#not saying anything for more than 5 hours and not at work is crazy

[bloomzone]

sooo y’all, let me tell you… these past 10 days I've been locking in and i reallyyy achieved a lot, and honestly i learned even more. i was still in my lil reflection era overthinking, analyzing, you know the usual but i also caught myself before i made some big mistakes. like i literally saved myself right before things could’ve gone bad and i wanna share this with y’all because i know someone needs to hear it too, especially if you’re stressed about exams right now.

lesson 1: please don’t change your study method last minute.

y’all, please, if you have finals or big exams coming up, do not start experimenting with new study methods. i made that mistake, fr. i saw this "easier" method on YouTube and was like omg this sounds perfect, maybe this is my new main way to study. but nooo, babe. that’s a trap. because when you change things up right before exams, you’re gonna end up confused, stressed, and behind. you'll start thinking like “omg time is running out and i still don’t get this” or “i haven’t memorized anything yet.” and that spiral is so real. so pls, stick to your main method the one that has worked for you so far. yeah, you can try adding small things or testing new tricks lightly on the side, but don’t fully switch everything right before big exams. keep your foundation strong, okay? trust me on this.

lesson 2: take meaningful breaks.

this one hit me hard. so when you’re taking breaks while studying, make them useful breaks, y’all. not the kind where you scroll on your phone for an hour and then feel worse. not the breaks where you just lay there thinking “what if i fail” because omg we’ve all done that and it never helps.

instead, do something that actually resets your brain. like cook yourself a meal, go out for a walk, change your environment, tidy your space a bit, or even journal your thoughts. for me, cooking during my breaks literally saves me i get food and i feel productive cuz like sometimes my brain hurt and when I get up to take a break and eat something THE FIRST BITE and I'm like "damn bro I was hungry" and then I eat and I feel better again but honestly, the best kind of break is stepping outside, grabbing a little snack or coffee, and breathing fresh air. just doing something small but active that makes you feel human again before you go back to your books.

lesson 3: slowly build your study stamina.

i used to be someone who could never study more than 3 hours a day, max. but these past 10 days? i actually pushed myself to study 5 to even 7 hours a day. which is crazy for me, honestly. and no, i’m not saying you have to study for hours nonstop because same, my usual safe goal is 3 hours too. but when you’ve got a pile of exams and subjects waiting, sometimes you really do need to go for those longer sessions.what helped me a lot is the pomodoro technique. and let me say this pomodoro is a technique, not a study method so you can still study your way but use pomodoro to manage your time.there’s this YouTube channel i found that reallyyyy helps. the videos are so cozy and calming they have these little lo-fi vibes with cats moving on the screen, and even tho i don’t really listen to music when i study, i just let those videos play for the background sound aside in my laptop. it kinda makes me feel like i’m studying with someone else and i stay productive for longer. usually it’s like 3-hour study sessions with three 5-minute breaks, and that structure really helped me go from my usual short sessions to longer, more focused study days. and let’s be honest, the cute cats motivate me more than they should lol. [The link of the channel ]

lesson 4: don’t panic (even if everything feels overwhelming).

and this is coming from someone who still panics before every exam lol. but sometimes, you just gotta tell yourself: enough. like, i will study, i will do my part, and the results will come how they come.especially if you’re someone like me who has 8+ subjects to juggle it can feel impossible to manage everything. i even tried that method i saw on YouTube where you study 3 subjects a day. thought it would save me, but honestly it didn’t work. i just ended up feeling like i was tripping around, lost and stressed.so now, i kinda made my own little method. i call it the 80/20 rule where you focus 80% of your day on your main subject, and 20% on a side subject. idk but 80/20 rule exist but I change it lmao like, let’s say you wake up at 8am and study till sunset. you spend the whole day focusing on your main subject (like history or math or whatever’s urgent). then in the evening, maybe from like 6pm to 8pm, you switch and study a different subject for a bit. and the next day, you make that second subject your new main focus. so you’re rotating, but still giving serious time to each one. i don’t even know if this is an actual a method, but it works for me, and that’s what matters.and again, please don’t try completely new study methods when you’re close to exams. you will only stress yourself out more. stick to what you know works, trust the process, and stay consistent. i promise, you got this.

lesson 5: please please please… don’t go on a diet during school season.

like i swear i should’ve put this one first, because it’s that serious. and no i didn’t make this mistake myself (and i never will), but i just need to say this to you right now. like please don’t go on a diet during school or exam season. i beg you.i don’t know who needs to hear this today, but you are a student. your brain, your body, needs food. you need fuel to even survive school days, let alone study and pass exams. so whatever you’re doing right now whether it's weight loss, calorie counting, fasting please, stop and pause . if you wanna follow a diet, i get it, but wait until a time when you’re not under this much stress. because dieting during school will only make things worse. no summer body is worth feeling dizzy, tired, and unfocused during your exams babe. like, i promise you you will literally feel like you’re dying if you try to diet hard right now.

i know some people started their diets months ago and maybe they’re used to it by now, and that’s fine. but please if you’re thinking of starting, or if you’re already cutting down too much don’t be harsh on yourself. like, please don’t fall into that mindset where you think eating one egg and drinking black coffee is enough for the day. bro, that won’t help you focus. food is also focus. food is energy. food is survival.you’re not a robot who can just skip meals and still function at 100%. you’re a human, and your body needs real nutrition to help your brain stay sharp and your body stay strong during this season.especially if you’re in the middle of exams, or have big deadlines coming please don’t starve yourself. eat, babe. and no ofc i’m not saying go eat just anything. like, don’t only munch on junk food either because that won’t make you feel fresh and alive eat meals that actually fuel you something that makes your body feel clean, your mind clear, and your energy steady.

and omg, don’t forget water. like, i’m so serious about this always, always, keep a water bottle next to you while studying. sometimes you think you’re tired, but your body is just dehydrated. water helps your brain focus, helps you avoid headaches, and just keeps everything running smoothly. trust me on this.

so please, please…

don’t go into diet culture mode while you’re in your student grind season. your body and brain are already under enough stress. don’t add more. eat, stay hydrated, fuel yourself right and you’ll actually perform better. save the weight loss plans for days when you can do it gently, without risking your health . i love you and i just wanna see you win not collapse. so please, eat food and drink your water and don't be harsh on yourself

@bloomzone

[jrueships]

diggs/allen

[2productive]

MANIFESTO OF A DOER

1. If you find something that you want to change, you have two options. One, is to talk about the change you are going to make. Or, two, stop talking. And begin.

2. Avoid easy deadlines. Deadlines serve you best when they are short, hard and, at first glance, impossible. Urgency gets things done.

3. Follow through. On the big things. On the small things. Create a habit of always following through. As habits go, it's a good one to have.

4. Focus on the task. If you are doing something that isn't pushing the task forward, that is called a distraction. Distractions are plentiful. But remember, distractions stop you from doing.

5. Obstacles will come your way. Guaranteed. Think of them as a gift. They will make you stronger. They will make you more creative. Rather than break you, they will define you.

6. Ideas change things. But ideas by themselves change nothing. An idea needs effort to make it happen. Do the work.

7. Leverage your energy. You can't increase the number of hours in a day, but you can multiply your effort. Understand the power of the influencers: The few influence the many. Find your multiplier. The person, the company, the organisations who can acclerarate the change you want to make.

8. What you are doing is hard, but not impossible. Practice optimism.

9. What is the priority today? Ask yourself this every day. It's your job to keep the main thing the main thing.

10. The energy available to get this done is directly proportional to how much it matters to you. Only commit to things that matter.

11. Perfection comes over time. Not at the beginning. Start where you are. But start.

12. Sprint. Rest. Sprint. Rest. Human's get more done in bursts followed by rest. Getting things done isn't about who does the longest hours, but who does the smartest hours.

13. 80% of your time is spent on things that you are not good at. 20% of your time is spent on the things you are very good at. In order to get more done, flip that.

14. Teams multiply change. Teams with a clear purpose, and a clear sense of the change they can make, get the most done.

15. Keep your energy for pushing forward. The past is done. Things out of your control cannot be changed. Energy spent being angry, jealous, or cynical is negative energy. Stay positive.

16. Make a plan. Then accept it can and will change. Making something happen is about being nimble and adaptable.

17. Say no. And say it often. As David Allen says: "You can do anything, but not everything." Protect your time.

18. Making things happen is fun. Making things happen that matter with a team as crazy as you are, is the best fun of all.

19. Little actions repeated relentlessly result in big change. Don't underestimate the importance of 'small' multiplied by 'often'.

20. Make a pact with failure early on. Respect it. But don't fear it. If it occupies your mind whilst doing, it can stop you from winning. Free your mind.

21. Even though you are busy, make time to help others who are at the start of their journey. Give back. It will help you.

22. All teams want to be part of history. Have something big that you want to change. This is bigger than you. You're purpose multiplies the teams stubbornness to get this thing done.

23. if you are going to make change happen, make it a good one. This planet needs as many friends as it can get.

[hyucksos]

after rain, comes sunshine — huang renjun

pairing: huang renjun x f!reader genre: coworkers to lovers, grumpy x sunshine, fluff, romance, slow burn-ish wc: 6.7k synopsis: a thunderstorm leaves renjun stuck with his relentlessly cheerful, ever-optimistic coworker— you. you're the embodiment of everything he hates, but as the night stretches on, renjun starts to realise that the things that irritate him the most may not be all that unbearable after all. at least, not if it involves you.

There are three things in this world that Renjun hates.

Early mornings, small talk, and thunderstorms.

He must have done something super horrible in his past life, because it's barely even 3pm, and Renjun has had to go through all three of the aforementioned in that exact order.

He wasn't even supposed to come in to work today, but Donghyuck had called in sick (Renjun finds that hard to believe) and he was the only other person on the roster who knew how to make a Toasted Caramel Cloud Latte. Obviously, that wasn't a good enough reason for Renjun to willingly sacrifice his much-needed sleep, and it seemed that Donghyuck knew that too, because not only was he quick to promise Renjun to cover him for his next shift, the boy had also vowed to chip in to buy the new set of gouache paints he had been eyeing for so long.

That was what got Renjun out of bed, albeit begrudgingly.

The last thing he needed was an extra factor to contribute to his already-terrible mood, but that was what he got anyway when he stepped into the café, only to be met with you.

"Morning, Renjun!" You chirped from behind the counter as you dried down a mug, the café already prepped for opening— you liked to take your time when doing the opening duties, and you found that coming in earlier helped avoid any unnecessary rushing on your end.

Renjun didn't say anything, opting to shut his eyes as he tilted his head to the ceiling. You didn't miss the tick of his jaw as he trudged towards you wordlessly, letting his bag fall from his shoulder to the shelf beneath the cash register.

"You know how to make a cloud latte," he muttered under his breath as he put on his apron, securing it tightly with a double knot behind his back. "Why am I here?"

Despite his less-than-enthused response, you grinned. You've been working with Renjun long enough to know that he's a little bit of a grump, so you didn't take his moodiness to heart.

"Hyuck's your best friend. It would make sense for him to ask you instead of anyone else," you reasoned lightly. "Plus, having company isn't so bad, is it? You'll be out the door before you know it!"

"Citizens are advised to stay indoors..."

Renjun lets out a groan as he lets his head hit the cabinet behind him. It hurts, but not as much as the migraine that's already beginning to form in his temples. And as if to add insult to injury (no pun intended), the sky lets out yet another guttural rumble, reminding him once more of his ill-stricken fate.

"I don't think Seoul's had a downpour this bad in ages," you remark from somewhere at the dining area. Renjun couldn't tell where exactly you are; he had slid down to the floor when he decided to accept his fate fifteen minutes ago, and his only view since are the bottles of syrup and unopened bags of coffee beans under the espresso machines.

And as if to add even more insult to injury, the two of you are the only ones left in the shop. With it being a Tuesday afternoon, most of your regulars are either at work or school. Renjun has never liked working during the rush hour, but God does he wish for that to be the case now.

He looks up when he sees your head pop above the counter, raising a brow at the smile on your face. He knows how awfully cheery you are, but even in a time like this? You must be crazy, he thinks.

"Isn't this nice? I never knew this café could get any cozier."

"Nice?" Renjun scoffs as he finally gets to his feet. "What about this is nice? We're stuck in, I don't know, what might as well be a Cat 5 hurricane, and you think it's nice?"

You roll your eyes, seemingly unbothered by his sharp tone. "You're so dramatic! I've been in one, you know? While I was on vacation in the States. It was a Cat 2, I think, and I promise this doesn't even come close to that! I mean, as long as we're not asked to evacuate, we should be fine-"

Renjun lets out a loud tsk, cutting you off as he unties his apron rashly, the fabric crumpling in his hand.

Your eyes widen when you register his movements. "You're not actually planning on leaving, are you?"

Renjun scoffs dryly in response. "You think I have a death wish?"

"Honestly? I could never tell when it comes to you."

He glares at you.

You quickly round the counter, successfully trapping him before he could escape to the break room. "Look, I'm sure it won't be too bad! Let's just continue to wait for updates. Coffee?"

"I hate coffee," he deadpans.

"You literally work in a café!" You laugh airily, moving to the teabag jars beside the espresso machines. Despite the heater being on, the coolness from the outside is starting to seep in, and you're sure Renjun could feel it too.

He doesn't say anything but huff under his breath as he leans against the cabinets behind him, taking out his phone from his back pocket. You take it that he's done with the conversation.

For a while, it's silent, the only sound apart from the tinkling of your metal spoon the harsh crashing of raindrops against the window panes outside. You think it's calming, but Renjun seems to think otherwise when you see him flinch from your periphery at the sudden flash that illuminates the room, soon followed by a loud boom of thunder.

Instinctively, you turn to him, but Renjun keeps his eyes fixed to his phone, his lips downturned into his usual frown.

"Did you know that lightning is hotter than the surface of the sun?" You remark, crossing the distance towards him with the mug of tea in your hands. Renjun looks up from his phone at your question, his stare blank, but his right brow raises slightly when he realises what you're offering.

He doesn't make the move to accept the mug as he pockets his phone, opting to cross his arms instead. "What are you doing?"

You tilt your head. "Huh?"

He nods towards the steaming mug in your hands. "What are you trying to do?"

"You said you don't like coffee, so I made you tea instead! It's Lemon Balm, known to reduce anxiety. It could also improve one's mood-"

"Yeah, so long as I'm still trapped in here, that's not gonna happen," he mutters, turning to face the window outside.

The rain is still as relentless as ever, the skies dark and gloomy despite it being daytime. If it was any other day, Renjun would have already been out the door, making his way home. A regular eight-hour shift is already treacherous enough on it's own— an eight-hour shift with you, while it's raining, on top of that, has got to be one of the worst things that's ever happened to Renjun in a while, which says a lot considering he's literally living in the same timeline as Lee Donghyuck.

Renjun turns to steal a glance at you, no longer at his side as you busy yourself with doing the dishes. As if just now never happened, you're back to humming to yourself, the song only sounding vaguely familiar to his ears. The cup of tea you made him is left abandoned on the counter, and for a split second he feels guilty for having not accepting it earlier.

You see, it's not like Renjun hates you. He's just indifferent, and that makes a huge difference. He's someone who prefers to keep to himself, a concept that you can't seem to fathom for some reason, and he finds your overtly-positive attitude equal parts annoying and draining. Renjun doesn't hate you— he just hates everything you embody, and that's enough to make him stay away.

"Look what I found!"

The last time Renjun heard your voice has to be around a few hours ago, when he decided to move from the counter to one of the couches in the dining area. It wasn't the most ideal considering the floor-length windows still gave him the perfect view of rain that he hated so much, but his legs were beginning to hurt from standing for so long and he didn't really want to sit on the floor and deal with your small talk any longer.

You must have gotten the hint when you decided to leave him alone, retreating to the break room to do God-knows-what— based on the grin on your face now, Renjun has a feeling that he's going to find out very soon.

You bound towards him, settling next to him with something in your hands. Your eyes instantly land on the sketchbook on his lap, but before you could say anything, like utter out a compliment on his drawing, Renjun snatches the pad away from your sight.

"What?" He grunts, cheeks feeling slightly warm for some reason. He had abandoned his phone some time earlier, deciding to peruse his sketchbook to pass the time. It was a good thing he brought it out everywhere he went— as awful of a situation he's stuck in, at least he has something familiar to keep his sanity in check.

Your grin grows wider (Renjun wonders how that's even possible) before you set a box between the two of you.

"I was bored, right? So I figured I'd clean out the break room to pass the time, and I found this! Johnny must have left it here and forgot about it."

Renjun studies the blue box, the words HALLI GALLI staring back at him in bold, yellow font. Oh, hell no. You're the last person he wants to play a card game with— not just because you're you, but also the fact that he just doesn't fare well with games in general.

It's not like Renjun is bad at them— if anything, it's quite the opposite, but the last time he played Halli Galli, he had almost gotten into a fistfight with his friends (he had to receive a kiss penalty from Donghyuck even though he won because Mark kept making up rules as they went along). Needless to say, all their game nights now require the presence of a moderator (not like that has done much anyway considering Jaemin hates intervening in literally anything ever, so Renjun doesn't know why they still try).

"I'm not playing this with you."

"Aw, why not? It's fun! Even for serious people like you," you tease, but Renjun doesn't laugh. Ignoring him, you continue, "we could make the most of this quiet time together."

"Nothing about today has been quiet," Renjun mutters. He's pretty sure you heard him, but you simply brush it off as you open the box, letting the cards fall on the sofa while you place the bell in the middle.

Renjun huffs, knowing he isn't left with a choice. You're adamant, he realises, and even if he weren't to give in now, he knows he'd have to eventually, and he'd rather deal with this now than later on.

You start the game, putting down a card of two coconuts before you glance at Renjun, waiting for him to complete his turn. He does the same (albeit much less enthusiastic than you), his card flipping to the other side to reveal four strawberries.

The game continues on that way, with you practically at the edge of your seat as you anticipate every next move. You had just put down three bananas, and your eyes are fixed on Renjun's hands as he slowly flips his card to reveal... two bananas.

You yelp, palm quickly outstretching to hit the bell, and despite Renjun's obvious disinterest in the game (or so you thought), you're surprised to learn that he's just as quick, his hand clashing against yours as you fight to ring the bell at the same time.

"I definitely got that one!" You proclaim proudly, to which Renjun scoffs.

"No way, you're barely even on the bell!"

"Nuh-uh, look! Your hand is literally on top of mine!" You wriggle your fingers for good measure, causing Renjun to look down at your hand— both of your hands, which are still on the bell. You were right; while most of your palm is covering the bell, only the tips of his fingers are touching the metal surface, the rest of his skin resting idly on the back of your hand. He's never really noticed how tiny your hands are— it's not like he's that huge of a guy to begin with— and the thought somehow brings an unexplainable flush to his face.

He quickly removes his hand, carding through his deck for the sole purpose of having something to do before passing you a card. "You just got lucky," he mutters, clearing his throat.

You giggle. "No, I'm just that good," you sing, waving the card mockingly in front of his face before putting it together with your deck.

Renjun rolls his eyes. You remind him so much of Donghyuck; it's a wonder how he isn't your best friend.

"I used to play this game a lot when I was younger," you quip randomly in the midst of the next round. You do that a lot, Renjun realises, stating facts he didn't ask for when it gets too quiet. It used to leave him not knowing how to react, but if there's anything Renjun has learnt about you in this limited time you've spent together, is that you don't need a response from him to continue talking, so he doesn't say anything.

"I'm an only child, so visiting my grandparents in Jeju was the only time I'd get to hang out with my cousins. We'd do everything together— even stay up late and wake up early the next morning so no time would be wasted. It was a wonder how we never ran out of things to do," you chuckle to yourself, fiddling with the cards in your hand.

"One time, it started to rain super heavily— kind of like right now, actually— all while we were cycling outside. Instead of seeking shelter, we decided to play in the rain. We got home freezing our toes off and I fell sick the next morning, but it was so worth it. I wouldn't trade that moment for anything else," you trail off softly, and Renjun doesn't miss the twinge of longing in your voice. At this point, the game had been long abandoned, your attention now fixed on the rain outside and Renjun on you. You turn to him, the fond smile still playing on your lips, and that is what causes him to look away, only then realising that he had been staring.

"What about you?"

Renjun's brows knit in confusion. "Huh?"

"You don't seem to like the rain very much."

"Yes, because it inconveniences people. Kind of like the situation we're in right now, don't you think?" His tone comes off as a little snappy, but before Renjun could regret it, you're already beaming at him in response. He wonders if you're ever capable of any other emotion apart from happiness.

"Sure, but look at where it brought us! Two friends, bonding, towards becoming even better friends!"

Nevermind. He doesn't feel bad anymore, not when he remembers that this is who he's dealing with right now. Plus, the term friends is a little bit of a stretch, isn't it? He doesn't know anything about you apart from the fact that— well, you're an only child and that your grandparents live in Jeju. He doesn't even know your last name, and he'd like to think that that should be the minimum requirement before considering someone a friend.

He rolls his eyes as he lazily throws his last card, ready to wrap up the game, only to perk up when he sees his lone strawberry face-up with four of yours. Quickly, he reaches forward to ring the bell, grinning in triumph when he realises you hadn't gone head-to-head this time.

"A-ha! I win!" Renjun smirks proudly, too caught up in his victory to realise that he's smiling. It falters when he notices you staring at him— not in defeat, but something much... softer. It looks similar to when you were recounting your memories with your family in Jeju. It looks like Jaemin when he's scrolling through pictures of his three cats in his gallery. It looks like Mark... when he's on FaceTime with his girl whenever they do long-distance.

Suddenly, Renjun could no longer hear the rain thumping harshly against the window next to him. He could no longer see the lightning that comes in flashes, nor does he flinch at the thunder that follows. Only two words form in his head:

Oh, shit.

lee donghyuck [3:41pm] yowww 🔥🔥🔥 [3:53pm] r u alive? lol [4:02pm] wait no like actually r u???? [4:22pm] pls tell me ur sfae omg im gonna start sobbinf and cryin rn dont evne [4:46pm] HUANG RENJUN [5:12pm] NAWWW we really lost an angel today.... jun i hope ur looking up at us 🙏🙏🙏

huang renjun [5:24pm] UP???

lee donghyuck [5:24pm] oh hey lol [5:24pm] wyd

Renjun utters a curse under his breath as he switches to his phone app, bringing the device to his ear immediately after he dials Donghyuck's number. It rings twice before the boy picks up.

