#oh god the scorpion bowls

[talldecafcappuccino]

I love the episode of New Girl where Winston goes insane trying to reserve the community table at Picca because to me Picca will always just be the random restaurant across the street from my Ralph’s grocery store with the valet drivers running into traffic because there’s no crosswalk. I’m pretty sure it’s not even a little bit exclusive.

[monstersdownthepath]

Herald of Norgorber: The Stabbing Beast

CR 15

Neutral Evil Huge Outsider

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 300 (image from Adventure Path: Agents of Edgewatch: Assault on Hunting Lodge Seven, pg. 85)

In a list containing some impressively unimpressive names, it's still no contest: the most unfortunately-named Herald in the pantheon has to be the poor Stabbing Beast (which I will refer to as variations of "Stabs" from now on), Herald of the greediest and most ambitious of all the gods: Norgorber, god of secrets, poison, murder, greed [sound of a scroll unfurling] blackmail, assassins, theft, darkness, alchemy, anonymity, spiders, propaganda--oh whoops forget I said that last one, that hasn't happened yet. Ol' Norby has a major problem with gifting ridiculous names out to his minions, with his other divine servants bearing such titles as Yellowtooth, Secret Shade, and Venomfist, but unfortunately Stabby here draws the shortest straw, as it only does stabbing some of the time and barely qualifies as a beast!

I'm being rough on it, but in truth it's because Stabby has all the personality of a wind-up toy created to perform a single function, ignoring anything irrelevant to its mission to the point it simply bowls over any creature that doesn't get out of its way while it's walking. Any creature that sufficiently annoys it is simply dispatched without a second thought or moment's concern, and any time Stabby has interacted with another living creature through any medium other than violence, it's been to inspire that creature to violence. Whenever Stabby creeps across the world, it's most certainly to either kill someone or destroy something that Norgorber (or one of his powerful followers) wants destroyed, and even its price when called into the universe by mortal worshipers is "kill this specific person for me," presumably as a test.

When it appears, someone will die. As a Herald, it's about as direct and to the point as one could expect from a creature with such a title. But is it any more interesting in combat than any of the other giant scorpions? Let's find out...

Like most scorpions, Stabbington can strike quickly and without warning, often felling its prey before they even realize what's going on. Its Sudden Strike allows it to take a full round of actions during the surprise round rather than just a single standard action, meaning if it appears in the middle of the party via its 3/day Greater Teleport or after sneaking in with its 3/day Invisibility, someone is likely already halfway gone. Stabbington has the usual tricks for a scorpion: a pair of deadly claws (2d6+13) and a lethal stinger (2d6+11) loaded with a Strength-damaging poison to take the bite out of anyone attempting to fight back, or simply to take out the casters who dumped Str.

Each of its natural attacks inflicts a worrying 2d6 bleed damage, adding some additional strain to anyone trying to heal in combat, and worse than that: its claws Grab whatever they hit and Constrict it for an extra 2d6+12 damage every round the grapple isn't broken. Also, do you remember that poison? Because instead of delivering it via a sting, Stabby can use Poison Stream to make a ranged touch attack against a target within 180ft, exposing the victim to its poison while also blinding them for 1d4+1 rounds if they fail the save against it. It can do this either as a ranged attack on its own or by replacing the stinger attack it makes during a Full-Attack, letting it shoot distant targets while it continues to rip apart whoever it has in melee.

And speaking of, it wouldn't be a melee monster if it didn't have some extra ways to keep people from fleeing, would it? It's not any of the usual suspects, either (i.e. Step Up), but one we haven't seen before: the Scorpion Style feat! It can make a single attack as a standard action which forces a DC 20 Fortitude save, and anyone who fails is essentially pinned in place for 2 full rounds, unable to move more than 5ft as the beast tears into them. Even if they could, Combat Reflexes might make them reconsider.

Being the servant of the God Of Underhanded Tactics, Stabbo has some protection against underhanded tactics itself; it's got All-Around Vision and a permanent See Invisibility, +4 to saves versus mind-affecting effects (its base saves are +17/+17/+14!), it is immune to poison, and has Resistance to almost every element; 30 to Acid, 10 to Cold, Fire, and Electricity. Capping it all off is the laughably-easy-to-bypass DR 10/Good and Magic, and the much less easily-bypassed 26 Spell Resistance, making this a bug that's still quite tough to squash! It's got Deflect Arrows as a bonus feat to swat aside the first ranged attack made against it each round to further frustrate enemies trying to keep their distance (enemies which are likely contending with its blinding poison). Also, you can't really gum it down with summons or extra bodies; its Murderers Reward grants it 2d6 temporary HP each time it brings a victim to 0 HP, or 3d6 if its attack kills the target, and this ability has no cooldown or per-day restriction, only the minor downside that the temp HP doesn't stack with itself and cannot grant Stabbo more HP than the victim's max HP stat (so it cannot, say, sting flies out of the air to suddenly regenerate a handful of HP).

We haven't even really covered its spells yet, have we? Most of them aren't going to be immediately useful to it (with one--Keen Edge--being outright worthless to the Herald itself), but with a bit of creative thinking from the DM, it can go from an overt mass-murderer to a stealthy assassin as easily as Norgorber swaps from Father Skinsaw to the Reaper of Reputation. Of course, this mostly relies on the other half of Stabitha's statblock, the half where it's a Medium-sized humanoid.

Yes, this horror isn't always a horror! Stabathan can freely shift from a Huge scorpion to a Medium assassin and back as needed, its fierce twin claws replaced by a pair of +1 Keen Short Swords it can make upwards to five attacks with each round for 1d6+4 damage. It lacks both the reach and the sheer crushing power of its scorpion claws in this form and its sting attack (which it retains) is reduced to 1d6+4 damage, but in return it swords have a 17-20 critical hit rate and almost three times as many attacks, making its humanoid form better at sustained damage than burst damage, especially since it still inflicts bleed with ALL of its attacks... and of course, utilizing its variety of carried poisons to coat its blades.

The primary use for its humanoid form, however, is stealth. A 16-foot-long scorpion isn't exactly subtle, but Stabbity's human form can easily utilize its +32 Stealth modifier to go wherever it needs to, and more easily use its various espionage-focused spell-likes to its advantage. An at-will Charm Person and 3/day Suggestion isn't especially useful to the scorpion, but infinitely useful to the human to get it into wherever it needs to go. Its at-will Poison is less effective than its claws and its own venom, but useful for giving a target a casual pat on the back and watching them collapse dead on the floor 30 seconds later. Similarly, an at-will Absorbing Touch isn't especially useful for the scorpion but allows the human shape to sneak weapons into places they aren't allowed, steal valuables, hide important documents, or any number of other useful tricks. Between False Alibi and Modify Memory at 3/day each, Stabbity can shape the minds of any witnesses to its crimes, either erasing them entirely or making the victims think they did it.

There is only one flaw in Stabamillion's disguise: Its humanoid form is a muscular, armored, masculine entity. This, alongside many of its other weaknesses, is easily rectified by a very powerful at-will: Alchemical Allocation. This spell alone changes the beast's abilities quite drastically, allowing it to essentially use any potion it obtains an infinite number of times. It has no built-in healing, but that doesn't matter if it can just drink a Potion of Cure Moderate Wounds over and over. It can only take one alternate shape, but a Potion of Disguise Self may as well be a Hat of Disguise. It has no climb speed for... some reason, but a Potion of Climbing easily rectifies this. And let's not get into what an endlessly-usable Potion of Haste can do...

Sometimes, it's the smallest things that make the biggest difference! Be it a single spell, a single line of text, or a single stab in the ribs with a poisoned knife. And then another. And then four more, just to be sure.

You can read more about it here.

[inactivewattpadauthor]

D'vorah x Reader: Roomates

"Shit." You tiredly mumbled as you dropped your keys, trying to unlock your front door. Finally, free from your long, draining shift, you enter your small house. Being greeted by the cozy scent and the carpet underneath your feet, you took a deep breath, finally eager to relax.

However, you must do something important: go eat. You're hungry.

Flicking on the switch to the dim light of the dining room connected to the small kitchen, you walked to the refrigerator to choose out your dinner.

Not having the energy to even use the microwave, you hummed in satisfaction as your eyes laid eyes on a simple paper bowl covered in foil at the top.

Grabbing the bowl, as well as a fork, you sat down at the dining table, slowly taking the foil off. Nothing as nice as a fresh sala-

"WHAT IN THE CONSULTATION OF THE ELDER GODS?!"

You immediately flipped your bowl of salad over as you saw something vile on it.... large maggots. Staring at them for a moment, trying to gather all your senses back, you yelled out:

"D'VORAHH!"

You heard a door open and the sound of scurrying that drifted close to your location. Standing there, angry and disgusted, hands on your hips, you waited for the culprit to show itself.

And there she was.

"Yes, Y/n?" The humanoid insect spoke to you with a noticeable annoyed tone due to your yelling.

Your eye twitched at the audacity for her to have that type of tone towards you, especially with what you just called her for.

"D'Vorah, tell me why your.... kids, or whatever the hell- What are they doing in MY food?! I told you to keep them outside."

D'Vorah blinked at you, seemingly not caring too much about your issue. "Did you consider your food has maybe spoiled?"

Giving yourself a face palm, you responded. "That was leftovers from just two days ago. Salad doesn't go bad that fast in a refrigerator!"

"This one doesn't know what to tell you then." She says and stands cross armed, not saying anything else.

"That one should've been left in that trap I found her in." You bickered to her.

"This one is not affected by your words."  D'vorah scoffed.

"Whatever- Just keep your critters outside, or that's where you'll be staying." You threatened.

"This one's natural habitat is outdoors. Your threat is nothing."

"Oh, then why don't you leave then if you're going to be perfectly fine out there. Especially if there's a lottt of people from different realms that want you dead for whatever reason."

(Insert scenes where D'Vorah killed Mileena/Scorpion/Baraka)

D'Vorah hisses at you in response before getting on all fours and scurry back to the room you gave her.

"That's what I thought."

Don't be bewildered, D'Vorah could absolutely floor you and use your body as a nest for her kind, but she couldn't kill a decent being that rescued her before she got caught (this is probably inaccurate).

And it's not like you're any sort of threat to her, as long as you don't have the Raid spray in your hand.

You allowed her to live under your roof, and it definitely hasn't been 100% pleasant to have a literal bug lady as a roommate.

For example, you tried teaching her chores. You know how flies will spit on their hands to clean them? Never let D'Vorah do the dishes... but hey, she can fly and dust the places you can't reach.

Also, there was once a time, when you weren't home, someone broke in and tried stealing your TV or something. D'Vorah chased them right out.

She definitely is some quirky roommate anyone could end up with, but you're safe... as long as she doesn't leave poison somewhere.

[pandorafallz]

Vampire AU | Quad's escape

Amanda walked with a high head through the SecOps canteen to start their plans of action now they were set. Thea trailing behind, looking busy with her tablet. She had gone through her mind on what they were doing, and how they were going to go about it and so far, nothing had changed timetable-wise this time around to throw them off their game like Augustine had kindly done.

Perhaps it was a small blessing in disguise, they had a connection back to the RDA for supplies they couldn’t get out in the wild which may come in handy later on. They wouldn’t have had that before if they left back at Hell’s Gate. This land would take some time getting used to but… they had to get out before they could settle down out there. The avatar would be useful, although it would be helpful if she and her sisters had Lilith’s spare avatars grown as well… there should be three others left (one for each of them) but… it was unlikely to get the spares from Hell’s Gate and to grow them without any knowledge of how to do so and supplies. Maybe later, once they figured something out.

Maybe they could find those other defectors who shot their way out?

Amanda knew all about that now but as much as she was curious about that group that had the Na’vi kids, she’d wager the risks if they came face to face with this other group. It would…be beneficial to team up with other defectors but… these ones had killed.

Was it wise to do that? Would they post a risk to them?

From what she had heard, Mercer was a prick and deserved his death, maybe it was justified? Those Na’vi kids had to come from somewhere and it brought up a lot of…interesting wonders which opened a lot of questions. After all, as the leader of this base, Mercer would have had to have known about those kids. The fact Colonel Quaritch had plundered out the SecOps soldiers seemed to say a lot too.

Maybe they were desperate?

Either way, she’d have to see once she got there.

From her pant's large side pocket, she pulled out the thick bag of herbs that Lilith had retrieved from their last sampling outing. Inside the bag were two small ones from the desired herbs Moriah and Eden listed.

The initial payment.

The bag itself was wedged into some trash; a squashed box with some tissue lining it that just so happened to have a certain someone’s name on it.

“Dyer,” She called, not too loud but enough to sound unfriendly as she dropped the ‘trash’ beside the woman. “Clean up your own trash, don’t leave it where anyone can trip over it or do we need to get the crayons out with signs.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Dyer huffed, leaning back from her bowl in disgust.

“You’re not my type, bitch. Clean up after yourself.” She didn’t give the SecOps officer a chance to respond before she turned and hurried away.

“Oh, god. I’m so sorry!” Thea whispered, sounding mortified.

“Beat it, Freakshow.” Dyer snarked back distantly, the sound of her chair scraping against the floor echoed.

Amanda kept her face composed as she headed out of the canteen and towards the amour bay for the next part of the plan.

Thea caught up quickly before she giggled a little once they were out of sight. “They bought it.”

“Good.” The RDA couldn’t know they were buddy-buddies right now. As long as they thought they were fighting or hated each other, then they were all in the clear. Dyer had given them the code word as well; Lilith was gone and no one was any wiser.

It meant Castel had been successful in smuggling her out on his morning patrol in his scorpion and Lilith was safe in the link-shack if Dyer received a message from their contact phone. Grace was already in the lab, pretending to be Lilith. Now all the pieces were in place, all they had to do was go. For that, Amanda would take over as ‘Thea’ and Thea would be ‘Grace’ and no one would know who was truly who and who was actually missing. It worked well in school and their escape form home and they saw no reason it wouldn’t work now. As long as Lilith linked up and got her avatar in the scorpion then they were in the all-clear.

“Once you’ve done your patrol, come to the airfield and leave when we’re called back in for the night. We leave two hours after dark. I’ll stay in the scorpion and install the pager equipment for us” It was gonna take a while but she had most of it ready now for installation and with those spare hours before they’d ditch, all the better.

“I’ll get more supplies.” Thea agreed. “Beep us when you’re ready.”

“Copy.”

-

So Amanda spent her afternoon and evening shift in her scorpion, allowing the general maintenance crew to help repair some damage back to its former glory but she also made sure to remove all the trackers as well, super glueing them into the underside of the tool tray that her co-workers were using when they weren’t looking before they went to tend to another ship that arrived a little worse off.

