#not me citing everything-
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James the Complex Engine
Oh yeah, happy 5/5 day! :>
(Pouty James, Season 20)
James is one of my favorite characters from T&F for many reasons, but the one that shows up in this episode is his complex character writing.
This engine does not have a good history on the railway and almost never has anyone to back him up. While he claims this is false multiple times, its a bit obvious that he knows that its true. He just says it to hide it. To continue to have the pride he so much desires.
In this particular episode, he had to drop it. He showed his vulnerability when he realized that his paintwork was fucked up. The tone in his voice came off as fearful. Afraid that he admitted that he was in the wrong and is now expecting laughter (like usual).
(All in Vain, Season 20)
And it happens, but then we turn to Sir Topham Hatt / The Fat Controller telling James that he's aware of the situation and knows that James did all of his regular jobs as asked because Edward told him. Not longer after, the Mayor shows up and says the same thing. James didn't even tell Edward to do that but Edward did so willingly.
(All in Vain, Season 20)
And this is what I want to touch upon. James accepting that there are others who will go out of their way to make sure that things go alright. That there are others who show that they care about his well being, despite the many times he messes up.
This isn't the first time, either!
In "Toad's Adventure" (Season 18), James really messes up, nearly causing an accident when he wasn't paying attention to the tracks. He quickly takes fault for the accident but Toad steps in, saying it wasn't necessarily James' fault or anyone's fault. Its a very short pan but when the camera pans from James to Toad, you can see James' expression from regret to stunned.
(Toad's Adventure, Season 18)
Again, he didn't expect it. He was expecting a punishment because of what he did, not someone else to step in and explain that he wasn't responsible for a (somewhat) preventable accident to happen.
This, to me, is sad. Think about it. He's spent a lot of his service holding accountability for anything that he's done wrong, and it's gotten to the point that he takes responsibility for anything he remotely has something to do with (that's definitely a reach). And then this happens. Someone steps in and explains that "No, its not his fault. Let me explain" or "I know what happened. Please listen and let me explain." And he's just stunned because its so unexpected.
It's such a small notion in Toad's Adventure but it was brought out in All in Vain, which I'm glad was done. James is a character with layers of complexity, and its one of the things that makes him so interesting and a great character, in my silly opinion.
James the Splendid Red Engine, happy day to you! He deserves the world.
(Pouty James, Season 20)
#ttte james#happy 5/5 day!!!#he's a really splendid engine~!#that's our James~!#her train of thoughts#not me citing everything-#listen you don't understand how important it is to me to let everyone know where certain things come from#i've had such a problem trying to find where certain screenshots come from#i could just ask but i rather hunt it down so i make my own life difficult 💀#started this shortly after 4/4#glad i started that early because i had trouble forming my thoughts into coherent sentences ;-;#tommy and his choo-choo-workers#i have another post coming up <3
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something something about mentors and cycles and mentors and cycles
#like#what if your memory became so intertwined with my ideals i could not help but to pass you on to those who look up to me#along with what makes my very heart beats and bleeds#(and realise i was so young#so young#and maybe i didn't deserve everything that happened then)#and maybe i could start forgiving myself for who i was then#because now i know i was just scared and alone and thinking i held the world on my shoulders#and now i just want to tell him#breath kid#breath#ace attorney#aa#ace attorney fanart#aa fanart#gyakuten saiban#gyakuten saiban fanart#mia fey#phoenix wright#apollo justice#charley the plant#polly the parrot#yes they're important characters and should be cited#dounart#fanart#art#the cycles and patterns woke me up at 4am once again and refused to let me rest
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Something weird I've noticed in the kotlc fandom that I really cannot wrap my head around is the treatment of the Vacker family, specifically Alden and Fitz. These are understandably popular characters (and for good reason) and it makes sense that people interpret them in different ways. I can't help but notice that some of the predominant discussions around them center on personality traits they just... don't have in canon.
Most of the characterizations I see of Alden treat him as a rampant child abuser. He's overbearing, stern, and determined to force his child to live up to the Vacker name by any means necessary. Naturally, Alden is not a perfect character or father, but such a harsh depiction flattens much of what makes him dynamic in the books. As I see it, there are two main flaws that Alden has in canon: his past with Prentice and his meddling.
