#lashing out

[mayapapaya33]

I could write a 10 page essay on my thoughts and feelings about "A Bard's Lament" and about Scanlan. How I think a lot of people misinterpret what actually happened IMHO. It feels to me like a lot of people treat that scene like Scanlan is finally telling VM off for being bad friends and kind of cheer him on rather than realizing that he's having a mental health crisis having reached his breaking point and is lashing out.

Establishing some Game mechanics first and foremost, Sam consistently rolled 30+ deception checks anytime one of the others asked him how he was doing or tried to find out if he was having any problems. He is THE great deceiver. He lied to all of them, about everything. He never shared his worries or fears, or his drug problem. Nothing. Anytime they tried to connect with him, he shot them down, deflected masterfully. The other characters LITERALLY had no idea he was having any problems, if the players did anything about his problems after rolls like that it would have been metagaming. It's not that VM didn't care, they didn't know!

Which is frankly how he operated the whole campaign. From day one, anytime any of them asked him a personal question, he make a joke. Of course, Scanlan was a joke character in the beginning of the campaign, but from a character pov, the character treated everything as a joke. He cared about his friends, and they cared about him, they would die for him and vice versa, but he didn't have any heart to hearts with anyone. Slowly over the course of the campaign, everyone else opened up to each other, (or sometimes the narrative forced them to open up cough cough Percy cough cough) and he remained closed off, using humor to deflect any deeper connections. And the way the story went, he was never forced to share.

By the time "A Bards Lament" takes place, he's in a very bad place emotionally and is sad and scared and angry, and he says things to hurt people, not things that are true. (ok maybe some of it was true, but even the true bits were weaponized and honed to be the worst possible interpretations of events in order to hurt, not actually to BE truth. Vax and Keyleth definitely deserved a tuning up after their bs with the dragons. Personally, I'm very proud of Percy for not punching Scanlan for the comments about coming back to Whitestone just so he could be "proud of his name" or whatever, I've never heard such utter bullshit. Then some people are like, hey, why's Percy so mad at Scanlan, huh I fucking wonder? lmfao).

I relate to him in that I also use humor to deflect people and I sometimes wish that people would see what I feel and think; see through me, without me having to tell them. But that is unfair! I'm lying to them! That's on me! Which Is why I want to choke Scanlan out so often probably lmfao, because I understand where he's coming from and can see the mistakes he's making, and I just want to shake him.

I think a lot of people relate to Scanlan but perhaps... how shall I put this delicately... do not have the same level of self-awareness about the self-destructiveness of this particular approach to life and relationships and so feel a catharsis when he blows up at his friends because they also want to yell at their friends for not noticing their pain. Even though they are the ones who have hidden their pain with such skill that it really isn't their friend's fault they're clueless in the first place.

All that said, Vox Machina aren't perfect. They definitely could be better friends, they made mistakes. I just want to talk about the part of this that I don't often see discussed; Scanlan's depression and mental health struggles and their impact on his friendships and his responsibility.

Some people also act like VM bully "poor helpless Scanlan" (TLOVM sort of also acts like this sometimes which is annoying but oh well). When the reality is that Scanlan is a sharp tonged wit that verbally eviscerates his companions on a regular basis and so they treat him how he treats them. It's all banter... right up until it isn't and he's feeling sad and hurt and worthless and suddenly words hurt. But instead of opening his mouth and TELLING ANYONE how he feels, he just lets it build and build until he explodes.

I'm really worried about how TLOVM is going to handle it going forward, because so far they haven't really set up the group trying to connect with Scanlan and that's a mistake. They have a little, but they should do more. The scene with Pike was good, him instantly reverting to clownish behavior the second it got too sincere then him being frustrated with himself. But they really need to do some of that with the others as well and I'm worried they won't have time or won't think it's necessary.

It's HIS responsibility to reach out to others about his declining mental health. He is the one who set the rules of engagement as "Everything is a joke, especially serious things, I am allergic to sincerity" The others follow his lead. There's only so many times you can reach out to someone earnestly and receive a joke back for your troubles before you eventually respect the unspoken desire not to share and stop asking.

