#oh also metagaming

[lavellane]

third playthru antics so far involve gale agreeing to the hag's bargain and getting his eye fucked up in the process <3 and tbh i actually think this is the funniest possible choice they could make as a party since they all dismiss ethel's "netherese magic BLEUGH" reveal as just a symptom of gale already having that shit in his system. like its too much of a coincidence for something so ancient and mythic to happen TWICE to the SAME random guy so theyre all like yeah no shit !!!! gale is the netherese guy !!!! we knew that like a week ago idiot !!!!! foresight is not a gift im givng these people i am so sorry king </3

[readymades2002]

speaking OF misericorde and misericorde spoilers btw

i have been thinking about these two exchanges since reading them for the first time. WHAT DID THEY MEAN BY THIS!!! i am absolutely unceasingly intrigued by eustace’s stumble there and what it could mean! my current leading thoughts which almost definitely don’t account for everything (eustace going from ‘in the [morning?]’ to ‘later’ is its own fun mystery to solve) are that either eustace is lying about needing to check for the book For Whatever Reason, OR that the superior knows things about the library that eustace doesn’t. 

i am leaning towards the latter interpretation because i think that has some capital R Ramifications! at this point (one chapter in, mind you, so who knows what is yet to be revealed) i’m feeling positive that eustace and the superior are In Cahoots in a similar way as hedwig and the superior. i think that both of them having access to the relic room is notable and i think that in this context eustace telling hedwig not to snoop around the library while the superior knows things eustace doesn’t is soooo loaded. god i want to know whats going on there. eustace asserting boundaries to hedwig that she can not assert to the superior, the superior playing moves ahead, the superior invading eustace’s life and fragile peace the way she has invaded hedwig’s, catherine’s place in the library and how it factors into this, etc etc...

i also think that this is really worth noting what with medea showing up on hedwig’s bed. iirc a fair bit of catherine’s things ended up with eustace, and this copy of medea, if it was truly meant for hedwig (which i remember being suspicious of? it is very convenient that it showed up on her bed and she accepted it easily enough in her kind of desperate and romantic way that i am not quite taking it as fact), would reveal a connection between catherine and the alleged Only Woman Who Had No Connection To The Murder Victim that would shoot even more holes in the superior’s plan to have the single least qualified woman in the world to investigate a murder investigate a murder. i think that eustace likely had the means to get this play to hedwig, or to know where this play is in the library and be able to access it, and that it could be...hm. HM

i am puzzling this out as i go so sorry if its incoherent (big surprise) but i think that eustace being in cahoots with the superior makes her attempts to chase hedwig away very, very interesting. it feels like a warning and a threat at the same time. i think there’s a case you could make (a faulty case, almost definitely, but a case) that if eustace and the superior are collaborators, they could be involved in catherine’s murder, and they could be aware of hedwig’s connection to her, aware that the anchoress could have heard things from catherine’s pursuit of this Unnamed Conspiracy that she should not know, and could be acting to shut her up now? question mark? in the sense that eustace is being used as a weapon by the superior? i don’t think they murdered catherine (her having two different wounds stands out to me), but i think they could have definitely found her body and then arranged it in the striking way she was found. its like...its like what eustace was doing with the armor. creating an atmosphere to warn people off. though eustace as the superior’s tool warning hedwig (in a very similar situation. theoretically. if i am not fishing in the air) carries a feeling of “do not end up like me” that i think is cool

which is kind of the reason behind a lot of this, because only one chapter in i EXTREMELY doubt there’s even enough information to Solve the murder (we still don’t know SOOOOO much) but there is already enough being set up that i think this is perhaps not entirely an ungrounded thought process. maybe. perhaps. i just think that the idea of eustace being in hedwig’s situation is cool and i also think that someone being made to tamper with their friend’s murder scene to send a message against everything they wish because someone else has leverage on them is just. i think as a concept that it is compelling. to ME

also i’m not throwing my weight behind any of this because i am very foolish and i do not trust my ability to read mysteries all that much but i’m definitely having fun!!

[blujayonthewing]

IN MY FEELINGS. ABOUT AUBREE.

[queenlua]

hey lua what decks do phoenix aceattorney and miles aceattorney play in magic

PHOENIX WRIGHT

once upon a time, a friend bullied me into going to a Pro Tour Qualifier, which was probably the largest Magic tournament i’d ever been to at that time, right?

i was happy to be bullied, to be clear, but the problem was… i hadn’t played standard-format Magic competitively in about 2-3 years.  so my knowledge of the current metagame, what deck archetypes were popular, and what the current cards even were, was staggeringly limited.

“it will be fine,” said my friend.  “here, take this spare deck i built.  it’s super-straightforward and easy,” he lied.

he said this to me approx. 8 seconds before the first round began, so uhhhhh, i sure was playing a game of magical cards without ever having even looked at the damn deck before!

so, lo, literally in the course of playing the deck, i was learning how this shit was supposed to work.  “oh!” i’d exclaim with delight, halfway through my turn.  “THAT’S how those two cards are supposed to interact.  oh that’s super clever.  what a neat combo.”  and then i’d proceed to shiftily look at my opponent over my cards, riffle those cards a lil bit, and then say “pass” with as much of an enigmatic vibe as i could muster.

meanwhile, my opponent was Actually Prepared, and they were Trying To Win, and they were pissed.  they threatened to call Slow Play on me because i was taking so fucking long reading all the cards.  as in, he literally called a judge over, who stood there watching me the whole time, in order to determine if i was being Criminally Bad At Magic versus just A Regular Amount Of Bad At Magic, and i was sweating bullets the whole time because i didn’t know this deck or their deck or any of those cards and AHHHH why is the judge staring at me!!!

