#you can really believe that it would be easy tj maintain that

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, no, if you wanna discuss the contrast between the way Eddie acts when Shannon comes back and the way he acts with Buck after the lawsuit you need to consider the difference that comes with the fact that Buck is the one seeking Eddie to get him to forgive him and the fact that Eddie was the one who reached out to Shannon. Eddie himself says it that he was waiting for Shannon to come back. If she was the one who reached out to him, he would've reacted differently. Because one thing about that man is that he is loyal until it kills him. But he probably felt like he had no power in the situation because she left him and he was the one who chased her. Their situation would've been different if she had come back on her own. He doesn't trust her because she left him and she wasn't the one who chose to come back, so he doesn't trust that she will stay. It's probably part of the why he reacts the way he does to Buck "abandoning" him and Chris. And Buck being the one to keeps reaching out to apologize is the difference here. Also lets all consider the fact that he kept Shannon at arms lengh for months and then she died so he probably thinks about what could've happened if he had those months. And Buck almost died what? 3? times in 6-8 months? before that. Of course that's gonna change the way he views the situation. And also he probably feels guilty about "robbing" Chris of what? 2? 3? extra months with his mother and doesn't want him to miss out on another adult who loves him over his own insecurities. Of course Eddie "tomorrow isn't promised to anyone" would be quicker to forgive someone.

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fic: memories of old, promises anew (rory/jess)

Fandom: Gilmore Girls Pairing/Characters: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano, Lorelai Gilmore, Luke Danes Rating: G Word Count: 3,211 Summary: prompt: questions, Jess is ready to propose to Rory. Before he can ask her, he has to talk to a few important people first. And then the one that matters most.

AO3 link 

The ring felt like it was burning a hole in Jess’s pocket, and honestly, at any other moment, he would’ve been nervous about keeping it on his person, in the fear of accidental discovery. But the one person he was afraid of finding it was safely in New York for an interview, and wouldn’t be back until late that evening.

So that left Jess watching her daughter, someone he had thought of as ‘his’ for longer than he would admit out loud, and considering that she referred to him as “Dada” (and no, he didn’t cry when she first called him that, he just got a little teary eyed, thank you very much), she clearly didn’t mind. But Leia was napping and that left him with an even more terrifying prospect than proposing to the love of his life: talking to her mother.

As he slowly approached the couch in the living room of the home that Rory grown up, he had to take a few calming breaths. Lorelai was engrossed in the TV show she was watching, and didn’t even notice him until he was right next to her. She gave him a nod of acknowledgement, before returning to her show.

Sure, they had come a long way since they had met, and she had been more than cordial towards him for years, always fine with him taking up their couch when he visited, and as far as he knew, didn’t even voice any objections when Rory and he started dating again. However, standing in front of her now, he felt like he was seventeen again and not knowing how to talk to her. He knew he had to try though, and Luke was at the diner, so this may be his only opportunity to get to talk to her alone for a while.

“Lorelai,” he said, gaining her attention once more. “Do you have a moment?”

“I have many moments,” she said immediately. “Are you looking for a happy one? A sad moment? More serious?” He stared at her pointedly and she just grinned. “Have a seat, oh broody one. I thought we lost monosyllable man years ago. Nice to see him again.”

He shrugged and sat down on the chair. “I actually had something I wanted to ask you.”

“A full sentence! New Jess has returned,” Lorelai proclaimed gleefully, only pausing to switch off the TV. “What’s up?"

Not sure how to word it, he pulled the ring box out of his pocket and placed it on the table, flipping the cover open to reveal its contents. Of course he should’ve known better, because Lorelai’s eyes widened, immediately glinting with wicked glee, as she put her hand dramatically on her heart.

“Why, Jess, this is just inappropriate,” she began, and he was briefly confused, before she went on full speed ahead. “I’m a married woman, to your uncle no less, and you are dating my daughter! As irresistible as I am, I am not Stacy’s mom or Mrs. Robinson, so you will have to just accept the rejection for what it is. And your proposal skills need work.”

Jess barely refrained from groaning and just raised an eyebrow, causing Lorelai to pout at his lack of reaction.

“When you do that, you remind me way too much of Luke,” she pointed out. “It’s creepy.”

“Well, now you know how we feel with you and Rory,” Jess pointed out, causing her to chuckle.

Growing serious, she added, “It is a pretty ring.”

Jess nodded, picking it up and twirling it in his hand. The white gold ring had a modest diamond in the shape of a circle surrounded by tiny sapphires on each side. He hoped Rory would like it, as he had seen her admiring something similar just a few months prior. “So what do you think?”

“Going to have to use a few more words there,” Lorelai suggested.

“Of me proposing to Rory,” Jess asked. “I guess I’m asking for your permission.”

Lorelai nodded slowly. “I see, so you decided to throw a twist on the old patriarchal tradition of asking the father?”

“Yeah, well, I know the whole thing is outdated, but hey, I figured it’s also a way to give you a head’s up,” Jess explained.

“Why?” Lorelai wanted to know.

“Why what?” Jess asked.

“Why are you asking?” Lorelai clarified. “Rory and you are both adults, and if there wasn’t enough proof, there was a small child sleeping one room away as a reminder. So why do you need my permission?”

“Because it’s you,” Jess said, shifting. “And Rory will always care most about what you think. Plus, I know we don’t have the greatest history. I … well, I wasn’t always the easiest to get along with, and you haven’t said anything about Rory and me now, but-”

“You were also a teenager,” Lorelai interrupted. “I could’ve cut you a little slack.”

“I could’ve been less of a jerk and earned it,” Jess offered.

“You just reminded me so much of …” She trailed off and Jess was a little worried where she was going to go with it.

“Of Rory’s dad?” he asked, trying not to wince.

“Of me actually,” she admitted, letting out a weak laugh, surprising Jess into silence. “You had this ‘do what you want’ attitude, and refused to fit in, even when it would’ve been easier. Except it wasn’t Hartford society, and I guess I believed if you didn’t love Stars Hollow, there was something wrong with you.”

“It certainly is a place that grows on you,” Jess acknowledged.

“And if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with Rory, who knows how I would’ve turned out?” Lorelai said.

“Rory was lucky to have you,” Jess said frankly.

A look of sympathy crossed her features. “Yeah, I was lucky to have her. And that is probably another reason I could’ve been easier you on you.”

“Luke told you stuff?” Jess asked, unable to hide his reaction this time. He didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“Hinted over the years,” Lorelai answered. “And well, I do know Liz.”

“She’s better now,” Jess sighed. He had been worried for years, especially about Doula, but it seemed that as weird as TJ was, he was a good guy, and she had actually settled down in to whatever her version of normal was. And it hurt at first, but most of what he felt these days was relief.

“Yes, she is,” Lorelai agreed. “And you grew up. I have to admit, when Rory told me that you suggested that book to her, I wasn’t thrilled about you two interacting.”

“Oh.” That stung a little, especially since it wasn’t that long ago, and he thought she had been okay with him by that point.

“But,” she said hurriedly. “Clearly, you knew what she needed, and with the way you’ve stayed and how you are with Leia, it’s hard for me to say that you’re not exactly what she needs. And clearly what she wants. So if you need my permission, you have it.”

“Really?” Jess hadn’t known what to expect, but it seemed as if it shouldn’t have been that easy. “I do love her, both of them, and I promise I will always be there for them, and never leave.”

“Jess, I saw you spend thirty minutes putting Leia’s hair into buns so she could be Princess Leia for Halloween,” Lorelai reminded him, her expression amused. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I can see it.”

He nodded, grateful. “Thank you, Lorelai.”

“Thank you, Jess,” Lorelai countered. “You make Rory very happy, and even Luke is thrilled that you’re around so much. Though seriously, more words when you actually propose okay? You can’t just shove the ring at her.”

And all Jess could do was laugh in response.

In comparison, telling Luke was fairly easy. He was helping him clean up the diner and just brought it up casually, as he wiped down a counter.

“So I’m going to propose to Rory,” he remarked casually, causing Luke to freeze.

“Really?” Luke asked.

“Yeah,” Jess confirmed.

“Huh,” was the response he got.

“Yeah,” Jess repeated. “So what do you think?”

A shrug and Luke told him, “Well, you’re not a prince in line for the throne, but I guess you’ll do.”

“What?” Had his uncle lost his mind?

“Never mind,” Luke said, waving a hand. “You happy?”

Jess nodded. “Very.”

“She seems happy too,” Luke remarked, words that warmed Jess to the core. That sort of affirmation from one of the people who loved Rory the most, especially since it was the person he admired the most, was special. “Good for you two.”

“Well, as long as she says yes,” Jess said, only half joking.

“She’ll say yes,” Luke said confidently.

“Thanks, Luke,” Jess replied.

“Any time, Jess,” Luke told him, as they exchanged smiles and got back to work.

And it was just that easy, as it had been for years with Luke.

With both the blessings that he needed, he only needed to get the one yes that mattered most. So on a bright sunny weekend morning, once Lorelai and Luke agreed to watch Leia, Jess packed a picnic basket full of Rory’s favorite foods and convinced her to go out with him for the afternoon. As much as he would’ve loved to bring Leia along, he didn’t want to bring in added pressure in the case that Rory did decide she wasn’t ready/didn’t want to get married after all.

“So where are we heading?” Rory asked, as they took a walk toward Jess’s chosen destination.

“That would be a surprise,” Jess told her, carrying the picnic basket in one hand, the other entwined with Rory’s. “So you’re just going to have to be patient.”

“There’s food involved,” Rory pouted. “How can I be patient?” She nudged him playfully. “Speaking of which, do I have to bid on that basket?”

“I will let you off the hook this time,” Jess teased. “But I have to say that my food would be much more valuable and edible than whatever I paid for that nonsense you tricked me into eating.”

“Clearly the payment was for the pleasure of my company so the food is irrelevant,” Rory retorted.

“Well, in that case, I clearly didn’t pay enough,” Jess said, grinning.

Her smile widened. “You’re such a sap.”

“Don’t spread it around,” Jess warned. “I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Oh, please, whatever reputation you think you had, you lost ages ago,” Rory scoffed. “Basically everyone in this town has seen you push Leia around in her stroller so you can say goodbye to that bad boy image. Unless it’s Taylor, I guess, who is probably the only one that doesn’t seem to believe that you are no longer seventeen and stealing garden gnomes.”

“Well as long as Taylor doesn’t like me, I’m still doing something right,” Jess remarked, with an easy smirk.

Rory was about to comment, but then she realized that they had arrived at their destination, and her eyes lit up. Much like the rest of town, the pier overlooking the lake was exactly the same as it had been all those years ago.

“Keeping with the theme, are we?” she asked, visibly pleased.

“Yeah, I figured why break tradition now,” Jess offered, placing the picnic basket in the middle. Pulling out a checkered blanket, he set up their picnic and gestured for her to take a seat, which she did, and he took the one opposite of her.

“This looks great,” Rory said admiringly. “I think if your basket was up for bidding, I would have some stiff competition.”

“Clearly my basket is for your eyes only,” Jess told her.

“Dirty,” she teased.

“Oh geez, now you sound like Lorelai,” Jess snarked.

“And you just sounded like Luke,” Rory shot back, causing him to chuckle and shake his head.

“Now that’s terrifying,” Jess said. “I didn’t think the becoming like your parent/parent figure thing happened this early.”

“Well, once you have kids, you are officially in danger,” Rory pointed out. “Though really, the food looks great. You could’ve made a killing a week from now.” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, was it a coincidence that you chose this date or-?”

“Or?” Jess urged.

“Did the bid a basket happened today all those years ago?” Rory asked, amazed. “No way.”

“Like I said, why break tradition now?” Jess offered. He had a vague idea about the exact date, but one in depth search into the Stars Hollow Gazette archives gave him the answer he was looking for.

“Jess.” Rory softened. “Why?”

“Because,” he explained, “It was one of the first moments.”

“First moments?” she repeated.

“Yeah, that I realized that this, that you were more than just the only person I could stand in town, more than just a girl I had a crush on,” Jess confessed. “Just … more. I don’t know if it was love yet, but it was something more than I had ever felt with anyone else before.”

“Jess,” she tried again.

“And I know I was kind of an ass, and you had someone,” Jess said. “But I couldn’t help it. You were the only one that saw me.”

“Well, it’s not like I did much protesting,” Rory reminded him. “I liked being around you. I always felt most like myself with you. I still do.”

“I think that goes both ways,” Jess said, heart skipping a beat, as she closed the distance between them and kissed him. That part never got old.

“So now we can eat?” she asked, once they had parted.

“I know better than to keep a Gilmore away from food,” he said, mock seriously, as he unpacked the plates and food, dividing it easily.

“Always knew you were a smart man, Jess Mariano,” she proclaimed, as they delved into their food. “And a good cook. I am definitely keeping you around.”

“Well, I don’t have any plans to go anywhere,” Jess promised her, bringing another smile to her face.

“Good,” she said, a touch of smugness in her tone.

As they continued to eat, they made light conversation, Rory eagerly bringing up a new band she had learned about via Lane and Jess was able to tell her about the latest book he had been reading the night before. Squeezing in date nights with a kid around and both of them pursuing their careers was hard, so it was a pleasant change. The ring in his pocket was always at the back of his mind, but he was trying to do his best to enjoy the moment.

As silence fell between them, Rory glanced around sand said, “Man, this place really feels the same. Though I have to say, I’m glad the evil swan is long gone. Mom says she hasn’t seen it in years.”

“Evil swan?” he echoed, trying not to cringe.

“Yeah, we even had a name for it,” she said thoughtfully. She must’ve seen something in his face, because her eyes immediately widened. “Did you see it too?”

“I don’t know if I saw the one you’re talking about,” he admitted, “But I certainly met an evil swan. Do you remember my black eye-?”

“Yes,” she said, recognition dawning on her face. “Are you telling me?”

“I got beaked,” Jess said, old humiliation over the incident coming up to the surface.

“No way!” she exclaimed. “Jess, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed,” Jess told her. “I only told Luke.”

“Aww, Jess,” she said, eyes shining with mirth.

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” Jess assured her. “I know it’s ridiculous.”

“I wish you had told me,” she replied, a small giggle escaping.

“Yeah, well, I could’ve said a lot of things I didn’t,” Jess said, as they continued to eat. “Words weren’t always my thing. Probably isn’t completely now.”

“Hey, no self-hating,” she said, poking at his chest. “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I was just making a comment.”

“I know you weren’t,” Jess said. “I can’t help it sometimes.”

“We both made mistakes, but we’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” Rory stated firmly. “So deal with it.”

“Worse things in life to have deal with,” Jess insisted. “I love you.”

Her whole demeanor seemed to brighten. “I love you too.”

He would never get tired of hearing it, of saying it. And he couldn’t imagine ever not feeling it. That’s when he knew. He had been trying to figure out the right moment, but he couldn’t imagine a more right one than the one they were sharing.

“Especially,” Rory added, peaking into the basket, “Since you seem to have brought pie. Is that chocolate cream? Because you are outdoing yourself-”

“Marry me,” he blurted out.

“What?” she asked, mouth dropping, hands falling to her side.

In a swift motion, he took her hands, and pulled them both to their feet. She allowed him to guide her a few steps away, and he fell to one knee in front of her. Her blue eyes were watching him in awe. So Jess took a deep breath, one hand going into his pocket of his jeans, to reconfirm the ring was there. Pulling it out, he opened the box and took out the ring, offering it to her. Her eyes didn’t leave his face.

“Marry me,” he repeated. “I love you, I’ve always loved you. I am not sure if I ever really stopped and I don’t think I would ever want to now. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and from the moment I saw you, I knew we were meant to be together. There’s nothing more I want to do than make you happy for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” Rory exclaimed, grinning. He had noticed Rory had already nodding halfway through his speech, but he wanted to say what was in his heart.

“You want to think it over a moment?” Jess teased.

“Hand over that ring, Mariano,” Rory demanded, mock glaring. Jess slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand, before standing up once more.

“Not even married yet, and already bossing me around,” he joked, wrapping his arms around he waist.

“Yeah, well, no take backs now,” she warned, her arms settling around the back of his neck. “There may have been no vows yet, but there’s only one way you’re getting out of this.”

“Somehow I’ll survive,” he drawled, as their lips met in a kiss. She said yes. Somehow, that part hadn’t really settled in his brain until that moment. And he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Keeping me happy for the rest of our lives,” Rory murmured, one they separated. “Pretty big promise there.”

“One I plan to keep,” Jess said seriously.

“Does that include endless supplies of coffee and pie?” Rory suggested.

“Even that,” Jess agreed. “Luke may have a few objections, but we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Rory made sure to say.

“I’ll put it my vows,” Jess promised, leaning forward once more.

“Deal,” she agreed, as they kissed again.

And it was a promise that he intended to keep. Now and always.

[sequencefairy]

“you have to stay awake. come on, give my hand a squeeze.” 

“Okay,” Ryan says, tightening his grip around Shane’s waist. “Okay. One foot in front of the other, big guy. Can you do that for me?” 

Shane makes a noise that Ryan takes for affirmation. 

Ryan takes a step forward. Shane tries. They don’t get very far. What happens instead is that Ryan has to grab frantically at Shane in an effort to keep them both from ending up back on the cold ground. 

Shane’s hand is like a vice where he’s holding on to Ryan, and when Ryan looks up at him, Shane’s jaw is clenched, and he’s breathing hard through his nose. Ryan can’t tell, because it’s dark, but he’s sure Shane’s gone white as the ghosts he doesn’t believe in.

“Easy,” Ryan says, trying for soothing. Shane cracks an eye open and gives Ryan a wan smile. “Why don’t we take a rest? Think you can make it to that log just there?” Ryan jerks his chin in the direction of a log lying on the forest floor about fifteen feet away. 

Shane takes a steadying breath, grits his teeth and nods. 

By the time they make it to the log, they’re both sweating. Ryan eases Shane down, and then sits down next to his friend. The cold air against his wet skin makes Ryan shiver.

Shane is sucking in air, and he’s trembling all over. Ryan reaches up and sweeps the bangs off Shane’s forehead. He’s clammy to the touch. 

