#not with the way it hurts me
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Turns out that the constant pain in my hands and trying to deal with it (on top of depression) has left me exhausted
#i just mass applied to other jobs again... i miss my old walmart one so much i was so good at it#i feel like im in a spiral and nothing works for me#i just want to do school and a part time that doesnt treat me like im full time...#i was told it was a part time job but ive had closer to 40 hours for two weeks and i cant do that#not with the way it hurts me#ortho.exe#vent#dl
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this is entirely petty and personal but i cannot stand the word "whump" it's like unalive to me. just say you enjoy torturing your favourite character so that you can nurse them back to health again like a sickly baby bird they're not real it's okay.
#🐉#like its not in any way actually a Moral Issue it just feels infantilising to me specifically#i acknowledge that its a useful shorthand for the phenomenon of enjoying hurting your guy to the end of achieving comfort and catharsis#but it sets my teeth on edge and makes me go ew. ick.
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The tragedy of being William Afton’s daughter in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#fnaf vanessa#elizabeth afton#circus baby#william afton#steve raglan#springtrap#fnaf movie#sister location#fnaf fanart#here’s your daily dose of angst guys 🩵🩵#Vanessa and Elizabeth’s stories make me sob#They are both betrayed by their fathers#both assuming they at least wouldn’t hurt them#both just wanting their father’s love#THE scene in the movie where Vanessa is stabbed by William#and she whimpers ‘dad’ you can just tell she was shocked#she really thought he’d at least never hurt her#this is why the Williams go to super hell#neither of them deserved their daughters#and their daughters deserved way better than what they got#WE HERE care about Elizabeth and Vanessa 😤
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Scary Sunset.
I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.
#mlp#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#twiset#the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art#deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement#but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way#when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too#fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory#and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her#anyways toxic yuri yayyy#my art#the grand galloping 20s#character design#i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days#i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate#is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey
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Sharing this Hurt™ Danny early because I am frothing at how I drew his expression,,,, this is a good one boys
#hurt in what way? that’s a fun little secret between me and the Danny phantom dvd pack I found the other day#that I have also been going nuts over#it’s angst time baby#danny phantom#danny fenton#dash baxter#teddy ghost#swagger bishie#dandash
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you think YOU had a bad day at work?
bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera
#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank#he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated#but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING#drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern#po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog#ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both#also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited#anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a#long post#sidney crosby#evgeni malkin#pittsburgh penguins#also!!! to all who celebrate#ramadan kareem/eid mubarak#<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good
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05 x 04 | Still not boring ❤️🩹
#THIS EPISODE KILLED ME#HURTED ME IN A WAY I DIDNT THINK WOULD HAPPEN#im so glad wilson came back i missed him#though i do enjoy lucas very much#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#hilson#wouse#gregory house#dr house#doctor house#greg house#james wilson
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“i’ll keep you safe” prompts ˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍊 ꒱
⋆ “i can stay the night, y’know. if it’d make you feel better.”
⋆ “try and get some sleep. i’ll stay right here- i won’t let anything happen to you, i swear.”
⋆ “you should’ve told me this was going on. i would’ve put a stop to it the second i heard about it.”
⋆ “no one gets to treat you like that, you hear me? no one.”
⋆ “either go to bed and get some rest willingly, or i will drag your ass down the hall kicking and screaming. you know i’ll have no problem with either option.”
⋆ “you must be freezing- here, take my jacket.”
⋆ “this place is dicey at the best of times. just take my hand until we’re clear of it, yeah?”
⋆ “anyone touches you, says anything to you, so much as looks at you the wrong way- you come get me, and i’ll set them straight. understand?”
⋆ “i’m not jealous. i just know the intentions that someone like that has for you, even if you claim not to see them yourself.”
⋆ “stay behind me, no matter what.”
⋆ "i know you can't believe it yet, but i promise you can trust me. whenever you're ready to rely on me, i'll be here for you. i swear it."
⋆ “i like seeing you this way. so… at ease. makes me wonder how anyone could ever purposely put you under stress and live with themselves afterwards.”
⋆ “shut up and just let me take care of you!”
⋆ “this isn’t up for discussion. i know you’re used to looking out for yourself, but i need you to understand that you don’t have to live like that anymore. i’m here. for as long as i’m around, i’m going to come between you and anything that wants to hurt you.”
⋆ “no one’s ever going to hurt you again. i promise you that on everything i believe in.”
#can you tell how bad i’ve been hyperfixating on captain price lol#microdosing on dealing with my parental issues by thinking of all the ways a gruff fictional englishman would keep me safe <3#prompts#protective prompts#hurt/comfort prompts#prompt list#writing prompts#writing exercise#dialogue prompts#rp meme#protective rp meme
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Hazakura Temple, February
#what if we walked side by side silently through the snow to reach the man we've both been in love with for years#and who is the only one we trust who can make the ghosts following us disappear#but we both know neither of us deserves a happy ending#so we keep quiet because words would only hurt us more#dounart#ace attorney#aa#ace attorney fanart#miles edgeworth#miles edgeworth fanart#iris hawthorne#gyakuten saiban#narumitsu#kinda#art#fanart#sometimes i remember how we have no idea what they talked about during this several hours walk and i go insane all over again#help girl a random moment drowned in a way bigger narrative is killing me by its potential for deeper metaphorical meaning
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How in god's name are you alive?
