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chainelunaire · 2 years ago

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yandere tendencies

shigaraki

he has almost zero yandere tendencies. you can thank the photo of his grandma for this. deep inside, even though he no longer wants to be like a hero-hero, he still views himself as some kind of a heroic figure to those he cares about (read, the league, mostly). he’s almost a gentleman in that sense. he won’t pressure you into loving him out of the blue. he’s awkward with feelings of course, but he’s not that stupid. it’s like a game to him, where the main prize is you. he could cheat and use brute force, but like really why do that? no fun, you’re not an enemy, and also, it kinda throws off his image to you, don’t you think? he’s calculating everything, and he figures that scaring you might really be not useful in the long run. he’s the one who’s learning from his mistakes, so he longer is that impulsive brat from the very start of the story. and because of his strategic thinking, even his some really troublesome qualities, like possessiveness, impulsive and manipulating behaviour, could be overcome.

ways to deal with: basically, just don’t lie to him. he’ll be okay with anything you throw his way, he’s no stranger to harsh words. it’s his way to improve himself. if you learn about his heroic origins, do not ever, i repeat, ever, use that as the way to stop him from being violent. that’s the tricky part. he still views himself as a hero - to the league, to you, but in his very twisted way. you may get it all you want, but the rules are that you keep your mouth shut. he is violent. he’ll continue to be violent. he is a villain, the future king at the end of the day. if you don’t want to face his angry breakdown, know your place. he does not cross your boundaries (even for sometimes wrong reasons), your turn to do the same.

how hard to escape: he won’t even kiss you without your consent, so dont worry about your freedom. you’re not a hostage to him. you’re free to go wherever and whenever you want.

likeliness to survive: very high. do not betray him and you won’t die from his hands (literally).

rate: 4/10, not even a yandere in a full sense, let alone dangerous one.

toga

surprisingly, ranks the lowest on this list. she has the image of a cliche yandere, and this image has nothing in common with the real toga himiko. the only things she’s obsessed with are her own thoughts and ideas. she’s very observant and she is a realist. she clearly distinguishes between the reality and her own fantasies about other people. it might upset her very much (it usually does) but she’s still the molst self-aware from the gang, even though it might not look like it. but! because of how upset she can get, she might become dangerous to even close ones. she tries really hard to be in control, but she’s still very young and she only learns. she wants love, she wants to give and to recieve love. of course, with how lonely she feels, it might swing her mood drastically. because she’s not delusional, even when she wants to be. she’s too smart to be fooled by the false feelings.

ways to deal with: well, if she’s in a bad mood, whining that no one loves her, you better either run or hug her. it’s just you do you situation. again, lies are highly not appreciated, she can see right through it, and even if you think you’ve fooled her, trust me you haven’t. with how she views the world, she’d learnt to be okay with being unloved. she desperately wants to be loved, so if you’ll love her for real, that would take her by surprise. and if not... nothing will really change.

how hard to escape: she won’t hold you hostage.

likeliness to survive: high, but you need to be able to run fast, especially when she’s in a bad mood.

rate: 2/10, not a yandere.

dabi

you think with how cold and aloof he looks, he doesn’t care about anything, like he himself states? you’re not a fool, are you? don’t fall for his lies, it may cost you a life. so if it’s you he’s currently obsessed with, it’s really bad news for you. when he sets a goal, it all goes tunnel vision to him. man’s held a grudge for more than 10 years, you really think he let’s go easily? whatever he thinks of, it possesses his mind, like it’s all already done. but, he still needs to build some courage. he’s not cruel or bloodthirsty by nature. he was raised in a heroic household, and it has a hold on him to this day. don’t mistake it, unlike shigaraki, he doesn’t see anything heroic in himself. quite the opposite, he fully recognizes he is a villain in any perspective. it may seem like he doesn’t have a moral compass, but he actually does. his moral standarts are very, very high. he just explicitely chooses to ignore it to fullfill his goals. he’s very self-aware and like any human being who recognizes that what he's doing is bad, he deals with self hatred. and because of it he has that negative nihilistic perspective, like if nothing matters anymore and i’m that evil being, why not be even more evil? it doesn’t matter anyway.

ways to deal with: he’s not cold, nor is he aloof. he’s very sensible and unstable, but, he’s still predictable. his mood swings are highly dependable on whether everything went according to his plans or not. his family is also a huge factor, because even if he himself states that he doesn’t care about them and wants to kill his small brother, well, he lies. he’s self-aware, yeah, it doesn’t mean he knows his own feelings very well. do that for him, he’ll actually be grateful, because it might lessen his self-hatred a bit. but sometimes it might anger him even more, because you may give him the reason to be a decent person, and he’s very aware he’s long past it. you can’t fix him, no one can fix him, and he doesn’t want to be fixed. he chose to be a bad, bad person, and it took years for him to seal the deal. but, however much he craves your attention, he has some boundaries. yes, he likes to play with you, and he enjoys his little manipulations and lies. but he’ll never rape you, or even kiss you without asking you first, if it’s not something you initiating. it’s just disgusting to him, and however morally corrupt he is, he’s not that low on morals bar. he doesn’t even really want to have sex with you, to begin with. he just wants his attention and fun, mainly being him gaslighting you. he doesn’t find your body necessarily attractive, because his mind doesn’t work like that. look at him, yours or even his own body are not his priorities. your mind is what he wants in his pleasure. to your advantage, he’s very bad at it, being manipulator. it’s against his blunt nature, so you better just play along. another thing is that you need to remind him carefully, that he has some greater goals (than you). you need to find them for him, so his focus changes from you and you only. best case scenario is when he finds something new (preferrably not another human) to be obsessed with.

how hard to escape: well, you’ve never lived together to begin with, and it was his choice only. he really enjoys his alone time, but he has his eyes on you anyway. you can’t really leave anywhere without him knowing somehow. but, as stupid as it sounds, it might be very easy, actually, because he might just simply forget about you if there’s any next grand goal. that’s your chance to escape. stay on the low. the sad part is, he always finishes what he’d started, even if it takes years. and if he finds you again - because he will try to do that, no matter what - what he’ll do to you then?

likeliness to survive: 50/50. there’s a thing with him, that his self-hatred shows that he’s still capable of mercy. he might just let you go one day with no regrets, out of the blue, because he said so. but here’s another way; and he knows that killing you is bad. he knows it all. he might still choose to do it regardless.

rate: 7/10. impulsive, manipulative, shows zero remorse. he doesn’t even love you, he loves to play with you. protect your mind, don’t fall for his tricks, and maybe one day you’ll escape.

hawks

crème de la crème. charming, funny, friendly, polite and is a hero, a gentleman’s kit. he remembers everything you’ve ever said to him (mark that part), he’ll follow you home, he’ll bring you small gifts and snacks, the dates are memorable, he compliments you all the way. you both want to create a beautiful family. a fairytale personified. and like with all fairytales, there’s a twist: he’s delusional to a point he can’t distiguish his desires from reality. the thing is, in his world, when he’s a highly trained asassin, his desires are a reality, because he never really had any. he was an asset, a tool. and what he was told to do, he repeated to himself and then he did what was asked. so in his mind, what he thinks is what he does. and it’s okay, if you think similarly - at the beginning of your relationship it feels like a dream how in sync you are. he’s very careful with what he’s showing to you, and if you don;t dig deeper, it may stay this way for literal years. he’s in no rush, so all your connections he cuts one by one, thoughtfully and carefully. he’s everywhere you want him to be. and he always knows what exactly you want. it is, until one time he gets it wrong, and his reaction is anything but what you’ve expected from your always sweet and gentle partner.

ways to deal with: the effect of the uncanny valley is developing with more time that you spend with him. you see his strange looks, but you don’t know how to explain it, and he’s always so ready to tell you it’s just because of how beautiful you are! but you see how he looks at you, like you’re a lab rat in a glass box, and at first you think you’re just imagining things. he’s so ready to confirm your stupidity. he wants the best for you, and since he’s seen it all, he knows best. it’ll took a lot of time for you to unpack how sick he is, how many lives he’d ended because he decided what they did was wrong. he has no moral compass, actually, he’s like a parrot, repeating what he have heard from his supervisors. so he doesn’t really know what’s good and what’s bad, he’ll find an explanation for any atrocities he’d caused. he’ll do everything in his power for you to never find out, but even if you do, he won’t drop the act. he’ll still be gentle and soft with you, trying to convince you you got it all wrong. he has his ways: he’s still attractive to you, of course he is, with his gorgeous looks, and he knows that. he’ll definitely use sex as a distraction - another thing to be wary of. and it might work, because he never in his life harmed you physically. you may fall for it again and again and again, letting him put you on a shorter leash. maybe, it’s even better for you to stay as delusional as him? because if you keep your sanity and believe your own eyes, it might become unbearable to live with him under one roof. he won’t rape your body, but he’ll torture your mind and soul constantly. unlike dabi, he mastered his manipulation skills to a degree he manipulated himself into believing his own lies. you’re ruining you both’ perfect little life. like, what bothers you exactly? it doesn’t matter if he may kill people in cold blood, he never hurt you, did he? the main survival strategy is to play along. he lies a lot, and he likes his lies. he’ll be happy to hear yours. don’t let him in your head again, pretend you’re back to his ‘normal’. or he’ll destroy you like no one but him could.

how hard to escape: your chances to escape are none to zero. you see, you may live with him for years, not realizing how crazy he is, because of how good he is at hiding it. you may even have kids at this point (which makes situation far, far more difficult). he can and he will threat you with harming others, if you try to leave him, by yourself or with kids. he won’t hurt them, but your other relatives, friends? say bye to them: he won’t kill them (again, not necessary blood is not appreciated), but you’ll never heard from them again. if you have kids, he’ll keep them. if you somehow manage to escape, however long it takes, he will find you and bring back home.

likeliness to survive: very low. he’ll probably break you in the end, that if he won’t die himself. his pressure on your mind is unimaginable. he’ll twist it in the ways only he can understand. the man has no morals, no goals, no friends, nothing but you. it can become physically impossible to live with him, while recognizing he’s like batshit crazy and he’s trying to make you like him. he won’t kill you, no matter how much you want him to. he won’t kill you no matter what you do, even if you stab him, no punishment for you other than staying with him like that, untill the day you or him finally die. and even if it’s him who dies - on a mission or from by your hand - you’ll never ever be the same.

rate: 10/10, The Madman.

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yiiiikesmish · 4 months ago

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welcome back slow horses fandom. it's the season finale 😭😭😭 i don't even know what i'm going to do with my life after these 52 minutes (it's so short!!?? why will smith why??)

anyways for the last time this season spoilers below for s4 ep6. have fun reading my thoughts. hopefully there will be a lot of thirsting about river bc i love him.

SHOOT TO KILL ON RIVER??? EXCUSE ME??? tell him diana river is a baby he wouldn't kill anyone without good reason (or by accident but whatever)

thank god patrice didn't think to check for phone. and that river hasn't lost said phone.

damn that's a fancy ass restaurant. i'm scared.

HELLO DAD HELP I SCREAMED I WAS NOT PREPARED. I KNEW IT BUT AGALLAJDHLAGHSLEINZJWK

once again if you skip the title credits i don't trust you. it's a masterpiece.

on the credits bit i hope next season they put written by emmy winner will smith. they need to highlight that. my man won an emmy for his brilliant writing. they should be shouting it from the rooftops

this bitch didn't send my baby birthday cards after his 9th birthday but she had the audacity to tell louisa to remind my son i exist. bitch.

i want you locked up i'm so proud.

he might believe he's unappreciated but let's all remember lamb would absolutely secretly freak out if river disappeared for reals

i feel like i'm at a ted talk. that's my sassy baby right there i love him so much. he's so pretty i can't

ok i have agree with frank. maybe it's my hate grandpa david but he def keeps river around like a pet

this conversation is grand. look at river standing up for himself and being sassy and smart. i'm so proud.

i love toddy and his mistletoe chair.

istg marcus if you're about to go gambling i will murder you. walk into that bookie and see what happens i dare you.

go louisa. girlboss

that baldspot on the back of lambs head actually stresses me tf out. babe your hair is so greasy and ik greasy is you thing but you'll be bald at this rate

moira WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU STUPID STUPID WOMAN.

two train tickets to europe? start over? build a relationship? what are we in a romcom? hello???

fuck you, and stay away from my grandfather. i'm so proud of you my lovely baby boy

gotta give it to frank that murder plan is hot. slicing the femoral artery is hot. fave way for hypothetical murder.

babe you're not subtle WHY WOULD YOU WARN HIM THE DOGS ARE THERE

no SHUT UP MOIRA YOURE NOT HELPFUL

oh thank god roddy didn't get shot

well outside the restaurant is a disaster

oh did he get shot. and he's gonna be a baby about it lmao

please i can't stop laughing he's so dumb STOP STRUGGLING YOU STUPID FUCK YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GET THAT GRENADE OUT IF YOURE ACTING LIKE THIS. thank god for louisa

oh my fucking god moira stop fucking moving you're not helping

i love louisa and river's friendship. it's actually so important to me.