“Can I have a look at your ankle?” Ryan asks. 

Shane nods, jerkily. “Y-yeah,” he says. 

Ryan slides down off the log and onto the leaf litter of the forest floor. They’re out in the pine barrens, off the beaten path, and no one’s coming for them ‘til daybreak. Ryan takes a deep breath and reaches out for Shane’s leg. Shane tenses in anticipation. 

Ryan tries, he really does, but there’s no way to keep this from hurting. He unties Shane’s boot, and eases it off. Shane’s ankle is already swollen. Ryan’s no doctor, but he’s pretty sure that they’re completely fucked.

He looks up at Shane. “Well,” he says, holding Shane’s heel in the cup of his hand. “I don’t think it was ghosts.” 

“No shit,” Shane says, but it’s strangled. 

“Do you have any service?” 

Shane fumbles for his phone. He’s clumsy enough from the cold that he nearly drops it, but catches it in the nick of time. He unlocks it and holds it out for Ryan to see. The no signal sign seems unnaturally bold in the near pitch dark of the woods. 

Ryan shifts, reaching for his own phone. No joy there either. 

“This sucks,” Shane says. He’s shivering more now. Ryan blames that on Shane having landed in a patch of un-melted snow. It’s one thing to be walking around when it’s chilly, it’s another thing to have to sit and be wet. 

Ryan hands Shane his gloves. “Here, put these on.” 

Shane shakes his head. “You need those.” 

“Naw, I’ll put my hands in my pockets.” Ryan shoves his hands into his pockets to demonstrate. “See?” 

Shane hesitates for a moment longer before pulling on Ryan’s gloves. They’re not quite big enough, but they’re better than nothing. 

Ryan pushes himself up off the ground and settles beside Shane again. He gets close, close enough that it would normally set off his carefully maintained rules about how close to get to a guy friend, but it’s cold, Shane’s shivering and it’s dark. No one is going to ask any questions. 

“Ryan?” Shane asks, after a while. He sounds sleepy. 

“Yeah buddy?” Ryan answers, lifting his head up from where he’d been resting against Shane’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“Shoulda been watching where I was putting my giant feet,” Shane says. He’s looking down at his hands. 

“No way you coulda known you’d be the one going ass over teakettle,” Ryan says, reaching for one of Shane’s hands. He squeezes it gently before shoving his hand back into the pocket of his coat. 

Shane hums, then shifts, wrapping his one arm more firmly around Ryan. 

Time is weird in the cold and the dark. It passes in fits and starts. Ryan’s sure he falls asleep a couple of times, against the solidity of Shane’s side. He wakes up once to find Shane leaning on him, face pressed into the top of Ryan’s head. 

“Hey, Shane?” Ryan asks, “you okay?” 

“Hu-what?” Shane’s voice is slurry from sleep. 

“You staying awake?” 

“No,” Shane says, “it’s fucking cold. All I wanna do is sleep.” 

“Don’t think we really should,” Ryan says, even though he had been. 

“Stay awake yourself,” Shane says, petulant, but he shifts back up, and pulls away a little from Ryan. In the process, he jostles his ankle and can’t quite tamp down the reaction. Shane flinches and the wounded noise he tries to bite back makes Ryan’s stomach turn. 

“Don’t fall asleep again,” Ryan says. 

“Keep me awake then,” Shane suggests. 

They play twenty questions until Shane loses the thread of the game in the middle of his turn. 

“Hey! Shane!” Ryan pokes him, hard, in the shoulder. Shane blinks, slow and sleepy, at him. 

“Ry-guy,” Shane says. His smile is lopsided. 

“You are not gonna die of fucking shock or hypothermia or what the fuck ever out here,” Ryan says. 

“‘M not gonna die of a sprained ankle,” Shane says, but he’s listing heavily into Ryan now. “You’re warm.” 

“Well I’m glad one of us is,” Ryan says, and gathers Shane in. “Here,” he says, and gives Shane his hand. “Squeeze this for me.” 

Shane’s grip is weak but it’s there. Shane’ breath is warm on the side of Ryan’s neck. 

“You gotta stay awake, dude,” Ryan says, tipping his head back to look up at the canopy of trees overhead. Between the branches, the sky is clear. Ryan thinks he might be imagining that the light is brighter than it was even five minutes ago. 

Shane doesn’t answer him, just nuzzles further into Ryan. 

“Okay,” Ryan says, “I’ll keep us both awake.” 

===

TJ comes over the hill a little after sun up and finds them on the log, curled into each other. 

“Ryan!” TJ calls, and Ryan looks up. He looks exhausted, and pale. “Are you guys alright?” 

Behind him, TJ can hear Mark skidding across the leaves. 

“Yeah,” Ryan croaks. “I’m fine. This idiot sprained his ankle, couldn’t make it up the hill.” 

Shane stirs. He lifts his head from where it’s buried in Ryan’s shoulder and blinks at TJ and Mark. “No ghosts,” he says, but it’s without his usual panache. 

“Alright, up you go,” Mark says, getting his shoulder under Shane’s armpit and heaving. Between them, TJ and Mark hobble Shane up the hill. Ryan lags behind. Just before cresting the hill, he looks down at the clearing they’d found for refuge and sees the circle of frost around the edge. It hadn’t touched them. Ryan shivers and turns for the car. 

[mbti-notes]

(1/8) Yayy, I love Fleabag and I love your blog and everything you write, so I hope you're up for a discussion of your typings (and I hope all the asks come through). Agree about Fleabag, the Godmother and Harry's (his frequent breakups with Fleabag seemed INFJ door slams, but his endgame points to Si) typings. Boo and Fleabag seemed to have been the sort of BFFs who matched because their personalities were quite similar... What made you conclude ESFP rather than ENFP? Same goes for Martin...

Boo’s interests are all concrete, her thinking is always immediate and short-term, Ni grip was apparent in her hasty death.

Same goes for Martin. While I see signs of tertiary Fe in his deliberate manipulation of Claire and pleasure at bringing Fleabag down, and also the overall recklessness of unhealthy EPs, I couldn’t be sure whether he was Se or Ne dom.

I see no evidence of dominant Ne nor inferior Si but many vulgarities and desires that are indicative of unhealthy Se.

What about the Bank Manager? My memory of series one is fuzzy, but he makes an effort to work things out with Fleabag (and women in general) even if he judges too quickly, which could point at aux/tert Te-Fi, I guess.

He is honest and straightforward, no pretension, but severely limited in his perspective. His moral reasoning ability is rather rudimentary, which makes F unlikely. His life is in a deep rut and he is drawn to Fleabag because she is his opposite and helps spark his lower function development. She comes to symbolize the key to understanding his failures and frustrations (both in terms of how he treats women and his lack of function development), therefore, helping her succeed is also helping himself find his own way. He’s reconciling who he is by reckoning with his past mistakes through Fleabag.

The Father clearly struggles with expressing his feelings. He wants to communicate better with Fleabag, but he understands and prefers Claire (a T), so probably IxTx, perhaps Ti-Fe if we consider the main issues presented in the story plus the fact that he quickly fell for Godmother, a Fe dom? I’d like to know your reasoning for him. Anyway, I’d typed Claire and the Priest as ISTJ and ENFJ respectively, and these ones I was sure to have gotten right. xSTJ was clear for Claire, and episode 203 was the one that cemented her as ISTJ for me. She is constantly anxious and full of routines and rituals and micromanages everything, from actions to looks to even jokes, implying a lot of overthinking (I); she clashes with Fleabag because she’s insecure about the possibility of not being as interesting and funny as Fleabag (tertiary Fi). Also, she tries to pretend that she enjoyed the night, that her marriage is going well and that she thinks Fleabag kissed Martin rather than the opposite because of Si’s need to maintain security and stability and not lose what she’s conquered. By accepting her individuality, her feelings and the possibility of something better for herself, she takes action to improve her life, which implied much needed extraverted development. Also, most ESTJs I’ve met, despite being control freaks privately, are more adaptable and relaxed as well, especially in public (higher Te-Ne).

The show centers around Fleabag’s dysfunction. In Si grip, Fleabag tries to pinpoint Boo’s death (and her own hand in causing it) as the “point of origin” but her problems go far deeper than that, all the way back to her family relationships. Everyone in the family is equally messed up despite appearances. The show doesn’t go very far into the historical causes of their collective dysfunction, but it does a good job of illustrating the dysfunctional patterns as they exist in the present. The characters are largely products of old family patterns, therefore, it’s hard to understand each member individually without the context of their collective family dynamic.

A very common family dynamic involves projecting all of the family’s history of dysfunction onto the “weakest link”, aka, the black sheep. The black sheep is usually “chosen” according to their so-called inferiority for failing to live up to the family’s unspoken values, then they are routinely criticized and shamed for being something that is perceived as contrary to the family’s survival and well-being. Over time, this dynamic places an unspoken duty/expectation onto the black sheep, namely that they should always be “the one that ruins everything” whenever the family requires a scapegoat to deflect responsibility for dysfunctional behavior. Fleabag is obviously the black sheep, so everyone uses her as the punchline (for easing tension), the punching bag (for displacing their frustration), and the punch down (for a cheap win during power struggles).

As a defense mechanism, Fleabag believes that she is actually the superior member of the family because she’s “clever” enough to see through people’s fakery or hypocrisy. Despite the concrete proof of her own life being a total mess, she likes to think of herself as being more self-aware than others, i.e., she implicitly blames her life failures on the fact that she can’t fake it or lie to herself like everyone else. However, she doesn’t realize that playing the black sheep role is her form of self-deception. She is deeply caught up in a logical contradiction of knowing she is less than but also believing herself better than, and we see this over and over again in her asides to the audience. By exercising crude power in exposing other people’s fakery, she doesn’t have to look at her own and expose herself, and this plays perfectly into the family pattern that always ends up ricocheting back onto her. Whenever she exposes anything resembling the truth of the family’s dysfunction, regardless of whether she does it kindly or maliciously, she is roundly blamed for “acting out”, being “cruel”, “screwing up”, “ruining everything”, etc etc. The family immediately comes together to activate the scapegoating pattern and, in the end, nothing changes and the pattern repeats the next time they get together. Her twisted way of “caring” for her family is to play the black sheep, and their twisted way of “bonding” is to collectively reinforce their status as not the black sheep.

When people treat you like a black sheep long enough, you believe it and it becomes your identity, and playing this role so well leads her to blow up all of her relationships outside of the family. In accumulating many failed relationships, it’s very easy to slide into settling for less or settling for what you think you deserve, and she has been trained over a lifetime to feel less than deserving. As a defense mechanism, she’s romantically attracted to people who aren’t capable of knowing who she really is, which in turn gives her justification for blowing up each relationship as they are always shallow and meaningless anyway. But this automatic and destructive pattern hits rock bottom when she destroys the only person who’s managed to really know her. She then gradually becomes more aware that she’s repeating unconscious conditioning and could perhaps choose otherwise, but ingrained patterns are hard to change without help and guidance, which eventually invites the influence of the priest.

You might think that their father bears the brunt of the blame for the family being so dysfunctional, but he has plenty of his own unresolved issues that make him more like a child than a parent. The show does not offer any explanation for him but everyone has a history. It seems that he has always been emotionally absent and socially inept in that he allowed their mother to do all of the parenting and caregiving. He is not aggressive, obsessive, or controlling as you would expect for unhealthy TJs, rather, he is detached, distant, avoidant, and indifferent. When you talk to him face-to-face, there is some natural warmth there, but once you are out of his sight, you are out of his mind. You know that he loves you in his way, you know that he tries to empathize, but you also know that he utterly fails to understand anything about you no matter how hard either side tries to bridge the gap. It’s hard to fault him for what is clearly a “disability”? Because of his ineptitude, he traps himself in a codependent relationship with his shadow opposite type, a narcissistic person who calls all the shots in the relationship so that he never has to lift a finger, i.e., he never ever has to bear moral responsibility for anything, and taken to an absurd conclusion, he lives in a pitiful state of learned helplessness. You never have to feel bad if you never do anything, right? Wrong, he is still guilty of sins of omission, and for that he’s never able to truly be at ease no matter what he does to shed away every difficulty. Ideally, a good stepmom takes care of the step-kids, but he was not lucky enough to snag one, so he must accede to the bad stepmom’s judgment or else, heaven forbid, he loses his easy life by having to take responsibility for the girls on his own.

Unhealthy TPs need uptight Js to help them keep life in order, but they often prefer Ps for their amusing company. The father does not ��prefer” Claire for what/who she is, rather, he merely appreciates that she doesn’t make any trouble for him, which he wants to believe absolves him of blame. He can say, “See, I have one good daughter, so it’s not my fault that the other one is bad”. There are many parallels between Claire and her father in how they approach relationships very passively and helplessly. Deep down, his heart actually prefers Fleabag for the fact that she more closely resembles her mother and the fact that she is braver than him and challenges him (to be better). He wishes to have a better relationship with her, similar to what he must’ve had with her mother, but he’s unfortunately incapable of containing the dysfunction that bad parenting and unresolved grief has wrought upon her.

You say that Claire should be more flexible if tertiary Ne, but why would you expect her to have any healthy functions? She clearly suffers inferior grip quite often and thus cannot use any of her functions optimally. Every SJ with unhealthy Si-Ne uses micromanagement of routines/rituals as a crutch, so this is true for both dominant and auxiliary Si - your claim here only proves SJ. She’s just as fucked up as Fleabag is, only she is better at repressing her feelings, and for this alone, ISTJ is very unlikely. ISTJs are introverts and they prefer to give up and be at peace rather than double and triple down on stupid behavior in the manner that Claire often does. Her main problem in life is that everything she does to “manage” situations results in her betraying herself in some way, which is strongly indicative of infantile Fi. I disagree that stubbornness is her fatal flaw ala Si-Fi loop; if that were the case, she’d be more than happy to give up everything to Fi loop and disappear into the background. She would also never ever go near Fleabag nor trust her with anything due to the fact that she has already encountered countless past experiences of Fleabag blowing up situations in awful and unpredictable ways. ISTJs are at their least forgiving and never forget whenever it comes to delegating important tasks.

I argue that what gets Claire truly upset is not being unprepared for “all negative possibilities in the abstract” but rather the possibility of LOSING FACE, i.e., being publicly humiliated and exposed as the uncool simpering hypocrite that she is, which is indicative of deep-seated fear of Fi (she envies Fleabag for her “cool” factor for this reason). Unhealthy Te doms, falling apart internally, are still capable of maintaining functionality in external life far longer than other types. She suffers from serious grip problems but still manages to perform her duties at home and at work, which simply wouldn’t be possible for Ne grip. With Fi grip, she instantly switches to very ugly self-pity and irrationally self-protective behavior when threatened by anything. Her instinct upon feeling the vulnerability of exposure is to go on and on and on about how “successful” she is, which usually includes a few rounds of punching down at everyone in an attempt to disown her bad decision making. ISTJs are rarely capable of bullshitting themselves to that extreme; they are more likely to react with humility and even resignation when presented with incontrovertible proof of their failures (see: Bank Manager).

Claire was probably expected to be “the responsible one” (aka elder/caregiver sibling archetype) because there was no one else to take responsibility. However, at this point in her life, she has achieved enough career success to be independent from the family. The fact that she can’t help herself from enacting her old role speaks to the lack of self-insight that is characteristic of inferior Fi, i.e., as much as she complains about hating the pressures and headaches of being “the responsible one”, she unconsciously LOVES it because it grants her a superior position in the family. She’s not willing to give up the pain because she’s not willing to give up the payoff, and this internal love-hate contradiction is what makes her relationship with Fleabag dysfunctional despite the love and affection they have for each other. I don’t think ISTJs are able to bear such obvious internal contradiction and still manage to claim integrity. ISTJs find it much more painful, if not impossible, to pretend and posture for the sake of appearances, because they are supremely stubborn people when it comes to preserving their subjective sense of integrity. By contrast, inferior Fi makes it very easy to ignore subjective integrity and choose destructive methods of obtaining feelings of power and superiority, hence she ends up betraying her own well-being all the time.

As for the Priest, we both agree on him being a Fe dom. What made me choose Ni rather than Si is that he admitted to have been quite a different person in the past by alluding to his many sexual experiences, probably a hint of Se as well. But then he met God and everything took a 180 for him (N, not S), implying that he was uncomfortably adrift for a while and needed a sense of meaning and a clear vision of his path ahead to feel whole (Ni). Also, PWB has said that Fleabag was drawn to the Priest because he has an established sense of purpose, which she’s been looking for, which highlights their P vs J and Ne vs Ni differences. You could argue that he was drawn to her because of tertiary Ne, but I don’t see signs of Si’s typical grounded outlook (he uses a lot of abstractions to explain his ideas) or typical adherence to traditions (the path to his faith wasn’t primarily through this motivation as it happens to many) or typical narrow-mindedness (quite the opposite, he used to be quite open to experiences due to Fe+Se). Oh, and I forgot to mention, the Priest can read and understand Fleabag so well that he even gets to enter her internal world and listen to her personal thoughts. To be able to understand people with this level of depth is, of course, more natural for xNFJs rather than xSFJs, who help people on a more practical level (Fe+Ni v Fe+Si).

I think your understanding of Si is still quite stereotypical. ESFJs have a common pattern of using Ne to “find themselves” only to end up lost because what they’re really doing is Ne loop. ESFJs tend to grow up feeling very pressured to be rule abiders and it is common for them to go through a rebellious stage a bit later in life compared to other types, once the pressure finally reaches a breaking point. After swinging from the painful oppression of “rule observant” behavior in youth to the painful failures of “rule breaking” behavior in young adulthood, they eventually boomerang back to old touchstones, i.e., they ground themselves by rediscovering comfort in the known. IIRC, the priest felt lost and eventually revisited religion for guidance, he made the beliefs his own rather than blindly following dogma, and he chose to commit his life to doing good because HE genuinely wanted to, not because family/society told him to. A healthy ESFJ establishes a stronger sense of self once they reconcile with the past and make “rule following” more palatable by turning it into a personal choice (rather than feeling obligated to constantly self-sacrifice). I disagree that he “transformed” from one person into a completely different one, I think it’s more accurate to say that he had no idea who he was and got increasingly lost until he discovered himself by looking backward and making sense of his past experience. 

