#not to mention the ending in general *chef kiss*
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▸Games Played in 2023
Like A Dragon Gaiden: The Man Who Erased His Name (2023) dev. Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio
#yakuza#like a dragon gaiden#like a dragon#yakuzaedit#ryu ga gotoku#kiryu kazuma#akame gaiden#kosei shishido#yuki tsuruno#hanawa kihei#gamingnetwork#dailygaming#videogameedit#vgedit#vg23#gifs#loved this game soooo much#like i enjoyed every single character so so much especially akame shishido and hanawa (i hope they come back 😭)#shishido is also one of THEEE best final boss battles in the entire series i'm so srs#not to mention the ending in general *chef kiss*#also best credits song since ykz 0#kiryu/hanawa truthers here's how we will win
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A Day in the Life of Professor Crewel & Spouse
Warnings: None! Fluff. Just a little something for Crewel. Vague mentions of future children/pregnancy but no pronouns used. One gendered act of chivalry mentioned .
Together your purchase a large family home on Sage’s Isle. Crewel could Never justify the purchase of such a massive house independently, but now that he has you he’s able to acquire the large coastal home he’s always dreamed of for you and your family.
Crewel wakes up on week days at dawn usually around 6 and goes for a run with his two dogs. You (and your dog) are welcome to run with him if you’d like, he aims to do a 5k in about 30 minutes usually, but you’ll add in a little time on the front and back for stretching. If you come with on the weekends there’s a good chance he can be convinced to stop in one of the bakeries in town, stop for 15 minutes or so to drink/eat a light pastry before running home.
However you only do this if the weather is permitting, in the winter, Divus heads to a gym in town to swim laps or uses your home gym with you. He’s a big believer that the couples that exercises together, stays together.
After some morning fitness, it generally tea time. Usually you take turns cooking breakfast on Divus’ turns he cooks something light, but well spiced, nutrient rich and complimentary to a cup of tea of course. He’s generally not a fan of sweet breakfast or heavy foods, but has become partial of the occasional waffle if you’re making them. You either together usually at your kitchen island or in the breakfast room.
By then it’s about 7 and you both get ready for school. Crewel likes to pick out coordinating outfits. Not matching but complimentary. He won’t insist that you wear something but if you aren’t feeling up to picking an outfit, he’ll give you options.
Then you drive to campus, after dropping the dogs off at daycare. Crewel always drives and don’t even think about getting out of your side of the car before he comes to get you. He’ll open your door and help you out.
Then you ascend the front steps of the school hand in hand. When you reach the front doors Crewel gives the back of your hand a kiss before releasing your hand. Once you enter the door you’re no longer spouses but colleagues.
You drop hands but Crewel still walks you to your classroom in the morning. Most students aren’t in until homeroom starts at 8:30.
Usually you don’t eat lunch together, you both agree it’s best to spend time chatting with your colleagues, you’ll see each other at the end of the day anyway. But you both take care to ask the chefs to reserve dishes for each other depending on who gets there first.
Crewel isn’t afraid to steal a kiss or two, or three when no one is looking. If he’s feeling really bold, he’ll pin your hips to your desk so you have no choice but to cling to him as he kisses you senselessly. When he’s finished he’ll chastely kiss your forehead and mutter good pet, before switching the subject to something much more mundane like dinner plans.
You eat out rather often, maybe 2-3 nights a week. You and Crewel have a collection of favorite restaurants in town. His favorites are the ones on the coast with a good wine selection.
After dinner you pick up the dogs from daycare and go for a night walk if it isn't too cold. Usually no longer than an hour.
Crewel often has to take papers home to grade and such, so please bring him some tea and rub his shoulders before attending to whatever it is that you need to do.
After he leaves his study, you may watch an episode of a show or chat and listen to music to decompress, but more often than not you both retired to your shared room for *ahem* intimate activities. After which you and Crewel let the dogs in and complete your night care routines before snuggling up and calling it a day!
Crewel can't say he misses the bachelor life when he gets to go to bed and wake up next to you everyday. You and his pups are the highlight of his life. Well until you and he can have some pups of your own.
#divus crewel#divus crewel x reader#divus x reader#twisted wonderland divus crewel#twisted wonderland divus#twisted wonderland imagines#twst wonderland#twst imagines#twisted wonderland
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(CW: Cringe, Autism Parents stuff, drunk mention, infantilization)
So I don't have a degree in Graphic Design, but I do have a sense of general aesthetic. I figured that it's April. Let's rate, and potentially verbally tear apart and drag through the mud, some autism shirts and graphic designs, and I'll probably do a part 2, these scores are only semi-arbitrary: First up is this:
Already off the top, I am confusion because it seems to read "I wear puzzle cousin autism awareness". Sounds like whoever made this was drunk.
Puzzle pieces, ew.
The red, yellow, green, and blue look like the shades you'd see in elementary school, so that seems pretty infantilizing.
Autism Awareness, I am very much aware of my existence.
Final Score: 0 out of 10. Designer, go home; you're drunk.
Next we have this:
This one already has a slight advantage over the first because it's at least coherent in terms of the message.
Elementary school colors, but make it extra tacky.
Puzzle pieces; don't try to bullshit me by putting the autism awareness banner over it, I can see the other indents that make them puzzle pieces.
Once again, I am well aware of my own existence.
At least it's a smaller design.
Final Score: 0.5 out of 10, and that's being generous.
Next one's not a shirt, but it still counts:
No blue so thank God for that.
This is up to personal preference, but to me, the person-first language is giving "I need to be reminded that someone is a person."
Puzzle pieces. Ew. Don't BS me, I can see them.
Walk down Autism Lane. (it's right below the word LOVE) Sorry, but we don't allow ableists on Autism Lane; you need to be a premium member and to be a premium member, you need to not be a dick.
The pumpkin disturbs me for some reason, and not in the Halloween way; I mean, it just straight-up disturbs me.
Final Score: 0.5 out of 10. Bury it in a shallow grave.
Just found this one:
It's easy on the eyes at least.
No tacky elementary school colors.
No puzzle pieces.
The bunny's cute, but this also seems very infantilizing.
Person first language is a no for me.
Why are all of the is lowercase, but the others are uppercase?
Final Score: 5 out of 10. Not great, but not terrible.
Here we have simple:
Elementary school colors, but credit where credit's due; it's not terrible on the eyes.
Why is blessed on there three times?
One big-ass puzzle piece.
"Autism blesses" Yes, because being bullied by my peers, being indirectly told who I am is wrong, having the worst time making friends, always feeling like I'm never truly part of a friend group, being confused when some adults got mad at me, not having anyone to play with at 4 years old is an absolute fucking blessing. /s And that's the tip of the iceberg.
"Fun", "Sweet", "Cute".....it's the infantilization for me.
Final Score: 3 out of 10. No further elaboration.
Then there's this monstrosity:
I call this color Patronizing Paraprofessional Blue, aka the tackiest shade of blue ever.
It looks like something one of those older white suburban millennial moms would wear. Like something a Karen would wear to one of those autism walks or one of those social skills teachers who talk in that slowed-down patronizing kindergarten teacher tone with that fake-ass smile, no matter how old you are. You know the one I'm talking about, right? Yeah, they'd wear this.
Puzzle piece. Light It Up Blue. Ew.
We all know what organization this supports.
Final Score: -10 out of 10. Burn it.
Let's get in a good one to counter that abomination of a shirt and end part one on a higher note:
Nice simple design with a black background.
No tacky elementary school colors.
Identity-first language.
Really counters the....what the fuck would it be called? The UwU autism parent thing? ("I am his voice, he is my heart," "See the able, not the label," etc,.) It counters that.
The light sparkle around "a bitch" is chef's kiss.
Final Score: 11 out of 10. Perfection.
#autism awareness#autism acceptance#autism#autistic#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#sweet and savage autistic
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chef luca x reader, where they met at Ever the resteraunt during training and they are having sex for the first time once they finally start dating
Omg yes, I love this idea 🥰🤤.
Warning: pure smut, Reader is smaller than Luca (but he’s like 6’2” so that’s most people), Luca is very attentive and caring, no real reader description, Luca’s big (it’s me writing him so of course he is), no mention of protection, Luca uses lots of pet names (darling, my love, babe), cute little confession at the end.
With Luca it was so easy
Any other guy you’d dated it had felt like a chore to go out with them, you’d twist yourself inside out over the idea of meeting them, dread of having to fake laugh at their jokes, worry that they’d talk you through their ‘alpha-male’ podcast and then walk home at a half jog in the hope they wouldn’t invite themselves in.
But with Luca? It just made sense. You’d met at Ever and as soon as you’d seen him your stomach had flipped. You’d expected him to be cocky, arrogant and a workaholic. He was gorgeous and talented how could he not be… but as you’d became friends you’d realised he was kind, generous, funny and sweet. Then he’d asked you out.
(Accidentally, you joked- he’d suggested that you go to a food market in the city to try a little of everything for research-although he insisted it was on purpose).
You’d never looked back after your first date. He’d been a total gentleman. He’d always walk you to your train station and kiss you goodbye, he’d bring you in cakes he’d made to sample, but he was also spontaneously romantic and he’d squeeze your hips in the kitchen as he went behind you or dip kiss you when you were alone.
He was just perfect.
****
The dress you’d worn was discarded somewhere in the corner of the room as he’d had it unzipped and pushed down as soon as you’d both entered his flat.
You’d stepped out of it, too lost in trying to unbutton his shirt to remember exactly where it was. He pulled off his shirt and scooped you up high with one strong muscular arm with ease, lifting you til you were closer. His lips found yours, meeting them in a soft, open mouthed kiss.
Your legs wrapped around his middle and you pressed kisses to him urgently, one hand around a toned bicep and the other cupping his face as he held you close.
Luca walked around the room, lost in your kisses until he met the bed and carefully laid you down, showering you with kisses across your skin. He lay between your parted legs as you made out slowly.
“Luca…” you muttered. “Please….”
“You sure about this?” Luca whispered as his lips brushed the hollow of your throat. voice was lower than you’d heard it before and it made the heat pool between your legs.
“Yes,” you nodded distracted as he kissed across your clavicles and gently unclipped your bra without removing his lips from your skin. The straps slid down your shoulders and he carefully removed them and dropped it somewhere off the side of the bed before moving back to graze his lips down the hollow of your neck.
His hands came to your breasts, squeezing softly before he took your nipple in his mouth, sucking and grazing the hardened peak. The elicit moans he pulled from you only encouraged him, and he moved across to your other breast, drawing more incredible sounds from you.
Luca drew back only for a few moments to kiss your lips before he was back kissing your breasts again and teasing lower and lower until he gently reached the line of your underwear. He kissed along the curve of your hip and down your thighs.
Can I take them off?” Luca murmured, his breath hot against your now damp thigh. If he moved his head slightly, his mouth would be ghosting over your folds, through the underwear.
You nodded “Yes, Luca, yes, please…please take them off.”
His hands went to your hips and gently pulled down your underwear.
“Lu-,”
You wouldn’t have time to even be self conscious. You were cut off as he pressed his mouth against your folds, his tongue parting you and lips pressing into you as he lapped up the wetness soaking from you, desperately.
The gasp that came out of your mouth was sudden.
“Fuck Luca…” your hand carded in his soft wavy hair as his tongue worked against your core, making his mouth with you as he delved into you.
You arched back as he moved to circle your clit with his tongue before wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard and slowly before picking up the pace.
Had it ever felt this good? You’d had a few boyfriends before and some that you’d even loved but even with them it didn’t feel like this. Luca continued lapping his tongue in a stripe from your core to your clit, circling it, as he pressed two fingers in and out of you.
“You taste amazing” Luca groaned into you and the vibrations caused you to whimper as he moved his fingers faster in and out of you before delving back in, his mouth working you, his tongue unrelenting until you arched up climaxing against his lips. “God I could stay here all day”
“Oh fuck Luca” you whimpered as he emerged from between your legs “that was incredible”
Luca came back up and started kissing you almost instantly. Open mouthed and gentle.
“You did so good for me babe” he said into your mouth and you whined again. How was he this perfect.
His mouth met yours again and you made out, with Luca grinding his hard cock against you, only his boxers between you.
“Luca…” you gasped into his mouth “Luca please”
Your hands broke away from his hair and fell to his hips, pushing down his underwear, releasing his length. You gave him a few pumps with your hand and your mouth fell open as you pulled back to see him fully. You’d felt him half hard before when you’d made out but seeing him ready for you, leaking from his tip was another thing all together
Luca was big to say the least, thick, and you couldn’t tell but you’d guess around eight inches.
“Fuck Luca…” you said and not for the first time that night. “You’re…wow.”
He smiled knowingly. “We can go slow my love”
As you nodded, he carefully leant his hand down and gently spread you, coaxing you open with the tip as he pressed into you a little.
“This okay?” He asked carefully, cautiously not wanting to move further inside you until he was sure. His hand squeezed your hip reassuring you and you nodded, giving him permission to push further inside, letting out a stifled groan as you did.
“Don’t hold back, darling, I want to know if you feel good, I need to know I’m not hurting you”
You smiled and gave him another nod.
“Your words, love.” He said, leaning forward and slipping more of his length into you, stretching you out in a way that felt like he was made for you and you for him.
“Yes…You feel so good Luca, please fuck me baby.”
Your enthusiastic words was all he needed. With a slow and deliberate movement, he pushed even more into you and gasped out at the sudden tightness of you enveloping him and of the elicit moan you let you.
Luca leant in and cupped the back of your head, leaning in and pulling you in for a kiss, giving you a moment before he started to make thrusts in and out of you, pulling almost all the way back before snapping into you with his hips.
His hands found yours and lifted. You wrapped your legs tight around his waist, locking your ankles at the base of his spine to keep him close to you.
“Fuck darling you’re…wow”
He was gorgeous but now, with his soft dark blonde waves tousled, perfect lips slightly open and blue-green eyes locked onto yours, tattooed hand holding your hips steady, perfectly toned arms flexing, you swore to yourself you’d made him up.
“God Luca, yes please, please please please” you were begging at this point and you didn’t care “Don’t stop”
He picked up the pace, holding your hips in a way that would definitely bruise as he thrust in and out of you, as you rolled yourself against him faster.
“God baby girl, you’re amazing, so perfect…keep looking at me that’s it.”
As your eyes met his, you felt your core clamp around him, soaking him even more than you thought possible and you could feel his cock twitch inside you.
“Where do you want…” he trailed off “I’m close darling”
“Inside me Luca, finish inside”
“God, fuck babe” Luca gave a few more thrusts as you seized around him, arching back and grinding out your own climax. It was enough to tip him over and with a moan of his own, he pulled back into you and released deep into your core, before kissing you as the last of his orgasm washed over him.
“Wow you’re…” he carded a hand through your hair as he pulled out of you, the groan you made low. “You’re incredible”
Luca planted another few kisses.
“I’ll be right back darling, I’m going to get you a warm cloth and some of my clothes to sleep in and then I’m going to cuddle you”
God he could not be real
***
If it was anyone else, you’d have felt a little exposed and uncomfortable but with Luca, he was so tender and gentle with the warm cloth that it made your heart swell and true to his word he’d brought you a pair of his own flannel pyjama pants and even brought you tea.