….which only served to make it EXTRA-humiliating for this poor fuck when i proceeded to eviscerate them 2-0.  hahahah get dunked onnnnnnnn nerd!!!

and then i also proceeded to eviscerate my next opponent???

sheer dumb luck.  i cannot overstate how ill-prepared i was for this tournament.  i absolutely did not deserve these wins.

meanwhile the friend who gave me the deck was having a much worse time with their deck, and they were like “what the fuck. you weren’t supposed to win. how are you winning with that shit, my deck’s so much better than yours”

anyway.  i think that’s the kind of scenario Phoenix would get into if he were an MtG player.  dude Gets Himself Into Situations And Then Uses Cleverness + Bullshit + Luck To Get Out Again.

(AA4-era Phoenix seems like he’s doing the same thing… but, in reality, he’s actually been meticulously crafting his deck in secret for the past six months.  he’s not even aiming to win the tournament, he’s just exploiting a known weakness in the opponent-matching system that lets him know with certainty who he’s going to get matched up against (spoiler: first round is Kristoph), and he’s hyper-optimizing his deck to beat Literally Only Those People.  meanwhile, Apollo, who built a tryhard hyper-optimized variant of Red Deck Wins, is lowkey annoyed that Phoenix's seemingly-random pile keeps vaulting him just one table above him in the standings, because Apollo knows his deck is better. he knows it!!!! just let him go 1v1 and prove it aaaaughhhh!!!)

((also, in case you want Actual Concrete Cards And Colors And Stuff: in general i think Phoenix prefers limited play (draft, sealed, "anything where you open booster packs on the spot & throw a deck together") to constructed play, because he doesn't like being tied down to any one game plan. when he does play constructed, i think he's less attached to a specific colors and more attached to specific mechanics. in particular: he's not a combo player exactly, but he likes mechanics that feel like bullshit. dude saw Madness for the first time & his eyes lit up & he was in LOVE, "you mean i'm discarding the card but then i can cast it for free??? hell YES." he absolutely ran a poison counter deck during New Phyrexia. ah fuck i just realized he was probably a huge stan for noted awful expansion Battle for Zendikar, i think i gotta cancel him now, sorry))

((and i think Phoenix also has a touch of Timmy in him! like, i went to a huge state tournament once with a bunch of really skilled players, and there was this one dude in our car who had a really solid deck, clearly adhered to a lot of the trends in the meta at the time... but his win condition was a Shivan Dragon. which wasn't a bad card at the time, it was a reasonable win condition, but it was... slightly suboptimal? not at all the obvious pick? sort of random? and multiple people asked him "why is that your win condition" & he shrugged and said "i like dragons." so the dragon stayed & that dude ended up getting second place in the whole tournament so FUCK optimal play, bring a dragon. i think Phoenix would sneak in a dragon now and again. just 'cause))

MILES EDGEWORTH

this one is trickier!!!

young!Miles is just going to play Whatever The Meta Deems To Be The Best Deck, right. the von Karma perfection thing and all. it's all very boring & micro-optimized to be the Best Deck Of Its Kind & he pours over the results of the big name tournaments week after week & does some math or whatever to hyper-optimize his own build of the Obviously Correct Deck. there is no soul in any of this, purely Executing On A Formula.

...but then he experiences Character Growth & has his big gay crisis & now he has to pick up the game again. he opens the latest tournament results... clicks around some win % stats for various cards in a desultory kinda way, and... his heart's just not in it, right?

enter 2-4 era Miles. 2-4 era Miles is playing some utterly unhinged Five Color Good Stuff thing. there's a lot of Planar Chaos cards in there, because that whole set was about Weird Shit & cards doing Stuff You're Familiar With (But In The Utterly Wrong Color!!!) & all that is resonating with Miles more than he'd care to admit. he cannot possibly talk about his unnecessary feelings but he can make a weird noise rock album about them. and by noise rock album i mean this fucking Magic deck.

and he's playing this deck with a 100% straight face, as though this is the exact same behavior that won him the Junior Super Series five years in a row & not a desperate cry for help from a madman. everyone else is like Miles... are you playing fucking singletons... in a fucking standard deck... you know your deck will be more consistent with four-ofs right... and then he gives a cool fish-eyed stare & taps out to cast some arcane bullshit legendary creature & gives a single rap of his knuckles against the table to indicate that he's passing the turn.

and it works, is the thing! all those years of training to be the Spikiest Spike Ever have paid off; this Five Color Good Stuff thing relies on some pretty clever insights to make the mana base work, and parts of what he's doing eventually get adopted by the larger metagame to become an Actual Serious Deck. but, like. it's still a monstrosity. any skilled players watching are still definitely wondering Are You Okay, Dude.

after 2-4, i think Miles settles back into playing something more normal. he still cares about winning, but he's going to do it with a touch of class. he wants a game that involves dialogue, some actual back-and-forth, because just trying to combo off is lame coward behavior.

aw yeah baby we're talking counterspells!!!

he's a blue player at heart & he's happiest when he's updating the autopsy report shutting down whatever his opponent's plan is. he'll splash other colors as the occasion calls for it, but he'd be happy running mono-blue the rest of his life. like, i ran a pretty fun Legacy deck back in the day which consisted of:

every kind of counterspell i could get my hands on,

propaganda because FUCK creatures,

thieving magpies for the card draw,

and a few silver wyverns to, y'know, actually win the game

...and i think Miles would appreciate that deck. just play counterspells until the opponent runs out of steam & then cruise your way to victory with a couple birds. simple. elegant. classic. doesn't involve any of this modern Planeswalker bullshit (Miles regards most developments that happened to MtG post-Time Spiral block or so as affronts to game design).

(i do think Miles has a secret fondness for sagas as a card type, however. they remind him of all that Character Growth, but in an abstract/subconscious/nonthreatening way. too bad most of them are a bit of poor match for the kinds of decks he likes to play)

FINALLY: i think Miles hates playing Commander with every fiber of his being & Phoenix loves it & this is a pretty serious point of contention in their relationship. poor dudes

[keline11]

Missa and Tallulah day <tres

(A very loooooooooooong post)

Missa first day in the new island.