Religion is an abstract concept, there’s no avoiding abstract discussions about religious beliefs when you’re debating a non-believer, especially when that non-believer is Ne dom. Ne is tertiary and people often use tertiary functions for relief, therefore, ESFJs tend to enjoy abstract discussions, especially of the Ne variety that is full of humor and playfulness, exactly like the kind that he gets with Fleabag. I dare you to try joking around with a “true believer” ENFJ. Their beliefs are deadly serious to them, so they show far less patience for sacrilegious play (unless, for some reason, they have developed an irrational fear of being criticized as dogmatic and pretend to be open-minded). Also, why would an *N*FJ be shocked and alarmed or seem resistant to using intuition to “read” people? Why would their intuition seem so painfully accidental? NFJs generally LIKE using intuition and do it naturally as part of who they are, they embrace it and feel more confident the more they are in touch with it.

Ns tend to speak in abstractions but not everyone who speaks in abstractions is N, similarly, every NJ needs a sense of purpose but not everyone who seeks a purpose is NJ -> beware this logical fallacy: “every cat has four legs but not every four-legged creature is a cat”. NJs need a purpose for materializing their personal potential, SJs seek a purpose for the sake of grounding themselves in something unshakable within - you point out the behavior without grasping the true motivation. When ESFJs develop Si well, they recognize that what makes them happy is to be of service, to be a positive contributor to their community, to be a reliable source of help and comfort to those in need. He is not a charismatic and boastful preacher of the ENFJ sort, rather, he sees himself as a humble servant who uses reliable traditional beliefs to help ground people who feel lost in hectic modern life, using his own past experience as the starting point. The fact that he has the strength to end the relationship with Fleabag before it becomes negative and destructive is a testament to Si steadfastness and how strongly the rules matter to him (Ns are very masterful at rationalizing that the rules don’t apply to them, and that’s often how they end up in bad places). Why would you expect him to display all sorts of negative signs of Si if he is meant to be the positive moral guidance for the show? And wouldn’t it make sense for him to use his well-developed Si to reveal to Fleabag the true extent of her dysfunctional Si? Would an ENFJ instinctively know better than an ESFJ how to remedy Si specific identity dysfunction?

Can you please allow us to submit things to you? In the case of long asks like mine, it helps to avoid any part not getting sent.

I have considered this before but I’m not sure I want to do that.

[tyrusquacks]

WikiHow To Flirt With a Guy

Previous

Tuesday (Part One)

This morning TJ wakes up intentionally early. He’d even set an alarm to make sure he’d have ample time to get ready. On his way out of his room, he pauses, one hand on the door handle and glances at the list on the same spot he’d left it last night on his desk. He’d studied it for so long that he’d memorized it. There was almost no need for it, except the satisfaction of crossing out the ones he’d already tried. Since everything had gone so wrong yesterday, he might as well get satisfaction from something.

TJ finally exits the room and shuts the door behind him as slowly as possible to avoid making any noise. It’s only 6:46 AM so his sister, Amber, is still asleep, even though classes at her high school start earlier than his. The house is very quiet and the only audible sounds are coming from downstairs where his mom must be making her breakfast before leaving for a long day of work. 

He tiptoes just as carefully to the bathroom and turns on the light. One look at his face in the mirror and he knows he’s not completely awake yet. He rubs his eyes with the back of both hands, hoping it will help. Then, he turns on the faucet and fills his hands with as much cold water as they can hold before splashing it onto his face. After a quick wipe with the nearest towel, he’s ready to get work.

When he got home yesterday, the first thing he did was figure out a way to undo the fiasco of his morning attempts at flirting, not without spending a significant amount feeling guilty about avoiding Cyrus the rest of the day. It’s for the better, he’d thought to himself. I don’t wanna make this any worse than it already is. Not that it was even physically possible.

At his desk, he’d come up with a foolproof plan with no room for disastrous improvisation. Since number 3 and number 5 on the list were both essentially about style, he figured he’d try them on the same day. Three: Play with your jewelry. Five: Try different hairstyles.

The second part seems easy enough. That’s why he currently standing in front of his bathroom mirror, trying to figure out a hairstyle that Cyrus would notice, but in a good way. Usually, his hair is styled all the way with as much gel as he can get away with without it gross. He nervously runs a hand through it, unsure of what to next. Soon enough, he pulls out his phone and makes himself comfortable on the toilet seat.

After several minutes of scouring Instagram for inspiration, TJ bitterly puts his phone away, disappointed of not having found anything even worth consideration. Deep down, he knows his usual hairstyle is the only he’d even been satisfied. He’d grown so accustomed to it that everything else just looked...wrong. 

He gets up and rests both hands on either side of the sink, eyes fixed on the mirror as if his hair will magically style itself if he stares at it long enough. Suddenly, an impatient knock on the door startles him and interrupts the one-sided staring contest. His hair isn’t looking any better.

TJ’s hair: 1

TJ: 0

Before he even has time to respond, Amber starts shouting at him through the closed door.

“TJ!!! I know you’re in there and you better get out right this second.” She interrupts herself to knock again, louder this time. “You know I have to leave before you so whatever is going on between you and that tube of hair gel, you better end it now, TJ.”

TJ rolls his eyes at the last part. “Calm down, Ambs, I’ll be right out. It’s only…” He paused to check the time on his phone and instantly widens his eyes. “... 7:28!!!” he exclaims. “It’s 7:28??? How is that even possible? I was in there for like 10 minutes, I swear” he says, not as a response to Amber, but more to himself. 

Amber. He can’t afford to upset her this morning because he absolutely needs her help. So he opens the door as soon as he finishes his sentence, hoping that his older sister isn’t too annoyed yet. 

“Yes, TJ. Thank you for telling me the time. Now, excuse me, I need to get in there” she huffs, pushing him out of the way while inserting herself through the door.

“Ambs, wait” TJ manages to add before she’s fully inside. “Can you help me with something when you’re done?” He can tell that his question immediately raises suspension, but he’s thankful that Amber doesn’t dismiss him right away. “What kind of help?” she asks instead, crossing her arms.

“Uh you know... stuff. I’ll tell you when you get out but I really really need you to help me out on this one. Can you do that?” he pleads. Amber seems to think for a second; she’s definitely intrigued. “Depends. I’ll see what I can do,” she finally answers. “Thank y-” Click. And the door is closed mid-sentence. TJ shrugs. At least she didn’t say no. 

TJ heads back to his room to get dressed while he waits for his sister. He figures he’ll deal with his hair later. So much for waking up early, he thinks bitterly. But he remembers he did it for Cyrus and it’s automatically worth it. Thankfully, he has less trouble getting dressed. Staying on theme with today’s list items, he picks out one of the nicer shirts he owns. In other words, one without a basketball on it. 

He also slips into his third-best pair of jeans because it’s only Tuesday and he doesn’t wanna look like he’s trying too hard. If he learned anything from yesterday, it was that subtlety is key. And to top it all off, he picks out a pair of sneakers with green stripes to match his shirt. He doesn’t need a mirror to know that he looks good, minus the hair of course. Hopefully, Cyrus would agree.

Since Amber is still not out of the bathroom by the time he’s done, he gathers his books and homework from last night into his backpack to pass time. Sure enough, there’s a knock on the door right as he’s finishing up. He practically runs to open it, worried that Amber would change her mind if he made her wait. 

“So what’s your deal, Speedy?” she wastes no time in asking, and TJ can tell he’s piqued her curiosity. “Morning big Sis. You look rather ravishing today” he answers in a tone that’s halfway between sarcasm and flattery. “Wow, this must be serious. That was really close to actual compliment, TJ” she utters quietly, feigning concern in her voice. TJ suppresses an eye-roll, aware that it wouldn’t be helping his case. Instead, he cuts to the chase and voices his request to Amber as seriously as he can: “Ambs, I need to borrow a necklace. Preferably for the rest of the week, but if you can’t it’s okay. I just really need it for today at least.” Amber is silent for a moment. That’s probably not what she was expecting. “Do I wanna know why?” she questions. 

No way! I’m not telling you about my secret crush on Cyrus so you can go blab about it to your girlfriend. Next thing I know, it won’t be a secret anymore. 

He doesn’t say any of this, of course. TJ simply shakes his head no and tells her with a smile: “I’ll let you know if it works out.” Amber narrows her eyes at him, quickly inspecting his face in the hope of finding a hint about whatever was going on. But her brother knows the game and maintains a blank expression. Eventually, she sighs. “Fine. Let me see what I can do. I probably have one I don’t use anymore,” she admits before heading back to her room.

TJ believes her. She’s been into fashion for as far as he could remember, so he’s certain that she owns a number of accessories she no longer used. Andi would often claim her neglected possessions to use on whatever craft project she was working on: an old belt, random artificial pearls, a faded jean jacket—it didn’t matter. If Andi could use it and Amber didn’t need it, she’d take it. They’re just that perfect for each other.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take long for Amber to come back, in direct contradiction of TJ’s expectations. She does own a lot of stuff. But to be fair, her room is way better organized than his. As agreed, she doesn’t ask any questions and simply sets the necklace before turning back around. “You can keep it,” she calls out over her shoulder. “Amber?” TJ calls back, stopping her in her tracks. “Yeah?” she answers. “Thank you. I mean it.” Her back is still facing TJ but he can tell she’s smiling. “Whatever.”

TJ looks down at the necklace in his hand. It’s a simple silver necklace with a silver ring through it. It’s perfect. He shouldn’t be so surprised, Amber never disappoints. Not when it comes to fashion anyway. Or being there for her brother in general, even if she likes to pretend she doesn’t care.

With the necklace safely hanging down his neck, TJ checks his phone to calculate how much time he has to fix his hair before he has to leave for school. When the phone powers on, the first thing that greets him is a notification for a text message sent by Cyrus four minutes ago. Cyrus who he hasn’t spoken since the morning incident.

Cyrus:

Hey, you at school yet? :)

Okay, so Cyrus isn’t mad at him, as confirmed by the smiley face. He instantly feels better.

TJ:

Nope. Are you??

TJ:

You better not be, if me being early yesterday outraged you as much as I think it did

Cyrus:

Ha. Ha. No I’m not. BUT…

TJ:

But???

Cyrus:

I was hoping you’d pick me up since you wanna wake up early anyway. A little detour won’t hurt

TJ:

Um. Pick you up. But I don’t have a car :////

Cyrus:

But you have legs. Basketball legs!!

TJ:

You’ve convinced me. Don’t move, I’m coming

Cyrus:

Uhh that’s kinda the whole point….? Not moving until you get here so we can move together

TJ:

I-

TJ:

You know what I mean

Cyrus:

I do :)

The boy smiles at the reply a moment too long. Then he remembers he’s supposed to be hurrying. Without wasting any more time, TJ pockets his phone and rushes to the bathroom to brush his teeth before he leaves. As soon as he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, he lets out an involuntary gasp. His hair. In all of the excitement, he’d forgotten about his hair. 

Unfortunately, the realization hits that there isn’t anything he can do about it now. He can’t keep Cyrus waiting; he already told him he’d be on his way so he definitely doesn’t have time to struggle with his hair this morning. Oh well. At least the rest of him looks good. In one quick motion, he runs his fingers through his hair to at least get rid of bed head. It doesn’t do much, and a few locks of hair stubbornly fall to his forehead.

And then his bag slumped over his shoulder and he’s running down the stairs. He makes a quick trip to the kitchen and hurriedly kisses his mom goodbye before grabbing an apple and taking. This isn’t normal behavior for TJ and he knows she’ll be asking him about it later. Right now though, Cyrus is his primary concern.

TJ tries to keep a steady pace as he heads towards his best friend’s house. Yet, he inevitably finds himself almost running so he can get there as fast as possible. He’s probably never been more thankful for being in good shape because of basketball. In the end, the athlete’s efforts pay off because he’s turning the corner of Cyrus’ street. And sure enough, the brown-haired boy is sat on his porch, waiting for him. 

Almost as soon as he gets into his crush’s field of vision, he stands up and throws his bag over his shoulder before starting to walk towards TJ. He knows that it’s because they’d be heading in that direction on their way to the school anyway but he can’t help but hope that maybe Cyrus wants to be around him as much as he does. The boy blushes at the thought.

“Hey Teej,” Cyrus starts when he’s close enough that TJ could hear him if he whispered, but he doesn’t go in for their usual morning hug. He immediately notices and clutches a backpack strap with one hand while nesting the other in his front pocket.

“Morning, Cy. Ready to go?” he asks with a smile. A regular smile. Not the creepy kind from last time. This seems to reassure the shorter boy who smiles back and starts walking next to him. TJ follows. They hadn’t taken ten steps when Cyrus speaks up.

“So what happened to you yesterday?” he asks in a way that’s probably meant to be nonchalant, but TJ detects a hinge of nervousness from the small crack in his voice. “You were being weird in the morning and then I barely saw you after that,” he continues. The athlete feels cornered. So that’s why he wanted to see me so early. “I’m fine, Cyrus. You don’t have to worry. I was just, um, a little stressed out, that’s all,” he explains, which isn’t completely a lie. He just can’t say what exactly was stressing him out.

The shorter boy looks up at him, trying to read his face to see if he’s telling the truth. TJ doesn’t think he’s made a verdict on the sincerity of his explanation when he asks: “Is that why you also weren’t at lunch? It kinda felt like you were avoiding me.” TJ doesn’t know what to say. Feeling the weight of his best friend’s unwavering stare is giving him an especially hard time coming up with sentences. Finally, he sighs and decides to tell him something as close to the truth as he can get without exposing his feelings. 

“Listen, Cy. I swear I’m okay. It’s just that I’m trying to figure something out right now but I can’t tell you about it until I’m ready. Before you even say it, I know that you’re my best friend and I can tell you anything. Trust me, I know. But you also have to trust that it’s best if I don’t say anything yet. But when it’s time, I promise that you’ll be the first to know.”

By the end of his speech, TJ’s heart is racing like crazy. That isn’t an unusual thing when he was with Cyrus, but if even indirectly talking about his feeling can make him so nervous, he can’t imagine what the real thing will be life. That’s basically a death sentence, he thinks. He looks over at Cyrus whose gaze hasn’t left him the whole time. At that moment, he probably realizes that he needs to say something back. “Oh. I understand. And even though you already said it, I wanna emphasize that I’m always here if you ever need to talk. You just have to ask,” he reaffirms in a voice so soft that TJ almost trips. He looks down at the boy, certain that it didn’t matter how many times he’d embarrass himself trying to convey his feelings or make himself look like a total idiot because as long as it meant he had a shot with the boy walking by his side, he’d always keep trying. “Thanks, Cy,” is his only reply.

“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to but are you dressed like this because of your… stuff?” Cyrus asks in a teasing voice, deeming the question appropriate since the tension between them had completely dissipated. “Dressed like what?” TJ feigned confusion. “You know, like that,” Cyrus answers, vaguely motioning in his general direction. “Like… nice. It’s only Tuesday. There’s no reason to look this good on a Tuesday.” Cyrus mumbles that last part but he definitely hears it if the pink on his cheeks is any evidence. He just said I look good, he thinks. This must be working.

“Yeah I mean, you do. Not that you don’t look good the other days, but today it looks intentional,” he continues. Oh wait, did I say that out loud? “Yes. And that too,” the boy chuckles. “I would ask what’s going on but I’m assuming it’s your stuff again,” he adds, thankfully. “Uh yeah sort of,” TJ replies as a kind of blanket statement to justify his appearance and the fact that he forgot how thinking works. He knows he should say more, but they’re already arriving at school, so he decides against it. “Hey, we’re still a little early. Wanna have breakfast?” he asks, completely changing the subject. “Yes! I’m actually starving,” the brown-haired boy replies slightly too quickly and he thinks he knows why.

“Underdog! Did you not eat breakfast this morning??” TJ questions in disbelief. “Maybe not,” Cyrus responds, looking at the ground as they head for the cafeteria. “I wanted to ask you in person if you were okay and you walking me to school was the quickest way. By the way,” he says while yawning, “you owe a milkshake at the Spoon. I woke up too early for this.” The athlete knows that he isn’t joking but he doesn’t mind. All he hears is that he owes Cyrus a date at the Spoon. “Sure!” he exclaims a little too enthusiastically. “We can go tomorrow after school if you want.” Cyrus looks up at him and smiles: “It’s a date.” 

TJ swears he forgets how to breathe. He’s not sure how to respond to that, so he does the next best thing and coughs obnoxiously. “Oh my God! TJ, are you okay?” Cyrus questions and rests a hand on his back. Somehow, the added physical contact doesn’t help at all and TJ nearly hyperventilates. He is used to Cyrus’ touch, of course, but he certainly isn’t used to Cyrus touching him after suggesting that their hangout at the Spoon was a date. 

Thankfully, they are entering the cafeteria, which TJ sees as a chance to go recollect. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. I must have accidentally swallowed some spit. I’m gonna go and get some water now while you get your food. I’ll be right back,” he announces in one breath and darts towards the water fountain without waiting for Cyrus’ response. Aware that he is still within his best friend’s peripheral vision as he stands in line, TJ takes several big gulps of water. Turns out, it helps. But he knows that even if he drinks the whole fountain, he’ll have to head back because avoiding Cyrus for a whole other day is out of the question, and so he does, with a smile—a normal one—plastered on his face. This is going to be a long day, he thinks to himself, silently this time.

