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peoniesnro · 2 months ago

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After the End| One shot

Sequel to Closure

Synopsis- You’ve lived your whole life haunted by monsters—relentless, painful, and unyielding. But your life changed at a winter carnival, when a fortune teller told you that your fate was woven with a man you’ve never met before. Kim Taehyung. Your life changed when she asked you to choose wisely this time because the last time, you and he couldn’t do it.Taehyung changed everything. He brought light to your darkness, hope to your despair. But that light came with shadows of its own. Because he wasn’t yours to keep. Now, all you want is one thing: not to fail this time. To rewrite your story and make the ending yours.

Alternatively

In which you finally get that one chance to tell each other- I love you- once more.

Paring- Kim Taehyung × Reader

Genre - Past lovers to ??/ Reincarnation

Warnings-TW- Hallucinations/ Auditory hallcinations/ Past abuse/ Suicidal thoughts. / Language/ SMUT- Make out/ Breast play/ Some public stuff/ Oral (M.recieving) (while driving)/ Oral (F.recieving)/Doggy/ Missonary/ Spoon Sex/ Unprotected Sex/Creampie/ Mutiple orgasms/ Degradation (Slut)/ Bondage/ Overstimulation/ Usage of sex toys/ INFIDELITY

Word count - 16k+

a.n/ Well, this one is requested by lovely @bubu2sworld because she thought they deserved more. So, here I am writing a sequel to my baby CLOSURE, when I never thought I will. Still, if you think the closure ended the way it should you can totally ignore this but to anyone who thinks they deserve more, this is for you. And I'm not sure if you can read this as a standalone because it's kind of connected. Anyway, thank you for the love yous showed you to the closure and I hope you'll like this one as well. ❤️

Read the original here- Closure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now

Taehyung feels like a void. There’s an emptiness inside his body. He’s certain that he’s no longer made of flesh and bones. There are no organs. It’s just skin. Skin and the emptiness underneath it. He feels hollow. Nothing makes him full anymore. Nothing stirs him anymore. Happiness, love, fear, anger, nothing. Not even sadness. It’s empty. Or maybe it’s all sadness. Perhaps he’s lived with sadness for so long that it no longer feels like an emotion, but a part of him. It’s ripping him apart. It makes him detach from his surroundings. He almost doesn’t notice the figure that entered the living room. It’s only after that person creates a clanking sound does he tear his gaze away from the empty wall he’s been staring at.

It's her. With two wine glasses and a bottle of wine in her hand.

Birthday.

Her birthday.

Taehyung had completely forgotten it.

She has a sweet smile on her face. A smile that is enough to brighten someone else’s soul. Yet Taehyung feels nothing. Not even a flicker of warmth. He wants to see a certain cunning smile instead of that bright one. She stops midway as she takes sight of him. A sigh leaving her mouth. Despair clouding her bright features.

Taehyung is a great disappointment for everyone. He would like to change that yet doesn’t know how. He’s hopeless. Oh, how everything was just fine before that day. He would never call it cursed because no, it was a blessed day. But now, it’s bitter on his tongue that he feels bile rising to his throat.

………………………………….

Now

You sit on the rooftop of your apartment building. At the edge. You’re fifteen stories high. This is your favorite place. It’s empty and free of annoying tenants. There’s no people to ask how you’re doing when clearly, you’re doing worst.

And this is the place you hate the most at the same time. Because, when there’s no other sounds, voices in your head get so much clearer, louder, and inescapable. When there’s no one else around, the monsters who lurk around you become realistic as they’ve ever been.

This is your life. You’ve always lived with the monsters. Always get along with the voices. It has been like that since you were a little girl. Since you started living with your aunt. She never wanted you. And she made sure you knew that. When it all became unbearable, the voices and monsters came to keep your alone soul company. It’s not that they are always there. No, there were better days. There were months. Even years where you lived a normal life. You tried to get help. To make yourself better. But every time something goes wrong, they’d return. Like now. It’s been months since they’ve ever left your side. And there’s only so much pain someone can endure. Only so much sleepless nights and heartbreaks someone can bear. You’ve reached your limit.

You need this unbearable pain to end. Want it to be gone. You want to sleep peacefully even if it’s for a second. You want the bloody lady who’s waiting patiently for your demise, with her face beaten up to a pulp, to leave you alone. She won’t. No matter how much you beg. You hate her.

“Jump! End it. Do it now. You think this pain will go away on its own? It won’t. You’ll suffer forever unless you listen to me.”

She won’t leave you alone till you jump. She has your aunt’s voice.

This is not her. Right?

“No one needs you. No one ever did. You’ve been a burden since the day you were born. Do you think anyone’s life would be worse without you? They’d be better off.”

“Fucking leave, me alone!”

“Jump!”

Oh, how tempting that is. She will leave you if you listen to her.

“Nobody needs you.”

Oh, you know.

“Nobody loves you.”

Taehyung did. He did, right? He loved you. It’s just how things have turned out.

“JUMP!”

…………………………………

Six Years Ago

Taehyung lived a pretty normal life. Ordinary, yet undeniably happy. He had everything. A college degree. An acceptable and highly paid job. Idiotic friends who he loved dearly. Good parents. And above all, a girlfriend who loved him like he was her sun and moon. He lived his life to the fullest. Their story wasn’t the stuff of movies. He didn’t meet her while saving the world, nor were they enemies-turned-lovers, childhood best friends, or two strangers sharing a single bed for a night.

It was simple. Taehyung met her at a Halloween party at a frat house. She looked beautiful. He asked her out and she said yes. And they started dating. Everything was going fine. Until it wasn’t.

Only if he knew that one moment, a fleeting encounter is enough to change someone’s life, he would never have said yes to Namjoon’s invitation to join him at a winter carnival. Well, there was no way he could see the future. He said yes. And he waited till Namjoon arrive. He was with his girlfriend and other two best friends. They laughed and joked. Smoked and waited. He was living his best life. Love of his life pressed against his body. Surrounded by people he loved.

That’s when Namjoon came. Not alone though. He had company, in a shape of a woman who looked like a lilliput next to his friend.

You.

Wrapped in a winter coat that was too big for you. Had a beanie that covered your hair that made Taehyung wondered what color it was. Had big eyes that doesn’t had any light in them. You weren’t smiling. You weren’t bowing. If anything, you stayed stony. Dull. Annoyed.

But hell, how he felt a skip in his heartbeat. Taehyung never believed in the movie effect. It was a dramatic lie they created. In real life, there’ll be no slowing down of time. The world won’t disappear for a fractured second. Sounds won’t lower down into white noises. If it didn’t happen the time he met his girlfriend, then there was no chance of it happening again. He was sure about his love. How wrong he was, though. Because at that split second, it all happened. Everything slowed and blurred away so he can take a good look at you. You only turned slightly to look at him. Then you didn’t look away for that second. You hold his gaze. Taehyung felt his heart beating in his throat. He felt completely enamored by an angel whose wings were clipped. Angel who looked like the devil.

And you gave him a tiniest hint of a smile.

And in that instant, the universe seemed to realign—a stellar collision in the making.

………………………………..

Six Years Ago

You sat at a round table draped in a black tablecloth. That was the stupidest you’ve ever felt. And that was the most foolish decision you've ever made. You normally made a lot and that said everything about how stupid it was to sit inside a tent of a fortune teller. In a stupid carnival. It was the idea of the guy who was in all black. Tattoos and piercings. Later you learnt the name to be Jungkook. That day you hated his guts for forcing all of you to sit in front of a woman who wore a midnight blue cape. A hood covering her white hair. Her eyes glued specifically on you as all of you settled down. Odd. Yet, she did stare at you from the very moment you reluctantly entered the tent. Unsettling.

There were stars dangling from the tent’s ceiling and smell of burning incense gave you a headache. And the smoke had made you dizzy. It all looked funny. Everything. The woman was a fraud, you were certain. But Jungkook guy was excited about spending his money over a con-artist. You wanted to leave. Namjoon had his hand on your thigh, though.

You should’ve never agreed to Namjoon’s plans. You weren’t someone meant to be socializing. No, you were someone to isolate yourself from the people. That’s the way you helped yourself. See now, there were your own ways to deal with your own problems. That came in shapes of hallucinations and voices. You had bad and unhealthy coping mechanisms. When neither therapists nor psychiatrists could help, you found the best way to deal with them was to become a bad bitch. Tough. Bad enough so people won’t get close to you just to hurt you in the end. You became selfish so you won’t be hurt when other people are. Being the bad person gave you the control you always seek. The control you never had.

Namjoon should never have brought you there. Not just because you hated it but because that day was what caused your great dismay in the long run.

That day, without even you knowing properly you had started a journey that turned out to be pretty ugly. And beautiful. It started when Jungkook guy showed his hand toward the woman. Palm out. Hoping she would read his future. She had dismissed him. Her eyes was still on you. Felt like glowering competition to you that time. Then right at the time you were about ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with her’, she had spoken in a strained voice.

“Ah, your threads... tangled, woven too tight.”

“Sorry what?”

“Your fates, child. The strands of your lives. Twisted together, bound as one.”

“I don’t understand a shit you’re talking about.”

“You will, in time. Your destiny is knotted with his.”

She had tilted her head to her right. Silver haired man, who was the bad influence on Jungkook’s soul. The other one who had insisted this was a fun idea had perked up. You knew he was Jimin beforehand.

“What? With me?”

“No, not you, dear boy. Him.”

She had pointed a bony finger to the man who sat next to Jimin. The man who had burnt his hand earlier because he accidentally touched the butt of the cigarette he was smoking. All because he stared at you like you were a ghost. No. That wasn’t the case at all. He had stared at you like you were an angel.

You never learnt how to explain that moment. You’ve never seen him before. Not even a glimpse of him. But he had stared at you like he knew you for ages. And you had felt that too. A strange sensation in your heart. A tug. A sting. How it was odd. You never meant to smile at him. You don’t smile at strangers. But you did to him. It was strange.

Then there as you listened to an old fraud talk crap, you had notice he has mismatched eyes. He sat far away from you. The place had shitty lighting. Yet you did notice that. Maybe that was because you were at a staring contest back again. Your heart beating violently and breathing getting ragged.

