#not the first time my period syncs with my besties

[sleep-nurse]

Our periods are synching peace and joy on planet physical pain

HKJGHEGHJEHGKJEGF OH MY GOD THEY ARE????????? THIS MUST MEAN SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sugar-omi]

could i possible request fem!cove and fem MC?? just little head canons both sfw and nsfw! i have nothing entirely specific in mind but just anything that you'd like 😊

THE SMILE ON MY FACE *KICKS FEET* HEHE OF COURSE YOU CAN eta now that im done: this is a big mindless, nonsense ramble i. im sorry. i was having the biggest gay panic of my life thinking abt her LMFAO 💀💀

tags : SFW + NSFW, fem/afab cove and reader, oral (cove receiving, reader receiving ment), menstruation ment,

synopsis : me losing my mind over fem!cove 🏌️

SFW

she's not much different to cove already ofc

but in my head she shines so bright omfg...

i like to imagine she's buff no matter what

washboard abs, toned arms and thighs...

but then think abt studious!cove

i want her to be soft....

bitta tummy, thighs perfect to wrap around your head... just squishy

so torn between the two. pls i can't she's PERFECT

either way, strong enough to pick you up

if big n buff she princess carries you all the time

if you do the same back tho, once you put her down she can't stand on her feet

she's swooning. actually falling. she's in love....

MATCHING CLOTHES

ah. you two going shopping and you seeing a dress n getting it for her....

she wears it on your next date, all shy and cute because she doesn't wear dresses often

dies if you give her attention over it, especially if you make a risque comment- she can't handle it

definitely lets you put makeup on her, she's just not good so if you are, please help...

once you see her in lip gloss for the first time, please kiss her and make a comment like "your lips looked so delicious, i couldn't help it" or "i like that color on you, do you think it'd suit me too?"

and then make it a habit bc now she's buying many lip glosses so you can kiss her silly <333

back to the doesn't wear dresses/skirts often thing

i think she's very active

always in shorts, t-shirt, tank top...

i wanna put her in a 2 piece suit

nice black slacks and a vest

the vest accentuating her chest because of it's low cut..

but i'd most likely to put her in a pretty dress for the ORCA dinner

does her best to dress up, even gets a bit of help from randy bc she is definitely a bit lost when it comes to fashion

but when you see her she literally knocks the breath outta you

she IS the prettiest girl in the world

ohhh her in the low light of the dinner, the blue lights just making her look so magical

pls she's everything to me

SHE STEALS YOUR CLOTHES.

OMG HER SLEEPING IN YOUR T-SHIRT!!!!

if your shirt is big n baggy on her she looks so cute...

although if your clothes run smaller or she's in a crop top/tight shirt....

imma save that for NSFW...

if you like painting your nails, she'll match!!!

isn't good at keeping them from getting chipped, but she does her best

omfg so i've seen some people say that their periods sync with their girlfriends (me n my bestie are always synced istg!!!!)

that's you and cove

you two usually know that if you got it, the other got theirs or is getting theirs

even if you get on birth control or have say pcos or smth like that that causes your periods to be irregular/disappear, pls still comfort n hang out w her!!!

i think hers is quite irregular as well so sometimes she's the one comforting you

now im projecting af, but when she gets it it's heavy!!!

not projecting but she definitely cramps, sometimes worse than others

either way, she loves cuddling up together and watching movies and stress eating snacks with you

anyway moving on before i add smth else<3333

NSFW

still a professional pussy eater !!!

(i watch this podcast and i need yall to see *this clip bc i just wanna say.... cove would definitely eat pussy to the bone. he's a DAWG!!!!)

probably even better at navigating your cunt since it's familiar territory

NOW ABOUT HER TITTIES IN THAT TIGHT SHIRT<33

she does her damnedest to NOT wear a bra, usually wears a sports bra

but again, she prefers no bra <3

and sometimes she gets away with it

but i love the idea of her waking up, her shirt all wrinkled and crooked, making it more fitting than it already is.

you can't focus on your cereal because she's shuffling towards you, nipples straining against the thin fabric.

cove flopping next to you on the couch, stealing bites of your cereal. and before she knows it, you kissed her breathless and all but snatch her shirt off, enticed by the rise and fall of her chest.

cupping cove's tits in your hands, she's so soft, and cove let's out the prettiest whimper when you brush your fingers over her nipples

if you suck on her chest, you get an even better reaction, cove rewarding you with loud moans and desperate calls of your name.

her hands in your hair, legs shaking and thighs clenching around you, totally ruined when you slip your hand into her sleep shorts, your fingers running over her darling clit.

she's cute<333

ah. i had a thought that i wanted to share earlier hehe

double sided dildo w cove....

holding hands while you both fuck back on the toy, cove hooking her legs over yours and getting as close as possible to play with your chest and kiss you..

ohh but would love if you got on top, the toy hitting both of you so deep inside, cove's body bouncing from the force of your hips

oh my fucking god.

she's a squirtter

arghh imma lose my MIND

imagine the first patreon moment, and you have her laid out all pretty in her bed, her legs over your shoulders and a hold on her thighs to keep her from crushing your head.

her thighs trembling in your hold, feet bumping against your back and she's clawing at the sheets, whining and moaning so pretty about how your tongue feels so good, low curses slipping from her lips...

tries pushing you away, tears in her eyes.

"y/n- oh god.. wait, i'm- imma make a mess!" she whimpers, throwing her head back when you just suck on her clit more intensly, your fingers curling against her spongy walls, loud squelches coming from your ministrations.

would make such a mess, the covers under her butt getting soaked in her fluids, it's even running down your neck and chest, a sight she has to tear her eyes away from when she finally comes down from her high.

would look so pretty too, her eyes rolled back and thighs trembling, back arching up and she'd fuck back on you, milking her orgasm and whimpering from any minor touch to her sensitive body..

oh and she'd peek at you through wet, spidery lashes, her pretty blues look so brilliant and darling even with the low light of the room and once she stops covering her face with her arm/fingers, you can see the bright blush on her face.

jfc she'd be such a sight, you might have to do her again just to make sure you don't forget it.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Light on the Darkside - Chapter Twenty Three.

Huge thanks as ever to all my lovely besties for your commitment to the story!

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty One Twenty Two

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 3,984

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Topics cover depression, suicide and eating disorders. Minors DNI!

“There, told her to make it extra strong,” Alice spoke, putting a large, well-brewed tea down on the table at the coffee shop she and her eldest had stopped at that morning, taking a seat. “What time did she finally settle?” 

“Five,” James yawned, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm. “Never seen so much fucking puke come out of something so small. Just waiting for it to rip through the house and blat everyone else now.”  

She didn’t envy that at all. “See, now this is another reason why I’m glad I found my children later in life,” she spoke, touching a loving hand to his arm. “No stomach bugs, no incessant colds and no headlice. Just two readymade amazing kids all grown up.”  

“I’m a top grade delight. Sam’s questionable.”  

Alice couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re both the apple of my eye. Still, though. There’s nothing I would have liked more than to have found you all sooner.” 

At least she’d found them all at all. “You came along exactly when you were meant to, mum. If I’d have had a supportive mother all my life, I probably wouldn’t have ended up being sectioned, then I wouldn’t have met Ella. I ain’t saying it was all Carole’s fault, how I ended up for a while, but you get what I mean, innit?” 

“I do, love,” she smiled fondly, sipping her latte. “So, apart from Freya decorating everything in vomit, how are my other two angels, hmm?” 

Ahhh, the typical, adoring eyes of a grandparent. To Alice, they were faultless. “Lyra is entering her moody teenage years a few months early, and Zara is still massively routine-driven. Getting a bit better, though. We can throw the odd change in here and there without her having a meltdown.”  

“See?” she smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I bet this is her growing out of it.” 

“I hope so,” he spoke, eyes widening a little. “Just got big girl throwing us stacks of attitude now the teenager years are looming, like I say.”  

Indeed, Ella had mentioned that to her the last time she’d met with her daughter-in-law for lunch. “Yes, Ella told me that she’d been getting a little sassy now her periods have started.”  

“And they’ve fucking synced up in their moon time, innit, so I’ve got two hormonal women being arsey with me at the same time every bloody month!” He paused, smirking. “Excuse the pun. Gonna be a shitting nightmare when the other two start as well!” 

Alice couldn’t keep her laughter in at that. “And we were all so convinced Freya was going to be a boy, weren’t we?” 

“Yeah,” he snorted, “but apparently my balls only make badass little girls!” Again, his mum was in soft fits, entertained as ever. It was the thing she’d loved most upon meeting him for the first time fifteen years before. He was hilarious. Her husband and son shared a very similar sense of humour.  

James had made her nerves over her pre-op appointment with the surgeon dissipate that morning by just being himself, making his usual uncouth observances. Alice was, if she was honest, dreading such a big operation as having her hip taken out and replaced. It felt to her like a procedure she was too young for still at only just turned sixty. 

After dropping her back home, he returned to his own, walking the dogs before making a slightly later start to his working day. With Otis and Hugo lying at his feet, he spent most of it welded to the phone, only stopping to eat something before he was back to work and intermittently checking up on a poorly Freya. As predicted, the stomach bug she had did spread through the house, Ella and Zara coming down with it too but luckily not plaguing him or Lyra. 

They were back to normal after three days of puking, James sick of the smell of Dettol being sprayed everywhere to help combat the spread of the bug. By the time the following Monday rolled around, Zara had returned to school and the destroyer of worlds to nursery, James picking them up as usual, Lyra walking back with a couple of friends who were staying for dinner. 

When those friends arrived, he was out in the back garden, working up a sweat while kicking the shit out of his freestanding punchbag. It was a sight to behold for one of her two best friends, as least, Cassidy virtually dribbling. 

“God, your dad is bae,” she sighed wistfully. “So hot.” 

Lyra curled her lip immediately. “Dude, you need to stop crushing on my dad!”  

“Can’t help it! He’s... wow.” 

The disgruntled spawn of Cass’s affections looked across the kitchen to their third cohort, Kitt shaking his head. “I can’t even with her.” When James arrived in the kitchen, neither could he.  

“Kitt, how’s it going, man?” he spoke firstly, offering a fist bump, side eyeing the young girl who did not stop staring at his sweat slicked chest. “Cass, pack it in.” 

“I can’t,” she sighed, “you’re... yeah.” 

He shook his head, opening a fresh bottle of water. “I’m forty, is what I am, and you’re thirteen. Enough.” He knew his own attractiveness, but it still made him feel uncomfortable when girls of such a young age noticed it. It was the same with fans of the band, his discomfort only amplified further after he’d become a father himself. There were a staggering number of musicians out there who hadn’t the same set of morals where underage girls were concerned, but he’d never be one of them.  

Turning his attention away as Cassidy reined herself in, he pointed at Kitt. “Got your boy uniform, at last!” he spoke, nodding with a smile.  

Kitt up until six months ago had been Katie, when he’d finally come out to his parents as trans. His friends had known for much longer, as well as James and Ella. They’d been nothing but accepting over it, immediately changing the pronouns used to speak of him, as well as his new chosen name. Sadly, Kitt’s own father hadn’t taken it quite as well. It was why the young lad liked being at Lyra’s so much. Her dad accepted him without question.  

