#not that im complaining bc thats life
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shtalker · 3 days ago
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i hope that whatever good happens to me this year is also permanent and that i experience having it easy sometimes too. for a change
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m00nbuggies · 3 months ago
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had a moment of weakness and drew them last night. ugh. stupid dumb idiots
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skunkes · 5 months ago
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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eosofspades · 1 year ago
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okay i meant to make this post forever ago but my personal opinion on why so many people were so dissatisfied with lightfalll (disclaimer: i am not one of these people, i love lightfall SO much), is that lightfall was kind of subjected to a really aggressive marketing campaign.
like, stick with me here, i feel like almost all the lightfall release content (the trailers especially) were so focused on battling the witness, how this battle has been centuries in the making and this is the Second Collapse Finally Finding Us, only for there to be,,, no real resolution. the end was left on such a severe cliffhanger, but not only that, there was NO battle with the witness. the witness didn't even seem to be having a hard time at all with what we WERE throwing at it.
and for narrative reasons *i* am obsessed with this ending; in terms of storytelling i adore practically every creative decision that was made in lightfall, but i think the reason that so many people were so upset about it is because lightfall had such intense marketing and was rooted in the implication that this was the End of Days, only for us to get almost no closure, and instead so many more questions.
(there's also something to be said, i think, about the fact that the people who ARE most upset about this are like, the youtube gamer dudebros who's content is very very often rooted in the aggressive, violence-and-warfare, pvp-centric, no-interest-in-lore approach to destiny, and that the people i've seen primarily ENJOYING the narrative decisions (or at least being understanding about it) are the artists and writers and loremasters of the fandom, but i'm not quite sure,,, how to expand on that point.)
#like. something something yt dudebros who are like 'uhhh destiny is about violence and war and the lore is only for people who suck at pvp#and destiny is a shitty evil game i hate it sooooo much hashtag 26871435 hours recorded gameplay' asshats#being the ones complaining MOST about the narrative in. a narrative driven game. and refusing to engage with ANY lore in a LORE HEAVY GAME#vs. the community on here thats full of artists and writers and people who actually like to analyze the story and characters#and engage with the lore and have any emotional attachment at all to the characters and world and themes#being the ones who are like. appreciative of the narrative decisions made and looking forward to where the story will take us and#looking at the game with LOVE instead of hatred and malice#and even if you didn't like lightfall!!! people in the latter category are still the people who i keep seeing be like#'yeah even if i didn't personally like it i can understand the significance of this narrative decision.'#'i acknowledge that bungie put so much time and effort and passion into making this even if it wasnt satisfying to me personally.'#'i have the critical thinking skills to understand that bungie is not a sentient malicious entity trying to ruin my life; me; specifically'#like. do you get what im saying. gamer dudebros who think the world revolves around them vs the fandom members who actually understand art#bc. thats what destiny is. its art. the whole thing is a massive art project made by a group of people that are very passionate about it.#do you hear what im saying at ALL its like two separate fandoms for the same piece of media the difference is so stark#mine#destiny 2#lightfall#destiny 2 lightfall#eos destiny essays
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nerdyqueerr · 15 days ago
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Category 10 needing attention moment and im crying like a little bitch cause i can hear my roommate laughing on vc in her room and thought to myself idk when's the last time i made her laugh that hard... bitch get OVER yourself!!!!
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walking-loather · 3 months ago
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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chiimeramanticore · 2 months ago
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having like. objectively a godawful shitty fucking no good very bad day can u guys send asks
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shalpilot · 10 months ago
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that's enough projecting for one night maybe one day i will. elaborate on my ideas but also sometimes it's just enough to make angst about it instead.