A lot of people cite the prank as some monstrous thing that VM did that proves that they don't love or respect Scanlan. Whereas actually, Sam Riegel admitted that at another moment in time, Scanlan would have found it funny. Pike knows that about him, which is why she did it. (Ashley of course, did it to send Scanlan over the edge because she's evil like that and they all adore drama lol). He was just in a terrible place mentally, so it felt like an insult instead of friendship. (idk where he said it, please don't ask, do you have any idea how many HUNDREDS of HOURS of CR I have watched?! It was probably talks machina).

Also, way back in the early episodes of C1 that lots of people skip, I forget which episode it is, but it was when they were under Kraghammer, Grog got his brain scooped out by the mind flayer or that brain creature or something (I'm a little fuzzy on the details). Anyway, they were all very frightened for Grog and they weren't sure they could save him. Once they figured out they could, Scanlan wanted to set up a prank for Grog to wake up to once they healed him (he was brain dead, in a coma or something). Point being Scanlan's a massive hypocrite lol. (which Sam fully admits).

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Now here's my VERY controversial opinion, don't hate me lol, I never actually liked the "what's my mother's name?" thing. It felt very meta gamey, like Sam looked up Percy's parent's names before the session as a gotcha! Not really like Scanlan actually knew their names. So it never hit me the way it was supposed to. But that's just personal taste. It also circles back to my previous points of YOU NEVER OPENED UP TO THEM SCANLAN, OF COURSE THEY DON'T KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S NAME! THAT'S YOUR FAULT!!!! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T TURN EVERYTHING INTO A JOKE, THEY'D KNOW HER NAME!!!!

[whumpetywhump]

Dear Parents - Ep. 38

[momentsbeforemass]

Malice

(my annual PSA for people who are “winning” the debate, and losing their souls)

“Every man on earth is sick with the fever of sin, with the blindness of sin and is overcome with its fury. As sins consist mostly of malice and pride, it is necessary to treat everyone who suffers from the malady of sin with kindness and love.

This is an important truth, which we often forget. Very often we act in the opposite manner: we add malice to malice by our anger, we oppose pride with pride.

Thus, evil grows within us and does not decrease; it is not cured – rather it spreads.”

St. John of Kronstadt could well have written that today.

It’s easy to forget that the people we are reacting to, shouting down, lashing out at are, well, people.

Someone says something we disagree with. So we react and unload on them. With something demeaning, something degrading, something dehumanizing.

Without really thinking about it, “we add malice to malice.”

Or we rationalize that with the bile we’re copying and pasting, we’re just getting the truth out. Or just telling it like it is. Or just standing up for our rights.

In truth, we’re just fooling ourselves, while “we add malice to malice.”

The thing is, when we add malice to malice, it’s not a precision strike. We do just as much damage to ourselves as anyone else.

When we add malice to malice, “evil grows within us and does not decrease; it is not cured – rather it spreads.”

But what about all the wrong stuff that people say online? How do you ignore that? How can you not respond?

I checked with the bishop. He promised me that he did not commission you as the official responder to every wrong thing on the Internet.

But what if you just have to respond?

In today’s Gospel, Jesus is clear. If we are His, then we are to be in the love of God, as God’s love is in us.

Which means what? That if we’re Christians in more than name, then we follow St. John’s advice. We “treat everyone who suffers from the malady of sin with kindness and love.”

Today’s Readings

[howifeltabouthim]

All thoughts of revenge are born of the pain of helplessness. I suffer becomes You will suffer.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blazing World

[iwritewhump]

lashing out

day 8 of @whumptember

618 words

warnings: teenage whumpee, implied abuse, conditioned response, cursing

part one | part two | part three | part five | part six

---

Villain finally takes down Hero’s ‘we left, he’s with me now <3’ note off of the fridge and lays it on the counter, not quite ready to completely forget about what had happened only a month ago. He smiles softly and dials Hero’s number. 

Her voicemail runs and he nods along until the beep, “Hey, Hero! I’m just checking in on you and Vigilante. I know you’re keeping him safe and I don’t have anything to worry about, but I just want to talk with him if he wants to. Anyway…just get back to me, thanks!” 

He sets the phone on his table and swings the refrigerator door open and bends down to find something to eat. With a small, contented chuckle he grabs pizza from the shelf and takes a bite. 