“Yeah, feels good. Mum took me shopping for boy clothes, too. Felt proper, finally getting to wear stuff I feel comfortable in,” he confirmed, James nodding. 

“That’s sound, mate. Oh, don’t leave tonight without taking all my old band t shirts with you. None of ‘em fit me anymore since I got jacked, so you might as well have the ones Lyra don’t want.” 

His eyes lit up. “Really? Ahh, cheers, James!” 

“No problem, kid.” he smiled, leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs for a shower. Dressed in black sweats and a dark grey t-shirt five minutes later, his hair hanging damp, he placed down the large pile atop the island, Kitt beginning to look through.  

“No fucking way!” he gasped, suddenly clasping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry.” 

James snorted. “Ella ain’t around, you can drop F bombs, bro. I don’t give a shit.” Such a stance definitely cemented his status as a cool dad. “You fucking can’t, though.” he then spoke, pointing at Lyra with a wink, her friends laughing as she pouted and raised her middle finger at her dad, who returned the gesture.  

Continuing his excitement, Kitt held the t shirt in his hands aloft. “Is this from the nineties?” 

“Turn it around and look at the back.” He duly did, James pointing to one of the tour dates printed on the reverse. “I was at that gig. Steve, Snedders and I went up to Glasgow for a week on the piss right after we’d finished our A levels.”  

“Dude!” Kitt exclaimed, “That’s so sick!” 

“Innit? Banging night, that was,” he spoke of the Pantera gig they’d been to back in nineteen ninety-two. “Broke my nose in the pit, Snedders ended up with a dread ripped out, and Steve... well I can’t tell you about what he got up to.” 

“Oh, go on, man!” Kitt exclaimed. 

“Nah, mate. Ask me when you’re sixteen and I’ll tell you then, innit.” He had to be a proper adult sometimes, he supposed. Thirteen-year-old ears didn’t need to know that his best mate had somehow managed to discreetly shag two girls one after the other against the barriers that night. 

They continued to talk more about music, all the while with Lyra looking on proudly. That was her dad, and he was utterly awesome. She loved him even more for how completely unphased he was about Kitt’s status as a trans boy, too. He simply treated him just as that: a boy. It was more than Marc, his own father did, refusing to acknowledge him as Kitt, still referring to him as she/her and using his deadname.  

“Hello, everybody!” Ella chimed brightly, coming into the kitchen after her last therapy session had ended for the day, smiling widely as she was greeted by the three kids sitting at the island with her husband. “What are you all chatting about?” she continued, quickly checking through the windowed door that led to the lounge, seeing her younger girl's content in their cartoon watching and homework endeavours.  

“When dad punched Fred Durst in the face at the Kerrang awards,” Lyra laughed, her friends exploding all over again. Ella rolled her eyes, remembering it well. She’d been there. In fact, it was because of her that the Limp Bizkit frontman had ended up with a face full of fist.  

“I suppose he had it coming to him. He did grab my arse, and your dad takes exception to that kind of thing,” she spoke, kissing James between his shoulder blades and squeezing his arms. “You were lucky he didn’t bleedin’ press charges, though!”  

“Wouldn’t have cared if he had. Wanker got what he deserved for putting his hands on my wife.” Ella immediately raised an eyebrow. “Not that I advocate violence or nothing like that,” he swiftly added, turning to wink rapidly, the kids further descending. It was always a good time in the Kingston household.  

After dinner, James drove Cassidy and Kitt to their respective homes, Lyra accompanying.  

“Thanks, dad,” she spoke, examining the split ends in her hair. 

“What for, kid?” 

“You’re always really great with Kitt. He’s having a hard time since coming out, few of the kids at school teasing him. It isn’t good at home either with his dad refusing to accept it all.” 

It must have been hard for all involved, but especially Kitt himself. “The lad has enough to contend with, innit, growing up in a body that don’t reflect who he is on the inside. I ain’t gonna give him shit for it. Hopefully his dad’ll come around to it sooner rather than later. Gotta be tough for him, too, to suddenly see that who he thought was his daughter now wants to be referred to as his son. Big thing, that.” 

Lyra hummed, picking at her hair. “Yeah, but you’d be alright with it though, wouldn’t you? If it was me who came out as trans.” 

“Yeah, course I would, monster. All I want is for you to be happy, but it don’t mean I wouldn’t find it a bit tough as well. I’d keep that to myself, though, ‘cos I’d realise that in the end, what you’d go through would be a thousand times tougher than anything I’d feel.” 

“Mum would just fucking analyse me,” she snorted, a tiny slither of contempt there. 

“Oi, less of that,” he warned lightly, turning left to put them back on the dual carriageway. “Your mum would help you while you found your identity, and all the stuff you’d have going on up in your head. That’s her job as a mum first and foremost, innit. Just because she does it professionally is by the by.” 

“Always feel like she’s watching me from a professional standpoint, though,” she remarked, raising her hands up to drop them into her lap. 

“Nah, Lyra. She don’t do that. Not with you kids. What you need to remember about your mum is that yeah, because of her job she does understand certain behaviours and responses better than others do, and she will tailor that understanding to how she deals with things. That ain’t a bad thing, you know. Like when you’re being arsey for little to no reason, she knows it’s cos’ your brain is changing as you’re growing up, and she’s gentle with you because of that. Trust me, you have a top grade mum. You’re lucky.” 

His daughter was silent for a few moments. “Do you mean because she’s not like Carole?” The older children were aware that their nanny wasn’t James and their auntie Sam’s biological mum, but only Lyra had a slightly more informed grasp over why. 

“Exactly that, kid,” replied, slowing as they reached a roundabout. 

“What was she like?” 

Taking the third exit, he felt his jaw stiffen a tiny bit. Since her death he’d attempted to try and remember the more favourable traits, but with how she’d behaved with him from his mid-teens to early twenties, it was difficult to reconcile. “She had her good points, I suppose. Always raised us knowing right from wrong and all that, but she was proper hard on us if we weren’t living up to what she expected. She’d pick at us, looking for arguments to make her feel justified and then blame us when we bit back. They call it gaslighting in this day and age.” 

“She didn’t like mum either, did she?” 

He snorted loudly. “Hated your mum, yeah. Didn’t like that she not only stood up to her, but stood up for me while she was doing it. Never took the chance to get to know her either.”  

Lyra softened then, humming a gentle laugh. “Yeah, mum is very protective of us.”  

Those words made her dad smile. He’d noticed of late that she’d been harbouring a little extra in the way of resentment when it came to Ella having to be tough with her because of her attitude, although truly, his eldest didn’t know from tough where mothering was concerned. Ella was firm when she had to be, but always gentle.  

“Your mother is a bloody lioness,” he beamed, turning to look at her fleetingly. “You girls are her world.” 

“Do you ever miss her,” she then asked, quick to clarify. “Carole, that is?” 

“Nah, I don’t. I let go of the idea that she could be anything more than a controlling woman with a predisposition for aggro a long, long time ago. Before you were born, innit. In the end, whatever Carole had wrong with her, she didn’t wanna fix it. Now, your nanny Alice, different matter entirely.” 

She wasn’t just the mum he’d wanted for so long, she’d become the mum he’d needed, so kind and nurturing, very similar to Ella in that respect. A lot of the damage left in the wake of him walking away from Carole had been much soothed by her coming into their lives.  

Once home, Lyra kissed her parent's goodnight, James flopping down on the sofa next to his wife, ready to resume their catchup of Game of Thrones season 3 before season 4 began airing two months’ from then. 

“I still can’t shitting believe we’re in this!” he exclaimed, excitement for his and the guy’s upcoming appearance in season 4 buzzing through him. Someone on the production team of the show had reached out to the band’s management, the crew member a die-hard Nocturnal Descent fan who had put it to the casting and show runners that the band make a cameo appearance somehow as background cast. 

The guys had headed to Iceland for three weeks the previous year to film as members of Mance Rayder’s Wildling army, having an amazing time on set, doing something so different to their main profession.  

“I always knew I’d married a wildling, but now it’s official,” Ella chuckled, grabbing her cup of tea and curling into her husband. 

“Yeah, you fucking did!” he chimed, reaching to playfully squeeze her boob. She laughed, turning her head to kiss his shoulder. 

“Oh, snacks!” she then announced, reaching to pause the opening credits with the Sky+ remote. 

“I’ll go.” Heaving himself up, he entered the kitchen, the sound of rummaging becoming audible. “We got any popcorn left?” 

“No, Zara finished it.” 

“Total bullshit!” More rustling followed. “Babe? Are the giant pretzels still in here?” 

She resisted the urge to tell him that he should know, being that he was the one peering into the snack's cupboard at that particular moment. “Yes! Bring those and the little cheese biscuit things as well, the ones in the blue box.” 

“Okay, cheese things found,” he called back, “but can’t see the shitting pretzels.” 

“They’re in there!” 

More rustling. “Where, though?” 

And to think he’d spawned children who could hear pretzels being opened from four rooms away. “Probably behind the jar of almonds.” 

“Ahh! Got ‘em.” Finally. She heard the sound of various baked snack goods being decanted into a bowl, James appearing again, two very interested parties getting up from their beds to amble over and sit expectantly at his feet. “Oh no, you two ain’t getting fuck all. Especially not after you, shitting expensive brown potato decided to get a piece of carrot stuck in his pissing throat.”  

Feed a healthy snack of carrots to your dog, they said. They make an excellent, high fibre alternative to dog treats, they said. And they had, until Hugo had spent the entire evening hacking and retching to no avail, James having to drive him to the emergency vet at nine thirty on a Sunday evening, the dog knocked out before having the offending piece of carrot pulled from his throat with a long set of tweezers for that very purpose.  

“Costing me the best part of a grand because you can’t chew,” he continued, Hugo head tilting with a grunt. “Yeah, make your confused sounds at me all you pissing like, mate. Ain’t happening, soft foods only for you two now. Fucking pom frites.” 

Potatoes, pom frites, chauves-souris (the French word for bats, chosen because of their ears) French fuckery number one and number two, James had a whole host of amusing names for their canine companions.   

Ella reached for Hugo, stroking his tan-brown head. “I don’t think he’s forgiven you yet.” Again, the dog grunted, him and his brother waiting expectantly. It was to no avail, though, Ella gently reminding them they’d had ham as a treat earlier before sending them back to their beds. They got through two episodes of the show before calling it quits for the night, sitting there talking instead. 

“Have you noticed Lyra being a little off lately?” she asked suddenly, fiddling with the tie on her pyjama bottoms.  

“Only when she’s got her moon time.” Since finding out the centuries old term for women having their periods, James had referred to them as little else. “She was chatty enough in the car on the way back earlier.” 

“Ahh, maybe it’s just me, then. She just seems a bit quiet sometimes. I’m trying not to be bothered by it, rationality decreeing it’s of course all hormonal,” she replied, pursing her lips in a twist. “What was she talking to you about?” 

“Thanked me for being good with Kitt since he came out,” he revealed, biting into the last pretzel and offering the other half to her lips, which she took.  

