#oh god she replied

[confetti-critter]

bruh I finally get over my debilitating anxiety about donating to gaza related fundraisers because theres so many ppl that need help and idk where to begin and i never feel like my money is helping at all and the

fucking website won't load 8D

[isa-ah]

met a really cool queer stranger today that i thought was just so fucking neat i wanted to talk but if we were playing tennis they were, with the most gentle and earnest voice ive ever heard, shoving the tennis racket down my throat. every compliment or joke i made was turned away but in the sweetest way possible that made me sound like an absolute asshole lunatic. it was so scary.

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)

so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.

anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)

If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.

To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.

The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.

I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.

so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you

[crimeronan]

Camila and Hunter bonding is so sweet but can you imagine: Camila showing Hunter how to properly care for Luz’s natural hair 🥺

(I’m sure they’ve been doing fine on their own since there’s plenty of hair type diversity among witches but the image is in my head and it’s cute and sweet weh)

WAH... i've been Deeply fond of hunter having annoyed darius into showing him when he and luz were younger, but i'm Equally fond of camila doing so. hunter is the most intense and attentive student in the World and camila is like haha you can relax!! you're doing great!!

tangentially related, a few days (weeks?) ago i made a post about hunter spending an entire night untangling/moisturizing/washing luz's matted hair in the worst timeline, bc she's stopped caring thanks to grief & she gets really freaked out by anybody else touching her & camila doesn't want to suggest cutting it when luz has had so little autonomy...

camila who's been Very Wary of hunter, seeing luz in the morning and being like "oh!! mija!! your hair!! it looks lovely, how did you....?"

& luz is like. oh it wasn't me. hunter did it. he's the most patient person in the World

hunter: it didn't require patience, really. i'm always happy to help :)

camila: ....hm. maybe i will die for this strange gaunt child.

[jintsuki]

they hugged

[arendellepeach]

another esc23 reunion tomorrow?? 😭

[desceros]

I feel like Donnie would be mush for his teeny, itty bitty little baby girl.

someone has been peeking in my google drive again i see....

yeah i think he (rise donnie specifically since that's the papatello i'm working on) would be one of those dads who has a big talk about how he's so strict, about the intense regiment he has his kid on to maximize their development, and he's always the most annoying piece of shit at the PTA meeting. flex brag flex brag

but then his little toddler comes up to him on wobbly legs and puts her hands on his calf, tapping at him for his attention and looks up at him with paint all over her face from where she got into the art supplies at the back of the classroom and made a huge ass mess, and he just melts at her crooked little grin (bc dad is the favorite) and is completely incapable of chastising her in any shape or form

that changes when she grows up and starts to act so much like him that he HAS to be firmer with her. the first time he has to put her in time out they both ugly cry a lot

[lanternlightss]

littol notebook ->📒(For the ask game!! :D)

(ask game)

*sounds of papers being dug through* OKAY. SO !!!

nameless bard and collei, right ?? (technically. actually. this fic wouldve been part of a series where nameless bard came across many many people of teyvat who happened to venture into old mond’s ruins, or the edges of mondstadt, or where simply wandering, and talked with them, about anything, about nothing. this all stemming from ,,, a small hc au thing where a ghost bard takes care of those that venti cannot immediately reach, or when he is preoccupied by something else. mond’s silly little grandpas.)

but back to collei and bard. two characters who have such a relationship in regards to gods. this fic would’ve had collei come swinging by mondstadt for a visit, and, perhaps, got lost in a storm on the way there. ending up huddled into a corner and devastatedly watching as her stuff is tossed into said storm. there, she meets a stranger who looks awfully like that one local bard amber and lisa talk about, who has run in to find her, and take her to safety.

throughout the way there, she wonders. why is it that this storm is so peculiar ?? mondstadt’s winds are never quite this strong !! is barbatos … angry, maybe ? was something done to have upset him ? (did they ever get angry at her, for when she …. )

“is barbatos ever upset?”

“upset?”

“would they ever get … you know, angry at someone, for something. if they hurt people.” (off note, HOW much of mond’s history does collei know, bc i feel like she would be interested in it, and amber would be more than willing to tell her about mond details.)

and bard … pauses. scowls. laughs. it would depend, wouldn’t it ? how are they hurting people ? are they malicious about it ? they are a kind god, see, and often go around to inconvenience those who have wronged them or their city. (they don’t answer, there are times barbatos is seething, times where people are reminded that the reason the mountains around them were halved by this same god, that the wind is playful, sweet—and dangerous, ruthless.)

then bard goes on to be like. why. if barbatos were to be angry at anyone, that honor would go to me !! my, if they knew of all the offerings ive took from them, they surely would smite me. (the entirety of the time, i just want the vibe that bard is assuring—you are not from here, no, but you are more than welcome as a free child all the same, you who have gained your freedom from despair. you who lives her life reaching for each new opportunity given. you are doing good.) also bard slightly. kinda. vagues at decarabian and other gods at some points.

i just think. bard, who lived his life under a god who did not understand them. collei, who lived her life thrown to the wolves, stuck with remains she did not ask for, who felt betrayed by the heavens for how they failed her.

and mondstadt, and barbatos, who may guide their people, but leaves them largely to make their own decisions. barbatos, whose appearances made are when their people are in distress, who would rather cut their wings off than leave mondstadt to burn. and how they would feel about that—about how this city has turned out, how it helped them, or !!!!!! just !!!!! yeagh

[lannisterdaddyissues]

mar now you HAVE to show us the chinese tom cruise omegaverse edge of tomorrow tweet. don’t just leave a girl hanging

oh it would be my PLEASURE, i was just waiting for you to ask

and personally i think this is twitter’s magnum opus even if nobody else agrees. nobody is insane about anything the way asians are insane about tom cruise. i respect their commitment to the bit

[gncrevan]

so ... kaos on netflix is bad, right? we all agree that it's uninspired and bad?

[hearts401]

ppl online get way too comfortable sometimes methinks

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[frida--y]

*shares an excel sheet so co workers can edit their projects and update them*

“please highlight your changes in green”

*co worker downloads the attachment after working on the shared sheet for a few lines and sends me the completed sheet on their end*

*never highlighted anything*

[crimeronan]

im think sm about the hypothetical in this shitty alt timeline of belos "gifting" luz an amity grimwalker, specifically luz walking up to amity, looking haunted and done and holding a baby that looks scarily similar to amity and just asking "how are you healing up?" when amity has NOT told her abt her injury.

OH GOD.

[peanutseagle]

oh my god i gave him. this drawing i did of him. but its not just based of any picture - oh no - it's based on a 5 yo class photo. I explained to him that my friend, who was his classmate back then, showed me the picture. That I got bored and just wanted to draw something, so I drew his 5th grader self. He smiled funnily and said "Well, it's not bad. Thanks"

Then he went back to his bros.

Me? I hid in the toilet, called my friend, and screamed her ears off.

[teabutmakeitazure]

girl in my common core shares all my unhinged interests i feel seen