#not sure this really makes sense tbh

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

[instantpansies]

STRANGE NOISES FROM THE HOLE IN THE WALL HEADCANONS/INTERPRETATIONS UHHH OBVIOUS SPOILERS. CLARISSA CENTRIC CAUSE. HOLY SHIT

clarissa is to locomotion as clara is to the nutcracker. she's the kid who dreamed him into existence hundreds of years ago. i know he says he's older than the devil - i think that's still plausible, he's existed since thought but wasn't attached to the Silver Line or brought into physical existence until clarissa, lonely or in danger or just bored, imagined a world where she could escape from her everyday life and live as a grown-up(? maybe? since benjamin/timothy/billy seemed to age up as soon as he went through the portal?), with freedom and whimsy and eventually a relationship with the friendly driver.

why do i say this? because otherwise im really fucking confused lmao, that first scene where clarissa and loco are introduced is strange in the context of the end of the play. they seem to have known each other for a good while before they get on the train. they act like a young couple who's stumbled upon the silver line as an escape from danger and now they're excited for their new life in a new, safe world. except that loco also says he's been driving the train for years.

(looking back, that very much feels like a scenario from a child's imagination - or perhaps a dream - where of course he's been doing this for years, that's his job, but of course they're glad they've found the train together, this is a new experience for her so it's just an extension of her perspective)

but clara is, she says, a child when she gets on the train. idk how old "little girl" is, but if we run with this headcanon and also assume that the timeline is both linear and literal, she's imagining herself in some form of a sexual relationship with loco at a pretty young age.

i posit that this can be reconciled in several ways (some more disturbing or inappropriate than others), but one thing that could be considered is that the first scene where loco and clarissa are introduced is symbolic of their relationship over the course of the train's history. depending on how old clarissa was when she first dreamt the world into existence, she might not have even been very aware of loco, and spent her time just enjoying the escapism or whatever. after a few years or however long, she starts to get older and decides to learn how she's actually done this, maybe spends a long time trying to understand exactly what's going on. maybe her research leads her to a relationship with loco, i don't know. they do get on the train together, maybe, when they're both young (or, well, relatively speaking) and new to the world, and loco eventually has been driving the train for years and years and clarissa makes it a bit more tolerable with some companionship after a long lonely time. but those things don't happen simultaneously, because i think those things don't really work simultaneously. that scene is a sort of speedrun/amalgamation of how the two of them have interacted over the years. and yeah i guess that means they fucked at one point in there

(im going to be transparent, some of that is a bit of cope/rationalization. i think loco and the conductor are very exes/begrudging coworkers vibes, but i do like clarissa and loco together as well - unsettlingly powerful girl x eldritch being with a soft spot is a very good trope. and im trying to make it work out okay? give me a break lol. you don't have to agree with me on this, but once i see a luke and tom couple with a fun and compelling dynamic i will not let them go even if the ethics get a bit hard to explain later on. sorry, anyways moving on)

additionally, and i probably should have said this earlier, a reason i think this whole nutcracker theory holds up is because clarissa holds a sort of unique power in the world. she's been on the silver line for hundreds of real-years, who knows how many train-years, and still remembers her name and something of her old life. loco isn't hostile to her, even confirming her memory of her name and reminding her of her birthdate. with everyone else (ex. benjamin), he actively discourages them from remembering their lives. despite seemingly being one of the oldest passengers, she doesn't transform for hundreds of years. she obviously has some significance.

you know how that ties in? if this is clarissa's world, if her mind is what created the whole thing, then i think it makes sense to assume it's tied to her. as she begins to question her surroundings, then panic as she realizes she can't leave, her emotional and/or mental state becomes less stable, less utopic, less perfect. the dream begins to turn into a nightmare. and it becomes. well. an ouroboros. the snake eats its own tail and the train goes in circles and the escapist fantasy clarissa once loved becomes a prison of her own design. trapped in the very thing that was supposed to save her.

maybe that's why anthony and benjamin can get out when they do - as clarissa's world decays, as she finally begins to become part of the nightmare, as she melds with the train, the world has to shift a bit. it's reaching the point of no return - once clarissa has been fully sucked in, the train will never stop again. falling into an infinite nothing. but in that moment, there's one final chance for the conductor to stall locomotion, one final leap that could at last pull benjamin and anthony and everyone who's been sucked in by clarissa's black hole of a nightmare out of the portal and back into the real world.