Thea arrived so Amanda tucked herself into the cockpit’s floor, allowing her sister to take over and resupply their ship with typical resupplies like ammo and with extra stuff like tools, wires, customisable motherboards and the extras it needed to be functional for what they needed.

Amanda took the time to get into the radio systems before the echo over the airfield called for the end-of-shift recall for all outsiders and she watched Thea take her leave in plain sight. Frontier West wasn’t nearly as secured as Hell’s Gate since the arrests were made so there was no night working for staff in the airfield until they could up their SecOps numbers again for more patrols.

So, as silence fell and the airfield lights dimmed, Amanda continued on with her installations. Pagers were antique technology, long gone out of typical life by the late 2020s but crime circles had them for far longer. Thea had hand-built these ones based off the old blueprints the RDA had and crafted five of them; one for all of them and the fifth for the avatar. Using the scorpion as a transmitter also ensured that they had both means of privacy and no one would be monitoring the scorpion for these types of outdated frequencies. Pagers couldn’t be traced like this and certainly not on home-made ones.

Amanda grinned in success as the transmission began to light up with life before she fumbled for her pager. Only a beep pager for now but she sent three beeps to all and stealthily slipped from the cockpit and did a last-second secure of loose items and removed the engine and exhaust covers.

It didn’t take long in fact for the other two to arrive, bags on back, hers included and quickly secured them to the spare seats. A few extra masks were tossed into the fray. She began the scorpion’s warm-up as Thea took a seat beside her as her Co-pilot

“Lilith’s linked up but has sneaked out north where there’s little traffic or attention. She figured it was easier to get out of the compound than it was to sneak to the airfield. She can’t get out of the fencing alone. I slipped the guy who was gonna patrol some laxatives at dinner to be late just to be safe.”

“Got it.” Amanda nodded, though her attention turned as she heard someone try and radio her Scorpion as she began to rise from the concrete. “Grace cut the black box and hold on. We’ve been noticed.”

There was a thunk and a ‘shit!’ as they gathered momentum to rise and headed directly to the north side of the base to pick Lilith up.

“We lost the bolt cutters,” Grace called.

“And the Blackbox?”

“Yes.”

“Acceptable loss.”

It didn’t matter really, she doubted they’d need them again but if need be, they could always request for a new set when they were ready to trade. For now, Avatar, escape and link-shack move. Simple enough.

-

Mansk, along with Walker stared out the window overlooking the back of the base as the Scorpion dipped down and an avatar jumped up into it from the shadows and they were off, quickly crossing into the air turret range as they began their ascent up into the night sky rapidly.

Walker sighed deeply but made no remark as she set her hands on her hips.

He could readily hear the frantic talking as the team leaders scrambled to action before one had the sense to open comms to him.

“Sir! We’ve got a situation. An unauthorised engine start from a Scorpion leaving with defectors and an avatar.” An alarmed voice echoed into his office radio. “Turrets will be hot in two minutes. They’ll still be in range when they’re—“

“No.” Mansk decided, shaking his head. “No shooting them out of the sky.”

He felt Walker’s eyes turn to him sharply, her lips pursing but he ignored that for now.

“But sir—”

“That avatar is five billion dollars and the scorpion is ten million dollars. Shooting them now destroys all possibilities of recovering them. We can afford a temporary loss. Just keep tabs on them; their direction and their speed. We can try and catch up tomorrow, I can’t authorise a chase at this time of night. Their weapons are no doubt fully functional. We can’t afford to lose good men and women more than we already have.”

“Yes…Sir.” There was hesitance to the guy’s voice.

Mansk kept those facts as a major reason for the RDA interests. Shooting the scorpion would kill all the defectors and the avatar, which may in turn kill the driver in the link-bed. Sure, the defector problem would go away and he may be praised for quick thinking in stopping defectors and scaring those thinking about leaving as well.

But they’d still lose the avatar and scorpion, the deaths would damage the morale between comrades and those who knew the motivation behind the leaving.

In all honestly, those with exceptional hearing knew well in advance of the quadruplet’s escape plan, but no one else knew the context of it. He personally didn’t know why they wanted to leave, nor did he really care to. Based on their work, and general interactions with other staff, there were no ‘signs’ that they could use that would have been a missed ‘signal’ that they were going to bounce. If the reasons were close to the female group that bailed to escape their abusers and they killed them for escape… then they were fucked. Personally, Mansk didn’t think so but he’d check in the reports in case he missed something. Still, he wasn’t looking forward to letting Hell’s Gate know. Selfridge was gonna blow a fuse. At least Colonel Quaritch would have his back on it.

“I’ll do a sweep of the airfield. I get someone to do inventory so we know what else was taken.” Walker spoke, her ruby eyes lingering on the screen that began to light up with new notifications. “I think they got away with a lot less than we expected but they have that trade system they wanna do…”

 Mansk decided, leaning back from his monitor to start his report. “Let’s see how it goes, we still to RDA patrols and plans. We have no physical proof of anything.”

“But the trading system? That’ll lead to contraband and losses. If Hell’s Gate finds out then we’re in a lot of trouble. We can’t afford the heat.” Walker replied, worried.

“Again, no proof of anything. Until there is evidence, do nothing. Contraband can keep our people here happy. Happy people mean we can feed a lot more and stay fed for longer. The herbs they’re drinking benefit us.” Mansk explained. “I asked Augustine about the plant effects on humans after I heard what they wanted.” He added at the incredulous side-eye Walker gave him.

Walker let out a redundant huff of breath. “I better get to work.” She patted her pockets until she fished out her brown contact lens’s case and once again set them back in to cover the red, blinking a few times and went to duck to the antique mirror of Mercer’s to check.

It was a large mirror, full length and the fact it was in Mercer’s office seemed to suggest the late director had narcissist tendencies. It hadn’t been moved except to the corner of the room and there had been debate on what to do with it and where it was going. Honestly, Mansk kept it in the office for one reason only and that was curiosity (and fun).

Watching Walker duck in front had been worth the silence about it as she jumped back in surprise.

“Dude! What the fuck!” Walker blinked, her hand coming to the glass surface to check it. “Where is my reflection?!”

Mansk rose to his feet, picking up an untouched desk ornament and darted forward to hold it up to the mirror’s surface. The ornament remained in view, he also wasn’t visible which made her ogle a little.

“Damn… Vampire thing?” Walker calmed down, “Okay, get Augustine or Kamath to figure out why we don’t have a reflection in this when we’re good with every other mirror and reflective surface.”

“It’s a silver mirror. Silver is the problem” Mansk pointed out, knocking on the glass. “Antique. Mercer must have brought it from Earth. Mirrors nowadays don’t have silver backing to it.”

“Why is silver such a problem…. Here I thought we didn’t have any weirder vampire shit to deal with. I thought the whole ‘no reflections’ was a myth. Nine years like this and this is new!” she gestured to the mirror wildly.

“I don’t know but it’s been fun to stare into it.” Mansk chuckled, earning a soft and annoyed elbow to the gut. “Since there’s no next of kin to claim it, Selfridge wants it for his office. It’ll be gone by the end of the week. You're fine, by the way.” Motioning to her eyes before he flickered back towards his desk.

“I hope so.” She slipped the case away back into her pocket. “I’ll keep you informed. Good luck with the Colonel…. Or Selfridge, I should say.”

 “Thanks.”

“Cover that mirror too, we don’t need people to notice.”

No, they didn’t but it would be really funny.

-

Alex examined the link-bed half as he set down the top lid off to the floor but he had faith his simulations would provide a working piece soon enough. Scrap metal was all the extra they had to work with and the few abandoned and broken AMP suits from years back in the wild provided them with enough material to create a frame for the cryo-pod top.

The internal body framing was done, as was the crown, as Alex aptly named it was also done. The pod he had modified wouldn’t fit into the torus of the link bed and the link bed still had a lot of work to make it work in cool temperatures. Cutting it up was only one part of the work.

Still, three weeks should be enough and the nutrient packs for the avatar were going to run out sooner rather than later so any time before they were forced to decanter it. They had to make this work.

“How is it going? You’re up very early.”

Alex’s head rose to see Teylan poking his head into their junk bay of a maintenance room was. It probably looked like a mess. He smiled warmly at the young Na’vi, waving him in nonetheless and straightened up.

“Well, we’re a while away before we get anything functional but this is good progress,” Alex said with a chuckle. “I wanted to make a start with the bed since we have them. I’ve got a lot to do to make the link-bed portion workable in low temperatures.”

Teylan peered down curiously before he reached forward and poked the gel padding. “Oh, it’s squishy.” His finger sunk into the gel before he pulled his hand back to pat across the surface.

Alex laughed. “yes, these beds are designed for the human body to rest but to prevent bed sores and discomfort, the bed is padded out with this specially designed gel-padding. Heat and cold resistant so when it’s working and Alma’s in it, it should still be comfortable.”

Teylan’s eyes flickered at him. “The others haven’t told me much but… is Alma really that badly hurt?”

Alex’s good mood tampered a little, his face falling. “It’s… not for me to say, Teylan. I can’t judge much but without a fully trained medical doctor, we don’t know for sure. Until there’s a doctor who can give a prognosis, this is Alma’s only chance at having a life.” Gesturing to the junk pile.

“Isn’t Hajir and Nalin a doctor?”

“Hajir’s medically trained but he’s mostly zoologist. He can run a medical bay but he’s not a fully trained surgeon. Nalin is a medical researcher. She can patch up a lot but not extreme wounds like Alma’s. They’ve already given their assessments. I can’t disclose, unfortunately.”

Teylan remained quiet for a moment. “Would… a Tsahìk help her? The Aranahe’s Tsahìk, Asahe is probably very skilled and could help her?”

“I don’t doubt a Tsahìk’s ability to heal but… I don’t think a Tsahìk knows how to tend to a human body, Teylan.” Alex crouched down beside the upper half, reaching for his screwdriver. “If it was the avatar hurt, I’m sure that would be easily tended to given it is almost identical to a Na’vi form.”

Teylan deflated a little. “Can I help?”

“If you want? I’ve got to strip the wires and remove the tech from the top lid. I can repurpose them for the bottom. If you could help pile all the wires and separate the metal from the glass and tech, that would be extremely helpful. Once we’re done, we can have breakfast.”

With a curt nod, Teylan grabbed a tool, knelt and began to help peel off wires that were still attached to the scraps they had pulled together. A few AMP suits had good canopies and some left in the wild were intact.

“Ri’nela wants me to go down to Hometree again today but… I don’t want to go. I heard from Kieotey from another hunter yesterday that there are new predators in the forest that we should be careful of. What if I run into it?” Teylan worried.

“New predator?”

“Well, she said the hunter saw it when he was hunting a yerik. Two fur creatures, one orange and black and the other white and grey. Same energy and size as Viperwolves.”

Alex frowned as he gently set the screw he had pulled out into a pot. “That’s unusual. Most Pandoran creatures have some fur but are not covered unless, of course, they’re from a cold biome. The colouring isn’t native this this forest either.” Must not be easy hunting but still, it was… odd.

“I know! It’s possible the creatures left their native environment for some reason. Maybe the sky people displaced them?”

“It’s possible, there’s only a few RDA installations in the Upper Plains and one north of the clouded forest in this region. We’re above the equator. They couldn’t have come down from the north but maybe they came up from the south?” Still, a long way to travel.

“Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see if the Aranahe capture these creatures. Maybe they will help them. But it’s still unsafe. I still think it’s best if I stay out here and help.”

Clearly, Teylan as trying to keep himself focused and with human things. Alex didn’t mind the help but… he’d probably have to ask someone to try and push the kid back to Na’vi stuff. It was only right to do that. Maybe they had to play subtle and get interested in Na’vi stuff first themselves and get him to help with Na’vi’s things.

Who knew? Maybe Alma would be able to help once they got her linked up. They would respond well to her. Teylan certainly might.

Masterlist

[vargamornight]

just had a dream where eddie diaz from 9-1-1 abc approached me to ask if i know how to make an offering to the gods to power a magic spell and i said “oh yeah it’s super easy. you literally just have to kill something and say ‘i offer this to the gods’. here i’ll show you” and led him outside to where an anthill had been. (there had also, previously, been a hole where a bunch of kittens were hiding.)

unfortunately my dad had JUST killed all the ants, because i had asked him to earlier, because it was a lot of ants and they were getting in the house. so i was like “damn. okay well i promise it doesn’t even have to be anything big, it can be an ant or a spider or” and he cut me off to point at a fucking tarantula hawk the size of a loaf of bread which was wrestling with some sort of giant crab and said “that?” and i said “i guess but maybe don’t fuck with that”

and then he left to find some bug or whatever to power his spell and i was like fucking hold on. hold on. i could have been using real magic this entire time? and then i remembered that i also knew you could put spells into things, like jewelry. like enchantment. so i was like okay. fuckin okay. so i grabbed two rings i had laying around (the only realistic part of the dream. i love rings and always have a bunch of them even if i don’t wear them. i’ve been this way since i can remember. i collect rings.)

one of them was a silver band with an oval shaped piece of black glass in the setting, and i decided that would be my ring of spell storing. the other was a gold band with a pyramid shaped piece of green glass, and i decided that one would be my ring of healing. obviously.

well i already knew the enchantment for healing so i went and found a leafcutter ant and squashed it while offering it to the gods and now i had a ring that would passively heal me in small amounts (it would have been stronger if the sacrifice was bigger). then i went to go find some kind of offensive spells to put in my black glass ring because i didn’t know any

and i found/was attacked by a. well i don’t know what it was. i think i actually completely made this thing up. but it was car sized and it had a scorpion-like tail but also two pincers that clamped above its head which looked like a fully inflated yellow balloon. and the pincers could create electricity between them, and then the tail would snap forward and send the lightning arcing towards whatever it was facing. but the lightning grew vertically instead of horizontally, so dream-me decided that, combined with the pincers, meant this thing had evolved to fight small, agile, flying creatures who could zip downwards or upwards quickly, but not side to side. so i stayed low to the ground, dodged sideways, and stayed on its side whenever i could. i killed the thing with a sharp stick by poking lots of holes into it, and offering it to the gods. i got a VERY strong chain lightning spell out of it

and then i had to go to volleyball practice run by someone who absolutely did not know how volleyball was played. which was interrupted by a black cat wandering onto the court, and the clueless lady trying to lead volleyball was whining about it, and i didn’t like her and didn’t want to play with her so i leaned down and picked the cat up and told everybody i’d get it out of there. the cat was incredibly soft and snuggled into my arms without complaint, so i figured he was not a stray even though he didn’t have a collar. we walked around the place but eventually i was like “what’s more important, an owner irresponsible enough to let their cat outside without a collar, or the fact that i could be doing real actual magic right now?”

