#now it felt lacking
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Not me expecting to learn how Ageha and Mashiro met and not getting that shsjsjskks
#like it's glossed over and nore focused on that one moment whete they became friends#I felt this could have used further info to really hit for me#now it felt lacking#idk#glad we have full group transformation thou#aleira watches hiropre#discussions#hgs37#now off to rewatching mahopre with sis :D
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“You believe me like a god, I betray you like a man”
#have you ever gotten a random surge of creativity and lack of care in the world and just created for the sake of it?#YEAH THATS RIGHT#thaats what happened to me yesterday#this isn’t the best work I’ve done but tbh#it’s been like what..close to two years since I last drew a whole piece so yk#I love drawing#anyways had to get this pt of my head so that I could continue playing signalis (and probably draw stuff for it too)#this piece has been on my mind for months now but I never felt confident about it#maybe in the future I’ll draw it better but for now#I like it like this :) bc at least I drew it#anyways mindless rambles mindless rambles let’s all giggle#puella magi madoka magica#magica madoka#pmmm#homumado#madohomu#madoka kaname#homura akemi#YAY ^_^!#d0gart2
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I just beat Veilguard for the first time after about 100 hours, I give it a 5.7/10. I would’ve enjoyed it more if I hadn’t loved Dragon Age since 2009 and had this story not been one of the cornerstones of my life since I was a child
#against my better judgment I held it to a very high standard that could not have been reached#it was fun it had its moments but so much was lacking and there were too many rough edges for me to say I’m happy right now#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#da4#I’ve mentioned before that it felt like the heart of what made dragon age dragon age was gone and I’m saying that again#I think people who haven’t played the previous games would like it more#They don’t know what they’re missing and what beautiful thing this story could’ve been#I feel empty right now#A very deep and resounding ‘that’s it?’ is sitting in my heart#that being said time to play as a crow
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AUEGH
#ruby rose#rwby#obligatory tiny distressed ruby#my art#HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS#and holy shit it was the most awful by far#i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes#it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before.#i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad#also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners#which was very noticeable lol#im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore#BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES#IM DONE!!!#also my eyes are really red now for some reason#probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk#probably both#yeah i should go sleep now lol bye#ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao#sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd#but i should be more active around here again!
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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losing interest in life? finally start designing the ocs u fleshed out and made a whole world, personalities, and plot line for that you've worked on since 2014-2019
2 outta like 20 not even close to done 😎
#was thinking about them again recently and realized we've sort of abandoned them after we started getting better at art#we had originally picked up writing cuz back in 2014 we felt we lacked so much in art we could just write until we got good#then we just never drew them just obsessively wrote one shots big stories ect of them#not that we'd ever share cuz god cringe 😂#but since we've gotten better time to give our family some bodies 💕#wish we remembered jow to write cuz after we noticed improvement in art we focused on that then writing 😂#now we cant write shit#anywho#gotta change some things up about them cuz these babies were made when we were small and embarrassing but we're excited#mycel doodles#hope they can get us outta our stump 🙏#my ocs#oc art
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i saw that
I'm sorry tumblr user demilypyro for my strong opinions on the most popular girls name from 1996 to 2007 :( it WILL happen again #banthenameemily2024
#ok despite better judgement im going to be genuine the tags lol... when i was in middle school where was five. FIVE. Emily A's#so i couldnt even go by Emily A. I was Emily A 3. and i always felt like the outlier. the emily that was wrong.#it felt like a club i shouldnt have been a part of. none of the nicknames fit. no one would call me anything else.#i know. 2 or 3 trans women who go by emily now and im like#how do you find peace and comfort in an identity i never did#its strange that emily has always felt like a costume im wearing incorrectly and its the truth for other people#i think. for lack of a better terms#i have always been jealous of the fact people can change their names and have it stick. jealous of people how find happiness in womanhood.#anyway#you named yourself emily????#l + cringe +lmaooooo#I will be running for president under these terms
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shoutout to media with only one female character that’s just a vessel for a sexual assault and/or pregnancy plot line with very little or no characterization beyond that
#inspired by#mouthwashing#there’s other media this relates to#I’m just thinking a lot about this game right now#idk I love the game and its art direction and the story is still amazing#it just sucks that anya wasn’t as developed as the other characters#and felt like more of a tool to make jimmy more of an unsympathetic asshole#almost everything about her revolved around jimmy#I guess you could make an argument that since jimmy is an unreliable narrator that anya’s lack of character is how he views her#she’s nothing to him#but even the sections playing as curly she falls kinda flat and still involves jimmy#idk maybe I’m being too critical#I’m just kinda tired of plot lines like these#where women are reduced down to their trauma and that’s all they are#not saying they shouldn’t exist!! they are still valid stories#I just wish they had more tact#I understand though that this is an indie title with only so much time and resources to put into such a big project#and I understand that more time was probably put into the art direction and gameplay and coding than just some extra lines of dialogue
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Ok so I know that the other Holy Quintet girls have much more obvious/drastic changes to their costumes but THIS
IS SO CUTE AND WONDERFUL FOR HER!!!
