#not sure if I have the neuroplasticity for that

[himblebo]

And on that note: polyglots are super human

[theprettynosferatu]

Welcome. Please, stay for a bit. We need to talk. You can keep touching yourself. I truly don't mind.

A while back we discussed the matter of your intelligence. Remember that? How much of a burden the label of "smart" is? Just look back to your school days. What would have been extraordinary successes for most were just... expected of you. After all, you are smart. And now look at you. You can't enjoy your own achievements because there's that little voice in your head telling you that you are not allowed to be proud of them: after all, you did only what was expected of you. Your baseline is other people's ceilings, and you taste no joy.

And the solitude! Oh, better not to get into that, right? How you can be surrounded by people and just know that were you to stop masking, few would comprehend you. Being smart doesn't make you happy. It makes you lonely.

But I have good news! See, dumb people can't become smart. But smart people sure as hell can be dumb!

You are clever enough to understand neuroplasticity. Your brain can be changed. Molded. Trained to the point you become a different person.

Surely you have discovered the power of edging. It makes it so hard to focus, it makes you so much more likely to do dumb, slutty things... and it gives you so much pleasure! So your brain slowly associates pleasure with being dumb, confused, slutty and fuzzy... you should do it more.

But you can do more. If you're so smart, you can tell when you're being clever. Well, when you notice yourself having such thoughts, stop. Instead think "I'm just a dumb slut" and focus your mind on delicious porn, on what a complete whore would do in whatever circumstances you are, how good it would be to be taken and broken down into a complete fuckdoll...

Over time, such thoughts will become second nature. The sluttier you get, the less you'll think those mean, smart thoughts.

Of course dumb is as dumb does! So... do the dumb thing! Ask the stupid questions you know the answer to. Giggle like a complete idiot. Make it so no one will see you as smart ever again. Dress for the part. After all, no one cares about your mind when they stare at your cleavage, your ass. Smile to let everyone know it's okay to stare.

It won't be an easy road. You will need to goon, train, edge, be disciplined in your road to stupid sluttiness! But I believe in you!

You can escape the shackles of intelligence. You can become the dumb whore you desire to be. And you'll be so much happier in the end!

[olivebeeandstuff]

On the humans are weird subject:

I recently read this book called Livewired, by David Eagleman - pleeeease if you like anything neuroscience related, read his books, they're great- where he suggested that we dream because of neuroplasticity and the rotation of the earth.

Basically neuroplasticity means that the brain will adapt to the data it receives. You lose a hand, the brain will turn the area that was uses to process that hand's info into an area to process the rest of the arm. You lose your vision, the vision processing areas will be taken over by tact and hearing.

But this kind of adaptation can happen really quick, he mentions one study where they blindfolded people and it took only one hour to notice changes in brain activity.

So back to the rotation of the Earth, because of it we have long periods of darkness, which means not using our eyes and focusing on other senses for long periods of time daily - at least before we learned how to control fire, which was fairly recent in evolution terms.

Because of this he proposes that dreams are to practice our vision, to make sure that during those periods of darkness, the brain is still processing visual information, the theory is corroborated by the fact that there are very few areas of the brain involved in dreaming, it's mostly the visual cortex. That would also explain why we usually don't remember dreams, there's no need to.

Now imagine a world with a different rotation speed, one that's very fast, or one that doesn't have rotation at all. Imagine if these places had intelligent life. They would very likely not dream. Or maybe somewhere in the universe, intelligent life evolved with completely different brains, and they don't need to dream.

The aliens would be very confused with it. Like how do we even explain it?

Alien: So what you are saying is that you are experiencing daily vivid hallucinations where you can't tell what's true or not. Should I be worried? Should I call the doctor?

Human: No, it's not like that! It's normal, every human dreams every night, or at least they should. I think not having dreams is actually a sign that something is wrong...

Alien: Every one of you does that?! How is that not dangerous?

Human: Well you see, our bodies are usually kinda deactivated when it happens, so it all in our head. And we mostly don't even remember it anyways

Alien: Usually?

Human: Yeah, sometimes people talk in their sleep and things like that. Then there's people like Steve, he's what we call a sleep walker, his body is completely functional when he dreams, so he just walks around unconscious thinking that he's in his dream

Alien: STEVEN WALKS AROUND COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS WHILE HAVING VIVID HALLUCINATIONS AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM?!