so i returned to my hero’s adventure, but now i had a cat. i went back to my house and momentarily considered seeing if he would get along with the hole-kittens, but i forgot they weren’t there anymore, so i just plopped him in the house and left him a bowl of water. for some reason i did not think he would get hungry. maybe we had mice along with the ants and the dream just didn’t feel like telling me.

anyway so then i set out to begin my adventure for realsies because chain lightning is a really good spell and i could already heal myself a little bit. but i decided i needed one more spell before i went, so i found an alligator (??) in a pond and it swerved to attack me. for dream logic reasons, i was not using chain lightning, but an axe i found on the ground. and every time i dodged the alligator’s bite attack, i swung at its head and said “i offer this to the gods!” except i kept missing, or not doing enough damage. after three swings, the alligator used a projectile attack (!!) and i dodged that, going “what the fuck i didn’t know they could do that,” then swung the axe down on top of its head, finally killing it and offering it to the gods.

apparently the offering was in exchange for a traveling companion because the next thing i knew, there was a… presence. i never saw it, but it would talk with me and ask me questions. it seemed to know a little about the area but not much about magic, and certainly nothing about The Adventurers’ Path down which we now walked, hand in intangible hand. basically it was a real life/video game collision, and the presence was from real life and i knew it was a video game. so i tried to explain game logic, the basics of questing, and so on, but it was really a learn-as-you-go situation.

before we left the alligator’s final resting place, i told the presence it should arm itself, but i don’t think it did. i found a shotgun, but i hate shotguns, but i took it anyway and put it in one of my belt loops. then i found a quiver of arrows, but no bow. and i kept the axe. so i figured two and a half weapons really isn’t bad for just a little swamp area, and we headed into the nearby neighborhood, whose streets were abandoned.

we decided to investigate by knocking on doors. nobody answered, obviously, so i started trying door knobs to see if any of the houses were unlocked. (video game logic says it’s totally okay to loot houses if there’s nobody in there.) and i found one that was unlocked so we went inside. we called out to see if anyone was home, but got no response. the lights didn’t work, and the windows were covered so the whole house was dark even during the day. i obviously found this suspicious and was thinking vampires, so i pulled out one of the arrows from the quiver as a very skinny wooden stake, just in case.

we checked the bedroom, and found what appeared to be a child sleeping. the presence seemed uncomfortable so i told it it could go check the kitchen, and it happily left. i could see that the child on the bed was breathing, so i walked up to the side of the bed to try and wake him up, but he woke up snarling and reached for my throat, strangling me.

then i got a quest pop up notification that said “The Fae of Smithson Downs” which i guess was the neighborhood i was in or something. so i was like fuck it’s not even a vampire! and i couldn’t call out to the presence for help due to the strangling, so i dropped the arrow and held up my hands and managed to get out “thought you were vampire” and the fae child dropped me with a scoff and said he was offended that i would confuse him with such creatures.

and then i woke up cause my neck hurt. which was probably why the dream decided to strangle me.

[hannah-the-red-head]

OH MY GOD, I CRACKED THE CODE!

I got Animal Crossing: New Horizons a few months after it was originally released, and by the time I finished the main storyline by K.K visiting my island, i was having a difficult time catching the Tarantulas and scorpions that you come across at night.

I tried every trick other players used, but due to my somewhat slow reflexes and twitchy thumbs, my character ended up getting bitten or stung.

But i think I cracked the code on how to actually catch them!

So I was playing Animal Crossing because I couldn't sleep and came across a tarantula in the town square; I stopped moving and immediately equip my bug net at the same time the eight legged abomination that haunts the nightmares of every Arachnaphobe does its pre-charge attack pose.

For the next 3 seconds (i literally counted) me and the spider are in the middle of what is a family friendly western showdown right in front of the clothing store at 11:00 at night.

I've got my switch an inch away from my face, glaring at the little f*cker as if it murdered my entire family and is the sole reason for living is catching it just so I could sell it to Flick for that juicy 12,000 bells.

"Come on, you pixelated bastard. Charge me, i'm gonna get you this time!" I whisper yell at the screen like Arnold Schwarzenegger taunting the yautja in Predator into a trap at this arachnid composed of zeroes and ones.

Thats when the little bastard turns around and scitters away a short distance. I'm like: "B*tch, you did not just turn your hairy back on me!" and i walked closer, only for it to go "Gotcha B*tch!" And do its attack pose again!

I stop and get ready again. 3 seconds later, it turns around and walks away again!

This cycle repeats until I get close enough to let go of the A button.

Swip and plop! I catch the a$$hole!

It is at this moment I forget that I live with my family and proceed to let out a loud "YES!" just as the clock reaches the stroke of midnight that not only gives my dog sleeping at the end of my bed a near heartattck, but scares the literal sh*t out the cat eating out of his metal bowl that goes CLANG that results in a domino effect of chaos that ends with my 10-year-old orange tabby face planting into the glass window that wakes up every on edge texas dog in my neighborhood.

And that is how I learned to catch a tarantula on Animal Crossing! Have a great day, guys!

How to catch a tarantula:

Approach until attack pose.

Stop and hold A to catch.

Wait 3 to 4 seconds while tarantula is posing before it turns away and begins to move.

While still holding A, move slowly towards the tarantula until it spins back to face you and poses again.

Repeat steps three and four until you are within catching distance, then release the A button to catch tarantula with net.

Tips: Get as close as you can before the tarantula spots you. When it does spot you, immediately hold the A button to enter sneaking mode, the tarantula will still be posing, but you will be able to get a few steps in before it actually charges.

[saragargan]

Eight Arms To Hold You - 7

Pairing: Doc Ock/Original Female Character, Scorpion/Original Female Character Rating: Explicit Summary:  After waking up in the bed of her enemy, Piper spends the day at the FEAST shelter where she volunteers. Later on, at The Coffee Bean, Piper and Mary Jane finally discover the identity of their waitress and friend's mystery boyfriend.  Prev. chapter AO3 link 

Piper wakes when early morning sunshine shines on her face. She goes to pull the covers up over head and go back to sleep, but something makes her pause. This doesn’t smell like her bed, and she never leaves her curtains open. She opens her eyes to a room that’s almost familiar, but she can’t place it. The sun is shining in from a skylight above. She’s curled on her side and when she tries to sit up she finally becomes aware of the heavy arm slung around her, back pressed into someone’s broad chest.

The night before comes rushing back all at once, Piper can feel her cheeks turn scarlet red. Carefully as she can she slides herself out from under Otto’s arm. She pulls a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out of her backpack and puts them on. She fishes around for her webshooters, finds them, then picks up her dress from the chair it's set on and pushes it into the bag, zipping it up as quietly as possible. He doesn’t stir as she puts on her boots. She feels bad sneaking out but, he had asked for one night, and now it was morning. She stands and goes to the only window that’s on a wall, right next to his side of the bed. She slides it up but pauses before she climbs out. The morning sunlight shines on Otto’s hair and face, the mechanical arms lay haphazardly across the bed and floor as if they are also asleep. Piper feels her heart clench. The scene reminds her so much of their college days, when she would fall asleep in his bed while studying. She wants nothing more than to drop her backpack to the floor and crawl back into his bed. She sighs, kisses his cheek softly and climbs out the window before she can change her mind. It’s early, about 7am when she finally reaches the block her apartment is on. She takes the elevator to the third floor and immediately regrets it. The jolting of the elevator gives her vertigo, when was the last time she ate? Piper can’t remember. As she enters her apartment she thinks she should probably make herself some toast or a bowl of cereal, but the allure of sleep is too strong. She plugs her phone into the charger and kicks off her boots. Her bed is piled high with moving boxes, so she collapses on the couch instead, falling asleep immediately.

The Daily Bugle wasn’t Piper’s only job, she also volunteered at the FEAST shelter, a practice she kept up even after Aunt May passed. Today was one of those days, her 12:00 alarm screaming at her to get up. Eyes still shut, she flails around looking for her phone to turn the alarm off. She slides off the couch lazily, using the end table to steady herself. The muscles in her thighs ache as she stumbles her way to the bathroom. She turns the shower on to the hottest she can stand it, strips her clothes off and climbs in. Piper spends a good 5 minutes just letting the water run over her, waiting for her brain to wake up. Her stomach feels like it’s trying to digest itself. When she’s done with her shower she wraps herself in a towel and heads to the kitchen. She opens a package of toaster pastries and doesn't even bother toasting them, just eats them straight out of the wrapping. She picks out a tshirt, flannel, and a pair of jeans to wear to work. Two more packets of toaster pastries and forty minutes later Piper walks into work, checking in at the front desk before heading to the employee lounge. She’s hanging her coat in her locker when she hears a gasp behind her. “Oh my god, Piper!!” Her coworker Virginia slams into her, enveloping her in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” Piper pushes her away gently and looks at her, confused. “Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” “It was in the Bugle this morning, we were all so worried about you.” Ginny picks up a copy of the paper laid on a bench and hands it to her. The headline reads: DOC OCK KIDNAPS BUGLE REPORTER: A True Night of Horror for the Bugle’s Own Piper Parker! It's accompanied by a blurry photo that is obviously taken as a still from a video. But plain as day it’s her face, her in Otto’s arms as he carries her up the side of a building. At the bottom of the article it says ‘Story by Eddie Brock.’ Piper feels a white hot rage burn through her. Of course it was Brock. Everywhere she turned it seemed like he was there to get on her nerves. She groans and closes her eyes, crumpling the paper in her hands. Piper takes a deep breath and counts to 10. Ginny takes the ruined paper out of her hands. “I can’t believe that you got kidnapped by Doc Ock! That’s literally so crazy! Did Spider-Woman save you? How did you get away?” For a moment Piper considers telling her that she used to know Otto before his days as a supervillain but then thinks the better of it. “Yes, Spider-Woman saved me. Look Ginny, I really don’t want to talk about this.” “Oh, of course. Sorry Piper, I guess it would be pretty upsetting.” Ginny tosses the paper in the recycling on their way to the floor. All throughout the day the other volunteers are staring at her, whispering behind their hands. If only they knew what really happened, that would really give them something to whisper about. 

Around dinner, while Piper is helping set up, the tv in the dining hall is turned to the local news. She isn’t paying attention until she hears Jameson’s voice saying her name, and for a second she’s confused about where she is. She turns to look at the tv, and they’re running the story about the ‘kidnapping.’ Piper drops the plate she’s holding back onto the table, and crosses the hall so fast she slams her hip into the corner of a table and spills all the glasses. She picks up the remote and changes it to the channel that plays reruns of The Golden Girls.  

Everyone stares as she sets the remote down. She pretends she doesn’t notice and starts cleaning up the mess on the table. When her shift ends, she considers going straight to the Bugle, demand they print a retraction, and beat the snot out of Eddie Brock. They’re spared her temper tantrum when her phone buzzes with a text from MJ. 

MJ: coffee. *pleading face emoji* P: at the bean? MJ: where else? P: okay. omw. MJ: see u soon bestie!! *kissy face emoji* Mary Jane is already waiting for her when she gets to the cafe, at their usual table. Piper orders an iced tea and a donut and then joins her. “You look like shit Piper.” “Gee thanks MJ.” Mary Jane smiles at her. “I should, I got home at 7 and only got a few hours of sleep.” Too late, Piper realizes her mistake. Oh my god Piper. Open mouth, insert foot. MJ gives her a confused look. “Seven? But it was only like 2am when we left the party. Why did you get home at-” Mary Jane’s eyes go wide, and Piper shoves the donut in her mouth. “Oh. My. God. You didn’t.” Piper stares at the table, the wood grain has a very interesting pattern. “Piper. Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.” Piper sips her iced tea and tries to choke down the donut. Mary Jane stares at her with her mouth hanging open. Piper swallows and sets the glass on the table. “Yeah, I did.” MJ gaps at her. Then she shrieks and slaps Piper’s arm. The couple next to them turn and give her a dirty look. Mary Jane’s eyes are alight, her mouth stretched into a huge smile. “You dirty little slut!” “Shhhhh! Keep your voice down!” Piper tells her as the couple glare at MJ again. “What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t sleep with him. He’s, you know. And you’re-” MJ makes a gesture with her hand, like an upside down devils horns. Piper slaps her hands down, covering them with hers. “Don’t you think that I’m perfectly aware of that?” She hisses. “Okay but how did this even happen like. Seriously Piper what were you thinking?” Piper shrugs. “I don’t know things just got. Heated. Out of hand. It’s not like we planned it.” 

As MJ sips her iced coffee, the waitress approaches their table. “Weren't you in here two days ago? Am I gonna have to get a restraining order?” Sara says jokingly. “Well, you know, we just enjoy being around you so much.” Mary Jane bats her eyelashes, blatantly ignoring the engagement ring Sara wore. Piper was never sure if MJ was serious when she flirted with Sara. Sara was petite, no taller than 5’2” and had a round, pretty face. Piper wasn’t sure what her natural hair color was, because about once every three months or so she changed the color. Currently it was a deep emerald green, and curled around her face in soft waves ending at her shoulders. Sara was fun and a little mysterious, Piper could understand why Mary Jane liked her. “Oh is that why?” Sara laughs as she clears plates and cups off the table next to them. “Here I was thinking it was because we have good coffee for cheap. I’m going to have to start being a bitch, being nice keeps getting me in trouble. Last week I had to chase a guy outta here with a broom.” 

