#But now im ace and im like “yeah. They dont need to fuse to be themselves.”

[welcometotheunknownlosers]

Thinking about how much i love relatable characters

[anestheticrage]

Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately. 

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 

Yours Truly, 

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 

[corpsegirlmeat]

heres a black jadenep fic i wrote for @jade-week!! (pst i also posted this to ao3)

Flashes of light followed by smoke could be seen coming from the home of Jade Harley. Jade was in her kitchen cooking up a storm the only way she knew how, irradiating the shit out of her food. She set out a baking pan with some salmon and herbs and the like, preparing everything she needed for a lovely meal. As she turns around to set her oven to the custom setting of IRRADIATE, there is a rustling from around the corner. Jade spins on her heels to face the mysterious noise.

JADE: whos there! JADE: ill have you know im an incredibly powerful doggy girl!

Only silence…

Cautiously, Jade readies herself to attack as she slowly steps over to the corner only to find… nothing?

JADE: is this some kind of prank! JADE: june is this you! you know ill have to get you back for this!

Jade starts to investigate further when the glow of radiation and beep from the oven gets her attention that its been preheated. She walks back into the kitchen only to find that there is a bite taken out of her fish, and in its place is a dead mouse. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and Jade knows just who the culprit is. She zaps her phone into her hand and opens Pesterchum.

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] --

GG: bark! GG: it was YOU wasnt it!! AC: :?? < *nepeta tilts her head confursed* AC: :?? < *she says she has no idea what the scary dog is talking about :((* GG: oh you know EXACTLY what im talking about!!!! GG: i bet youre in my house right now arent you!! AC: :33 < *n-nepeta says she is most defurently at her own home at the moment!* GG: oh yeah? GG: then you wont mind if i go ahead with what i was doing then

Jade sets her phone down and announces loudly to the supposedly empty home,

JADE: man i sure cant wait to put this FISH IN THE OVEN AND IRRADIATE IT BEYOND BELIEF!!!

A small gasp that is immediately cut off comes out from behind the nearby couch. Jade smiles.

AC: :OO < WAIT!!! AC: :33 < i mean AC: :?? < why dont you paws for a second and we talk GG: ok then hmm what should we talk about GG: oh i know!! GG: lets talk about how you broke into my house and ATE MY DINNER AC: :33 < *nepeta says you cant purrove that* AC: :33 < *she stands up and points at jade* AC: :33 < *she says jade cant just make random accusations at anyone she wants!* AC: >:OO < *nepeta says jade needs PURROOF!!* GG: proof you say? GG: im looking down at all the proof i need

Nepeta looks up to see Jade standing right above her with an menacing grin. Nepeta yelps and tries to run for it, but Jade zaps her back in front of her and grabs her by the shirt collar.

JADE: grrrr JADE: ive finally caught you!!! JADE: what do you have to say for yourself!!! NEPETA: :xx < ... JADE: come on say something!!! JADE: who do you think you are just SNEAKING INTO MY HOME JADE: grrrr you make me so angry!!! NEPETA: :33 < it was a very yummy fish NEPETA: :33 < it was much better raw than whatefur you were going to do to it NEPETA: :33 < i cant believe you were about to do that NEPETA: :33 < what a horrible way to cook JADE: that fish would have turned out excellent ill have you know! JADE: ive been cooking like this for years! what would you know about cooking you, feral beast! NEPETA: :!! < says the girl thats fused with a stupid bark beast NEPETA: :!! < the worst of all beasts JADE: how DARE you!!

Jade is completely furious at Nepeta. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Nepeta has broken into Jade’s home countless times, stealing her food and leaving “gifts” in place of it. Jade didn’t even know how she was getting in, she made sure her home had an intensive security system. Nothing should have been able to get in or out without her knowing, yet here Nepeta was. Nepeta knew she was getting on Jade’s nerves and that was exactly what she wanted. Jade looked like she was about to snap, a green electric aura slowly began crackling around her. She just needed something to push her over the edge, and Nepeta knew exactly what to do.