Villain’s phone rings, Hero’s number is on the display. He smiles, sets the pizza down on a napkin and answers, “Hey! Glad you were able to-” 

“Villain?” someone whispers. 

After a moment, Villain recognizes the voice. Under the hoarseness and fear, it was Vigilante. “Vigilante? Are you alright? Where’s Hero?” 

Rustling comes from his end and Villain can tell he’s running. “I need you to come get me. I’m running to the lot behind the forest next to Hero’s base. Please.” 

“Y-yeah,” Villain stutters. “I’ll…I’m leaving right now. Hang tight.” 

Instead of an answer, the phone falls to the ground and Villain can hear as it crashes against something hard and breaks. Without wasting a second, Villain grabs his keys and jacket, pulling his jacket on as he runs down the stairs of his apartment building. 

He ignores the shouts from neighbors, and mutters apologies to the others in the hallway that he barrels past. The elevator goes too slow, so he gets off after two stories and flies down the barely used stairwell and makes it to his car in record time. 

The lot by Hero’s base has never been a welcoming place, and the sun going down and the new moon shining no light definitely didn’t help. Vigilante sits against a tree trunk with his knees drawn tightly to his chest, vigilantly searching for anything coming for him. 

By some miracle, he sees Villain’s car before he hears it, grateful that he took the time to take note of the keys in Villain’s coin dish by the front door. 

He almost laughs and stands up, stumbling to the middle of the lot where Villain parks the car. Villain steps out of the car and Vigilante collapses in his arms. 

“Thank you for coming,” he sobs. Villain cups the back of his head with a hand and uses the other to open the passenger door and guide him in. 

After buckling Vigilante, Villain pulls away and studies him in the low light. 

Bruises litter every inch of skin Villain can see. He has barely scabbed over cuts and scrapes. Swollen lip, black eye and a cut on his cheek where blood still trickles out. Villain reaches his hand out, pulling his jacket sleeve over his hand to wipe it away and Vigilante flinches back so aggressively that he hits his head on the headrest. 

“Oh my god,” he whispers. “What happened to you?” 

Vigilante stares up at him, eyes glazed over, and shakes his head. He pulls the door shut and hugs his knees to his chest. 

The ride back to Villain’s apartment is deathly quiet, Villain glances over at Vigilante every few seconds and every time he’s staring blankly forward. 

“Vigilante…”

“No.” he snaps. “No. You don’t get to ask.” pulling his knees closer to himself, he shakes his head. “It’s all your fault, you should’ve known. So you don’t get to fucking ask.” 

[mymidwestheart]

[razreads]

We have the capacity to be cruel, if we let the pain consume us.

Juleah del Rosario, Turtle Under Ice

[crunchywhitepaper]

some of the voicelines i heard with soldier 76 is him trying to put the blame on someone else (coughs genji) but then puts the blame back on him and really, i see s76 struggling with what happened and lashing out but also filled with guilt of what happened even if it's not all because of him

now time to write s76 who doesnt want help because he had spent years not being with someone who cared for him and blaming himself for ow. lashing out in anger if the person persists and filled with guilt when the person leaves

lose lose situation for sad dad

[whumpetywhump]

Are You Human, Too? - Ep. 15

[momentsbeforemass]

After God’s own heart

David is called “a man after God’s own heart” but what does that even mean?

With all of David’s baggage (trying to cover up adultery with murder, etc.), being perfect or never sinning? That can’t be what it means.

Today’s first reading shows us one of worst moments in David’s life.

One of David’s sons turned the people against him and is coming with an army to attack Jerusalem. Outnumbered, David and his soldiers flee for their lives.

The Bible tells us that as David fled, “he wept without ceasing. His head was covered, and he was walking barefoot.” What’s the point of this detail?

To show us that David is heartbroken at his son’s betrayal. This is how people mourned back in the day. David is grieving a loss, and anyone looking at him knows it.

Which means that what happens next is intentional and personal.

One of the cousins of Saul (the king that David replaced) sees them and starts cursing David and throwing stones at him.

He can tell that David is grieving – so he goes after David when he’s down.

What he says shows that he knows exactly why David is mourning. He’s trying to hurt David as much as he can.

In response, Abishai (one of David’s soldiers) belittles Saul’s cousin – then offers to kill him.

