#now I'm going to be singing this song all day

[ally1uvsu]

Heavy heart, Warm hands. / Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 5; Angst/fluff, period comfort — Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 3.4k

summary; Nam-gyu had to be the luckiest person ever, getting his period while playing mingle, getting into a misunderstanding with Thanos, and now having to put up with earth shattering cramps. Could it even get any worse?

info; Emotional Hurt/Comfort, periods, cramps, trans namgyu, namgyu gets his period mid mingle, misunderstandings, namgyu suffers like.. half of the fic, cuddling and snuggling, understanding a misunderstanding, Thanos is a bit mean in the middle, Sober Nam-gyu, Happy Ending, Theyre so gay I hate them: (, Choi Subong I Thanos Lives, no bathroom brawl, no extra game, Soft Namgyu (Squid Game), Soft Choi Subong I Thanos, massages!

notes; Do you guys think I’d be cooked in a room w my namgyu if he knew that I write his stories like this?

It all started in that stupid round of fucking mingle.

Nam-gyu began cramping after the number called out six, not thinking much of it at first. Stepping back into the platform, he felt the drugs wearing off, but before he could even ask Thanos for another one, he nearly doubled over as he felt a sharp pain, and then another pang.

The platform began spinning, nobody seemed to notice. But Nam-gyu was a little bit more quiet now, not even dancing around with Thanos.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu cursed mentally, shit, it couldn't possibly be, right? It was the kind of pain he was familiar with, the same pain he'd curl up and sometimes even cry over because of how much it fucking hurt.

His brain had been reeling due to the drug, and now due to how hyperaware he felt. He feels a hand on his shoulder, Gyeong-su. He can hear him asking something over the sickly cheerful song playing in the room. "Nam-gyu, are you okay?"

Shit, was it obvious? Before answering, he took a look around. Thanos was being himself, Se-mi was reassuring Min-su, and Gyeong-su.. well, he was here. Nam-gyu nodded, taking in a sharp breath as he felt another jab of pain. "Yeah... yeah, I'm okay." He nodded, and then the platform halted into a stop.

'Four'

Nam-gyu watched as Thanos looked between all four of the members, Min-su was standing there with his stupid puppy dog eyes, Se-mi was analyzing the situation, and Gyeong-su was standing by his side with a nervous and awkward smile. Thanos of course immediately looked at him, pointing his finger at him before speaking up in English;

"Gyeong-su, you're out!" He shouted as he placed his foot on Gyeong-su's chest and kicked him back, causing him to land on his ass. Nam-gyu merely spares the other man a glance, he looks shocked, too shocked to stand up and find another group. But then Thanos is already shouting; "LET'S GO, WOOOO!!" And despite the pain, Nam-gyu rushes after him while Se-mi pulls Min-su along.

Once inside the red door, Nam-gyu lets out a shuddering sigh as he looked through the eyepiece, Gyeong-su was still there. His head snaps back to Thanos who was asking about Gyeong-su as if he hadn't just kicked him down to his death, was he really that high off his ass?

He felt Thanos shove him off the door, it was enough to make him quietly wince as he heard the other man shout Gyeong-su's name over the ringing gunshots. "GYEONG-SU!!!!" And Nam-gyu thought for once he might vote fucking X.

He looked at the other two inside the room, Se-mi and Min-su. Se-mi was staring at him a little weirdly, Min-su looked like the same pathetic bitch as always, great.

Thanos turned around eventually, already impatient as the guards began cleaning up. Nam-gyu swore he might have to claw his insides out, he could feel the fucking blood. Why did it have to come now? Was the universe against him?

It took a little, but eventually the doors clicked open. "Anddd we win again!" And Nam-gyu forces out some noise as he walked close to Thanos. Once again, the group was in the platform. It began spinning, shit, Nam-gyu was bound to get fucking dizzy.

The song was cheerful and even loud, enough to make his head throb. He wanted to curl in on himself and maybe die, that looked like the best option here. He was sure Thanos noticed by now, the way he wasn't jumping around or joining his antics. Nobody here knew, and nobody here could fucking know.

That was just how people in Korea were, after all. They were all against these kind of shit like it was their problem, so what if Nam-gyu wanted to be a boy? Maybe they should mind their own damn business.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

And that stupid 'Ring-a ring-a ring' began playing, he needed to get the fuck out of here. He just wondered how many rounds were there left, maybe it was close enough. He had to fucking survive, even if his body wasn't in the best condition.