Tag List

@tyrusmuff1n @thedampjofangirl @mackpocalypse @vi-the-best-you-can @judgemental-llama @thesubtextmachine @green-lemonboys @tjfruitymixitup @tyrustina @90svalykrie

[thirteen-beaxhes]

A Week (A Tyrus One-Shot)

Summary: last week was rough, but without you it will be rougher

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Words: 1547

~~~~

It had been a week since he last saw TJ.

The music of the ball pounded from the school, but Cyrus was walking away from it. It was too loud, and he just needed to be alone. Especially at that time.

He went across the park, pausing for a minute at the swings, a stab of pain in his chest. That had become his and TJ’s place. Their first real conversation, where they made up after the gun incident, where they went if they just wanted to hang out together without the others. It was too painful to sit there now, even with how bad he was feeling. Cyrus took a turn and sat on the bench behind the swing set.

The lights around had been turned on, illuminating the area in a soft orange glow. Some students were leaving the ball, laughing and still singing. Their happiness just made him even sadder, thinking about everything that happened a week ago.

He and TJ were supposed to hang out at the Spoon for a while before they went to the cinema. Cyrus was nervously adjusting the collar of his shirt and fidgeting with his watch. He had made up his mind. He was going to tell TJ. Not just that he was gay, that would be the easy part.

Cyrus was going to tell him that he liked TJ.

It had taken him being psyched up by both Buffy and Andi for a solid 2 hours over the phone to be prepared for this. He just didn’t think about the worst case scenario. At all. Under no circumstances.

TJ was late by 20 minutes. They weren’t going to make it to the movie if he was later than that. Just as Cyrus was about to call him, he got a text from TJ.

Meet me at the swings please. It’s really important.

Confusion ran through Cyrus’ brain, but he grabbed his coat and ran to the swings. Panting, he saw TJ swinging there. He looked lonely and sad, but still, he managed to take Cyrus’ breath away more than the running had.

“Hey TJ, what happened?” Cyrus asked, walking up to him, causing TJ to stop swinging. He glanced up at Cyrus but immediately dropped his eyes to his feet. That was unusual. He seemed nervous and upset about something.

“Is everything okay?” Cyrus asked, worry evident in his voice as he sat down on the neighbouring swing.

“No,” TJ answered, his voice sounding raw as if he had been crying for a long time. He looked tired, and when he finally looked up at Cyrus, his eyes were full of despair.

“What happened?”

“I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

Those words sent Cyrus’ brain in a whirl, concern thrilling through his mind. Why was TJ sorry?

“For what?”

“I’m moving away.”

Those words hung in the silence that followed. Cyrus was sure people could hear his heart shatter from all the way across town. His eyes were watering, tears threatening to spill.

“W-What? When?”

“I leave the day after tomorrow,” TJ said, his voice shaking, as if he were trying desperately to maintain his composure.

“When did you find out?”

“3 days ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I didn’t know how Cyrus! I have wanted to tell you all these days, but I didn’t how to say it!” TJ replied, each word increasing in volume like a crescendo, but his last word breaking.

They sat in silence, still in shock, their swings swaying lightly.

“That’s not all Cyrus.”

Cyrus looked up, his cheeks wet, tears streaming silently.

“This is the last time I can see you.”

Even TJ began to cry silently, tears falling from his eyes as he looked up at Cyrus.

“I have to help my mom pack all day, and we leave early the next morning. So, I won’t be able to meet you after now.”

As if Cyrus needed salt rubbed in the wound. What was he going to do now? TJ was one of his closest friends, and not to mention the tiny, absolutely massive amount he liked TJ. It was now or never when it came to telling him.

Cyrus chose never.

“Then let’s just spend the time we have like how we normally would. Just talking,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes, swinging higher than he ever had, trying to make TJ cheer up. That’s how they spent the next 2 hours, just them on the swings, talking, while Cyrus squashed his feelings deep down.

When it was time for them to part, TJ turned and hugged Cyrus, squeezing him tight. Cyrus felt his heart go wild, ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom, but he held on tight, knowing it would be the last time.

“Goodbye, not-so-scary basketball guys.”

“Goodbye, Underdog.”

*

Sitting on the bench alone, the memories stung. Cyrus now regretted not telling TJ the truth. They had already begun to lose touch, TJ having not responded to his texts for 3 days.

He had to try and let him go and move on. It was an obvious decision, but easier said than done. He had gone home that day after seeing TJ and just cried into his pillow, for everything that could have been. And here he was a week later, tears still finding their way out.

He should just go home and start the healing process. Cyrus was just about to get up and go home, when a voice from behind went, “Is that spot taken?”

No. No way.

Cyrus turned around and saw none other than TJ Kippen, smiling at him with his charming and perfect smile.

“TJ? You’re back?” Cyrus asked, shocked into immobility.

“Yes, I’m back Underdog.”

They both smiled smiles brighter than the lights around, but Cyrus had so many questions.

“Wait, how are you back?”

“My mom tried the job but decided to come back to her old one here. It was better for her, plus her two kids were miserable the one week we were there,” TJ replied, sitting down beside Cyrus on the bench, shuffling close to him. TJ’s proximity was sending Cyrus’ heart into a frenzy, but he tried to control it for his own sake.

“Besides, I regretted not doing something before leaving. So now that I’m back, I’m going to do it immediately.”

“What is it you wanted to do?” Cyrus asked, keenly aware of how close TJ was getting. Their legs were practically glued together. It wasn’t even cold, so that couldn’t be his excuse?

“I wanted to tell this person that I really like them,” TJ said, his voice going quiet, as he looked at Cyrus in the eyes. Could it be... No, it was going to be someone else of course.

“This person is really important to me. They were the only one who believed I could do and be better and helped me grow. They have always stuck by me, but haven’t hesitated to tell me I’m wrong. I don’t want to think what my life would be like without them.”

“Who is it?” Cyrus asked, dumbfounded, unable to even consider the wild possibility that-

TJ looked at him with endearing disbelief. “It’s you, Cyrus. It’s always been you.”

Whoa.

Cyrus’ brain was both whirring at a million miles per hour and was also blank as a slate. He just stared at TJ for what seemed like forever without a word.

TJ suddenly looked worried, trying to backtrack. “I know you probably don’t even like boys, and I understand if you don’t really want to be friends anymore, and-”

“TJ,” Cyrus said, grabbing TJ’s wrists, stopping TJ from talking. “I like you too.”

He looked surprised. “You, you do?”

Cyrus gave a small chuckle. “Of course I do! You’ve always helped me try to go out of my comfort zone, you listen to me even when I say the most mundane things, and you make me feel safe when I’m with you.”

TJ’s face lit up in a smile, and he grabbed Cyrus’ hand, linking their pinkies as Cyrus lay his head on TJ’s shoulder.

“So, now what?” TJ asked, turning a bit to look down at Cyrus.

“I don’t know, honestly. I mean, if I asked you to be my boyfriend, what would you say?” Cyrus asked, holding his breath for the answer.

“Wait, you’re seriously asking?” TJ asked, moving away a bit to properly look at him.

“Well, yeah.”

“The answer is obviously yes, Cyrus. I would love to be your boyfriend.”

Cyrus gave TJ the biggest smile, as he lay his head back on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I missed the ball. And the last whole week.”

“No, don’t apologise. You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” Cyrus whispered, holding onto him tighter.

They sat like that for what seemed like both seconds and years, when they heard a slow dance song play from the school.

TJ smiled and stood up, holding his hand out to Cyrus. “May I have this dance, Cyrus Goodman?”

Cyrus smiled back saying, “You absolutely may, TJ Kippen.”

As the ball progressed in the school, TJ and Cyrus danced in the soft glow of the street lights in the park, beside the swings and the bench.

And everything was perfect.

[tiberiusjeffersonkippen]

Dancing for You

Here’s Chapter 1 of my first fic! Sorry if it’s a little rough; I’m still figuring everything out. Thanks for reading! Also here on Ao3.

Summary: As Cyrus prepares a dance for his high school’s talent show, he finds himself entangled in a new friendship with none other than TJ Kippen, Grant High School’s resident jock. Only good things can come from new friends...right?

Words: 2098

Chapter 1

The music pumped through his veins. It crescendoed, and Cyrus no longer had any idea where he was with respective to anything else in the studio, much less the exact choreography he was dancing at the moment, but that didn’t really matter. All he could see was gleaming green eyes. All he could feel was smooth hands gripping his wrists. As the music ended, Cyrus collapsed on the floor, crying and wondering how he had gotten to this point.

(6 weeks earlier)

Cyrus’s chest heaved as he held his final pose and waited for the music to finish. To be quite honest, the dance wasn’t his best work. The first two minutes or so of choreography was pretty solid, but he ran out of time and had to rush the last bits of choreography that day, so it was pretty repetitive towards the end. But the judges (consisting of the principal and the two assistant principals) seemed to like it, and there was a heavy round of applause, so it must have been alright. Cyrus could even make out some people standing up (that was probably just Andi, Buffy, and Jonah, but it was still cool!). After the judges finished their remarks, he walked off stage to gulp down about 2 full bottles of water.

The talent show lasted for six more acts. Most of them were singers, but there was also a band, another dancer, and a guy who did killer impressions. Cyrus was particularly impressed with his Miss Piggy. Then the judges called all of the acts back on stage to commend everyone for performing.

“Remember to vote online for your favorite act! We’ll see eight of you back here in four weeks for finals! Good luck and good night!” said the principal. The lights rose and the audience began to meander to the auditorium doors. By the time Cyrus had collected his bag and water bottles from backstage, Andi, Buffy, and Jonah were waiting for him by the stage doors.

“That was amazing Cyrus! I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on us!” gushed Andi.

“Yeah, Cy-Guy! Since when do you dance?” asked Jonah.

“This is my fifteenth year.”

“Wait, how old are you again?”

“Buffy, we’ve been best friends with him for over 10 years!” interjected Andi.

“Yeah, but I wanted to make sure that I didn’t accidentally forget that he was immortal or something. You’ve really been dancing since you were two?” she responded.

“Well, I was three by the first recital, but yeah, I was two when I started. Didn’t you know that?” Cyrus said.

Buffy shrugged. “I guess I never really knew the specifics. I just knew that you’d been dancing since basically forever.”

“Well, Good-man and good girls, what do you say to celebratory milkshakes at the Spoon?” said Jonah.

“Well there’s nothing to celebrate yet since I haven’t been voted through, but who am I to say no to milkshakes?”

Cyrus rode with Andi, and Buffy rode with Jonah. The creative car beat the athletic car, and Cyrus went inside to secure the good booth while Andi called her mom to let her know where she was. She came back right after Cyrus ordered their baby taters and milkshakes (vanilla for Andi and chocolate for the rest of them), joined by Buffy and Jonah and a bouquet of flowers.

“We would have given them to you earlier, but we didn’t trust ourselves to keep them intact through the entire show,” said Andi as Buffy handed him the flowers.

“You guys really didn’t have to get me flowers! I wasn’t that good, and besides it was only the prelims!”

“Yes we did! It’s not like we could’ve made you posters like you do for Buffy’s basketball games or organized snacks like you do for the Space Otters, so we did the next best thing,” said Jonah, sliding into the booth across from Cyrus.

“Whatever, I probably won’t be put through anyway.”

“Shut up! Yes you will!” said Andi.

Cyrus would’ve argued further, but their milkshakes arrived at that moment.

“Vanilla milkshake?” asked the waitress.

“That’s me!” Andi exclaimed as Buffy rolled her eyes.

“You have got to be kidding me. Vanilla isn’t even a flavor!” Buffy said while helping pass Cyrus and Jonah their drinks.

“Yes it is! It’s the flavor of sweetness and deliciousness!” Andi shot back.

Cyrus settled back into his seat. He had heard this same argument at least a thousand times. Buffy maintained that vanilla barely had any more flavor than water. Andi disagreed. At this point, a trip to their favorite milkshake-and-baby-tater spot wasn’t complete without a new iteration of the debate. Still, Cyrus enjoyed it. Their friendly banter allowed him to relax.

Until he spilled his milkshake, that is.

“You are definitely the clumsiest dancer I know,” said Buffy while Cyrus groaned and tried to blot the milkshake off of his shirt.

“Shut up. Yeah, I’m definitely going to need use water on this. Be right back,” Cyrus responded as he scooted past Andi to head to the bathroom.

Fortunately for Cyrus, the milkshake was surprisingly easy to clean up. He was in the bathroom for no more than four minutes, and he was about to head back to his table when he heard a toilet flush. He looked up to see none other than TJ Kippen staring right back at him in the mirror. Cyrus didn’t know anything about TJ other than that he was in his history class and that he was the source of Buffy’s hatred for male jocks, but he suspected that nothing good could come of this interaction.

“Hey, aren’t you that guy that danced in the talent show?” asked TJ. So he’s going the “fein interest” route Cyrus thought to himself.

“Y-yeah,” he said out loud, and, in a moment of unprecedented confidence, he added “You got a problem with that?”

“No, not at all!” TJ chuckled, as if he found the idea of having a problem with Cyrus ridiculous. “I just think it’s interesting that you keep so much to yourself in class but you’re willing to dance in front of the entire school.”

“It wasn’t the entire school! And how do you know enough about me to even make that judgement? You started off this entire conversation with ‘Aren’t you that guy?’ It sounds to me like you don’t even know who I am!”

“You’re in my history class.” When a look of confusion passed over Cyrus’s face, TJ continued. “What? You can’t honestly tell me you never noticed.”

“No, I know that you’re in my class. I just didn’t think you knew that. You’re a pretty aloof guy.”

“Well history just happens to be the one class I pay attention in.”

“Are you telling me that TJ Kippen, Grant’s resident stoic jock, is a history nerd?”

“I didn’t say that! … But yes, I am. Don’t go spreading it around! The last thing I need is having my reputation ruined by some smallfry that danced in the talent show.”

Growing, more confident by the minute, Cyrus responded with “Aw, and just as we were getting to be friends!”

TJ didn’t necessarily growl, per se, but he was intimidating enough to make Cyrus quickly add on “But you have my word! I will not go around ruining your reputation. Even if I think you’re being ridiculous.”

For a moment Cyrus thought TJ was going to say that that wasn’t enough and demand that he somehow remove that particular piece of information from his brain, but then he sighed and said “Thank you,” which threw Cyrus for a second before he moved on to another question that had been brewing in his mind since he first saw TJ in the bathroom.

“So what are you doing here anyway? I don’t think I saw any of your friends out there.”

“I’m just picking up Amber. She gets off work in five minutes.”

“Oh, are you two dating?” Cyrus really did not care about TJ’s answer, but he figured he had to do his duty as Andi’s friend.

“God no,” TJ groaned. “Why does everyone ask us that? Can no one get it through their thick skulls that we’re fucking siblings!”

“Wait, she’s your sister?”

“Yes, unfortunately. And,” TJ said, pulling out his phone, “apparently she got off a little early. See ya later, Underdog.”

“Bye TJ--wait, what did you call me?” Cyrus asked, but TJ had already left the bathroom. Sighing, Cyrus dabbed at his shirt one last time before returning to his baby taters (and his friends, but his taters were more important).

“What took you so long?” Jonah asked as Cyrus slid back into the booth.

“Yeah, what exactly were you doing in that bathroom, Cyrus?” Buffy added.

“Oh, TJ Kippen was here to pick up Amber and he was in the bathroom and we ended up having an...interesting conversation.”

“Wait, is TJ dating Amber?” Andi interjected.

“You don’t have to worry about TJ stealing your girlfriend Andi,” Cyrus responded.

“She’s not my girlfriend!”

“But you want her to be,” teased Cyrus. “Apparently they’re siblings. Not sure why no one seems to know that.”

“Anyway,” said Buffy, steering the discussion back to Cyrus’s conversation in the bathroom, “What did you guys talk about? Why were you guys talking in the first place?”

“To be completely honest, I have no idea. He asked if I was ‘that guy that danced in the talent show,’” Cyrus said with air quotes.

“Did he mess with you? I swear to God-”

“No, Buffy, stop! He was actually pretty cool about it, and then I learned that he’s a huge his-” Cyrus paused, remembering TJ’s almost-threat about ruining his reputation. “He’s a huge Hiss Hiss fan.”

“Hiss Hiss?” Andi asked.

“Yeah, apparently it’s some indie emo band or something.”

“That sounds like total bs,” Buffy said. Cyrus just shrugged. “Fine, keep your secrets. Is that all that happened?”

“Yeah. He got text from Amber saying that she was done early, and then he left, but then as he was leaving he called me some name. I think it was Underdog? I’m not really sure. He left before I could ask.”

“I wonder what that’s about,” said Andi.

“Me too. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow in history.”

“I didn’t know he was in any of your classes,” said Jonah.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have expected him to be in AP US History,” Buffy added.

“I guess everyone’s got their secrets,” said Cyrus. “Well, now that the baby taters and shakes are gone, I guess it’s unfortunately time to go home. Don’t make that face, Andi! We need to sleep!”

“Fine,” she grumbled. “Do you need a ride, Cy?”

“Nah, it’s nice out, and my house is only ten minutes from here.”

“Okay. Bye everyone!”

In usual Good Hair Crew (and Jonah) fashion, it took ten minutes for everyone to say goodbye and get out the door. When Cyrus finally started his walk home, the cool breeze was a breath of fresh air. As much as he loved his friends, they got to be a little overbearing at times. Who cares if he and TJ Kippen exchanged a few words in the bathroom?

I care, thought a tiny piece of his mind, but, as it made no sense, Cyrus elected to ignore it. Instead, he plugged in his earbuds and started to choreograph a new dance. If he was put through, maybe he’d use it for the finals. The song was only about three minutes long, and it varied enough to allow Cyrus to use lots of different moves. Before long, Cyrus was turning and jumping home as much as he was walking, and he was still dancing when he reached his front door eight minutes later.

“How was the talent show, honey? I’m so sad I had to miss it,” his mom called from the dining room.

“Mom, it’s fine! I told, you, it was only the preliminary round!”

“I know, sweetie, I just love watching you dance so much!”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m pretty tired though, so I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Of course. You can tell me all about it in the morning.”

Cyrus practically sleep-walked his way to bed, barely registering his toothbrush and sink and pajamas as he used each to prepare for bed. However, just before finally drifting off to sleep, there was one very clear image in his mind: TJ chuckling. What’s that all about? Cyrus wondered, but he didn’t have time to answer his own question before falling completely asleep.

[tyrus-time]