How David responds is a master class in dealing with those who are trying to hurt us.

You and I are so vulnerable – to anger and to depression – when someone goes after us when we’re down.

Here David not only has his own vulnerability, but someone encouraging him to be angry and also offering to defend him.

It’s everything David’s ego wants (and if we’re honest, it’s what our egos want) in a moment like that. Validation. Active (and violent) support. A revenge fantasy made real.

It would be so easy. All David has to do is say the word.

But instead of reacting – by lashing out in anger or by letting the curses crush him while he’s down – David refuses to be drawn in. And says to Abishai,

“What business is it of mine or of yours that he curses?”

David doesn’t lash out in anger. David doesn’t let the curses crush him. David doesn’t acknowledge the truth of what was said (and it’s all true).

David refuses to be drawn in.

And instead, David just lets the curses sit there. As if Saul’s cousin was shouting about a tree that he liked or what he had for lunch.

Wait. You can do that?

I know I can’t. At least not on my own.

Which is why the things that David says next are absolutely critical.

“Suppose the Lord has told him to curse me?”

“If my own son is trying to kill me, how much more might this cousin of Saul’s do so?”

There are two critical perspectives in what David is saying.

First, David looks at this through the eyes of the man who is cursing him.

David sees why he would do it. It makes perfect sense. Being cursed by someone like him is just as natural as June following after May.

And just as much of a non-event.

Second, David is not about to let this get between him and God. So David brings it to God.

God is the source of David’s peace and the source of David’s strength. Like Job, David understands everything that happens as being from God – the good, the bad, all of it. And this? It’s just something that happened.

Which means that there is no reason to get upset about it.

David decides to see it for what it is – a non-event. Then places it in the pile with everything else that happens. And turns his attention back to God.

Because David knows that with God everything works out – even if he doesn’t understand how in the moment.

This is what it means to be “after God’s own heart.”

Today’s Readings

[thetreasureattheendoftherainbow]

Juno got mad

Why is this heat so hot 😩

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . people will say the most heinous things when they're trying to justify their own failures and madness.

Catherine Lacey, from Biography of X

[animeboye]

Dragon's World Past Chapter 12

Chapter 12: No Home to Return to

Tourajé, Saulstrance, and Eig’nia returned home just as the sun in their world was beginning to set. They couldn’t have been happier to be back. This had been the longest amount of time that they were gone from their homes let alone their world. Eig’nia and Tourajé couldn’t wait to see their families again. They wondered how they’d react once they heard that their children saved both worlds. Wouldn’t they be surprised!

Eig’nia and Tourajé chose to accompany Saulstrance to their master’s fortress to inform him that they had returned. As badly as they wanted to see their parents and siblings, they figured that it could wait just a little bit longer.

“We’ve been gone for so long. It feels a little weird being back.” Said Tourajé, looking up into the sky.

“It does, doesn’t it? It was only a week but it feels like I’ve been gone forever.” Eig’nia added.

“We’ve never been gone from home for so long. It’s going to feel great seeing everyone. You guys will get to see your family…and I’ll get to see Master Léruc.” Smiled Saulstrance.

Eig’nia nodded. “Well then, what do you say we go report in to Master Léruc and go see our families?” The dragoness smiled.

Tourajé smiled back at his friend. “I’ll race you.” He said with a confident smile on his muzzle.

Laughing together, the three friends raced to their master’s fortress. Once there, they were surprised to see their families were already there waiting for them. Did they come to welcome them home or was there another reason for them being there?

Feeling overjoyed to be seeing their families after so long away, Eig’nia and Tourajé hurried over to their parents and siblings.

“Tourajé!!” Utzie exclaimed happily. He was about to run up to his big brother when his father stretched his front leg in front of him, preventing him from doing so.

Tourajé’s smile quickly faded when he saw this, changing to a look of confusion and worry. He looked at his and Eig’nia’s parents. Neither set of parents seemed particularly happy to see their offspring. Nervously, the two dragons approached their parents.

“Mom…dad, is everything okay?” Asked Eig’nia worriedly.

Eig’nia’s father gave a rather melancholic sigh. He glanced at his daughter with shame in his eyes and turned away from her.