"Injun-ah!" Donghyuck's voice is hoarse— so he wasn't lying about being sick. That doesn't make Renjun any less annoyed, though. "I was so worried-"

"Cut the shit, Hyuck. Did you know?"

Donghyuck is silent before he replies, as though carefully choosing his next words. "... Know what?"

"That she likes me."

"That who likes- oh my God. Did she tell you already?" If it's even possible, Donghyuck's already-naturally nasally voice sounds even more annoying now that he's excited while sick.

"What?" Renjun hisses into his phone, glancing around the room to make sure he wasn't too loud. Granted, he's currently alone in the men's room and he's 90% sure you aren't outside eavesdropping, but he could never be too careful. "So it's true?"

"I mean, only because she was so fucking obvious," Donghyuck snickers before he breaks out into a fit of coughs. "I'm surprised it took you this long to notice."

Renjun groans. "How the hell was I supposed to know? She talks to everyone the same way!"

"Dude, have you seen the way she looks at you? It's like when Jaemin looks at Luke, Lucy, and Lu-"

"Yeah, yeah. I got it, alright?" Renjun grumbles. "Shit, what should I do now?"

"Um, nothing? It's not like you're even supposed to know that she likes you," Donghyuck quips plainly. "Dude, why are you even freaking out? Wait- do you like her back?"

"No!" Renjun exclaims, a little too quick for his own liking. Maybe it's because he could practically see the teasing smirk on his friend's lips, or maybe it's just the suggestion that sounds so fucking absurd he had to shut it down immediately. "It's just- look, I've been nothing short of mean to her this entire time so I kinda feel bad, alright? Why would she even like me like that? I mean- is she some sort of masochist, or something?"

Donghyuck guffaws, clearly not about to let his embarrassing stuttering slide. "Okay? And why are you so worried? Since, you know, you don't like her like that and all."

"You're hopeless," Renjun mutters, not bothering to bid Donghyuck goodbye before he hangs up. He should've known that the boy is the last ever person he should seek advice from; Jaemin would have made for a better candidate.

But calling Jaemin now would only be suspicious, and Renjun knows it would only be a matter of time before you would knock on his door to ask if he's doing alright— because that's just who you are as a person.

Huh, maybe he does know you better than he thought.

Renjun has long given up hope that he'd be going home tonight. The thunderstorm is still as relentless as ever, the skies growing even darker now that the sun has set. The café is bathed in a warm light, and under a different circumstance he would've found it cozy.

You're situated behind the counter now, probably having moved there when he was in the restroom. Instead of going back to the couch, Renjun finds himself heading towards you. He doesn't know why.

"Forecast says the rain won't stop until morning." You don't look at him as you say this, and Renjun quickly notices the two cups of instant noodles you're currently busying yourself with, the rising steam swirling lazily in the air. You only turn to him once you're done mixing the noodles, a sympathetic smile on your face. "Looks like we'd have to stay the night."

"You sound oddly sad for someone who claims to love the rain." Against his better judgement, the words slip out of his mouth. Renjun thinks it must have something to do with his conversation with Donghyuck earlier, because why does he feel like he's being weird all of a sudden?

You merely shrug, handing one of the cups to him. This time, he accepts it, and Renjun tries not to flinch at the feeling of your fingers brushing against his.

"Well, I still do! If I could, I'd run outside right now and play in the rain, but the news just issued a lightning alert and I'd rather not risk getting struck, you know. Besides, staying inside isn't all that bad," you quip lightheartedly, a small grin on your face as you bring your chopsticks to your lips, blowing on your noodles lightly.

Renjun doesn't say anything, his brows only furrowing at your response. How is it that you're still so cheery even after everything that's happened? It's as though you didn't just find out that you're literally stranded here with no way home until the next morning.

The room illuminates momentarily when thunder strikes, and this time, Renjun does flinch. If he wasn't already holding on to his cup of noodles so tightly, it would have already spilled all over him. Clearly, you notice, and you don't look away quickly enough to act like you didn't.

"You know, I've learnt recently that a lightning bolt is only as wide as your thumb, but it could stretch on for miles," you say as you swallow your food, showing a thumbs-up as you grin at him playfully. "It's kind of crazy, right? How something so small could be so powerful?"

Renjun clenches his jaw, shutting his eyes momentarily. "Alright," he mutters, placing his cup on the counter. "Why do you keep doing that?"

You raise your brows, lowering your hand. "Doing what?"

"That. Every time it gets loud and I- I startle, you tell me some random fact, as if it's going to magically drown out the thunder."

"Well, it works, doesn’t it? It’s my secret technique to distract you! And think about it this way: every time it thunders, I get to share a cool tidbit with you. Like how lightning can strike the same place twice!”

"Yeah, because that makes me feel so much better," Renjun mumbles, though he finds that the edge in his voice has softened.

"Oh, relax." You roll your eyes jokingly. "Lightning only often hits tall structures like trees or skyscrapers, so you’re safe here with me.”

He scoffs. "Tall? Is that a jab?"

You gape, and you fear that you've struck a nerve within him. "N-No! I mean, I'm just saying! You're probably just not tall enough to worry about it, unless you're like, I don't know, Yao Ming or something," you start to ramble. "Even then, did you know that the tallest man in the world is a whole foot taller than him? I guess he would have a higher chance of getting struck by lightning, then, wouldn't he? Or not, considering, well, you know, he's dead. I don't-"

You're cut off when you feel a palm cover your lips, and your eyes widen at the contact. Renjun stares at you, unimpressed.

"You," he starts. "Talk too much. You know that?"

With his hand still over your mouth, you're unable to reply— even if it wasn't, you doubt you could, anyway. His skin against yours brings a warmth to your neck and cheeks, and you could only hope he couldn't see how bright red you're sure you are.

You nod your head slowly.

Renjun scoffs, finally dropping his hand as he glances to the window behind you. If you weren't already staring at him so intently, you would've missed the slight upturn of his lips. "Wow. So not only am I terrified of the storm, I'm short, too?" He shakes his head, half-amused.

"Hey, you said it, not me!" You exclaim defensively, feeling much more relieved now that you've seen him smile. You wonder if he's aware of how pretty his smile is. "Though for the record, I think you're the perfect height!" You pause, "f-for dodging lightning, of course!"

Renjun didn't like how the first half of your sentence made his heart beat faster. If only he were any closer, he'd hear your heart beating just as fast, too.

"You kids hang on tight, alright? There are blankets in the break room if you need them— and keep me updated!"

You've been in contact with your boss since the lockdown announcement hours ago, and despite your last message telling him that you and Renjun are alright, it seems that it's just in Johnny's nature to be overly-concerned as his worried face now flashes on your screen.

"We're alright, Boss, we promise!" You say for the umpteenth time. "This shop's stable enough to withstand a strike or two I'm sure, so we'll see you tomorrow morning!"

"Don't joke about that," Renjun hisses, nudging your arm with his elbow. He turns to the screen again. "We'll be sure to give you hourly updates."

At this, Johnny seems a little more at ease. You bid your boss goodbye, and the café soon falls into a silence, with only the humming of the lights and distant rumbling in the skies to keep you company.

"So... should we get ready for bed?" You ask, slapping your thighs as you stand up from the couch. For some reason, it feels awkward. You've long grown accustomed to Renjun and his lack of words, but somewhere along the way today, it seems that the air between you two has shifted— for better or for worst, you couldn't really tell— and you're not sure if you could salvage it.

You've always liked Renjun— of course you have— but today, it feels more impossible to contain your feelings with nobody else around. You like to think that you were good at hiding it all this while (despite what Donghyuck says), but right now, you're not so sure if you could spend a second longer with Renjun without accidentally blowing your own cover.

"I'll go grab the blankets," he says quietly, snapping you out of your reverie before ushering away to the break room. You let out a breath you didn't realise you were holding, turning around to face the couch. Surely, your feelings could wait, because right now, there's only one thing that matters more: your sleeping arrangement.

You bend down to grab the couch by the armrest, pulling it further towards the middle of the dining area. With it being originally situated right by the window, you figure it wouldn't make for such an ideal (or safe) makeshift bed.

"What are you doing?"

You huff, returning to your original height to see Renjun by the door of the break room, a bundle of plaid blankets in his hands. He has a brow raised— you notice he does that a lot when looking at you— and you laugh meekly.

"Just, you know. Wouldn't wanna get struck by lightning, or anything like that."

He rolls his eyes (again, something he does a lot when it comes to you) as he makes his way towards you, letting the blankets fall on the sofa. "You can take the couch. Probably should lay one of these out first, though. Not sure how many butts have been on there."

Usually, you would have laughed at his comment, but this time, you find yourself tilting your head in confusion instead. "Where are you gonna sleep?"

Renjun shrugs. "The chair works fine for me."

You frown. Taking one of the blankets, you spread it out before letting the fabric fall over the couch. "The chair? There's no way you'd be comfortable like that! Look, the couch is big enough for the both of us. We'd have to stay seated, of course, but that's better than sleeping in a chair, right? Or would you rather we take turns?"

Renjun scoffs. "What? We're not in an apocalypse. There's no need for night watch."

Still, you stall, and it causes him to sigh. Renjun steps towards you, gently planting his hands on your shoulders before guiding you down onto the sofa. "Gosh, you're stubborn. Just take the couch, alright? It's not like I'm planning on sleeping, anyway."

The last part of his sentence comes out in a low murmur, but you still catch it.

"What do you mean you're not planning on sleeping?" You echo, and based on the flash of panic that crosses his face, you're sure he hadn't mean to let that one slip.

"I mean, with the storm and all," Renjun explains stiffly, glancing away. "I'm just saying, there's no way I'd be able to sleep with all that noise."

You gape slightly before your lips transform into a grin. "Could I interest you in another fun fact, then?"

Renjun groans loudly, and you find yourself giggling at his response. And when you hear the low chuckle that escapes his lips, you find your heart swelling at the sound of his laugh.

"Seriously, let's just share, alright? Look, I'll even stay up with you! I won't talk if you don't want me to, though."

Renjun finally gives in, sitting at the other end of the couch. "When has that ever stopped you?"

Noting the lack of bite in his voice, you grin. "Touché."

Eventually, the two of you fall into a comfortable silence, and for the first time in a while, you don't feel the need to make conversation. You've never been one to be able to stay quiet for very long; clearly, Renjun is someone who does, and today, you learn that it really isn't all that bad.

Renjun steals a glance towards you, but you have your eyes fixed on the rain outside, a small smile still tugged on your lips. It looks like you're watching a movie, the floor-length windows a giant movie screen, and the flashes of lightning the different scenes bouncing off your features. He must have missed the thunder that comes afterwards, only realising it when you turn to him with that stupid, pretty smile still on your lips.

"Uh," Renjun stutters, having been caught off-guard at the sudden eye contact. He quickly looks away. "You don't have to do this."

You tilt your head. "Do what?"

"Stay up with me. You should get some rest."

You laugh, and Renjun wonders if it's always sounded this beautiful. "Don't be silly! I don't mind. I know you're gonna chide me for saying this, but it's kinda nice. I can't remember the last time I stayed up to watch the rain," you pause before turning to him. "You're probably gonna hate me forever for making you endure both a thunderstorm and my chatter in one night," you say teasingly.

"That's not true," he says quietly, only belatedly hoping that you hadn't heard him. Clearing his throat, Renjun turns to his right where his messenger bag lies, taking out his sketchbook he had haphazardly stuffed inside earlier. He flips it open, feeling your curious eyes on him as he looks for the page he had been working on.

"The rain looks better on paper for me," he explains awkwardly. "You know, since we're on the topic of likes and dislikes."

Renjun feels you scoot towards him, and he hates that he could feel the warmth emitting from your side even despite the blanket that envelops your shoulders.

"That's so pretty," you say in awe as you study the drawing. Despite it being so simple, nothing but a rough sketch of a window pane covered with rain drops, you still find yourself marvelling at the intricacy of it all. You could barely even write a whole essay legibly, yet here Renjun is, crafting a whole masterpiece with nothing but a blue ballpoint pen. "I wish I had an ounce of your talent. You're amazing, Renjun."

Even though he's no stranger to getting compliments for his works, it somehow feels different coming from you. It's probably because of how intimate it is— you and him, cramped on a couch in a barely-lit café with your arm pressing into his side— that's all there is to it, right?

But as he turns to you, taking in the stars that seem to dance in your eyes and the pink hue that dusts your cheeks even in the dark, Renjun starts to wonder if maybe, it's more than that. If maybe, the way his heart is stuttering isn't because of the setting, but you— only you.

With the way Donghyuck's question from earlier still plays in the back of his head like a broken record, Renjun knows that it's the truth.

✦ ✦ ✦

With it being late into the night, the two of you lapse into silence, too tired to keep a conversation going, but still very much awake— as though under an unspoken agreement to not fall asleep.

The rain has reduced significantly and the thunder has lessened, nothing but an occasional low rumble in the distance, but every now and then you'd still feel Renjun tensing from next to you.

���You know, statistically, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery,” you mumble sleepily, barely able to keep your eyes open.

Renjun lets out a soft chuckle. “Comforting,” he replies, though there’s no real edge to his voice. “So, basically, I’m doomed.”

“Not while I’m here,” you say through a yawn. “Consider me your good luck charm.”

Renjun shakes his head, but there’s a softness in his expression now, something warm and unspoken passing between you. The couch creaks slightly as you both shift to get more comfortable. Your cheek brushes slightly against his arm, but Renjun doesn't pull away. In your half-conscious state, you barely feel his arm circle behind you, pulling you closer towards him as he guides your head to rest on his shoulder.

"Then I guess I'd have to keep you around for every storm."

Click.

That's the sound you wake to, the sun that hits your eyelids being the second thing to rouse you from your slumber. You stir, your cheek brushing against something soft that only makes you want to sleep even more, but the sound of suspicious giggling causes you to open your eyes.

Your bleary vision lands on Donghyuck, who's currently standing before you with a cheshire-like grin, his phone in his hands.

"Don't you two look cozy?" He coos, tapping on his screen once more before his phone produces another click.

Finally registering what's happening, you jolt awake, only belatedly realising the oh-so-soft material to be Renjun's clothed chest. You must have fallen asleep on him sometime during the middle of the night, and you can't figure out what's more embarrassing: that, or the fact that Donghyuck has proof of said... intimacy.

"Lee Donghyuck! You better not post that!" You yelp, jumping off the couch to reach for his phone, only to fail as he waves his arm in the air, cackling manically.

Renjun finally stirs at the noise. “What’s going on?” he mumbles groggily, only to frown when he registers what you and Donghyuck are doing.

You whip to turn to Renjun, almost tripping in the process, throwing him an apologetic glance. “N-Nothing! Just- uh, a little misunderstanding!”

Donghyuck lowers his arm, tongue poking out of his lips as he types rapidly on his phone. “Oh, I’m definitely sharing this. Aw, you two are so adorable!”

Renjun groans. "Fuck off, Hyuck, seriously." He stands up, picking up his bag before stuffing all his belongings inside. "Ignore him. Let's go."

You giggle, your own embarrassment seeping away when you realise just how flustered he is. "Renjun, wait-"

"Nope, not waiting," he mutters, the tip of his ears noticeably pink as he slings his bag over his shoulder. "We're leaving before this asshole gets anymore material." He shoots Donghyuck a glare, who only waves a hand mindlessly.

"I may be an asshole, but at least I'm not delusional. Seriously, guys, it's painful watching you pretend like you're not into each other!" He cries dramatically, and Renjun's eyes widen before he forces another warning stare to his friend.

"Thanks for the unsolicited advice, Hyuck," he mutters, hoping his voice didn't waver too much, before quickly grabbing your arm and leading you to the door. "We're leaving."

"Have a good day, lovebirds!" Donghyuck sings, and Renjun flashes him a middle finger with his free hand without turning around.

You couldn't help but to laugh as you let him drag you out to the sidewalk, the cold outside air hitting your skin for the first time since yesterday. It's no longer raining, but the streets are still wet from the overnight storm, and it helps in cooling your own burning cheeks.

Renjun finally releases you when you're a little further away from the café, turning to face you with a sigh. "Sorry 'bout that," he mumbles, his cheek still painted red, and you wonder how it's possible for him to be this cute, grumpiness and all.

"It's okay." You bite your bottom lip to suppress a grin, and Renjun smiles at you weakly.

There's a moment of silence between you two before Renjun clears his throat awkwardly. "He's right, you know?"

"Hm? About what?" You ask, slightly taken aback by his sudden soft tone.

Renjun shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his voice quiet. “About… me being into you. Wait, that came out weird." He stumbles over his words, and you merely beam at him as you give him time to compose himself.

"It's just— I know I haven't been the nicest to you, and I know it may sound crazy, but I had this whole revelation yesterday that I do have feelings for you— and I promise this isn't just a fleeting thing because of the storm— I genuinely think you're really cool."

You don't say anything, only a soft smile playing on your lips, and that causes Renjun to panic.

"I mean, I know I've been a jerk to you, and I know this isn't an excuse, but I just didn't know how to-"

You cut him off by leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, effectively halting his words. His mouth hangs open slightly, eyes wide as he stares at you in disbelief, his face flushing.

When you pull back, you couldn't help but laugh softly at his stunned expression. “You're rambling,” you tease with a playful smile.

He coughs out a small laugh. "Yeah, sorry. Guess I was." The smile stays on his face this time as he meets your eyes. "So... does that mean you're not compelled to the idea of going on a date with me?"

"Nope. Not at all." You rock between your heels and toes, already feeling the excitement bubbling in your chest. You like to think that you're doing a much better job at keeping your composure, but you're sure anyone could see just how bright red you are. "I think I'd really like that, actually."

Renjun's eyebrows raise before his expression eases into one of relief, and for the first time, a large smile graces his lips. You think you might just have a new favourite thing now— one that easily tops the rain.

"Yeah? Good. Because I think I'd really like that, too."

[leo-in-the-pitt]

Just Talk To Me

Summary: After having a fling with Dr. Jack Abbott for half of intern year, you’re confused as to where your relationship stands. Heading into 2nd year, your determined to focus on the medicine and away from trouble. It isn’t until a difficult night with a patient that you and Dr. Abbott come together again.

Warning: Mostly just fluff, don’t need to read part 1 to understand, difficult patient scenario, panic attack, kissing.

—————————————————————————

6 months later and you’re finally done with your intern year. You were hoping that second year would go better. After all, there’ll be fresh bright eyed interns strolling through those doors soon enough and you and your co-residents wouldn’t be the punching bags anymore.

You knew things were gonna change soon enough but what you really wanted to change the most was your relationship with Dr. Abbott. Yup he’s brought himself from Jack back down to just plain ol Dr. Abbott.

—————————————————————————

For most of intern year, you and Dr. Abbott have been sneaking around before and after shifts to have sex. At least twice a week. It’s a miracle you aren’t carrying his child around at the rate you guys have been going.

Now the sex is great, amazing even. Only one problem. You’ve been trying to talk to him for months now to put some type of label on this ‘relationship’ but he consistently dodges the question every single time. And now you’re questioning if the heaven sent weekly orgasms are actually worth it.

(Spoiler. They most definitely are.)

But you wanted more and Dr. Abbott couldn’t give you that. So with 3 months left of intern year, you cut it off. Completely cold turkey. No more secret flirting, sneaking around, no more sex. Just strictly work.

———————————————————————

Here we are first day of second year. Your schedule so far has you working all day shifts. So only need to deal with Dr. Abbott at night handoffs thankfully. When you both had the day/night off, you’d meet up and each others places to hook up. Nothing more than that. You craved more of a connection with him but, conversations were merely small talk almost like he was still holding back from you.

3 months in and everything is going as good as you could have hoped for. Intubations, crics, chest tubes, codes ran solo. You were a rockstar, and everybody knew it.

Just when you thought things were better then ever, here’s comes your next schedule. Nights. Shit here we go again.

———————————————————————

You made sure to switch your sleep schedule a week before going on nights because Dr. Abbott thinks it’s funny to make fun of how tired you look every night in front of everybody. And somehow catches you everytime you’re yawning. Think he gets flashbacks of you with your mouth wide open sucking him off.

First night on. You got up early enough to shower, eat dinner, and make yourself look presentable before getting packed up to head into the hospital. You decided that it would be good to drive in earlier to try and get a head start to make a good first impression on this string of night shifts.

Everything was going well so far. Dr. Abbott kept his mouth shut this time about your appearance. He actually kept his mouth shut completely not saying anything to you for the first 4 hours.

Midnight rolls around and nothing too crazy had come through the doors so far. It was until one of the interns decided to open their mouth that you knew trouble would come soon enough.

“Is it always this quiet here?”

Everyone looked pissed.

“Congratulations you just fucked us for the rest of the shift.” Said one of the other interns.

And almost like the universe was listening, you hear the nurses stations phone start ringing. A crash involving multiple cars was coming in in 5 minutes. No one knew how many. It wouldn’t be until they arrived that you realized it was street racing gone wrong and there was at least a dozen patients being brought in.

Dr. Abbott knew you lived for the rush and chaos that came with these kind of situations so he decided to grab the most critical patient and pull you into the room.

You were too focused on the patient to realize this was the first communication you had with Dr. Abbott that night.

“One more round and then you have to call it.” Said Dr. Abbott looking right at you.

You were with this patient for over an hour now coding them and doing everything possible to get and keep them back. He had some of the worst injuries you’ve ever seen from a car accident. Something you’ll never forget

“They’re almost back, I can tell!” You yelled back across the room at Dr. Abbott.

You continued to have the team keep up the CPR and medications and blood and everything at your disposal. Everyone was looking at you, almost knowing that nothing was making a difference but they had no keep listening to your directions.

“One more round of epi please.” You were begging at this point. The patient in front of you, a young man who was just coming back from from the store with diapers for his newborn baby girl. He was just trying to get back home to his family. You saw and heard the wife’s screams and cries from the room as you begged the team to keep going.

“No, no more anything. You need to call it.” Dr. Abbott looked at you desperately knowing you did everything you could.