“Here” he said gently. “Lift” He edged them up over your legs and hips and then kissed the spot they rested on the middle of your stomach.
Your heart completely melted. “You’re annoyingly perfect, you know” you giggled as he slipped back into bed with you.
“Perfects a stretch, I’m just treating my girl how she deserves”
He pulled the covers up to cover your exposed breasts and stomach and tucked himself behind you “Youre sweet, you’re adorable, you’re funny, you’re kind, you’re six foot two!”
At that Luca laughed but you weren’t done “you make me tea after getting me off multiple times, you remember my favourite pastries, you do after care, you’re a giver… you have a huge…”
“Darling!” Luca cut you off laughing, although you wouldn’t see his blush and then kissed your neck.“you’re pretty perfect yourself…”
“Maybe we’re perfect together” you hummed as he wrapped an arm around you. You could feel his smile against your skin and loved it.
“Definitely.” He put kisses along your shoulder. “I love you.” Luca said. There was no way he couldn’t not tell you not after that not after how…he couldn’t help it.
After a moment you spoke
“Luca?” You said with a smile, getting a muffled ‘yes my love?’ in response.
“I love you too”
#chef luca x reader#chef luca imagine#luca the bear imagine#luca the bear x reader#chef Luca#luca the bear#the bear x reader#luca x reader#chef luca fic#the bear luca x reader
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This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
July 2024 Week 1
Ongoing Series - Thai
Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.
Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.
The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.
Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.
Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.
I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.
Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.
All in all, great episode.
My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.
The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.
We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)
As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.
"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird.
This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.
The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:
Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.
The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.
I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.
Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.
I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.
My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!
Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.
Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).
Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.
It's airing but...
The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.
OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?
In case you missed it
Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10
The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!
Next Week Looks Like This:
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
July Releases to Come
7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.
7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.
7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.
7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.
Yes I cried. I'm a sap.
The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.
All Wandee
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.
There's these tricks, remember.
#this week in BL#BL updates#The Rebound the series#My Stand-In the series#Wandee Goodday#We Are the series#sunset x vibes#My Love Mix-Up Th#This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans#The Traineee the series#Love Sea the series#Knock Knock Boys#I Hear the Sunspot#Hidamari ga Kikoeru#Takara's Treasure#Takara No Vidro#Blue Boys review#BL series review#upcoming BL#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip#Thai BL#Japanese BL#live action yaoi#Taiwanese BL#Koren BL#BL starting soon#BL coming soon#Cause He’s My Boy
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Devil Venerable Also Wants To Know : A Review
So I generally don't do reviews. But going through the tumblr tag and then on AO3 and seeing the abysmal amount of posts and fanfics, I am writing this review in hopes of someone reading this and then getting convinced by my agenda.
Because Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know deserves to be read by yall.
IT. IS. SO. GOOD.
To summarize, we start with the leader of the demonic Xuanyuan Sect, Wenren E, getting a copy of a trashy romance novel, Abusive Romance.
What baffles him is that he, a logical, rational person who has never felt love in his life, is the second lead and falls in love with the Mary Sue female lead and gives up everything for her and dies in the end for her too.
What makes him even more confused that after he dies in the novel, his loyal subordinate Yin Hanjiang is driven to madness and is hell bent on revenge, pursuing the female lead to kill her.
Wenren E decides that this cannot be allowed. He is not afraid of death, (although he does mind that it was for a stupid reason and not on his own terms) but he very much minds the fact that his subordinate went insane after it. So he sets out to re write destiny.
Now let's talk about the highlights of this book
The Characters
DVAWTK is full of interesting, fun and exciting characters who will remain etched in your memory. Whether it is the sensuous, ruthless and ambitious Shu Yanyan or the wise, perceptive and kind Zhongli Qian, there is a multitude of characters to pick from to love and adore and all of them have deeper and hidden depths that give them layers of complexities.
Not to mention, DVAWTK has several strong and amazing female characters. I have mostly read MXTX books and this is where she lacks the most: hardly any strong female characters. She writes shockingly amazing characters but most of them are male and I mostly don't mind but I do wish I got some great girls to cherish in there too.
Cyan Wings does not disappoint in that aspect. All their female characters are wonderfully well fleshed out. Especially Baili Qingmiao. Seeing her go from the biggest girlfailure to an absolute girlboss over 70 something chapters is satisfying in a sense the way, and I quote the book here, "one feels about their first daughter finally grow up" Chef's kiss truly.
The Plot
The plot is engaging but nothing too crazy, if I am being honest. Apart from a couple of reveals and plot twists that were shocking, it mostly stuck to a more or less predictible story line. That does not mean it was not good; it was. Most of the arcs keep you engaged enough to keep reading without being able to put the story down and tie into each other seamlessly. As such, there are no plot holes and stupid or unnecessary story lines. It works very well to support the characters and their personal growth and arcs.
The Humour
Top notch. So well done. Got me laughing out loud multiple times and earned me a lot of weird looks from my roommate but all worth it. SVSSS was the funniest work I read but DVAWTK gives it a run for its money in terms of the comedy it has and also it's general unhinged-ness, mostly thanks to it's characters. Everyone at the Demonic Xuanyuan Sect is a goofball although they are not trying to be. The skeleton lady Qiu Congxue has no brains. Literally. A ghost ate it so you can guess just how well she is faring in the books.
(she still is immensely powerful tho)
The Romance
So far the biggest freaks I had found while reading Danmei are Mo Ran and Luo Binghe.
Yin Hanjiang is a hundred times worse.
He is an absolute psycho, a complete nutter, powerful beyond comprehension and hopelessly devoted to Wenren E. And Wenren E, once realising his own feelings, thinks it is all so hot!! (makes you really wonder just who is more insane among the two)
My subordinate wants to destroy the entire cultivation world after my death? He has my full support that's so cute of him <3
Freak4freak with some very beautiful and tender moments and an absolute badass power couple who kick ass together in battles. Truly amazing. I love love love wenrenjiang.
The World building
Wonderfully well done and also easy to follow! I especially liked how cultivation was viewed from a different light in this novel and how the book explores the ways it is actually harmful to mortals. I actually learnt a lot about various cultivation stages from this novel and came to understand some common aspects of xianxia novels. DVAWTK uses many technical terms in terms of cultivation and it is fun to read and learn about it
Found Family
Need I say more? Like what's better than a bunch of idiots coming together and growing on their journey thanks to each other? *gently holds Su Huai, Baili Qingmiao, Qiu Congxue and Zhongli Qian in my palms* they are so important to me
Final Thoughts
DVAWTK is a great read with a very satisfying ending. It keeps you hooked till the very end and I am honestly surprised it is so underrated. I am very glad it is getting an official translation soon so hopefully, it will amass more readers although the unofficial translation I read is also very good. It deserves way more hype and fans then it has because it's so silly, so good and so well done. Ugh I hope it also gets some kind of adaptation some day to make it more popular because it deserves it all.
Please read this novel. That's what I want to say. You will not be disappointed.
#devil venerable also wants to know#book review#danmei#cyan wings#wenren e#yin hanjiang#wenrenjiang#dvawtk#danmei review#danmei recs#xianxia#this review is spoiler free
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harry is louis’ baby fic rec masterlist part 2 :)
hi hello, so, i actually started putting together this masterlist at the end of april (since then, ‘ain’t that a kick in the head!’ has been deleted, which was on the original list. big rip) but then life just kept getting in the way. & i have like 57485 fic rec masterlists that i want to get out but i wanted to post this one first, so. here i am. i usually do 50 fics per rec list, but this is 25. so it seems i can do a (semi) shorter fic rec list. who would’ve thought? anyway, enjoy!!
a million roses (bathed in rock n’ roll) by deLILAh
i’d come across this fic a number of times before i actually read it because i don’t listen to lana del rey (thank you jennifer & @hlkings for showing me the wonders of her music) so i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to follow the storyline. but!!! worry not. that knowledge isn’t required. amazing strangers to lovers, good smut, 10/10 relationship development & individual character development
and the truth shall set you free... by @jaerie / jaerie
jaerie knows i love this fic. my friends know i love this fic. i’m pretty sure most of the world’s population knows too. the relationship development in general & portrayal of inexperienced!harry/experienced!louis is top tier. it’s interesting reading harry going through his journey, in a generally pretty accurate way (from the perspective of someone who grew up religious), so i love that it’s in harry’s pov. i love how louis goes from teasing to soft to guiding so naturally, as well.
a rose, by any other name by @canonlarry / iwillpaintasongforlou
this fic portrays protective louis so well while harry’s still independent & in charge of his own autonomy. there’s some mentions of violence in this, just a disclaimer, but it’s veryyyyy minor! really good (dark) plot twist at the end too!
a cage for every ugly spirit by sarcasticfluentry
listennnnnnnnnnnnn. this fic??? & it’s sequel???? amazing. top tier. i just love how all the different elements of religion, kink, romance, smut, etc connect
be my little good luck charm by 100percentsassy
the flirting!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!! i know larry hitting it off right away is a canon trope & all that but it’s not always easy to write in a way that doesn’t feel rushed & this fic depicts that perfectly. there’s so much wonderful humor, fluffy moments & lots of domesticness.
baby we could be enough (i’ll make this feel like home) by orphan account
i am an absolute sucker for fics where either harry or louis is a single father & the other one just swoops into their life & fits. & that’s exactly how this fic is. i’m not an angst person at all, but i also love how there’s realistic angst/concerns that a single parent would have about bringing another person into their lives. other than that bit, there’s still a whole lotta fluff !!
breathless for eternity by cabinbythesea
wow another fic where they’re strangers, hit it off immediately & have the cutest dynamic!! i’m a walking cliché atp but listen, although this is mostly pwp imo, the way louis picks up on harry’s mannerisms, what he needs as a sub, how to tease, etc is beautiful???? that takes talented writing!! we love to see it?? thank you for this???
boy for sale by @ohpleaselarry / ohpleaselarry
i mean, listen. do be mindful of the tags & what not, but. at the very core, harry is simply louis’ baby & you will not be convincing me otherwise. i would absolutely die for a prequel or a sequel. the undertones throughout this fic are *chef’s kiss*
baby thinking of you keeps me up all night by ballsdeepinjesus
i am nothing if not consistent with loving famous!louis/fanboy!harry fics, alright? you gotta give me that at least. the internal struggle louis goes through throughout the majority of this fic is so funny but also so real of him??? plus, we love thigh fucking here, so. a winner in my book!
do not falter (there’s a star ahead) by @londonfoginacup / ladylondonderry
all you need in life is harry feeling safe surrounded by louis’ scent. shit, me too, harold. there’s so much cuteness in such a short lil fic & altho it’s open ended, we all know they got together & lived happily ever after, thank you v much
gotta get (me) outta my head by @parmahamlarrie / parmahamlarrie
i have severe adult adhd & the way bee wrote this is phenomenal at making anyone who has adhd feel so seen & understood. i dream about writing my struggles w adhd as wonderfully as she did. & the way louis helps harry & is there for her in just the right ways so, so fantastically done. top tier fic for sure.
heartbeat (fire on fire) by @larryficwriter / theifinlife
this fic was written for my @notjustsmutficfest & i adore it. louis being so vulnerable to comfort harry, louis’ family being so supportive, the check ins during the smut, the way harry makes sure louis is okay too??? I’M CRYING PEOPLE (also, there’s great smut, too)
i love this feeling (but i hate this part) by @lululawrence / lululawrence
i love the crack mixed with cute dynamic mixed with dealing with very real life situations. & the teasing at the end????? i cry!!! give this a read asap rocky
i’ll crash until you notice me by @aliensingucci / stylinsoncity
i love the pacing & how it brings in realistic elements of a boss/employee relationship while not taking out you out of the fic. top tier smut & dirty talk. the bar + bathroom scene??? that shit was art. also i love how much harry went to bat for the natives & kept coaxing louis to respect the culture of the buildings & all that. (like it’s the bare minimum really but i do like the fact that the fic went into that aspect & acknowledged it!)
late night talking by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything
this is simply just me continuing to not let lauren forget how much i love this fic. i could talk about this fic for hours & i’ve included this on a masterlist before but idc bc listen. the sneak dating?? the flirting?? the tension building?? there were a few plot points that kept me on my toes (everett, i’m looking at you & how long you managed to stick around for) & i respect that. i have so much more i could say about this fic but i’ll stop here so i don’t spoil anything lol.
my pleasure (to make you mine) by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche
i don’t think i’ve let zanni have a moment of peace about this fic since i read it. for that, zanni, i’m sorry. but i’m also really, really not. the way their dynamic right off the bat is so seamless & louis does his best to make harry feel comfortable is what we in the industry like to call cinema. prior to this fic i didn’t really care one way or the other about nipple play in fics & now i don’t understand why it doesn’t occur more in fics?? zanni, you’ve changed me as a woman thx bb
meow or never by velvetnoodle
as a cat lover who has attempted to discreetly bring cats home before & a louis lover, i understand harry’s dilemma. i would also do exactly what he did if given louis’ offer. i will leave it at that & will let you bask in the magic that is this fic.
no bunny but you by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo
this is another fic i will simply never shut up about. louis is smooth as shit??? like. i WISH a guy would do for me what he did for harry in this. there’s just so much to adore in this from the flirting, the teasing, the relationship developments, the softness, all the little plot twists. 10/10, top tier, no notes
promise not to fade away by @nobodymoves / you_explode
i adore the way this toed the line of angst & fluff so well. it’s so sweet & cute & hot & has an open/ambiguous ending that still gives you a sense of closure imo. as someone who typically is not an open/ambiguous ending fic fan, i absolutely endorse this fic.
stood up by panda_bear21
the pop punk!louis/popstar!harry (or the bad boy!louis/good boy!harry) trope will always give me the will to live. i love this fic bc it’s cute & does sexual tension well & while it does bring up closeting & general hollywood shittiness, it does a good job of making you feel like it’s not the actual focus of the plot & still leaves you with some hope, if that makes sense & i appreciate that v much
three french hems by 100percentsassy & gloria_andrews
idk if it’s because i started reading fan fics on wattpad (i mean, really my journey started w fanfiction.net & the fics that had the actual fic in the youtube description box & the video was a slideshow of pics but i digress) but i have a soft spot for smaus. & they can be....tricky (the wattpad homies know) but this is done so well & i need someone to get louis some perfectly cooked prawns pls!!!! also louis having a thing for harry’s thighs rly makes this baby a winner imo
to be a better man by @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain
i have a weak spot for fics where harry or louis cheat on their significant other w each other. it’s my guilty pleasure. sue me. jen is so good at describing feelings, actions, etc to make you feel like you’re in the fic watching it happen. i adore the changes in larry’s dynamic, how smoothly it all happened, how much louis cared & understood exactly what harry needed, how easily harry gave in &let louis take care of him. i would absolutely read a part 2 of this w harry & louis together
wrapped in light, in life, in love by orphan account
i will never not be obsessed w fics that have the louis is gemma’s best friend & harry’s in love w him trope. that mixed w how easily & instantaneously harry & louis get along even after not seeing each other for years? add a dash of harry having louis’ baby & how obvious they are about their feelings for each other? GIMME
when we were young by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16
ok so this is a series, not a fic B U T i feel like you can read the fics stand alone & you can feel the vibe from each fic, but i think since they both have the ~vibe~ you just feel it all so much more when you read them together. ANYWAY. they’re so obviously smitten w each other & of course everyone else can see it but them. harry is an oblivious shit but we love him (&so does louis).
you took my heart by surprise by @loveislarryislove / livelaughlovelarry
it takes a while for harry & louis to warm up to each other, but once they do, it is just...so, so good. annika’s writing will make you feel like you’re actually experiencing the same emotions as the characters are. louis’ protectiveness & how adamant he is to not let anything get in the way of protecting harry, including himself is so heartbreakingly sweet. i cry. i adore how annika describes the emotionally conflicting emotions & situations while keeping the undertone of how much they care about & want each other. annika does not play when it comes to angst & that is a warning (although this is def not her most angst-filled fic by any means)
your heart can love again by sloganeer
this fic speaks to the famous!louis/fanboy!harry stan in me. a shocker, truly, i know! it’s so cute. i love how their relationships transitions in a way that’s quick but doesn’t feel forced & just makes sense -- the way they get domestic so quickly is simply *chefs kiss*
**friendly reminder to please leave kudos & comments on any of the fics you end up reading from this !! show the writers some love :)**
#fic recs#larry fic rec#larry stylinson fanfic#allwaswell16#thedevilinmybrain#livelaughlovelarry#crinkle-eyed-boo#kingsofeverything#zanniscaramouche#lululawrence#londonfoginacup#jaerie#canonlarry#nobodymoves#ohpleaselarry#stylinsoncity#parmahamlarrie#larryficwriter#alwaysxlarrie fic recs#alwaysxlarrie fic rec masterlist
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I've been an Invader Zim fan since 2011.
