#now the other 2 are causing Problems.
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not afraid of dentists thankfully. afraid of a lot of stuff but not dentists. wary of new ones? yes. but if ive been going there a while its easy no problem
#like my last appt was scary i just met the guy and he ripped some teeth out#they needed to come out. which i knew. and is the only reason i agreed bc he did NOT explain or communicate at all#but every dentist ive seen since i was like 16 has said that all 4 of my wisdom teeth need OUT.#getting 2 out helped a lot.#now the other 2 are causing Problems.
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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wish i could give you a hug about your migraines and medication struggles. you deserve to be cared about accommodated
thank you <3 to be clear so far i haven't encountered anyone who's been uncaring or unaccommodating about it. i'm mostly just frustrated at...not necessarily myself, i guess, but at the mere fact of experiencing new existential challenges in my daily life. it's hard and scary to admit that i'm struggling, it's hard to ask for help, and it's hard to do so with the knowledge that most people have very little real way to help other than going "that's rough, buddy"
#sasha answers#anon#'existential challenges' ie namely coming to realize that my migraines are a bigger problem for me than i thought#and that my most recent medication adjustment in the effort of preventing migraines is causing different (arguably more pressing) problems#by making me. just. so tired. like not the usual 'in grad school and working 2 jobs and playing oboe' tired that i'm used to#but 'slept in til almost noon; got groceries; and felt like i needed to take a nap immediately after' tired.#'weeks behind on assigned readings' tired. 'turned in an assignment days late' tired#and beyond just being drowsy and physically exhausted i'm not thinking as quick as i usual am.#i don't think i've understood what brain fog really felt like til now but i really feel like i'm just. out of focus now#like realizing you need to wear glasses suddenly. although i've been wearing literal glasses for a decade and a half by now lol#anyway. i appreciate your care#this is all quite new to me. and i suspect a product of my most recent medication adjustment#since my symptoms line up with the common side effects and reported anecdotal experiences of other users of this particular med#i messaged my doctor about it for advice. so hopefully i can do something about it soon#and re: 'most people can't help' i mean to say that i live alone and have to like cook and clean and take care of myself alone#and the world outside of my brain is also experiencing some crazy bull shit that's just added stressors for myself and everyone else#from my university going through. some stuff. and the country. Also Going Through Some Stuff Right Now#it's a lot. and even if a professor says 'this assignment doesn't have a hard deadline' or a coworker offers to cover a couple hours for me#well it's appreciated surely but there's a lot more going on that they can't control y'know#anyway. tmi again#i'm going to heat up some more food for myself and try to get to bed early#i probably won't get to the assignments i wanted to work on tonight. but so it goes
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haha once again my dad shows me he could not give a fuck about my issues with audio or me because he's got the tv unnecessarily loud again :)
#🍊.txt#i turned it down myself the other day and he once again said 'its only on 6' and im like yes and like ive said before#i can feel the bass in my floor#i can hear it over my headphones#i can hear every word and explosion and EVERYTHING happening#i ask him to put it on 5 because its managable and its still loud for him but its not violently making me anxious and overwhelmed#its one number difference im not asking him to put it on 2#ive just text him like do you specifically ignore me when i tell you it causes me problems or does he want me to key his car#because at this fucking point i will#im going to go insane and it will get worse because i will be at work all week now and then when im home he will be too#i wont get time away from him any more#he keeps referring to me as the cats mommy too even when ive said hey dont do that i dont like it it makes me uncomfortable#everything i ask him not to do CONSTANTLY he keeps doing#i need to win the lottery so i can pay off my debts and move far far FAR away from my family and this city and everyone i know or im going#to end up right where i started wanting to off myself again#my personal life is made so much harder bc no one gives a fuck about me or accommodating me#i have to stay closeted else id get torn to shreds#i cant unmask bc i cant even get respected enough to stop anything that makes me uncomfortable and anxious#im so fucking sad man its such stupid shit to be upset about too god
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STRONGLY considering injecting amity into the princess luz AU bc i know Exactly where she'd fit but the problem is that if i do that then i KNOW i'll fall down a fucked-up hyperfixation rabbit hole that only interests like six people at best. bc the amity-luz-hunter dynamic remains my kryptonite. i'm diseased about it. oooooh god oooh my god. oh my god. i have. Thoughts.