What Alden did to Prentice is treated pretty seriously throughout the series. In Exile, it's made clear that falsely accusing (or, not so falsely, depending on what you consider the real crime to be) Prentice and performing the mindbreak is the biggest regret of his life. So big, that it shatters his sanity and ruins one of his closest relationships (Exile, Chapter 35; Nightfall, Chapter 3). It's the mistake that keeps on giving, and it's made abundantly clear that while Alden wasn't aware of what he was truly doing, he bears responsibility nonetheless. It's a burden that Alden takes extremely seriously, pushing him to search for the Moonlark for years, but more on that later. While his guilt over Prentice is an important part of his character, it's not the flaw that I usually see given the most weight in his characterizations.
Alden's meddling is prominent, to say the least. It heavily features in most interpretations I see of him online, largely negatively and largely without specificity. In canon, there are really two ways that his nosiness presents itself: his children's personal lives and his hunt for the Moonlark. The two best examples of his meddling as a parent come from his interventions in Fitz and Biana's friendships. In the first book, Alden encourages Biana to befriend Sophie because he worries about her (Keeper, Chapters 43 and 47). He acts similarly with Fitz and Keefe, encouraging Fitz to invite Keefe to Everglen so Keefe can avoid spending time with Cassius (Flashback, Chapter 21). In both cases, Alden doesn't go beyond asking his kids to spend time with potential friends. He doesn't micromanage their hangouts or insist it's for status reasons; he's interested in supervising kids who he worries are in a bad spot. This is notably different from Gisela's meddling, which is for personal gain with tangible, selfish goals (Neverseen, Chapter 63). Maybe Alden shouldn't be pushing his kids to spend time with those they don't have an interest in. But the eventual friendships that arise from them make up for it, in my opinion.
The other form Alden's meddling takes is his hunt for the Moonlark. As a manifestation of his guilt over Prentice's mindbreak, Alden enlists Alvar and Fitz to search the Forbidden Cities for the Moonlark. I've seen this search used as the basis for a lot of the animosity between Alden and his sons, which I think is incorrect. Alvar is the first hunter and is very open about how pointless he thought the endeavor was (Keeper, Chapter 28; Neverseen, Chapter 1). The difference of opinions over the Black Swan between Alvar and Alden is a point of contention in their relationship, but it's important to note that Alvar doesn't claim to feel pressured or pushed into the search. He just thinks the conspiracy of the Black Swan is stupid (Keeper, Chapter 28). Of course, much of this protesting was a cover for the fact that he was working with the Neverseen and would've been searching anyway (Neverseen, Chapter 63).
Fitz takes over the search at age six (Neverseen, Chapter 1). Fitz's age when being sent out is questionable at best, and I think is fair to criticize Alden for (though, I think the age has more to do with Shannon being unable to decide how Elvin aging is supposed to work since none of the other characters seem to think six is unreasonably young). But while the reader can freely critique Alden for this, what's crucial is that Fitz doesn't seem to mind this. Rather than be upset or resentful that Alden had him search for the Moonlark, Fitz calls it "the most important thing [he'll] probably ever do" (Stellarlune, Chapter 43). He's proud of the work he and his father did; if anything, it's a positive in their relationship. I've seen some arguments that pushing Fitz into the Forbidden Cities is part of a pattern of having kids do dangerous work (per Sophie doing Fintans mindbreak in Exile, even though that wasn't Alden's idea and he offered to disobey the Council if she didn't want to), which isn't necessarily unfair. What I do think is a problem is acting like the search for the Moonlark had a significant negative impact on Alden's relationships with his sons.
Part of the reason I think this interpretation is so prevalent is a contributing misunderstanding about Fitz's character. Fitz is often portrayed as anxiety-ridden over his role as a Vacker and the expectations that come along with it. Being a leader isn't something he wants, but something he feels pressured into. In canon, Fitz is almost the complete opposite. He's shown at being naturally gifted at telepathy and school and is incredibly charming. Being a Vacker -- and the expectations that come with it -- is something he embraces wholeheartedly. In fact, it is the loss of his leadership that causes struggle. A main point of contention that Fitz has with Sophie in Stellarlune (Chapter 43) is that he "still want[s] to be that guy that everyone looks to" even though that's no longer his role. None of this is to say that Fitz is perfect, or that he doesn't fight against the idea of being labeled so. Instead, much of Fitz's arc is about learning when to step back and change his perspective on the world, including recognizing when his privilege has clouded his judgment. His rejection of being labeled perfect has more to do, in my eyes, with having a difficult time reconciling his "idyllic" childhood with the harsher childhoods of his friends (Flashback, Chapter 21).