“I’m not calling it. I’m not the one killing him by stopping. You can go tell his wife that she’s a widow now.” You ripped off your gloves and left the trauma room.

As you walked away, you could feel the tears begin to fill your eyes. You went into the staff bathroom to splash some water on your face and pull yourself together. You knew that you wanted to be the one to speak with the patients wife as you were the one who talked to her when she first arrived.

As soon as you walked out of the bathroom, Dr. Abbott is leaning against the nurses station counter right across the door.

“Lets go talk.” He looked genuinely concerned for you.

“I need to go talk to the patients wife. I’m the one that couldn’t save him. I need to talk to her please.”

“No you don’t, I will. You’re in no state to be talking to anyone right now. Let alone that woman who just lost the love of her life and father of her newborn baby. That was a rough case and you need to step away for a second.” He said firmly.

“Fuck. You. I’ve had my second. I’m going to talk to her.” And with that you walked away from him.

You went into the waiting room to call the wife. As you turned around to walk her into a private family room you realized that Dr. Abbott followed you.

“I don’t need your help with this.” You whispered as you walked with the wife past him. You brought her to the room and figured there was no way at this point to get Dr. Abbott to leave you alone with her so he came into the room with you. You tried your best to comfort the new widow as she let out cries you will never forget. By the end of the conversation, you were barely holding it together yourself so Dr. Abbott had to step in and speak with her. Soon enough other family members had arrived to be with her so you and Dr. Abbott left them to grieve.

Once the private room door was closed to tried to walk past Dr. Abbott to avoid having to talk to him about what had just happened.

He grabbed your arm as you attempted to rush past him, pulling you around to face him.

“Just talk to me. Please.”

As tears filled both your eyes, you pulled your arm out of his grasp.

“Don’t touch me. I didn’t need your help then and I don’t need it now. “

You tried to walk away from him but he continued to follow after you.

“Jack, I swear just leave me the fuck alone, I’m begging you.”

“You know that I can’t do that.”

He followed you as you walked all the way outside to the ambulance bay.

It was quiet outside. You knew you shouldn’t think that it’s quiet with what had just happened but it was. No sirens, no flashing lights. Just you, Dr. Abbott, and the night sky full of glistening stars above.

“I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t even look at you. Please just leave me alone and don’t need your help.”

“You know I’m not going to just leave you out here. I know that was a tough case and I’m here whenever you decided you’re ready to talk about it. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

What Dr. Abbott didn’t know was that this was that you had only called time of death twice before. Both being on elderly patients whose families didn’t want them to suffer anymore. All the patients that you were primary on had always been made stable enough to make it up to the floors or OR without you knowing what happened next. You had heard screams and cried before but nothing like this.

“I keep hearing her.” You said with your voice shaking. “I still hear her screaming for us to save her husband. She’s basically my age and her whole world just fell apart because of me.”

“This isn’t on you.” He tried to get you to look at him but you were looking up into the sky trying to stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks.

“I just watched you work your ass off for over an hour trying to save that man. You did exactly what I would have done. This is not on you, you hear me.”

Dr. Abbots words fell of deaf ears.

“I couldn’t save him. This is all my fault.”

You started to pace back and forth trying to catch your breath. You put your hands above you head attempting to get some air into you lungs but it wasn’t working. Your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest. Your vision was getting blurry and your ears ringing.

He grabbed both your arms from the top of your head.

“Look at me. Tell me five things you can see.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” You managed say between struggling for breaths.

“Tell me five things you can see right now please.”

“An ambulance. A police car. The trees. A bench.”

“Good, last one.”

You were still breathing heavy at this point.

“You.” You finally made eye contact with him for the first time since walked out of the private family room.

He smiled softly at you. “What are four things you can feel?”

“The wind on my face, the tears in my eyes, my feet on the ground.”

You paused for a couple of seconds.

“Your hands in mine.” You hadn’t even realized at this point the he was still holding tight onto both of your hands.

Without acknowledging the last thing you had said and without letting go he said, “Three things you can hear, and don’t say me.”

“The cars passing by. The paramedics talking. The wind blowing in the trees.”

“Almost done, two things you can smell.”

“The freshly laid mulch. That EMTs strong colon.”

He chuckled slightly. “One thing you can taste.”

“The gum in my mouth.”

You hadn’t even realized how your breathing had slowed down. Or how your heart rate was almost completely back to normal.

With your hands still together, he looked into your eyes and smiled.

“Better?”

A tear rolled down you face as you felt yourself holding back tears.

“Come here.” He pulled you in and wrapped his arms tightly around you.

You felt yourself completely break down as your head rested into his shoulder.

He had one hand wrapped around your back and his other hand on the back of your head slowly caressing your hair.

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” He kept repeating over and over.

After a minute or two, you pulled yourself out from his arms. He looked at you with his half smile.

“Thank you.” You said to him as you wiped the tears off your face.

“I’m always gonna be here for you. Even when you don’t want me to be.”

This was the first raw moment you had with him. You felt safe and comfortable in his arms in a way you hadn’t felt with anyone before.

“Do you want to get back to work or do you wanna go home for the night? It’s okay if you need to go home, nobody’s going to blame you.” He asked.

You decided that it’d be best to stay and finish your shift. At this point it was around 3 in the morning and day shift start showing up around 6:30 anyway. You knew if you went home you would just start crying again without him there to calm you down.

—————————————————————————

The next 3 and a half hours, Dr. Abbott made sure you got all the easy cases. Which just made the night feel like it was dragging on but you knew it was for the better.

Once the morning crew started to stroll in, you say the light at the end of the tunnel and knew we’re going to be okay, at least until you had to come back later that night but you knew Dr. Abbott would be with you again if you needed him.

After handoff, which took forever, you went to pack your things up a few minutes after 8. You grabbed your bag and walked out of the employee locker room just to see Dr. Abbott across at the nurses station talking to Dr. Robby. You immediately saw them both turn to look at you. You figured he probably told Robby what happened that night and wanted to avoid talking about it again so you tried to speed walk out. But you weren’t fast enough and Robby started walking towards you calling your name.

“Dr. Abbott here tells me you had one hell of a night.” Said Robby.

“Yeah I guess you could say that.” You look over at him wondering if he told Robby everything.

“Good job kid, I’m proud of you. You’re gonna make us all look bad when you’re an attending.”

You smiled for probably the first time since you clocked in for your shift. “Thank you Robby, it really means a lot to me.”

“Go get some rest, we’ll hold down the fort. See you tonight.”

With that he walked away and it was just you and Dr. Abbott again.

You tuned and started heading for the doors and walked right alongside you.

As soon as you stepped foot outside the hospital he said, “Wanna go grab a drink?”

“It’s 8AM.”

“Yeah, I know. Which makes it the perfect time for a drink. I’m sure you could use one.”

“I don’t know. We need to be back here in less then 12 hours and I need my sleep.”

“Please. Just one drink.” He turned his head slightly sideways basically giving you puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. But just one drink and that’s it.”

“Come on let’s go, just follow behind me. I’ll lead the way.”

You didn’t even want to agree with him so you just followed him out into the parking lot.

As you drove behind him, you kept the radio off and the windows open. The breeze flowing through the car kept you awake and calm. Within a few minutes you soon realized that you guys were going to the same bar were all the resident bar crawls are held.

The bar were you finally realized he had been hitting on your for half of intern year.

You followed him inside. He led you to a high top table in the corner and had you sit while he went up to the bar to order drinks.

There was only 3 other people in the bar. Guess some other people also do need a drink at 8AM.

He comes back with a glass of whiskey for himself and an espresso martini for you. At your very first bar crawl, the night of your first kiss, you had mentioned the were your favorite to make at home after a bad shift.

“You remembered?”

“How could I forget?” He smiled at you.

You both just sat in silence for a little while sipping you drinks and occasionally making eye contact.

“Look I’m really sorry for what happened last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Or stormed off when you were talking to me. That case just hit me a lot harder then I thought it would. It won’t happen again. I promise you.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me. Your emotions are what make you human. They’re what make you an amazing doctor. Some patients we won’t ever forget and that’s okay but I want you to be able to talk to someone when it hits you that hard. It doesn’t have to be me but you can’t hold that in all the time.”

You nodded at him. “How do you process all of this after all these years?”

“I don’t. Why do you think he started pouring the scotch as soon as we walked in? He laughed lightly.

You both continued taking about tough patient cases you’ve dealt with and how you’ve handle them. Some you hadn’t even realize you never fully processed.

It wasn’t until you finally looked up at the clock that you realized it was already after 10AM. You had spent close to 2 hours in probably one of, if not the most beneficial conversations you’ve ever had about dealing with the things you both see on a daily basis.

Even though you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to be laying in bed asleep at this moment, you didn’t want to miss out on anything he had to say.

The conversation continued for awhile before finally slowing down. Looking down at your watch you saw that it was now after 12. You and Dr. Abbott had managed to sit there and just talk for over 4 hours. About work, what it took to get there and everything else in between. It flowed topic to topic. You felt like you could talk to him forever.

After a moment of silence just looking at each other he said, “Maybe we should head out of here. You need your beauty sleep if we’re gonna save some lives with me tonight.”

You smiled at him. “Sounds like a good idea to me.” Although you didn’t think it was a good idea at all and much rather have sat there with him all day until you had to go back into the hospital that night.

You walked out first, basically dragging your feet not wanting to end the time you were having together. You were parked next to each other. He walked you to your door. It was just the two of you standing between your cars.

“Thank you for everything Dr. Abbott. I appreciate you more than you could know.”

“When we’re outside the four walls of that hospital, call me Jack. Please.”

“Well thank you”, you paused briefly, “Jack.”

He just stood there towering over you, look down with his puppy dog eyes again. You couldn’t even turn to get into your car with how close he was standing next to you. At this point, you had no idea what was going through this brilliant mind.

You were basically nothing more then colleagues with benefits a few months prior. Yet here you are now. He talked you off the ledge hours before, held you close as you cried your eyes out, then took you for drinks while you talked for hours uninterrupted.

You decided that this was the perfect time to get some answers.

“Jack, what are we?”

His eyes softened. “You know you’re more than just my resident.”

There was a pause.

“I don’t want to make this hard for you. Residency is hard enough without being with your attending. I don’t want you to have to deal with everyone treating you differently because of me. You deserve better than me. You deserve to be happy and I don’t think that’s with me.”

This was the most honest his been with you since that first kiss.

“Jack I don’t care what the rest of them are saying. First of all Langdon and Mel already know about us.” His eyes widened.

“And I’m sure others have seen the eyes you make from across that ER at me too. I have felt more at peace with you in the past couple of hours then I have every felt with anyone before in my life. I want to make this work between us. But that can only happen if we’re honest with each other.”

He shook his head at you.

“I knew from the first conversation we had that there was something more between us. I’m sorry for dragging you along all this time. I really need to be with you, even if that means having to tell Robby about us”, he laughed. “I can feel myself falling for you and if you’re sure that you want this, I’m all in. We can make this work, I promise.”

Who knew that a breakdown would bring you two together. After over a year of knowing each other you were finally going to be in a relationship.

He put his hand up to your check, brushing the hair away for you face. He slowly leaned in a kissed you gently on the lips. Even after all the previous kisses, this felt different. You had both finally been vulnerable with each other and it had paid off.

After awhile of standing in the bar parking lot, kisssing between car. You both pulled away from each other.

“Just I should let you go home and get some sleep now huh?”

“Dont worry we don’t work tomorrow night so I won’t be needing my sleep then.” You winked at him.

He bit his lip looking down at you.

“But only if you tell Robby about us tonight.”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“So I tell Robby that you’re my girlfriend tonight, you do that thing that drives me wild tomorrow morning?”

“Girlfriend? I didn’t hear you ask me that yet.” You chuckled.

“Will you officially be my girlfriend?”

“I thought you’d never ask. Looks like you’ve got yourself a deal then Dr. Abbott.”

And with that you both shared another kiss before he opened your car door for you.

With you both sitting in your cars, you rolled down the window.

“Don’t forget, your part of the deal comes first Jack.”

He laughed and winked at you.

Now let’s just see how truthful Dr. Abbott is really being about coming out with your new relationship.

—————————————————————————

Wooo this is technically a Part 2 to The Pitt Intern! There will definitely be a part 3, ill probably just keep going with it until I run out of ideas lol.

I’m new to writing these stories so let me know what you guys think! Hope you enjoy!! :)

[adumbdemon]

okay so there's a fuck ton of things wrong in this election that it's hard to believe he actually fairly won:

1- the 32 weird fake bomb threats called into democratic leanings poll places. which made them have to close fir over an hour

2-destroying ballot boxes again in dem leaning places. losing alot of votes

3- alot of people coming out and saying that their ballots were not counted because of weird reasons eg. invalid signatures, information that the vote counter couldn't have had all that from people giving evidence and it all leads to their ballots not being counted

4- all this happened after months of hinting from the Republicans of foul play

5- this all happened in swing states that have been won by Biden in 2020 aka democratic leanings places which is weird why would the errors only be on places where there is no granted win for Trump

6- trump has never won the public vote and then suddenly boom he does out of no where he has them, his polls before 5/10 were comically low compared to the end results and now he's somehow gaining every swing state not to mention that all his swing state numbers are at 50 and 51% why is this the only numbers repeated

7- the support shown for kamala in the rallies and online was huge even more than Obama himself how could she have lost this badly the math isn't mathing it wouldn't be weird if the support wasn't alot for her but it was astronomical she raised millions in only 100 days you can't tell me it isn't sus that she loses almost all swing states

8- Latino and poc votes for Trump. bro the number of poc people voting for Trump is crazy especially after all the racist remarks and comments you're telling me that most poc voted for him?? there is no fucking way

9- Elon musk giving 1 million$ to a voters in Pennsylvania which is according to federal law is illegal and nothing has been done about it

in conclusion this entire this is weird af it's all contradicting each other nothing makes sense and alot of these couldn't be just coincidences. CBS is currently accusing trump of cheating. I think a recount should happen at the very least, and there are way too many irregularities and anomalies to not investigate. this could be what gets him out of the race. there is a link being used to order the president for a recount :

please use the link. it is your right to question things use it. don't go thinking 'oh they aren't going to do anything it's hopeless why even try' no every voice matters we need as much as we can even if it doesn't work at least we tried, for the people that will have their rights stripped away for the suicide rates that skyrocketed in the past 24 hours do your best and let your voice be heard.

[amutamika]

Shang Qinghua was stressed. Which wasn't anything new. He was always stressed. But today was worse than usual. His stress levels would breach any form of measurabilty. He didn't show it. Only Mobei Jun noticed how tense he was. But there was no good in mentioning that, it would only stress out the An Ding Peak Lord even more.

It was the day An Ding Peak did their inventory. Which meant they had to count every single item and stock on the mountain, checking if their calculations were correct, if there was stock missing or if anything else was amiss. And there was always something amiss. Even though they did smaller inventory checks nearly every week, the numbers never checked out when it came to the yearly big inventory check. It could really drive someone crazy. And that someone was Shang Qinghua.

For this day, every An Ding Peak disciple and master, that was available or could be spared, would be coming to the Peak to help. Which meant the busy Peak would be even more busy, even more crowded. And as the An Ding Lord he couldn't just sneak away from all that overwhelming hubbub. The worst thing wasn't even the counting, but the logistic paperwork after it. Why were 78 talisman missing? How on earth were 5 night pearls too much in the inventory? Had someone not delivered them? Or had he placed them there, but forgot to change the papers?

Well, at least he knew, why there were Bai Zhang uniforms missing. Whenever the brutes couldn't bother to formally request new robes, after sullying the last ones with dirt and blood, they would just sneak inside the warehouse and grab new ones. Shang Qinghua had tried to stop them. But if these mindless idiots couldn't sneak inside the warehouse, they fought their way inside. Which meant that his disciples were utterly beaten and he not only couldn't save the robes, he had to replace the ones of his disciples too. Not to mention that the beaten An Ding disciples were on sick leave for at least a week after those fights.

So he just complained about it until the Sect Leader made Liu Qingge pay for the missing robes. And maybe Shang Qinghua used that to get some more funds, because, of course, the brute wouldn't know how many uniforms exactly got stolen. If it were 50 or 75... Or more. He just payed up without asking questions.

But back to the problem at hand. The day of inventory. It was already deep in the night, probably not eben the day of inventory anymore but the day after. He had been awake since the break of dawn... Probably even earlier because his anxiety didn't let him sleep the night before the day of inventory. Fuck it, he hadn't slept properly for a week now. Nothing stressed him out as much as this damn day. He could feel the dark shadows under his eyes and the nervous tremors in his legs. His level of inidia too low to sustain a week of basically no sleep and only melon seeds as food.

The door crashed open and Shang Qinghua was sure might just die due to shock at that moment. Mobei Jun marched into the room without saying a word. And just like that, he swooped Shang Qinghua up into his arms and was already on his way out again. Shang Qinghua started to protest, but a warning look from his king made the words stop in his throat. He gulped. That was a look he hadn't seen for a long long time.

"Everyone else is sleeping. And you will sleep now too." Mobei Jun's brows furrowed as if he expected objection. But he was right. He had send his disciples to bed hours ago. He didn't want to make them work for so long non-stop. That was inhuman. But he couldn't let himself stop. Not until someone made him. It was his duty. And if it wasn't finished today, he had to move his schedule tomorrow. But he didn't object or argue.

Mobei Jun nodded as Shang Qinghua stayed silent. "Good." With that he carried him all the way to the Peak Lord residence on An Ding Peak. Not that Shang Qinghua used it that often. There was tea, already ready inside, and it smelled like on of Mu Qingfang's herbal mixes for sleep and relaxation. How did his king get that tea? Had he asked Mu Qingfang for it? He didn't dare to ask, Mobei Jun's gaze still showing signs of worry. So he let himself be placed in front of the table where the tea was waiting for him.

It had the perfect temperature to drink it right away. So he did. Mobei Jun's eyes following him every move. As soon as had emptied the cup, Mobei Jun had grabbed him again and in the next second he was in his bed and Mobei Jun next to him. The strong arms of the demon wrapped around him, making it impossible to leave, not that he wanted to leave, now that his body started to relax.

"We still need to change," he mumbled, already half a sleep. But Mobei Jun just gave a disgruntled groan as an answer. The only thing he actually did, was removing the hair piece from his lovers hair. Placing it carefully on the night stand, before the demon king nuzzled into the soft curls of Shang Qinghua.

"Now sleep." It was a useless order, because Shang Qinghua's breathing had already slowed down, and he had slipped into a deep, tea induced sleep.

[cyncerely-bullshit]

when it comes to internet drama, there’s three things I look for:

1: How the accused defends themselves

2: How the accused’s friends defend them

3: How stan accounts defend them

In that order, btw.

If someone is cancelled and makes a genuine apology and very clearly explains that they either didn’t know better or feel genuine remorse, the drama usually ends there. If the internet decides the response was invalid, friends get involved if they truly believe their friend is innocent. After all, the internet doesn’t know them, but their friends? People they speak with everyday? They usually know well enough to speak on if the person deserved to be canceled. Lastly, if the apology was bad and the friends either didn’t step in or made things worse, check the stan accounts. They will almost always pull something up to defend their favorite parasocial relationship. Sometimes they find pretty damning pieces of evidence to support the accused, sometimes they throw shit at the wall and hope it sticks. They bring up points the average person would never even thing to bring up, and sometimes it works in their favor.

Let’s take a look at how these three rules apply to Dream and Tommy, shall we?

Dream:

1: Crashes out live on stream for like 5 hours, brings up a bajillion other things to distract from the original issue, makes a reddit post where he doesn’t apologize for shit then promptly deletes it, calls Tubbo and never once concedes that he may be wrong, belittling what Tubbo says and changing the topic whenever he knows that Tubbo is right and he can’t argue it (also called Tubbo “Tommy” multiple times)

2: None of his friends stepped up. From what i’ve heard a few Spanish streamers spoke on his behalf, but no word from his housemates and closest friends. The way I see it, George can’t defend him because his career is already on the rocks with the Caiti situation (which, if I may remind you, Dream stuck up for George hard and Sapnap [though he wasn’t there] said that he knows George well enough to believe there wasn’t malicious intent [im paraphrasing]). Point is, when a member of the DTeam got cancelled, they banded together as friends, showing they weren’t afraid to defend each other. George likely doesn’t want to put his job in jeopardy by involving himself in more drama, but Sapnap has been silent despite being the least problematic member of the DTeam by a long shot. Even Badboyhalp (who didn’t speak on it directly) talked on stream about how much respect he had for everyone Dream had name dropped and villainized (Tommy, Tubbo, etc) while Dream was in chat.

3: DTeam stans, and Dream stans especially, can be brutal. I have seen what they can pull out to defend their youtubers, if you’re reading this you probably have too, and it’s crazy. So it speaks volumes that their only argument in this case that I’ve seen is the very same one Dream used initially: he’s neurodivergent, he can’t help it. He didn’t know it was wrong, he was genuinely trying to be a good role model to the kids of the server but his autism made him act like that, the essay he sent to Tommy wasn’t manipulative at all, etc. I should not have to explain why this is not an argument in the slightest and shouldn’t even be taken as one. Other than that, there isn’t an edited snapchat photo, message, or post to be argued (at least not on Dream’s side). Dream very clearly did everything and is still arguing that he’s in the right. There is no evidence against him because he’s still talking about not regretting doing anything, so the stans have to argue with what they can.

Tommy:

1: made a short and concise 5 minute video calmly explaining his side and why Dream wasn’t good to him, telling him that the r slur wasn’t a joke and he personally knew good and kind people who were discriminated against with that word and how it isn’t acceptable to be used ever, and telling Dream to take some time off the internet, go to therapy, and spend time with his family.

