astranotaanima

[astranotaanima]

I think 'Kids' by Rich Brian is a masterpiece

I'm not a music aficionado nor a huge fans of Rich Brian, I don't know many of his songs nor his albums, but his music 'Kids' REALLY hits me in the core.

As a big dreamer, a man who always grinds to make my dream come true, 'Kids' makes me feel something within. It sparks passion, hitting me with a sense of pride for myself for taking the tough journey to reach the top, and most importantly, it gives me the grit and courage I need to keep my fire burning, to keep chasing what I feel it's destined for me: to make a legacy, to make a name for myself, and to inspire and give impact to other people through my craft.

“Everyone's tryna make hits, I'm just tryna make music. You know, the kind that makes you feel when you listen to it?”

When I said there's something special from Kids, I think it's because I personally can relate to his lyric. That sentence above is what I've been doing too. I don't want to make money and farming views, subscriptions, fans, likes, and comments from my work. I just want to do what I really love doing—honing my skills, mastering my craft, and hopefully creating something that gives people emotion and impact through my work.

With Kids, I can really relate to the feeling of 'don't care about anything, I just want to do my own thing' that he speaks through. Yes, we need the money from our works, but that's the main point. It never will, and it never will be. I just want to create something I am deeply passionate about, and I hope people can feel my passion too.

"If my vision ain't scarin' me, then I don't go for it. Fuck bein' one the greatest, I'm tryna be the greatest one"

He believes he's going to be the greatest one, and he'll try to make it happen or die trying. And that's what I and probably millions of other big dreamers are trying to do—to make a name for themselves, to become a legend, and to create a legacy that'll last for generations.

Rich Brian rephrased Ad Maiora Natus Sum with his own bar, and we felt it in our core with each and every word.

“Tell these Asian kids they could do what they want. Might steal the mic at the GRAMMYs just to say we won. That everyone can make it, don't matter where you from”

This sentence is what I think is the most powerful bar in the whole song. 

When I said Kids give me grit and courage, this is the part where I literally stand up straight, clench my fist, and am ready to conquer the world. I don't know about you, but I really felt this lyric is so honest, so encouraging, and so motivating without being preachy. 

I'm a 33-yo man, but I really feel like the Asian kids he mentions. Hearing this lyric never fails to ignite and motivate me to keep grinding, keep honing, and keep mastering my craft.

Even though I have lots of disadvantages, Kids make me believe I can be what I want to be, I can make my dream come true, I can make my own legacy, and I can be the greatest one. I can inspire lots and lots of people with my craft.

And I think not many forms of art, whether it's music, books, films, or videos, can really have that much of an impact on me.

"I'm makin' songs that'll probably outlive us for generations"

When he said this, he's not lying. I'll never forget the feeling that he give through Kids. I will carry its spirit and his message in each and every step of my journey.

And I thank you deeply for that, Rich Brian!

[astranotaanima]

I have deep love for the cat.

[astranotaanima]

[astranotaanima]

What do you call a person who is unable to love?

Anhedonia. Misanthrope. Philophobia. Aromanticism. Aromantic. Cupioromantic. Alexithymia.

Seven terms I never heard before pop out on Google search when I want to find out what I think is my condition: a person who is unable or cannot love deeply and passionately, even to its significant others, biological parents, or family members.

This question has already stuck in my mind since forever. I just want to know, am I alone that feels this way? From other billions of people, the probability is impossible, right? I bet somebody, somewhere, on any timeline, must have felt the same feeling that I felt.

And I always wonder, why?

What's the reason? Is it because trauma? Is it genetic? Or is it just something that I randomly inherited?

Because honestly, if you asked me, I don't even remember when is the first time or the last time I feel so deeply in love, or deeply loved by other people. I don't recall having experienced such feelings. I remember a glimpse of memory when I think, I gave other people abundant love, and I get deeply loved by other people.

I remember the memory, but never the emotion.

Never.

Such emotion never fully attached in my body, my soul, and my mind. No matter who's the person, it always feels the same. Even for someone who I think, cannot be treated as the same as other people: my wife, my parents, my siblings, or worst case scenario, my own offspring if one day I have one.

This question always bugs me because deep down inside, I know it was wrong. But alas, I can do nothing. At least for now. The best I can do is to conduct a deep and proper research, like I always do.

But you know what, it scares me.

I'm scared for my 'next' self awakening canon event since the first one kinda almost ruined my life.

Am I ready to find out the truth and the cure? Are people around me ready for my research conclusion? Will they understand? Will I be able to contain my sub-conscious urge to'manipulate' and persuade other people to give my preferred result?

But I REALLY want to know. I HAVE to know.

For my peace of mind, for my anxiety, for relationships now and the future, and for a better self-understanding. I need the answer, and I will try to find the answer sooner or later.

Perhaps when I know the answer, I can finally fix what's wrong with me. All this attachment issue, all this automated masking and faking myself in front of others.

Perhaps when I know what the fuck is wrong with me, I can finally tear down my invisible wall and I can finally, have a deep and genuine relationship with other people.

Perhaps, I can finally feel that longing feeling of wanting to be loved, or loving someone I dear the most.

[astranotaanima]

It's not there yet.

Believe me on this: things are happening when they are ready to happen. You cannot force something to make it happen; you can only make yourself ready when it is supposed to happen. Whatever you're doing will not increase the speed nor the chance of it happening faster than it is supposed to be. It WILL happen sooner or later, for better or worse, whether we're ready or not.

Now the question is: are you ready when it happens?

Is your body ready? Your mind? Your mental? Your soul? Are your desire and your stress indicator under control? Because if you're not ready when it's happening, most likely you're not going to have a second chance. Most likely, you'll never have enough time or the opportunity to experience it happening again. So my realistic advice is to treat it like it's the last time you'll see it happen. Don't hoard your time; don't wait for the perfect moment. Assest the situation and seize the chance when it happens. 

But I know, sometimes we feel like we waited too long for it to happen, and we start to wonder: Where the hell is that opportunity? If you're feeling the same as I did, please repeat this sentence:

It's not there yet.

You should have patience as big as your ambition. Understand that even though we feel like we're the most expert in our field, there's always someone who is more expert, more knowledgeable, and far better than us from every single perspective. There's always an upper limit; there's always taller mountains; there's always higher skies. We may think, well, we mostly think we are the only person who climbs the tallest mountain. We are THE man, and other people aren't shit. 

But we're not. As Tyler Durden once said, we are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. We are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We just happen to have a set of skills that most people don't, thanks to the privilege we have, whatever it is. You can't boast your privilege; it's not yours to flaunt in the first place.

So keep your heads down. Keep grinding, keep hustling, and keep focusing on upgrading and mastering your art. If the opportunity comes and you fail to seize it, then it's not there yet. YOU are not there yet. YOU are still not qualified to attain that chance. YOU still have to climb the taller mountain and reach the new height you never climbed before.

Keep your focus, and be patient with yourself. It WILL happen sooner or later.