#obligatory I'm not speaking from personal experience

[bibbibib]

Peeta's amputation

One of the things I really wish we'd gotten more information for in the books was the impact of Peeta losing his leg. On himself, on his habits, his reactions, anything really. We don't even know how badly he took it because around that time all Katniss was able to describe was him (understandably) being just happy to have survived it all along with her, plus he was putting on a brave face throughout the interviews, and maybe even in front of her so she would feel less guilty. And, I get it, most of the stuff I'm going to mention is just slice of life and maybe not that important as plot points, but I find them super interesting, for the perspective if anything.

Would Peeta's self-esteem take another deep dive after that? With everything happening during that time (moving out of his parents' house, his falling out with Katniss, being viewed differently by the rest of the district, living alone and possibly lonely, his romantic hopes crushed, PTSD from the Games, etc etc etc) he had a lot of triggers seemingly supporting those thoughts of being useless and uneeded and generally not good enough.

It's so frustrating to lose a limb and have to basically relearn everything from the beginning. How to navigate stairs, how to get in and out of a sitting position, how to balance and not tip over, stuff you've been doing esentially your whole life. And Peeta was athletic, he worked manually, he trusted himself to be capable of doing physical things, so that might have hurt a little more.

How about medical complications? From weird sensations to nerve pain, possibly phantom pains, everything related to his prosthetic leg (which, depending on the type, can get uncomfortable in sooo many ways, especially since he's still a teenager who's growing). And he was dumped at a place with basically no medical care at all, let alone anything specialized. Which, ok, was part of everyone's life in D12 already, but it must have still left a bitter taste... There was no one around to know much about his state, (exept maybe Ripper the liquor seller) and he had to make do on his own.

What if the Capitol had chosen his prosthetic more for aesthetic functions and less for functional? @whenthewallfell has a fantastic post about it, complete with illustrations!

Peeta's artificial foot getting tangled in the vines in the second arena and impeding his ability to run was no funny business. With prosthetic legs, there's usually different kinds for different functions. Your average foot people use to be able to walk is stiff and does a horrible job at supporting these sorts of activities. That's why equipment like running blades exists for amputees who want to be running and jumping. And you have to switch to that before the activity! Peeta apparently never got one. Even if he had, he would have to carry the alternative equipment around in the arena.

Speaking of that, even with a single type of artificial leg/foot, adjustments are frequently needed throughout the day. Most people as far as I understand remove the prosthetic to sleep, but also ball -and-socket models at least move around and need to be put back in place because it gets uncomfortable (sleeves -stump covers- sliding down, etc). The fact that Katniss never mentioned anything like this means that either he was actively not doing it in front of her or she just doesn't wanna talk about it (or maybe his leg is some fancy Capitol tech that doesn't work that way?)

Also, he's got to be hungry. All the time. He needs more food after the amputation, because the rest of his body is compensating for the lost limp and he has to use different muscles/nerves/tendons/etc. that are not designed spesifically for this. The same thing means he gets tired more easily. So Peeta being that active and training for the Quarter Quell while battling insomnia and nightmares with an amputated leg? Even harder than we thought.

[noyaspeach]

first light

Summary: Could this be how every day begins?

After a long and restless night with no sleep, you go looking for something to while away the hours. As it turns out, Astarion is just as much of an insomniac as you are, and the two of you spend the early morning together.

Pairing: Astarion x Gender Neutral! Reader

Word Count: 4,334

Tags: Fluff and Light Angst, Pining, Feelings Realization (Kinda?), Second Person POV, Soft Astarion, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Insomnia, Watching the Sunrise

Author's Note:

not me returning to fic-writing over 3 years later with an astarion fic of all things. i can't even guarantee i'll write another one considering i'm about to start college again, but i would sure like to!

i was heavily inspired to write this because of the release of hozier's album. it perfectly aligned with me becoming obsessed with baldur's gate 3, and astarion is just so hozier-coded, how could i not? as the title suggests, i was inspired by the song "first light" which is the last song on the album, based on dante's ascent out of hell and his first taste of light and freedom. i imagine it's how astarion must have felt when he was no longer forced to do cazador's bidding and when he could finally experience sunlight again.

obligatory disclaimers: i haven't actually played the game yet, so this fic is informed by clips i've seen online, gif sets, the baldur's gate wiki, and other fics. if any details in this aren't chronologically sound or if anything seems a little non-compliant with the canon of the game... now you know why lol.

still, i hope you enjoy it! this is also posted to ao3! read here!

///

You stare up at the ceiling of your tent, frustration rolling in your chest as you struggle to rest. Your eyes are beginning to sting with the lack of sleep, but simply closing them does nothing to help. You’ve gone through all of your belongings twice already, looking for something to ease you into slumber, but no amount of reading or alcohol seems to do the trick. It certainly doesn’t help that the weather has been oppressively humid all night, leaving you coated in a thin, sticky layer of sweat that doesn’t seem to leave you no matter how many layers you shed.

You can’t bear to lay around in the thick air of your tent, so you decide to sit out by the extinguished campfire in the hopes that it will do more to relax you.

You quietly open your tent flap and emerge into the mild morning air. It’s much cooler outside, and a light breeze tickles your arm, already doing wonders to dry your sweat. It’s still too early for daylight, so the camp is only dimly illuminated by the moonlight. With the lack of light, you listen out for the sounds of the forest around you: the chirps of insects beneath you, hooting owls in the distance, and a trickling stream not too far away. Focusing on these scarce sounds, you already feel much calmer.

After a moment of peace, you hear a rustle to your right. You whip your head toward the sound, hands ready at your weapon, when you see a familiar face emerge from the trees. You let your hands drop to your side again. It’s just Astarion. He appears to be returning to his tent, noticeably empty-handed. You wonder what he’s up to this early in the morning, and he seems to be wondering the same thing, eyeing you with an inquisitive raise of the eyebrow.

“Restless sleeper, are we?” He remarks.

“Something like that,” you reply. “Just needed some fresh air.”

You notice that Astarion is still in his sleepwear, the sleeves of his white undershirt pushed up above his elbows. “And what are you doing out?”

“Oh, you know. Searching for a midnight snack, so to speak.” He gestures to the woods behind him. “Unfortunately, there isn’t a very fine selection tonight.”

You grimace at the thought of Astarion catching an innocent woodland creature between his teeth. It’s a less-than-flattering image, one that’s informed by the memory of the boar he drained a while back, and one that you’re eager to dismiss.

“Is that all you’ve been up to?” You ask.

“Why? Were you getting lonely without me?” He teases. You can only roll your eyes in response. When he doesn’t receive a retort, Astarion sighs and continues. “Right, if you want an honest answer, I was going for a stroll to pass the time.”

You tilt your head to the side. “Wandering about on your own while everyone’s asleep isn’t a very good idea. If something happens out there, none of us will be able to save you”

“Trust me, darling, I can hold my own just fine. But I appreciate you worrying about my safety. It’s almost touching.” He smirks. “I would appreciate it even more if you would refrain from telling the others about my… routine here. I don’t exactly want the company.”

“Routine? How long have you been taking these walks?”

“Since the day I joined you all, I would say.” Astarion’s eyes move to the entrance of his own tent. “I haven’t been able to get much sleep myself, and I figure there isn’t much use laying on my bedroll if I’m not resting or satisfying… other needs. So, I walk. And occasionally feed.”

You search Astarion’s face for any sign of deception, but he’s being surprisingly truthful, if a little bashful. You resonate with his sleeplessness, being something of an insomniac yourself. Despite the immense toll your travels have taken on your body, you can’t seem to rest very easily at all, especially when you need it the most. Whether it’s the vivid memories of past battles replaying in your dreams, the smothering climate of whatever campsite you’ve picked out that night, or the relentless wriggling of the tadpole in your head, there’s always something keeping you up.

“I’m surprised I haven’t caught you earlier, then,” you say. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you,” says Astarion. He smiles, and it seems he means it too. “Well, seeing as neither one of us will be getting to bed anytime soon, would you care to join me?”

You cross your arms. “I thought you would have preferred to be alone.”

“Misery loves company and all. I think I can make an exception for a fellow night owl,” he drawls.

You agree to walk with him then and quietly head in the opposite direction of both tents. You’re sure to bring your weapon with you in the off chance that something—or someone—attacks the two of you. A very small part of you still garners some suspicion for Astarion himself, especially considering that night in which he tried to feed from you while you slept. Perhaps that’s another factor in your insomnia; although you let Astarion drink his fill that night, you can’t be entirely sure he won’t try it again. That he won’t succeed in creeping up on you and draining you completely.

You shiver at the thought, but pass it off as a cold chill from the wind. As the two of you slowly move from the campsite, your surroundings become even quieter. The chirping insects from before are silent now, and the nearby stream is barely a whisper. You can hardly hear either of your footsteps. It’s at once peaceful and unsettling.

After a few short minutes, you’re the first to break the silence. “What do you usually do when you’re out here?”