Missa: "Tallulah! little one! How are you? It's good to see you, mi niña. It's so ^nice that the first thing I see is you."

(^He said "lindo" that also means pretty <tres)

(Everytime tallulah's dads call her "mi niña" I melt <tres)

After Missa watched the new money sistem(?

Tallulah: "Don't worry apa, chayanne, papa phil and me are really poor"

Bbh was telling missa the places he could live in.

Tallulah: "In my house we also made you a little space apa :D"

Missa: "Thank you bbh but it seems like tallulah has a little space for me on her house so probably I'll be near to her"

Tallulah: "Well duh you're my apa :D of course we have a place for you"

Missa: "Thank you so much tallulah"

Bbh give him some iron and diamond.

Tallulah: "Apa you are already richer than papa phil, chayanne and me together"

Missa: "No no no this is ours, I'm not even going to use it, we're going to give this to philza so he can make better use of it than me, because I'm going to waste it I'm sure."

My boy was getting distracted colecting flowers for the house. <tres

He got jumpscared by a sheep.

Tallulah: "I'll protect you apa :D it doesn't matter if is a zombie or a sheep"

Missa: "Thank you so much tallulah, *To chat* my children, my dear children are going to be there to defend me, when I'm old, all wrinkled and old I won't be afaird of they taking me to a nursing home, because my little eggs are going to take me to eat ground vegetables.."

Chat: Skeletons grow old?

MIssa: "No, but those are details, I can pretend ok? I can pretend that I am an old man"

Tallulah: "That's the house of uncle cellbit, he is our neighbor"

Missa: *to chat* "I don't know, I was waiting for something more terrifying, look it has the hair dyed like an e-girl, you know?...wait Late?" (Late is a streamer that has his hair like that, half red half dark)

Tallulah: "welcome home :D"

Missa: "this place is beautiful"

Missa:*sees chayanne* "chayanne, my son"

Tallulah: "we are poor but our house is perfect for 4four"

Missa: "It's really beautiful, we don't need money when we have each other"

Tallulah: "this is your bed"

Missa: *gasp* "it's perfect, it has memory foam, it's like that ones that you can put an egg on the side- literaly! the kind where you put an egg on the side and nothing happens to it (to the egg)"

They went to get materials to do a painting, and they were attack by a skeleton and a zombie.

Tallulah: "are you ok?"

Missa: "I am- are YOU ok? you have arrows everywhere! you look like a porcupine!"

Tallulah: "I am really strong"

Missa: "Oh! I can see that! perfect! you are prepared for everything"

Let's look at the glow up of that drawing.

They showed their drawings. (I just remembered that day were missa and chayanne also draw something for philza...pipipippipi)

Tallulah: *about missa's* "It's so good"

Missa: *about tallulah's* "Its beautiful"

They went to the museum, tallulah explained when the atm was bugged and they could get infinite money.

Missa: "Tallulah I am going to tell you a story I used to be in a team, of people really talented and nice, they teach me to play, I didn't learn much, but that team was called "Vacio Legal", they were the best, they were what formed who I am, a disaster"

Tallulah: "Did you also steal money?"

Missa: "No, not necessary, but let's say that we were on the edge of the law. those were good times."

Tallulah: "Later you tell me about them"

Missa: "Sure, sure, there are a lot of stories I could tell you about them"

Tallulah gaslighting missa.

Tallulah: "apa you are giant, you didn't know that? :o"

Missa explained the context that he knew, the reference of the picture, but chat told im that there were 2 contexts so he say to not tell him, because metagaming.

Tallulah: "It's just that you are giant"

Missa: "...There is something hiden that I am not understanding, philza and I have the same high, I think"

Missa: "look at him(maximus) I would also marry, kiss and kill, at the same time- no just kidding, it's not true you didn't heard that, it's a joke tallulah! IT'S A JOKE!!!

Tallulah: "a poco si tilin" (really?...)

Missa: *Laughing* It's not true, it's not true, maximus is my friend, my bro... Everything romantic and nice that they have said has already gone to shit." (I don't know of who he was talking)

Talllulah: "yyyyyy I am going to tell my papa"

Missa: "DON'T TELL HIM! TALLULAH, IT'S NOT TRUE, IT WAS A JOKE, JOKE! BAZINGA! No! ok"

Outside the museum, missa got hiccups.

Missa: "Tallulah did you know, fun fact about Missa Sinfonia: I have hiccups 90% of the time"

Tallula: "apa missa's lore :o"

Mobs attacking again.

Missa: "Tallulah, are you ok?" *tallulah says yes* "It's because you are really strong, you endure everything!"

Missa: *almost dying* "Tallulah i want to let you know that I always love you"*he doesn't die*"oh"

Missa: "BIRD... noo, tallulah can we take another one? i don't want to bother him"

More mobs attack.

Missa: "let's go home tallulah, I don't want to be here anymore tallulah, lets go home... no, no, no, why it sounds like you are dying? why? are you ok?"

Missa: *down at two hits* tell me you are not gonna die, please, please, you are not gona die, right?"

Missa: *now ok* "tallulah you are really strong and a good fighter, you are awesome"

At home

Tallulah: "Apa I have a gift for you before you go *gives him a Aster flower* I grabbed it because even though you are a skeleton, you are a sun/sunny with everyone and you shine a lot."

