#of failing at that too). we have a deeply fucked up world so everyone comes away with deeply internalised ideas bc of that but i also hold

[soracities]

I'm 3 days late to this but I just saw that anon about being anti makeup and i want to thank you for articulating so concisely and patiently why certain women are against makeup. mostly because if i were in your place i absolutely wouldn't have the patience to deal with it lmao. mostly because I've been trying to articulate this stance to my friends irl and the most common reaction to this ime, in real life as well as online from women who disagree, is "but I like it 🥺 what about me? 🥺does that mean I'm a bad person? 🥺 but it's fun and cute and girly 🥺" and they just refuse to engage with any of those ideas because for them it's just harmless fun.

and after running up against this response enough times you just start to get sick of it. a lot of this (most of this) is my own personal exasperation talking but it's frustrating to try to make structural critiques and people are so individualistic they can't think past their own preferences.

I think some women, on some level at least, probably are aware of these things, or they have an inkling of them--if not consciously then subconsciously--but it isn't something they are willing or ready to confront, which explains why some can get incredibly defensive about it. We have this whole thing where your individual choices have become linked to, or representative of, your identity and so any comment against those choices is taken as a personal attack because in a sense, for someone living within that framework, it is. I completely understand your exasperation because I've felt it, too. But I think I'm at a point where, for me personally, I'm not trying to argue with people or convince them because trying to make people see or hear what they aren't willing to will only make them double down harder.

I agree with you and I wish there was a way to actually have these conversations in an open manner without getting stonewalled, but the best thing I can do right now is stay true to my own stance and embody that through example and hopefully I can be open enough through this that it allows others to see they can do the same--or that, at the very least, they have the option to.

[ariesangelxo]

mornings - part two

MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI

cw: more angst, still no comfort (i promise it’s coming in the next part), heartbreak, one mention of panic attacks, prescription benzo use, recreational coke use, drinking, arguing, mention of a gun and a gunshot at the end, not proofread lol

an: thank u all SO SO much for all of the love on part one !!! i am blown away and in awe. there also will be a part three for sure <3

part three

the past twenty-six days had not been kind to you. your mornings were spent rotting away in bed until your mom would force you to get up, her expression of concern always made you feel even worse. your days weren’t much better, you forced yourself to detach from your heart and numb your emotions. it was the only way you knew how to keep going. you put on a mask during the day with your parents, giving them occasional smiles and laughs that weren’t the kind that warmed their hearts. they knew you weren’t okay, but they also knew they couldn’t force you to talk about it or you’d shut down completely. your nights consisted of taking a benzodiazepine in order to fall asleep, you couldn’t sleep without them. you tried, it only led to intense panic attacks and hysterical sobs that made your mother’s heart break in front of you.

this morning had been a bit different. you were awakened when you felt a weight in your bed, and in the haze of waking up you initially thought it was rafe. you shot up the moment you remembered everything, eyes widening and heart racing, but you looked over to see sarah in your bed. "oh my god, sarah you scared the hell out of me!" you exclaimed, holding a hand over your chest.

she let out a giggle, "i'm sorry, your mom let me in. i miss you," her tone was gentle. you had become very close with sarah during your relationship with rafe. being over at the cameron's house so often led to a beautiful friendship forming between the two of you. she was like a sister to you, something you cherished deeply as you didn't grow up with a sister.

you felt a pang of guilt in your chest at her words. you knew she missed you, she'd messaged you every single day since your break up without fail, even if you didn't always text back. you had seen her a couple times, but when she asked about what happened, you told her you weren't ready to talk about it. sarah was incredibly understanding, knowing how much you loved her brother and not wanting to push you too far.

"i miss you too, sar. i'm sorry i've been such a shit friend lately." you responded to her. you gave her a small smile, curling up next to her as she sat against your headboard.

"it's okay, i know you're not doing great with everything going on right now," she trailed off with a sad smile, "but, you're going out with me tonight!" she became animated as she spoke.

you didn't have it in your heart to deny her, not when she looked at you like you were the most important person in her world. "you know i can't say no to you. where are we going?" you asked curiously.

"there's going to be a huge party at the boneyard, and you're coming with me. no ifs, ands, or buts." she giggled out, "i need to get you out of your room, you're rotting away in here, babe."

"god, you sound just like my mother," you teased back. "i'll go though, i miss you more than you know. i even miss the pogues a bit." you both laughed, referencing her newer relationship with john b.

you couldn't prevent your curiosity from getting the better of you, "how- how has he been?"

sarah bit her lip, debating internally how much to tell you. "he's been... not great. i don't see him much when i'm home, he's usually in his room with the door shut. he's been a lot more moody too, snapping at literally everyone in the house. it probably didn't help that i told him he's an idiot and he fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him."

you couldn't suppress the laugh that slipped through your lips or the slight satisfaction you felt knowing that you weren't the only one struggling. "i love you sar. thank you." you leaned over, giving her a hug.

"i love you too. now get your ass up and shower. we're getting you a new outfit for the party."

you spent the next few hours strolling through the streets of figure eight with sarah. your arms held multiple shopping bags, filled with clothes she insisted you needed for tonight. you were incredibly grateful that she had forced you out of bed, you actually felt human for the first time since everything happened.

you found yourself in a small cafe, giggling as sarah told you a story from one of her drunken adventures with the pogues.

“you know… you should talk to jj tonight. i know he thinks you’re hot.” sarah gave you a mischievous smile as she wiggled her brows.

“funny,” you rolled your eyes playfully at her, “but it’s way too soon for me to get into anything with anybody right now.”

“i didn’t mean start dating him, i just think you would have fun together.”

“i just- i don’t know, sar. i’ve been such a wreck these past few weeks… can i tell you what happened?” you looked up from your fingers to meet her eyes, now widened with shock.

“yeah, of course you can. but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to.”

you were grateful for her support, going into your explanation of how the last couple months of your relationship, rafe’s behavior changed drastically. sarah hung on to your every word, needing to know exactly what led to the end of your relationship.

“and so i walked into the country club to surprise him. i spent the whole morning getting ready, did my makeup how he likes, even wore a new sundress that i know he would have loved. but i walked in and…” you looked up as your vision began to blur, “he was talking with some bitch i’ve never seen before bartending. she had short brunette hair, but he fucking smirked at her the way he only does- did for me. and- and then, she basically fucking held his hand while she fucked him with her eyes, and he let it happen!”

you spit the words out like they were poison on your tongue, not noticing your voice beginning to raise with frustration. sarah’s jaw was nearly on the floor.

“what the- what the fuck?” she racked her brain, trying to remember if she’d seen anyone matching your description recently, but nothing came to her.

“god, shit. i’m so sorry, babe. i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.” she attempted to console you as you dabbed your eyes with a napkin.

you shrugged your shoulders, “what’s done is done. i just want to forget about everything for a while.”

she nodded, “then let’s go get ready. we can pregame at yours and ride with john b and them.”

after a few shots, a couple hours spent transforming yourself to not look like you spent the last three weeks trying to cope with your break up, and a lot of laughter, you and sarah were ready to go.

you wore a cropped loosely crocheted white sweater over your pink bikini and a white miniskirt that hugged your hips , the strings from your bottom peaking out from the top of it. you were finally feeling good about yourself again, and you’d be damned if you let anyone ruin it.

the ride to the boneyard only lifted your spirits more. it was impossible not to laugh around the pogues, especially when jj did whatever he could to hear your giggle.

you arrived just as the party was beginning to pick up. relief flooded your veins when you didn’t see rafe anywhere. you knew it was a possibility he’d be here, but it was going to be significantly easier to have a decent night without his presence lingering around.

you filled up a red solo cup at the keg, downing the cheap alcohol before refilling it.

“slow down there, or you might not make it too long.” jj approached you, giving you a flirty smile.

you gave him a laugh in response, “i’ll be fine, jay. i just want to be able to let loose tonight.”

“stick by me then, don’t want any of these pervs creeping on you.” the thinly veiled concern in his voice made you smile. you know he’s flirting, but it’s clear he wants to keep you safe knowing it’s your first night out in so long.

you spent the next hour surrounded by the pogues, and true to his word, jj looked out for you. he did so well that you failed to notice who had shown up to the party, the one and only rafe cameron.

rafe, on the other hand, saw you immediately upon arriving. it was impossible for him not to when your presence demanded his attention. he was not happy to see who you were hanging around with. his ongoing beef with the pogues was well known by everybody on the island. he didn’t come to party though, he had other business to attend to as barry gave him a side eye, “fuck are you doing, country club? you can fight for your girl later, we’ve got shit to do.”

your drink had somehow disappeared. your furrowed your brows as you looked down, giggling to yourself as you told your friends you were going to get another one. you were at the perfect level of drunk, not to the point of blacking out or vomiting, but to where you couldn’t quite walk in a straight line and everything was funny to you.

you stumbled up to the keg, starting to fill up your cup when you felt someone watching you. the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, you instantly knew who it was. it was as though there was a chip in you that alerted you to when he was nearby. you took a deep breath as you turned your head slightly, seeing rafe sat next to a man you didn’t know as he handed a small plastic bag filled with overpriced coke to a touron. rafe’s eyes didn’t leave you as he signaled him to leave.

you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, the hand holding onto your cup now trembling and the lump in your throat building. rafe stood, starting to approach you as you froze. your brain was screaming at you to run but your body refused to move an inch.

“what the fuck do you want, cameron?” your words were spat out with venom. your tone clearly surprised you both as he looked shocked momentarily. you were typically one to stand your ground, but never ever was your attitude aimed towards him.

“what do you mean ‘what the fuck do i want’? you fucking up and left out of nowhere and haven’t spoken to me in almost a month.” his voice was filled with anger, his nose flaring as he clenched his jaw.

you let out a humorless laugh, “out of nowhere? you can’t be serious, rafe. you treated me like shit the last few months of our relationship.” you didn’t yet mention seeing his interaction with the bartender at the country club, not knowing if topper and kelce had told him about seeing you when you left that fateful day.

“what? be-because i couldn’t be with you twenty-four fucking seven? like i- i wasn’t out working my ass off to afford nice shit for you?”

“‘working your ass off’ will you stop fucking lying to me? i fucking saw you at the country club,” his facial expression showed confusion, bringing his brows together to try and understand what you were talking about, “you let that bitch touch you, you looked at her how you used to look at me. i spent hours getting ready, i showed up, wanting to surprise my boyfriend for lunch, and what do i see? my boyfriend letting some bartender hang off of him while he flirts with her?”

your voice had raised as you got more and more angry. you were now shouting at him as other partygoers failed to hide their stares and murmuring. nobody ever talked to the kook prince the way you currently were, unless they wanted their face bashed in.

rafe grabbed your arm harshly, pulling you down the beach and away from others. you stumbled behind him, knowing you weren’t physically or mentally strong enough to push him away.

when you looked up at him, you suddenly noticed his blown-out pupils. you felt your heart sink. “you’re using again.” you stated flatly.

he scoffed, rolling his eyes at you. “don’t act like you fucking care.” he spat out at you.

“jesus fucking christ- rafe, when did you start again?”

“don’t worry about it. when did you come to the country club?” his tone was demanding, sparking further irritation in you.

“the day i left. i- i let a lot of shit slide for too long, because… because i wanted to be a good girlfriend and support you when i thought you were just stressed out from work. and, in return, i get to watch my boyfriend make me look like a fucking idiot.”

rafe was silent for a minute, his lips pursed as he clearly was trying to remember what he was doing before he came home to an angry ward and an empty room. then realization hit him, he knew exactly what you were talking about. he brought his palm up to his face, groaning.

when he was about to speak, he was cut off. “is cameron bothering you?” jj’s familiar voice called out. you looked past rafe’s large figure to see all of the pogues standing beside him, looking ready for a fight if it came to it.

rafe gave a humorless chuckle, “stay the fuck out of it, pogue.” he clearly wouldn’t go down without a fight either.

your heart stopped for a moment and your body filled with ice cold terror as jj pulled out a gun that was hidden behind his back in his waistband. it was clear you weren’t the only one not expecting it as the rest of them looked at jj with concern, john b telling him to put it away. “yeah? let’s fucking go, rafe. been itching for a fight for too long.”

everything became blurred. the mixture of shouting, seeing figures suddenly moving towards each other, and the unmistakeable sound of a gunshot, and then everything went black.

[luminiamore]

CORPORATE ESPIONAGE.

synopsis: in a world where vampires run powerful corporations, satoru gojo is a high-ranking ceo and a highly respected vampire. you, working for his rival corporation, are sent to infiltrate satoru's company and steal valuable secrets. it didn’t take long for him for to catch you, and he’s not gonna let you go so easily.

warnings: vampire satoru x black reader, enemies to lovers kinda? vampires use compulsion, wall sex, office sex, eater toru

——-

“You want me to what?”

You manage to break the demeaning silence in your boss’s dimly lit office with your sharp voice. Your breath was erratic, almost enraged by the words that had just come out of his mouth. The fucking audacity to even ask this of you.

He groans, shaking his head as he buries his hands in them, “Spy on Kisetsu no Bi.”

Oh. So, you weren’t hearing things. He really expects you to do this- spy on the rival company. Isn’t that a crime somewhere? This is illegal, right? I mean, what kind of boss even asks this of their highest-paid employee? No. No way.

“If this wasn’t important, I wouldn’t have asked- especially because I know how much effort you put in-”

You scoff, “So, this is the thanks I get? A crazy request to do something illegal? I’m not a fucking-”

“This isn’t a request, ( ♥︎ ). It’s either you do it, or you’re out of a job; that’s final.” His voice gets lower in pitch, and you don’t even flinch when he slams his hands on the table, baring his fangs at you in a chilling hiss.

You stay in your spot by the door and allow the silence to simmer. He should know better than to raise his voice at you, even if he were your boss. His heavy breathing was all that could be heard. When he saw the furious expression on your face, he quickly sat back in his chair. Realizing this was not the right approach, he attempted to find another angle.

He clears his throat, “My bad, that was rude. I deeply respect you ( ♥︎ ), and you’re among the few people I trust. That’s why I’m asking for your help with this, for this company.”

You still don’t say a word, but at least a thousand thoughts are circling in your pretty head. Even so, you move slowly towards the chair in front of his table and sit down, crossing one of your brown legs over the other. You adjust your white blouse, covering the accidental peak of your black bra. A slight shift of your head lets him know that you are listening.

He grumbles, eyes trying to stay focused on your face and not your plump body, “You know our rival company is owned by a man named Satoru Gojo. We have always been second to that arrogant bastard, but if we—”

“By which you mean me.”

You watch Toji roll his eyes, “If you could find something, anything that could ruin him, it’ll finally put us on top.”

It sounds reasonable- to a large extent, but could you even get away with this? What if you get caught? What if the media covers this? Could it ruin you?. It’ll plummet this company to the ground. Though Toji may be second right now, he’s still highly respected, even overseas. Almost on the level Satoru is.

“Why don’t you hire a professional? Someone who actually knows how to do this might work better in your favor.” You mutter out.

At this point, you’ll create any excuse to get out of this.

“Everyone knows who I am, you can’t trust anyone to not spread it to the media- no matter how much you pay them.”

“Won’t he know who I am? I mean, I’ve worked here for like 4 years.”

A tired smile graces his face, “You work from home, sweetheart. You only come in once every month, 3 weeks if I’m lucky.”

“What if I get caught? Respectfully, this is insane, Mr. Fushiguro.” Your face twists into an exasperated expression. You didn’t sign up to be no damn spy.

A loud groan breaks you out of your thoughts, “Christ, I’ll triple your pay. Whether you get the job done or fail, you’ll be compensated for it.” There it is. Suddenly, doing this job didn’t sound too horrible. You try to fight the smile on glossed lips, but your boss can see right through you.

“Yeah? I should’ve started with that.” He chuckles.

This time, you roll your eyes, “Whatever. Quadruple it for raising your grown man voice at me.”

