#now they just need to get everything set it'll be done by the end of the day

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Supposed to start my new job tonight. It'd be cool if they could actually give me my schedule

[hattersrabbit]

BITTERSWEET TOUCH

yandere batfam x neglected!rogue! reader | sfw

CW! female reader, overstepping boundaries, ALL PLATONIC, hurt & comfort (in a messed up kind of way), isolation, guilt tripping, miscommunication, Tim being little freak, jealousy (amongst sibs), ambiguous ending, Stockholm Syndrome, tiny bit of victim blaming, bittersweet ending (no happy ending yet >:) and probably never but we'll see)

Summary! They took you home from the alley; held by Jason and he refused to let go. You're father overjoyed, and against wishes hugged you. In a cage you were held, Alfred enables, Bruce gives you the love you wanted, and your siblings are too possessive for you liking. Coming to the conclusion that you'll never be free & albeit horribly, you don't want to leave this sudden affection.

✎ᝰ. didn't expect the last part to get so much love so thank you alot! I'm here with more and even more chaos <3 this is a series now which all parts from past and future can be seen. See my pinned post to find it!

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˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

You were screaming for them to let you go.

They weren't listening to you. You would kill them if they touched you. Why did they care now?

It didn't make any sense to you.

"Shh don't wake the civilians." Dick's voice was chilling. Despite the white lenses his eyes were scary to you. You whimpered when Jason squeezed you; his arm holding you up by the waist.

Like some luggage.

As if you couldn't kill him. As if you couldn't bring him to the grave a second time.

"He's worried sick. Full of guilt." Jason began. A dark tone to his voice. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"We must not let him spiral." Damian concluded. Too close for comfort next to you. Not moving away when he should have. "Father is very paranoid. He's backing off all of the news about you and the scrutiny." He wrinkled his nose when he heard criminals moving around trying to find you.

"Should we?" Tim questioned to Dick.

"No, it'll only worsen things. We need to get her home." He patted your head with his gloved hand. You wondered when those hands holding you would be devoid of gloves.

"I second that!" Stephanie chirped. Linking arms with Cassandra who started staring at you through her creepy mask.

Just a bit of the way you could see Duke's still trembling lips. Guilty no doubt, which you still couldn't understand why.

Why any of them were doing this is beyond you. Was your father truly sick in his heart and worrying for you. He hasn't shown you any affection, and now he was worried.

He never seemed worried before.

You've never seen the batcave before. It was cold and dark. Everything that was outside.

Jason didn't let go of you when they arrived at the cave. Centered at the batcomputer being your father, Bruce. When he turned his head you saw red. Puffy eyes and tear tracks.

Never had you seen a reaction from him like that.

"B." Dick whispered. Gesturing to you. Wide-eyed you looking on in shock at your father. "Jason, set her down." Just as he did so Damian embraced you once again.

"Stop-"

You couldn't deny the cold you felt in this cave being covered by Damian's warmth. It felt nice but no... you could let him. "Let go-"

"[ ]." You're name hung heavy on Bruce's tongue. Just as Duke had: there was guilt in his tone of voice. Pained for what he'd done to you. For the neglect despite believing it to be possibly what you needed.

You're mother died and forced into a new environment. Then Tim's hypothesis. Bruce didn't know what to do other than give you space.

It backfired.

Damian's own body pushed you forward. Suddenly, against your will, both he and Bruce were hugging you. Your bare face on his shoulder.

Close to his exposed face.

"Stop. Stop. I'll kill you..." You could get out of this no matter how hard you tried. The snap of fingers scared you.

"Don't upset him." Jason's voice rang deep. A light smack was heard, and Dick scolding. You couldn't hear them for you were trying so hard to avoid skin to skin touch.

You would kill your father as you did your mother.

"I'm sorry, dear, for my actions. Everyone is after you, but don't fret. You're safe as long as you are here."

He pulled away thankfully. His bare hands on the other hand hovered over your cheeks. Eyes frantic at the semblance of him touching you.

You're father's affection, you craved it, but you couldn't accept this.

"You'll be safe. Here and always. You can't go out otherwise they'll take you. Can you understand their all out for you?" You're father's voice was desperate. You've never heard it in such a way.

His hands settled on your shoulders.

Too close, you thought.

"You're home. This is your home and always will be." You shivered. He settled on grabbing you into another hold. Your voice was caught in your throat as you were subjected to more touch.

Against your better judgment you almost immediately melted when you felt Damian flush against your side. "Never leave me, again." There was a growl to your younger brother's voice.

Seemingly appointed to elsewhere.

You imagined you didn't hear a low growl from Jason's lips.

Adjusting to everything was a treat to experience. None of them would leave you alone, and you hated that you enjoyed it.

Always trying to be in your presence always.

It wasn't hard for you not to notice your siblings possessive behavior over you, and above all, fighting with each other because of it.

You're room felt warm. Dressed in a dress Stephanie insisted for you to wear. Damian and Cass remained in your room, refusing to leave your side, along side Stephanie who wanted to dress you up.

Trying to make up for lost time.

Duke wanted to stay but he had the morning shift.

He waved a goodbye and morning to you. A wobbly smile on his face. Guilt still prevalent in his eyes.

Damian, jealous in his actions, tore you away from Duke's actions. Already arguing with Stephanie so that you could watch cat videos with him.

Stephanie had dressed you in a purple dress, her affinity for the color was great, long sleeves that draped over your arms. It was off the shoulder, but your shoulders and up to your neck were covered in sheer. The dress itself running to your knees.

Admirable, she urged you to put on black tights. Wanting to make you more comfortable.

You weren't.

You shouldn't be here. But these people who were your family kept you captive in this mansion.

Alfred enabled it. Coming in and now with snacks. A expression that matched that of Duke and Bruce. He was guilty as the rest of them.

Rather hid it than Duke and Bruce.

"This strand? How pretty? How'd you get it?" Stephanie mused. She already knew how. The blonde had a teasing smile. Sickendly sweet on her tongue.

You're mouth didn't open. Her hands with lipstick to your lips.

"Are you dumb, Brown? You're making her uncomfortable." Damian threatened. "I'll get my katana if you do not hurry up. I wish to watch A Dogs Purpose with her."

Cassandra spoke quietly, "Ballet."

"It's my turn, Cain!"

Cassandra signed a 'no.'

"Cassss! Stop rushing me!" Stephanie whined. Her hands still trailing a little at the white streak. "Just curiosity." You gave her a look, and she smiled creepily.

Too sweet.

Alarmly, the feeling of a hand grabbing yours. Stephanie held your face with sudden gloved hands. Admiring her work as Cass grabbed your gloved hands. "Please." Her voice quiet and pleading.

"Cain. Brown. Off my sister this instance." Damian's voice felt like an echo.

"Shut it demon!" Stephanie whined. Rolling her eyes as Damian continued to glare. "Looking pretty, sis." Her eyes wavering over you're expression. Uncomfortable.

"Don't worry in due time it'll all be okay."

"Normal." Cassandra whispered. "Ballet." Her arms wrapped around your waist.

"Movie." Almost pout from Damian. The boy's hands in fists as he watched his older sisters. "It's not you're turn, brat!" Stephanie yelled back.

The two began to argue back and forth.

"Let's go." Cassandra's bare hand moved your entire body. Never once being removed from your gloved hand. A dark feeling seeped into your gut. Touch that was hers, and you enjoyed it.

Damian and Stephanie's voices echoed in yells. Calling after you and Cassandra. You couldn't bare to pull away. Not only because you didn't want to, but Cass's grip on your hand was death grip.

A heavy bruise no doubt on your skin.

You two arrived in her room, which was where she pushed you inside. On your bed she made you sit as she got set up. Not without locking the door of course.

Although, Cass knew it wouldn't hold your siblings. You both knew it, but for the time being Cass would believe it would.

As she did so you felt your hand. A throbbing feeling in it. Not only pain and a sense of loss. Cassandra's touch was what you were missing, and that disturbed you.

Stephanie's lingering touch on you. That also stayed and you wished for it more. A thought for actual bare skin to touch you. For affection to finally touch you, bare and naked.

For that was truth that you would never get.

Cassandra was truly beautiful in her ballet. The young woman even going so far as to teach despite your protests. Her blank stare scared you into complying.

A shivering smile that made you do everything she wanted. Cass was pleased with your form. Her hands were bare as they touched your arms and legs. Making sure they were in proper form.

Of course it didn't last long.

The door being busted open by Jason, and Damian and Stephanie following close by. "Give us [ ]!" You're youngest brother demanded.

"We weren't finished playing dress up!" Stephanie argued. Trying to push the brick house that was Jason Todd. "And you! No she isn't gonna go to the library with you, and read your stupid Jane Austen books!"

"Stephanie you better watch your mouth." Jason scowled out. "Hand her over, Cass."

Cassandra's arms remained around your waist. As your older sister, she was older than all of them. Her stare blank and threatening.

"I'm not afraid of you." Jason tried back. His eyes almost seemed to flash green.

"Hey! Our time together wasn't up."

"Dogs purpose, Brown!"

"Jane Austen you brats!"

Honestly you didn't know what to think. You just wanted to be alone. They were always trying to hold your hand, and spend time with you. All suddenly this since you left.

Ever since you jumped out the window. Tim and your Father's voices echoing for you. The alley where Duke and Cassandra begged you to come home.

Dick's voice and menacing smirk. His fingers curling around your face. The fabric of his suit settling sweetly on your skin.

It was a stand off between your siblings and you were the cause of it. Jealousy stemming off the four of them. Glaring at each other wanting to steal your attention.

"Stop..." You mumbled. No one heard you. If wanted Cassandra to stop touching you. You knew you'd melt at some point. You hated how touch starved you were. Affection was something you were wished for.

Stephanie would go back to wiping your face of make up just to do it again. Her hands making sure whatever outfit she put on fit. Fitting and sewing with her graceful hands.

Damian was clingy. No doubt would hug you when you guys watched the movie he planned. Never moving no matter how much you pleaded.

"I'd like to go read with Jason!" You speaked out. Most likely Jason would simply let you both bask in silence. You hoped at least.

"Ha! You heard her! Let [ ] go, Cass."

Begrudgingly she let you go. Her eyes were sad as Jason's large hand grabbed yours. Your gloved one meeting his bare hand. You sent your three siblings a assured look.

"Later, Damian." It was quiet, lower than a whisper. He heard, and Jason did too. His grip on your hand tightened just as bad as Cassandra's.

"Here." He handed you a copy of Pride and Prejudice. "Tim said you liked her."

You shivered at the name of him. Red Robin, Tim Drake who had suspicions of you and what you were. What led to how you were treated, but even so, you felt thankful. But then you wouldn't be here.

You wouldn't be subjected to the touch and affection you've wanted all your life. One that you had to avoid because of what you are.

"Yeah, he's a little creep." Jason was suddenly up in your face. His face calm and collected. "We wouldn't have been able to find you."

He sat back with his own copy. "Quality time. Don't worry I'm not so good with touch. That's why you picked me, didn't you?"

"How...?"

"I'm a detective. We all are, and it's not too hard for us to decipher you, dear sister." His grin was terrifying. "No need to be afraid, because your never going away again. Right baby sis? Don't you know that?"

You remembered that what's your Bruce said. To stay in the house while the rest of the world tried to look for you.

You nodded. "Dad...He said.."

"Smart girl. B said you were home and would stay home." Jason paused. His eyes looking up. You followed to find a camera there looking down. "Look we're sorry. Really. You must understand we want to show you the love we hadnt shown before."

Again his hand grabbed your gloved one.

You tensed. His eyes were intense on you. "Blame it on Tim all you want, or even if you didn't it was on all of us. You lept out that window like that."

"In any case, you partly caused this. You allowed your impulses to follow. Think about that, baby sis."