and now, clarissa has lost three hundred years of a life that should never have lasted so long. gained perhaps thousands of years of memories of joy and connection and despair and panic and forever forever forever. and she is once again trapped in a vessel of her own making - her body is that of the child she has not been for lifetimes. her world is dead and gone - not just the world she created, but the world she escaped from as well. what of locomotion, that brief flash of connection? does he even exist anymore? who is she, now? who was she? where can she possibly go from here?

shoutout delirium_undead on discord for going along with the nutcracker theory and helping me flesh this out. your ideas are so galaxy brained and i am forever in your debt

[moeblob]

They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.

[knockknockitsnickels]

Day 16, final day before the Pristine Cut, my attempt at Ms. Chain Princess (possibly Prison3r but I've seen ppl speculate she's sp3ctre) from the trailer. See you all post pristine-cut 🫡

[adamnablelittledevil]

Re-watched the loumand fight and man I CAN'T WAIT to snort on Lesmand's word offs filled with sexual tension cocaine

[bitchapalooza]

Don't mind me, just writing my new funniest part of my zosan fic lmao

[rexscanonwife]

I decided to start rewatching the fairly oddparents and something that I'm surprised to see (aside from it still being pretty funny 😂😂) is that I remembered Wanda being more of the straight-man to Cosmo and Timmy, probably because of the flanderization and season rot, but she actually MATCHES their energy?? Most of the time she's participating in or actively encouraging their wacky behavior and I think that's beautiful! We need to go back to that

[gottaarc]

Zenji Kotodama is absolutely still my beloved but I think Yuri Isami is now very close behind him

[leejeann]

Listening to some of Epic the Musical again and only just noticed that Monster starts with the same electric guitar chord fade-in as The Horse and the Infant. Earlier I was talking to my friend about how Monster is so cool because it's like a mini character arc for Odysseus within a single song and I think that intro really fits that idea.

Monster is like a reset of Odysseus's determination to get home. Feels like he's back to the same level of determination as he was at the start, but in an entirely new context. Just like the power chord returning - a guitar that's been used to represent Odysseus throughout the story -but in it's own new context.

In The Horse and the Infant he was determined to do everything to finish the war and lead his men home as heroes. He didn't want to kill the infant, but if it meant saving his people then he'd reluctantly do it even if the weight would follow him forever. That power chord is a build into a determined, syncopated rhythm as he leads his men into one final battle. The tension it creates fuels the song that follows.

By Monster, it's more that he's determined to do anything it takes to get home at all. Doesn't matter how much of a monster he becomes in the process. If it gets him to his family it's fair game now. This time the power chord builds up to a release. An exhale; exhausted and somber. This time the tension it creates goes nowhere. It's like the ghost of his strength from Troy has finally dissolved, leaving nothing but the man-turning-monster in its place.

There's even a callback to Troy, specifically, connecting the two songs:

And if I gotta drop another infant from a wall In an instant so we all don't die Then I'll become the monster I will deal the blow

The Horse and the Infant ends with him wondering if killing an innocent child who is phosphatized to become a monster would make him one as well. He starts Monster worried that this journey has pushed him too far past that line to ever return, if there's even any good in returning, and he ends Monster decided that it does not matter anymore.

[lenievi]

Just something short I wrote for "I can’t believe you were that stupid" Saturday prompt over at 30+ fanfic discord.

Might potentially take place in the same 'verse as this and this snippet. Just weeks later and after Cosette gets married.

warning: mentioned canon Valjean's self-harm. first draft.

Jean Valjean/Javert

It's kind of (my idea of) fluffy – for the two of them.

---

Valjean rolled up his sleeves. Before he could take the sickle, Javert caught his elbow in a firm but gentle grip.

“I can’t believe you were that stupid,” Javert said, carefully tracing the burn scar on Valjean’s forearm with his fingers.