#lumiter is kryptonite the same way rodamnessy is. triad of genderweird fucked up gay people being every flavor of platonic romantic and#secret third thing. dynamics that GET ME.#may elaborate on thoughts in a little while but i need to clean now.#'gay people' meaning 'two genderweird bisexuals on opposing gender spectrum sides who love an abrasive gay asshole with a heart of gold#despite all the problems the three of them constantly cause each other'. two nickels. etc#toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#and who is that other witch#lumity#i still need a lumiter specific tag. bc i dont wanna clutter the tag with non-romo shipping but it's also like.#not just a best buddies group 2 me either.#hmm you know what. if my luz hunter tag is themed after ronanessy... and lumiter are rodamnessy...#shitty idiot repression gang#YEAH GOAL THERE WE GO#(my rodamnessy tag is 'shitty idiot deflection gang.')
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dude with the stink i saw everyone in the comments throwing about cyrus's death i thought the ruling on chromatic orb was what killed him. but it wasn't, it was getting attacked by the giant fucking spider afterwards. and like you can make the argument that "well if the chromatic orb hadn't hit he wouldn't have gone down" like y'all. the party was up against a literal god. "it was unfair blah blah blah" yeah that's the point. when mortals tangle with the gods they lose. the DM had so many tools at her disposal to get the outcome she wanted, one stray hit did not make a difference.
#cr3#like yeah its not the way cr is normally run#but like#it's meant to be a small breather to parallel the journey bh is going through atm#and underscore the themes of the larger campaign#sometimes. dnd isn't fair. and that's the point.#multiple dms in cr history have put the party in unwinnable scenarios but its suddenly a problem#“chromatic orb doesn't work that way” we literally just finished a whole arc where trying to cast sending caused psychic damage#show me in the PHB where it says that's how sending works#like idk it just feels like complaining abt every minor unfair ruling during the crownkeepers interlude is massively missing#1. the main theme of the entire campaign#2. the reason that interlude even happened in the first place#ppl are like “well why play dnd at all then”#because its fun and it would be silly to make everyone learn a new system for 3 hours of game time#because if the players just sat there and narrated the whole thing people wouldn't be any less pissed off#the fact that people think the DM was being unnecessarily adversarial even though other DMs have ALSO gotten playfully mean at times#like hm i wonder why it's suddenly a problem now#im not using names bc i dont want ppl to find this in the tags
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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fic ramblings ignore me
#you guys remember all's fire. how i spent 2 months talking about nothing but that fic and how it was my baby and i loved it#yeah so that was actually the first fic i wrote that 160k monstrosity. so naturally i dont like it now but im still fond of it#listen the writing is.... questionable at times and there's purple prose enough to drown a man and there's just so many unnecessary scenes#bc i would throw in any scene i thought of that i found cute or Meaningful frankly JSJSJSJS#but yeah my problem being. i make it private then public every now and again cause i cant personally bear to look at it but damn#i wrote that in 2 months. blood sweat and tears. just leave it out there kai!!#bc i was just reading a fic that had a scene set in the jacques in boston and just went 😭😭😭😭😭 that was their home!!!!#so anyway. its public again LMFAO#maybe if the hyperfixation hits hard enough i can edit the other 70k fic sitting in my drafts about them meeting before the war#which i ALREADY REWROTE ONCE.#somebody help this woman shes unwell
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there is undeniable opportunity to make bellum x linebeck fucked up but i dont have it in me. im a sucker for it just being fine with a side of like. light nautical crimes against nature but i cant make it toxic or w/e after a certain point. theyre chilling
#bellum x linebeck#salty talks#this is a light hearted post btw this is me celebrating enjoying making it soft at the end of the#the fucked up stuff is reserved for whatever happens during possession and also when theyre not romantically involved#ie. a lot of my aus. tbh tho they do also border on romantic? in a ‘canon’ ph or ph adjacent setting theyre just chilling#theres nothing straight up like really toxic with those bc 1 not my thing and 2 woulsnt really add anything imo#like i do think they can just strike up an agreement to not screw with each other and bellum figures he doesnt need to mess with linebeck#its the bonus of bellum can’t verbally communicate without showing that he has a human form#anyways. ive decided i cant actually warch gravity falls until i finish the fic anyways#i need to be able to say i havent seen it while i write this fic. there are too many possible connections i need this#also like. the most impact gravity falls has actually had on my life has been me seeing those twink humanizations of bill years