Missa: *Cries* Look tallulah, in the way here I was collecting flowers, but then I notice that all our house was packed with flowers, so it's one flower among many... this family is like a flower, there are many and many types but this one is the most beautiful"

Tallulah: "But this ones are yours so they are more beautiful"

Missa: *Crying* "tallullah I love you so much... I want the day I die, to be buried with these flowers... I can't die I am a skeleton, but I can bury myself the day I want and it is valid"

Tallulah: "JASADASJDSJ Don't say those things... You are not going to die :("

Missa: "No, don't worry, just like you I am inmortal, we are inmortals"

Tallulah: "Good nigth apa :D I liked seeing you and spending time with you <3 love you, see you soon :D"

Missa: "I love you too tallulah, see you soon then, my daughter, rest well and have sweet dreams"

END (8

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I can see how terastalising will probably work fairly well in the metagame, but I think they use it very, very badly in-game. Like, it's happened multiple times now that I fight a gym leader by using a single Pokémon of mine to just sweep their whole monotype team, and then they send out something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT to finish and I'm like 'Shit, fuck, I wasn't prepared for -"

And then they terrastalise it into the same monotype, so it's no problem whatsoever

It's a missed trick! Like, okay, Grusha: the Ice gym. Currently, he sends out four Ice types and then the topper is an Altaria - a problem in an Ice gym, since of the four types Ice is weak to (Fire, Fighting, Steel and Rock) Altaria actively resists the most common two and takes normal damage from the third. But he terrastalises it, so it becomes equally weak to all four while providing nothing new to his team whatsoever.

But. BUT. If he were to reverse this! Let's say he finishes on a Mr Rime instead. Ice/Psychic, so it can handle Fighting types already, and so its Ice weaknesses are reduced to the Fire/Steel/Rock trinity.

If it then terrastalises into a Ground type, he can now defend against all four. It's not insurmountable, of course, you can still use Water or Grass or even Ice (oh the irony) to shift him. But that's much harder to do when you walked into an Ice gym armed with your Fire and Steel types knowing what to expect. That's going to keep you on your damn toes.

Missed trick, is what I'm saying, and also I'm very sorry to Grusha for having just annihilated his whole team with a single Ceruledge because he seems to be a broken man I think

[kindlespark]

sam i didnt even watch fhjy but can you tell me more of ur thoughts abt kipperlilly? any thoughts even stream of consciousness, she seems so teenager rage gone wrong im so fascinated by her

HJBFESJBFEKSFS THIS IS SO FUNNY OFC ok this is going to be a range of thoughts about the reactions i've seen from both ends of the rat grinder Discourse™

i think it's fine to be like, yeah, what kipperlilly's anger stems from is like deeply unsympathetic and comes from a very privileged status. i think being like "no that's normal for a teen girl" is silly. she is very much not normal she's a little upper-middle class brat and i love her. i love that she's so deeply distasteful and unappealing to people LOL. hate when female characters have to be smoothed down to be liked! like we don't have to downplay her negative traits when people are obsessed with male serial killers all the time etc etc

BUT i also think people forget that like... the bad kids were reading private thoughts she shared with her therapist (which is a massive invasion of privacy)! like of course it was fucked up. that's why she was going to a therapist lmao!!! it stresses me out that people are this vitriolic about a teen character who is pretty explicitly mentally ill and trying to get better about it but is being manipulated by a deity of rage and possibly her adult vice principal like. you don't have to LIKE her but calling for her to be violently murdered is wild to me. the bad kids had never even HEARD of her before this season and you can metagame about brennan not having invented her character yet all you want but in canon u gotta assume she was successfully keeping that rage down until she got got and is now being actively corrupted by a powerful rage deity lmaoooo

and like! she got her narrative punishment!! the monkey's paw curled and she lost her best friend she's got her traumatic backstory now!!! she's already suffering and at her lowest i don't need her to die (again!)

i think brennan is past the point of making teen characters irredeemable so i can only hope that the cast follows through on that bc i feel like redemption and healing from trauma is one of the strongest themes in fantasy high like i bawled my eyes out in every aelwyn and adaine scene. which is why it's really funny to me that siobhan is kipperlilly's biggest hater because i feel like she's a great mirror to adaine's spite and aelwyn's redemption..... like siobhan's characters are all very appealing to me because of their rage. god im hoping and praying they don't kill the rat grinders in the finale god bless

oh final petty thing i think saying kipperlilly's name wrong was only funny the first 200 times <3 love u all mwa

[thydungeongal]

wondering about the relationship of the dnd "players shouldn't metagame or know the rules" and dnd having a separate PHB and DMG. because like, having a whole separate DM-only book (as opposed to just a book section if that) very much establishes a precedent of players not being supposed to know all the rules, at the very least

and now that I think about it, it also very much signals that the DM should have more work than any other player, having to read a whole 'nother book. or two if you count the monster manual

Incidentally, since 3e there has been kind of a shift where previously the AD&D 1e DMG contained pretty much all the rules and the PHB was pretty much just character creation and player-facing spell descriptions, now it's the Player's Handbook that contains all the rules and the DMG is mostly just... Extra stuff they couldn't fit there. So now more than ever the actual established procedures of the game are player-facing, but because a lot of those established procedures say "ask your DM" and then the DMG says "oh, you know, figure something out" we've got a situation that's arguably worse than the AD&D 1e approach.

In AD&D 1e the rules were pretty much a black box for the players, but the DM was actually given lots of rules and procedures. In D&D 5e the PHB implies that your smart and sexy DM knows all the secret ways to make these rules work if you're unsure, and then gives the DM a whole lot of nothing.

[massivedrickhead]

Bechloe Week Day 6: Royalty / Knight AU

Words: 979

Notes: This is very short and very dumb, but I had a lot of fun writing it. I also definitely stretched the prompt with this one, but I wasn’t going to write anything for it and then I got this idea in my head so just went with it. Enjoy!

Read on AO3

-

Beca walks at the rear of their group, her hand never straying far from her short sword.

