#oh fuck oh shit this really DOES work well

[clockwayswrites]

Danny in Metropolis, ch3 p2

Masterpost

please no editing or concrit, brain and hands eepy.

“So, um, Lois invited you over for dinner Friday,” Kon said as they waited for class to end. He kept his eyes on doodle of Red Robin he was making. “She thought we could work on our project and offered to help too.”

“Lois?”

“Oh, um, my step-mom? I guess?” Kon answered before he paused and asked, “Does it count as a step mom when you didn’t have a mom first?”

“You know, I don’t know. I suppose it depends if you’re counting ‘mom’ as a role or from a biological perspective,” Danny answered without even a pause.

It was one of the great (and worrying) things about Danny, Kon could say the wildest shit and Danny would just roll with it. Still, Kon didn’t think it would be a good idea to say that he didn’t have a mom biologically either. He sure as fuck wasn’t putting Lex Luthor in the mother spot, even if Kon regrettably had some of his DNA.

“That’s a good point. Either way she offered. She’s a really good writer so she could be actual help,” Kon said. He added a bird chewing on Red’s hand. “And, like, totally can say no if it’s too weird or whatever, but, like, she said you could stay the night too if you wanted to stay for breakfast and work some the next day too or anything.”

“What is it with your whole family wanting to feed me?” Danny asked, sounding amused.

Kon risked a glance at him and shrugged. “I don’t know. Must be genetic.”

Danny raised a brow at him. “Step-mom.”

Kon rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, infectious or some shit. My dad’s from the Midwest; people are weird there.”

“Oh, no, that totally explains everything actually,” Danny said with a grin that quickly fell. “Wait, was my offer to help fix things enough?”

“More than enough.”

“But… okay, I should bring over a hostess present though.”

“Danny.”

“Not that I can bake a pie, but I bet there’s a bakery on the way—”

“Danny!”

-

Danny held out the box with the pie in it towards Kon’s parents. “Um, for desert, as a thank you.”

“Well isn’t that swell of you,” Clark said. He was obviously charmed by Danny, which Kon guessed was good.

[sturnstars5]

anatomy- chris sturniolo

based off of the most recent friday video (truth or eat)

summary: when you overhear chris labeling women’s body parts incorrectly, you make sure he knows the right anatomy afterwards…

tw: mdni, oral sex, face riding, sub chris, dom reader, suggestive terms, language

“so, chris, what are you gonna do when your future kid asks what a vagina is?” nick asks chris sarcastically

“well…i would tell them it’s a woman’s penis!” chris says, making everyone burst out laughing.

you’re sitting on the couch watching it all unfold, your 3 best friends laughing over woman’s penises and nick being an uncle.

the triplets keep filming, scarfing down tacos and burgers as they answer questions about themselves.

finally, they wrap the video up, telling their fans goodbye as they shut off the camera.

“well i’m gonna go to sleep, i have shit to do tomorrow.” nick says, walking to his room.

“yeah i’m gonna go hop on fort. y/n, chris, do you wanna join?” matt asks.

“nah im good. thanks though.” you reply.

“i might later.” chris replies.

matt shrugs and walks off, leaving you and your best friend chris watching movies all night on the couch.

you’re watching mean girls as a thought pops up in your mind, does he know how a woman’s body works?

you tried to forget about the though throughout the movie. that was your best friend, and no matter how attractive he looked right beside you, you shouldn’t be thinking about him sexually.

but it was so hard. the way the tv light reflected off of his big blue eyes, the slight stubble he had on his face, his biceps popping out of the tank top he was wearing.

it’s like he wanted you to think about him.

“hey chris?”

“yeah, what’s up?”

“did you mean what you said earlier?” you ask hesitantly.

“about what?”

“about vaginas being woman’s dicks and stuff, were you joking? or-“

“yes i was joking.” chris laughs, making you feel embarrassed.

“i mean, i think i was at least. i’ve never really seen one before.” chris admits after he finally stops laughing.

“so you’re..?”

“a virgin? yeah i am.”

you and chris were always close, but you had never gone as far as asking about his sex life. it was like an unspoken rule that you just didn’t talk about it.

