and xiaobao's bond again? yes. i am.

Thank u for calling that man a freak xiaobao

SHAOYU?? also this is the first time I see some actual help for starving people, that's a nice touch.

That was the stupidest interaction ever thank you shaoyu

oh he knows. he knows.

XIAOYU EXTERIOR DESIGN PASSION

THE SHADOWS MOVED IN WITH THEM ZHAOCAI NO LONGER ALONE. Also the matching headpieces!

THEY SAVED HIM TWT SHADOWS MY BELOVEDSSSSS

HUAI'EN IS SO HAPPY ABOUT BEING HIS WIFE

xiaoyu istg- HFAHAHAHA SHES DOING IT ON PURPOS. WE'RE ALL LAUGHING AT THEM LIKE ZHAOCAI

PLEASE IM NEARLY CRYINGNFDSAJAHAHAH

HE CANNOT BE JEALOUS ABOUT SU YIN AFTER HE PROPOSED FSJ

NOOOOOOOO WDYM THATS IT??????? NOOOOOOOOO THEY BARELY GOT USED TO EACH OTHERS SMILE. AND NOW IT'S OVER TWT NOOOOOO well that was a wild ride

I dont know what it is about danmei novels and NOT SHOWING ME THEIR WEDDINGS!!! I WANT TO SEE THEM!!

Anyway. WE REACHED THE END. WOW. Insane. Incredible work to all who worked hard to give us our first uncensored Chinese bl, may it pave the path to many more! I had fun waiting for episodes each week, hadn't felt this elated in a long time. I'm sad I cannot look forward to more, but I might get inspired and create some art or fics for this series, who knows owo the actors are too pretty to pass on.

I'm extremely glad we got that Su Yin acceptance arc I have been mentioning, Shaoyu hasn't gotten more bearable but ig he has to mature yet. Xiaoyu was an icon all episode, I must admit, Zhaocai has found his new partner in crime. I also dearly missed Jinbao and Siming as soon as they left :( their energies were something stupendous. I also liked that Huai'en did not go back to see his foster father, he didn't give him the fucking satisfaction. As it should be.

I'm not smart enough to make much more introspection so I think this is where I'll leave it! Come talk to me if you too have nobody to discuss this series with lmao, askbox is always open. Time for a deepdive into the tag now. I hope I see more of this soon!

A big pat on the back to all those of us who suffered to this day. WORTH IT WORTH IT.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

[wardenofthecoast]

Skyrim and Civil War

You know, there are ways to make good morally grey conflicts, but Skyrim's Civil War is not one of them. However instead of talking about how undercooked it was (it was), I want to talk about the underlying concept of it. Sometimes just saying "add more content" isn't a reasonable critique when it comes to a product that needs to come out (there are graveyards of games that never stopped developing).

The issue with Skyrim's civil war -

It puts a lot of emphasis on Talos, a god that tbh I don't think needed it and wasn't referenced until the third game. IDK this is more personal but I'd prefer Talos just be a hero-god of Cyrodiil/Skyrim you know? (Oh that guy who conquered you all and forced you into his empire, which some of you are old enough to remember? worship him pls)

It's morally grey, but in the "I hate both of these options way". There historical precedents for a nationalist movement opposing imperialism, and there are precedents for rebellions occurring from princes or nobles who want take power. However the conflict feels more like neoliberal democrat versus libertarian republican, aka I hate em both and the difference is minimal. It's like if someone wanted to do the US civil war but they really thought it was about states' rights. It's like Braveheart but worst.

It's both the impetus for the plot (the dragonborn prophecy) and shows up in the main quest, but ONLY if you don't interact with it (too much). And there's incentive not to, as it provides a cool quest that is optional and you can remove a jarl or two you don't like depending on how it goes. Otherwise you can really ignore it, and you're standing with any guild or city isn't really referenced except when the new Jarl takes over.

It's an excuse for chuds to make stormcloak memes after they're done making Morrowind slavery memes.

OK i know what I said about content but yeah the gameplay aspect isn't great with one or two exceptions (the siege of Whiterun and Solitude/Windhelm). The lack of say and options as a nation's folk hero truly shines here. It's like if during the US civil war Jesus showed up, killed the devil and then everyone said "thank you but we need you to blackmail a secretary".

You could make it work. There's a phrase the comes up in the game, Season Unending, which the nords used to mean war. You could put an anti-war theme or something regarding the cyclical nature of violence, even if people didn't agree it would be saying something. Personally, I'd use the 30 years war as inspiration - a religious and political conflict about an empire with multiple actors, all of which causing mayhem to the countryside.

Here are my solutions which don't involve any additional content, but instead changes/removal.

The Civil War ended at the beginning of the game. You see Ulfric die, his forces are scattered and the jarls with him are left picking up the pieces, but the Empire doesn't have the funds to restore control nor pay its soldiers. This helps explains why forts are ruined and the high number of bandits - they are soldiers/deserters looking for a payday. It also creates a narrative of trying to see who Ulfric Stormcloak was using unreliable narrators and maybe a bit of tragedy for a guy who thought he was The Guy (but in fact You're The Guy).

The Civil War ended years ago. Same as above, but make it more tamed. This would be the closest to just removing it entirely.

Make it a rebellion and have the player be a part of it. It would be so interesting a contrast to be against the empire after four games directly or indirectly aiding it. Now you could either try to do something thoughtful about revolutions and violence and the character of that rebel army, or you could just do Braveheart, but either way people would probably be more invested in it.

Don't let us join either side. The Empire's rulers claim the title dragonborn, and having some shmuck say he is would not be in their interest. Ulfric claims tradition and his power of the voice, not saying but implying a connection to Talos, and so he would not want you as a threat to his power. Have both groups be awful, and hammer home how these nobles might all claim to be different, but they slaughter the peasants all the same.