Astarion thinks for a moment, and hums. “Hmm. Aside from hunting, I suppose I just sit with my thoughts. There isn’t much else to do, is there?”

You nod, but somehow you don’t think being left with one’s own thoughts is particularly relaxing for anyone in your party. You can’t imagine it’s any good for Astarion, especially.

“And what do you think about?”

“So much,” he says. “Plans, mostly. Where our next destination is, where I’ll find my next meal, what I’ll do when we reach Baldur’s Gate, how to get rid of this wretched parasite…”

“Do you ever think about your past?”

Astarion’s gaze is a bit distant until you ask that. He slows his pace and turns to you, looking unusually serious. “I prefer not to.”

He leaves it at that, so you decide not to push further. You only know a little about Astarion’s life before the tadpole entered his mind. You know he’s the spawn of an even more powerful vampire, a master to whom he was a slave for nearly 200 years, and you know he’s lived in the shadows up until now. It isn’t lost on you that this entire adventure is his first taste of freedom in centuries. You understand why he would rather focus on the future. Still, your nagging curiosity makes you desperate for more information about him.

“What about you, my dear?” He returns to his more amused attitude. “What do you do in that tent of yours to pass the time until the morning comes? Don’t tell me if it’s anything naughty… Actually, do.”

You shake your head and suppress a smile as he actually almost earns a laugh from you. “Nothing like that. I normally just try to distract myself until I can hopefully fall back asleep. Read something, sort my wares, hum a tune. Anything to relax.”

“I take it that hasn’t been working for you?”

“No. Not one bit. I’m actually kind of worried it might start affecting my performance from now on. Unlike some of the elves in this team, I actually need quite a lot of rest.”

“A true shame,” he tuts. “Although it is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I don’t need to sleep for very long. On the other, I can’t sleep for very long. Sometimes I do wish I could simply let the whole day pass while I doze off. That would be much easier than just waiting it out.”

You hadn’t considered this. While the rest of your traveling companions are able to sleep through the night, Astarion has no choice but to wait for everyone to wake up around sunrise. All he can do is hope to get a few hours of rest before sitting through the unnerving silence of the night, the only unique sounds being the faint snores and mumbles that float from the other tents. You and he are alike in this struggle, but you at least are lucky enough to have a few nights when your exhaustion is bad enough to force you to bed.

“Well, taking a stroll like this is a good idea,” you finally say. “Thank you for inviting me along.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of Astarion’s lips. “Thank you for joining me. I will admit, it’s easier to pass the time with a… friend… by my side.”

Your heart swells at that word: “friend.” It’s a welcome upgrade from whatever you two might have been considered before.

A few minutes pass with the both of you chatting politely. As you walk, you make note of your surroundings to ensure that you don’t stray too far from camp or encounter any traps. This occupies your mind for a while, but Astarion seems to be running out of topics to discuss. Not wanting him to abandon your little trip just yet, you try to think of something to entertain him. Looking out at the forest and the sky in front of you, you notice that the moon has begun its descent into the trees, meaning morning is almost upon you two. This gives you an idea.

You stop and pivot to face Astarion. He stops too, surprised at your sudden pause.

“What is it?” He asks.

"Would you like to watch the sunrise with me?”

He’s taken aback only momentarily before he adopts his familiar flirtatious demeanor. “Trying to turn this into a romantic tryst, are you? If you want something more, you’ll have to be a little more direct than that.”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t mean anything by it. I want to know if you’ll sit and watch the sun come up with me. That’s all. It should be rising soon enough. It’s almost morning.”

He seems puzzled, his brows tightening and eyes scanning your face for any indication that you may be holding something back. When he doesn’t find anything, he settles back into an easy expression. “I seem to have misjudged. My apologies… Yes, I wouldn’t mind sitting with you.”

“Great.” You smile and begin to walk again. “I heard some water earlier, so I think there may be a stream near here. Maybe it’ll make for a nice spot.”

Astarion follows as you lead him closer to the sound of running water, and the two of you shortly come upon the stream. It’s a small, shallow brook that separates the woods from which you emerge and another expanse of trees on the other side. Right along the edge of the water is a line of smooth rocks big enough to sit on. It’s the perfect place to set up, you think.

The two of you find purchase on the edge of the rocks, feet just barely dangling off the side, hovering above the calmly flowing water. The rocks aren’t terribly big, so the two of you sit side-by-side, your knees close enough to touch. Across the brook, the trees begin to thin out, leaving a clear view of the horizon. You estimate that the sun will start its ascent in the next few minutes, but for now, the scene in front of you remains thinly bathed in moonlight.

In the quiet of the dawn, the moon casts its silvery glow on the world beneath it. Every blade of grass, every dewy flower, every mossy stone radiates with a hazy blue hue. The stream beneath you reflects this onto both of your faces, and you give a sideways glance to your companion next to you. You watch as the light dances across his cheeks, admiring how it shines in his curls, how it glistens in his deep red eyes, and how it collects in the space just above his lips. You inhale and the earthy scent of the forest mixes with the smell of Astarion’s perfume in your nose. As you do so, you realize now just how close in proximity you are to him. You’re close enough to trace his silhouette from the slope of his nose to his slender neck with your fingers if you so choose. You glimpse at the puncture marks just below his jaw and remember once more the night you let him drink from you. You remember the moment you awoke in terror before you realized who was crouched above you. You remember the uncertainty you felt as you gave him permission to continue, not sure whether it was a wise decision or not. You remember the sharp sting of his teeth entering your skin and the almost exhilarating dizziness that followed as he coaxed your blood out with his tongue. The rest of that moment is a blur to you, but you can still distinctly recall how he cradled your head with one hand, the other gently ghosting down your spine. For almost a full day after that night, the smell of bergamot and rosemary lingered on your neck.

“You do know staring is rude, don’t you, darling?” Astarion says. “Not that I particularly mind.” He leans back on his arms and turns to face you. “Not when it’s you.”

Your cheeks flush in spite of the cool temperature. You wonder when it was you became so vulnerable to Astarion’s flirting. Even though you have, you try not to entertain it. After all, you suspect his charming behavior is at least partly a ruse.

“Sorry,” you mutter and look back at the horizon. “It’s very pretty out. It’ll be even prettier in just a few more minutes, too. We’re in the perfect spot to watch the sun come up.”

“Is that so?” Astarion tilts his head as he continues to behold you. “You know, I’ve never watched the sunrise like this.”

You twist to look at him again, utterly shocked. “Seriously? Not once?”

He shakes his head.

“How come?”

He sighs. “I’m sure I must have before… everything. But I can’t seem to remember anything from back then. I lost most of my memories when I was brought back, save for a few of the important details. I suppose sunrises weren’t important enough to stick.” He frowns and stares out at a canopy of trees in the distance. “Then, as you know, it would have been incredibly stupid for me to be out in the light with this condition of mine. So, I never tried. I didn’t have very many opportunities to do so, in any case.”

Your brow furrows, but you don’t say anything. Instead, you let Astarion continue at his own pace.

“...I spent decades in my master’s lair, a- a dungeon, really. I was trapped in the darkness. The only time I was allowed out was when he needed fresh, new bodies, and even then it was always under the cover of night. For the longest time, that was all that I knew. In a way, it’s what I’m still used to…”

Suddenly his sleeplessness makes all the more sense to you.

“I know I’m free from that now, what with the tadpole and all, but…” He trails off. You understand.

After several beats of silence, you clear your throat.

“Once, when I was a child, I went playing in the woods with some of the other children in the village. There were maybe six of us in total? I don’t exactly remember. But we marched all the way from the market to the forest pretending we were a band of heroes. I was at the back of the line, right behind this boy that I really liked. I put myself there on purpose so that I could smile and blush as much as I wanted without him seeing me.”

“How cute,” Astarion comments with a quirked eyebrow.

“Yeah. I mean, I thought I was being clever, but it was pretty silly, wasn’t it? Anyways, when we entered the woods, we decided to split off into teams to see who could find the most ‘treasure.’ We just plucked up sticks, flowers, beetles, pinecones, that kind of stuff. I was paired with the boy I liked, and I was so giddy about it. I wanted to show him just how cool I was, so I climbed up every tree and jumped off every rock. Just hearing him laugh and clap for me was enough for me to keep going. So, I did. Before we knew it, we realized we had strayed too far from the rest of the group. We tried to call out to them but heard nothing in return. We were lost.”

You pause your story to get a brief look at Astarion. You half-expect him to be bored by this point, but you’re surprised to see that he’s giving you his full attention. He waves his hand, signaling for you to continue.

“We started playing late into the evening, so by the time we realized that we had no clue where we were, the sun had already begun to set. I remember cursing myself for wishing I could have some alone time with this boy because that wasn’t at all what I had had in mind. But, alas, that was the situation I was stuck in. When it reached midnight and we still hadn’t made our way back to the village, I started panicking. You should know that I used to be deathly afraid of the forest at night. I was terrified of what kind of creatures could be hiding, waiting to snatch me up and eat me alive.”