And then the speaker called out 'three', of course, Thanos looked at him first before he turned to Se-mi and Min-su, of course they'd go first. "Who should we take?" Of course Thanos would go with Nam-gyu, there was that, at least. "Rock, paper, scissors!" Thanos called out loudly and Nam-gyu stood a bit closer to Min-su, one of them had to play. "Come with me." Se-mi said as she stretched her hand towards Min-su, big mistake.

The boy seemed frozen as he looked at Thanos and then at Nam-gyu, right afterwards, he threw in Scissors. The look on Se-mi's face was amusing, Nam-gyu would have laughed if he wasn't in so much fucking pain. "Min-su threw in scissors!" He forced out a surprised tone with a chuckle, and Thanos grabbed Min-su's arm and began running towards a door, Nam-gyu just rushed closely by like always.

Again, they shut the door behind themselves once they were all in. Both of them holding the door shut in case a player decided to come in. Min-su looked lost, more like panicked.. as if after the panic had settled, he realized out what he just did, tsk. What a coward.

The doors clicked shut again, and Nam-gyu didn't think he would be able to hold up that much anymore, he always had bad period pains, but he always knew how to deal with them. Now?? He couldn't. He didn't have the resources, he didn't have somewhere to just lie down and swallow his own pain, not even the drugs would help, likely.

This round went by so slowly— and then, after what felt like an eternity, the doors opened. Thanos stepped out as he said to the people around him "Yo, welcome back, my friends!" 

Maybe it was because he was sober now, but his hands really were shaking. He clutched his belly for a few seconds before he began acting normally, nobody could find out— who knew how they might react?

Once back into the platform, however, Thanos turned to him and clicked open the locket, holding a single pill towards him. "You sober?" And Nam-gyu nodded, taking the pill anyways even if he knew it wouldn't help the pain and popped it in his mouth.

Again, the platform began spinning.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

It doesn't make the pain any better, however, Nam-gyu dumbly hoped that it would. Either way, he played along with Thanos' antics just to hope he could forget the pain, even if every movement made him wince.

'Six' the robotic voice called out, Nam-gyu swore he would hear that shit in his dreams.

This time, they joined teams with Se-mi and two people she found for the previous round. The awkward atmosphere was only making it worse, Thanos was complaining as he tapped his feet, and Min-su was looking at Se-mi with longing or whatever the fuck was it.

The other people looked frightened, and seriously, Nam-gyu couldn't care less. He gritted his teeth as another wave of pain hit him, he felt fucking disgusting. The blood pooling in his underwear felt disgusting, the fact he was sweating and full of grime disgusted him, the blood on his shoes, everything.

The doors opened once again, and everyone stepped out. He hoped this was the last round, he seriously wanted to scream because of this stupid pain that refused to go away.

He was already getting nauseous from so much spinning, he couldn't take this cheery song anymore. He just wanted to get out and get some fucking sleep, maybe then his pain would fucking go away.

"Do you not want to stick around me anymore?" He heard Thanos call out, and Nam-gyu furrowed his brows, clearly confused as he looked at Thanos. "What?"

"I mean— shit, I just gave you two damn pills and you're still not cheering up! Are they not enough for you anymore?" Thanos looked.. upset, maybe a tad nervous. But before Nam-gyu could even answer, the platform halted once again.

'Two'

Maybe he'd pick Min-su this time, just out of spite. He and Thanos looked at Min-su, and then back at each other. And it turns out he was wrong, because as quickly as they looked at the man and at each other, Thanos grabbed his wrist and rushed towards a door other players were trying to get into.

Everything burnt and hurt as he ran, his brain felt like it was about to explode, his cramps were making him want to just double over on the floor and curl in on himself until it all stopped— but we all know that meant death.

He attempted to stop for a single second, leaning his hands on his thighs as he bit his lip hard enough to feel the metalic taste of blood coating his mouth, and then he ran his tongue over that wound. "What the hell do you think you are doing?!" He heard Thanos bark, right.. they're still playing mingle.

