#not venting my own angst and hurt on them but also i am i am i am

[qeyond]

LawLight au where L is a shinigami and ends up sacrificing his life for Light

[melonsodypop]

H-hi! I hope It's ok if my first request is not a smutty one? Yakuza men and what makes them feel loved? Thank you in advance!

yakuza men and the things that make them feel loved !

❀ pairing -  kazuma kiryu, goro majima, taiga saejima, shun akiyama, y0!akira nishikiyama, daigo dojima, ryuji goda/reader (all seperate)

❀ tags - fluff, angst, gender neutral reader, probably sloppy character analysis, these men all really need therapy, love languages, alcohol/smoking mentions

❀ a/n - of course non-smut requests are welcome!! stares at my college degree on the wall that focused almost entirely on how people's experiences, relationships and environments affect them and their inner wounds/ways they want to be loved... i am so ready to break these down hehehehe (also i learned how to use gradient text are u guys proud of me)

kazuma kiryu ❀ spending time with him

deceptively simple, kiryu feels the most loved when you decide to just exist near him

oftentimes he feels like he's undeserving of company or that his mere presence is a danger to his loved ones, so frankly your insistence on being close to him is going to freak him out at first

he might even start avoiding you in the early stages of a relationship - don't take it personally, it's just that he loves you so much that he's anxious about hurting you

the more and more you stick by him, the more he realizes that he doesn't have to do everything on his own

in fact, he likes not doing everything on his own, a wave of relief every time he remembers that he has someone he trusts and admires deeply at his side

it slowly heals that deep emotional wound he carries that for someone to love him means for them to be hurt

the reason i hesitate to use the word 'quality time' with him is that he doesn't even really need you to be doing something with him

just being in the same room as him, focusing on whatever you both are working on separately

he's never been one to be comfortable expressing himself in words, the silence between the two of you like a warm blanket instead of awkward

i could get into my hc that he's autistic so it's a form of parallel play to him, but i digress

if you look over at him, you'll see that there's a rare soft smile on his lips

wordlessly will walk over to you and pull you flush to his side gently, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead

"i like when you're here," he'll grumble softly to you - which in kiryu-isms, really means 'please stay by my side like this forever'

goro majima ❀ letting him vent/talk about his feelings

oh boy i have so many thoughts about majima and how hard of a time he has accepting love

he's a master at self-sabotage - he doesn't know how to process feelings of love or affection, nor does he really feel that a piece of shit like him deserves it (see: how often he tells others that they'd be better off without him)

so he often chooses to bury his feelings instead of doing something about it

it was much the same when it came to you - he loves you so much, painfully so, but there was always that annoying voice in his head that told him that that you had better things to do than spend time on a mongrel like him

he'll keep his conversations surface-level with you at first, but ask him how he feels about everything and validate what he says

it'll catch him off-guard at first, and he might even try to put up a front and say he doesn't like talking about that sappy shit

but he'll eventually start giving in, going on long rants about all the crap he had to deal with that day or his 'tragic fuckin' backstory' while you listen intently

the more you wrench his ribcage open and force him to expose his real heart to you, the more he starts falling helplessly for you

not only are you letting him acknowledge and let out the emotions he keeps bottled up close to his chest, but you're seeing every ugly, rotten part of him and you still love him

now, that doesn't mean don't hold him accountable when he's kinda being a dick

praising everything he does will just make him feel like you're putting him on a pedestal or seeing some idealized version of himself you made up in your head

which will give his brain an excuse to run out on you before he eventually disappoints you

so don't let him run - from his feelings, from accountability, from you

the mad dog doesn't like to be collared, but for the person who looks past every facade he puts up and lets him just be goro majima - he'll happily put himself on a leash if it's you who's holding it

taiga saejima ❀ giving him physical affection

for most of his life, saejima was treated like a dangerous beast due to his size and that perpetual scowl on his face

it only got worse after the ueno seiwa hit - shackled like a circus tiger as he was dragged from jail to jail, never able to escape whispers of 'the man who slayed eighteen' and 'the stone-cold hitman' that make him sound more like an urban legend monster than a man

saejima has his own pride in his strength, and for the longest time he just accepted that he was the untouchable, scary beast that everyone made him out to be

it's not until you come into his life and start to subjecting him to little casual touches of affection that he realizes how touch-starved he is

grab his hand, cuddle him, catch him off-guard with kisses to his weary face - it makes his chest tighten in a way he doesn't understand just yet

he feels silly that such small, soft things are affecting him this much at first, but every casual little touch you give him makes him feel less like the boogeyman and more like a person

the fact that you trust him enough and feel safe enough to him to attach yourself to him... he feels like he could cry

it takes a while for him to start returning your touches, but when he does he suddenly turns into the biggest teddy bear

every time he holds your cute little face or holds you protectively against his chest at night, he's taught that his hands can do more than just inflicting pain

he'll never, ever admit it out loud but he loves it the most when you hug him, your arms barely able to wrap around his thick torso but trying your best regardless

he can't help but chuckle as he feels your body meld against his, patting your head and wrapping his arm protectively around your shoulders

he knows people would gawk if they saw how cuddly he gets with you, but he can't really bring himself to care

he's not a monster, a beast, stone-cold, or a killer when he's in your arms - just a big, soft tiger

shun akiyama ❀ taking care of his physical needs

akiyama SUCKS at taking care of himself, often relying on other people (i.e. hana-chan's scoldings) to remind him to eat or get his work done

it's not like he's completely helpless, he insists - he at least keeps himself clean and well-groomed

but being homeless for as long as he was, he eventually just forgot how to attend to his needs

even now, with all the money in the world, he's still unlearning how he had to just suppress his hunger pangs when food was an uncertainty and sleeping on a regular schedule when shelter wasn't always guaranteed

his body does it unconsciously now, often attending to his paperwork for hours on end without even noticing that he's hungry or tired

he feels embarrassed when you start slipping him bentos here and there when he's so wrapped up in his work, often giving you an apologetic smile and profuse thank you's

but the fact that you cared enough to notice, and cared even more to go out and get him something to eat makes him remember why he fell for you in the first place

he might protest weakly when you pull him away from his work when you notice his eyes are getting sunken and his body's lagging behind

or roll his eyes with a smirk when you snatch a cigarette from between his lips and smush it in the nearby ashtray, reminding him that he was whining about needing to quit smoking just yesterday

but he's truly, genuinely thankful that you're forcing him to take care of himself, the fact that you're invested enough in his wellbeing to scold him

he'll be damned though if he becomes one of those boyfriends that treats you like his mother, though - he may call himself a bum, but he's not THAT much of a bum

expect to be taken care of in equal measure, akiyama insisting to pay for your meals and run your errands for you to show with his actions, not just his words, how cared for you make him feel

akira nishikiyama ❀ praising him

yeahhh i couldn't not talk about nishiki's inferiority complex and how damaged his self-esteem is

his cool-guy bravado very thinly covers up a mountain of insecurities

he doesn't really feel like he does much of anything right, too pathetic to be a scary yakuza and too cowardly to stand up for himself or what he believes in

so anytime you genuinely praise him and tell him he did a good job with something, the high he gets from it is strong enough that he could probably quit nicotine, he thinks

he preens when you compliment how stylish he looks or how well he styled his hair - he takes a LOT of pride in his appearance, probably one of the few things he doesn't really have insecurities about

he can't help but grin ear to ear when you cheer for him at karaoke, or clap and whoop when he gets a strike at the bowling alley

he admires you so, so much, and that verbal affirmation that you think just as highly of him soothes that little boy inside that never thinks he's good enough for anything or anybody

every time you compliment him, he gets so giddy that he'll grab you by the waist and start pressing kisses all over your face

"i did that for you, baby," he'll claim proudly, his eyes shining with affection

the first time he cried in front of you, he was shocked that you didn't call him a crybaby or told him to man up

you just held him gently and wiped away his tears, whispering that he did the best he could and that you were so proud of him

he absolutely crumbles when he hears that, hugging you close and crying even harder :(

it kills him (in a good way) that even when you see him at his most vulnerable, you don't think he's pathetic or weak, just someone who needs the reassurance and comfort he's been deprived of his whole life

i'm not saying you'll fix him, necessarily - but perhaps the entirety of 1 could have been avoided if someone just told him he was doing a good job

daigo dojima ❀ letting him be weak

from the moment daigo was born a dojima, he was expected to be as strong, proud, and cold as the rest of his family

even when he left the tojo clan after the ryuji incident to not have to carry that expectation anymore, he still had a gang of people who started to follow him and put them on a pedestal as their leader

and now, as the sixth chairman, he has even less opportunities to let his guard down, not with thirty thousand people looking to him as an example and his enemies lurking at all times

daigo's resolve is strong, having long since accepted his lot in life as a leader - but he can't deny that he just gets so exhausted sometimes

so when he can come home to you, who doesn't expect him to be the sixth chairman, a dojima, or hell, even a yakuza, just daigo, is when he feels the most loved

sometimes just lays his head on your lap when it's just the two of you on the couch in the living, the feeling of your fingers threading gently through his jet-black hair and just being able to relax making the stress in his muscles melt away almost instantly

his greatest peace is when you both lay down to sleep at night, holding him in your arms and whispering to him about how hard he works and to get all the rest he needs

he hums softly and nuzzles into the crook of your neck, not saying anything back as he revels in the feeling of your fingernails scraping against his scalp as your digits comb through the tresses of his hair

there's no expectations, no danger, nobody expecting him to make a decision on the spot or suppress his personal feelings for the good of many

just his darling lover who sees him for who he is, feelings and weaknesses and all, and still loves him

he knows that there's a long list of things he has to do tomorrow and put on a strong face again, but for now he lets himself cuddle in your grasp, letting your words and gentle touches soothe him to sleep

ryuji goda ❀ when he gets to show off for you

a very... simple method of affection for a very straightforward man

he's just got some somewhat dated ideas about what it means to be a man in a relationship, and a lot of them revolve around flexing how strong and skilled he is to you

nothing makes him more satisfied than seeing your eyes shine with awe when he helps you move an insanely heavy piece of furniture or when he shows you just how much whiskey he can knock back in one go

it's less of the showing off itself that makes him feel loved - he's confident in his strength and his skills so he needs no reassurance in that department

but your cutely surprised reactions and the fact that you're so openly proud to call him your boyfriend that you'd let him strut his stuff out in public to show the world how cool and strong he is... yeah, that's what makes him happy

he gets so determined to show off for you that he sometimes gets in way over his head about things he usually wouldn't give a shit about

for example, when he tried to get you the cute stuffed animal that you wanted from the ufo catcher

ryuji scoffed and told you to step aside, confident that he would get it first try

until he didn't. and didn't on the second, third, fourth, fifth tries-

he let out a string of colorful curses as he watched the claw uselessly pinch at the round little sparrow, his jaw tensed in concentration as he shoved another coin into the machine's slot

ignores your reassurances that he really didn't need to do this for you, retrying until he eventually gets the damn thing to drop in the hole

he feels stupid until he hands the round bun-chan toy to you, your eyes wide and a smile on your lips

as soon as you hug him with a squealed thank you, he laughs, patting your head and telling you that it wasn't a huge deal

ryuji's not one to usually lie, but your praise and admiration is, unsurprisingly, the BIGGEST deal to him

as he wraps his arms around your waist to walk the streets of sotenbori, showing off both you on his arm and the little plushie he won you, he knows he would move both heaven and earth if it meant it would make you proud to call him your lover

[venuszn]

☆ : The Sun & Moon

Summary / Reader is hurting from the breakup between her and Bada.

Cw / Heavy angst, Avoidant and Anxious dynamic, Situationship, Emotional codependency, Bada is emotionally unavailable and is also hurting.

Authors note / I totally did not write this in one sitting to vent out the emotions I am feeling nope did not do that at all. Lol anyways I might be in my angst era this one was easy to write (it was therapy). Also, if you got the moon reference at the very end then yay. As usual you can always request and lmk what you think ! 💗

Wc / 1.3K words

Nobody prepared you for this. You did not prepare for this.

