#nothing against you dont worry :)
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why do you never post my confessions cedar evil-mcytblrconfessions. am i not interesting inough for you cedar evil-mcytblrconfession. do you hate me cedar evil-mcytblrconfessions.
(/j)
yes. We hate you specifically. out of everyone, there is a very particular and specific hatred that We hold for you, and you only, nonnie. as soon as a confession from you gets sent in, the inbox makes sure to automatically incinerate it so you may never curse Our eyes with it.
(/j as well)
#correspondance#in reality there are so many confessions that just never got posted for utterly no reason at all. they just dont#maybe they will one day (also known as next time big blog reopens)!#nothing against you in particular worry not~
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almost came out to my sister today except she was on speakerphone with her husband so that did NOT happen lmao
#nothing against my BIL i just. want to keep it to the people i trust most in my family for now.#of all my immediate family she's the one i trust the most. completely 100%. oldest brother is a close second.#i think i do want to come out to them in the near future. haven't really figured out what i'm gonna say to them though.#hgrhghh.#winter speaks#personal#and i have to figure out what im going to say to the family At Large too..........................SIGH.#i dont even know if i want to come out to the whole family because i know some of them are republicans but i dont know which ones#bc there's a strict ''no talking about politics'' rule at every single gathering for as long as i can remember. lmao.#so i have no idea which family members will grudgingly tolerate me and which ones want me euthanized lmaooooooo#i don't even. really Want to come out to the whole family honestly. but i don't know how much of a long term solution that is.#whatever. im not gonna worry about all that rn bc i have to worry about how im gonna tell my siblings.#and i trust that they wont tell the rest of the family about it until im ready for it but i should probably be prepared just in case they d#because with my wonderful beautiful loving family you can never ever fucking tell :) <3#im very sure about my brother and sister tho.#whatever. its midnight i should not be thinking about stuff like this#but idk i was literally planning on coming out to her today but she just had a baby so she had the phone on speaker while she and#her husband were taking care of him/my older nephew#next time i guess.
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sometimes i think about how maya would probably hate how cagey mia would get around her, or how little she got to see of her sister, and how she's always wanted to be closer to her but she knew the moment mia went to law school and essentially removed herself from the fey clan that from thereon they'd always be in two different worlds.
then she meets phoenix, who loves and cares for her unconditionally like how something like an older sibling would, kinda like the love she's yearned from mia all along. she's incredibly high off of the feeling of finally feeling like someone's equal because phoenix treats her exactly like one. she knows she has a place beside him in court, and that she truly does belong there with him. sometimes i think that phoenix was maya's first taste of true proper friendship, since she couldn't get any of that at all with her sheltered life in kurain. her only friends her whole life was her older sister and her younger cousin.
it's just ... nice to be disconnected from a family that's only ever isolated and hurt her for so long by nick's side, and she relishes in the escapism of it all. but of course, it never really lasts too long.
when phoenix gets disbarred, she gets insane deja vu like when mia started going to law school. he becomes even cagier, he never even contacts her that much anymore, and it might just drive her mad again. she knows she's his equal, they've went through several life and death situations together. but when she sees him again he feels like a husk of the man he once was. she can never stop loving him, not when he's unconditionally loved her all these years, but it hurts all the same again. like mentor, like student.