“Hmm, like vampires?” Astarion teases.

You smirk. “Precisely. You’ll remember, though, that I was stuck with the boy I liked. So, there was no way I could show that I was scared. I couldn’t display any sign of weakness or else he might not think I was as cool as I let off. Knowing this, I put on a brave face and silently begged the gods for some protection before I assembled a makeshift camp for the two of us. It was, admittedly, very shitty, but it did its job of giving us some shelter for the night. I told him he could sleep and that I would keep watch, and so I did. I didn’t sleep very much back then, either, now that I think about it. I guess not a lot has changed about me… But I digress. I stayed up the whole night, sitting outside our little fort, listening to him snore and talk in his sleep. I don’t think I could have left his side if I wanted to, considering how petrified I was. But I powered through the fear, for his sake. I was so young, but I cared about this boy so much that I felt I owed it to him to make sure he was safe.”

“You were quite the hero, even back then,” Astarion says gently. “Is this little story your way of telling me to be more selfless?”

“Not at all. I’m getting to the point, I promise. I sat there for hours as I waited for it to become day again. Eventually, I was able to focus on the more beautiful parts of the night: the moon, the stars, the lightning bugs, the sweet whisper of the wind through the leaves. The more I searched for the good in my situation, the less scared I became, until I was no longer scared at all. By the time dawn rolled around, I was at peace, actually. I was so proud of myself for making it through the night, I immediately woke the boy up to share the moment with him. Then, we sat together, kind of like this,” You gesture to your and Astarion’s seating position, “and just watched the sunrise in perfect silence. I had never watched the sunrise before. It was so nice, getting to quietly enjoy such a wonderful view with someone I loved.”

As you finish your story, you face Astarion once more. His gaze is soft as he listens to you speak, and the tender curl of his lips betrays a sincere gratitude for having shared this with him.

“Did anything ever happen between you and that boy?” He asks.

“Sadly, no. He eventually fell for some other girl in town. Last I heard, they had three kids together.”

“Hmm.” Astarion angles his chin away from you. “Well, that’s his loss.”

You look away, too, and smile to yourself.

Suddenly, the sky begins to transform before your eyes. The first gleams of sunlight begin to caress the horizon as the moon takes its final bow behind you. The forest, still coated with all the glimmering remnants of morning dew, stirs from its slumber under the streams of the emerging sun. As the sun slowly rises, its warm embrace spreads like honey between the trees, flooding the forest floor with rays of pink and amber. Shafts of light pierce through the lush foliage, creating scintillating patterns on the surface of the water that seem to dance at the promise of a new day. Finally, when the sun peers at you from above the treetops, it’s as if the sky erupts. A burst of brilliance envelopes the world below it in its welcoming embrace, casting everything in a blazing golden light.

You begin to say something to Astarion but stop when you see his face. He looks positively radiant. His face glows in the daylight, appearing even more magnificent than he did in the moon’s silver beams. His face and his hair are colored by the sun, making him look more alive than he ever has before. Every detail from the strands in his eyebrows to the smallest of moles is illuminated before you. You watch as his eyes glisten before softly fluttering closed. He breathes deeply, his chest slowly rising and falling, and he basks in the sunlight. He relaxes completely, letting the sun’s rays melt away any and all tension he may have been holding on to.

You want nothing more than to cup his face in your hands, then, and feel the newly imbued warmth of his skin as you press your lips to his. Instead, however, you carefully place your hand on top of his. His eyes blink open and he turns to look at you once more. You hesitate for a moment, ready to move away, but he doesn’t reject you. His eyes crinkle with appreciation and he laces your fingers together before gently stroking his thumb against the side of your hand. His skin is still a bit cold, but thanks to you, it quickly warms up.

The two of you sit there in tranquility, taking in all of the sights, sounds, and feelings of the early morning. Time seems to slow, then, as if the universe itself also wishes to savor this serene moment for just a little while longer.

Soon, you hear the distant sound of casual conversation as the others awaken for yet another day of arduous traveling. You sigh, knowing that the two of you will have to return to camp shortly and leave all of this behind. You don’t want to let go just yet.

“We should probably get back,” Astarion says first. “I wouldn’t want the others to think that I killed you and scurried off or something like that.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be very good for morale,” you joke. After a moment, you reluctantly untwine your fingers and push yourself up off the rocks. You extend a hand to Astarion to help him up, which he graciously accepts.

Neither of you moves at first until Astarion takes a step toward you. Standing so close to you, you wonder if he’s about to kiss you when he gingerly takes hold of your hands. He gives you that sincere smile again.

“Thank you again for this. It was… nice.” You almost can’t believe how vulnerable he seems right now, eyes staring into yours with no hint of false pretenses. “I’d like to do this again with you, if you’ll join me.”

“I would love to.”

“Wonderful,” he says. He lets go of you. “Shall we then?”

The two of you take your time walking back to the campsite, talking idly about what the next few days have in store. When you arrive, Karlach is the first to notice you.

“There you two are! We were beginning to worry.” She looks between you both and crosses her arms, narrowing her eyes mischievously. “Anything we should know about your disappearance?”

You chuckle. “Nothing that would excite you, Karlach.”

You walk past her and approach your tent. The rest of your team is already getting to work cleaning their weapons, armor, and other equipment, preparing to hunt, or strategizing together. Before you duck inside to retrieve your clothes for washing, you turn back and lock eyes with Astarion. He’s entered a conversation between Shadowheart and Gale, but he isn’t all that engaged. He shoots you a knowing look and another small smile which you return in kind.

As you wash your clothes in the river just south of the camp, you think fondly of the promise you’ve now made with Astarion and the many sunrises to come. Suddenly, insomnia doesn’t seem so bad.

[thecoolerliauditore]

TOXIC JIZZIE????????? PLEASE SPEAK KING FOR I AM BOUND TO HEAR

aye sire if you ask I am obligated to indulge.

To start off I do think "toxic" is not really the word I'd use, but their relationship certainly isn't ideal either. To get meta for a second I think it's the impact of this being a ship dictated by the CCs (as in, we are married irl so our characters should be too) rather than by the fandom (where ships form from interactions and stuff we actually see in-game) so, in the insane world of "interpretation", weird things happen with Jizzie in-universe where it essentially feels like the characters are together ot of some default obligation rather than as a choice they both actively make.

I'm going to be using the word "performative" a lot during this which I think makes enough sense when you look at how most of Jizzie interactions are very literally purposefully performed through youtube videos and such.

I'm also someone who very much does not have the highest opinion overall of romance as a concept so a lot of what I read is going to be based off of that. I'm a biased human being or whatever.

Essentially, I believe a lot of Jizzie's interactions feel like they're out of some sort of obligation or to fit into predetermined roles, comedic or otherwise, instead of coming off as genuine.

Examples off the top of my head are Lizzie trying to "seduce" Joel in Last Life to secure an ally, their shotgun wedding in esmp1 and the sort of sitcom-esque humour structure they sometimes follow in streams and such (the one I remember most clearly is Lizzie hitting Joel during the Decked Out guests stream, which is treated as a haha wife hitting husband moment) (there was also the time when Joel indirectly implied he was calling his wife a "ball and chain" in the Life: The Game stream, although we're getting very dubiously canon here - I personally see it as applicable but. shrugs)

This isn't to say that there is no genuine connection there, they certainly do care about eachother and, for the most part, aren't actively making eachother worse -- some of their cutest moments, to me, are their panicked "I love you" exchange after they encased the Scottage in lava in Last Life and Joel being the only one who remembered Lizzie's party in Secret Life.

Lizzie and Joel also rarely talk about eachother in an admiring or personal way, Joel specifically usually only mentions his "wife" when disputing accusations of him being in love with any of the various men he's "obsessed" with.

This becomes weirder in series like esmp1, where the first time Lizzie mentions Joel at all is her declaration that she has decided to marry him (not because she is "in love" or anything like that, she simply states that she wants to marry him) so you just kind of have to fill in the gaps between videos with your imagination or accept that the characters are just. Insane. I think comparing the way esmp1 Joel talks about Lizzie vs talks about Jimmy would be an interesting experiment to conduct in regard to this.

To top it off in terms of dubious sourcing for in-character headcanons, I think the performative aspects of Jizzie are most apparent when you look at how Joel often jokes about how Lizzie will get mad at him for flirting with Jimmy and other men, whilst Lizzie has shown time and time again she really could not physically care less. It's always kind of confused me when people depict Lizzie as ready to beat the shit out of Joel when he acts affectionate with other men, when her reactions in the traffic series usually just boil down to this:

TO ME: What Jizzie is, to me, is a pair of platonic best friends who have gotten married because. You're a boy, I'm a girl, that's what we should do. Their marriage isn't hurting them but it also isn't what they think it is.