These aren't perfect solutions, and tbh the quality and quantity of the writers on board a project are going to impact any idea. But still, I think I'd prefer these options than what we got in game.

[mihrsuri]

Some More Fictional Universe Discord Content

@nocompromise-noregrets

Ellie - just a warning that you will probably want to strangle Armada (i had to take five minutes to scream) but she gets smacked down and also I CANNOT EVEN.

Armada: no really WHAT IS THE KARLIENE REYNOLDS SONG??

i had a name before him/i took it back/but his brand upon me/will never wash away/in the light of the sun and stars/i thought i might be holy moonlight/instead of tainted ground/an eagle collar about my neck.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: I DON’T KNOW BUT I HATE IT [one fear dot gif] because Thomas has been associated with the moon so much (Henry’s poetry, Anne’s - the motifs in their possessions) and Norwich’s personal coat of arms is an eagle owl.

TransCrozier: SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK. FUCK. I am going to go and lay in the DIRT. AND EAT IT. Waiting is unbearable.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: Okay the watch party is over in #show-watch - it will contain spoilers, live reactions and memes. And PANICK.

PoppyMcGee: THE OPENING. THE OPENING. SHIT FUCK FUCK. Let me break this down.

the entire scene with john and thomas is horrific just horrific. the threat the menace that bruise he left.

and then thomas ripping off all the sheets and covers on his bed and that part with trying to scrub his skin i just…god that’s awful. James Frain you owe me for emotional damages.

how he knew to cover up the self harm scars and the bruises like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN (we know about his father but the scars are…that’s something else).

Armada: it must have been a really bad breakup like that is some bad blood (sorry for the taylor swift) between them to send thomas into that spiral.

TransCrozier: respectfully this is not ‘a bad breakup’ reaction and that is not someone reacting to a bad breakup related guilt. that is an abuser. Norwich is an abuser/was abusive. The way he so clearly used ‘you ruined any trace of me Antonius - when did you gain the notion that you could so ruin that which I own’ that is not romantic.

Armada: Like, I love you Rhi but no - it’s maybe not the healthiest but they were both younger then - Thomas was still early twenties and you don’t make the best decisions then and he’d come off an abusive childhood in the 16th century, I think what we are seeing is a breakdown about how he regrets how it ended/how he ended it specifically (also side note James is so pretty when he cries!)

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock:……OH SHIT ANNE. ANNE. ANNE.

PoppyMcGee: look i am not an Annewell shipper but the way she absolutely takes care of him - gives him the choice every step of the way! Tells him what she’s doing!

TransCrozier: I am a Triad OTPer as we all know (I just find Cromwich interesting as a multishipper) by now etc and just, THE LOVE. THE LOVE. THE WAY ANNE made sure to ask Thomas what coverings he didn’t want. Also I am soft for bathing scenes.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: AGREED RHI. AGREED SO HARD.

Armada: UGH ANNE DO WE HAVE TO SEE HER SO MUCH [Edit: I’m sorry I know the server doesn’t allow character hate but i just don’t like her or Cromannery. Or it’s not that i don’t like her but i don’t like her with Thomas].

Poppy McGee:….yeah i agree with you Essie - I want Anne to be the cool lesbian of my heart that she should be but i do love her taking care of thomas.

Armada: that bit was sweet but yeah, what poppy said. She doesn’t need men and she’s much worse for them! But what’s going on now.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock:

“I was ten years old, my mother not long dead and my father was in need of funds and drink. Lord Norwich, as he was then offered him silver under a disguise so my father would not extort more funds out of him. I came into his household and thought myself landed somewhere better. He branded and bedded me for the first time that same day - I cut it out of me the day I took my chance and fled - five years almost to the day after.”

……I am going to be sick. I am going to be sick.

TransCrozier:

“I am but a tainted thing - he has been on and in every part of me - I could not speak of the shame, though I should have done - I should have never let you, let either of you think I was worthy of you, Your Majesty. I am so sorry.”

THOMAS BLAMES HIMSELF. HE STILL BLAMES HIMSELF I AM GOING TO RESURRECT NORWICH AND KILL HIM AGAIN MYSELF AND THEN REPEAT IT AGAIN.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: ANNE YOUR RESPONSE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. NATALIE DORMER YOU GORGEOUS GORGEOUS HUMAN BEING.

TransCrozier: AMINA YOU ARE SO CORRECT. Queen Anne you perfect glorious woman I am once again AT YOUR FEET.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: hi @everyone i checked the history from several reputable sources (see here, here and here) and this is real. the show did not make it up - it’s just a recent discovery. Which i did not know about :(.

TransCrozier: neither did I i went in because RUPERT and then kind of fell into adoration - like obviously we all know triad is endgame because duh, history but i knew nothing else.

PoppyMcGee: I didn’t want to believe it :(. But I checked and it’s true :(. It’s fucking true. Norwich did that and he has no remorse.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: also fyi to several people who I’ve had to talk to about this - no ten was very much considered a child in the 16th century. Even fifteen was not ‘fully adult’ as such. This is rape and child sexual abuse and if you spout any more denial about that I will ban you.

TransCrozier: AMINA I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH. Also the fact that Anne volunteers to tell Henry, reassures Thomas that he won’t be angry just destroyed me all over again. CANNOT WAIT FOR THE POST SHOW CONTENT TO DESTROY ME AGAIN. ALSO HENRY’S REACTION.

Armada: …okay whatever. Sorry for having opinions i guess. can i even just say that even if it is abusive the triad is equally abusive.