“Sure. You’re obviously going under a different name. I have your documents right here, and they contain everything you’ll need.” You watch him pull out a thick folder from under his desk.

When he hands it to you, you’re more than surprised at how much he put into this. There’s a fat document that explains your entire new persona. …Kami Smith? Really? There’s a fake Id, he even went got you a fucking passport. How long did he plan to drag this out? “Maybe change your hair a little bit, you never know if someone might recognize you anyway.”

“I change my hair every week, Mr. Fushiguro. How am I even gonna get a job there?”

He hums, pretending to ponder over your question, “You’re a pretty girl. Don’t get pissed, but apart from how smart you are, it’s the reason you got a job here.”

You narrow your eyes, and he winces, noticing immediately, “I said not to get pissed.”

“Is that all, boss?” You rise from your seat, ignoring his words. With another roll of your eyes, the yellow folder is clutched tightly in your left hand.

Though you want to pretend you’re thinking this over, you know you have no choice but to go through with this. At least you’ll be getting paid, and you don’t have much of a social life to worry about being on the media anyway. You just really hope you don’t go to court over this.

“That’s all, ( ♥︎ ). Be careful, yeah?” Toji jerks his head over to you, though subtle, genuine concern covering his features. It makes you smile, feel giddy even. Sue you for thinking your boss is hot.

You give him a pretty smile and a nod. Toji listens as your kitten heels clack on his tile floors, his eyes never once leaving your frame in that tight pencil skirt. He hates to see you go, but he loves to watch you leave.

He snaps his head up when your voice calls out once more, “Have a good night, Mr. Fushiguro.”

And with the soft click of his door, he’s alone in his office again. He huffs out a breath, spewing curses under his breath, when he accidentally nicks his lower lip on his sharp fang. “Damn.”

——

It turns out your boss was right. You are a pretty girl. Therefore, it didn’t take long for you to get an interview at his rival company, 2 days to be exact. You were rather impressionable, too, so much so that Satoru wanted to interview you himself.

Nervous was an understatement. Could you really pull this off? You never had a liking for Satoru. He was arrogant, self-centered, and a womanizer if the headlines weren’t so obsessed with him. You never met him, but you’ve seen enough online interviews for you to absolutely hate his personality.

His best friend and partner company is more tolerable, though. Even though he looks aloof and nonchalant, you could tell he’s just as arrogant - maybe even more than his white-haired companion. You pretended not to notice his piercing gaze the entire time you walked past him to the elevator, the one leading straight to the top of the skyscraper.

Your outfit was nothing short of professional— a tight dark grey skirt encompassing your wide hips and your burgundy Hermes Porosus bag hanging on the shoulder of your cream silk blouse. Your rouge heels clack on the tile floor with each step you take to the large white office, which the receptionist told you was at the end of the hall.

You lift your soft hands into a fist, and right before you’re about to knock, the door swings open. And lo and behold, there he is.

Satoru Gojo, in all his glory.

The top two buttons of his dress shirt are loose, and you have to fight for your eyes not to waver down to sneak a glance at his porcelain chest. He was attractive, you’re not stupid enough to try and deny that. His eyes had a pretty crystalline glow. They were penetrating- you felt like he knew everything about you with just one look. His hair was frosty, and it looked so... soft.

It was quick, a heated vision of your fingers running through them, tugging and—

“Enjoying the view, angel?”

You blink quickly, snapping your eyes away from his face when you cause a smirking dancing across his lips. Great, he caught you staring. “No. I’m here for our interview, for the job?”

His grin widens, and with a snicker, you hear, “You sure? Could’ve sworn you were drooling a bit there.”

“I was not.” You snap.

Satoru hums, obviously unconvinced, “You’re Kami, hm?”

Your loose curls shake as you nod. It was impossible not to notice- or overanalyze- the way he spoke. Almost like he was doubtful or suspicious of you even. Maybe you’re just overthinking it. There’s no way he already suspects you. Part of you thinks you’re also nodding to convince yourself of your inner turmoil.

He opens the door a little to let you in. An electric surge flows through your body when your arms graze his shoulder because he simply won’t budge until you completely come inside. He leads you to a soft couch with a swift grasp of your hand. As his fingers rub back and forth on your muscles, you can’t help but wonder if he does this to every new potential hire.

The room suddenly feels hot, and you find yourself slightly grateful when he breaks the silence as he’s rounding his own chair, “Where ya from, angel?”

You ignore the tingling in your stomach at the nickname “New York.”

Your answer is immediate. You and your best friend spent an entire day going over the document until you memorized everything. You covered all grounds. You're sure you can answer any question he throws at you about your background.

Another low hum as you watch him click away on his computer, “So, why are you looking for a job in Tokyo?”

“I decided to take my business degree oversees, I needed a new change of scenery.”

If you were pressed on the actual reason for your visit to Japan years ago, you would not be capable of giving an answer. Your memory has a gap between before and after you came. All you really remember is waking up in a Japanese penthouse with at least a million yen in your bank account.

Satoru abruptly stops his typing and leans back in his chair, his attention now and utterly focused on you. “You know, getting an interview here is not easy.”

Internally, you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Mr. Gojo. Which is why I’m very grateful for this opportunity.”

The silence following your sentence is so loud you could hear a pin drop. It makes you shift your position on the couch, and Satoru doesn’t grant you the mercy of not noticing. His low eyes actually don’t leave your frame once. They move from your thighs to your lips, to the fat of your supple breasts, and finally to your neck. It goes straight to your core, and you can’t stand it.

You clear your throat, “I can explain my-”

“You’re hired.”

You blink, once. Twice.

“I-uh- what?” A sputter in your words makes him stifle a chuckle at your perplexed state. You’re too cute.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he repeats, “The position you wanted? It’s yours, angel.”

There’s that pet name again. “Just like that? You haven’t even asked me five questions.”

Was it that simple? His tone and quickness make you question whether there are cameras in this place. Too many red flags go off in your head, but you don’t seem to notice that brewing gut feeling in your stomach.

Satoru nodded, his smile almost blinding with how wide it was, “Don’t need to. You’re gonna be working in the office next to mine.”

This is convenient. It’s way too convenient.

“Next to yours?” You whisper as if trying to make sense of this, and the tall man in front of you finds heavy amusement in your reactions.

“Next to mine, angel. That won’t be a problem, yes?”

He’s toying with you. He has to be. A fake smile graces your face, “Of course not. When do I start, Mr. Gojo?”

Satoru had no idea how much he had missed you until he saw you again. Changing your hair, growing into your body, or getting a few more piercings were irrelevant to him. He would always recognize you. How is it that you’re even more beautiful? Even more delectable. He hates himself for leaving you and protecting you in the worst way possible. You don’t even remember him— how could you? He compelled you to forget him.

He doesn’t know where you’ve been, who you’ve been seeing, or what you’ve been doing. But he saw you, overseeing the admissions director when they pulled up your application. He couldn’t help but think, is this fate?

“Today. Let me give you a tour, angel.” Satoru isn’t letting you go a second time. He lost you once, and he’d be a fool to do it again after this opportunity presented itself to him. How I missed you, my love.

——

Two weeks. That’s how long it took you to actually start your task in the first place. That’s because the owner of this company won’t leave you alone for a damn minute. Everywhere you go, he’s right behind you. Every time you try and get a minute to yourself, he’s there— pestering you.

The workplace was crowded, but one of the perks of being next to Satoru’s office was being away from the crowd. You tried observing when he leaves for lunch, but whenever he does, he demands that you take your lunch with him. He’s a busy man; you anticipate that he takes as many meetings as Toji does in a day, maybe even more. But for each one, you were requested to accompany him.

At this point, you’re starting to think he’s obsessed with you.

Today, you have a chance. Satoru hasn’t been in the office since this morning, and amid the daily gossip, you caught word that he won’t be in the office all day. This is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for; you just have to wait until everyone leaves by five.

4:55 P.M.

Your door creaks slightly after two soft knocks, “Hey, Kami! I’m leaving for tonight. Since you’re the only person in the office, you mind locking up?”

Shoko was always a kind person. She was one of the few people you spoke to every day when Satoru wasn’t corning you. You stop typing and glance at the gorgeous girl with a grin, “Not at all, you can just leave the keys on the door. Night, Shoko!”

The final ding of the elevator is what you wait for to get up from your seat. Even though you’re the only person here, you still try to make your movements as quiet as possible. You don’t question why Satoru doesn’t have a security code or why it’s open at all, but you are thankful for it.

His office is more.. organized than the last time you were in here. There are storage cabinets stacked on both the wall and his desk, as well as a bookshelf. You’re fast at getting to work. Starting near his wall, you open the first cabinet and shuffle through each folder. Blood supply contracts... NDAs.. employee files.. property deeds.

Nothing of importance is there, so your heels lightly clack on the way to his wooden desk. When you open it, the first thing you notice is a folder called The Red Files. Here it is, exactly what you were searching for. This file is stuffed with everything that could put him out of business permanently— money laundering, the files of all the individuals who were bribed and corrupted by this company, and even embezzlement.

You can hear a buzzing going off on your phone, and you’re confused when you read that it’s Toji calling you. He could have been phoning to check on your progress, but regardless, you decline and continue reading. The more you scan, the more you find illegal activities on top of illegal activities.

What the fuck kind of company is this—

“Find anything interesting in there, angel?”

You gasp, shoving the papers into his desk shelf instinctively as you stand up from your position on the floor. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You’re so fucked.

You try to stammer out a response, but it’s honestly embarrassing how you’re tripping over your words, “M-Mr. Gojo? I— what?”

His slim body rests on his open door, his gaze unwavering at your slightly quivering frame. He’s wearing a white dress shirt again, but when you look a little closer, you notice that more buttons are popped open. His skin is so smooth, it’s easy to tell where his abs start. Why did he have to be so fine?

He doesn’t seem upset if you’re going by the smile on his smooth face. He seems amused, rather. His voice is slow when he speaks to you, taunting sensual even, “Well? Did you, ( ♥︎ )?”

Your eyes widen slightly, and you’re certain that your breath has been taken away. Well, now you’re double fucked. You didn’t hear him, how did he even get here? Then you roll your eyes again at your ignorance. Vampire. Right.

“..I don’t know who that is, Mr. Gojo. My name is Kami.” Your voice is tense, awkward because… what could you even say? You’ll deny this as much as you can before you inevitably give in.

Satoru rolls his eyes, “Wrong. Your name is ( ♥︎ ) ( ♥︎ ), and you work for that idiot, Fushiguro.”

Now you’re sputtering as you respond, “That’s not-”

“You woke up in Japan a few years ago, too, didn’t you? No clue how it happened, but you had a pretty hefty amount in that bank account of yours.”

Silence. You believe you’re too stunned to speak. How does he know that? He could see the expression on your face, and it made him laugh at your expense. Satoru began walking towards you, and with every step he took forward, you took a step backward. Right up until your back hit the wall, and you had nowhere to go.

His proximity resulted in the scent of his cologne hitting your nose. He appeared more.. bigger in front of you, and you’re almost facing his almost bare chest. Those piercing eyes stare down at you intensely, with so much passion. You’re internally cursing yourself for how you seem to only have these reactions when he’s near you.

You breathe, “I- I have to leave.”

He ignores you and instead presses closer to you. As he leans down, his hair brushes against your cheek, and you hear him breathe deeply. The hotness of his breath when he breathes out is a pleasant sensation for you.

He has to remind himself that you don’t remember him, but he sounds so broken when he says, “You spying on me? Really, angel?”

Your thoughts are confusing, and with how many of them there are, it’s making your head hurt. Why is he saying it like that? Like he knows you? Like you really hurt him. This is your first time seeing this man, but he’s acting like he’s in love with you.

“Mr. Gojo-”

His fang grazes your neck, descending right down to your collarbone, “Satoru. Call me Satoru, angel.”

You’re gasping when his fingers grip your top, pulling and popping one button off. Why aren’t you stopping him? Why are you letting this happen? Your breath is shaky when you speak, “Will I get in trouble for this?”

“In trouble? You’re asking if I’ll take this to the media? Course not, Angel.”

Satoru quickly savored your blood flowing onto his tongue after a small peck to your throat and another one on your chest. You taste so fucking sweet, just like you did the first time.

He continues, “But I won’t let you off so easy. Let’s teach you a lesson, hm?”

Your back is arching in an uncomfortable position on your boss’s desk while your chest heaves from the sheer pleasure running through your entire body. On his knees, the white-haired man holds your thighs in a tight grip while his tongue slides up and down your gushing mound. You’re not sure what lesson you thought Satoru had in mind for you, but it definitely wasn’t this.

The same hair you’ve been fantasizing about running your fingers through is shaking from in between your trembling legs. There aren’t any coherent thoughts in your brain besides ‘Satoru’ or ‘more.’ You can’t hold back your sounds even if you try, and Satoru finds that he wants to hear more of your tunes.

He slurps, his long tongue easily slipping inside you and devouring everything you have to offer. “God, you still taste so good.”

You’re babbling when you respond, you don’t even register his words, “Oh! Yesss- Right there, Toru.”

You’re bucking your hips into his awaiting mouth, it’s so messy and wet. Each time you spasm and try to run away from his onslaught, it just makes him go harder- go faster. His tongue slipped out of you, but the pressure never went away because he quickly slid in two long, slender fingers and began pumping.

You choked, tears brimming in your eyes as he easily nudged your g-spot, “Always so messy, f’me.”

Always? A pitiful sob is the response you give to a sharp pressure on the side of your inner thigh, just where your fat lips meet. You tighten your grip on him when his tongue wraps around your twitching clit. As you’re huffing, tears begin to fall, and burning pressure builds in your core.

The way your hips are grinding against his hand and your arousal is making obscene noises in the quiet of the office are uncontrollable. He curls them, arching them at an angle to penetrate the deepest parts of you. And damn him for knowing how to eat it like this.

There’s a pulsing shock flowing through you with every squelching pump. Your body was filled with euphoria, and Satoru’s eyes were tightly closed, immersing himself in your essence- it was giving you sensory overload. The only thing keeping you grounded in reality at this moment is your harsh grip on his hair.

Satoru needed only three more strokes of his fingers to have your sweet cream covering him. You’re even messier when you cum, even louder, too- he always loved that about you.

“Such a pretty girl. You want more, angel? Want Toru to give you more?” He abruptly withdraws and slaps your dripping lips violently, causing you to scream and cry in his grasp. Instead of giving you an answer, Satoru presses his lips on yours in a furious manner, sucking up the air you breathe and eating every sigh that passes through your lips.

Your soft ass makes it easy for the desperate man to lift you up from the wooden desk with both hands. Your skirt is long gone, and your blouse is completely torn apart when you are pressed tightly against the wall.

Satoru grips your chin and puts your attention on him, “Look at me, angel.”

And with hazy eyes, you do. You experience a plethora of memories as your mind spins. Memories of you and Satoru on a silk bed, on a private plane. Memories of him lying on you and memories of his cock filling you up over and over again start coming back to haunt you when he utters the word ‘Remember.’

You blink rapidly, your mouth opening into a wanton moan when you feel Satoru’s thick tip slide past your entrance. Jesus, huge doesn’t even begin to describe him. Your hands are immediately pressing against his stomach, trying to push him back because it was entirely too much. He grips them both with one hand and effortlessly presses them above your head.

You’re almost distracted by the fact that you’re face-to-face with Satoru. Your Satoru. Your words are a mix of a dragged-out moan and a curious tone, “Toru?”

He is quick when he answers you, almost reassuring you that he’s here. With you, “Yeah, angel. S’me.”

His next words come out in a pained groan, “Come on, take some more f’me. You remember how to, right?”

You’re nodding before he can even finish his sentence, your trembling arms holding on for dear life around his neck as he presses his face into your chest. He’s pushing deeper inside you, and you find it hard to remember how to breathe when he slaps his hips against yours in one go. You’re wailing, breath heaving when you feel your arousal dripping down your thighs.