It’s a beautiful day with clear blue skies and sunlight that shines in bright shafts through the gaps in the trees, but in her heavy armour, it’s far too hot for Beca.

Ahead of her, Princess Chloe practically glides. In the sunlight, her red hair is glowing and her crown sparkles.

The crown that Beca had suggested she take off, given their current circumstances, but she wasn’t able to persuade her to.

Chloe turns back, smiles, and gives Beca a wink that almost makes her forget about the aches in her legs.

Ahead of Chloe is a cleric and a bard that they’d picked up at the last tavern they stopped at. Beca can’t say that she trusts either of them, but she’s grateful for the extra numbers.

She feels the hairs stand up on the back of her neck and she turns around, eyes scanning the trees for anything that shouldn’t be there.

She doesn’t see anyone or anything, so she turns back and carries on walking. She blames the heat, and allows herself a moment to relax -

“Wait, can’t I just roll again?”

“Why would you? You looked and you didn’t see anything. Nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, but I failed my perception check.”

“How do you know that?”

“I rolled a 4, dude. Just let me roll again.”

“You don’t see anything there, it’s fine.”

“You asked me to roll a perception check for a reason, so there must-”

“Bec, babe, can you stop metagaming so we can carry on?”

“Fine.”

Beca blames the heat and allows herself a moment to relax when, all of a sudden, arrows begin to fly from the trees.

“God dammit.”

“Surprise attack!”

-

Beca huffed and sat back in her chair.

“I knew that was going to happen,” she said.

“It’s a shame your perception wasn’t better,” Jesse replied. “The bandit archer rolled a 17, does that beat your AC?”

“Which one is that again?”

Chloe leaned over and tapped the spot on her character sheet.

“Oh, that hits,” Beca said. 

“He shoots an arrow that lodges in your shoulder and causes,” Jesse rolled his dice and winced at the number. “5 points of piercing damage. And I’m also going to need a constitution saving throw.”

“Jesus,” Beca said, rolling her own dice. “13.”

“Okay, you’re good. Now the next bandit is going to run out of the trees and take a swing at Amy-”

“Please call me by my character name.”

“Sorry - Fat Patricia the Bard - and rolls… A critical failure, so they essentially just trip over their own feet in front of you. 

“Embarrassing,” Amy said. “I feel like I’m going to take psychic damage just from having to see that.”

“I mean if that’s what you want-”

“No, no, I was kidding,” Amy said, quickly.

“Okay, so bandit three is also going to fire an arrow at Beca-”

“-why me?!”

“Because he only has a short bow and you’re the only one in range,” Jesse said, rolling his dice again. “And that beats your AC so you’re going to take… oh, only 2 points of piercing damage. And this dude doesn’t have poison arrows, so you’re good on that front.”

“Yippee.”

“And that’s the end of the surprise round so please roll for initiative.”

It had surprisingly been Chloe’s idea to organise this Dungeons and Dragons night. She used to play with her brothers when she was younger but hadn’t really given it much thought until her TikTok feed was suddenly full of everyone playing Baldur’s Gate 3.

She knew Jesse played occasionally with Benji and some of their friends, and she asked if he’d DM a few games for them so she could scratch the itch.

To nobody’s surprise except Beca’s, it had taken surprisingly little convincing to get her on board. All she’d had to do was say please and bat her eyelashes a few times, and Beca had given in. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been a secret nerd this whole time.”

“Secret? Babe, we did competitive a cappella for years. None of us are “secret” nerds.”

“Chloe you’re up first, what do you want to do?”

Chloe bit her lip and looked down at her list of spells. 

“I’m gonna cast Cure Wounds on Beca,” Chloe replied, rolling her dice. “You get 6 hit points back.”

“Are you sure you wanna waste a spell slot on that?” Beca asked, gratefully adding 6 hit points back to her health. “Isn’t that kind of the cleric’s job?”

“You might still need me yet,” Benji said. 

“You aren’t allowed to die during our first session,” Chloe replied.

“If I die does that mean I get to stop playing?”

“No,” Chloe replied. “It means I make you roll a new character, and my character won’t flirt with yours anymore.”

“Well that’s a fate worse than death,” Beca said.

-

The battle is short but bloody, and only when the third and final bandit is killed does Beca allow herself a moment to breathe. 

She’s hurt but knows if it wasn’t for Chloe she’d be a lot worse. 

She’s bruised and bloodied and aching, but they’re all still alive. With a shaking hand, she re-sheaths her sword and surveys what is left of the bandits who attacked them. 

“We should rest,” Princess Chloe says. “You’re hurt.” She watches as Beca limps away from the bandit’s corpse, a small bag of gold held in her hand. She knows they need the gold, even if she doesn’t like how Beca obtained it.

“I can rob this guy, right?”

“If you want…”

“Bec, you’re supposed to be in character.”

“Right, sorry.”

Beca clears her throat. “We shouldn’t rest here my lady, it isn’t safe.”

“Oh, I am so going to make you call me that tonight.”

“Chloe!”

-

Bonus A/N - Everything I know about D&D I got from Baldur's Gate 3 and The Adventure Zone, so if I've gotten something wrong that's why 😂 one day I might get to play it for real

[mayapapaya33]

I could write a 10 page essay on my thoughts and feelings about "A Bard's Lament" and about Scanlan. How I think a lot of people misinterpret what actually happened IMHO. It feels to me like a lot of people treat that scene like Scanlan is finally telling VM off for being bad friends and kind of cheer him on rather than realizing that he's having a mental health crisis having reached his breaking point and is lashing out.

Establishing some Game mechanics first and foremost, Sam consistently rolled 30+ deception checks anytime one of the others asked him how he was doing or tried to find out if he was having any problems. He is THE great deceiver. He lied to all of them, about everything. He never shared his worries or fears, or his drug problem. Nothing. Anytime they tried to connect with him, he shot them down, deflected masterfully. The other characters LITERALLY had no idea he was having any problems, if the players did anything about his problems after rolls like that it would have been metagaming. It's not that VM didn't care, they didn't know!

