#not like a GENUINE ship. like a shipwreck that i hate love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bb8sworld · 4 years ago

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— litoreus, part i

pairing: god of the sea!obi-wan kenobi x reader

word count: 7k (*sweats nervously*)

a/n: greetings, and welcome to the first part of my new series! i don’t know how better to summarize this story than by saying that kara (@karasong) said “neptune is a dilf” then val (@milleniumvalcon) said a statue of poseidon looked like obi-wan, and it spiraled from there. so many thanks to the discord for the idea of this poseidon!obi au.

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Destiny. Fate. Will. Luck. Fortune. Chance. Predestination.

Words Obi-Wan Kenobi was intimately familiar with in a multitude of different tongues, languages, dialects, and scripts. Words that have altered in connotation throughout history but have remained steadfast in their use. Words that he didn’t believe in but knew nonetheless. As someone who has been around as long as he has, and as someone who knows the inner workings of the universe and was created shortly after it’s conception, he’s aware that the ideas of Fate and Destiny were innately… human. Something clung onto by ordinary people who dwelled on the Earth and needed reassurance for an occurrence in their lives or ideas blamed for any wrongdoing that came their way.

No, Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t believe in Fate, Destiny, Fortune, or whatever other terms may be used to describe these phenomena. Everything had an order, everything had a purpose, and things didn’t happen “by chance” or “just because.” They happened because they were supposed to, not because some outside force separate from the godly beings decided to intervene. As a godly being himself, he thinks he would know if there were outside forces beyond him and his fellow gods having any say in the universe.

One of the many perks of being a god, he supposed.

Being a god was tricky business, and it was a job that often didn’t pay in kind. From his very creation, Obi-Wan had struggled with this role of his, from who he was, who he was meant to be, and how he was supposed to act.

Despite being named Obi-Wan Kenobi upon “birth,” he has gone by a plethora of different names throughout his immortal life thus far—such as Olokun, Lir, Hapi, Poseidon, Neptune, Enbilulu, and Njord, just to name a few. So many names to describe one being who ruled, guarded, and protected the seas and oceans. Each one attuned to the civilization in which the name originated from, but all converging together to describe the same god. And from it came an outpouring of love and awe. It was flattering, to say the least, that humans at one point cared so much about him that they would craft pieces of artwork dedicated to him. Or how they would construct temples of worship for him so that they might have a place to pray for safe voyages, either for themselves or loved ones. It made him feel good and loved and appreciated and a whole litany of positive affirmations that humans use to describe this gooey feeling nestled within him.

Obi-Wan loved to help humanity and had always been infatuated with them—their cultures, lifestyles, relationships, emotions, everything. And any time he helped, he got to learn a little bit more about what made humans so human. Sometimes when he did intervene in their matters and was praised for it, he couldn’t help but wonder if that was what it felt like to be human. To be loved, appreciated, adored, wanted.

But being a god wasn’t always so pleasant and flattering.

Sometimes, if a storm churned in the ocean and caused a shipwreck, his name would be cursed at in such hatred and despair as grief overtook the humans. It stung and was incredibly painful to hear, but unfortunately, he didn’t always have control over those situations. Whenever this happened, he would wonder if the feelings he felt were the same ones humans did in response to these occurrences—unloved, hated, disgusted, guilty, remorseful.

Obi-Wan really, truly wanted to take suffering away from the very humans who had fascinated him for centuries, but that’s not the way the universe works. Matters of life and death were not his jurisdiction, even if either of these happened in the blue waves below. It fell to the god of the underworld who was the overseer of death, so therefore Obi-Wan’s hands were tied. He only had control over the voyage's journey, not the destination of the passengers, meaning he was often forced to watch as lives were taken at sea and his name was sworn against in wrath.

But like with all things brought to the attention of humanity, people move on. And unfortunately for Obi-Wan, as times changed and new beliefs gained traction, that meant humans moved on from their old ways and religions—from the other gods and from him.

