rrelationshipadvice

[rrelationshipadvice]

How do I progress a situationship, we're both entering our last year of highschool and I don't know how to move forward, I think she genuinely likes me but i don't want to come off as pushy or ruin our friendship which is still important to me. I care about her but if she's gay or just straight up not interested in me in that way what would I say to help keep our friendship? How do I even bring it up and what do I even say, is a message on Instagram weird?

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Some jerk ex friend of mine has now gone out of their way to harass my best friend who I used to have a crush on and tell them about my kinks and now my friend thinks I'm gross and isn't talking to me. They said they'd just be busy for the next few days but I'm scared that it's just an excuse not to talk to me and to cut me off.

The ex friend is being incredibly hypocritical because they always claimed to be super sex positive and to not judge people for their kinks but now that they hate me suddenly I'm a disgusting perverted freak to them. Btw the reason I stopped being friends with this person is because they were dating a racist and constantly defended their racism.

Idk I'm not even really looking for advice but it would be nice to be told that I'm not a disgusting freak just for having kinks and fantasies that don't even harm others and that maybe my friend isn't lying and actually is just busy. As someone who was raised super Christian AND falsely accused of sexual assault by the first person I ever dated I already feel a ton of guilt over being sexual at all let alone in a non-conventional way. So yeah this has been incredibly hard for me to cope with. It's been days and my friend has still barely spoken to me about anything that isn't the incident.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Okay so here’s the advice I’m asking for…please help if you can. I have a friend (best friend of 20+ years) who has falsely accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend after he sent unsolicited nudes to me over the weekend. I told her right away and she’s now gone so far as to send messages to my friends and family telling them I’m a pig and a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend when it isn’t true. I now have an influx of messages from the friends she has told telling me I’m a skank and should be ashamed of myself and to go off myself . This friend is also in a domestic ab u se situation and often calls me sobbing about her boyfriend beating her and she often shares photos of her face beaten so badly she ended up in the hospital gathering the attention of other friends around her who feel bad and question why she will not leave him. I have her blocked after she called me at 3:30am today to ask if I was with him when she already knew that I was on and overnight shift at work in another city nowhere close to either of them while he was posting photos at a party with his friends and other women. I feel betrayed more than I ever have in my life and I would like some insight from an outsider perspective as to how to move on from a toxic situation like this.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

please i am so desperate i need help. i found something out about my bfs past, and it’s eating me up inside.

i don’t know if i can move past it, but i really really don’t want to leave him. i seriously love this man so much. everything was perfect until i found out about this, it’s not an issue anymore and i know for a fact it never will be again (aside from me worrying about it), but i can’t get past that it happened in the first place. i keep wishing i could go back in time to when everything was amazing, and im terrified that staying with him will only make me long for the time before i found out.

i am not diagnosed but i think i may have ocd and i think its just making everything so much more intense. i cant stop thinking about it and crying.

he’s truly the love of my life and i feel like my whole world is falling apart i don’t know what to do or how to move forward. i just want to be with him and feel okay

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Should I try and save the relationship, or should I let him go?

So my bf ‘23M’ and I ‘24F’ have been in a relationship for over 4 years. We both started dating while I was starting college and he was working. I am currently have my associates but I am getting my bachelors. He is currently in his first year of school. We recently have been having more arguments about whether or not if the relationship between us can keep going. We are both full time school and he’s part time work, while I am full time work. We have been bouncing the idea of moving in together at the end of last year, but then he moved into his parents at the beginning of January, while I wasn’t allowed to move in. We haven’t had time to look at places because of school and it created a bit of distance between us. He is very well aware that I like to have a plan set before anything happens, as to where he more go with the flow. I have told him before I wanted us to look at places, not just me looking and him staying at his parents. To mention, I currently still also live with my parents in a different city. I was ready mentally to take the next step since the semester ended and I had enough money to be able to have enough to pay for what I needed and then some. I was able to change my hours back so we were able to spend more than one day a week together instead of being stuck in a school schedule.

It felt like the blame was getting put on me, and it’s my fault that we weren’t moved in yet. He called me a child for not being ready, because I haven’t moved there by myself or haven’t gotten myself a different job in that location we were planning on living. He said he was ready last year when we were talking about it, but made no effort into creating a plan as to where, when, and how much, nor were either of us financially ready. I just feel lost, I still want to make things work and be able to be there for him, I want to be able to move in with him. But he says that I don’t listen and don’t understand.