“do you ever want to know what one looks like? because i mean, i could show you.” you say, seeing the obvious tent forming in chris’ pants.

“i mean ive thought about it…and seen one in videos before, but not in real life.” he replies.

“here chris, let me show you.” you say seductively.

he nods frantically, desperate to see your hot, wet core. you slowly undo the string on your shorts, letting them loosely fall to the floor, along with your shirt.

you instruct chris to lay down on the couch, making sure he stays put where he’s at.

lastly, you rip off your panties, exposing your wet pussy to your desperate best friend.

“wow.” chris says, stunned.

you walk over closer to him, putting your leg on either side of his shoulders as you hover over him, your pussy inches away from his nose.

“are you sure you wanna do this?” you ask.

“mhm!” chris grunts out.

you carefully sit down on his face, not putting your full weight on him.

at first he just sits there, with his tongue out and eyes wide open staring up at you, not knowing what to do.

“what do i do now?” he muffles, his cheeks and chin already slick with your juices.

“just…i don’t know..lick it.”

he does as he’s told, carefully running his tongue up and down your folds, not missing a single inch of your warm skin. he presses his hands down on your thighs, forcing you fully down onto his face.

“oh, fuck chris, are you sure you’ve never done this before?” you moan, amazed at how experienced chris seems at this.

he ignores your question, digging his tongue into your aching hole further. he buries his face into your bottom half, like he’s trying to mold himself to you.

his tongue puts more pressure on your clit now, pressing rough circles onto the sensitive nerves. you try to squirm on his face out of desperation, but the firm grip he has on your thighs leaves your unable to move.

as he eats you like a man starved, you reach down to chris sweatpants after noticing his hard dick.

you pull the pants down as best as you can without getting off of chris’ face, feeling him jerk as you run your hand over his boxers.

you grab the waistband of his boxers, peeling them off as his hard errection springs out. you spit on your hand, running it slowly over his long length.

chris bucks his hips up in need, groaning into your pussy, making it vibrate.

you stroke him faster, cupping his balls in one hand while gliding your hand over the rest of his dick in the other.

chris is going faster than ever on your pussy, relentlessly sucking the tender skin into his mouth as you jerk him off.

“mm, chris, keep going, i’m gonna cum.”

that must have been his inspiration, he goes faster and faster until he feels your walls pulsate and your sweet release coat his chin.

he still hasn’t came yet, so you keep stroking him faster and faster.

you go slower all of a sudden, teasing him just as he is about to release

“fuck! shit!” chris moans, unable to keep quiet.

“please please please!” he aimlessly groans.

“please what? use your words chris.”

“please let me come!”

you take pity on him, picking up your pace until you feel thick ropes of his warm liquid coat your hand.

“so, what did you think?” you ask as you both lay there breathlessly.

chris nods with a goofy smile on his face, unable to form any real sentence after what just happened.

“i’m guessing you know a women’s anatomy a little bit better now.”

[tennco]

part of me wants to look more into this supposed decline of touhou, it's fascinating. but here's what i got now.

1.there are overall less touhou fanworks being made

this is mostly measured by doujin circles that apply to conventions. which, while a big part of it, is not the whole sum, specially since nowadays more people may opt to share their work digitally. also fails to account that conventions had considerably less overall attendance post-pandemic and it's still too soon to tell if that has normalized again.

2.touhou and doujin are more commercial than before (got nothing myself but i'd be inclined to agree, sure. then again things like merchandise have been around for a long while)

3.less quality than before (not really i already went over this)

ok but to be fair there was a dip in popularity somewhere post-UFO right. which is one of the games people like to point out as the downfall, along with anything else ranging from MoF to HSiFS because who gives a shit anyways. but that's a little bit misleading, it's not that there was a dip after UFO, it's more likely there was a peak with UFO. and i did no research on this next point to be fair, other than ZUN's account who largely alleged to it around the time of UM, but like i implied earlier with digital mediums being so prevalent there is the possibility that the decrease in doujin circles on conventions could be the result of a shift in the general landscape and not an observation endemic to touhou.

alright so what about the community. well i'm gonna leave out the bigoted takes (which have significant overlap with the rest i wonder why) because they deserve nothing more than shut the fuck up. everything else is all over the place, these are some of the sentiments i've seen over the years.

cries about secondaries and whatever the fuck a "tourist" is supposed to be. "oh they don't play the games", and if they do it's "oh they don't read the print works" this is just stupid i got nothing else to say about it.