ago#and that therefore being the main fucking reason why ive been fighting tooth and nail to get to the bellum humanization i have now#that fucker has caused me so many problems and i only recently found out what his fucking voice sounds like#anyways surprise surprise the person writing this fic for self indulgent reasons is catering heavily to themselves#tbh in post this fic and post ph (where its less like theyre dating and more like he occasionally makes it a polycule)#all of the bad shit is gotten out of the way before anything actually starts#with the aus where its a little more fucked its more just like. homoerotic. with different relationships around it#THO i do feel like theres somehow a pressure to make it fucked up? cuz its the default yknow. but i dont rlly like that so no#i think its more interesting for the work to be put in for it to be decent. i mean square one is bellum using linebeck as disposable bait
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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oh boy the depression hole is deep and it is muddy
hahaha I fell into the classic trap! overidentify with your job and considering leaving it will trigger an existential crisis!!!!
#red said#i think it's really fucking happening#i got lunch with my work bff yesterday. she's seriously looking for her next thing.#2 other people in our 9 man team have told me in confidence they're looking elsewhere as well#the work bff is a team manager and she's like yeah I'm helping everyone buff up their CVs and think about what they want#and i. do not think my boss is coming back.#she's extended her mat leave by 2 months already. i think she stepped away and realised. rightly. there's more to life than this shit.#it's not that the organisation is downsizing or any of us are in danger of redundancy#but the vibe has changed big time. it's so much more corporate and less interested in lived experience.#i think the proportion of people in senior management who have even second hand experience with homelessness is shrinking#like the last time our CEO did frontline work was like 1990. and they're expanding the management team constantly#but they're all outside hires and not people who've done frontline or community work. they're the career charity worker types.#the only things keeping me are. i want to at least get to that initial union open meeting and get the ball rolling enough#that it might have a cat's chance in hell of happening without me#and i want to get gears turning in the EDI group to get a commitment a) to acknowledge that we have a whiteness problem#and b) i want to use the funding for LGBTQ inclusion work to kickstart a project where we convene a cross-sector working group#maybe quarterly. where people working in homelessness and social support can discuss best practise for trans inclusivity#in one of the sectors where trans people are most disadvantaged in seeking support#but like if i can get movement on those things I'm fucking gone. cause the bits of my job that are my actual job?#i am getting nothing out of it now
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life is falling through my fingers more that usually
#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january#and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof)#2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression#like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else#and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore#like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying#and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either#ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved#oh thank god#i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself#esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel#like such a pathetic idiot my god#also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure#from silly things to more serious ones#like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one#the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid#so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or#thanked them etc#and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that#was it and idk where we stand#and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but#unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me#i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange#also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever#📓#niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć
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#i was so overwhelmed the other day having so many things to do and now i've had to add 2 more to the list#(it's work so i'm not complaining. i will never complain about work. i'm poor. i need the money)#but now i'm so horribly overwhelmed and guilty about the things i'm not doing#and also procrastinating which isn't like SUUUPER normal for me... which scares me#cause most of my life my high levels of anxiety made me really responsible#cause i can't rest until i've done the thing that needs doing (or until i know for a fact i will finish it on time)#but i have a deadline on monday for a contest entry and i spent all night playing sims last night...#and i'm not even half way done with the piece#and i will have work to do in the middle of ti#and also my fucking animatic that i sort of abandoned#(and the book i definitely abandoned months ago that i need to get back to PLEASE)#and i'm just sitting here doing none of it and screaming in my head to please do it#I think the main problem is that i don't like my contest entry so i don't see the point on finishing#(which i will cause i have no time to think of something else and start from scratch now)#and also the animatic is kinda looking shit...#so i need to get my head in the fucking game and start finishing all these things or so help me god!#dfjgkdhfkg#anyways little vent beore getting on with my work... sorry about that#angel talks#personal