Of course, you have been here before. The situation, not being one of unfamiliarity, but you had hoped it would have evaded you for years to come or perhaps even forever. But yet, you find yourself at the very place you dread. The bottomless pit of the feeling named abandonment. You were truly and utterly alone.

How does one mourn the loss of a person still breathing ? Of a person still of flesh and blood. How does one attempt to manoeuvre this emotion and steer themselves onwards and upwards, out of the coldness of the darkness. Nobody prepared you for this.

You drag your feet out of bed, body heavy and thoughts accompanying. Bada should be beside you, but she is not. You look to the bed and you can almost see her laying there, fringe messily draped over her forehead as she would hold you from behind; her soft fingers gently tracing your skin as the both of you would lay there intertwined in body and heart. She always slept on the right and you on the left - that was how things were supposed to be. Now you wake up to nothing but the faint ghosts of what could have been.

You still sleep on the left.

As you gaze into the dirty mirror, a person you cannot recognise lazily gazes back. Her eyes empty but weeping with emotion. But no tears. Your eyes flicker to the toothbrush holder - yours stands in lonesome.

The irony if it all doesn't escape you - how does a person afraid of abandonment initiate the abandoning ? A person who is tired and at their breaking point.

You had always believed that Bada was the one. Nobody had ever made you feel the way she did. Nobody had understood you the way she did and with her you felt an unwavering sense of home - if she was the moon you were the sun.

But perhaps there’s a reason why the sun and the moon are long lost lovers, the beauty of their differences being the harmony that keeps them in balance, but forever doomed to chase the other to the ends of the earth.

You would have chased Bada to the ends of the earth. But would she have done the same for you ?

Despite how many times Bada tried to provide the reassurance you sought, insecurity remained at the back of your mind. You tried your hardest to be the sun for Bada. You saw how she was struggling, how there were times where she couldn't be emotionally present for you but you still shone your rays over her. Overshadowing your own troubles you gave her all of your light, hoping that she would soon start glowing.

But she didn’t.

The mourning had already begun.

As the days passed you felt Bada pulling further away. Your biggest fear. The moon can’t pull away from the sun, what would happen to the existing balance and harmony that they shared ?

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you a relationship right now. I’ve told you this.”

“I know.” You say as you sit on the bed, head down and playing with your fingers.

“So what should we do ?”

“I don’t know . . .” Bada never knew.

“I need you to make a decision, Bada. I’m here right now because I care about you a whole fucking lot. Probably a lot more than you care about me. How many times do we have this conversation a month ? You say you can’t give me a relationship and I say ‘It’s fine’ and I stay because you want me to stay and I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.” You choke out, swallowing the lump rising in your throat.

Bada sighs and runs her long fingers through her hair in defeat. “And I don’t want to leave you either. But I also know that I'm not ready to give you a proper relationship. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. I want to do all of that and more for you but I just can’t - not right now.”

“So when ?”

“I don’t have the answer to that.”

“But you want me to stay ?”

“It’ll hurt like a bitch if you leave.”

“Then I'll stay.”

It was a vicious cycle. You and Bada were heavily dependent on the other - truly the sun and the moon.

A period of time passed where the both of you deluded yourselves into pretending that everything was fine - that you were not both teetering on the edge of gravity. A relationship but lacking the security. It was nothing but a ticking time bomb ready to implode.

Tick.

Gentle touches and hushed sounds. Innocent kisses and those filled with longing. You both continued the facade - ignoring the faint ticking sound of the inevitable in the background.

Tick.

Bada would lean down and eagerly kiss you - when asked.

She would wrap her arms around you, engulfing you in her comfortable embrace and give tender kisses to your forehead - when asked.

“Bada, why don't you kiss me first ?” You had asked one day, feeling the insecurity creep up once more.

“Oh, I’m not used to initiating affection. It’s not something I've done in the past but please don’t think I don’t want to kiss or touch you. I do - that's why I always do it when you ask.”

“Oh, alright.”

Tick.

You knew Bada, you knew she would never intentionally cause you pain. You understood her behaviour and tried your hardest to accommodate your differing personalities. You truly cared for her and so you stayed and stayed everytime.

Tick.

But just as all things began they must also come to an end.

What will happen once the sun stops shining ? How many aeons will it take till it finally gives up - till the fuel runs dry and it begins to die.

“Bada, if you don’t want to do this anymore we don’t have to . . .”

Bada had pulled further away that week and you were at a loss. You were exhausted.

“It’s not that. It’s not about you specifically. I’m just not okay right now, you know this. There’s a lot going on and I don't know when I'll be ok . . . This isn’t fair to you, I know.”

“I think we should end this.”

Your eyes don’t leave Bada’s face as you read her expression - nothing.

Maybe you had both come to terms with it.

“I’m sorry. I tried to be happy for you and tried to pretend that everything was okay - that we were okay.”

“We haven’t been okay for a while now. And I wasn’t happy either. But it's fine. One of us had to make the difficult decision that we had been avoiding so at least now it’s been made. I hope you can be happier now, Bada.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you . . . I don’t know what else to say right now.”

“That's okay. You don't have to say anything more, I'll be going now.”

You had taken a few of your things from her place and left through the door, unsure of if you ever wanted to return to collect the rest of your belongings. Your heart had never ached like it did in that moment.

You were no longer the sun.

The reflection gazing back at you was not one of brightness and warmth. You were barren of warmth and light as you wondered if you should have confessed to the moon and complemented its beauty.

The words, accompanied with the rise of tears, fall from your lips and into the deadness of the air.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it ?”

Tag list / @princhii , @lil-elliesgf , @wiselight @nimixe ! [OPEN]

[hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog]

Tell me about Dean falling in love with a girl who has long covid - maybe they met when he saved her from a monster and they became friends, she occasionally helps him with research or patches him up if he gets hurt. He doesn’t hear from her for a while, and when he goes to check on her, he finds out she’s in the hospital with Covid - a monster he can’t save her from. He realizes he loves her, but may lose her. After she gets out he keeps coming to check on her because he knows she tires easily/has trouble breathing at times.

@deans-spinster-witch thank you for this ask. Actually thank you all that submit asks or sent me story prompts, I am going to get to them all, but I thought this one would be a good place to start.

First let me start off with my disclaimers:

1) I haven't see the last few seasons of SPN, so I don't know how they addressed COVID, if they did at all. So think of it as alternative timeline, not really canon.

2) My COVID representation is probably not 100% accurate, either by the reader symptoms or that I don't mention Dean wearing a mask or that he was able to be in the hospital with the reader.

3) I just POV and I think I may have jump from 2nd to 3rd person writing? I did my best to correct it, but sometimes I can't seem to correct it. Also did my best with editing, but I am sure I missed something. Flashbacks are bold italic and internal thoughts are just italic.

4) I am not sure if this is 100% what you were looking for. It does end on a cliffhanger, so I will be posting a second part. It was getting hella long coming in at 7,500 words. 😬 sorry.

5) swearing, hints of past trauma that we may get more in the second part. Self doubt/hate. Angst heavy!

Okay think that's it. It's a Y/N x Dean focus story with Sam making an appearance via phone. Characters are not mine but the work is. So please don't post as your own.

Feel free to like, reblog, send me feedback in the comments. And if you have a story idea, send it my way via asks or message. Or if you want me to tag you on my work let me know.

Okay think I have stalled long enough. Here it is, my first story back from 3 year break.

JUST BREATHE-



"Excuse me, sir, you can't be up here." A female voice, strong, laced with exhaustion, mixes with the sounds of the hospital. Doctors are being paged, staff are going in and out of rooms, and machines are monitoring patients. All of it, white noise, too, Dean. Because he can't look away or tear his eyes from what is in front of him. Y/N is lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a ventilator. What happened? How did it come on so strong and so fast? He had just seen you last week when he came through town on his way to his next hunt. Picking up research that you had done for him since Sam was working on another case in California. You were the best…no, are, you are the best researcher he knows…you have to get better; you can't…

"Sir! I will have to ask you to leave if you're not family. The ICU is only for families." The female voce, insistent on getting him to pay attention to her. Tired, she was just so damn tired of no one listing to her today; she had better things to do than police people about.

"How long has she been here?" Dean asks, his voice firm but slightly wavering. He can't look away, watching as the vent goes up and down, breathing for you. Y/N, come on, you have to pull through; I can't lose you, Dean thinks, trying his best not to break. He prayed to God if he thought it would help if he thought the ass would be listing.

"Sir, I can't give that information if you're not family." Dean looks away from you for a moment, noticing the nurse standing beside him. She is dressed in blue scrubs, her hair pulled back, and a mask on. He can tell she is on her last nerve with him, and he has to win her over. He can't leave you, not now. "So, are you family?" she asks again.

"Umm…" He knew he needed to lie. If he told her that you were just a friend, he would never get answers and would never get back to this floor again. It was dumb luck that he could get your room number out of the receptionist downstairs. He pulled himself together to give her his winning smile and wink. "She's my sister." Clearing his throat, he looked back to you.

The nurse looks down at the chart in her hand. "Miss. Moore didn't have a brother listed as next of kin, but then again, a neighbor brought her in." Looking back up to Dean, he doesn't respond. "How about we go somewhere a little more private to discuss your sister's condition?" She lightly grabs Dean by the shoulder and turns him away from the window and you.

********

Dean did his best to listen to the nurse, but all he really wanted to do was get back to you. It was driving him crazy that he couldn't do anything; this wasn't caused by a demon, monster, or anything in his wheelhouse. You were brought in about a day or two after he had seen you. Your neighbor had come over to borrow something and saw you in the window, passed out on the floor. COVID had hit you hard, and you just couldn't shake it; your lungs filled up so fast with fluids that you passed out.

That was a week ago; you had been in the hospital for a week and on a ventilator. The doctors feel that your body just needs time to fight off the infection.

"She seemed fine when I saw her last; how could this happen?" Dean questions, trying to be as respectful as possible without raising his voice and getting kicked out.

"COVID hits everyone differently; we really don't know why. Some people may never get it, and some…" Not finishing her statement, the nurse looks away from Dean.

"Can I go back and sit with her?" Dean asks, more like pleading with her. He just wants to ensure you're doing alright and stand watch until you wake up. He doesn't know what else to do.

"I am sorry, but no," the nurse replies as kindly as possible. Seeing that he will protest this, she quickly adds, "But, you can come back during visiting hours. You won't be able to go in the room; we have to keep it clean because of COVID, but you can see her from the window." Hoping this will be a compromise he can live with. She doesn't want him to get upset and have to call security and have him escorted out. She can tell he cares for her and is scared.

Dean will take it; he knows he has to. You're the strongest person he knows. You will get through this; you have to. "Alright, I guess I will come back then," Dean says, getting up from the table.

********

Walking out of the hospital, Dean calls Sam to tell him what is happening and that he wasn't leaving until you were back home. Screw the world, let the monsters run amuck, and let demons rain hell on earth; he had more important things to do. "I don't care, Sammy, I am not leaving again. This is the only number you can reach me at, and only you," he says, getting into the Impala and firing it up.

"Alright, Dean. I hear you. Do you want me to come? I am almost done here." Sam offers, knowing that Dean won't take him up on it.

"No, I am good, but thanks. You stay on the West Coast until the world calms itself down." Letting the engine run for a bit, Dean takes a second. This has been the longest they have been working apart. It's been hard on both of them, but at least Dean has you to talk to. He has been leaning on you more since Sam was in California. Could Dean have caused this? Was he asking too much of you?

"Dean, hey, you still there?" Sam breaks through his intrusive thoughts.

Clearing his voice, "Yeah."

"You know, she will get through this. She's going to be okay," Sam says, trying his best to reassure him and get him out of his head because even if they are miles apart, he knows his brother. Dean is blaming himself right now for something that he can't control.

“Yeah, I know… I just… what if I…..”

"No, don't think like that, and don't think you had anything to do with this happening." Sam quips back, knowing where his brother's thoughts are going, and he will not have him spiraling out.