NEPETA: :33 < bark bark look at me NEPETA: :33 < im a silly bark beast NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta runs around in a circle chasing her own tail befur falling over dizzily* NEPETA: :33 < *she s33s a tr33 critter and runs after it fur no reason other than she is a dumb bark beast* JADE: GRRR BARK!

Jade’s hold on Nepeta tightens as her rage intensifies. The aura has surrounded her completely and some light objects begin to float into the air. Nepeta gives a cheeky smile, but starts to feel nervous when she looks into Jade’s eyes and sees a swirling green vortex of energy. Nepeta wraps her arms around Jade in more of a crush than a hug. Her brute strength squeezes almost all the air out of Jade and she’s knocked back. Nepeta takes quick advantage of this to reverse the roles. She picks up Jade by the collar the same way she did to her. Jade’s powers flicker off at this quick turn of the tables. Nepeta brings Jade into a furious kiss, holding on to her tightly. Jade kisses back with just as much intensity. With each kiss there is more rage and passion than the last. The two spend the rest of the night like this, with the only breaks being to argue further which animal is superior. They both hate every second of it, but wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

[zeravmeta]

Give me your absolute best YGO x Fate headcanons

Ah gee since ya asked so nicely heres my convoluted crossover AU. Also this got hella long so I'll add a readmore

-the protags would all wind up at Chaldea due to being summoned by the godly powers within their own universes (Egyptian Gods, Crimson Dragon, etc.) and are tasked with helping them. Yugi is pre Ceremonial Duel (for Atem), the rest are from post series

-Gudas just so used to all the weirdness surrounding them so they take it in stride. Holmes on the other hand is losing it because he fears they may have been some type of dimensional collapse. He freaks out further when some of the kids say "oh yeah that happens all the time". Da Vinci sets them up to assist Guda since they can use magic (at least half of them use magic and the other half literally fuse with duel monsters) without needing magic circuits (which interests her GREATLY) so she introduces them as a set of new masters to help.

-their decks are still with them but now instead of being confined to the game they can actually summon them as Familiars/Phantasmals, though they can only support a few at a time.

-most, if not all servants are suspicious of these new masters (guda is my favorite master i dont need another one), but its only initial waryness since these are actual kids like Guda and they default to Parent Mode. Theyre even more surprised to learn about the exploits within their own worlds.

Now onto some of the dynamics:

-Yugi would just be happy to meet all these heroes from history. He understands the seriousness of the situation and despite his initial kickback he'd be onboard to help. Atem would take this opportunity to ask around to see if any of these ancient heroes would know him (since pre ceremonial duel he'd know who he is from Mem World). The Pharaohs (Ozy, Nito, Cleo) would be surprised about a Pharoah they've never met before, and especially his divinity since he could summon three Egyptian Gods to aid him. He was from 3000 years in the past so Egypt was beginning in its decline, so such a modern (relatively) Pharoah holding such power would shock them, though in the end Ozymandias would still declare him one of his friends and theyd get along. Yugi would leave the Puzzle with the Pharoahs so they could speak while he went around meeting a bunch of the heroes. He'd love to play with some of the kids though he has earned his fair share of ire since the King of Games never loses on Game Night, Poker Night, or any other type of games. Yugi has more supportive abilities in his skillset for the ourposes of battle, while Atem can more freely use his shadow magic since he's being supplied.

-Judai is more nonplussed than anything. He was already wandering the world so for him this is just another checkpoint. He finds the ability to summon his monsters as familiars more convebiant than anything since he could already speak to them. Many of the magic users are particularly interested in his ability to talk to spirits since its a rare ability in general and usually limited to one type of phantasmal, not to mention empathetic abilities on their own are somewhat unheard of in Nasuverse. Yubel is a protective force around him and for combat training scenarios shes extremely hard to get around since her deflection ability, while hard to maintain when Yubel uses her final form, is pretty much on par with Lord Camelot in terms of defense. He's generally friendly but comes off as rude sometimes due to his general nonchalance. Gets along especially well with some of the more volatile servants like Berserkers and Avengers since his empathetic abilities are soothing to them.