"Okay?"

"Hm."

Jason let go of your hand and sitting back. "Good girl. He patted your head. "Now let's read." Opening his copy and sitting close to you without a care.

Feeling numb you opened your copy as well. You're eyes occasionally going to the camera on the ceiling. No doubt either both or either Tim or Barbara watching you.

Most of you bet on it only being Tim.

Reading time was nice but soon Dick came and whisked you away. Despite Jason's protests your oldest brother threw you over his shoulder and ran fast.

Down into the Batcave was where Tim and Bruce were waiting.

"Chum and [ ]. You're here." A soft smile on Bruce's normally stern face. Since you came home he'd been visibly softer. Everyone seemed to enjoy it.

"Yes I've achieved the packaged." His arm tightened against your waist. You knew it was futile when pleading them to stop. Dick especially was touching.

Also scary when you would refuse him outright. Manipulative than most, and everyone knew. Some fell for it before it was too late.

Suddenly you would be gone and in your oldest brother's arms.

"Set her on the table." Tim snapped gloves on his hands. "Just a few tests, sis."

The cold metal didn't matter against your clothed skin. Nervous filled your body when you casted glances at the syringes and various sharp things.

"Just to check your body and make sure it's going well. Normally we'd have Leslie do it but you know." You're father's hand patted your back. Never moving away just as Dick did.

He in question never stopping his smile. His eyes feeling dark as they watched Tim come over with a tray.

"You're white streak. It's from when you kissed your boyfriend?" Tim asked. Underneath his voice you detected a lace of protectiveness.

"Tim."

"I know i know."

"You too, Dick."

The oldest son simply smiled. "Nothing Alfred wouldn't approve of. And is he really her boyfriend anymore?" He crossed his arms against his chest. A brow raised.

Bruce's sigh was accepted as an answer.

Tim ignored them. His eyes looking at you for the answer. You simply nodded. Trying to repress all these emotions in you. Just how your body wanted to jolt at the touch of Tim's hand at your hair.

"If you don't mind." Tim simply some of your hair. Then he came with the syringe. "Just for science and all that. You're power is very peculiar. Perhaps even come up with something that'll make it so you can touch normally."

Your heart rumbled deep inside your chest. A desire for that to become true.

"Could you and B really make something like that?" Dick questioned. His hand wrapping around yours just as Bruce's hands grasped your shoulders.

You were shaking as the needle went into your skin. Takind away your blood and into it.

"Possibly." Tim responded.

Bruce following, "With making sure of how it affects [ ] we can maybe make something. Only us. This can't get out you both." You're father's voice felt just as dark.

You shivered as Dick and Bruce removed their hands from you. A wish for them to hold your hands and touch your shoulders was deeply upsetting.

So weak was what you were.

Folding to your families need. A need to show you affection despite your many wishes. The wishes to be let go and for them to stop enforcing touch on you. An affection that you wanted but you needed to refuse.

You would end up killing them one day.

You could see it clear as day, and maybe they knew.

If they knew then they ignored it's possibility.

Tim and Bruce took record of your body. Checking your bones with an x-ray. Luckily the dress not being do much so you didn't need to remove any clothing.

"So how did you feel kissing the guy? I saw the footage." Tim questioned.

You felt stuck in your throat. "Like I couldn't pull away..."

"Yes?" Dick held your hand too tight.

You were sweating beneath your clothes. "Like a rush of energy I've never felt before. Like I felt stronger than before. It took everything in me to pull away."

You shivered remembering how he looked. "He was avoid of color and I was scared that he...he- he." You scrambled to stop yourself from crying.

"Oh baby it's okay." Bruce hugged you. Horribly, you melted into the hug. "You didn't kill him, and the boy, apart from others is still seeing you like the angel you are." His hands rubbing your shoulders. "No need to cry, baby girl."

"B is right! You have no need to worry now. You get to stay home and protected from them all who want to use and hurt you." It was scary on how much Dick didn't hold back. His contempt for everyone outside of the manor was prevalent. His constraint for your, if your honest, ex boyfriend, it was was still strained.

His possessiveness was as an older brother as it was it protectiveness. The weird obsession with and too keep you safe. The guilt eating away at him as you suspected.

"I see. With a sudden rush of energy going through you." Tim pulled at your hair, the white streak without a care. Not bothering to ask for permission or anything. There was no point as you realized the longer this all went on. "You were connected with him for a long period of time. It caused this to happen."

He looked at you. That creepy expression back on his face. "How fascinating [ ]. You are truly a wonderous being. A curiosity." His fingers grazed your face.

Settling for a second. His bare skin against your his naked palm.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!-"

You pulled yourself away from Tim's touch. Deeper into your father's embrace. A scolding "Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne" followed.

Dick stood tall. "You scared her. I thought we agreed..."

Tears were already flowing down your eyes. Bruce was still holding you tight before you got a chance to run away.

"Don't run away from me baby." He made sure no sense of bare skin touched your bare skin. That being your face only and held you against his clothed chest.

Subtle play with your hair, and anything trinkets that Stephanie put in your hair. "No need to cry. I can't lose you again. You can't run away from me, from us."

You couldn't deny the touch. You simply fell into the body of the beast. Bruce's body feeling like clouds. Fingers dancing on your head like dancers. His soft and fatherly affection being everything you've wished for.

"Say you're sorry." Dick demanded. Hands on his hips like a classic older brother. A scolding expression on his face as he watched Tim walk close to you.

"I'm sorry [ ]." He grabbed your gloved hands. That creepy look in his eyes was gone. Genunine emotions showing in those blue eyes of his. "I wanted to know what it felt like. Forgive me." He bowed his head.

Bruce grunted in approval.

"I'll ask next time? It'll be okay then?" Tim asked. That scary look back loud and clear. Never trying to hide it.

Despite it all you nodded. Forever abiding to the families will and wanted. Not that you wanted to leave.

Not to leave the warm clouds that was your father's affection. Softness that wasn't granted to you. Tim's own eyes, despite the darkness, they held softness for you.

For he loved you, as the rest of them did.

Could you deny the want to be around them all?

Another movie, E.T blaring on the screen. The entire family camping in the living room. Despite all protests that you were tired Damian didn't relent.

None of them did.

Damian uncomfortably close. Your father beside with Cassandra holding your hand that was on Damain's side.

The rest of them close as well. Duke, back from dayshift. The family altering to Gotham's other vigilantes they were having a family day, seen as mourning you.

To the public you had yet to be found.

Duke holding your gloved hand. His face close to your naked face. Surveying over your hair and it's white streak. A soft whisper of his came over you,

"I'm sorry. You know that?"

You could only stare him. Shaken and afraid of him, and the eyes of your other siblings glaring. Duke didn't care, and above all he relished in it. His dark eyes gleaming down at Damian.

Bruce seemed to pay no mind to it. He slept peacefully, and Alfred was pushed to retire for bed.

"Really. You're the same as me. Just as clueless as me, and I ignored you. We all do. I promise you that, [ ]."

A growl from Damian followed.

Duke hugged you. The ghost of Tim's previous actions echoing softly on your skin. Avoiding your face completely. His entire body covered, thank the gods, and his chin on the top of your head.

"Thank you for coming home."

Damian's embrace got tighter. A light noise from him accompanying Duke's soft hitch of breath. As if he was trying not to cry.

"You love us? Please tell me you do? Even after all we've done?" Duke pleaded into your ear.

Sickness followed. The two didn't let you go. The haunting eyes of others, and your father's peaceful snores. You're father being a haunted man, and above all, was tortured by his previous actions.

Once again pushing away one of his children.

You always craved siblings, and you had tons of them. They were reaching out, but it was horrible. They didn't let you leave.

Content with keeping you for themselves. Forever to be in this house and protected until the public forgot about you, and if they didn't you were sure the Bats would make sure they would.

You swallowed and gulped.

In all your years of living you hadn't experienced stress like this. However, Duke was right. You loved them, and that was why you tried so hard to leave.

Even after Tim's actions and everyone following after you still loved them. You could have hurt them.

Tim and Bruce could cure you of this horrible affliction despite the isolation. The world hated you, and your boyfriend was no doubt afraid of you.

You're family loved you despite the danger.

Subtly, "Yes. I do love you guys." The softness of Duke's eyes hurt your heart. A deep setting ache in your stomach as Damian snuggled into your stomach.

A faint sigh of relief from Tim bit of the way. Stephanie and Dick's laughter feeling like whispers of the damned. Taunting you, but they were sick and toxic. Sweet like sugar.

"Glad to hear that." Duke whispered once again. Never letting go of your hand as he pulled away. Attention never really ever going back to the movie.

Worry still in those eyes of his. Duke above all, the most innocent in his behavior. You squeezed back, and he smiled.

The alien, E.T, he was delighted in the experience of Elliot and his siblings. Welcoming him greatly. A great love and friendship was what you grappled for.

It was wrong. This was all wrong but despite it all you couldn't deny this is what you wanted.

Jason was right. In part, if you hadn't ran away like you had them maybe you're family wouldn't be subjected to the burden of hiding you.

However, you got the love you wanted despite it all. Even if the horrid touches were close to your skin. You hated hit but wanted the affection that was once given only by your mother.

For now, perhaps, you'd let it stay like this for now.

˖꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

For those who asked to be tagged

@krys0210

@lovebug-apple , @invinciblewaffles , @that-daughter-of-nyx ,@hearts4mica ,

[noveauskull]

Bounty Hunting The Wrong Guy [NSFW]

characters: sylus x reader

warnings: 18+, smut, age gap (reader is 21 here), bounty hunter mc, it takes a while to get to the smut part, nipple teasing, punishment, swearing, fingering, clit teasing, piv (penetration), wrists bound (by evol), no protection, bratty reader (sort of)

-----

You let out a satisfied sigh when you plopped your body onto the wooden chair placed conveniently next to a table full of different weapons and devices you probably will have no need on using at the moment, staring at the unconcious white haired man in front of you that was tied down onto the other wooden chair in the room.

Without wasting a second, you stretched your right leg out to get a better grip onto the phone that was in your pocket, giving it a few taps to call a certain someone about your lucky find.

A few rings passed by and the person on the other end finally answers, you didn't waste a second to let them know that your end of the job was done and that you were ready to receive your pay, and next order.

"Hello?"

"Heyyy!! If it isn't my favorite-"

"Cut to the chase. You got the man or not?"

You let out another sigh, this time annoyed. No matter how good your mood is it'll always get ruined by something, or in this case, someone.

"Yeah yeah, your man's right here with me" You rolled your eyes, checking your nails to see if you had made any damage on them while trying to capture your target from earlier.

"Send proof"

You immediately brought the phone away from your hand to switch it into camera mode while the call was still on, taking a quick picture of the tall, muscular man with white hair and black clothes on, before clicking open an app to send the picture to the person on the other side.

"There. Jerk off to it." You muttered before putting the phone back to your ear, hearing only silence for a little bit.

The silence followed up with a few mumbles, it seems like there were other people other than the person who paid you to catch this person, and it looks like they had an issue with the image you sent them.

"...That's not him"

The other end spoke, and your eyebrows furrowed immediately. Not realizing you had uncrossed your legs as you leaned forward in disbelief.

"What do you mean? He perfectly fits the description you said. Tall, white hair, and can fight. He put up a great fight and he has white hair. With a vague description like that I have to earn something in return for being able to catch something like this!"

You raised your voice, but the person wasn't buying it. How were you even supposed to find a man when he wears a mask all the time?

"We asked you to find Lumiere, not the Leader of- Ah forget it. This never happened"

Your mouth dropped in disbelief. Instinctively your legs forced your body to jump right up, now you were pacing around the room with your hand to your head, you seriously fucked up this time.

