#not the things i'm afraid of

[emmyspov]

I just sorted everything away from this semester and also obviously stumbled across my notes and ideas for my journal article and like- it's such a bittersweet thing.

I would have loved to do this, would have loved to do more research on EDs and advocate on the topic from an academic pov and maybe make the world a tiny tiny bit better, but I am so glad that i do not have to - I don't have to worry about all this extra work and stress on top of my studies and my job.

But it also makes me so sad because I remember my very first semester at university and how excited I was. God I would have given everything to be successful and make a career here - and I did give everything. And now, 3.5 years later, I see what that did to me and I just wish that no one ever puts their job or their studies or anything really above themselves. Which is so hard in our societies nowadays, I know that, too.

And sometimes I think I should have just pushed through. What's one and a half more years? Maybe I could have done it, just to make a difference. But then I remember Gandalf's quote in the hobbit

I have found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk, that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.

So maybe, just maybe, I don't have to work until utter exhaustion to be good and helpful. Maybe, just being kind is enough. And that thought is a lot more comforting than me thinking I have to achieve something great in order to be worth it.

[shotmrmiller]

ghost getting himself a cute, soft girl he doesn't talk about much but is clearly obsessed with and price just thinks it's nice he's finally settled down, approves of the home he's made for himself, definitely approves of the one he's taken for himself.

soap asks kyle if he's seen you and he says, "yep. lovely bird he's got tucked away in her little dollhouse. makes great food, too." soap swears there's a subtle shift in his tone when he says "lovely", a hint of something deeper that flickers in his eyes for just a moment. soap simply sucks on his teeth, letting it slide. (although he knows that kyle's always been one to appreciate the good things in life.)

interest gnaws at him, a persistent itch he can't scratch. price likes you just fine, as does kyle. well what about him? he decides to bite the bullet and goes to simon with a knot between his brows, the corners of his lips tugged downwards. they've shared clothes, bullets, beds. if the other two got to meet you, why can't he?

"ya can come over for dinner on tonight. she'd 'ave my neck if she didn't formally meet ya anyway."

soap then asks, out of genuine curiosity more than anything else, if simon would have kept you in the dark from him hadn't he brought you up himself.

"ya meet 'er when i want ya to, boy, and not a moment before." the tone he takes is unmistakeable. his words are a command, not a suggestion, and soap instantly knows to not push further.

soap nods. "ah'll be there."

"course ya will. she'd be terribly disappointed otherwise."

yeah, he'd hate to have that.

soap sits in the living room, the soft glow of the lamp casting a warm light over the cozy place. with a full stomach and an unfastened belt, nursing a glass of kentucky. he can't remember the last time he ate that well or that much.

maybe it's the alcohol that loosens his tongue, or the fact that he wishes he also had a sweet little thing to keep at his side just like simon's doing with you now, but the thoughts he's been mulling over all evening since he first saw you tumble out of his mouth.

"while ah can attest to yer taste in sweethearts, can't say much about your alcohol. bourbon, LT?" he says, chest warm.

simon's arm tightens around your hips, fingers splayed possessively over your thigh. he shrugs, completely unbothered by the backhanded compliment. "can't be perfect in everythin', can we, sergeant?"

soap's cheeks burn furiously hot when you come to his defense with a smack of your palm onto simon's chest. "be nice to johnny. he's got a face that make up for some of his other flaws."

the teasing lilt in your voice unashamedly gets his southern blood pumping. he can't help it if certain things stir when someone as pretty as you look at him like that. soap swirls the amber liquid gently in the glass while keeping his limpid eyes on you, not even trying to hide the fact that his gaze hasn't wavered since your cheeky little comment.

you then whisper something in simon's ear, your cupped hand not even half the size of his head and soap has to rearrange himself from the outside when your teeth catch your bottom lip. simon looks up at you then, eyes heavy and half lidded, and a smirk plays at the corners of his mouth.

"'m not sure, love. you'll just 'ave to ask 'im yourself. go on."

you open that sweet mouth of yours, but simon cuts you off with a decisive wave of his hand. "no. you know how to ask for things."

your reaction to that is visceral, and you're on your knees faster than his alcohol-muddled brain can comprehend. don't look down 'er shirt, don't look down 'er shirt, don't-

"johnny, will you touch my pussy?"

he splutters at your question, completely taken aback, but it seems you're not done just yet.

"hands to yourself, sergeant. tha' not all."

you pout at simon, one that earns you a look that promises consequence, but do as he says.

"will you touch my pussy, johnny? pretty please?"

