#nothing to do with my usual content
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I was just looking at the screensaver of the New York skyline. Louisa is right; 432 Park Avenue is hideous.
#nyc#432 park avenue#louisa talks buildings#tiktok#toothpick building#nothing to do with my usual content#just a random thought#I admire the commitment to hating a building enough to make a 34 part series documenting your hatred of it.
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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Whoops hand slipped here’s some TADC character fanart. Apologies for the severe lack of Pomni in this one idk where she went off to…maybe she got lost on her way to find the exit. The lines are incredibly choppy & rushed, I know, but it was still fun art practice! I don’t draw these guys nearly enough anyways so this is a nice change of pace. Support indie animation :3
#you wanna know a secret? don’t like how I draw Ragatha I wish I could do her better 😔#like I don’t know if I make her hair straight or if it’s kinda wavy?? and her eye too idk how to draw it in a satisfying way :((#but that’s a normal dilemma when I’m trying to blend my artstyle with the shows artstyle#keeping the characters on model/recognizable and consistent but also my own style ya know?#making those adjustments takes time and usually I need to draw a character 7+ times before it looks good#JAX ON THE OTHER HAND—OH BOY GOODIE HE IS SO COMICALLY EASY TO DRAW HALLELUJAH LOL#I think the Puzzle toothy grin & toon eyes just automatically agree with me#then Kinger I also struggle with personally#Gangle’s mask shape is confusing at first but then you adjust fairly quickly#Caine is neutral party to me—I know how his design is but I’m not confident without reference material#and then the artstyle translation is another hurdle to juggle <<#his top hat especially like HOW U DRAW 😭 I can manage Puzzles bowler hat just fine but NOT top hats man#Zooble is lovely Zooble peace and love they did nothing wrong just pleasant to draw uwu#Jax & Zooble conflict oh noooo the bitches are fighting /j#Actually this initially started only with Caine & Zooble but I just kept adding others lol#Ragatha & Kinger we’re the very last additions#hplonesome art#tadc characters#the amazing digital circus characters#NOT GONNA PUT ANYMORE TAGS BECAUSE THEN IT’LL GET SWEPT UP AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME I DRAW THEM ALL THE TIME 🥲#I can’t be held liable for serving TADC fanart content because that isn’t me right now sorry
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Don't you just love it when it's the middle of the night and that aromantic loneliness hits you in the face because once again you're thinking about the fact that society values romantic relationships way more than platonic ones and that you'll never be as important to your friends as they are to you because romantic relationships are the most valuable thing in the world and platonic ones will almost always be overlooked, left in second place, sometimes even forgotten?
#how your friends always get distant the moment they start dating#how a huge part of adult life is expected to revolve around having a partner#how you're the strange one for getting “too attached to friendships”#for not putting romance in the same pedestal as everyone else#aromantic#just a silly little vent post#I'm going to sleep now#aroace#lgbtqia#12 pm thoughts be like#this didn't even happen recently it just came to mind out of nowhere#and this has NOTHING to do with my usual content#i wanna have a cat :(#☙ no creativity for names ✾
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begging on my hands and knees please pb stop killing your own game its getting quiet in hereeee
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#its like#yeah once again i get its a small company#but the way players keep dropping bc of how hostile/predatory its already gotten with paid content#im not going anywhere any time soon but man#ITS AGGRAVATING TO SEE IM SAD ABT IT#like i said when this started in like december its just#it feels like they jumped the gun way too early#no gacha is ever gonna be player friendly i get that too but like#usually they stwrt easing up on f2p content into more paid stuff later#game launched in what october? its april#only half a year and the way i keep seeing less and less is fr sad#and like ik im just a player i dont have the answer but like#if the focus switched from pay for characters to some of the other stuff that was supposed to be implemented by now#text chats/ the seraphim dungeons/ hell even the friends feature#like theres been no word on any of that and im just pulling from the promises announcement made in january#pools already feeling oversaturated for l cards#and its just. it gets real empty feeling real fast now it feels like nothing was rly. planned well if you get me#but idk#its just upsetting to see smthn dying this fast#i wanna have hope but ehhhh...#i rly do wanna wait it out bc im not like a super devoted pb fan#but i found love unholyc when the pandemic first was kicking my ass bc going from being on campus and-#being out all day with friends to being stuck at home was...tough#and the games janky but i liked the chars#same with whb#so like. augh