#maya fey#phoenix wright#mia fey#PLATONIC PHOENIX & MAYA NOTHING HERE IS ROMANTIC BETWEEN THEM#do you ever think of the fact that maya probably thinks of how alike phoenix and mia are and how little#she is like her sister? like thats her sister. her blood and flesh. but somehow#phoenix feels more like family to her when theyre so alike in some ways#the complicated ways of loving family who hurt you#shes never leaving that cycle of her family constantly hurting her#not like it was either mia and phoenixs fault by the way im just saying. it is still a flaw to be cagey#no one knew about mias plan against redd white#and phoenix himself never actually talks about his background. at all#she just wants to be equal with everyone#i love you maya fey#dont worry it gets better
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b4fa277700aeaf2bb502208379f21777/79cf1c938f35859c-f3/s540x810/18d8196571db644aba5fae0c3fa4b716a5a144b8.jpg)
@primuses-least-favorite-child
#answering here cus thats my art blog and i try to keep it arty#nothing against you dont worry :)#also ore?#going through trauma?#in this economy#nahhh#maybe#still figuring out#cus theyre one month old ish in development and i have no idea where i want their story to go#but touve been the main driver so thank you#they would literallt not come this far without you <3#trauma is fun so mayhaps
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c6dae9f20d92ca9a152717e4643725d4/97b81553b4f7f488-0e/s540x810/be8746c2560aeb91d313c7d24b7a418c8e029f35.jpg)
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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#I know i'm going to at least go through with prowrestling school but if i go any further than that i just hope i wont be alone in being an#ftm trans wrestler. i know there are trans women and nonbinary wrestlers and i love them dearly. it's just that i don't want to be alone in#whatever unique experiences trans men face. yu ishino transitioned after retirement. i just dont want to be alone.#ive already dug as much as i could and if there are any trans men in wrestling theyre stealth. which i get.#in the general sense i mean. i hope theres nothing particularly awful about being an open trans man competing against men.#ugh. god. i should just worry about this later.#if you read this far. thank you. and please wish me the best
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#about AI scraping#listen if you want to lock down your fics and that will make you feel more secure#definitely do it#im not arguing against that#if you do not want to lock down your fics#and are feeling some pressure to#because fuck AI#I just wanted to let you know that i've spent almost exactly a year now downloading every fic in the 1D fandom#im at like 80% now#have lots of experience in mass downloading#and if people in charge of AI want that AI to scrape locked fics#it is VERY easy for them to take the extra step to do it#like that's nothing against ao3 that's just the nature of it#I download fics in batches on calibre and all I had to do was add my login into the code and it automates that#so like locking down probably does offer some protection#but if the people training the AI know what ao3 is and want in#they can get a log in so easy#so dont worry too much about locking fic down#if you dont want to
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#sometimes i wonder if i should just go by maryam professionally#i feel like this would extremely lower my chances of getting outed on accident lmao.#all my branding is centered on my renegaedz username anyway like if i switched over itd alter pretty much nothing.#my dad simultaneously being so neglectful but such a fucking busybody and all my transphobic irls literal only reason id need to do this.#in theory i would not have to have literal separate art identities to keep up the facade but then i would have to play a balancing game#but then this means letting everyone i know irl into my little zone lmaooo i hate everyone .#i hate so many of my irls lol you all make me so fucking mad and make me hate being trans so fucking much sometimes.#why do i have to compromise on who i am just so i can fucking exist#'what if i compromise on how i present myself so i dont need to worry about being open about my art ventures'#all this so i can be open to people who i went through hell for over a decade to#connect to who rejected me already just because im autistic . everyday im violent.#people who would want me to fucking die and spit on my existence forever if they knew i didnt hate gay people#let alone that im fucking trans haha ? hahaha yeah so true i should suck up forever and vie for the attention of people#who hate me already and keep me around to be nice#i hate everyone so fucking much sometimes honestly. you all act like youre on some moral warfront fighting against westerners pushing queer#as if historically queerness was pushed out of muslim communities and south asia because of FUCKING COLONIZATION#i fkjhckjhk يا الله the people on this earth are in their stupidity arc#i hate u all i hate u all . acting like we must fight to protect our communities but then turn a blind eye to how u hurt ur communities.#there aint no fucking queer epidemic and even if it WAS haram you know what is worse? fucking LYING. go worry about THAT#vent#sorry i am so insane rn i have suddenly gotten so mad for no reason lmao
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Thinking about how much i love relatable characters
#Like god when i was watching thanks to them??#Luz??#I was like internally yelling at the screen “omfg just tell them they wont hate you you did nothing wrong”#And like. At the end of the episode#When it was revealed#And no one held it against her#I remembered my own situation where i was so worried about what people would think that i told no one#And when i did they didnt think bad of me at all#I wish i had the owl house when i was 13#And on a different topic#Steven universe got onto the subway surfer clips on tiktok#And i remembered how much i relate to peridot and lapis#And its ironic now#I remember being so disappointed when they never fused#But now im ace and im like “yeah. They dont need to fuse to be themselves.”#Or Lapis’s whole thing with Jasper#Like my situation was totally different but#I cant help but associate my ex friend with Jasper (who associated herself with amethyst so ironic lol)#And like last thought but#I remember being disappointed with SUF in the fact that it wasnt some sort of fight#And i realize now that i was expecting something like malachite#But thats not how you deal with yourself#And#ugh#personal Rambles#ig
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There is literally ONE (1) building in my town that I hate because of this and no one seems to care!