You’re Still The One // Tyrus Month, "College”

@tyrusweek /// AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15768714

Summary: Cyrus and TJ had grown very close, but they lost touch throughout high school. TJ wished he had told Cyrus how he really felt all those years ago, but he finally accepted that he would never know what might have been. Until one day, when TJ is walking aroun d his newuniversity campus after transferring. Call it fate, destiny, or the Universe -- something brings the two of them back together again.

“TJ Kippen?!”

TJ heard a familiar voice call his name. He turned around to see none other than Cyrus Goodman, his friend from middle school. “Hey, look who it is!”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it’s you! I didn’t know we both went here!” The excitement in Cyrus’ voice sent warmth through TJ’s chest.

“I actually just transferred here this semester. I finished my associate’s at community college and now I’m here on scholarship.” TJ smiled, “It’s great to see you! I wasn’t expecting to run into you.”

“Well, it’s a pleasant surprise for me, too.” Cyrus’ eyes looked TJ up and down, not-so-subtly checking him out. “You look great, by the way,” he remarked.

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself,” TJ winked, attempting to maintain his suave confident exterior. Nevermind the fact that his knees felt weak and his heart felt fluttery.

The two smiled at each other for a moment until Cyrus looked away to check his watch. “Oh geez, I need to get to class now, but I’d love to catch up with you later... Would you like to meet for dinner?”

TJ smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that. Any suggestions where? I’m new around here and I don’t know the local hangout spots.”

“Yeah, do you have the same cell number as you did before? I can text you the details.”

TJ nodded. “Sounds good. See you later, Cyrus.”

TJ couldn’t believe it. What were the odds that he’d run into Cyrus here and now?

They hadn’t seen each other in four or five years. The two had been inseparable during middle school. They had been close — closer than most teenage boys allowed themselves to be. Their friendship was so supportive; it seemed like a bond to last a lifetime. But there was something else about their relationship. A natural chemistry. An intimate longing. Feelings that neither of them outright acknowledged or acted upon. Oh, the uncertainty of adolescence.

The two fell out of touch when they went to different high schools, and if TJ had one regret, it was that he never told Cyrus how he truly felt. What should I have done? I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but it didn’t last anyway. Oh well, right? TJ resigned himself to the fact that he’d never have an answer to all the “what if’s.”  He would never know what might have happened between them.

But now.

Now they were here, together, at college. Meeting for dinner. Talking face-to-face.

Was this fate? Was this time to finally say everything he had previously held back? Was the universe on his side for once?

I guess I’ll find out tonight.

——

They met at a cozy cafe adjacent to campus. String lights cast a warm glow onto the street. Cyrus was waiting outside, hands in the pockets of his cardigan. He’s still the same adorable Cyrus, isn’t he, TJ noted with fondness as he approached. “Hey, Cyrus.”

Cyrus smiled and opened the door for TJ. “Shall we?”

“What a gentleman! Thank you.”

As soon as he stepped in, TJ was enveloped by the smell of coffee and cocoa. Cyrus, with his typical nerdy enthusiasm, gave TJ a rundown of the cafe’s food options. After ordering their sandwiches and grabbing their drinks, Cyrus led them over to a cozy booth in the corner. “This is my favorite spot,” he gleamed.

TJ took in the light fixtures and the art on the walls. “I can see why! Really nice atmosphere here.”

“I know, right? Ah, it’s so comfortable, but I also feel so adult when I come in here to work on my laptop and sip espresso.”

TJ chucked. “So, do you come here often?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Cyrus flirted. TJ, not expecting such a response, almost choked on his drink. “Oh, shoot, are you okay?!”

Great job, Kippen. A few minutes into this and you’re already falling apart. “I’m fine,” TJ rasped. Compose yourself. “Ah, so, how have you been? What are you studying?”

Much to TJ’s relief, his awkwardness faded as Cyrus launched into discussion of his past two years at college. Conversation came easy between the two of them, and the more they talked, the more comfortable they became. They carried on as if nothing had ever disrupted their original relationship. After a shared fit of laughter over a particularly funny anecdote, Cyrus took a deep breath and asked, “Gosh, why did we ever stop hanging out?”

TJ’s lips twitched to the side, his eyes gazing down.

Cyrus continued, “I know that life happens, but I should’ve done more to stay in touch with you after you moved. I could’ve come to support you at your high school games, but I just… stopped...”

Hearing Cyrus’ guilt made TJ’s eyes dart up. “No, do not blame yourself, Cyrus. I… I let myself drift away from everybody I met at Jefferson.” TJ bit his lip, debating how much he should reveal. “When I moved, it was because… I was put into a new foster home.”’

Cyrus’ eyes widened. “Oh, TJ, I never realized…”

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that. I never let anyone know, even you. Why do you think I never let anyone come over to my house?”

Cyrus nodded in understanding.

“There were a lot of us in that home. I didn’t get much attention or assistance from my foster parents; there were younger kids that required their care.” TJ’s voice was straightforward, but with a hint of pain. “They gave me food and a place to sleep, but I was mostly on my own. That’s kinda why I started working so young.”

Cyrus listened attentively.

“But then I was moved to be with a family that could be more attentive to me, which is great right? It was supposed to be a more supportive environment. I guess it was in some ways. But… they were pretty... conservative.”

Cyrus gave him a look, urging him to continue.

TJ sighed. “They were homophobic. I… I wouldn’t have felt safe coming out to them.”

Cyrus’ mouth fell slightly agape. “Wait. So… you’re—?

TJ smirked, “Bisexual, yeah.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Cyrus smiled. “I’m very gay, by the way, in case you couldn’t already tell.”

TJ laughed with a big grin, “Yeah, I suspected so.” The two shared a playful look.

“So… why exactly did you cut contact with us when you moved, if you don’t mind me asking? You didn’t want us to know you were in the foster system?”

“Yeah, I had a lot of shame about that. But also…” TJ took a deep breath. “I was afraid of where things might go, with… with you and me.” TJ paused. He could feel the lump rising in his throat. Everything he always wished he had said… he now had the chance to say it.

TJ took a deep breath. “I liked you, Cyrus. I always did.  All the way back to our first conversation. I thought you were cute and sweet and I wanted to get to know you, and... I think you were my first actual friend, to be honest. And… You made me a better person. I made myself be a better person, because you inspired me. I realized I wanted to be better, and I wanted to be better for you.”

TJ’s eyes finally met those of the boy in front of him. Cyrus looked starstruck. He was speechless. But in a good way, it seemed?

TJ reached across the table to grab Cyrus’ hands, which had been resting at the edge of the table. “Cyrus, maybe you never realized it, but I was in love with you,” he smiled. “Or at least, as in-love a person can be when he’s 14.”

Cyrus blinked, trying to ground himself amidst this revelatory moment.

“What are you thinking?” TJ asked nervously.

“I’m thinking… that Buffy and Andi were right, dammit!” Cyrus laughed. “They suspected that you and I were a thing. ‘You two totally make heart eyes at each other!’ But I never let myself believe it. I was too afraid… I wasn’t ready. Maybe that’s why I let myself drift away from you?” Cyrus’s brow knitted up, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey. Don’t be! I’m thankful for what we did have. You really changed my life. You should always feel proud of that, Underdog.”

Cyrus chuckled at the old nickname. “Ah, I really appreciate you saying that. But still… what might have happened, if we did things differently? I can’t help but wonder.”

TJ shrugged. “It wasn’t the right time for us,” he responded.

“Well… what about now?”

“What?”

Cyrus blushed. “What if now is the right time? For us?”

TJ tilted his head with a grin. “Cyrus Goodman, are you asking me out?” he beamed.

Cyrus put his fingers to his chin in mock-thought. “Why, yes, yes I am!” He laughed.  “Actually, I’m asking you on a second date. I’m counting this as our first.”

TJ’s smile was so warm, so bright, it could have lit up the moon. “You’re serious? You — you really want to go out with me?”

Cyrus rolled his eyes, “TJ Kippen, you must realize how attractive you are.”

“Lol, yeah, but… I don’t know, I guess I always thought I wasn’t worthy of dating you. You’re so good. I’m not that special.”

“Oh hush. Is that your insecurity or just false humility talking? Have you forgotten how much you helped me? I don’t know if I ever would have danced with danger, were it not for you! From day one, you pushed me out of my comfort zone while supporting me. I think you’re pretty damn special, TJ.”

TJ giggled with his hand over his face. He wasn’t used to be complimented so earnestly. But him and Cyrus, they had always been vulnerable with each other. It was about time that they were completely honest.

Pulling out his charming smirk, TJ laughed and admitted, “Okay fine, you’re right. I am pretty great.”

“Theeere’s that classic TJ charm!” Cyrus played.

The two men continued to banter, laughing and flirting. With old secrets and emotions finally confessed, the two continued to talk about their current lives. Both were succeeding in their studies and both had dreams of moving out to the coast. They marvelled at how easy it was to talk to each other, naturally picking up after all these years. The chemistry was still there, but there was something more. Growth. There was no longer the uncertainty of being 13.

Maybe they were ‘meant to be’ after all… It was now, finally, the right time for them.

[jennybiteoflove]

Hair Trends For 2020

Does This offer you fewer or more choices when In regards in styling? And could it be tougher to creep right to a good type than lean hair thinning? Just what the hell can you really do if it is cluttered? One of the barbers, remark looks broken -- many state it really is tougher to handle, together with fewer fashions readily available; some others state that the absolute volume signifies there is far more you could certainly do using this. However only one matter is typically consented -- it truly is about selecting the most suitable hairstyle.

 "Thick hair comes from several guises," states TJ Hunt from leading London barbers Ruffians. "It might be watertight and wavy or poker thick and straight. It truly is about having the most suitable way to match your hair kind and way of life "

 Let us focus on the fantastic thing. In the Event You have Thick hair, you are going to like significantly fuller quiffs and pompadours, and also get it simpler to create beachy or stained hair, way too. Additionally, it looks superior faded compared to lean hair follicles. However there are drawbacks, also we aren't talking frizz.

 "Possessing thick hair may be a Little a Nightmare as it could be tougher to create and frequently hard to stay in location," counters Dexter Johnson out of Toni & man. "Scrub hair really is more difficult to control, and where as lean hair you may develop services and products. It truly is much tougher to eliminate the density of baldness regarding a hair-cutting method."

 Irrespective of Which facet of this debate you Autumn, below are a few of the most useful ways to show into for several kinds of thick hairfollicles.

 Hairstyles For Brief Thick Hair

Brief Crop

"When you have got brief thick hair occasionally The item matts the feel plus it will become tacky," states Johnson. "a brief harvest using a fine fade to decrease excess weight and feel at the shirt will probably do the job " Believe any variant onto the iconic, fuss-free French harvest.

 The way to keep this "This fashion is Fairly simple to keep and it is just a significant alternative for anyone who want a wash-and-go."

 The Choppy Pairing

"Clipper Restricted onto both trunk and sides using an Ascending fade," states Charlie Cullen by London barbers Joe & Co.. "Scissor top at marginally unusual spans so as to add feel and also take out density. Crop the knee brief for simple longevity and maintenance."

The best way to keep up it" When damp put in a sea salt spray and coarse ironic -- that style is' blatantly'un-neat'. End using just a tiny bit of matte product or service in order to bring maintain."

 The Connoisseur's Buzz-cut

"In case your thick locks Are Becoming overly much in Hot summertime season afterward elect for the whole clipper minimize," says Hunt. "to incorporate style and shape proceed to get a tier 4 or 3 to top however move ultra-sharp together with all the fade onto the sides and back. Start in the grade or skin 0 in the event that you are adventurous enough"

The best way to keep up it The buzz minimize can be really a shower-and-go type of type, but you should be conscious you'll most likely have to become right back into the barber's seat in just a fourteen days.

 "The'Leebo' is out of Toni & Man's Legacy Group," states Johnson. "it is a significant alternative for gents with moderate size hair since it divides the diameter across the sides also creates far more quantity in addition to To get a'70s or'80s-motivated scissors request your own layers for somewhat briefer -- differently opt for mid-length."

The best way to keep up it It is just another fantastic wash-and-go hair-style, however in the event that you should be more likely to frizz, take into account one thing light similar to a osmosis purifier.

 The Traditional Sweep Straight Back

"Scissors are the Secret for This greatly "Graduated sides and back match the thicker shirt, permitting it to take a seat effortlessly. Do not proceed to get a separation in the event that you would like to create the design shinier and simpler to create "

The best way to keep up it” Blow dry back the hair following incorporating a hair balm or mild shaving gel after moist. If necessary, bring just a small shaving glue once tender "

 The under Cut Quiff

"Clipper the sides brief Whilst keeping Span on top," says Hunt,” specially in the center, without even fully linking it. It truly is amazing in case you've got very good volume on your own hair "

The best way to help keep it” A hair-dryer is the best friend . Insert a a small shaving glue when soaked and apply a spherical brush insert lift and volume. End with clay to get a textured appearance or also a formidable pomade to get an even longer defined conclusion "

 "For easy layers inquire the barber to get Duality over the design routine," states Johnson. "Haircut-wise you would like to request some thing which is employed together zig-zag segments so that your barber may shorten specified regions to clear away bodyweight, i.e. in direction of the straight back or in direction of the sides. It is akin to a off-beat, just like an off-beat we're eliminating weight and length reduction. This you would like to continue to keep the duration of hair just lose just as much fat as feasible "

The best way to keep up it Conditioner is essential to trying to keep this fashion only glossy enough nevertheless, you might also incorporate a mild lotion or sea-salt spray on to bring slightly bit more definition and texture.

 Channel your inner rock celebrity, also allow your Hair grow beyond the shoulders,'' states Hunt. "Proceed for shoulder span together with razor levels so as to incorporate beachy feel and also reduce the body weight "

The best way to keep up it After raising out your hair, take a look at the barber each couple months to cut back the stops and maintain your hair in excellent form. "A-DD quilted feel using salt spray to get a caked appearance and scrunch and let it air dry, or make use of a diffuser attachment onto your own hair-dryer therefore that it will not look overly styled, so" says Hunt. "Attempt to scrub too frequently as this appearance works well with somewhat of pure oil"

 The Lengthy And Allergic

Whenever Your hair is too thick to allow it collapse On both sides of one's head, this really can be the very best selection. "Request a more layered silhouette which may be tucked beneath the ear and then emptied far from your face," says Cullen. "Your hair has to become softly styled to decrease quantity but you need to be mindful whenever the levels are excessively short because they may increase the quantity "

The best way to help keep it"clean and towel then apply a pair of bed-head's Superstar Queen For each day quite significantly. Style along with the palms to keep an all pure feel and allow to dry normally "

 "Once you've thick, thick curly hair Would urge and can develop more," states Johnson. "No Thing into the excessive Mick Hucknall but also leaving it on upper and integrating an untreatable -- even a shaved spot round the nape of their throat will lower the weight and width "

The best way to keep up it Believe jim-morrison or Jon Snow the following as tiny product since you are able to become off with. You ought to possess Leave In purifier repeat sequence.

 Substantial Epidermis Care

"The large fade begins throughout your temple or even The corner of one's brow," states Johnson. "not like the standard under-cut, that will be only 1 span, the fade afterward gets briefer over both sides having a lengthier period at the top to reveal your curls"

The best way to keep up it Like thick, curled fashions, you can require some type of anti frizz item. And in case you've got sensitive skin, then try out a scalp lubricant to cancel the fade marginally abrasive characteristic.

 "The taper fade concentrates upon the Temple and side-burns," states Johnson,"and in the nape so as to bring a strength into your panties, running off the curls the surface " Up high, a mid-length weathered design is likely to get the most of one's hair's normal form.

The best way to keep up this You would like to get the curls to interact and give a wide berth to frizz for this specific style. Even the Curl outline include label.m was fashioned because of this.

 The Most Effective Products To Get Thick Hair

Scrub hair needs no merchandise in Any Way, Or some thing very special. "This product that you employ really is dependent upon the own hair kind and fashion," states TJ Hunt, from Ruffians. "As a guideline, you're have to employ somewhat additional product or service to find precisely the exact same cause hair that is thick thinning. Strong grip services and products have a tendency to do the job nicely with quick, varied fashions -- matte clays, styling ointments -- however with more, weatherproof fashions elect for some thing natural such as for instance jelqing hair or conditioners balms."

 Here Are a Few of our favorite items to Help you design that particular mane.

 This hair loss merchandise Is Ideal for taming and Putting a glow on these , outrageous fashions of thick hair. Minus the stickiness or dirt which accompanies other products that are similar.

 Upper Cut De Luxe Matte Clay

A wax-based Product Which's Excellent for ivory Leaves and looks that your personality having a sterile complete. In addition, it is simple to re-work and demanding enough to withstand intense and water work outs.

 Aveda Sleek Infusion Styling Creme

This high quality creme Is Intended to lock In dampness and hold-back the frizz. Notably effective in limited, choppy fashions.

 Men-ü Muscle-fibre Paste

That really is really a hand-held glue for brief, Textured designs and it is intended to replicate the micro-fibres of one's own hair to accomplish a sturdy, durable and elastic grip.

 Kevin Murphy Hair Re Sort Spray

This feel spray Will Help the drying Course of action when blow dried in to your own facial skin loss. If it is place, it supplies your own hair a dimensional, straightened experience.

 Label.m LeaveIn Conditioner

This functions to soften the skin follicles and create It malleable -- hence that it's much easier to govern rough or stuffy thick hair. Lengthy hairstyles, far too

[daveandtrev]

How the heckfire did we get here? A journey into the 2019 Andre Johnson Sweepstakes League