So what is the problem between the Vackers, if not fanon? The one issue that is repeatedly brought up by both Fitz and Alvar alike regarding their father is favoritism. Alvar felt ignored after the births of Fitz and Biana, claiming that Alden replaced him with Fitz whom he refers to as the "Golden Child" (Neverseen, Chapter 72; Flashback, Chapter 49). Fitz feels betrayed by his parents' immediate re-welcoming of Alvar when his memories are gone, insisting they prioritize Alvar over Fitz and Biana's safety (Flashback, Chapter 16). In both cases, Fitz and Alvar feel like an afterthought or the lesser child. It's that feeling that fuels (or encourages, considering Alvar's done quite a bit throughout the series to create independent hate lol) the animosity between them and Alden.
It's this "favorite child" dynamic that I find really interesting and unique about the Vacker's dysfunction in the series. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a reason to paint over this dynamic with bullying, especially considering there is a father-son relationship in canon that is the Vacker fanon almost to a T. Cassius spent Keefe's whole life attempting to pressure him into becoming a "real" Sencen, which Keefe tried to do before realizing it was unattainable (Flashback, Chapter 21). It's the bedrock of their non-relationship. To shove Fitz and Alden into that pigeonhole is a disservice to each of these relationships, which have their own intrigues without sharing. None of this is to say that people can't headcanon as they wish, and to try and play with characters is the fun of fandom. I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from that or shame them for it. But to claim those relationships are canon is disingenuous to me and a misportrayal of the books.
#this is what severe mental illness looks like#this really isn't targetted at anyone specifically#i just had to get this off my chest#the vacker manifesto was long and its so so late here so forgive the fact that i am not reading this over#it goes up as is lmaooo#though i may return tomorrow morning and edit lol#also like. feel free to disagree w me#i did my best to cite everything if people wanna fact check#kotlc#fitz vacker#alden vacker#alvar vacker
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I have a theory guys
The woman that he died over is the wife in the sequel, and also the owner of the finger with a wedding ring he pulled out of his pocket, so I guess that makes her his ex wife so I could be wrong but maybe they just didn't add ex when they revealed casting for whatever reason.
#I CAN'T BELEIVE THERE'S NO CITATION FOR IT#I can't find a source for this information no matter how hard I look#Everything cites the wiki as its source but the wiki doesn't cite anything else#I read the whole early draft movie script and I don't remember seeing it mentioned#Maybe it was said during an interview or something I don't know#If anyone does know where the wiki got that information from pls tell me#:3#beetlejuice#beetlejuice 1988#beetlejuice 2#I haven't actually looked into the plot of the movie so I may be completely wrong Idk#I've been ignoring its existence for months now#Hoping that by doing so it'll stop existing but that hasn't worked#And now I'm in peak moviejuice brainrot and I'm... EXCITED FOR IT..... ewwwww I can't believe this
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Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70
Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:
Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?
There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”
The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????
“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”
The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!
Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.
I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.
Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.
The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.
Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.
By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!
In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.
#if yall think this essay went crazy i need yall to kmow i once wrote a legit MLA cited college research paper about mf Bumbleby#and I got a high grade and everything yall heard me it was 12 pt new times roman and had literal academic sources to back up my points#i had to cut it down from 15 pages to like 10 bc of a max word count my prof set it was so sad#so yeahhhhhhh your girl may or may not just go crazy on the fictional analysis#which makes sense when u know that imma character-driven writer#anyways in conclusion i be clocking in to fight fer annabel as an amazingly written character like its a 9-5 job#to all the ppl who doubted her how yall feeling rn hmmmmmmm#annabel lee whitlock ur just so much fun to dissect like a lesbian lab project#nevermore webtoon#white raven#annabel lee whitlock#lenore vandernacht#prospero nevermore#<—i swear i care fer the rat man guys i rlly rlly do#but man. the way annabel’s shit was just to personal. it rlly got me okay???
