#now im left with the consequences
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ty random dust or wte for blocking solas' eye. in this heart hurting, sad moment. >[
#but seriously when they did that little look and headnod#i felt so so many feelings#omgoodness#kendis adaar pt#solas#blackwall#blackwall and solas#goodness. how they must have felt when they watched kendis 'die'#were they arrested right away?#from what i gather they made it out#did they bond over that? did they work closely together#so in synch#im sobbing#i was already having feelings over their dynamic#now THIS#i didnt think picking them as the two to go through#whew#now im left with the consequences#grapecase plays dai
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Eggman turned with a flourish. “Ah, that is why I’ve gathered you here. Metal?” He called over to where Metal hid waiting in the shadows. A good unveiling was always dramatic. “Why don’t you come on out?”
Read on ao3
Wrote a little realization/coming out tgirl Metal story :) Sage is a big part of it also. I posted it before going on vacation but now I finally have time to draw somefin for it :)
#metal sonic#sth#sage robotnik#dr eggman#orbot and cubot#sonic the hedgehog#fanart#fic art#id in alt text#thank youuuu so much to everyone who's read and left kudos and lovely comments ilysm#im rereading them so much they make me happy :))#sorry 4 being lazy with this </3 i hate. shadows. but its my desktop bg now so i'll suffer the consequences
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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed
#not art#nsbu spoilers#kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase#also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick#and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here#(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and#becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone#I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did#and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity#(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction#and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping#we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that#and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along#while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People#like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded#like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders#not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything#I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender#and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up#deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u#dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here#the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect
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In which Sora's motivation was someone different.
Following this art by @holleighgram
Ever since I saw it, this scene played in my head rent free ; u ;
#sora kh#kh3#sora kh3#kairi kh#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts 3#bee art#u dont understand i spammed the gc im in with discussions about that art piece#not saying kairi isn't special to sora but more so that Riku and Sora spent so much more time trying to find each other again..... it adds#so muchc more bittersweet feelings for him to be once again split away from sora#I also could see#kairi trying to insist she joins sora here - to not be left behind again#that she's stronger now and she can fight so she won't be in his way#and sora knowing fully well the consequences of what hes going to do#tells her he needs her light so he can find his way back home to her again.#; u ;#i have so many feelings
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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sooo glad we live in the universe where twdgs4 was rewritten to be about saving the school instead of the original lis2-esque on the road each-episode-is-a-new-location plot. really dodged a bullet there
dont know if it was due to the cuts and collapsing work environment (no budget for all the assets needed) or what but the school plot is just like the perfect setting for her to end her story. and we really almost got a plot about her.... just trying to make it back to her original house? oof
#my biggest problem with lis2 is that being on the road made a lot of your choices essentially meaningless#like wheres the threat of consequence when you know youll be gone by the next episode anyway?#the kids were originally gonna kick them out permanently.......Nightmare Scenario#the plot of her trying to get back 'home' is so silly honestly like its Just nostalgia/fan bait. convince me otherwise you cant#it makes no sense....she lived right outside a major city... that place is Not safe anymore#it wasnt even safe when she left it 8 years ago girl why would you go back#her finding a place to MAKE a new home and having to fight for it? with a community of her peers who love and respect her? so much better#shes a community leader now :) of a bunch of kids living secretly in the woods just trying to make a safe home for themselves#in a hostile world that wants them dead#love that for her#shes been managing adults since she was 11 and even before that tried to be a voice of reason. at 8 years old. community leader makes sense#s4 is just so narratively sound to me for clems character that i cant believe there was ever any other direction they wanted to go in#every time im thinking about how good s4 is i remember what it almost was......... and i am so grateful we got what we did#not only do we live in the universe where s4 is about the school but we Also live in the universe where s4 was un-cancelled :) yay#shit makes me so happy man. i remember clem is living happily at ericsons and my day is Immediately improved#these little fictional bitches in my head giving me free serotonin on command#it speaks#twdg
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OH WAIT
in light of me reading the Imbalance comic, where Suki teaches a bunch of non-benders how to chi block, do we think Amon's henchmen who can chi block are like. an unintended consequence of Suki teaching them?? like how apparently Kyoshi originally trained the Dai Li and came to regret it because of how corrupt they became?