Despite his presence once being well-known and called upon in times of need and worship and gratitude, his importance dwindled in the eyes of the humans until he was all but nonexistent. His very being and all his life’s work were boiled down to a name that was somehow both him yet not him, written offhandedly in a history textbook for children to be aware of for a test but to forget immediately afterward. His life became a story sometimes told in a mythology book or two, often censored and abridged for audiences to “understand better.” He became a name people were familiar with but knew little about.

And so humanity had moved on from him, but he hadn’t moved on from humanity.

He was still endlessly intrigued by everything they were about and everything they had to offer, but because of his godly status, he never dared to go down and explore for himself, despite other gods having done so for one reason or another. And every day he was a little more tempted to go down and see what was new and exciting. Every time he saw another god leave to head down, he got a little bit closer to asking if he could join.

That being said, he did stay connected where he could. Throughout all of human history, art had been made in his name, and sometimes he would clear his mind and connect to those works as he did back in the ancient days and listen in on what was being said. Sometimes he caught snippets of stories from those who stood nearby. Sometimes he heard tales of his own life being taught to a younger generation in museums. But it had been a long time since he heard anyone talk to him. And despite his lack of belief in Fate or Destiny or whatever you wanted to call it, he couldn’t help but wish for the times to change and for one person to talk to him instead of about him. He wished that someone would answer his pathetic call and just talk to him.

So imagine his surprise when one day someone picked up.

At first, he thought it to be an accident. No way had someone genuinely believed he was real and manifested the powers to protect them when they traveled at sea, nor had someone directly contacted him in years for any reason. With all the new methods of transportation and exploration in the seas and oceans, most people went on those devices willingly without saying a quick prayer to him for the waters to be safe. Which was fine, really. He knew his place. Doesn’t mean he didn’t feel a little pang of hurt every time he saw a cruise ship head out or people go boating or children learn how to canoe.

But no… this call was different. It wasn’t a history lesson, or someone singing to themselves near a statue of him, or just some background clutter. No, this one felt different. And so, Obi-Wan sat on the floor of his room, closed his eyes, and began to slip into a meditative state in order to hear the call better.

“—maybe… we hang the light a foot more to the right? And tilt it just a tiny bit backward… there. Perfect! Look at you, Poseidon—or do you prefer Neptune—whatever, it doesn’t matter. But look at you, all cleaned up, restored, illuminated, and ready to go on display when the exhibit opens tomorrow. Let’s hope the visitors appreciate you in your polished state. Are you ready?”

Ah, so a new exhibit was going up featuring, presumably, a statue of him made by one of the ancient Greeks or Romans he oversaw so many centuries ago. He was about to tune out the voice and slip out of his meditative state when the voice picked up again.

“—god I must sound crazy. Just look at me, talking to a statue of a god who doesn’t even exist.” A beat. “I wish you did though, you seem like you’d be better company than some of the other people around here. Wishful thinking, eh, Neptune? Or… Poseidon… ugh, this is what happens when it’s an ancient Greek and Roman exhibit, there are too many double names—”

And off the voice went on a tangent about finishing up illuminating each of the iconic pieces of artwork and organizing pamphlets about the new exhibit in the information stands. From the sounds of it, the person behind the voice presumably worked at some museum where a new exhibit of him and the other gods in his life was being put together.

Maybe… maybe he could go down and visit it sometime. At least to see the art he hadn’t seen in many years. And if he happened to stumble across the worker with the voice he just tuned into, then he’d consider that a happy accident despite that very claim going against his beliefs about Fate. But how could he head down from his home in the clouds without raising suspicion among the other gods? He was notorious for keeping his distance once humanity forgot him, instead preferring to observe from afar and rejecting any offers to head down to the land.

The answer came in the form of Anakin Skywalker—also known as Camulus, Svetovid, Teutates, Ares, Mars, Odin, and Montu, to name a few—the god of war and the manifestation of the spirit of battle. He was a frequent visitor of the land and was undoubtedly Obi-Wan’s best friend. Not to mention, he regularly asked Obi-Wan to join him in hopes of getting him “out of his hermit lifestyle and back to the land of the living,” to quote Anakin, but Obi-Wan had either made excuses or flat out rejected his offer. But maybe it was high time he said yes.