You’re so full, filled to the brim with 8 inches of fat dick. Satoru was a fucking problem; he doesn’t wait for you to tell him to move— pulls his cock at a slow, agonizing pace before he slaps against you once more. Your pretty pussy is on fire, and you swear you can feel him in your throat.

Satoru is stabbing your womb with each thrust, and he is so proud of you when you start pushing your pussy out. Yeah, you remember how to take him.

He’s panting against your mouth when you tremble out, “Missed you- missed you s’much, Toru.”

He groans, pressing his lips against you for another quick, sloppy kiss, “Oh, I missed you so much more, angel.”

The man above you was quick and precise with his movements. He was punching that spongy spot in you so good if you looked down, you’d be sure to see the creamy paste that started forming at the base of his cock. He just wouldn’t stop talking, “You take it so well, fuck. I’m in your stomach, baby. You feel me?”

His unoccupied hand moves down to your tummy, right where he was poking with every harsh thrust he fed you, “Feel me right there?”

Your eyes roll in the back of your head when Satoru kisses the ankle dangling by his head, and you try to gargle out an answer, “I-I feel you! So deep- so good.”

There was an itch inside you that only Satoru could ever scratch. He always treated your pussy so well, and you’re so far gone on the feel of him every time he slammed into you. Your boobs bounce with every forceful stroke, and when Satoru looks down at you, the only thoughts running through his brain are how good you look.

He can tell you’re close. Your screams are getting breathy, and your body is shaking more frantically under him. There’s no better feeling than this, he finds. No better feeling than your perfect cunt wrapped tightly around him as he fucks all coherence out of you. You didn’t look away from his eyes, from his face— he just looked so pretty when he was flushed and rutting into you like his life depended on it.

He breathes, his fangs poking right near your throat, “Looks like you’re gonna make a mess, angel. Gonna squirt all over me?”

“Y-Yess. Yes. M’gonna cum so-”

A groan in your ear makes you clench down harder on him, “Tell me you love it. Tell me you love how good I make you feel.”

You feel unapologetic when you desperately scream out, “Love it! L-Love the way you fuck me, I love you!”

“I love you, angel. Be a good girl and make a mess for Toru, yeah?”

You are being fucked out of your own soul as he goes even deeper than you imagined. When he bites harshly into your neck, your legs shake, and you can only gush all over him. He holds you like you weigh nothing as he holds the same pace, letting you ride out your entire orgasm.

Fuck, there's so much that it’s leaking on the floor, and that’s what does it for him. That’s all he needed for his balls to churn and for his breath to stutter as he dumps his thick cum inside your perfect haven. Your mind is so gone you don’t hear Satoru’s mindless whispers of how perfect you are.

You watch him as much as you can, as much as your orgasm allows you. You watch his perfect reaction, his brows furrowing, and the words getting stuck in his throat every time he twitches inside you from overstimulation.

Had it not been for the way he carried you and sat down in his chair, you would have assumed it was finished, but he ignored the juices leaking from you every time he moved. He’s still hard, painfully so— you didn’t have time to be worn out before he started slowly bouncing you on his erection again. Everything was messy, your fluids mixing and dripping beneath you two, and the blood from your neck dripping slightly onto your chest. You cried out on his shoulder.

You were aware that there would be a lot to discuss within the next few hours. How Satoru compelled you and forced you to forget him, and how you still legally worked for Toji. You had no idea what you would even say to him, but with each steady bounce on Satoru’s heavy cock, you just don’t find yourself caring at all.

masterlist

@shokosbunny

@megantheestallion-ismypresident

[comicaurora]

Nick Bostrom's "Fable of the Dragon Tyrant," which CGP Grey adapted into a video, left me feeling unsatisfied, and I got a certain unsettling vibe about the entire story.

I don't think it was the dragon's lack of agency, that just makes it an unusually traditional Western dragon.

You're a master at picking narratives apart to figure out why they don't satisfy. Do you have any insight, opinions, or cracktheories about why this story might be unsatisfying to some folks?

Probably because it's a very unsubtle metaphor casting the dragon as death, and death itself as a cruel, malevolent beast devouring and subjugating humanity for its own whims. This is very much intentional on the part of the writer. The paradigm of the story is that the dragon is huge, terrifying and incalculably cruel, and everyone lives their lives in the shadow of its terror or are just too deluded to recognize that it's COMING TO EAT THEM OH GOD

Intrinsic in this metaphorical structure is the idea that the dragon, aka death, is an artificial imposition on the natural order, and if we just got rid of the big ol' mean dragon, everybody would live forever and be fine. Accepting that the dragon exists is framed as a sign of desperation or even cowardice. This is an understandable read when facing a monster that only SEEMS timeless and inevitable (like LeGuin's thoughts comparing the current state of capitalism to the historical acceptance of the divine right of kings) but becomes bizarre when applied to something as legitimately factual as biological death. It's not even framed as unnatural death - the dragon specifically gets sent mostly old people. The metaphor is very explicitly about trying to frame death from old age as a big horrible dragon that everyone only thinks is unstoppable.

I get what they're going for here. The purpose of this story is to make the audience question if death is a true inevitability or if it can be fought, staved off, even defeated. But in the process, the story frames the systems of the world that have formed around death - doctors, pallative caregivers, will executors - as macabre gears in the machine dedicated to the genocidal cruelty of feeding the dragon.

In the dragon tyrant framing, these people only exist to make the rest of the world more okay with flinging themselves down the gullet of the dragon and to streamline the process by which everybody dies. By casting death as the enemy, everybody whose jobs are based on the compassionate act of comforting and aiding people suffering from loss become reframed as collaborators with the incalculably evil enemy, and everyone who's ever accepted their own death becomes a loser. This is a deeply cruel way to frame people who dedicate their lives to helping people through one of the hardest and most tragic aspects of life.

Damn, that's fucked up. Look at this eloquent idiot, explaining why we should be okay with letting a big dragon eat us because it's the natural order. Clearly he is wrong and it's not debasing at all to want to stay alive and not get eaten by a big dragon. This is a fallacy of false analogy: death is like being eaten by a big mean dragon. All his arguments look ridiculous when applied to getting eaten by a big mean dragon, therefore they must be ridiculous when applied to dying when your organs start failing because they've been running nonstop for nine decades and biological systems accumulate wear and tear like literally everything else in the universe.

Entropy increases; systems break down, from DNA to planetary orbits. Successfully shoot down the dragon and you'll end up outliving everything you thought was eternal, even the stars. The goal of immortality isn't really to personally witness the sun exploding, it's to have more good time. It's to make your twenties last into your sixties. It's to keep your back painless and your vision good for longer. We want to postpone the story's end as long as we can, and so we extrapolate "more time" into "I never want to die, I want to be young and healthy and hot forever" even though "forever" doesn't exist. To look to "forever" is to understand that your culture and language will drift, your home will eventually crumble out from under you, your shoreline will erode and change, your climate will transform, your tectonic plate will subduct or shatter, your moon's orbit will slow and tidally lock, and eventually your sun will start burning helium and cook your planet. You don't want "forever" to look like that, you want it to look like your twenties felt. But at that point you aren't fighting the Big Mean Dragon That Eats People, you're fighting the ocean and the biosphere and the earth and the stars, trying to hold them in place against entropy so your immortality can have an equally immortal world to enjoy it in. No, this argument doesn't want true immortality, it wants their twenties to last longer. But it can't admit that.

Back to the story. There's a condescending and spiteful tone in the narration. Death (being eaten by a big mean dragon) is OBVIOUSLY awful and we should all be fighting as hard as we can to make it stop happening. Even a child can see it.

The story even helpfully adds a lengthy moral explanation at the end, in case you didn't understand that the dragon was the inevitability of death and we should dedicate all our resources to figuring out how to make a big rocket and shoot it.

"Nobody should ever die" is generally understood to be a childish dream with extremely obvious and unpleasant consequences that would turn its realization into an unending and waking nightmare, and once out of the confines of easy metaphor, the story tries to act like that wasn't what it was just saying. But its more realistic proposed substitute, "It would be great if people could live longer and have more healthy, youthful years in them," is probably the world's most uncontroversial statement. This story frames it like a bold revelation that the world will attempt to beat down and crush out of a misguided acceptance that Big Mean Dragon comes for us all. It's a morality fable whose conclusion is "I hope science improves the length and quality of our lives, potentially even to the point where we never have to die at all," which has been the number one goal of huge swaths of science since the invention of agriculture. This is not a bold or controversial take. It's just being written as though we're all looking at the naked emperor and pretending he's wearing pants.

[heliads]

i've been big and small (and big and small again)

The Ferrari news drops. Sebastian has to know.

masterlist

Sebastian sounds amused over the phone. Even more so than usual, actually. It figures. Anyone would be pleased if the entire motorsport world was tearing itself to pieces to determine fact from gossip and you were the one man with the central cause of the hubbub on the other end of the line. Sebastian Vettel has always been territorial and deeply possessive of the men and teams he covets. This, by all accounts, is a win for him.

It’s a win for both of them. Lewis could have addressed the rumors earlier, certainly, he has known how to handle the PR side of racing for years, but this time around he liked the unsteadiness of it all. Lewis has kept a level head for much longer than he’s really wanted to, and now he gets to revel in the mystery. For once, everyone can chase after him instead of the other way around. No more begging for good cars or for anyone to listen to his suggestions. Hopefully.

Plus, keeping the secrecy alive was all but a guarantee that Sebastian would call. Lewis is not above teasing a married man by leaving him sly details about his future like digital breadcrumbs on a path to more transgressions than either of them would ever admit aloud. Lewis knows perfectly well what he’s doing, and Sebastian does too. If he goes too far– which, above all things, is their favorite habit– well, Maranello is closer to a certain estate in Switzerland than Brackley, at any rate.

“So,” Sebastian says, dawdling on the line, “I seem to recall that I did a surprise switch to Ferrari before you. If this is imitation, I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“A compliment?” Lewis repeats, chuckling. “Of course you would.”

“How else should I take it?” Sebastian protests. “You’re following in my footsteps, it’s lovely. Only, I hope you do a better job of it than I did. My time with the Tifosi was unfortunately lackluster. Fernando’s was as well, so you’ve got two of us to show up.”

“What if mine is too?” Lewis asks. It’s a question that’s been gnawing at him for a while. There is, of course, the freedom in joining with a new team, the resurgence of a hope that’s been steadily decaying for a while, but fear comes with it, the fear that even a new team, new colors, new everything, won’t be enough to reclaim past glory.

Sebastian blows out a low breath, and the static of it crackles over the speaker. Lewis shifts his grip on the phone, cradling it so he can expose more of his skin to the digital current. “Will that matter?”

Lewis scoffs. “Of course it matters.” He’s a man of results. If they try to discredit you, you prove your worth by making it impossible to ignore you. Wins give you protection, world titles give you armor. Lewis cannot afford to be mediocre. His life is one of excellence or nothing.

“I had thought you would say that,” Sebastian tells him wryly, and Lewis can imagine the quietly sarcastic uptick of his smile.

“Am I that predictable?” Lewis asks.

“Well, apparently not, because Sky Sports is running around like a headless chicken,” Sebastian informs him. “But anyone in your position would wonder about what they were doing. Eleven years is a long time to leave behind.”

Lewis shuts his eyes. “I know that part.”

As if he hasn’t thought through it already. Committing to Mercedes was exhausting, but leaving it took far more energy and nerve than even he’d expected. Lewis knows what he wants, an eighth championship with Mercedes and then an opportunity to fuck off forever without being bothered ever again, but sometimes he doesn’t always get what he wants. He’s learned that with Sebastian too, in the form of a ring on his finger that haunts Lewis like a hand around his throat.

“And I know the rest,” Sebastian muses. “We all have to try, and we all have to fail. It’s inevitable.”

“Inevitable,” Lewis says disbelievingly. “I don’t believe you’ve ever thought anything was inevitable. You’ve fought for everything in your life, even when you didn’t have to.”

Lewis can imagine Sebastian’s proud grin even without seeing his face. “I like to make life exciting, yes.”

“Difficult,” Lewis amends. “You like to make life difficult.”

“I make life interesting,” Sebastian suggests. “Can we agree on that?”

“We can,” Lewis decides. “Now, come on, man. This is the part where you try to convince me that the Tifosi will change my life. Radicalize me with Forza Ferrari or whatever it is that you do. Or at least remind me that there will be substantially less porpoising. Distract me from leaving the W14 behind.”

“And Bono?” Seb asks, clearly indulging himself.

Lewis snorts. “Don’t bring up Bono,” he says, but he’s laughing, and blushing more than he’s laughing, and he figures Sebastian can probably tell that even over the phone, so. Not a whole lot of disguising that, then.

Seb chuckles fondly. “You’ll have others.”

“Yeah?” Lewis asks, not quite listening.

“Yeah,” Sebastian affirms. “And old friends, too. There’s a lot to enjoy at Ferrari.”

“Tell me,” Lewis says.

Sebastian’s breath hitches in his throat at the order. And then he talks, and Lewis listens, and the time passes. Rumors spread. Neither of them care.

f1 tag list: @j-brielmalfoy, @juphey

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[skayafair]

Ok so we've all went through some stages regarding the finale and The Great Divorce (or lack thereof) in S5.

I'm not a patron so I have no idea which turn the plot is going to take in reality, but after some insight from the others I've noticed which way would have been the most enterteining for me.

So a lot of people already noticed that Arthur probably isn't going to be pissed at John all that much. Yeah the situation isn't peachy but they had worse, and I don't even mean like "part 18 The Madness" kind of worse. Whom Arthur took his rage on was Kayne, so the "you lied" might have referred to him as well. (REALLY, THANK YOU to those who noticed that, it made the finale MUCH better for me, although it was good and fun as is.)

If Arthur IS mad at Kayne:

Why did he sound so defeated in the end? Was it an act to gain some time to figure out how to get out of this predicament? Or was he shocked to witness two of his allies die or disappear (and I think he IS worried for Noel a fair amount), maybe spiraling to "everyone around you dies" and "nothing gold can stay" as a possible future implication again?

A fun part for me would be if there is some self-blaming, too. Because after hearing the whole story it's easy to arrive to a horried realization: after Arthur's deal John was supposed to be safe, and he wasn't, therefore, Arthur failed him.

Even though getting John back with no memory was selfish (because erasing the memory would have critically affected John when he didn't have a say in it, and that's obviously messed up) and not ideal (it still put him at least with his friend instead and gave a chance to develop on his own again rather than being consumed by the King, which... yeah... I often forget how fucked up Arthur's behaviour with Yellow actually was from this POV :')), it still helped them both. They had better chances at survival together rather than on their own. It wasn't the worst outcome, Arthur didn't betray his friend. John being safe(-er) was an equally important part of the deal as Arthur not being alone. But since Kayne didn't hold his end of the bargain, John wasn't just in danger. He was in the Dark World, for indefinite amount of time. That was a complete opposite to the conditions of the deal. If Kayne didn't strike another deal with John, they wouldn't have met again, probably. John would have stayed in the DW while Arthur could still have his life and a chance at a new friendship, however sour it turned in the end. So, in a distant, inderect way it was like Arthur was betraying John while not even knowing this. Because he thought he could trust Kayne on this deal. It's not exactly logical and is rather a stretch but it's easy to leap to this conclusion, especially for someone with self-depricating tendencies like Arthur's. He's doing better but I don't think he's completely past it yet. He was failing someone dear to him without knowing, again. We know how he feels about that.

Moreover, we know how Kayne emphasises time and again how powerless John is before him, but Arthur is just as helpless. His rage at Kayne seemed to die out in a span of a few minutes, giving way to a lifeless "I'll come" after Kayne's demonstration of power. Which feels unltimately out of character and I know HG knows his characters well, so there HAS to be an explanation and I'm just... WHICH ONE GRRR I NEED TO KNOW!11 He may be furious about Kayne's actions but still not be able to do anything about this. And in my mind this relates to the talk about faith he had with John: that if he believed in God, Arthur would have had to believe all the deaths around him, as well as Faroe's, was God's plan, and he just can't agree with that. Not said but I think implied: it would have meant that some very powerful entity decided to kill or hurt a person he deeply cares about with his own hands/ignorance, and Arthur doesn't have a say in this while being the one at fault. It's the same here.