Joel specifically I've always headcanoned as gay and essentially using Lizzie as a beard but not hiding it very well.

The romance may be purely obligatory and performative, but that doesn't mean they don't love eachother.

[linxuelian]

Comic Fiesta 2023 Anime Convention Experience Log - With Photos!

Hey there! After posting my previous experience log on Anime Fest+ 2024, I realized I'd shared photos from Comic Fiesta 2023 on Twitter but never did on Tumblr. Since this happened way back in late December 2023, I've forgotten a good portion of my experience there (I have unfortunately the memory of a goldfish) - so it'll mostly be photos of the crowd and MXTX cosplayers, whom I have some loose commentary on based on what I remember from our very short and random interactions.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this as an MDZS/TGCF fan as much as I do! I spent only a few hours there, but I did have a good time hunting down cosplays from the MXTX fandom during that time.

I'll begin with pictures of the crowd. If you don't already know, Comic Fiesta is an anime convention held in Kuala Lumpur Convention Center, Malaysia, and it's one of the oldest here too. As of 2023, it's opened its doors to roughly 70,000 attendees, which is rather big considering our country's quite small in size. I've heard from my friend that there are attendees from overseas too, namely Singapore and Indonesia, due to the famous people the organizers tend to invite, so it does make sense that it's grown this large over time.

While the convention itself is held indoors, there's a large park outside where cosplayers tend to hang around and take pictures. A number of people don't buy tickets and go into the convention hall either - and I get why; the last time I was in the hall, I was squashed like a sardine, and not the fancy kind, either. We're a sweaty bunch after a good whole morning of lining up.

Anyway, the park is very pretty, as well as mostly green and neatly trimmed:

It's at this park where you can get the best shots of cosplayers, and find some space to line up for photos of them.

It's got this giant Christmas tree up at around this time of year too, which is super wonderful:

With that aside, I'll get to the cosplays. Let's start off with my favorite best girl of all time, Jiang Yanli:

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/clairegsw/

I'll admit I was both surprised and stoked to see a Jiang Yanli cosplayer around! She seemed pretty surprised too to have someone ask her for a picture - she was taking one with two elaborate bride cosplays, but as I'm a fangirl with heaps of love for Yanli, I thought she shone like the brightest star at that event. You go, Claire!

Next up is our boy Xie Lian, who seems to get quite a number of cosplays done of him:

Credits: https://www.instagram.com/ayana_liyana/ and https://www.instagram.com/itsmeira_az/

These two came together and were looking for wild, lone San Lang cosplayers to catch in Pokemon battle-like sequences respectively. Sadly, as it goes in the BL cosplay world, there's always a shortage of gong/top/seme cosplayers in a con. Everyone wants to be the beauty, it seems, and quite understandably too.

That said, here's another beauteous Xie Lian cosplay:

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/jingzu518/

Cute, nice, and also decidedly not looking for wild semes to capture.

Anyway, no Xie Lian is complete without a Hua Cheng by his side in any event, so here's the obligatory couple cosplay I saw by the escalators when I got up to the entrance:

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/njq_03/

This particular Hua Cheng cosplayer's one of the first dudes I've seen doing TGCF cosplay, which is pretty interesting considering the reception of BL by male anime fans in my country hasn't been... the best - or the kindest, from personal experience. But I'm happy to see it and would like to take this as a positive sign of changing times where our BL fandom gets more mixed in demographics.

Speaking of HuaHuas, here's a particularly fun and cheerful one:

Credit: https://twitter.com/meechandes

When I told this HuaHua that there were Xie Lians looking to form a couple, I was told that they already have a Xie Lian of their own! Again, HuaHuas are in great shortage! You'll definitely get a lot of attention dressed as him as he's both very flashy and coveted in the danmei cosplay scene as a character.

Moving along, here's a pic of my favorite best boy Jin Ling, the snazziest and most golden young master in the universe:

Credit: https://twitter.com/koni_kn

This particular cosplayer was kind enough to humor me at a crowded, fast-paced subway. We managed to find a quieter spot to take a picture. Look at how pretty it looks, bless! 😍 I'm so glad Jin Ling got some representation as a side character. He's absolutely the best!

On cue are his uncles, the twin heroes of Yunmeng, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (whom Jin Ling will probably deny is his uncle, but hey, Mo Xuanyu's body will uncle him however he wants):

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/feza_yu/

The duo came with their own professional photographer, who also doubled as their translator (thank you, photographer man!). This Jiang Cheng's also the softest, gentlest and shyest Jiang Cheng I've ever met in my life. Legs are safe when he's around since he won't be breaking them anytime soon!

Next on the itinerary are our not-so-elusive, staple-of-any-con Wei Wuxians:

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/ken520.cos/

I dub this guy the Balenciaga Wei Wuxian, because, you know, I took his photo right in front of Balenciaga and he looked like the richest Wei Wuxian cosplayer there. No joke - his outfit even had pleather, and he'd spent about 270 bucks on it. I saw it up-close since he was pretty friendly. His arm bracers even had details sewn onto them instead of just being prints! Talk about luxury! I coughed up jealousy like blood from my mouth.

The outfit is from CQL, but he knows MDZS too. I'm familiar with the donghua but too lazy to finish it, so he's definitely put me to shame here as a fan as well, blast him!

Last but not least, we have kitty ears Wei Wuxian (a.k.a. Lan Wangji's Incense Burner Dream #965):

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/mikaecsr/

Now, I won't lie - I first thought they were wolf ears. But as Wei Wuxian does not like dogs of any kind, nature or breed, I'm going to assume that these are feline ears.

Whatever ears they are, though, Lan Wangji will be sure to get hot and toasty seeing them. Wei Ying, you devil you.

Anyway, this marks the end of my write-up! I hope you enjoyed the descriptions. As I don't have Instagram, feel free to hit up any of these cosplayers I've credited and link them here so that they can download pics of themselves and read what some random Internet weirdo had to say about their outfits.

Over and out!

[imqueerandadeer]

Okay it's time again for rants and personal stories no one fucking asked for. Todays topic: How fucking rampant and normalized ableism is, with comments from @pansgoobernonsense as usual.

Really long post ahead guys you've been warned.

The reason it has been featured in the last post and now this one is because it's also ND and Asian and I wanted to get other peoples experiences with ableism.

It also said that I can interview it for practice because journalism sounds cool to me and I might want to be a journalist.

Anyways obligatory disclaimer/reminder. I don't speak for all mentally disabled people because we are not a monolith!! For example I am great at masking my ADHD and Autism (I'll get into that with more context later) and it's somthing I've picked up subconsciously. Other people with my same conditions may not be good at masking.

Also this post will mostly center around mental disabilities, specifically ADHD and autism because thats what we have and know most about. Neither me nor my friend are physically disabled (to my knowledge) so I won't speak much on it because It's not my place.

Alright with that out of the way lets add some context.

Hi, if you don't know me or haven't seen my blog before (most of you probably have though in some shape or form) I'm Ollie or Cupid. I have ADHD, self diagnosed (and peer diagnosed) autism, and possible dyscalculia. Theres also a millon other things I'm suspicious about having but I won't get into those.

Lets start with this, imagine (or don't idc) that your back in *gasp* middle school. Terrifying. Now since this is tumblr I'm gonna assume most of you have autism and/or ADHD so y'all most likely know what it's like to be in middle school and be ND. But still I wanted to talk about my experiences with ableism in school.

Okay I've noticed that the difference of how I get treated because I mask and those that can't mask for whatever reason is wildly different. I have instructional support which is technically special ed and no one has ever called me "Sped" or the R-slur. Versus the the kids who visibly have support needs and their disabilities are present. They get called those things all the fucking time.

The hypocrisy of it all is what really gets me. Kids at my school will really stand there and call these other kids dehumanizing things while I stand there as a person with ADHD and autism having to akwardly laugh it off and pretend it doesn't effect me. Yes of course I tell them off but it doesn't work, because they have been taught that what they're saying is fine and people who have higher support needs are not human, which is wrong and ablesist.

Thats not even their fault really it's what they were taught. Although if they weren't taught it and they know It's wrong but still do it then it's their fault

It genuinely got so bad that me and my friends wrote a letter to the office telling them about the ablesist language at our school, I don't think the letters ever got sent but yeah it was that bad.

On another note I don't think my schools very wheelchair accessible at all, although I wouldn't know really because I don't use a wheelchair.

Now heres @pansgoobernonsense experiences woth ableism as a whole, while mine were mostly about school its are more personal

"My personal experiences with ableism are mostly from my parents, and since I have not one but two neurodevelopmental disorders I’ve experienced it a lot. The most notable of these experiences come from my parents reaction to my autism.

A notable example was the time I was crying because I didn’t want to go to a party (I had had a panic attack at another similar party at the same place with similar people) and my dad had said I didn’t need to go but my mom made me.