To my collegiate brood who has become like family, to my partners in weekend rendezvous, to my loyal participants in chatting about all things sports – this article is a labor of love for you. Every year I get coerced into preparing another one of these but this year not a single inquiry. Perhaps the luster of this treatise has worn off, or perhaps we assumed it was inevitable – Dave would eventually wander his way into his cold, dark fantasy football laboratory and emerge with a new concoction of thoughts on the AJSL that he would be eager to spill in a few thousand words. If the last assumption was yours, well then you know your commissioner well. And in the end, this piece. My hope remains to both educate and entertain.

To let you into the mind of your commissioner, I view each season as a journey that bears a resemblance to all journeys. Hopeful sojourners equipped with all that they can carry in hopes of future glory. Along the way, pitfalls and roadblocks (injuries, underperformance) threaten the journey’s success and oftentimes we require a bit of help from unforeseen resources (waiver claims, trades). After many weeks, the landscape seems foggier – where again did we start? Where has the journey detoured from expectation, both in triumph and in defeat? Therein lies the premise of this endeavor: to grasp, understand, and wrestle through in order to get our heads around each season’s “happenings”. We know we will encounter humility and perseverance (by this point all of our best laid plans have been altered). I’m sure we will find a stroke of genius or two to keep our spirits high. And you can count on biased interpretation from a guy whose authority is summed up by “I spend a lot of time thinking about this”. Thrilling. With that, come and explore the highlands and the low country with me. Let’s open together the tome of the 11th edition of the Andre Johnson Sweepstakes League.

With the stage set, allow me to redirect you towards the stats, candid thoughts, definitive (hindsight) analysis and forward looking predictions that can only come from yours truly. Please react accordingly with nods and smiles. Lets take a look at my post-draft thoughts for context on where we thought this year would be headed from the journey’s inception. (Or at least close to inception – with our late draft, I formed the basis of these thoughts after week 1. So I did have a single data point to go by).

Tier I - The Julio Jones tier

As its namesake implies, I projected the teams in this tier to consistently perform above average while also maintaining “Joe Flacco in the playoffs” elite upside on any given week. As you can see, this does not include my own team. You know what that means -> “If you don’t like your own draft…”

Cristian

Phil

Tier II - The Matt Stafford tier

The talent is there. The ability is never in question. And most of the time, the job gets done. Are you excited about Stafford, either as a Lions fan or a fantasy owner? Sort of? I expect a decent performance with ups and downs along the way when im cheering on Stafford. And he’s the perfect description of my expectations for this tier. Above average in spurts, but right around average in the long run.

Soape            

Trevor

Grundy

Dave

Tier III - The Peyton Hillis and Trent Richardson memorial tier

Before you dismiss the tier names and remember the downfall of these careers, first remember that both had studly seasons as members of the Browns. Hillis finished as the RB2 in 2010, Richardson as the RB8 in 2012. Its just that neither could find consistency over their careers and ultimately sputtered out without tasting prolonged glory. That’s the fear with these teams. We know any team can pop off for 150+ points, but can these teams hit 120 consistently? I have my concerns.

Scooter

Jack

Swave

Jason

And really, when we go back to careers like Trent and Peyton’s and remember that it was indeed the Browns that squandered such promise, let’s remember the wisdom that our tallest leaguemate passed out like a life preserver on draft night: The Browns, the Factory of Sadness themselves, will surely, inevitably, Browns. (Jason -> You may consider asking for this shirt for Christmas. I want to make sure you are clear on this during the next year’s draft.)

Let’s dig into the strengths for each team on draft day:

Tier I - The Julio Jones tier

Tier 3 RB’s

When you see Phil Stark make the championship, you go after the guys that got him there. Cristian pounced on 2018 stalwarts Davante Adams and DeAndre Hopkins, keeping them tied together for consecutive years. The next idea was to pack a bunch of mid tier RBs onto the squad and hope that one or two would differentiate. Or maybe better stated, the plan was hoping Chris Carson would fall in price as a result of never nominating him. In the meantime, he would purchase 3 contingency plans. Cristian wisely used the mid-draft break to gather his thoughts and recognize his hole at RB, determining to have at least two of Carson, Jacobs, Michel and Freeman. He bagged all 4, culminating in Carson for $18 late in the proceedings. This was a strategy that I suggested to Monica last year, resulting in a backfield of Jamaal Williams, Jay Ajayi, Alex Collins, and Lamar Miller. That turned out poorly, but I think the method has some merit and I was intrigued to watch this experiment get its second trial.

As for insurance on his receiving studs, Will Fuller and Dede Westbrook were two of my favorites. Nick Foles is known to love targeting slot receivers and Fuller is practically automatic when healthy with DeShaun. Even his backup (to the backups) at RB (Devin Singletary) seemed to be the starter on a run-first team when LeSean McCoy was released, further insulating the running back fortification that had been built up. Depth was not going to be an issue at RB or WR.

Moving on, TE was going to be a challenge, though Cristian had snagged Mark Andrews after week 1 and I figured he would plug the gap if Vance McDonald couldn’t. (As we know now, he could’t).

Probably the biggest change between draft night and my thoughts after Week 1 occurred with Cristian’s quarterbacks. Sitting next to him on draft night, I know he believed he overpaid for his QBs when Lamar and Kyler started going for less than Dak and Brady. As we flipped to Week 1, we saw that the rumors of Kellen Moore’s influence were manifesting almost instantly and that Brady was about to import Antonio Brown for week 2. Unreal. The two unexpected studs at QB catapulted my prediction for this team all the way to the top.

The Michael Scarns

America’s favorite boss is commemorated every year in the AJSL and typically gets a draft day listing towards the bottom as my flesh and blood juxtaposes right brain creativity with my left brained desire for structure. Not the case this year – Phil’s team was an early favorite of mine.

Grabbing onto a top-2 RB is a great way to set up your team’s upside. Then grabbing Melvin Gordon’s potential fill-in looked like a great step 2, especially after a Week 1 where Ekeler ceded hardly any work to Justin Jackson. (We weren’t certain what that split would be on draft night). Marlon Mack had limitations (doesn’t catch passes, maybe needs Andrew Luck to keep the offense on schedule?), but $5 was an easy price to pay to find out more.  And I liked Guice as a great late round candidate – he’s a talent-heavy back who was ticketed for primary work.

I saw upside coming out in spades with the QB choices – apparently only Phil was paying attention last year when Josh Allen was the QB2 from week 12 onward. $1 to see if he could run it back? Wow. (And yes, I snagged Jameis for $2 myself, brain fart for punting on Allen’s rushing upside). Kyler Murray is someone I liked a lot for his role in captaining Kliff’s new offense and his rushing ability that we had all heard about. This pair cost $6. Would you be surprised to see this duo combine for 80 points during a week? Tremendous Upside Potential.

The receiving room of Evans, Diggs and Cooper boasted plenty of star power and the aforementioned Kellen Moore effect made Cooper look even better after his week 1. The Vikes commitment to ground and pound had me concerned about Diggs volume (not his talent), and he was my pick to share the flex spot with Mack. Picking up John Brown late seemed like a great complement to sling-it-deep Josh Allen’s tendencies and I liked him to spot start during good matchups. I haven’t even mentioned former Antonio Gates caddie Hunter Henry playing with known tight end lover Phil Rivers. Even with his injury in Week 1, Phil’s early pickup of TJ Hockenson figured to fill that gap and potentially give Phil a dilemma when Henry returned.

Tier II - The Matt Stafford tier

Goffam City

With our team moving from 12 to 10 teams this year, we essentially added 28 players back into the player pool (16 rosterable players – D/K = 14 players * 2 teams). This boosts the floor of all teams to where there are so few holes on rosters. In this scenario, grabbing studs is even more important as they are the rare differentiators. I really like grabbing as many as you can on draft night and Joel did his best work here, nabbing Julio, James Conner, and Alvin Kamara (all while contemplatively swirling his whiskey). You really need to hit on your surrounding talent when you go for the studs-n-scrubs approach, and I thought Sammy Watkins and Duke Johnson were affordable pieces who could develop into plus starters as the season went on. Dante Pettis had the potential of a rising sophomore who was being treated strangely in camp (not running with the 1s in preseason games) but had the tools and pedigree (2nd round pick) to succeed here too.

Trey Burton wasn’t on my radar, but Jared Cook figured to be a new toy for Drew Brees. I liked having both options available. Quarterback projected to be solid if not spectacular with Goff and Russell, and I liked their affordability overall ($9 combined). Russell’s Seahawks were expected to be run heavy which would supposedly cap his upside. But as Joel (smartly) gathered, Russell Wilson is very good. At a $3 price tag, the rest of the league didn’t want to find out if Russ could overcome his circumstances (and we know how that turned out.)

Overall, I figured a few of these role players would pop to support the studs and position this team right behind the elite.

That’s My QB

Coming in costume on a mission to re-establish the formula of previous glory, Trevor handled sticker duty while deftly selecting top tier passing game options. Unsurprisingly, Trevor landed Keenan Allen at the top of his draft board, selecting the Chargers receiver for the 4th straight year. He also snapped the author’s own streak of AJ Green selections at three years by nabbing the injured Bengal for $15. The question was “How much would he cost?” for Trevor regarding Travis Kelce – the end result was never in doubt. Previous tight end connoisseur Monica was not present to make Trevor sweat, but her parting instruction on my leaving for draft day was stated clearly. “Make him pay up”. I feel like $38 was enough to do her proud. Godwin, Edelman, and Woods were added to create a super stable of receivers while also creating a likely mid season trade with a running back heavy team. (This is Trevor’s team, so readers will understand that I liked all of these players. #MandateForever).

Trevor treated running back like Cristian did if Cristian spent $10 less on everyone. The only luxury was Tevin Coleman (who wrecked his ankle after week 1). James White at $8 was my favorite selection – we know he’s got a solid 10 point floor and can add more if the other New England backs go down. Miles Sanders intrigued me as well – if Philly were to move away from their RBBC, Sanders would be the likely beneficiary.

Finishing up at QB, Lamar Jackson at $6 was good value on draft day and Week 1 showed us his upside immediately (and that Baltimore was going to be able to throw, which was still a guess on draft day). QBs who run have upside, period. Lamar runs a lot. Personally I always get a little queasy on guys like that holding up (I’ve been burned by RG3 and Kaepernick before) but $6 is so little risk, especially with guaranteed QBs on waivers.

Overall, this team was a running back away from jumping up to the next tier.

Coach Davis All Stars

Taking a page out of Phil Stark’s book in continuing to honor a beloved icon with his team name (as you can see, Phil Stark = trendsetter), the 5th iteration of the Coach Davis All-Stars hoped to finally launch Grundy into Diamond status on Yahoo and land him his first AJSL championship (Lord knows he’s due). With his whiskey in one hand, Grundy went toe to toe with the aforementioned Phil Stark to battle for the rights to Odell Beckham, culminating in an intimate staring-while-bidding contest. While the rest of us shifted uncomfortably in our seats, Grundy secured his man for $50, holding a different view from Cristian on what the Browns were about to do this year (cue Raybon). Following that bet was what I ended up pining over post-draft: the Dave Johnson/Dalvin Cook combination at running back. Punch drunk from a 5 hour adrenaline rush, I stumbled to the draft board knowing that this combo was going to absolutely work over the league. I envied silently and then shared my plight with a few passer bys, realizing once more why Grundy has the win percentage that he does. Great picks, friend.

How does this team land in this tier after my man crush on the running backs? Welp, I had reservations on Tyler Lockett (Russell may not throw much and Lockett wasn’t always emphasized last year even when Baldwin went down – his stats were good but he survived on deep balls and caught almost all of them. We know that doesn’t typically repeat in subsequent years.) While I liked Engram fine, I wondered who else would step up in the flex? MVS had talent but uncertain opportunity. I was 100% done with Donte Moncrief when he couldn’t perform with Andrew Luck (I bid $22 in 2016 for his services, still salty). Everyone else was a $1 flier. The flex can be an easy hole to fill if you nab a waiver pickup, but it’s a holeI downgrade for in post draft rankings (this essentially also means your depth is lacking).

With Rodgers a stud but Ryan a question mark for me (look at his previous years, dude finished QB15 in 2017 and QB18 in 2015. Not convinced he would be more than average despite spike years finishing QB2 in 2016 and 2018), I placed this team in the middle of the pack, content to wait for answers in my areas of concern. (Those running backs are still beautiful though, especially this guy).

WinningStreakToSAGA

Welp, here’s my draft day assessment. Dave, congrats - You aren’t in the Browns tier. But let me tell you, there’s going to be a hill to climb. At least we came up with a team name by week 4. Oh yeah, we threw a kick ass draft party too. Chin up, pal.

I came into this draft wanting to go heavy running back and was delighted to find my old friend Zeke Elliot available for a discount (had him going for $50+) with his contract situation in the air. Things sort of got hazy when I ended up with Melvin Gordon (thought he was worth $20 and grabbed him for $13) and then decided to run it back with Pat Mahomes. (Some had questions here – I think the elite QBs become worth the expenditure at some point and Pat Mahomes was the surest elite QB we’ve seen in a while. He ended up going for $30 which comes out to player #24 overall or a 3rd round pick in traditional snake draft. That’s where he was going in a 1 QB league, and we start 2….Really though, I was wearing his jersey and the allure of prior glory could not be overcome in the heat of the moment.)

I then made my big gamble on Juju, and as I’ve shared on the group text, this was prompted by that one article you read a day before the draft that comes back to mind as a player is being bid. I’ve done plenty of second guessing here, but my biggest lesson (as seems to always pop up) is to go over your plan before the draft. Read it and read it again. Know where you can take risks, and know where you want to attack. During the draft, there’s too much stimuli to reliably adjust on the fly.

Hilton was a calculated risk (we know his talent is good), Fournette was a calculated risk (we know his opportunity will be good), OJ Howard was on purpose and I perceived low risk. DJ Moore was a steal in my opinion as he was coming on last year with Cam. I was fine with Jameis, but was a bit sad I didn’t pick up a running QB with prices as low as they were.

Overall, tons of risks (Zeke, Gordon, Hilton, Fournette) and not enough real substance to bank on. I felt like I had undervalued assets, but I needed most of them to pan out to be successful. If not, disaster loomed.

Tier III - The Peyton Hillis and Trent Richardson memorial tier

Bob Kraft’s Day Spa

Scooter advertises his friendship with Bob Kraft in promoting his leisure activities, remembering the good ol’ days of R&R with Robert by his side. Classy.  

Lets start with what we like. I liked the aggressive nature at QB and both of these guys fit as upside plays  – Wentz has been reliable when healthy and was importing known QB-elevator DeSean Jackson. DeShaun had been suggested by some (including my beloved Evan Silva) as the overall QB1 over even Mahomes, citing his rushing upside and return of weapons . I like going QB heavy in the right situations when the league has decided that they aren’t as valuable. (As my Pat Mahomes pick suggests). George Kittle was a stud last year and figured to carry that over with the 49ers failing to establish a #1 WR in training camp. I viewed him as a differentiator at TE.

Antonio Brown highlighted the skill players (he was only in the middle of his diabolical plan to exit Oakland at this point) which was potentially a nice get but had its own question marks (new team, QB who typically throws short, weird preseason injuries/behavior). Kupp, Alshon, and Boyd were all fine but didn’t move the needle for me. Same with the Kerryon/Dame Williams combo at RB. And same with the depth (Fitzgerald/Marvin/LeSean/Lindsey). I didn’t see many holes on this team but I wasn’t sure where the upside was coming from. Kerryon was the best bet to smash followed by LeSean (great grab for $1) in my opinion.

Overall, the lack of high end skill players was my biggest concern for this team.

Da Bear Necessities

Jack Holmer went straight back to my childhood in the early 90s with his recollection of a Jungle Book classic, celebrating the simplicity of living as a predator in a tropical forest. “The Bear Necessities will come to you”. Words to live by, my friend.

Mike Thomas and Le’Veon Bell were the headliners of this draft class, and while Thomas’s domination is without question (never finished below WR10 on a per-game basis in his career), Le’Veon’s new situation was a bit murky (Would he get touches like he did in Pit? Would his O-line and QB help him like they did in Pit? RBs generally transition to new teams easier than WRs, but the Pit situation is unique for RB production) Assuming Le’Veon could pass those tests, the remaining core of Kenny Golladay, Mark Ingram and Joe Mixon gave this team firepower from every angle. Even better for Kenny G when we found out Matt Stafford intended on throwing the ball deep after Week 1. Ingram’s Ravens looked like world beaters themselves and showed that RBs attached to running QBs always have a place at the top of fantasy scoreboards. Mixon’s role also had potential growth under new coach Zac Taylor who was intending on implementing Rams concepts in Cincinnati.

Gallup was another who looked like a steal after Week 1 and I definitely liked the potential of Christian Kirk in that 4-wide AZ offense. Dave Montgomery was a luxury that could be waited on to contribute and Sutton and waiver pickup McLaurin also showed early promise. The skill positions looked above average right from the get go here.

Unfortunately for me, that’s where my optimism ceased. Darnold and Trubisky weren’t getting it done for me, and neither was perennial borderline-starter Austin Hooper. This team was the inverse of Scooter’s (who was strong at QB and TE) and I felt deserved to be ranked at the same level. Upside was probably easier to see here, but the holes were also more glaring.

Daniel and the Shew

This name would have made zero sense on draft day – more appropriately this team could have taken on Benjamin Feels the Brees as its moniker (though Yahoo’s character limit would have probably stopped the idea cold). Big Ben and Drew Brees gave Swave the oldest combination of quarterbacks and with both known for their home game prowess (and road struggles), they figured to mix in spiked weeks with untimely duds. Over the long haul, I expected average production with an acknowledgement of week winning upside under the right conditions.

CMC was the big haul and I loved Swave’s guts to go big here, spending a league high $59. No sense in leaving money on the table – and we know from Swave’s history that he likes to accumulate depth late in the draft. This was a pristine move for someone who likes to stock his bench – make sure you have at least one warhorse to supplement your depth. Well done here.