I was 15-16 at that time, and though I did thoroughly enjoy the show, I was not mature enough to really get it. Sure, it was funny, but I didn't pick up on the subtleties and style of humor beyond the surface level. I liked the wackiness and the characters, but I SURELY wasn't at a point of being able to deconstruct themes or analyze character motivations and narratives (like I very much enjoy doing now). I remember discovering an artist on DeviantArt who drew cute ZaGr stuff, so that was the pairing I liked too. I didn't think too deeply about much, and honestly, I don't think the majority of fans (if they were my age or younger, that is) did either. Everything was taken as dumb and silly for the most part, and that IS truthfully a major component of the show itself.
Getting back into Invader Zim within this past year though, I'm looking at it through a WILDLY different lens. I like Invader Zim for what it is and how it's intended to be perceived. I like that the show is meant to be dark, satirical, and tragic at the same time that it's silly, chaotic, and nonsensical. Almost everything that happens onscreen is written in to be funny above all else. (I've mentioned before that I've been watching Jhonen's Twitch streams for a while now, and I have a MUCH better understanding of his sense of humor bc of that. IZ makes way more sense if you can sorta see things from JV's perspective, lol.)
But at the same time, I also like Invader Zim for what it offers in terms of interpretation and what it can imply (intentionally or not). There is genuinely SO MUCH DEPTH to this dorky lil cartoon that a casual viewer wouldn't immediately pick up on. And a lot of that depth, I think, was not woven in purposely. The show itself was never meant to be taken so seriously. Nevertheless, I'm constantly fascinated by what IZ implies about good and evil, the nature of general society, and especially how it goes about demonstrating the devastating effects of social isolation and bullying. Meta for this series is always pretty damn *chef's kiss.* And what's even more interesting is how viewers manipulate canon to expand upon this world and these characters.
Given that I've come to understand Invader Zim better, I've also grown very fond of ZaDr. Now, while I wouldn't want to see this pairing happen in canon material, I love the potential it possesses in transformative contexts.
In reality, I get that these characters were intended to have a deep hatred for one another and a never-ending rivalry for the sake of comedy and not much else. It's an extraterrestrial perpetually throwing hands with a 12 year old because he's incompetent and his plans often fail. And that's funny. That's the point. But beyond that, canonically, these are two characters who are mirrors of each other; they're both treated like garbage by their respective peers, and they both crave acknowledgment, validation, and a sense of purpose. Throughout their story, they find they're only able to obtain these things from each other, so as a consequence of their similar personalities, they become utterly, unhingedly obsessed with each other (to a sometimes unhealthy degree). They are undeniably forever intertwined by design of how the show is set up.
And because of that, shipping of these characters was, frankly, inevitable in fandom spaces. I myself fell victim to their appeal too. (Sorry, Jhonen. 😅)
I'm not gonna go into any discourse surrounding this pairing because there's already PLENTY of that to go around online. Everyone has their own opinion on the subject, and that's fine. I respect that. Point is, even though I understand and appreciate what Zim and Dib are supposed to be in the context of the show, I also enjoy the idea of them as friends and romantic partners outside of and beyond the confines of canon.
And that's something that I think many fans who are biased toward ZaDr would also agree with! Actually, I'd say the majority of people who ship characters in ANY media would concur. We like the idea of seeing how specific relationships could develop over time and/or within different settings and circumstances. It's NOT always about wanting to see a relationship unfold on screen or in fan works strictly adhering to canon. It's about stretching canon, or in some cases, scratching canon entirely however you see fit! Who cares! It's fiction!
For me personally, I enjoy ZaDr because its attributes fall into so many trope categories that I've come to adore over the years (ones that I either wasn't aware of when I was younger, or that I didn't enjoy in the same intensity as I do now). Zim and Dib are, or could be, depending on context:
Codependent toxic soulmates
Human x non-human
Shared history
Classic enemies to lovers (or, as I often prefer it, enemies to friends to lovers)
Bicker couple
Battle couple, when put in the right setting for it
Violence as a love language
Smol and tol
The wild card paired with the rational one, the best part about this being that sometimes the more rational one is Dib, and sometimes it's Zim bc they're both a special flavor of insane
Make each other worse/stupider when together, tho oddly, they also kinda bring out the best in each other too
And, my personal favorites, the potential for hurt/comfort and angst with a happy ending, with the comfort and happiness aspects ultimately coming from each other
I like what these characters could be, to and for each other, apart from their roles in the show.
I would never want to explore a dynamic between Zim and Dib that goes beyond "frenemies" territory in canon (because that doesn't fit what the show is, and I do appreciate the integrity of Jhonen's vision). The subtle foundation for them is there, it's just that it can't really work unless a few key details are changed or manipulated, and, well...
I sure as hell like exploring every bit of that expanded potential in fan works because it's fun to imagine the various directions things could go if they were different!
This isn't me, like... trying to defend my (or anyone else's) enjoyment of this particular ship or trying to convince people to like it. Or the show for that matter! To each their own, truly. And I'm obv aware of the controversy ZaDr often incites and why. Everyone has valid reasons for liking OR not liking it, and I accept differing viewpoints on it. It's a touchy, nuanced subject to be sure. But this isn't about that.
I don't really know what this is, actually, aside from a very long very weird essay, lol. I just wanted to process why and how all of this works for me with my changed perspective from when I was first introduced to Invader Zim in my teens up until now.
It's strange, looking back. I didn't get ZaDr years ago. But I do now, and so much of it, at least from my perspective, has to do with taking the crumbs present in canon (that are undeniably there, whether you choose to acknowledge them or not, and whether they're intentional or not) and absolutely running with them to the ends of your own wild imagination.
(ZaDr content is always tagged appropriately on my blog. Pls use tag blocking functions if needed.)
#invader zim#invader zim meta#zadr#iz zadr#zim#dib membrane#my posts#this is... A LOT but i just needed to work thru it for my own sanity lol#said it before and i'll say it again: pls utilize the tag blocking function however you need to bc i KNOW this can be very Yikes for some#but at the same time this is my blog and i'm gonna do what i want :P
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Eyes Don’t Lie
18+, Minors DNI
pairing: logan howlett x reader — an ungodly amount of angst, mutual pining, friends to lovers, smut
warnings: language, alcohol use, smoking, sexual thoughts/scenes, self-destructive behavior, elements of su!cidal ideation/behavior, accident-related trauma, death (mentioned, not described i promise), general angst — this is really effing dark
summary: logan has known you for a while, but only started getting close with you a few months ago. now, he’s noticed your self-destruction is worsening, and so does logan’s concern as you inch closer and closer to the deep end…
a/n: this one’s really dark, so if you’re sensitive to any of the above subjects (in the warning), i recommend not reading this one. if you’re strapping in for the ride, be prepared: this one’s long, dark, angsty, and oh my god the ending is just *chefs kiss*
“Take it easy,” Logan said, pulling the bottle of Jack away from your mouth and out of your hand. You sat on the couch in the living room of your apartment, feet kicked up on the coffee table, leaned back with a lax posture. You glared up at Logan, who set the bottle down next to your feet and stared right back. “I think you’ve had enough.”
“Yeah, sure,” you scoffed, grabbing the pack of cigarettes off the table and pulling a flame through your fingertip. Putting the foul-smelling thing between you lips, you held your finger to the tip of the cigarette and lit it. With a quick, deep puff, you blew smoke straight into his face, making him turn his head away and sigh. “Like you’re one to talk.”
“What the hell’s goin’ on with you?” Logan asked, sitting in the chair diagonal from you, elbows on his knees and his fingers interlocked. He leaned forward, his brows scrunched together by concern, glancing up at the faded scab on your forehead. “You’re not you lately.”
“Meaning?”
“You’re drinking a lot-“
“And you don’t?”
Shifting his eyes to the side for a moment, he brushed off your spiteful comment. “And you’re smoking now? C’mon, bub, you know what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“What, are you my fuckin’ parent now?” You raised an eyebrow.
“Y/n-“
“You know what, why don’t you just get the hell out if you’re gonna be such a fuckin’ buzzkill?” You cocked your head to the side, challenging him.
“Fine,” Logan stood with a huff, glaring down at you. “I will.” Logan hurried to the door with rage tensing up his shoulders. He walked out, slamming the door shut behind him and leaving you to your thoughts.
~~~
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know?’” Logan barked, storming after Charles down the hall.
“I mean, I can’t tell what she’s thinking,” Charles answered, continuing down the hall and into one of labs. “I can’t get in her head somehow and I’m not sure why.”
“There’s gotta be something we can do. She’s on a downward spiral and I can’t get through to her.”
“If you can’t, how do you expect any of us to?” Storm chimed in, sliding down off one of the tables. Logan shot her a cold, side-eyed stare, his muscles tightening in anger. “I’m just saying. Of all of us, she talks to you the most.”
“That’s because she’s in love with him,” Jean added, standing in the doorway. Logan turned to her, his eyes softening but his brows still curled. He didn’t know what she meant. “What? You can’t tell me you didn’t know that.”
“Literally everybody knows that,” Storm added. Looking back at Storm, she could read the look on his face plain as day. “You didn’t know?”
Logan’s head raced with thoughts, memories of all his moments with you where, yeah, he should’ve known. One night, about two months ago, you were both at your apartment, sitting on the couch watching tv. Back when you were still, well, you. There was a half-drunk bottle of Jack on the coffee table, this time belonging to, and drank mostly by, Logan. He had had his arm splayed across the back of the couch with you curled up next to him, your head resting on the side of his chest. You looked up at him through your lashes, a sweet smile tugging at your lips. When his eyes shot back down at you with curiosity, you quickly looked away, your cheeks feeling warm as quick breath escaped you.
“What?” Logan asked with no specific tone of voice. You could feel the deep vibration of it on the side of your face through his chest. When a few moments passed without an answer, Logan repeated his question. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” you smiled, refusing to look him in the eye again. He would catch on for sure. This way, he would remain blissfully unaware that you were crazy about him. Just being this close to him, leaning on his chest the way you are, your heart is racing. Your head is filled with thoughts of him, your heart overwhelmed by the sound of his voice so close to your ear. The smell of liquor and rich tobacco radiated off of him, but not too strong, the delicate texture of his t-shirt over dense muscle, the beat of his heart just barely visible at the base of his neck. You wanted nothing more than to stare into his dark hazel eyes all day long, but you knew the look you were bound to give him would give it all away. He would know everything. He would know how you only stumble on your words around him, how he makes you heart race, how you’re intoxicated by his smell, how every time you’re in the field you’re terrified that, despite the fact that he can heal from anything, someday he won’t come back. How he fills your dreams at night, whether they’re about losing him, or about his lips on yours, his hand trailing down to your waist and sneaking just his fingertips under your shirt, squeezing just enough to pull you flush to him, your hand snaking up the back of his neck and into his hair, him kissing you fiercely, a cloudy haze filling your brain as he lifts you up onto him—
“You’re nervous,” Logan stated, leaning away so you’re forced to look at him or give yourself away as a liar. Your heart dropped, then raced harder like it was running out of time. You kept your head down, but your body faced him. Your eyes would tell him everything. The eyes don’t lie. Not yours, anyways.
“No-“
“I wasn’t asking, sweetheart,” he said. You unwittingly shook your head and breathed a laugh out of your nose. “What’s funny?”
“You,” you looked up at him, cocking your head to side in a playful manner. “You don’t ask, you just know,” you mocked.
“You know what-“
“What?” You sat up more, playful.
“You’re just-“
“Yeah?” You swiftly pulled a pillow out from behind you and smacked him with it. He held his forearm up defensively, a smile inching its way onto his face.
“Hey!” He shouted, grabbing his own pillow and swinging it your way. You jumped off the couch, followed by him, ready to take him down with the throw pillows he thought were so stupid when you bought them. ‘What’s the point of a pillow you’re not supposed to use,’ he had said. With both hands, you tossed the pillow at his face as a diversion to your real intention— tackling him to the floor. With a little air knocked out of him, a big fat grin appeared on his face as he quickly threw you underneath him and strategically pinned you to the floor, his forearm just barely touching your neck to keep your head down.
“Rude!” You exclaimed with a smile. Logan chuckled, a smirk flashing down at you and your heart jumped. God, was he sexy. You just wish you could tell him that. He stood up, offering you a hand which you quickly took. He pulled you from the floor, and suddenly your face was only inches from his. You could feel his breath on your cheeks, his eyes peering into the deepest parts of yours. You held your breath for a moment, wanting nothing more than to throw yourself at him and kiss him ‘til your face hurts, but instead just standing there.
“Hungry? I’m in the mood for a burger,” Logan said, taking a small step back and waiting on a response. You motionlessly shook off your nerves enough to answer.
“Me too.”
“You didn’t know?” Storm’s question echoed in his head.
“No,” Logan replied gruffly. His face hardened with worry and self-frustration.
How had he been so blind to it? All this time, he never thought you’d want him the way he wanted you. He wanted to see your smile everyday for the rest of his life, but he kept it to himself so you wouldn’t leave him. He wanted to hold you when you had bad dreams, make you breakfast in the morning, and as stupid as he’d always thought it was, he’d bring you flowers because he knew you would love it. He wanted to show you how much he loved you, through gifts, through his actions. Through taking you to your room and laying you down gently, taking his time to kiss every inch of you so you knew he appreciated each and every one. But he couldn’t He could deal with just being your friend as long as it meant keeping you around… right? Guilt, shame, anger, and everything else he’d ever felt in his life hit him all at once, like a truck hitting a stone wall at maximum speed. All of it was written on his face.