#bc cranefish town or w/e is basically the setup for what becomes republic city right??#hm. Interesting#i even thought that while reading the comic#like i understand why she taught them to chi block#but that's something that absolutely would have consequences#and look if there's one thing i think the kyoshi and yangchen novels emphasized it was the Unintended Consequences#the best of intentions can always have the worst consequences#and everyone in the present is paying for decisions that they had nothing to do with#yangchen had to deal with the consequences of a fire avatar being too dedicated to his own nation#kuruk had to deal with the consequences of yangchen neglecting the spirits#kyoshi suffers the consequences of kuruk dying far too early bc (imo) he refused to rely on his friends#the roku novel comes out here soon i think so we'll see about him and what mess kyoshi left him with#aang suffered the consequences of roku not taking care of sozin when he should have#im still too early to say/remember what korra suffers as a consequence of aang#but those are all just the avatar consequences - all the outside consequences#and now consequence(s) doesn't look like a real word anymore lmao#kellyn watches
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I have many mdzs fanfic ideas (or mxtx in general) that I'll never write because I'm a coward with no time to spare so I'll just share what's supposed to be a 100k fic in my head into a long tumblr post.
So I have been thinking of this tgcf x mdzs crossover for months basically.
You know those AUs where hualian adopt wwx? What if. Hear me out. Wei Wuxian is their actual blood son?
Like. One of the two of them finally took that childbearing pill and popped out little A-Ying, who's basically the first human to be born immortal. Little young master of Ghost City. Little prince of the heavens. Spoiled with love and care by his parents and endless list of uncles and aunts. Crimson red eyes and a bright smile.
So, of course, in this au, his last name wouldn't be Wei, but what if they couldn't decide whose name he should take? I don't think hualian would care much for that anyway, but the realms have different opinions. The heavens want his name to be "Xie Ying" after his godly father, but the ghosts want it to be "Hua Ying" after their king.
So, why not both, you know? The Gods call him "Xie Ying" and the Ghosts call him "Hua Ying".
He grows up a very happy child with incredible parents, beloved in all three realms, by Heaven, Earth and Ghost.
Then, he turns 22, and decides he wants to know what mortality felt like, being the only one in his family to have never experienced it. He asks his parents to grant him the chance to see how it felt to be mortal, at least for a while.
Xie Lian and Hua Cheng take this with a heavy heart, as both of them are incredibly worried over their son. They agree of course, but they make a deal.
It goes like this: A-Ying will be reverted to a 9 year old, and until the day he reaches the same age as he was the day he gained his mortality, he shall not have the memories of his immortal life. He will not remember his fathers, he will not remember how it's like to walk through the golden streets of the heavens, or the colourful ones of Ghsot City. He will not remember his relatives, nor will he remember his friends. He will lose all of them, for 13 years as a mortal.
And so, the little young master is sent to Earth, with no memories nor spiritual power. His parents sent him purposefully on the path of two young newlyweds, who unfortunately couldn't have children. They send word to their friends that they have adopted a child. He gains a third name, one for the Earth to call him, Wei Ying, a normal silver eyed boy.
Then, his mortal parents die, and Wei Ying is alone. Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are worried sick as they watch their little boy from afar. Then, while Jiang Fengmian is searching for his da-shixiong's child in Yiling, he spots something quite peculiar.
A butterfly, with wings that seemed as if made of pure silver, looking neither alive nor dead. He decides to follow it, thinking it the will of the heavens.
He finds a young boy, cornered by a pack of stray dogs in an alley. He rescues the boy and asks for his name.
"My name is Wei Ying," The boy bows to him in gratitude. "Thank you for saving me, kind shushu!!"
Jiang Fengmian thinks it the blessing of the heavens.
And so, Wei Ying gains a new family, a kind shushu and an angry madame, a sweet older sister and a grumpy little brother and he couldn't be happier.
So he works hard, he learns how to cultivate, he does everything so that he doesn't disappoint this new, fragile family he has. Soon enough he becomes da-shixiong, just as his adoptive father before him. He even gets a his own sword, one made specifically for him!