“That poor boy. I know it’s so much more common these days, but he’s going to have such an uphill struggle. His dad especially is making it difficult, calling it a phase when truly, the kid has felt that way secretly his whole life. I forgot to tell you, he collared me at the school gates yesterday when I was dropping Lyra off, asked me if I’d consider taking him on as a patient to, and I quote, “straighten her out again” as he worded it.” 

James raised an eyebrow. “And what did you tell him?” 

“I said that I’d happily refer his son to a specialist in the field of gender dysphoria to assist him living as the person he clearly wanted to be, but that I wasn’t prepared to try and change Kitt’s mind,” she revealed, scratching her head with a sigh. “He didn’t take it particularly well, so I was surprised Kitt was allowed round here tonight, if I’m honest. Then again, Louise is doing all she can to try and make his life bearable since his dad isn’t being supportive. I suppose that extends to being allowed into the houses of his friends whose parents support his transitioning.” 

“It’ll come back to bite him in the arse if he don’t, though. I could tell the fella that first hand, innit.” 

Ella widened her eyes. If anyone knew all about having a parent who was unsupportive, it was him. “Big time, you could.”  

“We spoke about that a little bit, actually. Well, Carole,” he revealed, leaning to place the empty bowl down upon the coffee table, admiring the craftmanship as ever. Away from the band, Snedders ran a very successful sideline of carpentry, James putting a lot of work his way after they’d first purchased their forever home. The coffee table was just one of the beautiful, unique pieces within the house crafted by him. 

She was surprised by that. “You did? What prompted that?” 

“Ahh, she made an offhand remark about you analysing her, and I set her straight on it, told her that ain’t the kind of thing you do. I think she tries to use it as a bone of contention a bit too much, innit. Mum’s therapizing me, all that nonsense just because you can figure her out. I told her how lucky she was, having someone like you as a mum.” 

It had been hard for Ella, Lyra having a natural gravitation toward her father, very much daddy’s girl. It wasn’t that they weren’t close, hell, when she’d had her first period late the previous year, it had been her mum she’d immediately gone to. Over the last few months though, she’d noticed her eldest pushing back against her especially. Even more so when James was away with the band. 

“She’s isn’t wrong, though. It is a fault of mine sometimes, to talk to her more from a therapist standpoint than that of a mother,” she confessed, sighing. "But you're right. I will never be in the same bleedin' ballpark as Carole. Good freakin’ god. Never.” 

Such a statement of canid honesty truly reflected that notion. If Ella had her faults, she recognised and acknowledged them. Carole, in her own mind, hadn’t had any. “It’s all teenage shit, innit? She’ll get through it. We were once where she is now, too. Just a lot more fucking troubled. Well, I was, at least.” 

“Yeah, baby. You’re right. I know it probably better than most. It’s tough though, to be challenged so much by that sweet little girl who used to think I hung the moon and stars. I know she’s always been closer to you, but still.” Resting her cheek to his shoulder, she smiled as he wrapped an arm around her, kissing her head. 

“Ain't easy, all this parenting stuff, is it?"  

It wasn’t. Constant worry broken sleep; the latter evidenced later that night when Ella was awoken by tiny hands rousing her with a gentle shake. “Had a bad dream, mummy. Need cuddles.”  

Ella smiled, wrapping Freya in her arms as she pulled her into bed. At least the littlest of the Kingston girls still thought the moon and stars were hung by her mummy.  

[priestfrommidnightmass]

me and my bestie hung out for the first time in a while and exchanged mutual situationship stories as we do and it’s crazy how in sync they are. when there was a week i felt like he was avoiding me she texts saying her man hasn’t texted her in 24 hours. when he started acting super romantic and overly touchy with me she tells me that he also started acting super romantic and overly touchy with her. i made a comment that their periods are synced and we both laughed so hard in the middle of chili’s we almost had to leave

[crmsndragonwngss]

1,4,7 and 9 :)

Nah fuck it, I’m doing both!

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Seeking Somewhere, by Monument Of A Memory Proxy, by Valis Ablaze Legion, by TesseracT

4. three songs that you know thanks to your parents

Many, but here are some faves:

(No seriously)

7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved

Believe it or not, as much as I love Lorna now, I really did not care for this song in the beginning. I’m not real huge into deathcore (I have bands I like but it’s far from my favorite subgenre), and I did not vibe with this song at first. Obviously that changed. I tried it again when I was in a different mindset and fell completely head over heels in love with the whole ep!

Again, believe it or not, I didn’t particularly care for Ghost Atlas the first time I heard them. I was already an Erra fan, so I already adored Jesse Cash, but GA was so totally different from Erra and it simply wasn’t what I needed at the time. Then All Is In Sync came out in 2017 and their sound finally clicked with me, and I went back and ended up really loving this song in particular. This is also a great band if you like alt rock/indie rock.

Listen, way back in 2014, when I was discovering Erra and Amity for the first time, Psy’s Gangnam Style went viral for the second time in the States and a couple of BTS mv reactions had landed on lame ass “comedy” shows that my ex-bestie watched like tosh.0, and I tried to listen to BTS just to see what all the hype was about. I listened to this album and fucking hated it. I always give songs to the chorus to catch my interest before I skip, and I ended up skipping every track, but I really disliked this one. I could not pinpoint why exactly, I just did not fuck with it at all. Fast forward to like six fucking months ago and this is one of my favorite songs period, let alone one of my fave BTS tracks. I LOVE this song. I listen to it almost every day (followed immediately by cypher 3, not big on the other two cyphers, but I love these two). This is not the song that made me actually fall in love with BTS’s music, that distinction goes to a track from the same album (Tomorrow), but this one has earned a spot in my regular rotation for sure

9. three songs that get you in the Christmas Mood

(That is hands down my favorite Christmas song ever)

Of course

And Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, but no specific version of it

10. three favourite Halloween/spooky songs

Imma basic ass goth bitch, so naturally:

And because I hit the audio limit (lame)

Cry Little Sister, the theme song from The Lost Boys (and yes, I do actually prefer the original over the covers I've heard. BUT if anyone has a cover they like of it, feel free to send it!)

[devsmuses]

hi everyone!! i'm feeling inspired to start some new threads with people i haven't written with before and mutuals!! below i'm going to list some ideas i have muse for, but my writing interest is not limited to said ideas. feel free to message me to plot something out together or for a starter inspired by one of the listed ideas :)

● something within the regency period. it could happen within the bridgerton universe since that's my whole inspiration/muse for the era. imagine a f/f pairing where they're besties or have bonded really closely during the whole society season, the whole marrying off period that takes place in the show, and imagine they end up falling for one another😵‍💫 or we could do something inspired by daphne and simon, or penelope and colin. i'd prefer to play the f in this pairing if possible.

● this is kind of a niche request i feel like but imagine a pairing of two drag queens who are rivals like absolutely hate each other who despite their constant catty comments towards one another always are hooking up and have shown no signs of stopping it. i imagine the setting being drag race just because that sounds like so much fun. imagine their surprise when they see one another in the work room for the first time. imagine the other queens finding out the two have a situationship and discussing it in the work room. imagine them having to lip sync for their lives against one another and someone goes home. i feel like to most this sounds so goofy, but god, it sounds like fun to me

● imagine lexi and fez from euphoria, their dynamic, but if lexi was buying from fez, and also make it m/m because i love the gays. i imagine the more lexi like one needs we*d or something and the fez like character feels like it's some sting set up because why is a goodie two shoes trying to buy from him. i imagine this leads to them chatting before he'll sell to them and they just hit it off from there. the lexi like one comes to buy from them more and more just to spend some time with the other. but inevitably the fez like one might pull away, afraid of them ruining their life by getting caught up with him. give me the angst. give me them understanding one another in a way no one else has been able to understand them.

• something angsty and gay, preferably some lesbians, and i want the thread to be inspired by something chappell roan because i love her so much. if you pick this one, be prepared to brainstorm a good bit with me because i have no concrete plans for this thread.

• a thread where our pairing is surviving something. it could be an apocalypse or something paranormal? i just want the angst and stress and pressure of this pairing being in life and death situations and not only do you have to worry about yourself, you have to make sure your person is safe. imagine close calls and meaningful kisses that stand in place for saying "i'm so glad you didn't die back there" we can plot out the whole lore aspect of this before we hop into it to make it even more immersive and slay

• i kind of want some kind of toxic exes pairing who are still in each other's lives. maybe one has completely moved on and the other keeps getting drunk and winding up on their doorstep because despite trying to move on, they've been together so long that that's quite a feat and sends them spiraling often. i'm imagining they were high-school sweethearts and maybe they married immediately after graduating because they were so in love, but then life hit them and their marriage went down the drain for whatever reason. maybe there's love still there on both sides, maybe it's one-sided, but even after their divorce they keep being brung into one another's lives. i just live for that angst and their past history that comes with it

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: March 30th, 2021- Part 1

We’ve been really focused on getting the Step 3 DLC done and keeping up with asks kind of got away from me, aha. Thank you for waiting for a reply! We’re still definitely behind, but here’s a good chunk of responses!

I love Our Life so much but if the release of the step 3 dlc is in April, please don't "release" it on April 1, my poor heart can't take that prank 😭

Don’t worry! I’m horrible at pranks, haha. When we do post something specifically for April Fool’s it’s always to pretend it’s a joke when in reality it’s something we’re actually planning to do. But we don’t have anything like that arranged for this year. Any posts on April 1st will just be like normal.

Omigod, can you end the game in love with Cove but not in a relationship? My character stayed calm at the restaurant and Cove slept over at her home and I think I may have missed it. I'm delirious if I did, may never stop laughing. The children are idiots 

Haha, yes, it is possible to be in love and still not get into an actual relationship. There’s no forced ending where the two are made to confess their feelings and accept, it’s all optional/avoidable.

How can you see the new main character cut-in images? I'm not trying to be rude, but, all of my playthroughs, but I haven't seen them yet. (I know you can go through an entire game without seeing them, but I have went through multiple games.) 

It’s a bit of a spoiler to say here, but you can check out the guide we posted on Steam HERE!

Is it possible to win first place in the library quiz with Lizzy (Step 1 DLC) 

Yep, it is! Someone made a guide for the answers HERE (it’s also on Steam). We probably shouldn’t have required a perfect score to win a children quiz, but oh well, haha.

Hello!

In the future (in step 4) can you marry Cove even if you are friends? I would love to have a platonic wedding with him!

I’m afraid not. As much as he cares for the MC when they’re besties, Cove would only really want an official marriage if it’s based on romance.

Hello! I bumped into Our Life randomly last month, and it is one of the best coincidences I have ever laid on. I love how the choices and little details in the story changes throughout the game, and I'm excited to keep supporting you! I'm absolutely in love with Cove and would like to ask what keeps him to be especially interested in the MC? Other than how you can choose what fondness level you have with him, what ultimately leads him to be in sync with us? Sorry if it's a little much & thank u! 