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[elinordash]

all my boops belong to you

[kiksniko]

live laugh love hualian

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[genesisforreal]

Keep thinking abt how Kisame actually liked and enjoyed Tobi yet we NEVER GOT AN INTERACTION OF THEM

[teaboot]

tranny freak :)

[nataliescatorccio]

#annabeth confronting the deep-rooted fear of disappointing her mother by asking her for help for percy's sake

[egophiliac]

(breathing into a paper bag) FRALIO....

can't believe they gave us another guy. oh my god. so I guess Kelka is more, uhhh, more OOO then, and Fralio is Ankh? not that it matters too much, although they do seem to be doing something with the connected Riders so. who knows. anything goes! or if I may, anything gOOOes! god. of course they're the Ambition parallel. of course they are. oh my god.

fortunately there's nothing else they can throw at me right now that could possibly --

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[the-algebra-thing]

I love a reunion kiss as much as anybody else but I feel like we're skipping over the more important part. coming back to life after more than two years is a five-minute-reunion-hug-worthy event I would say. also I saw something that said ethari has grown his hair out during this meantime which obviously makes me insane

[ummmmandy]

[shotmrmiller]

There's a post going around abt price lying about his sex life and why do I think Simon would be the same way? He's like nah mate I don't fuck but goes home to reader every time to make sure that mattress still has an impression of reader

that's funny because i think price would fucking boast. you know those 'we trying for a baby' 'why tf do i wanna know you getting stuffed full of cum' memes? that's him.

oh he's letting everyone and their mom fucking know that he's going in with only the gun he keeps by his bedside as protection cuz babyyyy-

and do not asking him what positions to have some sort of cheeky gotcha moment he will spill any and all beans. he doesn't care. proud of it. he's got a heavy sac and a full heart and ain't ashamed in the least.

simon is the one that lies. yeah, he could have tons of one nighters. used to, too. the boys know him well enough that if he up and leaves in the middle of a 141 night out, he's gotten in someone's pants. and he still does that. doesn't say a word after finishing that swill soap calls beer and just-

leaves. blends into the shadows and disappears. soap tends to give some crass whistle too like don't do anything i wouldn't do but he's just running to go home to you cuz he:

misses you

needs to be inside you

also tired, social battery is empty

he doesn't tell even price anything. it makes him feel a bit bad, almost. (keyword almost. you're the upmost priority and if john is the man simon knows him to be, he'd understand)

he trusts him to always have his six no matter what and here simon is, hoarding you like a dragon does his treasure but he just can't risk anyone knowing of you. will not come home to an empty, bloodied home like he did last time.

all it takes is one slip of the tongue. one word to fall onto listening ears for you to get taken and killed, if not worse. he's made one too many enemies. he knows he's dangerous. knows his life's dangerous. but he gives up so much for his country so the least anyone can let him have all for himself is you.

and no photos taken :) except for the ones he lets you take of yall on polaroid.

[titfairy]

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

*rolls up 15 years late with Avatar the Last Airbender thoughts*

So I've been rewatching clips from the show lately to refresh my memory while I'm writing my Zuko Alone fanfic. And last night I rewatched the clip where Iroh teaches Zuko how to redirect lightning and I have had thoughts about this scene for years so I might as well finally throw them into the void of tumblr.

So, this scene is insane to me, because at the end of learning how he could-hypothetically- redirect lightning, Zuko looks at Iroh and, completely seriously says "okay I'm ready to try it with the real thing now". Like, Zuko, the boy with a massive scar on his face from where his father burned him just looks at his uncle and says, "shoot me with lightning".

And yes, he's 16 and not thinking but that's part of the point because the amount of blind, complete trust Zuko has in Iroh to look at him and say "shoot lightning at me" after the insane trauma he had at the hands of his own father- that is WILD to me. Zuko literally trusts Iroh so much that he just assumes, without even having to think about it, that no matter how volatile and unpredictable the lightning is, Iroh won't hurt him because Zuko cannot fathom his uncle hurting him.

And of course, Iroh's appalled because Zuko's standing there with a massive scar on his face from when his father misused firebending against him and likewise, Iroh cannot fathom hurting Zuko. And since IROH knows how volatile and unpredictable lightning is and how it could literally kill his son nephew he is absolutely NOT going to use it just to let Zuko practice redirecting lightning, but he's so flabbergasted that Zuko would even ask him that that he just kind of splutters angrily that he will ABSOLUTELY NOT shoot lightning at Zuko. (it's also just another layer of how messed up Ozai is because he shot lightning at Zuko without a second thought later)

But I hope Iroh thought about it later and realized the amount of pure, unthinking trust Zuko has in him because ;-; the child didn't even THINK about it. "Okay uncle shoot lightning at me now. I know I'll be safe because it's you." I love them so much 😭😭

[la-muerta]

《又见红绸舞剑 to see the red silk sash sword-dance again 》

On the night of the mid-autumn festival, in the company of friends and fragrant wine, Li Lianhua drank to a state of blissful satisfaction. He pulled off a red sash that was at hand to tie it to his sword and began to dance with his sword while he drank. In his drunken stupor, Xiaobao declared that he had seen Chang'er. (A-Fei woke up the next day with a hangover and found that the belt from his red robe was missing.)

Artist: 呼葱觅蒜 on weibo; reposted with credit as requested.