Despite the crippling pain and discomfort, Nam-gyu grabbed the woman by the hair and pulled her to the ground, Thanos had already been holding the door open for him, so Nam-gyu merely stumbled in. As the timer ran down, Nam-gyu held a hand on his chest while Thanos held the door shut, hearing the other two players bang at the door.

Once it was secured and locked, Nam-gyu didn't have time to speak. Thanos was already on him and demanding an answer. "Were you trying to fucking get yourself killed out there?!" Talk about dramatic, but Thanos looked kind of.. afraid, in a way. "And you still have to answer my damn question, am I not enough for you anymore, Nam-gyu?" 

Nam-gyu blinked in surprise, oh. So Thanos does know his name. Maybe he had been pretending not to all along.

Nam-gyu didn't answer for a second, nearly clutching his stomach as he felt a fresh wave of pain hit him, and now it was getting constant, not here and there. Nam-gyu thought he might as well fucking die.

Thanos looked like he was getting more frustrated by the damn second, gritting his teeth together as he ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it, Nam-gyu, answer me!"

And Nam-gyu snapped back to it, how would he possibly explain he was on his period and was feeling like a million knives were being stuffed on his womb?

He wished he could speak, damn it, why was it so fucking hard to just say he's trans? Maybe it was the fear of being rejected and tossed out and seen as different—

"If I'm not enough for you, then I might as well leave." Why did those words affect him so much? They shouldn't, right? He grasped Thanos' necklace, hearing the other man snort before feeling it grow lighter in his hands, seeing the chain that held it up around Thanos' neck fall between his fingers.

"Keep that." Thanos said at the exact same time the doors opened, shit. Nam-gyu stared at the locket, calling out after the older man. He never had been trying to grasp at the locket, he was trying to find something— anything that would help him hold onto Thanos.

Why? He didn't know. But he did know that now shit felt ten times worse.

He didn't have the courage to keep the cross around his neck, shit, he didn't even dare to take a single pill out of that fucking cross. He just mingled himself with the crowd of players as they were led back to the lobby room. If Nam-gyu thought the pain from before was bad, this was ten times worse.

The first thing he did the second they were back was go to the bathroom, shit, he felt fucking disgusting.

Moreover, without Thanos he felt empty. Popping pills didn't feel as fun, nothing felt as fun. Maybe because all along his euphoria was Thanos.

He was quick to get into a stall, pushing his tracksuit pants and underwear down to see the blood- disgusting. He grimaced as he rolled a shit ton of toilet paper and stuffing them into his underwear, these would have to do, right? He could just change them from time to time as disgusting as it was.

He avoided Thanos' gaze upon walking towards his bunk, funny thing is that he knew Thanos was staring at him. He could feel the other's burning gaze glaring into his skull strongly enough to burn a hole.

Some relief came towards him when he finally managed to lie down— sure, the bunks were hard as fuck and uncomfortable, but he could try to get some sleep through the pain that seared through him.

He laid the cross under his pillow, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging himself under the blanket as he tried to get something that resembled comfort, he couldn't get why everything decided to go so wrong today.

He felt his eyes water, why did this have to hurt so fucking much? Real men aren't supposed to cry, are they? Especially over something so little such as period cramps. But damn it, the pain was flooding his system and consuming him whole.

He didn't know how long it took him to sleep, he just knew that after somehow managing to keep himself quiet, the pain lulled him into sleep. He would have wished it lasted forever, but nothing did.

He was jolted awake by the sound of a loud beeping noise, sitting up as he looked around. Shit, how long had it been since he fell asleep?

As if on cue, he heard his number being called. Observing the X's, he could see Min-su and Se-mi over there, tsk, pussies.

He walked forward looking disheveled, slamming the O button and dragging himself towards the O side, especially away from Thanos. Mealtime probably already passed, but it was fine, it wasn't like he could eat anyway.

Voting felt like a blur, and they ended in that stupid tie. Whatever, at this point, nothing really mattered to Nam-gyu anymore. He just did the same thing as before; dragged himself to the stairs and climbed them as he tried not to wince in front of everyone and knock the fuck out.

He tried to sleep again; but it wasn't like he had any luck, anyways. Nothing really happened, except for some fight that broke out in the bathroom. Even then, Nam-gyu found himself looking around for Thanos, only to find him walking inside the room all bloodied but looking unharmed— it wasn't his blood, anyways.

'Player 333, eliminated.' 