Cove likes the MC because, regardless of the different personality traits you can give the MC, they meet him on his level, listen to him, understand him (even if you’re indifferent and not really close the MC still gets where he’s coming from), and if you’re fond/crush/love than you’re there for him. He finds the MC someone he can respect, trust, and, if they’re close, feel safe with. I’m glad you enjoyed the game!

hi there! for xoxo droplets i see the that female pronouns are used in the description, in the actual game can you change the pronouns or are they stuck as female? i'm aware the game is free, but i have a bad habit of buying dlc's before playing the game so it would be helpful to know before i spend money on it. if anything i'll save that money for more our life dlcs when they come out :D

XOXO Droplets does have a set MC. It’s the story of a specific person rather than a game about making your own story. All of our games prior to Our Life were about exploring MCs that were fully fleshed out people in their own right, so you can’t get the OL experience from what we did before. But we do plan to do more custom-style MCs going forward from here!

For the our life nsfw dlc, will you have to be in the patron to have it or  will there be another way for people who really support the game but can't pay to get it? 

I’m afraid not. We might put it up for sale somewhere other than Patreon someday (though never on Steam or Itch) since we know not everyone can use that site, but it will still cost money on any other hosting page we use. It’s unfortunately not a piece of content we can give away for free.

Hello! I finally got to play Xoxo Blood Droplets and it mentioned about a DLC coming out soon. Is it already out or are you still planning it?

We are still planning to finish it when we can, we just had to put it on hold because 2020 was a tough year and we needed to put all our focus on Our Life. There’s some of the extra DLC stories available for beta testing on the Patreon.

Is there a link to the soundtrack for Xoxo Blood Droplets? I really like the music in this game! 

That’s not available yet, but we’ll probably put it up for sale once the rest of the stories are done.

Would there be any chance for XOXO Droplets OSTs to be released in the future? (Please take my money-) 

We might! There are some things we wanna do and fix before we really start advertising XOXO Droplets things again, but hopefully it all comes together.

Why does Cove dislike Shiloh so much despite all of Shiloh's efforts to get along? I can understand his dislike for Lizzie, but why Shiloh? 

They met under bad terms (with an arranged play date he had no choice in), Shiloh’s sort of pushy himself when it comes to trying to get along, and Cove thinks he’s just kind of unusual in how he interacts/reacts with people. They don’t click, basically.

Is there a way to have your character be a tsundere? And have Cove toughened up a bit due to that? Sorry if the is a stupid question! ^^;

Maybe? The options in the game aren’t based on those types of personality tropes and I don’t know them well enough to say if you can accurately find a way to make it work with the available options. But it’s not a stupid question, I’m sure plenty of other people have considered something similar c:

do voiced names work only with their exact spelling? cause my mc is called Sophia and one of the voiced names is Soffia so i was wondering but if only works like that it's fine (sorry if i made any mistakes, english isn't my first language) 

“Voice” and “text” are separate! You can pick the “voice” you want and then type in whatever “text” you prefer. And your English is really good.

Will OL:NF be based on a season/break like the first game? Or some other type of setting? 

Our Life: Now & Forever takes place over the full course of Autumn. So, the start of school and then into the fall holiday season type of time period.

Will we ever see a jealous cove😭😭 please im begging u- 

Only in small ways, really. Sadly, I’m just not someone who enjoys jealousy in stories and therefore I don’t know how to implement it in a way that feels enjoyable. Maybe I’ll figure out a angle I can work with in future projects.

Do you have any plans with Our Life once step 4 has been released along with step 3's DLCs? 

After the Step 3 DLCs and Step 4 we’ll be releasing the Cove wedding DLC, the Derek romance DLC, and then the Baxter romance DLC. The project will likely be considered fully complete at that point.

Hello, I just needed to first of all sat how amazed I was when I discovered this game. I thought I would be disappointed by the lack of love interests, but you worked so hard to make sure Cove is the Best Boy for so many different people!! It really has been my comfort game for a while now, and I think all the different choices you allow make it the best romance game I’ve played in my life. The only problem is now my expectations for love are Cove level, and no one can live up to that. You’ve put so much consideration to make this game super inclusive and I think it’s amazing. If I can ask, for the exclusive NSFW Patreon dlc, will it only be available for the month it comes out? Or could I become a patron months later and still be able to download it. I just don’t have a job right now otherwise I would LOVE to subscribe to your Patreon and definitely will once I have the money again!! Thank you so so much for making such a lovely game that’s brought me so much joy.

&

Hiya! I'm so sorry for sounding like a complete degenerate for asking, but will the nsfw moment on patreon still be available even if i'm not a patron of the month it comes out? (e.g. i didnt pay/join the necessary tier before the moment is released) Thank you for your hard work on OL, I really connected with Cove in a way I never anticipated.

Thank you very much for such kind words! The Patreon DLC will be up for download on the Patreon indefinitely once it’s done. Just like the normal DLCs, you can pay to get it whenever you like but it won’t be up for sale until it’s finished. So take all the time you need.

Sorry to bother you guys, but there was an earlier ask detailing the OL LI's love languages and I was just wondering- Would that be for them personally, as in what they do, or the love language they enjoy receiving the most? Because I know for some people it's different for both on giving and receiving and was a bit confused, haha. Sorry for the trouble, your games are really nice!

For Cove and Derek it’s what they like to receive and what they give. For Baxter, it’s what he likes to get. What he gives is tailored to his partner. He’s flexible that way~ And it’s no trouble.

asking (and also fanning... fanboying? fangirling? fanpersoning? screw it- from a distance) anonymously because my confidence is nonexistent.

will you be doing a kickstarter for our life: now and forever? i know it's probably been asked and mentioned before, but will you be doing a kickstarter akin to the one done for our life: beginnings and always? if so, will you be doing similar tier rewards? (if you guys do so, i will [politely] throw my money at you).

now, to the fan.. personing? FAN. uhm. to the part where this anonymous agender idiot will begin to act as the fan they are.

THE GAME IS SO. SO NICE. IT'S CUSTOMIZABLE. I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT PART. AAAAA I ALSO ENJOY THAT YOU GAVE US THE OPTION TO JUST STAY BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING A8DBAIHEW- AND YOU INCLUDED AROS AND ACES IN THAT SEXUALITY CHOOSING PART- aaaAAA AND YOU MADE ELIZABETH FILIPINO- THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR CREATING SUCH AN INCLUSIVE GAME!!!

to summarize; will you be doing a kickstarter? and thank you for creating such a nice game. i, and likely the majority if not all of those who have played the game, am thankful.

Aw, thanks <3! I’m so happy it was such a nice experience for you. We are planning on having a Kickstarter for Our Life: Now & Forever. It’ll have similar rewards to the Our Life: O&A Kickstarter, but some changes will have to be made. Like, we’ll definitely need to increase the rate for getting a voiced name. Originally it was $3USD, which was super low for how much work it really took to add in a customized piece of voice acting, aha. Live and learn.

So sorry if you've already answered this, I looked but I couldn't find anything. Is the 18+ DLC coming out alongside the Step 3 DLC, or do they have different development timelines entirely? I'm so excited for all the DLC coming out in the future, and even though the release dates aren't out, I'm already counting down the days. :)

They have different development times and will come out separately. Despite taking place in the same Step period, they’re disconnected pieces of content and making progress on one doesn’t mean the other is closer to being finished. The normal Step 3 DLC is releasing first. It’s great to hear you’re looking forward to them!

Hey!! I'm absolutely LOVING Our Life! I have been pondering on one question though, what's Cove's ethnicity, if there is a set one? Or is it something we can Headcanon? 

&

hi hi! i wanted to say first of all that i absolutely adore our life. it's one of my favourite games of 2020, and i think it was just the perfect dose of positivity we all needed, even if you didn't intend to release it during such a hectic year lol! secondly, i wanted to say: if it's alright to ask, what ethnicity is cove? :-0 and what about his parents? i was just curious about it ^^)/ thank you!!

Cove’s mom, Kyra, is white. But his dad’s, Cliff’s, race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be! 

hello! there was a post on the patreon where you can run your fingers down cove's chest in errands - how do you get that scene? ♥ 

That was an old mistake on my part- you can only get that scene in the Ending rather Errands. You have to leave the big family dinner at the restaurant to go into the car, be dating Cove for a while, have Cove come see you there, and then mention using your hands when Cove makes a joke about hands.

in baxter’s dlc, is there any point where you can tell him about the previous renters of the condo? 

You can talk to him about that in the normal Step 3 DLC!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you for all the interest in our games everybody :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[goblinconceivable]

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing.  (I can’t be the only one who does that...)  Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again.  And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there.  Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it.  Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first.  I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show.  Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.)  Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy.  Like, WTF was that about?  I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching.  First couple seasons: brilliant.  Downhill from there.  But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together.  One hot second and bam.***  Every.  Time.  Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least.  But these two, nope.  And know what?  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH.  I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one.  And Izzie got the short stick.  Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen.  There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.  

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.)  Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to.  She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle.  It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off.  In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character.  When did KH ask to be let out?  If it was after this point, Shonda svcks.  I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth.  Because he’s not really in a real relationship.  I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful.  Which is most of the time, so they gave me that.  I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.”  Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts.  Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie.  I love that he loves her the whole time.  But he’s willing to step back.  He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean.  But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows.  Izzie doesn’t make him.  She entices him.  Yeah, often directs him, especially at first.  But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily.  And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards.  He reaches out to her a lot.  And she turns him aside a lot.  And he keeps loving.  Even if romance is off the table.  He runs after her a lot.  Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot.  Is understanding a lot.  He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook.  Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct.  I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water.  (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker.  Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me.  Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny.  They’re all standing around.  No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her.  In a really caring way.  And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh?  (Mebbe?)  And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly.  And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie.  I don’t think he even wants to stop.  Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine.  But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged.  But also born.  Stars uncrossed.  I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was.  Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because...  it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be.  She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside.  She knows.  She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually.  Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her.  Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him.  And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.  

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her.  I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it.  She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him.  The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync.  And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s.  And those two things weave into each other.  Kinda like rats and the food button.  When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.”  So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again.  And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter.  And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care.  She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in.  But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair.  There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her.  She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues.  But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny.  Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her.   The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope.  Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA.  Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives.  And I do think female character’s side guys have a  habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life. 