Is there something that I am not understanding? I am willing to get a different job in the area we were planning on moving to, I was willing to leave my dog at home, but I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I'm currently in an LDR with an older man. we talk every day. things are *so* good when they are so good. however, I feel I am not good enough for him. this isn't necessarily his doing. In fact, he constantly reassures me that he loves me as I am. but I'm fat with pcos and average tits. his type is chubby/slim thick with big, perfect tits. I know I can never compete with his past egirls, and it drives me insane sometimes. I've convinced myself that he's only with me until this one "friend" of his is single, and then he'll ghost me, leaving me with nothing but my feelings. how do i get past never feeling good enough?

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[rrelationshipadvice]

AITA for wanting not wanting to be friends with this guy?

So this is my brother's story, not mine, but he came to me for help on what to do.

Also, please keep in mind that all of us are in ECHS, so we are at a college, but I, N and me are all still high schoolers.

So my bro, we'll call him I (18 m) and his gf, call her N (18 f), met this guy, J (college student, 23 m) some time ago, imma guess like 2 or so months ago. J is autistic. He has the mind of a 12-year-old, but he's really sweet. He would give I and N some little gifts every time he sees them, like a drink, snack, plushies, etc.

At some point, I and N had kinda been put off by J. He found I's insta, without anyone telling him, and started messaging him reels and offering to take them out to places, but I kindly tells him no every time. He found where I and N hang out and have some classes at and waited for them there so that he could give them whatever gifts he had for them and maybe have a quick chat.

I and N had both been trying to lightly give him signs, like avoiding said places, but he's not taking the hints. They have been trying to kindly let J know for a while, but they just don't have the heart to tell him that they don't want to be his friends and they don't know what to do.

I and N would post on their insta that I "loves his gf" and N "loves her bf" but then J would post "I love my two friends" (which I think is really sad). Neither I nor N have the heart to tell him that they don't want to be friends anymore.

AITA?

So I told me about it, and I (bro) said that it'd be best for J to be around other autistic adults, in which I don't blame him, but J doesn't have any other friends, so I think he's trying to show appreciation that he has friends, I and N, with the gifts. I think it's really sad that he doesn't have any other friends bc they avoid him because he's autistic and some think that's "weird," but it's not his fault. He only has one other friend that I don't know anything about. I don't know what to tell them to do, I think J needs a friend, but nobody wants to be his friend. I can't be his friend, for one, age gap, two it just doesn't feel right to be a "pity" friend.

*Please do note that this is only going off of the bits and pieces that I remember I telling me*

I think you'd be better off at @rrelationshipadvice

[rrelationshipadvice]

Trying online dating for the first time and I feel like I’m so unfamiliar with this territory and too autistic for this and need help

Matched with a guy who is super cute and we’ve been talking a little bit but literally every conversation is like “how are you doing?” “Good you?” “Fine” or “what are you currently doing” “(insert everyday mundane task I’m doing)” and then that’s it. I’m so tired of being asked what I’m doing every day. I’m working it’s boring ask me anything else!

Is this normal in the getting to know you process? How do you tell someone you’re into them but being really turned off by always being asked the same thing?

We’re both immigrants but from different backgrounds so idk if we’re hitting language barriers or if this is just what online dating is like. I have broached some broad topics before and we’ve had good conversations then but it feels so one sided.

Any advice to make the early stages of online dating better?

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Is it okay to be sexually attracted to someone who's asexual? I have fantasies about this one person sometimes but I feel gross because they'd never want to do those sort of things.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I still have feelings for my ex even though it's been a year now since we broke up and he was kinda a shitty boyfriend and I've now moved two hours away and don't see him much anymore. I just still love him and care about him and I wish him the best even though he was awful and ignored me all the time and would never answer calls and wouldn't show up to our dates that I planned and never did anything for me and didn't even get me a Valentine's gift (I spent DAYS making multiple gifts for him) and he even let his friends be transphobic towards me (I'm ftm). He was still very sweet and treated me better than anyone I'd dated before and was very physically affectionate and said such kind things and he was really cute and I got so attached to him hat I was already thinking of what our wedding could be like at only 3 months into the relationship and I can tell he was going through a lot mentally at the time and that it wasn't my fault. I even tried to give him a second chance a few months ago (about 5 months after we broke up) but apparently he had already lost feelings for me. That last part I can't help but feel is my fault. I thought I had gotten better since we ended things (we mutually decided to break up because he knew he wasn't treating me right) like I thought I'd gotten more mature and even had a bit of a glow up and so many other things but it didn't make any difference. I don't know what to do. I can't keep having feelings for him, there's literally zero chance of me getting back with him now.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I feel really awkward because I started to develop a crush on one of my friends and I'm also friends with her boyfriend and I feel super guilty. Of course I'll never act on it but I've had dreams (literal sleeping dreams not like daydreaming or anything) about them breaking up and me getting with her and I've even had a sex dream about her. I feel really weird and guilty even though I know I can't control my dreams. I can't help but feel that those dreams are what my subconscious mind actually wants to happen if that makes any sense. I just feel shitty because they're such a cute couple and they're so happy together and I'm just really jealous of both of them.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask my partner to initiate hangouts once in a while? Lately I've felt like I'm always the one asking. Normally I wouldn't think this was a rude thing to do, but they have anxiety and have trouble asking sometimes.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Sometimes I feel like my partner prioritizes their friends over me, but I feel like I'm being dumb and it's not actually a problem. There have been times when I ask to hang out and they say maybe, but their online friends ask after me and they say yes. They talk to their friends multiple times a week for 3+ hours each time, so it's not like they wouldn't get other opportunities to talk. They've cancelled a hangout with me to call their friends instead too. Today I asked to call and got a "maybe" and a few minutes later they were asking their friends if they wanted to hang out, so I thought I'd ask here to see if I'm overthinking.