“No, I didn’t.”
~~~
Back at your apartment, you remained rotting on the couch, a multitude of cigarette butts laying in the ashtray and the bottle of Jack in your hand again. You stared mindlessly at the tv, your eyes void of any feeling or thought. But your head, your head was full of thoughts. Thoughts of the crash. No one knew except for you about what had happened that night.
You were carelessly driving home from the bar after a few drinks, thinking you’d be fine for the five minute drive home. You grabbed your phone off the passenger seat, staring down at a text from Logan: ‘can you talk right now?’ Despite your confidence in the fact that this was probably regarding the drunk voicemail you’d left him two hours ago at the bar. You were smart enough to not drive home right then, but now you felt like you could. But the semi-sober shame hit you as you read his message.
Sitting on the couch, you remember every word of that message, not that it mattered now.
“Heyy Logan…. I juss wanted to call you cause-” you hiccuped. “I juss… I want you d’know that I really like you- cause like, you’re a really great friend, ann I’m sometimes notsogreat… but I love you and… oh my god I didn’t- I’m sorry, this is probably a lot. I’m sorry, I love you as m’friend and also-“ you hiccuped again. “-like not… y’know? I’m sorry, what ‘m tryna say is maybe we could sh-talk, er something, like later maybe… I don’t know, can you juss call me back? Or come to my apartmenn when I get home… ‘m not driving, by the way, I’m uhh… sorry, again, I’m sorry. Um, yeah.”
You remembered staring at Logan’s contact picture, but you don’t remember the light turning red. That’s the only thing you don’t remember. Something massive crumpled the front end of your car, you lurched forward only stopped by your seatbelt. You cursed god for letting you remember it that night. You wished you hadn’t. Tires screeched, and sound of metal tumbling down the street in front of you will never be erased itself from your mind. Some of it only exists in flashes, quick frames of the steering wheel as your head smacked it, the other, smaller car driving perpendicular to you, the faint screams of its passengers, the car rolling sideways.
You remembered jumping out of your car, dropping your phone on the seat with Logan’s picture still on screen, and running to the other car. You bent down to look through the upside down window, looking at the passengers’ terrified faces. ‘Is everyone okay?’ you asked. Stupid. You set your hand on what should be the underside of the car, though it was facing the sky at this moment, and instantly lit the whole thing up. You jumped back at the sight of the flames, and the passengers started screaming.
The last moment you really remember is getting back in the car and fleeing— only once the screaming stopped. Your phone was ringing, and Logan’s picture reappeared on screen. You sent it to voicemail and turned it off, throwing on your nightstand when you got home and fell into bed.
You lifted the bottle of Jack to your mouth again, drinking it like water until the last of it was gone. You looked down at your phone now as it started vibrating on the coffee table. Logan. You laughed soullessly, then swiftly threw the bottle at the tv and both the bottle and the screen shattered. You launched yourself toward the tv and began swinging your fists into the already-broken screen. You swung, and swung, and swung until blood ran between your fingers and started pooling on the carpet.
~~~
The closest Logan’s ever gotten to just telling you how he feels was in your apartment, unbeknownst to him, the night before the accident. You were laying in your bed, Logan beside you with his arm around your shoulders. He felt so comfortable with you, part of im wishing you were already together and he just didn’t know. To anyone else, that’s what it would look like.
You were laughing at whatever the hell was on tv, Logan didn’t know, nor did he really care. He was just happy to be laying next to you. You looked up at him, the tv light making your eyes shimmer just enough for him to fall just a little bit more in love with you. You could have sworn you saw some loving glimmer in Logan’s eyes in that moment, and he swore that you were looking at him like that through your lashes on purpose. He leaned his face just barely closer, and you did the same. He took a breath, forcing himself to be brave and just seal the deal right then and there.
In a blink, his lips connected with yours, a fire roaring through your belly like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Logan felt stupid for needing to be brave in this moment, your lips just felt so natural against his, like you’d done it a thousand times. He gently held your face in his hand, leaning in further and deepening his kiss. You instinctively leaned back, letting Logan’s wide frame tower over you on the bed. A deep groan rumbled in his chest, feeling so good to finally kiss you and have your hands tangled in his hair. He let one of his hands trail down your side, sliding onto your leg and lifting it by the back of your knee so it lay flush against his side.
For a moment, you felt so good, and everything felt right. You felt a long-aching throb hit your core, wanting more from him. This was everything you had ever wanted, everything you’d ever imagined it would be like. His hands felt the perfect kind of rough on your delicate skin, his dog tags grazing your neck in a way that made our head spin. The tip of his tongue barely touched your bottom lip, asking for more. All you wanted was more, god, please, more.
Suddenly, Logan broke away from your lips, letting go of your leg and pulling his hand away from your face.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said in a hushed, shameful tone. “I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry… I-… I have to leave.”
He stood up and grabbed his jacket off the corner bedpost closest to the door, trying to leave before you could get a word in. “Logan, wait-!” And he was gone.
~~~
“Hey, pick up the phone. Where the hell are you?” Logan said after getting sent to voicemail a third time. “Answer your damn phone. Please!”
He ended his message and slammed his hand into the steering wheel. He’d already been to your apartment and you were nowhere to be found. There was broken glass everywhere, a cigarette in the ashtray still burning slowly, empty bottle everywhere, and a thick trail of blood from the living room carpet that led into the bedroom and over to the bathroom. The bathtub was full, the water tinted red with what was probably more blood, and water all over the floor like you’d gone in the tub still wearing your clothes. Logan’s heart broke at the sight, knowing that wherever you were, you were not in the headspace of someone who had any intention on going back home.
His heart raced as he sped down the boardwalk-adjacent street, desperately looking out at the water trying to hopefully catch a glimpse of you somewhere- anywhere- within a few minutes walking distance from your apartment complex. Logan knew you couldn’t have gone far if your cigarette was still burning, so he drove the streets nearby in anxious search of you.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a dark figure just walking out of the lamppost light of the boardwalk. He slammed on the brakes and jerked the car onto the side of the road, throwing it in park and dropping the keys on the seat as he jumped out. “Y/N!!” The figure stopped- it was you. Logan ran towards you as you kept walking, headed straight for the dock. With a faint splash, Logan panicked when you vanished from his view. He bolted as fast as he could- an inhuman level of speed- and dove straight off the dock into the ice cold water.
~~~
“So, what? Water hurts you?” Logan asked, taking a quick drag off his cigar and you stood together outside of your usual bar. You stood next to him, both of you leaning against the wall, his jacket slung around your shoulder because, you being you, had forgotten to bring your own for after sunset when the cold hit. A few weeks before the accident, the two of you had done what you usually did- go to the bar and talk.
“Well, think of me like a match,” you said, tiny flames rising from your fingertips as you lifted your hand in front of you for you both to see. The light glimmered in small, almost invisible specks in Logan’s eyes. He was intrigued by it, the undeniably human instinct of curiosity towards fire drawing his head just barely noticeably closer. “You put a match in water…” The flames blew out into streams of smoke. “It gets burnt back.”
“Wait- then how do you shower?” Logan asked, genuinely interested in your answer. You scoffed playfully and smacked his arm just below the hem of his shirt sleeve.
“Dude- really? Your first thought is about me in the shower?”
“Not what I meant,” Logan replied, giving you a look that said, ‘really’. You rolled your eyes at him, pulling his jacket closer around you.
“Short answer: quickly,” you told him, your eyes falling to the floor. Logan tilted his head down and sideways to look at your face, his face softening as he looked down at you. You’d wished he’d put an arm around you to turn you towards him. You wished he would lift your chin so you’d meet his gaze. You wished he would just kiss you, push you into the wall of that dingy little bar with his hand in your hair so your head wouldn’t hit the wall. You wished he would just put his mark on you right there, kissing you with utmost passion, wrapping his other arm around your waist and pushing his body flush against yours.
You wanted him to take you to his car and throw you into his backseat, to eager to go anywhere else. To put his mouth back on yours and tease your bottom lip with his tongue as he pulled his own shirt off, tossing it to god knows where. To peel his warm jacket off of you and expose your arms to the chilled air in his car as his body heat alone fogged up the inside of the windows. He’d grab your waist and pull it up to his, pushing it right back down with is hips, all the while fogging your mind with his kiss. He’d pull at the bottom of your shirt, slowly dragging it off of your body and breathing across your jaw and down your neck until his mouth connected with the sensitive skin right by your ear. Your stomach would already flutter, your whole body sensitive to even the slightest touch. You’d shudder as he kissed his way back up to your lips, and you’d let out the smallest cry when he’d grab your waist again.
“And the long answer?” Logan asked, snapping you out of your thoughts and back to where you really were— leaning against the outer wall of the bar, still wrapped in his jacket as he stood beside you. Damn your thoughts. You were just friends, that’s it. No way in hell would he ever think those things about you- but you wish he did.
“It stings, that’s for certain,” you said. “But it’s not too bad as long as I’m not fully submerged. That feels like being set on fire, as ironic as that is, coming from me.”
~~~
Logan gasped for air when he finally resurfaced, one arm holding you up while you were completely limp in the water. He dragged you back up onto the dock, praying you weren’t dead. “Come on, dammit, breathe.”
You laid there on your back, your clothes soaked down to our skin, your hair slick with salt water. You looked so peaceful, the most peaceful that Logan had seen you in over a month. He dropped a fist onto your chest, forcing a little water from your throat out onto your face. He paused for a moment, swearing to whatever god there was that if they didn’t bring you back, he’d kill them. Logan felt like he was dying inside. You kept laying there, not moving, not breathing, not even twitching a muscle. Nothing.
“Come on!” He shouted. Still nothing. He screamed, slamming his fist into the wooden dock and jabbing his claws straight through it. “Dammit, dammit, dammit!!” He yelled, stabbing a hole through the wood each time he said the word. “FUCK!!”
His heart dropped into his gut. With the scraping sound of metal, his claws disappeared back into his knuckles and he stumbled to his feet. As soon as he stood up, he fell back down onto his knees and held his stomach as he wretched over the edge of the dock into the water. This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t lose the only good thing he’s got in life. You made every day worth living for him, you were his everything. Everything he did, all the good and all the regret for the bad, it was all because of you. You were his whole world. He was so deeply in love with you, he felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out at the thought that he was losing you.
Logan ran a hand through his wet hair, pulling it back away from his face. Streams of water ran down from his scalp and burned his eyes, turning them a right shade of red as they filled with tears, and not just because they burned. He stumbled on his knees back to you, gently lifting you into his lap and cradling you against his warm chest. Your whole body was cold, unnervingly cold. You didn’t feel like you anymore, you just felt empty out him. Like there was nothing left and all the you had been scooped out and what looked like you was just hollow. Logan squeezed his eyes shut and pressed your head into the crook of his neck, hoping to bring some semblance of heat back into you.
“Please,” he prayed. He whispered the word again and again, holding you impossibly closer to him.
Sputtering and spraying water from your mouth, you coughed and opened your eyes.
~~~
You woke up face down on your bed, exactly where you’d fallen asleep late into the night, the midday sun peering in through the curtains and warming your cheeks. You’d almost forgotten the events of the night before, until you felt your shoes still snug on your feet and the stinging gash in your forehead. There was blood on your pillow- now you’d have to wash your sheets. The sound that had woken you from your sleep repeated, three loud thuds on the door to your apartment. You rose from your bed, stretching out your aching back as you dragged your feet to the door.
The lock clicked as your extra set of keys unlocked it from the outside, the door opening right as you reached and Logan entered. Upon seeing you standing in front of him, Logan’s shoulders dropped their tension and his face softened just enough to be noticed. He rushed to embrace you, resting his chin on the top of your head, mumbling thanks to god that you were okay. You just stood there and let him hug you, not doing or feeling anything.
In your head, you wanted to be pissed at him for leaving you two nights ago and not taking your calls since then. You’d spent those nights in the bar, drinking away the thought that he didn’t want you like you did, when in reality, he thought he was taking advantage of you. You didn’t know that.
“What the hell happened last night?” Logan asked, pulling away to look at you, but keeping his hands rested on your shoulders. “You left me a- very drunk- voice message and then you didn’t answer me. I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere.”
“Logan-“
“And what happened to your car- no, your face!” Logan exclaimed, noticing the sizable cut down your forehead. He began trying to usher you to your bathroom, but you brushed his arm off of you and stood still. “Come on, let me get that cleaned up.”
“Logan!” He stopped in dead in his tracks. You’d never yelled at him like this before, not in this tone. Something was wrong, he knew that. “Can you get out, please?”
He furrowed his brows, never having once been asked that by you before. “What-“
“Get the hell out!” You yelled.
His faced dropped cold, and without a word, he left, slamming the door behind him.
~~~
The rest of the night happened in a blur. You have vague memories of flashing lights. Charles’ and Storm’s voices. Strangers talking next to you- or to you? Logan shouting at somebody, ‘You’re fucking useless, doc!’. Somebody grabbed your hand-
You swung a fist, hitting some poor, innocent nurse. You looked around, your vision foggy, seeing a tray of medical supplies next your hands. That nurse was trying to fix your hands. You looked down at the fist you hit her with, your knuckles were oozing blood again. More hospital staff rushed in, some helping up the nurse, and the others forcing you back down onto the bed.
You tried yanking yourself away from them, screaming despite how much your throat and how hoarse your voice was. You broke free for a moment and ran straight into the glass door, your vision so clouded that you couldn’t tell it was closed. You yelled out in pain, catching the attention of an anxious Logan in the hallway. He rushed to the door as the nurses threw you back onto the bed and began trying to cuff you to the bed.
“Hey, get the fuck off her!” Logan shouted as he pushed past them all to get to you. You swung at him, wailing hoarsely as you did only for Logan to catch your arm and use it to pull you into his arms. You struggled against him as he sat down, only holding onto you tighter until you slowly stopped fighting him. Tears streamed down your face as you coughed, your throat dry and burning from how raw it’s become. Logan ran one hand down the side of your head, his other arm wrapped tight around you. You leaned into him- he was so warm- and let your hot tears soak into his shirt as everything went black again.
~~~
“I’m taking her home, now,” Logan stated, staring down your doctor as Storm stood beside him with Charles close by.
“Logan”
“Storm-! No,” he cut her off. “She’s done being stuck in here. She’s been here a week already in some fuckin’ psych room and she’s going home. I don’t care what this fuck’s gotta say about it. She’s going home.”
“She’s-“ the doctor said nervously, jumping slightly at the death stare Logan was giving him. “She is clear to go home, but she needs someone to be with her to make sure show won’t be a danger to herself. She’s still mentally fragile.”
“She’s not fuckin’ fragile,” Logan growled. “Give me the damn papers.”
~~~
Two nights back at your apartment, you and Logan were stuck to one another like glue. You still couldn’t say much as your vocal cords were still strained, but all you wanted was for him to be wrapped around all day and night. And he did exactly that. He refused to leave your side.
On your third night home, Logan took you to the shower, much to your dismay. “Logan,” you croaked.
“Y/n, please,” Logan pleaded. “Just let me help you. Please.”