Which is frankly how he operated the whole campaign. From day one, anytime any of them asked him a personal question, he make a joke. Of course, Scanlan was a joke character in the beginning of the campaign, but from a character pov, the character treated everything as a joke. He cared about his friends, and they cared about him, they would die for him and vice versa, but he didn't have any heart to hearts with anyone. Slowly over the course of the campaign, everyone else opened up to each other, (or sometimes the narrative forced them to open up cough cough Percy cough cough) and he remained closed off, using humor to deflect any deeper connections. And the way the story went, he was never forced to share.

By the time "A Bards Lament" takes place, he's in a very bad place emotionally and is sad and scared and angry, and he says things to hurt people, not things that are true. (ok maybe some of it was true, but even the true bits were weaponized and honed to be the worst possible interpretations of events in order to hurt, not actually to BE truth. Vax and Keyleth definitely deserved a tuning up after their bs with the dragons. Personally, I'm very proud of Percy for not punching Scanlan for the comments about coming back to Whitestone just so he could be "proud of his name" or whatever, I've never heard such utter bullshit. Then some people are like, hey, why's Percy so mad at Scanlan, huh I fucking wonder? lmfao).

I relate to him in that I also use humor to deflect people and I sometimes wish that people would see what I feel and think; see through me, without me having to tell them. But that is unfair! I'm lying to them! That's on me! Which Is why I want to choke Scanlan out so often probably lmfao, because I understand where he's coming from and can see the mistakes he's making, and I just want to shake him.

I think a lot of people relate to Scanlan but perhaps... how shall I put this delicately... do not have the same level of self-awareness about the self-destructiveness of this particular approach to life and relationships and so feel a catharsis when he blows up at his friends because they also want to yell at their friends for not noticing their pain. Even though they are the ones who have hidden their pain with such skill that it really isn't their friend's fault they're clueless in the first place.

All that said, Vox Machina aren't perfect. They definitely could be better friends, they made mistakes. I just want to talk about the part of this that I don't often see discussed; Scanlan's depression and mental health struggles and their impact on his friendships and his responsibility.

Some people also act like VM bully "poor helpless Scanlan" (TLOVM sort of also acts like this sometimes which is annoying but oh well). When the reality is that Scanlan is a sharp tonged wit that verbally eviscerates his companions on a regular basis and so they treat him how he treats them. It's all banter... right up until it isn't and he's feeling sad and hurt and worthless and suddenly words hurt. But instead of opening his mouth and TELLING ANYONE how he feels, he just lets it build and build until he explodes.

I'm really worried about how TLOVM is going to handle it going forward, because so far they haven't really set up the group trying to connect with Scanlan and that's a mistake. They have a little, but they should do more. The scene with Pike was good, him instantly reverting to clownish behavior the second it got too sincere then him being frustrated with himself. But they really need to do some of that with the others as well and I'm worried they won't have time or won't think it's necessary.

It's HIS responsibility to reach out to others about his declining mental health. He is the one who set the rules of engagement as "Everything is a joke, especially serious things, I am allergic to sincerity" The others follow his lead. There's only so many times you can reach out to someone earnestly and receive a joke back for your troubles before you eventually respect the unspoken desire not to share and stop asking.

A lot of people cite the prank as some monstrous thing that VM did that proves that they don't love or respect Scanlan. Whereas actually, Sam Riegel admitted that at another moment in time, Scanlan would have found it funny. Pike knows that about him, which is why she did it. (Ashley of course, did it to send Scanlan over the edge because she's evil like that and they all adore drama lol). He was just in a terrible place mentally, so it felt like an insult instead of friendship. (idk where he said it, please don't ask, do you have any idea how many HUNDREDS of HOURS of CR I have watched?! It was probably talks machina).

Also, way back in the early episodes of C1 that lots of people skip, I forget which episode it is, but it was when they were under Kraghammer, Grog got his brain scooped out by the mind flayer or that brain creature or something (I'm a little fuzzy on the details). Anyway, they were all very frightened for Grog and they weren't sure they could save him. Once they figured out they could, Scanlan wanted to set up a prank for Grog to wake up to once they healed him (he was brain dead, in a coma or something). Point being Scanlan's a massive hypocrite lol. (which Sam fully admits).

-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-

Now here's my VERY controversial opinion, don't hate me lol, I never actually liked the "what's my mother's name?" thing. It felt very meta gamey, like Sam looked up Percy's parent's names before the session as a gotcha! Not really like Scanlan actually knew their names. So it never hit me the way it was supposed to. But that's just personal taste. It also circles back to my previous points of YOU NEVER OPENED UP TO THEM SCANLAN, OF COURSE THEY DON'T KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S NAME! THAT'S YOUR FAULT!!!! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T TURN EVERYTHING INTO A JOKE, THEY'D KNOW HER NAME!!!!

[lavellane]

couldnt sleep last night too busy rotating leda von valancius around in my head like a grimdark rotisserie chicken

[missskzbiased]

Inspired by a fellow Polin Stan, I must say this here.

A lot of things bothered me in Pt.2, but one of the things that bothered me the most was the fact that Show!Colin doesn't get a chance to show Penelope that despite being mad, he still loves her.

We, as an audience, can see his facial expressions while he is ALONE and kind of follow through his journey to understanding his feelings. But he doesn't communicate. And that's a real problem.

Yesterday, while thinking about it, I compared it to what we call "Metagaming" when we play RPG. As players, we hear things and we know things that our characters aren't supposed to know, and while interpreting our characters, they shouldn't know it just because we know it.

Pt.2 felt like a huge metagaming to me because Colin (and Eloise. I have many more complaints about her) only express what is important to people that aren't Penelope, and somehow Penelope still finds it in herself to be understanding. That's not how it works.

