#of killing off the people who hurt me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cordelialives · 3 months ago

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i wrote something super cool here and then had a breakdown in the tags so uhhhhh

#core talks #i'm half awake but #this time of year is really rough for me #and i am alone for the week so it's probably only going to get worse #and big tw for just... trauma dumping ahead #so i'm keeping this in the tags lmao #but i was going to off myself sometime around this time last year #had a big mental breakdown #was going to leave my partner of many many years and just disappear #he doesn't know that's what i was going to do when we had our big fight (tm) but yeah #tried to go to therapy just to be shamed by my therapist about the shit i faced with my mother's husband #the only thing that really got me this far was writing those uncomfortable stories #of killing off the people who hurt me #of hurting versions of myself over and over again in my stories #i still do it #i'll keep doing it #in some universe i never got away and in some universe i was never touched at all #i'll keep dipping my hands in the blood as long as it's warm #at this point the only thing i can control is how much i bleed #anyway #don't worry i'm not like actively suicidal or anything #just mega sad #the planes keep flying over the fields to crop dust and they keep showing up in my dreams #i'm running for them #they keep shoving guns in my hand #i keep having to shoot #ughhhhhhhhhhh #praying for good dreams tonight but #i know those damn planes are gonna be out at fucking 5am like they have for the last TWO WEEKS #told my partner about my nightmares and he was like wow your nightmares are really bad

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shannonsketches · 2 months ago

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#dbtag #silly hours #god #I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming #is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku #He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever #even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one #and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character #Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters #idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll #the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters #of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL #aNYWAY #media analysis #in the tags at least lol

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sallymew4 · 15 days ago

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kids when they hear that their dad is back in town VS. kids when theyre hanging out with a conman that accidentally stole their wallet once

im not even joking btw

bonus heres me being crazy about them in dms ^^^

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #shou suzuki #sho suzuki #reigen arataka #i know sho doesnt actually BELIEVE his dad is back but even just that split second reaction is a weird one to have over your dad coming bac #he was like 'say sike rn... wait that aint right.'#shou watching them on the bottom floor while being isolated up in the corner at the end of the third stage play. and saying #'it's nice that they're so easygoing.' all wistfully???? im killing somebody #reigen calling him a poor thing and worrying about him DESPITE knowing his mischievous ways. ugh #gonna quote my reaction to clip rq #'bro [shou] heard him [reigen] talking about guardianship over children and making sure theyre safe over anything else and was like-#'this is getting too real for me i gotta make fun of him immediately.''#idc WHAT yall think to ME that was such a thick layer of defense mechanism that even though reigen's guardianship speech wasnt directed #at Sho he still felt the intrinsic urge to shoot back because of what hes experienced with people who are SUPPOSED to be protecting him.#would yall believe me if i told you i am totally insane #there are SO MANY THINGS. woven into their interactions that really enhance it #its totally silly! yes! but also! it is a legitimate ARC of GROWTH within their relationship! we watch as Sho starts off #with no trust in the man at all (although for a pretty good reason)#and over time he realizes hes NOT total shitbag #of course this doesnt mean hes completely vulnerable with him. its easy to infer that his distrust in certain people is formed from #a lifetime of being let down and incapability of dependency on certain trusted adults. his defense must be so heavily built up #even after gaining some sort of trust from Shou Reigen will NOT be exempt from his impish defense mechanisms.#sho will not make himself emotionally available as he would then be open to being hurt by someone else he thought could trust #his 'carefree and prankish' behavior is the wall between himself and such an intense feeling of disappointment and hurt and loneliness #but i like to think hes also just silly. hehe #man that stage play huh. shoots every fatal drug directly into my bloodstream #shou's trust and father issues VS stupid conman who has the common sense to not let children be beat up by grown ass adults. who will win.#i mightve forgotten something but. i think this is pretty packed full already so i am pleased. thank you for reading <3 #meowmeow art

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thedreadvampy · 5 months ago

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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

#red said #recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis #like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes #and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not #for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening #i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine #as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital #as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin #ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes #some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am #bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me #like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD #there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife #but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't #tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us #like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well #i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point #anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also #been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them #i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it #most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables #honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk #is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry

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thejasontoddarchives · 1 year ago

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There’s a general consensus that above all else Jason should be homicidal again. However I think what’s also very important is that he should be a fucking hoot.

There’s nothing not funny about this entire bit.

1. He couldn’t give less of a shit about explaining that he’s single-handedly trying to stop a terrorist attack. Obviously cause he’s short on time, but even if he had all the time in the world he would still be this indifferent towards explaining himself to cops.

2. This bomb is seconds away from exploding but he’s at most mildly annoyed like he’s in the office doing some menial task.