With his plan in mind, now all he had to do was wait for Anakin to approach him and ask. And sure enough, just a few earth days later, Anakin showed up outside of Obi-Wan’s room with a cheeky smile on his face and a “ready to be done with being a recluse?” comment as expected. And though Anakin wouldn’t ever admit it to Obi-Wan’s face, Obi-Wan could see the true concern reflecting in his eyes alongside the expectation of getting rejected. Typically, there would be a pain in his eyes following each rejection, likely stemming from the wedge that sat between them because, for all that they were best friends—brothers even—they didn’t always see eye-to-eye on godly matters. From this came the worry that always sat at the corner of every conversation because Obi-Wan (admittedly so) had been self-isolating from humanity and became a stickler for following the rules of the gods. Contrast that to Anakin who was laxer in his ways and open to embracing his feelings and attachments.

But that concern and pain would end today. Obi-Wan was tired of feeling sorry for himself and hiding away up here and being lonely despite never actually being alone.

He was ready for adventure again.

And so, it was with a resounding sigh and faked exasperation that he said, “Oh, alright.”

If he took a little pleasure in being able to cause such a shocked facial expression on Anakin’s face, then that was for him to know. Though, it was a moment later when Anakin’s face split into a wide grin that he felt any lingering doubts about going down to earth dissipate. Yes, this was the right choice. If not for himself, then for his relationship with Anakin.

The act of getting down to earth was a rather easy task consisting of exiting through a golden archway that teleported them to a location of their choosing. Obi-Wan hopped on Anakin’s coordinates and the two reappeared in a forest Obi-Wan was unfamiliar with, the lights and sounds of a nearby town being their guide on the trek.

Before stepping into the hustle and bustle of the town, Anakin and Obi-Wan had “normalized” themselves from their usual glowing, almost angelic appearance into something more humane and easily looked over, particularly nondescript and unassuming, using the powers they possessed. The less attention they brought to themselves, the better. It was safer not to risk the chance of revealing themselves. Back in historic and ancient times, it was more common for them to fall into crowds of people undercover and interact, getting to know and understand the circumstances humanity faced up close and personal instead of from a distance. But that had all changed once Obi-Wan, Anakin, and the fellow gods above all became characters in a history book.

Nonetheless, Obi-Wan treasured this one act of using his powers for fun instead of remaining dormant and simply controlling the seas in the same patterns and cycles. He looked over at Anakin, wanting to see if he was ready to head into the streets, when he was surprised to see Anakin’s eyes already looking his way, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed, exasperation smothering the very word, “What is it?”

“Finally decided on getting a haircut?” Anakin replied, laughter playing on the edge of the question. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at the question. Yes, usually when he came down to earth he sported a longer hairstyle—a godly mullet, as Anakin oh so lovingly called it, business in the front and the only fun you know how to have in the back—but times had changed, and Obi-Wan had figured it was time for him to as well, at least a little bit. So he did. It was less of a haircut and more of the decision to manifest with shorter hair, unlike a certain someone standing next to him who had apparently decided the opposite.

“Strong words coming from someone who’s sporting a mullet themselves,” he quipped back, turning his attention forward and beginning the trek to the town. Affronted was the only word to describe how Anakin reacted, cemented in his shock, before he shook out of his state and rushed to catch up with his friend, secretly happy to see Obi-Wan engaging in their familiar back-and-forth.

“It is not a mullet, Obi-Wan,” Anakin refuted. “It’s stylish and helps me blend in.”

Obi-Wan gives a quiet hmm in acknowledgment before replying, “Whatever you say, Anakin.”

And so the trek continued until they found themselves in a bustling town with car horns honking, people shoving themselves through crowds, and bright lights illuminating around them. It was both entirely overwhelming yet hauntingly intriguing. For as much as he wanted to look away from the circus before him, Obi-Wan couldn’t stop admiring and absorbing all the information thrown at him. Of course he was aware of how the earth and humanity had progressed from his perch in the clouds, but while it’s one thing to hear and know of something, it’s another thing to witness and experience that which you had heard so much about.