2: Shout out Tubbo and Jack, the absolute strongest of fighters in this whole thing. For as much as Dream complained about Tommy “manipulating people into hating him,” he didn’t speak on Jack enough. Jack Manifold has not been quiet about his distaste for Dream, and is the one who brought it up on his and Tommy’s podcast. Tommy is the one who was trying to talk about Dream neutrally and change the subject, meanwhile Jack just went off, but somehow according to Dream, Tommy was the one accusing him of things. And Tubbo, the strongest of them all, watching Dream’s whole breakdown with a neutral and (mostly) calm perspective, speaking with him (more like talking at him while he said “let’s move on” or “let’s agree to disagree”) and fighting for his best friend. I’m glad the divorce was amicable. Dream had accusations, Tubbo had logic. It was an easy fight. Also, let’s not forget Ranboo, Philza, Sneegsnag, Aimsey, AverageHarry, Jimmy, Joel, Molly Melinks, Sarah Simons, Rue (Tom’s old roommate), Jonaay, MaxGGs, Kwite, Pokimaine, and many more that sided at the very least against Dream, but mostly against Dream and with Tommy. Also the fact that Dream’s supposed friends like HannahxxRose, VelvetisCake, and Sapnap himself were in Tubbo’s chat during the argument.

3: Ah yes, the 15 million people that got called the r slur. Easiest defense of a celebrity ever, since Tommy did nothing wrong, just defended himself. Even when Dream tried to say he used child labor to make his videos and the editors were underpaid, it wasn’t the fans who defended Tommy, it was the editors themselves. Tommyinnit truly has exactly 1 enemy.

just wanted to get all this off my chest and explain how I deal with internet drama and why this is quite frankly the most non-divided drama i’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen someone so in the wrong be so confident about it, it’s truly baffling.

anyway, back to coding.

[shdysders]

leave a message

pairing: jenna ortega & reader

summary: in which jenna leaves increasingly desperate voicemails for you, who never answers.

word count: 1.8k

author’s note: this is heavily inspiried by @toournextadventure’s letter imagine, go check it out!

Hi! This is Y/N. Thanks for calling! I can't get to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon. Bye!

"Hey, it's me. Um, where are you? I've called a bunch of times and you haven't picked up. I'm starting to get really worried. Please call me back as soon as you get this. I love you."

MESSAGE SENT BY

"jen"

MARCH 15TH

7:34PM

"Baby, it's been hours now. Your friends haven't seen you and you're not at the usual spots. I'm driving around right now, looking for you. I... I just need to know you're okay. Please, just text me or something."

11:37PM

___

"Okay, so it's been almost a day. I've talked to your family and they don't know where you are either. This isn't like you to just disappear. I'm freaking out, and I don't know what to do. I just need to hear your voice and know you're safe. Please, please call me back."

MARCH 16TH

3:03 PM

___

"Where are you? I... I'm losing my mind here. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything until I know you're safe. Did something happen? Are you hurt? God, please be okay. Just... just let me know you're out there."

MARCH 17TH

5:54PM

___

"I went to the police today. I made sure to tell them how desperate I was and they said they'd start looking for you, but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel so helpless and almost guilty. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel like you needed to run. If you're mad at me, we can work through it, I promise. Just come back."

MARCH 18TH

3:21PM

I know I should've gone with you. You never go grocery shopping alone. What was I thinking, letting you go by yourself? Did something happen to you, or did you plan on leaving? Because I checked your closet, and you didn't bring anything. None of your things are missing. It doesn't make any sense. I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out what happened. Please, if you're out there, just come back to me. I need to know you're safe."

11:21PM

___

"It's been five days. I'm sitting in our apartment, surrounded by your things, and it feels so empty without you. Every time my phone buzzes, my heart stops because I think it's you. I can't keep doing this.

They're putting up posters with your picture all over town. I can't believe this is happening. I keep expecting you to walk through the door and tell me it's all a joke, that you're okay. But you don't. And it hurts so much. I need you, baby. I need you more than ever.

Please, just give me a sign that you're okay. I don't know how much longer I can take this."

MARCH 19TH

5:32PM

___

"It's day six. I barely slept. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. I keep thinking about all the little things – the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you say my name. I'm not giving up. I can't give up. You're my everything.

I know you're out there somewhere. I refuse to believe anything else. I'm going to find you. I promise you that. I'll do whatever it takes to bring you home.

I've talked to everyone I could think of, but no one has seen you. It's like you vanished into thin air. God, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

MARCH 20TH

11:54AM

___

I've been thinking a lot about everything... about us. I can't shake this feeling that maybe I'm the reason you left, and I need to apologize for everything.

Like that time I yelled at you for interrupting me during a script rehearsal, or when I got upset because I was running late and took it out on you. I never meant any of it. I'm sorry for the times I canceled our plans last minute because of my schedule, leaving you hanging. And for all those times I didn't listen when you needed to talk, or when I brushed off your concerns because I was too wrapped up in my own problems.

I keep thinking maybe you left because I wasn't enough, because I failed you in so many ways. Remember when you wanted to go on that weekend trip, and I said no because I was too tired? Or the countless nights I spent on set, making you eat dinner alone? I'm so sorry if I made you feel unimportant or unloved. I never wanted to hurt you.

I keep replaying our last conversation in my head, wondering if there was something I missed, something I could have done differently. There probably is. There always is.

If you hear this, know that I'm sorry for everything I did wrong. I love you more than anything. Please come back to me. I promise I'll do better. I'll be better. Just come back.

MARCH 21ST

8:32PM

___

“I went to the police again, but they keep telling me to wait. How can I wait when you're out there, possibly in danger? I'm so scared, baby. Please, please be okay.

I don't know how much more I can take. I'm so scared. Scared that something terrible has happened. But I have to believe you're okay. I have to. Because the alternative... I can't even think about it."

MARCH 22ND

12:45AM

___

“It's my fault, isn't it? I must have done something to make you leave. I... I'm so sorry. I should have been better, should have seen the signs. I hate myself for not realizing sooner. I'm so sorry if I did anything to push you away. I didn't mean to. I'll do anything to make it right.“

MARCH 23RD

3:43PM

“The faucet in the kitchen started leaking again, and I can't fix it. You always knew how to handle things like that. You would have come up with some clever solution and would've tried teaching me even though you knew it's impossible.

Everything here is falling apart without you. I'm falling apart without you. I don't know how to do this on my own."

5:57PM

___

“I need to say it. It's been over a week now, and I... I'm starting to lose hope.

I hate myself for even thinking that, for feeling like this. It makes me feel disgusting and weak. You deserve better than this. I should be stronger, I should be doing more to find you. But every day that goes by without any news, I feel a little more defeated. Please, baby, forgive me. I don't want to give up. I won't give up. I promise. I just... I need you to come back. I'm so scared, and I feel so lost without you."

MARCH 24TH

7:28PM

___

"My agent just called and said I need to start thinking about going back to work. I don't know what to do.

Would you want me to go back? I can hear your voice in my head, telling me to be strong, to keep going. But how can I when you're not here? I feel so guilty, like I'm abandoning you if I go back. I need you to tell me what to do. I'm so scared."

MARCH 25TH

3:52PM

___

"There's this premiere coming up, and I don't even want to go. You were supposed to come with me. I'm just terrified and alone. I can't face any of this without you. I need you here to tell me I'm just being stupid and to hold my hand through it all. I'm struggling to keep it together. I need you to tell me it's going to be okay."

MARCH 26TH

6:38PM

___

"I went back to work yesterday, and it's hell. The internet is turning against me. People are saying things, talking about me and accusing me of not caring about you, of moving on too quickly. Some even suspect I had something to do with your disappearance. I know I shouldn’t listen to them but it's tearing me apart. You know how much you mean to me, how I'm doing everything I can to find you. But now I feel like I'm drowning in all this hate. I don't know how to handle it without you here. You'd tell me to ignore them, to focus on what's important. But it's so hard. I'm so scared, and I feel so alone. I need you more than ever."

MARCH 28TH

3:42PM

___

"You know what? Fuck this. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit! Where the fuck are you? Do you even fucking care about me, about us? Do you have any idea what you've put me through? I've been out of my mind with worry, tearing myself apart trying to find you, and what? For nothing! You just vanished without a fucking trace. How could you do this to me? It's like you don't give a shit!

I'm here, losing my fucking mind, while you're... I don't even know where you are! Are you hiding? Did you just decide to fuck off and leave me to deal with all this crap? The internet's tearing me apart, people think I had something to do with this, and you're not here to defend me, to tell me what the hell is going on! It's fucking selfish! You're fucking selfish for doing this!

You left me here, drowning in all this, and I hate you for it. I hate you for making me feel this way, for making me doubt everything! I can't fucking take it anymore!"

MARCH 30TH

01:56AM

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't mean it. I'm just... I'm breaking down. I'm so angry, not at you. Just at everything else.

Please, come back. I didn't mean any of it. I just need you. Please."

01:58AM

___

“The police... they found a body in the river a few hours away. They said it's too decomposed to identify right now. I'm losing my mind. It can't be you. It can't be. I swear to God, if it's you, I'll die. I'll fucking die, do you hear me? I can't breathe, I can't think. I'm shaking so badly. Please, please, let it not be you.

They're going to do tests, but it'll take time. Time I don't have. Time I can't bear. I'm so scared, baby. I can't do this. I can't wait and not know if it's you. I'm going insane. Please, God, don't let it be you. I need you to be okay. I need you to come back to me.

I keep imagining the worst. I can't stop. I'm so fucking terrified. I feel like I'm going to throw up. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Please, please be okay. I can't live without you. I need you. I love you so much. Please come back. Please."

MARCH 31ST

9:51PM

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

P*rn ☆  Chapter 5, Drive me crazy

Masterlist Word count: 1.9 k Sylus x Fem!Reader

Summary: You have been following a spicy content creator by the name of Red Crow for some time now. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what would happen when he moves into the apartment next door.

Author's note: This one is a doozy. I was a little stuck and I hope this makes sense. Next chapter will explain a little more about Sylus' life before moving next door.

Warning! This story is meant for mature audiences. It contains sex, swear words, porn, smoking, intimate piercings, mentions of drugs, alcohol, mentions of domestic abuse, and other mature themes. Do not engage if you are under 18.

Mature content under the cut.

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

1 pm and you're just now making your first coffee along with your breakfast/lunch. You're not used to late nights anymore. Not like you were when you were still in school and partying. Well, "partying." Aka movie night with your friends and making stupid drinking games around the movies you were watching. 

Lucky for you, it's Saturday. You've got a whole weekend left to fix your sleeping schedule. Fixing is a big word. Make it so that you've at least had seven hours of sleep before you get to work. 

While lazily reading Tara's dramatic retelling of getting Kieran into bed, you notice a notification. One that usually only pops up when Red Crow, or Sylus, posts but it's Saturday. That's not his usual schedule. Frowning, you check the notification. 

Red Crow liked your comment: "Raw, next question." 

You feel as if you've just shat out your heart. "Cocky," you think to yourself as you tap the notification. It takes you to the comments under the video from last night and that's when you notice it... Your biggest nightmare. 

You were horny on main instead of on your alt account and now he probably knows it was you. But now comes the real big question. Do you leave it there as a testament to your thirst for him, or do you delete it in hopes he hasn't noticed it was you to protect your sanity? You scroll a little through the comments and quickly notice that Sylus never likes any comments. "Shit, he definitely knows." 

Still, you decide to delete the comment. If he saw it when he was drunk yesterday, then maybe there's a chance he doesn't remember or was just fucking around on his phone. The moment the comment disappears from your screen, there's a knock at your door. You're not sure who it could be. Maybe it's Tara. Did she leave anything yesterday? Or Kieran forced by Tara to apologize? But he would go to Sylus’ house for that. 

By the time you're done wrecking you're brain, you're already opening the door and there stands the one and only Sylus. Suddenly there are no more thoughts in your brain, just the picture of Sylus in front of your door wearing grey sweatpants and a black tee that seems a size or two too small. You can see every muscle on his stomach and chest through the shirt. However, that's not even the best part. The best part is that he stretches and moves one hand behind his neck, making his tee rise up and showing the little happy trail that you've salivated over more times than you'd like to admit. 

'Hey, sorry to bother you but I'm out of coffee.' 

'Go to the store,' you grumble and try to close the door again but he pushes against it. 

'Let me try that again,' he says, a playful but subtle grin on his lips, 'I'd like get to know you better over coffee. Preferably at your place.' It seems getting your brain fried is a regular occurrence when Sylus is around and you are suddenly awfully aware of how you look. 

Yes, you showered this morning, but you aren't exactly dressed. You threw on a shirt and a big sweater over top with some absurdly stupid miffy pajama shorts. Your words get stuck in your throat and you only seem to be able to mutter out a weak: 'Why?' 

He chuckles in response, the sound rumbling through his chest. 'You intrigue me. I'm curious what's going on in that pretty little head of yours.' 

"He called me pretty," is the only thought that sticks and you want to hit yourself over the head for only picking up that part, but you remind yourself of the video he had made after meeting you. He must have ulterior motive. 'Nothing else?' A sly smirk appears on his face, like he had been banking on you asking a question like that. Like he had been practicing his response, and it comes out sticky as honey. 

'Only with your willing participation.' You try to keep your bratty attitude but it's hard when he is so damn beautiful and so damn close and so damn hot. Goddamn! 

'In your dreams, big boy,' you sass, 'come in before I change my mind.' 

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

There's a tense sort of feeling as you both sit on your couch with coffee in your hands. He keeps watching your movements, almost as if he's studying you or stalking his prey. It makes you feel on edge and at the same time, insanely turned on. To push him off balance, you decide to ask a question that had been hanging in your head for a while now. 

'How'd you get into it?' 

'It?' He's teasing. His lip quirks up into a smirk again. He wants to hear you say it, hear you say what he does, wants to watch your reaction to it. You feel strangely alien in your own space. 

'Porn.' You try to keep a straight face, but you can feel your ears heat up the slightest bit, and he fucking notices. You can tell he fucking notices. He's noticed everything so far. It's so fucking hot and so fucking annoying at the same time. You can only imagine how attentive he would be as a partner. 

'I was doing voice acting for a while and got hired for some smut books,' he explains like it's the most normal thing in the world, like it's the same as any office job, 'and I liked reading those books and the reaction people had to my voice. So, I tried my hand at posting some pictures of myself to see if people liked my voice and my body. After that I kind of rolled into it.' He takes a second to study your reaction and then asks you: 'And what do you do?' 

'Interior decorating.' He nods. 

'So I should've met you before I started decorating my place.' 

'I don't work for free,' you retort. 

'Neither do I,' he says, that damn smirk on his face again, 'but your reaction was more than enough payment for that video.' You're sure you're bright red now. 

'I didn't request your services.' Why did you invite him in? Are you that desperate? He puts his mug on the coffee table and takes yours out of your hands to set it down next to his. Then he leans over you, one arm on top of the backrest of your couch, the other gripping the armrest behind you. Naturally, you lean back a little bit, tilting your head up to look at his face. He doesn't look predatory, nor dangerous. In fact, you feel like if you would say no right now, he would go home in an instant. It's strangely comforting. 

'See it as a free trial.' He is impossibly close, closer than a stranger should be. Then again, you're not really strangers, are you? You are to him, but he's been on your mind for quite some time now. He's toying with you, he seems to want you for some reason. Barely knows you but it feels so familiar, so nice. You feel desired and... sexy. 

'A free trial for what?' You absentmindedly bite your lip. A low groan slips from his lips in response, and he shifts his position on the couch. With one swift motion, his one leg is kneeling on the couch while he pushes your legs onto the couch so you're laid underneath him, your back against the cushions. His lips are next to your ear now. 

'Worship,' he growls and ever so gently takes your earlobe between his teeth. You whimper in surprise. He lets go and moves on to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses down to your collarbones. 'Pleasure.' The hand that was on the armrest moves to your waist, slipping under your shirt and you shiver. 'And sex.' His words sound like a promise. A promise you would offer up your life for. You feel breathless as he leans back a little bit to admire your figure. That damn smirk of his, back on his lips as he sees your lust filled eyes. He definitely knows that comment was yours. 'What do you say?' 

'You don't even know me,' you manage to mutter. 

'I know enough,' he answers and leans down to press a featherlight kiss on the corner of your lips. A strange surge of despair rushes through you and suddenly your hands are behind his neck, entangled in his grey hair, pulling him towards your lips. 'So needy,' he teases, readjusting his knee on the couch to be between your legs, 'I thought you were worried I didn't know you. You wouldn't want to take advantage of me, would you now?' 

His lips are only a breath away from yours, his eyes stare into yours intently. You tell yourself it's just sex, yet there's something soft in the way he looks at you. Something you can't quite place, because he shouldn't be looking at you like that. You've only just met him. 'What are you thinking about?' 

'Why me?' He doesn't have a quick nor sly response to that. You can tell you've caught him off guard. His eyes widen a little and his head moves away the slightest bit, but you can't tell if it's because you've just asked the dumbest question in existence or because he does not know either. 

'There's something about you,' he tells you, his tone no longer teasing but as serious as he can get, 'it's intriguing and I want to find out what it is.' 

'Because I gave you a hard on when we first met?' He cracks. His serious demeanor disappears for a second, as does the sexual tension when he sits up on his heel trying to stifle a laugh. The hand that was under your shirt is now on his face, rubbing his jaw to hide his smile. 

'You've got a dirty mouth on you, sweetie,' he comments, trying to get back into it but you've already propped yourself up on your elbows with the cheekiest of grins on your face. 

'Shouldn't you be used to those kinds of comments by now,' you say, trying to provoke him even more. Truly, you don't know what it is about him that brings your brat out but you don't hate it. It's fun. 

'They're different when you read them on a screen,' he answers, sounding almost sincere. Almost. Only if you hadn't known what he proposed so sweetly just a minute ago. 

'Maybe you take me out some time and I'll try to behave,' you offer, feeling as daring. This is all so new for you but it just flows. There's no good reason for why you feel this way and yet it's fucking exhilarating. You don't want any of it to stop, but your ovaries are running your brain right now and you can't trust them. Not when it comes to men. They've shown that to you before. You need a second to calm down before you engage in anything that could someday become regrettable to you. 

Though you probably wouldn't have minded sleeping with him right here and now. 

Sylus doesn't answer you, he just hands you his unlocked phone. You type in your number, already regretting it when you hand it back to him and see the grin on his face. You've just given him so much power to tease you. Well, you should regret it. You think you should. 

In reality you can't wait for what's to come. 

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

Previous - Next

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

Taglist

@carmelves

@d0llfilth

@terriblesoup

@valkyyriia

@fvcknwww

@itsizumiiii

@ludwigsb0nker

@amywright

@frenchmess23yo

@malleus-draconias-rose

@deathkat657

@sweetnanah

@trishiepo0

@iraot

@nyxie-00

@sherlockstolemyname

@poptrim

@dummiebunny

@everythingistaken00

@ikesimpleton

@tyys-stuff

@venussakura

@crimsonlittlecrow

@raiyuxa

@pxxchyjjk168

@satansdaughter123

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

[shawnxstyles]

baby honey 2

DATE: NOVEMBER 5, 2023

summary: you and harry need to talk. so, you do. along with other things.

song: Fantasy- the driver era

words: 7.2k

warnings: SMUT (f- receiving [oral, choking], daddy kink, slight dumbification, mentions of voyurism/exhibitism [not clearly stated] and porn, protected sex, dirty talk!!), language, and a very blunt y/n.

note: i actually got a part two out not that long after the first part?? omg?? monumental moment here guys. enjoy! PART ONE!

secret pornstar!harry x secret pornstar!y/n

—

DaylightDaddy [verified]: What are you doing to me?

You were waiting by your computer for the longest sixteen minutes of your life. That’s how long it took Harry to watch your less-than-ten-minute video and then text you back. Your heart, which was still flat on the floor of your stomach, leaps excitedly when it sees Harry’s message on your computer screen.

That message alone verified to you that DaylightDaddy was indeed Harry. Of course Harry would bring back his infamous saying at a time like this. You wanted to ditch the conversation on this website and text Harry personally. You also wanted to go to his house and pounce on him for being ridiculously attractive and vulnerable. You were an idiot by not saying anything yesterday and he was an idiot by being so blunt and angry. You both could have ruined not only your friendship but your chances at being something more by not talking. Communication is key, yet you’re still locked.

Why?

Maybe because somewhere in the dark crack of your heart, you’re terrified that you’ll be vulnerable to a man that’s six years older than you just for him to say that he doesn’t actually like you. He just likes your breasts and the idea of sleeping with you.

But that’s not Harry, right?

Without responding to his message, you grab your phone that has been forgotten on your floor. The second you sent that video to him you chucked it across the room and hoped for the best. It seems as though it worked, but at the same time, there is still so much unsaid with Harry. So many feelings you need to work out. But first, you need to talk and figure out how you both actually feel. Is it just lust? Is it just the fact that you two work together? Or is it something more?

Y/N: harry

He texts you almost simultaneously.

Harry: Y/N

Your fingers freeze at the keyboard. Even though you were just talking to him, how do you bring up such a serious conversation. We need to talk? Or I need to talk to you? They both sound bad.

Harry: Are you working today?

You and Harry both know damn well neither of you works. Him asking this question just seems like he’s continuing to avoid you, and avoid the inevitable conversation that you guys need to have. Did your video not spark a lightbulb in his head? How can he not tell that you do feel whatever he feels? Maybe even more…

Y/N: i am not, but i think you know that

Y/N: can we talk? are you busy?

You know he’s not busy, but that doesn’t make his reaction any scarier.

Harry: I’m free

Harry: Do you want to come over

It was one of the scariest texts he’s ever sent. After what just went down between you two, inviting you over could mean anything. It’s clear there’s a strong attraction connecting you both, but there is also a lot of murky water that needs to be cleaned.

Y/N: yes

Harry: Let me pick you up

That stubbornness inside of you that Harry is all too familiar with wanted to fight him. To tell him that you are more than capable of driving yourself, even though you only have Penny’s car for one more day. But him suggesting to pick you up showed his desperation to see you. And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe the forward action instead of the backing away was what you two needed.

Y/N: okay

Y/N: give me an hour!!

You needed time to think about it of course.

—

Within that hour, you were going crazy. You took a warm, hard-pressed shower in order to massage all the tension in your body and hopefully in your mind. You thought about every possible scenario about seven thousand times, hoping that you’d get it right. This time, you planned to say the right words and not stand there like a fucking statue when faced with his vulnerability. This time, you were going to be vulnerable too, because you’ve never had a chance at something more like this before. And you don’t want to ruin it just because you’re afraid. How lame is that?