[geralt-of-baevia]

Happenstance: Part Six

Story Summary: Henry is about to go to bed one night when he suddenly gets a text from a random number he doesn’t know. What happens when you accidentally text the star actor of The Witcher? Memes apparently. Lots and lots of memes. Part One | Part Two |  Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Lizzy Moore)

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Not to ruin it, but LOTS of sexy talk.

A/N: aLRIGHT GUYS. Let's address the elephant in the room. It's been TWO AND A HALF YEARS since I updated this bad boy. This chapter has been sitting in my drafts for like, a year and a half. But HERE I AM TO POST IT FINALLY YAAAAAAY. I promise, it's VERY worth it. :P

A/N #2: So, I just wanted to remind for this chapter that this is written in a world where the pandemic is still FRESH and everyone is home in hardcore lockdown. That's all. Enjoy!

Beta: Thank you @midnightswithdearkatytspb for betaing this chapter and for helping me get the motivation and excitement to post this damn thing! You're amazing.

----------

(Lizzy:) Um, Joey. 

(Joey:) Um, Lizzy? 

(Lizzy:) Did you know that Henry was sending me something? 

(Joey:)

(Lizzy:) Okay, but before or AFTER I asked you for HIS address to send mine? 

(Joey:) Before. 👀

(Joey:) But I shit you not. Henry asked me the same day for your address. It was so cute.

(Joey:) It's like a movie. 

(Joey:)

(Lizzy:) But like, why? Why would he send me a gift? 

(Joey:) Well, why did YOU send him a gift? 

(Lizzy:) Because I wanted to apologize, and I hadn't heard from him in over a week and felt like I should make that reach. 

(Joey:) Hmm, maybe he's feeling the same way? 

(Joey:)

(Lizzy:) I mean, I guess so? 

(Lizzy:) I just feel so fucking terrible about the whole thing.

(Joey:) Trust me, I think Henry is feeling the same way, Liz. 

(Lizzy:) Why do you say that?

(Joey:) Um, HELLO ELIZABETH. He sent you a gift in the mail. Have you opened it yet? 

(Lizzy:) No. It's just sitting on my coffee table. I've been sitting here staring at it for a good 10 minutes. 

(Joey:) Oh GOD, you two are perfect for each other. You're both so melodramatic. 

—————————————-

(Henry:) Joey. I just got a package in the mail from Lizzy. Did you give her my address? 

(Joey:)

(Henry:) Do you know what she sent me? 

(Joey:) Nope. Lizzy just said she wanted to send you something as an apology gift. 

(Henry:) Do you know if she's gotten mine yet?

(Joey:) It’s funny you ask that. She just texted me that she got yours—what a coincidence. 

(Joey:)

(Henry:) She did?! Did she say if she opened it? What does she think of the gifts?

(Joey:) She hadn’t opened it yet when I just talked to her. Also, can you two just text each other instead of using me as a middle man? As much as I like being updated at every instance on this drama, I don’t want to be like, DIRECTLY in the middle. 

(Henry:) I don’t know if she’ll talk to me, though, Joey. 

(Joey:)

(Joey:) Henry. SHE SENT YOU A GIFT. JUST FUCKING TEXT HER PLEASE. 

——————————

(Henry:) Hey Lizzy, I just got your package. I heard you got mine?

(Lizzy:) Hi! Yes, I did. I haven’t opened it yet, though. 

(Henry:) I haven’t opened yours yet either. 

(Lizzy:) You know, you didn’t have to send me a gift Henry. 

(Henry:) I could say the same thing to you. I’m the one who messed up. 

(Lizzy:) Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I overstepped and made you uncomfortable and made you think I was using you? 😔

(Henry:) Yeah, but I accused you of that, and I shouldn’t have. I completely overreacted. That’s why I sent the gift. I didn’t think a ‘I’m sorry’ would suffice for that. 

(Lizzy:) Well, that’s very sweet of you. I appreciate the apology. And honestly, I’m glad that you’re talking to me. 

(Lizzy:) 

(Henry:) I am, too. I’ve wanted to text you this whole time. I just didn’t know what to say. I honestly kind of thought I might have scared you off. I know you said you’d be waiting, but I didn’t know if that waiting period had an expiration date. And I was kind of embarrassed, I'm not going to lie. 

(Lizzy:) Henry, you're just being cautious. It was dumb of me to tell you about a freaking sex dream that I had. 

(Henry:) Liz, don't say that. You're not dumb, please don't call yourself that. 

(Lizzy:) No, it's just that I felt dumb because I'm so good at rushing into things and I thought it had finally caught up with me and I sabotaged a good thing. 

(Henry:) You didn't sabotage anything. If anyone did it's me. 

(Lizzy:) Why do you say that?

(Henry:) Because I had a beautiful, amazing, sexy woman who I am very much into telling me about the sex dream she had with me. Who doesn't want that?

(Lizzy:) But still. it's understandable, Hen.

(Henry:) Is it though? Even though since we talked last I've had a sex dream about you and felt even more guilty afterwards?

(Lizzy:) Oh, Hen. It's totally normal to have sex dreams about people you know so please don't feel guilty. 

(Henry:) I like it when you call me that btw 😏

(Lizzy:) What? Call you Hen? 

(Henry:) Yeah, I think it's cute. 😏

(Lizzy:)

(Lizzy:) Well I thought it was adorable when you called me Liz earlier. 

(Lizzy:) Now, should we open our presents? 

(Henry:) We should.

(Lizzy:) I'm so nervous!

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:) Why are you nervous? 

(Lizzy:) Oh I don't know Henry... the guy I like got me this gift that is literally taking up my ENTIRE coffee table. 

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:)

(Henry:) I was just going to get you a couple things but then I think I went a little overboard. Please open it! 

(Lizzy:) Can I call you while I do? Would that be okay?

(Henry:) Absolutely. I would really like that. 

𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟: 💙𝗟𝗶𝘇𝘇𝘆💙

(Henry:) "Hi there Lizzy."

(Lizzy:) "Hi, Henry." 

(Henry:) "So, are you going to open it or what? My anxiety is off the charts now."

(Lizzy:) "Okay, okay! I'm opening it right now...oh my god. Henry..."

(Henry:) "Do you like it?" 

(Lizzy:) "What do you mean 'it?' Which thing?! Henry there's so MANY things in this! When you said you went overboard you really did."

(Henry:) "Yeah...is it too much? I'm sorry if it's too much-"

(Lizzy:) "No! Henry, this gift basket is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. God, what is all in here anyway?" 

(Henry:) "There's a little bit of everything."

(Lizzy:) "You could say that again! Henry! There's bath salts in here and a bath bomb, and is this a robe?! Henry this robe is so fucking soft. And slippers? Henry!"

(Henry:) "So you like it?" 

(Lizzy:) "Henry! Why wouldn't I like this?! Oh-oh my god Henry. You didn't."

(Henry:) "Oh no. Did I get something bad?" 

(Lizzy:) "No, just Henry. These face masks." 

(Henry:) "Are they not good? Do you not like them?" 

(Lizzy:) "Henry, stop. These are amazing! They're also like almost $100 each! This is too much. I-I can't accept this." 

(Henry:) "No! Please don't. I just read that those ones were really good and I know you like doing face masks so I thought you would like them." 

(Lizzy:) "God this makes me feel like shit about my gift. Like, you got me this giant spa themed gift basket that apparently I don't want to know how much money you put into." 

(Henry:) "I just figured it was the least I could do. Help you relax after all the stress I put you through." 

(Lizzy:) "Henry, this is literally the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. You're too kind." 

(Henry:) "No, I'm just the right amount of kind to you, Lizzy. Now it's time for me to open yours." 

(Lizzy:) "God, I'm so nervous. I should have had you open yours first. I can't follow this." 

(Henry:) "Oh hush, Lizzy. I'm sure I'll love whatever it is." 

(Lizzy:) "God I hope so. It's not $300 worth of fancy face masques but I hope you like it." 

(Henry:) "Wait, Lizzy. Are you serious? Did you make this shirt?" 

(Lizzy:) "I did. I stole your measurements from work and made it for you. I um-I put reinforced buttons across the chest for you so there's no cleavage gaps. And then I made sure to put in a little extra room into your shoulder and bicep area, hopefully without making you look too bulky. Do you like the color? I know it's just like a super light grey but I figured it'd be versatile." 

(Henry:) "Liz, this is amazing. Wait, what's this?" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh yeah, I made you something else for you too." 

(Henry:) "Did you make me brownies?" 

(Lizzy:) "I did! You said you wanted some that one time I told you I was making them when we were talking, so I thought I'd make some just for you."

(Henry:) "That's so kind of you. Wait, what's this other one?" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh! Um, those are treats for Kal." 

(Henry:) "You made something for Kal?" 

(Lizzy:) "Yeah, I figured he should get a treat, too! And I promise it's dog friendly. I got the recipe from my aunt who works with dogs. It has banana, zucchini and carrots. And then almond milk, chia seeds, oat flour. All things that canines can have and are good for them."

(Henry:) "Liz, I'm just in awe. This is all amazing. I know you said that my gift was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you, but I can tell you that this is also the sweetest thing anyone has done for me."

(Lizzy:) "Oh it was nothing, I just made you brownies and a shirt."

(Henry:) "Listen to yourself, Liz. You made me a shirt. From scratch! And made sure to modify it to fit me. That's so kind, and means so much to me that you'd do that. And can I be honest with you?"

(Lizzy:) "Of course you can, Hen." 

(Henry:) "When you told me that you made a treat for Kal, god I could kiss you. I still want to kiss you for all of this." 

(Lizzy:) "Is that so?"

(Henry:) "You have no idea. The fact that you didn't just think of me but Kal, too? I'm just- god Lizzy." 

(Lizzy:) "What?"

(Henry:) "You just keep doing more and more things to make me fall for you, aren't you?" 

(Lizzy:) "I mean, this time it wasn't on purpose, I promise."

(Henry:) "Oh? Just this time?" 

(Lizzy:) "I mean, yeah. I don't send pictures of my ass to just anyone." 

(Henry:) "Well, I guess that's good to hear?" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh shut up, you. You know what I mean." 

(Henry:) "Right now I'm wishing I could see that ass in person." 

(Lizzy:) "Henry, we can't be talking like this." 

(Henry:) "And why not?" 

(Henry:) "Because the last time we did we didn't talk for a week and a half and it killed me the whole time." 

(Henry:) "Yes. But that's because I was being an idiot."  

(Lizzy:) "Henry...no you weren't." 

(Henry:) "Okay, let's just agree to disagree on that?"

(Lizzy:) "Fine...I guess so." 

(Henry:) "But it's because I let my emotions get the best of me, and let past relationship troubles get in the way. Someone who just wanted to just shag me wouldn't make me a shirt from scratch, brownies and treats for Kal. I can tell you really care about me." 

(Lizzy:) "Well good. I do care about you, Henry. A lot."

(Henry:) "And I care about you, Lizzy."

(Lizzy:) "Can I tell you something really pathetic?"

(Henry:) "I doubt it's going to be pathetic, but yes please tell me." 

(Lizzy:) "No, it really is. I missed you enough that I watched some of your movies this week."

(Henry:) "Oh? Is that so? Which ones did you watch?" 

(Lizzy:) "I watched Man of Steel and The Man From Uncle and Immortals. You know, I remember thinking how buff you were in Immortals. But seeing you now? You look puny there!"