Through his daze, he’s just barely able to keep up with Anakin as they take to the sidewalks, Anakin walking in an apparent familiar cadence as if he already knows where he’s heading and knows the trek well. Perhaps there’s a destination Anakin frequents on his jaunts down to earth? Maybe Obi-Wan should’ve asked what Anakin had in mind before he agreed to this excursion, but it’s too little too late for that now. But still, asking the destination of their slightly fast walking couldn’t hurt, right?

“You know, Anakin,” he starts, “You never told me where you were intending for us to go today.”

“Oh,” Anakin flounders for a moment, as if not expecting the question. Curious. “I, uh, well I figured we’d go to the local art museum.”

“Really?” Obi-Wan is unconvinced, but plays along anyway, only the slightest bit of suspicion seeping into his tone.

“Well… I know you love learning and appreciating the more—how do you phrase it?—refined and civilized things in life,” Anakin jokes, “So I figured we could go to an art museum together.”

Well wasn’t that just the shock of the century. Art museums were far from Anakin’s usual environment. Why? Anakin was loud, brash, and impulsive, constantly itching to go out and meet action head-on, act now think later, a complete contrast to the usually quiet, serene, and contemplative nature that art museums held dear. And for all that Obi-Wan loved Anakin, there were certain environments he would never dare to be with him, art museums being one of them. But, considering Obi-Wan had agreed to join and Anakin actually seemed somewhat eager to go, he figured he could indulge Anakin just this once.

Besides, Obi-Wan figured there must’ve been some ulterior motive at play here, and if he played his cards right, he could figure it out.

“An art museum?” he asks casually, hoping maybe he’ll get a hint of this mysterious motive.

But Anakin immediately picks up on the slight curiosity in his words. “Yeah, why? You don’t want to go?”

“No, I wouldn’t mind going, I just didn’t know you’d be interested in that.”

“Well, people change, Obi-Wan. Maybe I’ve taken a page from your book and learned how to be stuffy and grandfatherly.”

Rude, Obi-Wan muses, but an unlikely story. He leaves it at that and instead asks Anakin what else he had on the itinerary for the day as they walk toward the museum. Apparently, the art museum is the highlight of the day, though Anakin does promise that if Obi-Wan would be open to indulging in human food—something that honestly means nothing to them because they can’t be satisfied on non-godly food—there’s a cafe not too far from the museum that they can hang out and people watch at. All-in-all, not a bad day. Could’ve been way worse given how differently he and Anakin define “a fun day out.”

Eventually, they do make it to the art museum in one piece, and Obi-Wan immediately takes note of how quaint it looks against the glamour of the surrounding town. Less bright colors and flashes of light on the exterior but still a commanding presence with its masonry that almost demands you to look at it and compels you to go inside.

They stand in the queue to get tickets and go inside, but once they do, Anakin starts walking off before Obi-Wan can even grab a map of the museum. He manages to snag one and just barely finds Anakin in the crowd of the entry foyer, leaving Obi-Wan to trail behind a couple of feet once he catches up as Anakin guides him to the Medieval and Renaissance art exhibit. They’re only a few feet inside the exhibit when someone calls out “Ani!” and the two whip their heads around in-sync to the sound of the voice, a chorus of shushing surrounding them.

It’s a short woman who approaches the pair, a charming smile on her lips and a glint in her eyes. She immediately goes to embrace Anakin and Obi-Wan thinks: ah, ulterior motive discovered. He looks at her professional attire, the low but elegant bun her brown hair is in, and the name tag he just barely caught a glimpse of and easily deduces that she must be a staff member here. Maybe once the two finally release each other Obi-Wan can say his greetings and find out more.

Luckily, she seems to be the sensible one between the two and releases Anakin after making eye contact with Obi-Wan, as if just now realizing that Anakin came with company. She tries to be blasé about the overly friendly interaction with Anakin by plowing forward in her introduction, holding her hand out for a handshake. Very interesting, indeed.

“I’m Padmé Amidala, one of the curators for this exhibit in the museum. You must be one of Anakin’s friends,” she greets. Obi-Wan takes her hand and gives it a slight shake. Her grip is firm but not tight, giving just enough of her away for him to understand that she is a person to be respected and in awe of but not feared. It’s easy to begin understanding how her dynamic with Anakin works.