And to add the fact that they mentioned, what? A leader? A leader of what exactly? Well it probably doesn't even matter since you were currently at N109 Zone. Everything here is dangerous and oh boy...

If you had caught the Leader of Onychinus that lives here at N109 Zone... No. There's no way you'd have easily caught him.

"Wait, wait! I'll do it again, I'll toss this guy on the streets and get you the guy you want okay! If you could just find more intel on him-" You desperately tried to reason with them, but it didn't matter, their mind was set.

"The deal is off, girl. Whatever you do with the guy you have there is not our business. Goodbye"

Before you could talk them out of it any further, they hung up on you. However you were stubborn and you sent them a few texts, but it seemed like they had already blocked you.

"Fuck!" You cussed. Throwing your phone onto the worn out couch that was on the other end of the room. Usually you were very good at what you do, but it seems like making a few mistakes could happen as well.

The entire time you were freaking out and pacing around your room thinking of what to do next, you didn't realize that the man you had handcuffed onto the chair had been awake the moment you called your client.

He was kind enough to listen to what your true intentions were before he made a move on you, so when it was clear that you got the wrong man, he let you have your moment of distress before he decided to do anything else.

You didn't have the energy to drag the heavy man all the way out at the moment. Right now you needed a drink, a strong one at that. You'll deal with this man on another day, but not today.

Just when you were about to open the doors leading to another room, you found yourself struggling to create a gap on the two gigantic thick pieces of wood. A frown stronger than before engulfs your face as you tsked.

"What the-"

You were cut off when you heard a click behind you. Without wasting a second you turned your head to face the white haired man that was supposed to be unconcious on the chair, but instead you found him standing right in front of you.

Before you could lift your hand to attack him, he had your hands pinned onto the door with a dark red mist, almost resembling the color of blood, you were going to use your legs next, but they were also useless as they remained stuck.

"Shit!" You cussed under your breath, things were starting to get really dangerous. But you tried to remain calm, since you always knew how to get yourself out of situations like these.

"Wrong guy, huh?" The white haired man raised his eyebrow at you. His hands shoved into his pockets as he looked down to meet his eyes with yours, you felt mocked. But you weren't gonna give in.

"Heh yeah... Bummer"

You awkwardly laughed, trying to find a way to escape. Eyes darting around the room to find something that would help. But your search was futile when his hand grabbed your face and turned it to face him, your wide eyes locked in with his crimson ones.

"There's no use finding an escape, kitten. You're stuck here with me until I decide to let you go" His deep yet dominating voice calmly said, the sudden nickname he gave you made you furrow your eyebrows.

"Until you decide to let me go? Oh hell nah"

You shook your head to release the grip on your face, you were planning on acting like a small fry and crawl your way out, but something about being looked down on bothered you, and you just had to say something about it.

"Listen man, I don't know who you are, but I admit this whole thing was my fault, okay? If you need something to compensate for whatever loss you had I'll give it, just name your price"

In a strong yet calm manner, you bribed the man in front of you in an attempt to free yourself, but once again, like deja vu, he wasn't buying it.

"I don't think so"

You heard him answer before your entire vision is covered in red and black, few feathers can be seen swishing around before the dirty and worn out room you were at was replaced with an extravagant one with a dark aesthetic. A bedroom to be exact.

Your eyes widened in shock, frantically letting your head move left and right in disbelief. Did you just teleport?

"What the hell..." You whispered, not releasing that your hands were bound behind you now.

You had no idea that evols could teleport, or maybe that was this guy's whole shtick, either way, right now wasn't the time to be impressed.

Before you could ask why you were brought into a bedroom, a large hand wrapped itself around your left arm and pulled you toward the bed, gently yet strong enough to toss you onto the bed, the sudden gesture made you immediately go to defense mode.

"Hey man what gives-" You yelled, but the moment you turned your head you were an inch away from the white haired man's face.

You didn't realize this before because of how stressed out you were but, he was very attractive.

"A little kitten decided to pull me out from a very important meeting, I would just give that kitten a little flick on the forehead and be on my way, but to know that I wasn't even the kitten's main target is a bit annoying"

He said, each word he spoke made you feel his hot breath on your lips, but you had to stay focused and get out.

"W-Why's that?" You slightly furrowed your eyebrows once more, trying to mask your awareness with an innocent confused look.

"Because I can't kill it without a reason" He concluded. The red gleam in his eyes made you shudder, the bloodlust was there alright.

You still didn't know who this man was, however. So as if the threat didn't happen, you audaciously decided to open your mouth to ask.

"By the way, who even are you?"

You had no idea your tone was so mocking as to how curious you were, you watched as the man had a lost expression on his face, it didn't show shock, but he was definitely taken back by your question.

"...How old are you?" He answered back with a question completely irrelevant to yours, but you answered him anways.

"21, why?" You watched him scoff.

"The way you behave is like a child" You weren't exactly phased by his words, cause you were too busy figuring out how to release yourself from the evol that was holding you in place.

Your silence hinted the man that your focus was on something else, and that bothered him. So to grab your attention he sat himself of the bed and lifted you up, now you were suddenly sitting on his lap, back facing him.

"Woah!" You exclaimed, out of everything you thought of you weren't expecting him to lift you up like nothing and have you sat on his lap.

Oh, it kinda feels comfy...

You thought, snapping yourself out of it when you remembered the situation you were in.

No wait! I gotta lock in!

"H-Hey what are you doing, man!?" You yelled, turning your head to eye the intimidating man who smirked at you.

"You don't think you can just leave after putting me in such a sorry state without compensation, do you?"

Your eyes widened at his words, suddenly a shiver ran down your spine. It seemed like the fear hasn't kicked in until now. In response to his question that wasn't particularly seeking a response, you gulped.

"I-I told you I'll do something as an apology earlier..." You said in a quiet tone, almost mumbling, but still audible.

"I rather not wait. I'm not a patient man"

You felt his large hands wrap itself around your torso, holding you still as you felt something hard poke your ass. You stared into the distance with wide eyes, almost like you were in daze before unconciously muttering the words-

"What the fuck"

"It looks like compensation won't be the only thing I need to gain tonight, but also a lesson for that mouth of yours" He whispered into your ear, you felt your face heating up from the sudden intimacy.

You didn't want to admit it, but you were excited.

You remained silent, waiting to see what his next move was. You were too busy suppressing how you felt to notice his hands moving under your clothes to feel your bare skin, until you felt his cold fingertips. Making you flinch and your breath hitch.

"Sylus..." He whispered.

"...What?"

"I'm Sylus"

You felt your face crumble in shock. Suddenly freezing before struggling to look back at the man slowly. You heard about him so many times before ever since you came to N109 Zone. There's even posters about him throwing in high prices if he was captured.

It was stupid that your client didn't accepted Sylus, because he was probably worth more than Lumiere. But even if they did wanted Sylus, you'd probably still end up in the same situation as you are now.

"...Fuck" Like a machine that reacts through cuss words, you swore under your breath. Watching the man himself, Sylus tilt his head at you with a raised eyebrow.

"...Fine, make it quick" You concluded. You decided to get over with whatever he wanted. Knowing that running away was futile now that you knew who he was. Totally not because you wanted to spend some time with the attractive older male.

"...I like your confidence" He smirked, his hands now actively trailing upward to lift your bra upwards under your clothes, his fingers brushing against your nipples, the unexpected gesture made you close your eyes on instinct, biting your lower lip.

You felt his fingers circle around your areolas, you could tell he was playing with you, and with the pride you had that bothered you. But you can't help but stay quiet and let him touch you the way he pleased, something about his touch was making you lose all reason.

Not realizing that you were squirming the entire time, you heard him groan behind you as you unconciously wanted to feel his clothed dick on your swollen clit, being the one in control, he noticed your needs.

"Don't move, or else I'll be getting more than a compensation from you" He warned.

"Tsk! Then hurry up, old man!" You groaned impatiently, face red from having your nipples touched bare by someone else other than you.

You didn't realize that your words would cost you when his right hand suddenly went from your breast to slipping down your pants in one swift move, making you attempt to move away from his hand like an idiot.

"W-What are you-?!"

"You want me to hurry up right? Then I will do just that" He said calmly, rubbing your clothed cunt to feel your juices soak your underwear. It felt uncomfortable and dirty, yet you can't help but shiver in excitement.

Sylus used his fingers to rub around your clit too. Letting the wetness rub against it so that teasing you would affect you more than it should, also to rile up my reactions from you.

You huffed when you felt him playing with your nipple with one hand, and the other rubbing on your clothed pussy. It felt good, but it wasn't enough, you were starting to wonder what kind of compensation Onychinus' Leader was even looking for at this point.

"S-Shit" You groaned, feeling impatient of having your body played around with no sight of release soon.

"Swearing again? You really are looking for some sort of punishment" It seemed like Sylus didn't like your sharp mouth, so he decided to give you something to learn to not do it again.

You had to hold back a whine when he suddenly removed his hand from your throbbing cunt, only to put it back in again, this time directly without having your underwear act as a barrier.

The bare feeling of his fingers on your wet clit made you roll your eyes back in satisfaction, finally getting the stimulation you've been eagerly wanting the entire time.

"Mmph! A-Ah there!"

You shamelessly moaned, thrusting your hips against his fingers to feel them rub against your small and swollen clit, just a few strokes and you'll finally get the release you've been wanting.

"So naughty" Sylus whispered into your ear, connecting his lips onto your neck and giving it a suck, letting his teeth add onto the friction to distract you from the pleasure you were getting from your cunt and nipple.

"I wanna cum!! H-Hurry up!!" You demanded, although Sylus found your tough personality endearing, he won't stand for being ordered around by someone as small as you.

"And what makes you think you deserve release so early? You need to learn your place, sweetie" His voice deepened as he warned, your eyes widened when his finger suddenly dragged itself down to your hole.

Before you could react, he already pushed one finger in, like he knew you already, his finger found it's way onto your sweet spot. You had to let out a gasp before moaning nonstop, feeling his finger continuously poke onto the same spot until your orgasm neared.

"N-No- Wait! P-Pleas- A-Ah!"

You threw your head back when he added another finger, tears forming in your eyes that you never thought would be from the pleasure you were getting, the orgasm you were going to have was being forced out of you without a second thought, you almost lost yourself in what the main goal was.

Right when you felt like you were inching towards cumming, Sylus removed his fingers from your hole that was now clenching around the air, hoping for something to substitute the painful arousal that was pooling out of it.

"Ah ah ah, bad kittens don't get their fill yet" He teased, you felt your vision turning foggy from the desperation creeping onto you. You almost forgot your hands were rendered useless at the moment because you still weren't free.

"C-Come on..." You whispered, almost in defeat. Your voice hinting a strong sense of desperation, almost making you sound cute.

"Don't worry, I'm not done yet"

Sylus reassured you, using his evol to pull your pants down along with your underwear, the action didn't make you notice he had lowered his own pants as well, releasing his hard veiny cock that was almost as large as a shampoo bottle.

"If you take this, then I'll accept your compensation and let you go" He rubbed his cock against your entrance, you couldn't see his length properly, but a few rubs and a very visible vein was enough to give you a shock.

"W-Wait that's way too big, I-I can't-"

"You can and you will. Or do you want to compensate me with your life?" He said, he wasn't serious. But how would you know? You're too drunk off your mind to think.

"..." You pressed your lips into a thin line, shutting yourself up from protesting any further.

"Good girl"

Sylus gently laid you down on the bed, your hands that were bound behind you now in front, as well as you having a better look of his cock. It was big enough to reach his belly button, and that intimidated you greatly, yet you couldn't wait to find out what it was like to have your gushing hole get plugged by it.

"Don't struggle" Was all the white haired man said before he started teasing his tip onto your hole, slowly pushing himself in as he watched your juices gush out of your hole to make room for his cock.