(Henry:) "Haha, I guess you could say that." 

(Lizzy:) "Also, I have to ask something." 

(Henry:) "Yes?"

(Lizzy:) "How often did they have to wax you? Was it like a daily thing? Were you terribly itchy the whole time?" 

(Henry:) "Hahaha, oh Lizzy. Well, all of us shirtless men initially waxed, a lot. But then we all started breaking out from the waxing, so they switched to shaving us." 

(Lizzy:) "Did you hate it?" 

(Henry:) "Eh, it has its perks. For instance you could see the definition of muscles better."

(Lizzy:) "Oh you don't have to tell me that. Also, I’m sorry, but did you have an eight pack in that movie?" 

(Henry:) "Uh, yeah. I did, I did, haha."

(Lizzy:) "That's incredibly impressive. I didn't think that was actually achievable." 

(Henry:) "Oh it is. It was a lot of work. Eight hours of training a day. And I did only body weight exercises so I wouldn't gain any mass, just muscle."

(Lizzy:) "Hen, that's insane. Impressive, but mostly insane. Also I like you better now compared to that movie." 

(Henry:) "Is that so? What do you like better about me now?" 

(Lizzy:) "I dunno, I just think you look better bulkier is all." 

(Henry:) "Well I can definitely say that this is a lot easier to maintain than that." 

(Lizzy:) "Oh I bet. Also, there's something you said that I can't stop thinking about." 

(Henry:) "What's that?" 

(Lizzy:) "That you said something about you having had a sex dream about lil’ old me."

(Henry:) "Yes, yes I did, haha. What about it?" 

(Lizzy:) "Would it be too forward to ask you about it?" 

(Henry:) "No, no I don't think so. But, before we get to that we need to get one thing settled."

(Lizzy:) "What's that?"

(Henry:) "Do you forgive me for being a complete and total ass to you before?"

(Lizzy:) "Henry, there's nothing to forgive-"

(Henry:) "Lizzy, please."

(Lizzy:) "Alright, alright, haha. Whatever I can tell you to help you sleep at night. Yes Henry, I forgive you."

(Henry:) "Thank you, I've been getting awful sleep. I'm happy to know I'll sleep well tonight now"

(Lizzy:) "Oh gosh you're such a shit."

(Henry:) "Yeah, but you like it." 

(Lizzy:) "You caught me, haha."

(Henry:) "Well, now you can ask your questions."

(Lizzy:) "I mean, I didn't really have any specific questions about it. I just wanted to know what happened, that’s all."

(Henry:) "So, you want me to tell you about the sex we had in my dream?"

(Lizzy:) "Mmhmm."

(Henry:) "You want me to describe in graphic detail the things we did to each other?" 

(Lizzy:) "I mean, it’s not required but it would be greatly appreciated. You’d probably get extra credit even."

(Henry:) "To tell you how we were sitting on my couch kissing? One of my hands in your hair, the other on your neck. How once things got heated you got on top of me to straddle my lap?"

(Lizzy:) "I mean, that does sound like something I would do." 

(Henry:) "And then how I wrapped my arms around you and pressed you close to me as we made out like teenagers? It was actually really adorable because you started to grind against me, and you got so embarrassed because it was instinctual that you did." 

(Lizzy:) "Oh see, now that doesn't sound like me. I would have done it on purpose."

(Henry:) "Oh?"

(Lizzy:) "I mean, yeah. I don't usually grind on someone by accident." 

(Henry:) "Is that so? Well, I guess that's good to know."

(Lizzy:) "Sorry, sorry. I'll stop interrupting. Continue, continue." 

(Henry:) "Well so, then after you started grinding on me I let my hands slip under the back of your shirt and unclasp your bra. You take it off under your shirt and your bra and toss them to the side. And god, you looked so perfect sitting there on my lap."

(Lizzy:) "Henry..."

(Henry:) "Do I need to stop?" 

(Lizzy:) "No, no. I want you to continue." 

(Henry:) "Haha, are you sure about that?"

(Lizzy:) "Henry, I'm pretty sure this is the hottest thing that has ever happened to me." 

(Henry:) "Is that so?"

(Lizzy:) "Henry, please please keep going."

(Henry:) "Can I ask you something?" 

(Lizzy:) "Mmhmm." 

(Henry:) "...are you, touching yourself?" 

(Lizzy:) "Are you?" 

(Henry:) "That all depends on what you say."

(Lizzy:) "Oh my gosh, fine, haha. Yes Henry, I'm currently touching myself to you describing us having sex because hearing you telling me those things in your velvety voice is the hottest thing ever. You know I love your voice and this is just, amazing. So if you could please tell me you are touching yourself too so I don't feel embarrassed that would be great." 

(Henry:) "Haha yes Lizzy, I am too. And you think my voice is velvety?" 

(Lizzy:) "Henry, I could get off listening to you read the phonebook." 

(Henry:) "You know, there actually is a video of Armie and me doing just that."

(Lizzy:) "Oh? Well, I know what I'm listening to before bed tonight." 

(Henry:) "Well I mean I could just let you listen to that instead of finishing..."

(Lizzy:) "Oh Henry, don't be a fucking tease."

(Henry:) "But for some reason I feel like you like being teased."

(Lizzy:) "That's beside the point. Now please, please continue." 

(Henry:) "Or what?" 

(Lizzy:) "Or I'm going to hang up this phone and finish by myself." 

(Henry:) "Fine, fine. Now where was I?"

(Lizzy:) "I'm sitting on your lap and grinding on you, and you just took my bra off. Under my shirt you said? That doesn't make sense to me. Why wouldn't you just take my shirt off and then my bra?"

(Henry:) "Lizzy, haha. Do you want me to continue or are you going to just over analyzing a sex dream I had?"