It finally made sense why he was basically drenched in blood. But it didn't matter— at least they just had more money piled up in that piggy bank.

Nam-gyu's cramps came and went, they were better after taking a nap but right before lights out— they were fucking back again. And Nam-gyu was back to zero. He was fidgeting with his cross, tossing and turning as he tried to stop the stupid pain, but it just didn't. And the cross wasn't doing him any better, it only reminded him of Thanos.

Fed up of it already, he looked at Thanos who was seemingly asleep beneath his bunk, and dropped the cross necklace right on his head, at least it was light. It didn't do much to relieving how he felt but he did somehow, feel a lot lighter.

Screwing his eyes shut again, he bit his lip as another wave of fresh pain hit him. He just wanted this shit to stop— why in the middle of this stupid game? Why now? He turned again a couple of times, trying to find a position comfortable enough for him to fall asleep in and one that would cease his cramps, but a voice coming very close to him.. no, scratch that. A very familiar voice close to him caught his attention.

"Do you ever stop tossing and turning? I can't sleep like that." With the dim lighting of the X and O that gleamed on the floor, Nam-gyu managed to see Thanos standing on the feet of his mattress, nearly enough to give him a heart attack. "Shit, you scared me." Nam-gyu rasped out.

"Oh, so now you talk to me?" Thanos scoffed, shaking his head. "Unbelievable." He said as he tossed the cross back towards Nam-gyu. "Whatever, keep making noise and I'll knock you out to sleep."

Nam-gyu knew Thanos would leave again, maybe this was the last time they'd see each other, maybe— before he could even think twice, he was calling after him. "Wait." He managed to grip Thanos' arm, looking at him through the shitty lighting.

"What do you want, Nam-gyu." It was more of a statement than a question, and Nam-gyu swore that he could hear the slightest bit of longing in his voice, it was as if none of them could stay apart for too long.

"I didn't mean to make it seem that way— I.. I was in pain.. back at mingle, I mean. And popping pills weren't doing the best job to help, running hurt and even moving made me feel like I was going to fall and die on the flo—" he was cut off mid speech by Thanos beginning to check his body over for anything, all while asking him what the hell was wrong. "Shit, you are hurt? Why didn't you say anything?! What hurts? Is the wound too deep? Shit, Nam-su, talk to me!"

Back to the Nam-su thing.. Nam-gyu guessed. He would have laughed if he wasn't in pain right now, frustrated, and if anything emotional because of those damn hormones. "Thanos, I'm on my damn period." Nam-gyu said that as he felt his throat lock, everything felt too overwhelming. Maybe it was because be was scared to come out, maybe because he was in pain, or maybe because he just wanted  a damn rest, but he really felt like crying.

"Oh." Thanos let out after seconds that felt suffocating and like an eternity, Nam-gyu felt like the air was fucking suffocating him alive. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

And as quickly as it had arrived, the pressure lifted. Thanos wasn't mad? Wasn't calling him a million slurs or just.. being an asshole overall? Nam-gyu felt shocked, because the same Nam-gyu from 10 years ago would be in an argument with his parents over his gender and sexuality. That Nam-gyu would have just been kicked out of his house, so.. how could someone that wasn't his family be more accepting than the people he grew to know for half of his life?

It took him a while to process it, Thanos was offering him help, some sort of solace, he wasn't being pushed away. "I can just leave if you want me to—" Nam-gyu quickly interfered, no way. "No!- I mean, no. Just.. lay down with me." 

This felt nice, Nam-gyu assumed. Thanos was under the thin ass blanket with him, pressed with his chest against his back just so none of them would fall out of these beds. Nam-gyu brought his knees to his chest once again, or at least attempted to. 

He felt warm hands sneak around his waist, slide inside his shirt and press into his belly in a comforting way, shit, Thanos knew his way with his hands. He was definitely getting comfortable, pressing his face against the back of Nam-gyu's neck and massaging exactly where it hurt for him.. Nam-gyu would admit it, this was definitely helping.

"Go back to sleep, you need your energy for tomorrow's voting since we ended in a tie. And even then, we need energy in case we do play another game." And that's exactly what Nam-gyu did, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. The pain slowly felt like it was ceasing, fate had a weird way of bringing two people back together, huh?

