#oatmeal ideas | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oatmealdaydreams · 10 months ago

Text

Tell It to Me, My Dearest Star

Almost done with this wonderful week of these dorks. Sorry for the 'blast from the past' bit at the beginning, I RAN with this (lmao). If ya want to be added or taken off the taglist, pls ask!

Pairing: Logince, gen

Trigger/Content Warning: insecurity, violent imagery/metaphors (I guess?)

Description: Logan starts to infodump to Roman, but he stops himself before he can get “annoying”. Roman sees the lights dim in his friend’s eyes, and he refuses to let Logan feel so grey for any longer.

Extra: written for Day 6: Tell Me About It of @loginceweek2024! Features my headcanon that when Logan gets really excited or happy about something, his pupils and irises turn into stars (like a star shape instead of a normal circle) and his eyes glow a little more indigo. It operates a lot like Virgil’s purple eyeshadow.

Edit: so, I ended up writing them as implicitly queerplatonic and alterous. That was an accident, but we need more qpp and alterous partnerships always. Writing this drabble is also how I realized I'm alterous (lmao).

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

No matter what anyone else says, Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

He’s aware he hasn’t been the most obvious about wanting to listen. In the past, he’s had a tendency to ignore Logan or joke at his expense. He’s silenced him before, and that… god, Roman still feels guilty over it. He was much less focused on ‘how will this affect him?’ and a lot more on desperately getting praise from wherever he could get it. He’s not proud of it. The Prince had been more in Survival Mode, and positive attention and praise was so scarce, and then everything he grew up on- all of his structure for right and wrong and do’s and don'ts- it all came crumbling down, and he- he- well, it got fucked real quick. When Logan and Roman finally talked calmly after such a long time of being opposed, he realized just how much in common they had when it came to being hurt. He’s trying to do better, now. He and the nerd are healing, together, and are trying for each other and themselves. Now, Roman refuses to give into old habits of saying shut up, and he encourages Logan to talk more. Now, Logan is much more mindful of his critiques towards Roman and his work, finally beginning to understand what Roman being the Ego actually means. And they’ve both apologized. Every time they feel they need to, every time the other needs apologetic closure, and only when they need to. If one of them starts saying sorry, I’m sorry for something they shouldn’t have to be sorry for, or have already expressed being sorry for, then the other will gently remind them that it’s okay, we’re past that, there’s no need for you to apologize, let’s just breathe for a minute.

And they both have some mixed feelings over Janus to bond over, especially when he or Patton are still pricks. Maybe they don’t do it consciously, but those two have a lot to work through before certain things can be considered to be forgiven or not. Until then, tensions still rise in the air.

One thing that remains very important for everyone to work on is not silencing literal Logic when he disagrees or brings up a different point. That’s a nasty habit they all developed at some point. Patton and Roman have done it the longest, then Virgil slowly fell into that line, then Janus was… Janus, and Remus only really did it during his introductory video to prove a point. Unlike most of the Others, Remus made sure that Logan understood he didn’t mean it to harm Logan, just so the Others would start listening to or acknowledging him once in a while. Well, in his own way, at least. Something about a stained, makeshift mini book of poetry making it to Logan’s desk, presumingly signed by the Duke with some weird Remus-typical note attached. It helped, as far as Logan’s concerned. It was the first apology he’d gotten in a long time. He and Remus would spend time together sometimes after that, after the whole situation with Working Through Intrusive Thoughts, and made some sort of… alliance? Friendship? Whatever it is, it works for them. They’re both finally getting listened to, now. In the ways that they need to be. And acknowledged, just like they both dreamed.

From what Logan remembers, Virgil was the next to make an effort in healing his bond with the detective. It was awkward, to say the least, after realizing he was beginning to treat Logan like he was treated before his Acceptance. That realization was like a bullet to his chest, a brick to his head, a train- well, you get the point. The first attempted apology was horribly cringe- to Virgil, anyway- and nerve-wrecking and clumsy. After a few more quiet, honest talks in the middle of the night when neither could sleep, Logan slowly became less and less tense around him. Virgil developed a different habit, one where he checks in on the astrophile by leaning against him and letting himself rumble like a cat. It has the same effects as a cat purring, and it eventually became routine when the other couldn’t sleep. They’d meet in the nerd’s room- we already learned what happens when the Lights are in Virgil’s room for too long, so that’s a no-go- and lean against each other, either until someone was ready to talk or until they decided to sleep and cuddle the rest of the night away.