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helmut marko could tell me 1+1=2 and i still wouldn’t believe him okay he’s as useful to me as a man’s dick… which is to say not useful at all given that i am a lesbian ❤️🔥
#the point is he could tell me legitimately true things and cite peer reviewed sources and i would still never believe him#my f1 experience is holding max and daniel hand in hand and skipping through a field of flowers and butterflies like this how i cope#especially after the last three years like i’ve learnt that everything will all work out it’ll all fall into place and we quite literally#can not do anything so i may as well do whatever the hell i want*#*writing fanfic and annoying people on the internet#i’m going to bed this has been a great day for maxiel nation and i’m not gonna let him ruin it <3
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Despite Wei Wuxian's archery horse always being depicted as black in art, the hobby horse shown in his child au art is always chestnut/sorrel -- perhaps this is symbolic of his descent onto a single log bridge, ie abandoning the chestnuts and bays of the traditional cultivation world into the dark standouts of demonic cultivation, representative of him becoming a literal dark horse in the sunshot campaign.
#mdzs meta#i wonder if anyones vagued me for putting my horse meta in the main tag yet. i hope so#sorry this is all real and legit cited and archived sources and everything. more credible than 90% of j/c discussion#wwx#mdzs
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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well shit 🥰
#the deadlines the horrors everything is catching up to me </3#it’s okay i’m a little more than halfway done with my assignment and i’m feeling pretty good about it so it’s okay#last time the comment i got was that i understood the course material really well but there was a lack of original thought which in my#defensive didn’t know i could put in my own opinions but this time it’s just me yapping and citing sources and i just have two body sections#and one conclusion left before i finally finish because if they want original thought they are going to get original thought 🥰#✉️
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okay. @evil-eyedlurker lets try this again since tumblr ate my last draft.
Part 1: Setting the Stage.
Before we begin, I'd like to recommend reading the book for yourself. There's a free copy here on archive.org. I'd also like to point to my previous post for some context if anyone reading this post is new here. You may also want to watch Dual Process Theory's take, as I agree with pretty much all of their arguments.
You have the appropriate context for this? Good.
Now then.
Within the logbook, there are three known writers: Red Pen, aka Michael Afton; Faded Text, aka Charlie Emily; and Altered Text, aka CC/Cassidy Afton.
There are also, however, three identifiable names: Mike, Cassidy, and Dave. Popular fanon will tell you that "Cassidy" is Faded, as well as being the Vengeful Spirit and the second Golden Freddy spirit. It will now also tell you that CC's name is Dave, previously mstaken to be Evan.
I am here to tell you that popular fanon is, as popular fanon tends to be, wildly off the mark.
As per my last post, I dismissed Cassidy as a little girl for two reasons: firstly, that she has no narrative significance before whenever the logbook takes place, and secondly, because Faded asks too many specific questions to be a stranger. The logbook came out after Pizzeria Sim, and introducing Cassidy as such an important character this late in the story is nonsensical.
But...my theory leaves out Dave. Who is Dave?
Put a pin in that for now. We'll get there. For now, let's talk about Michael Afton.
Part 2: Why?
In my last theory post, linked above, I asked a question that I found to be forgotten: why? Why does faded ask such specific questions? Why is there so much puppet symbolism? Why would CC know the name Cassidy? Why are there so many tidbits that never get mentioned?
I have some new ones today: Why is Mike here? Why are Charlie and Cassidy in his book? Why is the name Dave important?
For simplicity's sake, we'll start with why Charlie and CC are talking. Based on the imagery of the Puppet and birthdays on pages 31 and 98, as well as "The party was for you" (103), it's most likely to set up the Happiest Day, placing this before...whenever that happens. Before Pizzeria Sim, at least.
(Fig. 1: The Puppet/Happiest Day symbolism.)
So...if that's the goal, why is Mike important? Sure, he helps spell Cassidy's name, but only the last couple letters. And of all the available grids, "Dave" is spelt in the Foxy grid. The one animatronic that is associated with Mike.
(Fig. 2: Available grids.)
To me, this implies the name Dave is important for Michael to remember. But why?
...Why would Michael need to remember anything? Surely he remembers, right? I mean, he references the Nightmares and casual bongos and exotic butters and the Bite. Surely, surely that means he remembers!
(Fig. 3: Michael's references.)
Reread all his answers again, all throughout the book, knowing this takes place after Sister Location, during the time he's hunting down his father. Tell me what's missing. (Or you can trust me to tell you, I suppose.)