“You carry the weight of a past undone. Shadows of a life lived before. A tragedy. You’ve crossed paths now to mend what was broken... or to fail once more. Beware. Cycles repeat, and pain lingers. Choose wisely this time.”

You almost didn’t hear her. The man across from you was enchanting.

……………………………….

Six Years Ago

“Here’s your drink.”

That was the first moment the man, who apparently carried unresolved issues from your past life spoke to you. While placing a hot cup of cocoa on the picnic table in front of the food stall. You were looking at the Ferris Wheel. Glinting with thousands of multicolored tiny lights. How magnificent. Yet you knew it won’t look the same in the morning. It was an allusion. Another scam. Without the tiny lights it would look hollow. Like how you were. If anyone could’ve stared deep into your soul, or if anyone could see your bare soul, they would see how ugly you were. How scarred and hollow you were. You’ve been thinking about that when the intrusion had come. You had averted your eyes from the enchanting scene of Ferris Wheel to the man who stood next to you. Had glared at him with skeptical eyes.

“Oh, sorry- Namjoon asked me to take this to you.”

“Thanks.”

You were a well-guarded person. You never allowed others to get close to you. When it was slowly happening, you made sure to hurt them enough that they’ll run away. But it was always better to never let them come close to you than hurting them later. Only exception in your life was Kim Namjoon. So, you were thoroughly annoyed when the man with black hair and mismatched eyes proceeded to sit next to you. It was only you two there.

“I didn’t invite you to join me Mister.”

“Oh, fuck, sorry, I-I…”

He had such an adorable expression. Eyes wide in panic and face starting to flush in embarrassment. You hated how your heart had pained at the sight.

“No... no... I mean that’s fine. Like, I mean, I could use some company.”

And like you’ve never made him uncomfortable; he had grinned widely. He had a boxy smile. Beautiful. You had found a split second of a moment where your guard had slipped away from you. You found it impossible to avert your gaze away from his lips.

“So, how do you think our fates are tangled up? How do you think we’re going to mend what’s broken.”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t tell me you believe those bullshits too.”

“Bullshits?”

“Yes, Mister, that was a scam. That’s how she’s earning money.”

And he had grinned even more widely. You were being hostile. He didn’t deserve those kinds of harsh treatments. Hadn’t done anything wrong to you. Yet, there he was. Smiling.

“Yeah maybe... maybe not... Namjoon told me you’re a photographer?”

“That’s part time. I just love photography.”

“Well, then maybe you’ll be the photographer in my wedding. That’s how our fates are connected.”

“Oh, you’re getting married soon?”

“No, not soon but I’ll be proposing to her soon. I don’t know when but..”

“Ah!”

For no clear reason, you had felt a pain. A deep sting in your heart. You didn’t want to admit it but strangely it hurt.

“And my name’s Kim Taehyung.”

He had stretched his hand for you to shake. You didn’t. You ignored him completely. Because you felt hurt.

“I didn’t ask for your name.”

“That’s fine. It’s my choice to tell you.”

To your horror, he patted your head then. Your damn head. Over your stupid beany. You never believed the feeling of time slowing down. That moment, though, that happened. You had gaped at him with wide eyes.

His mismatched eyes were the most beautiful you’d ever seen.

And beneath one of them rested a small mole.

………………………………

Six Years ago

After months. For the first time since Namjoon returned you had a night terror that night. Wasn’t the usual one. Instead of running away from your aunt, you saw a flashing lights of a truck. Then you felt the pain. Endless pain. And there was the Taehyung. You saw him crying. Broke your heart into tiny million pieces before you open your eyes.

Your monsters returned that night.

You knew someone was under your bed.

………………………………………….

Five years ago

Taehyung never expected to see you again. He missed you, however. Taehyung didn’t think it was possible to miss someone he had met just for such a short time. To miss someone who was hostile to him for no reason. He did. He missed the stony-faced rude girl dearly. Funny, considering he had only spoken to you for ten minutes at most, exchanging barely fifty words. Yet, you haunted his memories for a year. In a good way. Taehyung thought it was because he was curious. Curious as to know what made you, you. The indifferent one. What stole your light. To know who clipped your wings. Or it was because of the fortune teller. Whatever the reason was, he couldn’t deny that he thought about you quite often.

True, Namjoon was still a best friend of his and he had all the opportunities to ask about you. Yet, he didn’t. He couldn’t—not with a girlfriend and Jungkook’s mention of you being Namjoon’s lifelong crush. He blamed all the messed-up sensations he felt on the winter air and bright lights on the carnival. He always loved the winter. Besides he was comfortable with his girlfriend. There were no reason to ruin that. Only if that was the plan of universe as well. It wasn’t.

He was at his favorite Samgyeopsal place that day. Place always had long queues in the evenings for takeouts. He could’ve ordered online. But the restaurant always messed up the online orders. Every good thing has its tiniest flaw. He stood as the fourth person in the long line when someone cut the line. Pushed their tiny self in between Taehyung and the person in front of him. A scowl formed in Taehyung’s forehead. Was about to confront them when an icy voice muttered an apology.

“Sorry but I’m late to the strip club.”

Late to where?

Then they had turned. Had looked at him with wide eyes. No light in them. Just hollow and dull.

You.

Once again, Taehyung felt the same effects. The hustle and bustle of Samgyeopsal place had vanished. Only person remaining in the room was you. Gaping at him with your mouth adorably open. And he knew you recognized him.

“Oh, you. Taehyung?”

“Uh- Hi!... Didn’t expect─”

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

“Yell at you for what?”

“For cutting the line?”

“Oh, it’s fine it’s you.”

“That’s bad Sailor… You need to learn to treat people fair.”

You had said something else. But he didn’t hear them. No. Something was happening to him. Something strange. He was in pain. Not physically. It was internal. His heart was aching. He wanted to hug you. Touch you. Knew you would slap his face hard enough for him to lose some of his teeth if he tried, though. That was the moment he realized he wasn’t just missing you. He was longing for you.

“Hey! Taehyung? You okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, of course. Bu-but I know you, so it’s fine.”

“You don’t know me at all. Three hours spent on a carnival a year ago doesn’t count.”

True. You told the truth. That was the period of time he knew you. Three hours from a long day. A year ago. Yet there he was, fighting the urge to touch you. The line was getting shorter. Sooner you would’ve been the person to take your order and vanish again. He didn’t want that. Something was pushing him to change that. At least you weren’t being so hostile toward him that day.

“Let’s dine in.”

“What?”

“I don’t know you so, let’s change that. Have dinner with me.”

Taehyung had waited with bated breath for you to turn the offer down. You didn’t. All you had done was smirk. And that smirk was cunning. It was the most beautiful he has ever seen.

………………………………

Five years ago

You should never have agreed to have dinner with a stranger. Taehyung was a stranger to you. Handsome and adorable in his sweater, yes. Yet he was still a stranger. Despite everything, you had to stick with one piece of advice your aunt gave you.

Stranger is a Danger!!!!!!

And that was the only time you disobeyed that advice.

You inspected his mismatched eyes while stuffing your mouth. The eyes you’ve missed. It wasn’t possible but you did. It was either your monsters and the voices inside your head or a pair of mismatched eyes and a mole. A boxy grin that kept you awake at night. No matter how hard you tried to keep the thoughts sunk, Taehyung always found a way.

“What?”

“Huh? Nothing. Are you sure your girlfriend won’t mind you being late?”

“Oh, not girlfriend, fiancée. Proposed to her a few months ago.”

Oh.

You had frozen. It was just like that first time. When you sat at a picnic table looking at a Ferris Wheel. It hurt to hear him say he’s about to get engaged. But that time to hear he is finally engaged; it felt like a knife piercing through your heart.

Why?

There was no reason. You didn’t even know him. You were strangers. Was that love from first sight? Bullshit. You never believed in those kinds of fairy tales. You might’ve so broken that you start to feel pain for the things you shouldn’t. But you couldn’t deny that it hurt. Couldn’t deny that you felt angry. For no reason.

“You okay?”

“Yes, of course. So, you had an engagement party and didn’t invite me?”

“Oh, no. There was no party. I just proposed to her. Had Jungkook and Jimin singing ‘All of me’. That was it.”

“Thank God, you didn’t invite me. Can’t stand those two people.”

It was a joke. A distraction from the pain you felt. Taehyung understood it. Showed you that boxy grin. Only thing it did was intensify the pain, however. You needed to leave. Wanted an escape. Felt suffocating to be in his presence. You nearly had it when you excused yourself for bathroom. But life had different plans.

“Oh, I knew it was you.”

Shaky voice had interrupted you. A voice you never wanted to hear in your entire life. You were having chills even before you turn around to confirm that the voice belonged to the same person who made your life a living hell. It was. In a blink of an eye, you were staring into the wrinkled face of your aunt. You abuser.

Despite all the effort you had put into coping with your trauma. Despite how hard you worked to develop a cold heart and a strong mind that won’t break at simple matters, you pathetically started breathing heavily. Right at the moment your eyes landed on her. A loud ‘no’ chanting inside your head. Screams starting to echo. Visions of her bloody face closing toward you starting to cloud your vision. You didn’t know she was saying something. You didn’t hear a thing. All that you heard was the venom in her voice. Over and over again. Like a mantra. The way she asked you to die.

“No… No, fuck no… get away from me.”

You had thought you were saying those words in your mind. In reality though you weren’t. It was a period you lost from your life. Where you weren’t living in the real world but inside your head. Maybe it wasn’t for a long time. But enough for you to cry a river and scream till your throat tasted like blood. You cried for your life. Begging her to save you. Then right at the time you thought there were no escape, it all vanished.

You were sitting on a cold floor of a busy restaurant. People were staring down at you with such horrified looks on their faces. Pity. Fear. You had gaped at them return. The senses finally getting on to you. Your aunt wasn’t there anymore. You felt relieved, for a moment. Then had felt helpless. You had a panic attack in front of so many people. You hated it when they looked at you like you were a wounded, caged animal. You wanted to disappear but couldn’t help the new tears escaping from you. That’s when you felt the warmth behind your back. Next you noted the arms wrapped around your petite figure. Lastly a soothing voice reached your ears.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s fine. You’re fine. I got you.”