(Xie Lian's hands itch to see his son's spiritual weapon, especially since it's a sword, but he cannot help but laugh at the name)
The madame is harsh, but he'll take any punishment if it means keeping his family.
His little brother is often jealous of him, insecure in his standing as heir to their clan, but he still cares for his older brother, even when he is reckless, so Wei Ying tries everything to help his brother with his woes.
His shijie is the best. But she's in love with an idiot. So he needs to protect her. It's the least he can do for her.
His shushu is still as kind as the first day he met him, but he is too harsh on his shidi. He cannot have that, so he tries everything to get him to acknowledge his son.
And then there's Cloud Recesses.
Then there's long black hair and sharp golden eyes. Bright white and soft blue against a moonlit night. An uptight personality and a face he cannot get out of his head. And easily triggered annoyance, an even but deep voice, a natural rule follower. Someone who he can spar with on even ground.
Wei Ying, now Wuxian, has always been smart. He realizes why he wants this boy's eyes and attention to always be directed at him. He wishes he could ignore it. It would be preferable to dreaming of being pressed to a desk at the Library Pavilion by an angry Lan Zhan and being kissed within an inch of his life.
Although not by much, if such a fantasy were to come true.
Then, he punches Jin Zixuan and gets sent home. It's worth it, it's to protect his shijie's honour. But as he says goodbye to Lan Zhan, as he leaves him with two small bunnies, as he sees blush seep into the top of his ears and back of his neck, he thinks he should've been more careful about it.
(As Xie Lian watches his son from afar, he cannot help but chuckle at his son's first love, and thinks that maybe, that Lan Wangji would be a good son-in-law. His husband is not as convinced, protective over his child. Maybe this is how Guoshi felt when he found out about him and Xie Lian.)
When Wei Wuxian sees him again at the archery competition, he feels overjoyed, and, wanting to show off in front of Lan Zhan, wins the competition single handedly, but not before accidentally taking off Lan Zhan's forehead ribbon, and angering him in the process. He really didn't understand what's so serious about it.
(Feng Xin could not be more proud of his nephew for winning in archery, but he does wish he could smack him on the head for not realizing the meaning of his actions. Mu Qing rolls his eyes as his husband's boisterous laughter fills the room.)
Then there's a dark cave and a murderous monster, blood and hunger and wounds. But there's also a kiss, soft, speaking a thousand promises, a song, a sweet melody to lull him to sleep, and the lap of his beloved, supporting his head as he rests and Wei Ying thinks he could happily die like this, in Lan Zhan's arms.
(There's also a brother, who's frantic to return home to get help. There's also a silver butterfly, guiding Jiang Cheng back to the cave, where he finds his brother hurt and battered, sleeping peacefully on Lan Wangji's lap.)
Then. He wakes up alone to the ceiling of his room. He would think it all a dream but his wounds say otherwise. He understands, of course, why Lan Zhan couldn't stay, but oh how he wishes he did.
But then there's fire.
There's fire and a mountain of corpses. There's hands around his neck, and tears falling on his face. There's Zidian, pressed to his brother's palm.
Then there's steady hands cutting him open with precision honed by years of experience. There's pain worse than anything he's ever felt. There's a peak in Yiling, there's a golden spiritual core.
Then there's darkness and resentment. There's spirits around him. He learns to wield it. To bend it to his will, no matter the cost. Asks the spirits of the dead for their bodies, to help his cause. They agree.
But then there's a worried father dressed in red. There's an unplanned reunion. Unplanned memories. Unplanned tears. Unplanned consequences.
Hua Cheng tries everything to save his son from the pain, but even with the knowledge he was given again, his A-Ying, his A-Xian, couldn't stop.
He had loved ones to protect.