While you were waiting for Harry to text you, you pace around the room. Your eyes averted to your computer that was still lying on your bed, and the only thing you could think about was your conversation with Harry. Not only had he called you attractive but he compared your beauty to everyone on the website and still said you were the most attractive. Was that just him flirting? Or was he being serious? You wondered if Harry really felt that way about you and you hoped you would find out soon.

On that thought, you never even checked if his money went through. You know the second that it does you’ll be giving it right back to him. So, while you’re still waiting, you open up your bank app on your phone. Even though you’re sitting on your bed now, your leg is still bouncing up and down, anxiety infiltrating your blood like the most insane drug.

When you finally comprehend the number that is present on your screen, your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. You blink a couple hundred times before briskly checking your most recent transactions. In neon green letters an extravagant $2000+ appears in front of you. Your hand jaggedly and slowly finds its way over your agape mouth, bewildered at Harry’s extreme act. What on earth would cause Harry to willingly send you that much money? Yes, you have complained about your financial situation, but you also clearly denied Harry of a loan. Now, you have to send his money back and it’s going to be really awkward. Another thing you have to add to your list of “Things to Talk Through with Harry”. Just as you close the app, Harry texts you that he’s at your place.

–

“Hey,” You manage to cough out as you slide nervously into his passenger seat.

“Hey,” Harry replies with a thick swallow. His grip on the steering wheel changes from intense to loose every few seconds before he starts the car.

There’s a low hum on the radio along with his air conditioning blowing cool air towards you. But other than that, no one had said a word. You peek over the dashboard a few times to see the road, wondering how far Harry lives from you and how quickly you can get out of this car. You hoped when you got to his house that this unbreathable, anxious tension would have died down, so you two can finally sort this shit out.

As a few more minutes pass by, you realize that you hate this. You hate the awkward silence that’s dawning over your friendship and making you overthink every single word. It’s never been like this with Harry, ever. You’ve never had to second-guess your late-night conversations and he never had to restrain his friendly charm. This, this tension, is unlike both of you.

You have to talk. Maybe you should mention the money?

“I know y’want to say something. Just say it, please, I can’t stand this awkwardness,” Harry blurts out as he stops at a red light. You inhale and blink, suddenly feeling a bit more alive with the sound of his voice.

“I looked at my bank,” You said, looking down at your lap. You were already being shy and you haven’t even got to the actual vulnerable stuff yet. What is wrong with you?

“Have you?”

“Yeah, and I saw the money you gave me.”

“Good.”

“Harry, you know I can’t take that,” Now, you turn your head towards his, which is safely facing the road. But you know he sees you and you know he’s stressed with your stubbornness.

“But you already did. It’s in your account, yeah?”

“Okay, but–”

“I don’t understand why you won’t take my money. Is it not good enough for you or somethin’?” Harry’s voice has become more agitated, making his last turn a bit sharper. You see him take a deep breath as he pulls into a driveway of a nice house. It was nice because the lawn was green and cut and the color of its walls were a pleasant cream color with a smooth navy blue as its border. It wasn’t the biggest house ever, but Harry was more practical than that. He didn’t need some huge, showy house in order to seem cool. Harry was already cool, whether he knew it or not.

“All money is the same, you doy.”

“You didn’t want it when I said I could loan it to you. Then I found a way to give it to you because you earned it and you still won’t take it. How does that make sense?”

“That’s different!”

“How is that different?”

“You of all people should know!”

Harry groans out of frustration and gets out of the car. “Let’s just get in the house.”

You follow suit, shutting the car door a little more roughly than you thought. Before you know it, you’re in his house and it’s just so Harry. His furniture is smooth; all browns and woods. He had pictures of his family scattered along with abstract art. By his decently sized television is a large record player next to an impressive case of vinyls. He even has a miniature bookshelf full of books that would probably bore you, but it still fascinates you.

“What, have you never seen a house before?”

“Don’t get all snappy with me. We were supposed to talk.”

“You make it difficult.”

“Why? Because I won’t take your money?”

“That doesn’t help,” he crosses his arms before dropping to sit on his couch. Again, you follow him, but keep your distance. You don’t miss the way his house smells just like him; a homey breeze of fresh air with a sprinkle of nature. It was earthly and friendly and charming. Just like him. “But it’s your stubbornness.”

To be fair, your stubbornness is one of Harry’s favorite traits about you. But it’s also the one that gets under his skin the most. He admires the way you can stand up for yourself and you know how to get exactly what you want. But he’s noticed that your need for independence interferes with your other desires.

“I can’t help it. I was born to fight,” You sighed out, lying against the couch cushions. “At least that’s what my dad always says.”

“I don’t want to fight, Honey,” The new nickname has rows of shivers cascading your skin. You feel a tingle in your stomach that you get when he says something charming or flirtatious. It’s impossible to fight the butterflies and heart pulses he gives you.

“Me either,” You take a deep breath, just like you did in the shower and just like Harry did in the car. This was your time to be vulnerable, to be first. You wanted to show Harry that you cared and that you weren’t just being stubborn to be annoying. You loved when you guys would close together, even if you consistently told him you would do it yourself. You loved the late-night talks you would have while cleaning up the bar, talking about anything and everything in order to waste time. You were endeared that Harry always walked you to your car in the early morning after the doors were locked just to make sure you were safe. You missed the way his hands felt on your arms when he caught you and the feeling of his chest pressed closely to yours. Friends don’t crave like that. No, because you weren’t friends. You were more and you both knew it. You cared about him and you appreciated his care for you. Shit, you freaking liked him and it took you both revealing your secret identities to prove it. Even if you two haven’t technically talked about it.

“H…”

“Y/N.”

“Everything you told me that night. Was it true?”

There was a weighted beat. One that was long and heavy enough to shatter the earth.

“Yes, of course it was. Why would I lie about that?”

“I don’t–” You turned to face him. “I’m not…good at this stuff. I don’t randomly hook up with people or go on dates. I especially don’t go to their house after sending them a video of me orgasming to confess my feelings to them.”

Harry blinks. He didn’t think you would mention it so vulgarly, but maybe he doesn’t know you like he thought he did. But he would like to. He doesn’t sound like you’re accusing him of doing those things, more of just you warning him about yourself. Harry does extract the little hint of your words and uses them to interrogate you.

“Feelings. What feelings?”

“Well, currently I’m frustrated–”

“Y/N,” his voice of seriousness causes your eyes to drop into your lap. You fiddle with your thumbs like a nervous kindergartener on their first day of school. It wasn’t like you to get so shy. You were a bartender for a living; you couldn’t be shy. But you just haven’t reserved these types of feelings for someone in so long it feels foreign. It feels as though you’re stretching outside of your comfortable zone and forcing you to be sheepish with your eyes down.

“Fine. I like…our friendship. A lot. But this week made me realize that I want more than that. With you,” You peer up at him through your eyelids, hoping not to see his face cringe with disgust at your words. But Harry’s face is flattened straight with nothing but the intent of listening. He even has a sparkle of softness in his eyes that makes your heart lurch out to him. He cared, and it showed in his features. Your mom always told you that people’s real emotions were always revealed on their face, and it was written like a love letter over his.

His patient silence makes you want to fill it with some type of conversation due to the uncomfortableness with your sudden vulnerability. Skittishly, you swallow in an attempt to coat your dry throat. “But I haven’t got much further than that. I know that I’m attracted to you. I mean, fuck, you saw the video, right? I probably didn’t even need the bullet–what did I just say? That’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I don’t want this to just be an attraction because I don’t think I could handle that. That felt good to say. I think I’ve said “say” too much and now it sounds weird…”

“I feel that way too,” he replies, the smallest curve of his lip breaking the straight line. He adores the way you rant when you're nervous, it is now a new thing he is adding to his list. He loves making you nervous because you give him little details about yourself. “Thank you for finally getting the balls to tell me. Took you long enough.”

You didn’t expect him to say that. You didn’t practice that in the shower! “Me?! You were the one who was avoiding me!” You were shouting, but it was all fun now. A laugh followed as a bright smile crept on your face. Something like a weight felt lifted off your shoulders, off your chest.

“But who said something first?”

“You said you liked my breasts and that you get jealous easily. Doesn’t seem like you were confessing any feelings,” You jokingly roll your eyes as he scoots closer to you.

“Why would I get jealous if I didn’t like ya? Thought I made tha’ obvious.”

“Could have been more. Then we could have avoided this all together.”

“You probably would’ve just stood there with y’mouth open.”

Your mouth indeed falls open as he laughs, his comment causing you to gasp in joking offense. You take that moment to punch his shoulder, but his hand catches your wrist during the movement. Your laughs are halted when you both realize how close you are; your thighs were touching and his face was only a few inches from yours. The whiff of his scent gave you flashbacks to last night when he caught you and you were pressed perfectly against his toned chest. Thinking of his chest made you remember the videos you saw online and how addicting they were to watch, especially after you found out it actually was Harry. Now, you know how porn addicts come to be.

Unintentionally, you lick your lips while looking at his. You don’t miss the way he does the same, glaring at your lips like he’s starving and their his last meal. Your lips have haunted him ever since your first day; painted in red and screaming fierce. The way you smiled was mesmerizing to Harry, but you could say the same about Harry’s effortless charm. It’s been too long dreaming and imagining your lips on his own. Now, with everything out in the open–besides the whole porn star thing, which is for another time–maybe he can finally kiss those lips. Kiss them so well that he ruins any other man for you in the bar, in school, in porn, in life. Staring at your lips made Harry think crazy things. He can’t even imagine the filth his brain will conjure if he sees your naked body in real life.

He’s getting too ahead of himself.

“You smell good,” You whispered, forcing yourself to break the pressing tension. You two were slowly inching towards each other, so he could feel your words float over his own lips like a ghost. He hums at the feeling and the compliment. “Like a forest.”

“How long are we gonna sit like this until I can kiss ya?” The statement made your cheeks blaze with fire and your stomach tumble.

Clearly you were both done beating around the bush.

“I was waiting for you to ask! What if you didn’t want to? You know how important consent is too–”

But Harry doesn’t wait for you to stop your incessant rant. He smashes his lips to yours like he’s been dying to all this time. Your lips mush together, creating a warm, gooey feeling inside of your stomach. Harry releases your wrist and slides his hands down to your waist and carries you over to his lap. You gently bite down on his bottom lip seductively, causing him to groan against you. His rough hands pinch the skin of your hips, making you squeak in his mouth. He uses the opportunity to slide his tongue in, exploring your mouth like its new land on earth.

It’s been so long for you, you can barely remember the last time you’ve been kissed. But you know for damn sure it was never like this. It was never this fiery, this passionate, this wanted, this needed. Kissing Harry was like drinking water after being dehydrated; so obsessively satisfying, you can’t get enough. Until you drink too much and then your stomach hurts, but you doubt that will happen.

Harry can feel himself growing impressively hard underneath you. Even with you above him fully clothed has his body and mind going haywire. He’s not sure how far this is going to go, but he’s also not sure how long he’s going to last. Shit, if you even palm his bulge he might come.

And you thought he didn’t want this.

Your hands around his neck slide their way down his chest as his grip on your hips gets tighter. He pushes you closer, making you arch your back until your breasts are pressing against his chest. The abrupt movement causes the kiss to break, a breathless gasp eliciting from your swollen mouth.

“Jesus,” Harry huffs out.

“What?”

Harry ignores your question. “What do y’want?”

“You…? I thought I made that pretty clear–”

“Don’t be a smart mouth. Or I’ll put it to good use,” His threat sends a tingle straight to your core, which was covered by your soaking underwear. Just the idea of him forcing you on the floor to take his cock in your throat was erotic enough for you to get off of. Actually doing it might make you come on the spot. “What, you like that?”

“What if I do?”

“Then I can make it happen, baby.”

“But what if I want something else more?”

“Say the words.”

You hesitated. As a porn star, you’re pretty good with dirty talk. In the past, you have had no problem whispering sweet, seductive words. But Harry has your tongue tied, brain mushy, and body gooey.

“I want you inside of me.” You were straight-forward. Honest. After this whole ordeal with you two, you figured you both deserved some relief.

“I’ve been waiting too fuckin’ long for those words.”

Without wasting another minute, Harry lifts both you and himself off the couch. You make a little squeal sound before grabbing on tight to him so you don’t fall. When you somehow get to his bedroom, you’re gently tossed on his bed with a smile hanging from your lips. Harry climbs over you and immediately tugs the hem of your shirt.

“Please take it off.”

You did not need to tell him twice.

Harry did just as you asked as quickly as possible because you two were both getting a bit desperate. Like before, Harry loves edging and teasing and being in control. And one day, he’s going to do it all with you. But right now, he just needs to be inside of you, as selfish as it sounds.

Once he flips your shirt off, you’re brisk to clip off your bra. Goosebumps pimple along your skin in anticipation of what’s to come as Harry’s eyes flit over your body. He swallows harshly, mind swimming in a thousand thoughts that were all related to you. His searing gaze only makes you more flushed with heat, elbows sinking into the mattress while you wait for him to do something. You push yourself up and tug the end of his T-shirt.

“Well, what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“‘Cause you’re really here.”

“That is so sweet, but please, fuck me first. I need it.” Maybe his searing gaze also gave you a newfound confidence that allowed you to say what was actually on your mind. His intense stare made you feel powerful. Like you were in control.

“Jesus Christ, we have to fix that mouth,” he growls as you slide off his shirt over his head while he kneels on the edge of the bed. You don’t even get another word in before he’s crashing his lips back onto yours in another heated kiss.

It’s not much different from the first one–maybe a little more sloppy because you’re both getting needy. Both your mouths are sloshed together with sparks tingling on your tongues. Those sparks are igniting flames within your souls, making the stress and yearning worth it. Everything felt worth it when you two were this close together.

With the same passion, Harry forces himself away from your mouth and down your neck. He’s not gentle with his teeth, nibbling with each peck of your skin he passes. Each nick injects excitement through your veins, turning you on more than you would like to admit. You already know that there will be little marks because your skin is so sensitive, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You actually are endeared by a bunch of little marks rather than a few huge ones. Maybe you can pass the miniature hickies off as freckles…

When Harry gets to your breasts, he wants to stop and stare. Take a few long minutes to just encompass the beauty that is in front of him. But he assumes you don’t want to be ogled anymore, since he was standing still and gazing at you like a teenage girl taking a picture of a pink sunset. So, instead, his lips enclose around your nipple. His tongue glides around it, feeling its pointiness peak until he is satisfied with the sounds coming from your lewd mouth. He does the same to the other side until you’re panting and your heart has turned erratic.

His pink lips trail down your torso, marking each inch of skin with a bit of saliva and a warm kiss. His fingers traced your shape, gently scratching at your sides until you were practically squirming in his touch. You’ve never been this wet in your life and it was driving you insane. Harry was driving you insane.

“So soft, Honey,” he coos when he reaches the waistline of your pants. You help him remove the clothing, so you’re not wasting anymore time because it’s blatantly obvious you’re both desperate as hell. His compliment made your skin tingle and your spine shiver. That nickname would be the death of you, you were sure of it. He made you feel all hot and dizzy but also made you gooey and cared for. It was an intense combination of emotions that you definitely needed to sort out. But after you get his cock inside of you.

Yeah. You could settle for that.

Harry now had a full view of your underwear, which was completely soaked through. But at this point, you’re not even embarrassed as much as you are needy. Hell, you’re even spreading your legs wider for him so he has quicker access to you. Yeah. It was that bad.

“Look at you all wet and drippy,” Harry smirks as he hooks his fingers in your panties. He surprises you by pulling them up, the fabric being consumed by your pussy lips. “Such a pretty cunt. Never even seen you this wet on a video. I must be special.”

“It’s all for you, Harry. Or should I say Daddy?” Now, you were smirking. You were only teasing, but at the same time, you were testing the waters. If Harry’s username used the title, you had an inkling that he had some type of kink towards it, right?

With a subtle grunt, he yanks your legs closer to him and widens them even further apart. He doesn’t even hesitate to rip your panties in half and discard the now wasted fabric.

“Harry!” You yelled, shocked at how quickly bare you are. And that he just shredded your underwear. But it was also kind of hot. Like very hot. He slapped the inside of your thigh as a warning, a stinging zip coursing straight to your core.

“No more Harry for you. Since y’want to be such a smart mouth, when you speak, y’better say Daddy.”

Before you know it, his head is lowering towards your cunt. His lips latch onto your clit similarly to your nipple and suck. You let out a gasping moan, fingers instantly clawing at the sheets of his bed. His tongue delves into your folds and warmly slips into you like you wished his cock would. But you were currently in heaven with the heat of his mouth devouring you like his last meal on Earth.

The way his large hands gripped and man-handled your thighs was enough to leave bruising. But you wanted the bruising. You wanted to feel the pain and soreness of this tomorrow just in case it never happens again. You’re not sure what all of this is going to mean for you guys, but you don’t think this will be the end. No, you think it’s going to be the beginning.

You could feel yourself getting wetter with each lick and slurp. Your tailbone was beginning to ache from arching your back to the absolute max. Once that all-too familiar feeling was rushing towards you like a train, Harry’s mouth only got quicker. He even started spitting on your cunt and watched the juices mix together, and that only made your insides clench at the lewdness of it all. Harry was a dirty, dirty man. You knew he was only showing bits and pieces of himself. You wanted to unravel it all and learn more about him and what he liked. But maybe that was for another time…

Without realizing it, your hands were sewn in his brown curls, forcing his head to remain on your clit until you reached your high. Harry’s groans were muffled into vibrations as you tugged, getting more pleasure through them. Your hips were moving in circular motions, but Harry pressed you down with his forearm to keep you flat and still.

“Har–” He pinched your ass, causing you to shriek and correct yourself, “Daddy, please, I’m so close. I’m right there.”

You rarely begged. On your livestreams and videos, you were confident and sexy and seducing because that’s what your audience liked. It’s what you’ve learned and grown to do. You weren’t used to needing something from someone else so fucking bad that you were pleading for them to make you satisfied. Harry’s mouth was currently your kryptonite because you would do anything for him to get you to the finish line.

He suckled on your clit for a few long seconds before you were coming in his mouth. Chants of his title were echoing loudly in his room that the neighbors probably thought you were dying. You were, just in a different way. Harry was gladly swallowing all your juices , his chin sloppy with all them. When it all got too much, you tried to push him away, but he didn’t move until he was completely done.

“Taste so sweet. Just like honey.”

He doesn’t fail to bring more heat onto your skin, even after just having his mouth on you. Something about the way he compliments you and manages to incorporate the word honey will always get you. He seems to read you so easily, and no one’s ever done that before.

“Knew from the video that you’d taste amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe you sent me that video by the way.”

“What? Why?”

“What if it wasn’t me?”

“It’s my job, Harry.”

“So? You were moanin’ my name. That means it’s for me. You’re for me.” The staring that was occurring between you quickly ended as your eyes flitted away from him. You made sure to look anywhere else but him as you heard the sound of his pants falling. Sometimes, Harry could be pretty blunt in the way he claimed you, but at the same time very guarded. He’s saying that you’re his, but you two haven’t even discussed things that far yet.

“Says who?”

“Says me. Right now,” Harry practically growls as he climbs over your body again, his insane physique hovering over you. You never thought you would actually see the day that Harry–the charming, tattooed, sexy man you worked with–was on top of you. You’ve only ever envisioned him in your wet dreams doing the most sinful things known. God wouldn’t be able to forgive the sins you’ve conjured in your brain.

You don’t even get to retort because you’re only thinking about his cock. You had felt his impressive bulge on the couch and assumed he had been rocking himself into the bed while eating you out. As he kissed your neck again, you would feel his hardness poking at you greedily, but you haven’t even looked at it yet. It was probably just as pretty as it was in all his videos.

He extends himself towards his night stand while you’re caught in your thoughts, snatching a condom. You’re glad he didn’t ask to go bare like most guys do. But “most guys” to you are a bunch of college losers who just want to get their dick wet and don’t actually care about the consequences. If you were to get pregnant, they probably wouldn’t even blink an eye before leaving. But you knew Harry wasn’t like that. No, he was the type to think things through and actually be mature about things. Besides the fact that he avoided you…but it’s not like you were very mature about it either. Maybe the age distance between you and Harry was something that you needed. The college boys just weren’t doing it for you.

It’s strange how so many thoughts can sprout from a simple as Harry grabbing a condom. The bare fucking minimum.

“What’s wrong?” Harry’s voice was full of concern as his thick thumb rubbed over your warm cheek. You hadn’t even realized how close he had gotten since he had stretched over towards the drawer and you didn’t know that he’d already put the condom on. So, again, you missed the sight of his huge, God-like dick in-person. Despite all of that, a ping of appreciation hit you right in the heart at Harry’s attention to detail because you know that those college boys wouldn’t have noticed a damn thing.

“Nothing, I–”

“Don’t lie, Honey. Do y’still want this? We don’t have to,” he reassured, eyes sparking with something that was different from the hidden lust. His voice could be rough and firm, but it could also be soothing and sweet. He had these sides to him that he would encompass. Not necessarily switch like a light but transition into smoothly.

“Harry, I’m fine. I promise. This is the only thing I want right now,” You rested your hand on top of his on your cheek. At that moment, everything felt a little more intimate. A little more love-like. The idea of sex turning into “love-making” currently terrified you, but the racing of your heart wasn’t from fear. No, it felt like it was exciting and anxious but in the best way. “Actually, I would be not so fine if you didn’t put your dick in me.”

“You have such a dirty mouth when you’re blunt, Honey,” Harry smoothes his hand down your body and finds your clit again, rubbing gentle circles over the throbbing nerves. Even though you just came only minutes prior, you continued to get wet with every second you were waiting for him. The sight of his body with all those beautiful designs was enough to get you ready for another. He didn’t even have to work you up.

“Thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I’m hearin’ more attitude than screams of m’name. Let’s change that.”

With a devilish smirk, Harry pushes himself close to you and levels into you. His cock enters you slowly but fully as your lungs forget to breathe. Realizing this, you breathe before Harry can scold you about it. His dick was nearly all in because you could feel the weight of his thighs hovering over you deliciously along with the rest of his tattooed body.

When Harry hears and sees you take a deep breath, he pulls out just to push back in again. You elicit a shaky moan as Harry groans gravelly near your chest.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Harry moans louder into the air as his thrusts become harder, more direct. With just those few thrusts, he already knows exactly where your weakness is and makes it his life goal to hit it every single time.