Oh, wait, this isn't even the second time it would have happened! It's the third, the second was John's doing, with Parker's death. Arthur has a streak!

So all in all, if the finale revelations don't trigger some trauma in this department that needs dealing with, I'd be a bit sad. But not much, part 40 gave A LOT of new opportunities, so I feel like a kid in a candy store anyway. I wonder which ones are going to be explored in the show, and will be waiting for the ficwriters to do their magic, too :D

[trashlie]

ILY FP 231

ALRIGHTY KIDS WHO’S READY FOR STALKYOO WEEKEND WHO’S READY FOR ME TO TALK NONSTOP ABOUT ILY AND TENSION AND FEELINGS AND EXECUTION AND SUBTEXT I’M RARING TO GO picture me frothing at the mouth rattling the bars of my cage because that’s been me and that WILL remain me! 

Look I’m about to choke out 246 different posts but I’m going to do my best to try to keep this one on topic... but we know how I get so uhhhh. Brace yourselves lmao 

This episode is just CATNIP for me, and I know I keep saying that but forgive me, everything we’ve been getting in these arcs is jus tailor-made, it’s the stuff I feast on, it’s got me scurrying up walls like a lil lizard chewing on the rafters shrieking like a banshee. I am FED and I am addicted and I WANT MORE!!!!!!! 

Nana + Shinae is just unhinged chaos I was completely unprepared for and getting to see them play out more in this episode is a HOOT. I say this with affection, but I am SO GLAD she’s not MY grandma cos WOW I, too, would be so embarrassed. (Actually she reminds me a lot of my mom, pls understand the embarrassment I have endured at her hand!) Shinae and Nana bonding over their mutual dislike for Rand was SO funny - like oh shit wait you don’t like that old geezer OR that witch? Oh you have TASTE (also there’s a subtle little... dig if we want to call it that “Oh I like this one” [eyes]). All the while Nol just sits by watching with that EXPRESSION LMAO 

In fact, all of Nol’s expressions are SO funny and SO good! I cannot get over his deeply mortified blushing when Nana called the headband his “comfort headband” and pretty much aired that he was so upset that he was fiddling with it lmao LIKE COME ON (BUT ALSO HER INSINUATIONS? NANA U NASTY FREAK LMAOOOOOOO implying he’d done something unholy with it I SIMPLY CANNOT) His expression as he fucking!!! Throws!!!!! His blanket over her with his lil eye buggin out? PURE COMEDY I LOVE IT 

But obviously the meat and potatoes of this episode is the Shinae Nol confrontation - and the elephant in the room. Nol says so much while saying so little - the subtext is off the charts and it’s INSANE to me that they are just.... confessing between the lines lmao 

Let me get this out of the way, my favorite point to yell about: Nol cannot resist Shinae. He tries and he always fails. He is so weak in the face of her - and now he finally understands why. She doesn’t seem to realize it, but she manages to elicit truth out of him, she keeps him rooted to the spot. He’ll purposefully distance himself from her - angle away, sit away - but he still ends up angled in towards her, drawn in. She gets to him in a way that, as far as we can tell, no one else can. It’s what made it so difficult for him to actually part with her - why he stumbled and clutched her before he finally snipped the cord, why he had to block her and when she got around that (her message in his spam) he had to drown it out with alcohol. Her gravitational pull on him is so great and he is now aware of it. 

I think he did have every intention to talk to her. Maybe he wasn’t going to be as open as we hope. He seemed like he wanted to at least try to clear something up. But his tune completely changed after she brought up Dieter, after she made him realize that Dieter saw it all, that he knew what Nol knows. Ngl I find this simultaneously funny and frustrating because it DOES put them in such a precarious position and Shinae is just SO unaware of it yet!!!! 

Nol knows that when it’s just them, things cease to matter. It’s the way he phrases things - like how he talks about when they thought everyone was asleep, because it was that cloak of secrecy that allowed him to be so bold. It was the belief that the whole world was asleep and they were alone in their bubble, no thoughts, nothing else, acting on their whims. He knows he made a move on her, and he knows it was intentional, and it would never have happened if Dieter and Soushi were awake. But that’s the thing about when Nol is alone with Shinae - he seems to forget everything else. She disarms him and he acts on his whims. 

The range of his expression is so good here - going from guarded and cautious to the moment he’s putting the dots together and he closes his eyes and screws up his face. Nol isn’t an asshole - he knows what Dieter must be feeling, what it must be like to have witnessed that, to listen in on that. Shinae may not have processed how loaded it was, but Nol can see it easily from Dieter’s perspective. 

And here’s the thing about Dieter, too. He’s not a fool, he knows what he’s up against. I don’t mean it in that he’s competing with Nol, really, but we know he compares his relationship with Shinae to other peoples’ relationships with her. We’ve seen him voice his insecurity to Minhyuk - that he doesn’t have with her what Nol does. When he told Shinae she loves Nol, he obviously meant it as a friend, the way he does - but I still think he was voicing a fear that he already had in his heart. Like Nol, though, Dieter isn’t good at resisting Shinae, and he lets his hope build up when he knows better. Dieter knew he was playing with fire. 

That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though - to basically have it confirmed almost behind your back. Dieter can see it for what it was - not just the way Nol was acting, the way he looked at her, the way he literally put the moves on her lol but it was the way she received it, the way she flusters under his gaze. It was how she stayed at his side the whole time, how her concern for him outshines her need for sleep or food. 

Nol’s guilt is SO strong, it permeates this episode, but I think it’s also very much twisted with his fear. It’s easier to use the guilt, to frame around that, because in his mind he fucks things up all the time, he makes things worse, his existence creates more problems. I love that Shinae calls him out on the fact that it’s not his fault that his plan to get her and Dieter together didn’t work because it’s true. While he’s not wrong to some degree - pushing Dieter and Shinae to be friends does kind of prolong the pain, at the end of the day, they all make their choices. Dieter chose to collect those moments with Shinae knowing they were supposed to be strictly platonic, everything as friends. Shinae still chose to confide in him, to open up, to let him in. Just because Nol pushed the friendship it doesn’t mean they had no agency in the matter. 

But obviously the real issue is not that he pushed them, that it draws out the pain for Dieter. It’s that he did all of that and in the end, he was the one who hurt him the most. It wasn’t that Shinae didn’t reciprocate - it was that Nol has feelings, too. 

Now, I want to make a point here that I’m sure we’re all on the same page about. No one is really “at fault” here. It’s not like anyone has done anything wrong. Sure we can argue that Shinae has gotten Dieter’s hopes up unintentionally. Sure we can argue that liking someone your friend likes is bad. But human feelings are messy and don’t exist in a vacuum of good vs bad. The whole thing about dibs is so gross in general - it denies someone agency and instead rests on those who like them. Is Nol a bad friend for falling for someone his friend also likes? Is Shinae a bad person for falling for the friend of the guy who likes her? Obviously there are things that need to be cleared up - she needs to sort out her feelings for them, but the point remains. No one is at fault. 

But that doesn’t mean Nol won’t feel guilty, won’t feel like an asshole for finding a new way to hurt the people he cares about. 

I know this sounds crazy but I kind of lmao like the way he told Shinae she needs to go, that “You can’t be here alone with me any longer.” 

Nol has acknowledged his role in this. He acknowledges the way he deliberately hurt Dieter, even though it wasn’t his intention. And what’s more is what he’s not saying - the subtext. That she can’t be alone with him because they will continue to say and do things that will hurt Dieter, that will create more pain. Nol knows how easily Shinae can disarm him if he’s not vigilante. All it takes is her bringing him ease again, him falling back into that comfort, forgetting the rest of the world, acting on it again. 

There’s something that feels so urgent about it? Intense? That she NEEDS to go because he doesn’t have the willpower any more. That he’s trying REALLY HARD to be a good person, a good friend, but it’s so difficult. He says it every which way besides with words, and if you read between the lines he’s practically screaming it out loud. 

I actually think he’s handling it pretty well, even if it doesn’t clear things up for Shinae in the moment. He’s acting on Dieter’s behalf - but also on his own. And hers. Shinae needs to come to the conclusion he has and it’s not for him to tell her. Part of why it’s so easy for Shinae to let herself feel that way with Dieter is because she knows he likes her. He’s safe and comfortable. Had he never confessed would she think anything of the way he looks at her? Would she think anything of the comfort he brings her? But because she knows, it has affected her view. I don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, because we all respond to people based on how they feel about us, I think. But if Nol were to speak those words out loud, if he were to tell her “it’s because I like you!” how would it make her feel? Would it influence what she thinks about him? Surely it would! 

Nol is trying to get Shinae to come to the same realization he has, and more so, he’s trying to get her to be clear about her feelings. Do you like me or not? Do you act this way with everyone? He sees the way she gets flustered, he knows the effect he’s got on her. He’s probably sure she reciprocates those feelings and hasn’t figured it out yet - but there’s still a shadow of a doubt. There’s still the fact that maybe he’s reading into it, maybe he’s seeing something that isn’t there. Maybe she’s someone who cares about him and he’s misread it because he’s so desperate to matter to someone, anyone. 

Look we all know better, but we also know how doubts persist! 

There’s so much ANGST but it’s SO good! It’s not angst for the sake of angst, it’s not drawing something out just to make the story last. Nol’s expressions cause me PAIN, Shinae’s make me ACHE. He feels like a guilty asshole, he wants her to go, but he can’t even look at her and say it - he looks away, his mouth set in that way holding back all the things he believes he should not say. Honestly they are so good at hurting each other ;______; it hurts ME, too! 

But also, I get it. I’m with Nol here. How can he bear to look at her when he’s pushing her away again? How can he bear to look at her when it’s all his fault (according to him). He can’t even look at her when he tells her Dieter was awake the whole time. It’s such a loaded statement but unfortunately it doesn’t QUITE land because Shinae can’t quite grasp the significance. 

Actually this whole part is both so funny and so unbearable to me lmao because Nol is all but saying that Dieter oversaw them having a very non-platonic moment and she’s like i don’t get it why’s that a big deal LMAOOOOOO ;____; Nol is going THROUGH it okay! She keeps insisting that it meant nothing, that it’s just friends, what’s wrong with that. And Nol can’t come out and say the truth - that it looked romantic that it felt romantic, that he meant all of it and that’s why it’s so wrong. The whole time he’s trying to get her to understand WHY that hurts Dieter and she’s just hurting him at the same time LMAO OUCH 

I LOVE those panels where we can’t see their faces - where it’s Nol’s frustration and anguish that she doesn’t get it, that he’s trying, that he feels awful because of course those feelings are still there why wouldn’t they be. His frustration, the faint lines on Shinae’s face. 

Maybe it’s there at the back of her mind - something faint, something distant. Maybe for a moment she understands what Nol isn’t saying, the implications of what Dieter oversaw, overheard. But if it, she doesn’t acknowledge it at all. 

Nol’s hand over his face in frustration, that panel where we close in on his eye and Shinae says “You’re not intentionally trying to hurt him!” But... he is. Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt Dieter - but he IS intentionally doing things that hurt him. And he still wants to! That’s the thing, that’s why he needs her to go. It’s so easy to fall into that, to act on that, to forget Dieter exists and instead indulge a little. It may not be his intention to hurt Dieter, but it’s his intention to do things that WOULD hurt him, and she doesn’t get it. 

But GOD lmao the way she just starts to rub salt in the wound!!!!! “Whatever he thinks is just a misunderstanding. There’s NOTHING going on here!” 

In ILY universe, nothing is always Nol. There is Nol going on here. 

And look, I feel for him here, a LOT. This must be SO hard!!!! Not just the pushing her away, not just knowing he hurt Dieter, but having this whole conversation, her not getting it, her taking a moment that clearly meant SO MUCH to him and saying it meant nothing. Again, there’s so much that is LOADED when she says “We’re all friends here!” and he says that resolute “No”, his eyes hidden from us, his hands firm on the wheelchair. 

Shinae misconstrues it as no, we aren’t all friends, but what Nol means is that no it’s not just friends. It’s two different people who like her a lot. It’s knowing he acted on something that hurt his friend. That moment wasn’t platonic, wasn’t just friendship - not for him. Clearly she’s unready to see it, but he knows it. No. We’re not friends here - we are people who like you so very much. 

GOD, THE ANGST, THE ANGUISH. I AM SWINGING FROM THE RAFTERS I’M HOOTING. 

I LOVE the moment he says he can’t take this - he can’t keep having this conversation, can’t take being shut down like this, can’t handle her downplaying a significant moment. If she wants to tell herself it was nothing but to keep reiterating it to him? Unbearable! But also I LOVE that Shinae stands her group and puts her foot down, I love her calling him out because like I get it! I understand both of them. She’s had no time to process any of this, all she knows is she wants him to stop pushing her away, she wants him to stop boxing her out, she wants him to be OPEN. 

In a way, they are fighting for the same thing, but they keep obstructing each other. They want the same thing but they’re speaking in different languages. He WANTS her to see it - that it wasn’t a platonic moment, that he meant it that it matters that their fingerprints are all over it. He wants her to see what Dieter saw. She wants him to show himself, to open up, to stop hiding, to be vulnerable. They are trying SO HARD to get the same thing, but they just keep butting heads and getting in each others’ way. 

AND WHEN SHE TELLS NOL THAT SHE’S NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DATING DIETER? OH MY /GOD/ lmao alkjfkjafkjafkjafkjja alfjakfjj SHRIEKS 

Not ONLY has she basically downplayed this whole romantic moment, downplayed whatever is transpiring between them but she goes on to say SHE’S NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DIETER?! LMAOOOOOOOOO Again I reiterate no one is at fault here!!!!!! But lmaooooo the OUCHIES of this whole conversation! Isn’t it bad enough that she says it was nothing it doesn’t mean anything, and then she goes on to be like I mean i don’t totally NOT not like him idk..... LMAO 

He’s clearly frustrated both in trying to get her to understand what he isn’t voicing, but also because he seems like such a resolute person? Or at least, he tries to be. I assume it’s kind of like... he realized he likes her and that’s it. It’s not that he thinks he might like her, it’s not that he might have some feelings. He knows he’s all in, all feelings, all eyes on her. And she appears so wishy washy - flirting with him but doesn’t acknowledge it, unintentionally stringing Dieter along and igniting that hope. 

And the thing is she isn’t doing any of this maliciously. She’s tried to be clear with Dieter! It’s not her fault that he keeps getting his hopes up. She’s had no time to process her feelings for Nol, has had no experiences to compare any of this to. I love this conversation between them because it illuminates how little Shinae knows about feelings, about love, about romance. She hasn’t let anyone in in a long time, has guarded herself so tightly, and now that she has, how is she to understand the ways they affect her, what their significance means? 

It’s easy to see why she keeps trying to box her feelings about Nol into a box they don’t fit. Of course she cares, of course she worries, that’s what friends do. It’s not that she cares, though - it’s why. Does she care as a friend or does she care as something else? That’s what he’s trying to get her to answer - and I think he got close. But she needs to distance herself from the night, too. She needs to dwell on those feelings - and not just the intensity of trying to hang on to him, but the other feelings, too. The butterflies, the fluttering, the fluster, the way she can’t meet his gaze, the way she starts to fluster if he looks at her for too long. 

Someone said that Shinae is practically confessing to Nol and doesn’t even realize it and my god they’re right lmao. The way Shinae argues back that she knows Nol didn’t like it when she left after they danced, that she knows he was bummed, can you really throw all that away what we’ve been through, how effortless we are? lmao SHE REALLY JUST. Goes on saying it!!! AND SHE DOESN’T RECOGNIZE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS. 