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I feel lame for not having many ocs tbh. Whatever i do what i want forever
#idk i feel like my entire art is only ever used on drawing pre existing characters#usually from popular ips i feel so shallow.#any ocs i make i never get attached to. and if i do im too nervous to post them#or like with my fandom intrests i love them so intensely and then a month or so later#i dont give a shit anymore. i wish i wasnt so reliant on pre existing characters with pre existing personalities to draw#my attention. and draw in general.#bc when im not in an intense intrest phase i cant draw for shit. thatd be a perfect time to draw my ocs right?#but i need to be intensely intrested to draw in the first place. and they aren't fleshed out they dont have content#yhere is no book or movie or show or game. ive gotta do all of that. but that passion isn't there#i get no big ideas for stories of my own. no characters with compelling backgrounds everytging i do#just feels like a rehash or repackaging of something else.#and insult to injury. usually i can pinpoint exactly which pre exosting character im ripping from#which nothing wrong witg inspiration. if it was anyone else i'd be like fuck yeag dude thats awesome#but because its me it feels like stealing stealing stealing i cant think of anything on my own so i must steal#idk. whatever.#i mean i do have ocs but i havent drawn them in fucking forever it feels like. and i love them ig#for once i cant really pinpoint where i pulled them from. but too nervous to post them on#this blog and also again. drawing them feels like a chore because the obsession isnt there#vent#whateverrrrr my interps are baller my lines are swagular. im gonna make it whatever#and also i feel like a flake with my intrests and its not deliberate but sometimes i feel like im#pullibg people in from fandoms then pulling a switcheroo gotcha on them by being invested#in something else#which obviously im fucking not thats stupid im not doing this on purpose#but it still feels so yuuuuucky like im sorry ik this isnt what you folloed me for. sorry#SJATEVER i win at art wbatever whatever
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made a mistake in my new job of two months and being so so so brave about it
#i sent out a marketing email with the wrong subject line#ordinarily this would make me spiral because#1) lots of people would have seen it#2) it will effect open rates and conversion#and i'd usually cry about it#apologise profusely to the whole team#and worry i'd be fired#but this time i have Chosen to be calm#yeah it's not ideal. but the email is sent and there's nothing i can do about it so i can't worry about it#instead i just logged in and checked the subject line for tomorrow's email and made sure that was right#and i won't say anything unless someone talks to me about it#and at that point i will apologise for getting it wrong (it's my first marketing email workflow!!!)#and reassure them that i already checked the next email#i'm just telling myself it's not a big deal. at least the content of the email was correct#anyway this was long and rambly and boring. back to being a gremlin i guess#effie rambles
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we have been watching star wars skeleton crew (no one be mean to me) which is very bad (obviously), but sadly i cannot stop watching it because it has an old republic mint in it. a mint! where they made the money! i have been complaining for like a decade that the money in star wars makes no sense (a man might have his preoccupations, mightn't he) & finally, a show which has heard my exhortations & decided to ruin my life about it by being willfully fucking dumb
#IT IS SO STUPID! IT IS SO STUPID I SHALL DIE!!!!! WHY ARE OLD REPUBLIC 'CREDITS' SQUAREISH GOLD COINS THAT'S DUMB!!!!!#LIKING STAR WARS IS A CURSE!!!!!!#irredeemable whining#the best star wars money content is still ep 1 of mando show where someone says that they don't accept republic credits on the outer rim#because a) that reflects the fact that money is part & parcel of state power & b) it's a nice riff on westerns! 19th c american money WEIRD#instead of making the money somehow a stable & consistent store of value even though the coins look nothing like the money in the ot!#it makes zero fucking sense for old republic money to have avoided debasement; we watched clone wars!#the republic's debt burden was UNREAL & the government was consistently irresponsible; they would've debased coins + printed cash?#it makes no sense! there absolutely should be some kind of commodity money that's generally exchangeable in like illicit trade#and it should be minted by like. the hutts lmao. republic credits should exist on the outer rim as a currency of account#or i guess it would be very star wars to have the banking clan also make the money (& a nice nod to 19th c american money again) but um#i do not personally like thinking too hard about the banking clan because i think it usually collapses into lazy antisemitic tropes#instead of like interesting public finance/corporate influence stuff. which is what i want. in my star wars. like a fool#i'm in way too deep on this obv. anyway the show is very bad & clearly very expensive & i hate disney star wars#feel free to chime in with your star wars money thoughts!