[tragedy-for-sale]

Until Replacements Come

"There's only one reason Alpha-17 comes to the capital."

Brothers don't keep secrets from each other. At least, that's how it's supposed to be. But lately... Wrecker wasn't too sure about that. They weren’t training to be spies; they were training to be soldiers. The brothers of Clone Force 99 all have a secret or two up their sleeves. Crosshair’s medbay sonnet, Tech’s secret lab, and Hunter’s out in the water- However, if these brothers hold their tongue too long, when the truth finally reins free, forgiveness may be too far- Hunter's out in the water- Brothers find their first enemy, not in regs, but in each other. As Tsunami storms place Tipoca City on lock down, secrets come in with the rain

Greetings, dear reader, as you may know I participated in this year's @clonebang as a part of team 10. I had the opportunity to work with @pizzaboy-maul who created corresponding art to my fic. The full fic is finally up on AO3. The first chapter is below, enjoy!

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

|| Ch. I || The Lab & Nala Se

The mutation of genetics required hours of dedication. Understanding the structure of one’s DNA, what type of bond holds them together, how many chromosomes and what each individual chromosome affects. That was the tip of the iceberg of knowledge a cloner had to learn and understand. For if one did not, clones would never be viable. Understanding one’s own species’ was completely different to understanding another’s. Nala Se knew this, beyond just simply knowing, she also understood the differences. She understood the manipulation of genes just as well as she knew the effect those mutations would have on the individual later in life. As a young scientist, she felt overwhelmed with the powerful feeling that came with knowing she could create a being and choose every aspect of it. Their eyes, color of hair, whether they would have hair. But as Nala Se got older, she realized it was a great privilege, and not something to take advantage of and fuel the ego of a god. Nala Se was a scientist, she was not a god. As she aged, she viewed her creations with great pride but looking down at all the clones she’d had a hand in creating, it was a bittersweet feeling.

It had been an experiment, as all scientists did, she was simply testing a hypothesis. Following a hunch. Late in her private lab, four clones were created; it wasn’t some grand demandment by the prime minister or chasing after that godly pride, no, it had simply been a test. Four clones. This didn’t happen all at once, no, looking over all the chromosomes individually, manipulating genes to present certain alleles, changing the structure of DNA in itself, an act like this couldn’t possibly happen all at once. No, it happened slowly.

Early in the morning came the first brother; Age acceleration of course. In the case of heightened sensitivity, she knew a majority of those manipulations would have to be added later on in development, so for now, he was almost normal compared to all the clones she’d oversaw. That evening came the second brother, an enlarged hippocampus, resulting in the creation of more neurons and synapses, enhanced neuroplasticity for better absorption of knowledge. This clone would have to undergo constant stimulation to the mind and would remember little details his brothers have long forgotten, but his mind will be exceptional. 

The third brother came the following night, enhanced metabolism, heightened protein synthesis; he would tower over everyone around him, he’d move mountains. There was a trickle of doubt, he might turn out to be hard to control, he might wreck everything. The last and final brother came the morning after; enhanced synthesis of rhodopsin and photopsin to better photoreceptors; an added fourth cone: tetrachromacy; Larger optic nerves. This clone will see colors his brothers never would, he’d see clearly in the night and farther in the day. 

Over the course of a week, these four enhanced clones were created. The more one manipulated genes, the larger the margin for genetic mutations. The manipulation of DNA is to affect how proteins build the body, the manipulation of proteins is to change the foundation of a house while the framework is already up. That is why this is a test, Nala Se told herself. It was likely these clones would not survive, many base clones already didn’t survive. There were already many undesirable mutations to be fixed in the standard clone. Millions of clones were created, heart defects, missing cones in the eyes, the misformation of bones; all those mutations became a greater risk the more chromosomes were changed. DNA started to self-destruct on itself. For all the clones that were in this facility alone, there were just as many that were quickly discarded when defects like those were spotted. There were already signs of congenital defects in her experimental unit. Nala Se knew that even if all these clones survived, even if  they all lived, their life would forever be a struggle. If not due to error in their creation than the lifetime promise of war.

As the lights of this private lab dimmed for the evening, Nala Se reached out her hand for a young girl to take. This young girl took Nala Se’s hand, looking once behind her at the four tubes growing her brothers. 

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

It's been such a wonderful experience for me. It was definitely challenging. I hope you check it out. Read the full fic here.