(After all, his A-Ying always took after his love)
#fun fact: i know how this ends and you don't#btw. wwx wasn't supposed to remember anything of his previous life. so now he has to face the consequences(tm)#aka he's gonna lose the memories of his mortal life. so. wei wuxian will be 'dead' and hua/xie ying will take his place#wwx decides to push lwj away so that he isn't too hurt by his 'death' when he realizes he only has 5 years left#lwj isn't having it#ill tell you guys the rest in the next post because im far to lazy to write the rest rn#anqels ramblings#eva.txt#mdzs#tgcf#mo dao zu shi#tian guan ci fu#wei wuxian#lan wangji#hua cheng#xie lian#jiang cheng#hualian#wangxian#mdzs fic#mxtx#heaven official's blessing#grandmaster of demonic cultivation
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also, hello padisarah nonnie !! it's good to see you again :>
i decided to not answer your ask regarding the wholeeee stuff.. because i don't really care what they want to do anymore. i've done my part of speaking up about their behaviours and calling them out - which made a lot of people open their eyes for once instead of ignoring the warnings they got from me or other people. and i think that's all i want to do.
THIS WILL FORMALLY BE THE LAST POST ABOUT THEM. I will not answer any asks regarding it anymore, so if you want to make your own posts regarding those users, please use your own platforms, thank you.
as much as i encourage speaking up, i also don't want to give a flying duck about them anymore. y'know, like, i spoke up because i couldn't tolerate them and their behaviours anymore - couldn't just keep quiet when my mutuals are knowingly or unknowingly talking to shitty people like that. if they started a new blog, just let them. i don't really care anymore 😭 all i hope is that my mutuals and those that see this are more aware of internet safety and who you surround yourself with. it was already exhausting trying to warn others about them and not being listened to until i made this shit public — i'm not going to start becoming a blog that runs on discourse just so some can finally realise that this person was shitty and that person was the devil.
thanks for also caring abt me and informing me of their new url, i appreciate that a lot! it's on my blocklist now + the mutuals they've tagged on that post too 💀 if, however, i blocked you without a good reason why, or if i blocked you before you knew of this and had already cut ties with them, feel free to send me a message or ask on a different blog! i took precautionary blocks when it comes to having those kind of people as mutuals so .. yeah.
#visitors from teyvat : padisarah anon#thea answers#the post was made because i just couldn't stand the audacity of certain people still claiming to be the victim.#imagine claiming yourself as the victim when your story wasn't even straight.#venting in public but you can't even pick a plot. were you banned or did you leave willingly first without being punished?#then proceeded to say you were wrongly banned when you were literally guilttripping the mods . what did you think-#was gonna happen when you come back? did you think our arms were open then?#you left first . to avoid consequences . now that the consequences are staring right at you#you chicken out? you curse at the effects of your actions? YOUR actions? what about the people you've affected .#you say you aren't the same person you are a year ago but you only left a few months ago and you still affect the mental health of many .#our server wasn't even a mental health server. it's a positivity server. you're supposed to use it to get serotonin boosts#or boost other people. not a place for us to be your therapists and fix your problems.#i still can't get over the fact that neither of them can get their stories straight. wdym a year ago lmao. it was literally 4-5 months ago.#and you still act the same as ever. venting about how you wanted to kys or break down when a damn post unrelated to you talks-#-abt ur fav character in a scenario where they don't love you.#do you realize that the artists and writers' works you consume are for the general and not just you. what is your logic .#and i know you see this . you vague about us all the time. did you think i didn't notice.#the only mercy i've granted you was the peace for 4 months. you tell me i was dogpiling on you but you didn't change at all . so entitled t#-your ways of thinking and what you think is right.#in the first few weeks of u in that server i was the only one who thought better of u. funny how that turned out.#cuz u didn't change then and you wouldn't change now.#idk how many times i hv to repeat this but i blocked each n every ONE of them. including their moots.#and including anyone who interacted with them. im not sorry. if you were wrongly blocked then u can shoot a dm.#otherwise stay blocked and stay mad loser L.
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Sunseeker First Challenge
I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body. I want to know where to touch you, I want to know how to touch you. I want to convince you to design a smile just for me. Yes, i do want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend in the entire world .- x
↳ Top 10 (Part 3)
A String of Consequences by semistrawberry
Carpe Noctem by evareinadeescocia
#maraudersedit#sunseekerchallenge#jegulusedit#starchaseredit#jegulus#jegulily#mine#fic: carpe noctem#fic: a string of consequences#only two left#god i should star working on the top 5 wolfstar now#anyways i love these two fics!#have you all read the new chapter from carpe?#im dead#a string of consequences has some incredible moments#like their jegulily is incredible#but even if you only like jegulus you should give it a chance#its an amazing story!