3. The perfectly timed British jokes.

4. Circling back to number 1 on the list. After he throws the bomb into the water he just dips. For all they know he’s the (weird) terrorist. (But as long as everyone’s okay he doesn’t care! The beauty of Jason Todd everybody).

This one is funny (but it’s also true)? Like yes … that is exactly what you are. (A sweet, kind-hearted goodboy learning how to effectively poison people, shoot guns, and blow shit up with all manner of explosives like a certified pro).

Bonus:

Red Hood: The Lost Days #5 (2010-)

Red Hood: The Lost Days #4 (2010-)

“Not so irritating for an American” is a far more impressive title than “genius” if you ask me. Although I think Jason balances both pretty well.

#lost days was actually a comedy it gets funnier every time I reread it #look I know in recent days he’s become more serious/glum as a character #he’s sorta detached from people and situations and he seems to have lost his spunk #and my mind is zoning in on Zdarsky. him feeling immense guilt and burden over people he kills.#which like. even Matt Murdock fans said Zdarsky leaned a bit too heavily into Catholic guilt lol #Jason should be like this again #boiling inside him is untamed rage and pain and hurt but the jokes keep rolling off his tongue in an endless stream #just as playful with his words as he is with his bombs and takeover plans #from moments like the bomb under the bridge or even just the 'nice boy' comment #you see just how much he not only doesn’t care about being labelled a hero for his actions but how he actively detests it even #it’s one of the things that makes him so endearing to me like: look at this humble kind kid who loves and cares for the world immeasurably #(even after all he’s suffered from it)#but refuses to ever take credit for it #jason todd #red hood #red hood: the lost days #lost days #dc

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yumefag · 7 months ago

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when you've liked someone for over half your life and you're still very insecure about it...

consider it a homage to this gerard donelan piece

#discord 🐲#zeepix #discord mlp #i hope this isn't seen as diminishing to the original work...#not only was i bullied as a child for liking him but friends who cut me off will suddenly change their mind about me liking him too #like cut and dry? he stopped me from killing myself a handful of times. so people seeing him so 1d hurts

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inkperch · 9 months ago

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*sits bolt upright*

Vaggie and Emily roleswap where Emily figured out Sera was keeping something from her and snuck out down to Hell to learn what, and happened to meet Charlie while disguised as a Sinner and is just. Actively sneaking back and forth from Heaven to try and slowly peel back the beuracratic interference with Charlie's dream from Heaven while also actively helping her run the Hotel in hell-

*goes back to sleep*

#Meanwhile Vaggie I'm imagining like. Just got fired? When she didn't kill someone? And got reassigned a desk job #Which like. Could even be how Emily figured out something wasn't right in hell-#Ngl Chaggie would not be off the table in this au #As a like. 'Vaggie knows all along the exterminations are wrong but is too scared of Lute doing Canon Things to her to do anything about it #And then Hell's princess comes along singing about how she has a dream and cares so deeply for her people it hurts and reignites that fire-#Plus the 'oh god the one person who believed in me was lying to me' would. Yknow. Hit a LOT harder with Em actively lying #Instead of Vaggie hiding from her past so hard she doesn't even want to acknowledge it-#vaggie hazbin hotel #emily hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #charlie hazbin hotel

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lunaryuwu · 2 months ago

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the interrogation questions dont help with progressing the theories but it does help with progressing the angst and honestly im all for it

#this is about the second one with mikoto and john btw #we got john making everyone more miserable and some questions that are fun for me because i just like knowing more about characters and-#-their thoughts but we didnt really get anything substantial yknow #i have my own theories but i really wanna know who did it…#the mystery genre hurts my brain because i cant stand having stuff remain unsolved #like. i wanna know everything!!!#tell me everything!! i wanna know all the secrets!!! all the details!!!#im really casual about milgram but what im not casual about is mikoto. i care about this guy so much it’s insane #out of complete personal bias i hope he is forgiven again in t3 #a lot of people think the voting is guikty/innocent but in jp it’s technically forgive/not forgive…?#idk i know basic japanese and it says forgive/not forgive #like arent they all already guilty they all killed right #arent we just deciding if we want to forgive them or not or am i missing something #anyways thats off topic conclusion is i love mikoto #milgram #luna’s ramblings

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milimeters-morales · 1 year ago

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(NOT ATSV) my ideal miguel and miles friendship (bordering on enemies) dynamic is where Miles is sort of a Mean Girls figure where he’ll say the worst things to Miguel, who actually has no problems dishing that shit right back out, is usually too fed up or somewhere else mentally to reply. They fight a lot, more physically than verbally, usually in a slapstick comedy type of way. Miles is banned from Nueva York once a month and got a restraining order against Miguel in his own dimension. His parents fucking hate him and Miguel hates them right back. Rio has tried and failed to poison him via food and Jeff is considering hiring a hitman. Gabriel is beloved by them. Miles takes Miguel’s money at least twice a week to go spend it just because he can. Miguel has tried (and succeeded once) to get Miles sick with a future illness because he figured out the lesbian bar Miguel liked to perform at in drag. Miles has cried at least once in every room of Miguel’s apartment and Miguel has been confused on what to do each time besides an awkward hug and pat on the back. People are rightfully worried for Miles’s safety at least 80% of the time but when they aren’t they’re shaking their heads at the two’s antics. They need to be separated until they have a healthy “this is a grown ass man / this is stupid little girl i don’t like at work” relationship and it’ll take an act of god for either of them to realize their current one isn’t healthy at all and has extremely negative impacts on their mental state.