(Lizzy:) "Sorry, yes, hehe. Please go on." 

(Henry:) "So, you were sitting on my lap, grinding against my now very hard cock and fuck Lizzy, you felt amazing."

(Lizzy:) "How so?"

(Henry:) "You just fit in my lap so perfectly, and you grinding against me."

(Lizzy:) "Mmmm fuck Henry... I can't tell you what I wouldn't give to be sitting in your lap right now, grinding on you." 

(Henry:) "Me, too Lizzy. God. So then you took your shirt off, and fuck. You just looked incredible. I took a moment to look you over before taking both of your breasts in my hands and massaging them." 

(Lizzy:) "Mmmm, mmhmm. Go on, please."

(Henry:) "And then you - ahh - you, you got up and stood in front of me, undid you jeans and pulled them down along with your panties and just stood in front of me naked. And god Lizzy, you were so beautiful." 

(Lizzy:) "Well I hope I can live up to your expectations, Hen."

(Henry:) "Oh I have no doubt in my mind that you will."

(Lizzy:) "What happened next? Or did I just stand naked in front of you and then you woke up?"

(Henry:) "Haha, oh no. I spread your legs out, slid down off of the couch to sit in between your spread thighs and hovered my face right in front of the place I'm sure you’d want my mouth the most." 

(Lizzy:) "Shit, Henry." 

(Henry:) "Use your words, Lizzy."

(Lizzy:) "God, I'm so wet right now." 

(Henry:) "You were in my dream, too. I spread you out just a little and took one long swipe of your pussy with my tongue." 

(Lizzy:) "FUCK, Henry. God, I'm a fucking mess right now."

(Henry:) "I mean, that's kind of my intention."

(Lizzy:) "Is it now?"

(Henry:) "Since I can't have you here grinding on my lap, it's the least I can do." 

(Lizzy:) "Goddammit Henry. You're enjoying this too much." 

(Henry:) "Oh? Are you not enjoying this?"

(Lizzy:) "I never said that. You're just enjoying torturing me a little too much." 

(Henry:) "Torture? Hmm, that's a strong word there Lizzy..."

(Lizzy:) "So it's not torture to lay here on the phone, telling me things you want to do to me while we're in a lock down and we can't do anything about it? Also like, fuck, Henry all I can think about is you stroking yourself right now and god, it's really fucking with my brain."

(Henry:) "What, and you don't think me knowing that you're touching yourself as I'm telling you these things isn't fucking with me? Lizzy I want to be the one touching you so badly." 

(Lizzy:) "Yeah? Where do you want to touch me, huh?" 

(Henry:) "I see what you did there..."

(Lizzy:) "What did I do, hmm?" 

(Henry:) "I'm going to ignore that, haha. But to answer your question, I literally want to touch you anywhere. I'm at the point where it doesn't even need to be sexual. I just want to hold you, hug you, embrace you, something. I just want you." 

(Lizzy:) "Hen-Henry. That, wow. That's not what I was expecting you to say, at all. But, I feel the same way. I know that we're literally in the middle of having phone sex, but I just want to hug you...so badly. Or cuddle with you even." 

(Henry:) "Exactly. But if I was given the chance? Absolutely I want to touch you everywhere I can get my hands on. I want *my* hand to be touching your cunt right now, not yours." 

(Lizzy:) "Fuuuu- Henry, fuck. I want that too." 

(Henry:) "Tell me, how badly you want me to rub your clit right now, Lizzy." 

(Lizzy:)  "Hen, ugh, so bad. I wish you were here on top of me with your head between my legs." 

(Henry:) "God, Lizzy. I want to taste you. I can't wait until I finally get to."

(Lizzy:) "Speaking of which, I think that's where we left off on your dream?" 

(Henry:) "You really are smooth aren’t you, Miss Elizabeth?" 

(Lizzy:) "Ohhhh...you saying my name like that, Henry, I can't..."

(Henry:) "Oh, so do you not want me to tell you how I ate you out in my dream?" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh, no no I do. I just have never heard my name said like that before. And I think I just had a minor stroke. That's all. I’ll be fine. But um, please-please continue...please?" 

(Henry:) "...are you begging Lizzy?" 

(Lizzy:) "Hnnn, Henryyyyy." 

(Henry:) "But yes, I licked up and down your pussy while you quite literally sat on my face. I eventually moved us back so I could rest my head against the couch so I had a place to kneel because your legs kept giving way." 

(Lizzy:) "I have no doubt about that." 

(Henry:) "And then I looked up at you and I apparently hit just the right spot and you came all over my face. And fuck, your first orgasm was glorious."

(Lizzy:) "...wait my first? Henry, my first?! You made me orgasm more than once in this dream?!" 

(Henry:) "It was actually three times." 

(Lizzy:) "Henry. I've never orgasmed more than once in one sitting before. That both intrigues and terrifies me." 

(Henry:) "Only once? Oh Miss Lizzy, if you'd like, I could make you orgasm until you can't see straight or walk." 

(Lizzy:) "Again, I don't doubt that. And again, I’m both intrigued and a little scared, haha." 

(Henry:) “Well, now I'm even more excited at the prospect of us being together." 

(Lizzy:) "So, how did you make me come the second time?"

(Henry:) "On top of you." 

(Lizzy:) "Hen, I need you to elaborate if I'm going to get anywhere right now." 

(Henry:) "Are you getting close?"

(Lizzy:) "I might be if you keep telling me about this dream."

(Henry:) "...are you going to cum for me Lizzy?" 

(Lizzy:) "Yes, Henry. But please, please keep talking."

(Henry:) "God, I bet your pussy feels so good-"

(Lizzy:) "Henry, I would literally make you come in five minutes if I was on top of you right now. I would ride you like you've never been before, and I would blow your fucking mind. But I need you right now to. Keep. Talking." 