[homunculus-argument]

i’m so happy i found your blog and followed you because your thought process sounds so similar to mine, i’d be tempted to ask you if you were donor conceived out of pure genealogical-bewilderment borne curiosity if i didn’t know you were from Finland, which by the way, it’s probably not the first time you’ve heard this but what was your process for learning a second language? if there even is such a thing, sincerely an increasingly discouraged-growing monolingual American fearing the amount of time left between my brain plasticity and ability to obtain a job i will enjoy with a livable wage

To be honest I'm not exactly sure whether I'm even allowed to say I learned a second language, any more than I'd be allowed to say that I'm bilingual. Both my parents were fluent enough in english due to their jobs to have books and stuff at home in the language, but the only parent at home who was speaking english as a first language was the TV - mom put me into an english-speaking daycare for a while after she noticed that I was picking up the language from american TV shows before I learned to read the subtitles.

I've used up all my neuroplasticity by now. I learned to read and speak english before I was five, and I never learned to read an analog clock because I didn't.

[pillarsalt]

Imo stock has her own issues. She recently wrote this, https://unherd.com/2024/02/whos-scared-of-a-female-brain/ which struck me as extremely ridiculous, because she uses huge leaps of logic with no supporting evidence for claiming women are “more emotional or irrational than men by nature” based off of a study that simply said AI has detected a way to tell apart male and female brains. Like no where in that study or elsewhere does it attempt to connect extremely preliminary and not yet understood results to a conclusion of women being “more emotional or irrational than men by nature”, Stock literally just pulls that from her ass and runs with it. Idk what she’s smoking lately.

Article link / Study link

Yeah after reading all that I'm definitely with you. The study even says this at the beginning:

Which makes the whole thing seem pretty redundant to me. I mean we already know about neuroplasticity and how experiences shape neural pathways in the brain, and we know that men and women are heavily socialized with gender roles from birth, so it doesn't come as a surprise to me that there are some differences in the brains of men and women. The study was only conducted on young adults as well, I'd like to see how apparent the differences are in children and even preverbal babies. We really can never truly know what a brain unaffected by gendered socialization looks like until we have no systems of gender, which is the goal, but a goal that's going to take many many more years.

Stock seems to be preemptively defending the notion that male and female brains are different from "reality-denying feminists," but I don't think any reasonable feminist would refuse to acknowledge that there are differences, just that these differences are socially ingrained and not biologically ingrained. Her example of one such feminist is Gina Rippon, who says this in a Guardian article linked by Stock in the original article:

I guess Stock's main point is that if we do find out via brain scanning that women's brains are inherently worse at, say, math, we as feminists should not deny this fact even if it is inconvenient for the feminist movement's goal of complete equality for women. But there is just no evidence that women's brains are this way inherently, that we as a society couldn't erase the social message received when we're only children that girls are bad at math and therefore you will be too.

I mean in Cordelia Fine's Delusions of Gender, she talks about how detrimental gendered priming is; that is to say, when women are reminded of our gender role stereotypes before performing a task, we usually perform worse at tasks we are stereotyped to be bad at. When a mixed group of males and females are told they're doing a written test that males usually do better on, those women will perform worse than the men, whereas another group who writes the test without being primed has about equal results between the men and women. Priming is a vicious cycle. (Note: this is also why having everyone state their pronouns, especially before academic activities, is really insidious. They are setting up girls and women for failure.)

What I think is going on is that she's wary of feminism becoming a cult-like echo chamber à la transgenderism, where we ignore scientific evidence if it is not conducive to our cause, and she wants to preempt that. But that just isn't the case with this study. A weird ass article for sure, maybe she really is smoking that good good lmao. I think Material Girls is still solid reading, but ABSOLUTELY read Delusions of Gender too, that one changed everything for me.

[wishful-seeker]

I will soon be the only person in my close family to not finish college because illness forced me to leave, and thats a strange feeling. Im not sure how i feel about it.

I feel a little alienated because of it, but even though i LOVE learning and i enjoyed college classes, i didn't enjoy college itself.

Even in high school i was the "sick kid" and missed a year there, so feeling like i don't belong isn't new.

But i really thought I'd meet people like me in college, but all i found was snobby rich kids that ignored my existence. I genuinely tried making friends but college students are not my type of people.

I don't know if this is because i wore braces on my knees, or because they could tell i was poor, not sure but college kids always gave me bad vibes.