“We…heard…about what you three did.” He said.

Saulstrance, Tourajé, and Eig’nia looked at each other puzzlingly. Could Eig’nia’s father have been talking about what happened with Raolef?

“Tourajé! Please, tell us what Lord Léruc said isn’t true! Please tell us you weren’t the ones who killed Lord Raolef!!” Tourajé’s mother pleaded desperately, sounding like she could start crying at any moment.

“Well…” Tourajé was unable to say anymore.

“So it’s true then…I…I cannot believe this.” Eig’nia’s mother said, horrified.

“Hang on!” Cried Saulstrance as he stepped forward. If his friends felt like they couldn’t explain themselves, then he would do it for them.

“We did what we had to because…because Lord Raolef was planning to launch an attack against the human world!” Saulstrance tried to explain.

“That’s preposterous!” Tourajé’s father exclaimed. “Of all the dragons, Lord Raolef would be the last one to want to attack the human realm!”

“But it’s true!” Saulstrance retorted. “Lord Léruc said he was going to attack the other world!”

The dragons’ parents and siblings couldn’t believe what they had just heard. As if it wasn’t bad enough that their own children had assassinated the Leader of a neighboring village, now they were pinning the blame on their own Leader and master.

Tourajé and Eig’nia’s families had nothing left to say to them. Distraught and filled with disbelief, Eig’nia’s parents and siblings brushed past her without so much as a look in her direction.

“Mom! Dad! Ruxie! Outol! Please wait!” Eig’nia begged desperately.

Her family stopped and she thought that maybe they would turn around and listen to what she had to say. Her father turned his head slightly. This brought a slight smile to Eig’nia’s muzzle. Perhaps they were going to listen after all.

“You have no right to call us that. You’re not our daughter anymore.” He said in the coldest voice Eig’nia had ever heard.

Her father’s words cut through the dragoness like butter. She felt a lump in her throat as though she was about to start crying any second. She lowered her head to the ground and began to silently sob to herself as her family walked away, not taking so much as a look back.

Tourajé’s family was the next to depart. His father walked over to him and unfurled his wings. Something fell to the ground. It was Tourajé’s sword. Tourajé’s father grabbed the sword and set it in front of his son. The two of them looked at each other for a moment before his father turned his back to him and said:

“Don’t come around our cave anymore.”

Tourajé watched as his family departed. Utzie looked back at his older brother with a sad, worried expression on his face. Tourajé looked away from his younger brother in shame. The dragon trembled as, just like his friend, tears streamed down his face.

“Tourajé…” Utzie said sadly. He had never seen his big brother cry before. Seeing this made Utzie feel sad too.  He wanted desperately to stay with his brother but his father forbade him from going anywhere near Tourajé. Reluctantly, Utzie followed his father’s orders. He looked back one last time as he and his parents left Tourajé behind.

In all the time he had known them, Saulstrance never saw his friends this way. Seeing them so sad, so broken, made him feel horrible. He wished there was something he could do for them. The question was: what could he do?

As his friends continued to cry to themselves, Saulstrance slowly approached them. He thought carefully of what to say to them. Especially in a time like this, he couldn’t say the wrong thing.

“Eig’nia… Tourajé…it’s okay.” He said softly. “I’m here if you—“

“Sure! It’s so easy for you to say it’s ‘okay’, Saulstrance! You don’t even have a family! You have no idea what this is like!!” Tourajé screamed, his eyes filled with rage and sorrow.

Eig’nia and Saulstrance gasped at the same time. Tourajé let out a gasp of his own shortly after.

“Oh my god...” Said Tourajé with a shocked, horrified look on his face once he realized what he had just said. “Saulstrance, I’m—“

With tears beginning to fill his own eyes, Saulstrance ran from his friends. Just as his master stepped out of his fortress to see what was going on, he noticed Saulstrance run past him into the fortress.

“What is going on out here?” Asked Léruc sternly.

Tourajé explained to his master what had just happened and what he said to Saulstrance. Léruc was shocked and saddened by this news. He took pity on his pupils and nuzzled against them as a means of showing his concern.

“I understand how you two must feel. But Tourajé, think of how you’ve made Saulstrance feel. He only wanted to help. He’s worried about you and Eig’nia.” Léruc said softly and sadly.