Harry’s hips move rapidly, pinning your body to the bed as you wiggle underneath him. His muscles are contracting against the pressure of each insane plunge into you while your insides are being reassorted. His size makes it difficult to move, difficult to breathe, yet you’re loving it immensely.

Staring at his arms, you don’t even think about grabbing one of his arms that’s holding him up and laying it on your neck. One of Harry’s furrowed eyebrows lifts up in surprise before that familiar smirk is plastered right back onto his smug face.

“Fuckin’ filthy. I knew you were. What else are y’hiding from me?” Harry’s hand wraps around your neck just as you silently asked. As his fingers block your air flow just enough to make you a little fuzzy, your cunt clenched around his cock. Besides your moans and groans and whimpers, the sound of skin to skin is bouncing across the bedroom like your own personal song. Your anthem. When he releases, the blood flow returns, but he keeps his hand there. “C’mon, Y/N, tell me. What other kinks do you have?”

“I know y’like it rough. Don’t like it when Daddy goes too easy on ya. Do you like to be spanked too? Hmm? Slapped and bitten? Like to have marks all over you so everyone can see?” His brutal thrusts never stop, not even when his breath becomes a little lost. He’s slamming into you like he’s trying to make a dent in your organs, and quite frankly, he just might if he keeps going at the rate he is. But you don’t seem to care too much at the moment. “Do you like people watching? Is that why you post videos of our pretty, little cunt all over the internet? So people can watch you?”

“I don’t hear you,” his voice, raspy and sexy, whispered in a low-threat type of way as his hand rubs over the pulse of your neck temptingly again.

“I g-guess I do like people watching me…” Your voice was breathless as your mind became foggy. Harry did have a way of doing that to you, especially with his hand on your now strained neck. “L-Like when you watch me.”

“‘Course you do. That’s ‘cause you’re dirty. Just like me.” If it was possible, he rocks into you more barbarically until your legs are shaking. You can feel the muscles in your thighs start to spasm, urging to close as you chase your inevitable high.

“Daddy, God, you’re so big. So, so big,” You whined helplessly into the sex-filled air. Your hairs were scratching, tugging, pulling, clawing at everything at the same time, trying to manage all the intense pleasure that was coursing through your body. It was almost too much to handle. Harry seemed to know how to push your limits without killing you, and you’ve craved that feeling for so long. “L-Love your cock. Oh my God!”

“Poor baby. I’ve gotten you all cock drunk; you can’t think of anything else besides m’cock. ‘S that good, huh?” A choppy chuckle elicits from his mouth and wavers over to your ear. Your chest was pressing into his as your core clutched with the sense of near-orgasm. “Gonna come soon, baby?”

“Yes, yes, yes…” You were a mumbled, grumbled mess. You couldn’t think straight, couldn’t talk straight. Harry was impairing all of your abilities with his dirty talk and his magical dick.

No, seriously. Was it like a thick magic wand or something?

Harry squeezes on your neck a couple times, lightly, just to push you right over the edge. Harry seemed to be a quick learner when it came to your body because you were instantly coming then. As Harry felt you orgasm for the second time tonight, he finally let go of his own. When you were coming around his tongue at the beginning of this all, he was having a hard time trying to not come in his own pants. He may have been stupid last night and selfish earlier, but he wasn’t going to do it again. He was going to make up for being a selfish prick and show you how he actually treats a woman. Because you deserve to be treated with nothing less than the best.

After you’re both settled, Harry regretfully slips out of you. Clearly, you felt the same way because you whined as he removed himself. After being inside of you and passing through the gates of heaven, why would Harry want to leave? But even though Harry wants to be as close to you as possible by simply cockwarming all day, he doesn’t want to rush this. It’s new, even if you guys have been friends for some time.

Plucking off the condom and knotting it, Harry waltzes towards his bathroom to grab a towel to clean you up. The soft smile on your face when he returns highlights how grateful you are for his aftercare as he gently wipes up the mess both of you helped create.

“How do you feel?” Harry genuinely asks before placing the towel at the foot of his bed. He briskly moves to his dresser to pick out a new pair of boxers.

“I’m sorry if this offends you, but you have a great ass,” You bluntly state, completely avoiding his question. “But I’m okay.”

Harry laughs as he slips on the clothing. “Just okay? No pain?”

“Yeah. If okay translates to “my vagina is broken for every man ever and both my legs are going to hate me tomorrow”,” You smile innocently as Harry grabs two shirts. He chucks one at you, smiling goofily. It hits you in the face with a laugh before you slip it over your head.

“Good.”

“Good? I might have to take a week off work to heal from the damages.”

“Guess you’ll just have to stay in my bed.”

You roll your eyes before pushing yourself off his bed, contradicting his statement.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to my real boyfriend’s house,” You roll your eyes again facetiously and leave his room, rounding the same corner that he did before yelling, “Bathroom!”

When you return, you plop yourself on Harry’s bed like it was normal. It was comfortable. It felt right. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t forced. That was the good thing about two friends getting together. After sex, or work, or school, or just a bad day, or even a good day, they could always just talk. As you sat on Harry’s bed, it was easy to joke and make conversation while still feeling that subtle spark of electricity in between you two. That spark was the difference between platonic and romantic.

“We should watch a movie,” You suggested.

“Where should we look? PornHub?” His dry humor made you laugh as you cozied up in his bed. He didn’t hesitate to pull you close and you liked that. Maybe a little too much for your own good. Your heart was thumping in a way that was melting away the frozen walls around it. It made you happy that something in your life finally seemed to be working out.

“Maybe start with Netflix,” You laid your head on his shoulder as the ironic logo appeared on his TV. “I, um.”

“What?” Harry peeked down at you.

“I think I like this a lot,” Harry smiles at you. He could tell from the beginning that it was hard for you to say things like that to him. That’s why it made him feel like such an asshole for storming out the other night. You needed time to process everything he had just told you, but he was too nervous for your rejection, so he left. Even though he’s six years older than you and may seem more mature, everyone makes stupid and selfish mistakes.

“Well, I hope so, Honey, ‘cause I do too,” Even those simple words have the ability to warm and satisfy your scared, little heart.

“But I’m still not taking your money.”

–

i hope you all liked these two :))

taglist:

@whoreonmondays @armystay89 @meighasfangirldiary @bisexual-desi @littlenatilda @crybabyddl @tiaamberxx @alwaysclassyeagle @raajali3 @likeapplejuicenpeach | @kathb59 @gem1712 @ppleasingg @onlyangle1 @buckybarnessimpp @hannah9921 @storyschanging

crossed out= not able to tag

[lagomorphique]

Mouthwashing and Capitalism - Analysis

this did unexpectedly well on twt so I'm gonna force people on tumblr to endure my takes as well for posterity (plus i can speculate and elaborate a bit more on here without the character limit). disclaimer that this includes untagged spoilers for both the game itself + the how fish is made dlc. I also refer to some of the meta facts from the dev qnas and to the demo version of curly's psych evaluation. Most of this is gonna be under a readmore and I'll elaborate a bit more on each character in reblogs

firstly, let's state the obvious - the working conditions enforced by pony express are atrocious. "do not indulge in over 5 hours of rest, including leisure time. sleeping over the allowed budget will result in disciplinary action."

Compare this to irl guidelines for pilots. Neither Curly or Jimmy are getting anything close to the required amount of rest for such a demanding job. This edges more into headcanon/speculation territory, but I've been trying to figure out how their shift patterns are supposed to work. I'd imagine that both of them don't always need to be on duty at the same time, so their shift patterns are probably more variable than everybody's else's. At the same time, we see them both on shift at the same time multiple times during the game and Curly is the only one with clearance to make certain extremely important navigation decisions (like turning off the autopilot). The tldr is that the crew is extremely overworked and running on dangerously little sleep for extended periods of time. It's enough to make anyone go crazy.

Next, the company routinely engages in collective punishment, as seen in the below screenshots. This is particularly important because I think it directly informs a lot of Curly's decisions in particular, especially with how he reassures Anya that her stealing the gun case will not go on the performance log. Given her precarious financial situation, she literally cannot afford to have her pay docked. I don't think he has any nefarious intentions here about covering up what's happened.

I think it's really interesting that each of the employee ID cards have an EMV chip. This would imply that they also function as payment cards. Perhaps they also have to pay for the food on board. It is possible that the 'credits' they are paid in are not even money per se, but rather a sort of company currency. Company currencies, or 'scrips,' have historically been used to exploit workers by making them solely dependent on company stores and products, enforcing loyalty.

Corporate communicates with Curly using something that looks no more sophisticated than a fax machine. It it also not clear whether this communication channel even goes both ways, which calls into question whether it would have even been possible to send out a distress signal in the event of an emergency (or, for example, a HR report needing to be filed).

The ship is not equipped for 5 people. It's notable here that Curly says "bigger" here, implying he /did/ raise this as a safety issue with corporate, but was shot down.

It's a plot point that there were only 4 cryopods, which meant that one person would always have been left out in the event of an emergency, even if they were all functioning.

I also wonder if this affects the rations available to the crew during the trip. I highly doubt that Pony Express bothered to provide extra food and other essentials to provide for an extra person, which means that the crew are probably dividing rations meant for four people amongst five.

[lmao-liz]

long distance video calls with soap

my first time writing anything and it’s smut ish. i’m usually a reader and recommender but god do I love this concept

cw: phone sex, mutual masterbation, vibrator use, voyeurism. (let me know if I missed anything)

you and johnny are in a new relationship. it’s your first relationship where the guys got an actual career. he’s someone important, he can’t tell you the details just that it’s demanding and can be dangerous at times.

you embrace the long distance phone calls and rare video chats. it’s worth it because when he’s home it's unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. you know he’s military or something along those lines, the time differences and crazy schedules make it obvious.

after a few months together he opens up. tells you about the team, his cap, gaz, and of course simon. how the long hours and being away all the time gets to the team, he’s pissed none of them ever talk about it.

him having someone to come home to, it changed his mindset, he feels bad for them. it’s empathy, a bit of pity. he’s having such a good time with you, it’s not new for him to want to share the things he loves with his teammates.

the team just got settled into bed, working for almost two days straight in some random country, everyone was out as soon as they hit their pillows, deployment’s running too long. it feels like an eternity since he’s seen you, felt you. he knows he has to keep external contact as low as possible, but the thought of seeing you. it’s his forbidden fruit.

he’s a catholic, in hindsight not a great one, he kills, does unspeakable things for his job. so what’s another tally? one that he knows he deserves, because he’s been working so hard, it would be worth it.

the video call only rings twice before you pick up.

5:33 am.

he should be sorry for waking you up, but he needs you. you answer in the darkness of your room face illuminated by your phone screen. the lights are off in the barracks but you can see him in his bunk, shirtless, an arm tucked behind his head.

he looks like the product of a wet dream. one of which you’ve had too many of to be relaxed seeing him like this. he asks you what you’re wearing, tells you he needs you. he’s desperate, working long hours, going through all kinds of shitty situations. he says he’ll return the favour once he’s home. you know he will, he always does.

you don’t resist when he asks you to lift your shirt. you know he’s been working so hard, it’s the least you could do. he tells you to grab the vibrator he got you just before he left. knows how sometimes you need it quick and strong, not afraid of you liking it more than him, he knows how desperate you get while he’s gone for long periods of time.

he’s whispering praise to you, you can see the movement of his arm behind the screen. the laptop propped up on his drool worthy abs. it’s quick, the vibrator hitting in just the right spot, johnnys not the only desperate one. you haven’t seen him in months.

johnny knows he should turn his volume down. the sounds of your pleasure are bouncing off the walls of the small barracks. he just can’t help himself, too focused on your contorted face, your sounds, the quiet hum of your vibrator.

it should be embarrassing how fast he comes, but seeing you, even through a screen, it's more than he’s had, his imagination can’t compare to seeing the real thing. his grunts and heavy breathing are enough to push you over the edge. you both writhe in pleasure, thousands of miles between you too, but it’s not enough to keep you apart. you’re even more tired, a good orgasm and seeing johnny, you know he can’t stay on the line longer, but you want nothing more than to actually get a chance to talk.

he tells you he’ll be home soon, make up for him being gone longer than he said he would be. he wishes you a good night saying he's got another busy day tomorrow. you blow him a kiss goodbye, making him promise to come home safe.

“alweys dae lass”

the call ends, you set the vibrator and your phone back on your nightstand, rolling over and drifting back into dreamland.

johnny sets the laptop to his side, wondering how he’s going to clean himself up without waking everyone up. just when he’s about to say fuck it and sacrifice his boxers, a box of tissues hits his shoulder. he catches it before it hits the ground and looks to the bunk across the small room, he can see the outline of the infamous skull mask staring back at him.

“didn't know you had such a pretty bird waiting for you back home johnny”

he swears he sees simon adjusting himself beneath his blankets. but it’s dark, he hasn’t slept in almost 40 hours. it’s just his mind playing tricks on him right?

is this actually good? I like it but it’s a word vomit of my thoughts so i’m insanely biased. do I continue writing or stick to recommendations…

[melancholy-of-nadia]

heart on the window #5 (m) | ksj

title: heart on the window (m) pairing: ksj x reader(f) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; roommates au / streamer/cam boy au / office worker au, childhood rivals to awkward roommates to lovers? au summary: BigTunaMan invites PrincessPeach69 to help him with his cam room! This is detailing a few of the many events (light bdsm, hanging with the boys, a rainy day at home, anything with Seokjin pretty much..) that happens within 6 months after taking up Seokjin's challenge to be his camgirl partner. What was once a chilhood rivalry between you too now leaves you two on the cusp of being friends and being something more as time goes on living with him... ? what will you do when a moment outside of filming for the cam room occurs between you and him? note: surprise! an hour earlier!! i'm sorry for disappearing for awhile since my last update. i had to get life-saving emergency surgery and spent my birthday month recovering then being 3/4 recovered i went to go see hobi and then i had to go back to work... not fun... but i managed to finish the whole fic so i will be uploading ch 5, 6, and 7 in the next few weeks leading up to jin's 2nd album release! crazy to think i released ch 1 when his first album dropped. i hope you enjoy this until the end! warnings: mini month timeskips, FEATURES THE OTHER BTS MEMBERS!, mild language, camboy! seokjin, protected s*x, blindfolds, cheesy low budget p*rno roleplay, femdom, cam "couple" in disguise, ASMR sounds, light bdsm, choking, riding, code word, grinding, orgasm denial, n*pple play, breast play, multiple org*sm, straddling, pet names, body worship, voyeurism, dirty talk, implied adult content streaming (camming), brat! reader, brat tamer! seokjin, aftercare drop date: May 3rd, 11:00pm pst word count: 7.1k crossposted on ao3 here <- chapter 4 | chapter 6 -> - -

Three weeks have passed since you started camming with Jin, and by now, your initial shyness has started to fade.

You still hide your face during streams (alternating between a mask, a blindfold, or the oversized sunglasses you finally bought), but you're definitely more confident in your body and presence than you were on that nerve-wracking first night. A rhythm has started to settle in between the two of you.

During the day, you apply for jobs or go on interviews when you’re lucky enough to land one. Jin, on the other hand, leaves early for his corporate job and returns in the evening, usually with takeout or groceries in hand. Most nights you eat dinner together while catching up on your respective days. Sometimes he streams games on Twitch, and on Thursdays or Fridays, your designated camming nights, you both prepare for your evening show.

It’s become a strange but comfortable little domestic situation.

And it’s within this new domestic life that you’ve started to learn more about Jin. Not just what he likes to eat or how he folds his laundry (like an obsessive neat freak), but the way he quietly observes you, the kind of music he listens to when he thinks you’re not around, and… specifically, his kink.

It all starts on a random Thursday night. You’re lounging on the couch, scrolling on your phone while Jin’s fully immersed in the latest season of Invincible. Everything is peaceful…until you remember your carrot cake.

The slice you were saving. The tiny indulgence you bought for yourself after surviving two brutal interviews earlier in the week. It was supposed to be waiting for you in the fridge. But when you go to get it, there’s only an empty container and Jin’s dumb little sticky note that says: Sorry! :)

“Are you serious!?” you shout from the kitchen.

“I thought you forgot about it!” Jin yells back, not even taking his eyes off the TV. “It was the smallest piece of cake!”

“That was MINE, Seokjin! It was in the back of the fridge, hidden behind your sad spinach banchan!”

You stomp back into the living room, and the next thing you know, you’re tackling him onto the couch in a whirlwind of fake rage and flailing limbs. He laughs as you straddle him and jokingly try to pin his arms down with all your strength.

But then, right in the middle of your amateur wrestling match, he says, a little too casually, “You know what! This is nice!I like things like this.”

You freeze. “Wait. Are you being serious?”

Jin blinks up at you, lips curled in amusement. “Yeah. Why? You into it too?”

You open your mouth, then shut it again. You’re not exactly sure how to answer that, but something about the way he said it—like it was the most natural thing in the world—does something to you. Flicks a switch you didn’t even know was there.

“You like... choking? BDSM-type stuff?”

“Mmhm.” He shrugs. “Topping, bottoming, control games… I'm open. I figured you’d caught on by now.”

“I…I would’ve never assumed this of my CHILDHOOD friend!”

You just stare at him for a moment, perched on his lap, trying to decide if he’s joking. But no, his expression is open and relaxed, and that little flutter in your stomach is not going away.

And it is Thursday night. Which means...

“...How do you feel about trying something tonight? On cam?”

Jin’s eyes brighten immediately. “You want to?”

“Maybe. It’s make great content from the vanilla stuff we’ve been sticking to. I could be in control this time.”

“You’re seriously a freak,” he says with a teasing grin.

“Hey! You’re one to talk, Mister ‘Nice, I like this’ mid-chokehold,” you shoot back, rolling your eyes as you climb off him.

The clock ticks past 12AM, and the city beyond the windows has gone still, blanketed in the hush of a weekday night. Jin signs off from his long Twitch stream with Kian84, their chaotic Getting Over It speedrun wrapping up after a cascade of laughter and Jin's usual exaggerated groaning at every misstep. “Thanks for watching, ya masochists!,” he grins into the webcam, and then the screen fades to black.

He exhales, stretching as he pushes back from the desk. “Okay,” he says with a sly glance at you from across the living room. “Time for the other show.”

The energy shifts.

You help him drag out the camming equipment—tripods, lighting, his DSLR, and the mic. Normally, you two shoot in his bedroom, but tonight, there's something new in the air. You suggested the living room earlier, citing the extra space. Jin agreed without hesitation, and now the whole room is undergoing a transformation. The couch is cleared and fluffed. Lighting is adjusted for that soft, glowy evening look. The rug is vacuumed, and the camera sits steady on the tripod, perfectly angled toward the plush gray cushions that will soon become the set.

“You okay?” he asks you, low and curious, as he adjusts the focus ring on the lens.

You nod, biting your bottom lip. “Just thinking.”

“You’re planning something, huh?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

You disappear to your room, heart thudding as you peel off your lounge clothes and open your closet. From the very back, you pull out the outfit: a white collared button-up shirt, crisp and fitted, one you used to wear when you still had morning commutes and clients to present to. The top clings to your figure now, breasts practically spilling out of the top button you deliberately leave undone. A black blazer slides over your arms like muscle memory. You pair it with a black mini skirt, short enough to show off your thighs, the hem grazing just past the top of your stockings. Finally, the finishing touch: dark aviator sunglasses, glossy and oversized, giving you the kind of anonymity that still manages to scream control.

You catch yourself in the mirror. You don’t just look good—you look dangerous.

When you re-enter the living room, Jin’s crouched in front of the camera, checking the mic input, humming under his breath. The moment he turns and sees you, he lets out a low whistle, then immediately bursts into laughter.

“Oh my God. You look like a typical star of one of those low budget pornos.”

“Oh shut up,” you pout, adjusting your shades. “You're gonna regret saying that.”

He grins, standing to his full height and crossing his arms. “Am I? You look like you’re about to fire me and ruin my life.”

“That’s the point.”

“Did you actually wear that to work?!” he teases as he walks past you toward his bedroom to change. “Kinda hot, not gonna lie,”

“You wish you were my coworker,” you mutter under your breath, knowing he heard it.

Fifteen minutes later, he returns. The outfit he’s chosen mirrors yours, clearly putting in the same level of dramatic flair—he’s in a light blue button-up, loosely tucked into slacks, his hair slightly mussed in that infuriatingly effortless way, a dark blazer thrown over his shoulder. He raises an eyebrow at you. “Ready to destroy me?”

“Always.”

You take charge, directing him to the couch with a tone that makes even you pause—it’s smoother, sharper than your usual voice. Something about this character feels easy to slip into. You’re in control now.

“Sit,” you say simply.

He obeys.

“Blindfold,” you remind him, and he pulls the black silk fabric from the table, tying it over his eyes. The moment it’s on, he relaxes into the couch, letting out a long breath, as if already anticipating what’s to come.

You press record.

Then go live.

You clear your throat softly and speak first, your voice low and commanding.

“Good evening ladies and gentlement,” you begin, addressing the camera with your lips curled in a slow smirk. “It’s your Princess Peach here to start it off. Tonight, I have a very unproductive employee by the name of BigTunaMan who’s been skipping meetings and turning in sloppy work. You know what we do to those, right?”

Your tone is honeyed with sarcasm and heat, and already, the chat is lighting up. Jin shifts slightly on the couch, arms resting at his sides, but his mouth twitches like he’s trying not to smile.

You walk over and click your heels on the floor dramatically, each step a promise. You slide onto the couch beside him and trail your nails down his chest, slow and deliberate.

“I think a little discipline is in order.”

He makes a small sound in his throat, barely audible, but it sends a shiver down your spine. With the camera rolling, the lights warm and golden, and Jin blindfolded, the world has narrowed into this one intoxicating moment.

And for once, you’re not the nervous one.

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one calling the shots.

And Jin?

He’s more than happy to submit to you.

Your hand drifts lower, fingertips gliding over the fine fabric of Jin’s slacks, watching the way his body reacts even under the blindfold. He can’t see you, but he feels everything—your presence, your breath near his jaw, the pressure of your palm teasing down his thigh.