Im sad that the things im truly passionate about isn't taught in college, and i miss the classes i did have, but i don't think a fancy college was ever my scene. Maybe i would've fit better at a community college. But im probably too disabled to ever find out.

Idk i guess it feels strange because i was heavily encouraged to go to college, and now i can't even if i wanted to. Its weird that i could probably guess the view outsiders have of my life, how they'd feel bad for me, or laugh at what I've become.

And i think of that a lot: how outsiders may view my life. "Oh so sad, look how far she's fallen." Ya know

But im happy

I LIKE my life, sure i got all As and Bs in college, sure i won a writing contest in my class, and yes i also completed a triathlon before all this. So many medals saying "look how hard i worked, look what i accomplished" but when i was accomplishing those trival things i was really lost and alone on the inside, those medals were to convince myself i was better than the years before this one, a lie that i was becoming my best self.

But now all that shit is gone, dead, useless to me. Eventually i was left alone, with NO distractions, only my mind and a body i couldn't move in. Only a bed, in a room, no where else to go. Everything i thought that mattered, everything i connected my worth with, suddenly didn't mean anything anymore, because all that was was my chronic pain, and what i did with it. All that mattered now was fighting for a better life, for freedom from a bed, for freedom within my head.

I had to rebuild myself from nothing, i had to literally rewire my brain. I studied neuroplasticity and my only goal was to train my brain to be able to live with this pain. And i had to change a LOT. I can tell you my mind and the internal dialog in my head is completely different from 2 years ago, and also much a much kinder, and safer place.

So no, i won't finish college, im gonna be poor forever, i wont work, but i am much happier.

I finally feel like the best version of myself. The challenges i face in my life are no longer overwhelming, but a cycle ive grown rather fond of. Im so secure with myself that i can say "this next hardship will be good for me." And i don't think many people have the privilege of being that optimistic when faced with stressful situations.

It would have taken me my whole life to get to this point if i was still focusing on things like grades.

Im happy, and im more proud of myself than when i beat a triathlon, or won art contests.

[dunnowhattodosstuff]

Friday | 15 March

I have four days off and I have a lot to do but I dunno what to do so I just randomly make this brain dump account.

I have been fascinated by manifestation and neuroplasticity for the last one year. I read a lot about it and still found it amazing.

I just started reading a new book yesterday and the first chapter was "Definiteness" it was all about:

1. You should be very clear about what you want.

2. Burning desire. You must be obsessed about getting it.

I know it's important to know what you want in your life but somehow I always feel blank when I ask this question to myself. And if I am not 100% sure what I want then how should I become obsessed with getting it.

The only thing I know is that I don't want to get stuck in this phase of myself.

[ladysqueakinpip]

ok my art/STEM/STEAM thoughts under the cut

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about trying to mesh art and science together mostly bc, in my own experience, people tend to be either very right brained or very left brained. And thus one way of thinking over the other feels more natural to them.

I'm not sure if there's any science that shows that people can develop skills with the opposite hemisphere the more they practice those skills. Neuroplasticity is a thing so I wouldn't be surprised, but I haven't looked into it.

But realistically I think back on all the people I've met in my science classes, and all the people I've met in my art classes, and there just... doesn't seem to be a way to FORCE people to have an interdisciplinary mindset if they don't already have a dual left brain/right brain mentality.

No matter how hard i try to push the scientists I know to see the value in art, they just don't think that way (like the girl in the video). They're analytical people. They "get" AI art no matter how many times the art community tells them its a cheap cop-out bc it's "art" in a way they can understand. Algorithmically.

And no matter how hard I try to tell my art friends of the value of science and math, it doesn't stick. "I can't do math." "I don't get it." "It's mind numbing." "It's boring." All the times I go on science/research tangents and my artist friends get this glazed over look on their faces and zone out.

You can't like... force these kinds of mindsets onto people. And I've been out of college for almost 5 years now so I'm not sure how that interdisciplinary STEAM education is being implemented.

I hate that there are so many arts/humanities majors that have this almost. resentment (??) of STEM majors bc they've been told their whole life they're "dumb" or "not smart" just bc their intelligence lies in a different skillset. Which is such a valid thing to be upset about. But I've seen so many people start to put down STEM majors and say they have no critical thinking skills and i think a big part of that comes from just. General bitterness.

And I REALLY don't want forced art education for STEM majors to make them equally as bitter or disdainful to the arts bc they were forced to take classes that they're not good at. Like that's why people pick a major. They pick something they like and want to study.