So it's across the the street from a Walmart (what isn't now) but it is surrounded with a 10 ft iron fence. It's is one of the few 2 story buildings in town and the only 2 story in the area. Has more security cameras than the banks in town that you can see from the outside.
It has 2 keypad entrances, 1 large gate for the workers who drive in at 8:00 am and eave at 5:00 pm (I only know this cause I used to work at the Walmart and noticed over time) Whatever they work on must be digital as there is a small group of workers (20 ish guessing by parking size that I can see from the outside) and a small building. No product seems to enter or leave physically.
The second entrance is for guests. And this is what really, REALLY, really gets me. The guest entrance has small parking, about 8 spots, almost always empty. Never full. I don't think I have ever seen more than 2 cars there. But to get in, there is a keypad door, like the gate, (which I assume also has a speaker as I know it does have a camera that I have seen driving by.)
Now assuming you get passed the gate or door, both are still far from The Building! That just got you into The Fence. The Building is a large distance from the guest door. The worker parking is close to The Building but far from the gate entrance.
No clue what is needed to enter The Building cause I can't ever get that close but, again, 2 separate entry for workers and guests. Due to geography, workers enter on the bottom floor and guests enter on the top floor. This place literally has more security than our city hall and FBI office.
Now, I know, LOGICALLY, this just sounds like a private business that likes\needs their security\privacy. yes. sure. fine. I wish it was that simple. If it was that, it wouldn't rot in my brain.
But the thing is, whatever this building is,
There is no logo.
There is no sign.
There is no business name.
The only external marking is just the street number.
And I have searched the address with my limited resources. again, no listings.
If it was just a business that needed security, it would still have a name. Even if it was a government building, it would have a name on the building or a small sign at the guest parking. A signal or something to bring in clients!
Whatever this building is, it is almost as if it doesn't exist. It's just there. And no one seems to care.
And it vexes me every time I go shopping. What is going on in there? What is so secret? What is so important?
What do I need to do to get in those doors?
the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use the worst part is everything else
#im serious#I really hate this building#my poor partner has listened to this rant many times#the thought of climbing the fence has gotten into my mind more times than i can count#but worried of the consequences#that could be anywhere from trespassing charges#to security threat against the nation if my insane theories are correct#logically its probably nothing#but why the nothingness#i have also been tempted to just walk up and see if i can speak to someone on the speaker#just ask#wtf is the building#but i dont think i would get wn answer#and if i did#i dont know if I would trust it without being able to go inside#i am sorry op for this rant#but if you write#hopefully this is a good writing inspiration#rant#personal rant
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Missing expectations by 50% lol. It's almost like making a fourth game in a franchise (and only direct sequel) without leveraging and relying on the franchise material that came before it leaves an audience feeling extraordinarily....meh. Why would I recommend this to someone who knows the world, and the older games, and wants that same experience of building a setting? On the other hand though, why would I recommend to someone new that they get involved in a franchise that has just decided to abandon all the previous material? Aside from the extreme disappointment they'd feel getting back to 4 after playing the others (if they even get the itch from the game itself, which could be a long shot considering it gives you no incentive for curiosity and would be relying on the strength of the setting itself, which is admittedly huge!!! and why the result we got here is so damn disappointing...), we all now know that Nothing Matters. What incentive is there to continue? What will they get next? Another excruciatingly limiting title that parades itself around as a "role playing" game while actually offering only a painfully narrow character with virtually no branching choices, and has little to no reactivity?
If I wanna watch a movie while I play my videogames, I'll play a quantic dreams title, thanks. Rug pulling an RPG is crazy lol. We can TELL when it's a lie, we're literally playing the game. Love to see a "she would not fucking say that" and it's my own player character lmao. And the rated M game is fun little jaunt where we all say "thank you for saying that," never have real interparty conflict (or really, any high stakes at all), can't express ourselves in any way other than Valid and Supportive, spend a not insignificant amount of dialogue ensuring we all know our pirates are good ethical hero folks, don't ever even get to sympathize with the villain because this is a rated M game and it very serious and not at all a Disney movie, and oh, you'll never guess this, but the rated M game is completely sexless -- we just blink at each other in three different convos before we go 😟😳🥹 I love you!!! My hero!! Like it isn't about the sex itself, it's about the willingness to be, idk, gross or uncomfortable etc (and in this case pacing lol). This game feels like it's hiding things preemptively so as to avoid causing "offense" like it's...pearl clutchy to me, in a way, or at least, trying to ensure that pearl clutcher is the most comfortable they can possibly be. And like I'm sorry but idc about them, this isn't about them, this is dragon age lol. Rated M for Misinformation smdh...