As you undressed, Logan faced the door, letting you get in the shower without his eyes on you. This isn’t the way either of you had ever pictured him seeing you bare for the first time. After the curtain closed, Logan heard a faint hiss, causing him to rush across the small room and peek around the curtain, keeping his eyes only on the back of your head. You turned your head towards him, looking at him with begging eyes. Without a second thought, Logan climbed into the shower fully clothed. He didn’t care about the water soaking through his jeans and shirt or filling up his boots. All he cared about was that you were taken care of.
Reaching around you with his head turned away, he grabbed the shampoo bottle and dumped a glob into his hand, massaging it into your scalp. He did the same with your conditioner, and only let himself wash your back, still only focused on your face or the wall. Making sure you were rinsed completely, he let you shut off the water when you were reading, your skin red from the sting of it. Logan stepped out, his boots soaking the shower mat while he blindly handed you a towel, waiting until you pulled o his arm to turn him around.
“You need one too,” you said quietly, handing him another towel from the two hooks nearby. He smiled softly, stepping out of his boots and ruffling his hair with the towel. As he peeled off his socks and discarded them on the edge of the tub, he glanced up at you with gentle eyes.
“You know I don’t have any clothes here,” Logan joked, though it was true. You offered a light smile back at him, grateful that despite him now knowing what you’d done, he still wanted to stick around. You didn’t even care that in this moment, he could see all the raw emotions in your eyes, your endless love for him glowing. As he pulled his shirt off, he kept smiling down at you, the same glow in his eyes reflecting back at you.
“Logan-“
“Y/n, wait,” Logan interrupted softly. He threw the towel over his shoulder and gently held your shoulders in his hands, ignoring the goosebumps that rose under his touch. “There’s something I gotta say first. And I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, but dammit I-…”
You looked at him with soft, curious eyes. God, he wanted to say it so bad and this was the less-than perfect moment to say it, but that face. He couldn’t not say it when you looked at him like that. The words froze to his tongue, but he clenched his teeth briefly and braced himself to say it.
“Logan, I love you-“
His lips on yours silenced you, his hands gliding up onto either side of your face, your ears tucked between his thumb and pointer finger. Your hands held onto his thick torso, pulling him closer as he kissed you harder. “Fuck,” he groaned, your fingers pulling his belt undone. You tossed it to the floor and Logan’s hands lifted you from the backs of your thighs, your legs wrapping around him, but awkwardly squashed by your towel. Effortlessly, Logan walked you out of the bathroom, still kissing you like he would never stop, as if you ever wanted him to.
Already in your bedroom already, Logan sat on the edge of the bed with you in his lap. He snaked his hand around to the center of your bare back, the other pulling you further into his lips by the back of your head. He groaned again, pulling away from the kiss when he felt his jeans tighten.
“Y/n,” he said, his voice soft but deep. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Never,” you answered, leaning back in for a kiss, only for him to pull away further.
“Wait.”
“Logan, I want this. Please. I want you.”
“I know,” he said, his eyes darkening with lust, but still gazing lovingly at you. “I just wanted to say something… I love you, too.”
He pressed his lips firm to yours, quickly teasing your lower lip with his tongue then gently biting it. He shamelessly moaned when you let the towel slide off you completely, leaving you naked before him for the first time while facing him. Tracing your curves with his hands, Logan was eager to see what he’d been missing, but patient enough to let you let him see it. You leaned to the side, letting Logan know you wanted to lay back, and he gently turned you over until he was above you. He still hadn’t looked yet, so caught up in the fact that he was kissing you again.
“Logan,” you whined between breaths, reaching for the wet waistband of his jeans, tugging the button free and pulling the zipper down. He got the message, swiftly stepping out of them and finally pulling away from your lips and looking down at the sight before him.
“Fuck sake,” he growled, his boxers tightening more. “Woman, you’re gonna fuckin’ kill me, y’know that?”
Quickly wrapping your legs around his waist, you surprised him by pulling him back down on top of you. His hands explored all the new places on your waist and legs and chest that he had seen. He wanted to just touch all of you, feeling every inch of your skin forever. You shivered under his fingertips, your hips pulling themselves upwards as if they were magnetized to his. Logan’s head tilted back in pleasure at the feeling, a quiet moan slipping from your mouth. That’s all it took for Logan’s mind to cloud up completely with the thought of fucking you.
He stripped himself of the last of his clothes and pulled your naked body up the bed until your head was resting on the pillows. “God, I just want to tear you up right now. But I’m gonna take my time with you, cause I want this to be perfect.”
You tangled your fingers in Logan’s hair, pulling his mouth back down to yours with haste, wanting him to cut straight to the chase. His dog tags dragged softly along the center of your chest, grazing your breast just enough to elicit another moan from you. As soon as the sound escaped you, Logan was inside of you, just enough for you to feel him and set your belly on fire with need. You bucked your hips up again, only for Logan to pull the little bit that was inside of you right back out.
“Darling, I’m getting there,” he smiled, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Just gotta get you warmed up to me first.”
“Logan, please,” you begged. God, he just wanted to push all the wat into right then and just go all night until you couldn’t walk, but he knew he couldn’t do that yet. He wanted to take his time with you. “I need you. Please.”
He leaned down further, his facial hair grazing your cheek and his cold dog tags resting on your breast completely. “I’m going to show you just how long I’ve wanted this,” he whispered into your ear. “And I’m gonna go slow. I want it to be perfect… for you.”
A chill ran down your spine as he pulled his head back to look in your eyes as he gently pushed the tip back in, your whole body sensitive enough that you could feel every nerve ending. Your hands gripped his hair tighter, causing him to push all the way in and your eyes to roll back for a moment. He moaned loudly, his forehead dropping against yours as a bead of sweat already rolled down his temple. Somebody let out a mumbled ‘fuck,’ and Logan began slow, deep strokes.
As he struggled to keep his hips slow, he focused on your neck, trailing kisses and small bites across every inch of it he could reach. His hips accidentally jolted as deep as he could go, eliciting a loud moan from you, causing his eyes to go dark and his hands to gently pin your wrists on either side of your head. You clenched your fingers into fists, not being able to touch him driving your nerves crazy. Logan snapped his hips again, leaving long pauses of him just sitting deep inside of you between strokes, both of you unable to contain all the noises you siphoned from one another.
“I’m gonna go faster now, okay?” He said, asking for permission which you granted through a dazed nod. He let go of your wrists and picked up the pace, forcing your body to curl up against his until you were chest to chest. With a gentle swoop, your were on his lap again and you sank onto him impossibly deeper.
He bucked up into you, hitting that sweet spot inside of you that made your hips roll instinctively. From there, you both became desperate to go faster, and Logan went hard and deep. He hit that soft spot over and over until a fire roared inside of you, begging to let go.
“Let go, sweetheart,” Logan told you, pulling gently on your hair to leave love bites on your chest. He scooped the curve in your back closer, hitting that spot at a new angles and causing you to collapse on top of him, all that fire and tension falling apart in a sweet release that melted your brain.
Logan guided you quickly back down onto the bed, never letting up on his pace, still hitting that spot until tears welted up in your eyes from how sensitive you’d become. Logan groaned with each thrust, silencing himself by kissing you again, his tongue finally letting itself all the way into our mouth. His kiss was more needy this time, his need to breathe coming quicker now between connections. Suddenly, he pulled away and pulled almost all the way out, leaving just the tip inside of you again.
You whined at the near-emptiness, tightening around what was left of him just slightly. At the feeling, Logan let out a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting his head tilt back in pleasure again. “You’re gonna kill me, woman.”
He pushed right back in again, picking up his previous pace again in a millisecond. You cried out, the burning sensation coming right back as you neared that blissful high again. Your arms wrapped under his arms and onto his shoulder blades, gripping him so tight until your nails began to dig into his back. He moaned very audibly at the feeling, shoving his tongue back into your mouth just the enough to keep you wanting more. You curled up towards him again, and he picked up the pace until he was pounding into you and rocking the headboard into the wall over and over and over.
You felt the tension wind up again, and Logan could feel you tightening around him again. He yelled out at the feeling, which brought you to another high, your areas washing over you again. Logan felt the grip you had on him, not just with your hands, but everywhere. He cried out again at how good it felt to be inside of you, gripping him so tight that he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and he loved it.
“Oh-… fuck- where?” He growled.
“I don’t care- oh!” You screamed from pleasure, a third high hitting you like a ton of bricks, barely letting you comedown from the last one. Logan cried out again, his hips faltering and shaking as he released inside of you, the feeling more blissful than anything he’d ever felt before. His claws shot out into the mattress as he finished, but not drawing your attention from the pure pleasure that flowed in waves through your body. His hips stopped, but he stayed inside of you when he collapsed on top of you, drawing his claws back in.
“Holy- fuck,” Logan groaned, lifting himself off your chest as you both gasped for air. He looked down at you with loving eyes, stroking the top of your head to push the sweat-stuck hair off of your face. He smiled bigger than he ever had before, and you returned one just as big.
“Logan?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“You owe me a new mattress.”
You both laughed, and Logan pushed all the way back into you. You moaned lightly again, looking at Logan with a questioning glance.
“Oh, honey, we’re just getin’ started.”
~~~
~~~
~~~
#wolverine#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#mcu#marvel#x men#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader smut#logan howlett angst#logan howlett x reader angst#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman#smut#angst#fanfic#friends to lovers
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I'm sorry but I'm a real sucker for more King platonic fics, (which is VERY RARE???)
And I gotta ask though, reading ur response on about Black Maria hating Robin, and then seeing King get mentioned,
Well, That's not exactly what I'm going to ask but had Y/N been very hesistant or so to even go in wano? Saying that as they did... yeeted themself,,
(and how did they react to seeing that most of their family figures are just fighting each other to death,, though I think Y/N wouldn't have any err, closer bond to Kaidou due to being forgotten and buried in the depths of their many memories,, )
I LOVE UR FICS BTW!!!! I especially love Determination!, Thank you for making this platonic fic💗💗
Bro I just want more king content in general 😭 he’s such a fucking cool character! I wish there was more content of him and lunarains in general because they’re so fucking cool. If you want a good recommendation I’d suggest summit apocalypse by ReynaAtTheEnd on ao3. It’s chefs kiss perfect so far and I highly recommend it
As for your question! Yes! Y/n was very hesitant In going back to Wano. During Marineford and the timeskip y/n had to essentially hide out not just because of marines but because both Kaido and big mom were desperately trying to find them. So coming out of big cake island and immediately heading for Kaido’s home turf is extremely harrowing for them. But at the same time y/n would follow Luffy and the straw hats to the end of the earth
And more importantly y/n feels as if they owe it to Oden and momonosuke. Oden died for Wano and his people, momonosuke will never be safe and desperately wants to save his home. They owe it Oden the ensure his son and their friend is safe, and even if it’s hard to do y/n knows that the beast pirates aren’t good people even if they were good to them. That doesn’t make up for the fact that they’ve killed hundreds if not thousands of innocent people, especially since they let Orochi continue his reign of terror on wanos populace.
But even with this all it’s hard for them. Because they know Sasaki, king, Black Maria, Ulti, whos-who, etc are shitty people but they knew them personally. Saw the humanity in people considered to be ruthless monsters.
As for Kaido…..☺️ well looks like y/n gets to see their old friend who they didn’t remember again because the moment they show up in wano they see their face plastered literally everywhere on wanted posters demanding they be brought alive with a reward too big to count.
The reunion with him and king is certainly awkward.
Especially with king
Especially after Marineford lololololol
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Can I show you a little thing? Fem!Sanji x Hiyori. Just- them meeting each other in Wano and Hiyori immediately feeling things for her while trying to convince herself she likes Zoro. Robin at some point notices, and with the help of a little but meaningful talk with the woman, Hiyori finally chooses to act upon what she fells.
It ends great, Sanji is also in love with the blue/green haired girl when the StrawHats leave. Hiyori notices after some talk with the blonde that pirate is perfect, the type of people she would love to marry one day. At the time the crew leaves, both are already dating or something pretty close to that, and they promise to communicate by letters or Den Den Mushi calls.
After Luffy turns King of the Pirates, and Sanji finds the All Blue, everyone is celebrating when Hiyori, her brother and Yamato arrives. And seeing the woman of her life, the love of her life as beautiful as the last time they see each other and happy after reaching her dream, she can't just help the words "Marry me, please, I want to be with you for the rest of my life" leave her mouth.
The StrawHats hear this, and when Sanji (after the initial shock) says a "Yes!" full of happyness and hug and kiss her Hiyori, they all cheer.
After, Sanji offers at Hiyori to go at Baratie, meet Zeff and the other chefs. Of course, when the Thousand Sunny arrives after a call two days before saying they're going and Sanji has a surprise for her "father", the last thing Zeff thought was that he was going to meet the woman his daughter is in love and going to marry soon. The Baratie closes and they (Zeff, his little eggplant, Sanji, and her future wife, fucking princess Kozuki Hiyori) talk, Zeff and Hiyori get along.
The marriage happens some weeks later, and it happens in Wano, with the Baratie, some people from Momoiro and friends from the StrawHats seeing. After being officially married, Sanji opens a restaurant in Wano, with dishes from the All Blue and the other four Blues (she wants the next generation to find the All Blue themselves, and there she will live with her precious wife).
Comphet Hiyori is really struggling and doesn't understand why that blonde woman is driving her mad. First she thinks it's because of how much time that woman spends with Zoro and how close they are. She keeps glaring at Sanji who is confused and Robin is laughing to herself the entire time. Robin eventually asks Hiyori what she feels towards the swordsman and the cook and Hiyori talks about Zoro first and then starts going off about Sanji, first about how she's annoying and taking Zoro away from her. Then as Hiyori is ranting to Robin, she starts rambling about how the cook should be paying attention to her, feeding her. She's rambling and ranting and Robin interrupts her to ask if she would like the cook to dote on her. Hiyori pauses and stumbles over syllables and Robin mentions that while Sanji and Zoro are rivals, Sanji's the biggest lesbian she knows, and she knows Nami.
Hiyori stares at Robin with wide eyes and asks for clarification. Robin explains that Sanji doesn't like men and she likes women. Sanji has been pining over her actually and that's most of Zoro and her fight at the moment because Sanji thinks he doesn't know how to behave in front of a woman let alone a princess. Hiyori tries to stumble out that Sanji doesn't know how to use a sword and Robin points out she doesn't fight with her hands because they are her treasures, just as Wano is Hiyori's. Hiyori asks if she really has a shot with the blond woman and Robin says she has more than a shot if she goes and finds the cook quickly. The speed at which Hiyori is gone makes Robin giggle again.
Of course the cook is alarmed Hiyori has found her, is panting and looking slightly crazed and asks if she needs anything and Hiyori is just like 'You! I need you!' and Sanji is saying that she is always at her service. Oblivious because why would an actual princess like her? Impossible, perish the thought. Sanji could only dream of an actual princess like Hiyori liking her. But Hiyori is looking at her like a starving woman and Sanji would feed the starving with her body. Hiyori starts rambling about her talk with Robin and how she thought she was jealous of Sanji for spending time with Zoro when she was actually jealous of the attention she was giving to Zoro. Sanji is listening and says if she needs anything to not hesitate to ask but Hiyori says she already gave her answer and her answer was Sanji. Sanji is trying to laugh it off awkwardly again because she doesn't believe anyone would like her like that, especially not the princess she's been jealous of Zoro getting the attention, not understanding the honor he had. Gods have they really just been pining over each other since meeting?
