#of a fuck about me anyway
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i;m literally so fucking done i've been trying to get a job for over a year like i've been looking nearly every day and applying everywhere i fucking can but i still haven't gotten one. i am extremely lucky to still live with my parents and not have to worry about rent or groceries but i have literally zero experience and savings i literally have 25 dollars right now and no one will hire me anf the older i get the less likely i am to find a job and im so stressed please nowhere wants me i fucking hate everything how am i ever going to be able to live on my own if i cant have any money im stressed as fuck please someone hire me
#and the only times peope have reached out to me they've then fuckingh ghosted me i cant do this anymore#sorry i didnt wqork during the pandemic because i didnt want to kill my mother sorry thats such a bad thing apparently#literally what's so wrong with me that i can't even get a low paying position. what i have i done so wrong that places that require no expe#experience still shut me out. genuinely im convinced ill never get a job and i shoukd just kill myself because no one seems to give enough#of a fuck about me anyway
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not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]
#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova#UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away.#then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again.#ria.txt#personal#space opera au#(<- not about what you think is about)#hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good.#xkcd#randall munroe#space#moon#anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!#ok this is about false and ren from hermitcraft#falseren
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,
#'weaving spells with beaks and talons' whatever u wanna call it. sounds like chanting to me#anyway yes. that is a thing that is happening#yes i am aware of it. stop asking.#am i taking steps to stop this thing from happening? how. how the fuck do u suppose i should go about doing that?#yea i've done some dumb shit in my life#no i am NOT about to go INTERFERING with the CROWS
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I just wanna say bc I KNOW you're somewhere on tumblr, to the teenage girl who attended Take Your Kid To Work Day at an office building in Ontario, Canada circa 2013 and had a conversation with a middle aged woman in which you showed her your Black Veil Brides fanart and fanfics and ship content and told her about different fanfic tropes including a/b/o verse bc she happened to know who Panic! at The Disco and Fallout Boy were and thus you felt the need to show her your bandblr ship art, that was my fucking mother and I had to clarify all that to her including looking my mother in the eye and trying to explain a/b/o verse without sounding like a lunatic.
It's been 10 years and I still regularly sent evil energies in your direction. Since you'd be probably two years younger than me and thus legally an adult now, please know if this post reaches you it's on sight.
#she cornered me in the car and asked what shipping was and i almost had a fucking heart attack#imagine being like 16 years old and habing to explain knotting to your mother#random emo music girl I'm glad you had fun talking about your Band Guys to my mother#bc i also attended take your kid to work day at that office and i know how boring it was#but christ alive why did you have to fuck me like that?#anyways i hope this post reaches you so at the very least you know i think about you at least once a week#this has been weighing on me for ten years#im almost tempted to blaze this post
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lore accurate double black battle scene
#count your fucking blessings dazai#me when me when me when i#me when i.........#listen i'm normally very respectful (lies) BUT THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT NAKAHARA CHUUYA#not the biggest fan of men but they popped off with him#bitches will be like “ride or die?” how about i ride until i die#ANYWAY-#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#skk#lotus draws
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"content creator" is a corporate word.
we are artists.
#anti ai#fuck ai#artists on tumblr#please do not call me or any artist a content creator#i'm an artist. a fanartist. a designer. but not a content creator#ai clowns in my replies will be deleted and blocked without response so do not waste your breath#you are not an 'artist' for generating an image any more than you are a chef for ordering from a restaurant. someone Else did the work.#owen dennis just deleted all his blue sky stuff again and i hate that he does that because he makes such interesting comments#about the entertainment industry lmao i need to just. start screenshotting every smart thing he says#anyway thats why i decided to finally make this when its been sitting in drafts for a few months#owen dennis#edit - if you dont know who owen dennis is he's the creator of one of the best animated series of the last 20 years (Infinity Train)#he's very open about talking about art and the entertainment/animation industry on social media and in his newsletter and hes so cool 4 it
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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You know a character has really hit their gender out of the park when they're popularly hced as transmasc AND transfemme
#shut up me#This is not a unique thought I know Im just thinking about shuichi saihara#re: the icon change#I know I JUST changed it to mugi. but decided i actually wasnt feeling it#edit: adding the tags from my recent reblog of this in case anyone checks#I love that tumblr's edit function allows me to do this without fucking up 99% of the reblogs of this post#anyways to people in the tags saying ''just say link'' NO!#ITS NOT LINK IT WAS NEVER ABOUT LINK#(IT WAS KIND OF ABOUT LINK BUT MOSTLY NOT)
