#now for coffee with my partner!!
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a pure curiousity question that Imma ask before my partner comes over for coffee
if i started drawing my mlp characters again, even if only for warm ups, would you guys be interested in seeing it?
previously i just posted it to DA, which i no longer use, so i really dont know if any of you would really care. they'd all be oc's too, most likely. but ye
#asdlkjglksdfjglfdsg i get insecure about pony posting idk why#i think theres like a factor of shame left over from mean parts of the internet i lurked in as a kid idfk.#but ye. wanted a general opinion#now for coffee with my partner!!#personal#polls#ill rebubble a few times through out today to get opinions#i should schedule those now actually
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happy caturday!!!
#miss porto says hello :3c#lore loops#gonna run to a coffee shop in a lil to write and then iām seeing my crush ā NOW PARTNER!! later hehe
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#mine was a machoke that i found while sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my then partner to get off work#i freaked out a little and the dude next to me was like āu good???ā#i found him on victory road too#anyway im very hyper fixated on shiny hunting right now#im creating a shinydex in violet#20/400 found š#pokemon#polls#scarlet and violet#sword and shield#diamond pearl platinum#fire red leaf green#ruby sapphire emerald#heart gold soul silver#legends arceus#letās go pikachu#letās go eevee#crystal#shiny pokemon
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Love watching my colonists all pitch in to teach Andy fun stuff. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and my colony is doing great at that so far.
I like to imagine that it's pretty easy to take advantage of Zonovo's Entomophobia trait if you ever need him to leave you alone for a minute. He seems particularly prone to being bullied, and I'm sure Andy would pick up on that quickly- he's a very clever cookie, after all.
Update on the illicit romance between the leaders of two rival ideologies: They are sitting next to each other outside in the rain to drink tea and coffee. I bet they're holding hands under the table so their followers don't suspect anything... Very sneaky.
The only colonist who doesn't seem to like helping Andy is Connie, even though Andy is, in fact, wearing a hat. She should like him more than Irwin for that fact alone based on how much she wants Irwin to cover up his hair.
But alas, her ideology says kids should do hard labour (thinking about it, she probably loves listening to Irwin reminisce about his days as a labour camp orphan), and she is upset that Andy is allowed to enjoy himself now and then.
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#rimworld#gracie plays#The Animist Alliance#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#I wonder if Andy will ever get any friends his age#He must be lonely with only grown-ups to hang out with#And a whole menagerie of weird and wonderful animals#I'm sure thrumbos are excellent playmates#I don't like Wookshys but I am invested in the romance now#Alas I have to draw him being a dutiful partner#The rainy-day coffee date was kind of cute I admit#I wonder where this romance will go...#Have a beautiful week!!! <3
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five stages of grief but itās five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew itās from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that itās very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year iāve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so weāve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and iām not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and itās EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: canāt stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didnāt reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didnāt talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc itās the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didnāt say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that āthey forgotā what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to āsurpriseā me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now iām second guessing everything theyāre saying bc i thought we were friends and thereās no reason why friends canāt send each other#flowers or whatever but theyāve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#iām never outright romantic with anyone?? plus weāre FRIENDS i should have no reason to think thatās changed#but theyāre being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i donāt NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and theyāre like no itās serious bro whatās serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they donāt reply straight up in their next texts iām gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah iām overthink getting flowers bc whatās the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think theyāre from a partner or something
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My fuckin power went out and it's over 110Ā° where I live š«
#its also my partners birthday so#personal#we didn't even get to make breakfast or coffee so now I'm extremely pissed off#dude we just went grocery shopping our fridge is FULL
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that š . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up š¤·āāļø#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared š but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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..
#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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just need ppl to know if we're mutuals we're automatically friends and if i was there with you irl i would hang out and treat you to something you like!
#ā Ā Ā ā” Ā Ā āŗ Ā Ā jupiter Ā : Ā šØšØš.#ngl sometimes i think about meeting one of my rp partners irl. maybe one day#if i did i would take u out for food. or drink. or a coffee. or whatever makes you comfortable!!!#its smth i think could happen one day but for now. itll be on my mind!#im on my other blog tonight#( day 3 of trying to edit drafts and make some kinda queue ... )#hope ur all staying as cool or as warm as u need! im boiling. its going to be hotter tomorrow im going to die FGHDJSKA#didnt order takeout tonight might do then just for the enjoyment ... though if not im popping down to the shop for halloumi sticks ...#idk why theyre on my mind but ...