Piper and MJ crack up and Sara starts heading towards the backroom. “I really wish I was kidding.” She says, and disappears behind the swinging doors. Piper believed her, she had seen Sara tell off rude or unpleasant customers on more than one occasion, it wasn’t hard to imagine her swinging a broom at one of them. She wasn’t one to put up with bullshit. Mary Jane turns to Piper. “Okay. Spill.” “What?” “I want details, what was he like?” Piper sputters and turns red. “What?! No way, I’m not giving you details.” “You’ve never had a problem with it before.” MJ points out. “This is different.” “How is it different? Don’t be a prude, tell me!” As the two continue to argue, the bell dings on the door to the cafe as it opens, cool air blowing around the room. Mary Jane cuts herself off, eyes wide as they follow the person who just walked it. She gives Piper a terrified look. As nonchalantly as she can, Piper turns to see who it was. And when she finds him she understands Mary Jane’s terrified expression. “Oh shit.” Piper whispers. Mac Gargan, AKA The Scorpion. They watch as he steps up to the counter, ignoring the cashier, who ignores him in turn, doing her absolute best to not make eye contact. He taps the service bell twice. Sara pops into view behind the service window. Instead of shrieking in terror and running out the back door, which would be the logical choice in this situation, her mouth splits into a grin. She comes out from the backroom and leans across the counter. Her expression mirrors the same flirtatious one Mary Jane was wearing just a few minutes ago as they start to talk. “What are they saying?” MJ whispers. Piper had already started eavesdropping on them, thanks to her spider mutation it was more than easy to hear a conversation from across the room. She beckons Mary Jane forward and the two lean as close as possible so she can whisper in MJ’s ear. “She asked what he was doing here and he told her he came to see the prettiest girl in the world, and that he might as well get coffee while he was here. She’s asking if he’s going to be around later and he says yes but not until much later, he has a job to work.” Sara slides a to-go coffee cup across the counter, and Mac asks loud enough for MJ to hear how much he owes, but Sara just shakes her head. She crooks her finger and Mac leans across the counter, taking her face between his face. Piper is certain she’s about to see this girl get her neck snapped but. No. Mary Jane and Piper wear matching expressions of shock when the two kiss. When Sara pulls back and opens her eyes, she catches their gaze, and they quickly avert their eyes. Mary Jane lets out a breath, followed by a nervous laugh. “Well, looks like Doc Ock isn’t the only one of your enemies getting lucky.” She says, not quietly enough for Piper’s comfort. She shoots MJ an angry look and shushes her. If she could hear Mac’s conversation from across the room, he could definitely hear hers. As he turns to leave, Piper looks out the window, hunching her shoulders and hoping he doesn’t recognize her. Besides the fact that they kicked each other's ass on the regular, Piper and Mac had a history beyond their superhero/villain relationship. A few years back, Mac had started working at the Daily Bugle, and later Piper found out that Mr. Jameson had hired him to pretty much stalk her to find out how she got her Spidey pics. He never had much success, due to her spidersense. Jameson eventually gave up trying to have her followed and moved on to funding a genetic experiment to make the ‘Anti Spider-Woman.’ The experiment was untested and unregulated, but that hadn’t stopped Jameson offering Mac the ‘chance to be a real hero.’ The result had been Scorpion, who was the most sadistic out of all of her enemies. 

Out of everyone she had ever fought, Piper was pretty sure that given the chance, Scorpion would have no problem killing her. The others might at least hesitate. Therefore it was extremely shocking to see him not only in a public place and out of the Scorpion suit, but kissing her waitress too. “Is she looking over here?” Piper whispers to MJ, still looking out the window. “No, she went into the back again.” Piper turns back to Mary Jane and pulls out her wallet, dropping a couple bills onto the table. “I gotta go.” “What? You’re going to follow him?” “He said he was working a job.” Piper tells her as she slides her arms into her coat. MJ follows her out of the cafe. “So? It’s probably just like a stick-up or a heist or something.” “Okay but I still have to stop that. Mac is really good at escalating pretty much any situation he’s involved in. Also, robbery is bad.” “Ugh, fine. But our conversation isn’t over, I still want details.” Piper shakes her head and says her goodbyes to MJ. She ducks into a dark alleyway to strip down to her spidey suit. It was easy enough to follow Mac when he was on foot, it would’ve been significantly harder to keep out of sight if they were both jumping across rooftops. How did he get out of the suit anyway? Piper was under the impression that the suit was a permanent accessory, given that it had been fused to his body. Piper follows him a few streets down before he slips into an alleyway. There’s not much elbow room in between the buildings, just enough space for the fire escapes. From her elevated view she can see another figure in the alley, their identity obscured. She climbs down the fire escape above them. As Mac approaches, the shrouded figure stirs. “You’re late.” Piper feels a thrill go through her and a rush of heat across her entire body. It was Otto. “I got held up.” “Oh yes, and that cup of coffee had nothing to do with it, right?” Mac grumbles something unintelligible under his breath. Otto huffs irritably. “Everything is ready to go, we just have to give Sytsevich the signal.” Piper shivers. Otto, Scorpion and Rhino? Her odds were dwindling every second. She had to put a stop to this now. She leaps off the fire escape silently, wind whipping around her as she free falls, aiming for Mac. The tentacle comes out of nowhere at the last minute, apparently she wasn’t as stealthy as she thought. She dodges to the side, but another one slams her aside, right into Mac, and the two of them fall to the pavement in an awkward tangle of limbs. He snarls when he realizes it’s her, and the Scorpion suit appears out of nowhere. Where the hell did Mac Gargan get nanotech? The answer is Otto, obviously, who wraps each of them in a tentacle and separates them before they can swing at each other. Piper has the distinct image of a cat scruffing her kittens. Otto gives her an exasperated look. “Are you serious?” He asks. “Was hoping you’d show up, Spider!” Scorpion’s stinger comes flying at her, fast as lightning, but not as fast as Otto’s tentacles. One of them closes around the stinger inches away from her face. Piper can see the poison swirling around in the injection tube. “What the hell. Hey! Get off!” Mac struggles, but the tentacles don’t relent. “Boss wants her alive.” Otto says, tentacle dropping him further down the alleyway. He puts himself in between her and Scorpion. “Hello little spider. So good to see you again so soon.” The awkwardness of the situation hits her full force, and it’s not lost on Scorpion, who looks at them suspiciously. “Wish I could say the same.” She says, maybe a little too convincingly. A look of hurt crosses Otto’s face briefly. “So, an octopus, scorpion and rhinoceros walk into a bar. What’s the punchline? The punchline being your plan, of course.” Behind them, Scorpion laughs. “Snowball's chance we’d ever tell you, Spider.” “Yes unfortunately I have to agree with Scorpion. It’s none of your business.” “Aw man, I hate being excluded.” Scorpion sneers at her over Otto’s shoulder, stinger poised for attack. Otto opens his mouth to say something, but before he can an explosion shakes the ground as a car explodes at the far end of the alley. It’s accompanied by a heavily accented voice swearing in Russian. Using the distraction, Piper takes it as her cue to leave, wrenching one arm free and thwipping the rooftop, pulling herself out of the tentacle's grasp. She almost clears the roof when Scorpion slams into her, and they start to fall back towards the ground. She thwips the roof with her other hand, and sends a well-aimed kick to Scorpion’s face. The sudden loss of his weight sends her flying up and she flips over the edge of the roof, and hits the ground running. When she’s sure that none of them are in pursuit, Piper stops to catch her breath. She slides down against a wall, and a sharp pain goes through her side. When she touches it her hands come away sticky with blood. Scorpion’s claws had left three deep gashes down her side. She would have no problem healing them, save for being a little dizzy from blood loss. The real issue was that she would have to fix her suit and wash the blood out. That officially made five of her worst enemies who were seemingly teaming up together. And she was sleeping with one of them. Otto had mentioned a boss, Piper could only think of one person with enough pull to organize something like this. That man was Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin. The question was, why?

[zippers-flowers-and-wine]

Moth!Bruno Part 3: Idk What comes after Electric Boogaloo

The cool, early morning winds had become unbearable after about 3 minutes of flight, so you had tucked down into the massive hand holding you, shimmying your freezing legs into the fuzzy fur around the mothman's wrist. You feel his body vibrate with an aborted coo, the sound whipped away by the roaring winds.

One of the secondary hands reaches up to stroke your calf, so... That's kinda soothing? You guess??

The world tilts for the 75 3rd time in 24 hours, slowly tipping as your mothy friend banks hard... Then the world goes shit side up.

His massive, fabric like wings fold in with a heavy whoosh, wrapping around him like a heavy blanket as he just drops. You'd scream, but your lungs are currently trying to get in air even though it feels like you're hanging your head out the window of a car going a solid 100 mph in the middle of a Texan tornado.

With each attempted gulp of life giving oxygen, the wind merely steals more and more and more until it feels like your ribs will cave and your lungs with fall out of your mouth as you dangle from this moth's grip like a child's abandoned, abused toy... Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic but STILL! It feels like you're drowning for Pete's sake!

After another second or so in which you swear up down sideways and backwards that you can hear God's choir of angels, the mothman finally levels out. His wings flare to catch a warm updraft, and you can breathe again!

"Oh thank fUCK!" You gasp, holding your throat with one hand while desperately keeping your grip on his clawed thumb. The moth lifts you a small bit, cooing curiously as he glides into a smooth landing. You wave him off, finally daring to actually look around.

If you though his little nest was in the middle of ButtFuck Nowhere, than this place was in Titsout Nonexistent. Trees stretched out around you for miles, and you quietly lament the fact that you won't be able to run away now. Big Guy seems to agree, as he starts setting you down next to one of his clawed, digitigrade feet. You He straightens up, and you watch his wings settle against his spine like a great big cape.

His antenna peek up, swiveling this way and that as he makes soft clicking sounds. Well, they probably sound soft to him. For you, it sounds like someone your height is slamming two, 20 pound bowling balls together above your head. He tips his head back after a moment of not seeing(?) something, then makes a long, low clicking croon. It reminds you of the Muto from that Godzilla movie, and makes your hair raise when his head swivels, causing the sound to shift in pitch. You cling as close to his foot as you dare, almost tempted to simply climb into his ankle fur as he shuffles forward. The low, muffled clicks are an eerie ambiance that's offset by the occasional glance towards you that is always accompanied by the same talkative "Mmmph."

Laughing and loosening up when he switches up and goes "Maaaahph", you make the sound back at him... And scream in the same instance that something launches out of the shadows at you. Your moth doesn't even hesitate. His massive foot strikes out like a viper, slamming down on a giant stinger and curling the long clawed hands around it as he pulls it up. Using his lower set of hands, he reaches under the venom sack and digs the talons in with a vibrating snarl of rage.

You hear a squealing screech - a sound akin to iron being pulled across a chalkboard - and you watch in mute shock as a large figure scrabbles for purchase while your fuzzy bodyguard yanks it from its shadowy ambushing space. The world rumbles when your moth slams his foot against the thick carapace of the massive scorpion, man... Creature's side.

'Okay, this is just ridiculous.' It really was, because what are the chances of seeing not one, but two bugmen? Yeah, two because Mr. "Attack First, Questions Later" had the torso of a man, the dark black purple of its carapace fading near seamlessly into the pale skin of his human half. That half of him grew out of where the scorpion's actual head would be, between the massive pincers; one of which was buried into the ground to keep himself from being dragged out farther.

His tail seizes, the tip twitching and thrashing to try and stab into your moth's torso until the fuzzy monster makes a... A sound. You couldn't describe it, even if you wanted to, but it made your heart stop. Your hands come up to cover your ears, attempting save your hearing, but you do notice that the ground has stopped shaking and that the moth (he needs a flippin' name, oh my god) has stopped... Whatever that sound was, and his now purring as his lower set of hands soothes the spots they had been gripping so harshly.

Slowly, ever so calmly, the two part. The scorpion man straightens up, turning to actually look at you while Big Fella that name sucks places his foot back in front of you, making sure you're hidden behind the arch of his foot. The scorpion man lowers himself a tad, tilting his body a little to get a closer look at you. His chest brushes the ground as he leans forward, and you squeak, ducking behind... Big Fella?... Bruno! Yeah, uh crap. The scorpion seemed even more interested as the sound leaves you, his red on black eyes glinting. He's swiftly startled into backing away when Bruno makes a low warning hiss, and flexes his lower hands menacingly.

Scorpion man chitters, narrowing his eyes as his tail lifts again. Unable to help it, you blurt, "You really wanna get your butt kicked again that badly?" Bruno looks down at you, while Scorpion (only Bruno gets a name, so suck it) snaps around to stare at you. Swallowing your saliva, you call out again, "What are you looking at?"

Scorpion man squints at you, churring as he backs off and vanishes back into the forest. Bruno does a little shuffle as he makes a squealing sound, stooping for a split second to pluck you up by your T-Shirt collar.

"Hrrk!"

Although Bruno doesn't seem to notice that he damn near snapped your neck with that move, he does notice your aggravated wheeze... And Scorpion man may have turned around and noticed you going blue in the face.

"Maaaphphh!"

Sighing in relief when you are deposited into his palm, you flash him a grin and weak thumbs up. "I'm good big guy." Bruno keens loudly, perking up when at least 5 different voices respond with similar sounds. Scorpion man chitters, and you jump. What?

Trotting ahead of his venomous... Friend? Hey what was their relation anyway? The fucker attacked without... Hesi...tation...

6 pairs of eyes stare at you... Wait, nope one of those pairs actually had 3 more sibling pairs.

So 9 pairs of eyes lock onto you.

"Mother of fucking fuck."

[vajranam]

Proud Like A God

Hide your face forever

Dream and search forever

Have you ever been for sale?

When your isms get smart

Oh so selfish and mindless

With that comment in your eye

Do you think that you are hard?

Really harder than the other

Man you're acting cold

If you are not in charge

Don't split your mentality

Without thinking twice

Your voice has got no reason

Now is the time to face your lies

Open your eyes, open your mind

Proud like a god, don't pretend to be blind

Trapped in yourself, break out instead

Beat the machine that works in your head

Guano Apes

Ones again obstacles been rising, yesterday that sign of snow just in square I was when all rest was sunny remind me that no matter who tryed to break you, turn friends family against you that you need to stand no matter what.

Vajranam mean wrathful vajra this blog is no concessions at all, remember that one day was made homeless and in that I expressed me losing my faith on humanity. At this time I talk the story to monk in monastry and had a answer that I was not sure at first.

“ Don't trust any non practitioners “

That sound a bit harsh ? Well actually not so harsh many of us has story of family turning at our back or trying to manipulate us.

Many of us have story of some abusing the compassion or our sense that we still learning it we not perfect.

This blog is self defence, of course our aim is too develop the view and the heart of one taste. But sadly in our time we got those kind of individual who are ready to break you find there way.

what we should do ?

Atisha has a good saying laugh with them, talk with them but never ever talk them about Dharma they won’t have the capacity to understand.

That for the peaceful part the non peaceful part well to be honest yes I teach the dharma, yes it’s very hard and yes I am just a yogi I don't pretend to be saint.

I can say that weeks when I am like crossing the desert but yesterday wasn't just the snow, I bump to someone who used to help me when I was student don't see that person for years.

He’s coach who help with abuse and he cross my way when I was working.