Flanking CMC was Aaron Jones and Adam Thielen, both with question marks (will Aaron Jones be a bellcow and will Minnesota ever pass?) but are clear top end talents when utilized well. I liked Cooks as a consistent play and didn’t mind the Josh Gordon/Calvin Ridley combo to fill the flex. I guessed he wouldn’t find many holes in his receiver unit, though I did wonder how much top end production we would see.

Derrick Henry rounded out the RB room and although I’m not crazy about his lack of pass catching, I liked his price ($7) as Swave could count any contribution from Henry as a bonus (and we know that Henry can go off). Lets all do ourselves a favor and watch the best run of 2018 unfold once more, this time with additional commentary. (Seriously, required watching).  

Njoku and Ebron were going to duke out the TE position, and frankly, that’s a formula for a $20 tight end claim come week 1.

Overall, this team was CMC + a bunch of promising parts. I will say this about Swave’s previous teams – he typically is able to mine a gemstone out of his depth by the time the season ends. I believed that this would need to happen once again in order for his path to victory to truly open up this season.

WeAllRammedIntoDaPit

You knew this one was coming. But let’s keep on this roll and reminisce a bit more. After living in Indiana for 3 years, the existence of Pawnee is not a stretch for the imagination (testify, Trevor).

As with other teams taking on the moniker of unfortunate events, winning fantasy weeks can be a bit more of a challenge than initially forseen. (Ex: defeatedseason #G1, 5-9 final record. Duck Attack, 2-12. The Schiano Stink, 6-8. CelektnNameErtzMyHed, 4-10. Of course we had the declining HurricaneScooter that ended up as a rainshower (lost first 11 games) before regaining its strength with three late season wins. I can find one positive outcome – the Butt Fumbles of 2013 went 11-3 and made the championship game.) Hence, I needed to see overwhelming evidence of burgeoning breakout players in order to feel confident in predicting season-end success.

We learned a valuable lesson on draft weekend: The Pit, even when its presence is known, will still rise up and take its prey the moment you let your guard down. Tyreek Hill, established stud of Jason’s squad playing for the high-flying Chiefs, succumbed to the Pit of Misery, breaking his collarbone during week 1 and setting up an extended absence that really left this team shorthanded. After Tyreek, I had a hard time envisioning upside. Gurley had a chronic knee issue, Chubb was a 2 down back in 2018 rumored but not assured of gaining passing down work, Zach Ertz faced stiffer competition for targets with DeSean coming to town, Allen Robinson played for a Bears team that’s known for spreading targets around, Jarvis Landry had incoming target competition from OBJ, Desean Jackson was changing teams, Jordan Howard had busted before and Kenyan Drake had never been a featured back. Now to be fair, many of these players had paths to upside and consistency but I had questions about most.

My favorite picks were Cam Newton, who continues to create rushing-based upside, and Curtis Samuel who I liked to take a step forward this year as one of Cam’s two primary targets along with DJ Moore. Baker didn’t run much last year so his upside was tied to his offensive scheme and his pass catchers. I figured he’d be about average with a path to a strong season if the OBJ connection took off.

Overall, I felt like this team really needed to hit on quite a bit of its 50/50 players and get a speedy recovery from Tyreek in order to emerge alive from the pit.

 Now that we are sufficiently anchored – where have the last 8 weeks taken us? Well for starters, the Bills are in prime wildcard position and the 4-12 Niners of 2018 are undefeated. The ship named “What we thought we knew” has been rocked. The remaining fallout is a muddied combination of 1) exactly what we expected and 2) typical unforeseen NFL chicanery. Of course this has trickled down to our fantasy scoring - look at this TE scoring list. Half of the top 10 were undrafted! And look who’s on top!

Lets get a handle on what each AJSL team is likely thinking going forward. (All ppg figures reference ppg while starting that player)

I like my odds of getting to the dance

The Michael Scarns: 140 ppg – Currently in the driver’s seat with 7 wins, The Scarns rode an unbelievable start by Austin Ekeler and a scintillating trio at the WR position (ranking #2 in the league for points at the WR1, WR2, and Flex postions) to pole position. Oh yeah, those ranks include only 2 weeks of recently-acquired Julio Jones. Gees. I expect both of the running quarterbacks (Kyler and Josh Allen) to have a few more spiked weeks and the return of Hunter Henry to boost this team’s floor even higher (currently ranked 8th in TE scoring). This is clearly the team to beat.

Coach Davis All-Stars: 144 ppg – Grundy leads the league in expected wins – weeks scoring above 130 – at 6 (I explain this a bit more below). Best case scenario Dalvin Cook has emerged as the consensus RB2 overall, averaging 22.3 ppg with 6 of 8 games over 20 points. The bedrock of Coach Davis’s finest is supported by a consistent QB duo (Rodgers and Ryan have Grundy pulling down the 2nd most combined QB points at 42.4 ppg), Dave Johnson (hoping he gets healthy again – Grundy is #2 in RB1 points) and Even Engram (11.3 ppg). The Browns have been a mess for OBJ (10.7 ppg – essentially turning him into a flex play) – if that gets straightened out, the Scarns may find themselves with competition.

I have the tiebreaker locked up, but I am terrified that I may not win enough games

Tier 3 RBs Patriots Defense: 140 ppg – Cristian finally got the team name right. The biggest defensive storyline in my memory has been impossible to compete with. The Scarns are 2nd in the league in defensive scoring at 9.6 ppg. Cristian is 1st in league scoring at 20.4, including 23.3 ppg with the Pats D (Cristian scored 0 defensive points in week 1!). Incredible – the Pats D has performed like a #1 defense plus a flex player (Flex average is 10.6 points across all teams). Unfathomable. Maddening to Jack, Grundy and myself who were outbid for their services in week 2. Elsewhere, the QB combo is solidly above average (ranking 3rd in QB1 and QB2 scoring) and Hopkins/Adams haven’t played close to their potential, signaling additional upside. RB2 has to get better (9th in scoring), though figuring out who to play between Sony Michel, Devonta Freeman and Devin Singletary has been an adventure thus far. This will start to improve and with the 2nd most points secured, Cristian really just needs the schedule to participate in order to secure a playoff berth.

2019’s guy getting screwed by the schedule

That’s my QB: 134 ppg – Ive estimated each team to have “earned” a win by scoring 130 points (typically this is 120, but the 10 team format seems to have inflated that number). That’s my QB has faced a team scoring 129 or more each of the first seven weeks until mercifully drawing Soape’s surrender squad in Week 8. Nobody else is even close to this mark - Cristian leads the rest of the league with five opponents putting up that many points, but everyone else is at 4 or less. So not only has Trevor seen plenty of points scored against his team, but its been a steady onslaught. The guy has put up 5 performances worthy of a victory himself (2nd only to Grundy, tied with Cristian) and has only won 3. Yeah. Here’s to friendlier shores, my friend.

Team wise, Lamar Jackson is insane at 25.8 ppg, QB1 overall. Mahomes finished at 27.1 last year (if my memory serves me), this is getting close to that level. Trevor leads the league in flex scoring (thanks, Edelman) and is 2nd at TE. The kicker is the kicker – Trevor sits in 10th here as well as RB2, the land of James White and Miles Sanders. That will likely putter on for a bit more, a chink in the armor that Trevor hopes will be overcome by Kennan Allen’s return to form and/or Travis Kelce starting to experience touchdown regression (currently only scored twice).

I know my team isn’t bad. I’m not sure if my team is actually good.

WinningStreaktoSAGA: 127 ppg – Still don’t like handicapping myself in these papers, but this is certainly the appropriate category. The strength of the team is RB (Zeke and Fournette help me rank 3rd at RB1 and RB2 scoring.) That’s really it – Pat Mahomes played 3 games with his head on fire (28.9 ppg) before succumbing to an ankle injury and eventually a kneecap dislocation (15.9 ppg during that stretch). Fameis is fine when I trust him (18.5 ppg) but like so many of us, I have bailed during his breakout games. OJ Howard was a disaster (and truly one of my most confident draft choices), though Darren Waller should alleviate that position going forward. The biggest issue has been the Flex where I rank dead last at 7.3ppg. By sheer regression you would think this would start to move upward. The team needs more firepower from somewhere other than RB to make noise, but where will it come from? A bunch of question marks among traditionally strong performers (Mahomes, Hilton, Juju, Melvin Gordon) leave this team relying on breaks/hot streaks/good luck in hoping for an extended season.

Daniel and the Shew: 125 ppg – CMC and Aaron Jones, good Lord! The only thing keeping Swave from sweeping #1 ranks in RB1 and RB2 are missing Aaron Jones breakout games (missed a 23 and 41 pt game) for the allure of Derrick Henry (be strong Swave!) As is, CMC’s otherworldly 27.0 ppg has Swave pacing RB1 scoring and the Jones/Henry combo sits in 4th for RB2. Justin Tucker has proven to be worth the $2 (I think?) by leading Swave to #1 in kicker scoring. The problem has been QB, (Daniel Jones sucked for 4 games with 11.4 ppg), TE (6.5 ppg aggregate with TJ Hockenson still not finding his week 1 stroke) and WR2 (Brandin Cooks 7.2 ppg in a broken Rams passing game). DJ Chark should help cover Cooks and Brees return allows Minshew (respectable 17.7 ppg) to cover Jones’s old spot. Never say never to a team with the best player in the league – especially a team who has already banked 5 wins thus far.

Da Bear Necessities: 120 ppg – Mitchell Trubisky is the excess weight on a sinking ship. I admire Jack’s loyalty, he’s a fan’s fanatic. But I think we’ve seen enough. He’s averaging 10.6 ppg (again, aiming for 20 ppg) and even removing the game he was injured mid-game still brings him to 12.7 ppg. Not to be outdone, Sam Darnold checks in at 11.6 ppg. Holy cow. Its also not helping that Le’Veon hasn’t found his groove (11.7 ppg). In brighter news, Mark Ingram has been solid (14.9 ppg) and Michael Thomas has been phenomenal (18.4 ppg, Jack leads all teams in WR1 points.) I’m keeping track of waiver transactions and how many make an impact – Jack leads the league in playing 9 different players purchased from the waiver pool (not looking at K/DEF in this analysis). Only 1 in 13 attempts has said waiver players hit either 10 pts for RB/WR/TE or 20 pts for a QB. Tough sledding here. I do think Le’Veon finds a higher gear and that Golladay’s presence in the lineup improves in the second half of the year, though the biggest jump will come when Jack finds top 20 quarterback play. (QB 20 sits at 15.3 ppg for the record).

A long ways from the Whiskery Phil League

Bob Kraft’s Day Spa: 124 ppg – This is the other team suffering from a fickle schedule’s seasonal musings: Scooter has accumulated 4 expected wins, only winning 3 times. And the upcoming schedule is unforgiving: 5 of the 6 remaining games are against the top 6 in total points scored. No rest for the weary. The path to overcoming the schedule rests on the shoulders of DeShaun Watson, who is neck and neck with Lamar Jackson at 25.1 ppg. Cooper Kupp is the other standout at 17.3 ppg, giving Scooter the #1 ranking at the WR2 position. The biggest hole attempting to be filled is the other WR spot – the one Antonio Brown is supposed to be filling. The fill-ins have averaged just 8.3 ppg, a league low for that position. Unfortunately with Kerryon hitting IR and the Chiefs backfield never really settling on one player, I see the Day Spa shuttering early, and truthfully, good riddance (to the spa of course.)  

This pit is bigger than I thought

WeAllRammedIntoDaPit: 116 ppg – Rough year. The pit dwellers are top 3 in scoring in only one category: Kicker (2nd). Jason has tried to replace an injured Cam Newton to the tune of 11.5 ppg and Baker Mayfield was almost worse (13.0 ppg). Nick Chubb got the pass down work we were hoping for and has prospered (18.3 ppg). GurleyMan has been at least startable (13.0 ppg). Allen Robinson has overcome the Trubisky trainwreck (14.6 ppg). What the heckfire happened to Zach Ertz? (8.4 ppg even with all of the injuries at receiver in Philly.) Tyreek’s injury didn’t help and neither has Mahomes’ – but his presence lifts this team’s ceiling and positions it as a postseason spoiler down the stretch.

Fantasy football is a waste of time and fundamentally unfair (until next year)

Goffam City/Little Mermaids/Just Here for 2020: 114 ppg – There are years where it all feels like a bad dream and that’s been the case so far for Soape. Kamara and Conner have staved off injury (to self and team’s QB) to post a respectable 15.7 ppg each, but you’re hoping maybe one of these gets to 20+ ppg on draft day. Somehow Soape’s WR2 position has only 1 game scoring over 10 pts all year (and that was 10.4). Yikes. That WR2 position owns a league low 6.7 ppg. I wrote down “TE is a STEAMING TRASH HEAP” in my notes after seeing the 4.3 ppg average. Also this team’s defense scoring is league worst (5.8 ppg). The one bright spot? QB2. Russell Wilson surprised most of us and has been lethal when allowed to throw, scoring 23.3 ppg after costing a mere $3 on draft day. Well done on that call, Joelseph. Good luck on beating the real-life Dolphins win total.

 6,277 words. Are you stuffed? Thanks for sitting by the fire and chatting with me in the midst of our journey – the road to glory becomes narrower with each passing week. May the road rise up to meet you. (Well really, three of you. I’ll take the other spot.)

 Indubitably yours,

Dungeonmaster Dave

[xhostcom]

20 Best New Portfolios, December 2018

It’s December, which means it’s officially carol season. Oh well. Whether you’re a curmudgeon about these things like myself, or are even now feeling the heat rise in your elf ears and Santa hat, we can all agree that portfolio sites are cool, right? Let’s see what those wacky designers have come up with now. There are quite a few modern, as in pre-post-modern designs here. You know, classic, business-friendly minimalist sites. I must say, sometimes my writer and designer sides clash, and I worry about what design trends make me do to the English language. (Also, I’d like to take a moment to thank Hubert Gałczyński from the previously-featured K2. He has directed me towards Wappalyzer which is a tool that’s helping me more accurately figure out what platforms and CMS everybody is using.) Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea

, kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

TJ Dhillon

TJ Dhillon’s portfolio starts as the rest of this article will probably go on. It’s simple, it’s clean, it works. It’s got some nice little drop shadows on hovering over certain elements, and is it weird that I’ve actually missed those? They were never a bad thing in moderation. Moderation might be the key to this whole site design. There are frills, but they’re not overdone. Platform: Static Site

Matt Kevan

Matt Kevan’s portfolio looks a little bit like a prototype, though it’s obviously polished. As he is a UX designer, the aesthetic certainly works thematically. He’s also elected to put his writing front and center, rather than his more visual work. It’s certainly one way to demonstrate your expertise, but I wish I had some kind of analytics Platform: Jekyll

Daniel Spatzek

Daniel Spatzek’s portfolio will take us, just for a moment, to the world of the ultra-modern. You know how I feel about sites that are this JS-heavy, but I’m still a sucker for that grid-based aesthetic, especially when it’s properly using the full width of my desktop screen like this. Platform: Static Site

Undersight

Undersight has that clean-and-modern look, but with a little bit of artistic flair provided by the work itself. It feels like the portfolio pieces are almost as much apart of the overall aesthetic as any other element of the site. In a world where so very often the design and content almost feel like separate parts of a website, this is an improvement. Platform: React

Sei Yamazaki

Sei Yamazaki’s portfolio is focused on art. With this comes the classic “art gallery style” which includes lots of white space, and text that’s perhaps a bit too small at times. Still, the layouts themselves are beautiful, and the featured installation has some of the finest video presentation I’ve seen in a while. Platform: WordPress

4POR4

4POR4 is a rare breed indeed. Normally websites that use this much space-related imagery have darker layouts. But here we have lots of literal white space mixed with astronaut imagery, illustration, and photomontages. It’s a bit bandwidth-heavy, perhaps, but the overall effect is stunning. Platform: Static Site

Your Creative Copywriter

Your Creative Copywriter is, as a website, the very picture of business-friendliness. The layout has elements of post-modern asymmetry while maintaining a clearly businesslike look. The illustrations are classic, and even the stock photo of the hand holding the pencil is perfect for the market. Sure it’s a little cheesy, perhaps, but far from the cheesiest stock photo we’ve ever seen. It’s always interesting to see a site so clearly made with modern tech that feels like something from another era. It doesn’t hurt that this is probably exactly what their clients are looking for. Platform: Static Site

Niccolò Miranda

Niccolò Miranda’s portfolio is one of the most “presentational” sites I’ve ever seen. It’s dark, it’s got animated illustrations, and even the blog is animated to an extent. This is only possible because every blog post is a YouTube video tutorial, with accompanying practice files. It’s not the most accessible site I’ve seen, but it is beautiful, and it takes an interesting approach to ongoing content. Platform: Custom CMS (I think)

Pixavio

Pixavio is another highly presentational site with a “modern” look so old it reminds me of old fashion magazines and, weirdly enough, a lot of the barber shops I went into as a kid. It’s something about the typography and gradient use. The site shows off the flexibility of this aesthetic by using a different color scheme for each portfolio page. It feels like a blast from the past, but it still works today. Platform: Static Site

Eleken

Eleken brings me back to a time when everyone was doing design “like Apple but with thicker headings”. It’s pretty classic minimalism, mixed with a little background video, and workplace photography. Platform: Gatsby

Kobu

Kobu is a rare beauty. It’s sleek, stylish, and makes wonderful use of curves in its illustration and animation. The animations run smoothly, and aren’t altogether too distracting. The color palette is strong, and the headings are thick. And it does all of this without scroll-jacking. Can you even believe it? A fancy site that performs well and lets me scroll normally. I’m in love. Being a bit more serious, it’s a lovely looking site. Just wish they had more fallbacks in place for all of the JS stuff. Platform: WordPress

MOXY

And we’re back to the scroll-jacking. But I can forgive MOXY for this because it’s just that pretty. It’s sites like this that remind me why—even though I dislike how JavaScript has become the new Flash—web animation is a discipline and an art form all its own. It’s an art form worth exploring, and MOXY does that beautifully. Platform: React App/Static Site

Trajectory

Trajectory is doing it all wrong! If you’re going to use a monospaced font, your site either has to be an ironic brutalist meta-commentary on web design or a post-modernist artsy design. None of this pleasant, business-friendly stuff with smooth illustrations and gorgeous gradient use. Using monospaced type for all the body text might be a bit much, but it certainly does stand out when combined with everything else. Platform: Craft CMS

Soap Media

Soap Media is hitting all the right buttons for me, personally. It’s bright with bold colors, it’s playful, and it’s got a huge rubber ducky. This is an entirely subjective point, but I just like rubber duckies. The whole site feels creative and whimsical in that “we’ll playfully make you a lot of money” sort of way. It’s genius. Platform: Static Site