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Oh my fucking god, this week has been one thing after another. Got a cold, an eye infection, cold symptoms went away but then I lost my voice and got a sore throat, and now I just woke up in the middle of the night with an ear infection
I haven't had an eye or ear infection since I was really, really young - like 7 or some shit. My theory is that getting covid earlier this year completely fucked my immune system, so I'm dealing with shit that's usually just a 'kid whose immune system is still developing' ordeal. Whatever the case, I'm so fucking tired of it
#was just sitting at my desk last night and suddenly lost hearing in right ear#and now theres discharge and it fucking Hurts#cant sleep and i have work in a few hoursš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø omfggggg#also am pretty fed up w partner rn#like i get why we shouldnt be hanging out (they also have long covid shit) but they failed to invite me to this event yesterday#that was a 100% outdoor event (queer coffee meetup where ppl hang out on the patio)#and they were like 'it's every third saturday:)))' and im like cool???? i just assumed u would remind me????#like i have any fucking concept of time rn#vent
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for christmas i would like the gift of better coping mechanisms when i get into a mid-project art frenzy
can i not just be CHILL šµāš« the crazy hyperfixative need to see something through to the end once i get into the "head empty, no thoughts, only finishing this latest art piece/project" always makes me suddenly forget how to function normally lmao
this 4AM bedtime / 7AM wake up / barely eating / staring for hours at my iPad screen / bordering on making my carpal tunnel flare up from how long i sit drawing is probably why I got sick so many times during October ajsklflaghgld š
anyways uhhh expect something sometime in the next couple of days i guess š
#im so very tired but i LITERALLY can't rest. i am the definition of RESTLESS right now š«Ø#im so sorry to my mutuals and friendsā i promise i haven't been ignoring you#ive just fallen into my non-human mode of being for the last week š„“#if we're friends and i ever drop off the face of the earth just know- chances are likely im not depressed im simply just drawing lol#shoutout to my partner for making sure im on a somewhat regular eating/drinking schedule even though my appetite has been non-existent#im fueled purely by coffee and determination rn#just celery things
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dawg its not even 1pm do not start with me
#i told my partner id sat my hot coffee on the desk#instead of asking me to mvoe it so they dont bump it they just tried to move around it and bumped it#and now theyre fucking grumpy stomping around#ćmercury speaksć
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I'm so tired
#I want to say ''I've never felt more miserable than right now because of XYZ''#But these phases are stretching#I think I'm just depressed and these weeks are not helping#The heat; work; how bad everything is being on social media; how little time and energy I have to do anything or make any art#I'm losing weight so fast because I can't bother to eat if it's not to binge#My friends are going places and doing things and I barely talk to anyone at all that's not my partner and best friend#I'm gonna start university and I still feel like a failure cause it's not what I wanted to do#I'm just downing twice the amount of coffee I used to just to get through the day and then be unable to sleep at night#I know I'm gonna ruin everyone's mood around me because I feel so down so often and I just#I miss people I dislike and I hold onto things that are rotting in my hands and genuinely I feel like a disappointment#vent cw#vent tw#tw vent#cw vent
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aeropress certainly is a game changer
#now my partner is here I get to do one of my favourite things: make coffee for someone else!!#and itās nice to know exactly how they like their coffee now :)
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I've just been very happy these past few weeks. I'm really excited I guess š
#for no reason in particular#my mentor is treating me to coffee this week to celebrate#and i get to be a guinea pig to test if experiment runs smoothly#my other mentor has been helping me with grad school applications and it has just made things a lot more real to me#i will be going to grad school! i am being sponsored to do that!#neither of my parents even went to college#i'm going to be spending these next few days at my partner's place and we will binge dramas#idk. usually i'm so down this time of year#now it seems things are very hopeful#this blog is my personal journal sorry if you read all of this
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es tiempo de empieza a beber redbulls otra vez yo miedo
itās time to start drinking redbulls again i fear
#iāve been drinking coffee and coming home the proper amt of tired butā¦.#when i get home my dog needs a bath room needs to be clean i need to send emails pluck my sisters wig#im justā¦..#current madd (maladaptive daydreaming) scene i have is my partner noticing how drained and fucked up i am and they#take me away on vacay until the foreseeable future#ā¦now that i think of it i never been on vacation before
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