Mentions of his family, right?
In fact, he's not even the one to bring up the Bite. The logbook brings it up for him; he just responds to it.
Throughout the book, Mike is unresponsive and noncommittal. His doodles exist in the corners and margins, he rarely responds to either the book or Faded's questions directly, he even crosses out his own name. The only thing he repeatedly emphasizes throughtout the book is SURVIVAL. In all caps, SURVIVAL. CERTAIN DEATH.
(Fig. 4: Michael's scribblings as per the previous paragraph.)
Interestingly, he commonly writes about leaving leaving. Such as running away, locking up the animatronics, going on vacation, or dying. This directly contrasts his established desire to find his father, which implies he hasn't gotten that motivation yet.
Michael has been scooped by the time the Logbook happens. Michael, like most spirits, forgot. Forgot less than Cassidy and perhaps the MCI, for whatever reason, but forgot nonetheless.
And Charlie is here to help him remember, the same way she's helping Cassidy remember.
Specifically, she wants him to remember the name Dave, spelled out via the coordinates of the answered questions. The first one of which is answered by Michael, long before Cassidy says "I'm scared" as a potential alternate answer.
Part Three: Fandom Really Needs to Learn to Re-examine Fundamentals.
Take that pin out of "Who's Dave" and "Why is Dave important" from earlier, because it's time to answer those questions.
Okay. So, we've established a few things.
Dave is not one of the spirits in the logbook.
Charlie is pushing for Michael to remember the name Dave.
Michael has lost his memory, and has yet to gain the motive of finding his father.
If all of this is true, "Dave" must be connected to Michael's motivation: finding his father.
But we already know his name! William Afton, as established in...in......uh.........which game was it again? Sorry, hold on, let me just check my sources...*shuffling papers*...oh! Here we go! William Afton's name was established in the novels...and...and for the entirety of The Silver Eyes, he's referred to almost exclusively by his alias, Dave. To my knowledge, his first name is never confirmed in the games.
...What if we've been wrong in accepting that his name is William Afton? What if he is Dave, and it's not just an alias?
Allow me, once more, to set the scene.
Part Four: FNaF is a story. Let's treat it as such.
The date is [REDACTED], just after Michael's scooping. His corpse gets up without him, shambling around with metal for bones and vague remnants of children's souls for a pilot.
Michael himself is stuck in a security logbook; a paltry little thing given to him by his employers, like a twisted joke. He writes and crosses out his own name, and doodles in the margins for a bit.
Charlie, ever the attentive soul, joins him, bringing the Crying Child with her. Two brothers, one memory, or something like that. She begins gauging what he remembers: Does he know who he is? How he died?
Michael doesn't respond. He doesn't need to. It's not hard for Charlie to piece together what happened, especially given his shambling corpse ranting and raving about their revenge.
So, she begins to push Michael to remember his killer. She starts with the nightmares (do you have dreams), the first thing he did. She follows up with his resemblance to his father (what do you see), but Michael goes unresponsive, possibly catching on to her game. Ever the stubborn one, that. Instead, CC responds. So she switches gears, roping CC into helping her spell out both names by directing her questions to him, until Michael finally helps spell Cassidy.
Next to the wordsearch where Cassidy remembers is a mirror; one to reflect EVAD (spelled in CC answer order) into DAVE. Two brothers, one memory, as the saying doesn't go.
Michael's corpse lies cold and empty on the ground, Ennard having escaped into a gutter. He can't move on, not yet. There's only one option left for him now.
Michael looks into the mirror.
And his eyes open purple.
.
also it would be really funny if davetrap had an alias in the games timeline and it was william/will miller THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!