"porn is good" but also "porn is bad and everyone is a gooner" this is also stupid.

"everyone just agrees or justifies everything ZUN does, there's no criticism" sometimes, and that should change. it doesn't signify anything though.

"there's politics now" lol

"touhou should've stayed niche" it's still niche but i know right? it's like this used to be my little corner and now there's all these people i don't know playing with my toys in ways i don't like. come the fuck on man.

and i think that's the thing. it's not about the statistics or the quality or the content or whatever else. either these people have completely shut themselves off on their own volition due to this perception that others are "corrupting" this thing they love (i wasn't kidding about the overlap up there btw), or they don't accept they are just bored with the series and continue to linger for some reason, and instead of moving on to something else they just start looking for ways to justify their disdain because there's no way it's just me it's gotta be ZUN's fault or the fans or this or that. but above all this is nothing new, we've been doing this for almost twenty years, touhou's been dying for twenty years apparently come on.

anyways sorry for the rant. that's my message, if a piece of media is genuinely not making you happy anymore there's no reason to keep engaging with it, no one's forcing you to stay i promise. let go. this should be obvious.

[watarfallar]

Gay idiots... (I said with joy)

Grian: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!? Scar: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Scar: Holy shit, Grian, do you know what this means?! Grian: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

Scar: Hey, are you free? Grian: No, I’m expensive.

Grian: Wow, did you hear that voice crack? Scar: That wasn't a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.

Scar: We all have our demons. Scar, grabbing Grian: This one’s mine.

Scar: I only have 6 weeks left to live. Grian: Oh my god, really?! Scar: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

Grian: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Scar: But did I make you cry? Grian: cries on the spot Scar: …Shit.

Grian: You know, I used to play back in my gory days. Scar: You mean glory days? Grian: Ah, that too.

Grian: The joy of hanging out with Scar. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and they bite the tip of a marker off.

Scar: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? Grian: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Scar: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Grian: Scar, are you okay?! Scar: I told you to stop asking stupid questions!

Grian: Can we talk? One 10 to another? Scar: I’m an 11, but continue.

Scar: Grian… you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now. Grian: muffled mm hmmm :) Scar: Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Scar: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Grian: Oh, that was all real. Scar: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Grian: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

Grian, gently nudging Scar aside with their foot: Scar, move out of the way so I don’t trip on you. Scar, their eyes enormous: You kick Scar? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Grian! Jail for Grian for one thousand years!

While planning to break in somewhere Scar: Hey, let's do "Get Help!" Grian: What? Scar: "Get Help." Grian: No. Scar: C'mon, you love it! Grian: I hate it. Scar: It's great! It works every time! Grian: It's humiliating. Scar: Do you have a better plan? Grian: No. Scar: We're doing it! Grian: We are not doing "Get Help!" A Minute Later Scar, carrying Grian: Get help! Please! They're dying! Help Them! throws Grian at guards, knocking them out Scar: Ahh, classic! Grian: gets up I still hate it. It's humiliating. Scar, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

Scar: Did you know spiders can hold 8 guns at once? Grian: How does it WALK?? Scar: Scar: Did you know spiders can hold 7 guns at once?

Scar: Knock, knock. Grian: Who's there? Scar: Boo! Grian: Boo who? Scar: Why are you crying? Grian: I'm not crying. Scar: Hello notcrying, I'm Scar.

Scar, near tears: I have the sex appeal of a math book! Grian: I don’t know, dude, I’ve never met anyone that opened a math book and didn’t say “fuck me”.

Grian: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail. Scar: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

Scar: I hate you. Grian: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

Grian: Wait- Your arresting me because I'm a homo?! Scar: …Homicide. You killed your whole family.