 At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman:  yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying.  Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love.  BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted.  1) That he desperately wants a family.  2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy.  Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first.  And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change.  But we didn’t.  So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that.  Something taken slowly!  We got to explore it.  Did feel a bit drawn out tbh.  But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess.  Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others.  This was their development for the season.  Which was mostly Alex.  But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well.  Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment?  Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more.  Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands.  And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that.  It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.”  She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient.  She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly.  And she’s still in charge.  She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  You don’t have to carry this on your own.  We have it now.  Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden.  And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring.  She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve.  Stages of grief ya’ll.  He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca.  He’s in denial that anything is wrong.  He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.)  He dives into bargaining.  She’ll be okay if he can take care of her.  He can do it.  He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression.  Not just Rebecca, but about his mom.  And Izzie approaches him differently.  In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend.  An equal.  Which is what he needs right now.  His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid.  Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed.  But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically.  Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information.  Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand.  And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex.  I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything.  And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way.  Bargaining again, I suppose.  “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.”  But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died.  Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person.  And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca.  And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment.  Of understanding.  She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else.  Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that.  How to process that in a way that feels manly to him?  Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing.  And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him.  He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories.  But also... stages of grief.  He needs to feel it, so he can accept it.  He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love.  Take out the romantic/sexual aspect.  Take out the friendship.  The trust.  The family.  Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love.  And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care.  Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho.  It’s such a wonderful foil.  Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see.  He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.”  (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself.  He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable.  He let Izzie get too close.  He’s afraid.  It’s all a tangle.  And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards.  So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5.  And actually they start out close.  They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her.  He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial.  And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.”  And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either).  Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact.  They don’t talk about it, it’s fine.  Pretending it did not happen.  But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped.  It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same.  Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer.  Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind.  That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others.  Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim.  It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it.  And he does feel super close to her.  But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light.  For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation.  I’m a bit stuck and going in circles.  If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously?  Doesn’t understand him?  I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak?  Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t.  But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person.  Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff.  But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman.  Were those scenes meant to be inverted?  Or is he going into this eyes wide open?  Trying to prove something?  He’s hurting her though, is it intentional?  Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up.  But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape.  Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self?  They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off.  Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him.  She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly.  And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him.  Though her barb about STD did hit him.   Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could?  He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight.  It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did.  They are incredibly close.  And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening.  He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda.  Follows her out into the hall when she leaves.  The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right.  And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too.  “Okay, ... I”m trying to be-  I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is???  Trying to not be emotionally stunted.  Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation.  Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand.  Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her.  And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her.  And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts.  ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.”  And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.”   Dad calls for son while kinda dying.  I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot?  And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares.  With a hefty does of potential regret.  It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested.  His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.”  He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.”  Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough.  But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more.  And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time.  And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome.  *sobs*  And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window?  And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No.  Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there?  They always say yes.  Eventually.  And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things.  It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life.  In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building.  He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting.  And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing.  I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything.  But he’s also not lying.  He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle.  He’d stay with Jo then out of...  ?  Halp.  The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable.  Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life.  It’s all happiness of them individually, not together.  But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse?  No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.  

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs.  Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo.  Also exposition.  References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie.  It scared him because...  ?  He focuses on the kids.  It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her.  Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight.  Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins.  It’s a free pass to perfection.  But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever.  I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie.  But that’s kinda tenuous.  It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for.  Izzie would for Denny.  In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings.  So in a way she gave up her life for Alex.  And never reached out to him but did respond when he did.  She picked up the phone.  Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones.  And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids.  I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle.  And he’s become a man who does the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish.  He one perfect thing is in Kansas.  And it’s the family.  It’s a family with Izzie.  And his kids.  It’s the whole package.  If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough?  Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.”  But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.  

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is.  He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction.  He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive.  Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things.  She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.)  Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary.  And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her.  He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth.  Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them.  He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot.  Maybe it’s a Miranda thing?  After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her.  He doesn’t need her like that.  And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate.  But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to...  come back for him.  To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back.  I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.  

Interesting point “we married...”  It’s a promise.  He starts with “I’m sorry.”  His breakup speech to her - rehearsed?  He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie.  So his dying speech was also fear based?  He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock.  To when is his mind taking him?  It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup.  It’s been months but that’s still recent enough.  So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.”  They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t.  That hasn’t changed.  

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her.  A happy, rich and full life.  He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it.  Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo.  Maybe it’s contentment?  Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows?  Meh.  Back to frozen.  He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life.  It’s immersive but static, a snapshot.  And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.  

Letter to Meredith.  “It’s about me.”  Which is sorta back to breakup speech.  It was about him, ending the relationship.  He didn’t deserve to be left.  And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids.  There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love.  So I’m torn.  Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love.  Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not?  Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married?  Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right?  Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

[thefledglingdm]

so here’s another essay that maybe 0.5 people asked for? because i rewatched set it up and now someone great and in so many ways i think i arguably like someone great better???? so here is the long-winded rambly mess of me being emotional over this movie. info is below the cut, no pressure to read just bc i’m having rom com feelings this saturday night!!!!

for those of you who have never seen someone great (why are you reading this? i’m flattered but why), here’s a quick summary: when music reporter jenny gets an amazing new job opportunity, bad news comes with it: she has to move cross-country. to top it all off, her boyfriend of nine years breaks up with her because he doesn’t want to move with her. enter her best friends erin and blair, who decide to send off their best friend in style with a mind-bending 24 hours of partying and emotional catharsis.

a disclaimer: this movie also has a special place in my heart because it came out right as i was getting set to graduate from grad school. so many of my friends had moved on and moved away already, but i was about to do that, too, shucking off the safety blanket of school and entering into the “real world.” and this movie, i think, uniquely captures that feeling in a way no other film i’ve personally seen does? more on that later.

GOD where even do i start.

jenny so captures the feeling of being dumped. the anger, the ugly, loud crying, the messiness of it, the drinking, the up-and-down bevy of ping-ponging emotions. she belts lizzo’s “truth hurts” in her underwear, in her kitchen, drunk. her best friend then walks in and joins her. like yes THAT is what girls and breakups feel like.

(obvs not for everyone but i felt seen)

(the night of one of my college breakups ended with me on my best friend’s floor, wine-drunk and full of domino’s pizza, critiquing her presentation for an upcoming history conference.)

her best friends are there for her and love her and support her, taking the day off work to stay with her. but they also give her tough love when she needs it. and she does need it.

also that bond between women bc jenny is just bitching about her breakup to a random woman on the subway and she’s like, “yo fr???? he sucks”

this movie is also so hilarious???? these girls have been best friends since college and it SHOWS. they do all these goofy silly things together, they have in-jokes and references, they make fun of each other. they tease each other about their boyfriends/girlfriends. they smoke and drink and get high together. they SWEAR. they have foul mouths and my bffs and i did too.

god the LINES. like

“yo. i went to say hello to a chihuahua outside our building, and it was a fucking rat.”

“it’s... like a green juice smoothie. that’s kind of genius.” “she made me try it. it’s fucking disgusting. i am drowning out here.”

“we’ll tell them her mom died!” “oh my god????” “ugh, fine. her aunt.” “i don’t think you understand what is fucked up about this suggestion.”

“ooooh, you gave me my favorite mug, you do love me!!!” and the mug is a mini-toilet.

“blair, watching you take down all those carbs has been the highlight of my whole, entire life.”

“what happens next???? i turn thirty and then i probably die.”

*sobbing* “and like.... i really want to go to the farmer’s market with you. that sounds really nice.” “great fresh produce.”

the representation is so good??? jenny is Latina; erin is a Black lesbian; erin’s girlfriend is a South Asian designer.

no i’m gonna go into my thesis now which is that this is the only movie i’ve seen that actually serves as a “coming of age” movie that is not aimed at  teens. it’s not about finding yourself in high school or college or coming to terms with your sexuality (which are all important!!! but as someone in my mid-20s, who has graduated and is comfortable in my gender and sexuality, those movies aren’t for me. and i hadn’t realized how much i needed a movie like this for me until i saw it for the first time). 

this is a movie about looking around at your life and realizing that you’ve outgrown it. this is a movie about what it’s like to keep growing up, because you don’t graduate college/grad school and suddenly you’re an Adult and it’s all Figured Out. it’s not!!!!! and that’s okay!!!!!! you may think you have a Life Plan but then it goes off the rails and things change and it’s hard and it’s scary and it’s okay because we all feel it. we all grow up.

like.... people fall out of love. relationships change. people get jobs and move away. it’s scary. and the way that it’s described.... jenny’s realization that her breakup with nate was a long time coming, because they actually hadn’t been happy in a long time. when blair breaks up with her boyfriend in the single most amicable, polite breakup scene i’ve ever watched. they’re not angry or hurt, they’re relieved. and it’s so refreshing to watch an example of a breakup that is a relief, because two people are being freed from their own expectations, of their lives, of each other, of themselves.

and this also talks about the fear of really, truly falling in love for the first time. the vulnerability, the recognition that now everything in life is changing.

when jenny holds her best friends and confesses, “i don’t know life without this.” when erin screams that she is afraid of everything about growing up, because that means that she needs to change. truly everything about jenny’s goodbye letter to nate.

god i just. “i don’t know life without this” hits me in the fucking face because that’s exactly how i felt about living with my best friend and moving out to move in with my partner, about my eboard group of besties splitting and moving all over the country, about my group of friends that supported me through the worst moments of my life and encouraged me to embrace myself, my healing, and my sexuality? and there was something Terrifying about the notion of moving away, about all of us separating and growing apart. and to see a movie that showed that that fear was natural, and it was okay, and there were some friendships that last forever? and even if they don’t, that doesn’t mean they were without love and meaning? it was something that i needed at the end of my education career.

also jenny and erin joke about apparently facetiming each other on the toilet and that made me scream bc my best friend and i literally do text each other each time we shit, and also it’s usually at the same time. you know you’re besties not just when your periods sync, but when your shit cycles do, too.

yeah i feel like we’ve all gotten to know each other really well in this post.

also the soundtrack FUCKING SLAPS. the intro to lorde’s “supercut?” jenny singing along to selena’s “dreaming of you” in her bodega? jenny’s realization that things are truly over between her and nate, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be, and it’s okay, to jessie reyez’s “great one?” jenny cry-singing to “truth hurts” by lizzo? the super-fun scene of the three getting ready for their hedonistic night out to lil kim’s “the jump off?” cinematic brilliance.

also the cameos??? jaboukie young-white and rupaul are in it. they’re hysterical, especially jaboukie young-white oh my GOD

tl;dr this is the coming-of-age movie to women in their mid-20s when we feel like Death Is Coming at age 30 when really life is just beginning. life is about change. sometimes we outgrow our lives, and that’s okay. 

anyway please watch this movie look how ADORABLE and CUTE and BEAUTIFUL THEY ALL ARE

[elysianslove]

hey hey hey pretty bestie! I MISS TALKING TO U SO MUCH!! 😡 ive been having weird mood-swings these days (turns out to be a sign that my period is coming, which is today — so today is officially my first day of not fasting during ramadan) and (again) my uni life has been pretty stressing too ,, so uh those are p much my excuses in why i havent talked to you 🥺 or to put it more simply, i just didnt have anything interesting enough to share w u which why i kept on postponing our interaction, im sorry love 😞💔

i hope ur doing just fine these past days since this week is the last week of ramadan ,, talking ab the last week of ramadan im not quite sure on how i should feel ab it ,, im quite sad bc im not allowed to fast during this last week of ramadan and theres a possibility that i couldnt participate in ied prayer too but im also happy that ied is around the corner 🤔 but anw i hope ur last week of ramadan filled with nothing but happiness and blessings ah and also good health bc thats what matter the most <3