#it's crazy bc like. bw has pretty much always gotten praise for the world building of the games#even something like me3 the issue there was how they took that sandbox and pigeonholed it which made it feel pointless and bad#which uhhhh. huh. totally not relevant at all .....#(not to mention the lack of a Third Option and shep was either Good or Mean...again. Relevant lol but it's even worse this time)#but the character work has always been praised! issues like the trans woman in mark of the assassin dlc (im so sorry idr her name 😭)#werent about the character work.... it was fundamentally Bad politics. so why enshrine it in your game#understandably here they tried to avoid such a minefield. but to overcorrect into completely spineless characterisation is...bad#and it also required the sanitization of the world itself which strips it of complication and color and means we as the player and audience#have extremely little to engage with. all that there is is The Fight. we are Beating The Bad Guy. and nothing else is happening. and nothin#about it is complex. it is cut and dry. so there's nothing to engage with. and no one has any particularly strong feelings on anything#and the result of a world filled with boring people where nothing strange complicated or interesting is happening..... is a boring setting#which is. fucking. crazy. it's BONKERS. this is THEDAS?????? there is SO!!!!! MUCH!!! THERE!!!#but you wouldnt know it by walking through the world of da4 or speaking to the companions. bc nothing else is happening#and they dont have feelings on anything. at all. it's just We're The Good Guys Teaming Up Against Pure Evil the game#and that's just fundamentally Not what a dragon age game has ever been. and never should have ever become.#(and again. to reiterate. there is essentially zero roleplaying in the roleplaying game. you are GIVEN a role to play.#which we called RPGs back in the 90s sometimes sure when things were limited so it was cool to choose between six possible PCs...#now? thats a fuckin joke. dont lie to my face n tell me I'm playing a role when I can't even decide if my PC was a former slave or not lol)#(also slavery is a thing we will never show. ever. but don't worry we'll let you know it's in the world but our heroes would NEVER support#it!!! it's totally happening and is evil but no you can't see it and no it's existence has no effect on your PC whatsoever!!!#most definitely not if you're playing an ELF and are THE peoples who have a well documented millennia+ of servitude in the place we#spend most of the game..... yeah you can just walk around no problem. bc it Totally Exists except....we won't show you. so why should you#even believe me when i say it exists.... 🤔🤔🤔)#my setting is full of lies and fake facts that i may or may not ever acknowledge! would you like to immerse yourself in it?!????! 😐
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"Haha just gonna make some notes for his hypothetical tlt/tldc au"
*4k of the ending that would take 80k to get to*
#rangnar rambles#its a dilemma where if i post it. then i can never write the rest of it bc its literally The End#i could. there's nothing from stopping me. but.#this is for my brain itch so specifically i feel like it requires a primer for people unfamiliar with the locked t*mb#(censor to stop it going in their tag 🙏)#and you know im not against a hefty chapter note. but i do feel like you need the emotional torment of the rest of tlt#its tragic but you need 80k to see ho tragic <- batshit sentence#i blinked and its 2am ive been doinh that shit for HOURS#(80k is also Probably* an over exaggeration) *booboo the fool here who turned haha funny dinner into 20k#anyway i sorted the guys into their funny categories and gave them not harrowing pairs for the fun pair system in tlt :)#dont worry about it :)
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i would like to express three blanket statements for everyone in the notes:
- yes i obviously know that calling people ‘family’ is a way of referring the other queer people. this is evident in the fact that i used that fucking word in the post jesus christ guys you don’t need to try and inform me of this
- related, but this was a rhetorical post. i do not need advice on how to talk to people. i am involved with real life trans groups and am well versed in how to subtly talk to people. i literally made this post while on break from my bad customer service job after seeing multiple trans customers
- maybe this is a me problem but people having dysphoria from being seen as trans is sad to me. like i sorta get it but also hm maybe work on ur self hatred idk. being trans is a joy
reading comprehension questions:
consider the targeted demographic of this post. then consider, do you dislike this demographic? if so, please try changing your opinion or at least scroll away and stop bothering me about it
did the author make reference to old forms of queer communication? if so, it seems like he is familiar with the concept and perhaps refrain from informing the author about it