GO COE SLAY EMO BOY

is it bad i kind of hope patrice like... wins? he needs a win i hope he gets something

ow??? that was uncalled for frankly elevator stairs HURTS those poor civilians

RUN BABYGIRL RUN DEFEAT YOUR FATHER

NOOOOOO THEY KILLED PATRICE that's so sad omg HE DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING

oh wait he didn't die. yay!!!

genuinely why are two slow horses faster runners than a team of dogs. don't dogs like.. run for a living??? oh it was artistic decision got it

SLAY SHIRLEY SHOOT THE MEAN MAN

omg SHUT UP MOIRA

YES LAMB YES SHIRLEY SLAY what a bunch of icons (not u moira i don't like you)

OH SHIT HE KILLED MARCUS. oh no poor shirley

smart boy river i'm so proud. i dont know how to say this without it being incredibly weird but like i feel like a proud mother hen but also would fuck him so fucking fast

immediate ick don't call my baby son

don't fucking son me gagged i'm so attracted to you river cartwright

wait patrice is alive??? (i'm sad bc marcus is dead but like yay!! patrice is alive!! he's a baby!! look at him he wants to die that's a sign of sadness inside!!)

marcus and shirley were platonic soulmates you can't change my mind.

GO COE GO (actually love him for that. shirley would've spiraled if she shot him even if it was for marcus. coe knows what's up) (but also sad bc patrice lowkey slayed and kinda sad he's dead)

my son river GET MY MANS NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH LITERALLY SHUT UP YOU FUCK

kinda obsessed with franks accent ngl it's fun

wait what failsafe. i'm now very scared

OH FUCK THATS THE FAILSAFE?? HEAD OF SERVICE??? damn that's some failsafe.

lamb cares a shit tonne about his horses you can fucking fight me over that.

ok moira i don't like you but you slayed that convo starter with whelan. whelan i'm so disappointed in you i really thought i'd like you and boom your actually a dick with zero thoughts (i really thought you were secretly smart dammit)

oooh i like that jacket rivers wearing.

damn they finally forced david into assisted living. that sucks :/ but like also maybe river will be able to stop being so worried all the time. oh my poor baby river this is so hard on him too.

river loves his grandad so much i feel so bad for him.

i love river and lambs relationship. they hate each other but also respect each other and would definitely protect one another even if they complain the entire time and i love that for them.

NO THE SEASON IS OVER. WHAT HAPPENS TO FRANK THOUGH. WILL THEY LET THE LETTERS BE PUBLISHED OR COMPLY WITH FRANK. I NEED ANSWER oh next season preview slay

preview thoughts:

RODDY HAS A MANBUN?

WAS THAT RIVER AND LOUISA KISSING NOOOOO WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDSHIP BESTIES at least louisa looks mildly terrified (istg river get your feelings straight)

omg river and coe are gonna be besties??? (how did this man get beaten up in the face and pink liquid all over himself while coe looks flawless and clean in that emo majestic type way of his??)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIFE IS AWFUL SLOW HORSES IS OVER AND WHO KNOWS WHEN SEASON 5 COMES OUT

#mish yaps #slow horses #slow horses s4 #slow horses spoilers #i don't know what to do with myself anymore #that was a roller coaster of emotions i feel dead now

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atticusdoesthings · 1 year ago

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Can I request overprotective Maggie Greene? Don’t care what it is, there’s just too much shortage of her🥲

Heyy!! I wasn't too sure if u wanted her to be protective in more of a motherly way or in a girlfriend way, but here u go!! It's also not very long bc i didn't have that much ideas🫨 so sorry if this sucks. Right now, it's 5 in the morning🐊 (Thanks sm for the request, btw😭❤️🫶)

Warnings: almost getting bitten (?)

We were out on a run, me, Maggie, Glenn, and Tara.

"Y/n, stay with me, alright?" Maggie told me, "yeah yeah" i just rolled my eyes.

It was always like this, whenever i was asked to come on a run, Maggie always wanted me to stay close so she could 'protect me', it wasn't that bad to have a personal guard, but sometimes it could be nice to be able to do something on my own.

A couple minutes later, Glenn put the car to a stop and we all got out, as soon i got out of the car, Maggie grabbed my arm and smiled, "Lets get going guys, stay with me, Y/n" I rolled my eyes again and sighed, "Yes, mom" i said the last part in a more sarcastic way, "im serious Y/n, i don't want you to get hurt" she said, still holding my arm and pulling me with her following Glenn and Tara who were already walking towards the abandoned building.

Once we were inside, Maggie pushed me down on a chair standing in the corner of the room.

"Okay, you sit here, me, Tara and Glenn are gonna see if we can find anything usefull, okay? Stay here." She pushed a gun into my hands and kissed my cheek, "Take this just incase, dont go running off, 'kay?" I sighed again, "Yes, Maggie, I'll be fine" she smiled, "good" she kissed my head and went into the other room with Tara and Glenn.

As soon as Maggie and the others left the room, i stood up from my chair and walked outside, trying not to make a sound so Maggie wouldn't notice i was gone.

I wasnt sure about the plan, but i wanted to do something, something to impress Maggie so she would actually trust me instead of being so protective the whole time.

Back at the car, i was looking around for possible walkers, after a couple minutes of nothing, i started to feel thirsty, grabbing a bottle of water from my bag, though there wasnt much left, i opened the car door to look inside for more to drink.

I heard footsteps behind me, without looking back, i spoke, "And? Find anything usefull?" I turned around, only to find a couple of walkers walking in my direction, 'dammit', i thought, quickly grabbing the gun Maggie gave me and shooting a couple of walkers in the head, watching them fall to the ground.

One more walker was left, and i stepped back, my back hitting the car, the walker kept coming closer once it was pretty much pressed against me, trying to bite me while i was trying to push it away, before i could react, a knife was drivin into its skull, falling to the ground, revealing Maggie standing behind it.

"What the hell Y/n?!" I couldn't tell whether she was mad or not, she looked upset but i could tell in her voice that she wasn't.

"I told you to stay, but you couldn't listen?" I felt myself tearing up slightly, obviously i wasnt used to getting yelled at by Maggie,

Glenn walked over to us, "How about we get back to Alexandria?", "yeah, let's go, " Tara said before getting into the drivers seat.

"Im the driver!"

"Not anymore"

Small time skip to back at Alexandria

I was lying down on the couch, facing the ceiling, I felt like i messed up, Maggie got mad at me because i didn't listen. Even though she was just trying to protect me, I thought about what happened and realised i probably wouldnt have survived if Maggie wasn't there, as soon as i got up to get a drink, i heard the door open.

Maggie walked in, she smiled at me, "Hey," I smiled back, "Hey." She sat down next to me on the couch, "I feel like we should talk." I nodded in agreement, she continued.

"Look, i know you don't enjoy me being so 'on your ass' the whole time, but i care about you, 'kay? I want you to be safe. " I nodded again, "Yeah.. im sorry, too. i know you were just trying to help. I should've listened to you, im sorry." She smiled at me again, "It's okay, Y/n, just try to be more careful, you almost got bit today, we can't let that happen, y'know?"

"Yeah, i know." I sighed and pulled her in for a hug, and immediately felt her arms wrap around me.

"I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too."

_________

Okay i know this isn't good, its the first thing I've written, but i promise better things will come, english isnt my native language and im a beginner writer so please bear with me, everyone from western Europe, its late, go to sleep, to everyone from other parts of the world, have a lovely day, requests are open!! Love y'all <3

#maggie greene #maggie rhee #the walking dead #twd fanfiction #twd x reader #twd maggie #maggie rhee x reader

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ifitmeanslosingyouthenno · 7 months ago

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parent neil au

tw for rape/non con, violence, physical and sexual abuse, referenced character death (mary), blood, slight transphobia, childbirth, angst ig

none of it is graphic though, like this is just a rough idea of something I'd love to write but dont have time to, so i might as well write this down and who knows maybe someone likes it as unpolished as it is lol

with trans neil, where it goes roughly the same timeline as precanon, with mary dying roughly a year before neil is scouted by wymack

but this time, millport isn't as kind, bc neil isn't traumatized enough for me lol

instead, neil, afab who begins presenting as a guy after mary dies, thinks he's safe in millport until he gets hurt during a game and has to visit the school nurse to get his knee checked out

as it turns out the school nurse is nothing but a predator pos who takes what he wants from young teenagers whom he takes consent away from by drugging them

neil is one of those unfortunate kids

but he's neil, so he just pretends that he wasn't raped, pretends that he doesn't feel humiliated and violated, pretends that it didn't hurt, pretends that the panic didn't happen, pretends that it isn’t a big deal and pretends that he doesn't care that the nurse knows he's trans either and simply avoids the man at all costs

(bc that might have happened, but millport is safe, he has access to education and exy, and he mostly has a warm bed place to stay most nights, and a place to shower every day, and fucking hell he has hernandez, who has no idea of what kind of shit neil is in but he's there to support him and it means more to neil than he wants to admit it does)

so he pretends nothing is wrong, bc nothing is wrong

he doesn't face that damned nurse again for the rest of the school year

he gets scouted by the foxes

as much as his future seems short, it doesn't seem horrible

up to the day of his graduation, he gets too comfortable, too soft, too hopeful

he doesn't notice the nurse following him to the house he's squatting in for him to stay one last night

mary would beat him, when she found out his son got raped again, in a dark and dirty alley bc he didn't take notice of his surroundings enough to realize he was being followed

he gets raped and he gets told its a parting gift and he despises him and he despises men and he despises everything

(most of all he despises himself, for not paying attention, for not being able to fight back before he's drugged, for not being able to fight back being drugged)

he's left alone in the dark and the dirt and as soon as he can move he goes to the place he called home, packs his duffel and stays the night in a motel

(more bc so he can shower is a motel, he can wash away the blood and the evidence that anything happened, bc for him to survive and move on he has to pretend nothing happened, and if he loses track of time while hes showering well there's no one left to care for him.

and if he thinks just for a moment that filling up the tub and lying underwater for too long would just be easier, well there's no one who has to know.

and if he doesn't get a second of sleep that night either well... no one has to know)

he packs it up in a box and he shoves it as far as he can inside his mind and makes himself forget that nothing every happened

even if he has nightmares about hands and unwanted touches and pain

even if he can't stand living in the same appartment as wymack and he can't fucking sleep bc he doesn't feel safe

even if he can't fucking trust abby without fearing for the worst

even if this time being drugged at edens is a million times worse, and he panics so bad he passes out before he has time to find someone to knock him out, bc he's been drugges twice, and both times the pain and humiliation were worse than death and he can't bear to go through it again, and being kissed by nicky just makes everything worse so much fucking worse and he panics and he has no idea of what he says, but somehow andrew understands