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lilbreed1ngdoll · 7 months ago
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i know its the same deal with epipens and insulin, but its pretty fucked up that formula is so damn expensive and for W H A T? bc these companies know its them or nothing whether its due to breastfeeding issues or adoptive parents. legit taking advantage of the human race
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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definitelynotshouting · 9 months ago
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your literary vocabulary is scrumptious, i will be taking it (it has me googling lots but its very worth it (i was not aware gooseflesh was a word))
you can pick it up in 2-5 business days <3 /j
WJXBKWDNAKDKSND 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 GODS THE GOOSEFLESH BIT IS SO FUNNY ITS TRULY JUST ME BEING TOO PRETENTIOUS TO SAY GOOSEBUMPS..... or gods forbid goosepimples.....😭😭😭😭😭😭
Im honestly so glad people seem to like my vocab??? My writing style has become something very very distinct over the years and like . Your honor i love the fancee words..... i love how they look with my synesthesia 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 a lot of my writing is just focused very specifically on both musical rhythm in the way that its read (which makes it REALLY satisfying for me to read out loud to other people) and how the words LOOK on the page, both colour and texture-wise from my pov. Its fun to literally be painting with words :]
Actually its been such a huge relief that people have been so kind about the complex terminology i put in my writing-- its something i used to worry about a lot, in terms of accessibility and reading immersion, and if it was just. Too much in general??? But honestly, ive gotten so attached to this writing style, and im too much of a fan of being esoteric to try and change it.... im happiest when i get to throw in big words and paint very specific images with them :]]] and the fact that people keep commenting on it in such positive ways is just very nice and validating for me, which is a huge bonus :DDD
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ladysophiebeckett · 1 year ago
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there's nepotism everywhere,,,blah blah blah.
first u have mother\daughter duo playing mother\daughter (angelica maria and angelica vale) (lety's mom and lety).
then you have the model in the bella life commercial being played by jaime camil's step sister, then luigi who's directing said model but in real life was dating her (and then married her). then in some other episode, jaime camil's dad showed up for some reason.
then later, as the show got longer they included angelica vale's dog and named him 'moty' like her bag. AND then they started to use one of angelica vale's songs as the opening credits song (and also later closing credits). and im sure these were part re negotiation tactics bc vale was having a shit time and they kept delaying the make over.
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demiurgicfeline · 2 years ago
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as someone who is very much not neurotypical i get very tired w how ppl talk abt Neurotypical People as like. some sort of weirdo freak aliens and wholly Other. and while i get that neurodivergent ppl are often talked abt like their thinking is alien, it isn’t helpful imo to do the reverse. neurotypical ppl think differently, no they arent freaks for liking small talk. and i think this way of framing things lends itself to the tiktok bullshit of “breathing is a sign of ADHD” bc every way of thinking and behaving becomes Neurotypical OR Neurodivergent, which makes ppl begin to overthink everything they do. and i fall victim to it, i become paranoid that every single thing i do is because of OCD, which makes me feel WORSE and isn’t helpful at all! 
every so often i see on here and on twitter some post decidedly saying “this is how neurotypicals function” and sure, sometimes! but like that one post about how “neurotypicals only ask about the thing you’re watching/playing because they want to join you and not because they want to hear about it” isnt a bad post, bc for some people, sure, that’s what they mean. for others they genuinely do want to hear! it varies person to person! but it’s the replies about “wow i cant believe all neurotypicals function this way” that feels very silly and unhelpful for everyone
basically neurotypical thinking isn’t something that can be hacked or that there is a guide for. neurotypical ppl can also be stressed out by social expectations and rules, they are not all thinking the exact same way just like neurodivergent ppl can think differently from each other. also sometimes ppl just are different from u. im extremely social, i genuinely LOVE small talk! i am also neurodivergent with severe anxiety! these are not mutually exclusive! also also neurodivergence is a big umbrella which includes a lot of kinds of thinking within it itself so like
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gaystardykeco · 1 year ago
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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burn2834283392 · 1 year ago
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(the current state of the sonic fandom post-movies)
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as somebody whos blasian, has had my mother and brother racially profiled by cops before, this just makes me sick. i'm begging you sonic fans on tumblr to stop with the fake activism, i KNOW you guys dont actually care. it's so disheartening seeing all these white or Racially Ambiguous folk on this site specifically go up in arms about fictional cops, have everybody in their notes like "omggg yeah ur so right i agree acab guys!!", while actual blk people cant even have their voices heard because you guys IGNORE us when we really need your help.
it makes me sick to my stomach. we are not thanking you for your unnatural and disturbing hate towards fictional characters. we are not considering you a saviour. you have done NOTHING for us, so just stop. stop.
support people in real life. protest real world problems. stop caring about a childrens movie. i watched it and enjoyed it. i don't care that he's a cop. it never changed my opinion about cops. "but it's copaganda" SHUT UP. like you would know shit about that.
if you're white, your input isnt necessary, read the post and go on your way. don't comment on it because i don't care what you have to say. if you're black and disagree with me, i'd like to hear your reason why (civilly, please). i'm open to a discussion with people who actually understand the issue or have the experience. none of that performative bullshit, i'm done with that.
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thecherrygod · 2 years ago
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was powering through nausea to get off the floor worth it
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