Colin was mean. Was he right to be so? Yes, I think so. Of course, he could have handled it better were he more mature, but he's 22 and he's a man in a society that gives him much credit only for it. So yeah, I'm not mad because he said some hurtful things. I'm not mad because he wanted his space. I'm mad because they didn't allow Penelope to react properly to it.

Colin goes to Cressida and says all that stuff about the letters. Great. He doesn't talk about it to Penelope.

Colin goes with a "It's not up to you" regarding a thing that relates to Penelope a 100%. He shuts her off, and instead of starting from "You're my wife, and I won't allow anyone to harm you" (which wouldn't be my go choice either, I'd prefer him to listen to her), he goes "No one will tarnish my family's name. Oh, and no one will blackmail my wife". It's almost a second thought.

"Missy, but she has his name, and he's considering it". Yeah, but the speech doesn't FEEL like it. It feels like he cares about his family (good) and his name (good) and his pride (name and not blackmailing HIS wife). They could at least have phrased it better, they could have showed more feelings as to Penelope hear him saying "I love you and I'll protect you" instead of "I love my family and your stuff won't bring us down".

Colin goes away when he discovers she's LW. He isn't concerned about her well-being at that moment, and THAT'S OKAY. HE WAS HURT, SAD, MAD. HE WANTED TO INFLICT PAIN. Again, that's not okay nor mature, but it's UNDERSTANDABLE. That's how flawed people act, and we're all flawed. Okay.

But then they could have him showing her that he cared at some point. When they meet before their marriage, instead of letting her go alone, he could have gone with her.

"But Missy she's been doing it for years. She doesn't need it. She says so. Her book self says so too"

YES, I KNOW SHE DOESN'T NEED IT. BUT LOVE MAKES US DUMB! SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Not once we see Colin putting aside his anger to care for her, and loving is also caring while mad. It's not only about being well while everything is perfect. It's about caring even when you're awfully awful. In any way. It could have been a breakfast tray. It could have been listening to her. It could have been sharing something.

"Missy, but they dance together at the wedding and there's the nod"

Yeah, but that's before Pen goes "I'm Whistledown and you have to come to terms with it". Up to that point, it's like Colin assumes she'll give up on herself because of their marriage. And after she says she won't, he fails to show her how much he truly loves her. We see this at the final episode, when she goes "I understand if you want a divorce, I don't want to harm YOUR family". Because that's all he showed her. And then he gets confused, because in his head it's clear that he loves her so much and nothing should keep them apart, but he doesn't translate it to her throughout the episodes.

It turns out to feel like a "Tell, don't show" kind of thing. They didn't show her that he loved her. They told her, with a confession that I honestly hated. I don't want to hear Colin say "If my purpose is to love you, then be it", I want to hear him say "That's your purpose, and I understand fighting for one. You inspired me to fight for mine, I could never ask you to not do the same, and I want us to fight for our purpose together. I'll always be by your side"

I don't know. Do better. Just do better.

Also, Penelope didn't burst even once. I can't conceive it. But this will be for another rant, cuz this is too long already and no one will read it.

[maleficore]

Sceleritas: Oh Master, consider the tiny mishap with the bard you had the last time we met.

Sceleritas: Your unconscious, clever mind hungers for extreme violence.

Sceleritas: Who knows you might kill next if you do not satisfy your Urge?

This bit of dialogue from Sceleritas fucks me up so bad. As Durge (unless you're metagaming for a particular outcome instead of going full roleplay) you're being placed before an impossible choice. Do you kill dozens of people by taking out Isobel or risk taking the blade to one of your companions again?

You know you can't control yourself fully so the threat is not empty. And you definitely care about your companions more than you do about a bunch of Harpers you've just met. But there may also be the tieflings involved, mostly children. Sparse in numbers now, but still people you've once saved. Was all that for nothing because now you might need to sacrifice them all? Do they tip the scale? How much is too much? What price are you willing to pay for your friends' safety and your own peace of mind?

"What is the worth of a single mortal's life?"

You and your companions are fighters, you have a mission. Fate of legions more people depends on you taking out the Absolute. Can you truly afford the risk? Whose survival is more important? Yes the Harpers may be valuable allies, but you are the ones with the prism. Without the party they don't stand a chance.

I hate how that's not ever touched upon properly in the game.

Killing or sparing Isobel is the only path-defining choice for Durge until the end of their personal quest and is treated as reference for their entire attitude towards being a bhaalspawn in act 3 no matter what other dialogue choices you make. Kill her and you more than embrace your heritage, you revel in what you are. Any other choices made up to that point are immediately voided.

But what if you did it out of fear? What if the "prize" you were awarded for it in the form of the Slayer terrifies you even more than the Urge itself? Which is a feeling you are able to express, but it holds exactly zero value because there's only two paths for you to take and nuance is not allowed. Why are you not able to express regret and have that matter? Not to mention that if Isobel dies due to unforeseeable consequences of other actions, it's still treated as if you went up the stairs and dug a knife in her back when nobody was looking because you simply felt like it.

Yes sacrificing Last Light is not the choice of a perfectly good aligned hero, but it is also not something only a villain would do. People make terrible choices when there's an axe raised over the nape of their neck and where the Urge is concerned Durge has absolutely no close confidants or support system who could help them make a better one.

The foundations of a complex character are there and every time I notice the game fumbling like this, railroading into an evil/good binary despite that, it ruins my fucking day.