"A-AH! T-Too much!!" You whined, but Sylus believed you were stronger than that.

"I'm not even halfway in. But if it's too much for you i'll stop. Though I expected a bounty hunter to be more tougher than this" He mocked, watching your face glare at him.

"B-Bring it on, old man!! I'm no pussy!" You retorted, to which he chuckled at you.

"Good to hear"

He gave another push into your hole, you were sure with this one he was definitely more than halfway in. The feeling of his cock stretching into you while pushing onto your cervix made you cry in a manner you would have never thought you could do.

"O-Oh fuck!!" You exclaimed, having tears well up in your eyes again.

"Tsk, that mouth needs more than a lesson" Sylus tsked, before grabbing your face to kiss him, with no warning he had his tongue distracting you from the mix of pain and pleasure you were receiving.

His kiss was rough, yet so comforting. He made sure not an inch of your mouth was neglected before he started thrusting in and out of you.

You couldn't help but moan into his mouth with your eyes rolled back, right away with a few thrusts you could feel your orgasm that was denied earlier finding it's way back, and it was dangerously close too.

"M-Mmphh!!" You started becoming more aware of the smooching noises and squelches your mouth and hole was making, but everytime you tried to listen you'd be distracted by the loud slaps of Sylus' cock onto your pussy continuously.

Each time he hits the right spots you can't help but keep your eyes hung at the roof of your head, crying into the hungry kisses Sylus gave you to make your hole clamp down his dick.

Before you could even realize it, your orgasm finally arrived. Leaving you a moaning mess crying from stimulation. Also letting Sylus finally break the kiss between you two to relieve himself.

"A-Almost there" Sylus muttered in gritted teeth, not stopping for a second to chase his own ejaculation into your cunt while you helplessly laid on the bed, taking in his length continuously with every broken moan that left your mouth.

In a groan, Sylus let himself cum into your gushing wet hole that soaked the bedsheets, giving your forehead a small kiss before finally releasing your wrists and pulling out if you to let his cum spill out your twitching hole.

You could leave right now, but after having your hole destroyed and throbbing, you couldn't even sit up if you wanted to. The white haired man that was now lying beside you knew it all too well.

"Am I... *huff* ...free from... *pant*... compensating... ah.... you now...?" You said in between pants, your voice cracking from how hard you cried, your little attempt to speak made Sylus smile at you, hand on his head as he stared at you like he adored you.

"Hmm... No"

Your mouth dropped in disbelief, snapping your neck to look at the smirking white haired man.

"Perhaps I need to be compensated a few more times, only once isn't enough"

He wrapped his arms to hold you close to him, now your eyes were locked onto his chest, as he rested his chin onto your head while you remained speechless.

It looks like you got yourself in real big trouble with the one man you tried to avoid the entire time bounty hunting...

Onychinus' Leader Sylus.

-----

A/N: GUESS WHO CAME BACK W A NEW SMUT ONESHOT? thats right, i know i usually only do WUWA smut but i did mention I play LADS and oml... SYLUS...

PLEASE PUT ME ON A CHOKEHOLD SIR I AM YOURSSSS

ZAYNE PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND I LOVE YOU OKAY 😭😭😭

anyways enjoy your meals ✨️✨️✨️😋

[ashfae]

Edit on 5/2/2025: I have mixed feelings about aspects of this essay these days but have chosen to keep it up and pinned as I'm still happy with my analysis even if I'm furious at NG, who is mentioned several times. TW for that. Argh.

-------------

The thing about romance is, it makes a good story.

As soon as NG described season 2 as "quiet, gentle, romantic" I figured we'd be in for it, because as he's the first to point out, writers are liars. And the best way to deceive is with truth.

Season 2 is romantic. The trappings of romance are everywhere. Crowley tries to set up Nina and Maggie by trapping them under an awning during a rainstorm, a classic cinematic bonding technique. Aziraphale's chosen method comes from his beloved books: the ball, the dancing, appearing as a pair in public, hands held as you twirl gracefully with your heart thrilled and racing. If they can set up a sensational kiss that will unlock the happy ever after. They've lived on earth, they've studied the tropes, they know how romance works.

The problem is a story is only a story.

Nina and Maggie had the classic romantic setup completely by accident before Aziraphale and Crowley ever began trying to interfere with them. They get locked in Nina's coffeeshop. They can't escape or communicate with anyone else, they end up talking by candlelight because there's no electricity, Nina offers wine. Maggie mentions how she'd hoped for a chance to talk to Nina, and now here they are. It's every bit as much a standard as what Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to arrange. Blanket scenarios galore exist because of that starting point. We love that story. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But it's still only a story, it's not enough. Because once that moment of connection is over, however lovely it was, all the rest of the world comes flooding back in in the form of dozens of angry text messages. Nina's messy entrapping relationship hasn't magically gone away just because she and Maggie shared a romantic encounter.

And it's so tempting think oh well, that's easy. We'll just give them more romantic encounters and eventually those will overwhelm the rest of the baggage. Must do, because it'll make them fall in love, and once they realize they're in love that trumps all other considerations, right? So it'll be fine. Love Conquers All.

Neil also mentioned Pride and Prejudice.

Darcy knows he's in love early on and makes a disasterous proposal that shows that he has no understanding of Elizabeth's perspective, possibly hasn't even thought about it. They've been meeting in forest lanes for walks, conversing, had tete-a-tetes in the sitting room, danced at a ball. And while his turn of phrase isn't as flattering as he thinks, he's still offering her everything he thinks she wants and needs: affection, security, his good name, wealth, an escape from the embarrassments of her situation, the world. How can there be anything to object to? Why would anyone ever refuse so much of value?

Elizabeth quite rightly cuts him to pieces. He lashes back with a few hard truths of his own and they separate. During that separation, he thinks and he learns. He takes to heart the criticisms she offered, re-examines his assumptions, opens his eyes. Thinks about her perspective and how sometimes the only difference between pride and arrogance is where you're standing. He does the work. When they meet again he tries to demonstrate that he's learned--not in order to court her again (yet), but because the only real apology he can offer, the only one that would have weight, is to show that he's grown, he listened to her. He changed.

Elizabeth of course has her own journey, accepting that many of her own conclusions about Darcy were erroneous because they were formed without her having the full picture to hand, and once she's done that she has to apply it to her own situation as well. She loves her family, but they do place her at a disadvantage on a number of levels, leading eventually to full-out disaster as her younger sister carelessly ruins all of their reputations. It's hard to admit, it's mortifying, but Darcy was offering her a great deal she needs. His offer did have worth for all that she dismissed it as an insult. And as she learns to value his own character more highly, and then as she sees that he did listen to her even though she insulted him so thoroughly...well, she grows too. And when they do eventually come together it's not because of courting and balls. There's a big romantic gesture in his rescue of her sister but even that isn't why they'll get their happy ever after. It was just the catalyst for the conversation. They win because they've learned how to understand each other and how to communicate for the future. How they can strengthen and support each other, how to balance their strengths and weaknesses. The films leave them at the wedding, but the book shows a bit of their marriage too, and during it they keep learning from each other. Their relationship is held up as a superior love story for good reasons.

The end of season one was romantic too. Crowley stopped time rather than face a world where Aziraphale would never speak to him again, Aziraphale walked into hell to protect Crowley, they dined at the Ritz and toasted the world. But then they stopped. Sure they spent time together, talked, enjoyed each other's company. But if they were talking about important things would Crowley still be living in his car? They had a bit of respite but all that real world baggage that exists outside of the romantic moment hasn't been faced, none of it. Four or five years sounds like a long while but for beings who are quite literally older than the earth? That's just an intermission.

Nina's relationship ends, leaving her with a tangled mess; Maggie realises the sweet dream of love she's been longing for isn't as important as the real Nina. They talk. They plan. Nina will sort through her life, get closure, figure out what went wrong with Lindsay and what she wants from a relationship, learn how to ask for respect instead of just bending under her partner's demands. Maggie will support Nina the way Nina needs, which sometimes means helping her get oat milk for the shop and sometimes means giving her processing space. They're on the same page; they're going to do the work. That's why most likely they'll succeed. To quote one of my favourite fanfics: it's not happily ever after, but it's a chance. It's all going to be okay. (The Profane Comedy by Mussimm, who absolutely nailed this theme)

The romance is nice, it's lovely. We need it to keep ourselves going. To give ourselves the dreams that help us get through the days and nights. But it's not the relationship. It's not enough on its own. The wedding can be the grandest most beautiful ceremony ever with doves flying and sweeping music and bells ringing, but that doesn't guarantee the marriage will last.

Crowley and Aziraphale have had their romantic gestures, oodles of them. One wing raised to protect the other from falling stars, another from rain. Shared ground, shared interests, hands offered in friendship and held on a bus. They've tried to get to the same page, they really have. They just aren't there yet. The biggest most important things still haven't been talked about, and season 2 showed there are even more of those big important things than we'd realised.

The show paints Maggie as Aziraphale's foil and Nina as Crowley's, even to the point of Nina casually calling Maggie 'angel'. But Aziraphale's baggage is Nina's. The toxic relationship has to be processed and understood and closed, and it hasn't been, despite season one. Lindsay never really liked Nina very much, for all that they tried to keep her trapped; Heaven never really liked Aziraphale very much for all that he believed in it. They both let themselves be used. But Lindsay left Nina and went to their sister's, whereas now the head of Heaven has reached out to Aziraphale and said here, we can fix this, you can fix this, don't you want to fix this? Others are already writing about that and maybe I'll add to it later, not sure. And Crowley, like Maggie, has had a sweet dream that he has to set aside. Maybe he'll be able to pick it up again eventually, maybe not. But sometimes you offer support by buying oat milk or rescuing your beloved from the legions of hell, and sometimes you do it by standing back while they sort through their shit.

Quiet, gentle, romantic. It was.

But that's only part of the story. Now they have to do the work. They thought they had, but they were wrong, because there's so much they just hadn't touched yet and tried to cover over with relief and sleight of hand and alcohol and forgiveness. The apology dance doesn't mean much without showing that you listened and learned. They've faced so much trauma already and that should have been enough, we wanted it to be enough and so did they and it's such a blow for it to turn out that there's still more to do, that the baggage hasn't just gone away and can't be hidden under blankets or soothed with cocoa. The texts are still coming in and demanding answers.

But it'll be okay. It will. It's still a chance. And one that in the long run makes them better, builds something real that lasts.

The best stories, the ones that last longest and become classics, are the ones that don't end with the kiss under the awning or the blanket scenario or the wedding. They're the ones that heal us while the characters heal themselves. It's hard to accept that there's still more to do. Harder to imagine how it can possibly work out. And yes, bloody frustrating to wait and see.

And we'll get through that interim by telling even more stories. Because the story is never just a story. It's how we get through the work, it's what we tell ourselves so we can do the damn work. Stories are what we cling to and how we remind ourselves we're human and connect. A book is a person you can carry with you. We're not alone, none of us, stories connect us because we love them and see ourselves in them, which means we see each other.

Aziraphale's back up in Heaven to deal with his unfinished baggage; Crowley left his behind long ago and it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the arse however much he tries to go his own way. And they can't help each other with that. Not yet.

But they'll get there. So will we.

[uhhhj13iguess]

heartbreak girl

okay, heartbreak girl by 5sos always makes me think of fanfiction

peter parker x fem!reader

summary: peter's been listening to you cry over brad for months. when are you going to realize that he's your cure?

wc: 1.7k

masterlist

peter's phone lit up, the vibrations of the incoming call weighing heavy on his mind. 10pm, right on the dot. he knew it was you. and he already knew what the call was about.

you'd been on a date with brad this evening after calling it off with him for the... god, peter didn't even know at this point. you kept going back, going in circles again and again.

he hated it. he hated listening to you cry to him, heartbroken over the newest shitty thing brad had done to you. but he did. he listened again and again, despite his heart aching and wishing he could sweep you away from it all. but in the end, he's just a sucker for anything you do.

he picked up the phone relectently, a pained expression taking when he answered. "hello?"