[lilbitofsomthin]

Dead Pixel Anya and Tiny Crispy Curly

⚠️CURLYA RANT INCOMING⚠️

TLDR: I only ship Curlya after the crash in a happy ending AU I made up :D

Okay so imma take this opportunity to rant about Curly and Anya’s relationship and the ✨only✨ time I will ever even entertain the thought of Curlya as a ship (cause like most of it is what I see pre crash and I’m like ✨no thank you✨)

First off forget and I mean FORGET anything pre crash. My mans is not ready for all that is Anya. He’s the definition of unworthy. Has not had his ✨arc✨. Has not truly drank his fair share of respect women juice 😔

When it was Curlys turn to care for Anya he failed spectacularly, like a main plot point of the game is how bad he fucked up by standing aside and letting J*mmy hurt her. So BAM he becomes cosmically and ironically put into a mirror position to Anya’s in their relationship.

Because now, in an instant, his very life is now in HER hands. She is literally the only one who can save him. Idk all of the medical knowledge to understand just how royally fucked up Curly was, it’s safe to say that keeping him alive at any rate would’ve been difficult to do. So that fact that she did it, with only the bare essentials of medical supplies, by herself, is nothing short of incredible.

She worked herself to the bone for months to keep him alive. After knowing that he failed her. After knowing her didn’t protect her. Knowing, for a FACT, that he wouldn’t do the same, and she still saved him anyway.

I mean, I’m sure at some point Curly must have realized that too.

And like THATS the part where I’m like “if I was Curly I would’ve fallen in love with her a little bit”. Not in the “oh you saved me I’m indebted to you” or “severely trauma bonded” way, I’m speaking in the characters being able to kinda analyze even in crazy stressful situations (like all the monologues and stuff being very well written and deeply metaphorical gives me the idea that their all capable of self reflection (except of course for J*mmy but that’s not the point).

So like I imagine that Curly can reflect on the fact that, after he failed her, over and over and over again. To the point where everything literally blew up in his face. And when the tables were turned and it was his life in Anya’s hands? She held no resentment, no malice. She saved him over and over and over again. And he had to have realized how incredible of a person she was at that point.

But only now that he finally realizes it, he can no longer say do or say anything about it. And listen that’s not even getting into J*mmy revealing his more obvious abusive tendencies to Curly. Because now not only does he have perspective on how strong of a person Anya is but how horrific the abuse was from J*mmy while being on the receiving end of it. That’s like a double serving of empathy and understanding. I’d like to imagine that, if we got to play as Curly, he’d go through that realization. 🤷

Okay now that THATS out of the way let’s get to FANON SHIT!!!! Time for the happy ending aus baby! Listen I love the game but I wanna see the characters I love get to resolve their traumas cause they deserve it!! I KNOW WHY CANON IS THE WAY IT IS I JUST WANNA PLAY PRETEND ON THE INTERNET!!

Just a quick psa, okay back to it.

I like to imagine that in those rescue aus they happen riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight after Daisuke gets out of the vent and finds Anya (btw I’m gonna say at this point her body was under too much stress and she lost the pregnancy). Apparently overdoses can be reversed so let’s say our rescue team is able to work hard and save Anya and patch up Daisuke.

The rescue team is also clocking J*mmy immediately cause this is all REALLY fucking sketchy

“why’d you send the intern into a vent shaft that you knew was dangerous”

“oh Captain said if I did I’d make my boss proud 😄”

🧍🧍🧍🧍 “dude your like 40 why’d you send the intern half your age that’s fucked up”

like that alone is enough for them to be suspicious but once Anya’s up all bets are off. I mean the shit show J*mmy “captained” the Tulpar to mostly speaks for itself but once Anya can tell someone what happened to her they can put enough together to put him in whatever space brig they have. That’s because we got a rescue team of space feminists who believe victims baby!!!

“And who funded this whole rescue hmmmmm??” I hear you say? No one. Nope. 🙂‍↔️ Capitalism doesn’t get to take the fun out of my character study so imma say their “Volunteer Rescue for International Cosmic Waters” or something idk 🤷. That’s not the point. The point is that this is a big shit show that got revealed by people that Pony Express couldn’t pay hush money to. And when I mean revealed I mean, this became a huge news story cause it had such a great hook. I mean that was the whole advertisement for the game!