(Henry:) "Fuuuuck Lizzy. Okay, well the second time I got up, took my trousers off and sat down on the couch. You came over, told me 'I was too overdressed' before taking my shirt off. It was very sexy." 

(Lizzy:) "Woooow. Dream Lizzy was very bold. I'm proud of her. Get that cock, dream Lizzy. I live vicariously through you." 

(Henry:) "Oh I'm sure it won't be vicariously soon." 

(Lizzy:) "So, can I try and take a guess at what happened next?" 

(Henry:) "Weren't you just practically begging me to keep talking?” 

(Lizzy:) “Maybe, haha. I never said I wasn’t fickle. Do you not want to hear what I want to do to you then?”

(Henry:) “Be my guest.”

(Lizzy:) "Well, I know I would come over and straddle you, but not take you inside of me just yet. I'd tease you first. Maybe arch my back up and place my tits in your face, because I can only imagine you'd be just as skilled with your mouth on those as you are on other places." 

(Henry:) “Fuck Lizzy…" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh, is that labored breathing I hear Henry? Is someone picking up the pace on their cock?" 

(Henry:) "Considering what you're describing is better than my dream was, yes, yes I am." 

(Lizzy:) "Well then I should continue shouldn't I?" 

(Henry:) "You're such a shit, Miss Elizabeth." 

(Lizzy:) "Yes, but I feel like we've already established that. And that you like it. Maybe have even called me a tease?" 

(Henry:) "Lizzy...please..."

(Lizzy:) "But yes, I'd live up to the term and tease you. It's what I like to do: tease until you can't take it anymore. I'd slip your cock in between my folds and just grind against you, rubbing my clit up and down the underside of your cock right where that vein is. Fuck, it feels so good and I know it'd drive you crazy. Being so close to being inside of me, but not being able to feel where you really want to." 

(Henry:) "Lizzy...shit...oh fuck..." 

(Lizzy:) "Henry, Henry please say something. I know you're close and so am I." 

(Henry:) "If you did that for too long I would grab you by the hips and guide you down onto my cock, slowly, giving you a taste of your own medicine. But once I got completely inside of you, I'd slowly start moving your hips, and I’d finally get the sweet reward of knowing what your pussy feels like." 

(Lizzy:) "Hen-Henry...Henry I'm so close..."

(Henry:) "Are you going to come for me, Lizzy?" 

(Lizzy:) "Hen..."

(Henry:) "Just think about how good it would feel straddling me and bouncing that sweet little pussy of yours up and down on my cock until you come. Grinding out those hips, my fingertips digging into your skin..." 

(Lizzy:) "Shit, oh fuck...oh my god..."

(Henry:) "Come on Lizzy, come for me."

(Lizzy:) "Oh FUCK..." 

-pause-

(Henry:) "Are you doing okay there, Liz?"

(Lizzy:) "Fuck, fuck I'm great. Oh my god."

(Henry:) "Yeah? You being out of breath would say otherwise.” 

(Lizzy:) "That was, wow. Like, I'm still having mini aftershocks." 

(Henry:) "Not to be too personal-" 

(Lizzy:) "Henry we're literally having phone sex. You just heard me have an extremely intense orgasm over the phone. Nothing is too personal at this point." 

(Henry:) "Haha, well when you put it that way..." 

(Lizzy:) "But what is your question?" 

(Henry:) "Are you someone who shakes and convulses when they orgasm?" 

(Lizzy:) "Um, yes. Very much so. Not to talk about past sex during current sex, but I've made someone orgasm just from watching me orgasm."  

(Henry:) "I would be one of those people." 

(Lizzy:) "Yeah? You like the idea of my body shaking, my back arching against the bed as the room fills with my moans and shouting your name as I come?" 

(Henry:) "Lizzy, shit...I would kill to see that." 

(Lizzy:) "Just imagine me doing that...but with your head between my legs. My hands tangled in your hair... pulling at it slightly as I grind against your face with my orgasm-" 

(Henry:) "FUCK, Lizzy! Oh-oh, Lizzy-" 

(Lizzy:) "Yeah? Are you coming for me Hen?" 

(Henry:) "God, Li-Lizzy. Holy shit...holy fuck." 

(Lizzy:) "That good, huh?" 

(Henry:) "Lizzy, I just- wow I'm a mess. Literally and figuratively." 

(Lizzy:) "Hen, you can't tell me that." 

(Henry:) "What, the fact you've made me come so hard that I'm now a mess?" 

(Lizzy:) "Yes, you can't tell me that. Between your heavy breathing now and imagining your beautifully muscular abs a 'mess' because of me makes my brain all sorts of fucked up." 

(Henry:)"Haha, and you don't think that hearing you moan, which is the hottest thing I think I've ever heard, knowing how wet you are now just laying in your bed because of me doesn't have me all sorts of fucked up?" 

(Lizzy:) "I mean, at least the feelings are mutual, haha." 

(Henry:) "Which, I know we just did that but just with our recent history I just want to make sure that everything is okay with us with that just happening." 

(Lizzy:) "Haha, Henry, I was going to ask you the same question. But is everything okay? I'm perfectly fine with what just happened. Like, elated. I'm probably glowing. What about you?" 

(Henry:) "Same. I absolutely feel the same. As someone who's been on the road and away from my significant other often, phone sex isn't unfamiliar territory but, it's never been like that before. Wow." 

(Lizzy:) "I've also had my fair share of phone sex and yeah, never has it been like that. Fuck, I can't wait until we can see each other in person."

(Henry:) "Me too, Lizzy. Like, right now I wish that you could be cuddled against me with your head on my chest." 