There's already such a divide between the arts and science communities we don't need to make it worse

Ultimately I guess I'm saying I don't think forcing this kind of education onto people will work. That post referenced a company that was started up by a chemist AND an artist working in tandem. And honestly I feel like that's the ideal. Some people just... cannot develop strong skills in both the arts and sciences because they weren't made that way. But by emphasizing cooperation between the disciplines, the independent strengths and values of both studies, maybe both parties can learn more respect for each other. And use each other as support and as resources to make projects and ideas come together realistically.

It's good to be as well rounded an individual as possible, but we can also rely on each other too.

[starfishbloom]

It’s not hard to understand. I am not a real person. I once met a real person, we spoke the same language but I’m not sure we meant the same things. I don’t know what an authentic identity is. It’s construction and mimesis and neuroplasticity and adaptation all the way down. My accent changes throughout the day, and I don’t play well with the other children even though I’ve tried. It’s very easy to light a fire with a mug of petrol but you’ll scare the guests. I have an almost eidetic memory for where or from whom I picked up a gesture, a turn of phrase, a behaviour, an interest, a desire, an affectation, an aesthetic, but there’s always something else I’m forgetting. Shouldn’t this be a muscle memory by now? There’s a plump ginger cat in the neighbourhood who doesn’t belong to anyone, he couch surfs for weeks at a time and the con works because no one knows how to demand where he’s from or where he belongs. We all think he’s searching for the perfect sofa. The sin isn’t in the search, it’s in the finding and then moving on. Stories are supposed aren’t supposed to end that way, that’s why they cut them short. I am a marionette draped in other people’s skin, and the patchwork quilt keeps slipping off the bed. I am a marionette that was supposed to become a real person, and you probably are too.

[wumblr]

would you believe radical in portuguese is pronounced hajicao. the thing about phonemic orthography is like all of the rules individually make sense but when you put several together in a word i theoretically recognize i'm like nooo. that can't be. and like i recognize the phoneme/grapheme relationship in english is FAR worse but i'm sitting here going "eu wumbo, voce wumba, nos wumbamos" and feeling like an idiot because i never did any of that for english so it appeals to a false sense of the natural. i've never even known what infinitives and imperatives are despite obviously using them every day. and then on TOP of that i have to keep this negative mental model of portuguese portuguese conjugations, which i am not learning and thus must learn to identify them in order to not learn them. for such a comparatively straightforward language this is nevertheless really complicated and it's just not very appealing as an experience with regards to the neuroplasticity i never wanted to lose. i had to google "orthography" while i was writing this which is its whole own category of ridiculous. like i know i'm literally using it to look it up come on i just need to look to make sure i'm not using it wrong. which is, also, by nature, part of orthography

[indelibleevidence]

Starting a new year as someone with a chronic illness is hard. You look back on the past year, and it seems like you've slept most of it away, or wasted your time and energy on trying to get answers, only to realise that science doesn't have them yet.

Over the past month, I've been trying something that I'm going to take into 2023, because it feels like it helps my mental state. I thought I'd share it, in case anyone else who's living the mostly-housebound life finds it beneficial.

Basically, it's this: do one tiny thing per day that you can feel proud of yourself for getting done.

When you're so ill that all your energy is spent on making sure you eat, taking care of basic hygiene if you can, then vegging on the couch or in bed the rest of the time, it feels like you're wasting your life. And if you're anything like me, you have tasks that you need to do, that have been put off for so long that they're now becoming an Issue.

If I feel well enough (relatively speaking), I'll do something towards reducing the life issues that I've been procrastinating on: making that appointment, sending a text bugging my landlord to get the damp wall issue fixed, etc.

If I can't manage that stuff, and I'm just zombied in bed, feeling like hell, then I try to focus on something about myself that I feel good about, and give myself a reminder that I deserve to exist. Not because of some toxic positivity meme bullshit, but because I'm hoping it will help with the whole neuroplasticity thing.

Anyway, tl; dr: it helps my mood to know that I've done something besides just exist each day, even if it's something tiny. I hope it might help other people who are struggling, too.

[neuroscience-corner]

We have all heard about the benefits of exercise for literally every part of our body at least once. But what about the brain? Dementia is a concern for many, and brain training and reducing the risk of dementia is a very active field of research. However, the role of brain training remains controversial, but what we know for sure is that physical exercise can help your brain maintain its health for longer, and there is some scientific evidence to back it up.