-Yusei is cautious and guarded here. He has responsibilities in his own world he'd want to get back too, but doesn't have it in him to just leave. His D-Wheel somehow came along (Yuya shivers in the distance) with him, so Da Vinci did the only reasonable thing upon seeing a miniature perpetual motion machine and tried to impound it immediately for study. Yusei was happy to share his info and skills on Momentum and implementing it into Chaldeas energy systems, something that had Tesla and Edison proud since one so young was already (but only barely) supassing AC and DC. Holmes was also extremely interested in Clear Mind and the Crimson Dragin, since Yusei managed to consolidate his own concentration into pure evolutionary energy and may have accidentally interacted with an elder god in the process (kinda like Holmes). Yusei assures him the Crimson Dragon isn't evil and that its called Quetzalcoatl, which has Fate Quetz coming in and asking about herself, further complicating Yusei's confusion on the Crimson Dragon. For combat, he starts off supportive by swarming his field with low power monsters before suddenly summoning a more powerful one. With Over Top Clear Mind they become even more powerful and evolve on their own, so Stardust can become Shooting, but summoning Quasar is very dangerous since its extremely powerful but taxxing.

-Yuma is absolutely excited. Astral not so much. "Astral these are literal HEROES how can you not be excited!?" "Idk probably the part where they'll kill us if we take a wrong step?". Yuma loves to hang around servants like Drake, Shiki and Beowulf, and loves swapping stories of their adventures. Abigail heard about aliens and wonders if Yog Soghoth is an alien, but Yuma tells her that the Astrals and Barians are not like Yog Soggoth, even if Don Thousand as described kinda sounds like him. Astral can be seen since since Heroic Spirits are consolidations of magic while Astral was basically an energy being of the same type, and does float through the halls, occasionally scaring someone by mistake. He does get along with a mysterious woman in a kimono who seems to appear in the twilight hours, but he cant ever really remember her face. In combat Astral and Yuma can do their usual combination form which causes their Numbers to automatically Rank Up upon summoning, the higher the form the further they can rank.

-Yuya has it a bit rough at first. He just got out of a war and now he was being dragged into another? Thankfully he gets his bearings quickly but is still somewhat shaken. Some of the servants are wary around him because they can feel the distortion that exists within his soul, his three other versions, and the power that could trun him into the Supreme King once again still exists there even if Zarc has passed on. He gets along with Siegfried well enough, and they swap stories about how the expectations of others can lead you to ruin. The Alter Egos feel a kinship to him since he's also a consolidated personality rather than a full person, though he gets along best with the Celts. Cu, Scathach and Fergus all love to see his performances, but to them that just meant that they can put him through warrior training especially after they hear about the war he went through. Scathach insists that him running for his life while she chases is good training, while Cu agrees while running alongside him. In battle he uses his acrobatic prowess enhanced with a little bit of fortification/protection magic, and can summon all four of his dragons to help him. Since the other Yu Boys are stuck within Yuya, they occasionally trade places:

Yuto gets along with Archer and occasionally helps him out. Archer is sympathetic to the struggles he unerwent in his own world and makes sure to keep his spirits up while also trying to ignore the irony.Yugo and David have struck up a strange friendship since they both have the issue of mistaking people for their so. David sees Yugo talk about how even if his life was hard it was worth it for the people he loved and remembers his son fondly.Yuri is generally avoided since even after the merge he's still something of a wildcard, but he gets along well with Hans and Kiara of all people. Sometimes he'd share the stories of the training he underwent in Academia, how the Professor trained him to see people as toys and all the people he's hurt, how his dragon was his only friend and how itd protect him, and Hans couldn't help but hate his pessimistic attitude in expecting this while Kiara wouldn't really care too much but also wouldn't insult him by offering condolences. He knows he's become a monster and he won't deny or forget his mistakes, he'll simply try to do better.