(Lizzy:) "Henry...that's the sweetest thing. I'd also love that. A lot. I would definitely fall asleep because I'm practically falling asleep to your voice right now." 

(Henry:) "Should I let you go? So you can have a nice post orgasm nap?" 

(Lizzy:) "Mmm, maybe. I want to nap but I don't want to stop talking to you. I really like talking to you..."

(Henry:) "Well, how about we make a deal? We can get off the phone now so you can take a nap, and then you can call me when you wake up?"

(Lizzy:) "Mr. Cavill, I think that sounds like a wonderful idea." 

(Henry:) "I've been known to have those from time to time."

(Lizzy:) "Oh I'm sure you have. Well, I suppose we should hang up. I always feel so awkward hanging up after phone sex." 

(Henry:) "Should we start in a sickening back and forth of 'no YOU hang up first?'" 

(Lizzy:) "Oh my god Henry, I'd rather someone slap me in that face than be that annoying." 

(Henry:) "I mean, I could do that if you're into that..." 

(Lizzy:) "HENRY. Okay, I'm hanging up now. I'll talk to you soon." 

(Henry:) "Talk to you soon, Lizzy." 

(Lizzy:) "Bye, Henry." 

(Henry:) "Bye, Liz." 

———————————————–

NEW MESSAGE: Lizzy

———————————————–

(Lizzy:) I miss your voice already. 🥴🙈

(Henry:) I miss yours too. 😏 Now go to sleep Miss Lizzy, I’ll hear your voice soon. 

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:)

-------------------------------------

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 39 - The Love Killer

AKA the yandere dogboy episode. Yippie!

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. To bring back the meme:

God won't let me die...

The translation is not finished because I do not give a fuck, but here is where I stopped. I doubt anyone else will give a fuck either, considering it's just a keysmash.

He's never beating those japanese-coded allegations.

Silly aprons are a family tradition.

I wonder if this is where Kerubim lived considering he, like... didn't have a house. Or a family.

Oh my god, the shitty magical merchant guy had a shitty magical merchant mom.

I see claws on a catboy and my brain turns off. Kill me.

You can't be talking like that, Ouginak baby. Btw the can says "fish".

KERUBIM LIKES TO COOK. SEE? I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU. He's an Amaknean boy, like Yugo. And he's cooking crepes!

Though, he's... bad at it.

Presented without commentary.

Do not be making that face while in the same litter box as Keke, oh god.

Ecaflips use litterboxes confirmed.

UNDERAGE DRINKING REAL.

I bet Kerubim is the one who buys bamboo milk for the gang. He can probably pass for a very short ecaflip man, instead of a teenage boy.

People reading my blog talking about it be like: this is scary, downright creepy.

Also, whatever I imagine happened between Kerubim and Atcham is also scary. Even downright creepy.

The Astrubian lake tower, my beloved.

Somehow, despite being a boy, Kerubim has managed to have two evil adolescent girl friendships that end in your friend (who is a tar pit) sending you messages saying that she will "kill you with a knife" the next time she sees you at school. (One with Patafiks, and another with his literal brother.) This too, is feminism.

I like to think that while in the orphanage, he had to break up like this with Atcham too. Like "I know we're brothers, but um. uh. I don't want to be seen with you anymore. I mean—— you get beat up constantly, and people hate you, and then they hate me when you're nearby. Which is a bummer. Also you threaten everyone too much after they beat you up, and it's stressful. And I can't take it anymore... We can still be friends though,, haha."

I like to think Atcham's response was "I AM GOING TO KILL MYSSSELF AND IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT." or something. I like to imagine he had that ~mentally ill child~ style flair for the dramatic at that age. I like to think they were both awful to one another.

Another thing I like to think to myself, is that Atcham got kicked from the orphanage and ended up in Brakmar, and the reason he got kicked out is stabbing someone. Perhaps Keke, during some argument, — or perhaps someone else, in retaliation to whatever bullying he was going through. And that Kerubim was scared shitless of him by the end.

I just think it's a fun thought.

Basically, if that Ruby girl, Patafiks, and Atcham smoked weed together in a Bad Mentally Ill Bitches Obsessed With Revenge Club, Pangaea would reform.

Since this is already an Atcham headcanon heavy blogpost, I will say, I think using The Love Killer on Atcham would have fixed his every single problem.

Sadly, Kerubim has spent his entire life under the impression that Atcham actually hates him, whereas in actuality, whatever the fuck is happening, is 20 times funnier.

After a single minute of prodding by Joris he switches to therapyspeak and goes "well i need SOMEONE to be mad at. it's like a coping mechanism. if i need to be mad at something, it might as well be kerubim. because he's there. 😥"

It's interesting that with Patafiks and his ecaflip friends it took a second for them to hate him enough to cut all ties.

It's also interesting that this doesn't happen to Simone: Julie and her were on a bad date, but they were on it for a long time. And, Kerubim and Joris were haters for her, but all they could manage is some cleaning complaints.

Basically: Perhaps it can't ruin bonds that are very deep or genuine as fast? An enchantment meant to test the sincerity of a bond, gone awry? Or maybe I'm reading too much into this.

Flash frame!

As I've said in the previous blogposts: I really do think that Kerubim has a crush on Simone. Not in any creepy way — she's just the type of woman he's always liked, — headstrong and stylish, like Lou!

It's very cute. I am a big fan of friendships with one-sided crushes in media, especially when it's not awkward, or pointed out often, (the only exception being Dipper's whole Wendy-shtick in Gravity Falls. I think it was a pretty cool portrayal of the concept, despite being awkward), — because that's a very human thing that we can't really control, y'know?

It makes their friendship much more wholesome to me, personally.

Man. I love this show. And this silly old man. Even though he did fuck up superbly with the whole raising Joris thing.