#obey me satan quotes

[devildomwriter]

“I take it Asmo challenged you to a drinking contest, huh? I’ve never seen him lose one before.”

— Satan to MC (Chapter 19-17)

[corvus-for-ddd]

[authormars]

MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

[villianbell]

Satan : prove it

Mc : prove what?

Satan : prove that you can tell who's coming based on their foot steps

Mc : Well, it sounds like Luke is moving quickly twords us while Simeon is following much calmer

Luke : *busts into the room* Mc!

Mc : see I told you

Lucifer : Hmm, that's rather impressive

Mc : Thanks, it's a trauma response

Lucifier : It's a what...

[slutifer]

Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive

mc: but why not??

Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??

Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-

Lucifer: stop-

Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-

Lucifer: STOP-

Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.

Satan: …

Lucifer: …

mc: …

mc: spit in my mouth

Lucifer: MC

[tsukii0002]

I have the headcanon that the brothers can feel when Mc feels the sin they represent, Satan when he feels anger, Beel when he feels gluttony…, but that the other way around also happens. When one of the brothers is being “dominated” by his sin, Mc is able to feel that feeling as their own even though it is not. I mean, Mc is calmly doing their business and suddenly BUM, they feel a very marked envy out of nowhere. And it's like:

Mc: *feels a very strong envy out of nowhere*

Mc: What the hell happened to Levi now?

Mc: *quietly in their room when they starts to feel a familiar sensation* How strange…

Mc: *realizing that it's greed what they are feeling* Wait…

Mc: *getting up suddenly and running out* MaaMmoOoon!!! whatever it is don't even think about it!!!!

Mc: *studying* mmm What…

Mc: !!! *feeling a big lust* Asmo we have a final exam tomorrow!!!!

Mc: *with a classmate doing a project* … *suddenly feels a surge of anger and smashes their pen* …

Demon: Are you ok?!

Mc: I am, but the bastard who pissed off Satan won't be ha ha.

Demon: ????

.

.

[rainiishowers]

Solomon: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Solomon: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Solomon: That was Mammon.

Mammon: Sorry, I got nervous-

——

Belphegor: If we put Solomon and Barbatos in a room, who would come out crying first?

Diavolo: The room.

——

Barbatos: Where's Satan..?

MC: Doing stuff.

Barbatos: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Lucifer?

MC: Trying to stop Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: And Asmodeus?

MC: Trying to stop Lucifer from stopping Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: I see. And what are you doing here, MC?

MC: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Asmodeus from stopping Lucifer from stopping Satan, from doing the stuff.

——

Mammon: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river when you were six.

Levi: let's not forget who pushed me in

——

Lucifer: You don’t want MC to die

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: And I don't want MC to die.

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: So we just have to make sure MC doesn’t want MC to die.

Simeon: Wonderful plan, but have you met MC?

——

Asmodeus: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solomon: It’s not about looks, Asmodeus. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Asmodeus: Aww.. Sol...

Solomon: For example, someone's heart.

Asmodeus: Aw... Stop it-

Solomon: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Asmodeus: Seriously, stop it.

——

Diavolo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

MC: Eyy, homie!

Leviathan: But then there's cootie...

Belphegor: Die.

——

Lucifer: Who broke the toaster?

Satan: It was Mammon.

Asmodeus: It was Mammon.

Beelzebub: Mammon broke it.

Mammon:

Mammon: ...yOU PROMISED-

——

Luke: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Simeon: Luke, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Luke: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Solomon: ...It was a bug…

Luke: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Solomon: ...

Simeon: ...

Luke: Stop looking at me like that!

——

Asmodeus: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Lucifer: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

——

Mammon: I'm not that stupid!

Lucifer: Mammon, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Mammon: BELPHIE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

——

Mephisto, referring to MC and Mammon: Those guys are dorks.

Lucifer, insulted: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

[chirp-a-chirp]

Lucifier: *Struggling to approach MC after discovering his feelings for them* What do I say?

Diavolo: Be yourself! Say something nice!

Satan: He can’t do both.

[my-names-angel-but-im-not-one]

Mc: at the end of the day , we're just human beans

Solomon: and together we shall rice

Mc: lettuce pray

Solomon: Ramen.

Satan: ....

Satan: what language are you two speaking?

[squeakyducky]

Asmo : I can't mansplain, manipulate, manwhore out of this one :(

Satan : Manslaughter it is then.

[skyeconch]

MC : Only geniuses are able say these four words quickly.

MC : Eye. Yam. Stew. Peed.

Satan, reading his book : No one is going to fall for that—

Mammon, way too proudly : IAMSTUPID—

Satan : ..except for Mammon.

[devildomwriter]

“Forget it, ___. Ignore them. Their stupidity’s contagious and you don’t want what they’ve got.”

— Satan to MC (Chapter 17-2)

[helpiamlostsomewhereinthegarden]

MC: Let's just hug it out. Come on, hug it out.

The brothers: *struggle into a group hug*

Lucifer: Who took my wallet?

Mammon: Sorry.

[kpop-otome-yandere-here]

Mc: *laying on a pool chair, unconscious*

Levi, panicking: They're not breathing!

Solomon: I'll give them mouth-to-mouth!

Mc: *opens one eye,* Ew no! Let Mammon do it! *Closes eye*

Lucifer:

Beel:

Solomon:

Satan:

Levi:

Belphie:...

Mammon: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

[villianbell]

Barbatos : Just a reminder that RAD offers therapy to those who need it

Mc, standing with the bothers : Why does he always look at us when he says that?

[slutifer]

mc: ugh thank you so much simeon, you’re such an ANGEL

Simeon: uhh thank you ??

Simeon: … and you’re such a human?