I ALMOST FORGOT ur latest work ab hq boys’ love tropes are super lovely & refreshing <3 ive reread it a couple times — it helped me stay sane during my critical days — so thank u btw 😩 as much as enemies to lovers tropes are always thrilling and exciting, my fave would remain the friends to lovers one bc the love subtlety is just uh beautiful. i always imagine this kind of trope grows such delicate and slow-burning feelings/emotions between two ppl — how slowly but surely both ur hard ass defensive walls start to crumble and fall together in such security and tranquility that have been developed through times (ok disclaimer im not trying to sound poetic or stuff i just feel like those words are the closest to describe how i feel ab it and its understandable if u find it confusing lol 😪) . and thats also why i used to like hajime so much bc the trope suits him v well — i mean i still do love that man but uh matsukawa issei came to my life and i think mattsun also suits the friends to lovers trope just as well plus compared to iwa, my personalities and mattsun’s simply complement each other better. but beside that, i adore the soft only for their lover one too esp featuring my love, miya osamu 🥺🤚🏻 i dont quite understand myself on why softie samu hits different to me than other softie hq characters and it also has been one of my fave fic to read <33 im looking forward to the part 2 🤩‼️

last thing, i wanna share my mini brainrot (hope u dont mind 😙) -> bc im currently on my period i kept thinking ab mattsun, whos a bad cook (to be fair, he barely attempts in making a decent one since ur the one whos in charge for food) — except for making u ur fave soup. he kept on trying to master that specific soup that helps to warm up ur tummy bc he thinks its the least thing he could do to make u feel better during ur period. sometimes when ur period cramps are really bad he would pull you on his lap and your head rest on his shoulder while he quietly blowing on the soup in the spoon before taking it into your mouth. he would tease u once in a while tho — i mean it isnt mattsun without his initial teasings but this time the teasings are followed by forehead kisses and he would keep asking u if ur feeling better UGH *sobbing* *falling in love over and over again*

— 🐬

HI BESTIE, I MISS U TOO!! aw baby :( it’s okay :( the hardest days to fast are always the last days anyways, so maybe it’s a sign!! i remember it happened to me before, you get a pre-eid 💀 but anyways don’t be too hard on yourself for not interacting it’s okay!! ik u have a life outside tumblr of course, so don’t worry about it at all <3 just glad to have you back <3 and thank you so much for those words 🥺 i hope your last days of ramadan are filled with blessings too, and it’s alright if you can’t fast or pray, you can still do so many other things !!

ANYWAYS GANGGGG F2L SUPREMACYYY ,,, everyone interacting w that post is saying the same thing i’m so glad we all think alike like that. but yes so true just the pining and the angst and the desperation and wanting and longing from afar it’s just <3333 and oh my god now rhat i think about it f2l with issei would be so good cause,,, it’s so easy to be friends with him, and he’ll always be flirty, always tread the line between friendship and more and it’s just so blurry and confusing with him that it’s all the more angsty ugh <333 like if he flirts and you joke back but then he’s like “no im serious” and you’re just so taken aback. the potential with matsukawa issei and this trope oh my god. and i getchuuu, soft for your lover is only valid w miya osamu idccc

please all my anons are in sync rn w their periods 😳 wait for me 😔 but havsjdjd mattsun on your period would be the perfect balance between teasing and fun, and kind and comforting. like he’s gonna make you feel all relaxed and safe and calm by lightly teasing and joking with you with his warm hand on your tummy easing the pain :( probably tickles you if you’re ticklish tho 💔💔💔

[theasstour]

tell about 3 of your best friends

request 3 you get 3 and 2 for free

@alwaysjacked-up might be the kindest person i know. a day does not go by when i don’t question everything i’ve done in life to deserve a bestie like sarah. she’s always there for me when i need to rant about life or when i just need someone to talk to about the smallest of things. we’re basically in sync always (our periods are synched, both love the taste of coconuts but hate the taste, we eat the same food at the same time, do laundry at the same time, we’er in each others’ heads all the time with the same opinions and ideas) and if that doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be forever and ever and ever then what does? idk i just love sarah more than i think i could ever express

@kiwisforharry there isn’t a person i talk more shit to than lisa, i swear. we talk CONSTANTLY, like i don’t think a day goes by where we haven’t talked about everything between heaven and earth and beyond. if there’s someone i feel like i can 100% be myself with, it’s lisa. like we can be dead serious about something one seconds and then the next just send the other a snap that says “i just farted” and be like “BITHC GTRGJWGJWIRGJWEIG”. it’s just such a pure friendship that i find myself cherishing sm it’s insane. i’m saving up money so i can come visit her and lil jimmy, and when i do i’ll most likely collapse and cry. i call her my seelenverwandte (soulmate) for a reason yall.

@emotionally-imbruised one of the funneist people i have ever come across. i can always count on kennedy to make me laugh and smile and just feel super happy bc she’s just like that. she goes out of her way to make her friends smile and idk it’s one of the thousands of reasons why i love her so much. whenever i feel like it i can always rant to her and know she’ll listen, and she can do the same thing to me, and we just have a mutual respect for one another that i just love so much. she’s coming to england in may and i’m going to show her london for a week straight, the two of us on adventures, getting drunk and listening to 1d. it’s going to be the saddest day of my life when she goes on the plane back to canada ngl

@devil-in-bw-the-sheets the least judgemental brother in the universe. britton and i started talking around christmas time, and really started buiding our friendship when she drunkenly called me out for being the worst texter in the universe and i FINALLY asked for her snapchat and we’ve been talking constantly since. i can tell her all my controversial opinions and she won’t ever judge me, can sing into my phone mic and she’ll thank me, and can blow up her phone about how i get every single song lyric wrong and she’ll call it entertainment and not an annoyance. idk she’s become such a huge part of my everyday life now that it seems so weird to me that we haven’t talked for longer. we once talked about how it feels like we have been friends for years, but that i moved away for uni, and just haven’t come back home yet. like our brains genuinely can’t wrap themselves around the fact that we haven’t been friends all our lives lmao. love my mad litty sugar gay brother

@harry-did-that it was bitch at first eurovision controversy. rianne and i,,,,,, we’re literally something else. like we are both so incredibly bad at texting and to like communicate but we somehow manage to do it anyway. rianne once dubbed us the two (2) worst texters in europe and tbh she wasn’t lying. i love rianne’s animals (conch(or chonce as i call him) and beau) more than i love my grandparents’ dog (which is a lot) and i constantly feel deprived when i don’t get the content i deserve. we’re both HOES for snow and landscape shots, and i literally have not found another person who is like me in that sense (i’m going to ignore that she said yesterday she wanted it to be summer again), who loves winter. and idk we’re both so extra and she sent me the best christmas card(s) and a surprise birthday card and i’m cooking up a christmas/birthday present that i’m sending her way soon bc it’s her birthday in april. so yea, i love rianne a whole lot and i cannot believe i haven’t been able to give my grandma a hug yet, tho spiritually, i’m constantly hugging her

[baekhvuns]

SM is on my shitlist actually shsushsjagshsh I can't stand some of the music they put out. I'm glad Shinee is spared and they're still releasing bops <3 I tried liking NCT's music, but except for a few songs I just... 😬 I hated Next Level and Savage, but they grew on me because my friend performed a lip sync to both of them and I had to listen to these songs 736362 times, so yeah... I still lowkey dislike them, but some parts slap not gonna lie.

I know Woosung I went to his concert recently, I'm not like a hardcore fan, but one of my friends is!

I would love to see actual dark concepts like creepy shit, men dancing in latex pants with a fire background is not a dark concept 😭😭😭 but Atinys are like OMG WE'RE TIRED OF DARK CONCEPTS??? Give me some vampires and real possession, they're demons after all. I'm really hoping for more rock inspired songs for Ateez, maybe this comeback?

Some people never grew up, never got the character development. Sad... can't relate!

Girl get in line miss Tiny has a lot of fans, she's popular - probably to her disappointment, because she likes being left alone and just being caressed <333

Please I'll get my period today or tomorrow I HATE IT HERE. Period is always ruining my life I can barely do anything :(

Oh no bestie that sounds rough, grey clothes nooooooo. Did anyone see you fall? I had one stupid incident once as well, so I got you. I always walk like a duck in winter, afraid of slipping and dying

A 1D agenda? Mingi would be proud, I have some Directioner friends so I think I heard that one 👀 "They don't know about the things we do" oh I bet they don't uhmmm. A murder?! I will be the one murdered when the fic gets released

Yeah the cliche way I agree if it's written well it could be so so good. Exactly to fucking bastards coming together and their groups of friends mingling as well, and the bg and bb are like THE FUCK, ET TU BRUTE? And surprise surprise they're actually all the same, so no point arguing with each other. Just be a menace together!

The aggressive language I get it. Personally I would take a semi-interesting plot but extremely well written than a very unique storyline, but the language is not it. I don't wanna discourage people, because everyone has to learn how to write, but some projects are too ambitious perhaps

Omfg don't get me ideas, mama Park we're at your door (respectfully) serenading you because you gave birth to this beautiful shapeshifter man 😭

Everytime there's a Kboo article about Hwa I'm like "I ghostwrote this" https://www.koreaboo.com/lists/11-times-ateez-seonghwa-proved-truly-king-visuals/

Like, yeah it was me and what about it... https://www.koreaboo.com/lists/ateez-seonghwa-look-intimidating-times-proved-absolute-angel/

https://twitter.com/Kimmybaek2/status/1531893394338746368?t=Ib2b8kveuAaJ_82Qq05kxw&s=19

No because he did it so fast and his dedication and softness? I would give up 74637 times, I like Lego but have zero patience 🤡 I'm gonna play it in the background later. He started it at 5am my time, and that was very rude but I unfortunately had to wake up before 7am and he went on for 3 hours seriously, what a man! And MARS ASMR too?! 🤩 the perfect high school bf

https://twitter.com/ATEEZofficial/status/1531935958698176514?t=6PWOZG_gW_2cKJvVoOyXXw&s=19

😊😌🥺🤧 the first photo he looks so proud. I love fluffy hair Hwa is so precious to me. He's actually my 25 months old son 😭😭😭 jk I didn't say that 🤚🏻 - DV 💖

hi hello!!!

SM is on my shitlist actually shsushsjagshsh I can't stand some of the music they put out. I'm glad Shinee is spared and they're still releasing bops <3 I tried liking NCT's music, but except for a few songs I just... 😬 I hated Next Level and Savage, but they grew on me because my friend performed a lip sync to both of them and I had to listen to these songs 736362 times, so yeah... I still lowkey dislike them, but some parts slap not gonna lie.

BDWMDHWK WHO DOESNT HAVE SM ON THEIR SHITLIST i think i prefer nct’s bsides more then the title tracks but only a few bsides maybe im biased but some of their bsides have the “old sm touch” and it makes me mELT !!!! FBWNDJSJ I ACTUALLY LIKED THEM next level’s breakdown when ningning sings is MY JAM not a fan of their raps but bfdbbd THATS MY NÆVIS THATS MY NÆVISU LEAD WE FOLLOW DBDB the build up to the drop in savage is insane tbh

I know Woosung I went to his concert recently, I'm not like a hardcore fan, but one of my friends is!

AAAAAAA HOW LUCKY PLS HES SO FUNNY AND MAKES PPL BARK 😭😭

I would love to see actual dark concepts like creepy shit, men dancing in latex pants with a fire background is not a dark concept 😭😭😭 but Atinys are like OMG WE'RE TIRED OF DARK CONCEPTS??? Give me some vampires and real possession, they're demons after all. I'm really hoping for more rock inspired songs for Ateez, maybe this comeback?