#I REMADE THE FUCKING DAVE POST CHEER AND CLAP#me rereading the logbook every paragraph to cite my silly litle sources#if we REALLY wanna get into it. i think 'charlie' is also book only. so she COULD be named cassidy.#but personally i think the dave parallel works better.#charlie voice i can put the first victim to rest AND have the last one take revenge! its perfect! (unfortunately. The Quencies)#i dont actually know how cassidy gotinto the book. for narrative purposes charlie brought him.#theres no real Evidence either way and it makes sense for charlie to keep him with her until she can put him to rest.#my posts#fnaf theory#fucking love the mirror parallel i saw that in a reddit post and i LOVE IT#ALSO seeing 'dave' in the mirror works REALLY WELL for michael bc hes literally mistaken for his father in SL if i rember right#i also Could address the idea that this book takes place during/after 3 but the imagery for it is so minimal that the idea is nothing to me#like ooo it mentions springlockkks the things that were around for ages! and it has a similar officeeee oooooooooo#like. for all we know! the fnaf3 office is Modeled After The Book. and also mike DOESNT reference ANYTHING in fnaf3#despite everything implying HES the protagonist of it#plus from a narrative standpoint. this book taking place post-scooping pre-3 makes the most Sense. its setup for everything in 3.#also i think 'do u miss them' (pg 70) refers to mikes siblings. but thats not Relevant its just neat#bc! its where the book asks who youd miss if they were to die in an accident such as being stuffed into a suit#and i LOVE the idea that CC was stuffed into golden fred and is the fifth missing kid its. mwah.#fnaf theories
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practicing for when i time travel to 2011 by mentally rehearsing my extensively sourced argument as to why sonic the hedgehog would beat rainbow dash in a true no-holds-barred race pretty much invariably
#i won't make a good time traveler because i cite idw sonic and some stuff i vaguely remember hearing about in the later fim seasons#but i'm locked and loaded in a pinch#sorry rainbow dash fans it does pain me to insinuate that a woman can't do everything she sets her mind to but the numbers do not lie
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i still can't get over that HR fucked up so badly that i just suddenly owed $10,000. despite me calling attention to the error in december. which they proceeded to do nothing about for 6 months
#🐭📓#at least i'm getting a tax return i guess#but my income is majorly reduced for the next 6 months :))))))#you'd expect the grad school and uni hr to communicate about employment. but alas#this phd better be fucking worth it because whenever i think about the fact that i have a whole year left i lose a little more will to live#it's not “suddenly” in the sense that i didn't expect it because i knew there was something wrong#but more that i thought they were just slow to fix it and suddenly they were scrambling to figure everything out#and citing laws at me about how it was their right to get the money back like calm down I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THE ERROR. AGAIN.#why would i do that if i was planning on refusing to pay it back#anyway. not getting the money in the first place would've sucked way less than suddenly having to cough it all up 🙃
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speaking of kelly's atlantic piece, this quote:
But if the show sometimes failed to give its victims enough agency, it was also startlingly aware of how powerful institutions can do the same, denying marginalized people the right to trust their own experiences, much less speak out about them.
is so much of what i'm very very attached to in the series as a survivor, i think...media can often be utopian, in a way? even if the journey is honest, the ending is structured as a goal society, something to aspire to. but personally, what i crave, is something that calls it what it is. something that shows the darker side of living with trauma.
it's kristin in 3, talking about her father beating her as child, and then mentioning that her boyfriend beats her too. the way she laughs and says, "i guess that's the way it works sometimes," while mulder looks away. her tears as she tastes her own blood one last time before sacrificing herself to escape her cycle. mulder weeping over lucy's body in oubliette, but understanding that maybe it was freedom, to her. even 17 years later, "the only way she could forget." (also, how mean lucy is!! the way she is so uninterested in using what happened to her for the sake of Helping Others!! how brutally she wears her trauma on her sleeve!! she's cared for anyway, she's mourned anyway.)
in monday, pam is trapped in her partner's deadly decisions, the only way to stop the destruction is to throw herself in front of it. in fallen angel, a young mother exclaims to scully that she can't "afford the truth," to speak out would be to lose her fragile standing, her ability to feed her child. for abductees, if you're a woman, to question what happened to you is to die. the "miracle cure" is actually just replacing your violation in the back of your neck, to surrender.
maybe it's bleak but it's honest, it's an acknowledgement, in a world where people don't want to acknowledge the long-term affects or brutality of suffering.
#dont mind me im hungover and miserable and went off my meds#txf.txt#live-blogging my descent#this is very much just my own personal relationship to it etc etc#but i do really love it and am very affected by it#i think it just makes me feel really really really crazy when everything focuses on something very positive and forced#like to make others feel better#but i find it so refreshing and oddly comforting when something says...no it's really bad. and it's okay to feel that it's really bad.#even inadvertently as i'm sure it is on txf as people love to remind me every time i talk about literally anything on this show#but i don't care if it was on purpose or not it's mine now and it's important to me!! anyway#also ik the quote cited was referencing marginalization on a larger scale and institutions it just reminds me of this sense of like#...this is how it is...#like i love that about this show. this is how it is. this is how the world is. look at it.