#i wanna write this so badly bc like . this type of relationship with adults as a kid when you can’t 100% trsut them and place your safety +#in their hands is sooo interesting to write esp considering Miguel’s past and what Miles is used to #which is dangerous fights from adults (his villains) but also the loving ones like his parents his neighbors ripeter and peter b etc #and this miguel (imo) wouldn’t hurt miles on purpose because he knows the pain BUT he also doesn’t realize some shit is pain-causing both+#mentally and physically bc yknow some abused kids grow into adults who subconsciously do similar shit #and for Miles and Miguel to finally realize beating the shit out of each other almost constantly and the negative back and forth (if miguel #feels like talking that day) is just. not a good thing #it’s sort of like the way i write pavitr and miles’s relationship regarding their fighting because it’s genuinely helpful but #can seem borderline awful and physically abusive to each other #peter b is so fucking worried sometimes bc he sees Miguel in a completely different way than other people. like he’s off in lala land #like. he’ll see this 15 year old stickbug of a kid fighting his buddy Miguel who has been known to kill #he’ll say some fights tou just can’t win Miles… and Miles is setting Miguel’s apartment on fire #like they have good moments. okay. trust me. but a toxic friendship like the kind you see that people take too seriously from a show like.#idk bluey. or some kids show like that.#spiderverse fans DNI ‼️‼️‼️🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾‼️‼️‼️‼️#not ship never ship don’t even tag is as such bc i’ll just delete the post #miles morales #spiderman #spider man #gabriel o’hara #rio morales #jefferson morales #miguel o’hara #m&m posts

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edandstede · 1 year ago

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“stizzy” and “edizzy” this “steddyhands polycule” that i’m being violently sick on my shoes actually

#ofmd spoilers #fucked in the head if you think stede would touch izzy with a ten foot barge pole #stede might come to respect his skills as a pirate but fucking hell #he actively daydreamed about killing him for hurting ed #he left ed for fucking dead on the ship #and you think this is gonna be a love story that includes izzy #i’m seeing people genuinely thinking their ‘arc together’ this season is a love one #bro 🤡#it is fucking not and sometimes you really are just wrong #like you’re actually radged. off your rockers #just. you have this beautiful love story between ed and stede #and you want to invite the dude who almost killed them both to the party #who is racist and homophobic and emotionally abusive to the point of pushing ed to suicide #the fuck is wrong with you actually #fandom wank #quill to paper #swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest i don’t care. ship what you want but it’s a no from me

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 5 months ago

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i read part of the first chapter of sea glass gardens a while ago but decided to come back once I knew more about the characters and world building of jjk. Anyways and I watched jjk 0 and your telling me he actually blew up the school with the power of love??? Like full on textually the power of love??? He straight up used the power of love to nuke Geto and subsequently the school??? Are you kidding me?? I'm losing my mind. What the fuck

my boy has powerful love within him and also incredible and indiscriminate violence. what more could you want from a character.

#it never once occurred to me that people thought I was joking about the power of love #like I was aware that people who were not in the fandom were reading it #I did not consider that people may not realize it was explicitly the power of love and it did in fact level his school #he fucked a grown man up with that #like it caused a mushroom cloud of pure love #god I love Yuuta #he’s so insane and violent #someone hurt his friends and he was immediately like ‘that adult man needs to fucking die’#Geto came there to commit premeditated murder and out of the two of them YUUTA showed much more dedication to beating the other to death #with their bare hands. he wanted to fuck that grown man up. canonically did not care about anything else. he needed to die and Yuuta would #die to make that happen. god he’s so insane. I’m obsessed with him.#*sgg spoilers in this tag* the RCT absolutely caused his unbalanced emotional state but the violent impulses are all Yuuta #look he Cares A Lot and sometimes he may have to kill people about that #jjk0 is the greatest movie of all time to me #I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched it #it simply enchants me #I drove across the country and listened to specifically the song on the soundtrack that plays during Yuuta’s Fuck Off Love Beam on endless #loop. you’d thing I’d get tired of it but nope.#sea glass gardens

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wereh0gz · 1 year ago

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I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?

Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic

If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know