“I realize that, sir. I don’t have any excuse for what I said…” Said Tourajé, feeling ashamed of himself.

“You need to go and apologize to him posthaste.” Léruc commanded.

Tourajé agreed and the three of them walked together back into the fortress. They guessed that Saulstrance would  be in his room so they decided to head there first. Their guess was right as they noticed Saulstrance sitting on the ground, crying to himself, his back turned towards them. Seeing his friend like that made Tourajé feel even lower. He wondered how he could have even said what he did to Saulstrance. He had to make things right between the two of them. Slowly, he entered Saulstrance’s room.

“Saulstrance?” He asked.

Saulstrance didn’t answer him. He still sat there, sobbing to himself.

“Saulstrance.” Tourajé spoke a little louder.

Finally, Saulstrance turned to him, tears still filling his eyes. He looked at his friend with an angry yet sad look in his eyes.

Tourajé sighed. Saulstrance was really angry at Tourajé yet he couldn’t blame him for being angry.

“Saulstrance…I just wanted to…”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!! I HATE YOU!!” Saulstrance screamed at Tourajé.

His words pierced through Tourajé like an arrow. Tourajé didn’t attempt to say anything else to Saulstrance. Right now, there was nothing he could say that would make up for it.

“You think this is any easier for me, Tourajé? Ever since I was a hatchling, I wished I had a mom or dad, or a brother or sister like you guys. I wished I could know what it was like to have parents be proud of you or disappointed. To have an older brother or sister be there to protect you or to have a younger brother or sister look up to you.” Saulstrance said through his tears.

“Saulstrance…” Tourajé said, almost speechless. He knew how much being an orphan affected Saulstrance but it still hurt him to hear regardless.

“Now please…just leave me alone…” Saulstrance said in a tearful, defeated voice.

Tourajé’s finned ears and wings flattened. He turned away from Saulstrance, looking back just one final time, and exited his room. The young dragon looked at his friend and master, a saddened and unsure look on his face. With the way he had treated Saulstrance, Tourajé wondered if Saulstrance would ever want to be his friend again.

“He’ll come around.” Promised Léruc. “But for right now, perhaps it would be best to give Saulstrance some space.”

Tourajé looked down and nodded. Together with Eig’nia and Léruc, Tourajé walked away from Saulstrance’s room but not before looking back one final time.

As they walked down the hallway, Tourajé asked Eig’nia and Léruc what they think they should do considering that neither Tourajé or Eig’nia any longer had homes to return to.

“Just like Saulstrance, your parents will come around, and you will be able to return home. However, it will take some time. When something contradicts someone’s perception, they have a hard time believing it or choose not to.  Right now, your parents can’t bring themselves to believe Raolef would stage an attack on the human realm. But someday, they will open up to the truth. Until then, I’ll take care of you two just as I have with Saulstrance.” Léruc answered.

“Thank you sir.” Tourajé and Eig’nia said at the same time. The two of them were eternally grateful for their master’s kindness.

Léruc showed his pupils to their chambers. Here in these rooms they would stay until their families had come to accept the truth behind their actions. The two dragons thanked their master again. They felt slightly better knowing they still had someone looking out for them.

As night fell upon the dragon realm, Eig’nia and Tourajé were sitting in their rooms, thinking of everything that had happened. They wondered what they would do now. Raolef’s plans had been stopped but was everything really over? What if his apprentice or Champion planned to continue where their master left off?  Tourajé buried his head in between his front legs and tried to think of something else, something more hopeful. He thought of the day when he would be able to return to his family. Though he knew that day would most likely not be coming anytime soon, he still hoped it would.

In the meantime, Eig’nia stood up, deciding to take a walk. She walked down the hall, passing two guards on the way who asked her if she was okay. Eig’nia nodded, letting out a small sigh. They promised her that if she needed anything, they’d be there for her. The dragoness thanked them and continued on her way.

Continuing to walk through the fortress with no specific destination in mind, Eig’nia suddenly came up with an unusual idea: she would go and visit Agcro in the master’s jails. She wasn’t even sure herself why she would contemplate doing such a thing. Perhaps she just wanted someone to talk to and for whatever insane reason Agcro seemed like a good idea.