Taehyung was gently rocking you. Like you were a child. Nobody in your entire life had held you like that. Not even Namjoon because you never fell apart in front of him. For your whole damn, painful life you had no one to hold you.

…………………………..

Five years ago

Taehyung had refused to let you go home alone. You were annoyed partially but happy mostly. It was embarrassing enough that he saw what he saw. But he didn’t leave you. No matter how hard you tried that day. Which was a great mistake. He should’ve listened to you. Should’ve left you to manage your own miserable life.

He didn’t. Even though you hated it, you had to let the guy enter your safe space. Your apartment. A place that never felt like home at all. You thought it should’ve felt more pathetic as you sat on the couch. Waiting for a stranger to bring you a glass of water. You should’ve felt more helpless to have been pampered by a stranger in your own house. Strangely though you didn’t. You felt secretly relieved. Because you weren’t alone. You knew, all the voices and monsters were about to mess up your entire night that day. There was no way they would leave you alone after what happened. So, you were grateful for him. Even though you didn’t tell him that.

But then after a few hours of just sitting there in silence, he had stood up to leave.

“Well, I should go then. She... uh- you know, I’m late.”

You panicked. Hard. So hard that you had jumped toward him. Had hold on to his arm before he could take a single step away from you. You were scared. Didn’t want to be alone. Not even for a minute. It was ridiculous how you blurted out suggestions as if it were natural. Like you knew him. As if you hadn’t acted all tough and annoyed at him earlier. The thing is, though, he made you feel safe.

“Want to hit the club with me?”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s going to be fun. Be spontaneous sometimes, sailor. You’re not getting any younger.”

“What? This is bit weird you know?”

“Well, you invited me to have dinner with you. You hold me when I was breaking apart. You sat down next to me in my own house like we knew each other for ages. And you said you wanted to change the fact that we don’t know each other. So, what’s so weird about it?”

In addition to being a bad bitch, you were a good manipulator.

“I… what club? I mean strip?”

“No need to be so worried.”

“Wait? Do you really work as a…”

“What a stripper?”

He hadn’t answered that. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips though. And it was enough to heal your scarred soul.

“No.. I’m not. I was about to go there as a punter. To a male one. But we’re not going there. We’re going to a normal one. You know, where there’s no show going on for you. Would’ve preferred the strip cub though.”

You had no intention of clubbing that night. You loved clubbing. Getting drunk. High. Stoned. Then getting laid. You did that on the worst nights, though. That night you had thought it would be a good one. Well, things always changed. Yet, Taehyung didn’t need to know that. You didn’t want him to leave you alone. You had waited with bated breath. Heart pounding violently in your rib cage. Then after some long few tortures minutes he showed you that adorable boxy smile.

“Yeah, sure why not. But why though? Why now? Wouldn’t sleep help you the best.”

“It would, but I need someone to exhaust me to sleep. So, sailor, we are going hunting.”

………………………………….

Five years ago

Taehyung didn’t know what had happened to you earlier. He didn’t know what caused it. Only that he panicked too. That he wanted to help. While you broke down the floor, he had made sure to force that old lady out of the place. He didn’t know who she was. But maybe, he thought, that she was the person who had stolen your light.

And in the end, when you asked him to join you for a club, all he wanted was for you to feel better. Couldn’t say no to your eager eyes. Or simply he was reluctant to let you go.

So, he joined you at a club. And had watched, watched, and watched. Sitting at a stool near the bar while sipping on a neat whisky. It burnt his throat, yet he couldn’t feel it. His eyes were on the dance floor. On the figure there who was tangled up with a strange man.

He felt bile rising up to his throat. Regretted ever agreeing to come with you. He felt so fucked up at the sight of you grinding shamelessly with another man. It was a mixture of feelings. He felt bothered. An urge to rip you away from the man who was squeezing your ass cheeks like there were no tomorrow. Then he felt a stir in his lower stomach. Which had nothing to do with feeling bothered. No. It had everything to do with the way his heart was beating madly. About to leap away. It had everything to do with how he couldn’t look away, no matter how much he wanted to.

You were fucking captivating. Dancing under the disco lights. Your movements were deliberate. The way you swayed your hips. The way you had wrapped your hands around the stranger’s neck. Your lips an inch away from him. Taehyung knew the stranger must be smelling the alcohol on you. Taehyung knew the stranger must be feeling your soft breaths on his lips. Knew it must be tingling. You had your perfect breasts pressed against the stranger’s chest. Taehyung knew they must be feeling so soft. You had your hips tightly pressed against the stranger. And so, Taehyung knew the stranger must be having the time of his life by feeling your soft flesh against his hardened dick.

Taehyung shouldn’t have thought about that in the first place, but he did. And it wasn’t that he thought about the way the lucky bastard might feel. No, Taehyung was simply imagining it himself. Watching you move from a distance, and he was imagining it was him. With you. It was him having the time of his life while pressing his hardened dick on to your soft skin. Hardened? Yes, he was rock hard. His pants were too tight in his crotch area. Too hard and the bulge visible that he had to turn away immediately to hide it from your view when you suddenly returned.

“Hey there sailor, enjoying the night?”

“Eh, can’t complain.”

“That’s not the answer I’m looking for. Want to join me for a dance?”

“Oh, No. No... I’m fine.”

“Yeah? Fine by me then.”

“Why’d you leave? Looked like you’ve caught your prey tonight, hunter?”

“You’ve been watching?”

“Uh- no- I- I just saw.”

“It’s fine. He is the catch but it’s a game.”

“Game?”

“Mhm. When you want to have good night- I mean a kind of night where you would fall asleep right away, you need to make them desperate.”

You leaned forward. Closer to him. You didn’t sit down on the empty stool. Bent down instead. It was a bad idea. Or maybe the bad idea was Taehyung letting his gaze averted from your face to your chest. Your low neckline was doing a poor job hiding what’s inside. Taehyung’s brain malfunctioned. His mouth went instantly dry. A whimper nearly escaped him at the sight of that delicious cleavage. Perfect. So, fucking perfect. Only he could’ve buried his face in it right there. Only if he could’ve smelled you. And you made it worse.

“So, I would give them a taste and leave Mr. Kim.”

It was a whisper against his ear. A shiver ran down his spine. It had been a great struggle for him to find his words.

“W-wow, y-you’re a vixen.”

……………………………………

Five years ago

You had frozen. Entirely. A sharp pain coursing through your entire body. Intense and unrelenting. It wasn’t entirely physical, but you felt it reverberated through every cell of your being. For a minute, it was like you were having a heart attack. And you were distraught. It felt like grief, as if you'd lost someone dear. That pain was deeply etched to your heart. You were certain that you’d never be able to escape that sensation. Even your eyes started to sting again. Pricking with unshed tears. You could’ve cried. Could’ve made a fool out of yourself for a second time that day. Taehyung had saved you, though. Distracted you with a shaky inhale of his breath. When you turned your sorrowful gaze to him, he was no longer looking at your face. His eyes were fixed on your breast. At the skin that was revealed to his eyes.

You had thought you imagined it when you saw him eyeing your cleavage earlier. He wouldn’t do that right? But he was. Shamelessly staring. And a shiver ran through your body. Made you visibly tremble. The painful sensation you were feeling replaced with something more sinful. You couldn’t help but let your eyes wander. Roam across his broad figure and stop right under his torso. Fuck! He was hard. Bulge visible. His pants was straining against his hardness. You thought you had conflicting emotions at that moment. Part of you believed he wouldn’t do that. And the other part thought you might not be the reason. Then he changed it.

“Does it work every time?”

When you looked back at his eyes they were on fire. His mismatched eyes. His beautiful brown orbs were burning with desire. Your knees buckled under the intensity of that gaze.

“Course, it does. What, do you think it won’t work on you?”

It was a dangerous game you were playing. Among every little thing you couldn’t take, rejection always held the first place. You might’ve been reading the signs wrong. And the entire situation was so wrong. Not that you cared. You were a bad person. You had done far worst things in your life. However, you believed Taehyung might have cared. He seemed like a good guy. Loyal. So, you had brace yourself for the inevitable rejection when his next words came as a whisper.

“Maybe… We should try find out.”

“You want me to try that on you?”

“Please.”

That was it. It was all Taehyung’s fault. You couldn’t hold responsible for your actions. You were the bad guy, and he was supposed to be the good one. He asked for it. And you, a horny woman who was far too broken to think about morality, had no control over denying that. Above all, you really knew how to play.

“Sure thing, sailor. It’s easy, like this.”

You angled your head, so you were facing him properly. Still, bent down. Made sure you were only millimeters apart from his pink lips, when you spoke again. Wanted him to anticipate a kiss you never were about to give.

“Men are easy you know…”

You placed your hand on his shoulder. Felt smug and proud when he slightly shuddered. When his muscles tightened under your barely there touch.

“Flashing my tits always make it easier… but this way it’s better.”

Dragged your palm down through his chest. He waited patiently. Swallowed harshly. Eyes never leaving yours. You dragged your palm down, down, and down. Through the expanses of his sculptured chest and abs. Didn’t even hesitate a bit when you hovered your palm over his crotch. Fighting with yourself not to lose your control and give in right there. Kept your hand there for a few seconds.

“And this is the part I love the most, sailor.”

You changed the position of your hand instantly. The poor guy nearly whimpered. Only for a moment though. You never gave him time to mourn the loss when you were grabbing his hand.

“Please.”

You made sure you mumbled that one word in a way it spills liquid neediness into his brain. Then at the same moment you raised his hand up. Pressed his palm into your left breast. Gave him full privilege of touching your soft mound completely. He moaned. He fucking moaned. So did he understand what you meant by ‘please’. You didn’t expect him to jump into action right away. He did and you failed not to moan as well. He squeezed your soft flesh while his breathing got ragged. He did it over and over, repeatedly. You allowed that to happen for how long you have no idea. You almost didn’t want it to end. Were simply falling into an ecstasy under his touches. What brought you into reality was when his lips grazed over yours. You withdrew fast as thunder. Completely. Pushed his hand away. Took a moment to compose yourself.