"But I ask so much of her. You know she will never say no. Even when she has other things to do, she always drops everything when I ask for a favor. God, I am such a user…"

"No, you're not. Y/N is strong, and she said she would tell you if she didn't want to do something. She wants to help; she thrives on researching this stuff, and you know it." Sam states, "Come on, you know she would rather research lore or listen to one of your 'tales from the front lines,' as she likes to call them, any day of the week."

The thought of you saying these words to him as you patch him up, 'Alright, Dean, what tales to do we have this time?' or how your voice would be giddy when he called you about a case he found. "Yeah, you're right, Sam," Dean replies. Feeling a bit better after talking with Sam, he always knows how to keep him from spiraling too much.

"I know I am; now go get some rest. She's going to need you when she wakes up."

"Night brother"

After hanging up the phone, Dean didn't want to go to a hotel or bar, but he was now wired and needed to do something. Pulling out of the parking lot was second nature, and he found his way to your driveway.

Sitting there, looking at the modest, two-bedroom, two-bath house, he would consider a second home for as much time as he has spent there. It was odd to think about walking through that door and you not being there. When getting out of the car, the sound of the door opening and closing is the only noise that breaks up the silence of the night. Taking a few steps, Dean stops himself from knocking like he usually does. Habit, he thinks. Pulling his keys out, he flips until he finds the one for your house.

It was an argument you had won, not that he didn't want a key. Of course, he did, but he didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands should something happen.

"No, I don't need a key, Y/N," Dean protest, not wanting to have this conversation right now.

"Yes, you do; now take it." You say, holding out the key for him to take.

"I don't need it; you're always here. Why would I need to get into your place when you're not here?" he questions. Finishing off his beer, he gets up from the couch and heads toward the kitchen. "You want another one?" he asks, trying to change the subject.

You get up and follow him. "Don't change the subject, Winchester," you say, following him and sitting on a kitchen stool. What if I wasn't home tonight?"

Tossing the empty bottle in the recycle bin and turning to face her, he can tell by the severe look on your face that this is an argument that he won't win. But why make it easy on you. "But you were," giving you a smirk, he opens the fridge to pull out two more bottles. "Besides, where would you be on a Friday night? You have a hot date I don't know about?" he questions. Handing one of the bottles to you.

He struggles slightly to open the bottle with his left hand since his right is currently in a sling. After putting his shoulder back into place and stitching him up, you open the beer in your hand, hand it to him, and take the other one from him. "Maybe," you say cryptically, a twinkle in your eyes.

"Really? Didn't know you were dating anyone?" Dean is slightly put off by this. It's not that someone would want to date you; it's the opposite. You're beautiful, and he always wonders how you were still single after all this time. Intelligent and funny, any guy would be lucky to call you his. Heck, he would like to call you his.

"I am not," you say, putting him out of his misery and his slight spiral of another guy touching her, kissing her… But I could still be out. Do you want to be sitting out in your car waiting for me to get home?" you question, pushing the key towards him. "Just take the dam key. It's only a key. I am not asking you to move in with me."

If you asked him that, he would say yes in a heartbeat. But the reality of his life, what he and Sam do for a living, gives him pause to take the key. "I just don't want anyone else to get their hands on it."

"Who, like Sam? Of course, you can give a copy to Sam." You joke, knowing what he's getting at but trying your best to keep this conversation light.

"No, not Sam. I am thinking Crowley, another demon or monster, or worse, Lucifer. I would hate for anyone other than Sam or me to get their hands on this and come after you."

"Dean, that's not going to happen."

"But it could, you know it could."

Letting out a sigh, you decide to pull out the big guns to get him to take this damn key. "A key is not their first choice to get in. You have put up all the wards you could think of." You say, proving that you are as safe as possible. "Heck, you made me even get this thing." Snapping off your leather bracelet to show off the anti-possession tattoo. "and you know how much I hate needles." The black tattoo shows nicely against your light skin and hides the other barely visible scars.

"Yeah, I found out real quick that day. I think I still have scars on my arm from you digging your nails in," he jokes, bringing his hand up to his wrist to run his fingers around the tattoo and the scars he knows are there.

"Haha, that's real funny." You fake laugh. " Just take it, please. It will make me feel better if you have it." You do your best puppy dog eyes as you push the key closer to him.

Dean takes a moment before caving. "Alright, but I am only going to use it for emergencies." he conceits, taking his keys out and putting your house key on the ring with the rest.

Getting up from the stool, you smile at him, "Thank you, Dean," you say sweetly and hug him.

**

Dean shakes his head, trying to shake the thoughts from that night, as he shuts the door behind him. He stood in the entryway, just taking in the quietness of the house, holding his breath, waiting for you to come down the hallway, saying, ‘Dean, you look like shit; what were you up against this time? Let me get you patched up, and you can tell me all about it.’ Guiding him to the kitchen, you would pull the first aid kit and a beer from the fridge.

Watching these memories play out in front of him, it's not until he lets out a shaky breath that he had been holding that he feels the tears run down his face, "Fuck! Y/N, you got to get better, okay…." choking back, "I can't lose you." The thought of losing another important person in his life. Someone who should have a happy and long life and who, without them, Dean wouldn't be standing here today. He owes everything to you.

Dean can't bring himself to step past the entryway, feeling like an intruder. "I can't…" feeling pressure in his chest, he turns and walks out the door. Locking the door and making the short walk to his car, the pressure subsides once he is in the driving seat. Knowing he can't stay in the house. Too many memories of you and his dark thoughts will keep him up. He also can't put the car in drive and go to the motel just outside of town. It's like his body won't let him leave.

*******

Y/N POV

You were in the hospital for two weeks, and Dean was by your side, or somewhat outside your hospital room, every day, every hour he could be. At least that is what the nurse told you once you were awake. Your 'brother' Dean has been by your side. The first time they told you this, you looked confused, which caused concern from the staff.

"Your brother, Dean," the nurse says again, her voice laced with concern as she points to the window that looks into your room from the hallway.

You turn your head slightly, your body stiff from being in bed for so long, and the breathing tube just being taken out. There you see him, Dean Winchester, raising his hand to give you a short wave, and a look of relief washes over his face, which is covered with a slightly heavy five-clock shadow. You give him a smile and look back at the nurse. "Yeah, sorry, of course, he's my brother. Just didn't know anyone called him?" you reply, "Can I have some water?" you ask, you're throat feeling like sandpaper.

"Sure," the nurse says, filling a cup and handing it to you. "Well, the doctor will be in soon," she says, giving you a short smile and walking towards the door.

"Umm, can my brother come in?" you ask. Knowing that no matter what she says, Dean will make it in here one way or the other. The nurse hesitates. "It's just that I would like him to hear what the doctor says. I am still groggy, not sure I am going to remember everything he tells me," you add, hoping this will pull on her heartstrings just a bit.

Which does work, "Sure." she replies, giving you a smile and then walking out the door. She briefly talks to Dean before walking away, and Dean enters the room.

"Hey, sweetheart," Dean says, shutting the door behind him and walking towards you.

"Hey yourself," you reply. You try to sit up a bit more, but you struggle a bit.

Dean quickly gets to you. " Here, let me," he says, finding the remote for the bed, setting you upright, and then readjusting your pillows. "Good?" he asks once it looks like you're settled.

Feeling slightly embarrassed that he saw you like this, you’re sure you're a mess, bed hair, hospital gowns, and oh man…your breath has got to stink by now, right? Trying your best not to breathe out, "Yeah, thanks." you quickly reply. Dean sits in the chair next to your bed but doesn't say anything. Okay, guess you will start. "So brother, hum?" you quip.

He smiles at this and looks away from you to the bedding. "Yeah, I had to say something; otherwise, they would never let me back in." Then, looking back at you, a slight panic sets in that you might be mad at him for this small lie. " You're not mad, are you?" he asks.

"No, of course not," you reply, wanting to reassure him that everything is fine. This does, as relief washes over him a second time. You hold out your hand for him to take. "Just wonder what Sam will say about having a little sister, that's all. I am sure he will hate being the middle child," you joke.

Dean gives a short laugh: "Oh, Sammy will be all right with it. He will be happy to hear you're awake, is all." Dean's fingers rubbing your hand back and forth are nice.

"How did you know I was here?" you ask, trying to remember the day before you were brought in, but it's all a blur. Was he coming to see you? Was he working on a case?

"I was coming back through, and you had helped me with the case in North Carolina…" lowering his voice, even though you're in a private room," that Dinji." Dean recounts, seeing you not remember. He continues, "I stopped by your place, and your neighbor was out and said you were in the hospital."

None of that is registering at all, like last month, which is a blank slate. Fuck, what else are you not remembering? "And you have been here this whole time?" you ask, wondering what the state of the world must be like if he has taken himself out of saving the world for two weeks! Is Sam okay?

Dean's eyes, bright green, lock with yours, cocking his head slightly to the side, with slight confusion at your shock that he was here the whole time. "Of course, where else would I be? I wasn't going to leave you alone here," he says, a matter of fact.

You're about to reply to this, ask more questions, ask how Sam is, but before you can, the doctor enters the room. "Miss. Moore, welcome back," he says, looking at your chart and then at you and Dean. And this must be your brother?" he asks, holding his hand for Dean to shake.

Dean does, letting go of yours, the loss of him, his touch is apparent. "Hey, doc, when can I take my sister home?" Dean asks.

The doctor starts to talk, but you're not listening; your mind drifts to Dean. He put his life on pause for you? Wow, that's something, but you're sure he would do it for Charlie, Jody, Claire, or Alex, right? Yeah, of course. Dean sees you as family, which is what you are to him; that's what you will always be. Yes, you were close. He and Sam saved you from the vampire nest, explained everything about their world, and gave you a purpose.

You feel a slight pressure in your chest. Now that you're awake, how long will he stay before he leaves again?

"So I will get the nurse to start the discharge paperwork, and you guys should be out of there in a few hours," the doctor says. Giving you a smile.

Not hearing anything but that, you just smile back and look towards the window. You hear Dean thank the doctor, and he leaves the room. "nice guy," Dean says, filling up the silence.

"Yeah," you reply. You’re not sure what you are feeling; it's almost like a weight on your chest, pressure. Maybe it is COVID; it will be better once you get home. It has to, right?

******

You didn't know Dean could fuss over you more if he tried. He insisted that he be the one to wheel you out of the hospital, only after he made sure the car was pulled up as close to the door as possible so you didn't have to walk too far. Then, when he pulled into your driveway, he insisted he carry you the short walk to the front door.

"No, Dean, I can walk. My legs aren't broken; I had COVID, that's all." you quip back as he comes over to your side of the car to pick you up.

"The doctor said you shouldn’t over-exaggerate yourself, that's all," he replies, trying again to wrap his arms around your waist and pick you up from standing against the closed car door.

You block his hands again. As much as you would like his arms around you, have him cradle you; where is this coming from? You also don't want him to hurt himself, or God forbid the neighbors see him carrying you bridle style. "Yeah, walking the three feet to my front door is not going to kill me." This comment is like a punch in the gut for Dean; it's written on his face. Shit, was my COVID scare that much of an effect on him? But why? Trying to write your wrong, you try to play it off. "Come on, man, I have been on my back for two weeks and must move a little bit." You quip back. Playfully pushing him aside and walking towards the door.

You get to the door but realize you don't have your keys, you didn't have those, or your phone when you were brought into the hospital. You wait for Dean to come up behind you. He doesn't say anything, pulling out his keys; he opens the door and lets you walk in first. You shuck off your jacket and shoes and go to the living room. Sitting on the couch, you try to hide the sigh of exhaustions that you feel from the small activities you just did; but it slips past your lips and is not lost on Dean.

"Want me to make you some tea? You hungry?" Dean asks.

"No, I want you to tell me what's happened since I was in the hospital. Did all the evil in the world decide to take a break while I was out, and that's how you got to have some time off?" you question, motioning him to sit next to you on the couch.

Dean shrugs at this, "No. I just told Sam I was taking myself off the board, is all." he says casually.

"Taking yourself off the board? Hum, I didn't know you guys could do that," you ask, Giving him an intuitive look.