“You’ve been slacking lately,” you murmur, letting your fingers graze the obvious bulge pressing against his pants. “So I’m going to remind you how to be obedient.”

Jin exhales sharply, chest rising with the effort to keep still. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak—just tilts his head slightly toward your voice.

You lean in, letting your lips brush against the shell of his ear. “Code word?” you whisper.

“Echo,” he replies immediately, voice low and already laced with heat.

You smile, fingers moving more deliberately now. You cup him through the fabric, the pressure making him shift slightly in his seat. His jaw clenches, the muscles ticking, and you feel his cock twitch under your palm, already hardening as you palm him through his slacks.

“Good boy,” you purr, loosening the belt and sliding down his zipper slowly, like unwrapping a gift you’ve been waiting for. You reach into his briefs, wrapping your hand around him, warm and already thick in your palm. His hips jerk just slightly.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

“Impatient little pervert,” you scold gently, squeezing his cock just enough to make him groan. Your hand starts to move, slow and steady at first, working him up deliberately, thumb gliding over the head, gathering his arousal and spreading it down his shaft.

The chat is losing its mind. Comments flood in, heart emojis, praise, shocked exclamations at the sudden shift in dynamic. You barely register any of it. Your focus is all on Jin: on the way his mouth falls open slightly, the way his chest heaves when your hand twists and pumps in a firmer rhythm, your pace building.

His body is a live wire under your touch.

“You like being used, don’t you?” you murmur, watching the way his thighs tense beneath you.

“Yes,” he breathes. “Fuck—I mean, yes, Miss.”

You chuckle, leaning back just enough to give the camera a better view of your hand working him, the wet sounds obscenely loud in the quiet living room, the only light a white haze casting you both in a soft, intimate glow for the camera.

You press your legs together, your own arousal thrumming, but tonight isn’t about you this time.

It’s about him. 

Making him come completely undone for you. For your power. For the version of you he’s never seen before now: confident, in charge, teasing with just enough cruelty to make him squirm.

You speed up slightly, the rhythm just on the edge of cruel, your thumb teasing that sensitive spot beneath the head. He’s gasping now, lips parted, barely able to speak.

“Please—”

“Please what?”

“Please let me come…”

You smile. “Not yet.”

And you slow down, just enough to make him whimper.

You let his cock slip from your hand with a slow squeeze, and he lets out a helpless whimper, hips twitching upward like he's already aching for more.

“Getting all desperate on me already?” you murmur, standing only long enough to slip off your blazer and sink slowly to your knees between his spread legs.

He can’t see you, but he knows. You can tell by the way his breath catches, the way his hands fist at his sides, resisting the urge to touch you—he knows the rules.

You ghost your lips along the inside of his thigh, just barely grazing, soft and teasing. “Keep your hands where they are,” you command, and he nods quickly.

“Yes, Miss.”

You smirk to yourself, then take your time. Your tongue trails up the length of his cock, just one slow stroke, gathering the taste of his arousal on your tongue before you wrap your lips around the head. He groans deep and shaky.

You suck him in slowly, wet and warm, letting him slide deeper into your mouth as your hand works the base. The slurping sounds echo in the room, lewd and messy, just how you know he likes it. His thighs tense on either side of you, trying to stay still, his fingers curling into the cushions as he fights to behave.

You moan around him, eyes locked on his face. His head tilts back, lips parted as if in prayer, and that blindfold just makes everything more erotic—he’s at your mercy.

You suck harder now, bobbing your head, tongue swirling, spit dripping as you take him deeper. You make it wet, obscene, the perfect combination of control and indulgence. He’s groaning your camgirl stage name now, desperate, undone.

“Please, please, Princess—fuck, you’re too good at this, I’m gonna—”

You pull off with a loud pop, spit stringing from your lips to his cock as you stroke him a few more times.

“Not yet,” you say again, standing slowly. “I said you don’t get to come until I say so.”

He’s panting now, fully at your mercy, desperate and flushed.

You lift one leg and straddle him, lifting your skirt to show the lacy black panties already soaked through. “I’ve been wet for you since this stupid idea you had earlier,” you say, voice low and dangerous. “And now you’re going to be useful and fuck me like I deserve.”

He shudders beneath you. “Yes. Please, yes—” The usual next step to this would be a condom, however you gone back to using birth control just for the sake of being able to experiment and do more fun stuff with Seokjin for these cam sessions. A shout out to him for buying you birth control in this economy.

Thus, you line yourself up and sink down onto him slowly, gasping as he stretches you open inch by inch. You grip his shoulders to keep steady, watching the way his head tips back, lips parted in a silent groan. The blindfold stays on (for obvious privacy reasons), but he also doesn’t need to see you to feel just how deep you take him, how tight you clench around him.

You ride him slowly at first, letting him feel every shift of your hips, every squeeze of your walls around him. His hands stay obediently at his sides, trembling from restraint. Your fingers dig into his chest, your lips brushing his jaw.

“Code word?” you whisper, even though you can feel he’s hanging on by a thread.

“Echo…Fucking echo.”

You start to bounce on him faster, harder, taking everything he gives you and more. His name spills from your lips in breathy moans, and he’s groaning right back, desperate, praising, begging all at once.

And then, you pause for just a breathless second, your hand sliding up his chest and curling gently around his throat. You hover there, locked onto his bodily reactions.

“I want to try it,” you whisper. “Can you guide me?”

There's a sharp inhale. His hands tightening around your hips instinctively as he nods, slow but firm. “Yeah. I’ll tell you when. Just… eyes on me, okay?”

You nod, throat dry but heart racing. You resume your rhythm, rolling your hips and grinding down on him deeper this time. He’s already close. You can feel it in the way his grip falters, his voice rising.

“Now,” he rasps. “Just a little.”

You apply pressure—tentatively at first, until he groans in approval. His head tips back, his mouth slack, lashes fluttering like he’s sinking into something he’s craved too long. It’s intoxicating, the way his body responds to you… but it's his voice that keeps you grounded. The way he whispers praise through every gasp, every twitch of his hips under yours. “That’s it… fuck, baby. Just like that.”

There’s a shift—an unmistakable shift. His voice takes on a different tone. Still needy, still submissive, but laced now with authority, with control, as he murmurs exactly how much pressure, exactly when to let go. His power doesn’t challenge yours—it folds into it, guides it. And you follow. Willingly. Entranced.

You press a little harder, feeling his pulse thrum beneath your fingers, his mouth falling open in a moan that hits you right in the gut.

“I’m—please—I need to—” he gasps, and you let go just in time, letting him breathe again, watching him unravel completely beneath you.

“Then beg.”

“Please let me come inside you, please—I’ve been so good, you’re so perfect—fuck, I need you—”

You slam your hips down harder, grinding, your hands tangled in his hair now as your bodies meet in frenzied rhythm. His control shatters completely when you press your lips to his and whisper, “Come for me, baby.”

And he does.

With a low, broken groan, he thrusts up into you, pulsing deep inside as your own climax follows, walls fluttering around him while you moan against his mouth, soaking him as he fills you. Your fingers grip his jaw, keeping him grounded as you both ride out the high, body to body, messy and panting.

You stay on top of him, his cock still buried inside you, breathless and flushed. He’s dazed, the blindfold still on, and you kiss his forehead softly before reaching up to remove it.

His eyes blink open slowly, glassy and adoring.

“Holy fuck,” he whispers, grinning up at you like you just changed his life.

“See?” you smirk, leaning in to kiss him. “Told you you’d regret teasing me about the outfit.”

Two hours later, the camera light finally blinks off.

The room is dim now, save for the warm golden glow from the lamp in the corner. You and Jin are a flushed, disheveled mess. Clothes half-on, makeup smudged, hair wild. A sheen of sweat glistens on both your bodies, and your inner thighs still tremble faintly from all the exertion.

He flops back against the couch with a groan, eyes shut as he tries to catch his breath. “That was… that was insane.”

You toss a throw blanket over both your laps and lean against his shoulder, just as blissed out. “Good insane?”

“Good?” he laughs, turning to look at you, eyes wide and still dazed. “You… how the fuck did you learn all of that?”

You grin, a little smug but mostly shy. “I… well. I’ve read my fair share of erotica.”

He stares at you for a beat, and then lets out a wheezy laugh. “Okay, no, because you didn’t just read erotica. That was like—years of field research packed into one night.”

You giggle, hiding your face in your hands. “Shut up! I didn’t want to half-ass it, especially since I knew you were into that stuff. I figured… if I was going to dominate you, I wanted to do it right. So i prayed all the shit I’ve read would come back to me in that moment.”

Jin’s cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink, and he exhales, still not fully recovered. “You didn’t just do it right. You wrecked me. I mean, I think you broke time. I blacked out somewhere around the tie-and-denial part.”

You smirk and nudge his leg with your knee. “Told you not to tease me about the outfit.”

He lifts his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. You win. You’re terrifying. Beautiful and terrifying.”

You rest your head on his shoulder again, quieter now, as the adrenaline starts to settle into something softer. Jin lets his hand slide over yours, squeezing gently.

“You really enjoyed it?” you ask, voice lower, more vulnerable this time.

He turns to you again, this time more serious. “More than anything. Not just the kink stuff, but you. Being with you like this. Doing this together. I didn’t think I’d ever get close to you like this.”

Your heart flutters.

“Same,” you admit. “It’s something I never thought, let alone reunite with you.”

He looks at your eyes, rather lovingly, but you convince yourself he’s just completely blissed out. “Let’s get some sleep, Seokjin.”

It is insane how close you and Seokjin start becoming after this. Living with him felt like walking on eggshells at first—between the awkwardness of your past and the very unique way your current relationship started—but over time, it’s become shockingly natural. Domestic, even. You’ve slipped into his world like you were always meant to be there.

You’re in the kitchen, rinsing out a few dishes from lunch and humming to yourself when you hear Jin’s voice rise from the living room. He’s in the middle of filming some chaotic “Lose and You Win!” Mario Party content, screaming into the mic with Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung, all streamer friends that Jin frequently collabs with when he’s playing PUBG, Valorant, or Apex Legends.  The guys are laughing, cursing, and accusing each other of cheating. You glance up once in a while, smiling at the banter. It's hard to believe that this—this apartment, this man, this life—is where you ended up. And you’re not mad about it.

Around 8 p.m., you hear the game’s final jingle play and the stream go offline. The guys groan and stretch, the energy in the room softening now that they’re off-camera. You hear Taehyung pipe up, “Alright, wings? I’m craving pain-level buffalo.”

Jungkook adds, “Buffalo Wild Wings, let’s goooo.”

Jimin chimes in, nudging Jin from the side. “Come on, hyung. We haven’t hung out in person in weeks. Let’s grab dinner.”

Jin laughs but waves them off. “Can’t. I’ve got other plans tonight.”

The guys groan and boo dramatically.

Then suddenly, their eyes shift to you. Jimin leans over the couch to grin at you. “What about you, noona? You down to come with us? We’ll treat you! Wings, drinks, or anything else you want to do?”

“Noona—?” you laugh, setting down a cup. You’re not a noona, to these men, surely. But you’ll go with it. Getting out of the house with a group of charismatic, chaotic men sounds like a fun distraction. You open your mouth to say sure, already drying your hands—

But Jin cuts in smoothly from the couch without even looking at you. “She’s coming with me.”

The room goes quiet for half a second. You blink.

Taehyung raises a brow. “Oh?”

You look at Jin, arms crossed, voice flat. “I am?”

Jin finally looks at you now and smiles—not smug exactly, but knowing. “Yup. She is.”

And just like that, ten minutes later, you’re sliding into the passenger seat of his car.

You glance at him sideways as he drives. “You know, you didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go with you.”

He shrugs, smirking. “I didn’t want to lose you to fried chicken and beer. Besides…” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “We’re going somewhere better.”

And that’s how you end up at Quarters KBBQ, a small, lowkey spot tucked in a quiet corner of K-Town. No frills, no signs. The kind of place only locals know about. Inside, it’s dimly lit, the air rich with the smell of grilled meat and soju. Jin nods to the ahjumma behind the counter, who recognizes him immediately and leads you both to a corner table where you find 3 other men. You weren’t expecting a full table when you walk in, but there they are. Namjoon already seated with Yoongi, nursing what looks like a soju bottle. And beside him, someone you haven’t met before. His smile is warm as the grills before him, and he immediately waves when he sees you two approach. “Happy birthday, Namjoon!” Jin says loudly and proudly as he approaches the table and gives the birthday boy a hug. “Hyung!” The man unknown to you calls out to Jin, his face brightening. His eyes shift to you beside him, and curiosity flickers in his expression. “You came–Ohhh, wait is she the mystery roommate-slash-partner-in-crime. Y/N?”

You raise a brow, amused. “Hello! Uh, mystery?” “Y/N, that’s Hoseok.”

Hoseok grins and offers a warm handshake. “Hi! Jin always talks about you in fragments—‘my roommate made this,’ ‘she said that,’ but never a full picture. I was starting to think you were part of his delulu storyline.”

You laugh, instantly liking him. “Sounds like Jin.”

Jin only shrugs, clearly unbothered as he guides you into the booth. Namjoon gives you a little wave and a fond, “Hey stranger, long time,” while Yoongi smirks and says, “Finally meeting you in person after too damn long.”

“Right, Jin’s been the one passing over my hellos to you like a game of telephone,” you reply, slipping into the seat beside Jin as he reaches for the soju bottle.

He pours you a glass first, then his own. “You weren’t missing out much,” he says, lips twitching. “Trust me.”

"Well anyways, welcome to the table,” Hoseok says, lifting his glass. “You’re stuck with us now.”

The table is already cluttered with side dishes, sauces, and raw meat sizzling over the grill. Jin clinks his glass to yours.

The sizzling sound of pork belly crackles on the grill as Yoongi expertly flips the pieces, tongs in one hand, drink in the other. Hoseok leans back in his seat, stretching his arms with a content sigh while Namjoon starts a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

It’s easy to get swept into the rhythm—teasing, laughing, the casual way the guys lean into each other’s space like brothers who’ve known each other for years. But at some point, Jin goes quiet beside you.

You glance at him. “You okay?”

He nods, then clears his throat. “Just thinking. I haven’t brought anyone to a hang like this in a long time.”

The others catch that, and Namjoon smiles around the rim of his glass. “Yeah, that’s actually wild. You’re usually honja solo, hyung.”

Yoongi smirks. “Last time he brought someone was like... what? Two birthday dinners ago? And it was his older brother.”

“And W–” Hoseok is about to say until Yoongi and Jin elbow him, “Ow!!”

Jin rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

You look at him, slightly teasing. “So this is a big deal?”

He looks at you steadily, his voice a little softer than before. “I guess it is. Feels different this time.”

Your chest warms a little at that.

Namjoon watches the two of you, then leans in toward you. “It’s been cool watching you settle into his place, by the way. Jin told us you've still been focused on job hunting and interviewing. That shit’s not easy.”

You blink, surprised. “He told you about that?”

“He did,” Yoongi says, passing you a lettuce wrap. “And for what it’s worth, you’ve got guts. Not everyone would handle it the way you’re handling it after a relationship fall out and job layoff.”

There’s a moment of quiet pride that hums through you. You didn’t realize Jin had even mentioned those parts of your life to his friends. It feels a little awkward, but more so makes you feel seen.

Hoseok nudges Jin with his elbow. “Hyung’s been different lately too. A little more… grounded.”

“Grounded?” Jin scoffs. “What does that even mean?”

“It means you’re not acting like a feral bichon 24/7,” Hoseok says with a grin.

Namjoon laughs. “He means you’re… softer. In a good way.”

You glance at Jin just as he glances at you.

And for a second, the noise of the table fades.

You don’t say anything. Neither does he. But the look says enough: I see you. I’ve got you.

And just like that, the table bursts into laughter again—Yoongi making a dry joke about Jin’s “new personality” like a bug patch in a game. Namjoon pretending to take notes like a therapist, Hoseok mimicking Jin’s dramatic voice.

And you? You just smile, lean closer to the boy who’s slowly, surely becoming your safe place, and take another sip of soju. After hanging out with his friends once, you ask Jin if you could tag along again to see them again for another hang out, which he happily agrees to. 

It’s been four months since you started camming with Jin, and the erotic streams have only gotten more creative, more intimate. What started as an experiment—something daring and purely transactional—has shifted into something strange and deeply emotional, quietly addictive. You both know how easily you’ve slipped into this lifestyle. And how naturally you’ve slipped into each other.

This afternoon, though, feels like a pause. A thunderstorm has rolled over, drowning the city in a wash of gray. Everything is wet, fogged, and slow. Jin had planned to work today, but after a tense few weeks with his team’s latest gaming project, he called in and stayed home instead. Burnt out, he said. Fried.

You didn’t argue. You weren’t in the mood either—not with the string of job application rejections piling up in your inbox. At this point, the cover letters all blur together. You hadn’t even gotten a callback in weeks.

So, wrapped up in shared blankets and layers of lazy comfort, the two of you spend the afternoon on the couch. Jin's sitting at the far end, curled around his Switch, locked into Fire Emblem. You’re in the opposite corner with your knees tucked up, reading a tattered paperback, something vaguely romantic and atmospheric. It's peaceful. Quiet. The kind of silence that only happens between people completely comfortable with each other. It took a lot to get here.

“Hey,” Jin says eventually, not looking away from his game. “Can you read it to me?”

You glance over, a brow raised. “You want me to read this out loud?”

He shrugs. “I just… like your voice. Makes it easier to relax.”

You smile faintly. “Since when are you shy about asking for that?”

“I’m not,” he says, grinning. “I’m being polite. Now read.”

You start. At first, it’s casual—your voice soft as the storm continues outside. Jin eventually puts the Switch down entirely, arms behind his head, eyes closed. Just listening.

Then he interrupts.

“You know,” he murmurs, “this could be a good ASMR unlockable. For the long-term subs. Just you. Reading. Whispering. Maybe some light teasing…”

You snort. “You’re so unserious.”

“I’m extremely serious,” he says, sitting up a little. “Think about it. Soft voice. Close mic. Add in a little roleplay… Touch. Whispered praise. Maybe I whimper a little.”

You stare at him. “You’re not even pretending you’re not into it, you pervert!”

“I stopped pretending around month one,” he shoots back easily. “Come here. Let’s try it.”

You hesitate, but the way he says it, low, teasing, like an invitation and a dare all at once, makes your skin tingle. You shift toward him, and he helps guide you into his lap. Your thighs straddle his, and your chest presses lightly against his hoodie. He’s warm beneath you, looking up with curious eyes and parted lips.

“Just whisper,” he says. “Let’s see how it feels.”

So you do. You lean in close to his ear and speak softly, slowly.

“You’re doing so well,” you murmur. “So obedient today. You want me to praise you more, don’t you?”

Jin exhales sharply. His hands grip your thighs, pulling you tighter against him. You’re still fully clothed, but the friction is unmistakable. Deliberate. He rocks his hips gently, testing, and you feel the rush of it right through you.

You keep going, praise melting into teasing, your breath hot against his neck. His hands slide up your back, then under your t-shirt, skimming your waist. When they reach your chest, he pauses, eyes flicking up to you.

You nod once. Barely.

And then his thumbs begin to circle, slow and unhurried, coaxing soft sighs out of you. You’re grinding into each other now, layers of fabric doing nothing to dull the want building between your legs. Your fingers grip his shoulders, your lips brush his jaw between whispers. Every word is another spark, every movement edging closer to something you both desperately want—but don’t quite reach.

It stays there. Right on the edge.

Until you both pull back, chests heaving, laughing breathlessly against each other’s skin.

“Jesus,” Jin mumbles, burying his face in your neck. “We can’t be doing this without a game plan.”

“You started it,” you whisper back, brushing his hair with your fingers.

“I didn’t think we’d get that close to—” he pauses, then laughs again. “Holy shit.”

You nod, still trying to catch your breath. “We almost did it. On your streaming mic.”

“I mean…” He pulls back and looks at you seriously. “If we did start pushing the boundaries a bit… would you be okay with that?”

You hesitate, then smile. A little crooked. A little dangerous.

“Maybe… but definitely there’s more to that though,”

And the rain keeps falling outside, steady and soft, while your hearts thrum with something new. Something thrilling. Because you both know you're already on the edge of something bigger. Something you're not ready to name yet, but neither of you is trying to stop.

Six months pass since you first agreed to help Jin with his hobby. Six months since you stepped into his world of late-night cam streams, where the two of you put on a show for an audience that grows larger every week. Six months since you decided to throw caution to the wind and join him in front of the camera, not because you needed the money, but because you couldn’t resist the challenge. Because it was Jin—your childhood rival, your now-roommate, the man who somehow always manages to pull you into his orbit, whether you like it or not.

And it’s been nearly six months since you moved into his apartment, a decision born out of necessity after losing your job. Back then, you told yourself it would be temporary. Just until you got back on your feet. But here you are, half a year later, still sharing a space with him, still waking up to the smell of his amazing cooking, still laughing at his terrible dad jokes that he insists are comedy gold. 

Still pretending that the way he casually brushes past you in the kitchen or leans over your shoulder to peek at your laptop screen doesn’t send a jolt of electricity through you.

You’ve become… comfortable. Too comfortable, maybe. 

The kind of comfort that blurs lines and makes you forget where the act ends and reality begins. 

Outside of the camera’s gaze, the two of you have settled into a rhythm that feels almost domestic. Jin walks around the apartment in nothing but sweatpants, his hair a mess, and you don’t even blink anymore. You’ve caught him staring at you more than once, his gaze lingering a little too long, but neither of you say anything. It’s easier to pretend it doesn’t mean anything, to chalk it up to the strange intimacy of living together and the even stranger intimacy of what you do together on camera.

But sometimes, when he’s sitting too close on the couch, his thigh pressed against yours as you both scroll through your phones, or when he playfully tugs at your sleeve to get your attention, you wonder if it’s all just in your head. 