"hey pete, do you have a minute?"

he cringed, already knowing where this was going. "yeah, anything for you. what's up?"

he heard you sigh on the other end, tears and sadness coating your voice as you spoke.

"i don't know why i keep doing this to myself, pete. i mean honestly, i feel like i should know better at this point. my heart just hurts every time."

"what do you mean?" he lied through his teeth.

"just brad again. he told me he had a great date planned to make up for everything with gwen, and when i got there, it was just... i don't know. it just wasn't anything, and it turned into such a fight for no reason. i wish i hadn't even gone."

peter felt his fists clench, the faint sound of glass cracking in his ear as he pulled away to see he had crushed his phone screen. "fuck,"

"what was that?"

"nothing, i just... nothing. keep going, what happened?" he set his phone on his desk, doing his best to press the speaker button through the cracked glass. he let out a yelp as the sharp edge caught him, immediately nursing the cut in his mouth.

your sniffles echoed in his room and his finger wasn't the only thing hurting.

"the date to make up for borderline cheating on me was ordering a pizza and trying to fuck me. i mean, he had to know that wasn't going to work, right? i don't know, maybe chivalry is dead and i need to get over myself."

"come on, you know you deserve so much more than this." peter let out, a whine of desperation escaping his throat as he spoke.

"i don't know, i'm starting to think i don't. what do you think pete, should i just call it? like, actually this time?"

he felt his whole body freeze, his heart beating out of his chest.

"i don't know, he's probably the best I'm going to get. maybe i should just keep trying to make it work. clearly, something i'm doing isn't good enough."

"that's not true, (y/n), come on. i think..." he couldn't get the words out. he wanted to shout from the rooftops all you deserved and how he could be the one to give it to you, but he couldn't risk losing his best friend. you meant to much to him, and he couldn't take such a big risk for the off chance you'd like him back.

"i don't know, i think—"

"wait, sorry pete, that's him calling now. i think I'm going to answer it. do you think i should answer it?"

he closed his eyes and let out a defeated sigh. after hearing your crying and wanting to do anything to stop it, he ended up lying.

"yeah, maybe it'll be for the best."

"yeah, you're right. thanks peter, i can always count on you to make a girl feel special. thanks for being such a great friend."

his chest ached at the words, 'friend' echoing in his head like a never-ending curse. he gritted his teeth, "yeah, of course. see you tomorrow."

he ended the call with another cut to his finger, causing him to let out a string of curses as his head hit his pillow.

the following day, as peter got ready in his dorm for class, he heard a faint knock on the door. he stood from his desk, leisurely making his way over. as soon as he opened it, however, panic flooded through his body.

you stood there, tears streaming down your face as you attempted to flash a smile through your obvious pain. "oh my god, (y/n),"

he rushed you in, shutting the door behind you and turning quick to lead you to his bed. he threw his arms around you, the sight of your red cheeks scorching into his brain.

"what's wrong? are you hurt?"

you gave a quick chuckle, taking deep breaths to soothe yourself. peter kept an arm around you as he pulled back to look at you. he frowned as you looked down at your hands in your lap, not making eye contact with him.

"brad and i made up last night — i went over after i talked to you. spent the night and everything. and then i..." your voice trailed off, quivering as you forced yourself to keep going.

"and then this morning when i got to class, gwen came up to me in a panic saying how brad told her we'd broken up and made a move on her and they fucked. this morning, peter. i fucking slept over at his house and she came over immediately after, having no idea. what the fuck am i doing?"

peter's stomach turned listening to you, like a broken record saying how much your heart hurt. this had to be the third time brad had done something like this in the past few months.

"i'm so sorry, (y/n). there's no excuse, you don't deserve that," he grabbed your hands as you picked at your nailbeds, brushing his fingers softly over your palms.

"you deserve so much more than this."

you let out a snarky laugh in response. "yeah, right, pete."

peter frowned at the comment. "come on, i'm serious."

he squeezed your hands, an earnest look in his eyes. he just wanted to comfort you. he wanted to tell you how wonderful you were and how in love with you he was. he fought every instinct he had to scream out 'you could be with me now!', but he held back as you broke free from his hands to hug yourself and lean into him. he immediately held you in his arms again.

"clearly with my track record, this is exactly what i deserve," you sighed, snuggling further into his chest. his scent comforted your overwhelmed senses, and his warmth calmed you down.

"i'm sorry, i know you're on your way to ochem, i'll leave. i don't know, it just happened and, and you were just the first person i wanted to run to, i guess."

you started to wiggle out of his grasp, standing to leave when he caught your waist, pulling you back down next to him. "wait,"

you gave him a funny look, the tears on your cheeks dried up already.

peter pinched his eyes shut in panic.

"uh,"

he tapped his fingers relentlessly against your knee at war with himself over what to say next. so close to confession.

"i just..."

you grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "it's okay pete, it's just me. what's up?"

okay.

fuck it.

"(y/n), i know this is probably horrible timing and i really hope i'm not fucking everything up, but i can't take it anymore. brad is horrible. he's always been horrible. and, and i don't mean that to make you feel bad, i-i just... you deserve so much more than him. and,

and i'm so much more than him,

and i haven't said anything because you were in a relationship and i didn't want to ruin seven years of friendship, but,

i could take away your hurt. (y/n), i already do. he treats you so bad and, and i'm so good to you. it doesn't feel fair. you deserve to be loved and held and to feel wanted,

i'm right here. and i've always been right here, and, and i always will be. i... i don't know, i'm just kind of rambling at this point. i just... think you belong with someone who treats you how you deserve. and i want nothing more than... than that to be with me..."

peter trailed off quietly, slowly reaching your gaze for the first time since pouring out his heart. he cringed to himself as he couldn't gauge an expression on you.

"i'm sorry, that was—"

"no pete, it's okay—"

"a lot, jesus. i know you just got out of a relationship and you were cheated on for fucks sake, jesus christ peter—"

"no, really, it's—"

"good god. i know you don't even feel the same way, and, and that's fine! i just, there was just a lot pent up and jesus i didn't need to unload that right now, christ—"

"that's not true." you cut him off, voice dropping to a whisper.

his volume met yours. "what?"

"that's not true. that, that i don't feel the same way."

peter nodded his head slowly, eyes blown wide. "oh... right..."

you nodded back just as slowly, chewing at the inside of your lip. "yeah,"

"cool, yeah that's,"

"i, um, yeah,"

"oh," peter chuckled breathlessly, breaking eye contact and suddenly feeling very flustered. you took his hand.

"i've liked you for years, pete. i only ever started dating the dipshits i did to take my mind off you."

"oh,"

you gave him a soft smile. "yeah,"

"that's really cool, (y/n)." your face fell to give him a strange look.

"no! i mean, not the horrible dating experiences, jesus. i mean, that you, that... that you like me back, or whatever." peter's face was bright red as he stumbled out his words.

"oh. yeah, i think it's pretty cool too."

he gave your hand a slight squeeze. "what do you say i skip class and we go grab some breakfast? no labels, no pressure, just you, me, and a denny's feast?"

you gave him the sweetest smile he'd ever seen.

"i think that sounds great, pete."

[thatoneautisticshark]

Price groaned, rubbing his eyes and blinking hard. Working on his paperwork was increasingly hard when he was seeing double and everything felt like it was spinning.

Sure he'd only recently got home from the 2 week long mission. But paperwork wouldn't do itself, he didn't want to do this when he woke up.

Besides, he'd had the sniffles all day. If he went to bed now, he'd likely wake up fully sick, and then he couldn't do shit. All he needed to do was get this all done then he could rest in peace.

Price glanced at the massive pile left. Yeahhh, this was gonna take all night. But he couldn't sic it on the boys, they needed to rest after the long mission.

He sighed, resigning to finish this. It only took half an hour more before his vision was blurring further, black spots dancing in and out of his sight.

It took him an embarrassingly long time to work out that the noise he was hearing was a knock on the door, and not an auditory hallucination.

“Come in” he called, wincing slightly at the rasp of his voice. He was definitely coming down sick.

The hulking great figure of Simon filled his vision, clearly having showered, in fresh clothes and a plain black balaclava.

He couldn't help immediately feeling a little scolded. He knew Simon came here to check on him. Simon had known him years longer then the other two, and naturally knew of his…. Less than healthy habits.

His lieutenants eyes narrowed “Go shower” he scolded, softly.

Prices nose immediately scrunched. “I'm fine, Si. I will, I just need to finish this.”

His words were not enough to get Simon off his back. “Go shower now, and sleep….. sir”

Price shot him a look. His tacking sir belatedly on the end of the sentence did not make it a respectful way to talk to his superior.

“I am fine, Lieutenant. You d-” He cut himself off, body apparently deciding now was the perfect time to burst into a coughing fit, chest heaving. The coughs dry and loud, making his throat hurt.

Simon immediately moved to his side, rubbing the captains back with a worried look on his face. However he couldn't resist a snide comment “Case in point, you need to rest.”

Price clumsily stuck up the middle finger as he caught his breath, huffing slightly, headache worse now. “ ‘m fine”

He then let out an undignified squeak as Simon seemed to decide to take it into his own hands, picking up Price with ease and slinging him over his shoulder.“OI! What the bloody hell are you doing you Muppet!?”

Simon simply hummed, walking out the door. “You need to rest. If you won't rest off your own accord, I will make you rest.”

Price growled, trying to avoid to worse dizziness at being moved, and how warm Simons bare hands were. “Bloody lotta good it'll do if you are bringing me away from my bed!”

Simon gave him a withering look. “If I were to make you rest in your own bed. You would get back up when I left, no? Therefore I am bringing you to my room”

Price huffs unable to really combat that statement, dizzy and exhausted, he just allowed Simon to carry him, albeit pouting slightly.

Simon was incredibly warm and comfortable and Price was so tired, so he just let him self be carried.

He did have to hide a slight snicker when Simon walked by Johnny and Kyle. Afterall he just considered this normal, with how well he and Simon knew each other.

But the other two boys had never seen this, and were probably baffled that Simon was walking round with the captain over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Still he didn't have the energy to argue as Simon carried him into him room, setting him on the bed, before laying on him, much like a stubborn cat.

He knew price would try and get up otherwise, so he simply laid on him. And sure, price was a little peeved, he did have work to do, but he was comfy.

The door creaked open, soap quietly peaking his head in. “Wha tha hell?”

Simon raised his head at that. “He is sick and still trying to work. A dumb arse.”

Price resisted the urge to groan as both Soap and Gaz entered the room, clearly ready to scold him.

Apparently none of the boys were keen on letting him back to work. Gaz took all the work, finishing it up, and Johnny also curled up with Simon, pinning price to the bed, after making food to ensure he ate.

Price knew he really should be annoyed… but he was in a cuddle sandwich of hot men, so he wasn't complaining.

[rotagnus]

love/self-growth in march !! 🫐

my usual pick a pile is here, darlings. pick just as usual--if it doesn't speak to you, don't force yourself to choose. there are messages for you that lie elsewhere.

this reading deals with both platonic, familial, and romantic love. don't expect to get a certain aspect of love or the result you want.

-1. ooouu you're a bright person. probably very creative with a tendency to get stuck within your own head. as for love in march, i think that this month will focus on a connection that already exists. maybe you've been working on self-love, and that's what's growing. for some of you, you've adopted a pet recently and that connection is going to grow stronger. if you're crushing on someone right now, there probably won't be any change except for your feelings growing stronger. my advice to you is to decenter this because if you focus completely on that, it'll be really terrible. you are so full of beauty and flame and wonder, and you should harness this energy and create beauty, not look for it elsewhere. time will bring you everything. you deserve a love which knows no bounds, and whether this person is it or not, you must first find that love within. i know a lot of you don't want to hear this, but it's the truth. i would highly suggest trying to talk to this person, though--to find out what they really are. ask deep questions if you're already on a talking basis with them, if not--try to make a friend.