Dean is giving you nothing back, shaking his head, looking around the room, and clapping his hands together. He points towards the kitchen, "I am going to make that tea for you." He walks away before you can stop him, leaving you to your thoughts. Something else is happening, and you know who to call to get the truth out.

******

Making that call seem more complicated than usual since Dean didn't leave your side for anything. Three days, three days of hovering and mothering you, and as much as you care for Dean, and possibly secretly loved him. Let's face it, those chest tightening pains at the hospital, the loss of his touch was not COVID symptoms, it was your heart telling you what you already knew. You were in love with Dean Winchester, and the fact that he dropped everything for you made your head spin and feel like the most important girl in the world. But you are a realist, and Dean Winchester is out of your league. He sees you as the little sister he got settled with, not the girl he wants to kiss and do other things with.

On top of that, you are sure his opinions of you drop a few points since you found out really quick that to pass the time while he waited for you to wake up, he decided to clean your house from top to bottom. The sheer embarrassment when you found out had you want the couch to swallow you up right there. "Excuse me, you did what?" you ask, thinking you didn't hear him right when you ask; the following day, a book you usually had on your coffee table was now on the bookshelf that it was never on.

"I did some cleaning while you were…" Dean says, not finishing that statement while he grabs the few dishes off the coffee table and heads towards the kitchen. He never finishes that statement. Whenever he says it, he never says 'when you were in the hospital' or 'when you were sick.' After three days of the hanging statement, you get frustrated over that.

But knowing he cleaned your house, how clean is clean? Did he do your laundry? Yep! Did he clean under your bed and put stuff away on your nightstand? God forbid he did a deep clean in your closet—oh, the embarrassment. "Why?" you ask, now following him, waiting for an answer that you sure won't come.

Dean has his back to you, rinsing off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. "What? It's not a big deal. I had time, plus the nurse thought it was a good idea for you to come home to a clean hose." He says while wiping down the counter.

You try your best to breathe and calm down. Yes, all that is true, a clean house to come home too make sense. But having him go through your personal and private things, fuck, him cleaning your underwear. He will never look at you as desirable again, not like he did before. You look up from the floor to see him watching you, waiting for a reply. "thanks, I guess," you say, defeated. "I am going to go take a shower." You say, needing just a few minutes by yourself, shake off this feeling of rejection you know he doesn't realize he caused.

"You need some help?" he asks, approaching you and walking a step behind you.

You take a second, knowing again that he just wants to help, but God treats you like an old woman. Because you know that his offer of 'helping you out' in the shower does not imply sexy times; it's he saying he thinks you are weak and that you're going to get tired, fall, and hurt yourself. You get to the bathroom door. "No, I got it, thanks," you say, opening the door and shutting it before he can say anything.

*****

Dean POV

I know I am being overprotective, maybe even going overboard with not letting her do anything, and perhaps the deep clean was an overreach. But in my defense, I thought I could lose her, and if she was going to, no, when she was going to come home, I wanted it to be in a clean, COVID-free house.

I turn away from the bathroom door and walk towards the living room. I start to clean up, picking up the discarded blanket from my makeshift bed; even though she has a spare room, it's on the second floor away from her, and I want to be close in case she needs me in the night.

The rigging of my phone pulls me from my thoughts of her. Picking up, I see it's Sam. "Hey, what's up?" I ask, dropping the blanket and myself onto the couch.

"Just checking in, how's Y/N?"

"Good, still low energy, but I am just happy she’s walking and talking, even if I am annoying her."

"You, annoying her, I can't believe it," Sam says, with fake shock. "You know she can take care of herself; she has been doing that for some time now." Sam reminds me. Knowing that my hovering is coming for a place of love for Y/N, but it could be doing more damage than good.

"I know, it's just…" I pause briefly, looking back to see the closed bathroom door. "Sam, she just looked so helpless there lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to those machines…and there was nothing I could do…nothing that could save her…I just had to wait."

Sam knows that's not my strong suit, "I know, I get it, but maybe just ease off a little. I am sure it's making her feel like a burden, you doing everything for her."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I will try."

"I know I am." He clears his throat and paused briefly before asking what he knew I would not want to answer: "So when are you heading back to the bunker?"

I pause momentarily; the idea of leaving you hadn't crossed his mind. "Umm…" Hearing the door open, he looks to see you walking out of the bathroom and down the hallway to your room, wrapped in your navy-blue plaid robe, hair slightly damp from the shower. "Not sure yet, but I will keep you posted. I got to go." I say quickly, hanging up the phone. I know that she can take care of herself, but at the same time, I don't want to leave her again; what if I do and something happens, and there is no one here to save her again. Sam's right, though; I have to back off, or I am liable to smother her.

*****

Y/N POV (about a week later)

Something seems to have changed in Dean in the last few days. It was like the old carefree Dean was back. He hovered less, not watching my every move, and even went on a quick day trip to the bunker to pick up more books for me to read since I had read everything in my place twice, and if I was going to be stuck inside I wanted to do something productive. Granted, I had to ride shotgun on this trip, so although we got out of the house, I was still under his protective eye. But he wasn't babying me anymore; he cracked jokes, smiled, and even complained when I made him watch the same movie repeatedly.

Dean was going on a food run, and this was one outing he didn't let me go on. Too many people, could possibly get sick again, so he didn't want to risk it. But he also hated doing it, leaving you alone. "You're sure you're going to be fine," he asks again, standing in the doorway, you on the other side, trying your best not to push him out and lock the door.

"Yes, Dean, you'll be gone for an hour. I think I can survive." you quip, pushing him playfully, "Go, I promise, no running around the house with scissors or jumping on the bed. I will keep my butt on the couch until you get back."

Dean's worried face slightly softens, knowing that you will be fine, but that pit in his stomach—the thought of him walking out that door again and not having you in his sight—will never go away. "Okay, but call me if you feel off," he reminds you again.

"Yes, now go." You reply with a smile. Yes, he was getting on your nerves slightly, but you still loved the guy for it.

You watch as he pulls out of the driveway and down the road before you head inside. Walking to your room, you find your cell phone charging, and you quickly make the call you've been waiting to make since you got home.

He picked up on the second ring: "Y/N, everything alright? Dean texted me to say he was going on a food run. Do you need him? Are you not feeling well?…" Sam blurts out, a lengthy, run-on statement that has you slightly spinning.

Trying your best not to laugh at him. "Sam, calm down; I am good. I just wanted to talk to my friend. How are you?" you ask, wanting to ease into this discussion. Plus, you really did want to know how he was doing; ever since you came home, you only talked to Sam when Dean would call him and have him on speakerphone. Even then, Sam was instructed not to speak about cases he was working on. Dean had a theory that possibly COVID was stress-induced, but you know it wasn't.

"I am good, making my way back to the bunker. I have a case in Wisconsin, so I'm in your area. I was thinking of seeing you guys once it's done."

"Oh yes, please do, Sam. It's been ages since we've hung out together. I feel like a movie marathon is needed."

"Yeah, if you're up for it. Dean tells me you get tired easily. Is anything else not the same?"

"Umm…brain fog for sure; I lost all memory of the week before I went into the hospital. Some things don't taste the same. But honestly, Sam, can we not talk about me for a bit. Tell me about the case in Wisconsin; what are you hunting this time." You inquire, done talking about yourself, need a distraction, and avoid asking Sam what you want to know.

Sam, being the best friend, a girl could ask for, knew that a distraction from your symptoms was what you needed, and although it would be breaking his promise to Dean, he could hear it in your voice, the need for some kind of normalcy, at least what normal is considered for us. Giving you all the details, you can come to the same conclusion that it was a vengeful spirit and a simple salt and burn job is in order.

Once Sam is done talking about Wisconsin, a lull in the conversation forms, and you look at the clock to see Dean should be home soon. "Sam, can I ask you something?" You feel slightly nervous and try to figure out how to phrase your question.

"Of course, you can ask me anything."

Taking a breath, you wait a second before asking, "How was Dean when he found out I was sick? He said he 'took himself off the board' and has been hovering since I got home. He's gotten better, but those first few days, it was like he was a different person."

Sam can tell by the last statement that you're trying to bring some levity to an otherwise heavy question, a question that he is surprised you have to ask. taking a breath, he thinks about how to say, ‘You idiot, he loves you! and you love him!'

"I am glad to hear that he's lost up the reins a bit," giving a chuckle, "but honestly, Y/N, he was devastated. I know he's my big brother, and he tries his best to hide his emotions, but I could tell that night when he called to tell me what happened, he was scared. Scared that he was going to lose you, scared that he might have caused this to happen to you."

"How could he have caused COVID? I mean, I get he sometimes can have a big ego, but, come on, he can't cause an infection."

"No, but he thinks he has been asking too much of you, wearing you down. I can't say whether he's right or wrong. You and I know you occasionally burn the candle at both ends."

"Yeah, I am trying to get better at that. But Sam, he was treating me like I was 90 years old. He wouldn't let me do a thing around here. And did he tell you he cleaned my house—my whole house—before I got home? I mean everything."

"Oh man, I am sure you were not happy to hear about that."

"Your damn right. I wasn't."

"Look, it's not my place to say, but I will tell you this, remember that night when you and I got a little tipsy, and you might have let slip your feelings for a certain green eye hunter?"

Fuck, of course, he remembers that night; that was right after you had helped him and Dean take down a wraith, and Dean was out on a beer run. "Yeah, you asked me why I never seem to be dating anyone, and I said I can't be with the one guy I want, so why be with the wrong guy at all."

Sam waits for you to connect the dots, and although you're not sitting in front of him, Sam has a feeling you're making the connections: "Let's just say Dean has the same idea, and he has his eye on a hazel eye researcher that he thinks he can't have."

You're about to protest Sam's statement that Dean has no feelings for you other than sibling love, but before you can, you hear the front door open and Dean yelling, "Honey, I am home," sweetly.

"I've Got to go, Sam. Talk soon," you say, and hang up before he can reply.

*********

Sam's words kept rolling around in your mind all night, distracting you from Dean. During dinner, you were quiet, letting him lead the conversation and not making it known when he mentioned Sam might be stopping by in a day or two that you two had talked earlier. "Oh, okay, sounds good." you responded, still thinking, 'He has his eye on a hazel-eye researcher that he thinks he can't have.'

Dean went for girls that were the complete opposite of you, blonde, curves in all the right places without an ounce of fat to be seen, the girl that guys walk across fire for, not the girl that they run into fire to get away from. Not the girl who is socially awkward around strangers, who can put her foot in her mouth easier than anyone, and who has more of a backstory than is worth mentioning. No, Dean goes for simple, noncomplex girls, which makes sense, given his life is entirely of danger and complexity. Why go for a girl to add to it.

Dean can tell your mind is elsewhere, and he is slightly worried that you're lost in your head or that this might be another symptom. "Hey, space cadet, you with me? Because if you're not watching the movie, I will gladly turn it to something we haven't seen twice this week," he jokes, hoping to make fun of the situation.

His voice shakes you from your thoughts, and you look over at him; his eyes have just a hint of worry to them. The blanket across both of you, him in a simple white t-shirt and sleep bottoms, you in gray leggings, tank top, and open cardigan. Perfection, you and Dean cozy up on the couch, not a care in the world, him teasing you about your love of disaster movies, and you forcing him to watch the same one repeatedly, and he does; why? Because he loves you. He loves you like a sister, a friend, someone he cares for, just not someone he’s IN love with.

"yeah, sorry, I think I am just going to go to bed." You shake off that last statement: he's not IN love with you. God, you really know how to cut yourself deep, don't you? Getting up from the couch, you grab your water glass and head towards your room.

Dean gets up with you, "here, let me help you," he says, walking around the couch and placing a hand on your lower back.

This is the last straw, the final statement of his wanting to help you, again treating you like you're helpless. "Stop! Just stop!" you yell, feeling yourself boil with rage you knew you had been keeping at bay. You know his hovering is with the best intentions, but for you, it's blurring the lines between what you want from him and what you know he can give you. Your mind won't let it be accurate even after what Sam told you today.