(I mean she did a whole damn love soliloquy in front of Minhyuk for Nol so like. It’s been an all night thing lmao) 

Also it hurt when Nol admits that Dieter doesn’t have that with Shinae - not even as her friend. Even if she does not not want to date him, even if a part of her DOES like him - does it compare to what she feels about Nol? Does it compare to what he means to her? He can’t look her in the eye, and even as she tries to play it off, to say hey all friendships are different does it really matter SHE can’t meet his eye. 

Consciously Shinae may not be aware of it but on some level she must know. On some subconscious level, that ghost of a thought passes by, a faint wave of shame. She doesn’t share with Dieter what she shares with Nol. It’s true that there’s something there, but it’s something she’s avoiding, something she consciously cannot face yet. 

BUT LISTEN, MY GOD. NOL ASKING HER WHY SHE CARES /SCREAMS JUST SCREAMS ALJKFKJAFJKAFLJ AFJALJJAF AFJAKFJFA

He’s pushing!!!!!!!!!!!

I love that Nol is a ball of contradiction. He wants Shinae to acknowledge what he isn’t saying out loud, he wants her to realize that it means something to him, that there are feelings, that it’s not platonic, and he wants her to acknowledge so she understands why he’s pushing her away. But I think he also wants her to admit it herself. Confirm what he suspects. She fights SO hard but she can’t say why. She cares so much but she can’t elaborate. 

Convince me. 

LKJFKJAF LAJFKAJFA F /SCALES THE WALLS PARKOURS ACROSS ALL THE ROOFS IN THE NEIGHBORBOOD. 

He knows. HE KNOWS. Convince him he’s wrong. Convince him it’s not what he thinks. Convince her that her extent of care of need her desperate desire to keep hold of him to make him show himself to her to be vulnerable with him is platonic. Convince him. 

AND SHE CAN’T!!!!!!!!! 

Again, she averts her gaze! Again, she flusters and blushes. Again he disarms her just by looking at her and he takes advantage of the moment to finally kick her out. 

GOD WHAT AN EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA BARK BARK BARK WOOOOF RLKJJKJ RRRRGGHHR RRRRHGHGHG LDKJC YIP YIP YIP 

IT’S SO GOOD. THE SUBTEXT, THE EXPRESSIONS, THE DANCE AROUND THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, THE ANGST, THE EMOTIONS. 

And no matter which standpoint you look at it from it’s just GOOD. 

Nol feels guilty, like an asshole, he has hurt his friend. But more than that - it’s how he knows he can’t be alone with her, how he knows he can’t stop himself any more from acting on what he wants. He needs to PHYSICALLY remove her because that’s how little resistance he has, because that’s how much she gets to him, how much she affects him. It’s the way it hurts to have this conversation - where if he says the words out loud it makes them real and it becomes a weight she has to carry. If he can make her reach the conclusion on her own, maybe it won’t be so bad. He won’t have to deal with the pain if she doesn’t reciprocate - if she comes to the right conclusion and keeps her distance. If he says them out loud and she has to turn him down? He can’t handle that he can’t bear it. But at the same time, every time she denies that their shared moment meant nothing, that the way he looked at her, the way he treated her (HOW HE TOUCHED HER?????) was just platonic to him???? HOW CAN HE BEAR TO ENDURE THAT CONVERSATION?! 

And it’s not that it means nothing - she just needs the space and time to process it, to really play out what happened. I think, too, on some level she IS subconsciously repressing it. Isn’t it scary? Especially because Nol is a person who comes and goes, who pushes her away and then shares these intense moments and then shoves her away again. What good is it to acknowledge what he means when she can barely keep a hold on him as a friend, when she can barely make him understand his significance. Nol and Dieter both are such good friends to her, people she can rely on, people who make her feel safe. Sure Nol may not make her feel secure all the time lmao but when it’s just them, when they’re lost in that little world, for the moment, he does. It’s scary, to think of losing any of that. All the relationships she’s ever been privy to have fallen apart. There’s no photos, no memories of her family as a whole unit. She’s seen what Rand and Yui look like. She’s got no experience of her own, and now that she has friends she loves so much, she’s too afraid to lose them. 

How can she begin to dissect what Nol means to her when it makes him feel more fleeting? How can she begin to understand what exists between them is romantic when she’s never really witnessed a healthy successful romance exist?

The thing that makes friends to lovers SUCH a good trope, and why I love it SO MUCH is the stakes, the risk vs the payout. What if you take that step and it all goes wrong? What if you mess it up and you lose someone who is SO important to you, someone who means so much? What if all goes wrong and you can’t put it back together and you make something beautiful all wrong by getting your fingerprints on it and chipping the corners? You start to fear even the possibility because sure it could go well - but if it goes bad you lose it ALL. Everything. 

But what is life if you don’t take some risks? Can you live with that regret, if you never take a chance, if you miss out on something you wanted? 

That’s the thing about Dieter, isn’t it? He knows the risks. He knows he’s playing with fire, knows he doesn’t quite have with Shinae what Nol does. But he still tries. He still lets his unwavering hope go, even if it hurts him. He can’t ever say he has any regrets because he’s given it his all. Sure, it hurt a LOT and it’s going to, until he gets over her and can find a way to move on, but at least he tried. At least he made the effort and can say that he did his best. 

It’s funny that Nol and Shinae stand in that place. She’s doing her best, she’s making an effort so she can’t regret not trying - but she just can’t see the full picture, can’t acknowledge WHY she’s fighting WHY she’s pushing. But Nol is the other part of it, the understanding, but also fear. It’s not just Dieter that stops him. If she continues to deny that it means anything, if she continues to say it was nothing.... that hurts. It’s bad enough to have feelings - but for the person you like to deny them? GOD. ;A; 

At this point there’s a lot of conversations that need to be had, and i think I’m looking forward to (hopefully?!) seeing Nol and Dieter talk it out. I think as much as Dieter is hurt, I can’t see him as the kind of person who would stand in the way of his friends happiness. If they make each other happy, who is he to tell Nol to back off or something? Shinae is a person with agency who can make her own choices and if she comes to a realization that she reciprocates Nol’s feelings well.... he can’t really stop her just because she doesn’t like him. He’s not an incel alkfkjafjaf lmao I don’t think it’s the kind of thing that would make him hate either of them. 

I’ve said it before but Dieter loves Nol, too, so he can understand why Shinae would fall for him. And likewise, as a person who likes Shinae, I’m sure he can understand how Nol would unintentionally fall. There’s a lot that’s happened between Nol and Shinae that Dieter doesn’t know about - the things that draw them together, that make them reach out to one and other. I think he can probably get that sense - there’s just SOMETHING ELSE there that isn’t with him and Shinae. 

I like to think Dieter might encourage Nol, or at the very least perhaps tell him to stop pushing people away. That one of these days he’ll push and she won’t come back and can he really live with that? While Dieter doesn’t know as much as Shinae, he at least seems to have the sense that there’s a profound depth to Nol, that there’s a lot of pain (as evidenced between him and Kousuke) and that his life hasn’t been as easy as Yeonggi made it look, so maybe he, too, will what it means for Nol to open up, to really truly fall for someone who feels the same as him. Who is he to deny their happiness, just because it makes him hurt? 

On the other hand, a part of me dreads Dieter and Shinae talking because WHEW BOY we know it’s going to hurt either way it goes. Will she deny her feelings about Nol, try to continue to write them off as friendship because it scares her, because she’s so afraid of losing him that she’s willing to swallow them down, because she doesn’t want it to get in the way? Even if she did, Dieter would see through it. I think now that he’s seen it, really seen it at play, he knows he can’t keep pretending. That’s why he’s distanced himself. If she were to try to play the card that it meant nothing wouldn’t he get more upset that she’s lying? God it just feels like a painful conversation ;___; And if she’s honest with him, if she sets him straight that she should have been clearer, that she hurt him, it just makes it hurt more AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH 

JUST AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

All that said, I love how good of a subversion of “why does my kokoro go dokidoki”. It’s not that Shinae is naïve - it’s that she’s inexperienced and scared. It’s that she hasn’t had the time to process, it’s that she has this mix of feelings that she’s had no time to sort them out and untangle them. For so long she held people at arm’s length and now her heart is too full! And because it’s subverting that trope, I don’t think we’ll see it drawn out for a terribly long time, and she’ll put on her big girl pants and try to make it right. Right now she’s afraid to rock the boat. She’s been hurt so many times by people, she doesn’t want to be the one who hurts others, she doesn’t want to be the one who inflicts pain. But I think when she realizes the truth, she’ll realize that trying to ignore it causes more pain, drawn out. That’s what Nol is getting at. That as long as she doesn’t definitively have feelings, it only hurts. It drags out Dieter’s pain every time he thinks there’s a chance. It drags out Nol’s pain, that she can’t sort out the feelings. 

I love so much that Shinae cares about peoples’ feelings - especially because in the beginning she so badly wanted to believe she doesn’t care if people think she’s a bitch. She’s so empathetic and caring! But at some point we have to realize that avoiding a problem only makes it worse. It’s so much better to be up front and get it out of the way. Dieter won’t be able to heal until the wound stops getting ripped open. He WILL be okay, he WILL get over. But it won’t happen until she makes things clear. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS SO MANY FEELINGS I HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED ABOUT NOL’S RESOLVE BUT I’M SAVING THAT FOR A SEPARATE POST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS 

[black-rose-writings]

Read something this morning that made me really pissed off (and also is kinda applicable to the Grishaverse).

So, as I may have mentioned, my country is currently fighting for gay marriage. And at the same time, the homophobes in the government and parliament are trying to make gay marriage unconstitutional, because fuck us.

So, obviously, because the ruling coalition is mostly made up of conflict-averse liberals, a compromise has been offered: Expanding civil unions to have more rights but not calling it marriage. Everyone's happy, right? The f*gs get rights and the meaning of marriage is preserved. Hurray! Ignore the trans castration law we're adamant is necessary and don't look too deeply into what the compromise would really mean.

But "JsmeFér", a queer rights advocacy group, did.

Surprise surprise, the compromise would lead to passing gay marriage unconstitutional and the "expansion" of civil unions is minimal. Because we can't have nice things.

It would be a tiny step forward, but it would freeze us in that position for years, if not decades, to come, while leaving us open for regression.

Again, because fuck us and because liberals.

So, how does this apply to the Grishaverse?

Simple, really. The core message is: There's no such thing as a compromise when it comes to human rights. Not really. It only serves to preserve the status quo while appearing progressive on the surface.

When one side wants equal rights and the other side is a few drinks away from openly advocating for genocide (in the best case scenario), a compromise will always inevitably favor the already powerful side. They stall progress but keep regression as an option.

It's a message LB fails to understand, or at least convey, over and over again in the books. She shows us how bad the Grisha situation is in the different countries, how the default is seeing Grisha as sub-human, how the average person doesn't question their status as such and even supports it, how deep the prejudice runs and how intertwined it is with the world's religions.

And then she makes the only person actually fighting to change that the story's villain and mocks and shames anyone who decides to devides to see him as the good guy. Her protagonists support this system and the prejudices it creates and supports and are only allowed minor protests and changes to it, which are cosmetic at best and actively harmful at worst.

You can't compromise with a genocide cult. You can't compromise with people who see you as subhuman and unnatural - most won't change their minds just because you're nice. I mean, you can, technically, but it is a recipe for disaster.

Stop treating appeasing bigots as a solution. It does not work, on any scale. Human rights are not something that should be compromised on.

[for-the-ninth]

It happens like clockwork every election cycle.

Republican gets elected, people rage and foist all the blame onto third party voters or people who didn't vote. They post their hot takes about the brain dead red states who vote against their own interests and claim the only reason any of us are in this mess at all is because people won't "do the work," when their own definition of "the work" really just comes down to voting Democrat every four years, encouraging others to do the same, and resorting to shame when some of them inevitably don't.

These are often, though not always, folks who don't really know what The Work is. They aren't grounded in the struggle. They are comfortable enough that the only thing that really fazes them is someone like Trump getting elected. They aren't participating in community outreach or mutual aid networks. They are comfortable in many ways they probably take for granted, and the reason they want Dems in office is, in part, to protect that comfort.

What they don't realize, and often refuse to realize no matter how many activists of the present and past tell them, is that liberalism and electoral politics was never going to save us. Democrats have long been committed to the status quo. They cosplay as revolutionaries and leaders of the resistance whenever the next Republican dickhead gets voted in. They co-opt the movement despite having no real stake in it, because they are centrists with no genuine desire to propel the country in a radically progressive direction. And when folks too far left of center step up to the plate, like Bernie Sanders, the rest of the party refuses to put their weight behind them.

It's the same sorry set of excuses every time: oh, but we'll lose the swing voters! and we have to try to win over moderate Republicans! the nation isn't ready for someone so radical! When we all know that's bullshit. Anyone who's tired of crying over their grocery bill - and that's damn near everyone - is ready for radical change.

But sure, let's continue blaming people who didn't vote or voted third party for the result of one of many election cycles during which the Dems failed to provide us with a compelling progressive candidate with policies geared toward uplifting the working class and working poor.

By all means, let's continue doing the work of the imperialists for them, cause the more time we spend fighting each other over minor ideological differences (and yes, if your only beef with someone's ideology is that they didn't bother voting, that is a minor difference and not something worth seething over) the less time we'll spend organizing. The more isolated from each other we'll be. If we blame each other then we're less likely to blame them, for putting all of us in this hellscape.

And make no mistake - they know that. There's a reason Democratic politicians are so quick to disparage working class folks in southern states. If we blame them for just being sooooo willfully stupid and deplorable AND we blame everyone else for having the audacity not to vOTe bLue No MaTtRr wHo then there's no blame left to hurl at the Dems. They want so badly for us to believe that people like Obama, Harris, and Biden - who are all centrists, through and through - will save us if enough of us vote for them. And then when they do get voted in there's a million excuses for why they can't push any meaningful legislation through.

I hate watching so many of you buy right into it. Crucifying each other over not voting for the lesser of two evils like it isn't deeply fucked up that they're our only two options to begin with. Touting Harris like she's some sort of saint by comparison when she stood up on a national platform to say she wanted our military to be the most lethal in the world. Amidst calls for a ceasefire and an arms embargo, she said that shit with her whole chest, and y'all think Donald Trump is the only fascist? Get. A. Grip.

Electoral politics are not going to save us. Kamala Harris was never going to save us. We are the only people who can save us and we do that by building a grassroots movement grounded in class solidarity.

If you're still blaming people who voted third party or didn't vote at all, you're not ready for that movement. If you're still denigrating working class voters in red states for falling victim to the propaganda machine because you're Oh So Smart and that could never be you, you're not ready for the movement.

And if the only "work" you do is urging people to vote every 4 years and writing spicy posts after the fact about how you no longer give a shit about the people who "betrayed" you by not relying on electoral politics to save us - many of whom I can promise you are doing real, tangible work to benefit the people in their own communities - do me and everyone else a favor, and get grounded. Get rooted in the struggle. Stop spewing reactionary nonsense and put that energy into your community - including people who didn't fucking vote for Harris. Cause I can promise you, organizers and activists aren't checking anyone's voting record when they serve up meals at the soup kitchen or fund mutual aid requests for rent money. Folks who are "actually doing the work" don't have time for that petty shit.

[jessiquinn]

Justice league x ex(?) villain reader pt2 (batman x reader)

2019-1-13

This was so messy, I’m confused about what the hell happened here.. but I fixed it... I hope.

---

When they defeated you, Batman put you in the justice league, whether you like it or not.

warning:

1-bad writing, 2-bullying.

----------------

adjusting was hard... and it’s still hard especially when everyone around me is constantly judging me, I guess it’s the price of my actions but still... still it’s better being in The batman castle than being in the watch tower with all those heroes... but it’s strange how he gave me his trust this fast.