“Don't listen to any opinions"

From that very short talk this came from, they will put you in pieces because you got something that they don't got, they will trash your reputation because for them not “ cool enough to go to the temple, church “ whatever place that ask you to kill that god likely ego . They will turn peoples families against you so the first second they do that you know you try yourself to be good so listen to no opinion, they have no right to pur you down but they still do it.

self defence move one

Don't listen any opinion at all :

We know the value of our path, we know very much our very darkside as well the light we got, some are ready to expause our dark side and forgot our light. Well good news they speak to you, you smile you carry on do what you do, they got no say, who ever they are. Make no mistakes there's a lot narcissistic abusers of many form who just happily laugh if you fell.

They have no say, doesn't mean you don't take them as bodhichitta .

Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung. The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know it's nature is to sting?"

"Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."

We don't change our nature because three nature is to be nasty, but we put filters so we can carry on .

[pressedinthepages]

Epiphany

Fandom: The Witcher

Pairing: Geralt/Eskel

Rating: T

Masterlist

a/n:  Reader Request: [Hi *waves shyly*. I have a request for you if you're up for it. How about Geralt/Eskel where Eskel gets jealous when someone flirts with Geralt? We all know book!Geralt and game! Geralt give off a 'hoe on main' vibe. Eskel hates it and Geralt needs to make it up to him? Thanks for sharing your work, it honestly makes my day every single time ❤️] I'm softe. also, I love hoe on main geralt of rivia.

Also thanks to @sometimesiwrite​ for being a soundboard and friend :)

(There is a link on my page where you can be added to my taglist :D)

Warnings: language, pining, GWENT, jealousy, confessions

Eskel and Geralt meet up just before winter and run an errand.

    The fire is warm on the unscarred side of Eskel’s face. He breathes in deeply, the scent of smoke and ale tickling his senses. He’s been in Ard Carraigh for a few days now, waiting dutifully for Geralt to get here so that they can continue up to Kaer Morhen together. There’s still plenty of time for them to be able to safely travel up the mountain, but Eskel has found himself arriving earlier and earlier with each passing year. The door to the tavern swings open and Eskel glances up, his lip turning up slightly at what he finds. 

    Geralt, black hood up and dripping with rainwater, pushes the door closed behind him. He walks straight to the barkeep and orders an ale and stew before turning to where Eskel sits. Eskel’s heart blooms when their eyes finally meet, and Geralt smirks a bit as he walks to sit at the table.

    “You’re early.” Geralt’s low voice crawls over Eskel’s skin. Geralt undoes the knot on his cloak, letting it fall from his shoulders to drape over the back of his chair. His silver hair shines in the light from the fire, curled and damp from the downpour outside. 

    Eskel takes a sip from his cup as the barkeep brings Geralt’s food and drink over. “Could say the same to you, Wolf.”

    Geralt shrugs before tucking in to his supper. “Need a new horse, figured I’d pick one up while we were here.”

    Eskel tilts his head, “Something happen to Roach? You’re not one to let your mount get into trouble.”

    Geralt shakes his head, slurping noisily from his spoon. “Nah, she’s alright. She’s old, though. She deserves to rest, I figured I’ll bring her to Kaer Morhen and let her retire there with Vesemir.”

    As if Eskel’s heart could melt any further. He watches Geralt as he lifts his bowl to his lips and his throat bobs as he drinks the remainder of the broth. Geralt’s tongue swipes over his lips as he returns the now-empty bowl to the table, and Eskel is sweating inside. 

    “You got a room here?” Geralt asks, sliding an extra coin to the girl who picks up his bowl. 

    Eskel nods, downing the rest of his ale. “Mhm, only got one bed though.”

    Geralt hums before rising to his feet. “Well, come on. I know I’m exhausted, and you look like shit.”

    Eskel huffs out a laugh as he stands as well. “Well, at least I don’t look like a drowned old rat.”

    Geralt bumps their shoulders as they move to the stairs. Eskel opens up the door to their room and kicks his boots off by the door. Geralt has a routine, they all do. Eskel sits in one of the chairs and sets the fireplace alight with a gentle flick of his fingers, ready to discreetly watch Geralt get comfortable. 

    His swords go next to the bed and his boots go next to Eskel’s at the door. Geralt drapes his cloak over the back of the other chair in the room so it has a chance to dry, and his gloves go in the seat. He unties a little pouch from his belt and tosses it onto the bed where it lands with a light thunk. Eskel’s eyes follow Geralt’s fingers as they pull and undo the shiny buckles and ties. His shirt is unbuttoned as he pulls the armor off, revealing the dark thatch of hair on his chest. Geralt tucks the heavy pieces next to his boots by the door, and Eskel swallows thickly at the sight of his leather-clad backside in those damned pants. 

    Geralt stands and turns back to Eskel, his hands at the buttons of his trousers. “You gonna just sit there and watch, or you gonna help?”

Eskel’s eyes dart to his face and he flushes when he sees the smirk on his lips. Dammit, caught. Well, if nothing else, Eskel has always been good at thinking on his feet. “Seem to be doing just fine from where I’m sitting. I usually have to pay for a show like this.”

Geralt rolls his eyes and divests himself of his trousers, folding them over the back of the chair as well. “Come on, Eskel. Get in the bed.”

“You sure you don’t want to stretch out? Every time that we do this, I end up hanging on for dear life off the edge of the bed while you stretch out and snore to the Gods.”

Geralt hums as he turns to the mattress. Eskel walks up next to him and cups the back of his neck, pulling him close and resting their foreheads together. Geralt’s eyes close and Eskel just listens to the sound of their heartbeats intertwining after almost a year apart. He feels Geralt’s hand on his shoulder, his warmth seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt. “I’ve missed you, Geralt,” Eskel whispers.

“Missed you too, Eskel.” Geralt’s voice is barely audible as his nose brushes against Eskel’s. They part reluctantly and Geralt sits at the foot of the bed. Eskel slips out of his own trousers before climbing in as well. Geralt reaches for the little pouch and loosens it, flipping the contents into his hand.

“Up for a game of Gwent?”

Eskel laughs, a true laugh that is so rare on the Path. Eskel leans over in search of his pack and pulls out a pouch of his own. “You’re on.”

***

Eskel wakes to a fully dressed Geralt looming over him at the edge of the bed. “Awake yet, Princess?”

Eskel groans as he runs his hand down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He peers out of the window and sees the sun just barely erupting from the horizon. “Why are you up so early?” 

Geralt picks up Eskel’s trousers and throws them, landing squarely in Eskel’s lap. “Need a horse. Then we can leave for Kaer Morhen.”

Eskel chuckles with a shake of his head before swinging his legs out of the bed. The floor is cold under his feet as he slides his legs into his trousers, his boots following soon after. “I’ll meet you downstairs, let me grab my stuff.”

Geralt nods and shoulders out of the door, leaving Eskel alone in the room. He gathers his things and throws his swords over his back, leaving his armor in his pack for the moment. Eskel yawns with finality and follows in Geralt’s wake down the stairs. As he reaches the bottom he sees Geralt toss him something and his hand instinctively reaches up to catch it. His fingers squish the soft pastry and the sweet smell of honey tickles his nose.

“Mmm,” Eskel hums with a smile, “a sweet bun. Thanks, Wolf.”

Geralt nods as he leads the way out of the inn. Eskel stops by the little stables at the rear to set his pack with Scorpion, trying desperately not to wake Lil’ Bleater where she slumbers between the stallion’s feet. Soon enough he trails along behind Geralt as they approach a large barn at the edge of town. 

A handsome young man smiles at them as they approach. He looks to be about thirty, with a mop of dark brown hair that flops around in the breeze. He looks strong, his shoulders wide and his hips sturdy. 

“Well met, Witchers,” the man calls as they walk up. His voice is low and rich as he introduces himself as Davold. Eskel hangs back, letting Geralt do the talking. As he observes, he notices the man dragging his eyes slowly down and back up Geralt’s body. The scent of lust in the air spikes and Eskel shifts a bit, glancing around minutely. 

“Why don’t we head inside and take a look at these horses?” Davold gestures to Geralt and allows him to go inside first. Eskel sighs and follows along. Geralt walks along the stalls, listening intently as Davold tells him about each of the horses and their personalities. Eskel listens as well, hearing each and every bawdy flirtation that spills from Davold’s lips, as well as the laughter and the pick up in heartrate in Geralt’s chest. 

Something burns in Eskel as he stands in front of a tall bay mare, something low and sour that boils in his blood. He huffs and holds his hand out flat to let the horse sniff at him. She snuffles against his hand for a moment before she butts against his chest.

“Oh no, not her,” Davold strolls over, Geralt at his heels. “She’s been nothing but trouble.”

Eskel looks back at the horse as he strokes down her nose, her ears perked up in curiosity and her body relaxed. “Doesn’t look like trouble to me.”

Geralt walks up next to Eskel and extends his hand as well, but he has a chunk of apple in his palm. The mare leans down and takes the apple gently before sniffing up his arm, looking for another treat. She looks him right in the eye before butting him in the chest as well, pulling a deep chuckle from Eskel. 

“Good find, Eskel,” Geralt murmurs, scritching up the side of the horse’s neck. “We’ll take her.”

A deal is struck and before Eskel knows it they are leaving the stables with the new Roach in tow, Davold scowling in the background. The two of them return to the inn to collect the other horses and as they enter the stables, Eskel can’t help the sigh of relief that falls from his chest. 

“Something wrong?” Geralt asks as he carries his saddle to New Roach. Eskel grits his teeth as he throws a blanket over Scorpion’s back. 

“No, I just-” Eskel thinks over his words, “That Davold was really trying for you, huh?”

Geralt pokes his head around and gives Eskel a look that can only be described as several question marks in sequence. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me you didn’t notice it.” Eskel rolls his eyes as he sets the saddle on Scorpion’s back. “He could barely keep it in his pants.”

“Hmm.”

Eskel does up the straps and secures his pack neatly across Scorpion. As he ties everything down, his mind wanders. I could never be enough for him, he deserves someone who could really be there for him, not someone like me. 

“It doesn’t matter if I noticed or not,” Geralt rumbles from somewhere behind him. “I wouldn’t have been interested. Got someone else in mind.”

Eskel hums as his mind spins in wheels, a delicate spiral that will leave him curled up and alone for a good few days once they get to the keep. He can feel himself receding into his mind, setting up walls and barriers for any and all who come knocking.

And suddenly Geralt’s hand is on his shoulder, and he’s turning around, and Geralt is in his space, his face impossibly close, and he smells so good, and his mouth is right there…

And then Geralt kisses him. Geralt kisses Eskel, and the world comes to a halt. Geralt’s hands fall to Eskel’s waist and squeeze him, and Eskel reaches his hands up to cup Geralt’s face. He is so warm beneath Eskel’s fingers, and his lips taste like honey and hay and every drop of happiness that Eskel has ever felt. 

Geralt pulls back first, his golden eyes searching Eskel’s. “I-I have loved you for so long.”

Eskel’s chest feels full to burst and he doesn’t trust his words at all, so he just pulls Geralt back to him. It’s all tongue and teeth and desperation and Eskel wouldn’t change it for the world. His fingers trail up into Geralt’s hair and the moan that falls from his chest would make a priestess blush. Eskel leans back only far enough for a breath, resting their foreheads together once more.

“You let me pine after you for decades, Geralt,” Eskel whispers, painfully aware of how vulnerable he sounds. 

“I didn’t know. I figured you just thought of us as friends, but-” Geralt’s voice is so low and husky that Eskel can feel it in his skin, “-but I’ve figured it out. It took a while, but I figured it out.”

Eskel smiles and presses their lips together again, ignoring how his scar stretches with the movement. “I hope you plan on making it up to me.”

Geralt smiles, big and rare and just for him, “Gladly.”

[taeswurld]

Ace III [Sporky]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary: Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

New chapter! Not sure how my upload schedule will go, I’ll probably just wing it or something. And I don’t really know in what direction I wanna take this fic, but I promise to make it as great as possible! Anywho, here’s sporky!

{ACE MASTERLIST}

Oops. Well it’s clear what big of a mistake you’ve just made. 

While being on the verge of passing out, you decided to grab the closest thing next to you, so you don’t fall and hit your head. Instead of a counter or wall (or literally anything else) you decided to grab onto an arm. 

A very muscular and warm arm. 

You quickly retract your arm to look straight into glowing red eyes. They look at you in that moment with so much hated and anger, that you literally had to do a double take.

Jesus did you kill this dude’s grandma or something? What is going on?

“Next time you even think about touching me, I’ll be sure to remind you why I’m the strongest guy here.” 

“Well shit my bad, no need to act like I shoved a scorpion up your ass. Jesus christ, what the fuck is your problem man? Did someone spit in your coffee or something?” You move to walk away, you are not about to deal with someone who acts like complete dick. Before you could though, this asshole grabs your arm and pulls you back.

“What did you say, extra? Alright then since you act so tough, fight me! I doubt you would win though, I mean, you have a weak ass quirk anyways!” He shouts as explosions start to come out of his hand, putting it up to you face as to scare you. 

Wait, pause. You just realized you have a quirk. I mean it had to be good enough to get into U. A. But what was it? Was it like Aang, and you were like some type of avatar? Or were you more like Wonder Woman, and had super strength? Or were you like Spiderman, and could climb walls with spidey-senses? Or maybe, you were just incredibly smart, like Batman or Iron Man? No, that wouldn’t make sense, they would’ve thrown you into the support course if that was the case. Or maybe, you could-

“Hey! Did your dumbass not hear me? Or are you deaf as well as stupid?”

Okay. That’s fucking it. 

You were hungry, had an agitated dog, and you still haven’t gotten your stupid pills. 

You push the guy off you with as much strength as you could (which wasn’t much) and growled at him. 

Yes, growled at him. 

“Bro, shut the fuck up! No one wants to fucking hear you scream at 7 in the fucking morning! Just stay fucking quiet! Or are you too fucking stupid to do that? Your dumbassery is getting on my last fucking nerves, so just SHUT THE FUCK UP!” 

Immediately, everyone backed away, and looked scared to be within 5 feet of you. And you don’t blame them, you always looked scary when you were really mad. You’re glad your angry, and not frustrated. Otherwise, you would’ve broke into tears. Nope, all you felt right now was pure hatred and rage. 

You took a quick peek at your reflection in the microwave and you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. 

You had a white aura around you, and your eyes were a dark blue, with a little bit of fog coming out of them. With you’re pajamas still on, your eye bags, and a little bit of smudged mascara from yesterday, you look like you crawled out of the straight depths of sleepy hell. Hiro growling next to you waiting for your orders to attack didn't exactly help you look any friendlier. 

You quickly calmed down, and decided to just take a quick breath, and whistled for Hiro to back off as well.

“Okay, I’m calm. Does anyone know where the Tylenol is? I have headache. I also need food, not just for me, but for Hiro. I’m sorry for yelling, I’m just really irritated right now, so I ask that no one pushes my buttons.” You take another breath, just to calm your heart rate. 