“Pleasure to meet you. I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Oh, so you’re the famous Obi-Wan. Anakin has told me so much about you.” Obi-Wan gives a side-eyed glance to Anakin, noting the innocent expression he wears and wondering just how much he’s revealed to Padmé.

“Interesting, he hasn’t mentioned you at all,” Obi-Wan responds, giving them both a teasing smile in some semblance of reassurance that he isn’t offended by this fact.

However, Obi-Wan can feel the lingering hesitation and slight nerves radiating off of Anakin, which is an unsurprising development. Gods aren’t meant to have deep bonds with humans. Loose friendships are typically accepted with only slight frowns, but once it strays into a tight-knit bond and attachments form, especially romantic ones, they’re frowned upon greatly. And between the two of them, Anakin is less of a stickler for the rules, instead preferring to live by his own interpretations and caveats to the rules—which means Obi-Wan knows that Anakin fears this friendship of his with Padmé will be scrutinized and berated.

Which… okay, is a valid concern considering Obi-Wan’s devotion to the rules, but Obi-Wan hates to be a snitch on his best friend. And as long as he doesn’t witness any actions that would confirm a more serious relationship, particularly romantic, Obi-Wan is willing to turn his eye to the obvious heart eyes and lingering touches the two share. Can’t tattle if there’s room for doubt and question.

He just hopes Anakin knows this himself. And he especially hopes that Anakin hasn’t told Padmé that he’s a god.

He decides to shake off these thoughts and turn the conversation to safer territory to try and ease Anakin some. “So, Padmé, I take it you work here. What is it that you do?”

Immense relief hits him like a tidal wave from Anakin with happiness trailing behind like seafoam as the wave recedes. Not wanting to make any open comments about Anakin’s feelings and potentially clue Padmé into their more than human nature, he settles for a quick moment of eye contact before focusing back on Padmé.

“I’m one of the museum curators here,” she confirms, “I mainly specialize with art in the Medieval and Renaissance exhibit as well as our Impressionist pieces.” She pauses to size him up, silently scrutinizing him and his reactions. Whatever it is she finds must satisfy her, because she continues as if nothing happened, “Have you been here before, Obi-Wan? We recently got some new pieces on loan from some collectors and other museums that are worth checking out.”

“This is my first time, actually,” Obi-Wan starts before Anakin jumps in, quick on his verbal heels, “Right! And I was going to show him around. Make sure he visits the highlights at least.”

Instantly Padmé’s face drops ever so slightly at the idea of this conversation ending and her parting from Anakin, but she composes herself well. But Obi-Wan would be blind not to notice Anakin’s disappointment too, so he decides to take matters into his own hands and says, “Though I’m more than capable of wandering on my own if you’d rather stay and chat with Padmé, Anakin.”

“Are you sure, Obi-Wan? I was the one who invited you out after all—”

“Nonsense, I’ll be more than fine on my own. Maybe then I’ll actually get to appreciate the art and read the descriptions like the grandfather you think I am,” he jokes. “I’ll meet you back by the entrance in a couple hours. Pleasure meeting you, Padmé, I hope we meet again soon.”

And just like that, Obi-Wan is off and he no longer has to be surrounded by the obvious desire for something more between the two that was only stifled from being acted on by his presence. When he’s a good distance away, he decides to stop for a moment and actually look at the map in his hand, and he’s pleasantly surprised by just how many exhibits, art movements, and cultural regions are housed in this art museum. With the knowledge that he may not be able to knock out every exhibit in one visit, he decides to make his rounds to the ones that intrigue him the most.

He starts in the African Art section, admiring the ceramics and textiles created in various regions of Africa, before moving onto the Chinese bronzes, ceramics, and jades exhibition and it’s next-door Japanese screens and paintings exhibit. He’s thinking of swinging to modern and contemporary works when he looks at the map in his hands and eyes the Ancient Greek and Roman Art exhibit, reluctance setting in. Obi-Wan always feels a bit of hesitancy whenever admiring ancient creations because he remembers who the artists were and that fact makes him feel old and worn down in ways he never expected gods to feel like. Besides, wouldn’t it be narcissistic of himself to go and admire the times of old and perhaps even stumble upon a work of him?