I tried to explain (through tears) that I didn’t want to go and my dad angrily called me “autistic”. I’ve also been told to just “act normal” in social situations (despite the textbook definition of autism being essentially “I can’t act normal in social situations”). My parents have also neglected to tell me about my diagnosis for basically my entire life.

I was diagnosed when I was 2-3 and only found out this year. The reason behind this decision was “if I knew I’d tell everyone and use it as a get out of jail free card”.

They seem to treat my diagnosis as a label rather than an actual disability. It makes sense, since historically mental disabilities haven’t been treated the same as physical disabilities, but it’s still an awful experience."

While my experiences with things like this haven't been as severe as Nicks experiences I do have some of my own.

One time I was talking to my mother and she said that they suspected I had ADHD but didn't get me tested until I was 12 because she didn't want me on meds that early, which yes is a semi fair point but still why would you keep your suspicions a secret until I startes to notice and suspect it myself. That seems so weird to me and it could have saved me a lot if trouble if she had just told me.

Anyways thats it, sorry if it's not cohesive or coherent it's 1:00 am for me, I need to sleep

[enlitment]

asking you your top-5 anything: ok this might not come in list form, but what 5 things do you like the most about Catullus?

Hi, first of all thanks so much for the interesting ask and so sorry for taking forever to answer it!

(obligatory am not a classicist, just an enthusiast. I also sadly can't really speak Latin, so take anything I say here with a grain of salt)

1. The sheer variety of his poems

Are you looking for a poem describing a fun playful banter between friends? A tender love poem? A poem about stolen napkins? An epic poem inspired by Greek mythology that is so beautiful and haunting that it shakes you to your core?

Or perhaps a poem so obscene that it wasn't allowed to be published in most of the English anthologies until relatively recently?

No matter your taste or mood, Catullus has got you covered!

2. There's a feminine aspect to his poetry

The understanding of gender and sexuality in Ancient Rome is hands down one of my favourite subjects, and Catullus' poems give you a great insight into them if you read between the lines.

You could for instance read C 16 as an inherent testimony to the fragility of Roman masculinity (seeing it as an attempt to re-establish his masculinity after he's been criticised for writing 'unmanly' love poems).

But what I especially appreciate is his ability to take on the female perspective. There's the fact that he was a big fan of Sappho's poetry (as evidenced by him calling his partner 'Lesbia' and by his (beautiful!) reimagination of one of her most famous poems) or the fact that he was able to draw parallels between his and Ariadne's pain stemming from feeling betrayed by a former lover.

(I'm also kind of here for the interpretation of Lesbia's sparrow poem as an example of some kind of Pseudo-Freudian clit-neid...)

3. His brutal honesty/ him just wearing his heart on his sleeve in his writing

It just seems he had no filter whatsoever, so reading his poems is this incredibly raw, often times bizarre experience.

But to me, it demonstrates that even though our society has obviously changed quite a lot over the 2000 years that separate us from him, a lot of things that remained the same - the petty jealousies, ambivalent feelings after a breakup, but also the pure joy one feels after spending time with their friends and loved ones

4. His use of language and imagery

More evidence in my previous post. It just sounds so beautiful at times? Plus it often alludes to Greek/Roman mythology in really interesting ways. I'm sure reading the original would make it sound even better, but I'm personally a sucker for the Czech translation as well.

5. He was ahead of his time! (You could say he was a romantic poet almost 2000 years before it was cool...)

Again, by no means an expert of this, but I think you could definitely say he paved the way for some of the latter great Latin poets, like Ovid,

Some aspects of his poems to Lesbia also remind me of the courtly love poetry from the middle ages: the poet's desperate pining after a lady of a higher class - which Clodia, as a patrician woman married to a consul, undoubtedly was. There's of course the important difference that she has been... previously attained, to speak in the annoyingly gendered language of medieval poetry - but alas, no more Catullus!

But to me, he was most of all a forerunner to the romantic poets like Byron or Shelley! The talent, the scandals, the rejection of societal norms (like the fact that he didn't really seem to be too interested in a career in politics or the military which were essentially the two things a respectable Roman man was supposed to take interest in), as well as the homoeroticism of it all (in his case indisputable, re: his poems to Iuventius)...

Hope that covers it! Thanks again for the ask and giving me a chance to rant!

[chaifootsteps]

Obligatory "I know it's petty, but"... seeing your tweet replies in response to the Viv stans simply not caring about the people she's hurt COMPLETELY ratio their tweets in terms of likes makes me really happy. It's like there's finally more sanity showing its face in this whole Vivziepop topic, after YEARS of people being to afraid to even touch the topic, people are finally getting fed up and supporting these posts with the information of her abuse. "I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people." and ""I didn't read the screenshots because I don't care as long as I get my shitty demon show" is what I'm hearing." are great, VERY true, and much deserving of having 10x the amount of likes that the stan replies have, lol.

I don't want to make you feel weird or put you on a pedestal or anything, because it definitely took a LOT of brave people speaking up about their experiences to finally get to this point, but thank you for being so persistent and reliable in archiving this information and making sure it gets seen. You're probably the most consistent source (with the help of the others that find and send you screenshots of course) of reliable information regarding Viv's history of abuse, and as somebody who's gotten horrible vibes from her since 2016, it's so nice to finally have this many sources to reassure that I was right in feeling that way. Friends of mine that've dismissed any claims of abuse as "lying and drama-starting for clout" in the past are FINALLY realizing with all this information that's coming out, as well as the horribly childish behavior from Viv on Twitter recently, that she actually IS a bad person, and has been for a while. It's so refreshing to finally see the tides really starting to turn, and more people not letting this shitty behavior be brushed under the rug anymore.

It comes at the cost of invoking the feral rage of the crazy mob side of the fandom, but it's really, truly making a good difference in spite of their bitching, and I love that. So, thank you! Please keep staying safe, and DEFINITELY never turn off your VPN, those fandom extremists sound disturbing as fuck.

It's extremely reassuring to see how much sanity has been going around...like it's been locked up in a chest all these years and suddenly burst free! I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it will have all been a dream.

And thanks, Anon. <3 It's deeply appreciated, although it's true, the credit goes to Vivzie's victims who put those screenshots out there first and took the full force of the Viv mob for it. And they had industry careers to worry about -- all I did was collect them from said victims, collect them from people who are better sleuthers than I'll ever be, make snarky remarks, and have my dragon fetish made fun of.

I couldn't be more proud of this motley group than I am. But yeah, the VPN is definitely staying on!

[enoughslices]

Hey so I read your post about Mulder respecting Scully saying they can never be together and you totally cracked my brain open?? When people say that, they might just mean it in the moment but not forever... and they don't clarify this if they change their mind?? I'm rethinking so many things right now lol

Obviously I know each person is different but it was never phrased this way to me and now I'm just sitting here with galaxy brain

This is something I have come up against the hard way in my real life, where all through my childhood and adolescence people continually told me I was, "taking things too literally," and I was like, "... ... ... How else am I supposed to take them?? Should I not take you at your word?" I had a number of situations (like in relationships or friendships) where someone would declare something and I would just accept it and never revisit it, and then later find they were frustrated with me for assuming a statement they'd made two years ago was still true since they had not modified it. I used to do performance-related work and my one colleague who really got me (we love a work wife) would have to explain to directors that if I was told to do something a certain way I would just keep doing it that way and not try anything new until they revised their instruction. I was baffled to learn that the expectation in rehearsals was that I keep trying new things even when I had been explicitly told to do it one way. Or, worse, intuit when they wanted me to keep trying new things in the face of the instruction and when they didn't. It stressed me out so much. I always felt a little betrayed when someone said one thing very emphatically and firmly ("We can't ever get back together," or "I'm never going to do that again.") and then did indeed do or want to do the thing again days or weeks or months or years later (especially without clarifying or explaining). I've had to work really hard on finding respectful ways to not make assumptions even when I feel like something has been communicated clearly to me and get in the habit of raising things periodically from a place of open curiosity to see if people are still in the same place, because not everyone is as precise or literal when they're speaking about things, especially if they're coming from a place of emotion in the moment. I don't know for sure that I'm autistic, but I do know that I'm neurodivergent. I have cPTSD and was also late-diagnosed with ADHD at 36 and have MCAS, which also can impact how your brain works, so diagnosis is a little complicated. I suspect that I'm AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) and I have an evaluation scheduled for this year. Seeing and hearing about people's neurodivergent experiences on TikTok and other corners of the internet has helped me recontextualize a lot of parts of my experience and has illuminated corners I had not even realized were dark. It's made so many things fall into place that have made me go, "Oh. Wait. Fuck! Really??" But also there's a certain relief in having things make sense that never did before, even though it's been absolutely wild to identify my (many, many 😅) blind spots. In conclusion: Me 🤝 Mulder in this headcanon lol I'm sorry to crack your brain open and I hope the light flooding in is not too overwhelming!! Being a person is a trip sometimes! Feel free to DM me if you want to spiral about this together! PS: Obligatory disclaimer that people have a wide variety of different experiences and feeling this way or relating to this is not necessarily an indicator of autism, which I don't even know for sure that I have! I am just over here projecting onto my blorbos on the hellsite, as glob intended 😂😂

[ihopesocomic]

As a bi and nonbinary person i feel like lgbt media that doesn't make romance ina homophobic society or a coming out story is geniunely refreshing. Im really tired of the same old stories that are like that. So i really like i hopeso a lot better than mypride... Like

If you guys want homophobic or transphobic "realism" idk go watch mypride or whatever. Im geniunely tired of having to experience and having media reflect real world prejudice that has an effect on people.