(maybe smth like, "please not again, please dont hurt me, I'll do whatever you want just dont f- don't do it, please dont")

the rest of the story goes pretty much the same,

with the twist that neil is pregnant, he just doesn't know that

some people have what is called a cryptic pregnancy, in which mostly bc the uterus is tipped backwards, they dont develop much of a baby bump in the entirety of the pregnancy, and some people may or may not present pregnancy symptoms, or they may have spotting that lets them believe they still get their period, and yeah they never really find out they're pregnant right until very late in the pregnancy or until childbirth

well... the opportunities here are endless lmao

just imagine a pregnant neil, with his body going through a pregnancy he doesn't know or want, and even though he can feel his body feels odd sometimes, the thought never really crosses his fucking mind

tbf it's a miracle the fetus makes it with how crazy and moving and stressful neil's life goes, and lets not even talk about the violence of exy

drake still happens, with the difference that this time neil is hit a bit harder, bc he can remember, faintly through the haze of being drugged, what that pain is like, and maybe he drops a hint andrews way about that that has andrews eyes sharpening bc he had his suspicions since edens

but he still leaves for easthaven

and when the time comes, neil still goes to the nest

but this time, he doesn't stay the two weeks (three weeks in raven days) he was supposed to, bc theres such a thing called trauma induced labor

neil has no idea of what the fuck is going on, all he knows is that during that first week, he's in so much pain from riko and tetsujis abuse already, that he doesn't even feel the cramps at first

he's woken up in the middle of the night bc of how intense the pain is, and he's horrified to find he's bleeding a lot more than he's used to

jean wakes up bc of the sound of pain he lets out, and he's equally if not more horrified than neil bc he has no fucking idea of what to do and neil seems to be in tremendous pain and bleeding that fucking much cannot be normal

so against all fucking judgement, despite the fucking punishment he's going to get afterwards, he gets riko immediately

riko is so fucking lost about what to do with neil that he sends jean to drop him off at some hospital, bc he might have been torturing him but if neil fucking dies in that place its going to be more trouble than he's worth with both legal authorities and the main family as well

so jean does that, neil is terrified, dazed, in so much fucking pain and he has lost so much blood already and he has no idea of what the fuck is going on and despite hating it he just holds on to jean as he opens the door to the closest emergency room, being rushed by nurses to lie down on a stretcher

its mortifying to be called a girl, and if jean wasn't there with him, he probably would be called a girl for the entirety of his visit

it's mortifying to get checked out by a gynecologist and to have his entire situation questioned and all he can do is fight the dizziness and the nausea and the pain to stay awake bc he's so fucking scared and so fucking confused

("i just found him in the street, i dont know him, he just seemed in a terrible condition and i had to bring him," jean lies, horribly might i add)

they dont even need to bring out an ultrasound machine for the gyno to realize that neil is pregnant, and what the fuck does she mean, no neil cant be fucking pregnant, he doesn't- he hasn't-

he tells them he can't be pregnant, he's not attracted to people that way, he hasn't had-

and it all comes crashing around him, and to his anger he starts fucking crying, out of grief and pain and shame and fear

the truth of what happened all those months ago pours out of him in words he cant remember and he doesn't even feel ashamed that jean is still there, still hearing him, he doesn't have time to

bc the doctors are telling him that due to the signs of physical trauma, his body is inducing an early labor (they tell him he should only be on his seventh month, they tell him premature births are a risk, they tell him trauma births are a risk, they tell him he's bleeding too much and that he could have a placental disruption and thats a fucking risk, but there’s nothing for him to do but live through the pain)

and he's in so much pain, different than anything he's ever been through, and he's being told to push, and he feels so weak, so faint he doesn't know if he can do it

but at some point he hears a baby crying, and through exhausted eyes he just sees that tiny, too tiny human in the doctor's hands and he's just filled with the need to hold them, to have them in his arms

"congratulations sir, you had a beautiful baby daughter"

and all he can do is fucking cry, bc he cant hold that baby, his baby, bc she's premature, and they need to make sure she's okay, and they need to keep her under observation for a little longer, same as him bc he lost a lot of blood and he has so many injuries anyway, but he cant think about himself

all he can think about now is that small baby, alive, alive, alive, somehow, alive and his and okay and- and he needs to think of a fucking name

by the time they give him a room, and have him hooked up on antibiotics and painkillers and a fucking blood transfusion, jeans says his goodbye

he hesitates by the door, and he turns to neil and says, "i wont tell him you gave birth"

hes too tired and the meds are making him drowsy, but he's still afraid, "what are you going to tell him then?"

"that you had to be taken to surgery for internal damage, that you wont rejoining us"

neil knows jean can face punishment for lying, he knows jean knows that too

"why would you lie for me"

"i cant presume to know what the pain of pregnancy or childbirth is like, but i know what having men taking whats not theirs to take is like, you've had enough taken away from you, i wont let them take this too"

neil is speechless for a moment, processing, understanding, and by the time he speaks its just a whisper, "thank you"

jean turns to leave, and neil speaks up as much as he can, "jean, I'll find a way to get you out, i promise"

"dont promise things you can't achieve, wesninski"

neil is too tired to wince at the obvious jab, "I don't promise things i won't do"

jean looks at him with something too close to hope for a moment, before scoffing and leaving

before he passes out, neil calls a nurse, and asks him if he call someone for him, bc he cant reach his bag thrown in a chair too far from the hospital bed

(it all goes down from there, neil with a newborn for the next couple of months, wymack losing his absolute fucking mind bc he never expected one of his own damn foxes to have a child, much less neil out of everyone, and abby is losing her mind bc she can't believe she let neil play all those months while pregnant and the foxss are losing their minds but bc they can't believe they have a baby and they're genuinely happy for her little existence

and the baby turns out to be incredibly healthy for a premature baby, and for a traumatic birth, even if shes on the small side

i cant think of a name, bc all my brain comes up with is anna and josephine after reading too many stories, but hope could also work

and things change from here on

neils recovery period is obviamente longer than in canon, he stays with abby for the first month, more for the babys sake than his, and he gets incredibly close to abby in that time (i believe in abby as neil's mother figure supremacy)

things with andrew go slower in this timeline, bc neil is recovering partly, but also bc neil has more feelings to work through and different priorities what with a newborn fucking baby, but they still start something, maybe its softer, maybe its slower, but its something

and things seem to be going well, neil is going well, he starts playing lightly again (after telling the press he had a car accident during the break in which he had internal injuries that needed more time to heal), the baby is growing steadily, healthy and cute as hell, and the foxes are thriving despite having to accommodate to a lack of neil and having neil playing shorter periods of time

at least until baltimore happens)

#that's as far as im gonna go lmao #i got a bit carried away #but then again that was the purpose of this blog #let me get carried away with what i write and let me write whatever shit i want #no strings attached <3 #actually had fun writing this #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #trans neil josten

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pesterloglog · 11 months ago

Text

Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert, Harry Anderson Egbert, Tavros Crocker, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Jane Crocker, Gamzee Makara, Jake English, Terezi Pyrope

Candy, page 23

ROXY: honey u ready to go?

JOHN: yeah, sweetheart... give me a second!

HARRY ANDERSON: dad... what are you doing?

JOHN: just getting your gifts, harry anderson! it’s your birthday after all.

HARRY ANDERSON: ...but i already opened all the gifts from you and mom.

HARRY ANDERSON: dad... are you telling a fib?

JOHN: ummm...

JOHN: harry anderson, don’t tell your mother but...

JOHN: we’re getting a new addition to the family today!

TAVROS: Oh,,, hallo folks,

TAVROS: You’re a mite early don’t you think?

JOHN: um, nope!

DAVE: actually

DAVE: you were exactly thirty seconds and like sixty eight nanoseconds early

ROXY: oh eff off dave

ROXY: ur gettin even cornier than john and youre not even a dad

DAVE: idk my guy harry over there seems to be enjoying my material

HARRY ANDERSON: heh heh it’s like you’re a living atomic clock!

DAVE: man i love this kid

DAVE: what kind of five year old is into atomic clocks

DAVE: damn every time i see him i just wanna pinch his cheeks and tell him about what things were like when i was his age and shit

JADE: heheheh if you like kids so much dave why dont you just BUY one?

DAVE: uh jade i know that what you think you were doing there was like

DAVE: smoothly inserting the idea of us one day adopting kids into the conversation

DAVE: but what you actually just described is literal slavery

DAVE: which is both illegal and bad

JADE: sigh......

JADE: maybe YOURE the one whos illegal and bad

JADE: ever think of that???

DAVE: nope never once crossed my mind

DAVE: anyway john roxy you heard the lady can we buy your kid

JOHN: no! he’s not for sale.

TAVROS: Um,,, do you all want to come in or not,,,?

ROXY: sooo

ROXY: wheres ur mom and dad

TAVROS: They’re still in,,, uh,,, auspistice counselling,,,

TAVROS: W, with,,, uncle gamzee,,,

JADE: oh woof

DAVE: woof is right

HARRY ANDERSON: hey tavros! is vriska here?

TAVROS: Er,,,

JOHN: unfortunately, harry anderson, rose and kanaya aren’t on speaking terms with your aunt jane and uncle jake anymore.

HARRY ANDERSON: why not?

ROXY: cuz of the political situation

HARRY ANDERSON: what’s... a political situation?

TAVROS: Mother has been advising the human government that they should do their best to,,, uh,,, exclude trolls from the seats of power in all branches of public service and,,, uh,,, aunts rose and kanaya don’t like it because some of the legislation in the works could,,, erm,,, delegitimize their marriage,,,,,,,

HARRY ANDERSON: um... i have no idea what any of that means, ha ha.

TAVROS: Anyway,,, wh, why would you WANT vriska to be here,,,?

TAVROS: Why ruin a nice birthday party?

HARRY ANDERSON: um duh... cause she’s super fun!

TAVROS: She’s not fun,,, she’s mean,,,,

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, to you, cause you’re a wuss.

ROXY: harry anderson egbert!

JOHN: don’t call other kids wusses!

DAVE: hey whats even wrong with being a wuss

DAVE: harry my dude you need to unplug from toxic masculinity

HARRY ANDERSON: from... what?

DAVE: what have you been teaching this kid

JOHN: dave, sometimes i really can’t believe this is the adult you chose to become.

ROXY: its actually great isnt it

JOHN: yeah, i guess so...

JANE: You are such an unbelievable dunce, Jake English!

JANE: I can’t believe that I work so hard and have to come home to your feckless tomfoolery every day!

JANE: My goodness...

JANE: What gives you the right to talk to me that way?

JANE: And you’re not even... you’re not even proficient in bed anymore!

JANE: What is even the POINT of you if...

GAMZEE: HeY hEy.

GAMZEE: cAlM yOuR tItS bAbY.

JANE: SILENCE, CLOWN.

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

JANE: Oh. Hello everyone.

JANE: I’m sorry that I was not able to greet you at the door. I had some pre-appointed business to attend to.

JANE: I trust that Tavros led you all inside without trouble?

TAVROS: Yes ma’am,,,

JANE: Good boy.

JANE: Harry Anderson, my dear!

HARRY ANDERSON: auntie jane!

JANE: Look at you! You’ve gotten so big and strong since I last saw you!

HARRY ANDERSON: i grew a whole three inches!

JANE: Yes, I can see that. You’re going to be quite the strapping young man before we know it.

JANE: Since it’s your first milestone birthday, I’ve instructed my staff that you are to be spoiled like a little prince today!

JANE: Right now they’re finishing off your cake. It’s a recipe I invented just for you!

HARRY ANDERSON: gosh!

JANE: And I’ve got your present all wrapped up too!

JANE: It’s too big to keep in the house, however, so after cake and tea we’ll go see it in the backyard.

HARRY ANDERSON: you’re the best, auntie jane!

JOHN: oh no...

JOHN: jane. please don’t tell me you commissioned one of those drone thingies for my son.

JANE: And if I did, John, what would be the problem with that?

JOHN: um...

JANE: Are you saying that you don’t want to assure your son’s safety? In troubled times such as these, one can never be too careful.

JOHN: roxy, back me up here honey.

JOHN: there’s no way you’d be ok with that, right?

ROXY: er

ROXY: well i cant say im comfy with it but

JOHN: but???

ROXY: janey means well john and itd be rude to just refuse a gift from my bestie like that

ROXY: besides ur just ASSUMIN she got harry anderson an imperial drone

ROXY: she never said that was what it was

ROXY: did u jane

JANE: ...

JOHN: ok. fine. you know what?

JOHN: i don’t care.

ROXY: rly

JOHN: yeah! it’s... it’s whatever. i get it. jane’s just trying to show that she cares.

JANE: You know I do adore little Harry Anderson.

JOHN: what i DO care about, however, is that cake.

JOHN: and not eating it, i mean.

JANE: Excuse me?

JOHN: nothing personal, jane, it’s just that i’m not the biggest fan of cakes.

JOHN: instead, i was wondering if maybe i could go visit the trophy room? you know, the one where jake keeps all the memorabilia from that dumb show he used to be on?