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june 27th give it up for june 27th
#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
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Crawling out of bed after an 11 hour shift only to realize that maybe. maybe I'm not exactly taking care of myself
#i can see what's happening i just don't know how to stop without feeling guilty#it's like. overtime is approved and i can pull in extra money + i have made NO financial recovery since getting my car#and it's like. oh I still have energy and feel good i can just help out :)#and then reply to my friend 6 hours after they messaged me and then go straight to bed and eat like shit bc im too tired to cook#it's like. i know what the consequences are but it feels like it'll be different every time when it really isn't#and now I'm building up the reputation of being the guy that stays late to help out and. this cannot be good for me 👁👁#and it's like. yeah I'm a little paycheck to paycheck and in credit card debt but I'm not *struggling* you know?#methinks growing up as poor as i did left a very deep impact on me :/#i. need to go home on time for the rest of this week. i hope. I'm. thinking out loud#shai speaks
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I finished the stripe B)
#well. like.#I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball#you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad#and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour#so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball#and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself#ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN#I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here#*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails#but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch#but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along#my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.)#it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my#right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs#right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not#wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and#go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT.#so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow !#and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected#(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are#specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help#my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )
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I don't think that my current state of being supports me drinking shitty coffee as if it was medicine...
#alex rambles#by which i mean pinching my nose closed and throwing it back as if it was the most vile thing ever#i mean it is.... shame on me for thinking i finally figured out how to make myself some coffee#but would i get up to pour more milk into it or dump it down the drain?#pfft no - just wash it down with some water and hope for the best lol#in my defence im trying to catch up with some chores while there is still daylight#which includes answering various messages that ive been putting off for weeks now#im tricking my anxiety into working for me for once#and suffer the consequences when it's dark out no doubt#i dont think it will work but whatever#i need to adjust my stance on food and cooking and what im willing to eat and drink if it's already made#but ive delegated the love of cooking to an oc there is nothing left for me :P
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that tiktok trend i keep seeing set to the song that goes "we'll leave this fucked up place behind, but ill know ill know ill know" etc thats about the guilt older siblings feel from leaving younger siblings behind in toxic/abusive households is SO hard and weird for me being the older sibling thats been unable to really be a proper adult or leave because of a combination of anxiety/trauma/autism but my younger sister Did leave and it just, makes me sad everytime
#sometimes i wish id have left so i could take her with me#but we got basically cut off from talking to eachother cause i was convinced i hated her because she left (plus she did do some fucked up#shit after and before but again thats probably a consequence of being traumatised) so i didnt talk to her for 5 years#and now im still here#and like really stuck but she isnt and thats hard cause i dont even Know her now and im the older sibling so i cant put that on her
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#ughh tfw i cant remember if i did or didnt take meds literally 2 seconds ago#i usually pull out every bottle i need and put them back as i take them so i dont lose track#(or turn them upside down but only for my sleeping meds which have a table. regular meds are in a bag bc its too many to line up)#but just now i was distracted and idk if i took it bc i was pulling them one at a time#i gotta come up with some other system of checking when ive taken them this shit is frustrating#my cup water level is not telling me the answer bc i just chugged a bunch a minute ago (ive used this method in the past tho)#hfffffff#i think im just gonna take it. or. yknow what split the difference ill take half the dose (one pill instead of two)#((its not at a dangerous dose if i do accidentally take 3. and i wont suffer noticable consequences if i take a half dose))#i hate doing this tho bc then i end up with an odd number of pills left in the bottle#meaning i gotta take the last pill from this bottle and then only one pill from a new bottle#oh actually nvm theres 7 pills in there (see i do this compromise often enough lmao)#so ok one pill works out then#meds taken i just gotta remember to take my sleeping meds in a few just ugh#i hate how stress and pain have really worn me down over the past months#vent#personal#delete later / /#Cori.exe#Post.exe
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