-[note: Vrains suddenly had its ending announced for Sept.25 (i believe it may have been cancelled) so based on the episode title of 120 Yusaku and Ai will reunite and thats what im following here] Yusaku is skittish at best, downright invisible at worst. He doesn't want to be found, and even some of the Assassin Class servants have trouble tracking him down when needed. Ai managed to bring along a spare SOLtis body with him so he can walk around and physically interact with Yusaku. Even if they still had some tension between them they still cared about each other so they would keep each other company. It got real awkward when BB first showed up talking about being a sentient AI, so Ai immediatelt tried to befriend her, only to learn about her inhuman nature. While Ai may dislike that aspect of her, he knows from what happened with Roboppy that you cant forcibly change what you are, so he does his best to try and get along, which infuriates BB to no end since she feels like she's being talked down to. Yusaku as a programmer helps with most of Chaldeas regular workforce and he accomplishes hiding in plain sight by being the only master to interact more with the regular work staff than their servants. That being said, it doesn't change how some like Tamamo or Suzuka try to drag him out so he can meet some of the other servants. He gets along well with Kerry. Likely because they barely speak and share E Rank Luck.

[loofahlover]

Desert Bus

Pairing: Zoro x Luffy

Summary: Desert Bus is the worst game in the world.

00:00

“desert bus?” zoro flips the game case around in his hands.

Luffy grinned. “yeah huh. sanji bet you can’t finish the game. can you? huh? huh?”

zoro really shouldn’t have given in. he could tell the little shit was provoking him.

but.

his pride.

“how hard could it be?”

 00:01

“so what’s the point of this game?” zoro asks.

luffy shrugs, humming happily.

“you’re up to no good, i can tell.”

“look out for the road!”

“shit!” zoro hadn’t noticed himself veering left. once he corrects himself, he takes a closer look at the screen and notices: “Where are the passengers?”

“Dunno.”

“why aren’t there other cars on the road?”

“dunno.”

“is this one of those weird indie games again?”

“dunno!”

zoro growled. “is there anything that you do know?”

“well it’s called Desert Bus. Cuz you have to drive a bus in the desert for ei- UUMMMM and it’s super secret awesome! it’s never been released to the public.”

Zoro could guess why. “and how long to i have to do this?”

Luffy started to avoid eye contact. “Uh, it’s a mystery? Why? you give up?”

Urgh. That was Zoro’s least favorite phrase in the world. But to be honest, he would rather go back to sleeping.

“Fine,” Luffy pouted, responding to Zoro’s silence. “I guess Sanji was right.”

“Hah? What about Shit Cook?”

“He thought you wouldn’t be able to finish this game.”

“...oh it’s ON NOW!”

  00:04

“oy. luffy.”

luffy woke up with a snort, jerking away from zoro’s shoulder. “hmm, wha?”

“why the hell am i moving backwards?”

Luffy squinted at the screen. “you’re getting towed.”

“what’s that mean?”

“you’re gonna go back to the beginning.”

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!” zoro threw his controller. “FUCKING HELL!”

“My TV!”

  00:07

“no, get back zoro! right right right! what are you doing?”

“but the road’s going through the cornfield!”

“no it’s not- no- too late.”

Zoro watched in despair as his bus started making its slow retreat to the starting line. “i swear I saw a shortcut through the corn!”

Luffy felt furious at Zoro on Zoro’s behalf. “There are! no! shortcuts!”

“Well then this game was made wrong,” Zoro grumbled.

  00:43

Zoro could feel his ass fusing to the couch. Once again, he weighed his pride against his hatred for this stupid game. But then Luffy came back with a boombox, blasting the mix cd Zoro had made for Luffy’s birthday.

“Shishishi, road trip music!” Luffy grinned.

Zoro smirked back, leaning back into the couch. This desert bus aint no thang.

  01:07

“why can’t i go faster than 45”

“so zoro doesn’t get lost again.”

“i don’t get lost!”

  01:21

Luffy started climbing into a protesting zoro’s lap, while he held the controller up in the air.