NO BC FR LATEX AND A FIRE BACKGROUND ISNT DARK like gimme the dark makeup on the eyes the lips, go crazy with ur hair, dO THE CONCEPT PHOTOS LIKE THAT GO ON MUSIC SHOWS WITH THE MAKEUP AND NOT THE BASIC NUDE TONES FBWKDHWK ATINYS ARE NEVER HAPPY 😭😭😭 no fr like go dark dark dARK,,, im hoping they continue the lore! wanna hear some piratey tunes to celebrate johnny’s win <3

Some people never grew up, never got the character development. Sad... can't relate!

DBWMDBKW EXACTLY ITS RLY EMBARRASSING BC THEY POST IT ONLINE AND STUFF AND 🔫🔫😭😭

Girl get in line miss Tiny has a lot of fans, she's popular - probably to her disappointment, because she likes being left alone and just being caressed <333

BDMWBDKW 😭😭😭😭 NAURRR MISS TINY do u think she’s an infp pls ask her the question if she likes hwa <3

Please I'll get my period today or tomorrow I HATE IT HERE. Period is always ruining my life I can barely do anything :(

NAURRR BC THE PAIN IS SO MF DISGUSTING LIKW WHY ARE U MAKING ME KNEES WEAK IM FALLING 😭😭😭 maybe AK will help <3 a little 😭😭

Oh no bestie that sounds rough, grey clothes nooooooo. Did anyone see you fall? I had one stupid incident once as well, so I got you. I always walk like a duck in winter, afraid of slipping and dying

DBWMDJKW THEY DID SOMEONE FROM BEHIND ASKED IF I WAS OKAY AND I NODDED AND RAAAAN RAAN INSIDE BFDBBDNS nO FR MORE PPL DIE FROM FALLING THAN ANYTHING SCHOOLS SHOULD BE CLOSED ON THOSE DAYS 😭😭

A 1D agenda? Mingi would be proud, I have some Directioner friends so I think I heard that one 👀 "They don't know about the things we do" oh I bet they don't uhmmm. A murder?! I will be the one murdered when the fic gets released

HE WOULD BE !!!! “they don’t know about the things we do” im sure yn’s dad does HDKWHDKQHDKW YES A MURDER MAYBE ACCIDENTAL FRAMING ☺️☺️

Yeah the cliche way I agree if it's written well it could be so so good. Exactly to fucking bastards coming together and their groups of friends mingling as well, and the bg and bb are like THE FUCK, ET TU BRUTE? And surprise surprise they're actually all the same, so no point arguing with each other. Just be a menace together!

YES EXACTLY !!! BFQMBD TWO COMPLETE BASTARDS WHO THE SCHOOL IS TIRED OF COME TOGETHER??? turns out they have the same difficulties,,, the smut would be bussin AMAZING I LOVE THIS I WILL LOOK JNTO THIS IDEA RN,,, LMFAOOOO ET TU BRUTE FHENHDJE 😭😭😭😭 imagine them comparing test results and groaning when they both got the worst ones wbdnwbdn

The aggressive language I get it. Personally I would take a semi-interesting plot but extremely well written than a very unique storyline, but the language is not it. I don't wanna discourage people, because everyone has to learn how to write, but some projects are too ambitious perhaps

YES LIKE a very well written story and then u see the dialogue “he’s fucking you like a beast” sorry. WHAT BDQMBDKQBDKQ YES EXACTLY ALL OF WHAT U SAID !!!

Omfg don't get me ideas, mama Park we're at your door (respectfully) serenading you because you gave birth to this beautiful shapeshifter man 😭

no bc his mom must be a milf too 😭😭😭 no wonder his dad waited im the bus for her SIMP FJWHFEK LETS GO TOGETHER I JUST WANNA HAVE A TALK WITH HIS MOM 😭😭😭

Everytime there's a Kboo article about Hwa I'm like "I ghostwrote this" https://www.koreaboo.com/lists/11-times-ateez-seonghwa-proved-truly-king-visuals/ Like, yeah it was me and what about it... https://www.koreaboo.com/lists/ateez-seonghwa-look-intimidating-times-proved-absolute-angel/

NO BC FBWB KBOO DOING ONE THING RIGHT AND THATS PRAISING SEONGHWAS ASS 😭😭😭 ABSOLUTELY IF KBOO HIRES ME I WILL WRITE ALL ABT SEONGHWA seonghwa invented happiness actually

https://twitter.com/Kimmybaek2/status/1531893394338746368?t=Ib2b8kveuAaJ_82Qq05kxw&s=19 No because he did it so fast and his dedication and softness? I would give up 74637 times, I like Lego but have zero patience 🤡 I'm gonna play it in the background later. He started it at 5am my time, and that was very rude but I unfortunately had to wake up before 7am and he went on for 3 hours seriously, what a man! And MARS ASMR too?! 🤩 the perfect high school bf

NO FR THE AMT OF PATIENCE THIS MAN HAS IS INCREDIBLE when is it my turn god when,,, SBDBDBWJ 5AM??? AND U WOKE UP TO WATCH IT?? DEDICATION ANON 😭😭😭 MARS ASMR PLS ITS LIKE GOODBOY HWA X BADGIRL YN COMIMG TO LIFE

second side looks like bbhwa-

https://twitter.com/ATEEZofficial/status/1531935958698176514?t=6PWOZG_gW_2cKJvVoOyXXw&s=19 😊😌🥺🤧 the first photo he looks so proud. I love fluffy hair Hwa is so precious to me. He's actually my 25 months old son 😭😭😭 jk I didn't say that 🤚🏻 - DV 💖

25 MONTH OLD SON 😭😭😭 UR A MOM 😭😭😭 CAN I MARRY UR SON WHEN HES OLDER FBWMFBWM he’s so lame 😭😭 nerdhwa au when wHEN ANON WHEN

also

he noot noot

[prompt-master]

Yes hello can I order some ChristinexJenna headcanons?

headcanon machine B R O KE....nah just playing

- a lot of the time Jenna pats her lap and christine will sit in it while she holds her. There’s usually plenty of empty seats around

-have each other as backgrounds on both phone and laptop

-if christine’ s tangle fidget breaks Jenna has a spare for her at All times

-jamming out gays, they sing full volume together

-at first they had no common music interest but then they slowly started showing each other songs and now it’s lit

-christine can’t dance for shit and Jenna thinks it’s adorable

-lots of nose kisses

-their periods are synced so they have days when they just lay in bed miserable with each other and heatpacks

-watch romantic comedies and sitcoms together

-jenna buys her tickets to plays a lot even though they’re expensive, she even drives her there

-once Jenna only had enough for one ticket so she snuck in after telling christine she “forgot” hers in the car

- random existential crisis gals

-a lot of people think they’re just really close besties but…no No, lesbabs

-so. Many. Cuddles.

-they asked each other out at the exact same time it was adorable

-they steal each other’s phones and take a shit ton of ugly selfies

-theyre the cutest thing ever and it’s all christine has on her phone

-christine actually swears around Jenna and it is a god given experience

-“jenny” “Jen jen” “J Nah” “why christine.”

-“chrissy” “chris” “tiney” “the love of my life”

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Eleven : RuPaul

“Hello ! Hello ! Hello !” RuPaul Charles (born November 17, 1960) has been a Pop culture Icon for the past 30 years as a punk rock singer turned dancer turned drag queen turned singer-songwriter turned model turned talk-show host turned occasional actor turned producer turned cosmetic guru turned all-around business powerhouse. Though there doesn’t seem to be any secrets surrounding the most famous drag performer in the world (and I’m not running a investigation blog), I do wish to retrace his steps, pay homage to a singular career as he just launched his new talk show last night (June 10th, 2019), and talk about the mistakes he made along the way as a way of learning from them all together.

THE DRAG REVOLUTION

Unless you were alive and moving around Atlanta in the 80s, you probably first put your eyes on RuPaul as an extra dancing on B-52’s “Love Shack”. Yes, he was a drag performer back then too. A starring role on a low-budget film called “Star Booty” here, appearances on a couple of documentaries there. Mostly nightclub work for a true working guuuurl.

In 1993, He recorded his debut album, Supermodel of the World, clearly stating his ambitions. His first single, “Supermodel (You Better Work)” is actually a masterpiece of dance/house music. The track and album were modest successes but attracted extreme media attention through heavy rotation on MTV. Soon, he became the first drag queen to sign a modeling contract (for cosmetics) and released his (first) autobiography, “Lettin’ It All Hang Out”. Side bar, I do believe that the first time I was made aware of RuPaul was in the 1995 movie ‘To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar”, a suck-my-bone-marrow American imitation of “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”. It’s about three drag queens going on a road trip from New York to Hollywood to participate in the biggest Drag Pageant of America. It’s quite vulgar, not subtle for one second and put three straight male actors into drag in performances that don’t shy away from clichés. In the end, they (SPOILER ALERT) made it to the competition and who’s crowning the winner ? Miss RuPaul, anty. I used to love that movie as a kid. Didn’t get it was about drag queens though. But please, watch Priscilla, instead. End of side bar.

By 1996, VH1 gave him his own talk show “The RuPaul Show”. For 2 seasons and 100 episodes, RuPaul interviewed celebrity guests (from Diana Ross to Cher) and made history as one of the first openly gay person to host a show on national television. For the rest of the decade, he released two more albums (one being a Christmas record entitled Ho Ho Ho — priceless name) that lead to commercial failure and overall media fatigue. Because it’s fun to see you, but “different” is better in small portions.

SECOND CUMING

From 1998 to 2004, only one forgettable song from RuPaul was released. This fourth record Red Hot (2004) received little to no coverage — Although the singles kept topping the dance charts. RuPaul admitted to feeling frustrated over the lack of interest in his work during the period, noting the media wasn’t reviewing his records and putting him on magazine covers anymore. Quote “I don’t know what happened. It seemed I couldn’t get press on my album un less I was willing to play in the role that the mainstream press has assigned to gay people, which is as servants of straight ideas”.

In 2008 however, Logo came to RuPaul with an idea that changed so much lives in the process. The offered him the possibility to host and produced a reality competition program based on his brand name called RuPaul’s Drag Race. For those who still don’t know what Drag Race is (HOW DARE YOU?), the premise of the program has drag queens competing to be selected as “America’s Next Drag Superstar” in a series of mini and maxi challenges, culminating in the end of each episode to the bottom two queens lip-syncing for their motherfucking lives and the elimination of one of them. The (new) drag revolution began on February 2, 2009 with a first season that was a bit disavowed by the host himself but it was successful enough to be renewed for a second season. A then a third. And a fourth and so on. The show just ended its eleventh cycle.

The show itself had a very interesting journey. It debuted on the fringe of entertainment, a fun little anomaly for the “in” people. It developed in its first three seasons into a somewhat very solid shows, powering through better storylines, challenges and candidates. In its fourth season, it started to be critically lauded as an incredible piece of pop culture with a cast of queens out of this world. Creatively, the show peaked from season 4 to 6 (4 having the best queens, 5 the best storylines, 6 the best narrative structure). By season 7, it was a phenomenon that keeps on growing as of today.