If you’re reading too much into the way he looks at you, the way he touches you—casual, effortless, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

You haven’t talked about it.  Not once. Not about the way your hands linger when you pass each other things, not about the way he sometimes rests his chin on your shoulder while you’re cooking, not about the way your heart races when he flashes you that stupidly handsome grin of his. It’s like there’s an unspoken agreement between you: Don’t ruin this. Don’t make it weird. In the meantime, life goes on. You’ve been applying for jobs, sending out resumes, going to interviews. Some of them have gone well—really well, even—but nothing’s panned out yet. Jin keeps telling you not to stress, that something will come along eventually, but you can’t help feeling the pressure. You don’t want to overstay your welcome, even though Jin insists you’re not. “You’re not a guest,” he said once, when you brought it up. “You live here. This is your home too.”

His words stuck with you, more than you’d like to admit. Because the truth is, it does feel like home. More than any place has in a long time. And maybe that’s the scariest part of all.

Tonight, like most nights, you’re sitting on the couch with Jin, the TV playing some random drama neither of you is really paying attention to. He’s sprawled out, his head resting on the armrest, his feet nudging your thigh. You’re half-heartedly scrolling through job listings on Linkedin on your laptop, but your mind keeps wandering. Jin’s been quiet for a while, which is unusual for him.

You glance over and find him watching you, his expression unreadable.

“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You,” he says simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh, what about me?"

"How stressed you look applying to these jobs?"

You close your laptop and set it aside, turning your body slightly to face him. “Well, yeah. Kind of comes with this whole process of unemployment, doesn’t it? I’m trying to not be jobless forever, you know.”

Jin sits up slightly, propping himself on one elbow. His messy hair falls into his eyes, and he brushes it back with a hand, looking far too attractive for someone who hasn’t left the apartment all day. “You’re not going to be unemployed forever,” he says firmly, his tone soft but resolute. “You’re good at what you do. The right job’s gonna come along, you’ll see.” You roll your eyes, leaning back against the couch. “You say that like it’s easy. Like I just need to snap my fingers, and poof, dream job.”

“It’s not about snapping your fingers,” he counters, his lips quirking into that signature smirk of his—the one that always makes your stomach do an unwelcome flip. “It’s about realizing you’re a catch. Any company would be lucky to have you.”

His words hit you harder than they should. Maybe it’s the sincerity in his voice or the way his gaze lingers on you just a moment too long, like he’s daring you to believe him. You swallow, suddenly feeling too seen, too exposed.

“Well,” you say, forcing a casual shrug, “if all else fails, at least I have my… side gig.”

At that, Jin’s smirk widens into a full grin, and he sits up completely, crossing his legs beneath him. “Side gig? Princess, what we’re doing is more than just a gig. We’re providing art.”

You let out a short laugh, shaking your head. “Art? Is that what we’re calling it now?”

“Absolutely,” he says with mock seriousness, placing a hand dramatically over his heart. “I’ve got the lighting, the angles, the choreography—it’s practically cinema. And you—well, you’re the star. The muse. My creative partner.”

“Okay, now you’re pushing it,” you tease, but you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. Jin has a way of making you laugh, even when you don’t want to. It’s infuriating and endearing all at once.

He leans closer, resting his elbow on the back of the couch and his chin in his hand, studying you. “But seriously,” he says, his tone dropping back to that rare sincerity, “you’re doing great. Not just with the streams, but... everything. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re still here, still pushing forward. I’m proud of you.”

The words catch you off guard, and for a moment, you don’t know how to respond. Your throat tightens, and you quickly look away, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “Thanks,” you mumble, barely above a whisper.

Jin doesn’t push you to say more, and you’re grateful for that. The silence that settles between you is surprisingly comfortable, his presence grounding in a way you didn’t realize you needed.

But, of course, Jin can’t let the moment stay too serious for long.

“So,” he says, his smirk returning, “about tonight’s stream…”

You groan, throwing your head back against the couch. “God, do you ever take a break?” “Not when I’ve got content to plan,” he says, winking at you. “I was thinking we could try something new. Maybe a little bdsm roleplay? Or–oh, I know—a themed night! Like anime cosplaying.”

“Cosplaying?” you echo, narrowing your eyes at him. “What kind of cosplaying?”

He shrugs, feigning innocence. “I don’t know. Something fun. Something the fans would love. You could be Sailor Moon, or a Nami from One Piece, or—”

“Stop right there,” you interrupt, holding up a hand. “I am not dressing up as some cliché sexy anime character.”

“Fine, fine,” he says, raising his hands in mock surrender. “But you can’t deny it’d be hot.”

You roll your eyes, though you can feel your cheeks heating up. “You’re impossible, Seokjin, you know that?”

“And yet, you’re still here,” he points out, flashing you that devastating grin. “So what does that say about you?”

It says more than you’re willing to admit, even to yourself. But instead of answering, you reach for your laptop, opening it back up and pretending to focus on the screen. Jin watches you for a moment longer, then leans back with a satisfied hum, stretching out on the couch like a cat.

You don’t know how long you can keep walking this line with him. This strange, delicate balance between friendship and… whatever this is. But for now, you’ll let it be. You’ll let yourself enjoy the banter, the laughter, the way he makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not so lost after all. - -

a/n: again SO SORRY that updating this fic took some time. I appreciate everyone who waited and is still sticking around until the very end!! I've extended this fic to 7 total chapters for the sake of fleshing things out as much as I could while keeping this fic short, so you have a lot to look forward too heheheheheheheh

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist for future works! ➸ check out my masterlist for other fics I have made

[sams-butt-dem0n]

i loved ur hc about breaking up with the gang! could you do the gang breaking up with reader?

The Gang Breaking Up with Reader

DARRY would have the simple excuse of not having enough time for you due to his busy work schedule and taking care of his brothers in the small amount of spare time he had at the end or beginning of each day. You had tried to convince him that you didn't care that the only time you got to spend together was in bed after a long day, but he wasn't having any of it.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I really am. I don't want to do this but it's only fair."

"Darry, how often do I have to tell you that I don't care about you not being here all the time? I enjoy the time we have together already and I know that you're busy and stressed but that's okay. I love you. Please don't do this to me."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, turning to look away from you. "I'm heading off to work in five minutes. I want you out of here before I get back."

SODAPOP would hate to have to break up with you but he feels like it's the right thing to do. It's definitely due to his lack of self-confidence in a relationship since he found out about Sandy cheating on him and moving away. Don't get me wrong, he's confident in his looks and everything but when it comes to relationships, he tends to beat himself up about every tiny detail.

"Y/n, I gotta tell you something," he says, his voice quieter than usual as he stands at your front door.

"Yeah? What's wrong baby?" You ask, confused as to why he was at your house when you were supposed to be at his place in less than an hour.

"Please don't call me that. It'll only make this harder."

You were really confused now. "Huh? Soda what are you talking about?"

"I can't do this anymore." He says, straightforward as ever.

"What?" You ask, tears welling up in your eyes. "Why? What are you doing? Did I do something wrong?"

"I don't know. I don't know if you did something wrong. Tell me if you did won't you?"

"Soda, you sound crazy right now," you say. "Talk to me, don't do this."

"I can't. I just can't How do I know you aren't two-timing me, huh?"

You were shocked at what he just said to you; appalled even. "You think I'd do that to you? You really think that low of me?"

He stays silent. You nod, close your eyes tightly and when you open them again, a single tear rolls down your cheek.

"Stay there," you say, walking away from the door and leaving him standing there for about 5 minutes, wondering if you were ever going to come back.

You dump all of the shirts and jackets and little crafts he'd given you in front of him on your patio and throw a plastic bag at him afterwards.

"I can't believe you think I'd do that," you said. "So much for trust."

PONYBOY was nervous when he realised he wanted to focus more on school than on his relationship. He didn't want to disappoint Darry with his grades dropping since he was with you. He felt as though you held a restriction against him from succeeding even though he knew you weren't in his heart.

"Y/n," he says to you as you're walking him home.

"Yeah?" You ask, turning your head to look at him.

"I- um. I have something to say but I know you won't like it."

"What is it?" You ask. "You can tell me anything, I promise I won't get mad."

"I want to break up." He says, bluntly.

"What?" You ask, stopping dead in your tracks, his house is only a few hundred yards away.

"I need to focus on my schoolwork and you're not letting me do that," he explains, angering you more and more by the second.

"What do you mean I'm not letting you do that? Pony, all we ever do Is read and study whenever we're over at each other's houses," you reply. "And the one day a week where we aren't studying, we spend some time together and out with the gang. Just like everybody else on a Saturday."

"Just respect my decision," he says.

"Respect? Why should I?" You ask, getting angrier by the minute. "You want me to respect you breaking up with me for pretty much no reason because the one you 're giving me makes no sense."

"Just go home," he snaps before turning around and walking away, leaving you standing there, tears rolling down your face.

DALLAS would break up with you right after he gets out of the cooler. He had convinced himself you were cheating on him with Sodapop, similar to Sylvia. You had gone over to Buck's the second you had found out he was free again and walked in with a huge smile beaming across your face. However, when you opened the door, Buck gave you the dirtiest look he could before mumbling something under his breath and watching you walk past him and up the stairs. Weird.

"Hey, Dal!" You exclaim, opening the door and jumping onto his, wrapping your arms around him. "I missed you."

Usually, he would hug you back and kiss you on the head, telling you how much he had missed you too; even when he was only in there for a couple of nights. This time, he shoves you away from him, anger displayed across his face.

"Dal?" You ask, confused. "What's wrong? Did something happen while you were in the cooler?"

"You tell me, y/n. You tell me what happened," he says, snarling at you.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't done anything. At least, I don't think I have," you say, trying to think if you had done anything wrong in the three weeks he had been gone.

"Don't pull that shit!" He yells, scaring you and making you jump a little. "I know what you did, you little whore! I know you fucked him!"

What the fuck was this guy talking about. "What!? I didn't fuck anybody! I haven't had sex since a few nights before you got done in, and that was with you."

"Oh, bullshit!"

"Who did I fuck then, huh? Who are you convinced that I slept with?" You ask, yelling in his face, hurt in your eyes.

"Soda."

You almost laugh in his face but remember that probably would be the smartest thing to do.

"Seriously? Soda?" You say. "You really think I would do something like that? How could you?"

"How could I?" He yells. "How could you! You fucked my friend!"

You shook your head and scoffed. "I don't know why I bother. You're clearly not listening to me and you don't want to believe me. Ask Soda about it and then you'll see that I have not laid a finger on him."

JOHNNY breaks up with you after weeks of weighing up the pros and cons. He felt that you were too good for him and someone with a life as messed up as his doesn't deserve someone as perfect and as gorgeous as you.

"Johnny?" You ask, seeing a figure lying on the concrete in the lot as you're walking home late from the drive-in. "Is that you?"

"Y/n," he says. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" You smile, helping him up onto a bench, sitting beside him and holding his hand. "You have no reason to apologise."

"I do, though," he says, hesitating before continuing. "I can't keep doing this."

"What do you mean?" You ask, worry clouding your eyes.

"I can't keep doing this. I'm constantly embarrassing you when we're out together; I can tell that people make fun of you for dating me. I'm nowhere near good enough for you. I can't sit here and watch you waste your life away for someone like me. You deserve some rich, fancy soc like Randy or Bob."

"Johnny, what the hell are you talking about?" You say, letting go of his hand. "I love you more than anything. I don't care what anybody else thinks and if you think that I should then why? Why should I care? if they saw you the way that I do then they'd all understand."

"I've made up my mind," he says, not bothering to look you in the eyes as he gets up, his back facing you. "And there's nothing you can say to change it."

With that, he walks away, leaving you sat on the bench with hot tears streaming down your cheeks, leaving red lines on the skin. Cold. Lonely. And confused.

STEVE has some trouble with girls. He always ends up saying the wrong thing and, similar to Johnny, he feels that you are way too good for him to treat you the way that he knows he eventually will. He knows damn well that one day, you'll get sick of him being a dick and leave him anyway, just like everyone else. So why bother waiting until then when he could just end it right now?

The phone rings. "Hello?" You say, picking it up after a couple of dials.

"Hey, babydoll," Steve says, his voice making you smile.

"Hi, handsome," you reply. "What can I do for ya?"

"I have to talk to you about something," he says. "But I want you to hear me out first."

"O...kay?" You say, confused about what is about to happen. "Am I in trouble?"

"No," he chuckles. "But I know I will be soon."

Your smile drops. What is he doing?

"Firstly, I want to tell you how much I love you. I think you are the most amazing woman I have ever met and I want you to know that this is not your fault and I have loved every moment with you." He says, making a tear form in your eye. You know what he's doing.

"Steve," you whisper.

He never shows his emotions like this. the most he's ever said to you is that he loves you and thinks that you're the most gorgeous broad he's ever seen. He has never admitted his feelings this extremely before.

"I can't let you be with me anymore. I don't want to be a part of your life anymore. I know I'll just ruin it. I'll be over tomorrow morning to pick up my stuff. I love you, y/n."

He hangs up. You hold the phone to your ear and drown in the continuous beep of the ending line. You had never been so hurt in your life.

TWOBIT breaks up with you because he finds someone else. I know this makes him out to be a bad person but I feel like he has so much love for you but when he meets this other girl, he knows that if he loved you as much as he thought he did, she wouldn't have sparked so much interest.

"Two," you say, looking up at him. "Who's Kathy?"

He lowers his head, looking at his hands in his lap. "Shit, baby."

"Just tell me," you say, a tear falling onto your cheek.

"She's a girl I met a few weeks ago," he admits. "I bumped into her at the dingo while I was waiting for you and the gang and I realised that I liked her. I'm so sorry"

"Do you love her?" You ask.

"What?" He says, looking at you with watering eyes himself.

"You heard me," you say. "Do you love her, Kieth?"

You only ever called him Kieth when you were upset or angry. Right now, you were both.

He nods, "I think so."

You say nothing and stand up, picking up your bag, putting your shoes on and taking one last look at him. One last look at the man you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. The man who had made you so much happier in the three years of dating you had been through.

And you leave. Never to speak to him or your friends, the gang, ever again.

[willowsnook]

Right Place, Right Time (LN pt. 2)

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4

@seasonswinter @drdbnkl2008

It'd been a couple of months since the Dutch Grand Prix and your life went back to normal. Work, hanging out with friends, watching sports, walking your dog, the usual. The weather was starting to get nicer in Austin so you were in a good mental spot.

You and Lily had checked in every couple of weeks to chat and you had grown to really like her. About a month ago you had gotten a text from an unknown number.

L: Hey, this is Lando. Lily gave me your number I hope that's okay

Y/N: Lando who?

L: 🙄 very funny

Y/n: How do I even know this isn't spam???

L: [video attachement]

"Hey y/n, it's Lando Norris. You know the driver for McLaren that you met in August. Just wanted to say hi, okay bye."

Since then you had been casually texting, nothing crazy just pretty much sending memes back and forth. The Austin GP was coming up and your whole team was going much to Lando's delight.

The Monday of race week, you were in your office working when you looked down to see Lando calling.

Y/n: What's up?

LN: Nothing much just packing. I'm flying in on Wednesday.

Y/n: Coolio, I hate to do this but I have a meeting in 5 minutes. Can I call you later?

LN: No no it's okay. I was calling to see if maybe you could give me a little tour of Austin when I get in?

Y/N: Hmmm I am pretty packed this week hanging with Lily.

LN: Yeah but you can hang out with her when Osc and I are doing stuff.

Y/n: Fine, text me when you land and i'll figure something out.

LN: Cool, I'll see you then.

You said goodbye and hung up, leaning back in your chair. This whole situation was very strange to you considering you and Lando had spoken one time in person. But maybe he just needed a friend.

You were at happy hour later than day with two of your friends when the subject came up.

"So yeah, I'm picking him up from his hotel and going sight seeing and eating I guess," you said nonchalantly as you finished the story to your two best friends, Maggie and Jaelen.

"Oh yeah so casual," Jaelen said. "Just hanging out with a famous F1 driver. Nothing odd about that." You rolled her eyes and Maggie snickered.

"Did you like put a spell on him when you were there and now he's in love with you?" She asked and you flipped her off.

"I literally didn't do anything!" You exclaimed. "We just talked for a bit and I was being nice."

"You're just not like other girls," Jaelen mocked and you groaned. This whole thing was getting out of hand.

"I am excited for you guys to meet Lily though," you said. "She's cool."

"Sounds like it," Maggie said. "Girls night on Thursday right?" You nodded. You had planned a little girls night slumber party with them and Lily to just hang and watch movies and gossip. The usual activities.

------wednesday---------

The day had flown by at work and before you knew it you were heading out the door to pick up Lando. Your hair sat in waves down your back and you decided on a casual cute vibe wearing a cropped knit brown tank top paired with light baggy jeans. It wasn't that far of a drive to his hotel and you texted him when you got there.

Glued to your phone, you didn't see him walk up and jumped a little when the passenger door opened. He gave you a big smile as your eyes raked over him in a big gray t-shirt and black jeans.

"You are totally checking me out," he said and you huffed.

"I am not," you replied and he laughed.

"It's good to see you," he said sweetly and you smiled.

"You too, are you hungry?"

"Starving."

You pulled out and headed towards the restaurant, the two of you casually chatting about his travel and your work day. You found parking at the place and you both jumped out and headed in.

"Tex mex," Lando said looking at the menu with his face scrunched. "Isn't it just like Mexican food?"

"Yes and no," you said. "It's like American Mexican food so it uses more beef and yellow cheese vs. what you would get in an authentic mexican restaurant."

"What do they mean by a bowl of queso?" He asked and your eyes snapped up to him.

"It's just like a bowl of cheese that you eat with chips," you said slowly.

"And that's good?" he asked innocently.

"You are going to make me cry in public right now," you warned. When your waiter came over it was the first thing you ordered for the two of you.

"How long have you lived here?" Lando asked after you put in your orders.

"A couple of years actually," you said. "I grew up a couple of states north of here, went to college up there, and then moved down when I got the job at Monster."

"Do you have family here?"

"A couple of second cousins but my parents still live where I grew up," you replied. "You live in Monaco now right?" He smirked.

"Looking me up online now are you?" He teased and you blushed.

"I had to make sure you weren't crazy if I was going to show you around my city," you defended and he laughed.

"Yeah I'm in Monaco, I grew up in Glastonbury though," he said and you nodded.

"Is it hard being away from your family?" You asked and he shrugged.

"Yes and no. I miss them a lot but a lot of people involved in F1 live in Monaco so I'm not totally alone. It can be lonely though." You smiled sympathetically.

When your food arrived you waited patiently for Lando to try the infamous queso.

"Well?" You asked nervously. This was very important to you.

"It's pretty good," he said taking another bite.

"Just pretty good?" You questioned.

"It's like exotic," he said and you choked on the sip of water you had just taken a drink of.

"Exotic?? It's melted cheese buddy." Lando blushed and you laughed.

"Are you like a picky eater?" You asked and he nodded.

"Yeah I get a lot of shit for it," he admitted.

"I can't imagine why."

Conversation flowed over the next half hour while you ate, trading childhood stories and hobbies. Lando picked up the bill much to your protest and you headed out to your next stop.

"Mini golf? You really did stalk me online," Lando said as you pulled up to your favorite mini golf course that was peter pan themed.

"Yeah yeah, I wanted to make sure you had fun," you said.

"I would have fun with you even if we did nothing but stare at each other for two hours," he said cheekily.

"Yeah because I'm hot," you replied with a wink and he laughed.

Lando quickly realized that you were a pretty competitive mini golfer so there wasn't much conversation even though he tried. You complained about him distracting you multiple times which made him giggle.

In the end it did not pay off as he beat you by 5 strokes causing you to pout in the car.

"You realize I play golf like all the time," he said looking at you with amusement.

"Yeah whatever," you muttered and he laughed. As you pulled up to his hotel he turned to you.

"Come have a drink to end the night," he said pleading.

"I don't want to pay for parking," you countered and he waved his hand.

"I'll pay for valet come on," he said and got out of the car. You waited while he talked to the valet guy and then followed him in and towards the bar. You got a vodka soda and you found some comfy chairs to sit in. Right when Lando started to say something, someone sunk into the third chair by you guys.

"Mind if I join you guys?" You looked to see Max Verstappen with a drink in his hand casually sitting back.

"Not at all," you said.

"Max, this is Y/n, y/n this is Max," Lando introduced and Max nodded.

"Ahh the mysterious y/n," he said smirking and you turned to Lando who was looking anywhere else but you. The three of you chatted as you got to know Max a little more and the conversation naturally turned to the upcoming race.

"Are you ready for the race this week?" You asked and Max nodded.

"Yeah, don't have really any expectations so we will just see what happens," he said nonchalantly.

"Why not?" You asked.

"The car sucks so who cares," he said and you snorted.

"What?" He asked with an eyebrow raise.

"You've won the championship how many times now? And you expect me to believe that you really just don't care?" You asked incredulously. Lando leaned up about to say something but Max beat him to it.

"Tell me what you really think then," he challenged.

"I think it's so easy for you to fall into this nonchalant attitude because you're Max Verstappen," you said and he raised his eyebrows. "You've painted yourself as this self-assured confident guy so of course you wouldn't be worked up. But how did you get to where you are? By not caring? By not having passion? I don't believe it for one second."

He sat thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again.

"You know my dad used to always tell me that if I'm not winning, then what's the point," he said.

"I think the point is that you are doing what you love and trying to get better everytime because you love the sport," you said sadly. "Winning is just a bonus. And it's you in the car not him."

Max looked at you for a second before turning his attention to Lando.

"I can see why you like her," he said before turning again to you. He reached out and grabbed your hand, caressing his thumb over the back. "It was nice meeting you and thank you."

You bid him farewell before turning back to Lando who was lost in thought.

"I think I'm going to head home," you told him and he nodded. His hand rested on the bottom of your back as you walked back towards the entrance. Lando paid the valet guy and the two of you waited for your car.

"When can I see you again?" He asked.

"I'll probably be there Saturday for qualifying," you said and he frowned.

"That's a long time from now," he said and you smirked looking away.

"I'm hanging out with Lily buddy, she's my main priority not you," you teased and he huffed.

"I want to see you sooner," he complained.

"We'll see," you replied. Your car came back into your vision and you wrapped your arms around Lando's neck pulling him in for a hug. HIs arms wrapped around your waist and he kissed your cheek before letting go.

"I had fun tonight," he said.

"Me too," you replied. "See you Saturday."

"See you Friday," he said waving and you rolled your eyes but smiled as you got in your car.