JANE: You mean “Poppin n’ Hoppin’ Pistol Lockin’ With Jake English”?

JOHN: no.

ROXY: or do u mean “doing the charleston with notable social figureheads: stars versus enemies of the state with your host jake english”

DAVE: that ones still running isnt it

JANE: Unfortunately, yes.

JOHN: um, yeah... that’s DEFINITELY not the one i was talking about.

JADE: oh! you probably mean “afternoon gilly gaffy amongst the common folk with your host j. gishy gun mcgee”

JOHN: no, god! these all sound so bad.

JOHN: i mean the one with dirk!

DAVE: dude

JANE: You mean the classic prime time program, “Rumble in da Pumpkin Patch”?

JOHN: yeah! that one!

JADE: ew... why do you wanna go look at stuff from rumble in da pumpkin patch???

JOHN: why not?

JADE: i dunno, it just seems kind of morbid with dirk dead and all, dont you think?

JADE: also that show was REALLY gross

JADE: i support jake in whatever he does but it was so... so.....

DAVE: sweaty

JADE: yeah!

JOHN: i dunno. i just feel like it was an important cultural milestone, and i missed it all by being mopey and depressed for like five years straight.

JOHN: so what do you think, tavros? wanna show me all about your dad’s glory days?

JANE: Oh, I can take you there, John.

JOHN: NO!

JOHN: i mean... no, that’s fine.

JOHN: i’d like some time to get to know my nephew.

JOHN: or, uh... cousin?

JOHN: ecto brother?

JADE: omg dave i just realized that when we get married thatll make john and rose siblings in law

JADE: which is funny since i guess john is technically already your father in law

DAVE: yup thats totally what our friendgroup needs

DAVE: to be even more incestuous

HARRY ANDERSON: what does incestuous mean?

ROXY: it means that everyones rly good friends harry anderson

ROXY: just a dumb fancy word for bffs

ROXY: its a big hard word for grownups tho so feel free to unknow it now sweetie

DAVE: oh yeah

DAVE: thats totally it

TAVROS: Um,,,,,

JOHN: hey tavros.

JOHN: let’s go, buddy!

TAVROS: Uncle john,,, what’s the real reason we’re up here,,,?

JOHN: oh. i could see that you were getting uncomfortable.

JOHN: you don’t like being around big crowds like that, do you?

TAVROS: ,,,

JOHN: but you don’t like to be alone, either?

TAVROS: ,,,,,

JOHN: well, not in this house at least. i wouldn’t want to be alone here either. it’s not a very nice place to live, is it?

TAVROS: I’m,,,, uh,,,, not sure i understand your meaning, uncle john.

JOHN: here, come with me.

TAVROS: This isn’t the right way,

JOHN: i know. hey tavros, why don’t we just go to your room for a minute?

TAVROS: Oh,,,

JOHN: tavros...

JOHN: is everything ok?

TAVROS: ,,,

TAVROS: Yes, uncle john,,,

TAVROS: Why do you ask?

JOHN: you just seem...

JOHN: i don’t know.

JOHN: sad?

TAVROS: I feel okay,

TAVROS: It is a happy day, after all,,, it’s harry anderson’s birthday,,,

TAVROS: There is good reason to be happy,

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: but what about YOU.

JOHN: are you ACTUALLY happy about it?

JOHN: about... everything going on here?

TAVROS: I suppose,,,

TAVROS: My mother tends to get displeased when i’m unhappy, so,,,

JOHN: sigh.

JOHN: tavros... does gamzee ever come into your room?

TAVROS: Possibly,,,?

TAVROS: He so often is found to be in,,, so many places,,,

JOHN: isn’t that his faygo there??

TAVROS: Oh,,, my, no,

TAVROS: Please, uncle john,,, don’t tell my mother,,,

JOHN: tell her what??

TAVROS: The faygo is mine,,, my uncle gives it to me sometimes,,, my mother strictly forbids it, of course,,,,,

JOHN: tavros, listen to me.

JOHN: are you... getting... bad touched by your uncle gamzee?

TAVROS: Oh,,, uh,,,,

TAVROS: No??

TAVROS: But, yes,,, i can gather how you might draw that conclusion,,,

JOHN: you can?

JOHN: why?

TAVROS: It just seems like a thing that would eventually happen to me, does it not?

JOHN: what would make you say that?

TAVROS: Well, i think,,,

TAVROS: For the same reason that led you yourself to wonder, uncle john?

TAVROS: He is a very,,, very bad clown uncle,,, but i think i am not allowed to say or think such a thing,,,,,

JOHN: why not?

TAVROS: Because,,, uncle gamzee has undertaken his redemption arc,,,

TAVROS: With a spirit of great sincerity, i’ve been told,,,

TAVROS: So,,,,, the truth is, no matter how i may feel about him,

TAVROS: Mother tells me that he is not actually bad,

TAVROS: And therefore,,, anything he does cannot truly be considered bad either,

TAVROS: Otherwise, we are not respecting his repentance,

TAVROS: Or the others he has saved,,,

TAVROS: I don’t want you to worry,,, too much, though,

TAVROS: His occasional sojourns in my room are not of any especially ill intent,,, i don’t think,

TAVROS: He has told me in confidence that his intention is to train me,,,,,

JOHN: TRAIN you???

TAVROS: Yes,

TAVROS: In matters of combat,,, philosophy,,, life,,, love,,,

TAVROS: I suppose to behave the way a mentor does, as he sees it,,,

JOHN: that’s IT!!!!!

JOHN: tavros, start packing right now.

TAVROS: Packing,,,?

JOHN: yeah. one bag with some of your clothes, your favorite toys and books, that kind of thing.

TAVROS: I don’t understand,,,

JOHN: tavros. i have to get you out of here.

JOHN: *NOW*.

TAVROS: Uh,,, what?

JOHN: i’m going to take you away so that you can live with me, harry anderson, and your aunt roxy.

JOHN: you wouldn’t have to live here anymore. no more being alone all the time.

JOHN: no more weird troll maids, or listening to your parents fight...

JOHN: and no more “uncle” fucking GAMZEE.

TAVROS: That does sound jolly good uncle john,,,

JOHN: then what are you waiting for? start packing!

TAVROS: Well,,, i would, except that we can’t go out without tripping the security,,,

TAVROS: Mother has taken great precautions to make sure i never,,,,,,,

JOHN: don’t worry, kid. i came prepared.

JOHN: we’re leaving through that window, one way or another.

JADE: john...... what are you doing?

JOHN: um...

JOHN: nothing!

JOHN: just, uh... fixing this damn broken window, is all.

JADE: i heard everything

JOHN: so, what are you going to do?

JOHN: tell jane?

JADE: john...

JADE: i wouldnt do that to you

JADE: youd probably end up on jakes stupid execution dance off show

JOHN: then are you gonna help me?

JADE: i cant do that either

JADE: you know that this is just going to make everything worse right???

JOHN: jade, i don’t know where you’ve been these past few years, but i don’t think things CAN get any worse!

JOHN: i mean, even today, jane was up here hollering at jake about how his dick doesn’t work right when she KNEW we were all waiting for them downstairs!

JADE: i know...

JADE: but all youre going to do by kidnapping him is piss everyone off

TAVROS: Excuse me dearest aunt but,,, is it kidnapping if i badly would like to go?

JOHN: see!

JADE: siiiiiigh

JADE: i understand where youre coming from but i dont think youve actually thought this through

JOHN: yes i have, because i’ve been planning it for years.

JOHN: i know that i’ve been pretty, um... flakey in the past?

JOHN: but this is really important. i know what i’m doing.

JADE: john, jane is one of the most POWERFUL people on the ENTIRE PLANET!!!

JADE: do you REALLY think that you can keep him away from her if she wants to get him back???

JADE: im sorry but you just dont know them like i do

JOHN: if you know them so well, jade...

JOHN: then you know why i have to do this.

JADE: im on your side here! i know that jane hasnt been the best parent...

JADE: but stealing somebodys child???

JADE: there has to be another way :/

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

TAVROS: I would really be chuffed if the two of you,,,

JOHN: even you, jade!

JOHN: you’re not listening to me right now!

TAVROS: ,,,would stop quarreling and listen to me for a spell,,,

JOHN: that’s why karkat left!

JOHN: because you didn’t listen to him!

JOHN: just like you don’t listen to dave!

JADE: what the fuck, john?!

JADE: this isnt about me and dave

JOHN: yes it is!

JOHN: i mean, not directly, but cosmically, yeah it is!

JADE: cosmically?????

JOHN: you KNEW that dave and karkat were in love with each other, but you went ahead and totally messed with their relationship anyway!

JADE: wh... what!

JOHN: jade, don’t pretend you have no idea what happened.

JADE: i.... i cant believe.....

JADE: john thats such a low blow!

JADE: you dont know the first thing about me and daves relationship!!!

JOHN: i know more than you think i do!

JOHN: i know that you pressured them into that whole relationship.

JOHN: i know that they both hated it, and only went along with it because they care about you and felt obligated!

JOHN: and jade, i love you, but honestly, how does that make you any different than jane?

JADE: im nothing like her!!!

JOHN: well, you’re nothing like the jade i used to know either!

JOHN: the jade i used to know was caring and selfless! all you ever wanted was for your friends to be safe!

JOHN: you weren’t this... this SELFISH!

JADE: oh? is that what this is about john??

JADE: you dont like it now that im not some helpless princess in a tower anymore???

JADE: you dont like that im doing things for MYSELF now?????

JOHN: what the hell are you talking about?

JOHN: seriously, jade... i don’t even know who you are anymore!

JADE: well!!!

JADE: i can certainly say the same for you right now!!!!!

TAVROS: Aunt jade,,, uncle john,,, you should really, uh,,,,,,

JANE: Excuse me.

JANE: But what the FUCK is going on in here?!

TAVROS: Oh,,, no,,,,,

JADE: jane!! haha!!!

JADE: we were just

JANE: Hollering at each other so loudly that everyone in the darned house can hear you?

JOHN: oh, like you’re one to talk.

JANE: John, I know that we have not been as close in recent years as we were in the past, but I would like to think that at the very least our familial relationship would make it so that you felt you could talk to me face to face if you think that my method of parenting is insufficient.

JOHN: are you sure?

JOHN: do you really want to know what i think?

JADE: oh no........

JANE: Please, John. Illuminate me.

ROXY: wats going on

DAVE: oh shit

JOHN: i don’t know, jane. i feel like if i really speak my mind here, it might be dangerous.

JOHN: how do i know you won’t have the secret police come and arrest me in the night?

JANE: Excuse me?

JOHN: that’s where this is all going, right?

JOHN: your whole... thing with the trolls?

JANE: If you have something to say, then say it plainly, John.

JOHN: fine.

JOHN: i don’t think that you had bad intentions to start out with, jane.

JOHN: in fact, i think that you probably honestly thought that you were doing what was best for the world.

JOHN: you’ve always been a perfectionist, right? but over the last few years you’ve morphed into a complete control freak!

JOHN: and it all started with your relationship with jake.

JOHN: you forced him into a relationship when dirk’s corpse wasn’t even cold!

JAKE: (Er i would like to point out... )

JANE: I’m sorry, but you’re calling me a control freak? Dirk was the control freak.

JANE: After he died, I distinctly remember loosening up, in fact!

JANE: I let go! I was actually RELIEVED to hear he died!!!

ROXY: uhh

ROXY: janey wut

JANE: Okay, that was a misleading statement. What I really meant was—

JOHN: jane, you’re missing the point!

JAKE: (...that jane and i were involved in a romantic dalliance at the time of his death...)

JOHN: dirk is dead. this isn’t about him anymore.

JOHN: you’re the one cheering the government along as it marches toward genocide!

JANE: John, I hardly think you’re qualified to opine on the nuances of the current political situation, thank you very much.

JOHN: ha! is that how you talk to your husband too?

JANE: He’s actually, at the moment, my kismesis. And if Jake didn’t want any of this, he shouldn’t have knocked me up.

JAKE: Hello chaps i am right here.

JOHN: oh yeah, like that was suuuch an accident.

JOHN: can you honestly say that he wanted any of this!

DAVE: oh my god i am so sick of all this domestic relationship shit every fucking day

DAVE: can we talk about something else for once

JOHN: yeah dave, i’m sick of it too!

JOHN: that’s my point!!!