After elbowing him in the ribs, almost jabbing him in the crotch, and almost causing the bus to collide with the side of a canyon, luffy finally cuddled into place.

zoro brought his arms down, resting his controller in luffy’s lap. He wouldn’t have expected it, luffy was usually a wind-up toy zipping with energy. It seemed that he didn’t mind being confined to the living room, so long as he was allowed to chatter as much as he wanted.

  01:59

“you take the wheel. i need to go get some food.”

ok but if sanji finds out you left for a moment...”

zoro slowly sat back down.

  03:15

“No, go left left left!”

“What, my left or yours?!”

“They’re both left! See! Where! I’m! Pointing!”

“Don’t, you’re blocking my vision-”

“I’m nowhere close-”

“-messing with my...NOOOOOOO!!!!”

 05:01

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I should’ve gone to the bathroom.”

  07:24

“Shit. i gotta take a piss.”

“I’ll go get a water bottle!” Luffy started to rise from his seat.

“Hell no, I’m not peeing in a bottle!”

“Well why not?”

“Cuz I got an easier way.”

And that’s how Zoro was in the bathroom with one hand fumbling on his zipper, the other on his joystick (no, not that kind). Three mirrors were rigged between him and the TV, one held by a Luffy who was rapidly becoming bored.

“Zoro my aaaaaarms are tired.”

“Just hang on. Almost…”

“Zoooooooooro.”

“Almost. Got it. No wait, no, ow-“

There was a splashing sound.

“Shit.”

“Dammit you crashed again!”

“SHIT!”

  11:46

“why doesn’t this bus have any passengers, anyway?!”

“hmm. Well at least you have me!”

  12:55

Even with zoro’s attention occupied, he could have easily fed himself. He didn’t need two hands to eat pizza.

not that he bothers to point that out, as he turns his head slightly to take a bite out of luffy’s offered slice, because hey; luffy was the one to offer.

  19:23

“luffy, who’s at the door?”

Ace snorted. “oh wow. rude. he’s not even gonna stand up to greet me?”

“zoro can’t pause right now,” luffy said.

“and so what? he’s sending my little brother to make excuses for him?”

zoro gritted his teeth.

“you know my brotherly approval for you just took a nosedive, zoro. Im just saying, dont be expecting my blessings when you marry luffy. maybe i’ll introduce him to hancock instead, at least she’s loaded. even though she’s twice his age, but still.”

zoro turned around, ready to vault over the sofa, as the bus veered off the road.

  19:45

you again?

slammed three game controllers onto the counter along with a cartful of Red Bulls.

“what happened to the last one?”

“he snapped it in half,” luffy yawned.

“yo! why are you disrespecting my stuff, bro!”

zoro viciously swiped his credit card. “i bought it. mine.”

“no way! my babies are always gonna be my babies!”

“well your babies have become teeny little pieces on the floor!”

  27:12

“eight-hundred, seventy-three bottles of beer on the wall, eight-hundred, seventy-three bottles of beer, come on zoro!”

he felt like chucking the controller at luffy. or at the tv screen. or out the window “take one down, pass it around...”

“LOUDER, ZORO!”

“EIGHT-HUNDRED, SEVENTY-TWO FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!”

  32:41

sanji didn’t even have the words for this guy in front of him, with dark bags under his eyes and smelling like he hadn’t showered in days. “it was supposed to be an eight hour bus ride.”

zoro groaned. “so that’s how long it was.”

“how did an 8 hour bus ride take you 30 hours?”

“well,” luffy drawled, “zoro got lost. and distracted. then he dropped his thing in the toilet.”

“shut up!” zoro screamed amidst sanji’s cackling. “no you know what? i don’t care, laugh all you want, i don’t even care anymore, because i won the bet. ME! not you! ME!” zoro backed away toward the door, a maniacal laugh escaping his lips. He threw out his arms, “SUCK ON THAT, LAS VEGAS!” and slammed the door behind him.

luffy started laughing. “isn’t he a hoot?”