What are some benefits of exercise for the brain?

There are many, but amongst the main ones are decreased stress and “brain fog”, decreased social anxiety, improved emotional processing, increased focus, attention and memory, and potential prevention of ageing and dementia!

How can exercise actually benefit the brain?

Firstly, by promoting cardiovascular health. Regular exercise was also shown to improve the blood and oxygen flow to the brain. Steady blood flow helps to deliver vitamins, glucose, amino acids and other nutrients that are essential for the mental sharpness of your brain. It also helps get rid of waste materials such as carbon dioxide faster. Any aerobic activity that increases your heart rate will do! Other ways to benefit the brain health is to reduce inflammation and lower cortisol (stress-hormone) levels. Meditation and yoga were shown to help with that.

It could be that exercise may provide physical benefits to your brain itself, too, through improving neuroplasticity (or the ability for the brain to adapt to changes), increase the thickness of the cerebral cortex and improve the integrity of white matter.

What about the evidence?

In a study done in 2019 older adults underwent yearly medical check ups and cognitive tests for 20 years, and they agreed to donate their brains for research when they die. They were also given equipment to track their activity, like accelerometers. Those who moved more throughout their day scored better on memory and thinking tests. The researchers also reported that increased physical activity was associated with a 31% lower risk of dementia (remember to be critical - this is a correlation but not yet a causation). 

A study on greek participants with amnestic MCI* showed that those who were randomly allocated to engage in 1 hour of ballroom dancing twice a week for 10 months improved in multiple areas of brain function, their mood and behaviour. 

In another study on MCI patients researchers offered participants to engage in aerobic exercise (three times a week for 45 minutes per session), eat a heart-healthy Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH) diet, combine exercise and diet or receive health education. Over a six-month study, it was seen that those who followed the DASH diet alone didn’t improve on assessments of executive function (which is responsible for tasks like planning, problem-solving and multitasking), while the health-education group’s brain function worsened. Those who exercised, on the other hand, showed improvements in thinking and memory, and those who combined exercise and the DASH diet improved even more, the researchers reported.

When it comes to how much exercise you actually need, scientists recommend to aim for 15 minutes of 3 days per week of vigorous aerobic activity or 30 minutes of mild one 5 days per week.

Some research shows that even a little bit of extra activity you can get can be beneficial. In one recent study researchers concluded that each hour of light-intensity physical activity and achieving 7,500 steps or more daily was associated with higher total brain volume, even in people who didn’t meet the activity guidelines. Researchers claimed it was “equivalent to approximately 1.4 to 2.2 years less brain aging.”

*MCI stands for mild cognitive impairment which is considered to be a pre-dementia state, where cognitive decline is noticeable but doesn’t interfere as much with day-to-day life. Amnestic means referring to memory. I actually wrote an extended essay on this so I am thinking of introducing this concept in the later posts!

Sources:

[labnatus]

❛ the worst is behind us, okay? we’re gonna be fine. ❜ featuring — @likcthestar

as a little girl she'd dreamed of freedom. the confines of the lab had been all she'd known. she'd scoot to the very edge of the cells, as close as possible to the one next to her, and she'd weave fascinating tales of escape to the girl in the cell next to her's. and then to the boy. and then, eventually, the cell was empty. the only person left alive to dream with her was herself. the lab had been her birth, her destruction, her home, and it would have been her final resting place, someday.

but then she'd finally found that escape she'd always dreamed of and dakota discovered that, in the overbearing vastness of the universe, she wasn't sure she knew what to do with it.

her foot bounces anxiously, he knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. she smiles weakly, ❝ yeah ! yeah i know that it's just ... ❞ she nervously picks at her lips, ❝ well uh y'know, i don't even ... like know what i'm going to do tomorrow. and believe me, that's so beyond exciting to me but ... ❞ she clears her throat and looks up, ❝ if you spend your whole life breathing in smoke from a burning house, your lungs adjust to the smoke and then they don't know what to do when they get clean air. so they die. metaphorical, obviously, but i sorta worry i'm the burnt lungs. ❞ she clicks her tongue, ❝ how much do you know about neuroplasticity ? ❞

[everydayesterday]

Thinking about that AI post I wrote earlier...  I have no platonic intimacy with language.  It is mostly transactional with me.  I am envious of true poets and storytellers.  I may have a fairly extensive vocabulary, but this relates to my need for precision, rather than metaphor.  