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no worries Y/N. I know how Bakugou can get on your nerves pretty badly.” A girl with pink hair quickly comes up to you. Well, not just pink hair, pink everything. 

“Here, Ochako, you know where the pills are right? Go get them from the medicine cabinet. I’ll go get you some breakfast, hun.” She quickly runs off to get me some much needed food. The girl with the short fringe, Ochako you assume, goes off to get you my stupid pills.

“Koda, would you mind going to Hiro-san and asking what he might want to eat? I’ll help out.” The boy with green hair asks. A really big guy comes up to Hiro, and tries to whisk him away. 

“Hey! Sorry to disappoint but he stays with me. I’m on edge right now and he’s the only dude who can calm me down.” They are not to about to take him away, you don’t know these guys yet enough to trust them, you still don’t even know how you got here. Hiro’s pretty much the only thing closest to home, if he leaves now God knows what could happen. 

“Oh! I apologize L/N-san. He already told me his answer anyways, so I’ll go prepare his breakfast so you can both relax!” He blushes, and bows before running off to make some food. 

“Thanks, sorry for yelling. I’m just kinda anxious right now.” Hiro barks as if to agree with you. It’s not even 8 a.m and you’re both already done with this bullshit. 

“It's okay L/N-san. Last night, you got hit pretty hard, you we’re not going to blame you for being a little rough around the edges.” The boy with green hair says before walking away to join the other dude. Jesus, you really need to know everyone’s name. You can’t call them ‘dude’ and ‘guy’ forever. 

“L/N-san! Sorry about Bakugou! I know the two of you seem to bash heads a lot, but I promise you that he doesn't mean it!” 

A cute little redhead comes up to you. He looks really sweet, except for his razor sharp teeth that look like they could cut thought anything. He puts his hand on you shoulder, as a little gesture to calm you down a little. Apparently Hiro didn’t like it, because he started to growl. 

‘Back off, dude. Don’t touch,’ he seemed to say. 

“Oi! Shiity hair!” Oh god. “Don’t apologize on my behalf! It makes you look stupid, and me look weak!” The red eyed blonde from earlier walks over. 

‘Shitty hair’, or whatever his real name was, put his hands up and took his place next to the blonde, tossing his arm around him. 

“Come on, Bakugou! You’re always fighting with her, maybe it’s best to just chill down! Come on! It’s a beautiful Saturday, we don't have any plans except to relax! We should totally go out! When was the last time we hung out with the class?” 

“Tch, I don't want to deal with these extras longer than I already have to. Besides, when doesn’t she get on my fucking nerves? That’s the only thing she’s good for anyways.” He shoves the red head’s arm off of him and stares at me.

“Come on Kacchan! You know she’s only teasing! Besides, you need to learn to be sweeter to girls! This is probably why you don't have a girlfriend, and why Ca-”

‘Kacchan’, or ‘Bakugou’, you’re not even sure anymore, grabs the pikachu looking dude from earlier by his shirt and looks like he’s about to punch him. 

“Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence Dunce Face! And besides, it’s not like your desperate ass could get pussy anyways!” 

The piss-yellow blonde immediately gets scared and screams to run away. 

“Well you don’t have to say it like that, ya know! At least Y/N likes me!” He comes over to me and puts his arm around you. He pulls you into his chest and places his head on top of yours. Since you're sitting, it’s quite easy for him to tower you. 

“Not now dude, you are on my last fucking nerve.” You muffle into his chest as you move to push him off. 

Okay, super strength is for sure not your quirk. 

“Right, your pissed right now, sorry. By the way, I’ll go get you some wipes for your makeup. You look like a demon right now, no offense.” He runs off to God knows where, finally letting you breathe. 

“None taken,” you mutter. 

“Y/N! I brought the Tylenol, and some water for your to drink!” Ochaco comes back with a small pill tablet and a glass of water. As she hands you everything, she rubs your back as to say ‘don't worry, you’re in good hands now’. 

“L/N-san! Hiro’s food is ready! Midoriya helped out, so the process went by faster.” Koda and the green haired kid, Midoriya, comes back with a bowl of kibble and some steak. 

Of course Hiro would ask for steak. Why did you even bother? 

“Y/N! I’m back!” The pink girl from earlier comes with some rice and eggs. Weird combination, but okay. 

“I know you’re still getting a little used to using chopsticks, not being from Japan and all, so I had to look around for a fork.” You hands you your breakfast and a spoon. 

“Um, this is a spoon.” You say, holding it up for her to see.

“Yeah, I know. I said I had to look around, I never said I was successful.” She gave me a smile and little shrug before walking away. 

Oh boy. 

[getreadytosmash]

Small smash headcanons I was thinking of and to put out my reboot designs

Skaar

Skaar took a more gladiator look from his time on Sakaar and no longer wears the loin cloth except for when he's on off days

His hair gets to around his upper back and often tends to be in buns and ponytails

Working on his reading and writing and gets help from Hulk and goes to the Xavier Institute for sessions with his mind control and memories

Got introduced to queer stuff by Rick and he was THRILLED to find out about this stuff and the footage of Skaar carefully picking out non binary, asexual and panromantic stuff was trending for a month

Yes I'm going into pridecanons a little more

Skaar's very happy with his own feelings of being nb. The rocks below him whisper about it always being fine and he doesn't need to care about what others say anyway. Not when they're too busy calling him a monster to care about his gender

Anyway. Skaar's sex neutral and I say this because its quite often the theory that all ace folks won't have kids blah blah but??? Some aces want sex to have kids and that's Skaar.

Ridiculously good sword fighter and often meets up with Nightcrawler and Shadowcat to have sword fights and compare tricks

Lots of whipping scars on his back and some around his mouth that hardly anyone knows are from

Has a matching scar with Red of a circle on the back of his neck as well as running lighting scars up his hands and feet with Rick, Red and Jen from where the Skrulls tried to harvest their gamma

Absolutely has the tattoo and has no clue about it

Occasionally has days where he can't remember the entire event and Skaar's become rather thankful that they can rely on Rick's cameras to guide him home if needed.

Adores the Savage Lands and is best friends with Kazaar and Zabu

Sometimes copies memes from Rick and it’s terrible

Likes having Jen help him with normal stuff, especially when she helps him learn stuff like reading and writing 

Rick

Yeah, can’t feel anything and that causes a few secret depression episodes aha 

Big on other sensory stuff now. Really likes to savour sights, sounds, taste and smells since he lacks a big ass part of it now. It really isn’t that uncommon for Rick to have a low of flowers within his bedroom and shit. 

Has to file down his spikes since they keep growing and often Hulk does it for him while Rick falls asleep

Rick needs a lot more protein now and often eats eggs or fish and gets into big fights with Red over it daily

Uses a stylish for everything since his fingers don’t work on touchscreens anymore

Often wears sleeveless jackets with different pins. Owns four of them with three of them entirely dedicated to alien, mutant and bi rights

Well known Youtuber and I really need to get around to writing some videos he’s done god someone remind me to put out that shit

Hardcore gamer and still screams at Samuel to help make a dating sim come oN-

Can hold his breath for an hour and a half and didn’t realise until he fell asleep in the bath and got woken up by Hulk panicking and tossing him out of the water

Very intent on mutant rights and often helps out with teenage mutants and raising the social status of the school 

Loves bi culture and is very defensive over aspects of his identity after years of feeling lost among the orphanages 

Has gotten more comfortable with his gender since he’s been wearing kilts and skirts for almost two years now

Used to have scars across his hands and thighs from years of canings from the nuns but now has a large cracked scar across his chest after Abomination ripped his shell off

Red unintentionally fathers him and blames Hulk 

Best pals with Jen and Betty and is the only one who gets to join them on Ladies Night with Lyra and Marlo

Stands on his tip toes when talking to Hulk often because he wants to be tall and it amuses Hulk to no end

Jen

Has a lot of different costumes she changes regularly and Rick always posts a vote on “What outfit has Jen got this week?”

Freckles and curly hair galore 

Hulk paints her nails and she does the same for him and it isn’t long before Skaar joins in

Works in New York but stays at Vista Verde for her time off

Yes i do want a all female gamma mutate team and yes they are A-force

They consist of Jen, Betty, Lyra, Carmilla and Marlo but are sometimes joined by other female heroes

Wears sweatband wrists, left one is the bi flag and the right one is the trans flag

Was afraid about being open towards loving women for a few years since Jen knew her father didn’t do anything about Bruce’s abuse, what would happen to her if Brian found out she liked more than boys? Came out after hulking out and is happier than ever

The same goes for being trans since Jen’s form is based heavily on her mentality of her body. Gamma gave Jen the body she wanted and she was SO pleased with it

tbh I do imagine she was more comic/noodle armed at the start since Jen wanted to look rather feminine but over time she’s gotten more comfortable with her body and idea of who she wants to be and slowly she got beefier 

Has two wardrobes at the base and makes Red help rearrange stuff for laughs

Pals with Samuel and often enjoys sitting around and dragging him out for shopping and starbucks while discussing cases

The one who appears in Rick’s youtube videos the most 

Can never finish a book and feels deep seeded adhd guilt

Sings outloud to every thing she hears 

Likes grape flavoured stuff and she is so thankful that she can’t die for that sin

BEST pals with Betty and Rick. Like. There’s a reason my “Betty is the OG Hulk and is a lil wlw with Jen” has happened honestly 

Has vitiligo patches of grey around her arms that were left over from her more traumatic transformations

Watches Red bake if she’s having a panic attack and the videos don’t help

Red

Has a lot of scars over his body from where Ghost Rider’s chain dug into him and left him burnt. idk seems really fucking cool

Like Jen, has yellow patches along his spine and hands from where he was joined mentally with Zzzax 

Still gets nightmares about said incident and is still scared for the day that a nightmare is actually happening

Started to bake because it helps from when he couldn’t control his heat powers or during ptsd attacks

Tends to get lost in work alongside Samuel, especially if they’re overly excited about a certain idea

Hulk fondly calls him a nerd for this exact reason and Red tackles him over it to this day

Tech reacts to him badly sometimes due to his possession issues and there’s been once or twice where he’s had some...odd experiences when it’s come to certain technology or alien tech

Stays the same mostly with his outfits but occasionally wears a leather jacket and fuck it takes his shirt off a lot he’s a dilf he can do that 

The one who crouches for humans the most and it isn’t uncommon for him to do it purely to unsettle the humans. Ass

Uh. Likes women but??? Sometimes there’s an annoying guy and shit being able to be easily suplexed now means that anyone who can do it can kinda catch his eyes and he fucked a demon- uh. Red has a lot of thoughts now about dating and it’s nerve-wracking

Still does missions with his Thunderbolt team and still hangs out with Hell’s Circle team when he met others that had been dragged down to hell as well

Gets courted by vampires and hates the fact that the others laugh at it 

Gets nightmares of crashing, of electric burning him away but doesn’t want to admit to the fact that he has some ptsd 

Not really Red but fuck it Betty has her own team and I’m shifting the Gamma Corps for Betty so her team involves; Betty (Harpy), Marlo (Sirin), Clay (Hulkverine), Lyra (Athen), Carmilla (Scorpion) and Gwen (Daydream) 

Right. Uh. So for those who don’t know who Daydream are, basically the writer at this time had been going through a bad divorce and he treated Betty like SHIT which involved breaking Bretty up before they could have a child, making Betty suffer a miscarriage, killing her and having the villain Nightmare raping her in her sleep and having Betty give birth to Daydream who appeared for one arc and was never seen again. So. I’m mad. 

anyway fuck him but I did like Daydream so instead she was an experiment from gamma base as a unique weapon that got used to infiltrate the Agents sleep but was later on rescued along with the rest of the gamma experiments. Got adopted by Betty when she found out Gwen had her DNA and went “oh worm?” to getting a baby i have more thoughts about this but u know. carry on.

Hulk

So Tired. Part time team leader and Avengers and even has his many own adventures of trying to help so many people out

I imagine he has a lot of the same issues as Steven in suf where Hulk often stresses out more about not being able to help people since he worries about the worst case scenarios 

Gets forced to take days off by each of the team and appreciates it but dear god if he doesn’t get anxiety about the whole situation every time

SomeTIMES he wears a blue shirt but only sometimes and that’s if he’s actually prepared for missions. Also has boots Red got him but Hulk keeps those clean and safe instead

Team dad for a reason. Fathers anything he can get his hands on and well known for it enough that Rick and Skaar get him something for fathers day every year and Jen gets him goofy ties because she KNOWS he doesn’t throw them out

Pretty relaxed about being pan and yes he makes jokes about being attracted to kitchenware he’s THAT terrible Rick wants to die and not come back pls 

Buys a lot of pride stuff for the others. Skaar owns so many nb and ace colour chalks he needs help

Really wants to own a guinea pig but he’s worried about scaring it or not being around all that often to take care of it properly

Falls asleep through almost every movie that he usually starts one half of it one day and finishes it the next day

Meets up with Ben Grimm and Logan Howlett every Wednesday for a night out. Usually they do bowling, play cards or go out to eat. It’s isn’t uncommon for other heroes like Spidey or Gambit to join them occasionally

Has business lunches with Betty to discuss movements of gamma mutates that turns into a fun brawl because they’re immortal children

Keeps a whiteboard in his room so that he can have arguments with Joe and Bruce.

Samuel

Keeps his outfit relatively the same but adjusts it slightly so it isn’t the exact same outfit he wears back when he was evil

Tends to cover up more after he gains a power that lets him control people just by touch

Aware of this power and thus often awkwardly flitters when someone near him might be upset and keeps spare gloves or arm sleeves on hard just in case

Has the sharpest teeth of all the hulks and actually tends to file them down so he doesn’t need to “scare people off” when in reality he’s self conscious about his teeth and the fact that he keeps biting his tongue by accident 

Buys and redesigns Icarus’s cage every other month to make it more elaborate, is currently fighting the constant urge to buy more rats for this reason

Demiboy! Fine with what he is, doesn’t give a shit. He rules hell and he’ll send you there if you argue with him so who the fuck cares if Samuel wears dresses and makeup?