Batman gave me a chance to show my potential, for the first time this month he gave me access to the training room.

In the training room

“just in case, wear this watch, it’s just like an electric monitor but much more advanced, so don't even think about doing something” Batman warned, giving Nightwing a look before leaving.

“so how’s living with the heroes been doing with ya?” he said with a smirk

rolling your eyes at him, “not much of a talker I see, how about you show us your moves?” giving you a sign to attack, his smirk is starting to annoy me...

glaring daggers at him, finally launching an attack at him, he dodges it with ease, “wow I didn’t take you for a magician?” he seemed to be impressed about magic but disappointed at that shity hit.

attacking him once again, “woah calm down, I meant because you didn’t use it in the fight” still easily dodging those lousy hits.

finally speaking “fighting with magic in the war is highly forbidden” charging another attack

“you know, you need intense training with this kind of aim” he knows what he’s doing hehe

after a couple of hours of training, “it’s time for you to go to bed princess” putting his equipment back, leading you back to your room, this extra supervision is annoying.

in your bedroom.

of course, you can’t lock the door, villains don’t need privacy duh.

anyway they couldn’t catch this tho, the last piece I have of myself is this.. this book might be my last hope.

if they find it I’m doomed

suddenly the door opened to reveal Nightwing again, “oh hi sorry, I forgot to give you those essentials” he put them on the table “and goodnight” he closed the door. locking it, yes finally!

once I felt safe, I finally opened the book, writing in it “why did he take me?”

The book answered immediately

"isn't obvious they want to use you for their own good," the book said in a spiteful way. writing back “what should I do?”

"do what they tell you to do till they trust you, then we will contact again"

“wait! didn't the plan already fail? that means a new leader will continue the mission”, "we will take this as part 2 of the plan, I will write to you when the mission is ready to play" the book closed.

-sighing deeply- if I have to play this game so be it, for the first time in history they give a leader a second chance... and it’s me, how convenient...-lays on the bed- and I thought I will be finally free, I guess I’m the luckiest person in this world... my type of luck...

Next morning

"Miss... miss please wake up," opening your eyes slowly adjusting to the light, “what do you want” in a grumpy way.

“It’s morning and master... wants you to eat breakfast with us,” Alfred said, you finally get up. sighing...

Alfred casually walks you to a big dining room, you sit in the chair he chose.

they aren't wearing masks anymore, they must be nuts.. that’s the only logical explanation.

shit... it’s... the famous... Bruce Wayne, he’s looking at you too. you finally notice a familiar face sitting with you on the table, your dear sister.

I used to love her but all those years ago she didn’t come searching for me, made me hate her... call it jealousy, but I was wronged.

looking at her for a solid minute with a poker face then looked at Bruce. AKA Batman.

“You already know your sister is here with us...” looking at you and your sister, “will you just cut to the chase” already hating all of this.

I can’t believe it, she lived with Bruce fucking Wayne all her life. of course, she’ll forget about me.

“-sigh- of course, you know you can’t do much at the moment, once we trust you.. we’ll see how it goes -sigh- as you can see we all revealed our identity's to you, as a sign of trust. Trust me when I say this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this. so don’t mess it up. I won’t hastate on putting you down” his calm serious never seemed to relax you.

finally bursting out in denial “how could you do such a dumb thing, I’m a villain you can’t change the facts, how can you be so sure I won’t expose Bruce Wayne as fucking batman” he smirked “it’s easy really when you have this much money and power. I can shut you up easily, plus no one will believe a villain anyway” they all smirk at you.

“Why would I help you anyway?” feeling all of their eyes on me, “it’s either jail or be with us? choose?” he took a sip from his tea.

"Wrong move stick to the plan" a mysterious sound rang in your head, and your head immediately start hurting...

Every time I do something wrong this happens. as a punishment from the ‘gods’ let’s say that.

“Nevermind, what do you want me to do anyway?” finally feeling cooperative, he took a minute to respond, weirded out by your behavior “we will go in an hour to the watch tower so eat and get ready...” he got up and left.

Damian got up to your face “listen bitch be thankful that I didn't beat you to the ground! you were so rude, never heard of manners before?” Damian said furiously about what just happened

“I do what the fuck I want. I only listen to him, not to you”, “stop trying to start a fight y/n” finally your fake-ass sister talked.

in a serious manner quietly turning to her “mind your own business” and giving her a death glare, seems like she got disappointed “how are you even my sister” giving her a serious “sure”, and getting up before she can speak, “I'm going to get ready” Alfred follows you to your room to make sure.

Getting your bag, looking at yourself in the mirror.

I wish I won, “miss are you done?” Alfred said in the hallway, actually respecting your bounders.

The watch tower,

Everyone glaring at you with disgust, those stupid heroes think they are better than everyone. I never imagined heroes to be such divas'

suddenly black canary came and extended her hand... confused for a minute, finally getting it and you shook her hand back. she smirks at your response before throwing you to the other side of the room, earning laughter from everyone.

That actually hurt “wth...” confused and hurt from what she did, “you trust too fast, how naïve of you” smirking at you once again before handing you her hand again.

Getting up without her help, giving her a bitter look, and walking off immediately after that, I would’ve never done that to anyone in my life and I’M THE VILLAIN. anger filling your heart by the second.

stopping in your tracks to see your little sister laughing with shazam and booster gold... and a couple of other heroes, she must be popular or something eh.. she got the life I wanted her to get... everyone to their own in the end

walking again, searching for something interesting to look at, shazam approaching you

“hey you are the new member? the villain one” rolling your eyes “yup that’s me”

a weird hint of red covers his face “nice to meet you, I’m shazam” he extends his hand

“you do know I'm a villain, right?” confused at his kindness and kinda scared to do the same mistake...hehe...

“I know... but I believe everyone can change -smiles- “ he gives you a genuine smile, “don't mind shazam he's young and doesn't really understand life because once a villain always a villain,” your dear sister said.

“and who asked for your opinion, you're really getting on my nerves” trying your best to control yourself “I'm really sorry for Batman for believing in you... who knows what you’re planning now?” worry covers her face but deep inside you can see her smirk.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to listen, “Sweetheart why don't you go play with your hero friends” trying to act sweet but your anger is clearly starting to control you.

“You really didn't change one bit and I bet everything I have that you are planning something bad” she didn’t even bother hiding her smirk this time because she knows everyone on her side already.

what a bitch.

“what? I’ve always been like this? what did you tell them too? that I sold you to the villains? wow, you are worse than me... they should've taken your soul instead” really amused by this, who knew she was that evil? “as much as I like chatting with you dear sister, I have matters to attend to” waving goodbye to her.

silence roamed the room.

walking away searching for batman, that hurt, she wasn’t wrong I am planning something but when she was with me, I treated her with nothing but love and care... all of this was for her...

--------------------------

I might write a part 3 someday but now I’m trying to edit all the chapters I already wrote to ‘clean’ my book on Wattpad. once I finish with those I’ll start publishing the new ones.

if you like it please tell me, and reblog 🖤

[thevampsworld96]

I'm Home - BWS

Hey, everyone. hope you are alright and doing well. I hope you had a good week. Sorry I haven't posted anything. I just needed time to think things out as I have ren out of ideas. Back again with another imagine, which I do hope you all enjoy and love it. I do have a few ideas for more imagines but leta sew how this one doea.

I really hope you enjoy this one and as j always say to you all I am opened to any ideas so you can send in your request.

Please enjoy and take care see you next time and please take care.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

You spent most of the day cleaning up the flat as you had your friends over while Brad, your boyfriend, was away on tour. He has been gone for six weeks, and yes, you missed so bad you counted down the days. You thought about him all the time, was he alright? Was he safe he safe did he have everything wotj with him? Those were the thoughts that played through his head.

Before leaving, Brad asked you to come with him, but you had deadlines and couldn't get the time off to go away with them, so your only option was to stay back. As much as you missed him and thought about him constantly, you were counting down the days for him to come home and be with you once again.

Just before Brad leaving you couldn't help but cry, you wanted to go with him but things were just so hard and your hob was important and Brad understood that and respected the reason as to why you needed to stay back. He made a promise to you that he would call you and when he could and message you even though it wasn't the same, but without a fail, he did all that just as he promised.

As the weeks went by, you spoke to him everyday he checked up on you constantly.

"Hey baby, how's the world tour going?"

You asked him with a huge smile on your face as you were face time call with him.

"It's going bloody amazing, loving every single moment of it. The people here are so lovely and kind and have amazing energy during the gigs are just amazing and fun but I do miss you like fucking crazy, I wish you were here"

He says to you, with sweat running down his body. Brad arrived at the hotel as he was getting changed after the show. While he does this, he videos call you and makes suew your dookg well.

"Aww, I really miss you too, baby, but we will be back together very soon, I promise, my darling. I know you struggle with goodbye, but we will be back together soon"

He says to you with a promising firm look on his face. He got changed into a while t-shirt as he was going out with the boys. You know that he likes to be comfortable after every show and chill out with the others.

The pair of you spoke for an hour before he had to go out for a night out and you wanted to go to bed due to the time being different. It was either for hours ahead or a couple of hours back, depending on which country he was in, but you always made time to have a catch-up with each other. You did miss deeply, but having video calls whenever it was convenient for the pair of you made things a lot easier to handle.

You always have your friends over in the weekends to kill the boredom and the loneliness it made forget about Brad being away, but you thought about him and spoke about him most of the night it helped you alot.

Meanwhile, the weeks went by with the blink of an eyes and finally Bradley was coming home. The excitement was definitely building up inside of you the whole time. You were able to get some time off well it was only 2 days but that was enough for you.

You received a text message from Brad while you were cleaning the flat while vibing to some music, which always helped you focus. It was there to keep you calm and relaxed while you did all the housework.

While busy cleaning, you noticed your phone vibrating and flashing. It was a text coming through, you saw the name and then a smile appearing on your face you ran to the phone picked it and Brad's texting you from the airport.

"Hey darling, getting on the plane now will text you when I land. I can't wait to see you have you back inside my arms again. I've got so much to say to you. I should be landing back in the UK around 11 pm. I hope you will be able to wait up. If not, I'd totally understand my darling chat soon. Love you x"

You couldn't help but smile as you scanned through the text while cleaning. You quickly text back and then got back to work again as you wanted everything to look so perfect.

Once all the house was done, you got ready. You had plans to surprise Brad tonight. Yes, he would be exhausted and jet lag, but you will make him relax in another way. You had a shower and got dressed and put on the back mesh lingerie set you have brought ages ago but never had the chance to wear it, but eventually, the perfect time was found.

The time finally came as Brad messaged you back informing you that he had landed. You put on satin robe and sure the shared bedroom looked on point and clean of course. You changed the bedding lit some sented candles and dimmed the lights.

Your phone flashed and vibrated as Brad messaged you informing you he landed.

"Hey Love finally landed not long now and we will be together again see you very soon my darling x"

Again, you scanned through the message. Now you couldn't help but smile the day that you have been waiting for from the moment he left was finally here. Waves of excitement rushed through your veins.

The footsteps accursed, and the sounds of keys and luggage running through the floors grabbed your attention. You are now got ready to greet your man. The front door opened wide, and he came walking in, realising shortly you there to greet him.

You ran into his arms, wrapping your arms around each other. I'm just so happy to be back. He kissed you as he held you tight into his chest. He kissed you on the temples a few times and then moved down to your lips they were short but you didn't care he was back home with you again. You missed this, and you didn't want to let go of him for one minute.

"Welcome home my baby"

You say to him in between kisses. He then removed arms so he can caress your face.

"Hey my darling, oh, I'm so glad to have you back"

He says to you with a smile on and you nearly had tears of joy.

"Oh my love, don't cry, I'm home where I belong"

He says to you while kissing heavily once again. He wanted you so badly.

"You must exhausted baby, why don't I run you a relaxing bath and then I'll make you something to do eat"

You offered to him.

"I love the sound of that, my darling,"

He says to you with a cute smile on his face. You then drag him to the bathroom.

While Brad was in the you waited for him patiently, you know he loved having a long bath every time he came home from tour it was chance for him to unwind and relax his body all the running around and performing not to mention and the different time zone.

You got in to position you laid down on the bed with your satin robe, which covered your floral sexy lingerie dress that you had on for a few hours now. The excitement for you having him in bed was radiating all over the body. You really needed Brad as being away has made you want to have sex with him.

While you wait, you hear him come out of the bathroom and make his way to the shared bedroom.

"Y/N, where are you?"

You heard him.

"I'm in the bedroom, Brad. I need you to come as I got a surprise for you"

You shouted from the room. You undid your robe, revealing only your cleavage and a bit of your lingerie.

Brad couldn't stop looking at you. His lips were slightly parted. He walked over to you slowly and calmly, and you did the same. You put your hand around the back of his neck while he placed his hands on waist he pulled you close towards his body he was in his boxers only, which made things a lot easier for you already.

"I'm loving this image, my love"

He says to you.

"I was hoping you would, my baby . I missed you so much, I've missed you in bed with me"

You said to him.

"Believe me, I have totally these lonely nights without you in my arms it was killing me babygirl but I am back now, and I'm not going anywhere"

He says to you while moving in closer to kiss, but you moved a step back he groaned as you did.

"You got a lot to make it up to me, Mr. leaving me all alone"

You said while pouting at him sadly. He then moved closer towards you, and you pulled you again close towards him.

"Well, I'd better get started than don't I, sweetheart."

He said.

"Indeed you did, baby."

Brad got to work his hands, removed the robe you had on you had on, let it fall down to the ground, not really bothered, where it fell. Your bodies were glued together while your lips touched into a strong, passionate, sweet kiss, which got deeper and deeper the pair of you, then fell on to the bed while lips still glued together.

His body hovering over yours while fighting with your tongue. You wrapped your legs around his waist, not wanting to let you go he had you where he wanted you, and you were not ready to let him go Brad then moved down to your neck kissing your neck while nibbling on your skin which made you moan. He was now thrusting in to you while he entered you, and hearing your sweet moans, he has missed those gorgeous sounds.

"I have missed this"

You say to him while your eyes closed.

"Please don't bloody stop"

You said to him. You grabbed a bunch of his curls, which were still wetb from the shower he had a few moments ago.

"I want you and need you so bad"

He says to you.

"So do I oh my god"

You moan out once nore.

"I'm home now, my darling, and I'm not planning on going anywhere unless you come with me"

He says to you while laying on your tummy. Both of you were panting heavily. The way he filled you with pleasure was the beat feeling.

"I'm glad you're home, my swwet love"

You said to him while running your hands through his hair, and the pair of you remained in that position throughout the night...

[killemwithluck]

What is Borderline? 

Borderline is self hatred. People with BPD want friendship and intimacy, just like anyone. But we hate ourselves so deeply it becomes unfathomable that anyone would want that in return. We attach quickly. We love hard. And we would do anything for our people. But the idea of those people caring about us goes against everything we believe, so we are rarely able to see the truth. 

Borderline is confusing. It is not being able to trust things when they are good. Being unable to internalize the love and appreciation we are shown. Being continually bounced between two diametrically opposed voices in our heads. One tells us that you are amazing and that we have found a friendship that is unshakable. The other screams at us that it is all fake. There is no FUCKING way this person ACTUALLY enjoys our company. It isn’t possible that we are cared about because we are EVIL pieces of shit. There is no middle ground.

Borderline is anxiety. It is having full blown panic attacks when our friends make new friends, because there is no way this doesn’t signal the end for us. It is picking up on every sideways glance, change in tone and shift in body language and thinking we MUST have done something wrong. They have to be growing bored or irritated with us. How could they not? We feel worthless and are definitely not worth their time. 

Borderline is exhausting. It is tormenting ourselves with the inevitability of horrible outcomes in every relationship. Because they are the only REAL possibilities. Everyone will leave us, because they all hate us. You want to see abandonment issues? Forget to message your close BPD friend. You will witness the worst insecurity a person can have. That is if we don’t blow up your inbox before you get the chance to forget, which we probably will. Because with Borderline we freak out more as each second passes, wondering what we did wrong, even though everything is probably fine. 