-2. now baby tell me why you've given up on love. it seems to be a sour topic for you that you shy away from. you've done a lot of self-growth in the past ~6 months, and you're farther along on your self-discovery journey than either of these two piles are. for you, you try not to love. a lot of the times, you feel like you are still unseen. this month will bring change to that. i'm not sure what kind of change, i can't exactly tell, but you'll feel a bit more seen than you did before. this may be to personal circumstances, or maybe another person does something--even a simple action--and you realize that, damn, maybe i really am seen. this month will deal with opening up a little bit more to let the love flow in. lol, for pile 1, it's not really time for love, but for you it is; but you've closed all doors to any possible encounters with love. 🤣 listen, i highly suggest doing some exercises for your vulnerability. it's a great step forward, and i think that it could benefit you. if a person comes into your life, let them. but don't be scared to set boundaries and not settle for less.

-3. you have rose-colored glasses, darling. now, don't take this the wrong way. it can be a very great thing, being idealistic--you at your heart are a ruthless optimist and honestly, a little bit naive. you've been dealing with both ups and downs, this past couple of months. there's been some trouble in your family, and in your love life. you're always the one making ends meet in order to benefit mass sums of people. you're awfully responsible and confident, but you're still...you. you still need rest. i feel like most of you are women--babies, you do NOT need to be the men in the relationship, if you're a masculine woman, disregard this. but for a lot of you, you're stuck in this disbalanced masculine energy. i don't really like talking about the divine feminine and divine masculine and whatnot, but for you i feel like it's important. girl, put yourself FIRST. i promise you there's a man/woman/person out there who's gonna bring you flowers every damn day of the week, you just gotta put yourself first. start to say NO. you might meet someone new in march. someone unexpected. i know you've been taught that change is bad, but in this case, just wait a little bit. baby steps, darling. baby steps.

[librarycards]

pls ignore this is its too weird or too much labor, but i was wondering if you maybe had any tips or resources for ppl who have creative desires like writing but brain fog and fatigue tends to get in the way?

i do! it may not work for you bc people have very random/unexpected ways of dealing with this, but it's *very* common and there is hope :) [i think a lot of this is applicable across form, but i'm using "writing" here because it's what i'm familiar with]

one way is to be strategic about timing: this includes thinking about when you're least foggy/have the most energy, and/or the most "downtime" where there isn't anything in particular you need to do. many people wake up early so that they have alone time before their responsibilities. some people stay up late to write. i tend to do my daily writing (which I elucidate on below) in the evenings, around 7-10pm. whatever works, works!

relatedly: scheduling/routine is, for me, critical. i think it is for a lot of creative ppl. I write every day, in multiple ways: i keep a journal - i've done this since i was like 12, so it's as ingrained as brushing my teeth and i don't really think about it - and also work on some aspect of my current longest project [so, for the last 4 years, it's been the aforementioned second novel; for the 4ish years before that, it was Failure to Comply. i write other stuff during the daytime, of course, because writing is also my job(s). but if you're looking to establish a consistent creative practice, you don't need to be aiming for a certain hour or word count.

Instead: Aim for consistency and progress. Not perfection, not a "muse," not magic. There is no shame in making something that doesn't seem good, or that you end up deleting. in this particular instance, "perfect is the enemy of good" is 10000% true, and i think especially applicable to people who already experience external + internalized ableist ideologies on a daily basis. your art, regardless of what it is, should be a space where you get to make mistakes, change your mind, and learn new things. it should be something you can come to when you're tired, unsure, confused, scared, etc, even if it means just keysmashing and then closing your notes app for the day.

for me, having a daily practice, regardless of anything, means embracing the days where i write only one word and then despair, as well as the days i write pages. when i feel most depressed, in a very clinicized sense, i try to move from "everything i make now is going to be shitty :(" to "everything i make now is going to be shitty :)", not because i'm happy about it, but because....that's simply part of creating. everything is a bodily function. if you're not feeling good, maybe your poop will look weird. so too with writing. but you still do it. it can be mechanical. but it'll happen, and by doing it consistently, you give yourself the *opportunity* to locate insight hitherto buried, to have an idea creep up on your tiredself.

i guess in sum I'd say that the healthiest thing i ever did for my writing is something tantamount to body neutrality, which has also been an immensely positive addition to my set of frameworks for physical embodimindment. creative neutrality, i guess. this doesn't mean i don't tie my ego and personhood to work/productivity/quality. i mean, i totally do, and it sucks, but there we are. but it also means that i place that in a corner that does not touch my desire to chip away at something big, regularly. i make time every day to summon the urgency of whatever i'm working on, not because i'm proud of it at that moment, but because i want to give it another opportunity to give me something cool.

tl:dr: give yourself the gift of consistency and time, and don't be scared of making stuff that isn't good, or gets deleted, or doesn't make sense. write from wherever you want, physically, mentally, spiritually. give it the opportunity & even the expectation to happen and then work from there.

[soliloquent-stark]

i just watched thunderbolts and here are some rambly thoughts (don't read if you expect incredibly nuanced takes. also, obviously, spoilers coming up):

i am saddened that for the first time in a while, i left the cinema feeling pretty negative after watching a mcu movie. i was so hyped to see this; people made it seem like it'll be so amazing, the promo was so over the top, the trailers were great, some people even said it was their favourite mcu movie in a long time (or ever) and that it rivaled catws (spoiler: it doesn't). and it's wild to me that captain america brave new world had way worse ratings, less hype, less promo (doesn't surprise me...) when to me it was a way more enjoyable movie. i am kinda baffled and confused.

yes, thunderbolts has good moments. yelena was quite wonderful, as expected, and there was a few funny moments, some emotional beats, a pretty decent attempt at exploring loneliness and mental health issues (not perfectly so, but what can we expect). the visual effects were cool, and i really liked the eeriness of the void (both the black shadows, and the void itself, the way going from room to room was depicted and going back into their memories, and especially seeing more of the red room. that was nice). that's... about it, i think?

i am a big bucky fan, that's true. so maybe i am biased in feeling disappointed with how he was written, but i am. i am not saying he should've been the main character, but i expected way more. really hot take here: his role could've been played by another character and the results would've been pretty much the same. ava brought specific skills to the table, so did yelena (and she brought her dad along), even john with his stupid military knowledge and the shield etc saved their ass in a way maybe someone else wouldn't have. at the very least, scenes were written with that in mind, to highlight their skills. it felt like they really had to work together to get out of that bunker, and they were pretty well defined. but after that? unless i am mistaken and don't remember, bucky hasn't done anything that only his specific set of skills or knowledge could've done. i am not saying that to shade him, i am saying it because they had bucky, sebastian stan at their disposal, and he was kinda bland and completely overshadowed by everyone else. i mean yeah the motorcycle scene was cool... but?? i am glad they at least didn't include him in the whole speech about people who need to redeem themselves, they probably anticipated the backlash on that, but otherwise it felt like they really disrespected his character and journey once more. and goofy bits aside (for example, them all, one by one, saving people, then together holding a rock up... like okay, sweet idea i guess, and clearly showing why the marketing was effective afterwards, but like... c'mon now. the same way they kept having val say her plans to her assistant as a way for us to understand what's going on. such lazy writing omg) all that aside, the plot was kinda flat and predictable, one hour in and all the events had already been showed in the trailer, and at no point did we really feel any mystery or had to wonder what the bad guy is up to or where the movie is headed. it's just wild to me that this movie has better ratings than brave new world like whattt (and i will get to sam in a second). also another bit of lazy writing was how quickly mel turned on val (just to then, of course, unturn when it was convenient for the plot) and just called bucky up to spill everything like c'monnn ok yeah he's charming but?? yet another moment where there wasn't any cool old school spying or hacking happening, they were just... fed information and they just showed up. this movie could've been an email ngl, with the way they fucked the pacing and spent so long on some bits and then completely rushed the ending. but yeah you have ava and bucky there and you give us nothingggg about their lives, just one dimensional all around; we found out more about what's happening in walker's life and his emotional state than bucky's — but of course they were gonna glaze over the woman of colour but also somehow the fan favourite popular character who's been in the franchise for over a decade and somehow keeps getting disrespected every project. ugh. and sebastian was kinda acting like he didn't wanna be there, maybe that's what happens when you're not acting alongside anthony, but he seemed bored and flat and i know he's an amazing actor and a great bucky but i don't know, it truly felt off. maybe it's the divorce, maybe in the half a year or whatever how long it's been since cabnw there's been an actual breakup between them because what the hell was with that energy...

i am sure there's more i am forgetting but now regarding the ending: what the fuck. okay yeah i expected them to form a team under a different name because of the stupid asterisk, but more in the direction of like, dark avengers or something. 'new avengers' is just a slap in the face to sam and the avengers' legacy (especially after bucky made a whole deal about how that shield is steve's legacy and how sam threw it away and all that stuff i don't wanna rehash but sam was in the right and now look who's not worried about messing up the legacy?) and THEY WENT WITH IT? WHY DID THEY GO WITH IT? why would a team of badass people who hate taking orders just... go with it. to have leverage over her? ok cool you're professional assassins you could make her disappear in a second. you could put her in jail in no time. how was she legally able to stand there and tell everyone she brought a way to protect america and suddenly it's all okay? they could've easily told everyone the danger was due to bob which was hear creation and that she really needs to be locked up?? yes i understand they're protecting him but like what the fuck how is she not at the very least impeached. or maybe she was but then WHY are they still a team fourteen months later? AND GOING AGAINST SAM. that is the biggest disrespect i could've imagined and i was shocked by that last scene. i love bucky so much. i love sam so much. i love sambucky so much. so my brain melted at the idea that they're still doing it without sam, calling themselves the new avengers, and then actually saying his name out loud and disrespecting him so badly. the ONLY TIME they acknowledge that there is a captain america, a non enhanced captain america who just protected everyone from the red hulk, in a movie full of supersoldiers, is when they complain about him. and bucky lets it happen?? and moreover, they make it seem like they fought (which i understand, i would also fight with him over this if i were sam??) and it just makes no sense. why would you do that? after tfatws, after framed photo in the office, after i love you buddy, we get no mention of him in the movie, no respect showed to him, and then bucky not defending him?? this is HELL this is the bad timeline and i know i should expect this from marvel but with the other movie being only from a few months ago i thought we established they're on good terms so i am just confused and betrayed and SAM DESERVES BETTER. (and surely deserves better than having people now call him names and completely dragging him for taking legal action against this bs. not to mention his legal action was merely a trademark... get tf out of here) bucky deserves better too in the way that what the fuck is he doing why is not retired or fighting by sam's side WHY IS HE IN CONGRESS that was still not fully discussed like?? what, to bring val down because she was experimenting on humans and he is against that? well um now you work for her like what?? also who voted him in how did any of that make sense and also the way pretty much none of his plot had anything to do with him being in congress. he could've been watching the hearing on tv. he could've snuck into the gala and talked to the assistant as a civilian. what was the purpose of him being in congress? or you're telling me he will continue to be, after all this mess, and there will be a point later on?? why is he putting up with any of it. besides the fact his hair looked amazing in that last scene and he looked like prince charming i have zero good things to say about that and i wish it never happened. god the more i think about it the more angry i get. also where are all the other avengers guysssss stand UP. sam pick up the phone network around and you'll have them rounded up within the week how are y'all letting this happen !!! ok rant over

edit to add: civil war and all THAT didn't happen just for the 'avengers' to led by a member of the government. not even the UN, or an ethical body of sorts, no, just ONE corrupted and awful CIA director. how the FUCK would bucky stand for that and how is that not a slap in the face to steve, sam, nat, and everyone else affected by the accords (and this is coming from a tony stan)

[skyahri]

So..? |Kakashi Hatake X Civilian! Reader| HC

Summary: Kakashi finally musters up the courage to ask you out.