Big stupid bi. Cannonly into women who are more powerful than him with examples being Rikki (Aka Brilliance, a female Leader) who kicked his ass and threw him across the room with her more advanced mind, Betty Ross...who can blame him, and lately is that one scientist in Hulkverine who Samuel literally fell for within one night sksksk

Big manipulator for people he cares about. Samuel has and will make elaborate plans to keep someone he cares about safe and is more than willing to kill anyone who has hurt his loved ones

Owns a large collection of nail polishes and tends to vary them when he’s bored and creates amazing art. Red watched Samuel once spend and hour re-creating all of Van Gogh’s paintings on his nails

Really good friends with Betty surprisingly, mostly because she can make jokes about being dead and he’ll just snort and go “same” 

Has the second best sense of smell after Skaar as he can smell early signs of sickness as well as a wider range of emotions

Info dumps so much and has long winded theories about the oddest things that resonate really well on the Youtube channel

talks to his oversized rat so seriously

Suffers nightmares and currently runs the Down Below and is so tired

Has actually died from exhaustion twice already 

Has large sockets in his back due to the fact that Samuel physically cannot hold the information he knows all the time and uses it to charge his phone

Still hangs out with villains like Loki and Mystique tho

[super-unpredictable98]

The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 2

Chapter 6: The Epic Drinking Spree

Warning: strong language, homophobic slurs, alcohol, violence, mention of blood, death and drugs.

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

- I’m looking for a patient, Raymond Chestnut - I heard Allison’s voice talking on the phone - he may have been brought in last night after the riot at Stadtler’s… Why does that matter? Of course you only treat whites, how silly of me.

I slowly woke up and realized where I was, I fell asleep on top of Klaus, he was still holding me tight like I was some sort of Teddy bear. I kissed him softly to wake him up, his eyes fought a little bit before opening.

- Good morning, sleeping beauty - I whispered.

- Good morning… - Klaus yawned.

- Did you have sweet dreams?

- I always do when you’re around… You all right? - Klaus asked when Allison angrily hung up the phone.

- No - Allison said nervously - Ray didn’t come home last night.

- No problem, I’m sure he’s fine - Klaus sat up, taking me with him - first thing we’re gonna need is coffee, vitamin B12 and… A piping hot bowl of menudo and then we’re gonna sort all of this stuff out. 

- He saw me rumor that cop, Klaus!

- I know… But you were saving his life - Klaus tried to reason - I mean, that asshole was gonna kill him.

- I’m such an idiot - Allison sat by the table.

- No, you’re not. 

- Stop that, Alli - I joined her and Klaus followed.

- I promised myself I would never do this again - she covered her face with both hands - nothing good ever comes from it.

- Have you ever heard the fable of the Scorpion and the Frog? - Klaus asked and I looked at him trying to figure out where he wanted to go with that.

I know that fable, I’ve learned it in Portuguese with mom, it had absolutely nothing to do with the situation.

- What?

Klaus then started telling a very distorted version of the story, half of it being about the frog discussing prices to carry the scorpion across the river, I couldn’t help but laugh.

- What the hell is the point of that story? - Allison huffed.

- The point is… Frogs are bitches and we do not negotiate with terrorists - Klaus said and I snorted.

- Nope - Allison got up - Vicky, take care of him, I can’t deal with this right now, absolutely not.

- I’m sorry, I’m not a morning person, can we do this again at like… Where are you going?

- To find my damn husband - Allison looked back at us.

- Menudo… - Klaus whined.

- Allison, can I cook something for this man? He won’t shut up until I get some food in his stomach.

- He won’t shut up after that either, but sure, the kitchen is yours - I heard Allison’s voice from the other room.

- Look, I don’t know how to make menudo, but I can make some chicken canja.

- Is it warm and tasty? - Klaus looked at me through his long eyelashes.

- Yeah…

- Then it works - he laid down on the table, probably trying to get a few extra minutes of sleep.

After about an hour the food was ready and Klaus didn’t seem to mind the fact that it was a different type of soup, he had two bowls of it and a huge smile on his face.

- God, what did I do to deserve you? - He leaned back in the chair before belching and sighing heavily.

- Certainly not being classy during meals - I joked.

- Well, you knew that when you said yes to dating me, so…

- You’re right… Shit!

- What? - Klaus immediately took my hand.

- I just had a vision, Dave is having lunch at that diner from yesterday.

- Oh… I see.

- You wanna go there, don’t you?

- Kinda - Klaus gave me an apologetic look - would you be upset?

- Nah… You had some pretty compelling arguments.

- Are you talking about the actual arguments or the sex we had after?

- Both - I said as we got up to leave.

Klaus seemed happy with my answer. While we drove to the diner, he made sure to make me aware of how much he loves me. He would touch my leg, hold my hand, cup my face, run his fingers through my hair…

- I fucking love you and I love fucking you, you have nothing to worry about - Klaus smiled at me before we walked in.

- So romantic… - I giggled.

Dave was sitting with a man, older and grumpy looking. Klaus waited a few minutes until the man went to the bathroom and joined Dave in his booth. I stood by the jukebox carefully listening:

- Hey, Maime Pink, right? - Dave said cheerfully. 

- Klaus Hargreeves, but you can call me whatever you want - God, he’s so charming… That line alone would already turn my insides into jelly.

- How’s she looking? The latrine? Did your wife like it?

- Listen to me, Dave… I have to talk to you about something important, okay?

- Okay…

- This is gonna sound crazy, but… I know you.

- Yeah, sure - Dave agreed and I held back a laugh - from the hardware store.

- No, from before… Well, after actually. Listen, I know you’re thinking about enlisting, thinking it’s your duty cause your grandfather fought in World War I and your father fought in World War II and your uncle Ryan fought in Korea… 

- Brian - Dave corrected him.

- Brian! You look up to Brian, you’re starting to believe all the stuff he’s saying about the military making you a man.

- Is this a joke?

- Dave, if you enlist, they’re gonna send you out to Vietnam, fifty thousand American soldiers and a million Vietnamese died for nothing because the dominoes aren’t gonna topple… The communists aren’t gonna invade all of East Asia.

- Says you - I heard another voice and turned around to see the old man was back, that could not be good… 

- Hey, Brian.

- You know this… Clown? - Brian asked.

- He bought pink paint at the store - Dave said timidly.

- Pink paint… Makes sense.

- You know pink can be very masculine in the right setting - Klaus rambled. 

- Really? How about you get out of my seat, queer?

- Oh wow - Klaus banged his fist on the table - if I had a nickel for every time I heard that… 

Brian yanked Klaus from the seat and I lost it. I walked over and pushed that jerk against the table.

- Hey, asshole - I barked - don’t touch my boyfriend!

- Boyfriend? This faggot? - Brian laughed snarkily.

- Call him that again and I’ll punch you so hard your whole extended family will feel it! Let’s go, Klaus.

- I just need five minutes - he turned to Dave. 

- You’re gonna just sit there and listen to this pansy? - Brian asked.

- You don’t have to join the military to become a man. Don’t sacrifice yourself, cause I love you and I know there’s a day you will love… 

While Klaus was trying to speak, Brian kept interrupting him, trying to get Dave to react. I honestly thought Dave would be reasonable and ignore his uncle, he was so nice when we first met, but I realized how wrong I was when he got up and punched Klaus.

- Sweetie! - I held him, his lip was hurt and his eyes were filled with tears.

- I… - He mumbled, but he couldn’t get the words out.

- Piece of shit! - I screamed, about to attack Dave, but Klaus held me back - You don’t deserve him! Do you know how lucky you are for having a man like him love you, you fucking animal?

- Vicky, let’s go - Klaus managed to say - it’s not worth it.

I had to be dragged out of the diner. When we were back in the car, Klaus started sobbing uncontrollably. I held him against my chest while stroking his hair.

- Shhh, it’s okay. I know it hurts, but I’m here, I love you more than life itself, Klausie, you know that, right?

- I know, I love you too. It was just so humiliating and he didn’t even care.

- That’s his loss, baby, you’re the most amazing guy I ever met, if he can’t see that then fuck him. You might be a queer, but that’s not a bad thing, you’re proud of it, aren’t you? You’re queer, you’re here and you’re going nowhere - I forced the words to rhyme, making Klaus laugh. 

- Yeah, I am a big queer - he had a tiny smile, the tips of his fingers touching my cheeks.

- And that makes you special - I kissed away his tears - let’s go back to Allison’s, I’ll make you some dessert and…

- I think I might need a drink. 

- A drink? But you’ve been sober for so long…

- I know, it’s just for today.

- Klaus, I know you, today turns into tomorrow that turns into an entire week!

- I just want a drink, I won’t do any drugs or anything like that, I promise, you can watch me the whole time.

- Fine, but then I’ll have to drive you back home.

- Well, that sounds very scary right now, but after I’m buzzed it won’t be.

We headed to the liquor store, and I waited in the car while Klaus “quickly ran inside”. Ten minutes later he came out with a giant paper bag filled with all sorts of booze, including a bottle of gin he was already drinking.

- God damn it, Klaus! You shouldn’t drink this much! - I scolded.

- This is not just for me, it’s for you too - he smiled.

- Even if we shared, this is still enough to send both of us into a coma!

- Fine! I won’t get too wasted, but look at me - he pouted - I just got punched in the face by a man I thought loved me just as much as I love him, can’t you cut me some slack?

- Once this drinking spree is over, I will watch you like a hawk, understand, mister?

- I’m fine with that, now let’s go have some drunken sex in the pool.

- I’m not about to take advantage of you when you’re drunk…

- But I’m asking for it!  

- Honey, no!

I drove us to the mansion, and I had to admit… Klaus was hammered and could still probably do a better job than me behind the wheel, but luckily we got there in one piece. 

As we approached the door, I noticed it was unlocked and there was some chattering coming from the inside. I looked over at the bus parked by the house, it was all colorful and covered in psychedelic patterns. 

- Shit! - Klaus muttered - They’re here…

- He’s here! - A few people in this weird turquoise uniform-looking thing came out of the house and freaked the fuck out.

- The holy wanderer has returned! - Another one of them screamed.

- Stay in the mansion! - Klaus said as he started running - Vicky, let’s get out of  here!

One good thing came out of this: while running, Klaus noticed the huge bag of liquor was slowing him down and decided to throw it away. Great, a couple of bottles were way easier to manage. 

I had to drive around for a few hours to lose all of the crazy fanatics, when I noticed we weren’t being followed, I headed back to Allison’s. 

I could take him to Elliott’s, but I don’t think poor Elliott should form his first impression of the famous Klaus I’ve been talking so much about for the last two years when he’s drunk as a skunk.  

When we arrived, it was already evening. I knocked while trying to hold Klaus up.

- Hola, está Allison… En casa buena? - Spanish was really not his specialty, especially not after that much alcohol - did you know Vicky goes completely loco when I speak other languages? I bet she’s all horny right now… 

- Oh, sweet Jesus - Allison shook her head - how did you let this happen, Vicky?

- He had a really bad day, I thought he deserved a drink, I didn’t know he would drink this much.

- Oh, have you met our brother Klaus? Have you seen him at all in the last 30 years? 

- I know! I’m sorry, his cult is back and they are all insane, we couldn’t get to the mansion, can we please crash again?

- The couch is all yours - Allison said.

- Don’t go chasing waterfalls - Klaus slurred - stick to the rivers and the lakes  that you’re used to, bitches! 

- You know you’re the one who’s gonna have to take care of his hangover, right?  - Allison shot me a look.

- I’m well aware - I groaned.

“Vicky, if you can listen to me please come to the party, come to the party right now! We need you!” I heard Five’s voice and furrowed my eyebrows.

- What does that little jerk think I am? A walkie-talkie? - I said as I put Klaus down on the couch - Klausie, baby, sleep tight, okay? Five and Diego need me for a little bit.

Allison handed me a blanket that I used to cover him up before kissing his forehead softly.

- Nooo! Stay with me… - Klaus whimpered - I need you!

- I’ll be back in just a few hours, you won’t even notice.

- Pinky promise? 

- Pinky promise… - I kissed him once again - Hey, Alli, do you have a dress I can borrow?

- What’s the occasion? 

- Gala at the Mexican consulate…

- Sure, I can figure something out… - Allison chuckled.

She gave me this amazing dress that looked like the one Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but the skirt was shorter and wider. She matched it with a headband and a pair of low heel shoes, in case I needed to run. 

I took the car and went to the consulate, hoping to find my brothers still alive when I arrived. 

It was not hard to get in the party, I honestly thought they would be more careful when such important people were going to be there, but no… Not so big on security.  

- Here! Vicky! - Diego waved when he spotted me.

Great… Lila was there! I trust her as much as I trust Luther not to mention the moon for 24 hours.

- Hi, how’s your stomach? - I asked, giving him a hug and kissing his forehead.

- Better - Diego nodded - thanks for carrying me home.

- I took good care of him - Lila smiled.

- Oh, I imagine… - I murmured.

- I didn’t know you were coming, Five told me you were with Klaus - Diego said.

- I was, but Five sent a thought saying he needed me, where is he?

- He’s upstairs trying to get into dad’s meeting with the Majestic Twelve.

- What? Majestic who?

- It’s a long story, but basically these guys are dangerous and we think they want to kill the president - Diego whispered.

- Shit… Well, we better find them.

We all moved slowly upstairs, looking for the mysterious meeting.

- So, how’s Klaus? - Diego asked.

- He’s as well as you’d expect - I shrugged - he started a cult based on pop lyrics and now he’s running from his followers.

- That’s very Klaus - Diego agreed - are you guys… You know… Okay?

- Oh yeah, the talk we had the other day helped me a lot. Thanks, Dieguito.

- Dieguito? - Lila mocked.

- This is just how Vicky calls me - he turned red and looked down - ever since we were three, it’s kind of our thing.

- That’s sweet - she said, but even that sounded like a lie.

- Oh, found him - I sighed when I saw Five fighting a blonde guy dressed as one of the waiters.

When I turned to look back at Diego, he was being strangled by yet another blonde guy dressed like a waiter. A third one, just like the other two, came and started beating the shit of him.

Lila ran to help Five, so I ran to help Diego. I was able to get the third guy’s attention, he started hitting me instead. I just took every single punch, pretending to feel it, so he wouldn’t stop. 

I didn’t really see what Lila was doing, but she seemed to be very good at it.

Noticing Diego was still struggling with the strangler, I punched the guy on his ribs and finally got him to let go. 

Diego took care of one of them, I took care of the other. The fight couldn't have lasted more than two minutes until we threw them both out of the window, they were not that great at it, to be honest. 

Lila and Five ran downstairs, Diego and I shared a high five on our way down. I spotted Five quietly watching as dad (a much younger version of him) waited for his car.

- Great, you got my message - Five smirked when he saw me.

- Yeah, next time just send a Bat-Signal… - I rolled my eyes.

A woman, blonde and very well dressed, came out of the consulate. I couldn’t see her face at first, but when the light shifted, giving me a better view, I felt my stomach twist with excitement.