[waheelawhisperer]

Worst arknights characters to have as a game master AND worst arknights characters to have as fellow players during a tabletop night

Specter and Skadi love playing Sailors and Seaborn with their friends, but finding a good group has been a bit of a trial for them. So far they've ruled out the following:

W gets her honorary spot on this list because Oh my God can you imagine

Lappland can play but not DM because she thinks the DM is playing against the players instead of with them and designs scenarios accordingly

SilverAsh: lives up to the horny bard stereotype and won't stop hitting on the Doctor

Amiya: Specter's not allowed to cuss around her and she cusses a lot when she gets bad rolls

Mostima: uses her Arts to cheat

Gravel: refuses to play anything but a femme fatale rogue and won't stop flirting with the Doctor

Pramanix: cannot play if SilverAsh is in the party because she'll play as a cleric specifically so she can refuse to heal SilverAsh. Lovely member of the group otherwise

Closure: incessant metagamer. Will try to micromanage the party.

Kal'tsit: see Closure. Also monopolizes RP scenes and won't let anyone else talk

Warfarin: see Closure

Ptilopsis: incessant metagamer, but won't try to micromanage the rest of the party

Dorothy: will commit war crimes if allowed to play as an artificer. Well-behaved otherwise.

Gnosis: see Closure

Ling: drunk

Pallas: see Ling

Ceobe: will eat all the snacks

Saga: see Ceobe

Minimalist: hates fun

[sugarcanehoes]

i'm watching scar's pov of the mcc he played last year with tubbo antfrost and bekyamon and i'm gonna use this to note down Things That Made Me Feel Something (mostly fawning over scar and Tubscar Propaganda TM)

warning for a Very Long Post ahead bc i got carried away lmao

scar drinking water with a spoon

the whole "leaning over helps you swallow" bit

BOTH TUBBO AND SCAR LOOKING UP SLUSHIE MACHINES TO BUY FOR THE MCC????? they are so gay omg

scar: no chat don't start with the 'sand daddy' / tubbo: sand daddy? i beg your pardon?

tubbo: can we- are we gonna talk about the social implications of the term Sand Daddy? / scar: you gotta live a little, tubbo

scar asking if tubbo has slept <3

everyone using 'they' pronouns for everybody else just. idk it makes me happy

parkour tag screams primal hunt play to me. i think there's something here.

tubbo praising scar for surviving the whole round ghh

also tubbo saying he always feels the need to pee when he's nervous??? There's Something Here.

tubbo yelling out an OH FUCK and then apologizing profusely and scar saying 'no no you're good no apologies allowed' HJSDJGHK pure gold. i love Them

tubbo's psychic services <3

SCAR BEING ALL CUTESY WHEN HE SAW HIS CUBITO HAD JELLIE NEXT TO IT SDHJADGK i love him sm :(((

scar: Expert Sand Daddy Here

scar: we made some mistakes / tubbo: it's alright scar (3x) you're a king (multiple times)

i don't understand a single thing they are saying about the games 🧍 ant talks sO FAST omg

scar: i got a kill!! ....myself...

tubbo: i'm saying that soMEONE WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH ME oh sorry scar sorry sorry sorry

the whole slushy bit is too cute i am crying i love Them

OHHH SCAR'S ADVICE ABOUT WIGGLING THE TOES TO RELEASE STRESS!!!! omg it was over a year ago and tubbo still remembers it... gay

scar: the dyslexic duo (referring to him and tubbo)

scar not remembering one map of tgttos from tubbo's video... "what was i doing? i didn't see it".... oh mr goodtimes i know what you were doing and i know what you are.

everyone rooting for false at the end was so sweet aaa

not tubscar saying bye to beky and ant and IMMEDIATELY planning a date to smash their go xlr's in the forest together (which honestly just sounds like an euphemism)

whenever tubbo says something like "what about [xyz] scar? tell me about it" it's so sdfgfhshjk he's always so interested in what scar has to say

tubbo saying he's going back to the mcc lobby to say hi to scar... clingy

tubbo: scar has the BEST metagame strats

scar explaining the mattress store bit to tubbo is just hjshgjkgs and tubbo being like "you can say bull fighters i think it's easier to pronounce it"

scar being utterly amazed at tubbo's stream stamina

scar venting to tubbo is just. this shouldn't make me feel anything but i. i am thinking. and Thinking.

scar: oh i'm about to get nerdy / tubbo: [giggles]

scar telling tubbo all the Hermitcraft Shenanigans and tubbo being like wait what?. yeah tubbo me too

TUBBO IN HERMITCRAFT I AM CRYING that would be the bestest day of my life why didn't it happen I'M GONNA SCREAMmmMMM scar quit being an old man and remember your promises man. whitelist Tubbo_ NOW.

scar: tubbo is the nicest guy in the world, i always love hanging out with him <3

i have no fucking clue what scar is talking about (star wars) but i could listen to him talking 24/7. my man should have a podcast or an asmr channel or smth because his voice is just so. So. i love you mr goodtimes

scar: i'm such a nerd

scar is a disney adult but like. underground syndrome disney adult. i don't know if this is funny or terrible

scar ended the stream and raided tubbo!! they are too sweet i'm gonna cry <3

well that was 4 hours well spent! i'll be thinking about All Of This now.

[randomdegu]

Oh my god first the binary in a book, convincing them to go and be AWAY from the eggs. Then philza gets attacked by the binary entity when he is the only one with them, not to mention those eggs all have one life left. Was the binary entity listening in on them and used their curiosity as a weapon to get most of them away from the eggs in hopes that they could kill one? I dont know a whole bunch of the lore and I know I'm missing a few things but from what I have seen while watching between bbh, foolish, and Philza so I could hear as much lore as possible (also might I say that metagamers are really spoiling some things, and the reason I made myself learn how to turn off whispers on twitch.), they seem to want to silence anyone who is questioning what the federation is up to and distract them from investigating. Or in Phil's case they were probably going after the illegal items he had, in a lore sense it could be the federation not wanting the players to be powerful enough to stand up against them. Oh god I'm now obsessed, new hyper fixation has been found.