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hii
#yesterday was my birthday !!!#last night i went out ti dinner with my bf and we have so much fun we talk so much and everything is so easy with him 🥺#im in love lol i really am#he wrote me a beautiful card citing la dolce vita and gifted me a necklace he had customized for me from my favorite jewelry shop 🥺🥺🥺#because i have blue eyes and he knows my favorite color is blue so he had it made with blues…. and he also gifted me the polaroid we took#of us hugging one of the first nights i stayed at his house and wrote happy birthday my love on it#🥺😵💫❤️🩹#i know im insufferable pls bear with me he is just so wonderful#oh!!! also yesterday morning i got a delivery…..it was a bouquet of roses… from him and in the card attached to it he had written lyrics#from they 1975’s i’m in love with you lmao ita the song he always sings or references to when#he talks about me or us#hes just !#!!!!!!! wonderful
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Omg turns out Brigitte Hamann and Fredrick Morton beefed over Rudolf's depiction in Affaire Mayerling (das Musical)
#i'm kinda torn#i'm really attached to hamann's interpretation but idk if i'm like that for personal and fandom reasons#morton is a novelist ofc so i dont actually hold his opinion in huge esteem fjdkdkkd but there are other post hamann historians who disagree#with her#idk i've decided it's probably best for me to stay away from the subject unless in a fandom setting because my opinions are clouded#(like - many modern day historians really do emphasise rudolf and mary's relationship - the opposite of what hamann did)#and i don't really have the chance to go into primary sources AND the ppl around rudolf and mary are biased imo (the entire contemporary and#modern discussion of the case and the nature of their relationship is biased)#lol random ramble#history#but yeah i stan brigitte hamann - elisabeth is based largely on her work - and she cites reliable sources for everything#so whenever someone in fandom brings up a 'historical fact' that seems to contradict what she's written i will question it and the source
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terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'
terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'
#science#transphobia#cass review#less 'cass review' generally more 'zucker specifically' because this same problem exists outside cass#have lost count of the number of times i've seen 'well THAT study may have said most trans kids persist but it MUST be wrong'#'there's another study says the exact opposite. that one's right. obviously.'#but cass is why i'm annoyed by it now#normally i don't have a problem with critical observations and questions. yeah check your science! that's good!#there have been some bullshit studies and some bullshit interpretations of good studies! scientific literacy is important!#and normally also am willing to pretend the people pulling reaction 1 on some studies and reaction 2 on others are. not the same group.#but now there's a ton of cass supporters tryna say 'oh the cass review didn't reject or downplay anything for being pro-trans!'#'some studies just weren't given much weight for being poor evidence! not our fault those were all studies with results trans people like!'#…….………….aight explain why zucker's findings are used for the 'percentage of trans kids who don't stay trans' stat instead of anyone else's.#would've been more scientifically accurate to say 'yeah we just don't know.'#'studies have been done but none of them fit our crack criteria sooooo *shrug*'#like COME ON at least PRETEND you're genuinely checking scientific correctness and not looking for excuses to weed out undesirable results#am also mad about zucker in particular because his is possibly the most famous bullshit study#quite bluntly if you're doing trans research and think 'yeah this one seems reasonable' you. are maybe not well-informed enough for the job#there's just no way you genuinely look at the research with an eye toward accurate science regardless of personal bias#and walk away thinking 'hm that zucker fellow seems reasonable. competent scientists will respect that citation.'#that's one or two steps above doing a review of vaccine science and seriously citing wakefield's mmr-causes-autism study#it doesn't matter what the rest of your review says people are gonna have OPINIONS on that bit#and outside anti-vaxxers most of those opinions will be 'are you actually the most qualified for this because ummmm.'#people who agree with everything else will still think someone more competent could've done a much better job#people who disagree with everything else will point to that as proof you don't know shit and why should we listen to you#anyway i'd love a hugeass trans science review with actual fucking standards hmu if you know of one cause this ain't it#……does tumblr still put a limit on how many tags you can include guess me and my tag essay are about to find out.
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