So anyways ihopeso is really good in terms of being an lgbt friendly comic. I hope more stuff like yours comes out soon.

Also I don't know how they did it but they seriously wrote nothing and hover with the charisma of an obligatory heterosexual couple in every piece of media ever. Thats all ill say on all of that

Thank you! Just based on personal experience, enjoying a thing without it having to be bogged down by rampant bits of bigotry just makes it all the more enjoyable. Right from the start I wanted to make it absolutely clear that homophobia/transphobia/ableism/etc was just not a thing in this world. Not only do the readers not have to stress out about whether it's gonna happen, but look at that, the main couple also has a brief Romeo & Juliet moment. But it's because they have different cultures, and not because they're two girls who are romantic.

Since there's no "cishet default", there's no "corrupt religion", so why include something that only exists because one sector of humans decided to hide behind religion to justify oppression? Starts not making sense when you think about it.

Unless the point of someone's story is to deconstruct discrimination or just generally speaking about one's experiences, there's no reason to include it. Animals or fantasy or whatever. Your fantasy world has Off-brand Catholicism in it to justify discrimination against queer people? Then why are you boring, that's my question. It just especially doesn't make sense with animals. It's a good fuckin way to take any queer readers you have right out of the story. Most days I just put it down and never look at it again cuz I'm fuckin tired. It's 2023, queer tragedies are old hat, no one cares.

And if someone's one of those people who thinks it doesn't make sense to not include it, then you need to assess why you think this way because it's not normal. Or if you don't wanna do that, then yeah, go back and watch MP, cuz an off-putting amount of people bug us about why characters aren't ableist or homophobic. Y'all want homophobic lions, go watch MP. That's clearly what some of you want LOL And you're not gonna get MP 2.0 out of IHS, as much as people want it to be.

As for Nothing and Hover, there's a strange phenomenon in queer media where they have to include one or multiple bad sapphic tropes. Specifically where one is the "meek feminine one" and the other is the "boistrous masculine one". Essentially making them a poorly-written cishet couple. MP just has the extra bonus of Nothing being disabled and Hover being ableist. They complete each other/sarcasm.

And to go on a bit of a tangent, homophobia and ableism doesn't even make sense in the context of My Pride lol I know what they were trying to do, but in simplest terms, woman-haters don't worship women. And it just becomes even stupider when you remember that they're trying to explain "realism" in lion behaviors. - Cat

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

Here are 3 different suggestions

Metalor

Metasusie

Metadedede.

I know sort of obvious choices, but I'm curious to see what opinions you have on these ships.

did metadede so its time for metalor and metasusie! putting both of these under the cut because youre getting my double opinion whammy. obligatory "its not every shipper obviously im just generalizing based on personal experience" dont let my opinions stop you from shipping something unless its like problematic obvs lol

theres nothing wrong with metalor but it unfortunately does fall into my "red flag ship" category

ill reiterate my definition of that again for people who didnt catch it in my last rant: what i call red flag ships are ships that are totally fine on paper, but for some reason the shippers and fandom culture surrounding it are just rancid and it throws me off liking the ship all together. and then i get kinda sussed out by people who ship it

honestly i have never gotten the appeal of this one or understood the dynamic at all. and thats fine of course. i did try reading a couple fics about it even, and in them its usually like. meta doing some shit that makes absolutely no sense under the guise of "he has a good reason for it" that just Coincidently happens to land him and magolor into some relationship-implying situation. and also the "good reason" meta knight had for doing whatever was not a good reason and was in fact a huge stretch of a reason for sake of moving the relationship along quicker. which you know i dont shame at all, i get that sometimes you just want to get to the juicy shit and people are absolutely allowed to do that, but that really just sums up my feelings on the ship entirely lol. stretches and stretches of reasonings for them to get together that dont entirely, or sometimes even remotely, make sense but okay they end up together in the end somehow 🤷

the fact that the ship is the two most popular and thirsted over men in the series together is the reason why this one lands into red-flag territory im so sorry. it attracts some um. interesting people who end up being somewhat pretentious about their own interpretations on the characters and some people get a little scary or intense about it. also of course occasionally their relationship being boiled down to whoever ships them nonstop thirsting for both of them but thats like just fandom culture for you, i really cant judge. people do that with metadede too to be fair. also a lot of metalor shippers ive seen are just downright mean for some reason. anyone else notice that or have i just been running into bad people

as people might be able to tell by how fairly neutral about it i seem, this one is yeah one of the less red flag-y of what i consider red flag ships. its totally fine. i personally really dont like the ship but its only like 60-70% of the shippers who i squint at compared to the Abysmal rates of other red flag ships. speaking of, by the way...............

ah the fandoms problem child. its metasusie

i Do think its possible to ship this one in a healthy manner. actually even in a not healthy matter as long as youre explicit about it being not healthy and its just one of those ships you find interesting due to the drama. ive read metasusie fics where it was explicitly about how fucked up the relationship can be and theyre very very fascinating from a story and character perspective if you want to explore a tragically evil but still nuanced susie. i would say highly recommend, but i dont actually because a lot of them just lean into weird unnecessary torture porn. its somewhat of a fine line between tasteful and untasteful

ANYWAYS brief tangent aside, i think its possible to ship this one in a healthy manner because you know me i would be a hypocrite to bash an enemies to lovers ship, but it obviously relies on susie needing to recognize her faults and make up to meta knight in some way, plus improve as a person in general. its somewhat of a grey area depending on various factors, both game and real life perspective-wise, how redeemable one considers the whole mechanization and dehumanization though so i dont blame people who absolutely dont trust the ship

speaking of lets get into the way this one is Definitely the reddest of the red flag ships ever. metasusie shippers what are you doing oh my god

the. the. the the when you the when you woobify susie. i do not use that word lightly in regards to susie in particular because of how often its misused by people who hate her just to mean "im mad that people are making cute friendly content of a character i dont like". no im using it in the actual proper way as in why in the world do i go around and see some metasusie shippers saying "people who hate metasusie are so stupid, susie literally never hurt meta knight in canon!!!" i shit you NOT that is a legit take ive seen a Lot of people have nearly word for fucking word and its like. what are you ON did we even play the same game?? did you even play the game at all??? are you as white and dense as a sack of flour and thats why it went over your head?????

people will try to make the excuse that they have headcanon or interpretation differences that lighten the whole endeavor, which yeah that fair. you can imagine mecha knight was just some suit they put over him rather than anything invasive like a lot of people think. thats absolutely fair. you can imagine that meta knight still retains parts of his super star personality where he was kinda okay with the mechanization in some twisted personal ambition way because hes a power hungry guy who will take any means necessary to be stronger. thats also pretty fair. ah you think this is sounding favorable to the metasusie shippers huh. WRONG. WRONG. YOU CAN THINK ALL OF THIS BUT NONE OF THIS EXCUSES THAT THE WHOLE MECHANIZATION WAS STILL WRONG NO MATTER HOW YOU TWIST IT. tfw mecha knights theme is called "inner struggle" definitely implying that he did Not like being mechanized and was trying to fight against it. tfw the elephant in the room being mechanization is of course a metaphor for colonization which is not a good thing to do to someone regardless whether or not they seem cool with it. tfw THE DEHUMANIZATION. TFW METASUSIE SHIPPERS GO HEEHOO HEEHOO CUTE SHIP AND POLE VAULT OVER THE DEHUMANIZATION. HI.

regardless whether or not you have interpretation or headcanon differences, you Cannot ignore the fact that the game does not exist in a vacuum and its themes are undoubtedly tied to real life parallels. in ignoring those parallels or sidestepping them when theyre so blatant and in your face Yes you kinda are being a huge asshole. susie calling mecha knight an It and being like heres our newest product :) while also having the dissonance of being like hes such a cool strong handsome knight is supposed to directly refer to how colonizers will fetishize the people they colonize while fucking over them and their home because they only like them as a surface level Idea rather than actually respecting their culture and them as fellow human beings right im not just being insane making all this up??? huh???? ive gotten away from my original point i feel but tldr IF YOU PRETEND LIKE SUSIE NEVER HURT OR DID ANYTHING TO META KNIGHT I WILL THROW YOU INTO A GRAIN SILO. NO!!!