“Crew lost in space forced to eat mouthwash while their former captain has been mutilated in the crash”

I mean I saw that on like 5 different thumbnails. Anyway people love a good story and the one Mouthwashing tells with a RELIABLE narrator at this point is tragic BUT salvageable.

Like Curly is gonna have like serious medical intervention and Daisuke will probably need stitches for the gash in his arm and Anya will need to be hospitalized from the stress of keeping Curly alive alone. Swansea might need like, idk a Tylenol or something idk? But like they CAN recover, the wrongs that Pony Express allowed can’t be made right but can at least be helped out with.

I imagine that this news story is like planet wide news. If I know humans, we love to help when we have a target and this story was popular as hell. So id like to imagine that they could the crew with whatever financial troubles they would be having. Curly could afford operations, Anya could afford medical school (which she doesn’t need because you better believed she got full ride scholarships for SAVING A MAN MUTILATED FROM THE CRASH FOR MONTHS WITH A GLORIFIED FIRST AID KIT), Daisuke could go to college (I know some people headcanon engineering or art so take your pick) Swansea could even retire if he wanted idk.

And we get the rare satisfaction of getting to see someone like J*mmy to be revealed for exactly what he is on a global scale. He’s tried, prosecuted and the world is on the crews side and they become micro celebrities (kinda like those news stories where everyone talks about it and pushed a bunch of support for like 2 weeks then moved to the next thing) cause fuck you capitalism human nature is enriched in empathy 😤

So here’s where I like to imagine where fix it fics start. The stage is set, therapy bills are paid and while everyone gets a nightmare or panic attack every now and again, things have officially been given the “happy ending au” stamp. So call “my version” of the story an angst with a happy ending rather than the original tragedy and cautionary tale 🤷

So like NOW we can START on the POSSIBILITY of curlya.

That’s right the idea of these characters getting together is a tick that has crawled in my brain and I am cursed.

Because now Curly has his chance to drink respect women juice. And you better believe my man’s gonna chug that shit. And honestly I can see Anya respecting Curly for trying to grow. Like everything is 1000% platonic (I mean maybe a little one sided crush on Curlys side and maaaybe something develops later on) and the main 4 crew are all kinda hanging out for a few reasons (interviews and meet and greets or whatever people who survive major news stories do) and also like they DID go through a shit storm together so their a little trauma bonded but in a found family way.

Anyways THIS is where I imagine all Curlya stuff to take place. This fun low stakes “we made it through the storm and now we can rest on the shore” kind of happy ending zone.

And like maybe they can get up to shenanigans and work through their trauma and love and support each other. That’s like where my fan content takes place 🧍

⚠️SO IF I EVER POST ANYTHING AND TAG IT AS “CURLYA” THIS IS THE CONTEXT IM PUTTING IT IN!!!!! I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WAS OFFICIALLY RELEASED IN CANON OR IN THE CONTEXT OF THE GAME!!!! I SHIP CURLYA AS A PURELY FANON CONCEPT⚠️

Like idk if this is media literacy or brain rot at this point but that’s my rant thanks for reading :D

[stealingyourbones]

Submitted Prompts #54

“Vlad Masters Plasmius of Earth, you have great love in your heart, welcome to the Star Sapphires.”

[angelogistics]

bestows the highest honor upon beloved characters (lion dance AU)

[monstermoviedean]

"it's the same in other countries" no the fuck it is not. "yeah in my entirely different field it's exactly the same" no the fuck it is not. literally any anecdote i tell about my (limited!) teaching experience gets me a starbucks drive thru meme response. it is NOT the same. you do not fucking get it.

[onlyasimp4nobody]

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[hauntingblue]

Them doing a photo lineup of the mugis for the battle and when it's Robin's turn she just turns and does a blue eyed stare at the camera 😭😭

Look at her 😭😭

[lord-squiggletits]

"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.

One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority

[blujayonthewing]

so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude

[lesbiansanemi]

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FILE TYPES RRRAAAHHHHH

[fnvbennygecko]

erm. well im going to talk about my dream in the tags i guess

[camgoloud]

DOMINATRIX CHASE?????