Is this a normal thing to be upset about? If it is, how do I talk to her about it? I know her friends are important to her so I don't want to be mean.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I know this is a stupid question but is it normal to still be a virgin at 17

Yes. Some people are virgins until they're 30 and thats still considered pretty normal. Everyone has their own pace, Dont let yourself feel pressured by time.

[rrelationshipadvice]

Hey, so, I'm considering ending my relationship. It's polyamorous, and I rarely feel completely secure. Especially lately, they both talk to each other more than they ever talk one on one with me. I'm also at a new school so that's going to make it a bit worse. But I'm really not here to talk about the *why*. What I'm most concerned about is how I often see one of them venting about being abandoned. In fact, once they've seemed to want to be abandoned so they can end their life. This makes me not want to break it off. I still care about both of them deeply. I just feel like while we tried for a very long time to make this work, for various reasons it just won't work for us or mostly me. On top of that, I'm also conflicted about doing this in person. I know that logically, that is the right thing to do. But also I don't want to ask them to hang out just to upset them. Would maybe something like a last date and then ending with breaking up work? Or is that like building them up just to break them down?

Any advice is helpful, really. And I think I've made up my mind about whether or not I'm doing this so I'm really just worried about how.

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[rrelationshipadvice]

Alright chat, I need help with my ex. So is the type to wanna stay friends after the end of our relationship, and I’m discovering that I don’t think I really am. I wasn’t able to tell him that when we ended things, but I feel like he deserves the explanation that I just can’t do the whole friendship post relationship thing. The thing is though, I simply don’t wanna talk to him anymore, and I’ve blocked his number after we broke up. 

TL;DR: how do I tell my ex I don’t wanna be friends weeks after blocking his number? 

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[rrelationshipadvice]

I have nowhere else to put this so I am asking Tumblr for advice lmao.

This is a very long story, so feel free to comment if you want the full lore: but basically I got out of an absolutely horrible relationship a few months ago. I'm a trans guy and she is supposedly a trans girl even though a variety of things cause that claim to be dubious. You would think a trans person would know not to tell any trans man that he would look so cute pregnant and to go as far as to talk to his friends in private about it, but not her. She also pressured me into having sex with her and would masturbate in MY room without my permission whenever I kept saying I was uncomfortable.

She claimed to be bisexual, but had no biologically male crushes on real people or fictional characters and when asked "are you bisexual in the sense that you like women and men or in the sense that you like women and pre op trans men?" she asked "why does it matter?" and I had to EXPLAIN to her how demeaning that was as a trans person that wants to transition. She has only gone after small pre op trans men and says they're "her type". Apparently she has also had some very dubious conversations with a transfemme friend of mine.

She basically held my dorm room hostage and insisted on sleeping in there every night. Whenever I said I didn't want to she would start crying or pouting like a literal toddler. She compared it so "sleep divorce" in MARRIAGES (I find the notion of having to share a room much less a bed to be bullshit to begin with but anyways).

She would lay face first on the floor and pout silently whenever I said I didn't want to PDA with her. If I moved across the room to get away with her she would follow me. She always insisted that there was nothing wrong when I repeatedly told her to get help.

Some other highlights include: stalking my location on life360, "You're so bad", "You're so big", "I'm going to bite your gyatt" followed up by biting my ass without asking me, tickling me repeatedly until I either broke down into tears, hurt myself, or had to scratch her to get her off of me, holding my friends hostage in their dorms post breakup, and my personal favorite: Googling how to get over a breakup while crying on MY floor when I had just broken up with her.

This isn't even all of it but I think you get the idea.

Needless to say I feel pretty traumatized from going through this and I think it impacts my ability to get close with people. The girl I'm currently dating is absolutely wonderful and she knows everything that has happened. We've known each other for a good while so I naturally feel more comfortable with her which helps, but I would just really like to get over this trauma because I don't want to be geeking out when I could be enjoying my time with this wonderful person. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.

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