DAVE: ok

DAVE: then john can you just

DAVE: stop all this windy shit at least

JOHN: no! i can’t!

JOHN: i can’t stop, because i’m not the problem!

JANE: Are you saying that I’m the problem? That’s extremely reductive.

JOHN: ok, yeah, there are lots of problems!

JOHN: but i’ve got to say, jane, you kind of ARE the problem?

JOHN: a lot of this awful garbage revolves around you!

JOHN: you’re the one always selling everybody on gamzee’s “redemption arc,” which is TOTAL BULLSHIT!

JOHN: putting him on billboards, organizing “redemption rallies,” and, and...

JANE: John, the people need something to believe in, if we are to live in an organized society. You simply wouldn’t understand.

JOHN: and letting him... letting him sleep in your and jake’s bed!

JOHN: and feeding him that... that weird MILK all the time!

JOHN: UGH!!!

JANE: Hey! My relationship with my loyal auspistice is none of your business, let alone who it is I decide to share a bed with.

JOHN: isn’t it?!

JOHN: you sure go out of your way to shove it in everyone’s face!

JANE: John, that is just uncalled for.

JOHN: it’s bullshit, jane!

JOHN: it’s!

JOHN: all!

JOHN: BULLSHIT!!!!!

JOHN: i... i...

JOHN: i’m sor—

JANE: No one wants to hear it, John.

TEREZI: JOHN

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU TH3R3

TEREZI: 1 R34LLY N33D TO T4LK TO SOM3ON3 R1GHT NOW

JOHN: yeah. me too.

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #roxy lalonde #john egbert #harry anderson egbert #tavros crocker #dave strider #jade harley #jane crocker #gamzee makara #jake english #terezi pyrope #candy epilogue #page 23

3 notes · View notes

andromerot · 2 years ago

Text

episode twenty two: eternal return. in which everyone posesses a secret self

I'LL TAKE YOU IN AND FILL YOU UP WITH LACK OF BEING FED.

i love gay sex

THE HUNGRY THING WANTED AND WANTED - AND HOW DOES IT END???

trespassing in HER garden....

the green thread tying her to the tree the red thread tying her to anna the green meadow the red meadow

mabel mabel strong and able you are trapped inside this fable round the table you must go you were naughty back around the other way other way other way...........

hm. i think. i think maybe it was another king.

white as death. white as purification. white as aurora silver. white as undue power. black as the king's heart. white as anna's heart. mabel as an infestation upon it.

YEAH

gotta love all earth fears the purity of fire

idk i think it was this monologue here that changed everything for me. when i went from "good podcast" to "lifechanging". ive felt so often that i am inadequate to be loved, that im rotten inside, and mabel did two things: put it in words that made it not just disgusting but also fascinating, and then contradicted it. mabel is rotten. its true. shes loved for it endlessly. there is someone out there that wants to be stinged by her. drowned hand in unlovable hand. mabel is being cruel to anna because she doesnt trust her, but we as the audience know the truth, and it sides a little with both of them. yes, anna has fictionalized mabel. but also yes, she does know what she really is. she has for a long time before coming to the house. ALSO"i am death silver and black come to ruin you"/"this is the girl come to ruin me like fire" from ep 20 is. woah. in the close "future" anna will be death and mabel will be fire but now she reverses their roles just a little bit. theres also just so many phrases on here that i repeat to me constantly. i am thorns and mist. i am a sharp and vitriolic thing you must be unyielding. the need for you twists me up. it would have been a good story. sigh. my girl who hates to be loved...

mabel martin bird moments once again...btw when she says "fitcher's swan" shes referencing a grimms folkltale called fitchers bird, which is a bluebeard type. i dont know exactly what this reference means, but i think its a nice story, so read it if you want..

mabel trying her best not to become luna....sigh. I WILL TEAR ALL OF IT DOWN I WILL TEAR ALL OF IT DOWN

sorry um this here. this changed my life

the fake psychiatric hospital bit is one of the scariest moments of the podcast tbh like yeah its only like one minute of it but. awful awful time. its so much. are you lighter is your mouth smaller...idk it just reveals so much about what mabel really fears and the reason she cant trust annas intentions. and of course if you know her backstory AND annas backstory it becomes so much more hurtful. theyve both been here, really.

oh THIS ONE HERE also changed the world. i have always loved you there is no world bereft of my love for you. THEY PUT GOD IN MY MOUTH AND I SPAT HIM OUT NOTHING GETS INSIDE ME WITHOUT MY CONTEMPT WHEN THEY TRIED AGAIN GOD WAS A WOMAN AND I WAS MORE RECEPTIVE IT WAS A TRUTH IN DISGUISE. mabel loving anna, a betrayal of her own integrity. i have made a religion out of you. YOU ARE TO KEEP ME ANNA YOU HAVE BITTEN INTO MY HEART AND LAID YOUR KINGDOM THERE AND ALL OWNERSHIP REQUIRES RULING

happy mabelvera choking scene martes

I AM NOT THE FROG, YOU STUPID BALL OF TWIG AND MOSS

I AM ALWAYS THE SCORPION

I AM NOT THE HELPLESS GIRL IN A TRAP

I AM A MANY WEBBED SPIDER

I AM THE LABYRINTH, ANNA

AND I AM ALSO THE MINOTAUR

literally fucking dies

also they were so real for this

#andys seventh mabel relisten: a beautiful liveblogged adventure #from now on ill be so much normaler.

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paganwitchisis · 8 months ago

Text

"What Love Can Change" (WLCC) Chapter 2

Chapter two: Catching the Beast

Rated: E for Explicit!!

Pairing: AFAB Female Tav/Spawn Astarion

Words:9,886

TRIGGER WARNING -Breeding kink, violence, descriptions of trauma, sexual assault, torture, suicide attempt and mention/idealization, self harm, starvation, depression, pregnancy, hyper-sexuality, and rape.

Chapter one - here

Chapter two - current

Chapter 3 - here

AO3 link is here!

THIS IS AN ADULT FANFIC! 18 PLUS ONLY!!

This chapter please HEED THE TAGS!! There is torture, dead dove dont eat and rape with an object. Astarion finds the beast who hurt Tav in this chapter!

There is additional content (fluff) in the chapter but I warn you for the undesirable content.

Tav felt a cold sweat and chest pain as they made their way around the house, looking for clues and the man himself. It wasn’t until they made their way to where she was being held that her breathing came out heavy and close to sobs. It was hard to focus, and Tav started to worry she compromised Astarion’s well being by coming along as she was obviously not ready to confront the situation. Thankfully the house was empty, however it was only empty of other living beings. Astarion held Tav as she sobbed into his clothing, her armor making it slightly awkward. Astarion could smell it before he saw it, and knew what he was about to find, the stench of death.

Astarion ordered Tav to get behind him as he stalked towards the barrels to open one up gingerly and without Tav being able to see. He closed it right away and checked another, before quickly pulling away. There was about seven other barrels aside from the two he glanced at, and he knew what was in them all…bodies of young women. Naked young women. It became obvious to Astarion what kind of person they were dealing with right away. Tav grew rigid behind him, so Astarion quickly turned around to see her terrified and clutching him as she stared at a bloody scene on the floor. A broken chair and table, some rope laid about on the floor, and blood on the rope that Astarion could smell with disgust as being Tav’s blood right away. Astarion kissed Tav’s cheek and brought her to the front door to leave the hellish place in an effort to get her away, knowing it was where she was assaulted. Right before leaving though, Astarion noticed something on a desk inside the residence. It was the familiar item…the familiar shape that Tav had recognized the night she was hurt. It was a Flaming Fist badge. Astarion now knew a little more about what kind of person he was searching for. It made sense in a way that the corrupt guard could spew a monster like that.

Astarion wanted to wait for him, to hide somewhere and wait for the prey to come to him, but he couldn’t. Not with Tav around, having the reaction she was having. It wasn’t her fault, of course, and she was a big help for showing him where to go and guiding him into the right direction, but now she needed to be safe. Astarion would hunt him down and maim him, leave him just breathing for Tav to kill for her freedom. Astarion led her back to the camp and informed the others on what was found, while Tav disconnected from the world, trapped in her own head. Astarion led Tav to his bunk as he felt that it may make her feel a little better. He sat her down and sat with her, took her hands into his own and kissed her forehead.

“I’ll be back soon, dear, and when I’m back, I’ll bring you with to kill the fucker.” Astarion almost snarled in disgust at what was found and what was almost done to the woman he was speaking to. He would not get away with this.

“But…” Tav almost snapped out of her disconnect right away after hearing his words. “He can still hurt us, he…”

“Darling, you’re stronger than he is, and anyway, I’m going to render him completely useless by the time you arrive.” Astarion commented with his usual sass. “Please trust me, I’ll be right back.”

“What if he left the city?” Tav asked worriedly.

Astarion chuckled. “The Absolute’s army is right outside, where will he go?”

Astarion kissed her lush lips before pulling away and leaving the establishment. Astarion returned to the house and re-locked the door so it wouldn’t look suspicious. It was like riding a bike for the vampire. Stalking and waiting for his victims had come naturally for him after doing it for so long at the whims of his former master. Astarion perched himself in the shadows, hidden out of sight but able to see most of the room and the door. Astarion didn’t have to wait long, as he noticed what had happened to Tav happened at night, and so it was likely the man was operating under the cover of darkness…too bad for him, he wasn’t the worst creature that goes bump in the night. That and he crossed a vampire by hurting the person he cared about most. Astarion wasn’t a fan of heroics in general, and loved to be cruel for the hell of it at times, but what he was doing even crossed a line for him. It may have been because of his past trauma, or maybe because being with Tav for so long had changed him, but he couldn’t stomach what this guard had done. Once night had fallen, Astarion had somehow known…call it a byproduct of what he was, but he didn’t need a window to see the moon high in the darkened sky. A being entered the dwelling carrying a heavy sack that Astarion knew from experience to be a person within. Astarion waited a moment to strike, waiting to see what he was doing before he acted out.

He watched as the man opened the sack and pulled a woman from the offending cloth. Astarion didn’t recognize the person, but could tell that she still took breath. He grabbed some rope and tied her hands in front of her together, and doubled back to the front door to lock it. He returned to the unconscious woman and picked up a goblet, splashing some water on her face, which woke her up.

Startled, she gasped and looked around, confused and unsure of what was going on.

“Where am I?” The woman asked, panicking, as she surveyed her surrounding in the dim light of the candles around the room. She noticed the blood and started to scream. The man struck her and grabbed some tape off the table on the edge of the room.

“I always got to shut you bitches up.” He commented as he pulled a piece off and placed it over her mouth to muffle her cries for help.

“It’s bad enough the last one got away. I had some plans with that one.” He commented, and drew a knife coated in what Astarion noticed was Tav’s blood. The man walked towards the whimpering woman.

“The last bitch broke my furniture, so we will do this the hard way” He drew the blade to her neck “Either you do as I ask, or I kill you right now and do what I want anyways.”

Astarion was creeping up behind the man with fire in his veins.

The man drew back to open his pants and let himself out, but before he could do so, Astarion drew Orin’s dagger deeply across his neck.

“Move so much as a muscle and I’ll kill you right here. Drop the fucking knife and kick it away.” Astarion said with malice, his other arm containing another dagger to his spine, poking him slightly so he got the idea.

The man complied but spoke as he did so.

“I’m a Flaming Fist guard! How dare you…” the man tried to use bravado to get himself out of the situation. Astarion merely laughed. Astarion waited until the blade was a distance away before he shoved the revolting man against the wall and punched him with the strength afforded him thanks to his vampirism. The man was clean out. Astarion walked over to the woman and undid her ropes, setting her free.

“Get out of here and don’t tell anyone. You don’t know how many other Fists are involved in this.” He warned. In reality he just wanted a head start to relocate, because he didn’t plan to bring Tav to such place, a reminder of what horrors befell her. Plus it may be partially true at the very least. He could have had others in on it, but from what he heard and what blade he used (the blood that was coated on it), he knew this was the man that hurt Tav. Astarion still yanked the cloak back to check it was him and from what he could see everything matched. The fucker even had the same tattoo. He caught the same guy.