Dean stops his hands from touching you, standing still like he is frozen in time. "Y/N, hey, I just want to help. You look tired, is all." His voice is soft and sweet.

He’s trying to placate you, like he would a child or grandparent, "Dean, I am fine; I can walk ten feet to my room on my own and not get lost or fall down, okay!" You lock eyes with him and see his face fall, and in that moment, you know that he's hurt; you've only ever yelled at him when you were injured and need him to find you. But that was screaming for him, not at him. You know that you should feel bad for your outburst, you do, but you know that this is not real, that this ideal version of him and you playing house can't last.

"What is wrong? Is this another symptom? Did something happen while I was out?" he asks, wanting to understand your sudden change since this morning. You start walking away from him, wanting to get into your room and away from him, knowing he will get the truth out of you. You don't want to hear his excuses or him placate you even more about why he and you will never be a thing.

You turn halfway down the hall to look back at him, standing there watching you. "No! It's not! I am a capable woman who can take care of herself. Stop treating me like I am dying, Dean! You saved me once; that should be enough for you." Turning back, you reach your door, hand on the handle to open it, when you hear Dean.

"What does that mean?" Dean questions, his footsteps pad against the hardwood floors, standing right behind you; you can feel his breath on your neck, "I know you are capable; you are the strongest woman I know." his voice low, sending shivers down your body, you feel his hand on your arm, turning you around to face him. He sees your tear-stain cheek, "Fuck, Y/N, talk to me; what is going on? Why would you say saving you once was enough?"

Your eyes, trying and failing to hold back the tears, are now on the brink of spilling out. He needs to just let you go. You lean back against the door, knowing he took that little movement as exhaustion, and you are. You are exhausted by talking about this repeatedly, tired that he just can't let you leave, won't give up, and will go back to seeing you only when he needs something. He needs to go back to his life and let you put him back into the box of things that you don't let yourself have. Taking a breath, you run your hands over your face, wiping the tears and pushing them back inside. Putting on your brave face, "You know, Sam will be here in two days. I think you should go back with him. Go back to the bunker, and 'put yourself back on the board.'"

Throwing his line back at him, telling him he needed to return to work and that you would be fine without him. Will you, though? In time, maybe? You turned the door handle and stepped into the room, never breaking your eye contact with him. He shut the door in his face and flipped the lock, not giving him a chance to speak, knowing that he would not force his way in.

To be continued

[snowyaika]

to start off strong, and to give me more motivation to write, i’m opening my asks for requests!!! please feel free to request certain characters or prompts, whatever you’d like!! 

here’s a list of some dialogue i’m up for putting into my work!! but you can always request more than whats put here!!!🫀

[angst]

1: “i wish you never had trusted me.”

2: “i guess this is a lesson in not trusting people, right?”

3: “none of it was real, but i wish it was.”

4: “from the day we met, i knew i’d hurt you eventually.”

5: “i told you not to get too close to me.”

6: “i never loved you.”

7: “what was going through your head when i told you i loved you?”

8: “say you never loved me, say it.”

9: “what are you going to do, shoot me? do it.”

10: “don’t make me kill you.”

[hurt/comfort]

11: “you are what’s important right now.” 

12: “i don’t have anyone anymore.” “ you have me.”

13: “it’s okay, you know. if you need to vent.” 

14: “please don’t go.” 

15: “why didn’t you tell me the nightmares were back? you know i never minded helping with them.”

16: “you know my door is always open to you.”

17: “you shouldn’t smoke, you know.”

18: “you shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” 

19: “you’re not as bad as everyone says you are.”

20: “i just thought you’d like some company.”

[fluff/humor]

21: “are you jealous? want me all to yourself, do you?”

22: “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile.”

23: “i knew you had a heart.”

24: “would it be too cliche if we matched armor?”

25: “quit smiling at me, you’re making me mess up.” 

26: “i’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but i just can’t get my head that far up my ass.” 

27: “i don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.”

28: “i turned out liking you a lot more than i originally planned.” 

29: “don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

30: “i just lied to a guard, am i badass or what?” 

aanddd there we go!! as of right now i’m open to all characters, but i cannot promise they will all be romantic! if i don’t feel confident enough writing for them, i’ll just make it platonic! 

also i see other writers do this, where people have their own anons! if you’d like to be one, do your thing! 

ask away! 🫀

[sosclancy]

I said there'd be a Joshler rec list so here it is.

Always remember to read the full tags and warnings on the fic _

The Northern Diaries by pantaloonwarrior aka @pantaloonwarrior | Mature - AU - Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Notable Tags:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Zoonosis, Strangers to Lovers, Slow Burn, The Elder Scrolls Universe, Minor Character Death, Pining

Summary:

Josh is not the one looking for trouble, yet he finds himself in one when he discovers a frozen body in The Pale of Skyrim. He gets attacked by a desperate wanderer named Tyler, who says he’s looking for his lost brother.

In times of need, crossing paths with a stranger might become one’s greatest fortune. Tied by their losses in past and present, the two head north together, further than either of them have ever been. With their instincts as their only guide, the land of Skyrim is known by its cruelty and having its way carving a man down to his true self.

They will feel it in their flesh.

You don't understand how feral I am for this fic. I love Skyrim and I love TOP, and the two of them together???? WOW. I love every tiny detail in this, the writing is so immersive, it is like word painting, like magic honestly. The whole development and pacing is amazing, surely give it a read!

_

Hole by edy | Mature - AU

Notable tags:

Anger Management, Hoarding, Self-Harm  

Summary:

"I swear to fucking God, Tyler," he yells at the top of his lungs, from his own apartment. His voice is loud and right above Tyler's head. "If I have to smell this shit wafting through the air vents for one more day, I'm gonna fucking report you."

Okay, okay, this is a weird one, but honestly it might also be my favorite. Edy's style of writing is so immersive, and so full of feeling. It's so easy to get enthralled in this world, even if you're not that interested in fic like this, I say give it a chance, it might surprise you.

_

Tell Me Now by edy | Explicit - AU

Notable tags: Agoraphobia, Online Relationship, Recovery Self-Harm Suicidal Thoughts.

Summary: Tyler hasn't left the house in almost ten years.

There's no loving this fic, this is a rather creative AU and the whole development is amazing. The portrayal of Tyler's agoraphobia and his inner world is just incredible.

_

If You Stick Around by marsakat aka @teeentyonepilots | Teen and Up - AU

Notable tags:

Alternate Universe - No Band, Famous Singer!Josh, Musician!Tyler, Slow Burn, Angst with a happy ending.

Summary:

It had always been Tyler's dream to play music on stage in front of thousands and thousands of adoring fans. Granted he wanted to be performing his own music, but at this point he'd take what he could get, and besides, at least he liked Josh Dun's songs.

...

In which Tyler is a back-up musician who has a massive crush on the rising star he's on tour with.

The premise alone is enough to get you interested, and I'm a whore for slow burn I admit it, and this fic just does it so well. If you're looking a little emotional rollercoaster this is for you.

_

Pillow Talk by  heyitsbabz, youngvolcahoes | Explicit

Notable tags:

Rough Sex, Minor Choking, it's basically hate sex

Summary:

This is just another fic where Josh and Tyler hate each other, what could go wrong?

Look this is just smut, it's straight up hate sex like the tags say lol, but it's also a very fun read and the writing is very good.

[nellzzzzzsblogg]

Late night thoughts:

Is it silly that I crave some female bisexual representation, I need it so bad, I know nick nelson is good bisexual representation but he's a boy, and I'm a girl, and I feel like my feelings are valid in the same way because I am a female, I just want some bisexual representation that isn't some side character, not like Sarah, I need an actual popular female bisexual character who is the main character and her bisexuality is part of the show, she has to be confident but also have struggles.

I want to play a character like that what I do badly need, it just proves how representation can change people, I crave the representation that I don't have because it makes me feel invalid or that I'm supposed to be secretive about bisexuality when it comes to women, and I know queer representation has come a long way in the last decade but I need more, I need some female bisexual representation, and this doesn't include female Bisexuals who only date men or, their bisexuality has nothing to do with the plot. I need something like a heartstopper, that kind of fluffiness but also angst that makes you understand people's point of view more, I just really badly want that for myself and for other bi girls who feel like this.

I know there is wlw shows but most of them are lesbians or like I said earlier, side characters, I just need a female bisexual character who is confident and nice and like me I want a me in as a character, I'm not the most interesting person but it's what I need, accepting my sexuality would be so much easier if I had that representation that would help me along the way, my problem with my sexuality is that I have no bisexual friends, or I sort of did but they all ended up being like "oh yeah, it was a phase" and it hurts to know that I don't have anyone like me, don't get me wrong having queer Friends in general is a big help but nobody understands my feelings in the same way because they're not me, and I don't think I can truly accept my bisexuality until i have somebody like that.

How long do I have to wait till I can get the representation, me and so many other young girls need, especially during this age when knowing your sexuality is so pressured, it doesn't feel like I can be truly comfortable with it until I have someone demonstrating that for me, and to show me that it is okay and it will be okay, I don't know how long I will have to wait for this, maybe I'll do it myself.

I need a celebrity or something who uses bisexuality as part of their personality, because as much as people complain it helps so many people, and make them feel like it's okay to be who they truly are, but I can't think of any female bisexual celebrities who being bisexual is a staple part of them. For example Chappell roan, she uses being a lesbian as part of her personality which is so refreshing for young lesbians and old ones as well, it can help so many girls, but I don't have that for a bisexual woman, and I want one who actually dates females and males (not that it's invalid but I just need it for myself) I need a celebrity/character who actually likes men and woman equally and isn't afraid to show it.

I don't think people understand how badly I want and need this for myself and others.

If you read the whole thing, thank you for reading my vent/rant

(This is in no way saying that people who are even more underrepresented aren't important I just was voicing my own thoughts and feelings)

[sweetchildcloud]

Welcome Tenshi(Angel)✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧

/ᐠ. ｡.ᐟ\ᵐᵉᵒʷˎˊ˗ Welcome to my humble writing/art blog, i will start by saying this: I'm Italian. My English isn't horrible but, it isn't the best either. I am bound to make mistakes and there will be misunderstandings but, I am learning! If you are bothered by anything I might say please do tell me right away! Most of the times that happens I do not mean it! So I'm sorry in advance if I say something bad! i'm a writer as an hobby so my work will not be the best but i will hope it will entertain you!( ๑‾̀◡‾́)✨ I'm an adult, if you're uncomfortable with that you're free to ignore me. I'm also sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable by asking their age. I don't want any misunderstanding to happen. So, if you're an adult we can chill whatever it's fine. If you're a minor I will most likely not talk to you unless you need help with mental problems. I'm happy to help with that.٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و "By "misunderstandings" I mean people thinking I have bad intentions when I ask "what's your age" to someone. Unfortunately because of my lack of knowledge in English, (since it isn't my first language) people in the past thought I was something I'm not. It made me disgusted and very hurt. I just want to relax and not worry about problems like that again. I'm just trying to make friends not start drama. Thank you. ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀) i go by Von mostly but i have many other nickames too such as Hoen,Momoko and Minty you can choose wichever you like. i have adhd,autism and neurodivergent. (｡- .•) i'm emo (kinda still doesn't have the clothing but ehh i will) pansexual and gender fluid (ฅ́˘ฅ̀)

ʚ(´꒳`)ɞ .｡✧･ﾟ:* ~♡ (｡>﹏<)

i mostly wrote about Gojo (what a surpise uh?)(ugh,shut up not now)(ok angel *winks*)(*rolls eyes*) *ahem* as i was saying i mostly write about Gojo but i'm starting to love Choso too and many other jjk characters. wanna check out my more dark themes? check out: @rabbidbunwy (this account is jjk runt,writing and really REALLY dark themes,so minors DNI) —ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ — Request: My jjk master list: My Hazbin Hotel master list: fic challenge list: Daddy!au masterlist: Cowboy bebop masterlist:

HSR[honkai star rail] masterlist

check them out!:

one piece blog

i'm into fluff,comfort,drama,NSFW,SFW,gore,blood,angst and vent so my writing isn't for everyone (lol). ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) i love making suffer anime characters in my writing,especially Gojo,just for fun or own entertainment.( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ i'm into furry,cute stuff such as Sanrio characters and similar taste,urban legend,japanese lore,cartoons,cryptids and videogames. so if you dont like any of that stop following me and/or harassing me in my dm,it's not cool and i will block you ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ ) i'm dealing with depressin,anxiety and many problems in my life so if you see me not replying and/or writing a lot of angst/vent i'm just probably venting. ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)

but as i said i hope you will have a wonderful time here (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

ଘ(´•×•)⊃━☆.•° ✿ °•.