“Not so easy sailor, you should try harder.”

Turned around and walked away with your heart pounding in your throat.

………………………………..

Five years ago

Taehyung had sat there motionless. He was sure his brain was broken. Oh God, everything about this was wrong—what he’d done. But his real problem lay elsewhere. Crossing moral boundaries didn’t seem to strike him as a bad thing. He had his gaze fixed on your retrieving back. On the sway of your hips. The way you never even looked back. You disappeared at a corner. He knew you went to the bathroom. There was a possibility that you might not return to him. And it hurt Taehyung. Both in his chest and lower. His cock was so hard inside his pants. Hard it hurt. Your breast felt so soft in his hand. Your breath made him sigh in relief. He felt like an animal who works on its instinct. He couldn’t control his actions. Especially when he saw that man who had you grinding your hips against him followed you.

Taehyung wasn’t prepared to see you leave with another man that night. Not after you had his cock jump at the sight of your cleavage. He worked on autopilot mode. Wasn’t seeing clear when he practically sprinted after you. Bumped on the strange man who was halfway there. Only slightly caught you disappearing through the bathroom door. Taehyung didn’t give a fuck about the sign that said it was for women. Nor did he care about the shrieks he heard from the few punters who stood near the sinks as he pushed open the door. Only thing he saw was you. Only person who existed there were you. Gaping at him with your wide eyes when he grabbed your arm and turned you around.

“Taehyung!”

“You can’t do that, Vixen. That’s so fucking cruel.”

Thats all he said to you before he crashed his lips against yours. His lips lingered for a brief second before moving against yours—desperate and rough. Felt relieved, though. Instant relief. Turned you around and pressed you against the bathroom door. You took a minute. Taehyung liked to think you were surprised. Then you gave in willingly. It was the best feeling in the world when you parted your lips without any reluctance when he brushed his tongue against your lips. Seeking permission. You tasted better than anything in the world. You smelled better than anything. You were so soft against his hard body. And you lapped against his tongue like you were gone mad. Sharing one breath and creating a mess of spit. His cock was throbbing bad. He wanted you more than he needed to breathe at that time. You pulled away first. Gasped for air.

“Do y-you realize that w-we have an audience?”

“Don’t care.”

He fell back into your lips hungrily. He was pretty sure you would’ve let him have you right there if it wasn’t for some punter saying that they minded. You were forced to withdraw. Taehyung wasn’t having it though. He needed you.

“Please Vixen.”

……………………………

Five years ago

Taehyung’s desperate plea had affected you far more than he realized. He had turned you on so hard, apparently. Had unleashed a monster. And how he loved that. You were so needy, and impatient. Pretty. Hot. Gorgeous. The most amazing thing he had ever seen.

You and he had stumbled yourself out the club. Not wanting to stop sucking each other’s lips. It was your idea to go back to your place. And he were just trying to do that, but you were so impatient. Had thrown yourself on him ever since he started driving. He’d had one drink but couldn’t bring himself to care. Wanted nothing more than to go to a place where he can savor and devour you all the much he wanted. He wanted to do it faster, but you were a distraction. You had started it by kissing his neck. Trailing your tongue on his sensitive spot. Then you had escalated it by finally touching his hardened length through his pants. Squeezed and rubbed.

You teased the life out of him. Had played with your cunt, all the while he struggled to keep concentrating on the road ahead. How impossible that was when you bunched up your dress around your waist. Spread your legs and started to rub your cute cunt over your lacy panties. Taehyung was sure he’s going to crash. Then you pushed the fabric to the side. Moaned needily as you pushed a finger inside you. What a show you put for him. You pumped and pumped and pumped. Dripping on to the leather seat of his car.

“Holy fuck, baby. Jesus.”

“Need you Tae. Oh, fuck I can’t... Need more... Can I jerk you? No... no, can I suck you off?”

“Fuck, I’m gonna crash lady.”

“No, you won’t. C’mon you can. You’re a tough guy aren’t you. You can handle a little teasing.”

“Oh, fuck… you are a vixen. You gonna kill us both.”

You slipped your drenched finger out of your cunt. All he could think was how delicious you would taste. He had opened his mouth before he could think about it. Before you could wipe your finger on your thigh. You took the hint. Pushed your finger inside his mouth gratefully. It was embarrassing but he nearly cried. You did too. Didn’t wait a second longer before you were fumbling with his belt. Taehyung’s hips bucked upward involuntarily. His cock twitching as you freed him from the tight confines of his pants.

From there it was a hazy blur. You ruined him. From the very moment your warm lips wrapped around his flushed tip. You were a fucking vixen through and through. Such a tease. Knew exactly what you were doing when you gagged and chocked yourself on his cock. Slurping and drooling. Sucking the life out of him. Keeping him lost in your warmth till his cock throbbed nearing the release and you had stopped. Taehyung complained. Not for real though. He loved every minute of it. And by the time he parked in front of your apartment building, Taehyung was surprised how he even managed that. He took a moment to collect himself as you were still going on it. He was in ecstasy. Immense pleasure. Yet if you had thought he had given you full control, you were so wrong.

He bunched up your hair in his fist. Bucking his hips upward. Pressed you down. Kept you there before let go. You slipped his length out of your mouth. Gasping and panting.

“Cum, sailor. Want to taste you.”

He used your hair to straighten you up. Looked at your ruined face. Fucking ethereal.

“Yeah, you want that? Too bad, princess. I want to ruin that tight little hole first, fill you up, and make you beg for more. Tell me you'll let me.”

Couldn’t help but kiss your wet lips. You nodded into that kiss.

………………………………..

Five years ago

It was the best sex Taehyung had ever experienced. From the very moment you managed to enter your apartment in one piece to where he had you beneath him, his cock stretching your cute cunt open, it all felt like a dream to him. You pulsed around him violently. Frantically. He made you cum twice before having you warming his cock. Both times on his tongue. Sucked and lapped on your cute clit for so long. Overstimulated you to a point you actually cried.

Funny part was that it wasn’t about showing you who was in control or taking sweet revenge for the torture you put him during the drive. No, it was entirely his feral desire. The desire to keep lapping against your sweet slick. He was starved. To keep his head buried between your thighs and get drunk on your smell. He was high. He felt inhuman, insatiable. He could’ve gone for days like that. Fingers knuckles buried inside your cunt and massaging that sweet spot. Tongue circling around your twitching clit. Drinking your sweet essence. Unfortunately, though, he had to stop before you became too tired to pleasure his aching cock.

He held on to a loose thread of sanity as he watched you squirming beneath him. Eyes teary and mouth agape. He wanted to move but felt greedy to do so at the same time.

“Shit, I don’t want to start.”

“Y-yeah? Fuck… W-why is th-that?”

You giggled beautifully. Breathlessly.

“Starting it means, ending it sometime princess. Don’t want to stop.”

He pressed himself more into you. Relished the feeling of your warm walls clenching and unclenching around him. Your warmth. Having you stretched so wide and the sensation of your tightness struggling to adjust to him. Your arousals soaking his length. It was a dream to have you. To fuck you. Raw. He didn’t want that to end.

You had gone still at his words, however. Watched him with an unexplainable yet sorrowful expression. And he knew what was coming. He didn’t want you to voice that out. You did.

“I hope you know what you’re doing Kim Taehyung.”

Shit. He wanted to silence you. So, he dragged his aching cock back just to slam inside you. It didn’t have the desired effect. You moaned loudly and arched your back. Yet before he could repeat his movements, you spoke.

“I hope you realize that you’re cheating Kim Taehyung.”

It should’ve turned him down the moment those words left your sweet, seductive lips. But how fucked up he was that it didn’t make any difference at all. His hunger for you still roared inside him without a hitch. He gave you another harsh thrust.

“I hope you know; you’re an engaged man and you have a fucking fia─”

“Holy fuck, shut up you little minx. Shut up! Just use that mouth to moan my name, go on.”

He stilled himself inside you. Ground a bit. And opted into an animalistic pace straight away. And you did what you’ve been asked for. Moaned his name so sweet that his head spun. Yet there was a single thread of sanity left on you.

“Tell me you know Taehyung. Don’t go fucking blame me after this.”

“I know. All right. I fucking know. Damn know.”

He leaned forward. Kissed you hard. Withdrew only to grab the underside of your thighs. And to push your legs toward your torse. Bent you in half. Fucked you the hardest he could.

“It doesn’t matter vixen, you know. It’s only happening this one time. It’s fine.”

Told to himself more than to you. You had looked at him with void eyes. No emotion. Or not. Taehyung thought you were hurt. But you nodded. Understood. And he threw the care away. You did too. It was all pleasure. Each drag of his cock inside your warm walls. Each hit against your sweet spot. Each clench you made. It all was perfect. Perfect in the way how he wanted more even when he was already buried deep inside you. He wanted more of you. Wanted to make that last long. Especially since it was supposed to happen one time. Taehyung wanted to make you lose your mind. And he did.

Made you hold your own thighs so he can go deeper and harder. Played with your cute clit. All it took was few flicks and you were cuming undone crazily. Had put your legs over his shoulders. Kissed you hard when you came again. Had you on your knees. Yet in the end, he wanted even more. Even when you were so spent. When you lost the ability to stay up on your knees long ago. Taehyung would say it was the only reason why he fell to the bed laying on his side. Got you in the same position. Pulled you to him till your back was pressed against his chest. His hand under your neck. Curled it so you would be even closer. Held your leg up while he entered your warmth again.

Fuck, that was no ordinary way to fuck a one-night stand. He spoon fucked you, while he held you so passionately. Kissing your neck and coaxing you. Praising you for being such good dirty slut for him.

“Like that pretty slut. God, take it. Doing so fine baby. I’m so close. So close.”

“Taehyung… I can’t…”

“Yes, you can. You will. Take me baby please. Want to cum deep inside you. Tell me you want that, hm? Tell me you want my cum deep inside your slutty cunt. You gonna keep them inside, don’t you?”