It had been a week since Javert learnt about its origin, but except for a few furtive looks at Valjean’s forearm, he hadn’t mentioned it again. Valjean would prefer if he'd forgotten. The notion of Javert caring—caring about him and his well-being—was still strange. Strange and yet… not entirely unpleasant.

Valjean shrugged. “What does one more scar matter?”

Javert dug his fingers into Valjean’s flesh and raised his head, his other hand falling. His throat worked. Valjean could see that there were things Javert wanted to say, but he seemed to swallow them and stayed silent.

Valjean sighed. “I told you they had been threatening Cosette. I couldn’t have them bother us again.”

“I know.” Javert’s grip softened; his thumb caressed—for there was no other word than that—the skin around the tender scar, sending shivers down Valjean’s spine, and as he had done for weeks, Valjean ignored the sensation.

“I knew I could handle it,” he said instead. Even after twelve years, he could still remember the searing pain caused by the stolen coin he had taken from the fireplace in his house in Montreuil and clutched hard in his palm. That one, he’d deserved; the other one, he’d done for Cosette. He’d never regret it, for she had cared for him when he’d returned home. Washed his wound, sat with him, loved him. He would treasure that memory forever now when she was married and not by his side anymore.

“It was still foolish of you,” Javert said, letting his hand fall.

An odd sense of disappointment washed over Valjean at the loss of Javert’s touch, and he quickly grabbed the sickle. The garden had been overgrown and needed a lot of work.

But he didn’t move.

When Javert had looked at him with eyes that seemed to try to penetrate his mind and read his thoughts in Montreuil, Valjean hadn’t been able to break their eye contact for fear of looking weak and guilty. Now, he didn’t want to look away and instead, it was Javert who often couldn’t maintain the contact for long.

Javert ran his fingers over the workbench and removed some of the soil that had been forgotten. “Yet, you continue to astonish me. You’ve always done things that haven't benefited or harmed you. Even—” Javert stopped himself. “No matter.”

Despite the time that had passed, it was still bizarre hearing Javert, who had never stopped to consider someone else’s reasons or circumstances in the past, who had only assumed that everything Valjean did had been to gain something, speak like that.

“I only did what I had to do. You must know what it feels like now; you let me go.”

Javert frowned. “That was different.”

“Was it?” Valjean remembered Javert’s shaking shoulders and sobs as he clutched the fireplace mantel in the drawing room on rue de l’Homme-Armé. He remembered what had come after, Javert’s despair and desperation as he clung to Valjean in a strange imitation of an embrace.

“Yes,” Javert said, and he sounded almost sure. “I didn’t let you go.”

No, he didn’t. That Javert was here in Digne with him, was proof enough. “No, you didn’t,” Valjean agreed and nodded at the wall above the workbench. “Take the other sickle and let me teach you how to use it. If you are to stay, you can be useful.”

[spooky-something]

These playlists are gonna make me cry, I can't, they're so bad...

Don't you dare try to gaslight me, Victor would NOT listen to Will Wood, leave him out out this...

Like, for actual characterization, this one had it, a lot of these songs are actually on our own Frankenstein playlist...

Heavy on HAD...

[crowleyholmes]

Bonus:

Don't mind me, I was just thinking about how Crowley must feel every time Aziraphale seems to put him in a box with the rest of hell. I know he tells him he's nice and kind and good and his friend just as many times or more, but still - after 6000 years of friendship and Doing The Right Thing together, it must have hurt when Aziraphale told him he's evil, and then even more when he told him you're the bad guys.

I just find it sooo interesting to look into every instance of Aziraphale talking about Crowley in either way. I want to take his thought process apart and study it under a microscope. We know that he knows that Crowley isn't evil, and we know that Crowley knows that he knows, and we (and Crowley) know that Aziraphale (up until a certain point) is just incredibly Heaven-brainwashed and it's hard for him to break out of that unless there's a situation at hand that requires Direct Action (see giving away the flaming sword to protect Adam and Eve, or protecting Job's children, or helping Elspeth to help Dalrymple, or stopping the Apocalypse).