Astarion waited for the woman to scurry away before he yanked the man’s armor off. It would be easier to move him without his Flaming Fist armor to give him away. Astarion grabbed the man and headed for the sewers, making his way to the Emperor’s old accommodations. The idea was it would be easy to make their way there as only their companions and themselves knew of this hidden place, and it was so far buried that his screams wouldn’t be heard. Just in case, though, and to give him the same punishment he gave his significant other, he grabbed the tape all the same. Astarion also grabbed the rope. May as well give him the full treatment he gave her...And he intended to make sure he received the full treatment and then some.

Astarion tied him to a support beam just in case. ‘Only amateurs tied their victims to furniture.’ Astarion thought. Astarion took the roll of tape, and instead of taking a piece off, he took the end and started it on one end of his mouth and went around his head multiple times. He wouldn’t make a peep.

Astarion smiled and walked over to the other side of the room. He stripped off he shirt to expose his chest, both daggers in hand. Astarion didn’t want to get his clothes bloody and frighten people on the first floor when he goes upstairs later to get Tav.

Astarion looked down at the man. He was nothing special. The man had brown hair and was of a large build. That was probably how he would catch his marks, he seemed strong, after all. However, Astarion was a vampire. The man didn’t have a chance against him. Astarion walked up to the man and slapped him, shocking him awake.

The man blinked a few times, a bit dazed. After a few seconds, his eyes narrowed in on the scene and his predicament. Astarion crouched down and looked at him on eye level as the man was on his knees before him.

“So much to do and precious little time to do it in.” Astarion smiled “I don’t want you to think this was some random attack or chance. You hurt someone very important to me, and for that, you’re going to pay.” Astarion showed a toothy grin to reveal his fangs. “You dared to violate and beat a vampire’s lover, and thought you could get away with it? I promise you tonight is going to hurt.”

The man’s eyes widened and the look of pure terror struck him. This was the look Astarion was going for and the look he was accustomed to. Astarion punched him in the face and then kicked him in the groin. Astarion then grabbed his brown locks and yanked his head back. Unlike how he feeds off Tav, there was no gentleness or caring in how he bit the monster that squirmed beneath him. Astarion sank his teeth into the foul creature, making sure not to drain him completely. He needed to suffer and he wouldn’t dare deprive Tav of the killing blow.

Astarion pulled back after getting a brief taste of his foul blood. It figured a horrid man would have equal tasting blood. Astarion used one of his daggers to slice the monster’s clothes off of him. Make him embarrassed and vulnerable like Tav was. Make him feel the same fear she had.

Astarion looked down at him and sliced the back of his ankles so he could not run if he somehow slipped his rope binding. The man would never run again. Astarion punched him in the face again and again. Pent up anger and frustration over seeing the hurt and helpless woman stuck in bed and crying into his shirt flash before his eyes. He kicked him a few times for added measure, and tied him up with his best handiwork before throwing his shirt back on and going upstairs to retrieve Tav. The man was lucky because Astarion really wanted to pull his teeth out one by one. He wanted to pluck his eye balls out. He wanted to rip his ears off and scalp him. He wanted to do so much worse, but was afraid of making him expire before Tav could be there, be it from shock or blood loss. Astarion went to get Tav.

He came into the room and find Tav sitting on his bed with her knees drawn up, Karlach next to her, hand partly on her weapon ready to strike the unknown intruder into their room. Once she saw it was him, her hand dropped and Tav perked up. She got up and crossed the room with haste, quickly hugging the surprised vampire.

“It’s okay, my love. I’m here. Even better, I have a present for you. It’s wrapped nicely for you downstairs. Do you feel up to following me?” Astarion asked while hugging her back tenderly. Tav was afraid to go, but knew that if she didn’t, she would never be free of his hold on her.

Tav made her way downstairs and followed Astarion around the twisting paths to the familiar room, and there, tied up and bloody, was the man who haunted her nightmares. She was surprised, to be honest. She noticed the puncture marks on his neck and knew that Astarion had fed on him, but considering he was still alive, he had shown restraint. That wasn’t what surprised her the most. What did was that he wasn’t in worse condition.

Astarion saw her confused face and volunteered to fill in some information.

“I didn’t want him to die too soon. I still have some things in mind, but I want you to have the chance to kill him. There is a stool over there.” Astarion pointed “Let me get to work showing him the true meaning of pain.”

Tav swallowed hard. Part of her didn’t want to let Astarion go, the other part knew that this chapter had to close to allow herself a semblance of healing to start. Similarly to how Astarion was after Cazador’s death, helped Astarion feel like he could overcome some of his trauma. Tav licked her parched lips. Astarion turned and kissed her before she sat down a good distance away from what was going on. Astarion took his white shirt off again. He knew from experience how hard blood was to get out of white linen and handed to to Tav who took in the sight of her lover’s body. He was strong and elegant, capable and loyal…willing to dole out pain to the man who hurt her to protect her. She looked at him with adoration.

“I love you.” Tav confessed when Astarion’s back was to her. Astarion stopped walking to the man on the floor and turn to look over his shoulder, smiled and replied. “I love you too Darling”

Astarion went to the man laying helplessly on the floor and he pulled out his daggers.

“Now the fun can begin.” Astarion said as he bound the man’s legs wide open after undoing the bind on only his legs. One leg was attach to one support beam while another was attached to an opposite one. Astarion dragged one of his daggers down the man’s thigh, just like he did to Tav. The flesh parted easily beneath his blades. The man tried to scream, but his voice was muffled, just like what happened to his victim. Astarion asked Tav kindly to start a fire who promptly did as asked.

Once the fire was stoked, Astarion stowed his good blades and pulled out two dull rusty blades from the side of his boots. Tav had no idea that he had those hidden there. Astarion put them in the fire temporarily so as to cauterize the metal. Without warning, he grabbed the mans foot since Astarion tied him up naked to the support beams, and painstakingly took his toes off one by one. He put the metal to the fire so he would not die of blood loss. Then, because his legs were spread by the rope, Astarion came up between his legs

“How would you like to feel violated?” Astarion looked down between his legs and laughed “Is this why you prey on women? Your tiny cock can’t satisfy them naturally, so you have to force yourself on them? Let me fix that for you.” Astarion took the hot dagger and with his free hand, gripped his balls tightly before slowly dragging the rusty hot metal across soft tissue. The process to separate his balls and cock from his body took a long while and Astarion purposely tried to smash the balls inside the sacs as he sliced his testicles off. His cock was flayed first before it was totally separated. Astarion would occasionally check on Tav and look back at her to make sure she was okay, and aside from her look of fear, she seemed to be holding her own.

“You haven’t been violated yet.” Astarion threatened.

To the side there was a pitchfork laying on the edge that Astarion quickly snatched. He looked towards his lover and called out.

“Would you like to do the honors? Since he violated you, would you like to do it to him?”

Tav shook her head. She would give the killing blow, but she couldn’t bring herself to torture…Even if he deserved it.

“That’s okay dear, I’ll make sure he’s punished.”

Astarion took the wooden stick end of the pitchfork, broke it off from the rest so it could be manipulated more easily, and rammed it with force up the man’s sphincter. The man’s continued screams could not be heard outside the room. The wood splintered inside the man as Astarion shoved the now blood soaked pole in and out of the man, yelling at him about how dare he touch her? How dare he think he could hunt his lover? That he was going to die in agony like he attempted to do to her. Tav knew he was venting his frustrations, but it was surreal to see the man who had been so kind to her and patient be so cruel. She knew what he was capable of, heck, she remembered their first encounter and what things were like before their relationship, but to see him be so malicious was a stark reminder of what it was like to be the enemy of a vampire spawn.

Astarion pulled the end out and tossed it aside before grabbing a dusty rag from the end of the bookshelf and cleaning himself off.

“I can continue if you like, my love…or do you want to take over? Do you want to end him?” Astarion asked Tav who used Astarion’s shirt to hide behind at times, because of how horrific the wounds had been. Yes, Tav had killed before, but it wasn’t something she relished doing…but this? This was something that had to be done. Would she let him continue to torture him?

Tav was considering it, but the weariness of everything hit her suddenly, and she felt exhausted. If she didn’t end it now, she wasn’t sure she would be able to.

“I didn’t bring my sword.” she admitted.

Astarion came over to her, pulled out his favorite blade, and held it out to her.

“I can’t use your dagger. This one is special to you.” Tav stood up and held his shirt up to him

“So are you. You’re special to me. Take it, and let’s put an end to this so we can get a nice bath. I feel disgusting with this fucker’s blood all over me.” Astarion mentioned, taking Tav’s hand into his own and placing his dagger into it.

Tav closed her hand over the handle and approached the writhing body on the floor. She started to pity him and think she shouldn’t….couldn’t do it, when she saw his face. The memories of the night he grabbed her, beat her, and shoved himself inside of her, came to the surface. She started to panic, started to have issues breathing steadily and started having chest pain. She clenched the dagger as she tried to steady herself. The man below her tried to get up and lash out at Tav who reacted more than thinking anything through. It was like her body just did its own thing, but once it started, she couldn’t stop. She yelled at him and got angry. How dare he take her confidence!? How dare he violate her!? How dare he hurt her and make her afraid!? She stabbed the dagger into the man’s heart over and over until he couldn’t move any longer, and just as she was about to collapse, Astarion’s arms circled her waist and he brought her up to him. She was crying at this point, and all his efforts to avoid blood on his shirt was for naught.

Astarion held her until she stopped crying and Astarion sat her down.

“Let’s go upstairs, but before then, do you mind if I get a snack real quick? His blood is revolting, but I’m absolutely famished.”

Tav nodded and waited a moment while Astarion sucked the body dry, leaving behind the mutilated corpse on the floor. He yanked his dagger out of the corpse and made his way back to Tav. The two (after making sure the fire was extinguished from earlier) made their way upstairs to the shared room so they could gather some clothes before retreating to the single room next door to enjoy a private bath and some time alone to decompress.

Astarion filled up the water basin with warm water before locking the front door and making his way to Tav. Astarion brought his hands on both sides of Tav’s face and kissed her lovingly.

“How do you feel?” Astarion worriedly asked.

“I don’t know….like I’m still processing, I guess” Tav admitted

Astarion held her close. “I felt the same…when Cazador was killed. It took me a few days to process.”

Astarion picked at the edge of her top “Now, dear, why don’t we get a nice relaxing bath together and then see about getting you something to eat?”

“Can we fit in there together?” Tav questioned.

“We can make it work, my love. We just need to get clean. It’s simply more…efficient, if we do so together. I also have my own selfish reasons, but I’m sure you can infer that.” Astarion plied on the charm as he took off his clothing. Tav smirked at her lover’s naked physique. He looked like he was chiseled by a god.

Astarion noticed her looking at him and he smirked. “Like what you see?”

Tav slide her fingers up his well defined chest and noticed Astarion start to grow hard.

“I’m sorry, dear, you have…An effect on me.” Astarion started to apologize for his erection, but Tav shook her head.

“It’s okay.” Tav commented and took off her clothes. She felt so tired, sticky, smelly, and wet with blood and sweat. She may feel vulnerable and emotional, but strangely enough, she’s never felt that way with Astarion. It kind of scared her, honestly, how much she came to rely on him. Their relationship evolved so naturally, they became codependent on one another, in a way. It started off sexually, but as things progressed, Astarion opened up about his past and his trauma, and Tav respected that Astarion didn’t want to be seen in those terms. She viewed him as a person who needed support, and they continued to quest together, opening up to one another until they beat Cazador and he regained his freedom. They weren't truly free, not with Orin invading camp and the tadpoles in their head. That night, Astarion had a private moment with Tav in the graveyard and opened up completely to her. He told her he wanted to take his life back. Under the stars and the privacy of the night, they made love for the first time in a long time. Even though they were technically exposed in a public place, she still felt safe nothing would happen because he was with her. It was slow and sweet, and although he was a “professional” in this area of expertise, he still found time to laugh and stay in the moment while sharing each other’s bodies. After that night, things between them had changed. He was more protective of her, and they would more often than not do small things to remind each other of their commitment. They would hold hands and kiss often in view of their companions at times, who would smile at them. It was then that Astarion admitted that she was the first person he truly cared about. They later found out that the spy in the group was Yenna, the orphaned child they picked up on the way to Baldur’s Gate, and smited Orin, saving the child. If it wasn’t for the fact that Astarion was a permanent fixture in her party and was always by her side, she would have been worried about him being the shape changer. Thankfully, that was not the case.