#puella magi madoka magica#mahou shoujo madoka magica#madoka magica#pmmm#magical girl#scene 0#nagisa madoka magica#pmmm nagisa#nagisa pmmm#nagisa momoe#holy quintet#the brighter pink and darker brown looks so nice!!!#I might be biased because I love pink and brown (especially together)#but she looks so cute!!!#with her original design I always felt it lacked that extra “oomph” in the colours#but now her design is officially perfect!!!#the hat is especially lovely!!!#the brown and peach of her original is nice but this one suits my personal preferences more!!!
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Pharmacy worker, earlier today, also recommended me female doctor's blog. She writes a lot about the lack of iron in woman's blood / body. I've been reading the said blog now a bit, finally coming on symptoms (lack of iron). And guys, holy shit!
Tired, out of strength *
Dizziness / fainting *
Cold fingers and toes *
Muscles get tired, weaker recovery *
Restless feet *
Feeling of lacking air and increased heartbeat *
Difficulties to find words, stutter *
Wounds at the edges of your mouth, stinging on tongue
Stinging on feet
Hands and legs becoming numb
Bleeding and easily bruising *
Hair lost *
Weaker immunity system
Flaking nails *
Dry skin and itching *
Pale skin *
Trembling
"Brain fog" *
Behavioral disorders
Dryness of the eyes
Headache *
Sleep disorders *
Depression, Anxiety *
PICA symptom (the need to eat something which is not made to be eaten) I got 16 out of 24! To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I lacked iron. After all in my family we never ate anything else than potatoes, wheat and maybe some sausages. In my adulthood, I'm not eating much better... Blood test in next month will tell me more.
#text#neis life#healthy#lack of iron#raudanpuute#Ilona Ritola#No wonder I've felt like I feel#now I can't get over the thought that maybe I lack iron instead of having an actual depression??#and now then this makes me think that should I call to my doctor on Monday and talk about this with her?#Make her arrange my blood test sooner?#but it would have to be on next week before I go to visit my sis 5h trip away#it could come too soon
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After several Kafkaesque crises this week, I’ve finally had a revelation: I need to write more. Too often, I’ve allowed myself to become a slave to work or other kinds of despair, to the point that I push my own personal goals aside. Writing needs to be a priority, even if it’s just posting fanfic for you guys or little scraps of original writing in my own notebooks. Earlier this week, I considered giving writing up entirely.
Writing needs to be a priority because it brings me joy, and joy should be a priority.
#writeblr#writing#writing community#writers on tumblr#thoughts#kestal#I admit I’ve just felt really discouraged for a while now#not because of poor feedback or anything#just feeling like there’s a lack of time like it’s pointless#the point is joy
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never lay down in bed right after eating. don't think about staying on your phone for nearly two hours in that position. don't sleep either. acid reflux is real and i hate that guy
#uhhhh eat healthy and drink water etc etc#yknow. the exhausting but healthy things we gotta do to keep our silly billy bodies workin#i hate how this adds up to anxious thoughts djsfjdsbhjqklfehpiJADAASFGHJIOPA#i tried drawing today but it felt so draining and pointless#the floods + university strike + the cold + lack of routine + overall anxious thoughts but ig everyone is going through it too#i'm just glad my house is not under water now. my pets and things are all here and i do have blankets to warm myself with#but damn.#when your mind is not occupied with the routine it starts bothering you with unwanted thoughts#and it's not good when everyone else at home is going through the same stress#it feels just as hopeless and stressful as it was during the covid pandemic#in a way we are 'under quarantine' and isolated. unsure if it's gonna directly affect our lives.#i heard the water levels are rising quickly and people are coming in seeking public shelters...#lol idk how this went from acid reflux back to the floods. see that it's def something we can't stop worrying about rn.#what if i wake up with water on my ankles tomorrow? the videos we saw showed the water coming in so fast it's fucking scary#there was no way to just pack everything and move before it got worse.#starbstalks
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*lovingly tackles Aine*
Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽`)
Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—
*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3
#feedback#fan art#ainescribe#AIIINE ;-; once again. thank you so much!! it rlly means a lot to me that you enjoyed my writing and felt inspired to draw this :'>#and as someone who loves fashion and character design. it's so so interesting to analyze your version of savior#there's so much symbolism and visual storytelling in each sketch/ outfit and i shall now proceed to pick apart each detail as best as i can#her snezhnayan fit.....god i love it. it's regal. distinctively snezhnayan. and draws attention to her--and you just know that was pierro's#intention when he dressed her in those garments. IT'S JUST SO...!! savior's wardrobe scrubbed clean of her original culture and preferences#replaced with the foreign garments of her captor's nations.....in line with this. i love how her kokoshnik and khaenri'ahn earrings are big#and attention-grabbing. you can't look at her without taking note of those accessories. it begs the question:: how many times has savior#looked at the mirror after being dressed up in snezhnaya and was unable to recognize her own reflection?? :'>#also shoutout to some details aine shared with me: 1) the face marks are inspired by weeping angels 2) the kokoshnik was traditionally worn#by married noblewomen BUT the veil was normally for unmarried women so savior's outfit can be seen as a form of compliance + rebellion#(though