How does he travel the world and the ages with Crowley and still somehow manage to call him evil with any level of seriousness? He is so convinced that all demons are evil, and at the same time he knows that Crowley's fall was unjust and a mistake and Crowley is NOT evil, but Crowley is a demon, but he's good and kind and nice and just, and Aziraphale sometimes struggles with that. Not consciously, I think, consciously he loves Crowley and trusts him and knows him well enough to see beyond angel/demon good/evil black and white thinking, but sometimes thoughts slip out of his mouth that are just. So far removed from what we know he knows.

He believes so strongly, in two things that could not be more mutually exclusive, and it's so fascinating. There's a lot of growth in that regard over the course of the series, we know that by the end of season 2 when he's talking to the Metatron, he is very clear in stating that his priority and his loyalty lie with Crowley, not with heaven. And I hold firm to my belief that he is going to Heaven because That's The Right Thing To Do, because he believes he can Make Things Better, for everybody, yes, but most importantly for Crowley. For the two of them!!

And YET. AND YET "you're the bad guys" somehow comes out of his mouth, when Crowley has Never really been a part of hell, and has always wanted to do the right thing for as long as Aziraphale has known him, and has been free of hell for Years now.

Still, Crowley is a Demon, and Demons Are Evil, angels and demons are hereditary enemies, right?

Except.... it's a little different when it's someone you know, isn't it?

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

actually I think the thing about being a youth leader is that 25% of it is teaching about God, 25% is playing fun games, and more than that though 50% of it is making a safe space for kids to be. not to try and make them believe, not so they'll be open or anything. just. a 100% no stakes, safe place for them to just BE. whatever else comes after that. and I don't just mean physically safe, two-adults-in-the-room-at-all-times, et cetera. I mean emotionally safe. I mean not hitting them over the head with scripture, not trying to help them feel better or any particular way. just... a no-judgment, emotionally safe place to exist as kids.

[straylaughs]

dont know how to go about formulating my thoughts about the entire show but i do have to give bucchigiri its flowers for that absolutely stunning fight sequence between matakara and arajin

[motherforthefamicom]

okay fuck it actually heres a drawing from the other day

[agirlinthegalaxy]

It's been rolling around in my brain the last few days for some reason, but I still hate the family backstory reveals for Sophie and Eliot. I've seen some of the meta for it, but quite frankly, it still makes no sense. If it had been something actually thought of and intentional in the original, I think it could have been so fascinating. I mean, Sophie's willing abandonment of Astrid to contrast with Nate's loss of Sam or Eliot's adoption in contrast with Hardison's and Parker's? Could have been excellent! But they came out of nowhere in Redemption and don't work with these characters.

Sophie was still actively using the fucking alias that she met Astrid under! She met with someone from her past on the show! Like. Quite frankly, that one is unequivocally bullshit that they made up and threw in and pretended could fit with the established canon. (And I'm sorry, but the idea of Sophie abandoning Astrid and never telling Nate about her just... So much of Nate's trauma was rooted in the loss of Sam, and I think that introducing this element after he's gone and unable to respond to it taints Sophie and Nate's relationship in a way bc I'm not exactly sure how Nate would've responded to learning about this but I think that it's something he'd have needed to know. I don't know how to fully express my thoughts on that but yeah.)

As for Eliot, I don't like the adoption aspect literally at all. The way that he would interact with his family and the memory of his family would be different, and I think that it's flat out ridiculous to think that he'd have never mentioned it to the team in the original show, especially when dealing with the kid cases. (I also dislike the biracial adoption as its own element because if Eliot was actually raised by Black parents in the... idk what 80s/90s? That just. doesn't feel congruent with how they write Eliot interacting with PoC, not necessarily in a bad way, but babe, he's written like a white southern man raised in a specific kind of culture that does not jell with that. It also makes Eliot look... really bad that he was apparently raised with the knowledge of how fucked up the military was and his parents' history and made the choices that he did.) Like the show may not have explicitly stated it but the implication of that relationship was vastly fucking different throughout the original show.

Just. These were not backstories that were congruent with their depiction and characters in the original show, and they're also just moves that I don't particularly like or find interesting directions for those characters. There's also something to be said about how it was apparently unacceptable for a woman to not have kids or someone not reconciling with their biological family when that was something that the original show handled a lot better. Out of all the directions to take Sophie and Eliot's stories, that's just not really one that I think was a good idea.