Then, it was Roman. Out of everyone- well, every Side, technically Thomas had started working on things with his Logic sometime after Remus’ appearance, and others followed suit- he’s not proud to admit it took him more time than the other two to get out of his self-pitying head. So, when he first talked and apologized to his nerdy companion, Logan almost… he didn’t break down, not entirely, but there was a lot of anger and hurt that finally got released. Roman saw for himself the orange glow of it hurts, why, why, why, make it stop, please make it stop, and it terrified him. It terrified him because Logan was hurting so much- he still is, but he has some support now- and Roman was a part of the damn cause of it. That first apology ended with a sobbing, orange-eyed Logan being held tight in the knight’s arms, never to be left so alone ever again. That began their journey of revealing their hurt and pain to each other, and though Roman hadn’t been the first, he’d become the absolute closest to the poor astrophile rather quickly. It was like a switch flicked on in their brains, and… and it opened a lot of realizations for both of them. Logan learned what being the Ego entails for the princely Side, and realized how awful he’d been without truly noticing.

Of course, all that being said, there’s still times when someone relapses and lashes out against the wrong people, or tells someone to shut up, no one likes listening to you when it’s been made known that’s the worst thing they can do. Luckily, with the help of those who are trying and are healing, there are apologies and weighted blankets and cuddle piles and half-jokes about something they know won’t hurt anyone. They’ll want movies without anyone’s triggers in them, and they’ll sleep until it’s time for dinner or until morning comes.

But, of fucking course, not everyone is so nice and shit. Patton and Janus are seemingly in their own healing bubble, working with each other, but still they somehow in some damn way aren’t very good with the Others. Janus and Remus have become… complicated with each other, as Remus comes to Roman’s defense a lot more than either of them thought he would. The twins themselves are trying to reconnect after so many years of being separated and at opposite ends.

Perhaps Janus and Patton are trying, but it’s just… well, it’s a lot more complicated with how things have gone. It’s not like they’re not trying. They are, in their own way, but all the damage done runs deep, deep, deep into the bones of bodies. Maybe it’s just easier to try with each other more than with the Others. Maybe, there’s just some unforgivable things, and some Sides who need more time. Maybe, just maybe… it’ll end up alright, someday, somehow, in some sort of mutual agreement of how to help Thomas. Maybe some things will never truly heal, will never truly be gone, but they all can still try and get as close to okay as they can.

But I digress. Enough about the past! It’s done and gone. Why not focus on some brighter, better things?

Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

It’s not just because of his voice. Logan’s voice gets passionate when talks. You can hear the difference between things he says because they’re relevant and important, and the things that he knows eons-worth of knowledge on because he wants to. He’s a curious facet. If it interests him, truly, Roman’s seen him read and read and read until his eyes pop out his head- figuratively, Remus, you chaotic gremlin- and not stop unless someone can kindly force him into bed and sleep. Oh, it’s not just his wonderful voice. It’s also the way he lights up, the entirety of him, when he rants for hours and hours on things like constellations or Doctor Who or sea otters. It’s the way his hands flap excitedly as he paces and rambles. It’s the way he snaps his fingers without realizing, or when he clicks a forgotten pen mindlessly in one hand as he sits. He can’t keep still, not when he really talks and talks, no, how can someone keep still when all this repressed energy finally gets a chance to burst out and dance around? He bounces his leg or taps his fingers on the table, or he’ll even rock slightly in his seat. Maybe the pen clicking or the snapping can be a little annoying to hear, but it’s not that much and Roman will gladly endure any ‘annoyance’ so his beloved friend can stim all his excitement in a safe environment. He understands, to some degree- he stims too, he gets excited and can’t sit still, he gets it- and he knows that not everyone has the patience for snapping and clicking and rocking. Logan deserves to express himself, beyond anything, and Roman feels honoured that the detective feels comfortable enough to do it around him.

Where was he going with this… oh, right!

It’s not just his stimming and his voice, though they’re very good reasons, but it’s also the way his eyes literally get starry. It’s similar to Virgil’s eyeshadow, for a point of reference, in how Roman theorizes it works. His pupils and irises turn into this star shape, and his eyes glow and shimmer this vibrant indigo that he hasn’t really seen before. It’s- oh, it’s magnificent! Roman could stare for hours at those wonderful eyes. He could, and he has, and they’re so beautiful. He’s… god, he adores Logan so much and is so glad he gets to see Logan like he does. They used to be constant opposites, and now- now, he gets to be close with him.

Roman knows how he sounds, but it’s not like that. It’s not in a romantic sense, not fully. Maybe it’s, like, semi-romantic-ish. But mostly it’s this endless care for his friend- best friend, if he so dares- and he’s so happy. He’s happy! He’s happy with Logan. It’s this platonic-not-platonic, queer, strange feeling that makes his heart alive. He’s not sure how to describe it. All he knows, thanks to building up courage to talk it out with Logan, is that his astrophile feels the same. Neither knows how to label it, but maybe it’s better unlabelled. It’s them, and they’re happy with the way they are. They’re happy with each other, and that’s all that matters.

“-reading a book on jellyfish breeds a few days ago, and I learned about Aurelia Aurita. They’re more commonly known as Moon Jellyfish. Did you know they went into space as an experiment in 1991? They also are the oldest multi-organ animal, dating back 500 million years. Think of how far back that dates, Roman! Dinosaurs only date back 250 million years, about half the amount of Moon Jellyfish. Creatures older than the prehistoric era! Oh, and get this: they also- also…”

Logan stops forcefully himself mid-sentence, stilling his pacing and pen clicking he’d been doing. His eyes, which are star-shaped and vibrant, fade back into that greyish blue, circular thing they usually are. The light literally dims from his eyes, and his face and body and stance. Roman’s eyebrows furrow, mildly confused and concerned for his companion. Logan puts his pen in his shirt pocket with the rest of them, looking a little lost and hazy. He blinks, shaking his head slightly, and turns to Roman. His prince has been sitting in his chair and staring this entire time, he notes, and he sits across from him on the other side of the table. They’re in the Mindscape’s Library. Rather it’s more Logan’s library, since he’s usually the only one- besides maybe Janus- who uses it. Point is Logan’s forcing himself to be still and quiet, and it hurts a soft part of Roman’s chest to see.

“I’m sorry, Roman. I hadn’t realized I was rambling,” Logan says cooly, distant, and won’t look at Roman.

Instead, the sweet jellyfish enthusiast looks at his hands. His hands, which twitch with the need to move move move but are otherwise denied that need. He seems to be bracing. The faint reminder of why and how much he did this in discussions and what bracing feels like- Roman knows, he’s had to do the same to survive around certain people and in certain situations- and the hurt in his chest burns the wrong way. It’s not a good burning, not like when the little fire in his heart crackles happily. No, this is an icky burning like he’s a witch set to burn for his sins on a pyre.

“No need for an apology, specs,” Roman speaks soft and kind, eyes reflecting the same as his voice. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Roman. However, I do know I can be annoying, and I wouldn’t want to annoy you with irrelevant information.”

Oh, Logan, no. No no, you could never annoy me with that voice of yours.

Roman’s gaze of concern worsens.

“Logan- hey, hey, shh, it’s just me, Roman, okay?”

The Prince immediately soothes once his nerd flinches at the mere mention of his own name, and it makes his hurting chest ache. It aches his heart, to see him scared and tense and so sure he’s at fault. How did it dissolve so quickly into this? Where did his ranting, rambling starlight go? Why is his precious detective hurting, right now, in this moment?

“What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours, starlight?”

Logan eases a little at the pet name, knowing only Roman calls him that. He looks up at his knight in royal attire, his shoulders slumping once he sees the soft soft soft gaze in his eyes.

It’s safe, he tries to remind himself and his mean brain, it’s safe with Roman.

“There you go, my star. Now, what’s going on? How can I help you feel better?”

“I-” Logan swallows around an unnoticed lodge in his throat. “I don’t know. I’m just… I didn’t realize I was talking for so long.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking, my star. You weren’t annoying me. I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”

“Wait- please, don’t? Please?”

“Oh, my dearest, I’m here, I’m staying. No need to fret, dearest.”

Logan nods, more to himself than anything. His hands twitch again.

“It’s not good to repress when you need to stim, starlight. It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

Roman tilts his head slightly, smiling this little encouraging smile that Logan can’t help but fall prey to. He lets his fingers tap quietly, slowly on the table. Just one hand, the other now supports his chin. It’s as if he were testing to see if it’s really okay. Roman remains patient, wearing the same smile as his star slowly relaxes and stops regulating the way his fingers tap tap tap against the wood. He still wonders why Logan suddenly went from passionate rambling to that quiet bracing, but it can wait until later.

“Feeling better, my dear detective?” Roman catches the lightest blush on Logan’s face as he playfully rolls his eyes, reacting so because of the pet name.

His detective huffs a smile, “A little bit, yes. Thank you, dear.”

“I’m always here, Detective Jellyfish.”

Logan snorts.

“Now, what happened there? You were so vibrant, and then the grey took that away.”

His starlight sets his support-hand next to his tapping one, letting it tap as well. He sighs, looking away from his prince again.

“It’s just one little thought. It shouldn’t matter.”

“But it does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“Are you comfortable sharing it with me, my dearest?”

“It’s- yes, I am. It’s just this thought that I’m annoying you. I used to, didn’t I? I was always told to shut up because I talked too long, and I- I guess… ugh, I don’t know. It’s like this echo that I hear but don’t hear, telling me to be quiet, don’t annoy you, to shut up. It’s so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb-”

Logan gives him a look, sassy side-eye in its finest.

“Okay, it’s a little dumb, but that’s okay. Mean thoughts are stupid. And they aren’t right now, specs. They’re echoes of past bullshit. What’s Remus always saying, there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Didn’t you say they don’t reflect on a person’s character? Hm?”

Logan looks back to him, fully, finally, and this horribly vulnerable confusion sparkles in his eyes.

“You listened to me?”

Roman bares a soft smile, hoping his eyes reflect his honesty.

“Yes, I did. I’ve listened to you a lot more than I let on, specs.”

“Oh,” comes a watery voice.

“Yes, ‘oh’- oh, oh, my dear darling nerd, can I touch you?”

Logan shakes head, “I- I can’t, ‘m sorry-”

“It’s okay, sweet jellie. Need a weighted blanket? I think you left yours in my room from our movie night.”

“Please?”

“I’ve got it. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Logan nods as he sniffles, and Roman quickly sinks out. Before Logan’s mean thoughts from earlier even try to resurface, his prince is back with a star-planet-themed weighted blanket in his arms. He’s changed into soft things as well, and Logan finds himself snapping into his prized onesie. Roman carefully tugs the blanket over Logan, placing it around his shoulders and bundling his precious star into the sensory-safe fabric. Logan wipes his tears away, sniffling again. Roman sits back down at his seat once he’s sure his star is situated.

“You were talking about moon jellies, right? What fact were you going to say, Star Bundle?”

Logan blinks, blushing at the pet name. Stupid Roman and his stupid creativity. It’s not fair that he knows him so well.

“...you really want me to continue?”

“Yes, yes, I do. Tell it to me, my dearest star,” Roman smirks as he purrs the pet name.

Logan doesn’t pout, thank you, but it’s close.

“Okay… well, did you know they glow in the dark?”

Roman’s fond look is all the reassurance he needs as he continues his jellyfish ranting, those beautiful star-shaped and vibrant indigo eyes returning.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie

21 notes · View notes