“Taehyung please…”

Weren’t it the sweetest sound when you moaned his name. And when you add a nice beg in the end.

“I got you baby. Let go one more time for me? I know you got more. You can cum more for me slut.”

“Oh, fuck…”

“Yeah? Shit, feel so good princess. You feel fucking good. Don’t want to fucking stop.”

Taehyung had his face buried in your neck the whole time. Your scent was intoxicating. Addictive. You felt like home. Even though it didn’t make any sense. He didn’t know you. Not even your name.

“What’s your name?”

He never stopped railing your cunt as he blurted the question out. You giggled breathlessly. Taehyung felt you shake against him.

“Seriously, Kim? You- fuck- you’re fucking me to the next week, but you don’t know my name?”

“You never told me.”

“Why would you want to know my name?”

“So, I can moan it.”

You told him your name. And Taehyung stuck to his words. Moaned it over and over again. Even moaned it when you were the one who was cuming again. Squeezing around his twitching cock hard. Desperate to milk him. Crying his name. Taehyung held you close because he wanted to. You were so good. And the way you gripped him was the final straw for him.

It was pathetic how he whined. Almost cried when he came. It was otherworldly. The feeling. But it was all over the moment he lost it. The moment his hips stuttered, and he couldn’t edge himself anymore. Rope after rope of white cum had shot into the confine of your womb. Satisfactory. He felt whole for a minute before reality had hit him. Bad. It was bad. Even then, he hadn’t rushed away from you. No. He had waited till he couldn’t anymore. Had cleaned you up despite your half- hearted protests.

Eventually, when he gathered himself, you were fast asleep. And the thing that had made Taehyung felt most guilty was the way he kissed you softly before he left.

………………………………..

Four years and four months ago

You never saw him. Not even once since your little dirty tryst. You wanted to ask about him from Namjoon, but your ego was larger than the galaxy. No, you couldn’t lower yourself like that. Besides, he had told you it was just a one-time thing. Funny. Normally you left men wanting more. They had always come back. Not Taehyung. You understood though. Just because you felt satisfied to be the bad guy, it doesn’t mean he would too. You had fully expected that was the case. That Taehyung would stick to the good. Would do the right thing. Until that day.

It was storming outside. You were in a critical state. A shadow lingered in the corner of your living room, and screams echoed in your mind. You planned to leave the house for a good drink and a hunt that night. That was when you heard the knock on your door. And the person outside it was someone who you never expected to see again.

How ridiculous it was the way you were grinning from ear to ear like a mad woman when you opened the door. Finding a soaked Taehyung, covered in a black hoodie.

“Well, hello, Mr. Kim Taehyung!”

“Hi, vixen.”

“You’re passing by?”

“One more time. Just one more. I need it, baby, please.”

He startled you with his sudden outburst. You didn’t get to ask anything more. Simply because he was lunging at you. You didn’t get to do anything more than letting out a surprised yelp when he intruded your house. Lips pressed hard against yours. It was too quick how he thrusted his tongue inside your mouth, taking advantage of the surprised gasp.

All you saw was the door closing behind him before he had your back against the wall next to the door. You kissed him back. You did. Just after the few initial seconds of surprise passed away. Slipped your tongue inside his mouth too. Moaned at the sensation you felt only once before. At the addictive taste. He tasted like winter. You used to hate winter. It was dull and gloomy. But when you were kissing Kim Taehyung, you fell in love with the winter. He was the bright side you never saw. Your head started spinning. Above all, the screams inside your head vanished the moment his lips landed on yours. And you knew the shadow was gone too. You were the one who pulled away, first. You could’ve died if you didn’t.

“Wh- what are y- you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“Thought it was supposed to be that one time?”

“I know Vixen, I fucking know. Can you please- just… Fuck- let me fuck you one more time. I just need one more time. Can’t get you out of my head.”

Well, you didn’t care at all. You were at peace with the information that you were the bad person. If Taehyung wanted to take part in that, you weren’t going to stop him. Because you were selfish. He had no idea how much you missed him. How hard the past few months were for you. Your invisible friends have started to annoy your ass more and more since the day you woke up to an empty bed after he fucked you to the next life. That- the day he came back- was the only day you felt relieved. You were not going to play the hero who you never were.

So, of course, you said yes. An eager one. That’s all it took for Taehyung. He almost tore your clothes apart. His soaked ones following afterward before he had you straddling his sculptured thighs naked. Sat on your couch, grinding on his bare cock while he lapped against your hardened nipples. You went on it for what felt like hours. Your sticky arousals soaked his hard cock while his saliva made a mess on your tits. He created reddish artwork on your skin. And you clenched around nothing every time.

“Want me to tie you up to your bed, vixen?”

“Fuck..”

“Hm? Answer me slut?”

“Yes…. please.”

“Holy fuck! Gonna make you cum hard baby, don’t worry.”

That was your first bondage. You never allowed any man to tie you up to anything. Not even to tie your hands together with their silk ties. It took more than trust to let someone have you that way. You never felt safe. You always wanted to have your control even when you were too drunk to care. You hate it when you don’t have that control. With Kim Taehyung, however, you didn’t care. You consented to be tied to your bed gratefully. You felt safe. You trusted him more than you trusted yourself.

There was not a single ounce of doubt when he secured the knots around your wrists. There was not a drop of fear when he ate your cunt like you were a full course meal. Not even when you knew he’s going to overstimulate you. He would make you cum until your thighs shake. And you had no safe word. Yet you trusted him. So much. You felt nothing but blissful pleasure when he finally had enough of your taste. His hardened length visibly jumping. You didn’t hesitate to tell him where you had your vibrator when he asked for it. Knew you were up to a good time. So, you were.

Your back throat was raw from all the moaning when he finally thrusted inside you. You had missed the stretch so badly. He had the damn vibrator pressed against your already sensitive clit when he started pounding you on to the mattress.

“You feel good princess?”

“So- fuck- s- so good Tae... Oh, baby... shit...”

“Ahh, shit, such a tight cunt. Just like I remembered. Nobody fucked you after me?”

You only managed to shake your head. It was the truth. Not that you didn’t want. You wanted it badly. But nobody felt the same. So, you gave up on the kissing stage.

“Really? Really princess? Y-you didn’t? Fuck…. You gonna kill me. Holy fuck!”

And he was going to kill you too. It scared you how you didn’t know a way to handle that much pleasure. You wanted to touch him. Badly. Your hands itched. Restrains dug scarlet marks into your wrists at how hard you moved your hands against them. It was pure instinct that made you want to claw at his back. You couldn’t. That was torture.

“Wanna- wanna….”

“Yeah baby? What do you want?”

“Wanna touch you… Tae please.”

“No… No princess. Just take it. Hm take it. Take my cock like a good slut.”

It’s not like you had any other options to be fair. You had to take it. And you did graciously. Lost the count of how many times you fell over the edge. Convulsing around him. Somewhere between your fourth orgasm and his first, you lost your senses. Just cried for him to untie you because you wanted to touch. At last, he relented. Untied you. You jumped at the opportunity. Pulled him so close to you. Didn’t even mind his weight crushing you. It was just like the first time. You didn’t want to end.

“Go again, please, Tae. Again, I want more. Keep filling me up.”

“Fuck, sure you can take it?”

“Positive.”

So, he did. Without the vibrator and restraints. And it wasn’t a fuck. It was love making. He stared into your soul through your eyes when he gently rocked you into your mattress. Held you close to him the best way he could.

“Let’s cum together baby. Cum with me.”

You didn’t know what the best was. Cuming hard when he violently pounded you or when he slowly built the tension and made you let go together with him. Both felt ecstatic. So much your heart broke when it was over. When he cleaned you up and plopped next to you. It was all over again. And you thought you would wake up to an empty bed next day.

………………………….

Four years and four months ago

You didn’t wake up to an empty bed. For once, the emptiness was replaced by something tender, something real. When you woke up and tried to adjust your tired eyes to the bright light, your eyes had landed on a snuggled figure next to you. Then you had felt the warmth of that figure. Your bed wasn’t cold. And you felt how tight his arm was wrapped around your waist. It was wholesome. It was heartbreaking. He hadn’t left. He didn’t know how much it meant to you. You had watched his peaceful face that morning. Like a creep. The way he breathed. Way his lips were pouty. You didn’t dare to move a finger. Felt like a dream that was too good to be true. A single wrong move could make it all vanish.

It didn’t. He woke up sometime after you. And to your relief he knew where he was. Had mumbled a groggy ‘morning’. Your heart was doing the tango. Wanted to kiss him hard. You didn’t, though. You just stared at his face. He did the same until he finally felt bored of it and opted to play with your hair. It was peaceful. Peaceful in a way that made you do something you thought impossible.

“You know, when I was a kid, monsters lived under my bed.”

You never meant to tell him that. No. It slipped your mouth before you could stop. Nobody knew. Not even Namjoon. Your aunt knew, just because you ran to her when the first monster crept out under your bed. She didn’t give a fuck. You had to deal with your monsters on your own. You were a little kid. But what else you could’ve expected when she was the one who created those monsters.

You kept them as a secret. Were afraid of people treating you differently. Were afraid of Namjoon treating you differently. Had thought he would not want to be your friend anymore had he known. You always thought, if there was a someone who would eventually know, that someone would be Kim Namjoon. Your best friend since you were little kids. The boy next door. He was all you had. His house was the place you ran to when your aunt was too drunk, making your life hell. He was your only relief.

Then he betrayed you. He found a girlfriend when you were fifteen. You were jealous. Scared. But that wasn’t what broke you. What broke you was when he came to you to let you know that he’s flying abroad. And he did. You were left alone. Partially you hated Namjoon for that. You always waited, though. Thought the monsters would go away when he came back. Because that’s how it was before he left.

Funny, how it wasn’t he who made your monsters go away in the end. True, he brought the light you were craving. Only not in the shape of him. Still, you didn’t mean to tell it to Taehyung. At that moment you were so sure you made him run away from you. You were beyond surprised when he just stared at you. Affectionately. Brought his hand on your hair to cradle your cheek.