Warnings: Nothing, really. Pretty tame. Civilian reader.

Masterlist Ko-fi

- - - - -

You worked in the hospital. It was nothing spectacular; the shifts are long, it can get a bit over crowded, and sometimes you don't even have time for a meal, but it's honest work.

You were decent with medical ninjutsu. You could heal cuts and bruises, but anything more was outside your skill set.

You have your fair share of regulars, Kakashi being one of them.

Sometimes, he's in and out - just there for a few stitches or a mandatory check-up after a long mission. Sometimes it's longer, like after his battle with Itachi or the Kazekage's retrieval.

You scold him every time for being reckless.

"Kakashi, you know what happens when you overuse your sharingan. Can't you at least try to be a bit more careful?"

He always dismisses you, promising that everything he does it put of 100% necessity.

You roll your eyes and fix him up regardless.

Its a lucky thing that you always end up taking care of him, or at least you think it is.

He's actually using his social pull to end up wherever you are. Kakashi Hatake, the copy cat ninja, is very well known and has earned more favors than he could ever cash in.

He remembers the first time he met you - it was several years ago, in this very hospital. He'd been injured during one of his Anbu missions and needed some critical care.

The hospital was swamped that day, and you were new. He could tell by how anxious you were. It was lucky that you had ended up with him, someone who wasn't picky about his treatment and wasn't bothered by nerves.

There was something about you, though he wasn't sure what. Yes, you're pretty, but he's seen lots of pretty girls. Maybe it was the confidence you emitted despite the cluster of the environment. Maybe it was the gentle way you touched him as yo wrapped his arm or the feeling of your chakra on his skin.

Either way, it stuck with him, and all the feelings he felt have only intensified over time.

Which is where we are now.

Eventually, he sees you outside of the hospital. A rare sight, really. He's perfectly healthy, between missions, and not being dragged around by his students for once.

Your last shift of the week just ended. You're carrying home your weekly grocery haul when he spots you and basically demands to carry some most of your bags.

He tries to chat you up, along about work, hobbies... potential partners?

"So what have you been doing outside of work, hm? Interesting... I see. And you do all of this by yourself, or..?"

You laugh, knowing he's fishing for specific information. He already knows you pretty well after seeing him so often at work. Maybe he forgot that fact in his stupor.

However, slick Kakashi thinks he's been all this time, knock it down by 60%.

You may not be a shinobi like him, but you're very well aware of people.

"No, Kakashi, I don't have a boyfriend."

He plays it off. Shoving his hands in his pockets and pretends not to be borderline giddy at this newfound information.

Once you reach your apartment, you have no problem allowing him entry so he can set your groceries down on your counter.

He looks around while you put things away. Everything embodied you perfectly. The plants, the color scheme, the decor. It was perfect.

Once you're finished, he becomes nervous again.

"So..."

"So?" You ask expectantly.

"Would you wanna meet up with me sometime? As a thank you for all you've done for me over the years, of course."

"Of course," you mock him lightly, crinkling your nose.

"I'd love to."

He let's out an animated breath.

"I'll pick you up tonight at 6? We can head to..."

The plans are set. Now, it's just a matter of patience before this long-awaited date.

Although you've been looking forward to this day for so many years, the anxiety is still there, and you're wondering how it'll go and if he likes you.

Little did you know he's having the same thoughts.

What if you didn't like him? What if he just damaged your friendship (could it even be called that considering how confined they had been to the hospital?) and now he's lost someone else because he's stupid?

Only time will tell, so may as well just shove down the nerves and prepare for what could be the beginning of something great.

[crumpetz]

a little update on the progress of The Big Road Home

it has been so long since i made a post that i had to figure out what to click on all over again lol. this week it hit me that ppl follow me specifically for fic upates and it just slipped my mind that i could be saying more. i have, like, internet social anxiety, and just default to never saying anything most of the time.

anyway, i'm really happy to report that progress on the fic has really moved along recently. for anyone who doesn't know, i have long covid and the brain fog has really interfered with my writing process. i originally taught myself to write using a certain system where i kept a lot of things in my head at once, and since losing that ability, i've been relearning how to write in a way my current self can do. which especially has sucked for the fic and where it left off, because the part i stopped at was actually a huge group of scenes scattered through multiple otherwise completed chapters that i was saving for later (before i got long covid). because even in my peak condition with my brain capable of keeping all the details straight, those scenes were still so challenging and important to get right that i wanted to wait until i was feeling extra sharp lol. so yeah, i've been basically having to reread my entire fic over and over every time i wanna figure out how to add in like one small part of all the things i've gotta cover (and thanks to the brain fog, on average, i'm capable of thinking thru all that maybe three days out of every month if i'm lucky?)

so, all that rereading and getting the details and characters consistent finally has been paying off, because i reached the stage this past week where i could finally bring it all together. the final product is going to be less seamless than what i'd originally intended, but that's just a given now that my brain is different. and, full disclosure, the stuff that i'm talking about is exposition. which i think for most ppl reading my fic is more like information they just want to know and less something that needs to feel seamless in delivery, unlike character interactions and emotional arcs. so, the reality is that the exposition in the next handful of chapters is gonna be a little clunky, but the non-exposition stuff will all be like normal, with the same amount of care i usually work toward.

i don't want to assume when everything will be ready. final tweaks always take me longer than i'm expecting. but to put it into perspective, i spent the last 2-3 yrs (i forget how long it's been oh no) getting thru like 20 percent of what needed to be done. and then i just spent a few days last week getting through 60 percent. i'm gonna wait until the full set of chapters i'm working on is complete because i want to be able to post them without a long wait in between, and i want to take the time to really get the emotional beats right. but i guess if i had to say anything for sure, it would be that for the first time since i got long covid, i'm truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for this fic.

my final note is that the next set of chapters isn't the end of The Big Road Home btw. i forget if i ever mentioned this, but from the start, The Big Road Home was going to be three main parts. the first part with jason and tim being street kids together, then this part we're in with tim living with the Wayne's is part 2. there's gonna be a whole 3rd part coming. idk how long it'll be, lol. it's the only part i haven't written a single word of because i've kind of been saving it as a treat.

thanks for your patience and encouragement all this time. as i said, i have pretty awful social anxiety on the internet and don't reply to ppl who reach out nearly as often as i want to. but every kind word or fanart or playlist or thoughtful comment on stuff you noticed etc etc has really carried me through the past few yrs. i can't tell you how many times i was spiraling, feeling like i might not be able to figure out how to write the next part with my current limitations, and one of you said something so lovely and encouraging, and i'd just suddenly have it in me to give it another try.

[woso-dreamzzz]

End of the World VI

Ruesha Littlejohn x Child!Reader

Summary: Your accidents

At first, when Rue heard that you had started to get accidents, she blamed Katie.

It was happening at Katie's house. It was Katie's problem so it must have been Katie's fault.

She didn't think it would be a problem at her house but, as she sits with you on her chest in the middle of the night, she finds out she was wrong.

It wasn't a Katie problem and it wasn't just happening at Katie's house.

You'd just rather sleep in your wet bed than tell Rue and bother her in the night when she's meant to be sleeping.

Clearly, this bed-wetting is worse than Rue thought and she feels absolutely terrible about sweeping away Katie's concerns. She was so unbothered after deciding it was Katie's problem that she hadn't even considered it was happening at hers too.

"Katie," Rue says the next morning after you're clipped into Katie's car and the door is shut," What make is your baby monitor?"

Katie frowns. "Why?"

"Because I want to get one too, obviously."

Katie keeps frowning but she still replies," I'll send you the link."

Rue orders it as soon as Katie texts her. It takes her a while to set it up (she's a big believer in institutions being unneeded and threw them away before she'd even plugged the monitor in) but once it's done, she's sure that it'll come in handy.

It's what Katie uses to catch when you've had an accident and if Katie can work out how to use it then Rue can too.

You're returned to her the next week and Rue catches an accident every night like clockwork. Sometimes more than once and she can't believe that she missed it if it was happening this often.

It's not a little slip either.

It's a big step backwards to the point that she's started putting you in pull ups whenever you go to bed and whenever you go out after one time too many times when you forgot to tell her that you needed the toilet while at training.

It was humiliating for you.

Everything was humiliating. The pull ups. The accidents. The vicious back and forth between your mothers.

They don't speak bad about each other when you're around. Or, at least, they don't speak bad about each other when they know you're around.

Sometimes, when you're meant to be in bed, you sneak out and listen to your mothers complain about each other.

You don't know why Ma and Mammy don't like each other anymore. They used to love each other. They used to love each other enough to have you.

Now they can barely stand to look at each other and they're both breaking the most sacred rule.

If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

It bubbles up inside you, keeping what Ma says about Mammy a secret and keeping what Mammy says about Ma a secret too.

It swirls and stews somewhere deep in your belly until it all comes out one evening at Mammy's house after an uncharacteristic third accident of the night.

It bubbles out until you're sobbing about everything, stemming back all the way from that rainy evening when Ma tried to take you away with her the night she and Mammy broke up officially.

It bubbles out and you scream and cry in just your pull up and a sleep shirt.

It bubbles out and you scream and cry until Katie and Rue are in the same room together for the first time in a while.

You're at the park with Caitlin, taken away from this inevitable mess.

"It's both of our faults," Rue suddenly admits, very much against her will," Her bed wetting. We're not nice to each other and it doesn't work well with her nervous disposition."

"I agree," Katie says. She glances out the window, unwilling to look at her ex.

"So we agree, yes?"

"Yes."

"So...What do we do about this?"

Katie sighs, still unwilling to look. Rue's not looking at her either so at least it's mutual. "I guess we stop slagging each other off to other people."

Rue sighs too. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Do we take her to the doctor?"

"If she's keep wetting by the end of the month then, yeah, I think so."

Katie nods. "So, we're putting whatever this rivalry is aside to her?"

Rue huffs with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah, I guess so."

[gemmascouts]

TILE TRANSITION TUTORIAL

a couple of people have asked me for a tutorial on how I did the penultimate gif in this set, so here goes! this is my first tutorial, so please feel free to reach out with further questions if anything's unclear.

note: this tutorial assumes you know the basics of gifmaking, can create the base gifs, and are familiar with timeline mode.

STEP ONE: create the base gifs! I'd recommend staying between 25-40 frames for each gif, since the transitions we'll use later tend to increase gif sizes. these are the ones I'll be using for this tutorial:

STEP TWO: create the guide layouts for both base gifs. for this panel, I chose a 4x4 grid — I would recommend keeping the number of "tiles" low because it can get tedious, but have a minimum of 9 (3x3 grid).

now your canvas should look like this:

STEP THREE: create the tiles. this is where the going gets rough; there might be easier ways to do this that I couldn't think of 😭 if there are any please send me an ask!

essentially, in this step we'll cut up the base gifs into smaller squares so that each tile can be manipulated separately when we put both gifs together. to do this, first create a square using the rectangle tool and the guides. then duplicate the base gif, move it above the square, apply a clipping mask, and then convert the clipped gif and square (selected in the image below) into one smart object.