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It's funny how opinions can change over time for instance I used to want Bruce to be a good parent but then I realised how fucking boring that is to read at the end of the day comics are soap operas and I'm here for the drama
#dc#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#character development <- for me not for bruce#give that bitch some regression#but yeah i think there is a fine line with bruce and his parenting#like imo he should be trying his best but failing spectacularly at it#all his actions should come from his own fucked up sense of duty#anyway i think ive mentioned this before#but someone just liked one of my really old posts#talking about good parent bruce and how hes important yada yada yada#and reading it made me go#i dont agree with this bitch she does not speak for me >:(#so setting the record straight#.... until i change my mind again lmao
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monologue
#they said i couldnt have a worse speech bubbles to image ratio and i said 'bet?'#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#two hats spoilers#isat#lucabyteart#sifloop#not rlly but it gets the tag in case ppl r backscrolling my tags on my blog for some reason#anyway this dialogue has been kicking around in my files for about 2 months as it is known to do & i wanted to play with typesetting#'write a fic if you like words so much' absolutely not . what if it was pictures instead. and also i wanted an excuse 2 loop gradient#but yeah uhhhh this is very . very loosely the result of me thinking about the 'island is trapped in the fucking future' theory.#like if so. would it just like. reappear. when the rest of the world catches up w where it was stuck in time. like . 20 more years on.#and thus the q: god wait at what point would sif be older than the age they last knew their parents to be. theyre nearly 30 now so like.#you can see my logical path thru these thoughts yes? anyway i think its fun when these two put their braincells together to realise#the horrors. and kind of exclusively the horrors. wahoo!!!#anyway food for thought re: island reappears and to the islanders it's not been any time at all. but its been like 30 years for the rest#fuck do you do: your boy returns 30 years older plus a family (maybe even a child) and minus . a fucking eye.#also theres a fucking angel with them? update. thats also your boy what the fuck. wait fym theyre married. hold on. wait--
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balor 🥰
#fields of mistria#fom#balor#fanart#art#sir...im so in love w you...#if anyone else like me loved the fuck out of stardew but was disappointed in the romance options...please play this game#the characters/interactions/dialouge is top notch#i knew nothing about this game i found out about it 2 days before release#i thought i was gonna go for march#and immedately met this guy and just#his first line is like (im a traveling merchant) and i went (oh no)#i have such a THING for merchant characters#i can finally live out my dream of romancing volo pkmn#sort of#except not evil#i think#love that the romance options in this game are like... adults with jobs/dreams/aspirations#unlike stardew where everyone is supposedly an adult but is like a teenager??#but in this game everyone is a contributing member of society#love that <3333#the dialouge for real is amazing#anyway. it still in uhh...early access? so you cant do everything youll be able to do one day#but thats good for me bc i tend to blast through these games and do 90% of things within a week#fanart???? from my ass???#only because i love this game and him#im so fucked up for him#not me tracking his ass down everyday to talk to him#also what i love about this game is being able to talk to everyone multiple times a day#like every hour or something
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“Battinson needs a Robin” “Battinson needs a Superman” “Battinson needs a Harley” I agree with all of that, but do you know what else Battinson needs? An Oliver Queen.
#they’d be so big brother/little brother to me#Oliver is like yeah that’s my baby brother he’s a billionaire and I’m gonna have to kill him sadly. he’s my loser for now#Battinson deserves an older sibling who says ‘if someone asks you don’t know me’ but will bash teeth in for him#Bruce: olllie can you please grab me a coffee?#oliver: how about you pay your taxes you wealth hoarding fuck (buys him one anyway)#bruce wayne#oliver queen#battinson#dc#text
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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learning to love
#they make me so fucking unwell i feel so ill whenever i think about them#it's OVER for me i'm done#teen skk is going on my fucking suicide note thanks for everything asagiri#something something your bloodied hand in mind something something by you i am forever undone#something something to the world we may be villains but to each other we're two halves of the same soul#head in my fucking hands#sry for getting all emo i rewatched pmmm yesterday and i've been feeling existential about everything#i actually listened to the pmmm ost while drawing it saved me i love you yuki kajiura😍 (i died)#nothing like a haunting latin chorus echoing through my empty head while i draw tragic yaoi 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#big shoutout to sis puella magica i had that one on loop for like two hours‼️#anyway enough about the doomed yuri anime back to skk#forget everything i said i actually hope they explode i'm sick of their asses#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#soukoku#skk#posting at ungodly hours again this is gonna catch up to me 💔#lotus draws
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