#outlander#outlander spoilers#outlanderedit#7.11#jamie fraser#jamiefraseredit#claire fraser#clairefraseredit#jamie x claire#gifs#mine#the way Claire coudn't stop touching him as if to make sure he's real to her and not some ghost#yeah it hurted seeing her suffering and in pain without him🥺#also im gonna gif every moment of this reunion so prepare to be sick of me asdlfjskjdjf
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Mother and Father 🫶
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#arlevie#CANON CANT HURT ME IF IM DELUSIONAL ENOUGH!!!!#I feel like im a peasant who was just struck with the bubonic plague#they're rotting my brain so fucking bad ive yet to have a moment of peace since the animated short dropped#head in hands shaking crying throwing up because Clervie would've been a wonderful mother to the hoth children#the way she would've given them all the genuine affection and care she never received from her own mother#Not to mention she wouldve had arle's curse in check and softened her out around the edges for the children as well
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there's something deeply gutting about being a writer right now. watching studio execs brag about starving people like you out of your very house just to not pay you anything above the pennies you currently make. watching some people cheer over AO3 being targeted for a DDOS attack. the complete lack of profitability of writing commissions or writing in general in transformative spaces, especially in contrast to fanart. the pivot of so many social media platforms to be video and image based near-exclusively.
I don't know. it just makes me sad to know that the hobby that kept me alive while growing up homeschooled with dial-up internet and local antenna TV... is only ever gonna be a side job with minimal engagement. I know this site is good about supporting libraries and the concept of books but, do me a favor? Reach out to a writer friend you know. Leave a comment on your last five read stories on your favorite website.
Tell us you care.
#maybe that's why I've been so stalled on my novel#I keep trying to convince myself there's a POINT to it#but I look at how BRUTAL the publishing industry is and how I can't even consistently break ten reblogs on writing I post here#and I just. it hurts. and I have other hobbies I could fall back on!!! I could do art and cosplay and cater to the immediate engagement!!#but writing is my LOVE and my PASSION and I just wish. I wish the current climate CARED about us#TALKED to us the way we talk to cosplayers and artists and the chocolate guy#UGH. Wednesday blues hitting me NASTY today
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“baby,” zoro manages, and when it doesn’t work, he gently tugs on your hair.
you look up through your lashes, without unlatching, and nearly forget how to breathe. it’s jarring, almost, the warmth that pours into you at the quiet vulnerability in his gaze, tender and wanting and yours.
you give his swollen nipple one more wet kiss, before raising your head to meet him with a small, coy smile. teasing, the way that makes your lover glow. “too much?”
he’s too busy blushing to respond right away. you bring his hand down to your cheek, pressing the burn of his sweaty palm against your face. it makes you want to close your eyes, and you give in to the comfort with a faint sigh.
zoro lets out a small grunt, turning his head to the side. it’s nothing new, your affection for him, but sometimes, you’re a little too good at making him feel embarrassed. what stays on you, though, is his good eye, molten silver and warm sea bleeding into you.
he pretends to think about your question, for a bit. like the answer isn’t written all over his face.
“no,” he denies, quietly.
“... you’re tired, then.”
“no.”
“bored?”
“never.”
you blink your eyes open, and zoro’s frowning. it’s not that you don’t get him, he knows this. you just don’t want to act.
“tell me,” you begin, “tell me what you want.”
he swallows slowly, throat bobbing. he knows this game you’re playing, has played it before, countless times. but zoro doesn’t want to play. he wants you pinning him down by the neck and taking him apart, wants to sob and keen and thrash under your mercy, crying as you spill inside him again and again and again.
“baby,” you murmur, your cheek smushed against his chest, and as tender as the word is, it’s a soft-spoken warning. zoro doesn’t think he can handle it if you go back to sucking his nipples. they’re soft and swelling, peppered with red and purple. too sensitive for his liking. “tell me where you want me.”
this, he can do.
he’s not the best at directions, zoro supposes. not that good with… locations, in general. his instincts take him where they want to go, and he follows blindly. some of the best decisions he’s made, some of the worst.
but when he takes your hand, intertwining it with his, it’s steady and warm and full, and he’s never been more sure that this is the right thing.
he places it on his stomach. “here,” he breathes. “i want you here.”
#GOOD NIGHT#have this small piece before i go to bed#consists of: established relationship‚ playing with his chest‚ suggestive fluff.#soft dom all the way. there's nothing better#feels kinda like “tell me your confessions‚ baby‚ whats the worst? yeahh‚ baptise in your thighs till it hurts” ifykwim#✧ trail of honey.#zoro x reader#one piece x reader#dom reader#dom!reader#one piece x male reader#top reader#sub character#one piece fluff#male reader
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Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!
#personal#my art#Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears.#do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse#to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!”#and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them#i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair#every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW#NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS#people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money#my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.
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Empty Houses / Empty Stomachs
Sources: Kitty Horrorshow, "Anatomy" 🏚 Josh Quissy 🏚 Wikipedia (Abandonment - Legal) 🏚 Ashe Vernon, "Love Disorders and Other Heartaches" 🏚 @/churchrummagesale 🏚 Kitty Horrorshow, Anatomy (Transcribed by @/a-missing-ache) 🏚 Kitty Horrorshow, Anatomy 🏚 @/churchrummagesale 🏚 Wikipedia (Desire) 🏚@/churchrummagesale 🏚 Wikipedia (Hunger - Physiology) 🏚 Wikipedia (Desire) 🏚Emma Rebholz, “No Good Bloodsuckers" from The Misanthropy 🏚 @/zegalba
#my webs#web weaving#webweaving#duuuude. okay. shoutout to the Longing and the Wanting and the Hunger. that stuff hurted#i love houses as imagery i love the idea of yearning in a lovesick way but emphasis on the sick part#its sooo. you get me. also house of leaves changed my brain permanently i think#kitty horrorshow anatomy#abandoned houses#poetry#parallels#anyways! thumbs up#long post
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