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so funny thing, trying to doodle roy and sara looks vaguely like if i was trying to draw show percabeth without a refference lmaoo (before coloring)
#(mostly roy´s fault bc i softened his features a lot on his last redesign)#but sara isnt *helpinggg* she´s always had big poofy hair; but with the edits i did to her backstory#it´s make sense she´d go for a more practical hairstyle like leah´s hjgdhfjhdjfhd#anyways this caused a pjo au to pop in my brain which i find rlly funny#then again now that i´m thinking abt it; she´s exactly the type of girlie who would show up with a different style every time she´s spotted#so maybe that´s not even a problem actually#whoops- forgot i wasn´t working with blair (ponytails and hair claws girlie); yea we good i think#shut up sheo#i´m procastinatingggg!!!#oc talk#west coast#high key obsessed w her going on a revenge mission and packing an entire suitcase of hair supplies#plus 2 other ones of outfits#like yeah she´s having a terrible time but she´s also just a 15 year old kid who loves cute stuff and misses her parents#<- reason the sara+roy duo is amazing in ma brain
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i fucking hate tarot
#simple 1 2 3 drawing#if you can guess what i asked the cards you may call me laura cause im on my way to get hrt#ye fuck it#im trans#cant deny the cards#look at me mom im a witch now#ok let me explain this with a very (disclaimer: very!) superficial reading:#1st the problem: literally barking at the moon - do i really have to explain that?#2nd the road forward: wanting to cross over to the other side - mmmh whatever could that mean#3rd what happens if im willing to walk that road: confidence control and the world in my hand#look even the hand holding one of the wands shifted between the second and the third card#and the held wand in the third card rests on the cross with lillies and roses which is a reference to alchemical transformation#you cant make this shit up#tarot#witchcraft
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hi snap ^^ your y3 stream inspired me to also do a speedrun of it but instead i got down the rabbit hole of reminiscing about the game and mostly mine and daigo and minedai and- anyways i went back to ur minedai works bc they're still some of my fav minedai stuff ever TM you just draw a specific flavor of minedai that's just the best
related to that (hopefully isnt a weird question but) do you have any fic recs for them 👀 i trust your judgement on having good taste on minedai fics. it's been a while since ive been to the tag lol and i always like reading people's recommendations (btw nsfw or not is fine. I'm Old)
im so sorry ive trapped you into doing y3 speedruns BUT FR THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN !!! it really is a fun run to do once you get the ball rolling lol...
i sometimes look at my old minedai stuff too i wont lie.... im very good at making things for myself to enjoy woah... but yeah do not be fooled... i still love them immensely.... so im glad those works still hold up for other people, it means a lot that theyre still good to an extent :)
as for fic recs not a weird question at all - happy birthday to this old thing i made back in august last year nothings changed LMAO
#snap chats#i need to make my fic rec a part of an faq at this point ive been asked bout it four times now im p sure#but yeah... you and me both anon i dont really read fanfiction anymore#when it comes to making minedai stuff tho its very funny to me#cause i be like 'am i making too much other stuff' when 1.) its not my job to make minedai stuff. i mean it could be--#2.) even with the amount of arakawa family stuff i post its still not even halfway to the amount of minedai and mine/daigo solo stuff i pos#the thing about liking 'less popular' characters and/or pairings is i feel weirdly responsible to draw them#tragic to the people who dont like me but like the pairing like LMAO SORRY. ONLY FOOD'S FROM ME BUSTER#with minedai tho thats not really a problem. i think ??#im ngl im also p particular bout how theyre portrayed and ik my way of doing it's kiiinda different#i mean i dont really see minedai works from western artists its mostly just eastern so if youre not in that scene uhh Oops <3#so its like. im comfortable knowing theres at least a handful of people still showin love to the boys when im not#ive talked about this like ninety times already so i wont go into it any more than i already have#anyway ty for enjoying my stuff whether its my cringe speedruns or my goofy minedai posts <3
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