Apparently the answer is yes as Hiyori closes the distance and asks the cook to take a break with her, spend time with her. Sanji agrees and goes with the princess where they have a more in depth talk about what's going on and it lasts for hours because it turns into them getting to know each other. Hiyori likes how the cook looks in the night, a cigarette hanging from her mouth and the smoke curling into the air. If they fall asleep Robin simply giggles when she finds them and lays a blanket over them, tells the others not to disturb them as Franky quietly cries and calls them adorable and he's so glad the cook found someone after what happened with her family. The next morning Sanji is cooking for them all and Hiyori is watching enamored with the cook's movements and Zoro just rolls his eye at them. Sanji is making more of a show of it than normal as she serves the food. Yeah, Hiyori is so fucked.
When it's time for the strawhats to leave a few weeks later the women realize they are in love. They are crying and kissing with soft smiles and promises to keep in contact. Yamato is holding Hiyori close as they wave the Thousand Sunny off. Robin has an arm around Sanji as well as she watches Wano slip below the horizon line. Nami says it was the same way when Vivi stayed behind in Alabasta, the cat burglar's girlfriend who is also a princess. Sanji asks if gets easier and Nami shrugs, says yes and no, that Sanji will get used to them not being there but it sucks when things happen and they're not, that letters and calls can only do so much. Sanji nods, they do call as much as they can- even if they cut in and out, letters are slow coming to and from Wano for obvious reasons. Wano is still closed off so it's not as fast as Alabasta or the others.
Years later, Luffy the King of the Pirates and the crew still with him, following their dreams and becoming the best versions of themselves. They find the All Blue and are there for a while, Nami called Wano to let them know and give them coordinates to get there, to surprise Sanji. It's been a non-stop celebration since they've arrived and Sanji is busy cataloguing everything she's found, fish plants, spices. She's been cooking and feeding the crew and having fun and swimming and diving with Jinbei who is just as excited to see everything as her. Then a boat arrives as well and Sanji is confused until she sees Momonosuke, Hiyori and Yamato, all of them cheering and Sanji is shocked and excited to see her, in the All Blue of all places. Sanji is shocked and happy and bewildered and just in disbelief the love of her life is here, in the All Blue, screaming for her. Running across a gang plank into her arms and hoisting the cook up and kissing her. Sanji is trying to say something to her but she can't get words out.
"You're as beautiful as the day you left Wano." Hiyori smiles at her and kisses her again. Sanji is flustered and holding onto her tightly and there's tears of happiness falling from her eyes because this is unbelievable, completely and totally unbelievable. "Show me everything you've found." Hiyori demands and that gives Sanji a way to finally start kind of talking to her. When Sanji is finally calmed down enough to excitedly ramble to the princess about everything she's found, she's cooked. Hiyori is watching the blonde with nothing but adoration and love in her eyes. When they're all on deck later, curled up together and watching the crew around them it just seems so natural to ask Sanji to marry her, like there's no better time to ask, so she does. Sanji's eyes widen to look at her and then kisses her.
"Of course I'll marry you!" Sanji laughs wetly. "Fucking hells, you're going to make me cry again." Everyone has gone silent to watch them, Sanji is smiling so widely and Hiyori is head over heels and swords for this woman.
"Woo! Another party to celebrate them getting married!" Luffy cheers.
"Engaged, you shit rubber!" Sanji yells at him as she moves to start cooking again but Robin pins her down with extra limbs sprouting around her.
"Our turn, it's your celebration." Robin smiles politely as she and Nami head to the kitchen.
After a few more days of celebrating Sanji says they need to head to Baratie so that Hiyori can meet Zeff properly and the rest of the East Blue Crew agree it would be good to go home and see their respective friends and families and tell them everything. So they head back to the East, the first stop being the Baratie where another party is thrown. Zeff is happy to see his daughter and then he is introduced to her fiancee who is the princess of Wano and currently smiling very widely at him and bowing and shaking his hand because of how much she loves Sanji. Zeff approves of her heartily and Patty and Carne keep giving Sanji so much shit for being engaged and absolutely teasing her to hell and back. Everyone agrees to head to Wano for the wedding though, Momo says it's going to be huge and grand and fit for them and it is. It happens two weeks after everyone arrives and Sanji puts her foot down about Zeff cooking for the reception because as her father he should be enoying it with her but he does get to make the cake with the rest of the Baratie staff. Zeff says it should be perfect and she gestures around them in the palace saying Momo won't let it not be perfect, also look at Luffy and Nami - they also only want everything perfect for the wedding.
The day of the guests are plentiful, Iva and some other from Kamabakka, most of the Strawhat allies, Reiju shows up. The ceremony is sweet and the party is long and grand and the drinks are flowing and the music never ending as guests dance and eat and wish the couple well. Sanji and Hiyori dance and Zeff dances with both the brides and so does Momo and Luffy. Hell even Zoro dances with Sanji and grumbles about it the whole time as she laughs at him. They're rivals, ya know?
Sanji opens a restaurant in Wano but I don't think the Baratie would relocate since Wano isn't reopen. Sanji does still leave as she's still on the crew but she's never gone long and Hiyori goes with her more often than not. They go to the East Blue to see Zeff and work the Baratie sometimes, catch up with old regulars. She takes Zeff to the All Blue and Sanji will regularly head there to get things for the restaurant. Hiyori dotes on the chef and chef absolutely dotes back. On their travels Sanji tells the newer generations coming forth about going regularly to the All Blue, won't share the information on how to get there. Keeps saying it's more fun to find it themselves.
#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#answers#hiyori#kozuki hiyori#hiyori x sanji#sanji x hiyori#fem!sanji#red leg zeff#redleg zeff#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#nico robin#strawhat pirates
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The Nurse (Part Nine) || Rick Grimes (TWD)
Part One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine
AVAILABLE ON AO3
Taglist: @strnqer @1985bitch @curlycarley @imaginemyfavoritefics @t-uroboros @crazytxgradstudent @addisonnie @whos6claire @taylvvrr @quicksilversg1rl @catt-leya @1tsk1tty @pascalshearts @hopefulatrocity @xoyouronlyamorrxo @fuseburner @idkseraphine @all-for-kpop @carlgrimeskisser @emo-potato-virgil @timotheesrealgf @mcuclintasha @8crazy-freak8 @peepeepoopoobutt @crazyunsexycool @moneyoverl0v3 @alixxhere @allthetroubleiveseen
Summary: Before all this, you were a nurse. A nurse who had patients, one of which was a man in a coma. A sheriff, you think, it was all kinda fuzzy now. When it all went sideways, you set up what you could for the man - but had to leave. You’d always wondered where he’d ended up; until in your search of shelter, you run into a familiar face.
TWS: Blood, gore, angst, mentions of death, gun violence (just violence in general), corpse mention, knife wound mention, being held hostage, being held at gunpoint, threats, swearing, and all things typical of TWD.
[[ A/N: Unrelated, but this gif is chef's kiss 👌. Like impeccable quality, eyes so blue blue. Like hello sir~ Another cliffhanger??? In this economy??? It's more likely than you think... Back on the bullshit, let's see what happens, girlies <3 Anyway, thanks so reading :)) ]]
You exhaled, hands shaking against the chill of the air -Woodbury was eerily empty. A part of you knew The Governor was unstable, but seeing the houses with no inhabitants? It only proved it.
"You stay here," he spoke -hand insistent on your wrist. He hadn't let go since the prison -fingers pushed into your skin with the intent to hurt. You remember Rick's eyes heavy on it, the setting of his jaw -the drag of the glare on him.
Clearing your head, you stepped forward into the room -not fighting, not as long as he could hurt your people. You knew what you signed up for, it wasn't new to you.
As long as they're safe, you repeated in your head, as long as they're safe.
The room was concrete, walls thick and a single table in it's stead. A large florescent light on the ceiling that would've made you have a headache if it had worked. It was dark, other than a single window along the far wall -so small that the sunlight barely seeped through.
He didn't say another word -the click of the lock behind you saying enough.
Letting out a hefty sigh, your voice low and thick with tears you hadn't let fall, you leaned against the wall sinking to the floor. With the fall of your next breath, you closed your eyes.
You hadn't really processed anything, it all felt unreal on your skin -like a dream, like you weren't really there. Except for...
'Please,' -so desperate to have you right there, keep you there, it was unspoken. He couldn't say it then, stakes so high and the world he'd so carefully crafted were all on the line. But you could see it, don't leave me.
And yet, you did.
It was so odd, trying to rationalize it then, why would you caused him such pain? Why would you put everything on the line?
You had to answer, you wanted him to know-
'I love you,' -it was like taking a breath of fresh air, despite being where you were, certainly on the brink of a goodbye, you felt free. Even for just a second, while the story may have come to an end, you felt free. Wonderfully so.
It was those two moments that struck your head in the dim silence of the room -bouncing around like they could change. Like anything could change.
It can't and it won't and that was your decision.
You wouldn't regret it.
As long as they're safe, you repeated, again -like the words could solve the ever aching hole in your chest, as long as they're safe.
You'd hoped he'd keep his word, it was all about power in the kind of vacuum the world had devolved into. And you hoped he realized the power he had.
Not with his own group, or weapons, or an army. It was you.
He had power over Rick because of you.
The guilt you felt coil into your stomach was like a deep thrum of a string. Resonating through your skin, like the ache of a bone. Distant and close all at once. You hated it, hated causing him any sort of pain-
'Please-'
Still, you'd take it over him dead any day. He could hate you, despise you, never wish to see you again, never search for you, move on, and, sure, you'd feel it. Like a cracked open chest, you'd be shred to pieces. A shell of someone you once were, sure, but...
But he would be breathing.
You couldn't take the chance that he wouldn't. Couldn't take the chance that his luck wouldn't run out, that the Governor would have mercy, that he wouldn't run to put himself in the exact place you were in now.
If it was him or you, you'd made a decision. And stuck to it.
Still, as your fingers dusted along the floors -the texture providing some sort of grounding from your thoughts, there was a flame in your heart. Just a tiny one that no matter how hard you tried stayed lit.
It was hope that despite everything, despite chosing this path yourself... that it could be fixed. That you could be saved.
You'd been here before, locked away like a prisoner in exchange for knowledge, in a ruse of companionship when the timing was just right, or just out of fear. Fear of what you might do, what you might bring to their safety, if you posed a threat. You'd experienced many things in the apocalypse, being a pawn in someone else's chess game was far from the worst.
You just... you missed everything.
Back then, when you'd been locked away -you were running on nothing. Maybe a distant memory of the hospital, of coffee breaks and overnights, of normalcy, of a schedule. Or maybe even when you were younger, a family vacation -the feeling of the sun on your skin and the wind in your hair.
It was all so far away then, something you couldn't have either way.
But the prison? Rick?
It was all there. You could have it, you did.
This wasn't something impossible to get. Nothing so distant from your life now, it was your life.
But not anymore.
You didn't know how many days passed, as you stared at the endless abyss of gray haze that the room had become. The distant scent of rain sneaked in through the small window -all mildewy and grass-drenched waves.
The Governor hadn't needed medical help, not really; you'd simply watched as he ended lives like it was as natural as a flick of the wrist. He certainly didn't need to keep people alive when he had a hand in injuring them himself -eyes set in a sort of distant haze like he wasn't really there.
You were worried you'd be on the end of that stick one day -doing or saying the wrong thing. Watching as people begged, fear sunk into their skin and despite being in a world unfamiliar and scary, they were far more scared of him. Far more scared of not living.
He made you watch usually, some sort of twisted take on your oath -you'd promised to help people, save them from ailments. And yet, you couldn't stop him when he so casually ended a life -not that you hadn't tried, but it had ended where everything always did.
"Don't make me take back my promise," he'd seethed, hand insistent on your skin -pushing into the skin so harshly you were sure you'd bleed.
So, you'd mindlessly stood as his descent became clearer -the deaths became more vicious. A lack of control eating away at his being, you watched him search for it.
If you'd been smarter, you would've known this was the time to look -the time to act, uproot him from the ground. But you weren't thinking, you couldn't -scrubbing away at your skin like it could wash away the death you'd seen. The merciless death of people who didn't deserve it.
You'd seen rage misplaced, blood spilled on something insignificant but this? It had no reason. Not one. The Governor killed simply to kill, like controlling others with fear could somehow gain him his life back.
Gain Penny's life back.
The first time you'd seen her it was back when he still had the shred of charisma that gave him the leadership role. Insistent on treating you as a 'Woodbury citizen' with a faulty sense of faith (fear) in their leader. Like you hadn't known the descent he was in.
He'd shown you a photo of a little girl, brunette, blue-eyed and smiling. Talked about her as if she was right there as if the photo was her, in a sense of disconnect. Your heart sunk at the picture, knowing the hell this world had instilled there -the girl had died before she'd even had a chance to live.
There had been a pity for the man that day, a slice through you at the loss he'd experienced.
It hadn't lasted.
"This is Penny," he'd said as if was the most normal thing in the world -merely dragging you into his home. Your pity had all but vanished after seeing the small figure, propped up almost to look like she was alive.
The smell was heavy on your nose -a stench you'd become familiar with just by the crowds roaming the earth, but this one had been entirely focused. Locked away behind doors, the little girl's body sat as if she was some sort of doll -your eyes dashed over the wound you knew to match that of Michonne's katana.
You held back the bile in your stomach -quickly trying to look elsewhere, anywhere.
After that day, you didn't see Penny anymore. In the case that he'd forced you inside his home, as collateral if nothing else, you couldn't look at the photo anymore. A sort of sick, twisted disgust bubbling in you at the thought of where she was -locked away, never to rest. All because he wouldn't let her.
You took a deep breath, stabilizing yourself somewhere deep in your mind -eager to not show any sort of emotion. You'd seen what emotion did in Woodbury. The blood couldn't be scrubbed off your hands, no matter how hard you tried-
"Breathe," you muttered -tone shaky and the distant spin of your head only serving to make you more disoriented.
You couldn't sleep, you never really could.
A fear deep in your bones that maybe one day he'd simply decide you were of no service to him anymore and that your life was expendable. That you were a pawn in the war, and you'd held no value to that anymore. You'd seen him do it before.
So, you stayed awake.
You knew the sound of the night very well at this point -a sort of eerie silence that was only haunted by how many people may have been there once. The only noises were that of bugs, and a distant rustling in the forest you knew to only be wildlife.
Maybe that was why you could immediately tell that something was different. That the rustling wasn't wildlife, and that the ever-so-slight footsteps you'd heard were anything but.
At first, you'd stilled -head leaned against the hard floor as if it would lull you to sleep. Like he'd spare you if you were sleeping, a shred of humanity may rear its head if he had to think about it-
But then, you realized you knew The Governor's footsteps. He'd have no reason to hide them from you, especially if he wished to kill you. There was no reason to run from something you'd already done before -if he was coming to kill you, he would not be hiding. It would just be an instinct for him, the slice of a blade, the trigger of a gun, whatever he chose -he wouldn't even think about hiding. What would he be hiding from?