[My connectedness is elsewhere.  I believe, perhaps foolishly, that I can somehow communicate with wild animals; though perhaps not language in the traditional sense, that we have an understanding; that they acknowledge my acknowledgement of them.  I believe we are all animals, all imperfect, all here to exist and then cease to exist.  Sometimes I long for the forest, the bedrock, the numerous lakes of my home territory.  I picture myself sitting meditatively, attracting caribou, bears, ravens... imagine a circle of us around a fire (necessary to keep the mosquitoes away—no one is terribly fond of them), the smoke scratching our eyes, all of us breathing deeply.  I would feel whole.]  

I have tried, but the results are mostly short, haiku-like verses; musings on love, coffee, birds (+), and my own illnesses (+,+); cute little rhyme schemes, only seldomly having much weight.  I often force form (such as mirroring or line length), or overuse synonyms.  To get anything halfway readable, I need to use gallons of ink, somehow stumbling over some quality in the quantity.  

My use of language is in straightforward description, rather than creative weaving.  To use this in any sort of attempt at fiction feels wrong.  There are authors who are brutish (Henry Miller), dry and plain (John Steinbeck), and I abhor their work.  I don’t want to feel any of that same venom toward myself.  

I have no need for this type of writing, however.  Though not for fiction, it could surely be of use academically, but that no longer interests me; that flame of intellectual curiosity has long been extinguished.  I desperately want the creativity that I lack, but I don’t know that I will ever get to a point where I am comfortable with my own words if I have no facts to refer back to (my type of philosophical introspection is simply a round of questions; there is no end product here).  

It would be noble to pursue bettering myself on this front, but as my mind is no longer as it was pre-2015 (or maybe it is; truly, who knows the wonders of neuroplasticity?), I fear that my only real option is to accept my shortcomings and move on.  I can appreciate the talent of others; live vicariously through them.  We are not all meant to be great writers.  

[datingcentralauckland]

Is this guy bothering you?

I do not think dudes with lifted trucks female equivalent is woman in heels. I haven’t seen people walking around trying to catch Pokémon with their smart phones lately, perhaps they evolved into entrepreneurs and try to catch feelings and mental weirdness now. Troglodytes of Urbanites in apartment shoeboxes, made of overpriced fashion statements from the house of, ‘People of Walmart,” is only metaphysical, in the mind. It must kind of be like a movie trailer to soft porn, or something. Like flat earthers of the dimensional planes of lifted Doc Martain hipsters, from the new/old age conspiracy, ‘Capitalism will save us if it defeats big Pharma.’ Still can’t grow a tomato though, unless it’s the mainstream personality to a default cottage core annalistic beard moisturizing company.

Been practising multi-tasking my procrastination, apparently, it is just less qualitative task switching, but I have seen orgies and musicians multi-task so it cannot be all that bad. It probably comes down to priming tasks to the Gestalt Laws of Organization, so you are not switching but creating an efficient process of symmetry. So, it's kind of like Identical switching, Milestone sequences, and cycles of inertia and focus. Perhaps the notion is lost on the term ‘multi-tasking,’ rather ‘streamlining efficiency…by pre-sets.’

The presence of savant geniuses indicates the existence of savant narcissists, less serial killer and more Tinder, kind of like a multi-tasker really. But if someone has multiple orgasms, is it just each of their personalities waiting in line to cum? Who knows, strange mysteries of the universe.

Really if you cum to self-sabotage; are you really coming or going, and is it in lifted heels or lifted trucks. Neuroplasticity is really just cumming on someone’s face. Mind you, object permeance or personality fixated reality of the ethical kink/moral control, is really just an angler fish in a knights armor, like an armadillo that ironically kills more people with bullets than any other animal and curls up into a phallic ball when you kink shame it.

Anyway, New Apartment, new vibe…..

Bluebirds arrange decorative nests to attract a mate, but a mattress on the floor with a radio is a peak efficiency design you often don’t see in architectural digest. Something about man cave and pussies have a symmetry to them, kind of like territorial pissings. Public couples’ personas really are unipolar manifestations of spirit Chads and Karen’s. pretty sure their parents were swingers with plastic-cover retro couches.

Anyway, shitposting star date, blame it on -mercury-metro-retrograde,

Peace out…….