She made her way to the cell room and there he was: Agcro, still bound by his legs, his tail, and his neck. Agcro was surprised to see her. Since being imprisoned, his only guests had been the guards.

“Hello there, young dragoness. To what do I owe this visit?” Agcro asked sarcastically.

“I guess…I just needed someone to talk to. I’m sure you heard about what happened.” Said Eig’nia, sitting down in front of Agcro’s cell.

“That you and your friends killed the Leader, Raolef? Yes, I heard. News spreads quickly around Zalphonia. By now, I wouldn’t be surprised if all the dragons knew of your actions.”

Agcro shifted his head so that he was looking at Eig’nia. He had a sinister, proud smile on his muzzle.

“So tell me: how does it feel for you three to have become even worse criminals than I am?” Agcro asked, the smile on his muzzle growing wider.

This question infuriated Eig’nia. She glared at Agcro, baring her fangs.

“We are NOTHING like you. We didn’t kill innocent dragons like you have.” Eig’nia said in a very angry voice.

“A predictable response. Still whether or not he was innocent is irrelevant. He was still a Zalphonian Leader. To the dragons of our world, that makes you bad enough to be considered worse than me.” Agcro said, still smiling wickedly.

Eig’nia scoffed. She tried to calm herself as she realized she was letting Agcro get to her. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before continuing to speak with him.

“I do have to thank you and your friends however. Thanks to your little attack, my execution has been put on hold until further notice. So I get to enjoy being stuck in here, my limbs and neck bound, barely able to move.” Agcro said, his terrifying, toothy smile fading.

Eig’nia wasn’t sure if Agcro was truly thankful or was upset by it. At first he sounded like he truly was glad to have been left alive but his last words sounded as though he was either angry or annoyed at them. She couldn’t figure him out.

“Right now, you feel conflicted, don’t you? ‘Did I do the right thing? Will I ever get to see my family again? What will the rest of Zalphonia think of me’ the dragoness wonders.” Said Agcro.

As much as Eig’nia hated to admit it, Agcro was right. Those were exactly the things she was concerned about, especially the part about getting to see her family again. She knew they had to do it in order to protect both worlds but she just couldn’t help but feel as if there was another way.

“Our world might never forgive you or your friends. Even if they do come to terms with what Raolef had planned. Regardless, you and your friends ended his life and now you must live with that.”

Eig’nia thought it hypocritical of Agcro to be lecturing her on taking a life when he had taken so many other dragons’ lives without any sense of guilt or regret. Who was he to be telling her this? She felt that she was done talking to Agcro so without saying anything else, she stood up and began to make her way out.

“So you don’t wish to speak anymore? Very well. I’ll be here if you wish to talk with me again.” Said Agcro just as Eig’nia stepped out of the room.

Eig’nia made her way back to her room. She didn’t even know what possessed her to consider speaking with Agcro. Just thinking about some of the things he said and the way he seemed to be taking joy in tormenting her about what they did made her angry. Still, she had to admit to herself that he was right about one thing: the three of them did take Raolef’s life and whether or not he was good or evil, they would still have to live with what they had done. She just hoped that they would never have to resort to killing someone ever again.

Saulstrance, Tourajé, and Eig’nia didn’t speak to or see each other for the rest of the night. They also ate their dinner by themselves in their rooms. With everything that had happened, they decided it might be best to just let each other be alone for awhile.

Some time later, just as daybreak was beginning to set on Zalphonia, Tourajé awoke. He peeked into the hallway to see if any guards were coming by. To his relief, he didn’t spot a single guard. Quietly he walked through the fortress. Once he was outside, he unfurled his wings and flew into the sky.

A couple hours passed before Saulstrance and everyone else awoke. As both Eig’nia and Saulstrance stepped out of their rooms, they were met with frantic guards who alerted them that Léruc needed to see them as soon as possible and that it was an emergency. They knew this couldn’t be good. They hurried as quickly as they could to their master’s chambers where he was waiting for them.

“Master Léruc, is everything okay?” Saulstrance asked worriedly. Léruc shook his head.

“Wait a minute. Where is Tourajé?” Asked Eig’nia.