With unsure steps, you rose from the ground, feet careful to avoid any noise -an instinct that had certainly overrun in your time here at Woodbury. The Governor was day to day, you didn't wish to give him any reason for it to be a bad day.
Peeking through the window, you tried to see what you could.
You'd only usually used it to get a taste of sunlight or a drop of rain on your skin -to feel human again, not to see anything in particular. The glass pane was merely bigger than your palm, only framing a few of the other houses and out of the very corner, a treeline where you'd seen wildlife sometimes.
Out of instinct, your eyes lead themselves there -eager to see what stood at the edge there. If it was some wildlife or a person, you'd only wish to know. To see something to explain away some eerie dusting along your skin, the paranoia was heavy during the night and you only wanted some rest -even just for a second, you wanted a clear head.
Your body ached for it. But every time you closed your eyes, you always saw the same scene -blood on your hands, a striking lack in his eyes, and a body slumped against the ground. You'd lost count, eventually, but could remember their faces clear as day in your dreams.
Eyes refocusing, you'd peered over into the greenery -only really a shadow in the night, but if you squinted you'd always been able to see a shift in the leaves. You'd usually only see a few animals in the mornings, all scattered from the noise-
And then, you saw it. Blue.
A familiar blue that sent warmth down to your toes, you couldn't miss those, especially now.
Even when the tiredness made your head fuzzy, the thrum of your heartbeat keeps you focused -a flame buzzing up into your chest. Hope.
Your lips parted ever so slightly like you could call out to him -you bit it back. Fingers dusted across the glass like maybe he could see you -save you. But it just didn't feel right.
You'd seen Rick before -maybe in a quick glance, your mind would paint out his figure. So solidly that you'd spin on your heel, only to find no one there. You were always so sure, each time you looked -that treacherous flame so bright that you could hardly see past it. The lack of sleep wasn't helping, familiar faces devolved from the shadows -old patients, your family, your friends-
You knew your mind could play tricks, but something in this one seemed so real.
His shoulders moved with his breaths, the crinkles by his eyes smoothed out and brow heavy -like he was focused. You couldn't see much detail from the stars shining, but you almost wished you could. So you could keep it, neatly next to your heart -like all the other ways you'd seen Rick were.
The glint of his gun, brought your attention to another figure -drenched in darkness but you'd recognize him anywhere: Daryl. He seemed to be scoping out the area -well aware of this from hunting, you'd guessed. When his eyes landed squarely on you.
That was what had woken you up from the daze you seemed to be in; the little glint of shock in his eyes was just so real. Daryl wasn't very expressive, but you knew he had tells. That was... That was too-
Before you could even blink, he'd motioned to you -just a nudge toward the building. Small enough for someone to dismiss as an animal if they happened to hear it, you realized.
Daryl was saying something, quick and quiet, not to you. And a deep breath that you were holding seemed to flood out of your lungs, as you watched Rick stall for a second. Shock. Eyes frantic, looking out -trying to find you, you realized. Your heart speeds up in your chest, the thumping being so loud that you half worried that the Governor would figure it all out-
And then, he found you.
If you had a question about whether or not this moment was real, this Rick was real, it dissipated at his eyes connecting with yours. Something in you broke, like a dam, feelings of everything slipping through your skin and the fire of hope felt like it engulfed your whole body.
"Rick..." you whispered, quiet and broken. And you knew he couldn't hear you, but your other hand pressed against the glass -tears choking up in the back of your throat.
He nearly jumped forward, would have if Daryl hadn't held him back -leveling his eyes with his own. He was whispering again, head turned to Rick and yet somehow still aware of their surroundings. They had a plan, you thought to yourself -trying to coax yourself down from the ledge.
You stilled, almost on instinct, your ears were sensitive to specific noises. Especially with being so locked away, you'd nearly memorized every one you could. The drag of the Governor's feet, the windchime of a house in the center of Woodbury, what exactly his gun sounded like just before he shot-
The clink of his keys.
Tapping on the glass, just gently, something you could barely hear if you weren't looking for it. And you imagined Rick was certainly looking for it.
The two men immediately looked at you, eyes attentive, and you felt something in your chest crush at the idea that this might be the last time you see them. See anyone. You knew you'd felt it, his frustrations leading to a head and his options on who he could take it out on were so limited. You knew you served no purpose to him long-term, only a pawn for someone else. And what if he didn't care about them anymore?
You breathed out, a deep shaky breath, looking at Rick with all you could and mouthing -large and unmissable, "Go."
He just watched you, as you said it -a sort of determined look flashing in his eyes like the glint of a knife. Strict and pressured, he stayed exactly where he was -he wouldn't leave.
Just as you were going to say more, beg him. All of this was for nothing if he didn't go. You knew what you were signed up for, and knew where this would end, even if you didn't want to accept it... you knew. And as long as he was living, you were okay with knowing.
The door creaked open, and you spun around -distancing yourself from the window, and desperately wiping at your eyes, it has to stop. But, it wouldn't.
He was always so imposing, entering the room far more than you were ever comfortable -you figured that was the point, keep you on edge. The Governor didn't really focus on you -eyes distant in that way he'd always get before... before making a decision.
"I think you know why I'm here," he spoke in a sort of desolate way -void of any emotion, void of anything, "-we both do."
Instinctively, you slunk back to the window -the farthest away from your door as possible, cold brick uncomfortable against your back but the fear that struck you was much more powerful. Your body was numb in a way like you weren't where you were, like you were watching from somewhere else.
"It's not," you started, voice still shaky, "-you don't have to do this. I can- I can still help you. With... With Penny, I know-"
The Governor's jaw stiffened, seething from his lips, "Don't say her name. You have no right to say her name-"
Your mind was running so fast that you couldn't keep up, a sort of instilled fear running up your arms -it felt like you were still but everyone else kept moving. The tip of his gun glinting in the night sky -it was the only way you could really see it.
"I didn't- I'm sorry," you blurted out, heart racing in your chest and fear biting at your tongue. Suddenly realizing it then, you didn't want to die. As soon as the opportunity was laid out in front of you, the gun pointed at your head, you were afraid, "-I just. I could help. I was there when they started with the vaccine. I knew-"
"Shut up," his voice was only angry -deep and brash and if you could've moved farther away, you would have, but he only stepped forward, "-she's dead. Because of one of your people-"
And then he stopped. A sudden and certain stop.
"Well," his voice got lighter -trying to go back to the charisma, "didn't know we'd have an audience, Y/N."
Realizing then, you spun around -finding the tip of another gun against the glass. Rick stood there with a set jaw you found familiar, and eyes set beyond anger -solely focused on The Governor.
"Let's be polite to the guests," he spoke -voice teetering on the unhinged nature that you'd only seen moments before he shot. The Governor stepped forward and grabbed your wrist -keeping you where you were.
And turning his gun around, he smashed the glass -mere inches from your face. It stung, like bees when you were on the playground -littered across your skin, but you still felt quite numb. Body only guided by instincts, by the emotions that bubbled underneath your skin.
Without an extra thought, The Governor threw you to the opposite wall (your head only stung for a second) -purely focused on Rick, "Didn't we have an agreement, Sheriff?"
Rick's jaw clenched, blue eyes flickering to you just for a second, "I never agreed to nothin'."
"Huh," he responded, almost in a comically exaggerated way, "-that's right-"
The Governor turned the gun to you -trained to the center of your forehead, unflinchingly, "Your life for the prison, right?"
"Don't lay a hand on 'em," Rick threatened, his voice layered in anger but you could hear it deep under it all -worry, "-or I'll sh-"
"Yes," you interrupted, quickly -biting back your tears and your fear, "-that's... That's the deal. My life. Not his, if you shoot anyone, shoot me."
"Y/N-"
The Governor laughed, a sort of dry one like it was entertaining to him, like it was all a game, "You really did a number on 'em, didn't you Rick? Practically jumping in front of my gun."
And then he paused, looking over Rick with less enthusiasm -where he stood eyes trying to stay heavily focused on the Governor, but he kept looking to you (even just for a second, relishing in you being there, being alive-), "Well, well. I guess they did a number on you too, Sheriff. Ain't that interesting."
You opened your mouth to dispute it, take it back -not now, not at the end of it all. He couldn't love you back, not here-
But you looked at him, his eyes were on you -blue shadowed in something so heavy, so desperate that your breath nearly caught in your throat. He swallowed, hand on his gun steady but you could tell the shake, the hesitance, it was there. Deep under his skin, you could tell.
God, he did.
"It's been cute, really," the Governor cleared his throat, his voice taking on the more numbed tone -distant and faraway, "-and hate to ruin the moment, but I'm a man of my word."
With that, he merely adjusted the gun for a straighter shot -one that wouldn't miss. You exhaled, hands shaking but it was something you could deal with, as long as he was alive.
As long as he's alive, you repeated -trying to silence the fear thrashing against your chest, clawing to be let out, as long as he's alive.
And then there was a noise, a familiar one ('what exactly his gun sounded like just before he shot'), and you closed your eyes.
#rick grimes#rick grimes x reader#its griming time#stuff n' thangs#rick grimes x you#rick grimes x y/n#ricky dicky doo dah grimes#twd#twd rick#rick grimes x y/n fanfiction#the nurse#nurse!reader#doctor!reader
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fic rec list (1/??? )
this is a fic recommendation list for whomever wants a good read. All of these are on AO3. I have not provided links, so just search them up!
If you do end up reading any of these, or really any fic in general, remember to leave the author comments!! They deserve them, esp because they do this for free and they deserve to know how beautiful their writing is and how appreciated they are.
My PSA: COMMENT ON FICS AND DONT TAKE AUTHORS FOR GRANTED
DC..
IMPORTANT NOTE I am not a religious fan where I only like a fic when it adheres to canon characterization or texts. I can enjoy fics even when they completely throw off what's actually canon and that's okay for me, but it might not be for you. So just keep this in mind and the back button exists for a reason if you don't like something.
Buy Back the Secrets by Sundiscus (incomplete)
Tim Drake and Kon El centered!! OH MY GODS. I could rave on and on about this fic all day but I'll have to keep it brief. I've reread at LEAST 5 times. It's brilliant. The writing, the plot, the characterizations!! They are incredible. If I had to use a phrase to describe it, it would be "identity shenanigans and timkon" but that simplifies the absolute masterpiece that it is SO MUCH
Executive Assistant to the Batman by heartslogos (complete)
Tim is basically Bruce Wayne's assistant and is desperately trying to avoid letting them know that he knows. This is complete crack, but it is hilarious. The writing is so funny and It's what I need after a bad day or anything tbh. It may not be completely true to characters or whatever, but it makes up for it a thousand times over in spirit and the laughs it's produced from me.
anything (not the title because literally ANYTHING) by IzzyMRDB
I can rave about them all day because the dc/batfam fics I have seen them right are all so delicious and I devoured them far too fast and momggg its just so good. and I love their writing style <3
Reverse Robin AU by yellow_cabellero (complete)
I CANNOT DO THIS SERIES JUSTICE WITH MY WORDS. IT is a must read for me. The writer writes spectacularly and the characterization, even though its a reverse robin, feels on point, especially considering the circumstances (Im a huge believer in circumstances shape a person's personality, which is what I think occurs beautifully in all of these fics). They're just so GOOD.
Also this author has a STEPH FIC that is stunning. 10/10. Steph is a character that doesn't get the appreciation she deserves, so this fic was especially more touching for me. It was terrific seeing her girl bossing in the 90s (IT ALSO FELT SO PERIOD ACCURATE CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT). Not to mention, the author shows off character flaws in a believable manner and nobody is a Mary Sue and it's just EVERYUTHING IS JUST *chefs kiss* by them.
The Fishbowl by LordLuxury (complete)
This is Dick Grayson centered. THEY HAVE MADE A MASTERPIECE. I genuinely mean it. Dick is constantly trying to pull the family together, he is trying to be the glue as everything tries to go the opposite. LET THIS MAN HAVE HIS FAMILY. This had me in shambles. Bad Dad Bruce hurt me, but it was just so realistic. That's what gets me. The whole dynamics portrayed in The Fishbowl are so goddamn realistic and it feels so real. Everyone is flawed in their own way and its just... PLEASE READ IT I BEG OF YOU.
Love and Bruises by Acin_Grayson and Hoebiwan (complete)
Despite what the title may suggest, this is actually funny! Jason thinks Batman is abusing Bruce. And I just remember dying of laughter as I read this. Terrific! Would read and Will read again
Marvel (I am a movies fan so most if not all fics I recommend from here on out will be probably based on movies!)
Tennessee Outreach for Spider-Man and Friends by ciaconna
GREAT FIC. Harley (potato gun kid in one of the iron man movies for those who don't remember) gets an internship with Tony stark for college application reasons and its to help Spiderman. Peter Parker and Harley whateverhislastname is such a funny duo and they made the fic spectacular. Terrific writing omg.
Peter and the Jailbirds by beautifullights
I THINK THIS FIC HURT ME. I don't really remember much bc its been a year and a half, but I think my emotions remember because I feel mildly sad when I think about it. Peter is on the raft and bonds with the ex-avengers also on the raft. The premise of a teenager possibly spending the rest of his life in prison is terrible, but I swear this fic has funny moments and the conversations that occur are to die for because the WRITING. WHEW.
O Brother, Where Art Thou? by theskeptileptic
Tony survives and it's set after No Way Home. Where I'm pretty sure the only people dead are May and Pepper. Morgan saves the day by remembering her big brother (Im a sucker for big brother Peter arc). Peter is kind of a mini Tony in this one I think, which is such an interesting take. And it's such a coming home story and its just so beautiful.
Cross Overs:
Even Heroes Have the Right To Dream by Bounemr (complete)
mlb/dc crossover!! where marinate and Jon are retired superhero and go to college together! Great writing and plot with a good ending. Fluffy for the most part as far I as I can remember (it's been a year since I've read it so you know it's good if I can still remember)
Hired Hands by neighborhood_yogurt (incomplete)
Percy Jackson/ DC crossover!! It's been a while since I've read this one too but It's stuck with me. It's hilarious and I need to reread it but Percy is accidentally on Penguin's payroll because he's just a dumb blonde at heart, but it's okay we all love him. And Shenanigans occur. I don't remember exactly what happens so reminder to read this again for myself as well!