[system-of-a-feather]

So this is adding onto this post, but the statement I'm expanding on is "I think people see fusion as parts melting into each other but honestly, I think its more like your concept of self widening over multiple parts"

Context; skip to Context Clear if you don't care

For context, this is something I was thinking about because yesterday, at work, we found it really funny that since we were working with a client that reminded us a lot of our younger selves for better or worse, that we were inevitably going to utilize more of our Ray brain and energy to give them the best care and we were going "haha the amount of times we did the signature Ray 'No.'" because Ray specifically just has such a signature "no" and it made us snicker mentally everytime we did it

But today we were thinking back on it since we were choosing to listen to some of Ray's music, and really, we spent almost ALL of the day primarily in Ray mental space, but we really didn't notice it at all until the day after and THAT is incredibly odd for our system because Ray is a part that is EXTREMELY internally obvious. He's not a part we'd ever be "blurry with" in the past, and hes not a part we wouldn't realize is out. So it was really interesting that we were almost exclusively operating in Ray brain and DIDNT notice it

But the reason we didn't really notice it, is because while we - in hindsight - were obviously operating as Ray (including the iconic chronic passive singing of Frank Sinatra and similar songs), it was NOT unique or different to the concept of just what we as Feathers are like and do and that's because everything Ray does is basically completely normal and within the concept of what Feathers is. And that made me think; Ray didn't "fuse" or "meld" with any parts when we fused, the concept of Feathers expanded so that Ray is just an obvious and normal part of the "I" which Feathers is.

Context Clear

When it comes to fusion, its not really as though parts disappear or stop interacting or existing in any way or form. Sometimes they might not be super obvious or outwardly identify as themselves with fusion, but that's largely a matter of perspective and focus.

I'd like to think of it kind of like how I've heard similar things explained in some Buddhist literature; Think about table. A table is made up of many parts that we can look at individually; four different legs, the table top, maybe theres some center piece; some might even include the chairs around the table to be part of "the table".

Now imagine you stubbed your toe against one of the legs. Clearly, you can look exactly where your toe hit, and you can say that it was OBVIOUSLY the left most leg. However, you could ALSO be 100% accurate in saying "I stubbed my toe against the table". When you say "table" the legs are not suddenly melting into the table top and the decorations and the chairs; the legs are still there and they can be individually referenced and looked at, but at the same time, the table exists as a seperate concept that CONTAINS the legs.

The legs of the table can exist and be separate from the concept of the table while still being a specific part of the table that can be referenced, acknowledged, expressed, and focused on. At no point does anyone ever stop seeing or being able to discuss or interact with the legs of the table when they start talking about the table. At any point, anyone could look back at the legs, but sometimes its easier or more realistic / appropriate to just talk about the table as a table.

Similarly, if you put a plate on the tabletop, you could say "I put the plate on the tabletop" and have that be accurate, you could discuss the table top specifically, but it probably just sounds more reasonable to just say "I put the plate on the table."

With that analogy in mind, not being fused it kind of like getting an Ikea table in the box. All the parts are disjointed, unconnected, and seperate from one another. You can't really discuss these parts as "a table" because they're not together, they aren't really able to work like a table, and the parts can be taken miles apart - you could even loose parts; what happens to one part does not necessarily echo throughout the non-unified whole. If you stub your toe on the leg, you probably didn't impact the table top and every other part of the would-be table. If you place your "plate on the non-unified table", its hard to imagine where exactly you would have put the plate down. The concept of each part operates really only independent of one another.

Fusion, on the other hand, is like putting that Ikea table together. Once everything is all together, you can easily refer to the whole as a "table" but you can ALSO refer to the legs, the table top, the screws, etc.

Its not so much parts melting together to make a new whole, its more about parts connecting and unifying to create a solid whole concept. Pre-fusion, the concept of "I" is limited to the individual parts that don't really exist in a unified form - you are either interacting with the leg, the screw, the table top.

Fusion, the concept of "I" is expanded to the unified whole, meaning you are always interacting with "the table" but you can also specifically be interacting with the leg, the table top, the screw, etc.