[kylo-wrecked]

Roleplaying Profile Meme:

PLEASE REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG!  Feel free to add to any of your answers!  The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write!  For the multiple-choice ones, BOLD all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S –

NAME:  K

ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes / No

IS YOUR MUSE? Yes / No

(with the exception of childhood verses/threads)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly / Private

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly / private

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all / A little / Somewhat / Mostly / Strictly / OC

(i tend to follow other muns’ canons)

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella 

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs /Icons/ Gifcons

(very, very rarely)

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes

(as long as i have this blog this muse stays here!)

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Epics

(alas, i cannot commit to any full plotting rn <333)

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? I am a Turtle slug on wheels (*bike horn noise*)/Slow / Fast  / Very Fast

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Action / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Hurt-Comfort / Fantasy / Dark

(i'm down to write most things. i struggle to carry the momentum in an action-oriented thread as i rarely have both the time and attention to engage in small volleys but i do enjoy them!)

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romance / Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage / Everything

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? No / Yes  

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? No/ Yes

(i try to keep my reblobs to things of artistic value, but i tag for gratuitous 'tw: drug use;; 'drug mention,' 'tw: body horror,' and various insects. :/ also my own ranting, 'tw: vent.' sometimes i'll forget. usually, i'll fix mistags within a few minutes of posting.)

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic /Familial / Physical / Sexual / Enemies

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry only / Yes

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? - Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Pansexual / Demisexual / Asexual / Questioning

(verse dependent)

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? - Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Grayromantic / Aromantic / Polyamorous / Questioning

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No / Sometimes / Yes

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No /Sometimes / Yes

DOES CROSSOVER SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes / Depends

tagged by:// 🖤 @southern-belle-outcasts, @brooklynislandgirl ❤️

tagging:// come one, come all. lift it and tag me!

[blackbunnyblobchara]

[[Photo used is from Pinterest]]

Welcome to Gold Avion

Bonjour~

Gold Avion is both a restaurant,bakery,cafe and bar.Below here are my menu and meals you can order,please read the instructions first to get a full satisfied time here in my blog,Enjoy and be full

•••——————•••

Introduction:

Hi,Im blackbunnyblob here and in Ao3, my username could be either one of those.You can call me Bunny,Blob or Chara or just my full username if you want to.I use she/her and is straight as a ruler.I have autism, (mild-ish) ADHD ,and still going to school so my posts are pretty random and incoherent,please be patient with me. 

If by any chance meet or have seen post of another artist named ‘Multichara’,I’m sorry to tell you but she is now offline due to her account being deleted and cannot reset back all her work,All her AU’s are now mine and have given me full permission to have them as my own…Only because that person is actually ME,Hello~,I’m not actually dead

•••——————•••

Food Category:

Here are different meal courses you can have in my blog,both daily and exclusive 

Major:(Currently in the menu)

Multi-flavored rainbow cake (ROTTMNT)

Chocolate digital swirl (TADC)

Minor:(Exclusive in the menu)

Extra pepperoni cheese pizza (FNAF)

Happy Velvet-filled Cookies (Poppy playtime)

Apple Cream Pie (Welcome home)

Angel Beef Ramen w/ spice (Genshin impact)

•••——————•••

Warnings:

Sometimes my posts are dark and bloody (like blood and murder and all that icky stuff) so please be warned,and again, please be patient about me and my schedule, I’m sensitive on what I post and it will be very nice if you try not to give anything that might hurt my feelings or try to ask/say anything to me nicely.I am a human being ,so please, mind what you say.I am also not a Multishipper (I don’t support Leosagi,Kendratello or RaphCasey,I see them only as friends or BFFS,same thing with April x ‘any of the turtle boys’),please don’t attack me because of this,I just don’t see why shipping them with each other. This is an SFW blog but please be mindful that it will have many warnings of dark themes and whatnot,if you are a person who is uncomfortable with death and hurt/angst/anything in that bases,you can kindly leave and block me

Also…Drink responsibly and Eat with caution (I will have to see your ID to see if you can get a drink in the bar as policy stated,jk jk,just don’t drink too much)

•••——————•••

Other things:

If anyone, -I don’t know why would anyone do this- ,tries to go to me and seek advice and vent and stuff.Please be mindful that I’m not a therapist,I have some experience with mental health but not into a full instinct that I can actually help you like a full psychiatrist would do.I could still give some advice and tips if I’ve already dealt from it before but other than that, I won’t really be much any help.But don’t worry,you could still vent in here but don’t get your hopes up, I’ll just give you some virtual flower and water to make you feel better, all my customers (followers) here are safe and cherished ,your safe here and your health matters the most. I will not also tolerate bad behavior or any sort of bullying,it’s either behave or kindly leave or get blocked immediately.I also do not support TCEST and proshipping so also kindly leave or else I will unfortunately have to block you as well,Siblings are Siblings,Lovers are Lovers,it is messed up if you put those two together,they stay separated.

•••——————•••

Other other things:

Also…If you try to send an ask and I don’t answer or it takes a long time for you to have a reply from me…I’m sorry about that.I live in Asia so my time zone can be different from yours (depending on what country you live in), and school and work and all that.I’ll try my best to post at least something once a day but it would usually just be Drabbles or small writings,drawing can be pretty challenging for me since I still do traditional art….*cough**cough*because my parents still needs to think if I deserve an IPad *cough***cough*….so my drawings would be rarely seen here but I’ll post a doodle or wips and so.I would also post OC’s,Oc x Cannon content here so,yeah,also be mindful about that.And please,don’t steal my works and drawings or things that are rightfully mine.If you want to use my artwork or AU’s,that’s fine but it’s better if you credit me first 

•••——————•••

My Homemade Creations

My more exclusive menu’s:

(White clear wine) 

Bloody heart - Separated AU but all the boys gets taken away and Splinter is actually the one going o save them with April

(Riot Rum - Bloody Mary Vodka Mix)

INCOGNITO:PANDORA- To insure that peace stays still in the world,An unknown government official created the ‘Peace and National declaration of freedom on the earth’s race association’ or PANDORA after the yokai’s and mutants were able to go to the surface without war,it expanded till the whole globe was dotted with their secret operation.But when two enemy cooperation were against that law,the PANDORA had no choice but create weapons of their own,even if it’s inhuman and against moral code. Aka ,Experiments made to be weapons of war.There is more four of the main turtles made,older clones of themselves.

(Lemon curd sweets) 

Good Things Happened - Good future AU but things still never changed,life was still giving them a reason to hate it,they were still fighting enemies they need to end and protect earth like they have always have been since when they were still happy and young

(Strawberry Lemonade with lime tint) 

Happy Endings,Right? - My own version of the boys and having the more realistic injuries post-movie event,things are in shambles but their still together to mend things back to normal.Maybe,life would calm down for a bit

(Pork Stake with red wine)

Power and Ruins - Humans are in kingdoms,protected by walls and metal.Mutants and Yokais are in tribes,left to fight for their own.Hunting and Killing,Humans are the real monsters but if the yokais fight back and take what’s rightfully theirs,there the own being called that way.AKA,Yokais and Mutants are considered barbarians in this royal world.

(Spicy and Sweet Beef Stew)

TC:CR - Bad future AU but it stays like that,everybody lives but has a price,the world is still what it is when the sky turned pink,Mikey might knew how and why

(Blueberry Water Cakes with sprinkles)

What’s underneath? - April swore she lives alone in the isolated NY shoreline lands,just got a job by trying to extract good news in the town near the shorelines even if she was a rocky reporter,but things starts to get more weirder each time she gets close the rocky side of the beach near her home 

(Spicy and Sweet Fish fillet)

When worlds collide or MysticCoded - Yokais are now part of the human society,other dimensions are now known,a whole different world if curtain things in the Rise show changed earlier on.AKA,also my own take or iteration of TMNT but it uses Rise bases/basics.

(Riot Rum - Bloody Mary Vodka Mix)

Smoking Gunshots - To insure that peace stays still in the world,An unknown government official created the ‘Peace and National declaration of freedom on the earth’s race association’ or PANDORA after the yokai’s and mutants were able to go to the surface without war,it expanded till the whole globe was dotted with their secret operation.But when two enemy cooperation were against that law,the PANDORA had no choice but create weapons of their own,even if it’s inhuman and against moral code.

Edited:I only put my bigger projects in here to let you guys know this will be the only ones that are majorly served (active) in my posts,but it still doesn’t mean I won’t present (post) any other AUs other then this bunch,it just means it won’t be too active or frequently served (posted) that much.The whole list of my AUs came be clicked here if you want to check it out

FULL HOMEMADE MENU (AU LIST)~

FULL COURSE MENU (TAG LIST)~

Disclaimer:All AU’s are inspired either heavily or slightly,I did not copyright anyone and some of it are originally made by me.If you have any further questions,please do not hesitate to send an ask/question,I don’t mind.

~~•~~

Enjoy your Meal and have a great stay here in Gold Avion

And Remember,Drink responsibly and Eat carefully 

—— Yours truly,Bunny

[[Photo used is from Pinterest]]

[typicalopposite]

Well, hey there!

Welcome to my completely all over the place — that started out just as a Destiel but morphed into this multi fandom posting, self and others creations promoting, show/movie reacting, sometimes random personal life ranting — blog!

There’s a lot going on here.

Here you will find posts about my fandoms... which are as follows… going in order of how strong of a grip the hyper-fixation has on me at the moment.

The Untamed (WangXian of course, with a side of XiCheng)

Supernatural (Destiel… duh ☺️)

Heaven Official's Blessing/Tian Guan Ci Fu (Hualian... although I do enjoy FengQing and BeefLeaf as well)

Stranger Things (Steddie)

Shameless (Gallavich)

Our Flag Means Death (GentleBeard)

Good Omens (Ineffable Husbands)

The Musketeers (Portamis… or Flort if you’ve seen the reaction posts… and I’m also not opposed to Annamis or just platonic based fics of this show)

Starsky & Hutch (they don't have a fandom accepted ship name but I will call them Hutsky and (or) Starch anyway because they are canon names and I love them)]

The Witcher (Jeraskier. I have barely even watched this show and this ship has on my soul is unfair, unjust, and should really just be illegal)

Lucifer (Deckerstar... but I say this begrudgingly because Percifer -- as brief as it was in the show -- owns my heart)

Dark Angel (No ships really, but I'm also only a couple eps into the second season)

Other fandoms I'm less active in, or not active in at all but enjoy

Doctor Who (eventually I plan to kick this one back up into the actively active category)

Once Upon A Time

NCIS (McNozzo)

Psych (Shassie, but I like Shules...is it Shules... see not active)

Criminal Minds

etc etc etc... You see, like I said, there's a lot going on here!

Here you will also find links to my fics...

I'm on AO3 and FFNET

Here you will find a lot -- and I mean A LOT -- of posts about or in collaboration with @scripted-downfall aka Wench.

Here you will find reaction posts to shows, and if you are interested in that sort of thing we have a main blog for it right HERE

Here you will find selfish promo's for the discord I help run, and the one I created ( Raised for Perdition and the odd side of fandom) not saying you should totally join them but you should totally join them... cause they have been pretty dead lately...

Here you will find that sometimes life gets really annoying and I just need an outlet to vent about it and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with fandom at all.

Here you will find I am into many many manyyyy types of fics/art (almost all the things there is to be into) angst, fix its, mutul pining, abo, AU's, long chapter fics, short one shots, and mpreg are among the top.