anyways if you have susie getting a redemption arc yes youre so cool. if you have them getting together okay thats cool. if you draw susie/mecha knight art and act like its cute im throwing you into the grain silo too. if you dont have susie properly redeeming herself and ship her with meta knight even though shes still weird about him and still colonizing people then i dont trust you and thats the category most metasusie shippers fall in

i also want to bring up the people ship it out of spite, because theres been a big spite-shipping metasusie resurgence in the past year thanks to weird stalking drama sparked by a very certain someone people might remember. yall need to realize that going harder on something that understandably makes people uncomfortable and trying to push back by pretending the ship is (by default) more harmless than it is and pretending that everyone who dislikes it is automatically being unreasonable just because Some people are yikes to metasusie shippers is Not the play to take. it just makes you look like an inconsiderate asshole. two people being assholes to each other does not cancel out it just makes an even bigger fire. get some critical thinking skills yeah

its not the fault of anyone who wants to make cute metasusie content that susie is very explicitly a colonizer and a lot of people have strong feelings about that, bbbbbbbbut i hope it came across in this whole tangent that if you try lessening the blow of her actions against meta knight people have full right to hate your guts imo

EDIT: extremely last minute edit but i just straight up forgot that people who arent lgbtq+ exist in this fandom and thus didnt mention it: can we bring up the amount of homophobes who love this ship purely because its strong cool masculine man x cute pink feminine girl. does anyone remember that one guy who was big on metasusie and had "christian" in his bio and also had "will not do lgbt+" in his commission sheet or is that just me. its so fucking funny. it makes me cry laugh whenever i think about it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[mynonclicheblog]

(obligatory disclaimer that I haven't read the books yet, so I'm only speaking for the netflix version of this👇)

(ALSO spoiler warning if you haven't finished season 1)

Until my latest rewatch it never really hit me before that Joplin wasn't this innately villainous person who had some grand, evil plan as soon as we met her. Her villain arc only happened because she was corrupted by the bone glass, same as George, but it caught up to her a lot faster & to way more of an extreme. The call of the mirror created a link between them via their shared experience with it, which started to influence their actions. I think this otherworldly "connection" contributed a lot to the creepy pedø-ish behavior from Pam towards the end, in addition to the fact that I feel it might've been allegorical for the idea that she WAS still "grooming" him in some sense of the word.

I'm not by any means a Joplin apologist but this reframed the way I view that storyline, and it's more grounded/inline with everything else to me than just going "ugh what is up with this evil pedø lady", which is definitely where I was at the first time I watched the show 😂😂 and like... lol I still feel that way too but I'm relieved to have a more complex reading of it now.

Anyway this is probably old news for most of you but I just needed to get it out of my head 😂 thank you

[hannahstarshade]

Well, 2023 was a fucked up year for me. Several losses, near-losses, and health scares for both myself and loved ones. I'm in the worst shape of my life. Tragedy after tragedy with no end in sight, both personal and on a grander scale. There is so much suffering in the world and while doing all I can I feel like it's never enough. There are many dark moments where I feel trapped in this existence.

All this to say: I can confidently admit that 28 was not my year. Still, I don't want to be a downer when there's life still left to be lived. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. And I fucking hate crying. In keeping with tradition, I will shout into the void and speak on my birthday about the positives. This year, I'm reflecting on what went right last year:

I got into audio books. Started using the Libby app. [Insert obligatory "support your local libraries!!" sentiment here.] Over the course of the year I read 31 books. I started quite a few more than that, but I only count the ones I mostly finished. It's been nice getting back into books and discovering new stories.

The Barbie Movie happened. It was not only an event, but an experience. Watching women collectively find joy in a fun comedy, wearing pink, and saying "Hi Barbie!" to everyone walking by was surreal. I'm glad I could be in that moment.

I relocated within the company I work for. I am less isolated from the main hub and closer to home. The office doesn't have windows, but I've posted a ton of photos on the walls. The SAD lamp doesn't hurt either.

I took steps to live healthier. When it's too dark or gloomy to go outside for a walk, I have a little stepper machine that is a great workout. I've made efforts to improve what I put into my body. I've cut back on alcohol. I've set up appointments with doctors and dentists.

I published some of my writing. There was a Portal drabble and the first chapter of a YV/Fear Street crossover fic posted to my AO3 last year. That doesn't seem like a lot, but it's a big deal for me given the state of things. I've been brainstorming and planning and writing more than I have in a long time. It feels good.

Here's to 29. Let's make it a great year!

[tactician]

for reidesypoo as well :D — 14, 15, 22, 32, 47!

FINALLY DOING PT 2 OF BREE'S EPIQUE QUESTIONS thank you my fwend  ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ 

💌 sixty-nine questions for your ttrpg characters!

14. what keeps them up at night? right now he's extremely nervous about fucking up his status as his homeland's ambassador. it's been his dream to thrive in this role for a long, long time - even when it was just a like... long-shot silly fantasy. if he does a bad job at it, he's worried it'll ruin all the positive developments he's had with his family as of late (especially regarding his father lmfao), or that it'll endanger his home (WHICH HE LOVES!!!!! he looooves laverathia so much).

LIKE. reides is a confident person most of the time but he's made a lot of big choices lately. he was at a crossroads and he made a choice to start walking down a specific path. and it's the path he WANTS to take! more than anything!!! but now he's dealing with the responsibilities that come along with it. he was previously the type to run from his responsibilities as quickly as he possibly could so you know. big changes. big challenges. ;LDFKDLKG it's the most serious he's ever been about anything and he's gonna do his BEST but he's genuinely not sure he has it in him. lots and lots of fears circling around him rn!!! sleepless nights aside, he will meet them head-on >:)

15. is there something that never fails to make them laugh? as cheesy as it is, he loves aske's silly stories a lot. because......... he loves aske. 😳 LDKGDLGK otherwise i think he gets super, super happy every time he learns a new spell - especially when he manages to teach himself one. as a teenager his process of trial and error was a lot more funny, since his experiments would have some wacky little results, but he still has those bursts of joy whenever he succeeds at casting something new!

22. how would they decorate their living space, if they had a chance? he would probably opt to have it on land for convenience's sake, but having some sort of indoor pool for a water portion of it would be ideal for sure, since there's some stuff he'd likely want from laverathia which wouldn't be too well-suited to the surface world! and he would also definitely like to be close to the sea, too - so maybe the inside of this water zone has some sort of connection to the sea...? a sea pool? idk. technicalities. but that would be The Dream. a shrine to persana in that pool would also be ideal since reides is very faithful to him. ;^; that's his GOD!!!

but layout aside, the room would resemble a big study with tons of books and bottles of ink and various writing utensils!!! and it'd be decorated with a whole lot of whimsy!! lots of colourful furniture and paintings that make reides happy, prob with a bit of a nautical theme... and there'd be a lot of random objects (TREASURES!!!) that he picked up along the course of his adventures. along with a huge bed. huge beds are one of reides' weaknesses i'm ngl. it's the princely background showing. LMFAO

32. which of your decisions led to their voice being the way it is? i don't really put on a specific voice for reides - at most it's just like, a tone to accomodate his mannerisms - but in terms of how i speak as him... honestly it just comes to me with how i characterize him!!! i knew i wanted him to be kinda ditzy from the get-go, and i wanted him to say fun things very often (he definitely has no qualms with speaking his mind LOL)... so he generally has a cheerful, casual quality to how he speaks. and when he's angry, i want that anger to surge and crash!!! much like a storm. he's very emotional as a character so it's fun when i get to show off his volatileness. there's also usually a bit of a mischievous edge to him that i really love portraying hehe.

47. what could they talk about for hours on end? there's the obligatory wizard answer here (his magic), which is absolutely true, but on a more personal level? his home!!! laverathia!!! he never really gets the chance to talk about it (it's. you know. secret. for the most part. like most of the ppl up on the surface have no idea it exists sooo you know it's just not something he gets to talk about often. and he doesn't want to jeopardize its safety so he's not about to go off about it unprompted LMAO) but if anyone he trusts were to ask him about laverathian stuff he'd literally go on and on and on. it's crazy because he would deflect so much about it in the past but now that he's reconnected with it, he's just full of love for it. he will tell you all about the shipwrecks he explored and all about the stuff his fellow tritons craft and all about persana and all about EVERYTHING!!!!

[mixed-not-confused]

- But... you're mixed, right?

- How come you speak English so well?

I'm 40 years old, and I don't recall a year of my life I haven't been asked either one of those questions within minutes of new-acquaintance-chitchat and the obligatory "So, where are you from?"

Or, well, I'm lying. When I was a kid, I thought it was appropriate to take a deep breath and answer with all the details.

1999 in Hanoi, Vietnam, was the last time and place I volunteered my full introduction: "I'm half Thai and half Finnish, but I grew up in Ethiopia, Zambia and Kazakhstan." It's also the last time I went to an international school.

At an international school, that introduction still fits in a neat pigeon hole. It doesn't confuse anyone, and it is not followed up with this question:

- So where do you consider home?