[burntheedges]

get to know your moots

thank you for tagging me @ace-turned-confused @kedsandtubesocks @sawymredfox @iknowisoundcrazy @jeewrites @katareyoudrilling @ghotifishreads 🧡 I freaking love these lol I know it's been a minute but hi, here I am.

what's the origin of your blog title?: username and title are both from a Hozier song, Eat Your Young (because "I'm starving, darling" is how I feel about Joel Miller)

OTP(s) + shipname: alright I've been reading fic since I was 12, here are some of the highlights in vaguely chronological order - Dramione (but like, in the 2000s, lmao), Drarry, Sterek, Johnlock, Arthur/Eames, Stucky, Stony, Sirmione, Wolfstar, Damen/Laurent, 00Q, Spirk, PPCU/reader, Rookanis, DinLuke

favorite color: orange

favorite game: Dragon Age Veilguard, Dragon Age Inquisition, the Mass Effect trilogy, Stardew Valley, BOTW, TOTK

song stuck in your head: Not Like Us, Kendrick Lamar

weirdest habit/trait?: hmmm my husband would say it's no outside clothes allowed on the bed, but I don't think that's weird. probably biting my cuticles. 😬

hobbies: knitting, sewing, writing, gaming

if you work, what's your profession?: let's not talk about work lmao

if you could have any job you wish what would it be?: I don't wish for work lol but maybe owning a book store or yarn shop.

something you're good at: languages, parallel parking, overextending myself

something you're bad at: not overextending myself. feeling my feelings.

something you love: talking to people who love the same things I love 🧡, going to concerts

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: knitting, linguistics, languages, video games, hockey

something you hate: everything going on right now in the US

something you collect: hmm I used to collect a lot of things and then I moved across the country multiple times and got tired of having stuff. books, probably lol

something you forget: anything that's not in my calendar

what's your love language?: fyi the love languages book is fundamentalist nonsense BUT I do feel very loved when my husband does what they call acts of service (which he knows). that's what I tend to do by default, too, but he likes when I use my words.

favorite movie/show: LOTR, Ever After, Deep Space 9, The Matrix, Clueless, Inception, TLOU, The Mandalorian, Skyfall, Pacific Rim, CA:TWS, Andor, so many others lol

favorite food: pasta, a perfect caeser salad, sopes, sushi

favorite animal: cats. also hippos, those big dorks

are you musical?: I was kicked out of band lol but I was in a singing group in high school and another later. I can read music ok

what were you like as a child?: looking back, obviously unmedicated for ADHD, lmao. but extroverted and hyperaware, really

favorite subject at school?: languages, and then history

least favorite subject?: science, but mostly because some of my teachers sucked and I was socialized to think I was supposed to be bad at it

what's your best character trait?: probably my empathy?

what's your worst character trait?: not taking the time to think (I'm working on it)

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?: I want my cold to be gone lol

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet?: ETA just realized I never answered this one. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I'm still not sure!

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!):

I have yet again begun to reread Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare because it brings me comfort (which I've needed lately) 🧡

A new favorite is The Morning Commute by @iknowisoundcrazy -- speed!AU Javi! god I love it

I think a lot of people have already done this, but in case you haven't, np tagging: @maggiemayhemnj @secretelephanttattoo @schnarfer @the-mandawhor1an @sixhours

@@davnittbraes @wannab-urs @justagalwhowrites @beardedjoel @futuraa-free

[hils79]

Alive! Sort of?

Sorry I haven't been around much. I got back from seeing Ateez, and immediately got sick, which is no big surprise after 3 arena shows in 5 days. I'd have been more surprised if I hadn't tbh. Just about everyone I know who saw them in Manchester ended up getting sick.

I'm over the worst of it now but I'm still quite run down and tired and I've got a lingering cough which is only just now starting to subside.

You know what, though? Totally worth it. I had amazing time seeing Ateez and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Initially I was going to do a write-up of the shows but it's been nearly 2 weeks now so instead here's a few bullet points

This was my first concert since 2008 and my first kpop concert period so I honestly had no idea what to expect

Nothing could have prepared me for the atmosphere. The crowd was pumped and singing loudly before the show even started

So thankful to everyone who told me to invest in some earplugs. I took them out for one (1) song because I needed to hear Jongho sing Everything unfiltered and I wound up losing my hearing in one ear for most of the next day

Going to a kpop concert was not unlike going to a convention. Everyone was super nice and friendly and everyone was handing out freebies to each other. Some of the freebies were so creative and people clearly spent so much time on them

Ateez themselves were SO GOOD. I'd heard they put on a good show but they were absolutely locked in and focused when they were performing and then having a bit of fun and joking around between songs. Pretty sure this has ruined me for other kpop shows now

The first show I went to I barely took any photos or videos because I was so overwhelmed by them being right there on stage just a short distance away from me. We didn't go for any of the VIP packages because those were all standing only, but we had really good seats all three nights.