One thing you wont find here is hate, or tolerance for hate. I can't promise there will never be fandom negativity, that feels almost impossible to try to avoid, and I am only human! I dislike plenty and want to talk about it. But just vile blatant unreasonable and unnecessary hate is not welcome here! Also Hurt/no comfort and MCD because... just why?!

[rrelationshipadvice]

Hi, weird phrasing on this one probably, also apologies for the length.

I'm not sure what to do about my current relationship. We're long distance, both early-mid 20s (I'm tmasc, theyre nb) with litanies of issues that I (mostly) won't name that do affect how we act and react.

(I will mention that I have BPD, OSDD, and trust issues due to repeated past traumas because they come up later. I am trying to work on them, but not with a therapist. I can't afford one right now. I've had therapists in the past though, and am mostly working off what I can remember of their advice and worksheets and any other tips I can find to try and help.)

Very long preface out of the way, I often feel like I'm not good enough for my partner or tgat our relationship is bad for them, but they refuse to entertain the thought, or even the topic whenever I try to bring it up.

If I'm manic I tend to get really irritable to the point where even the most minor things like off key whistling or small noises or changing topics to sonething I'm not interested in will tick me off (I never voice these thoughts to them, or anybody, but I worry they can tell).

If I'm depressive I feel like I get unbearable with how much support I need. My partner has said that they don't mind it and that they like feeling helpful but I've accidentally stumbled upon them talking to one of my alters and saying the angst and worsened self esteem and splitting (in the BPD sense) during episodes frustrates them. I honestly can't blame them for it, even if it hurt that they didn't tell me about it to my face.

Every time we went on break/broke up in the past it's been horrible for both our mental health due to both it and other circumstances around those times, and my partner isn't keen on a repeat.

After our most recent break up, long before we got back together, they'd asked me if I saw them as a person or as a crutch and it stuck with me and only made my own worries about whether our relationship was good for us or not worsen. I do my best to handle my issues on my own, sometimes venting to them if I feel I need the emotional support. They can tell I hold things back though and they say it makes them feel like I don't trust them, when they're the only person I feel like I do trust, especially compared to everyone else.

Again, reiterating, I'm not sure what to do. I do love them deeply, and they fully reciprocate, but I can't tell if it's the disorders talking whenever I end up thinking we should see other people, so I'm here to ask for a second opinion.

.

[skadren]

I keep seeing a bunch of live and let go, boundaries are personal and not moral stances posts about writing and i largely agree ppl should be able to explore what they want in fic but also. Is there a way to balance or talk about "hi um white author so you kinda reinvented racism/blood eugenics and unilaterally present sex work as inherently degrading and etc etc etc for Shipping Angst Drama fodder, when the text is like. None of that" in fandom or even just in like. A server community. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive bc i feel constructed/projected misery is kind of tacky to begin with and i wouldn't do it with a complete stranger but idk my guy. I don't want to alienate myself but it's weird to go completely uncritical here

i think there are a couple items you need to check off the list before you can go "yes talking to internet stranger #37461239 about a highly sensitive topic is a good idea"

is it tagged appropriately? if it's tagged trust me the writer knows. they have probably gotten way more unsolicited feedback than they would really like

is the portrayal you're concerned about reinforcing an unhealthy or discriminatory predominant social narrative? if it is and you think the writer is genuinely unaware, then yeah, it might be worth bringing up. the emphasis here is on predominant please i am begging on my hands and knees

will this result in a productive conversation? if the intent behind this is to get people to reconsider, it isn't helping anyone if you know it will just lead to them doubling down and doing it even worse. at that point you're only making a performative statement to validate your own stance

if it really is bothering you that much, is there a compelling reason why you can't just block and move on? it isn't your responsibility nor is it feasible to fix how a fandom is doing things, especially if it's a group of people you don't really know. your own mental health always comes first, and a bit of salty venting in private with your friends never hurts anyone

if it IS a friend or acquaintance who is doing this and you think they would be open to discussing it with nuance, then you can probably bring it up. if that person has a basic level of consideration and respect for you it tends to go well, but i've also seen people double down because they already know there's something wrong with their attitudes but get mad at you for wanting them to change, and then it creates a whole ton of drama and people get hurt and it's not pretty. so. ymmv

ultimately, someone's views on racism or sex work or whatever is reflective of a broader social norm, and fandom is not the best space to try to fix that through confrontation-- it's usually someone's "safe space" where they want to retreat from the world, not come face-to-face with any sort of personal reckonings. do i think it's a mark of privilege that some people have the luxury of ignoring these issues when they "just want to have fun"? yes, but again, this is about being able to have productive discussion, not about what's "fair". unfortunately.

my two cents: if you're in a server community or some other space that makes you uncomfortable there's really nothing wrong with going "hey, we have fundamentally different standards when it comes to [x], and i don't think i want to be here" and moving on. the best way to challenge these things is quite literally to make your own food. there's a much better chance of the people you're worried about coming across it and realizing they like it than magically being able to argue them down with well-placed logic and reasonable points or whatever

EDIT: OH ALSO IM STUPID if you mean talking about it in general. not naming writer names but trends in the fandom. yes absolutely-- not in a public space like social media but definitely find a group of people who you trust who you can talk about these things with!! it is good and healthy. just make sure it isn't just a discord server open to the public or smth tho so you personally know and trust everyone who can see it (and you don't accidentally shit talk someone who is in that space lmao)

[serotonincemetery]

Wilbur x Reader

TW// Mentions of death, descriptions of insanity, blood, just very descriptive everything do be warned, manipulation, Angst obviously

Note)) Haha totally not a vent. Also Niki angst at the end

((I am talking from my own experience of losing myself, I have wanted to hurt people and I am describing my own feelings at the same time so I guess this is a partial vent? Just know I have never hurt anyone nor do I intend to, Also to my friend who will be reading this after I post it, I'm safe and doing alright, don't be worried! And if you over think it, you are not one of the people on who I've though of hurting, I would never even think of it))

You didn't know how much longer you could take of this, you watched him die, it hurt you so much knowing that he left you without saying goodbye.

You were seeing him everywhere, every time you glanced to the side, there he was for a split second before he was gone.

You had begged every single night for him to return to you. But he never did. You cried every night. You had been slowly losing your mind like he had all those months ago. You had been having extremely violent dreams in which they resulted with you ending the same way he had; Insanity taking over and resulting in hurting your friends and everyone in the process of losing yourself even more.

You would wake up in a cold sweat before pulling on your own hair and coddling yourself and rocking from side to side, muttering things to keep yourself calm and to not throw your fist in the wall or in someone's face.

There were days that you craved that. Your fist coming in contact with someone, wanting to strangle them and to watch the life fade from their eyes. To see their blood coat your forearms. To feel them struggle against your grip as you held them under the water for longer than the normal human body can handle. To feel the little resistance of a blade going through someone's body. To hear their cries of mercy. You craved it. But you were too scared to become like him.

Some mornings you woke up sick at the thought of those dreams and emptied your stomach into the nearest waste basket.

Niki had come and spent the night with you once because she could see how torn up you were. You had woke up after having a nightmare about hurting Niki, badly. You had glanced at the cot beside your bed and how she was turned away from you. Your mind told you to strangle her and to make her suffer. You had almost acted on it, you forced yourself up and to go downstairs and get a drink and you sat on your porch while rubbing your aching knuckles that basically called for bloodshed.

You longed for a decent night sleep at some point. But that night wasn't one of them, so you thought.

Niki had come down a few minutes after you had and came outside and sat down beside you and took your hand in hers and reassuringly and you rested your head on her shoulder and she started humming. You had eventually fallen asleep.

That morning you had woken up back upstairs in your room, but this time Niki had her arms wrapped around you soothingly and she was gently rubbing your back.

You had let out a hum and you could hear her laugh softly. Niki sat up and you sat up as well. "Are you feeling better?" She asked.

You rolled your shoulders and heard the satisfying crack and rubbed your eyes. "A bit, I still feel lost without him. If I'm totally honest Niki, I really miss him." You muttered.

"It's alright, [Y/N], we all do, you more than most, but everything will be okay."

That "okay" didn't last for long. Soon Niki left and the happiness and light at the end of the tunnel followed her out of your house and you were falling back into madness once again.

You had gathered the items. Your mind told you to do it. Poor Eret. You really didn't want to, but they told you to, they were constantly begging and yelling for you to blow something up. And then the mention of Eret's castle played through your ears and it pushed you forwards to gather the materials and put the time and effort into placing each piece of TNT strategically so they would blow everything up. The words "traitor" had constantly played through your mind.

And when you were ready to blow it up. You hesitated when Eret had shown up in her throne room, where you had put the lever. "[Y/N]? What are you doing here? I didn't know you would be here." He spoke with kindness and excitement lacing through their words.

"Eret." You said softly.

"[Y/N]? Are you alright?" They asked.

"Eret, please forgive me." You said as you turned to them. "I can't do this anymore." You said as a lone tear pearled at your right eye and gently rolled down your cheek to your chin before parting from you and landing on the wooden planks beneath your feet.

"What are you doing?" She repeated as she got a bit closer.

You flinched back and he could see the lever which your hand rested on.

"[Y/N], what does that lever connect to?" Eret asked cautiously.

"Eret, I'm struggling so much without him." You cried. Eret seeming understood immediately and nodded as they slowly stepped towards you.

You took your hand off for a moment to wipe your eyes and that's when Eret rushed forwards and destroyed the lever and pulled you into a hug.

You fought against him. You thrashed your fists into his arms and her shoulders, to get them to let go, but they never did. While you were crying and screaming, Eret pulled you closer so you couldn't keep attempting to get away and you became immobile. As you kept trying to fight to try and set off the explosives you stopped struggling once you looked up and saw the silhouette of a man, staring down at you through a window. followed by the haunting smile pasted onto the mask that rested upon his face.

You stopped and Eret pulled you away from themselves and looked at you. "Is everything alright? Do you need to talk?" She asked.

You seemed out of it for a moment, only making eye contact with the masked figure above. And when Eret turned to see what you were so interested in, the figure was gone in the blink of an eye.

"I think you need to stay with someone, I don't think staying alone is going to help you get better." He said. "We will walk back to your house, you can pack up some things and you can move in here with me." Eret said softly.

You shook your head no and took the opportunity to break from their hold and you dashed to the door and ran out. You could see glimpses of the masked figure at the top of the prime path. You sprinted towards them, or should you say him.

The closer you got to Dream, the further away he seemed. You got to a point where Dream was gone and night was falling once again. You had stopped and looked around and caught a rustling in the trees a few feet away.

You walked over and glanced up before something came crashing down on you before it went dark.

You had woken up once again, but this time, no nightmares or headaches or sickness. You sighed and went to stretch but you couldn't move. You looked around and were met with an obsidian room.

You heard a door open behind you, you couldn't turn to look but you flinched when two hands were put on your shoulders and someone bent down to your left ear and spoke. "Let's wreak havoc and take back this server again." Dream. "we can go back to the good old days where it was just the Dream SMP, no wars, or conflicts, just peace." He spoke. "But I need your help to be rid of the people who are ungrateful of our mercy.

You thought for a moment. People were really ungrateful. There were so many times you could've cut them down, and they didn't even thank you. You could've destroyed them, and they didn't even thank you when you granted them your mercy.

You nodded. "Let's make them pay."

That was weeks ago. Now, Dream sat in Pandora's Box and you had been still wreaking havoc after he was locked away. You killed and blew up things in both Dream, and Wilbur's name.

God you had still missed him, you had lost all sense of rationality, and if you thought of something and considered it fun, you were doing it the next day. Blowing up random buildings? Done. Lighting the community house on fire? Done. You had done so much and no one could stop you.

You had awoken in the middle of the night, sweat running down your face. You were awoken but both nightmares, which had just started reoccurring, and the loud crack of thunder and the bright bolt of lighting just outside your window. You sat up and wiped the sweat from your face and rubbed your eyes and looked around. You glanced to the side and caught a glimpse of Wilbur. You blinked and he was gone.