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does it ever feel like no matter how much you communicate with someone, nothing changes
#one of my friends feels so distant and has for the past few years. every time i send art in our server they rarely respond and even if they#do theyre not very enthusiastic about it. i could go on multiparagraph rambles to them about my interests and they either dont respond or#write a super nothing response. ive talked about it before and they said they would try to be better and then like a month later it all#feels the same.. am i doing something wrong?#idrk how to connect w people except for talking about my interests. am i just being annoying? they talk about their interests all the time#and i usually try to listen and engage even if im not super invested on the actual content#bc i like when my friends talk to me about stuff#idk. i really shoildmt post this#delete later#im just tired ig.. ignore me
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idk if i agree with the whole "if you post art online it means you want people to like it" thing, i feel more like im tossing it out there as an option for people and hopefully it makes someone happy but even if no one cares about it its still gonna sit there like idrc if people see it. it's like leaving the curtains of my windows open, idrc if you look inside at that moment or not but heres a taste of my life if you do.
#if i wanted ppl to like my art i probably would've fully colored and finished *at least* the entire first chapter of my comic.#but rn im content just working on it endlessly 🤷 yall made it clear that apparently you think i have nothing to offer so ill keep all this#shit i have to offer that you pretend doesnt exist to myself ig#maybe ill toss out some scraps every now and then. if i think you even deserve it.#i almost feel like snake n pals is the version i think the internet deserves- the least effort version.#which explains why i prefer to post those than my actual comic.......#iunno. make me feel like you actually give af if you do.#it might be kinda different for me tho bc i mostly post my art on deviantart which i mostly use as a online place to store my art lol......#when i post art on here THEN its bc i want ppl to pay attention. on there its just. opening the curtains.#actually the only other time i care is when im showing ppl im friends with irl#well- ig friends in general. but i dont usually make internet friends bc i dont trust u hoes
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You know me. I like barely ever show any NOT SAFE FOR WORK drawings on here. So instead, I'm sharing drawings of my face AS I was drawing each NOT SAFE FOR WORK thing.
And the subject is right there, smack dab in the middle. Being tormented by the sins of the egg. (I drew him really cute but I can't share the rest.)
ALSO, I'd like to state that it's not corngraphic except like two maybe, it's more so like violent. We are all just having fun beating this guy up. Like, step right up and stomp on his face type shih. I never ever ever draw violent stuff, unless it's lewling related, so this is like cathartic.
This uhh feeling will fade after Halloween hopefully and we'll go back to our regularly scheduled wholesomeness and cammypus.
#i looked in a mirror 20 feet away as reference because im like NYAHAHA WHAT EVILS HAVE I COMMITED#and i see my own smug face in the mirror like 'yes this will get me hunted down'#sketches#i do comedy slapstick violence but ya know doing more darker jokes and adult humor feels nice like im not censoring myself#i mean i still am by not showing you guys a lot of the bloody or even H O RN Y stuff but ya cant expose everything#like for those of yall who have followed me for years id say were all legal here for more than my usual 13+ content#i just want ro be appealing to a broader audience IN CASE i ever did make it somewhere but haha its been what#8 years since i started this blog. any credit i had died off with teeny taku fhjdjsksajsk#ive got no image to uphold. i have nothing im trying to promote anymore. i do but ive lost the plot ya know#im just having fun and im glad you guys are just ...letting me? like i looked at my old stuff#with the cookies the pokemans the fehs the ocs. and yall just let me go freaking wild and thought#yeah ill give that a like. bless yalls hearts. bless ya souls. ive got thousands of posts on here and yall just let me run wild#and thank you for that. ya never pit pressure on me. kts me outting pressure on myself.#i do wish there were folks that did look forward to some actual tangible content instead of me shitposting with no cohesiveness#but thats just hard with adhd. and try as i might with medications and alarms and deadlines and what have you. its just. difficult#like even the tags here are derailing. but i hope that alongside me just having fun doing my thing. i hope i can get on course#where there is a clear line to follow in my life but i dont lose sight of it as i trail off#but for now. im just drawing experimenting and straight up goofing around. have fun you guys#i may not show you everything but just know im having fun too.