They absolutely are that pretty in real life even when they were exhausted and had sweat dripping off them

Even seeing them for 3 shows in a row they changed things up enough that it never felt stale or boring. And they made a real effort to talk about things local to the host city. Jongho and Hongjoong talked about the correct way to make tea, Seonghwa and Wooyoung showed off their attempts at a regional accent. It was all super cute and very endearing

It’s funny I never imagined I would boo Hongjoong but the first night in London when he said it was time for the end of the show everyone booed. I assumed people did that for every show but on day 2 he said he’d been quite taken aback but he was prepared for it this time

(I'M SORRY I BOOED YOU HONGJOONG ILU)

My absolutely favourite thing was someone made some double-sided photocard holders with 'my bias before the show' on one side and 'my bias after the show' on the other side. I got wrecked by a different member each night

Yeosang in particular was an absolute revelation to me. I have a very clear memory of saying OH NO out loud from the moment he introduced himself. I can't even explain it there's just something about him that just grabbed me and held my attention all night

All in all 100/10 would do again

[strikefourth]

Fourth Strike Dec-Jan-Feb Roundup!

(It's Bandcamp Friday. 100% of today's proceeds go towards California wildfire relief)

Hey everyone! It's 2025 now, and while January was tied up with prepping and releasing we've been the garages, it's February now, which means: Roundup time!

Our first roundup of 2025 is absolutely FILLED with new music, podcast appearances, and disintegrating perceptions of the self, brought to you with love from Fourth Strike. Also, cool shirts.

Let's jump into it:

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The Garages released another EXPANSION single! "I'm Starting to Lose My Sense of Self," by @rosieeeeeeeee is out now on Bandcamp.

It'll be up on Spotify as a double single with Shark Hunter soon, so keep your eyes peeled and your ears primed! And pre-order the album if you haven't yet :)

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2. Two years ago, Skates wrote an indie horror game about women's rowing team. Now, in the wake of increasingly hostile sentiment and policy against trans folks, especially trans women (including a new American executive order ban on trans women in sports), they're giving 100% of game proceeds from this month to Athlete Ally and Callen-Lorde.

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3. Resni released a whopping 62-track soundtrack for their game, Stardust Demon. Let me say that again: 62. Tracks.

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4. @girltentacles and friends made a Christmas song! It came out on Christmas; we're just late to the party. Don't waste any more time not listening to it!

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5. New @girlballz music! Demos, covers, and new originals, oh my!

Fae're also doing February Album Writing Month, where it's challenged to write 14 songs in 28 days. You can follow along with faer progress here:

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6. Bertie's new band, Cardboard Chords, released two singles in the last three months, with another one set to drop on Valentine's Day. Pre-orders open now!

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7. If you missed them last time around, Yuppie Supper ( @thwackamabob ) shirts are back! They'll stay up until sizes run out... or a new EP releases 👀

The band's also migrated to BlueSky--you can catch up with them here!

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8. Sister Sickness released its new single "Break My Bones" on SoundCloud! Check it out here:

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9. @clemkesh is doing a guest run on the podcast Quest Friends! as the singing voice of player character Sparky! Her first appearance is on Episode 46: "Swanshine!"

There're also extended versions of the songs released as separate cuts--you can find those over on the Quest Friends! website:

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10. Louisa also wrote, co-sang, and produced a duet for this year's Secret Samol, a Friends at the Table annual fanart exchange:

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10. @robnotes's part of a 48 hour charity stream for Children on the Edge! They're managing the stream today--at the top of the hour, actually-- and they'll be hosting the feed on Sunday, Feb 9th from 10am - 3pm GMT. Come say hi!