ALTERNATELY: you could duplicate the original base gif and use layer masks to isolate tiles. create a layer mask for the duplicated gif layer and, with the layer mask selected, drag your mouse over a square (using the guide layout) and press delete. then press ctrl/cmd + i to invert the layer mask so that the gif only shows in the square of your choosing.

now repeat until you've got the entire gif in tiles, and do the same for the other gif!

since the transition effect is achieved by staggering the crossfades for each tile of the final gif, you can cheat by having multiple tiles "flip" at a time, ideally no more than four. this means you need to cut the base gif up into fewer pieces. to do this, simply draw multiple squares instead of one and then merge the shapes, before duplicating and clipping the gif onto them.

if you do this, it's essential to remember that you have to divide both gifs up in the exact same way. each piece of the b/w gif has to correspond to a piece of the purple gif!

this is what the layers look like for each gif once I'm done:

I have them lettered so that it'll be easier to match them up in the next step.

STEP FOUR: this is the complicated bit that took me two days to figure out. I'll do my best to explain but don't hesitate to reach out if something isn't clear!

to begin, open up a new psd and import both base gifs into it. (remember to click "create video timeline" and ensure that your gifs are all in order before proceeding.)

now, the trickiest part about this transition is ensuring that all the little tiles sync up so that the larger gif is coherent. so first we'll create some markers (just empty layers) to ensure that everything lines up as it should. — marker 1: at about halfway through the first gif (b/w in this case) — marker 2: at about a quarter of the gif length — marker 3: close to the end of the gifs

at this point we're ready to start bringing in the tiles. I'm going to delete the base gifs from this new psd just to keep things cleaner!

first thing to do is import my b/w tile. move the timeline slider over to marker 1 and split the first gif. (if it helps, rename the split gifs and add (start) and (end) to the two halves.) then, move the (end) half to the beginning of the timeline, and the (start) half to line up with marker 3.

the purple tile is easier to manage. simply import it into the psd and line it up with marker 2.

your timeline should now look like this:

notice the overlap between the gifs at their beginnings and ends — this is where you'll be able to cascade the tiles flipping, so it helps to have a significant amount of overlap.

crop the three gifs for this tile as you see fit! since this is the first tile I want to flip from b/w to purple, I'll crop gif 1a (end) all the way to the current position of the timeline slider (red line with blue tip) and leave the beginning of gif 2a uncropped. for the flip from purple to b/w, I'll crop both gifs a bit.

once that's done, drag all three gifs onto the same level in timeline so they form a video group. your timeline should look something like this:

now you just repeat the process for all the other tiles! as long as you made sure that all the tiles in one gif correspond with tiles in the other gif in step three, this should be a fairly painless process. make sure to crop the starts/ends of the gifs separately so that they don't all flip together.

this is what my layers look once I've done all the tiles:

and the gif!

STEP FIVE: transitions! click on the half-white square (top right of the left column in the timeline, beside the scissors) and select the crossfade transition, then drag it between two gifs in a video group. it should create a two-triangle symbol and shorten the overall length of the video group.

apply the transition to all the tile flips, ensuring that the duration of all transitions is constant. this can sometimes be tricky because ps likes to change the duration of each transition, so right click on the transition symbol and manually change all your transition durations to be the same.

your layers should now look something like this:

STEP SIX: draw the grid. bring back the guide layout from step two and using the line tool (I like 2px thickness), trace the grid. adjust opacity as you see fit (50-80% is usually a good idea), so that the canvas looks like this:

STEP SEVEN: export and celebrate! you're done!

I hope this tutorial made sense and was easy to follow, and happy giffing! my inbox is always open for any questions <3

[artbyblastweave]

Draft a proposal to fix the x-men.

To the extent that the X-Men need to be fixed, the problem, more than probably any other superhero, is that they never fucking end; they can't end. Every civil rights movement they've ever been pegged as a metaphor for has made some kind of forward progress over the decades, but the people who can fly are somehow stuck on a treadmill. We're on the sixth or seventh "mutants on the brink of extinction" scenario; McKay just did, what, the fourth instance of Xavier Fucking Off Forever, For Real This Time, Pinkie Promise? Even if it was objectively incredibly well written it can't claw its way out from under the weight of the fact that it's all been done. And it'll be done again. Making it a single, finite story that fucking ends, or at least advances the fucking setting, is all that actually needs to happen. X-Men: Evolution but it runs for five seasons and gets to tie everything up. Claremont took a stab at this with X-Men: The End, although I haven't read it and can't attest to its quality one way or another. And, of course, Ultimate Marvel made them a finite property in its own roundabout, widely despised way.

Option two, (really option 1.5 since these aren't mutually exclusive) is to make the story an explicit period piece, ideally either in the 1960s or the 1980s. The 1980s would allow you to tap into and play with the zeitgeist that produced the version of the team that people actually give a shit about (which, come to think of it, is what X-Men 97 is already doing;) it's also the point at which the Marvel timeline really started to terminally arrest into comic-book time; the ANAD lineup have been around for fifty years but they're still the New Guys, to me. Positioning the X-Men as the comparative New Kids on the Block compared to the old guard of the Avengers, Fantastic Four and so on lets you pin the disparity in their public treatment of mutant and non-mutant heroes as the result of the increased saliency of mutants from the mid-70s onward. Claremont's run was already deliberately plugged into the politics of the back half of the cold war in a lot of different ways; Magneto as an aging concentration-camp survivor turned mutant Zionist, Storm having been orphaned by French Bombers during the Suez crisis, evil televangelists as antagonists, a whole mess of stuff with a lot of historical specificity.

If not the 1980s, my other pick would be to set the thing in the 60s. Mutants are fundamentally a product of the atomic age, fleetingly and hand-wavingly identified as the delayed byproduct of the testing and use of nuclear weaponry, but 60s X-Men really weren't engaging with the politics of any of that; or really any kind of complicated politics at all; it wasn't a civil rights metaphor except retroactively. But in this pitch it could be more directly plugged into that political moment, ideally in tactful and non-stupid ways. There's tons of ways in which the non-metaphorical minorities at the heart of the civil rights movement bore the brunt of American nuclear testing and similar scientific misadventures; the idea that mutants were created by the same government now frantically trying to oppress the cat back into the bag is a pitch with a lot of legs. Ultimate Marvel understood this, although the idiom was filtered through the lens of genetic engineering is the new nuke, and nobody liked the punchline because Jeff Loeb delivered it in the trainwreck that was Ultimatum. Deniz Camp has implemented similar ideas to what I'm talking about here on the Hulk side of things, with the New Ultimate She-Hulk being the byproduct of illicit gamma bomb testing on Pacific Islanders. To cap this all off I've mentioned before that a 1960s retrofuturistic nuclear age X-Men would act as a great foil to a 1930s-situated first wave of heroes- Teenaged Rebels and Heartthrobs on the heels of the Greatest Generation. It could be made to rhyme.

[b0tster]

As a "not contract bound" dev who works on a project that you are (I assume) completely in control of, how do you choose the release date and why'd you choose one before finishing the project? Asked not in a "why'd you do that to yourself" way but in a "I wanna understand what's the logical process behind it, maybe it is smart to do it and I wanna know why".

I thought that it'd be logical to first have a finished thing and then say that it'll be released at "date_name_wgenever", instead of setting a certain date and then crunching yourself to fit it. But maybe it helps you somehow to not overwork yourself on the project thinking that if you have all the time in the world, why not add a thing or two, which results in project taking forever to be marked complete, or maybe you just have a pet birthday at that date and wanna make it symbolical lol, idk.

let me be clear here

i am not crunching on bbkart, or any of my projects for that matter

---

now, with that out of the way, time to talk about time frames and productivity. our labor doesnt operate on a linear scale. spending a decade on a game compared to a year will not mean that that game will be 10 times bigger. humans just dont work like that.

something ive picked up over the years is that productivity is like a gas: it will expand to fit the box its put in.

if u give urself infinite time, the gas will just dissipate. but of course if u squeeze it into a release thats too tight, u get an explosion (crunch).

now, im more of a 'find the fun' kinda developer. i make my tools and mechanics based on a loose concept and then decide what the game will be after once i have everything in front of me. in that initial period i do not set a release date, its impossible to predict how a games dev cycle will play out, so i dont bother and just focus on finding whats fun.

once the final game actually starts to take shape, i am capable of making an informed decision on how much labor is needed to finish, and i set an internal date that i do not make public. once im a few months out from that date, i will make an adjustment if neccesary (both bbpsx and kart had their internal date pushed back by a month) and then announce it. that sets it in stone and I have a runway to release.

mark darrah (bioware) talks about something he calls the 'hockey stick', which is the idea that once u get to a certain point, completion urgency kicks in and u get the drive to make the decisions neccesary to finish the game. cut this, reroute focus to that, crunch on this (dont do that last one, ever, but its important to bring up where crunch manifests. some advice: you either cut or you crunch. choose cut).

darrah talks about how to trigger completion urgency (one example is making a demo, be it publically released or exclusive to an event) and the fact of the matter is that a deadline will do it. of course, if completion urgency kicks in too close to the deadline, you get crunch, but if it kicks in earlier u will get things done in a way that doesnt leave permanent damage on your body and mind.

i know this is a very long winded answer, but i hope i was thorough enough to explain the benefits of setting a deadline and how that doesnt always have to end in crunch, like the question implied.

[carfuckerlynch]

I think I need John darnielle to stop making music so specifically applicable to my life. that's a lie I never want it to stop but it can be a lot to be deal with when you've got "what will I do when I don't have you, when I finally get what I deserve?" and "I don't know why I'm so persuaded that, if I think things through, long enough and hard enough, I'll somehow get to you" and "now you see me, now you don't, now you say you love me, pretty soon you wont" and "I don't mean it when I tell you that I don't love you anymore" and "I am this great unstable mass of blood and foam and no one in her mind would make my home her home" and "lord send me a mechanic, if I'm not beyond repair" and "I am healthy, I am whole, but I have poor impulse control. and I want to go home, but I am home" and "there will goodbyes by the dozens, so practice being brave" and "god bless all my old friends, and God bless me, too; why pretend?" and "hold my hopes underwater, stand there and watch them drown" and "the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you, and thar you're standing in the doorway" and "sad and angry, can't learn how to behave; still won't know how in the darkness of the grave" and "friends who don't have a clue, well meaning teachers. but down in your arms, in your arms, I am a wild creature" and "locking eyes, holding hands: twin high-maintenance machines" and "lean in close to my little record player on the floor— so this is what the volume knob is for" and "but one of these days I'm gonna wriggle up on dry land" and "I'm gonna get my perfect body back someday. if not by faith, then by the sword, I'm going to be restored" and "headed somewhere better if I have to crawl there on all fours. say your prayers to whomever you call out to in the night. keep the chains tight. make it through this year if it kills us outright" and "come on in, we haven't slept for weeks. drink some of this, it'll put color in your cheeks" and "I will bloom, here in my room, with a little water and a little bit of sunlight, and a little bit if tender mercy, tender mercy" and "stay till you can breathe like normal people do; I've got room in my house for you" and "no town more barren than our town, no haven safer than the one they tore down, no greater love than to lay my life down for a friend, no sweeter pleasure than to see the credits clear through to the end" and "save yourselves, save this town. save everything not nailed down" and "buzzing razor held aloft and just about to strike. I loved you before I even ever knew what love was like" and "and I feel guilty but I can't feel ashamed" and "break the lock on my own garden gate when I get home after dark" and "blood calls to blood as the hours draw down. invent my own family if it comes to that. hold them close, hold them near, tell them no one's ever going to hurt them here" and "and it was hard but you were brave, you are splendid" and "try, try your whole life to be righteous and be good; wind up on your own floor, choking on blood" and "and some days I don't miss my family, and some days I do. and some days I think I'd feel better if i tried harder, most days I know it's not true" and "and the world, in its cold way, started coming alive" and "I saw the mess you left up in the east bedroom: a tiger's never gonna change its stripes I guess, I guess, but Jesus, what a mess" and "set the table, those three extra places: one for me, one for your doubts, one for god" and "you've done something awful— I've done something worse" and and and a