Borderline is terrifying. It is slamming our heads against the wall over and over for just a moment of reprieve from the voice telling us everyone is out to get us. It is repeatedly switching between idolizing and despising the people who mean the most to us. They are the light of our world, but how COULD they take so long to get back to us? It is never being able to trust our judgment about a person we value, constantly and desperately trying to re-center our thinking from one of two extremes. 

Borderline is insecurity. It is deeply fearing that the people we love will leave us. It consumes us. We frantically try to keep it from happening. We become overbearing, codependent, and in need of too much reassurance. We manifest our greatest fears, sabotaging great friendships to avoid losing them. 

Borderline is dangerous. It is being devastated multiple times a day. Throwing ourselves onto the floor and sobbing as the chaos in our heads spirals into an incomprehensible web of self hatred and garbage. It is unbearably painful, driving us to impulsive attempts at throwing it all away. ANYTHING so long as we don’t have to continue to feel this. Don’t worry. We will be back on top of the world in a few minutes. Maybe…

Borderline is psychosis. It’s rocking for hours, looking for a reprieve from the inner madness that will never come. It is being unable to determine what is real amongst the barrage of delusions assaulting our brains. With Borderline, we can’t trust our own head. It fails us too often, convincing us the world is something different than it really is. Something much scarier. 

Ten percent of people with Borderline will kill themselves. This is the highest suicide rate of any mental illness. It rarely shows up alone and loves to party. Ninety-six percent of BPD sufferers also have a mood disorder like Bipolar I or Schizophrenia, making symptom management extremely difficult. 

If you love someone who has Borderline, please be patient. We ARE trying. We don’t want to be this way. We don’t want to feel this torment. We have therapies to utilize and tools that help bring us back to center. They help us feel normal or at least fake it.

Being friends with us isn’t all bad. We are creative, empathetic, passionate and loyal people. We are intuitive, usually the first to notice when you are having an off day. And we will go to the ends of the earth to make it better, though you may not want us to. We will be one of the best friends you ever find, even if we are also the craziest.

[the-indigo-writes]

(trigger warnings for death, blood, scars, and mentioned emotional and implied physical abuse.)

From the far-up window, Seraphina Summers gazed at the purple twilight and its blazing red horizon. It was unsettling to her; not the fires and the horrors of the probable end of the world, but the fact that she felt justified in letting it happen.

All the other supers were dead. It had come down to the valiant Summers family, all of them the best and the bravest at what they did. When Scott and Melissa had met, they were the most beloved and powerful supers of their day. But they had witnessed how age decayed the value of heroes, and when the public tossed someone away, they could never bring themselves to be triumphant again. So to avoid such a fate, the two agreed to craft a fake love story and begin the most legendary super family, and create a neverending legacy. Their children would be just as gifted, just as powerful, and just as willing to pass their talent to the next generation. And for Savvy, Soren, and Sterling, the plan had worked... but Seraphina held nothing supernatural in her blood, and she had no desire to bring children into such a fucked-up way of life.

Not that any of it mattered now. The battle was just beginning, and they all knew how it would end.

The elevator doors slid open behind Seraphina. Savvy stumbled out, clutching the women's father. Scott groaned as blood trickled from his forehead. A glowing alien blade protruded from his calf.

"It's true," Savvy gasped. "Their defenses are arranged completely unpredictably. They change every two hours. Access to their base is nearly impossible, and information is inaccessible due to the scrambled signal."

Seraphina did not turn. She wasn't hearing anything she didn't already know. "Find any remaining medical personnel for the old man. I'll gather everyone. It's time for last-ditch efforts."

"Look at me, Sera."

Silence. She didn't move. The fire burned green with foreign fervor.

A defeated sigh. "This is Summer Violet calling for any medical personnel. Report to the observation deck for multiple injuries..."

*~*

The six Summers huddled around unnervingly clean chairs and sofas. Scott and Soren were both heavily bandaged. The invasion had begun two days ago, and every scouting mission had been a failure. The alien enemy was gaining ground quickly. The city had been evacuated, but not without considerable losses.

"So, we draw a grave conclusion," Seraphina decided. "There is no infiltrating or breaking the ranks of enemy armies, and there is no information to be gleaned about their base, their leaders, their intentions, anything. They're a complete mystery to us, and they're kicking our asses."

"There's no way to get more outside help?" Melissa asked desperately. "No contact with teams from neighboring counties?"

"All forms of efficient communication are blocked," Soren said.

Sterling shook his head and took his mother's hand. "We need to face it," he said, softly but firmly. "There are no alternatives. We need to bring out everything we have. We need to make sacrifices."

Savvy shook her head feverishly. "Not every solution has been exhausted yet. We should-"

"Stop trying to find a way around it," Seraphina cut in. "We are at that point, friends. We have nothing else to do."

Scott sighed deeply and brokenly. "Oh, my dears. I've failed."

Tears gathered in everyone's eyes. "You are not a failure," Sterling reassured. His chest shook.

Savvy reached for Soren's shoulder. Her brother stared at the floor. "Damn this stupid world," he muttered. "Why does everyone hate it so?"

Seraphina stood watching silently. Melissa Summers looked at her youngest child. "I am so sorry."

You should be, Seraphina thought. She chose her words carefully. "I am sorry too. And I wish you could have been saved."

Scott looked away in shame.

"We had no reason to believe you," Soren argued. "We felt we shouldn't have wasted..."

"No," Sterling cut in. "No, we have to let go of our pride. Seraphina, we were wrong. We were stupidly, fatally wrong to think you would lie about something this big. We should have listened to your warning. And we are sorry enough to pay for it."

Sadness scratched at Seraphina's heart. Of her siblings, Sterling was always the nicest. They were the closest in age, and when they realized that Sera would never be what they wanted her to, Sterling refused to treat her much differently. But he was not free of all guilt.

Seraphina nodded mournfully. "Either way," she said, "It ends today."

Savvy whimpered. No doubt she was thinking about her spouse and children, and that Soren was doing the same. They had been the first to evacuate; the family needed a failsafe, after all.

"A few more tears and a few more words," Scott announced, "then we meet our fates."

*~*

Five of the six Summers floated above Eternal Sun Tower. Though each of them had slightly different gifts- speed to Melissa, pure strength to Soren, future sight to Sterling, and so on- they all had the same energy coursing through their veins, a bright streak of other-worldliness that burned destiny into their bones. And it was said that, when the force of such energy was combined. sheer force unknown to man could be displayed and erase anything in its path. Including those who wielded it.

Seraphina traced the scar on her arm where a special Super-doctor had cut her open, only to reveal that she possessed no such energy. And she remembered the years that followed; the insistence that she was still their family, followed by the teasing, the pushing, the dismissal, the drunken rages. She was a map of every bit of abuse thrown her way, and she crafted a ruthless leader from the path it had created.

The once-purple sky now grew black and empty, only to be punctuated by pure white glow, so bright and searing that it felt illegal to witness.

Seraphina watched only for a moment before turning to the self-driving car. She got in, entered the coordinates, and calmly settled in for the ride.

A scream of agony rose from the enemy hoards. Surely they were dying in unspeakable pain. Their base, their technology, their entire army, it would all be nothing very soon. And so would the legendary Summer Supers.

Seraphina exhaled as all her pain shattered into glorious sacrifice.

You were born without powers, which made you the black sheep of your superhero family. Eventually, you became the director of an agency that deals with superheroes (a la Nick Fury), and now you are the boss of the family that shunned and picked on you.

[novemberdevils]

We are back to our daily puck drop and intermission thoughts while waiting for ch4 to drop, so im writing this on two different days because I fell asleep during the second period-2AM puck drop is Brutal- so enjoy my different day commentary, I written this on three different days as this is probably the most cursed comment because I somehow managed to give myself food poisoning and then spent two days in the hospital because I couldn’t eat or drink without vominting but hey now im better and with a ch4 as a gift.

“I think you and Hischier have both lost your minds.” Quinn with the quote of the year because they both actually have lost it, I feel like jack feeling that it’s bigger than him and about him so true and he shouldn’t have to explain it because come on since when do emotions make sense?, “Put you in a good place,” if I was jack I wouldve smacked quinn because me and them are the same and putting them in a good place would lead to putting me under a good place- I know he doesn’t mean it like this but it irked me-, oh shit quinn retiring without telling jack hurts like yeah sure he doesn’t HAVE to tell him but it does feel like a betrayal, but knowing that my brother retired from him he knew about the news from the media; it feels in a way diminished jack to being the same as everyone else-I know that it doesn’t work like that but that’s your sibling so it must be different for him-, it feels weird reading that quinn decided to take the “easy” way by retiring than being dropped and in this season a million driver has been dropped like there is some funny side to quinn retiring 😂, I feel like quinn sees himself in jack that’s why he would tell him to not do the stuff he did; let people dedicate what he does and to not be so consumed by media he wants to protect his little brother from experiencing the same fate he got.

JACK VISTED NICO!! But this is getting repetitive but my god is nico hot; I feel like im betraying my Ferrari feelings by falling for nico but how can I not??, I need you to tell me about what nico thinks when he sends jack his room number knowing that he would inevitably come does he enjoy it?, nico really?? Like you have jack who came to your room to have sex and you decide to talk about his brother?? I wouldve walked out it wouldn’t have mattered if it was nico or someone else it’s such a turn off, nico is hot my goddess stop his hotness, jack thinking about how he wants to have his marks on nico as a revenge but I feel like nico would wear them with pride and would go without covering them, “But I know you miss it just as much.” BAD NICO BAD, they were so close to talking about what they’re doing but unfortunately they are cowards who want to fuck and not talk, also I need jack to stop being to unreliable because nico cannot be as cruel as jack thinks, jack knows why he is doing this but doesn’t want to think deeply because it would be too much for him to deal with is so on brand, “You’re so cute, Jack,” Nico says, stuck in the strange limbo between cruel and earnest that only Nico Hischier could create. “If you wanted to stop, then you’d stop showing up at my door.” Nico stop being hot challenge has FAILED like saying he can stop it any time he wants but also knowing that he will never do it is insane, omg those two need to talk about their Scenes like it’s borderline stupid to not be talking, but anyways nico clocking that jack likes go be called a good boy who is surprised? Not me that’s for sure, at this point nico would gift jack a collar without even talking about anything like boys come on, and the way jack feels like when he is with  nico the world slows down for a bit to let him take a mich needed breath like INASNE, also comparing nico to racing?? Nico has jack right where he wants him,  “Fuck, Jack, could you breathe?” Boys I have been YELLING for you to talk because of this exact scenario; but maybe this would make jack thinks about buying that damned heavy blanket, “You’re insane,” nico really? Like apart from the fact that you are doing whatever the fuck you are doing; you tace in cars that reach 350km/h for fun you HAVE to be insane to do it, nico liking jack more when he is plaint fork found in the kitchen etc etc, the Scene make me want to scream like it’s so well written im obsessed, “Pillow princess,” NICO!! Also come on you can’t be surprised that he is a pillow princess, and it takes Jack a second to realize it’s the hand that’s been covered in his fucking come. fucking insane behaviour from both oh my fucking god, nico feeling like jack is going to kill him because imagine someone you have been hooking up and you think that he is so gorgeous then he does this his tongue darts out of his mouth to catch some of the stray come around his lips. Btw this was the supposed puck drop and intermission but I have fallen asleep.

While reading the quali session I feel so nervous that I feel like throwing up but I have no idea if it’s because the poisoning is still there or because of the nervousness, ALSO FERRARI 1-2!! Yayyy, how are those two somehow are managing to not give themselves away? Like they try really hard to mention each other in their interviews and saying this stuff to interviewers “Nico’s starting in ninth?”, “Just don’t run me off the track at the start, man.” I’m tired I WILL cry when I read the dnf, omg I forgot about the tkachuk and grosjean I laughed and hurt my stomach my god indy is Something else like the way that there is at least four incidents that I could think of where two drivers have fought together is insane, trevor POLE!! Making me happy over a McLaren driver is sock behaviour, honestly still too tired but I feel like the matthew and grosjean fight happened irl but I can’t remember who was involved, oh no I have started the race and the dnf in near I don’t want to continue tears are already gathering in my eyes, “Still on Plan A?” I have trauma I flinched reading this,NOOOOOO I HAVE REACHED IT 💔💔 I was thinking that maybe it was a prank and that you changed but no it’s the reality, ARE THEY BOTH ALRIGHT? (PAUSE) I CAN SEE SAINZ OUT OF HIS CAR, BUT JACK ISN’T. IS HE OKAY? Insane behaviour as usual from both, reading jack’s in the media pen made me remember how much I hate when a driver crashes but he is expected to give an interview and be good in that interview, uh idk if it was on the radio or not but i’m at the corner where jack crashed and it sounded like he was screaming 22 France is something I will never forget watching it live and hearing that scream is haunting me even now, oh my fucking god jase is making me so MAD like I will end up somehow involving myself in the fic just so I can fight her, [RUSSELL]: CRIKEY. Please stop making me laugh it hurts 😂 I love russell’s Britishess it always sounds unreal.

People who rewatch crashes are insane like how can you rewatch someone’s crash even when you know everyone who was involved is okay, it’s fate or nico being a stalker that they ended up in the same club, but my god I know it’s America and f1 isn’t as famous but really boys touching each other like this in PUBLIC??, “Hope you and your boyfriend have a good night.” OH MY GOD even this stranger thinks that they are boyfriends, jack assuming the worst who is surprised because it definitely not me, “Why not someone from Ferrari? Sainz, maybe?” Nico even me who has Ferrari winning the wcc and wdc is not this delusional to think even if they won they would go out together, taking an uber together insane behaviour-it’s getting repetitive like how much more insane behaviour they will do?-, jack egocentric strikes again like love him will die for him and I know he will win it all but he is so egocentric it’s funny sometimes, THOSE TWO WTF??? Nico dragging jack to his room because he isnt done with talking like????, “I can’t let you go to bed angry.” Nico I have questions how in love are you and do you realise that you are in love or are you doing the jack way in burying every emotion?, take a shot every time jack says fuck you and you will have alcohol poisoning at the end, those two need to talk before they have sex again because it’s borderline safe word necessary, I want to be good for something. I want someone to say I’m not just a failure who threw everything away. I want someone to say I’m more than all of that. I want you to say I’m more than all of that. I want to forget about what happened on the circuit and leave this city forever. I want to not think. I want to never think again. I want— I want— oh jack my love💔 his inner thoughts always hurt me because they are always stuff that everyone deserves to have, jack I don’t know how to tell you this but nico thinking you are pathetic is impossible, and we are back again with my nico is hot thoughts; a Ferrari driver and a Ferrari fan falling for a Redbull driver more likely to happen than you think, their Scenes are so good like wow if you heard me talking to my friends you would lose you mind but I fear that both of us are going to be banned if I let my thoughts, “Stop being fucking gentle with me!” As usual insane behaviour from both, jack feeling jealous about the pretty boy in nico’s bee when nico meant him is so funny to me, “You know what you’re doing.” No he has no fucking clue about what is he doing nico I hate to break it to you, Behind him, Nico laughs. It’s awful and cruel. Jack stop being so unreliable because I know that he didn’t laugh cruelly, oh my god jack what the fuck??? Like the condom probably was the only sane thing you have done and now you decided to fucking throw it away?, “Underneath me. Always underneath me, even here.” NICO???? The headache is from me being sick or from those two I have no clue.