[springtrappd]

now that i have successfully convinced some of you to give always come back a shot i can commence step two of my multi-part plan to microdose you on metal until you listen to scrap heap get y'all into his work by recommending nothing left to want, which is the pizzasim song of all time, no question. like. while almost all of the fnaf tracks off the album scrap heap are less about fnaf itself than nate's relationship to it (& the community) -- which gets them written off by said community, since they feel less "fnaf" and more "nate"... and nate's work is deeply, deeply personal in a way that is as cathartic as it can be uncomfortable. (he's very much a product of the emo scene and it shows!) but sleeping on them (and all of nate's work! go listen to his original stuff!) (he's in fucking sonic frontiers!) because they're less about Events than they are Feelings means missing out on some of the best fansongs out there

like, say, nothing left to want -- which is fucking excellent as a pizzasim song not because it's particularly interested in literal shit that happens in the game itself, but in the core of it, the emotions that drive the narrative forward. it bounces between nate's usual pop punk/rock -- heavily influenced by his work covering anime openings for decades -- into something much, much heavier, a false joy blending into jagged screaming as the song unravels. it's about nate choosing to leave the fandom scene behind after it became detrimental to his mental health, yeah, but it's also about someone putting a cheery facade over something dark & dangerous until it's ready to be unleashed -- to be put to rest, once and for all. performing until there's nothing left to want. how you have to pull the trigger on this thing you loved so much you destroyed each other.

Now I'm afraid you've been misinformed I know you've suffered, but it's time to be reborn I've heard myself, and now I'll practice the words that I preach It's so close but somehow out of reach

All my life I've debated But our connection is terminated And once the smoke has cleared I'll be waiting for all of you again on the other side

Now it's a new day and now's your time to shine The entertainment's enough to ease your mind Don't mind the voices you hear inside your head Don't mind the monsters that hide beneath your bed Don't wanna regret the message sent But it's what you said in the end (what you said in the end) Will you free me? Unbound my hands Then I'll wave farewell, singing "See you around, my friend"

it's as melancholic as it is angry, and it captures the duality of pizzasim -- a game that is lying to you about what it is half the time; a game about a deeply depressed man taking the legacy he created out with him; a game about leaving the old and the bad and the good and the new behind; a game about moving on by going back to usual -- perfectly. and, lest we forget: it fucking BANGS

if you have not listened to always come back by nwtb as a fnaf fan you have not yet lived. btw. like that is true of all of nate's songs (especially his original work) (please go listen to those) but this one especially sends me bouncing off the walls for how it manages to both humanise afton while cutting to the core of his character (as a manipulative bastard and coward trapped in his own self-fulfilling prophecy). and it BANGS

[respectthepetty]

Episode six of First Note of Love was sad since it focused on Matt and everyone's grief about the ways their lives were changed, but episode seven . . .

Oh, I'M READY!

I am ready for this 20-year-old to finally get everything he wants.

And for this awkward babygirl to give him everything he wants.

*does a little shoulder shimmy*

Alexa! Play Britney Spears' "Do You Wanna Come Over?"

[theflyingfeeling]

just got home from Ruisrock's Super Sunday, what do you mean I gotta go grocery shopping now and cook dinner 😭

[triglycercule]

i'm so mtt rotted i'm covering songs for them about them AS them ‼️‼️‼️‼️ yes this is about xxtha's mtt songs no i still have not recovered UASGAHAHHGGAYZBSNXUANXHANZBA

[draco-renn]

Man. All I do these days is fail to meet expectations and then get upset at myself for failing to meet those expectations. This sucks.

[childoferebus]

Boss: "I know you're only doing [work I already told her I would be doing last week] to get out of our recorded team meeting." Me: "I have no idea what you're talking about. I am so ready for this call; I got my hair cut last week, I have a box of bleach in my bathroom, and I have a bottle of neon orange hair dye on the way." Boss: "Oh haha, we'll see."

we sure will lol

[thetangibleghost]

i called out... like right before my shift too. i am truly a monster. like they're going to have to find someone to cover my trucks. i just can't. like yesterday wasn't even that bad and i've been having fun, i enjoy the job i enjoy working and i just.

[cathymee]

ok crazy how gary valenciano actually started out in the 80s as well and was already dubbed the mj of the philippines by that time. literally rose to fame by '82-83 just as mj began soaring to new heights of stardom

[el3ctraaa]

Wish I was stoned rn :(

[woodlands-nd]

I love creativity but it is not always convenient

[snowflop]

I forgot YouTube has a recap feature, yippee! I love music :)