Astarion reminded Tav of the present when he spoke.

“You’re so beautiful.” Astarion stepped forward and was going to place his hand on Tav’s backside when he remembered himself. Tav saw this and stepped forward, which closed the distance between them, their flesh touching. This surprised Astarion, as her breasts were pressed up against his chest and he relished the feel of the soft skin. His hands were itching to touch her, his fangs peeked out the corners of his mouth as he guided them to the side of her neck.

“Your blood is so sweet, unlike that rank filth I had for supper.” Astarion said with a grimace.

“Then cleanse your palate.” Tav said, and turned her head to the side to expose her neck to the man, the same side his fangs were already teasing.

“I shouldn’t do that, my sweet. You’ve been through a lot recently.” Astarion tried to rationalize even though his instincts begged him to sink his teeth into the familiar skin.

“Please. I want to do this. Bite me.” Tav begged.

Astarion considered it a moment, and then with as much gentleness and tenderness as he could muster, he sank his teeth into his beloved’s neck. She was only in pain for a moment before the blood started to gush to the back of his throat. Her blood was divine in comparison to what he drank just a little bit ago. Almost as soon as he started, Astarion forced himself to pull away, as he would not hurt her further. He licked the wounds clean and kissed his way north until he made his way to her lips. He drank her in passionately. Forgetting himself in the moment, he let his hands drift to her rear as he pushed her closer to his groin. Surprisingly, she didn’t react in the way he expected. She didn’t react negatively to him fondling her ass. In fact, she took her hand and gently massaged the base of his cock. Astarion moaned into the kiss.

Tav pulled back to speak as she started to stroke his rigid manhood.

“You’re easy to excite.” Tav noticed.

Astarion pulled away and took Tav’s hands away from his engorged appendage. He picked her up and stepped into the water basin.

“As much as I didn’t want you to stop touching me,” Astarion purred. “We are both in a desperate need for a bath before we go on.” Astarion sat down in the tub as the water sloshed around a bit and sat Tav on top of him. The water reached the middle of his chest, his beloved on top of his groin. Astarion reached for the soap and a clean washcloth. For the next few minutes, Astarion would lovingly clean Tav in all the safe places before quickly washing himself down and handing the soap and cloth to Tav to finish off her bath. Once they were clean, Astarion and Tav left the water basin and emptied it. Astarion wasn’t the type to keep sitting in a dirty tub.

Both of them were dripping wet, so Astarion dried her off while fondling her body. He avoided her breasts and womanhood, leaving that for her, wrapping her tightly in the blanket after he finished drying her the best he could. Astarion wrapped a towel around himself and they laid in bed a moment before Astarion remembered that she needed to eat. He got up and requested food for her through the dumbwaiter system and got her some substance for the evening. She ate in bed while Astarion laid down to the side of her and quickly fell asleep.

He began stirring to some hot delicious friction and pleasure jolting through him. He could feel the cloth of the sheets beneath his fingers as he curled them and clutched the sheets. He was sexually excited, he knew that. He was quite often, to be honest, and whatever was going on, it felt good.

Astarion opened his eyes slowly to see what was going on and searched to find the source of such pleasure. He looked down at his cock and saw Tav sucking on his manhood like a popsicle and it was a hundred degrees out. She was enamored with his appendage and Astarion moaned deeply. She pulled back to speak briefly.

“When was the last time you came?”

Astarion deeply panted and breathed out “Graveyard.” as a reply.

“That long ago? You haven’t gotten yourself off since then?” Tav kept teasing and licking his member as she spoke. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked.

Astarion considered it. He didn’t want anything sexual for a long time, but after Cazador, he wanted to be alive. He told her some time ago he was okay with going back to sex, since she regarded him as a person and respected him. She was with him through everything, and he truly did love her. She took up room in his undead heart, and that was a feat on its own. He would do anything for her.

“Keep going.” Astarion muttered and drew his hand to the back of Tav’s head, helping to guide her as she bobbed along his length. After a moment or two, his orgasm was building. He wondered out loud something that was on his mind, and without realizing it, he whispered what he was thinking.

“Mmm, I really wish I could make love to you. You feel so good.”

Tav paused a moment, looking dejected, but continued to fuck her lover with her mouth.

Astarion started to thrust, and before long, his seed was filling her mouth. Astarion cried out in pleasure as Tav drank him down.

Astarion looked down at her and blushed. He may have done this in the past, but with someone he cared about? Never before her. She let go of him and grabbed the still damp cloth from the basin so he could clean himself up. As he did so, he kissed her yet again. He could keep himself away from her, it would seem, and tasted himself on her lips.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Astarion muttered. “Still…thank you. That felt wonderful.”

Tav smiled and replied. “Anything to make you feel good. Why didn’t you…take care of yourself?”

Astarion gave a weak smirk. “In all honesty, I’m not quite sure. I’ve been wanting, but I just never seemed to have the time or privacy to do so. The Elfsong Tavern, although the beds are nice, isn’t private.”

“Well…”Tav started to speak. “We have this room now. You can sneak away any time you want to take care of your problems if you want.”

Astarion rolled to the side with Tav and kissed her “How are you?”

Tav considered the question for a moment. “Still numb and processing, I guess.”

Astarion quirked a small smile and brought his one hand briefly to her womanhood and cupped it.

“How about here? I can reciprocate what you did for me. Let you find some pleasure in all of this. Let you just let go for a little.” Astarion offered

Tav shook her head as tears welled up to the surface. Astarion feared he had crossed a line he was unaware he crossed.

“What I want, I can’t have. I want to make love to you, just like you want with me.”

“What do you mean?” Astarion was confused.

“You made a comment while I was going down on you about wishing you could make love to me. I want that too!” Tav started to sob and Astarion held her close, unaware he actually said what was on his mind just a few minutes ago.

“It’s okay. We can work up to it. We know that you can do hand jobs and oral sex. It will be fine. Let me help you re-explore your body.”

Tav looked up from the sobbing, and bit back a cry to speak. “I don’t want to put you out and…”

“No. It is never a burden or a chore to help you become whole again. I actually rather like your taste, you know.” Tav blushed at this confession from Astarion.

“So, what do you propose?” Tav questioned.

“When we’re not questing, we spend lazy nights in each other's company and explore each other. Does that sound acceptable to you?”

Tav thought about it for a bit, and timidly accepted before bringing her lips to her lover’s. Astarion made out with Tav all night, until they both fell into blissful sleep in each other’s arms.

They did as promised for many nights as they quested the next few weeks. They ventured into the House of Hope and they took out a great many side quests. The House of Hope was a major boon to their cause, and it helped Tav tremendously in her confidence (although Astarion attacked Harleep as soon as it insinuated something sexual with Tav). She was confident enough to be alone again and to walk alone, which made Astarion happy as this also helped her not be as codependent on Astarion as she had been. The other companions noticed, of course, but were polite about it…Well…Most of them were. Lae’zel was blunt at times, and Karlach thought it was cute, but otherwise they held their tongues.

They would occasionally spend the night with the party, but more often than not, they would spend the night alone in their spare room.

A few weeks after that, about a month and a half after the assault, the group were taking on Ansur, when mid-battle, Tav started to vomit. Astarion, Gale, and Shadowheart were with Tav for that fight, and Astarion quickly gazed at their faces before looking at the enemy to ensure it was still distracted. The companions all seemed concerned, but they had to kill a dragon before they could look at Tav. Astarion didn’t need a detect thoughts scroll to know what Tav was worried was the cause. Her monthly was late and she still hasn’t had it. Of course this concerned Astarion as well because he had yet to think about children and his place among them. This was all conjecture of course because a missed monthly could mean many things. It didn’t always mean pregnancy.

They slayed Ansur after some time but Tav kept vomiting occasionally. After the beast had fallen, another looted the body while Astarion rushed to Tav’s side.

“Are you ok?” Astarion asked concerned

“No, I feel so nauseous. I have a headache too, but mostly I just feel like my stomach is rebelling against breakfast.“

Astarion whispered his next sentence so as to not worry the others. “We should get you in to see a healer. Just in case.”

Tav was worried, anxious even. Astarion held her hand and once they got back to the surface level, they sought out the same healer who assisted her before when she was first injured. It was a bit of a trek since she was in Rivington but it was worth it for the privacy and the expertise. Astarion did ask if Tav wanted to have him with for this, and she chose to have Astarion with her… Just in case.

Astarion was happy to come with, but he worried immeasurably what would happen and how this would influence their relationship. Astarion was certain that no matter what the news was, he was going to need some time and space to figure it out. If he planned on a long term relationship with Tav, which he was, this subject would inevitably come up and he would need an answer. He knew he could have children biologically, however they would be vampire and living and would suffer the same bottomless hunger he suffered, from except with some stark differences. It was still uncommon though, for one of his kind to have children with the living. That would have to be discussed with her one day, considering their relationship and what he was. They also could adopt if Tav wanted children, or he would have to be ok with someone else fucking the woman he loved. The last option was something he would not stand for if Tav wanted to have children. Maybe before Cazador he would have agreed, but not anymore. She was his.

Astarion was not really the possessive sort, but then again, he was still a vampire, and there was still parts of his nature he couldn’t deny. Especially now that he had something to live for and protect (even if she didn’t need protection and was stronger then him in some ways)

They arrived at the healer who originally wanted Astarion to wait outside for the examination, however Tav wouldn’t have it. The healer eventually relented and allowed the man in as the woman checked his soul mate over. The woman looked grim and spoke to them.

“You’re the poor lass who was raped a couple months ago? At the Elfsong Tavern?”

Tav looked towards the floor, embarrassed. Astarion spoke up for her instead.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

The healer checked Tav over a little bit more and frowned deeply before sitting back in her chair.

“What’s the deal?” Tav asked frustrated and scared.

The healer sighed deeply and replied a sentence that Astarion will always remember.

“You may or may not welcome this news, but… You’re pregnant. From what I can tell you’re around 7 weeks along. Do you have any questions?”

Tav let out a whimper, while Astarion automatically went into a sort of autopilot and began asking questions on Tav’s behalf.

“What is she chooses to get rid of it?” Astarion asked. Tav was listening intently while trying to contain the painful feelings deep inside her. She wanted to cry, to yell, and to lash out at anything she can. She was confused and angry, sad and upset, and she wasn’t sure what to do or what were to happen now. She was stunned and thankful that Astarion was asking the right questions and was there for her.

“I’m afraid to say that after looking her over, that won’t be possible.” The healer admitted.

Astarion was confused and inquired further.

“Why? Why can’t she choose to get rid of it?”

The healer looked uncomfortable and explained.

“The wound she sustained when she was injured initially was far deeper than suspected. If she were to try to get rid of the pregnancy, it would render her barren and unable to ever have children, maybe even take her life. More than maybe… It is a good chance it would. She could give the babe up for adoption once it is born if she really doesn’t want it, of course. Unfortunately, even if you used a potion, it only heals what is existing. The damage healed incorrectly, and regardless of how it healed, it would never go back to normal.”

Astarion was numb. He assumed that abortion was an option on the table for Tav assuming she didn’t want it, but to be told that she was going to be forced to bear her rapist’s child? That was absurd! If she wanted it, then that was her choice, but to remove the option of choice altogether? He hurt her so bad she would die in the attempt? Astarion wished he gutted the fucker and tortured him worse than he was. Astarion was livid, but he didn’t want to show it. Not to the already frightened Tav.

“Isn’t childbirth already dangerous?” Astarion asked.

“It can be, but no worries. I’ve brought dozens of babes into this world, and I’ve only lost 3 mothers. Out of all the midwives in Baldur’s Gate, I have the best record.” She boasted proudly.

Astarion felt sick to his stomach. His beloved’s life was in danger either way he looked at it, and then there was the big issue of of the child and their relationship.

Tav looked at Astarion and mouthed to him ‘Gortash’. She was right, they had the brain, a netherstone and a few lost ends to tie up. Being with child will complicate matters considerably. They would have to act fast and determine what to do, because time was not on their side.

Tav felt like she was going to break. Her worst fears were realized, and she felt completely alone. Of course, her favorite vampire was with her, but would he stick with her through this? It wasn’t like their relationship was very defined. He was loyal and told her often his love and care for her, however what were they really? Was he her boyfriend? A long time fling? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. What about the baby? This was all too much. It was like she was drowning, and she couldn’t get her head above water.