“You did.”

You had remained still. At the verge of tears. He was supposed to run away. Yet you nod anyway.

“My-uh- aunt, she… um used to… I mean she didn’t really treat me well. And this one day she came home all bloody. I don’t know what happened but- uh- I was so scared of her. She- fuck… well, she kinda took her anger out on me and ever since that day, monsters lived under my bed.”

You sniffled. Tried hard not to cry when Taehyung changed his position. Dropped his hand to your waist again. Just to pull you closer to his still naked body. Hugged you so close. Inhaled shakily yet, he didn’t run away.

“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry that happened. I wish I could have been there to protect you.”

“It’s not your fault. Why would you be sorry for something that you have no control of?”

“Do they return often?”

You didn’t know how he knew. Were you that visible? You wanted to tell a white lie. That you were fine. Something made you tell the truth, however.

“They do but I’m not afraid anymore.”

“Call me when it happens the next time.”

“Why? Told you I’m not afraid, sailor.”

You failed to hold your tears. Especially, when he hovered over you. Kissed your lips.

“I know. Just call me.”

He made a severe mistake that time. You and he made a severe mistake. You agreed in the end. Just before his soft kiss started to deepen. Before his lips started to trail down your jaw and neck. Before they ended up on your already hardened nipples. Nobody questioned how it shouldn’t have happened again.

……………………………..

Five years and three months ago

You didn’t call him until a month passed. Taehyung considered visiting you unannounced again but felt like a scumbag for even thinking about it. You were not a sex toy for him to use. And he still had a fiancée. Who was innocently unaware of his infidelity. He wanted to have better control over himself. Not to commit the same sin again. Convincing himself he was only meeting you to help made it seem acceptable, though it wasn’t just an excuse—he genuinely wanted to help. Not that he knew a reason. He just did.

Because he finally knew what made you, you. Knew it was your aunt that made you broke apart in a Samgyeopsal restaurant. Knew how it happened. How the said aunt clipped your wings. He wanted to help. Felt an urge to protect you. Be next to you each and every minute so, no monster, no human would be able to harm you.

So, when he received a call from an unknown number. When he heard a sob from the other side when he answered. Taehyung had gone into a frenzy. There was only one thing on his mind. That you needed help. You needed him. You had only muttered one word.

“Taehyung…”

His heart sank at that. Shattered. Brain started to ring alarms. There would be no other way to explain that feeling than fear. He thought you were dying. You weren’t. When he finally reached you, he found you curled up next to your couch. Screaming with your hands covering your ears. Tears streaming down. One word chanted through your dry lips. Desperate.

“No. No. No. No.”

Taehyung didn’t know what he should do. So, he did what he thought would be helpful. He hugged you tightly. Told you he was there. And kissed you passionately. Tasted your tears on your lips. It felt like hours passed until you finally calmed down. But when you did. When your cries fade into little whimpers, he finally felt like he could breathe.

…………………………..

Five years and three months ago

You never wanted to be a burden. Yet somehow you became one. Taehyung said that’s not who you are. But you knew you were. You started to rely on him completely ever since that day. From the very moment he stepped inside your apartment while you were crying for a little relief. When it was over, you knew you had to let him go. You couldn’t though.

“C-Could you, um… stay a little longer?”

“Course, I can.”

You sighed in relief. Snuggled against his chest. You sat on the floor next to the couch. Both of you. As long as he was there, the bloody woman won’t return. You knew it. You were staring to calm down. Collecting the shredded pieces of you. Still very shaken from your earlier outburst. You never learnt a way to cope with it afterwards. At least not until Kim Taehyung happened.

“Want to forget it ever happened vixen?”

“I would like to.”

He said nothing when he got to his feet. Said nothing when he fished for his phone. You watched him with a curious gaze until the sound of music filled the silent air of your apartment. Reggae- rock. It was, ‘can’t remember to forget you’. You rolled your eyes to the back of your skull. Shook your head so fast that it made you dizzy.

“Oh my god, no, Taehyung.”

“C’mon, it’s fun.”

You protested the best you could. Yet ended up swirling under his arms after he pulled you into your shaky legs. You were reluctant as hell at first. It was amazing how he eased you slowly. How he made you swirl and sway your hips. You didn’t even realize you were actually dancing in your living room with a man you had no business being with. Didn’t know you were grinning like a fool. In your baggy hoodie and leggings. He didn’t have to make you dance anymore. You did it by yourself. Pressed you back to his. Wiggled your shoulders in sync with him. Sung the lyrics through top of your lungs.

I rob and I kill to keep him with me

I do anything for that boy.

I’d give my last dime to hold him tonight

I do anything for that boy.

Only you didn’t know that was the truth. That in the long run, you would really do anything for him. And that won’t be enough.

In that moment, it was the life. It was one of the happiest memories in your distraught life. You saw the universe in his eyes that day when he finally turned around and turned you to face him as well. He was happy. You were happy. In a little bubble you created.

“Gosh, sailor, you’re crazy.”

“Yes, I am.”

He mumbled before softly kissing you.

……………………………….

Three years and six months ago

You called him rarely first. Then more often. Then every day. First, it was when the voices and visions got unbearable. Then it was for no reason. And he was more than happy to visit. After few months, you didn’t have to call him anymore. He came every day. He danced with you every day. He fucked you every day. The thing was, though, you both knew it was temporary. You thought you were just fine. You did it because you were the bad guy. That thought shielded you against the guilt. So, you kept thinking that. Until, of course, you couldn’t anymore.

That day when he rocked you onto your bed while staring at you with those sparkly eyes, you knew something had changed. Not in him. But in you. You weren’t doing it to be the bad guy anymore. You weren’t doing it to feel like you have control anymore. No. You were genuinely enjoying every moment with him. You loved them. You loved the way he looked at you. Loved the way he talked to you. Loved how he smiled at you. Loved how he laughed. Walked. Ate. Slept. Loved his smell. Loved his presence. Simply, you loved him.

You inhaled a shaky breath. There was no denying anymore. You loved Kim Taehyung. In a crazy way. Just like on your second day together, you hadn’t meant to voice your thoughts. But once again, the words slipped out before you could stop them.

“I love you.”

He had still immediately inside you.

“What?”

“I love you, sailor.”

…………………………….

Three years and six months ago

Taehyung had panicked too much. Too hard. He never expected to hear that. You surely didn’t love him. It couldn’t be true. It was such an unexpected confession. He stumbled away from your bed. Had denied what you said. Shook his head. Got dressed in record time. Had stormed away from your apartment while you looked at him with wide innocent eyes.

He didn’t even give you time to explain. Didn’t give you the explanation you deserve. Vanished from your gaze. You called him several times. He ignored you. Just because he was so scared. You couldn’t love him. You knew he was engaged. Above all, he couldn’t accept your feelings. You were worlds apart. He had every intention to keep ignoring you. To hide away from the world. And you stopped calling him too. He knew you had a huge ego, that you wouldn’t even look at his face again.

He thought that would be the case. But how hard that day was for him. He was a huge mess through and through. His heart was aching like someone was squeezing it in their hand. He felt like he was physically bleeding. Yet he could’ve made the day if it wasn’t for the call he received from you at midnight. He never ignored your late-night calls except that day. He didn’t answer. Waited few minutes lying in his bed, imagining how it might be for you. He knew you hadn’t called to say anything else. He knew so much about you by then, that he knew you called him because you were scared. Knew the visions might be back. Knew you might be hearing the sounds.

And that was when he realized how much he cared. He cared always, yes, but that’s when he realized that. He cared too much. Too hard. He couldn’t stay away from you. Couldn’t ignore your calls for help. You were too precious. Even though he didn’t know you had been his everything lately.

Taehyung practically jumped from the bed. Ignored his startled fiancée. Broke every speed limit as he raced to your place. Just to find you nowhere. Nowhere in your apartment. That was the first time he had felt hollow. A strange sensation shot through his spine. His heart was beating in his ears as he stood still in your living room. Trying to clear his head and think straight. That’s when he had heard the sobs. Muffled. You were inside. Somewhere there. He followed the sound. Slowly and quietly until he found you finally. The sounds came through your closet. Taehyung didn’t think it was possible to feel more heart broken. He did somehow, when he sprang open the closet door. Gaze falling on to the figure in a fetal position. You had looked up at him with your red and puffy eyes. Your panicked expression morphed into an angry one in a blink.

“Why are you here? What the fuck are you doing here Kim? Why are you here? Get out. Leave. I don’t want you here!”

He didn’t listen to you obviously. Crouched down before you. Touched you when you started to thrash. Throwed a tantrum.

“No. No for fucks sake vixen, I’m not leaving you like this. I’m so sorry baby.”

“You did once. You can do it again. Fucking go away Kim.”

“I’m sorry princess. No, stop─”

You were stronger than a lioness that day. He had a great struggle holding you still, pulling you into his body. You tried your best though.

“I don’t want your fucking pity, Taehyung, I don’t want it.”

“I’m not giving you my fucking pity! I’m fucking giving you, my love”

He yelled. You stopped wriggling like a worm at once. Everything went still for a minute before you broke apart. Crying hard into his chest. He cried too. But at the same time, he made sure to tell you he loved you like it was a mantra to calm you down.

“I fucking love you too Vixen. I love you.”

…………………………………………

A year ago

From the moment Taehyung confessed his love for you, your life turned completely around. It wasn’t the sour and dull life anymore. It was bright as summer and comfortable as winter. Sure, there were heart breaks and days you cried. Like how your heart broke when Namjoon confessed to you in a fancy restaurant. You had blinked at his face stupidly. You couldn’t believe it. That Namjoon liked you. You had a fat crush on him until the day he left to states. You thought you harbored the same feelings when he came back too. But somewhere on the line things had changed. Even though Namjoon was very special to you, you had to break his heart. You were in love with Namjoon’s friend. For years. Namjoon understood your rejection, but he shut himself out from your life.