I'll save the rant on how much I hate that question and why for another day, and instead, counter with my own question:

WHY is it important to you that I should have an answer to that?

Unless you also grew up like I did, perhaps you are shaking your head now, feeling sadness / confusion / disbelief at my rootlessness. But you know, I never felt it was a problem. In fact, I've always felt that it is a strength.

For many, that is really difficult to comprehend, and I'd rather spare myself the same arguments. So, after 1999, I've simply answered "Where are you from?" with "I'm from Thailand.*"

It's the closest I have to a simple answer.

And yes, if I answer like that, it often gets me the two questions I started this post with.**

If a person has left out some details in their introduction, maybe there is a reason for it. And no, you are not entitled to hear those reasons right after hello, simply because you were unable to pigeonhole that person.

Why? Because your pigeonholes probably reflect some dominant culture norms. So, what you are doing, when you ask those questions, is you are 'othering' someone, and revealing your unconscious biases.

Believe me, it wasn't the first time that month, week, or even day that the person has been reminded they don't belong.

Though my personal experience is mostly related to race and nationality, this applies equally to other identities, such as gender and sexual identity, disability, social class, etc.

Accept who people say they are. It's unlikely that you have better knowledge of their narrative and reasoning.

*Apart from being one of my passport countries, Thailand happens to be a natural habitat of the orchid, a plant that thrives without putting its roots in the ground.

**If you start our journey with those questions, then we are probably not going to be friends. This is also a topic I promise to rant about in another post.

[nowoyas]

yeah I just straight up didn't notice the weird racial undertones of the "gross american food" poll bc I live in the south and just thought of all the options as like. poor people food from round here. speaking as a poor people round here. but also like, speaking on culinary snobbery bullshit and american food culture:

the thing is that american cuisine is a whole lot of things people don't want to consider. shitting on spaghetti and meatballs for ~not being authentic italian food~ is basically textbook culinary snobbery 101. which yeah. it's not "authentic italian food". it's an american invention. by italian-american immigrants. corned beef hash is "irish" but really it's american cuisine.

be insecure about your nationality and a whiny asshole all you want (preferably away from me, christ some of you whine like children about anyone who isn't exactly you and doesn't bend over backwards to elevate you) but at some point you're going to have to confront the fact that a lot of the foods people like to turn up their noses at and claim is something along the lines of "americans bastardizing the food of another culture" oftentimes relies on putting down immigrants. the fact that the "gross american food" poll relied on foods heavily pulled from slave and plantation culture and the food cultures that arose from it is both a refusal to acknowledge the validity of immigrant experience as well as, you know, obviously racist and often classist since, at least in the american south, there's not much difference between food cultures if you divide along the lines of race and class, as much as people like to joke about "white people not seasoning food".

I do also heavily take issue with the idea that barbecue isn't "really american" given the wide variety of barbecue culture in the united states, but what do I know? I only grew up in a town known for its massive barbecue festival, in a state with a rich and schismed culture surrounding barbecue, with barbecue being absolutely integral to my childhood.

it's almost like many things that are part of our personal cultures are not directly invented by our culture, but humanity is in itself a conversation and any culture shares with others and molds alongside others, and the things received from another culture but integral to one now are still inherently a part of that culture, including food.

obligatory rant disclaimer: not everything I say is right 100% of the time. I am a human being ranting at my computer about a thing that annoyed me. if anything stated here is the result of misinformation or you disagree, you can correct me politely, we can have a constructive conversation, or you can get blocked. if you would like to cuss me out or suicide bait me or get needlessly aggressive about someone being incorrect on the internet or whatever, do it via tip or with proof you sent me a kofi and I might actually finish reading your message, but I only take verbal abuse when I'm getting paid. have a blessed day <3

[reflect-on-this-fully]

One Week Ago, I Asked Reddit What Happens When You Don't Remember Krishna at the Time of Death. Today, I Was in a Major Car Accident.

{Photo courtesy of Tomas Anunziata via Pexels}

Just before the New Year, I was on r/Hinduism and asked community members what happens if we don't remember Krishna at the time of death. If you're not familiar, Krishna tells Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, "At the end of life, whoever departs the body remembering me attains my nature without fail" (8:5).

And if you're one of my beloved pagan friends and very not familiar with Sanatana Dharma, Krishna can be reflected as the Supreme Person or God, and Arjuna, the warrior with whom he is speaking, can be reflected as the soul. Arjuna is distressed at the prospect of going to war and fighting the other side, consisting of many of his family and friends.

They are not just faceless enemies, but rather fathers and sons and people highly respected in their own right. Krishna counsels him in his chariot, and the Bhagavad Gita is their conversation.

The Gita has touched my soul in a depth that I find it difficult to describe. Sometimes, I try to avoid using the metaphor of awakening, because it's become somewhat diluted in modern culture (and even drawn a sort of stigma, at least in the US). Reading the truths in the Gita for the first time didn't reach me as being awoken to a higher truth. Rather, the truth has lived within me the whole time.

It makes up the indestructible, eternal nature of the self, lying in wait until being discovered again and again, in small moments and in big. And reading the Gita felt like a light shining on my soul, illuminating the profound truths that have always lived within me. (I once read someone describing this phenomenon as simply reading the Gita and going, "Oh yeah! That's what I've always believed, I've never seen it written down somewhere before." Perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but how could one not go on about this beloved text?)

Despite the profound wisdom of Krishna's words, the loving friendship between God and the soul described in truths both simple and complex, I hit the fifth verse of the eighth chapter and came to a standstill.

I don't like talking about it much, but I was raised in a very colonization-oriented, "fire and brimstone" religion. In fact, the term "fire and brimstone" in its modern day usage to describe proselytization and preaching practices originates from the very sect I grew up in.

In other words, there was a large focus on the afterlife and eternal damnation in my childhood spiritual education. Fear of God was something actively encouraged. And I mean that, genuinely-- to be described as "God fearing" is a compliment, indicating a high reverence of God.

I have a lot of religious trauma from these experiences, so I won't bother delving into them too much. I know it's exceptionally common, too. I find people with these experiences in many circles: Pagan, Wiccan, Heathen, and more. I think that those of us that wanted to explore an innate connection with God but were met with these traumas instead feel the pain that much more. But it gladdens my heart to see that these brave souls never gave up and found a connection with the divine in spite of the evils done to them.

Obligatory mention that I don't discriminate against any religion or personal beliefs, just sharing my (and others') personal encounters that continue to impact us moving forward.

But the reason why I mention this is that despite devoting myself to Santana Dharma and completely reorienting my perspective on the nature of the soul and the divine, my brain still went into fight or flight mode when it came to the mention of the afterlife and death. And why shouldn't it? After all, if the soul is eternal, of course it will experience distress at the thought or mention of death.

On Reddit, I was curious to see how people interpreted this passage according to their own beliefs and varying traditions. Did people take it literally, or believe that the only way to reach a heavenly realm is to remember God at the time of death? Or did people take it more fluidly, or believe that a lifetime devoted to God or strong sense of importance placed on God would be enough to reach the realm of Krishna.

My mind was caught up in the "car accident" phenomenon. If you were just driving along one day and in one instant, you died, what would happen? What if you were thinking about something else at the time of death, like where you were going or what you had to do that day?

If we could all choose our manner of death, we'd likely choose to be older and go peacefully, having full lucidity or perhaps being asleep. But accidents do happen, and I wondered what I would do if an accident happened to me.

8 days after posting to Reddit, I was driving back home after doing some shopping when a car came out of thin air and T-boned me. One second, I was driving through the quiet intersection, listening to bhajans, just barely dusk. I had a green light and was 3/4 of the way through. The car in the opposite direction was in the left turn lane. He decided to gun it (with no turn signal) and we collided instantly.

My car was near totaled, the engine busted and the hood mangled, but I was completely unscathed (as was the other driver). Before my engine and battery went out, I saw the bhajan that had been playing. It was "Shri Krishna Govinda Hare Murare, Hey Natha Narayana Vasudeva." And in that moment, I felt Krishna and his loving embrace enveloping me.

It struck me: my bond with Krishna is ingrained in my soul. If the soul cannot be touched or destroyed, neither can my friendship be forgotten with the Supreme Person. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and as for myself, I firmly believe that Krishna was with me then and would have been with me in the chance I had died and shed this mortal coil. As for my thoughts in the moment, they ranged somewhere between "uh oh" and a number of curse words that I would be quite embarrassed to admit.

My soul remembers his love and he remembers me, and this relieved me of a great anxiety, in which I had worried I wouldn't be good enough or have done enough to earn Krishna's love.

I've done a lot of reflection about this accident and wondered the best way to describe it. "Reflect on this fully" hits home more than ever. It's been a week or so, and posting this on Vaikuntha Ekadashi seemed fitting. I look forward to sharing more thoughts about this pivotal moment in my life in the future.

Wishing you a warm and wonderful Vaikuntha Ekadashi… Pax

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare