#oH BuT EdDiE DiDn't lOvE ShAnNoN LiKe hE LoVeS BuCk

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, no, if you wanna discuss the contrast between the way Eddie acts when Shannon comes back and the way he acts with Buck after the lawsuit you need to consider the difference that comes with the fact that Buck is the one seeking Eddie to get him to forgive him and the fact that Eddie was the one who reached out to Shannon. Eddie himself says it that he was waiting for Shannon to come back. If she was the one who reached out to him, he would've reacted differently. Because one thing about that man is that he is loyal until it kills him. But he probably felt like he had no power in the situation because she left him and he was the one who chased her. Their situation would've been different if she had come back on her own. He doesn't trust her because she left him and she wasn't the one who chose to come back, so he doesn't trust that she will stay. It's probably part of the why he reacts the way he does to Buck "abandoning" him and Chris. And Buck being the one to keeps reaching out to apologize is the difference here. Also lets all consider the fact that he kept Shannon at arms lengh for months and then she died so he probably thinks about what could've happened if he had those months. And Buck almost died what? 3? times in 6-8 months? before that. Of course that's gonna change the way he views the situation. And also he probably feels guilty about "robbing" Chris of what? 2? 3? extra months with his mother and doesn't want him to miss out on another adult who loves him over his own insecurities. Of course Eddie "tomorrow isn't promised to anyone" would be quicker to forgive someone.

[megalony]

Resemblance- Part 5

Thank you all for the lovely feedback on this Evan Buckley series, I hope you will all like this next part. Please let me know what you think.

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Series Masterlist

Summary: When Evan introduces (Y/n) to Eddie, she resembles someone he used to know. And he can't help himself when he's around her, leading to frightening behaviour.

Enjoy.

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Evan's hand gripped the gear stick so tightly he was about to rip it out of place. He shifted up into a higher gear, revving the engine as he moved into the outside lane and sped past the only other two cars on the road this late at night. He hoped no police would be out on patrol to catch him speeding, but he did have a good excuse if they did.

He had to get home. He had to find out what the Hell Eddie was up to and what he was doing round at his place.

"Buck? What's going on, are you okay?"

Maddie's voice flooded the car and snapped Evan out of his trance. He felt bad for calling her. She had been on shift all day and she had Jee to look after when she went home and here was Evan, ringing her at midnight, something he never did unless it was an emergency.

"I'm on my way home… Eddie's gone off the rails."

"What do you mean?"

"He's let himself into my place, Maddie. (Y/n)'s home alone and he's gone round there and I have no fucking clue what he's doing. I tried to call her and- I don't know what was happening but, but Eddie cut me off. Bobby's gonna meet me there. I don't know what Eddie's gonna do."

For the second time in less than half an hour, Evan brushed away stray tears that were falling freely down his face.

He couldn't speak to (Y/n) when he tried to call her, but he heard the utter fright in her voice and he knew she had been crying. And he just knew when the call hung up on him that it had been Eddie.

But he didn't know what was happening back at home. Evan didn't know if Eddie had hurt (Y/n). He had no idea if Eddie would physically hurt her but Evan had a horrid feeling in his gut that Eddie had done something. Whatever he was doing, Evan had to get home to stop him. He couldn't be left alone with (Y/n) and something must have set him off for him to go round in the middle of the night and let himself into Evan and (Y/n)'s apartment.

"Oh God, Buck. You don't… you don't think he'd actually hurt her, do you? He never hurt Shannon."

Evan didn't have the answer to that because he truly didn't know what his best friend was capable of anymore. He had no idea if Eddie would hurt (Y/n) to punish her or to punish Evan. He didn't know if Eddie would hurt her by mistake or how far over the line he would go tonight.

"I don't know."

He had never hurt Shannon. Eddie prided himself on trying to be a good person, a moral, loving, kind man. He worshipped the ground Shannon walked on and he would never dream of hurting her. But this wasn't Shannon, this was (Y/n) and if Eddie's delusion broke, who was to say that he wouldn't hurt (Y/n)?

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, no it's okay, Bobby should be there by now and I'm almost home."

He wasn't quite sure why he rang Maddie. He had woken her up in the middle of the night and frightened her and he knew his big sister wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep now. She would stay awake fretting and worrying until Evan or Bobby called her to update her and let her know what was happening. Evan had just started a domino effect of panic for his sister and brother in law and the rest of the team when they eventually found out what was happening.

But he couldn't help himself. He couldn't drive home in silence and Bobby wasn't answering.

He had called the station to get hold of Evan and when Evan rang him, it had been a short and panicked phone call. Bobby said he was dressed and heading down to Evan's apartment and that Evan needed to meet him there as soon as possible.

But Evan didn't want to sit and stew on this in the car ride home, alone. He wanted to talk and the first person that came to mind was Maddie.

"Okay… call me when you know what's happening, and Buck, you need to be careful. He's going to crash hard when he realises Shannon is gone and (Y/n) can't give him that second chance he wants."

Evan croaked a quiet "Okay," before he hung up and focused on turning the next corner towards the apartment block. He dragged his hand up and down his face and pulled into his designated parking space.

He had no idea what state of mind Eddie was going to be in. Did he believe (Y/n) was truly Shannon? Did he know she was never going to be his wife? Was he under the impression that (Y/n) could somehow save him or redeem him or give him the closure he so desperately wanted? What was he trying to do?

Evan pulled up and jumped out the jeep, scrambling to shove his phone in his pocket and lock the jeep while he pelted across the grass towards the main door.

Relief couldn't have overtaken Evan sooner when he realised Bobby and Athena were hurrying up the path too.

They looked disshevelled. Bobby's short hair was stuck up on end and in frantic directions. Panic was written across his face and pooling in his eyes. His shirt was on inside out and his belt wasn't done up tight enough, leaving his jeans to sag on his hips and jiggle up and down as he speed walked towards the main door.

Athena had tamed her hair as much as she could in the car on the way over. She was wearing a vest tucked into an old pair of jeans, trainers instead of her usual high heels. She had a thin jacket pulled tight around her shoulders but what frightened Evan was her gun and badge he could see attached to her hip.

She was here on duty. She had woken up and come along in case she needed to arrest Eddie.

Was she going to have to arrest him? Was Eddie going to be in such a state that he needed to be taken into custody? Was he going to hurt one of them and land himself in jail for the night? Would he need to be sedated or taken down to the hospital for a psyche hold?

Oh God, when was this night going to end? How was it going to end?

"Buck," Understanding flooded Athena's voice as she sighed his name and reached a tender hand out to squeeze his bicep.

"Have you managed to get hold of either of them?" Bobby placed his hands on his hips and waited for Evan to fish out his keys and unlock the main door. He had a strong feeling that Evan hadn't gotten hold of Eddie or (Y/n). Bobby hadn't called (Y/n) back when she hung up on him.

He took that as a sign that Eddie was approaching her and Bobby didn't want to call her and set Eddie off into a raging episode. But once he and Athena got in the car, Bobby tried again to call her, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing and no one answered.

Evan shook his head and held the door open for them to follow after him. He called (Y/n) four times in a row after he got cut off, and she didn't answer. He tried calling Eddie but as expected, he didn't pick up either.

"Do either of you know what he's doing here?" Athena followed them both up the stairs as Evan took them two steps at a time and Bobby tried to keep up with Evan's pace.

"(Y/n) said he let himself in, she didn't say what he wanted or what he was doing."

"I told him to stay away from her… I told him I didn't trust him, and he laughed." Evan shook his head at the memory.

The last time he spoke to Eddie properly after their fight, he told him to stay the Hell away from (Y/n). He said he didn't trust Eddie around her after what he said at the station and what he did when he came round last time. And Eddie laughed at him. He laughed as if he didn't believe what he was hearing or as if he was taking this as some sort of personal challenge.

Maybe it hadn't been the right thing to say. Maybe Evan should have told Eddie that he needed to keep at a distance for a little while. Put it in kinder terms so he didn't isolate Eddie or make him feel broken and unheard.

But Evan had no idea what Eddie thought he was doing tonight or what his aim was.

Had he come round tonight with the intention of hurting (Y/n) to get back at Evan? Was he trying to get her to go somewhere with him so they could be together? Did he want to talk to her and try to move past this? Or was he there because he wanted to delve into this fantasy of her being Shannon? Was he trying to mould her into his wife and keep her for himself?

Evan hopped up the stairs two at a time until he got to the fourth floor and he was out of breath. He slowed down his steps so they didn't thunder down the hall and his hands began to shake at his sides, rattling his keys back and forth as he approached his home.

Was it even going to feel like home after he walked inside and finally found out what was going on in there?

Tears welled up in Evan's eyes and he suddenly didn't know how to breathe when he tried to get his key in the lock, but it wouldn't turn.

"He- he's left the key in the lock. We're gonna have to break it."

***

Small, shuddering breaths slipped past (Y/n)'s lips and her eyes snapped closed when she felt Eddie's lips against the side of her neck.

She could feel him whispering something into her skin, leaving hot, panting kisses in his wake as he kept tilting his head up and down. Every now and then, his nose would brush against the tip of her jaw and across the bottom of her ear before he kissed down towards her collar bone.

He was still crying. Silent, sticky tears soaked into (Y/n)'s cheek and neck which was already wet from his lips and felt like it was bruised from how frequently Eddie kept nudging his chin into her neck. And every so often she felt his teeth grazing her skin when his unrecognisable words became desperate.

She managed to make out another "I love you," panted against her skin before he bared his teeth and sank them into her neck like a vampire, causing her body to quake in his arms.

She couldn't help but dig her nails into his arm that pinned tighter into her throat that was bruised while her windpipe was surely going to be crushed if he continued to hold her like this for much longer.

His knees were jabbing into her legs and his thighs were tensing and squeezing her upper thighs that were going numb with pins and needles.

Her back was aching from rocking back and forth so much but Eddie's arm around her stomach was imbedding more and more into her skin and she knew if he didn't stop, she was going to pass out or be sick. But he wouldn't let her go and no amount of pain would make him release her.

She bit his hand upstairs and he barely flinched. She scratched his arms and he wouldn't budge an inch. She tried pushing and writhing and tearing out of his arms and he held her tighter and screamed until she started to shake and gave up fighting.

"I feel sick," She whimpered, scratching her nails into his arm as she pushed back into his chest. "Please let go now."

"No." That one word word passed through Eddie's lips on a loop, again and again until he was screaming and (Y/n) sobbed loudly in response. She could barely catch a proper breath and when Eddie started to growl, (Y/n) did the only thing she could think of.

She thrust her head to the right and bashed the side of her head into Eddie's temple.

Her head rebounded to the left and she closed her eyes, feeling her breath get caught up in her lungs as static built up in her ears and her mind started to reset itself.

She heard Eddie's horrific howl as his head snapped back and his arms momentairely loosened around her.

(Y/n) took that as her moment. With her eyes still tightly closed and her body being shifted around in Eddie's arms, she pulled away from him.

Her nails scratched the floor and her hands scraped against the laminate as her knees thudded and banged against the floor to try and heave herself up. Her head felt cloudy and full of cotton wool, her stomach was churning, her throat was raw and her eyes were as sore as they had ever been from crying so much.

She couldn't get her legs to work and there didn't seem to be much point in trying to stand up. She shuffled, crawled and flopped across the floor, aiming for the bathroom or the front door, whichever she could reach first.

Her hand locked around the bathroom door but she stopped when a familiar voice caught her off guard.

"(Y/n)? Eddie? What's going on in there, can you let me in please?"

Bobby.

He was here. He had done as (Y/n) asked and come to help her, he was going to sort this situation out.

He was going to come in and get Eddie away from (Y/n) and help her work out the best way to help Eddie and sort this out. Bobby would be able to talk some sense into Eddie and show him that what he was doing wasn't right. Eddie would listen to him. Hopefully.

Her momentary pause gave Eddie enough time to grab her before she reached the bathroom.

Before she knew what was happening, Eddie's arms were around her waist and her back was pinned up against his chest. She stayed stiff in his arms, not bothering to fight because it wasn't going to do any good. The tears Eddie had been shedding earlier were all but gone now and he was back to kissing her cheek and her temple, almost lifting her off her feet with his force and strength.

"Eddie, c-can we let him in?" (Y/n) clenched her hands around Eddie's arms but she could feel the panic radiating off of Eddie.

He didn't know what to do.

They were so close to the front door, less than five feet away. All they had to do was walk over, unlock the door and remove the chain. Then Bobby could come inside and they could try and diffuse this situation.

But letting Bobby in would break the fantasy Eddie was trying so hard to keep hold of. He had Shannon in his arms and if he opened that door, Bobby would snatch her away from him. Forever.

"No."

(Y/n) all but whimpered, sniffing as she leaned her head back on Eddie's shoulder but it seemed to be the wrong move to make when he kissed her cheek. Then again. And again before he was suddenly kissing her lips and sliding his tongue into her mouth.

He turned her round in his arms and backed her up into the wall beside the bathroom, halfway between the bathroom door and the front door. So close to two ways of escape, but she couldn't reach either of them.

Her shoulders wriggled against the wall and her fingers scrunched up in Eddie's shirt. Her heels scraped against the floor, trying to keep herself upright but she could barely put any weight on her left ankle that kept giving out beneath her.

It didn't matter about keeping herself upright, Eddie did that for her. His hands clamped down on her hips so fiercely (Y/n) felt like she was going to pop like a berry. He released her lips and left a speck of blood in the corner of her mouth from where he bit down harshly on her lower lip.

Eddie tucked his face into the crook of her neck and breathed harshly into her skin, pressing his groin into hers and pinning his chest down on her collar bone, pinning her in place.

"Eddie, what's going on in there. Are you both okay?" Bobby's calm, solemn voice flooded the apartment again along with a soft knock on the door to gain their attention.

"Leave. I don't want your fucking help."

"I can't do that, not until you let me in and I know everything's okay."

Bobby could feel Evan pushing against his shoulders, trying to get past him but he couldn't. Not when Bobby was stood with both hands on the door frame, blocking it off from Evan who had Athena holding his arms to try and comfort him and keep him at bay.

They didn't want to break down the door, not unless it was their only option, their last resort. Breaking the door would be a lot of effort when it had two locks and a security chain and it would cause their biggest problem.

The police.

If they broke the door, Evan's neighbours would surely find out what was going on and they would call the police. Athena was here as a friend, as family and a curtesy so she could try and diffuse the situation. Calling the police and making an official report and arrest would cause problems for all of them. They didn't want to arrest Eddie, he needed help, not being taken to the station and questioned or charged.

"You'll take her away from me!" Eddie's voice barked through the corridor and none of them recognised him anymore.

The pain, aggravation and turmoil was clear in his words. He was frightened that this was the last time he was going to be around (Y/n) because he knew once they got in here, they would separate her from him.

He wouldn't be able to see her anymore. He wouldn't look into those eyes that he loved so much. He wouldn't be able to kiss those sugary lips or hold her close or hear her heartbeat and know that Shannon was here, that she was back. Eddie wouldn't be able to get her to forgive him and he wouldn't be able to hear her say she was sorry or explain why she had left him all those years ago.

He wanted an explanation. Eddie wanted to know why. He wanted her to come back. He wanted to take her home and have the family they built together.

Bobby nodded his head when he felt Evan hit his shoulder and ask if (Y/n) was okay. They hadn't heard her speak. They couldn't hear anything in the apartment right now. Was she still there? Was she okay? Was she hurt?

"Eddie, the last thing I want to do is take her from you. Can you tell me if she's okay?"

"I- I'm okay." (Y/n) could hear the tremor in her voice and she gasped when Eddie slid his hand up from her hip to hold the back of her neck. His fingers dug into her skin, scratching until blood was welling beneath his nails and he had (Y/n)'s head tilted back against the wall.

"That's good. Can I come in? Eddie, we can talk this through and work out what to do from here but I need you to open the door for me. I'm not going to take (Y/n) away, she can stay with us-"

"No. Y-you're not doing this… just let me take Shannon home." The way he sobbed into (Y/n)'s neck had her shivering and almost sliding down the wall if it wasn't for his tight hold on her.

She didn't want to go anywhere with Eddie.

She just wanted him to let go and leave her alone. Why couldn't he seek help? Why couldn't he let his family help him? Why did he have to do this in his own twisted way and make things worse?

Why did she have to resemble his dead wife so much?

"Come home. Let me take you home."

When (Y/n) silently shook her head, her lips curved down at the corners and tears spilled over her eyes. She could see the change happening in Eddie again. She could see that manic look taking over his pupils that were expanding until his eyes were nothing but black holes, devouring everything in their path. Absorbing every emotion (Y/n) had and taking it for himself.

His upper lip curled into a snarl and his hand left her hip so his knuckles could smash into the wall beside her head, creating a dent in the plaster.

(Y/n) cowered to the left, hunching her shoulders up as she snapped her eyes closed and moved her hands near her face. A sob bubbled past her lips when both his hands moved to grab her face.

The pads of his fingers were rough. The heel of his palms pressed bruisingly into her cheeks. His fingers dug into the sides of her jaw. He squashed her lips like he was trying to make her pout and when she tried to look away, he shook her head and forced her to look up at him.

The way his eyes narrowed and how his lips parted made (Y/n) tremor because he looked at her like she was an enigma he just couldn't work out. She was the embodiement of a Rubix cube. A real life puzzle with all the pieces slotted into place, but Eddie couldn't work out what the picture was supposed to be.

He was looking at his wife, but she was staring back at him like she thought he was the devil in disguise.

He leaned to the right, then to the left, following (Y/n)'s gaze until she had no choice but to stare at him. And he leaned closer, nudging their noses together and brushing his lips teasingly across hers. Their tears mixed together on their lips, the salty, tangy taste felt like the embodiment of sorrow itself and made (Y/n) whimper.

She clutched at his wrists but Eddie kissed her again, sucking her lower lip between his and tugging on it and biting like it was a sweet he wanted to demolish.

"Come. Home."

"I am home."

What good would it do her to go along with Eddie's delusion? If she went with him back to his place, what next? Would she ever leave? Would he try and make her stay? What would happen if Chris found out what he was doing? This would traumatise him and he didn't need or deserve that.

(Y/n) couldn't play along with this game because Eddie was becoming dangerous and it wasn't safe. She needed Bobby to get in here and get Eddie away from her.

"You're my wife!" Eddie's voice crashed through the apartment as he thrust (Y/n)'s head back into the wall like he was trying to drill his words into her skull. His knee jabbed between her thighs and pinned against the wall, parting her thighs around him while he pressed his groin against her leg and pushed all his weight onto her chest until she was gasping and croaking.

"Eddie, what are you doing? Please, you need to stop-"

"She's mine." Such a possessive growl emitted from the back of Eddie's throat and it had (Y/n)'s knees buckling and sent her stomach up into her throat.

It was clear that something had changed now. Eddie knew Evan was outside, he had just heard his voice. He felt like Evan had stolen his wife and now here he was trying to do it again. Well, Eddie wouldn't let him. He wouldn't let Evan take his world away and ruin what was left of his life.

(Y/n) felt her head cloud over and her vision turned to water colours when Eddie kissed her with so much force that he slammed her head back into the wall. Again.

Her hands let go of his wrists and fumbled around her to grab for something, anything to hold her up or use as a weapon against Eddie. But all she managed to grab was his shoulders that stopped her from sliding down to the floor, and her touch only spurred him on even more.

His hands let go of her head that swayed from left to right, sliding against the wall as her neck ached, too floppy to hold her head up any longer.

A spark of adrenaline rebooted her brain when she suddenly felt Eddie's hands on her thighs.

His touch was hasty, his fingers were rough and his movements sloppy but he managed to rake her shirt up her stomach, exposing her underwear.

"No! Stop- stop it!"

All of her effort went into leaning forward and creasing over to try and make Eddie's movements halt. Her thighs pinned together, her knees bent out and her hands slapped and thrust at Eddie's wrists and when she felt him scrunch up her shirt near her hip, she knew the material started to tear.

She heard the unmistakeable sound of seams splitting apart and the cotton stretched until it started to tear.

Her scream overrided the tearing sound and her knee smashed into Eddie's groin when she was sure his other hand was about to paw at her underwear. Whatever he was about to do- something Evan would never be able to forgive him for- he had to stop. He couldn't do this. (Y/n) couldn't let him do this.

She knew she heard Evan scream in response to hers. His voice sounded so shrill and deep and broken and it made (Y/n) cringe. He didn't even know what was happening and there he was, pounding on the door he was trying to break so he could get to her.

(Y/n)'s legs started to twist and cave beneath her while her hands balled into fists and she slammed them down onto Eddie's shoulders and into his neck, desperate to make him stop.

"Eddie you need to stop whatever you're doing. We're coming in!" The panic was undeniable in Bobby's voice as he and Evan tried to kick the door to break the locks. They couldn't stand and negotiate any longer, they had to get in there before something happened, if it wasn't already.

The little bit of momentum (Y/n) had managed to push Eddie backwards so (Y/n) was no longer pinned to the wall.

But she couldn't hold herself upright when her ankle kept cockling and giving way on her and she was shaking so much that she didn't seem to have any control left over her own body.

Her eyes closed on instinct when Eddie's hand squeezed her waist and his dingers dug into her back so harshly he was going to give her bruises and blood wheels beneath her skin. His other hand gripped her jaw that clicked into place when he pulled her head roughly in his direction and caused tears to flood down (Y/n)'s face.

They were like magnets, pushing and pulling, propelling each other in different directions. And when (Y/n) screamed, Eddie reciprocated and yelled back at her.

"Evan! Evan p-please-"

"Why don't you love me anymore?!"

She couldn't tell whether Eddie was shouting at her or if his words just seemed volumous in her ears because of how close his lips were to hers. Maybe he was crying. Maybe anger was present in his eyes. Maybe he was shaking her head from side to side or maybe she was simply shaking her head in response to his words. (Y/n) didn't know anymore.

All she did know was that when Eddie pushed her, the wall was no longer behind her to catch her fall.

They had moved without knowing it. They had push and pulled each other in different ways and now they were falling.

Why did the bathroom door have to be made of frosted glass?

Why couldn't it have been solid wood or plastic or even metal? Why glass? Why something so easily broken and so easily turned into a weapon when broken?

(Y/n) didn't realise they had been falling hard enough to crash into the door, but their combined force and weight smashed right through the glass panes and took out the small wooden beams supporting the panes. Glass licked and nipped at her back and arms, but it seemed to bite into the back of her left thigh so venomously that it almost felt like Eddie had sank his teeth into her flesh.

His full weight slammed into her as they both screamed until they were breathless. Landing on a cushion of glass, broken wood, splinters and a freezing cold tiled floor.

(Y/n) wasn't sure what her head slammed into. She wasn't even sure when her body had turned sideways, but either the sink or the toilet- possibly the bathtub if she had turned that much without realising- smashed into her temple on the way down.

Static danced through her ears and turned her brain to mush. Everything switched off.

***

"Eddie what the fuck was that? What are you doing?!"

She had been crying out for him. Evan heard her. He heard his name tear past (Y/n)'s lips before Eddie began screaming. He heard (Y/n) screaming and he had no idea why, but he had a feeling he knew what Eddie was trying to do behind that door.

And he wanted it to stop. Now.

Both Evan's boot and Bobby's shoulder rammed into the door for a third time before it finally swing open. The chain hung loose on a broken bracket, the door groaned as it opened to allow them inside. And the doorframe was split into fragments right in the middle with the metal lock cylinder hanging on by one screw.

Evan didn't waste a second. He bolted past the door, his eyes wild ad rabid, pupils blown wide as he tried to find them.

They had been close. He heard them screaming, he could almost hear Eddie panting and (Y/n) crying and hear them banging on the walls. They couldn't have been in the living room or upstairs. They had to be in the kitchen or near the hallway for Evan to hear them so clearly.

And something had definitely broken. Such a loud crash echoed out into the hall when he and Bobby started to break the door. It sounded like glass. Had Eddie thrown a vase? Had (Y/n) found a glass or a jug or a ceramic bowl to crash over Eddie's head to subdue him? What had they been doing?

When his eyes landed on the glass littering the floor in front of the kitchen, Evan's blood ran cold. His head turned to the left so fast a muscle in his neck twinged and he was sure he had just gotten whiplash.

Legs. He could see a tangled web of limbs sticking out the bathroom doorway. Oh God. What had Eddie done?

Bobby almost pushed past him until Evan's legs finally got back into working order and his work boots stomped over the glass that crunched beneath his thick heels. He reached the bathroom doorway a split second before Bobby and Evan hated the sight in front of him.

Eddie. Laid on top of (Y/n). Their legs tangled together, his head in the crook of her neck. His lips visibly attached to the side of her neck. One hand cupping her jaw while the other planted down on the floor so he could try and lift himself up.

"Get the Hell off her!"

His hands scrunched around Eddie's shoulders with enough force to dislocate the joints and in one motion, he lifted him up. He felt Bobby hovering beside him, both of them wedging their tall frames inside the bathroom to try and lift Eddie who was laid on top of (Y/n).

Groans and coughs tumbled past Eddie's lips when they heaved him up and dragged him out of the bathroom, two feet away from the doorway where he was safe from the broken glass. A safe distance away from (Y/n).

But once Eddie was sat on the floor, his body slanted back at an angle into Bobby's legs, he seemed to come alive. His hands were moving in front of him, his legs were kicking and he was doing his best to push forward. He didn't care about the blood trickling down his right arm from a deep cut in his elbow. He didn't care about the glass littering his hair like glitter or the cut to his brow or the slash marks in his jeans.

"Shannon!"

"Shut up!" Evan pointed at him with a dangerous look in his eyes and his whole arm trembling from his shoulder down to his fingertip.

He gave Bobby an uncertain look with the devil swirling around in his eyes and Hell's fury bubbling through his blood. He could see Bobby was holding Eddie down, keeping him sat on the floor with both arms under Eddie's armpits to hold him at bay.

"This is Athena Grant, off duty, batch 1275, I need an ambulance to my location, apartment 4B. There's been a domestic, we have two injured needing medical assistance."

Athena had no choice. They needed an ambulance here because she could see (Y/n) wasn't moving. There was no twitch in her foot or jolt of her legs. She wasn't moving her arms or trying to sit herself up. Her head wasn't turning from side to side and no noises were passing through her lips. She was unconscious, surrounded in glass. She needed help.

The least Athena could do was call an ambulance, and the most she could do was try to play this incident off as a domestic situation that didn't need police back up. She could spin a lie, assure dispatch that this wasn't a fight or domestic violence and say someone's night had just gone a little wrong.

She wouldn't arrest Eddie when he needed to see a doctor and she wouldn't try and get any other officers involved. Not unless Bobby and Evan explicitly told her they wanted Eddie charged. Both men had told her on the way here that they didn't want to call the police.

They knew arresting Eddie wasn't going to get him the help he needed and they all had Chris to think about. If anything happened to Eddie, Evan was the one who would be looking after Chris and he could hardly do that if he was the one to call and get Eddie arrested in the first place.

"Baby? Baby please…" Evan crouched down beside (Y/n) and took the time to look her over.

Cuts were dotted up and down her exposed skin from all the glass, but Evan knew he could see a few patches bruising into her skin from where Eddie had clearly grabbed and manhandled her.

He pressed his fingertips to her neck, counting her pulse that was uneven and quite high. But it was there and she was breathing. That was all he needed to feel right now.

A growl tore at the back of his throat when he looked down at what she was wearing.

Why was her shirt ripped down the side near her hip? Why was it bunched up on top of her hips? Why was the collar hanging down over one shoulder in a way that wouldn't happen just by falling through a door?

Why was her underwear skewed and partially pulled down?

A shudder tore down Evan's spine at the thought and he tried to brush it from his mind. If he continued on that train of thought he was either going to explode or commit murder on his best friend.

He could feel his nose scrunching up and his lips curling into a grimace when he looked at (Y/n)'s face. She was out cold, but she had blood smeared all around her nose and mouth. She'd bashed her head at some point and given herself a nose bleed.

His eyes travelled south again and he looked down at her left leg that was pressed against his knees. There was a puddle of blood beneath her thigh.

His cold fingertips were delicate and soft when he gripped her knee and slowly lifted her leg up to try and see the damage. A chunk of glass had sliced down the back of her thigh towards the groove at the back of her knee and it was bleeding out fast.

"Fuck."

His hands fumbled for one of the towels from the towel rail on the wall and he wrapped the navy blue cotton as tightly around her leg as he could before he sank back on his heels. His bloodied fingertips moved to his belt and he made quick work of unbuckling it and snapping it free from the loops on his trousers.

Once it was out, Evan carefully looped the belt around (Y/n)'s thigh, just two or three inches down from her hip near her underwear. He was suddenly glad she was unconscious so she wouldn't have to feel or acknowledge that he was cutting off her blood supply with his belt.

"There we go," He whispered softly as he lowered her leg back down to the floor, trying to avoid the glass as much as he could so he didn't give her any further cuts to her skin.

"Shannon! Get the fuck off me! Let me help her-"

"Eddie shut up or I swear I'm gonna deck you-"

"Enough!"

Athena's voice cut through the air as she moved to stand in the doorway to the bathroom. But before she could say anything else, all their eyes were going back to (Y/n) and Eddie was writhing in Bobby's arms to try and see what was going on.

She was coughing- no, she was choking.

"Athena," Terror pulsed through Evan's voice as he looked up at her before he crouched down to be level with (Y/n).

His hands cupped her bloodied face to try and see the problem. Her lips were parted but she was gasping and spluttering. Droplets of blood coated the back of her teeth and welled up on her tongue as her chest began to convulse and push up from the floor.

"She's aspirating! Move her- Shannon please," Eddie writhed until he was laid forward on his chest with his hands scraping the laminate to try and drag himself across the glass towards the bathroom.

She was still bleeding from her nose and the blood was trickling down the back of her throat. She was unconscious and inhaling the blood into her lungs, if it carried on she was going to drown and choke on her own blood.

Athena moved to kneel against the bathtub so she was behind (Y/n). "Okay honey, okay." Her voice was soft and lulling as she cupped the back of (Y/n)'s neck and held her hip while Evan helped to turn her on her side.

They kept her on her left side so she was facing Evan and Athena pushed her head down as much as she could so the blood would flow out her nose and down onto the floor. They couldn't have her choking like this.

"Shannon!"

"Out! Get him out or I'll kill him!" Whatever Evan's hand curled around first, which happened to be a lump of wood broken from the door, he launched it out into the hall. He threw it like a javelin until it smacked into Eddie's chest, but it didn't impact him or even make him wince.

If he continued calling out for his dead wife, Evan was going to let Hell loose on him and ravage him. He would give Eddie as bad a nosebleed as he had given (Y/n) and he wouldn't feel bad about it afterwards.

Eddie needed to leave before he made things any worse. But as Bobby tried to lift him up and drag him out, he kicked his feet. He raged, thrusting his elbows back, slamming his legs down, pushing forward. He did anything he could to try and get into that bathroom.

He wanted her. He wanted Shannon. She was his. Evan couldn't have her this time.

[babygirl-diaz]

Happy Mother's Day, Eddie

Every year on Mother's Day, Eddie took Christopher to Shannon's grave with flowers, teddy bears, balloons, and a handmade card made by Christopher. It became a tradition after her death. There was a year when things went to hell and Christopher refused to go there with Eddie, but after they mended their relationship, they restarted their tradition. Now Christopher was 16 years old, and this was one of the only times he voluntarily spent time with Eddie so Eddie made the most of it.

After they put everything on the grave, Eddie and Christopher silently sat down on the bench.

"Dad?" Christopher called out after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

Christopher pulled something out of his jacket pocket and gave it to Eddie.

Eddie looked at it confused and realized it was a handmade card that read 'World's Best Mom.'

"Is this for your mom?" Eddie asked. "I thought you already gave her a card?" He said, looking at the grave.

"No," Christopher replied awkwardly and wrung his hands together. "It's for you."

That confused Eddie even more. "For me?"

Christopher nodded. "You've tried your best to fill both roles since Mom's death, so I don't think it's too far-fetched to want to celebrate you too today."

Eddie was stunned and welled up a little at that. He opened the card to see a picture of himself and Christopher from when Christopher was only 7. Christopher had drawn it himself. Under the picture, the message read, "Sometimes the world's best mom is actually a dad." Eddie couldn't help but laugh a little through his tears. "Can I- can I hug you?" He asked. He knew Christopher didn't like hugs anymore that's why he asked first.

"Yeah, yeah you can," Christopher replied with tears in his own eyes.

Eddie pulled his son close and hugged him tight. "I love you so much, kiddo," he said, kissing the top of Christopher's head.

"Love you too, Dad," Christopher said, hugging him back.

After Eddie pulled away, they stayed there for a few minutes, just talking to each other and Shannon.

"Can we go to Buck's place?" Christopher asked once they started walking towards the pickup truck.

"Buck's place?" Eddie asked. "Why? Isn't he supposed to be hanging out with Maddie and her family today?"

"No!" Christopher replied quickly. "I need some help with my math homework, so I asked Buck, and he said we can come over."

"Okay?" Eddie replied unsurely. He was almost certain Christopher was up to something, but he didn't press.

Instead, he drove them over to Buck's place and let Christopher go ahead of him. "Where's your backpack?"

Christopher didn't answer and instead knocked on Buck's door.

Buck soon opened and grinned when he saw them. "Hey, fellas!"

"Something smells good," Eddie commented as he entered the house after Christopher.

"I made chicken enchiladas!" Buck replied excitedly.

"Oh, nice! My favorite!" Eddie chuckled at Buck's enthusiasm.

"I know, that's why I made it!"

Eddie looked at him, confused. "You cooked for me? Why? It isn't my birthday."

"No, but it's Mother's Day and you're the world's best dad slash mom, remember?" Christopher giggled.

"And the world's best dad slash mom deserves only the best!" Buck added and took Eddie's hand, leading him to the dining room. "Ta-da!"

Eddie's eyes widened when he saw all the food on the table. "Oh wow." He looked between Christopher and Buck. "You two planned this?"

"Happy Mother's Day, dad!" Christopher said instead and gave him a side hug.

"Happy Mother's Day, Eddie," Buck added and gave Eddie a side hug as well, squishing him in between his two favorite guys.

There was no place Eddie would rather be.

[lesbianrobin]

wrote a whole post and lost it so this will be the abridged version but has anyone ever written an au where shannon has a hot mamma mia summer and hooks up with buck and eddie and then oh noooo she's pregnantttt so she tells them both and they all decide to like be friends and just get a paternity test after the baby is born. but then shannon has like a rough labor and chris is in the NICU so they just forget about it for the immediate future they're like okay that doesn't even matter they just focus on shannon's recovery and getting chris healthy.

and suddenly chris is four months old and technically buck has his own little shithole apartment with four roommates while eddie and shannon are dating and living together but in practicality eddie and shannon barely spend any time together and buck stays over on the couch all the time and he and eddie have become Buck And Eddie and they both love little baby chris so much that they don't really Want to do the paternity test anymore because once that happens their little bro parenting arrangement will fall apart and one of them will have no claim to their beautiful baby boy...

meanwhile shannon has never been more stressed in her fucking life and she wants out. everyone keeps saying that it'll get easier and she sees buck and eddie both settling into parenthood and enjoying it but she just feels like she's in a cell and the walls are closing in. at the moment she's the only one on the birth certificate and she's acutely aware that buck and eddie could both just dip if they wanted to but she can't. so she starts pushing the paternity test issue and they both keep making stupid ass excuses to put it off and her and eddie's relationship is a fucking mess and she wants OUT.

so finally she's fed up with it and she goes and has the test done without telling them. and when she gets the results back she updates chris's birth certificate and she knows that she should tell them but well. now that she's faced with having to tell the guy who's dedicated his entire life to christopher for the past six months that actually he doesn't need to be here. she thinks she understands why they didn't want to get it done. and now that eddie's name is on the paper next to hers she thought that the anxiety and the trapped feeling would let up but it doesn't. if anything it makes her feet itch more. and she tells herself well eddie can do anything he needs legally. and buck will probably stick around and help even though he's not the father. so they don't really NEED her christopher will be fine and buck will have an excuse to stay and she and eddie won't have to keep playing pretend.

so eddie wakes up the next morning to a crying baby, an empty bed, and a fresh legal document with his name on it.

[eddiediazenjoyer]

like the thing is that eddie hasn't had that much surviors guilt about him living while shannon died bc his life kinda sucks and he's miserable. so it's always "if shannon was still here my life wouldn't suck" but if his life didn't suck......if he got out??? oh think of all the new insane guilt trips eddie could send himself on. turns out he was gay the whole time? wow i was trapping shannon in an unhappy marriage where i didn't even have the ability to love her right. i should've known. he gets to be happy with buck? wow this is so sick and twisted of me to be happy when shannon never got to. he tries his best to be a good husband/partner to buck? well why do i get a second chance when shannon didn't. and she was misrerable bc of ME. and he could do this forever. about everything. he'll be out at brunch with chris and buck smiling and then he'll go 😐 bc why does he get to smile with his new partner and his son over waffles when shannon never got to even get close to this kind of happiness...?

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | August 19th-25th 2024

Have a wonderful week! I hope you enjoy this rec!

Complete

don't let go by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (Getting Together | <1K | Teen): Buck and Eddie get home after a long shift and decide to take a nap. for the prompt: accidental pet names

in the crystalline knowledge of you by bleakmonday/ @bleakmonday-writes (Post-BuckTommy Break-Up, Love Confessions | 1,5K | Teen): Eddie barges in and tells Buck how he feels and they cry about it. That's it, that's the fic.

Come on Sweetheart, Let's Adore One Another by giselleslash/ @gigi-gigi (Established Buddie, Fluff | 1,6K | Mature): When Buck and Eddie start dating Buck finds out a surprise about Eddie that delights the hell out of him. (or the one where Eddie’s soft, romantic little heart loves being called pet names.)

Shouting Under My Breath by carpediaz/ @sofa-king-lame (Jealous Eddie, Getting Together | 2K | Teen): The one where a guy hits on Buck in a bar and Eddie gets jealous. Turns out, Buck really likes it when Eddie is jealous.

call your girlfriend by bleakmonday/ @bleakmonday-writes (S5, Love Confessions | 2,6K | Teen): Buck is at a loss, so he calls Maddie. “Eddie… told me we were getting married.” The silence is damning. “…You wanna run that by me again?" - Or: When Taylor tells Buck she loves him, Buck tells Eddie about it. And Eddie? Well, he goes right for the jugular.

leave it out there, no regrets by Maira/ @carrierofthepaperclips (Post-S7, Love Confessions | 3K | Teen): Or, the one where Buck is completely oblivious to Eddie declaring his love, and Eddie (briefly) contemplates leaving the country forever because of it.

we'll try and we'll succeed by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (Post-S7, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Buck comes out to Chris and it helps him realize who he wants to be with.

we should make a verbal agreement to only kiss each other by bleakmonday/ @bleakmonday-writes (Secret Marriage | 4K | Teen): “Who the hell did he marry? Everyone he knows works here! He’d have to marry one of us!” The whole room goes still as they process that. “God, could you imagine?” - Five times a member of the 118 imagines being married to Buck, plus one time one of them lives it. (sequel to call your girlfriend)

I Am What I Am Cause You Trained Me by I_still_dont_understand_13/ @dangerpronebuddie (Post-S7 | 5K | Mature): "So it's all my fault Christopher’s first instinct is to run?" Eddie protests. “And Shannon's?” "Eddie, you enlisted," Helena says gently, but there's nothing gentle about it. "And Shannon ran off to LA," Ramon adds, oh so helpfully. "And I was ten years old when you told me to step up and be the man of the house because you weren't around," Eddie says, jabbing a finger towards Ramon. Ramon does at least look a little guilty about it. Helena, as always, is undeterred. "He was angry at you, Eddie. He needed his space." "Which I was giving him," Eddie hisses. "You didn't have to take him away for him to get a little space or time or whatever he needed." "He asked us to come get him," Helena reasons. Buck, who'd been quiet so far, steps beside Eddie and speaks, his shoulder brushing Eddie's in silent reassurance. "And you didn't think to at least consider trying to mediate first?"

No Regrets by Inell/ @inell (Post-S7, Getting Together, PWP | 5K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie’s relationship changes with an impulsive kiss during a rerun of Chopped. It’s now a few hours later, and Buck wants to make sure that Eddie doesn’t have any regrets.

love is stored in the picnic basket by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Getting Together | 5K | Teen): Buck participates in the 118’s basket bidding on Valentine’s Day and things go exactly as (Bobby) planned. When Eddie is done standing on the sidelines, he makes the grand gesture Buck has been dreaming of. or: buck’s heart (um, picnic basket) is up for auction and eddie is ready to pay

The Way to a Man’s Heart by Inell/ @inell (Post-S7, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): When Eddie texts Buck to ask him over for dinner, Buck thinks something odd is going on, but nothing prepares him for what Eddie has planned.

the best of me (are just the pieces of the best of you) by justhockey (Post-S7, Getting Together | 6K | General): It was a slow, aching, gruelling process, like re-breaking every one of your bones just to set them back in the right place. But Buck got to watch as Eddie slowly came back to life. There’d still been the whole moustache debacle, though. Which, thankfully, hadn’t lasted beyond the first facetime call with Chris, where he’d actually hung up in disgust and texted Eddie a single sentence: get rid of it. They don’t talk about that brief lapse in judgment anymore.

wanna do a bad thing twice by coldbam/ @coldbam (Cheating Buck, Buddie Endgame | 7K | Explicit): Eddie gets another new friend. History repeats itself.

this could be the year for the real thing by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Maddie/Chimney | 8K | Teen): It's December, 2016 and Chimney is a bit down on his luck. But a chance meeting with Beverly Hills heiress Maddie Buckley, right before her parents' big annual New Year's party, might be just what he's looking for. OR a Madney Cinderella AU.

the kiss that lingers by greenbergsays/ @greenbergsays (Getting Together | 10K | Explicit): 5 times Eddie kisses Buck's birthmark & 1 time he doesn't.

🔥the best endeavor waiting by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Amputee!Buck | 12K | Mature): When quarantine puts the 118 on the front lines of the pandemic, Eddie asks Buck and his service dog, Cranberry, to stay with Christopher. (Part 2 of Buck & Cranberry)

Vary My Days by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-S7 | 12K | Teen): After Christopher leaves, Frank tells Eddie to get a hobby. Eddie picks Legos, Buck picks crochet, and they both wait for Chris to talk to them again.

Can You Open Up The Door? by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 15K | Teen): Or, five times Abuela and Pepa try to matchmake probationary firefighter Buck with freshly single dad Eddie moving to Los Angeles, and the one time they don't need to do anything at all.

🔥I'm Hearing Secret Harmonies by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Canon Divergent, Witch Eddie, Coffeshop AU | 18K | Teen): When the firefighter walks into Eddie's coffeeshop, Eddie immediately knows two things about him: he's not human, and he's the love of Eddie's life. Oh, he knows a bunch of other things too, obviously. He's about thirty, a few months younger than Eddie himself. He has a scar on his throat, like he got stabbed there, and one of his legs has some metal rods in it that must have come from a bad injury. The guy doesn't know he's not human, which is a tricky thing to figure out, but Eddie's almost positive. Most of the non-humans he knows have always known they aren't people, but there are exceptions, and they tend to carry themselves differently. The firefighter moves like he knows he doesn't belong, but not like he knows why. Like he's afraid of taking up space, afraid of being noticed. As if Eddie is even capable of not noticing him.

🔥 you're almost home (i've been waiting for you to come in) by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Post-S5, Canon Divergent - Roommates, Getting Together | 34K | Mature): Buck moves in. Eddie comes out. Things get a little messy.

🔥I used to watch the moon retreat and wonder where it goes by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Canon Divergent, Ghost Whisperer Buck | 43K | Teen): Here's what Evan believes: if someone can do something that other people can't, if they offer some unique and special service to the world, they should do that. They have an obligation to use whatever skills they have, ideally to help people. It's just the right thing to do. And the one thing that Evan can do that almost no one else can is see ghosts. (The 118 are on a ghost-hunting TV show. Buck's the only one who knows ghosts are real.)

WIP

🔥Where there's smoke by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Multiverses | 25/31 | 30K | Teen): His eyelids are heavy. His lungs ache. The smoke is dense and thick, slowly suffocating him. Eddie feels himself drift as Buck’s voice penetrates the smoke, cuts through the fog in his brain. “Eddie, stay with me. Stay with me, Eds.” Eddie wants to stay. He wants to open his eyes and see Buck. He doesn’t want to leave. But he’s so tired, and sleep is calling him. Maybe it will be okay. Maybe his dreams will be sweet. Maybe there’ll be peace, there. And maybe, if he just rests for a little while, he’ll be able to find his way back.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 17/21 | 84K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 Long Death by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7, Vampire AU | 14/15 | 68K | Explicit): In the summer of 2024, a never before seen form of vampirism breaks out in Los Angeles. Just as Eddie is about to get his son back. Six months later, Buck's life is permanently changed.

go and kill, go and die by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Zombie Apocalypse AU | 3/14 | 12K | Mature): The 118 are a group of survivors in a small California town in the wake of a zombie apocalypse. For months they've been isolated and safe. But the arrival of some new players, the search for some missing loved ones, will shake everything up and put their little team in jeopardy.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 134/? | 425K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Weary Memory by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Buck&Bobby, Post-S7 | 3/4 | 9K | Teen): After an argument about the circumstances of Bobby's sudden retirement, Buck and Bobby each find themselves inexplicably experiencing one of the other's difficult childhood memories.

Podfic

🔥[podfic] i'm not good with names (and you don't feel the same) by be_brave13/ @djemsowhat // fic by benwvatt/ @benwvatt (S7E7: Ghost of a Second Chance | 10-20min | Teen): Whatever you do, don’t think about her, Shannon, six feet under, carnations at her grave. And don’t think about Buck, ever-changing, sleeping on your couch at home, hands folding over faded towels ‘cause he’s doing your laundry without you asking and fingers tracing down your books, copies left over from high school; eyes roving over your body in locked-away dreams that you don’t discuss, not even at therapy; lips that haven’t ever touched you but lips that know the touch of another ー another man ー just don’t think about it. Or: Eddie goes on his date with Kim and totally, absolutely, does not pine after Shannon or Buck the entire time. (Mission failed.)

[capseycartwright]

tagged by @livingincolorsagain to do a 2024 fic roundup and i am v late but hope u forgive my tardiness i have been enjoying a new year rot of the highest order. anyway apparently i wrote a whole heap of fic this year and didn't realise it until i made this post.

april

every little thing the sun shows, well it’s worth it 

Buck should – he should be freaking out, right? He’d lived thirty-two years of his life without coming close to kissing another man, and it should be making him freak out that tonight, he did – but Buck felt flooded with the oddest sense of calm he’d ever experienced in his life.

He’d kissed a man.

or - after his kiss with Tommy, Buck goes to Hen.

stay close, little brother

hen and maddie share a quiet moment of pride about their little brother at the buckley-han wedding.

may

all roads lead to eddie diaz

Eddie inclined his head slightly. “He is,” he hummed in response. “But it sounds more like you’re wanting to pick a fight here than discuss our mutual appreciation for how great a person Buck is.

Tommy, at least, looked slightly embarrassed. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it before,” he admitted. “The way you feel about him.

or - eddie and tommy have a revelatory conversation about the buck of it all.

july

a sky full of stars

Christopher Diaz had always loved fireworks - the pop, and bang, and the way they would light up the sky with bright colours. His dad didn’t like fireworks though. His dad was afraid of them.

or, even in Texas, Christopher worries about his father spending the Fourth of July alone. So he texts Buck.

can't ignore the crazy visions of me in la

Margarita-drunk Buck ruminates on how beautiful Eddie Diaz is while his best friend is dancing to Chappell Roan. That's what LA pride is for, right?

- or, alternatively: Eddie spends his first pride as an out queer man in a gay club, and Buck is in love with him about it.

october

oh what a terrible honor it's been (to learn that my blessings are things you call sins)

Hey God, it's me, Eddie. I hope you don’t mind that I’m sitting in your house thinking gay thoughts.

Eddie couldn’t help but giggle to himself as he thought the words. If he couldn’t be a bit silly while having a sexuality crisis in a Catholic church – when could he? 

Christopher leaves for Texas, Eddie goes back to therapy, unearths an emotional lockbox he had been fourteen years old when he buried, and has a lot of thoughts about how Buck is sunshine incarnate. In hindsight, it probably should have been obvious he wasn't straight.

knowing damn well i haven't been touched by you

Buck’s been having a really weird year. Buck died, and he realised he was bisexual, and he got a boyfriend, and Christopher left and went to Texas after he walked in on Eddie kissing his dead mother’s doppelganger, Eddie had grown a depression mustache, and Gerrard was back at the helm of the 118 and Buck felt like he was starring in a Netflix Original about how a perfectly normal, functional, member of society was driven to commit murder.

- or, Buck's got a boyfriend, Eddie comes out and starts dating men, and Buck loses his entire mind, actually.

november

miss me, but let me go

“I have - I’ve carried this grief, for you, for so long, and I know I can’t let it all go, because a part of me is always going to grieve for you,” Eddie paused. “But I can’t feel like this forever, Shannon. I don’t think you’d want me to, either. So - I need to let some of it go. Okay? I need to - I need to be myself now. For me, and for Christopher. I want to be me.”

On November 1, Eddie builds an altar for Shannon and finds a way to let her go.

you're my sun, my moon, my guiding star

“Fine, let’s have it your way then,” Eddie slammed his phone down on the kitchen table. “You set me up a dating profile then – Hinge, Grindr, whatever you fucking want, Buck. Set me up a dating profile, and you pick which random man I need to sleep with to make it so you feel okay about wanting me.” 

in which evan buckley gets dumped, gets drunk with his best friend, realises he's in love with said best friend, and lets his abandonment issues get the best of him. because your first is never your last, right? so buck can't be eddie's first: he needs to be his last.

december

i'll be home for christmas (if only in my dreams)

It was a silly thing, Buck had started, right when Eddie first got to El Paso – we’re looking at the same sky, he’d quipped, on one of their nightly Facetime calls.

Even when they were far apart from each other, they were still able to look up at the same stars, and if they just remembered that, maybe the distance between El Paso, and Los Angeles, wouldn’t feel so cavernous. That’s what Buck had promised him.

simply having a wonderful christmastime (maybe)

Eddie's family were about to arrive for the first Christmas they were hosting in LA as as couple, and, well, Buck felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack so great it would be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the destruction it was liable to cause.

or - the buckley-diazes are hosting christmas for the first time, and buck is freaking out, a little. he has a good reason, he swears.

see the lights, hang the stockings

Eddie finds out that Buck has never ever had a Christmas stocking of his own. He's very determined to change that and share a few Diaz family traditions.

everyone has probably done this already so apologies but tagging @doeeyeseddie @thatbuddie @clusterbuck @hattalove @mellaithwen @sibylsleaves @piningbuddies @eddiebabygirldiaz @hotshotsxyz

[asunsetgrace16]

✧ 𝗪𝗛𝗬? ⎥ 911

Pairing: Evan Buckley x Tommy Kinard

Warnings: This does have spoilers for 8x08.

Summary: Eddie is leaving, and Buck goes to Tommy about it.

Notes: This is my first piece of writing for the 9-1-1 fandom. I am a bucktommy shipper so if you have a problem with that then don't read this.

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Word Count: 1.2k

In the locker room after shift, Buck is quiet and the silence is tense. He knows that today Eddie is telling the team that he is moving, having finally bought a house in El Paso. Eddie told him two weeks ago when he handed in his resignation. 

"Guys, I have uh, something I want to tell you all." Eddie says, breaking the silence. Buck is already dressed so he can leave as soon as this is over. He can’t bear to hear it again that he is losing his best friend. Everyone exchanges a look. They can tell that this maybe isn't happy news. 

Hen asks, "Yeah Eddie, what's up."

"I bought a house a couple weeks ago." He tells them.

"Oh nice, is it close to us? Did you make sure to pick a good neighbourhood and school." Chim questions.

"Uh yeah I did, but it's not here. It's in El Paso."

And the silence is back. Bobby knew this was coming, so he's leaning against the lockers, calm and cool. Chim and Hen are dumbfounded, mouths gaping like fish, while Buck stands silent, staring at the backpack in his hands.

"Why are you moving back to Texas?" Hen asks tearfully.

"I'm tired of missing out on Chris's life. Now that he's there and Shannon is gone, there's nothing left for me in LA anymore. I want to be a dad to my kid again, and it doesn't look like I will be able to do that here."

Buck sucks in a breath. He wasn't expecting to hear that from Eddie. Obviously Buck knew how much Eddie misses Chris, but how can he say that LA has nothing left for him? Despite not wanting to make it about him, Buck thinks about how he has been Eddie's partner and best friend for eight years, LA can't mean nothing to him, right? What about Buck?

Buck can't take it anymore. He wheels around and stalks out of the locker room without saying anything more to Eddie. Ripping open the door to his Jeep, he leaves the station and just drives. Before he realizes it, he's only got one turn left before Tommy's house. Well, he's here now.

Inside, Tommy is 25 minutes into a movie he doesn't know the name of when someone pounds on his door. "Okay, okay, I'm coming, hold your horses."

He opens the door to find Buck, panting and face twisted with sadness, fist raised to hit the door again. 

"Hey, Buck." Tommy says, and sees him visibly flinch. Tommy's heart breaks just a little more. 

His voice is small and sad when he asks, "Can I come in?"

Tommy nods and opens the door wider. Kicking off his shoes, Buck follows Tommy to the living room where he gets parked on the couch. Going to the kitchen, Tommy fills two glasses with water.

"What happened?" Tommy asks, sitting as close as acceptable, despite longing to pull Buck into his arms and shield him from whatever hurts him.

"Eddie's moving. Back to Texas." His voice is smaller than Tommy's ever heard it. It doesn't fit with the exuberant, joyful man he grew to love. Tommy lets the silence sit, giving Buck time to gather his thoughts. And if he wipes a tear off his cheek, Tommy will never admit to seeing it.

"Why, Tommy?" Buck breaks the, tears threatening to fall, "Why does everybody always leave me? And logically I know that Eddie moving to El Paso isn't him directly leaving me, but when he told the team today, he said that now that Shannon is gone and Chris may as well be, that there's nothing left for him in LA anymore."

Tommy's heart shatters, listening to Buck- Evan's shaking words and breaking voice. His face cycles through fourteen emotions in fourteen seconds. "Oh Evan." Tommy finally says, softly.

"How, how can he say that? I'm here, you're here, the 118’s here, Pepa is here. I didn't want to make it about me, but this feels a lot like he's leaving me by saying that. First it was Maddie, then Abby, then you. And now Eddie." Buck is defeated. And he looks at it. Shoulders hunched in, trying to make himself as small as possible. Buck faces Tommy, with a look on his face Tommy never wants to see again. He’s going to punch Eddie for making Buck feel this way, even if it wasn’t directly his fault.

Tommy's breath catches on you. He never thought about what breaking up would do to Evan. It makes sense that he would see it as Tommy leaving him, not setting him free. Because he didn't want to be set free.

“Evan, I am so sorry.” Tommy tells him earnestly, not only apologizing for Eddie.

Buck looks at him, a look of wonder creeping onto his face. “You called me Evan.”

“Yeah, I did. And I need to say something, I shouldn’t have left you that night. I was trying to protect my heart, but in the process I destroyed yours. You didn’t deserve that. I’ve spent the last three weeks trying to justify it, but I miss you so much that it hurts.” Tommy breathes deep, collecting himself before he starts crying. “I regret it. Not what I said, necessarily, but how I said it. I should have left the conversation open so we could talk but I got scared and ran.”

“Why were you scared?” Buck asks, moving closer to Tommy.

“I fell in love with you. And it terrified me, because you don’t deserve to have someone like me, with all my baggage and flaws loving you and holding you back.”

“Tommy, I never felt that way. I’m not perfect either. And now I realize that I’ve been putting you on a bit of a pedestal, which wasn’t great, but it doesn’t change the fact that I do admire you. And I love you, baggage and all. I know I jumped the gun a bit by asking you to move in, knowing you have a whole house to your name, but what I really meant by that was that I’m ready to take the next step. Start getting into the nitty gritty stuff in our pasts, lay everything out on the table, really get to know each other.”

They sit looking at each other, having moved closer while they talked. While they confessed their love for each other. Buck is crying now, and Tommy’s not far behind. 

“I don’t need to figure anything out because I want you. I want us. I know you set things at my pace before, but now we are going to go at yours.” Buck says, tentatively reaching for Tommy’s hands. Tommy's face shows surprise, and he turns his hand over under Evan’s, gripping his hand tight. They are both crying now.

“I want you too. I never should have let you go. I never want you to ask yourself why people always leave you ever again.” Tommy pulls Evan in, half in his lap, arms wrapped around each other. Evan tucks his face into that spot in Tommy’s neck where he fits like it was made for him. Evan makes a sound, curling his body into Tommy’s.

“I love you.” Buck murmurs.

Tommy presses a kiss to Evan’s curls, and whispers, “So you’ll take me back?”

“Always.”

[dangerpronebuddie]

Ooh!! I love your wip, please do 😭📋📋📋🥵🥵🥵💙💙😎😎😎 thanks 🥰🥰

Hi darling thank you!!! 🥰🥰 So sorry I'm answering this like three weeks late, the words have not been wording. Scrolled through my asks last night and saw this one and wrote a lot more than I was expecting to. Thank you!

Verbal Abuse fic:

“Christopher said you're seeing a therapist again,” Helena says, her mouth a thin line. Eddie never bothered telling her about therapy. She doesn't believe it helps. “Yeah,” Eddie nods. “Have been for months.” “Pity you didn't start before you traumatized your son into running away,” she says, casual as anything.

Clipboard Buck fic (oh look, Maggie's projecting):

Eddie works his jaw in thought. He wracks his brain, trying to think of his first serious crush. That friend from highschool comes to mind, but he immediately skips over him to Shannon. Before her, there really wasn't anyone. He remembers his friends fawning over Leticia Montes in third grade. He didn't understand the draw. They didn't know her very well; she was in fourth grade. Eddie didn't know a thing about her. He supposes her dark curls and blue eyes were pretty, but there wasn't anything beyond that. There was a boy in sixth grade his friend Mary was practically in love with that, objectively speaking, was attractive. Eddie still didn't get it. Whenever his friends asked him who he liked, he'd think up the most well known heartthrob as his answer. Unfortunately, he had more than a few friends who would proceed to try and set them up. The refusals became degrading after a while. Eventually, he just stopped answering them. He lost those friends, but he didn't feel all that bad about it.

Sub Eddie fic (it's less than 3 lines but it's all my brain would allow me):

“Relax,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to his inner thigh. He doesn't say it out loud, but Eddie hears it all the same. The promise they've kept to each other for years: I'll take care of you, and I trust you to take care of me.

Tanis' fic:

“Fuck, you're beautiful,” Buck says in an awed whisper. For a moment, Eddie thinks he should shy away from the attention. But he doesn't want to. This is Buck. Buck hovers over him, bracketing his head with his forearms. Eddie tips his chin up for a kiss and Buck grins as he leans down. Heat engulfs whatever softness remained from moments before. Buck nips at his lips and licks deep into his mouth, rocking down hard against him as Eddie pulls him closer, closer, closer.

Big Damn Hero (I couldn't not include this moment):

“Yeah, or you know you could… you could have mine,” Buck stammers like an idiot. Eddie does that adorable snort and shakes his hand. “Deal.” Oh, Buck was in trouble. So. Much. Trouble.

Also using this as my WIP Wednesday!

Tagged by @tizniz and @daffi-990 who both shared AMAZING stuff y'all should show some love!! 💚🩵 (p.s. I'm sorry if I haven't interacted with some tags I've gotten recently. Life's been... life, and some days even tumblr is overwhelming. Love y'all and thank you for continuing to tag me 🩷)

Tagging:

@lover-of-mine @loveyouanyway @kitteneddiediaz

@ronordmann @steadfastsaturnsrings @inell @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @diazsdimples

@thekristen999 @monsterrae1 @actuallyitsellie @diazheartsbuckley @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley

@rainbow-nerdss @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @lunarspark-cos @idealuk @shipperqueen6 @slowlyfoggydestiny

@misshiss727 @lin27 @jshadow01 @orangeboxfox92

@thegeekcompanion @emilybahu @lemotmo @awolfnamed-nyx

@kaseysgirl86-blog @darkrose6578 @totallynotagoraphobic @dandelioncasey @bibuckbuckgoose @whatsgoodinthehood22

@lady-elaine @buckley-diaz-rules @buddiedaydreamer911 @monroemary @pirate-hunter

@nonspeakingkiku @eddiedisasterdiaz @drunkandsupportiveeddie @traumabuddies @epicbuddieficrecs @elvensorceress @disasterbuck

@tofanasmuse @gnoeltop @keynb @cassi-brooks @-syrup-sue @punkrock00 @shannonhutchins @lasagnatheory

[warpedpuppeteer]

"You know it's like that thing where you meet somebody and just...click".

Oh Eddie. Oh you fucking DIDN'T omg. I just know he didn't just use that fucking line. The one that he used when he talked about Shannon. And if Buck's already implied to be in love with Eddie here then...oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

[chaosandwolves]

You know what else was interesting

They have to re-introduce the characters to the new audience, right?

So they show Chim being insecure he's not enough for his romantic partner... Like in the beginning of the series

But then his whole dynamic with Maddie and just the love and adoration between them

They show Bobby and Athena and make it clear what a high stress life they have but that they did find an anchor in each other

And they show how vigilant Athena always is and how they immediately work as a team

They show Hen as the competent Captain with a side of paramedic and also her empathy and kindness

and her and Chim being hilarious best friends

They show Buck and Eddie together talking about dating first and then about Chris

The easy communication between them

That they're partners not only at work because

They show the Buckley Diaz family. They show how natural this dynamic is. Eddie is like... Hey I was hoping you'd talk to him and Buck just does and Chris doesn't even question it

They position Buck as Chris' guardian /father as if it's the most normal thing

They bring up Shannon and show how much she and what happened in the past has impacted their life and relationship to each other but they also throw some healing into this

Some kind of closure to this

Still, it's interesting that they show Buck as the link there

Chris does not only not question why Buck is talking to him about dating but he also trusts Buck enough to tell him how he really feels which is a huge thing

In general but also cause Chris is a teen now

It's also interesting they brought up Eddie's panic attacks

On the one hand they're showing that something was going on with him but that he's healed a lot and doing much better than before

On the other hand it might be foreshadowing

To the changes in his romantic life and the link to the shooting

To the upcoming trauma and triggers

(please please let it be foreshadowing)

And then.....

they told us shit about Marisol

Eddie didn't even answer Buck when he was like... Oh I thought things were going great with her

She was there, yeah, but not even as an active presence

They didn't give her any room or interaction with Chris either

And I think that's so telling!?

So yeah absolutely loving it all so far and find it very very interesting what they chose to show about the characters within the first ep

I do find it weird though that all the other kids were left out and Karen as well

[poughkeepsies]

Not to make this 1000 times worse for everyone but actually, 614 and 615 were the episodes for both Buck and Eddie mutually rejecting each other and the other's place in their lives by implying that they are lacking in the area that is the other's love language. Lemme see if I can hold my pieces together long enough to explain.

614 with Eddie rejecting Buck was much more subtle and didn't show a reaction from Buck beyond general jealousy because I fully believe that Buck doesn't know he's in love with Eddie, because he never even allowed himself to consider it as an option. He is too petrified of people leaving and too incapable of accepting that he can be loved to ever put himself in a position to hope for something that has the potential to devastate him so thoroughly. But whether he knows he's in love with Eddie or not, over the past 5 seasons he has thrown himself completely and utterly head-first into being there for Eddie and Christopher, being their best friend and their safe place. He exists as a part of their lives that no one but Shannon has ever even come close to occupying. Buck doesn't do grand declarations like Eddie does, but he shows his love through quality time and acts of service and all of that boils down to making sure the Diaz boys are never, ever alone. And yet, just last episode Eddie decided that he wants to start dating because he doesn't want to be "alone" anymore. Eddie is scared of dying alone when Buck has proven time and time again that there is no mess, battlefield, or locked door that could keep him from Eddie if he's ever in danger. So if Eddie is still feeling alone, still scared of dying alone, then maybe the kind of partnership and presence Buck brings to their lives simply isn't what Eddie is looking for, at least in a romantic sense. Even if he isn't aware of his feelings yet, even subconsciously Buck would take that as a door closing in his face before he even had the chance to knock. And so continues the pattern of Eddie jumping back into the dating game and Buck diving in seconds after him.

Now, of course, Eddie isn't saying that because Buck isn't enough. Buck is everything he wants or needs in a partner, but that scares him because Eddie is aware of his feelings and that makes him so acutely aware of the fact that Buck will find someone else to settle down with and start his own family with any day now, and when that happens Eddie really will be well and truly alone. He can't break his own heart, he needs to start being proactive because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life alone after Buck has moved on.

And in 615, when Buck says that Natalia really sees him, he's discounting the way Eddie has always unspokenly expressed his love for him. Because maybe Eddie hasn't ever used those exact words before, but every one of his major declarations, including "there's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you" (THE TO BE SEEN, TO BE FOUND SCENE?? HELLO???), "I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too", "I forgive you", "I know", "It's in my will if I die you become Christopher's legal guardian", and especially "you act like you're expendable, but you're wrong", have been just another way of Eddie telling him I see you for all that you are and I love you for it. The expandability line is a particularly unsubtle standout because it's absolutely paralleled with both Taylor and Margaret telling Buck "you think you're invincible but you're wrong," and there Eddie was again, paired against Buck's mom and his girlfriend, two of the people who should know him and love him the best and yet just don't. And oh shit I'm realizing this just as I'm typing this but Eddie is yet again being paralleled against Buck's mom and his girlfriend (the girlfriend now being Natalia). In 6x10 when Margaret calls him a "miracle baby" and the way Natalia gushes about his death - Buck's death and his birth, two of the most traumatic things that have ever happened to him and Buck is someone who so desperately wants everything to be okay, wants the trauma to have some grand meaning, so he takes the out and takes the win and he lets them let him hide behind the superficial positive bullshit. But Eddie, Eddie sees Buck and Eddie knows him and loves him enough that he can tell just how not okay all of this is, not just for Buck but for all the rest of the people who love him as well, and he doesn't want him to hide away from it because Buck shouldn't have to pretend to be unchanged but he should acknowledge the way he's changed. Eddie is seeing Buck more than Buck can handle being seen right now and Buck is unconsciously rejecting it by placing preference over the way Natalia sees him. Except to an Eddie who is already convinced Buck doesn't feel the same, who is so scared of being alone after Buck has moved on, this feels like just another way he won't be enough for Buck and the time when he'll really well and truly be alone is more and more drawing near. There's even something to be said about the fact that we see Eddie visibly realize just how much Buck has been affected as he's talking - the fact that he's realizing this so late may be making him even more sure of his inadequacy.

[tevanbuckley]

If you could take Tims place for 8b how would the rest of the season play out? Would you put Tommy and Buck back together and if so, how?

oh where to begin...

tbh i think the bucktommy stuff is the easiest to fix, because the biggest problem (outside of needlessly losing an interesting new character) is it puts buck back to square one, so it could be solved by pretty much any variation of them getting back together. personally, i think the cleanest way would be to have tommy reach out after the kidnapping. would that be the most satisfying resolution? no, but it would stick with the theme of tommy showing up for buck and could be nested within the maddie storyline without taking up a ton of limited screen space. then i'd have buck actually think about his sexuality for thirty seconds (and say the word bisexual).

eddie is difficult bc his arc is dependent on how much truth there is to the speculation of ryan wanting out, but either way for the love of god PLEASE bring up shannon! my thing with that situation has always been eddie's refusal to accept that for all intents and purposes he didn't lose his wife, he lost his ex-wife, and i think having him finally grapple with that would be a good way to conclude his arc (whether he moves to texas or not).

athena is...frustrating, i think there's maybe something in her training new recruits. it would certainly give a bit more structure to her storylines than "random cop shit." i know a certain amount of copaganda is inevitable but 911 is especially bad for it (and imo has actually gotten worse over the years), partly because they refuse to take an actual stance (like why tf was the lady who got shot a sovereign citizen? the audience isn't stupid we know that's not the average victim of police violence). in theory the training stuff could help illustrate how policing is rotten all the way down the chain and potentially challenge some of athena's beliefs (i will be shocked if this happens)

for bobby i'd bring back some of the stuff that was touched on last season. he was an active suicide risk for christ's sake and are we really gonna drop all the tragic backstory about his family and then do nothing with it? perhaps his brother reaches out and causes problems or passes away.

madney and henren meanwhile i fear are a bit of lost cause this season. presumably madney is gonna be wrapped up with the kidnapping/pregnancy shit, which again forces chim into the position of "maddie's worried husband," don't get me wrong i think we'll get some stellar acting from kenny (and jlh) but "madney being sad," is not particularly interesting at this point.

similarly all the really juicy stuff with mara/ortiz/gerrard has already been pissed away — could've been especially interesting if hen and chim were still on the outs during the kidnapping but oh well — if tim's serious about wanting to "blow stuff up," one way to do that would be having hen consider a move to captain at another station. which (assuming they get s9) could even facilitate bobby taking a promotion down the line and her coming back to the 118 in his place.

[lesbianrobin]

Hi for a writer new to writing 911 fics what are some key character points that you think are really important for capturing the vibes of Buck and Eddie?

omg HIII 🫶🏻🫶🏻

so first off i also consider myself New to writing 911 fics fmvjdjc but i assume since ur asking Me of all people you like one/some of my fics enough to think i am an authority which rules. thank u that's so sweet. ANYWAY on to my actual advice.

buck: you know that john mulaney bit where he's saying he's a terrible driver and he's like "i hear you honking and i also don't want me to be doing what i'm doing. i don't like that i'm in that lane either. and i sure would like to get out of it." that is buck in basically every aspect of his life besides being a firefighter. his problem is that he won't pull over long enough to figure out what the hell he's doing. buck acts before he thinks and only Later does he even consider like hey Why did i do that. What was i feeling. What was i trying to accomplish. which often results in him behaving selfishly and hurting others (see: lawsuit, Entire Relationship With Taylor Kelly, maiming eddie during a basketball game, coming to the erroneous conclusion that he was jealous over tommy rather than eddie) as well as behaving recklessly and risking his own life under the cover of heroism and necessity.

as far as more like. basic character things go. buck can be kinda dumb And smart at the same time. people often swing really hard in one direction or the other and i think it does buck a disservice. like, yeah, he loves his fun facts and research spirals and books, he clearly has a love for learning, but he's also not the Best at critical analysis of his sources and maybe has a tendency to take things at face value. like i do fear that buck could be persuaded to join an essential oils mlm.

ALSO buck is a weirdo like yes he Can be charming but he also has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and says shit like "oh we didn't kill him we just WANTED to!" TO THE COPS. WHEN BEING QUESTIONED ABOUT A MURDER. i think buck is just constantly rolling either nat ones or nat twentys when it comes to charisma.

i also think it's important to keep in mind that while buck can be deeply insecure, that insecurity doesn't Usually manifest in him like. noticeably withdrawing into himself or trudging sadly around like a kicked puppy. his response to that insecurity is most often to be loud, to lash out, or to overcompensate (see: his entire personality in s1, eddie's introduction, befriending red and taking on his end of life care, swearing to abby that he'll rescue her fiancé and risking his own life to do it, etc).

ok i think i've yapped enough ab buck SO!

eddie: i actually feel like way less confident prescribing advice for writing eddie fmvkdjc so this'll probably be shorter than the buck section. as far as the Basics go i think people can often characterize eddie as very like serious and grim but he rly is not! he's a very silly guy! mostly with chris and buck, but also a bit with carla and linda and the rest of the 118. i think eddie is a guy who can behave very differently depending on how comfortable he is around somebody, and there are many parts of himself that he keeps locked down around others.

eddie thinks about his feelings and motivations before acting in a way that buck typically doesn't, but that doesn't mean he's correctly assessing those feelings and motivations. eddie is an incredibly unreliable narrator when it comes to his own life! he'll feel the desire to do something (for example, dating ana or going from active firefighting to a desk job) and Then construct his conscious reasoning for it (i'm ready to move on from shannon and i like her, chris will feel better and it's better for him if i have a safe job) while avoiding his Deeper feelings and motivations (the compulsion to give chris A Mother so that he feels like less of a failure as a father, his own ptsd and other mental health struggles in the wake of the shooting).

this doesn't mean that eddie is entirely emotionally unintelligent! he just kinda hates himself and he's deeply repressed and he often feels that he can't do things For Him, they all have to be For Chris.

ok that's like most of what i've got for now i'm rly not an authority on eddie but i tried my best 😭

as a duo: i think the #1 thing to remember when writing buck and eddie is that they're best friends and they understand each other better than anybody else in their lives. like that doesn't mean that they're always on the same page but they Do canonically recognize each other's feelings and motivations most of the time and after the lawsuit/street fighting era, they always respond to each other with patience and care when one of them is having a rough time.

like i think you actually have to try Very hard to justify it if you're gonna have buck and eddie miscommunicating and seriously arguing with each other in a fic. i remember when everyone was like omgggg buck is gonna LOSE IT ON EDDIE when he finds out about kim!! and then when buck Did find out about kim he was literally just worried about eddie and talked to him about it and asked the questions that eddie Needed to be asked so that he could work through his feelings and address the situation. buck and eddie just have a knack for knowing what the other person needs, and they're at a point where they will go to each other for help and be openly vulnerable!

and they have fun together! they're silly! see: "locked room mystery" "locked Yard mystery", the whole bachelor party, eddie being like buck Pwease can we look for the treasure together 🥺, etc etc. they just enjoy being together and i think that is so crucial to writing them.

final thoughts: in general my #1 piece of advice for writing fic is to rewatch the show/clips from the show when you're trying to capture a character's voice. i do not do this nearly as often as i should bc i am lazy but it rly is deeply helpful for making sure that they sound like themselves!

i would also advise that even if your fic is buddie-centric, it helps to include the other characters in even small ways. our relationships with others are central to who we are! references to other characters like chris, maddie, chim, etc. can go a long way toward making buck and eddie feel like themselves.

thank you again for asking me!! it's really really flattering. i hope this was of some help to you!!

[matan4il]

911 ep 709 first watch reactions

The way this ep starts with giving us a clear shot focused on the front, solely on Buck sitting between the man he's dating and the man he's been married to for the past six years, and only on them. XD I'm here for it.

Oh, Bobby. :( Feeling unworthy of his medal, and remembering his dad, and how everything went wrong after he got it. </3

Aaaah. Man, IDK. The openly and explicitly homophobic and racist captain cartoon just feels like an easy target now. Prejudice doesn't seem like it mostly gets expressed that way anymore, and when we only teach people to reject that kind, we not only fail to teach them to recognize subtler forms, we may be misleading them to think those more nuanced ones don't count.

Love Athena trying to "save" Bobby by contacting Amir. I'm always a sucker for a couple where they both save each other.

I enjoyed the little play with "Mother Hen," and I know it's not specifically about Buddie, but it is damn funny that when she's told she's raising more kids, they're the ones the camera focuses on. lol Raising a kid together for 6 years, still a couple of morons in desperate need of parenting from their colleagues. Even when Bobby's "wordless goodbye" moment with Buck is letting him cook for the 118, Eddie's by his side and they're doing it together. I swear, 911 said, "Take note, this is what a marriage looks like" and then just kept hammering the point for 6 seasons now.

Okay, I am pretty sure that, while Bobby's acceptance of Buck's first relationship with a guy, is really lovely, "Because we haven't had to talk about it" is not an actual good criterion for discerning whether someone is good for their partner or not. People whose spouses are abusive don't talk about it, either. :/ I am NOT saying that's Buck and Tommy, because it obviously isn't, it just feels like a line thrown in there to be cutesy, but which isn't actually helpful to people, who might take it too seriously.

I AM GONNA LOL FOREVER. So, just like Buck's bi awakening was all about Eddie, now Eddie's messed up whatever he has with Kim is gonna involve Buck, too? Gotcha. Battlefield boyfriends being off-battlefield boyfriends once more.

So... Buck was going to see Tommy, in an ep where TPTB have already paid for Lou in the role, so might as well use him as much as possible, but instead a non-emergency run in with Eddie's current whatever-Kim-is makes Buck ditch Tommy, and run straight over to Eddie's to help him? Look, I'm obviously a One True Pairing kind of shipper, so Buddie are it for me, as much as I can enjoy and see the value of Buck and Tommy as a stepping stone, and nothing will make me stop shipping Buddie (especially not after the tsunami eps), but 911 is feeding me way too well with how it frames these scenes and stories, I don't think the show's trying to get me to stop.

Man, if anyone's ever had a doubt that Eddie is the world champion at denial, this kitchen scene will def cure that.

"I'm worried about you." "Yeah, I'm worried about me, too." And then Buck, the one person who can ALWAYS penetrate through Eddie's denial wall, no matter how thick it is.

Eh, IDK how much the part where they try to re-define Shannon as the love of Eddie's life works, or how much it just serves to show he's still in denial, just a different kind than before, when Buck got through to him that he can't go on like this with Kim. For one thing, in his little retelling of their dysfunctional r/s, Eddie doesn't mention that Shannon was leaving him a second time, even before she died. Literal denial and repression.

So I'm gonna choose to believe Hen and Karen will get Mara back, because I can't deal with that particular storyline otherwise.

Kim's reaction is too deranged for me. Who does something like that, even if we assume the kindest of intentions? And then Marisol and Christopher's timing... I didn't sign on to watch a soap opera, but I guess I'm getting one free of charge?

"Now you gotta save yourself." If that ain't a painful summary of what growing up means, IDK what is. the conversation with Bobby's dad in his sleep was a good, painful scene, built right, leading to him hopefully getting his closure through saving his wife from a fire, and leaving us with just the right amount of suspension for next week and the season finale, where we'll see if he can let go of his past mistakes without a doppelganger dressing up like his dead wife...

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[lover-of-mine]

Do you think when (maybe I should say 'if' but it really only feels like a matter of time at this point lol) they do a queer eddie plotline they will say he never loved shannon at all or how will they handle it? After the whole kim debacle I don't see that happening anymore but I don't know what to expect to be honest.

Okay, I'm being bitchy today but I swear I don't want to sound like a bitch rn, this is a genuine question: why are some of you so scared of the idea that Eddie loved Shannon? I know the headcanon that Eddie is strictly gay is the most popular one, particularly I don't subscribe to it, but why is everyone convinced he can't have loved Shannon and be queer? Eddie believes he loved her. He will never be able to fully parse the feelings he had for her because, one they met when they were too young, and two she's dead so he can't analyse that with her to be like "oh, yeah, I'm gay and I don't think I was in love with you". Eddie loved Shannon. That's a fact of Eddie's character. You can debate whether he was in love with her or not or if her was attracted to her or not. But you cannot say Eddie did not love her. If you do, you're denying half of Eddie's character construction. Eddie is allowed to have loved a woman and still be queer. And personally, I need the show not to touch Eddie's relationship with Shannon like that. I need the show to have Eddie say something like "I loved Shannon, but I love Buck now" and just move on. The discourse around Eddie and Shannon is already insane without them having Eddie say he didn't love her.