(IDK if any of these authors have tumblrs, if they do, someone please tag them and I will forever be in your debt)
#I wrote this all in one sitting help#Notice how it says PT 1#I don't know How many parts this is gonna be because this barely made a dent in my bookmarks#I love fics and authors who write them because they are so amazing#Give them love right now#DC#Tim drake#dick grayson#stephanie brown#dcu#robins#marvel#Peter parker#Tony stark#Morgan stark#fic recs#ao3 fanfic rec#ao3#batman#conner kent#marinette dupain cheng#percy jackson
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fernardezology’s recommendation list
series:
invisible string by @invisiblestringmm
where one night fling with mason turned into something impactful. he is unaware that you have a daughter together,but fate has a plan for you. it’s one of the best pieces i’ve read here and while you read it,you cannot feel immersed with story.
just pretend by @gavisuntiedboot
this should be turned into a netflix show. while you wait for an update,you will definitely want to reread it.
worlds collide. by @blubffsd
so much drama. listen to the great war by taylor swift while reading.
juno! by @jesssssssssica
it’s gonna be impossible not to fall for jude after you read this. also very impossible not to check her other work😉
we’ll be allright by @footiehoemcfc
mason angst at it’s finest. very rereadble.
champion’s league’s nights by @yungbludz
there is no better crossover,even marvel doesn’t come close to this. my personal multiverse of madness.
sunshine becomes you by @oh-saints
never knew i needed grumpy martin x sunshine reader before i saw this.
to have and to heal by @yellowkitkieran
where martin navigates the ups and downs of parenthood all on his own, and he’s struggling. that’s not to mention football, life and... love? her other stories are also 10/10.
envolver by @pedriscroquettes
loved every single word here.
a mountain to climb by @mountttmase
you will go through every emotion with this one.
his girls by @pulisicsgirl
is there anything better than christian in general? yes and it’s dad!christian.
almost always by @greykitkepa
thank you for your service and spreading kepa propaganda by writing🫡
one shots/headcanons
can’t sleep (without you) by @julianalvarez9
leandro is the cutest sleep deprived thing and it’s safe to say she did him right with this one.
headcanons by @starsshoppin
i couldn’t choose just one,all of them are masterpieces. head of headcanons and probably one of the first accounts i followed here.
silent treatment by @masonspulisic
angst with mason by her never disappoints.
pretty face,pretty boyfriend too by @masonmtxo
jelaous mason>>
dating pablo gavi by @i9messi
exactly how i imagine dating him would be like.
the great war by @mounts89
as if this already wasn’t my fav song from midnights..
comforting words by @mqsi
if barca losing means we get masterpieces like this,we won after all.
red card by @pedrisbanana
i will never see the barca lockroom the same way.
mornings with you. by @luvgavii
prime example of “how is this her first imagine?”
mistletoe by @ktsfootballff
the twist at the end?? love love this and her work in general.
the 5 times he knew by @888bear
who doesn’t love good old childhood friends to lovers?
wherever you are by @swimmingismywholelife
so so beautiful.
headcanons by @minnlix
again,it was hard to choose just one because all of them are *chef’s kiss*
nsfw alphabet by @footballfeverr
mindblowing. that’s all i have to say.
mornings by @20-th-centurygirl
i think this is also one of the first blogs i followed and i lovee her work!
insta au’s
needed some space by @ithinkimokeei
queen of insta au’s as far as i am concerned.
flashing lights by @gavislover
oh my god.
oh,baby! by @kepamount
pure entertainment.
#fernadezology’s fic rec#feel free to sent me fics you love in inbox!!#i’m so sorry if i forgot anyone i’ll update this again#fic rec
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I'm honestly intrigued by the bg3/Arcana au idea, like, how do you imagine it? The Arcana 6 in bg3? The bg3 main 6 companions in Arcana? Or maybe just making them meet somehow? I'm sure Asra and Gale would become bestest of friends in 0.5 seconds talking about magic
I was thinking along the lines of "take the 6 origins and put them in the main Arcana 6 place" but now the idea of them all meeting is stuck in my brain and yes, Asra and Gale would be amazing friends but you know who I think would be even better friends? Portia and Karlach! And also Karlach and Muriel, too, bonding over their shitty ex-employer who fucked their lives up
But no, the main idea would have to take the 6 origins and put them in The Arcana in place of the main 6 there, and obviously the story wouldn't be the same since they're different characters who act in different ways but it's still an interesting idea imo
I'm mostly imagining Wyll in Nadia's place, both of them people in power, Wyll's ending where he becomes Grand Duke Ravengard has somehow a special place in my heart and I feel like he would be the best choice as Count of the city in Nadia's place
Gale in Asra's place of course, both of them renowned powerful wizards with Tara as Gale's familiar in place of Faust, and maybe Mystra to represent the Magician which I think would fit amazingly
Now, for Lucio I was thinking Shadowheart, especially Sharran!Shadowheart. She wouldn't be as much of an asshole as Lucio (probably) but I think it'd fit well, with her Reversed Ending basically being the equivalent of DJ!Shadowheart (something something enabling Lucio's delusions results in him being your loyal attack dog something something enabling Shadowheart's delusions results in her being Shar's loyal attack dog) and her Upright Ending being the equivalent of Selûnite!Shadowheart, and instead of having the Red Plague following her every step like Lucio she brings the Shadow Curse wherever she goes (which could still be adapted as some sort of deadly disease)
Julian, though. Julian would be Astarion. Both bitter, grieving people who have lost something. Astarion isn't much of a doctor in bg3 but Julian is a huge theatre kid and don't tell me Astarion wouldn't fit right in. Also Julian being plague-touched and having to hide his eye reminds me of Astarion trying to hide his vampirism at the start of the game, which I think would fit with them both. Not to mention Julian's habit of breaking into people's houses. That is peak rogue behavior and I will not hear otherwise, maybe even with a bat following Astarion instead of Malak the raven
(Bonus point for my favorite Julian quote, "Death cast her gaze on this wretch and turned away" which I think is perfect for Astarion)
(Extra bonus point for the Asra-Julian beef becoming Gale-Astarion beef which is *chef's kiss*)
Karlach would be the perfect Portia I think, working under Wyll and being just generally a sweetheart, I would also like to imagine her and Astarion still being somehow tied together like Portia and Julian are but instead of siblings they'd be childhood friends or something along those lines, and when she heard about the countess' (Shadowheart) death and that Astarion was accused of her murder she immediately went to the city to find him and have answers
That would leave Lae'zel in Muriel's place, which I also think fitting. Maybe without the whole being forgotten thing (I can't see Lae'zel ever resorting to that) but the place of the once fighter would be perfect for her. She wouldn't be like Muriel is in the sense that Muriel comes to hate violence and wants to be left alone and forgotten, but I do think she'd work perfectly in his place if we think that he goes to live in the forest and keeps an eye on things and he's the one noticing weird Lucio-related movements before anyone else, and I do like the idea of Lae'zel going from famous and unbeatable fighter to silent protector living in the forest and prowling the edges of the city to make sure nothing weird/wrong/worrying happens
I do have more than one idea to be fair (if I wasn't trying to fit the 6 origin with the main 6 I would have put Gortash in Lucio's place with Karlach as Muriel) but this is the one I'm most obsessed with. I also have some more ideas about the other characters as well (like Valdemar, Volta and all them) and some about the other Arcana (Scratch as Scout, anyone?) but I feel like this post is already long enough so I might write more later on another post if anyone is interested (or even if no one is, because this AU is already eating at my brain so I might post more even if it's just for myself)
#personal#bg3#baldur's gate 3#the arcana#the arcana: a mystic romance#bg3 astarion#bg3 gale#bg3 wyll#bg3 shadowheart#bg3 karlach#bg3 lae'zel#asra alnazar#julian devorak#portia devorak#nadia satrinava#count lucio#muriel#also I don't think I have to say it but Tav is obviously the Apprentice
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Hello Hellooooo!
This most recent chapter of cbmthy is... it's everything to be honest. I got the notification that you posted while I was at work (you're forever catching me while im doin things), and I hid for a lil bit to read.
I love the little snippets of reader's interests that we see while Az is still carrying her through the sky. Especially because it makes me pretty excited to see their trek through autumn and summer as their relationship develops. I can easily imagine reader wandering away from Az's side and having him find her hunching over a lizard somewhere. Then she info dumps on him the second she realizes he's behind her because she's just SO fascinated and can't help the word vomit.
"His hide pattern is super unique, his dorsal stripe is broken up in ways that aren't natural to their species- my books mentioned occasional genetic mutations but nothing like THIS" and then a tasteful amount of 🤨😐😑 from Az
I loved watching their trek through the coastal town as well, the descriptions of everything really just plopped us right into the thick of it. I loved the colorful houses but I'm hesitant to believe Malachite's place would be particularly colorful 🤭 I wish we could've been in Az's head just to see what he thought about reader butting heads with Malachite.
I imagine it would be along the lines of 🤨😬🥴😅
Bas- oh my darling Bas.
I can't say im surprised, there had been too many mentions of him specifically being far from reader that I had a feeling SOMETHING was up with him going to winter. Can't say I expected him dead before ever getting there though, I thought maybe reader just wouldn't be able to track him down or that he'd change his mind about forgiving her because it hurt too much. This is better though.
I loved the way you wrote Azriel calming down reader too. It's such a small display of care from him in the way that he calms her that means so so much in as a turning point for their relationship. He doesn't turn her down which sparks relief in her, then uses that relief as a stepping stone to get her to calm down enough to sleep. Poor girls been through so much that I don't think much else would have been able to work to be honest, (if you DID have to change his approach, what would it look like?).
Reader holds a special place in my heart, sick human girl turned fae who can't quite outrun her mortality like her sisters did. Having Azriel's emotionally constipated ass as a love interest is the cherry on top.
chefs kiss, can't wait for whatever you write next :3
-🤠
'This most recent chapter of cbmthy is... it's everything to be honest. I got the notification that you posted while I was at work (you're forever catching me while im doin things), and I hid for a lil bit to read.'
RAHHHH I LOVE YOU <3
And I'm sorry - I think ch. 24 went up between 23:00 - 00:00 for me so I'm guessing we're in different time zones unless you work a night shift
You Hid! Cowboy anon <3 🙄 (Thank you, I'm incredibly flattered)
'I love the little snippets of reader's interests that we see while Az is still carrying her through the sky. Especially because it makes me pretty excited to see their trek through autumn and summer as their relationship develops.'
Thank you! I'm torn between excitement for what the scene will ultimately look like but so stressed over actually having to write it :')
I'm so so happy you liked those stretching paragraphs from reader's pov, though!! I think generally speaking I tend to be more comfortable writing interactions of some kind, so getting to write such a long section where reader is just thinking her thoughts and observing the things she likes (that one part about Azriel) was both refreshing and kind of me testing the waters and seeing if I liked what the end result looked like?
But yes, I'm so excited to write their trek through Summer!!! All the heat and the smells and the bugs and the colours and the food and the clothing!!!! So excited!!!
'I can easily imagine reader wandering away from Az's side and having him find her hunching over a lizard somewhere.'
omg stop peering into my brain!!
'Then she info dumps on him the second she realizes he's behind her because she's just SO fascinated and can't help the word vomit.'
Az standing there a little stiffly because he's never heard her speak so much so quickly <3
'"His hide pattern is super unique, his dorsal stripe is broken up in ways that aren't natural to their species- my books mentioned occasional genetic mutations but nothing like THIS" and then a tasteful amount of 🤨😐😑 from Az'
Haha I actually love the idea of contrasting their views and the way they observe things? I'll probably stress about it for a while but since Azriel is a spy I think it would be kind of cool to just see the rainforest in each of their perspectives and seeing what comes out?
'I loved watching their trek through the coastal town as well, the descriptions of everything really just plopped us right into the thick of it.'
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I really like the descriptive sections in ch. 24 but they also took so much time to write! With dialogue I kind of get a sense of where I'm trying to go with it, but with description it's kind of for the sake of establishing a firm context so there isn't really a direction to take it in? Unless there actually is and I just haven't had enough practice to know what works best for me
'I loved the colorful houses but I'm hesitant to believe Malachite's place would be particularly colorful 🤭"
Haha, yeah, I think his would probably have been a little more like that one that was more like a hut and had nets draped down the walls to look more weathered! Then again, he does kind of make his living out of fashion, if you think about it a lot and really twist his occupation. Maybe he enjoys a splash of colour here and there and actually has some pastel pillows up in his own quarters!
'I wish we could've been in Az's head just to see what he thought about reader butting heads with Malachite. I imagine it would be along the lines of 🤨😬🥴😅'
I kind of wanted to have it turn out that way, so Az would see more of her bickering, but I really like the sections where she's only a little vicious to Mal behind Azriel's back. It just made me laugh a little, like Az was the only adult in the room and the other two knew they could only argue when he wasn't really paying that much attention because otherwise he'd just shut it down with work-talk
'Bas- oh my darling Bas. I can't say im surprised, there had been too many mentions of him specifically being far from reader that I had a feeling SOMETHING was up with him going to winter. Can't say I expected him dead before ever getting there though, I thought maybe reader just wouldn't be able to track him down or that he'd change his mind about forgiving her because it hurt too much. This is better though.'
I have to say I am GLAD you didn't see it coming! I was stressing a little over the market scene where she was thinking of him because I kept worrying that if I made her worry too much it might sound too obviously like foreshadowing? I suppose a little bit of 'huh, this character is being mentioned a suspicious amount of times' is good to get the suspicion arising though :)
'I loved the way you wrote Azriel calming down reader too. It's such a small display of care from him in the way that he calms her that means so so much in as a turning point for their relationship. He doesn't turn her down which sparks relief in her, then uses that relief as a stepping stone to get her to calm down enough to sleep.'
I'm sending you so many affectionate hugs and kisses through the screen rn <3
Again, like with practically every other scene in that chapter, it was stressful to write in a way because I wanted him to comfort her (because I don't think I would be able to redeem him if he just left her to cry on her own) but I still wanted him to feel kind of walled off? Showing an amount of care and attentiveness, but not so much that it would feel weird or out of character for how he's been acting so far in the series?
It was also very soothing though? Personally I find the idea of listening to someone else's heartbeat incredibly intimate, and the idea of falling asleep to the rhythm of someone's heart? Reader needed a little break from misery and it felt like an appropriate amount of comfort. Like Azriel doesn't have to deal with any internal conflict about being emotionally vulnerable with someone through speaking and I feel doing things for someone feels more in line with who he is? And reader gets the physical comfort of feeling him holding her together, which means a lot to her but relatively little to him? But Az does it anyway because he knows it will mean a lot to her?
idk you just got me to ramble there :')
'(if you DID have to change his approach, what would it look like?).'
Whoooo you had me thinking about this for a while but I'm sticking to him being a do-er so I think if I had to think up a different approach for him to take, it would be similar to what he did that one other time? I think he would soothe reader into completing a task for him - like counting backwards from 100, or giving her something to temporarily focus on - and having his shadows watch her while he goes out to find hot meals and something to drink.
I think eating a midnight meal together on the sofa, with reader slumped over while she eats and Azriel keeping a little closer to her side than usual? Just sharing time together and again, with him finding something for her to focus on while calming down.
WHY DID YOU ASK THOUGH
'Reader holds a special place in my heart, sick human girl turned fae who can't quite outrun her mortality like her sisters did. Having Azriel's emotionally constipated ass as a love interest is the cherry on top.'
You're so sweet, thank you <3 <3 <3
Reader's just a girl who wants mutual and devoted affection, and Azriel's just a guy who rejects the concept of emotional intimacy all together (But secretly craves it anyway)
'chefs kiss, can't wait for whatever you write next :3'
Thank you so much!! I loved getting to chatter with you here <3
I'm hoping to get some more of part 25 written tomorrow and roughly map out where the chapter is going to go so fingers crossed! <3
#🤠 anon <3#cbmthy#thank youuu <3#so happy to read through all your thoughts#thank you for taking the time to note them down#it makes so much of a difference for me getting to hear reactions and speculations and just having a chance to speak/ramble <3
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