Nate Denton

Random chickens are equal to rubber duckies if you want to be silly and playful. Nate Denton’s portfolio went with a big one, contrasted by a relatively soft and warm color palette. The resulting aesthetic is a combination of professional and artsy that is overall pleasing to the eye, but less likely to scare away the more straight-laced potential clients. Platform: Static Site

Crema

Crema is this month’s site that isn’t mind-blowingly experimental or anything, but is here because I admire the craftsmanship. Plus rounded corners. We don’t seem them as much as we thought we would, do we? Platform: Custom CMS (I Think)

NoBears

The amusingly-named NoBears agency goes with wackiness, combining striking photomontages and background video with a comparatively subdued dark design. I’m still a sucker for those semi-visible grids as part of the design, so of course this one’s on the list. Platform: Silverstripe

BAUNFIRE

While many other sites are going for bold and bright aesthetics, BAUNFIRE keeps it soft and pleasant with a pastel-infused, and fairly minimalist design. It’s a calming and soothing experience from an agency that presents itself as easy to work with. Platform: Craft CMS

Friends

Friends’ website presents a fusion of that near-postmodern, element-overlapping aesthetic with some more classic-feeling minimalism and typography. That fusion works quite well. Platform: Craft CMS

Daniel Kusaka

Daniel Kusaka’s portfolio gives me some of that good old magazine feel that designers wanted to do for years. Well now we can, and I can’t get enough of it. God bless Flexbox and CSS Grid. Platform: WordPress

Add Realistic Chalk and Sketch Lettering Effects with Sketch’it – only $5!

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20 Best New Portfolios, December 2018

It’s December, which means it’s officially carol season. Oh well. Whether you’re a curmudgeon about these things like myself, or are even now feeling the heat rise in your elf ears and Santa hat, we can all agree that portfolio sites are cool, right? Let’s see what those wacky designers have come up with now.

There are quite a few modern, as in pre-post-modern designs here. You know, classic, business-friendly minimalist sites. I must say, sometimes my writer and designer sides clash, and I worry about what design trends make me do to the English language.

(Also, I’d like to take a moment to thank Hubert Gałczyński from the previously-featured K2. He has directed me towards Wappalyzer which is a tool that’s helping me more accurately figure out what platforms and CMS everybody is using.)

Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea, kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

TJ Dhillon

TJ Dhillon’s portfolio starts as the rest of this article will probably go on. It’s simple, it’s clean, it works. It’s got some nice little drop shadows on hovering over certain elements, and is it weird that I’ve actually missed those?

They were never a bad thing in moderation. Moderation might be the key to this whole site design. There are frills, but they’re not overdone.

Platform: Static Site

Matt Kevan

Matt Kevan’s portfolio looks a little bit like a prototype, though it’s obviously polished. As he is a UX designer, the aesthetic certainly works thematically.

He’s also elected to put his writing front and center, rather than his more visual work. It’s certainly one way to demonstrate your expertise, but I wish I had some kind of analytics

Platform: Jekyll

Daniel Spatzek

Daniel Spatzek’s portfolio will take us, just for a moment, to the world of the ultra-modern. You know how I feel about sites that are this JS-heavy, but I’m still a sucker for that grid-based aesthetic, especially when it’s properly using the full width of my desktop screen like this.

Platform: Static Site

Undersight

Undersight has that clean-and-modern look, but with a little bit of artistic flair provided by the work itself. It feels like the portfolio pieces are almost as much apart of the overall aesthetic as any other element of the site. In a world where so very often the design and content almost feel like separate parts of a website, this is an improvement.

Platform: React

Sei Yamazaki

Sei Yamazaki’s portfolio is focused on art. With this comes the classic “art gallery style” which includes lots of white space, and text that’s perhaps a bit too small at times. Still, the layouts themselves are beautiful, and the featured installation has some of the finest video presentation I’ve seen in a while.

Platform: WordPress

4POR4

4POR4 is a rare breed indeed. Normally websites that use this much space-related imagery have darker layouts. But here we have lots of literal white space mixed with astronaut imagery, illustration, and photomontages. It’s a bit bandwidth-heavy, perhaps, but the overall effect is stunning.

Platform: Static Site

Your Creative Copywriter

Your Creative Copywriter is, as a website, the very picture of business-friendliness. The layout has elements of post-modern asymmetry while maintaining a clearly businesslike look. The illustrations are classic, and even the stock photo of the hand holding the pencil is perfect for the market.

Sure it’s a little cheesy, perhaps, but far from the cheesiest stock photo we’ve ever seen. It’s always interesting to see a site so clearly made with modern tech that feels like something from another era. It doesn’t hurt that this is probably exactly what their clients are looking for.

Platform: Static Site

Niccolò Miranda

Niccolò Miranda’s portfolio is one of the most “presentational” sites I’ve ever seen. It’s dark, it’s got animated illustrations, and even the blog is animated to an extent.

This is only possible because every blog post is a YouTube video tutorial, with accompanying practice files. It’s not the most accessible site I’ve seen, but it is beautiful, and it takes an interesting approach to ongoing content.

Platform: Custom CMS (I think)

Pixavio

Pixavio is another highly presentational site with a “modern” look so old it reminds me of old fashion magazines and, weirdly enough, a lot of the barber shops I went into as a kid. It’s something about the typography and gradient use.

The site shows off the flexibility of this aesthetic by using a different color scheme for each portfolio page. It feels like a blast from the past, but it still works today.

Platform: Static Site

Eleken

Eleken brings me back to a time when everyone was doing design “like Apple but with thicker headings”. It’s pretty classic minimalism, mixed with a little background video, and workplace photography.

Platform: Gatsby

Kobu

Kobu is a rare beauty. It’s sleek, stylish, and makes wonderful use of curves in its illustration and animation. The animations run smoothly, and aren’t altogether too distracting. The color palette is strong, and the headings are thick.

And it does all of this without scroll-jacking. Can you even believe it? A fancy site that performs well and lets me scroll normally. I’m in love.

Being a bit more serious, it’s a lovely looking site. Just wish they had more fallbacks in place for all of the JS stuff.

Platform: WordPress

MOXY

And we’re back to the scroll-jacking. But I can forgive MOXY for this because it’s just that pretty. It’s sites like this that remind me why—even though I dislike how JavaScript has become the new Flash—web animation is a discipline and an art form all its own. It’s an art form worth exploring, and MOXY does that beautifully.

Platform: React App/Static Site

Trajectory

Trajectory is doing it all wrong! If you’re going to use a monospaced font, your site either has to be an ironic brutalist meta-commentary on web design or a post-modernist artsy design. None of this pleasant, business-friendly stuff with smooth illustrations and gorgeous gradient use. [/sarcasm]

Using monospaced type for all the body text might be a bit much, but it certainly does stand out when combined with everything else.

Platform: Craft CMS

Soap Media

Soap Media is hitting all the right buttons for me, personally. It’s bright with bold colors, it’s playful, and it’s got a huge rubber ducky. This is an entirely subjective point, but I just like rubber duckies. The whole site feels creative and whimsical in that “we’ll playfully make you a lot of money” sort of way. It’s genius.

Platform: Static Site

Nate Denton

Random chickens are equal to rubber duckies if you want to be silly and playful. Nate Denton’s portfolio went with a big one, contrasted by a relatively soft and warm color palette. The resulting aesthetic is a combination of professional and artsy that is overall pleasing to the eye, but less likely to scare away the more straight-laced potential clients.

Platform: Static Site

Crema

Crema is this month’s site that isn’t mind-blowingly experimental or anything, but is here because I admire the craftsmanship. Plus rounded corners. We don’t seem them as much as we thought we would, do we?

Platform: Custom CMS (I Think)

NoBears

The amusingly-named NoBears agency goes with wackiness, combining striking photomontages and background video with a comparatively subdued dark design. I’m still a sucker for those semi-visible grids as part of the design, so of course this one’s on the list.

Platform: Silverstripe

BAUNFIRE

While many other sites are going for bold and bright aesthetics, BAUNFIRE keeps it soft and pleasant with a pastel-infused, and fairly minimalist design. It’s a calming and soothing experience from an agency that presents itself as easy to work with.

Platform: Craft CMS

Friends

Friends’ website presents a fusion of that near-postmodern, element-overlapping aesthetic with some more classic-feeling minimalism and typography. That fusion works quite well.

Platform: Craft CMS

Daniel Kusaka

Daniel Kusaka’s portfolio gives me some of that good old magazine feel that designers wanted to do for years. Well now we can, and I can’t get enough of it. God bless Flexbox and CSS Grid.

Platform: WordPress

Add Realistic Chalk and Sketch Lettering Effects with Sketch’it – only $5!

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Is It That easy?

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[itsworn]

Racing Roadster Finale: Our 1929 Model A Project Hits the Jersey Beach at The Race of Gentlemen

Running With the Pack

On an October day five years ago, I was awakened by my buddy Elvis, who was on a mission to get me up and out of the house. In my pre-dawn stupor, I made out the words “hot rods” and “race on the beach” over the phone. I remembered reading about the possibility of an event called The Race of Gentlemen on several Internet message boards, and even heard the rumblings through local friends in the hobby.

So I grabbed my trusty Nikon camera and drove down to the race location, where I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There, on this exclusive, upscale beach, was the beginning of a hot rod happening for the ages. At least a couple dozen pre- and post-war-styled hot rods lined the entrance to the narrow shoreline, with a smattering of cool Harleys and Indians thrown in.

I located Meldon Van Riper Stultz, the originator and organizer of the race, and hit him up for starting line access. I took about 500 pictures that day. A dozen or so made HOT ROD magazine a few months later, with one gracing the cover. The Race of Gentlemen was officially off and running.

I covered the race over the next five years for HRM and HOT ROD Deluxe, keeping our readers abreast of what was going on over here on the “right” coast. It was always a great time when TROG was on the beach, and I was perfectly happy with being behind pen and camera, doing my share to spread the gospel of TROG. But after five years of walking the beach beat, change was in the air.

Roadster Riot

In 2015, while looking for my next project, I decided to go outside my comfort zone and build a Model A. I wasn’t building it to race exactly; I just wanted a weekend beach cruiser. I located a chassis and a bunch of body parts, but the project stalled when I ran into other issues, and I decided to put the ’29 roadster up for sale online. That’s when I met TJ O’Grady, a pre-war hot rod expert, TROG veteran, and owner of Throttle Jockey Originals out of Bohemia, New York.

We decided to build my car for the race. I funneled parts to TJ and he built my Model A into a sight to behold—a process documented on these pages for the past few issues.

It was finished with only a few weeks to go before the race. Luckily, TJ got to break her in at the Jalopy Showdown before bringing the roadster to TROG.

The Amazing Race

When TROG pulls into Wildwood, New Jersey (its new official home base), the whole demeanor of the town changes. It gets louder, it gets faster, and the municipality goes into a time warp of sorts. The period hotels are abuzz with rods and rides. TROG is more than a car show; it’s a hot rod circus and petrol-fueled carnival all rolled into one.

Early Friday morning the streets were already full of hot rods and hot bikes. At TROG headquarters, based in and around the kitschy Star-Lux hotel, I meet Corin Stubblefield and wife Michele, two longtime TROG mainstays. They get me through my registration paperwork and on to my safety inspection. The rowdy roadster passes with no problem. We are officially in the race.

Saturday morning I meet TJ at the Star-Lux lot. Due to time constraints, I hadn’t even sat behind the wheel of the finished car until that moment. TJ gave me a quick rundown on what to do and not to do on the sand. With that I turned the key, clicked on the fuel pump, and hit the starter. The hopped-up banger popped to life with a throaty rumble that echoed through the body of the minimalist hot rod. I threw it into gear and followed the remaining participants to the race entrance just off of Ocean Avenue.

At the entrance to the beach, it really hits you how big this event is. Even at 8 in the morning, the road is packed with spectators eager to get a glimpse of the drivers and their rides as we funnel into the “gazing tunnel” under the boardwalk and onto the sand. It’s a sight to see, even better from the driver’s point of view!

This is where you get your first feel of driving on sand. It’s an unusual ride in a hot rod with skinny tires. It’s nothing like driving here in a Jeep with the tires aired down. It’s more like driving on 6 inches of heavy snow, with a little more traction. The Model A tracked well, and it was soon easy to feel how the roadster would react to throttle and steering.

Once on the beach, we are corralled into the pit area, where we do last-minute checks, and stage for the slow creep to the starting line. Time to get into driver mode.

The organizers ask that you dress the part of an early hot rodder. I had a HOT ROD Deluxe shirt made by Hometown Jersey, complete with felt lettering. I took along my old Buco helmet, probably late 1950s vintage with leather earflaps. I took along several vintage goggles and glasses I had collected over the years, none of which gave me any vision whatsoever. I ended up using a pair of safety glasses to cover my eyes from the sandblasting I was about to endure.

Mel addressed the drivers in a pre-race meeting, laying the basic ground rules: Have fun, be safe, be aware, and enjoy the day. By this time there was a fever pitch amongst the drivers; we were about to roll.

Luck was with us, as bangers were called up first. I made my way out of the pits towards Joe Oz, the tuxedoed “Master of Ceremonies” at the starting line, ready to set us up. I was paired with another banger-powered Model A, with bolt-ons similar to mine. As we crept to the line, I got a good look at the track, and the hordes of spectators that were growing by the minute. My heart was pounding out of my jersey. Only one thing left: to wait for TROG’s jumpin’ flag girl Sara Francello to let us loose. With the drop we were off and running.

TJ advised me not to punch it too hard out of the gate. Let the tires grip and get through the soft stuff along the start line. Make First gear a quick push and then head right into Second. The peppy four-cylinder responded without a hitch, and we battled from line to line, staying within a car length of each other the whole time. The car slid slightly side-to-side when I hit the throttle, but overall tracked well through the sand.

We finished with our roadster trailing by a fender, which I was fine with. My first run went well, and I was eager to get back to the starting line. Once the “all safe” signal was given, we were led back to the start. I headed straight through the pits and right back in line.

This would be repeated about nine times on Saturday. I wanted to get as much driving in on Saturday as possible. I won as many races as I lost, and even managed to pick off a flathead or two. It was a joy out on the sand, and I was itching to come back the next day.

Bracket racing takes place on Sunday. Hot rods and bikes are put in classes according to engine size. Some came to have fun; some came to win.

We had a strong-running ride and I felt confident coming up to the line, especially since we had taken our opponent the day before. However, we had our first mechanical issue of the weekend. During the heat, the battery box came dislodged, disconnecting our electrical system. On a do-over, I was taken narrowly by the sleek roadster. As a consolation, I found out that particular ride made it to the semi-finals.

We continued to run out the day, making as many passes as possible. The roadster just couldn’t have run any better overall, with just a few minor issues that didn’t keep us from racing. I raced until they closed the track.

Back at the Star-Lux lot, many of the racers parked and talked about the weekend. It was a huge success on all accounts, with Mother Nature being our biggest supporter, giving us two glorious June days and good tides for racing. The roadster was our other big winner. It ran with the best of them, and looked just killer out on the sand.

I’d like to thank everyone involved, especially TJ O’Grady and Throttle Jockey Originals for putting together this rad traditional hot rod. Also thanks to the suppliers who helped us adorn this beauty with top-notch parts. And finally, a special thanks goes out to TROG co-founder Mel for granting us admission to this incredible event.

After five years of walking the sand beat at The Race of Gentlemen for HOT ROD and HOT ROD Deluxe magazines, Scotty Lachenauer decided it was time to join the fun. TJ O’Grady and Throttle Jockey Originals built a hopped-up ’29 for Scotty to drive at this year’s TROG.

The Hot Rod Deluxe project Model A roadster sailed effortlessly over the sands of Wildwood, New Jersey.

TJ O’Grady’s design for our project roadster helped it stand out from the crowd. With its thinned nose, upswept exhaust, and interesting hue, the hot rod definitely had a look all its own.

The Model A ran well and competitively all weekend long. For a brand new build, the car had very few issues. An unhinged battery box was the only minor hiccup.

Who’s having a good time at TROG? This guy sure is!

Racing organizers are careful that TROG maintains a vintage look and feel, right down to the way competitors are dressed. Scotty wore a 1950s-vintage Buco helmet, and had an old-time racing jersey made with the Deluxe logo. But none of his old goggles let him see very well, so a pair of safety glasses kept the sand out of his eyes. We’ve heard from a lot of TROG racers that visibility can be a real problem, especially in a car with no fenders.

TJ O’Grady advised Scotty to take it easy at launch, and not to spin the tires in the soft sand at the start line. Once off the line, short-shift to Second and let ’er rip.

TROG race cars and bikes can take a beating during two days of running surfside. The Racing Roadster shows some well-earned signs of TROG eighth-mile battle, including a splattering of sand and telltale exhaust “stripes” along the back fender.

Looking inside the Model A, you can see the sand Scotty brought back as a souvenir of the epic weekend.

Sources

Bob Bader’s Antique Ford Parts Center; 631-256-0030; baderbro@aol.com

Brookville Roadster; 937-833-4605; brookvilleroadster.com

Coker Tire; 866-516-3125; cokertire.com

Anthony DiLiberto; adpinstriping@gmail.com; Instagram: @pinstriping_by_ad

Elmer Equipped; elmerequipped.com; Instagram: @elmerequipped; Facebook: facebook.com/elmerequipped

Hometown Jersey; hometownjersey.com

Kohler Kustom; kohlerkustom.com; Instagram: @kohlerkustom; Facebook: facebook.com/kohlerkustom

Powermaster Starters and Alternators; 630-957-4019; powermastermotorsports.com

Throttle Jockey Originals; throttlejockeyoriginals.com; Instagram: @throttlejockeyoriginals; Facebook: facebook.com/throttle-jockey-originals

WAC Customs; 860-459-0399; bill@bbchopit.com

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