Last September, Drag Race received the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Reality-Competition Program for the first time. RuPaul himself won Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program three years in a row and each year, the audience gets bigger and bigger. The show (who has already been renewed for a 12th year) has introduced us to almost 150 queens over 145 episodes and spawned a couple of spin-off shows, some successful (Drag Race All Stars — four seasons and counting) some not so much (RuPaul’s Drag U, canceled in 2012 after three pretty uneventful seasons). A few international incarnations were made around the world, most notably the UK edition that’s about to be released in 2019 with RuPaul (and bestie Michelle Visage) returning as judges.

EVERYBODY SAY… LOVE ?

From that storyline of a Phoenix rising from its ashes, RuPaul developed into you can pretty much describe as an “Empire Incarnate”. He released 10 new albums, 8 of them serving as official and non-official soundtracks for the show (which is made of RuPaul songs from beginning to end — ROYALTIIIIIES, PEOPLE!). He created a podcast called What’s the Tee ? with Michelle Visage in 2014 as a way to revive The RuPaul Show into another form. He developed everything RuPaul from glass wear to cosmetic lines, promoting them all on the show, released 3 more books (the latest being called “GuRu”) and establishing an annual event a few years ago called ‘RuPaul’s Drag-Con’ happening in New York City and Los Angeles with most of the show’s drag queens making appearances. Basically, he’s making so, so, so much money. An impressive feat from someone who came from nothing and did something with what he had.

Unfortunately, success and worldwide exposure don’t come without their fair share of controversies. First, the fact that everything is about RuPaul, RuPaul, RuPaul (the puns, the challenges, the fact that HE gets to choose who becomes America’s Next Drag Superstar, blablablah) comes to a breaking point in 2019. After eleven years of almost non-stop self promotion, I do feel like I need to take a little break from his sphere. I mean, we had four seasons of Drag Race and Allstars in the spam of 18 months. That’s 44 episodes of intense Queen Dramas and Glitter Balls. I do feel like too much of a good thing harms the quality and appreciation of a program. Drag Race’s latest seasons weren’t as thrilling as the previous ones, mostly due to lack of imagination in challenges, weaker casts and a formula that refuses to evolve with time. As the show went on to become an actual phenomenon, it became a bit too pleasing for all crowds, including straight people. Not that it’s a bad thing that straight people can watch and appreciate the show, but adapting it for their comprehension is kind of fucked up. They should adapt to the show’s (and ours) culture. We open the window and let the song be heard, we don’t blast the door open and give the partition for free. Anyway, just an opinion.

My biggest concern with RuPaul comes from his relationship with the trans community. Drag Race has featured a number of contestants who now identity as trans women (Sonique, Carment Carrera, Jiggly Caliente, Monica Beverly Hillz, Kenya Michaels, Gia Gunn, Peppermint), some of them making their identity public while competing on the show and that’s a good thing for the trans representation around the world.

In 2014, Carmen Carrera (Season 3) and Monica Beverly Hillz (Season 5) criticized the show’s use of words “tranny” and “shemale”. Well, yes it’s bad but the show is about drag queens and they can call themselves whatever they want, right ? (That’s me trying to come up with excuses for RuPaul back in the day). They also described the announcement phrase ‘You’ve got she-mail’ as transphobic, the same year a mini challenge called “Female or She-male” was used on the show’s sixth season. Hmm, well, the producers removed that phrase and have been careful about their challenges ever since, plus RuPaul released an apology so it’s good, right ? (Me, still finding ways to find peace within myself). In 2018, RuPaul gave an interview to the Guardian in which he states that a post-transition trans woman would ‘probably not’ be accepted on the show, noting that at the time of competition Peppermint (season 9) had not yet had breast implants. Fuck. Ru. RuPaul also compared trans drag queens who had transitioned to athletes who had taken performance-enhancing drugs. Fuck. Ru. Two. He has since expressed regrets for the comments he made but I got to say, regrets won’t totally cut it. For a man who ends every season of Drag Race with a “EVERYBODY SAY LOOOOVE!” and preaches acceptance and self-love and seems to be so involved in his community, his views on the trans community are problematic. The only criteria for contestants are “Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent”, which are qualities you can also find with Trans women. Damn, don’t you know that drag queen is a vocation, NOT an identity ?

I believe that over exposure and the lack of course correction on some of this opinions could cause RuPaul’s downfall in the near future. He’s a phoenix, he’ll come back I’m sure but if he plays his cards right, he won’t have to DO come back. Last night, his new talk show, RuPaul, aired for the first time for a three-week try basis. I watched it this morning on YouTube and… Why do you have a talk show, man ? What’s in it for me to keep watching it, aside from the fact that you are a pleasant person to see for 40 minutes ? The talk show is a vanity project that probably won’t help with the overexposure I keep talking about. I do hope that in the next three weeks though, you will receive a trans person on the show and face the criticism you’ve been shamelessly ignoring on Drag Race.

From the icon who expressed so eloquently how it’s like to have an inner saboteur, to his “you can call he. You can call she. You call me regis and Kathie Lee, I don’t care ! Just as long as you call me” or his incredible “Unless they’re paying your bills, pay for bitches no mind”, I do hope you’ll reconsider some of your actions. Do a little less Drag Race, a little less self promotion. Go enjoy your ranch with your husband for a year or so, reacquaint yourself with your community and come back.

This was an homage to you, RuPaul. I do hope I won’t come to regret my words.

NOW SISSY THAT WALK (ALL THE WAY TO WYOMING)

[twinsoflima-blog1]

WHAT YOU SEE

full name: Elliot Jude “Starchild” Gilbert

face claim: Adam Lambert

age: 26

birthday: November 11th, 1991

birth order: First

hometown: Paramus, NJ (The Land of Malls)

gender identity: Male

pronouns: He/Him/His

orientation: Homosexual, homoromantic

occupation: Barista-slash-yoga instructor-slash singer

WHERE THEY’VE BEEN

[tw for death, drug abuse, and an abusive relationship]

On the Hudson River Line: Elliott “Starchild” Gilbert grew up in the town of Paramus, NJ. Really, the only thing Paramus is known for is the strip malls that run through town. It was almost the most boring place in the world, but luckily for one Elliott Gilbert, it was a quick hop skip and a jump to New York City. Growing up so close to the epicenter of the universe might have made someone else a little jaded, but Elliott could feel the magic of the city in his bones from the second he stepped onto a train into Penn Station. One of the most iconic moments of his life was the time that he first saw a band play in a live music venue. There was so much energy– from the crowd, the performers, and the music itself. Elliott knew that it was something he wanted to be a part of and simply wouldn’t take no for an answer. He begged his mother for singing lessons, which she immediately obliged him, and that took Elliott right through his teenage years.

Finding his voice. When Elliott was fifteen, his father, a police office in Paramus, was killed on the job in a very tragic accident. Elliott really didn’t know how to process it, and for a period of a few months, thought of himself as someone with a lost voice. Every time he tried to open his mouth to sing, nothing came out. Instead, he focused on putting his thoughts on paper and thus, Elliott’s love of songwriting was born. He uses it as a diary more than anything else– while he struggles with writing “hits” like the superstar music idols that he admires so much, he finds it easier to write emotional ballads than anything else.

Concrete jungle where dreams are made. Probably the best day of his life was the day that he was accepted into NYU’s program for music business, with a minor in composition. Finally, Elliott was going to live out his dream of being a professional singer, and there was nothing that was going to stop him from that. Elliott threw himself into New York City, but a little too much. He found himself suddenly too busy for his family back home, and things got even worse for him when he met Gabriel. They spent several happy months together before Gabe started to drag Elliott down into a black hole of toxicity with him. Soon, Elliott’s entire world in New York became Gabe and his drama. He didn’t realize until another year into the situation that Gabe had been actively cheating on him for the entire time that they were together. Determined to make a fresh start, they both decided to pick up and move somewhere brand-new.

Back to black. Enter Lima, where Elliott felt at home in because of his status as a twin. Gabe, too, had a twin, which made them two peas in a pod in the tiny town, and for a while, things were okay. Elliott isn’t sure what happened in the meanwhile, but he woke up one day to find Gabriel completely gone. Despite his attempts to contact his ex, it’s been made clear to Elliott that Gabe no longer wants anything to do with him. Even though Elliott is still somewhat devastated after Gabriel’s departure, he’s still determined to make the most out of his lease and enjoy his time in Lima.

WHERE THEY’RE GOING

PLOTTING

FRIENDS PLS: Jam buddies, band mates, people who love going to see live music or a sounding board for his songwriting, Elliott definitely needs people he can vibe with. He’s also very much into his own fashion and style so shopping buddies will be a go. In short, Elliott really needs people who can get him out of his own head and show him a good time. I’d love to build a supportive network of people for him to be around now that he’s sticking around Lima.

REBOUND: Elliott’s just come off of a rough breakup, so he’s definitely not looking for anything serious right now. However, that’s not to say that he won’t let himself have a little bit of fun with the right person, should that person decide to come along.

SIBLING/FAMILY: Okay, sibling plots are my favorite. Should anyone be inclined to bring Elliott a twin, I would love to explore that dynamic and their relationship!

CONNECTIONS

Musical Soulmate: These two vibe, okay? They jam. From the moment they met they knew that they were connected somehow, but it only took until there was a guitar in Elliott’s hands and their voices chiming in harmony for them to realize that these two were meant to play together. Right now, the two of them are working on their solo acts but soon, my pretties, soon they will form an indie band and the world will all be in sync.

The #Bestie: This is a person whom Elliott has met since he arrived in Lima. This person has seen through all of the ins, outs, ups, and downs of Elliott’s former relationship and has seriously taken Elliott’s phone seven hundred times when they go out so he doesn’t drunk text or call someone he shouldn’t. These two are every kind of goals imaginable and considering Elliott is a new transplant to Lima, hit it off really fast.

The Reason to Stay: There’s a lot of room for this connection, but I definitely want to give Elliott a reason to stay in Lima. This could be to support his twin, a new business or music venture that he loves, or even someone who gives him the hope that a guy might not screw him over. No matter what, this person will be very important to Elliott and play a huge part in his growth at Lima!

THEIR GOALS

Write New Music: After what Elliott’s been through, he definitely has at least three albums worth of songs that are still swimming up in his head. In New York, he found that there was too much noise– so much, in fact, that he couldn’t hear himself think. For now, he’s pulling an Abbey Road and writing in seclusion so that when the time comes, he’s ready to record. A problem that Elliott has recently been finding is the fact that he doesn’t quite know how to put his feelings on paper, so that’s definitely something he’s trying to work on in light of what’s happened.

Mend Relationship with Mom: One of the hardest things that Elliott’s ever done was leave his home for the big city, and it’s pretty safe to say that his relationship with his mother has not been the same ever since then. Even though she’s the person who first taught him how to design his own costumes and find his identity through fashion. While they may not be close anymore, Elliott still desires to have a good relationship with his mother. Whether that involves him reaching out to her to make the first step, or something else, he’s determined to improve his status with his family.

Love His Life: Elliott hasn’t exactly had the easiest couple of years, and it’s been rough for him to transition back into the single life. However, his biggest focus is to work on himself and learn how to be Elliott, Starchild, or something in between. No matter where he is or what he’s doing, he wants to be happy, and that’s the most important thing.

THE PLAYER

name: Dana

pronouns: she/her

age: 25+

timezone: EST