We have finally finished the chapter even when the world was trying to stop me but we have imola next my favourite like one chapter that is only imola I love that for me.

hello anon i hope you're feeling better!! you said you were better here and now this ask is a couple days old lol so i hope you are feeling Even better. i banned myself from answering these until i finished my finals and i turned my list one in today #yippee so now i can do whatever i want with my spare time for the rest of the year. wonderful times

quinn is so real. jack and nico have both lost their minds. and yeah i will be totally honest about the interview scene where jack contradicts himself i didn't realize he had blatantly contradicted himself until after i finished writing it? but all of it was real so i left it in. he's allowed to contradict himself. as he said himself, nothing that he said was untrue!

the quinn-jack relationship is a wee bit complicated i guess? i could go on about it for maybe ever. i will very briefly. quinn is all aboard the Jack Can You Please Have Some Self-Confidence train due in part to the fact that yes he does see himself in jack, and he doesn't want jack to end up in the same place as he did. aka retiring but fake-retiring but also retire-quitting but also getting backed into a corner it is a very complicated narrative that keeps unraveling itself without my permission i don't know -- i mentioned it in ch4 that quinn also used to do the whole searching his own name thing after races when he was still in NASCAR even though he knew people were saying mean things about him, so he hates that jack does it because he knows what it feels like to be there. and it sucks. and he wishes jack would Not do that and would just like. Not Care. but alas. maybe it's genetic

nico is hot and you should say it. even if jack Will Not. i've implied that he thinks so like twice or something but he always cuts himself off before the thought properly manifests

heehhehehe. hehe. he. on nico sending jack his room number. it is a bit complicated! and this is actually what i was rambling to myself about while i was htmling ch4 -- it helps me to speak it into the universe sometimes, then i end up drawing a bunch of crazy conclusions lol -- and most of it will remain Secret for now. i intend to have nico tell jack what he was thinking at some point in the fic (i haven't decided exactly when yet, but at some point) so i don't want to spoil the truth. and there is a scene i've written for monaco that pokes the idea very gently with a stick only to let it stay asleep

also nico is stupid. next question

no talking for these idiots... only doing sex and ignoring everything that surrounds it... very complicated times... in my html self-yap session i did manage to pinpoint a more exact motivation for nico which will also remain a secret i'm just being mean and alluding to thoughts in my brain because i'm Evil but i don't know. if he was the narrator character he would probably also be unreliable. even if he thinks he knows what he wants. i don't think jack thinks he knows what he wants because he's too busy pretending he doesn't want anything at all. they are both my wonderful idiots and i care them

nico is not as cruel as jack thinks he is. though. i will give you that

they're both insane. have i already posted the scene where jack essentially says the same thing? about how they all have to be insane to drive race cars? i think he was talking to quinn. who knows. i've reached the point with this fic where you could bring up a scene from an earlier chapter to me and i would have No idea what you're on about because i've written too much nonsense since then. and i've written a bunch of other scenes in my head. which makes it all very confusing. but hey i did that to myself

NICO'S STARTING IN NINTH? totally not a reference to the miami grand prix of whatever the fuck. 23? sure. the one where mr max verstappen ran it to first from ninth. nico did not run it to first but i totally stole that entire qualifying incident just for fun. and then i crashed jack's entire car. oops!

indy my beloved that type of stuff definitely happens a lot over there but i was thinking of an incident that was i think will power and scott dixon? from 2023 also iirc. i don't remember what track it was at but dixon wiped power off the circuit and he gave him the double bird. also that season (icr if it was the same race) somebody (maybe also will power?) straight up told the media they were going to punch grosjean or something which is objectively hilarious. i love indycar. so of course i had to include some good old-fashioned indycar fights, and trevor is The Window into the indycar world as far as being in jack's pov is concerned. but the entire indycar subplot is a massive exercise in self-indulgence. like this entire fic isn't just that anyways...

yeah more blatant references i remember watching that race lmao RIP to the french grand prix 💔 what a way to go out

i love making george say british things. crikey! blimey! he's a cartoon character sorry

it's fate. probably. in my head nico was there first. and he was out with some red bull guys (in my head it's like mechanic guys nico is friendly with), and then he just kind of up and disappeared. i like to imagine they were all very confused (even though nico said they wouldn't notice/care) and they all bugged him about it afterwards. and nico was like. haha. yeah. i felt. sick? but they all think he picked up because his face is like bright red. more nonsense scenes that only exist in my head

i could not resist the Stranger Boyfriend Clock. a wonderous trope. it's what they get for being STUPID! i did make jack say fuck you a lot. he was in a mood. that is a drinking game that will surely end in alcohol poisoning though. this scene is one of the ones that i spent a stupid amount of time fiddling around with in my head before i started writing it, and the fuck youisms were around since the first iteration. in all their redundancy, i could not part with them... and i know all the shit they're doing is some in real life would require a conversation type shit but i am just fucking around. maybe i need to make a note in the fic notes or something idk fanfiction is fanfiction is fanfiction they are for sure being unsafe but also narrative-wise i think jack would lose his shit if nico tried to have a real conversation about it with him. would kind of throw a wrench in his whole This Isn't Happening schtick. uhhh i think it's imola but some of nico's dialogue implies that he thinks they should talk about it but he never Really tries to start the conversation (for reasons that spoil his Super Secret motivations) but he has resigned to attempting to read jack's body language since he tried to be nice about it in miami and jack like lost his shit about it. moral of the story is they are both Dumb and Do Not be them unsafe sex up the wazoo. bro threw a whole entire condom ON THE FLOOR! which was in fact crazy work but now that i have dug that grave i must lie in it

ANYWAYS. great tangent. hope you enjoyed. what a time to be alive i hope you enjoy/ed imola the craziness only continues to get crazier

[astranotaanima]

I think 'Kids' by Rich Brian is a masterpiece

I'm not a music aficionado nor a huge fans of Rich Brian, I don't know many of his songs nor his albums, but his music 'Kids' REALLY hits me in the core.

As a big dreamer, a man who always grinds to make my dream come true, 'Kids' makes me feel something within. It sparks passion, hitting me with a sense of pride for myself for taking the tough journey to reach the top, and most importantly, it gives me the grit and courage I need to keep my fire burning, to keep chasing what I feel it's destined for me: to make a legacy, to make a name for myself, and to inspire and give impact to other people through my craft.

“Everyone's tryna make hits, I'm just tryna make music. You know, the kind that makes you feel when you listen to it?”

When I said there's something special from Kids, I think it's because I personally can relate to his lyric. That sentence above is what I've been doing too. I don't want to make money and farming views, subscriptions, fans, likes, and comments from my work. I just want to do what I really love doing—honing my skills, mastering my craft, and hopefully creating something that gives people emotion and impact through my work.

With Kids, I can really relate to the feeling of 'don't care about anything, I just want to do my own thing' that he speaks through. Yes, we need the money from our works, but that's the main point. It never will, and it never will be. I just want to create something I am deeply passionate about, and I hope people can feel my passion too.

"If my vision ain't scarin' me, then I don't go for it. Fuck bein' one the greatest, I'm tryna be the greatest one"

He believes he's going to be the greatest one, and he'll try to make it happen or die trying. And that's what I and probably millions of other big dreamers are trying to do—to make a name for themselves, to become a legend, and to create a legacy that'll last for generations.

Rich Brian rephrased Ad Maiora Natus Sum with his own bar, and we felt it in our core with each and every word.

“Tell these Asian kids they could do what they want. Might steal the mic at the GRAMMYs just to say we won. That everyone can make it, don't matter where you from”

This sentence is what I think is the most powerful bar in the whole song. 

When I said Kids give me grit and courage, this is the part where I literally stand up straight, clench my fist, and am ready to conquer the world. I don't know about you, but I really felt this lyric is so honest, so encouraging, and so motivating without being preachy. 

I'm a 33-yo man, but I really feel like the Asian kids he mentions. Hearing this lyric never fails to ignite and motivate me to keep grinding, keep honing, and keep mastering my craft.

Even though I have lots of disadvantages, Kids make me believe I can be what I want to be, I can make my dream come true, I can make my own legacy, and I can be the greatest one. I can inspire lots and lots of people with my craft.

And I think not many forms of art, whether it's music, books, films, or videos, can really have that much of an impact on me.

"I'm makin' songs that'll probably outlive us for generations"

When he said this, he's not lying. I'll never forget the feeling that he give through Kids. I will carry its spirit and his message in each and every step of my journey.

And I thank you deeply for that, Rich Brian!

[oke-eleven]

Historical Pastiche

I rapped on the door again, harder this time. It would be easier if he didn’t answer, if I could cut off everything with no regard for loose ends, but I knew he’d be awake. Late hours were his favorite; time to work, time to be alone. He’d never sacrifice them for sleep.

Shuffling feet turned into a fumbling click and the door opened a crack, smoke wafting out the top of the frame as a sweaty mop peered out from inside.

“Ah Dominika! I thought you’d be busy tonight.”

Petr looked as he usually did when working. White smock adorned with splotches from colorful accidents over wrinkled day clothes. Red flecks decorated his face and stood out against the deep brown eyes. Everyone else in his family had blue.

“Wasn't expecting a visitor but you’re a pleasant surprise, I’ve got some sausage ready to be—”

I don't have time for this now. “I’m leaving. You and this country.”

He turned with a stupidly incredulous look, never one to feign nonchalance.

“Look, if I did something to upset you that much I deeply—”

“My family was taken.” Now I had his undivided attention.

“When did it happen?”

“Earlier tonight, I was heading back from Maria’s and heard a commotion on our street. I hid along an alley further back. After a few minutes their trucks tore by and I waited an hour to be sure they weren't coming back. The house was empty when I arrived. They didn't even have the decency to shut the door as they left.”

“Your father? And Jan too?”

“No they left the potential accomplice and informant behind, of course they took him too!”

How efficient he is at irritating me, but I can’t afford to thrash him right now.

“You talked to your father about me, no? He probably asked some very particular questions about my family and personal life, just out of curiosity of course.”

Petr looked at me quizzically. The utter naïveté.

“He reached out first but it wasn’t anything important. For once he seemed interested so yes I told him some things, but I swear it wasn't anything serious.”

Petr you poor fool, one day with no kicks and suddenly you’re begging at masters feet.

“You didn’t think about what he might do with this information?”

“I don't know what he’d do with it.”

Everybody knows damn it. When your father is a wealthy public official and associates himself with high-ranking party members and military officers, you don't need to think hard about what he might trade in to earn that position.

“You don’t have to leave Domi, you can stay here. I’m sure we can figure something out. I know he's stern sometimes but he’s honest, he wouldn’t do this! If we ask my father I’m sure—“

“Don’t act like a fucking child! Are you really that stupid or do you just want to ignore every sharp edge the world has? How often do people ever come back from their interrogations, much less Jews!?

For the first time in our short lives together Petr looked at me with what appeared as genuine shame, or an excellent mask of it. He spoke up sheepishly.

“What will you do then?”

“Travel south through Austria then continue into Italy, ideally as far as Venice before the year is done. I studied there shortly before Jan was born and have established contacts.”

“I’ve heard the canals are beautiful.” Idiot.

It was a lie. Mother’s family were Poles living in France, they had already agreed to shelter us should father run afoul of people with any power. Once in Paris I’d make my own way. It was always a possibility one of us would be traveling alone, but now that I’m really doing it…

“You can stop and grieve when you need to.” Insufferable.

“I can’t, I need to keep moving, stopping lets the thoughts sneak in and I…I can’t afford that right now.” Cut it off, cut off everything.

Before he can start with some unwelcome platitude I pull out the single item I brought him and launch into my final prepared spiel. It was what he truly needed to hear. If this last attempt fails then my efforts were completely wasted.

“Sometimes I was harsh with you but it was well deserved. I tried to turn you into something greater than you ever had the capacity to be. I failed in that task, and I’m sorry. You can’t put a baby who hasn’t learned to walk on their feet, and you can’t poise a man with no legs of his own upright. Useless in all that mattered, a superb waste of a soul. I bestow upon you the ultimate shame. I also grant you one final opportunity to show that you are human, and therefore have the agency for even a single significant choice.”

It had to be sharp. It had to cut through every layer of self pity and cleanly shear his mind. I was finally done with him. I placed a golden metal square in his palm. Good riddance.

“Ahoj Petr. I hope your complacency is rewarded and the world bends to meet your nonexistent will.”

੦

I stand where Dominika must’ve earlier that night. Her footprints traced a frantic path around the vicinity where soft soles scuttled between cavernous bootprints yet to be filled in with fresh snow. What was going through her head then? Plans no doubt, she was always planning, always thinking about the future and which way to twist its balls. Rarely was there a time she sat truly idle. Born into this world a schemer and will no doubt depart the same way. Shit. The bitch must’ve been cooking up that speech for months, making sure it would sting. I headed towards her front door.

I smell it before I’ve stepped through the entryway. She really didn’t waste any time. So eager to burn everything down and leave the trashed remnants behind? She really could’ve asked for help. I suppose this request was her own warped way of doing it. Or was it just for me?

Being inside made immediately apparent her plan. Domi’s last stop had been my place. She couldn’t have been here more than an hour and everything was ruthlessly prepared. The sweet stench of gasoline clung to every surface and chromatic puddles sat stagnant in every room.

I pulled out her last trace and stared. A zippo lighter engraved with a quail I bought at a flea market, something simple I thought she’d appreciate. With it came an elaborate history from the vendor; I gifted it to her on the basis of this hackneyed biblical metaphor I can’t remember at the moment.

“One last chance.”

I keep thumbing the metallic surface while I walk. Why can’t I put this back? I can just set it down and leave and everything…

My mind was suddenly focused on the open closet. Hidden compartments? They’re all open. Everything here is outlawed. This is real contraband. This place is a storehouse for resistance.

Was this why father was so interested in Domi, the men of the party suspected something like this?

“The police didn’t find it yet.”

They would, they’d be back in time. Should I just leave it?

No wonder she fled so quickly. Sitting around with all this mere feet away. Insanity.

My head was killing me. The fumes. I’ve inhaled too much, I need to leave.

On the table sat memorabilia taken from somewhere else. Photos off the wall, toys for a child. Tereza, Tomas, Dominika, Jan. Jan. He was only ten. They arrested him, but he’ll be fine. The evidence here will mean Tomas is surely killed, not tortured though. Right? But Jan will be okay. Surely. He’s only a child. A plucky child. A young, hopeful delight of a child. He’ll surely be okay. He doesn’t know anything. Nothing would ever happen to an innocent child. He’ll be released to live a long carefree life like children should. He’ll come back to…where? Father and mother and sister gone, where will he go?

“Ten years old…”

I can’t breathe. The fumes are suffocating me. Why can’t I see? I need to go outside.

While I had done my walkthrough the city began its gradual awakening. Back on the lawn I hear lone cars on the main avenue two streets over. It has to be now, before people wake up and the sun can melt any snow.

A lone red can sits near the garage door. So you didn’t completely finish the job for me. Carefully I pick up the can and tip, trickling a tiny river down the driveway and out to the sidewalk. I throw the can back and it thunks the wood siding and clangs the stone path.

I pull a pack of cigarettes from my jacket. Domi always hated that habit, said smoking made people too carefree and ignorant of their surroundings. Could never wholeheartedly disagree. Flicking open the lighter I hold it under the box, let the flame catch every end and drop the homemade torch, tobacco sprinkling into the puddle at my feet. A blazing trail shoots instantly from my shoes around the fence and up into the garage, igniting first the tank of the Volkswagen sitting inside, then spreading along other gasoline paths throughout the whole house. The blast shreds through wooden frames and within seconds turns the abandoned family home into a deafening inferno.

The roaring wind throws me down hard. Flat on my ass. I scramble up and flee, stumbling away as the blaze consumes everything behind me as it surely reaches for me too.

I sprint down the street as a warm snow begins to fall. I feel it on my face. I wipe away tears. The snow comes harder, the tears flow faster, the sobs begin. I can’t breathe. The smoke chokes my throat and the tears choke my eyes. Where am I running? What will I do there? I’m weeping. I’m collapsing. A wave crests and smashes me harder than the conflagration behind.

I hadn’t said it. I couldn’t say it.

“Ahoj Dominika, I hope your wake spreads and alters the current of the world.”