Astarion only had a moment’s notice, that he recognized her slumping shoulders, her heart beats quickened pace, and her sharp intake of breath before her body slumped forward unconscious. Astarion was able to catch her in time and grew scared about what was wrong with her, when the healer checked her over and informed Astarion it was nothing to worry about. She had an anxiety attack, she was overwhelmed, and it wasn’t good for her health, but not life threatening.

Astarion thanked her and paid the gold for her services before taking her back to the Elfsong Tavern and to their private room and locked the door. He refused to go back to their shared room with their companions until everything was sorted out, and until they figured out what Tav wanted to tell the rest. There was a lot to discuss. After he tucked her into bed, Astarion sat at the table and took some time to himself. He had a lot to consider. Did he want to continue the relationship if there was children involved? How did he feel about children? What would happen with their quest to save the Sword Coast and remove the tadpoles from their heads if one of the main warriors to their team was unable to battle safely?

There seemed to be an endless amount of questions and not enough answers.

Astarion wasn’t even sure what Tav wanted in everything or how she felt. He wouldn’t know until she came to. Astarion knew one thing for certain, while she was pregnant, he would not feed off of her. Her blood supply was now for two and not just one. He didn’t want to accidentally harm them, regardless of what is ultimately decided.

Astarion never left Tav’s side while she was out cold in their private room, but he contemplated a great many things. Astarion finally had answers for some of the questions he posed to himself some time ago, and knew that a great many things would be changing, but he couldn’t back down. He came this far, and he wasn’t going to lose the progress he made.

That includes not losing the woman who helped him make all that progress with him.

Astarion made sure that before he put her to bed that he stripped her of her armor so she was clad in a shirt and underwear. Astarion stripped down to his night time attire and slipped into bed with her. He held her against him, and listened for the gentle rhythm of her heartbeat as her body heat made him feel alive once again.

Astarion woke up a short time later, unaware he even drifted off into trance, to find Tav still out cold, her position moved slightly. He glanced down to find her one hand had slipped under his shirt while the other was partially under his underwear and laying on the curve of his ass. Astarion smiled.

He kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear.

“My darling, you should wake up. We have a lot to discuss, and by the smell of you, you could use a distraction” Astarion licked his lips, but when Tav refused to stir, Astarion had a different idea altogether.

Astarion pulled back the covers and pulled her panties down and off of her to reveal her southern beautiful lips. Astarion’s cock started to harden, even though he knew nothing would come of it. She was gorgeous. He kissed her cheek, her lips, and her chin before going south. He skipped past what her shirt would cover except her exposed belly as it was hitched up and started to kiss it too. At this point, her eyes started to slowly open and she gazed down to see Astarion look up at her as he kissed the top of her hips and smirked.

Astarion didn’t have to ask if she wanted it, too. His sense of smell confirmed it as her musky smell that was completely her seemed to fill his senses.

“You need a nice distraction, my dear. You’ve gone through all the planes of hells this last month and a half.” Astarion muttered against her flesh, his hands coming up to knead the tender flesh of her thighs as he spread them gently for his ease.

“The pregnancy, everything… I… I mean… Don’t you hate me?” Tav asked, still groggy but distraught.

Astarion muttered. “Never.” and dove in to ravish her womanhood. Tav moaned loudly as she grabbed Astarion’s pillow to cover her mouth and muffle her cries of ecstasy. Astarion was surprised she could do so considering her trauma, but considering the pillow was only loosely in front of her face and not tightly muffling her voice, it may not affect her as such. The entire time, Tav watched Astarion as he went to town on her special place. It felt liberating. Astarion wanted to try something different and venture a little further into territory he hasn’t tasted in some time.

“Do you want me to try something? I can test… Exploring, a little bit. You can trust me, and if it is too much, I’ll stop right away. Is that okay?”

Tav apprehensively nodded her head and Astarion dragged his tongue more south against the opening of her vagina. She gasped and jerked her hips, but didn’t say to stop. Astarion heard her moan again and he smiled before dipping his tongue inside of her. It was the first time he was inside of her since she was violated a month and a half before. After a few minutes of this, he could hear her breathy moans and see her tense muscles. He pulled back and wiped his face a second, before leaning up and kissing her neck.

“I need you inside me.” She begged as she grinded her hips against his hard-on.

Astarion pulled his head back. “It’s only been a couple months,” Astarion mentioned. “Would you be okay with making love so soon?”

Tav thought for a moment and then replied.

“If this is the last time we’re together, and…”

Astarion was taken aback by her comment. “What made you think that, love?” Astarion asked as he tossed his shirt to the side.

“The baby… I mean…” Tav was tripping on her own words and starting to get upset. Astarion kissed her to try and calm her down.

“I’m not going anywhere. We will talk about all this, but know one thing… You’re stuck with me, my dear.” Astarion huskily said as he yanked his pants and underwear free and tossed them with his shirt. Astarion was now naked over a semi-naked Tav who was thrusting herself against the man as he kissed her.

“Please, fill me!” she begged him, her hands reaching for his backside so she could pull him closer to her. Astarion was worried. He knew after hunting and preying on people for so long a thing or two about pregnancy, and that because of hormones, it could affect them. It especially could make them horny more often, a fact Astarion took advantage of a few times when bringing victims to Cazador back then. Astarion wasn’t sure if it was too early for that to be affecting his lover, but he was really concerned about hurting her. He didn’t want to trigger any problems. Every fiber in his being wanted to protect her, and even though he was craving the feeling of being buried in the soft folds of her wet hot flesh, he couldn’t do it if it meant setting her progress back.

“Are you sure?” Astarion wanted to confirm as Tav sat up and took her lover’s cock in hand and started to vigorously stroke him. Astarion moaned.

“I don’t want to remember the feeling of him. I don’t want him to be the last man in me. I love you. Please help me forget him. Please!” She started to cry as she pleaded with Astarion “I wish it was your child in me. Not his. I know it never would be, because you’re dead… I just wish he never touched me…”

Astarion gently kissed her to stop her sobbing and began touching her with his fingers. He wanted to see if she was ready for him and if she could tolerate having something inside of her, so he slipped two fingers inside of her and found her to be dripping. Tav put her arms around her lover to rest on his back as he pumped those fingers inside and found that soft patch inside he knew from experience she would love. He couldn’t stand to see her cry anymore.

Her sobs turned to moans as Astarion worked her but purposely would bring her to the brink and pull away. He would not let her come from his fingers alone. Astarion pulled away from kissing her and pulled his fingers out abruptly, earning a mewl of displeasure from her, but before she could say anything, he took his length in hand and lined himself up with her entry.

“I’m going to go slow. If this is too much for you, tell me. We can’t do this unless you have open communication with me, dear.” Astarion warned and slowly pushed himself inside. Astarion took his hands and held the underside of her knees to help make it easier to glide himself inside of her.

Astarion moaned deeply and struggled to hold on. It had been a while since he made love to her but it was still really embarrassing for him. He regarded himself as a professional in anything regarding sex, so to find himself on the brink of spilling seed was mortifying. It went to show how important Tav became to him that even his body would betray him.

Tav never told him to stop. Once in a while she would freeze, and so he would too, but he would glide at a leisurely pace. Tav appeared frustrated and hitched her shirt up to reveal her perfect breasts.

“Touch me.” She asked. She watched him, still afraid to close her eyes.

Astarion dipped forward and took her nipple into his mouth since his hands were holding her legs. He worked her chest the best he could with his mouth.

Tav moaned again. “Faster. Harder!” She begged.

Astarion slowly picked up the pace and the depth, and without thinking, found himself north of her breast and about to bite her neck. He couldn’t. Not now. Not for nine months. Astarion shook his head and dropped one of her legs to turn her body slightly to hit inside better. He was going to make her come. He was going to make her scream in pleasure. He wanted to give her a gift but Astarion didn’t have much except his body. He wasn’t like he was before. He didn’t think of his body as being used or anything like that, but he wanted to gift himself to her. His body. His soul. She was still mortal, and so she had a limited number of years to be with him. Unless he could find a way to keep her with him longer, he would lose her in what felt like a blink of an eye compared to his life span. This was one of the things that Astarion thought of during the hours before making love to his significant other.

Astarion flipped himself and laid on his back, dragging Tav on top of him as she rode him.

“You wanted to ride me, you said.” Astarion commented as Tav leaned down and did something she didn’t think she would ever do, especially not to a vampire. Tav took her blunt teeth and bit his neck as she came hard around his thick engorged shaft. Astarion couldn’t hold out between the throbbing hot center pulling him in, and the bite Tav did to him. It had an unusual affect. Astarion didn’t mean to, but he responded in kind and bit her neck with his fangs. She seemed to have had a pleasurable reaction from it because her muscles clenched around his shaft and she yelled out his name and sank her nails into his shoulders. Astarion’s seed filled her as he quickly pulled back once he tasted the beginning of her blood touch the back of his throat. Astarion was concerned for her health.

As soon as he could feel himself no longer pulsating, he pulled out gently and they kissed lovingly, Astarion dragging his tongue against Tav’s. After some time, Tav pulled back. The couple laid next to each other, Tav looking exhausted but laughing at something that perplexed Astarion.

“What’s so funny, my sweet?”

Tav leaned forward and kissed his neck. She pulled back and said “I left a love mark on you!”

Astarion laughed too. “Bit ironic, don’t you think?”

Tav started to feel a little nauseous and looked a bit depressed as she placed a hand to her belly.

Astarion noticed what got Tav down and exhaled.

“We have quite a bit to talk about. Do you want to start now? We don’t have much time with the Netherstones and these pesky tadpoles.” Astarion asked and mentioned.

Tav sadly looked up at him and nodded, the post-coital bliss all but dissipated due to the nature of the conversation they needed to have.

Astarion inched closer to Tav and held her close. “First thing is first. Have you decided what you want to do about the baby?”

“Abortion is out, right?” Tav asked while considering her options.

“The healer was clear. It will kill you.” Astarion stated.

“So I can only keep it or adoption?”

“It would seem so.” Astarion replied.

Tav snuggled up to Astarion’s muscular taut chest and continued the conversation, “What do you think?”

“It isn’t my choice,” Astarion commented “It isn’t my body. This is your choice.”

“But what about you? If I pick the wrong choice, will you leave?” Tav started to panic.

“What did I tell you when we were going to make love, my dear? What did I say?” Astarion replied, holding her tighter. “Anyways, you still haven’t answered my original question. What do you want to do with the child?”

“I… I… I can’t grow a child inside of me and just give it up,” Tav admitted. “I’m sorry if that isn’t something you’re okay with.” She lamented.

“So, you’re keeping it then?” Astarion asked as clarification.

“…” Tav hesitated “Yes.”

“Once the healer told me abortion was off the table, I figured this would be your choice.”

“What does that mean?” Tav asked as she held on to herself, scared that although Astarion had not pushed her away yet and was holding her tight, that he would reject her.

“It means that I had a few hours to think this all through and I had a choice like you did. I could still choose you even though you may have a child in the end of it all, or to end it all and forget everything between us. It wasn’t a contest. I may not be renowned for my acceptance of children, but I believe in you. I love you, and this child will be part of you. You stuck by me when things were difficult. You are more than lust and tactical alliances. Out of everything in this world, I want you.”Astarion put his hand on her belly gently and kissed her.

Tav’s smile grew and she threw her arms around Astarion in happiness.

“Im not done yet, my pet,” Astarion continued. “You see…” Astarion leaned down and kissed her forehead before slipping out of the bed, throwing on his underwear and going around to the other side of the furniture to meet the woman who was now sitting up in an attempt to see what was going on.

Astarion stopped in front of her as she gazed at his delicious perfect body.

“Now, my dear, I wasn’t expecting to do this today, let alone do this in general. I never considered it, to be honest, but now that you’re with child, I want to… What’s the phrase. Make you an honest woman…? That sounds so crass and sounds offensive. That’s not what I’m trying to say. Look…”Astarion fumbled with his words. “In truth? I want the world to know you’re mine… And I don’t want anyone to think that you with a child and no man in the picture means… Ugh, I’m messing this up.”

Astarion went to one knee. “I love you, and if that means being the father of your children, then that is an adventure I am ready to try. You’re my soul mate in every way. Will you be my wife?”

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