why might have the author, at first glance, described dysphoria as self hatred? did he really do this, or does he rather acknowledge that one facet of dysphoria stems from depression and deprecation? consider why someone might not want to be seen as trans. is it for safety reasons, or because they have yet to unlearn the perceived shame of being trans, or any other multitude of reasons? any reason is perfectly valid but one may wish to examine their opinions on the cis view of the trans body
seeing trans ppl in public is literally life giving. wish there was a normal way to express to other trans people in public that we’re family and that i love them
#the second one is perhaps a hot take but idc my activity is annoying as fuck rn#*third one. whatever sorry#other posts have said this much more eloquently but obviously yes dysphoria is real and sucks etc#and you cant just make it go away by thinking positive thoughts or whatever else like yeah sometimes you do need hrt or srs or the like#that said. a lot of dysphoria for me and also a lot of other ppl ive seen CAN be eased when you stop hating yourself#like. surround yourself with trans ppl in many stages of transition. explore other mindsets (ie no medical transition etc)#even if they don’t apply to you because that person’s experience is no less valid etc#take a note from body neutrality/positivity people#stop giving a shit what cis people think#there are so many things that genuinely ease suffering and it wont work for everyone but wallowing is never the way to go sorry#like i have nothing against you people and i wish you all well. BUT. i am worried for you#because.. when you get hrt or any surgery…. it wont magically fix your depression you also have to do the work yourself#YOU have to unlearn the cis normative view about how bodies look#well idk. some people as with any marginalized identity go oh! im trans! therefore i cant be transphobic#without unpacking any of the transphobic bullshit that is ingrained in society and themselves#NOT saying that people with bad dysphoria are transphobic of course not. i dont think most of the people in the notes are at all#it is however a related concept okay. no bad faith interpretations of this reblog allowed#SOMEONE had to sit here and read everyones tags and replies and after 22k notes hes a bit ticked off#sorry 4 being a spiteful transsexual fagdyke idgaf#trans
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i can collegepost here now chat. epic
#blocked my roommates tumblr now i can say things and not worry about him seeing it and asking ''hey is that you''#i am currently looking into a single dorm next semester#nothing against my roommate i just dont ''vibe'' with him ig#and i Hate not having a private place to sleep where its just me#talking
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i gotta stop reading cis mlm fanfic. WHERE. IS MY PENIS
#oh wow youre frotting. oh wow hes jerking you off while he fucks you in the ass. oh wow you both have penises. thats great you guys#im gonna go helplessly buck against nothing with my lack of a cock. its fine. no dont worry about me#ohhh my god you got hard??? and you can see it in your pants?? haha wow sounds inconvenient. where is mine. why cant i do that#simons spouting#nsft
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myth. i may steal ur friends [i wont all people scare me unreasonably to tears] what do u mean they have yet to actaully insult you or grab you by the wrist for speaking about something u actually like [ik theyre online but yk] like they dont even have that "cheyenne vibe" like i still have to deal with that shit? you lucky motherfucker, u loose spring and spider privilages [u dont im not actually as mean as i act]
LIKE AAAAAAAAA WHAT???? i mean i know we r technically same person but ur also sorta ur own person now and i did kinda fuck up w the old- uh ones- so i owe u privacy atleast!
holy shit are the people i unwillingly hang out with bad people? no its all jokes we good
=dylan. i decided yes i will do this, because yeah.
i hate people, maybe in college ill actually be able to spend my days in the library like i planned
#nothing against the royalty duo ofc#yall so cool#just scary#not use to that shit#actually if u see this then no u dont#im scared of confrontation too#too use to that shit#so u didnt see this#u actually dont even know me#like im not real honest#you only know myth#love the host#i cant wait for this next 2 months to be over so i dont have to worry about this whole osdd idea#unless it like actually helps or something#dont ask me ill be in my pile or at the table#when i say love the host i mean im host i mean it in a lovingly way#atleast i hope im the host#said mindspace is a bit childish so#but nothing against it#its a work in progess but its sorta actually nice yk#sorta miss that box and that pile at [ew] mias house#should i try remake it?#no we have carpet floors#fuck#the box was mine#dont have it anymore
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