“That’s just it: none of the guards have reported seeing Tourajé since last night. They also claim he wasn’t in his room. All that was there was his sword.” Léruc exclaimed to his two pupils.

This deeply worried Saulstrance and Eig’nia. It wasn’t like Tourajé to just disappear without saying anything. Saulstrance thought back to everything that happened to Tourajé and Eig’nia and when he told Tourajé that he hated him. Could Tourajé have left on his own because he was planning to…

No! Saulstrance thought to himself. Tourajé would never consider something like that…would he? Saulstrance feared that what he said to Tourajé may have pushed him. He had to find Tourajé and quick. He just hoped that nothing bad had happened to him.

“Saulstrance and Eig’nia, I give you a new mission: locate Tourajé, and bring him back here. With the state of mind he was in yesterday, I don’t want to think about what he may be planning to do.” Léruc said with a saddened look on his face.

“Master, you don’t really believe that Tourajé would try and kill himself, do you?” Eig’nia asked, looking equally as sad at the prospect of such a thing.

“He might…” Saulstrance said, looking at the ground.

“Telling him I hate him last night didn’t help any. Maybe he feels like he doesn’t have anyone left.” Saulstrance guessed, feeling a tremendous wave of guilt wash over him.

Saulstrance told himself that this was no time to be feeling bad. He had no time to waste. He proceeded to rush out of the fortress as quickly as he could. All he could hope for right now was that Tourajé was okay.

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

prophet-induced shaving injuries

sometimes you gotta chew glass for the unadulterated mouthfeel

sometimes you gotta lacerate some fucking mouthwash and try to swallow your tongue

it’s not about workplace efficiency or supplication or college applications

sometimes you’ve got stuff to settle between you and god

and that all-shadow night, the thing in the woods you think has been watching you for

a couple weeks, at least

its about effective communication between the mind and the flesh

getting the fucking point across

the preachers have got something of a corner on that hypermanic stream-of-consciousness type mass-adoption

talking points so slick they wash down lies an eight-year would embarrass themself telling

the oil smooth communication of professionals and the deeply invested

(get a little elbow grease in there and even an amateur can work through bullet points)

sometimes it’s about blood in a white sink

the buzz of the overhead lights, streaking down to meet your reflection

a creature a shame and blood and wounds that weren’t not self-inflicted

cleaning up in hurried dark, terrified of being caught

terrified of not bleed far enough, getting the cut in and bending to cowardice before you let it cleave all the way

(sometimes you’ve gotta sever the rot for the better of the whole)

(sometimes you’ve got to let go of things that are hindering you)

mostly it’s not that motivated a production

mostly it’s proximity and the efficiency of glass shards onto your open mouth

(yes occasionally it’s about god and country and the respect of your peers)

mostly it’s about the goddamn mouthfeel

[problematic-tip-centre]

Emphasis on number 3

Whump prompts I can’t get enough of:

1. The shifty and embarrassed look in a stoic leader’s eyes as they finally are forced to reveal an injury to their friends, reluctantly allowing themselves to be treated for the first time. The awkwardness as they strip, and/or lay down to be examined. The subtle fighting to maintain some choice or control ( would rather sit up, “I can do that myself thanks”) and so on.

2. The limp warmth of a Whumpee’s sleeping body as they are treated in the middle of the night. The change in their breathing as the covers are gently pulled back. The clumsiness of their movements as they flit in and out of sleep, sudden gasps or flinching as their wounds are tended. The caretaker’s whispers of comfort, hushing them back to sleep.

3. Whumpee lashing out in sudden rage at some petty action of another, before collapsing and breaking down in sobs. Everyone standing around awkwardly in shock, before caretaker goes in to grab whumpee in a crushing embrace, trying to calm their shaking.

4. Stoic whumpee being humiliated by Whumper. Orders like: ‘strip’, ‘face the wall’, ‘kneel’, ‘down on your hands and knees’, etc etc.

5. Slightly delusional whumpee being tied/held down for some potentially lifesaving procedure and quietly begging caretaker to stop, please please stop. Then more loudly, desperately, until they are crying out and fighting in a panic. Caretaker meanwhile is (1)staring at them in stoic silence while their heart is wrung with pity, or (2) they are quietly reassuring them, telling them it’s going to be alright.

Feel free to use as you like.

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.