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ngl i feel like every fandom is a toxic hellscape at this point. you just handpick a couple of people to follow and then stay away from the rest of it jfgsjfhsjd
that's true, yeah, however i've been on this site for 13 years now and i can only think of two, maybe three fandoms i've been in that got to this level of unhinged and toxic. usually i'm able to completely filter it out and keep to my own nicely curated bubble, but with 911 (especially lately) i haven't been able to escape it no matter how many tags i blacklisted or people i blocked. it's seeping through every crack on all social media. being a part of a fandom you want to enjoy the content that gets put out. not just the show/movie itself, but everything that comes along with it (promotional content, bts footage, press content, fan edits,...) and it's become impossible to experience that joy without being immediately and completely overwhelmed by a subset of fans who are so incredibly determined in their spite and hostility that is based on nothing but the fact that they're not getting their way. they're actively bullying both fans and actors/actresses and it's gone way beyond it just being about ships and characters, this is hatred based on principle now, deranged behavior that's actually concerning.. and i've only seen glimpses of it because i don't seek it out willingly and don't care to engage and play defense. it's just... fucking sad and embarrassing at this point. it's a tv show and real people are getting hurt because some people just love to harass others and pretend it's because of a ship
#anonymous#ask#like at this point it actually affects how i perceive the content i get#and it's usually through a negative lense in terms of#'oh they're gonna get hung up on this now aren't they'#and they always do#harmless little moments get twisted and misinterpreted so often#that now you end up seeing the discourse before it even happens#i go through 5 stages of grief every time i watch a new episode and it has nothing to do with the story itself#you could say 'stop watching it then or go offline'#but then i'd miss all the good content that comes out of it#so i'm just.... wading through shit each and every day to get to my pot of gold#sorry this was depressing as fuck but it's been building up in me for weeks lmao
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There is a link limit to a post for your mlist
not one i've hit yet- but i havent gotten around to updating the master list (or rather making an up to date one) since october bc to be completely real here, i feel so guilty i feel like ive hardly written/posted anything for MONTHS now, and the idea of sitting down and confronting myself with exactly how little ive managed to get done makes me feel sooo guilty (if that makes sense?)
#.txt#stygianoir#i feel so cringe writing this#like this is a hobby and i dont charge money for content. i shouldnt feel obligated to be prolific#but i love writing and it really sucks when something you love doesnt hit like it usually does :/#i might delete this later#again. just feels cringey admitting this#but i wish it were easier for me to FINISH my shit yknow?#and yeah the anon hate does kinda get to me too#nothing i havent heard before. but its untrue and i wanna fire back so bad but i promised myself to do that again#like i have a full time job and a new bf and animals to take care of so its not like i hqve all the time to work on my projects here#but i could be trying a lot harder to be consistent or prolific. and how long ive had reqs in development is why the guilt REALLY festers#sorry for venting just wanted to get this off my chest.
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If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.
#it shouldn't happen though i am too triggered by MRA-lite material#i can't see that changing any time soon even though i haven't had exposure to the content for like 10 years#the transmisandry discourse on this site melts my brain it's awful it's just online stuff being argued about more online stuff#this is not the same as me saying i will never be treated badly for being transmasc i am not stupid i know that happens#and i am fully committed to fighting the patriachy which has nothing whatsoever to do with my individual manhood or anyone else's#it's a system and yes gender and how we fit into the patriachy is made extremely complicated in trans circles and that's ok!#i promise it is you don't have to design a new system that cis women and trans women are using to do oppression on specifically trans mascs#we're all being fucked over by the patriachy and how the fuck does it help to be divided#but in reality let's face it i can say this all i want but the real reason i'm never going anywhere near being a transmisandry person#is because i was exposing myself to MRA-lite content at a formative age and harming myself in the process#even if i didn't know i was a trans man guess what it would have harmed me just as much if i did have that awareness#and honestly when i see transmisandry discourse all i see is that fucking triggering stuff again#all it does is nitpick whether patriachy is real with tiny examples it doesn't talk systemicly and it doesn't help men in the slightest#it pays lipservice to marginised men but it has no interest in talking about the fact that men are usually simultaenously#oppressed and oppressor at the same time- this is not accusatory it is just factual#it's true of the queer community too and basically every community#but we can't seem to talk about it without just harming each other and blaming and not seeing each other as human#the internet makes it all so much fucking worse this stuff can't exist without it#anyway i'm super rambling but these are genuinely very triggering topics for me i have unfollowed people i LOVE becuase of this#and i still love them! unfollowing on a social media isn't a referendum on that i just can't see that stuff and i need it gone from my dash
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I miss when i was into mcyt i rlly do
#dreamy talks#less abt the content and more abt the ..community#ik many ppl talk abt The Horrors and such but personally I found it very nice#now i just dont have time for smps and nothing hits the was cranboo did#im focusing on ocs now and i do miss all the analysis and just getting to engage with my mutuals#and freak out abt streams and such#idk i just feel nostalgic as hell as i usually do#if ur one of my mutuals from that era ily
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last few hours in boston :(
#purrs#conference tag#we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s#still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked#around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for#a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me#it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b#been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev#even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to#be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was#NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that#too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to#breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and#it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad#to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and#im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol#* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really#really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here
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