It hurt you. But you knew he was hurt too. There were other incidents too. Sometimes you fought with Taehyung. You cried a little. He brought you cupcakes instead of beer after those fights. Brought you Orchids. Despite everything you were living your best life. Things changed for good too. Like how you loved winter. Because he tasted like winter. Because he took you to that winter carnival. Only you two. You giggled like a teenager. Enjoyed everything like a toddler. He showed you the things you missed. Healed the little girl inside you. Taught you it was okay to love someone unconditionally. To be loved unconditionally.

He made you watch cliché movies and read you books. You learnt how beautiful it was to dance in the rain. You looked forward to his silly dates. You missed him when he was gone. But with everything, you both knew in the very end of the silver line there was a looming darkness. You ignored it the best you could though.

“Do you think she meant this?”

Taehyung played with your hair- a habit he developed- as you lazily laid there after he fucked your brains out. It was noon. Harsh sunlight was creating glowing patterns on his face. You looked at him wearily.

“Who?”

“That fortune teller. She told our fates were tied together.”

“Really sailor, you still believe those shits?”

“You don’t?”

There was such tender look in his eyes. How you loved him. You turned to your side to face him, thinking his question through.

“Well, I don’t want it to be real, so, I don’t believe.”

“Why?”

“Because she said we had unresolved issues Taehyung, that’s bad. And…. She said that cycles repeat. She said something about pains lingering. If it was true, then that part comes true as well. If it was true, then something bad happened to us in that past life Taehyung. I don’t want that again. Don’t want you gone.”

Taehyung had frozen for a minute. Had looked at you with his eyes pouring out his heart. Had kissed you deeply. Held you close.

“It won’t. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

You trusted him that day. But you forgot that your life isn’t supposed to be that good.

………………………

Six months ago

It was storming just as it had been the day Taehyung suddenly popped up in front of your apartment door, after months of your first day. And he had knocked on your door similar to how he had done then Instead of simply walking inside as he used to. You were so surprised to find him there soaked to the bones. Ironically wearing a similar black hoodie. And you, stupid you, had grinned uncontrollably to see him there. Only until you realized he wasn’t smiling back. Until you noticed that his eyes were puffy and red. Undoubtedly from crying. Even the tip of his nose was red. He hadn’t spoken a word. Not a single word before you understood it for yourself. He had this look on his face. Somber. Distraught. Guilty. Hesitating. It all screamed one thing. That loomed darkness was there.

You knew. Before he could tell it, you knew. And you jumped into action before anything else can happen. You desperately had believed it won’t happen if you stop it before he says anything.

“No. No. Taehyung. I- fuck- I don’t want to hear it. Turn around please. Leave.”

What you wanted didn’t happen. He spoke. Instead of listening to you he spoke.

“She knows.”

“So what? I don’t care Taehyung. Turn around. This isn’t happening. You’re not- you’re not- not─”

Your words had muffled by a sob that erupted from your throat. You didn’t want to cry. It meant, it was happening. No, it wasn’t.

“Look, I- (__), I’m s-so fucking so-rry baby─”

“No, you’re not, you’re not sorry Taehyung. If you’re really sorry, don’t do this to me. Don’t─”

“She doesn’t deserve that. I wasted her whole life. I can’t do that to her.”

She doesn’t deserve that. So, you did?

He wasted her whole life. So, he didn’t waste yours?

He can’t do that to her. But he can do that to you?

You took a step back. The tears were out of your control now. That wasn’t how it meant to happen. It was meant to be a happy ending. You did your best. You did everything you could. You never asked him to make a decision. You always soothed your heart saying, he would do it at the right time. You always understood his situation. You made peace with being a secret, and not being able to tell anyone who your boyfriend was. You did everything. In the end, it wasn’t enough. None of it was enough.

Despite all your efforts there stood Kim Taehyung. The man you loved dearly. Loved crazily. Blindly that you didn’t even see that you wouldn’t be the one he chose. He stood there while tears rolled down his cheeks as well. But in the end, he was leaving you. For her.

You carry the weight of a past undone. Shadows of a life lived before. A tragedy. You’ve crossed paths now to mend what was broken... or to fail once more. Beware. Cycles repeat, and pain lingers. Choose wisely this time.

Pain lingers. It sure hell did.

You were starting to lose the ability to breathe. You dug your nails to your fists. You wanted to stay calm. Talk it through. Yet the pain made it come out all wrong.

“So what? You gonna walk away like that? Do you realize, how much of prick you are?”

“No, don’t do that.”

“Do what Kim? You cheated on her for years and only now you realize─”

“Shut the fuck up (__).”

“Oh, I will. I will shut up. I will be the one to shut up and bare it when you’re tossing me aside after using my body for years.”

“That’s not what fucking happened.”

“Then what the fuck does happened?”

“I didn’t fucking use you. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Don’t blame me like a hypocrite (___). Don’t fucking do that.”

“I didn’t know Taehyung. I fucking believed in the lie you told me.”

“Well, then why did you fucking let me lie. Maybe you should’ve thought better before slutting yourself for me. I should never have visited the carnival that day.”

That had hit hard. Like a slap. Shut your mouth. Only pain remained in the suddenly silenced air as you looked at him with pathetic eyes. It took him a minute. Then he nearly lunged forward, shaking his head violently. You recoiled instantly.

“No, fuck I don’t mean that vixen. Fuck, I’m sorry. Hey, baby─”

“It doesn’t matter Taehyung. Guess what? You’re so right. It’s my fault. Should’ve known better. I’m a slut and I would put that into good use.”

“No, vixen wait.”

“Bye Kim. Live your fucking life.”

You closed the door in his face.

……………………………..

Now

“There’s no hope anymore, is there Tae? You were long gone when I found out?”

Taehyung just blankly stares at her face. Sighs. Drops his head into his hand. Ever since he left your apartment, it hasn’t been the same. With him. With her. Taehyung has forgotten to smile. He has drowned himself in alcohol. Nothing helps though. He wants you. He needs you. Like how he needs air. He misses you. Your warm smile. Your voice. Your scent. Oh, he loves you crazily. Blindly. He now realizes that he can’t do this.

He wanted to do the right thing. Right by her. Because he thought that’s how he would find peace. This isn’t peace, however. He’s living in a burning hell. Each passing second without you feels like an eternity in a pit of fire. He loves you. He can’t do it. So, he shakes his head. Biting back the tears.

“I- uh I─”

“Save it Tae.”

The despair in her voice is visible. Taehyung doesn’t know what to do. To add more to his misery, he feels a sensation that is unexplainable but enough to make the hair in the back of his neck stand. To give him chills. He doesn’t like this. It’s uneasy. Scary. He feels helpless.

“You’re such a fool Tae. A coward.”

She adds at his silence. Taehyung snaps his head toward her. A bit offended at the words yet says nothing. So, she continues.

“You cheated on me for years. Years Taehyung. That’s not a simple mistake. That’s- that’s…. You love her. Even though you told me it was just physical needs, you love her Tae. You barely talk to me anymore. You don’t eat, sleep. You barely leave the house. You, Kim Taehyung, are not the man I once fell in love with. You were long gone when I found out. But do you know what makes my heart break the most? It’s that after everything, you were a coward who couldn’t even make the right decision.”

She steps forward.

“You weren’t brave enough to fight for what matters the most. You broke my heart, and then her heart and in the end, you decided to hide away? Gosh, how much of a pathetic coward you can be?”

“Wh-what do you mean? I- I did the right thing.”

He finds his voice lastly. Is too shaken by her sudden accusation. She hasn’t talked to him this straight or rude even the day she found out.

“Did you? No, you didn’t Tae. What you did was choose the easy path. I am that easy path Tae. She- she is the hard path. All the judgments, and facing Namjoon, all of your friends, our friends, our families. And not to mention that she isn’t exactly normal, is she?”

“She. Is. Normal.”

Even Taehyung can’t comprehend the way he’s shifted from a mourning widow to a protective wolf in one minute. He is glaring at her now. She doesn’t even wince, however. Gives him a soft smile instead.

“There you go. You should’ve done that way earlier. Fight for what you want Tae. Not everything comes easy in this world. You’re an asshole. But guess what? People always make shitty mistakes. This doesn’t justify what you did, but I don’t think you and I ever will be the same again. We’ve been engaged for forever now. You’ll never marry me. Even if you did, that would be a great mistake we both make. You’ve become part of her.”

Taehyung blinks at her face. His throat is constricting. Eyes burning. He wants to say something. But what can he say when every word she utters is true. He was a coward. He let you go, and now he gets this feeling that everything is about to end. He gets a bad feeling.

“I don’t know. I- um… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Do you love her?”

Taehyung sighs heavily. Nods. What good it’ll do by lying anymore.

“Y- yeah. Ye-yes. Fuck… yes, I do. I- fuck I’m sorry but I do. I love her. And- and holy shit I feel like it’s too late. I feel like somethings wrong, and it drives me fucking crazy.”

Taehyung rubs his face in frustration. He’s going to explode. Something’s wrong. He can’t breathe.

“Well, I’m not going to be the bigger person here and ask you to run to her Tae. And I won’t say that I’ll forgive you either. But…. My grandma used to say that you shouldn’t ignore it when you get a bad feeling about something.”

With that she turns around and leaves. Taehyung watches her for minute. A long one. His brain struggles to process what just happened. Until it suddenly kicks him. He shouldn’t ignore the bad feeling. It’s still not the way how he should do it. She deserves a better explanation. An apology. A sincere one. She deserves to know the truth. But he needs to see you first. He would do it right this time. For real. Right by you. He would just find you first.

…………………………..

Now

You wonder if this is how it was in the past as well. Just as the fraudulent woman told you. She said that it was a tragedy. That you were met to mend what was broken. Or fail. And what happened was the latter. You failed, once again. Funny, how you’re believing it now. You were so adamant of believing it was a scam. Now here you are. Perch on the edge of your rooftop. Thinking about your past fucking life. You let out a shaky laugh that spirals into something maniacal.