- Mom, I missed you so much! - I held her hand, not even realizing she would have no idea who I was.

- Excuse me? - She said with a southern accent, mom doesn’t have a southern accent - You’re the second person to call me that today.

- I’m sorry, it’s just… I thought you were… - That’s when I noticed she was a real person - You’re just as insanely beautiful as my mom.

- You and your brother are so weird - I expected her to be mad at the stranger creepily holding her hand, but she smiled.

- Let’s go, Grace - dad came by to take her, he looked me up and down with a face that mixed anger and disgust.

- Goodbye - I waved at her and she waved back.

Five ran by me, trying to catch dad’s attention, he started reciting part of the Odyssey in Greek. I remember when father made us learn that shit, it was so boring… 

Dad looked at him for a few seconds, intrigued, before getting in the car.

- Next time be more specific about your exact location - I said, using my hand to wipe the blood from Five’s face.

- I will remember that… I’m starting to get the feeling dad’s avoiding us.

- I hate to be the boring one, guys, but we should get the hell out of here - Lila rubbed the back of her neck.

- When you say “we”, who exactly are you referring to? - Five shot the question with his famous snarky tone.

- Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence - Lila looked at us.

- Listen, I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but whatever it is, I’d advise you to return posthaste.

- She’s right, Five - Diego cut in - we gotta leave.

- I just saved your life, you kinder-shit! - Lila shouted.

- That’s the problem, you’re too good, you ask too many questions, you know too much and you fight like you know what you’re doing… 

- So I know how to handle myself and that makes me the bad guy?

- Whoever you are, you’re in my way. If I see you again, I will kill you!

- Let’s go, I’ll drop you off at Elliott’s - I said, swirling the keys in my hand.

- You’re gonna drive? - Diego looked at me scared. 

- Don’t look so surprised, I’ve been practicing today and I didn’t hit anything… Yet.

- Give it to me, I’ll drive and drop you off wherever you are having your pre-apocalyptic honeymoon with Mr. Cult Leader… - Five grabbed the keys.

- I was getting my ass handed to me back there, you helped Five, not me… Why? - Diego looked at Lila.

- Because he’s a kid and you’re a man! Bloody act like one! Besides your sister was there to help you…

Diego nodded, taking my hand as we made our way to the car.

- Diego, I…

- I’m used to dealing with liars, Lila - Diego looked back - but I like it better when I know what they’re lying about.

[inkysninky]

My friend gives her opinion on the Obey Me boys’ outfits. Part 2

My friend is @23rotini23

Let the judgement continue

Asmodeus

Casual - 5/10

Oh god, this guy...

Is that supposed to be a scarf? He’s wearing it wrong.

This soggy fucking sandwich tastes better than his fashion style!

Why the fuck does his jacket have two goddamn zippers on it?! There’s no way he can take that motherfucker off.

Not to even fucking mention his belt. It just doesn’t go with the rest of it. It’s just so outputting and disgusting.

The bright ass pink shirt is also disgusting.

Each item ALONE would look good. But smashed together, it’s disgusting.

Demon - 3/10

What the fuck are those pants?? They look like two different pants stitched together. At least one side looks nice. Also the belt buckles ON THE PANTS?? That must be uncomfortable as fuck. Disgusting.

The shirt vest thing is hideous! The roses conflict so much. If the roses were grey with the buckle side of the pants it would be better, I guess. Too much black on black. A collar but short sleeves??? WHY?!

The bracelet cuff things? WHY. It doesn’t fit and it’s distracting. Probably uncomfortable.

Points for the scorpion thing. It’s cute.

He kinda looks like he’s trying to scratch his coochie without you noticing.

His shoes are hideous. That grey on the shoes is gross. At least it matches the buckled pants.

Beelzebub

Casual - 7/10

I don’t like his jacket, but I can understand where it’s coming from.

The suspenders aren’t doing it for me.

He looks like a really bad skater boy.

The most DISGUSTING part of him is his shoes. Green fucking laces! The orange outlining is gross but understandable.

He is not wearing fucking socks! I HATE people who don’t wear socks unless it’s like flip flops or something.

Demon - 9/10

It’s actually pretty nice. I like how everything flows together.

But the white belt and sleeves are too bright are too bright compared to everything else. Should be a lighter grey.

His pants on the right are a bit eh, but cool.

Edgy but not over edgy. Nice.

Look at dem boots. I want a pair.

Belphegor

Casual - 6/10

Oh my.

Okay so first off he looks like he’s either ready to go to bed or go to a sleepover.

His pants are so off colored with the rest of the outfit it’s disgusting.

His boots are HIDEOUS especially with the rest of the outfit.

I can appreciate the basic shirt and the jacket that kinda looks like it should be a blanket.

The pillow is something I would buy if I saw it on amazon one day.

Demon - 4/10

The jacket is just not vibing with me. The way it’s structured doesn’t make sense.

DOES HIS SLEEVES HAVE HOLES IN THEM??? That’s like purposely having holes in your socks. DISGUSTING.

His pants are okay I guess. Too baggy for me.

His tail is fluffy and I love it

But those shoes... they looked nice at first but then I looked at them. They open up like a bowl at the top??? Who??? What? Why. Who would make those and be like HMMM PERFECT??

[greetjk]

Ironfam Whump/Angst Fic Recs

Here is a masterlist of some of my all-time favorite whump/angst Spider-Man fics! If anyone is looking for some good reads while in quarantine, here you go! Be sure to read the tags and warnings associated with each story, because many of them have potentially triggering or sensitive subject matter. Read safe!!

CHAPTERED FICS

A Parent Apparent by happyaspie (446k+, ongoing)  

Where Tony and Peter’s relationship grows into more of a father/son relationship after an accident involving Aunt May (who lives).

Identity Theft by KitCat992 (244k+)

It's been months since the events of Civil War, and the Avengers are doing their best to remain a team, having promised to forgive and forget. Unfortunately for them, Tony Stark's latest invention has been stolen and recovering it causes tension to reappear.

Meanwhile, in Queens, Peter Parker has two main priorities on his plate — complete his midterm finals, and track down a fishbowl wearing criminal that may or may not lead him right into the hands of the Avengers.

Somehow between all of this, Spider-man's identity is revealed to the Avengers, Steve and Tony's friendship may permanently be damaged due to continued hidden secrets, and Happy struggles to buy a youth-sized casket for Peter's funeral.

Things were a lot easier when they were fighting over Bucky Barnes.

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle (200k+) 

Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.

So he leaves.

Simple.

Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on.

And that’s when things get complicated.

ever in your favor by iron_spider (153k+)

Peter startles awake when someone shakes him.

“Sorry, honey,” May says. Peter blinks a couple times and she comes into focus, her hair pulled back from her face. She’s trying not to look a certain way, but he can see it in her eyes anyway. She clears her throat, keeps talking. “But it’s…” She glances away, wets her lips. “You gotta get ready.”

He remembers what day it is, and his heart beats like a drum at someone’s execution. But he tries to put on a mask, make it all seem normal. It’s everything but, despite the fact that he’s been dealing with reaping day since he was born, between himself, Ben and May. That fear that one of them could be taken away. Sent to surefire slaughter. But now Ben is gone, taken despite never having his name drawn from a bowl, and May’s finally safe. Now Peter’s name is in there alone. The last Parker sitting on the chopping block. He doesn’t know how to be. He doesn’t know what normal is, when the Hunger Games are looming on the horizon.

I Never Knew I was Broken by GotMyInkPen (111k+, ongoing) 

Peter Parker has been living in HYDRA ever since his parents died at age four. All he can remember are the lesson's HYDRA taught him and a series of words that strike fear into his heart. The only thing driving him forward are the memories of meeting his hero The Winter Soldier when he was seven and the goal to one day be as great an assassin as him.

At age sixteen Peter finds himself tangled in the lives of the Avengers and can't help but wonder if there's more to life than what he's been told.

Tony wants to help him, no matter what.

In the Home by aloneintherain (68k+)

The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.

“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room—”

Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes—

Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.

Promotions Aren't Always A Good Thing by Svn_f1ower (67k+) 

"When Peter was almost thirteen, May met Carter."

"Not too many months after Carter moved in, May got a promotion at work."

When May gets a new boyfriend, Peter's okay. When Carter moves in, he can deal. When May gets a promotion so she works days and Carter works nights, Peter finds it harder to deal. When Carter starts abusing him, he begins to feel crushed by the weight of it all.

Archetype by Bean_reads_fanfic (57k+)

Tony knows something is up when the research of ex-Hydra agents gets recycled in an underground Oscorp lab… what he doesn’t expect is the boy in a hospital gown sticking to the ceiling; or, how said boy proceeds to imprint on him like a baby duckling (a poor decision on his part, really). Did he mention he wasn’t intending on bringing home a kid that day?

Filling the Gaps by ironfamjam (53k+)

Tony looked at him, bold and true and utterly sincere, “Kid, I’m on your side, no matter what.”

Like most good things, it started with an accident.

Well, kinda.

This is a story about how a snarky, emotionally stunted genius became more than a mentor and how a just-trying-to-figure-it-out, doing his best superkid became the son he never had. No matter how empty our hearts are, love can always fill the gaps.

There’s a hole in my head and my words are falling out by wolfpuppypiles (30k+)

Tony’s stomach clenched into a knot at the sudden cut off of Peters' voice because he hadn’t trailed off, no his word had been strangled before a groan and crash sounded from the other side of the door.

Steve jumped in fright at the crash and Tony’s stomach curled tighter at the heavy thump of something hitting the carpet. Something like Peter.

let’s kick it by CivilBores (28k+)

Tony and Peter’s relationship becomes strained after the events of Infinity War. When a mysterious alien gas infects Peter with a strange disease, they realize they need to pull themselves together or risk losing everything.

For Pete’s Sake! by KitCat992 (26k+)

Maybe he’d feel better if he closed his eyes, just for a second. It was too dark to see anything clearly anyway, and he’d be able to concentrate better without seeing how fast the ground was coming up to meet him.

A rush of wind sent goosebumps across his skin before two strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly, keeping him upright and from nose-diving straight into the alleyway cement.

Peter snapped his eyes open, blinking a couple times to clear his vision. Everything was blurry. Was that…?

“...ice cream man!?”

how can the body die? (you tell me, everything) by madasthesea (8k+)

Tony felt panic creep up his spine. Something was occurring to him, slowly percolating in the back of his mind.

“You said the stinger got you. Is Scorpion’s stinger venomous?”

“I don’t—” Peter cut off as he groaned, the muscles in his jaw tight. “I don’t know. He upgraded—he was faster. Bigger. I—I thought I could beat him.”

beam me up, mr. chewbacca by iron_spider (6k)

“It’s 4:58 in the morning,” Karen says. “Your morning alarm is set to ring at seven. By the time you make it home, you will not have much time to sleep. Less than an hour, and that’s only if you fall asleep immediately.” Peter hums to himself, blinking blearily. “I’ll go to sleep, it’s fine.” “And you have the Macbeth report due tomorrow,” Karen says. “Two thousand words, of which you have written...six.” “Oh shit,” Peter gasps, his heart jumping in his chest. “Okay, I’m not gonna sleep.” “This is the type of event that Mr. Stark has told me to inform him about,” Karen says. “Because he is aware you wouldn’t share this type of thing with him on your own.” “Do not do that,” Peter says, shooting another web and cascading through an alleyway. “For real. For real for real. It’s fine, I got it, he doesn’t need to know, okay? He’s busy, this is—Spidey business, I got this, I’ll tell him when it’s all over. All the details. Cross my heart.”

Poison Apple by whumphoarder (5k)

“I-I think something’s wrong with me.”

Ned gives a short laugh. “Pretty sure we established that when you puked in a corn maze. You’ve got like, food poisoning or something.”

Peter shakes his head. “No, not that.” He takes a few short breaths. “Chest feels weird. Kinda hard to breathe.”

ONE-SHOTS

On sleepless roads the sleepless go by frostysunflowers (10k+)

Peter and sleep have been avoiding each other lately. Enter Tony Stark, the man with many plans.

you heal my like the light of day by searchingforstars (9k)

Peter tries to hide a stab wound and an infection-fuelled fever is never any fun. Also, it turns out that Beck is still lurking in Peter's mind much more than anyone realised.

a numb road forward by WhimsicalEthonographies (5k)

The light is bright, painfully so, but Peter can’t jerk away, he can’t do anything because his body is being crushed by something heavy but not entirely unpleasant.

“Hey, there he is,” Mr. Stark’s face appears in front of him, blocking the white light, thank God, then May’s face is next to his, blurry and hazy but it’s them and that’s nice.

“Hi, baby,” May smiles but she looks sad. So does Mr. Stark.

Cyanide? In My Shawarma? by losingmymindtonight (4k+)

Pepper convinces Tony to bring Peter along on his first dinner with the Rogue Avengers since their pardoning.

Poor Tony had thought the whole thing was a recipe for disaster before someone decided to shove some cyanide in his food.

stop, don’t start by iron_spider (3k)

“Shit shit shit.” Tony severely underestimated this guy, if this is on him, because Tony has a backup plan for every backup plan in his suit, has protocols for every misstep, every frayed wire, every glitch, and yet here he is, someone else’s weapon.

The true horror of it doesn’t set in until Tony sees Spider-Man swing by—Tony raises his own hand, aims and locks on.

“No, no!” Tony yells, panicking. “No!”

He shoots a repulsor blast, and knocks Peter out of the air.

Something the Soul Needs by blondsak (3k)

As he races closer, Tony winces at the knowledge that Peter had to have already hit the pavement-- that he was too late. But when Tony finally gets around the last corner, he sees that no-- Peter didn’t hit the pavement. Instead, the scene that greets him is somehow inconceivably worse.

Rather than landing on the cement - which would have been bad enough - Peter had landed on a fence. An old, rusting, wrought iron spiked fence.

[creaturebehavior]

i was getting ready for bed so i was like i guess i will blow up my air mattress some more first. start blowing it up, then noticed an empty bowl next to my bed so i took that to the kitchen to rinse out really quickly and went to go back to my room and stop the air mattress inflating and my bedroom light was on but the hallway light was off and i wasn’t wearing my glasses so as i’m walking to my room, i see 4ish-inch long light brown colored shape walking slowly toward the bathroom and i was like okay thats either a lizard or a scorpion and honestly i was hoping it was a lizard so i hurried into my bedroom, shut off the air mattress inflater thing, turned on the hallway light, saw it was a big scorpion and was like oh fuck that, grabbed a demonia (big goth shoe) and smashed it

fuck that i am just trying to wind down and go to bed but now i feel like bugs are crawling on my body. god damn