later on in history it became accepted for married women to also wear that veil. also my apologies if what i said is inaccurate)#lastly shoutout to savior's expression!! very poised and mysterious....due to her emotional state or pierro's rules on how to act as his#spouse in public?? we'll never know~ the first drawing hits even harder when you compare it to the next one!! such an interesting contrast~#savior in her plain attire. casual and domestic with a smile on her face....i'm guessing this is her pre-fatui version?? she looks so warm#and friendly. and i can definitely understand why pierro fell for her smile <3#also i fucking love the caption. sorry pierro but you are cursed to be a loser/ simp/ pathetic man in all of my fics and AUs xD#NOW ONTO GODDESS! SAVIOR AAAHHHH!! i love the greek goddess motifs. she looks so regal and awe-inspiring but in a different way from her#snezhnayan attire--archaic. divine. and more suited to her personal style.....yet both versions of her look so painfully isolated :'>#her blank eyes. emotionless face. and veil give me the vibes of a spooky victorian ghost...or would a statue/ portrait be more fitting??#the lack of a necklace is also an interesting design choice given what happens in the fic. and now i realized i forgot to comment on your#version of her snezhnayan necklace oops. similar to the kokoshnik and earrings. the size + grandeur makes it impossible to ignore#that and big jewels = expensive af. ohhh and i love the sparkles on her veil!! pierro rlly spared no expense in dressing up his wifey <3#it's also funny how all of these outfits are similar to my own version in terms of 'savior wore grand clothing during her glory days as a#goddess -> wore simple attire after her decline for practicality and to blend in with humans/ disassociate from her old identity -> is now#dressed in even grander clothing as the harbinger's spouse. but it's used to reinforce her new identity and pierro's control over her'#tldr:: your design is so creative and i can see the effort you put in analyzing her character and depicting her based on your interpretatio#thank you for being my mutual + reader and i hope we can share even more harbinger/darling brainrot in the future :>
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just an fyi, and it feels like it needs to be said here: your blog is your own space and you should be able to say whatever the fuck you want. if you’re sad? vent. get sad. maybe put it under a cut, definitely tag it, but get sad. if you feel like you need someone to talk to? drop a freaking message about how you’re feeling like you could use a buddy, or anything randomly engaging. if you’re having a hard time, you should feel safe and okay to talk about it in your own space. we’re writers and we’re people and while there’s a lot to be said for how engagement outside of oneself is necessary in rp (and really really needs to improve), i think there’s a lot that must be said about people reaching out to others. it’s become so solitary here — the whole ‘reblog from source’ thing when it comes to shit like about and musings is absurd. the whole refusing to like things is ridiculous. yes, curate your space, that’s important, but curating your space into a studio apartment only you live in doesn’t make this a community anymore, it makes it a studio apartment you live in.
just be yourself here. do whatever you want. but i’m always saying: remember you’re not alone, and don’t let yourself feel that way.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[this is illogically worded and after an argument I’m already upset but I just felt like this has to be put here. it’s been sitting on my#brain for so long and it’s something i just wanted to discuss. the way the rpc has become not even an echo chamber just… a shitty ny#apartment only one person lives in that can fit your fridge and your bedroom in the same room. the way literal fandoms have divided each#other through nothing but massive senses of entitlement and so much gatekeepy fucking language. it’s exhausting to watch this happen#literally all because i have no idea where interaction went and yes I’ve been virtually inactive for months now but. it absolutely isn’t for#lack of trying to come back. it’s hugely due to a lack of interaction whenever I reach out and then the feeling like I’m being either#entertained or dismissed. this is a social space and we’re people and everybody just needs to recognize that. like. last week my introverted#broski started discussing how as he’s older he feels loneliness more tangibly but he hates people and i looked right at him and said …yeah#dude. that’s natural. we’re humans. we need each other to live. we need spaces we create and communities we make. but like. there need to be#interactive people in those spaces. we’re social creatures. i love you guys and this is a ramble but… it’s been on my mind awhile. and#frankly? feels kinda good to finally speak my mind.]
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#ngl i am feeling a little petty and also vindicated lol#for months we have seen all this insisting that carlos is gonna be a terrible cartoonishly neglectful husband#he doesn't care he isn't trying whatever whatever#and the actual storyline is.... he is trying his best. he's just struggling with everything he's balancing#he's doing his best to show up where he can and yes he has to work on that balance#but it's not out of a lack of trying and it's not because he doesn't love tk and it's not anything besides things are difficult#and tk loves him so much and wants him to be okay above all#some of the things that have been said about carlos were just meant to villainize him#that's all lol#and now that the storyline is over it would do some people good to sit with why they felt the need to speak that way#why that was where their minds went re: carlos#all we saw was him doing his best in a very difficult situation#we were given every reason to empathize with how hard he was trying#and yet.#sorry i'm clearly still pissed lmao#neha rambles
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