You had done so well on moving on. You had moved on. Haven't you?

"God, I miss you, I need to calm my nerves." You sighed. You threw the blanket off you and swung your legs over the side of the bed and rested your elbows on your knees and rubbed your eyes again and ran a hand through your hair before standing up. And before you could look up properly. You ran into something.

Someone.

Someone cold, rain-ridden. You felt a grip on your forearms. The hands were cold. Your immediate reaction was to fight back and so you did. But the hands kept you from moving.

"You're pathetic." He said. He let his hands run up your arms and his hands were placed on either side of your face. "You are truely pathetic." He muttered.

"Wil.." You started.

"Quiet." He mumbled as he pulled you in for a hug.

"You've been gone for so long." You whispered as you quickly wrapped your arms around him. "I was running out of time." You said. "I don't want you to leave me again, Wil." You said softly, you guard you had built up within the months he was gone, had dissipated instantly.

"I'll never leave your side." He murmured, you felt one of his hands run up your spine and it land at the base of your neck. You felt Wilbur put pressure in a singular spot before your mind felt fuzzy and black spots had appeared in your vision.

"Wil, I'm.. I'm dizzy." You slurred before you let your head loll back and darkness consume your mind.

When you had woke up in the morning you thought it was all a figment of your imagination. But the arms around you told you otherwise. The scent of cigarette smoke, wet dirt, and the faint smell of car exhaust. You turned to face Wilbur and saw that he no longer had his jacket on and it was laying across the chair on the other side of the room and he was only wearing his yellow sweater.

You slipped out of his arms and went downstairs to get something to eat. While you had been making some toast there was a knock at the door. You took the toast out of the toaster and set them down and walked to the door and unlocked it and swung it open to reveal Niki with tears running down her face.

"[Y/N], [Y/N], I-I." Niki was panicked, her hair was a mess and makeup was running down her face.

"Slow down." You said calmly.

"It's Wil, he-he's back a-and I.. I" She was struggling with her words so much and you watched as she rubbed her eyes before looking up at you. "I-" She stopped herself when the creaking of the stairs behind you was heard. You turned and there was Wilbur, standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes going back and forth between you and Niki.

Niki's breathing picked up as her eyes had widened. You put your hands on her shoulders and pulled her into your arms and said. "I know Niki." You spoke softly. "He came home to me last night." You smiled.

Niki pulled away and looked at your face. You had a soft, unnerved smile on your face. "[Y/N], what- I- I- don't understand." She cried out.

"He came home to me last night. That storm? That was him returning. And I have to thank Dream for that." You smiled down at her.

Niki opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. You smiled softly.

"Goodbye Niki." And with that, you let go of her and backed up and closed the door behind yourself as you turned and walked up to Wilbur and pulled him into a hug. "I've missed you." You sighed out happily.

"I've missed you too."

With Wilbur at your side, you didn't care who you hurt, or who didn't like you. All that mattered in your mind was his approval. And you didn't care what you had to do to get it, even if it meant pushing everyone totally out of your life for all your time to spend with him. In turn, he would soon learn that you pushed everyone out of his life too unless it was absolutely necessary.

He was yours and you didn't care who was hurt in the crossfire.

((Sooo, yandere!Reader anyone?))

[berristreasuredlibrary]

Have something to say?

Send an ask! I'd love to hear your ideas.

However, there are some limits to these asks. Some things that I will and will not write, and if you're not sure, just go ahead and ask me! I'll let you know if I'll write it or not. Also!! If you ever need to vent or let some steam off, don't be afraid to. I'm more than happy to listen and offer a little advice your way. I wish everyone the best, but I know life gets messy and tricky. Don't worry, I'm right there with you! Just be mindful that respect goes both ways.

What I will write:

Fluff, soft characters have my heart.

Comfort, I want everyone to feel cared for (this may have certain limitations).

Angst, I love hurting people's feelings (along with my own).

Smut, I love, love, love writing absolute filth or sweet soft filth.

Yanderes, crazy character or reader. I'm all for it!

Different AU's, fantasy, royal, modern, different relationships (poly/group, platonic).

Any silly little ideas.

What I won't write:

Sensitive topics such as: self harm, eating disorders, mental disorders. Now this may vary if I have certain knowledge of said topics, but I won't really write them because I don't want to offend anyone who struggles with these types of things. I don't want to write about one topic and have it offend or rub someone the wrong way because I generalized the struggles/actions of the topic. Ask me about them and I'll let you know!

Now for my smut content, here's what I got:

I love some filthy, downright dirty smut and, if you scrolled down here, I'm sure you do too! Let's get on the same page first!

What I will write:

Soft sex: soft doms, comfort sex, just sweet sex that makes you all blushy and warm inside.

Rough sex: hard doms, angry sex, jealous sex, pent up frustration sex, brat taming sex, etc, just rough sex that makes you rethink your life choices.

Monster-fucking: monster!character x reader OR the other way around, come on... how could I not??

Some -philias I write for: somnophilia, dacraphilia, agoraphilia, again, just ask!

Not sure if I'll write what your dirty little mind thought up of? Just ask!! I promise I won't bite, unless you want me to, so don't be afraid!

What I won't write:

Rape: I believe this is pretty explanatory, perhaps there will be mentions of it in fics. Therefore, this is a huge, HUGE maybe.

Pedophilia: also pretty explanatory, I cannot stress this enough- ALL CHARACTERS WILL BE OF AGE. I WILL NOT WRITE SMUT WITHOUT THE CHARACTERS AGED UP!!!! Remember that.

Self-cest/ Incest.

Feet.

Piss.

Please know that this is a safe space!! I will not judge you or your thoughts/thots. And please remember, I am not obligated to answer any ask that makes me uncomfortable. I'm excited to see your asks. Thank you for taking the time to read through this, it makes me happy.

[alienaiver]

Of all the ugly parts;

Sakusa Kiyoomi x gn!reader

warnings: descriptions of self-loathing and general insecurities - let me know if i missed anything tho! wordcount: 1.3k content: vent piece, genderneutral reader, happy ending, mild angst, hurt/comfort, character study, healthy communication, fluff, mentions of a wedding but like not as a plot point!

notes: this is honestly just a vent piece! i’m not entirely sure what the entire point of it was but i relate deeply to sakusa on some levels and he was a good outlet for some emotions! this is the first time i’ve written for him tho, so i hope i did him justice! thank you for reading!

”No one likes when you’re in that mood.”

He doesn’t, either.

“You should practice becoming more palatable to the world.”

He thinks so, too.

Sakusa isn’t a stranger to negative comments about him – he learned to brush them off at an early age, deciding his own comfort came before anyone else’s and that he’d meet the right people one day.

And meet the right people? He did – as he thinks about how the MSBY Jackals all treat him well and with love despite his uglier parts and he thinks about you, grumpy and sleepy in the bed next to him before he goes for mornings runs.

But sometimes he explodes. He explodes and collapses in on himself and even the people who treat him with such love and care gets caught in the downfall and he isn’t a stranger to see the hurt flash in your eyes when he reacts outwardly and hits you with venom.

It wasn’t even your fault, really. He’d gotten a call from his mother earlier that day, already clouding up his mind with irritableness and the experience of an itch he wanted to scratch to blood. It’s game season but practice had gone like shit, none of his hits making any sense and he needed to do way more penalty dives than he thought was necessary for a pro volleyball player.

So when he got home and you’d emptied his dishwasher for him but put the forks and spoons in the wrong place, he couldn’t hold back the bile that’d been steadily growing in his esophagus throughout the entire day and spat it out right onto your own, unsuspecting face.

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that he met you and you made him think he was anywhere near worthy of your love. It’s not fair to you that he’s so difficult and spoiled and narcissistic and has a tendency to spiral into this gooey, dark mess of a person.

So here he is, by the riverbank, reconsidering every life choice he’s ever made and reminded of all the angry, disappointed sentences thrown at him when he was younger and suddenly he realizes something,

They were all right about him.

He clicks his tongue and fists his hand into the grass beneath him, only then realizing that he’s willingly placed himself on the ground. Him, on the ground.

He does a breathing exercise – one that you taught him, seven in, hold for six and nine out- it’s supposed to help, right?

“You’re doing great,”

He’s thrown out of his concentration by the warmth of your voice next to him, the gentleness in your voice so easily spotted and so easily embracing him – he’s relaxing his shoulders instantly.

“My boss yelled at me today,” you start, situating yourself comfortably on the grass, “but then at lunch, it was Margot’s birthday. She pulled me aside after the cake and told me our boss is full of crap,” you laugh and Sakusa realizes what you’re doing, “I also met a dog after I got out of the supermarket! I was allowed to pet it and it was so nice, wanted to lick my face so bad.”

You reach out a hand tentatively towards his, “how was your day?”

Sakusa sighs and retracts his hand from the grass. He ignores his own grimace at the action,

“I’m not a good person.”

You hum and place both your hands on your lap, “and I’m not… easy, or lovable. I wasn’t a lovable single and I am definitely not a lovable boyfriend.”

For a while you don’t say anything and Sakusa’s not sure what else to tell you.

“The first time we met, you told me I smelled like shit.”

Sakusa winces and while he’ll never admit it, he’s currently fighting to hold back tears – keep them behind his lash line and safely stored away. Letting them drop was not an option, “and the second time we met you asked Komori why he’d brought me.”

You laugh at these memories and Sakusa wants to yell – he wants to get up and scream at the top of his lungs that you need to leave him, that he didn’t turn into the palatable adult everyone wanted him to become and that his intricate made-up rules is clearly affecting how this relationship is going to go, how you deserve someone so much better, but then you add, “but the third time we met was on the crowded train, where you noticed my panic attack. You got me out of the train and helped me calm down and then you walked me home.”

“Remember the fourth?” you ask after a moment of silence and dumbfounded, he can only shake his head, still unable to look directly at you, “you came to my place the day after with some snacks and a Ghibli movie, telling me how Whisper of the Heart always makes you feel like it’s going to be okay. You’d spent 45 minutes in the convenience store choosing snacks because you didn’t know which I liked,”

You sigh out and a nostalgic smile graces your features, your lips reaching your eyes at this point. Sakusa’s always loved that smile. “The other day you made me a cup of tea when I stressed about that meeting and you didn’t even reprimand me for not rinsing my plate after dinner. Yesterday, you didn’t come after me for not hanging my towel on the rack to the left of the sink.”

You reach for his hand again and this time, though with a flinch, he lets you take it. He notices how warm it is compared to his and he thinks he must’ve sat out here for a while before you came after him. You always did know how to handle his outbursts. Give him time to cool down and then talk,

“I love you, Kiyoomi. I don’t want you to change – not for anyone but especially not for me. I fell in love with the Omi who gags at public toilets and groans loudly when I even think about skipping a shower for being too tired. I fell in love with the Omi who has a very valid need to have things a certain way, who offers me some structure in my own life just by upholding his own. I fell in love with the Omi who motivates me to do better, to be better, because he’s such a wonderful and deeply lovable person that sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around it. And Omi?” you squeeze his hand and he finally gathers the courage to raise his head – albeit only a little.

“I also fell in love with the Omi who lets me into his space so openly, who makes room for me and happily obliges for cuddles when I’m needy, who’s attentive to my needs and makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Who takes care of me and loves me despite my own flaws.”

You lean in and rest your forehead against his, “flaws are something we all have and I don’t love you despite your ugly parts, I love you with them.”

There’s silence as Sakusa processes your words, overwhelmed by the sheer sincerity he felt in your voice.

“I kinda went on a rant, sorry.”

He laughs then, laughs hoarsely and squeezes your hand back. It’s not until you reach up to wipe a tear from his cheek that he realizes that he failed in holding them back, letting out another nervous laugh, “those sounded like wedding vows,” he jokes and you smile mischievously, “it was really good too! Maybe I should write it down for the future,” you joke and a blush creeps up to his ears at the implications of your words. You lean in and gently give him a peck on his lips, “you’re allowed to react outwardly, that doesn’t make you a bad person. You can’t scare me away with you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Let’s go home.”

@hanayanetwork​ 🌸