Your life is ridiculous. You lived your entire life battling a battle that nobody else can see. Monsters. Voices. Hate. No friends. No love. No light. Then when you met the man who was supposed be tightly connected with your fate, you thought you finally won that battle. Well, it seems you were wrong. You lost it even before it starts. Now, you’re too tired to keep fighting. It’s suffocating. Exhausting. When Taehyung left that day, the voices and visions became unbearable. There’s not a single day you slept peacefully. Night terrors when you were asleep. Shadows and screaming when you were awake. No amount of alcohol or endless nights spent clubbing. No man who you brought home was able to help you.

Sure, Taehyung brought the light to your world. And he took that light away by himself. Like a candle flicked off. Now it’s only darkness and you don’t think you’ll ever see a light again. You never had anything to lose. But now when you sit here staring into the road down, bustling with vehicles and people, you feel like you’ve lost everything. Maybe, somewhere in between before Taehyung and after Taehyung, you lost your hope. Desire to hang into life. It’s not like anyone would ever miss you. Would they?

Would Taehyung miss you?

Did you die first in your past life? Did he miss you then? Did you kill yourself before? Was that because he rob your light? Does it matter anymore?

Oh, you’re tired. So, tired. You need a peaceful moment. Just one is enough. Maybe in your next life, you will have a normal life. Good family. Parents who won’t abandon you. Good friends. A life without monsters. And maybe… just maybe…. You would meet Taehyung again. The man who wasn’t scared of your haunted scarred soul. The man who helped you to fight them. Your anchor. He was the person who held you to your life lately. The man who you still love like he’s your sun and moon. And then he won’t choose anyone else over you. He would stick to his promises, and you’ll love each other until you grow old. There will be no tragedy.

You turn your head slightly to look at the looming presence of the woman next to you. She has an evil smile on her lips. She’s winning after all. You’re giving up.

“Jump!”

……………………………

Now

Taehyung storms inside your apartment. Surprised that you haven’t changed the password. It’s like that day. It’s empty. No sign of you. He steadies himself in the middle of the living room. Staying quiet in hope to hear your muffled sobs. Like how it was the last time. Only, that he can’t hear anything. Only the hum of your fridge and the ticking sound of your wall clock. It’s empty. It’s silent. Eerily silent. Taehyung is visibly shaking. He is covered in sweat. So, he shrugs his jacket off. And that has nothing to do with the fact that he took stairs instead of the elevator. But everything do with the fact that he’s terrified.

Something is wrong.

It’s night. Did you go to a club? Bar? You don’t have many friends. Taehyung knows you and Namjoon fell apart after his confession. You can’t be at someone else’s house then. He had called you thousand times by now. You haven’t responded. Yet he tries one more time. Dialing your number with his hands shaky. Trembling badly. Cursing when it takes him more than necessary time to unlock his damn phone. When he finally does, he puts the phone on speaker and wait. Waits till the call connect and starts ringing. After what feels like hours, it does. And Taehyung can hear a phone ring inside the apartment. It comes from your room. He checked there earlier. You are not there. But your phone is, apparently. You went somewhere without your phone.

You don’t do that. You have so many demons. You don’t feel safe without your phone. You won’t leave it unless you don’t need it anymore.

Why would you not need it?

Where are you?

Where would you go?

Taehyung’s head is spinning. He feels like banging his head against a wall so that he can think straight. He tries his best to rake his brain for any kind of idea. He knows you after all. It can’t be this hard to guess where you would be.

Where?

A place you like.

A place you don’t like.

Taehyung slowly raises his head. An idea dawned on him.

The rooftop. You like that place. You and he used to stargaze there. And you hated that place. Said those voices become the most annoying when it’s quiet. Taehyung turns around like in a dream.

That’s where you are.

The sickening dread intensifies tenfold. He breaks into a run the moment he leaves the apartment.

Whatever you’re doing up there, it’s not good.

Taehyung doesn’t believe he can run this fast. He does somehow. He takes the stairs instead of elevator again. Can’t waste time waiting for the stupid thing. He runs fastest he can. Feeling his pulse thundering. He can’t be late. He has things to tell you. He needs you to know he made the wrong decision. Wants you to know that he loves you. Needs to tell you that he loves you. He wants to tell you that the day he met you at that carnival was the best day of his life. And it was the best decision he ever made.

He feels like he saw heaven when he finally reaches the top. When he can finally see the rickety door to the rooftop. He yanks the door open. Like how he did open a closet door once. His gaze immediately lands on the figure sitting on the edge. Like how it did land on a figure in a fetal position. The figure turns slightly to glance at him. Like how those eyes looked upon him like a deer caught in a trap last time. This time though, instead of getting mad at him, you look away. No emotions in your eyes. Not even a sign that you acknowledged him. You just turn around.

And Taehyung’s heart stops.

“Vixen, NOOOO!!!!”

……………………………….

Now

You stop.

Freeze.

You were just about to jump. About to end the misery. About to have your peace. You knew someone came. Your blurry vision prevents you from seeing them clearly, and their presence makes you rush, hoping to act before they can stop you. But that voice. Wait? Did they call you Vixen?

You turn around slowly again. Blink. Tears roll down your cheeks, clearing your vision. It takes some minutes for your brain to register that he’s here. Kim Taehyung is here. It takes some time for it to make any sense. Takes time until you finally clearly see him. Standing there. Panting, eyes glittery with unshed tears. He’s taking little steps toward you. His hands up in raised in a gesture of surrender. As if to let you know that he is no harm to you. Ridiculous since you always knew he wasn’t.

“S-sailor?”

You ask groggily. What if this is another hallucination of your mind.

“Yes baby- me. It’s me.”

He takes another step toward you. Slow. Puts one of his hands down. Again slow. Only to stretch it forward. Hesitating.

“Why?”

You look at his hand for a moment before looking at his face again. A single tear has rolled down his cheek.

“Wh-what do you mean why?”

“Why are you here?”

“For you.”

“Yeah?”

You keep looking at his face. He takes another step. Now he’s at a length where he can touch you. He doesn’t, however.

“Yes, I am. Baby- c-can you? Uh- please?”

He stretches his arm toward you. Is asking you to take it. Silently.

“What do you want Taehyung? Why you came back, when you just fucking left me. I can’t do this anymore. I- I, I’m fucking tired. I need to end this damn pain.”

You turn your head to look at the woman. She is no longer there. Because Taehyung is here. But that’s temporary. The moment he will go again, she’ll return. And it will happen anytime soon now. Because Taehyung would leave again. Inevitably. He would leave you again.

“I know baby, I know. I know it hurts. B-but… listen to me, will you? Just get down from there so we can talk. Let’s talk. Please. Please baby….”

“There’s nothing to talk about Taehyung. You can’t do this to me. Go where you belong.”

“But this is where I belong. Baby don’t do this. Don’t leave me to suffer again”

He sounds desperate. Helpless. Why though? You’re the one who should be desperate here. And what does he mean again?

“I’m not the one who left. What do you mean again?”

“I- I d-don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost you once. I know it’s crazy, but I can already fucking feel the pain. I feel like I’ve suffered before. Vixen please don’t do it again. Don’t- fuck, just please get down.”

You can see his hand tremble. Can hear his voice shake. He wants to touch you. You know that but he’s afraid. Like you. You wipe the tears from your hoodie sleeve.

“You wanted to go Taehyung. You chose her and─”

“I know. I’m a fucking coward baby. I am. I made a fucking mistake, but do you think I deserve this kind of punishment? To lose you forever? Do you think I’ll survive this, knowing I lost you forever? Please, Vixen, I’m begging you. Just one chance, that’s all I ask for.”

You simply look at him. He tilts his head back for a moment, trying to steady himself. He’s a mess. You’re a mess. He’s crying hard. It breaks your heart. You hate seeing him cry. Can you trust him, though? What if he leaves again? What if the woman returns again? But then what if he cries this way for the rest of his life when you’re gone? Despite everything, he is here, isn’t he.

“We can try again. In the correct way this time. I’ll be there for you; in every step you take. I’ll help you; you’ll help me. We can try again vixen. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“I don’t know sailor. I’m tired. I want them to be gone forever. Monsters, sounds. I- what if you leave me again?”

“I- God, please trust me this once baby. I won’t. I love you. God, I love you so fucking much it hurts. We’ll make them go away forever. We can do it. I got you. We can light it up baby. Trust me please. Just once, all I need is one more chance.”

That’s all you need as well. One more chance. You take a moment. You don’t know if this is going to work. All you can do is trust him. He broke it once. Maybe you won’t trust him fully now. But what if he works for it. Really hard. Maybe you’ll learn to trust him again. He said he’d help you. You’ll heal. He promised he’d do it right this time. After all, you don’t want to see him cry. You love him. Still. Blindly. Crazily. Sue you for that but you do. Maybe you have a chance, and you shouldn’t wase that.

No, you shouldn’t waste your chance.

You should choose wisely this time.

After another long second, you place your hand in his slowly. He lets out a shaky breath in relief. You get down from the edge with his help. Your legs are too shaky to keep you up right. Yet that’s no problem because you’re in his arms the moment you are down. He pulls you into a fierce embrace, holding you as if he’s afraid to let go. Peppers every inch of you he can find with kisses. Hides his face in your hair. Inhales deeply.

“Thank you. Thank you, Vixen. God, thank you for fucking trusting me. I- God, I promise I’ll make it work. Not gonna let you go again. No. Never. I- I...”

He stutters through his tears. You hide your face in his chest. Let yourself drown in the smell of winter. Get closer as it’s physically possible. Oh, you missed him. What if you’ve never got a chance to be in his arms again? The thought makes you greedy. You clung to him for your life. Still trembling.

There’ll be a long way to go. It will be hard and easy. The road will be smooth and rocky. It will certainly require some work. But in the end, nothing matters. You’re in his hands. Again. And you’ll make sure you are making the right decision from now on. That you won’t let if fail. Won’t let you and Taehyung fail.

“Do you know I love you. Gosh, I thought I’d never get to say that to you again─” Taehyung pulls away to peer at your eyes. Presses a kiss to your lips. Hugs you tight again. “─ I fucking thought you’ll never know. I─”

“I love you sailor.” You interrupts his ramble.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Say it again then.”

“I love you. God, I fucking love you. Let’s say that more often from now on.”

He quietly laughs this time.

“I love you.”

THE BEGINNING.