Caution thrown to the wind, Obi-Wan decides to make his way to the Ancient Greek and Roman Art exhibit. With his head held high, he spots the tall glass doors to the exhibit and opens them slowly before stepping inside and almost immediately being hit by a whirlpool of nostalgia. Just seeing the vases, plates, coins, cups, relics, and statues on display make him nearly stumble on his feet. The faces staring back at him on the head busts by the entrance are so eerily similar to those of his friends that he feels his breathing stutter for a moment. It’s true that back in those times the gods were more… open to visiting earth. Back then they were more willing and able to interact with humanity and be treated kindly in return. Though, the stories of their escapades and interactions always seemed to be skewed and embellished among all civilizations.

But one thing that transpires over almost every civilization who ever believed in the gods and goddess that Obi-Wan is connected to is that they managed to nail one key feature of the gods in their stories: their extremities. Because at the end of the day, that’s what the gods all were—the best and worst of humanity, but maximized.

Obi-Wan prefers not to think about that fact and how, subsequently, he feels more than humans do and also has an awareness for the feelings of the other gods.

No, best not to dwell on that.

He decides that perhaps it’s best to move beyond the entryway and stop clogging up the doorway with his presence, so he begins to move through the exhibit, stopping every now and then to admire a certain work of art. By the time he’s gone through about half the exhibit, the sting of seeing those he knows etched onto bronze or marble is hurting less; he’s thinking he can finally start to appreciate the art more when he hears a voice.

But it’s not just any voice, it’s a voice he recognizes. And it’s not Anakin, nor is it Padmé. It’s a voice he’s heard before but he doesn’t know the person it belongs to. It’s familiar enough that he clings to it, scrambling through past and recent memories until finally it clicks:

The voice he’s hearing is the voice that recently talked to him via one of the statues commemorated in his honor.

And just like that, he turns his head around and begins to look around for the source. It’s like he’s a ship lost at sea and this voice is his guiding light home, if only he could find it. It takes a couple more seconds before finally his gaze settles on you, and it’s as if sunlight just burst into the room. He notices your eyes first and the way they shimmer with happiness as you wander through the exhibit, admiring the artworks yourself. But then he catches your smile as you turn to talk to one of the nearby patrons and the very sight of it makes him feel as if the world has just opened wide, opportunities he’s never considered laying out on many paths before him.

He takes a moment to shake himself out of his daze to properly take in your appearance. Judging on your outfit and the name tag that he just barely can’t make out and read, you are obviously a worker here, perhaps a curator like Padmé. You’re wandering the exhibit with an air of pride surrounding you, as if you’re happy that so many people are taking the time to come and appreciate the art before them. Everything about you is intriguing and he wants to introduce himself to you before this high feeling surrounding him comes crashing down and he goes back up to the clouds to spend out his immortal days alone and separated again from humanity.

Just as he’s about to take a few steps in your direction, he feels a harsh force of another body hit him in the side, nearly sending him toppling over onto a head bust next to him. He’s bracing for impact, praying that this piece of art somehow is a counterfeit and doesn’t cost more than he can even fathom (seriously, exactly how bad is inflation right now?) when he feels hands on his shoulders that push him back onto his feet. His hands immediately latch onto the ones grabbing him as he steadies himself. One he’s back on solid ground, he looks up to go thank whoever caught him when his heart leaps to his throat and he momentarily stops breathing because who else would be his savior than his guiding light?

He barely has time to even admire your speed and strength before you’re talking to him.

“Are you okay?” you ask and oh how he wants to hear more and more and more of your angelic voice. It’s as if you’re a siren, tempting him closer and closer to you until finally he is caught in your eyes and dancing among the many stars that twinkle in them. But suddenly he flushes with the realization that he’s been staring way too long and oh dear this is quite a messy first impression he really needs to redeem himself with something coherent and get this boat sailing back on course—

“Uh, y-yeah. Yeah. Fine. I’m fine. Never better, truly.” Shipwreck. What an utter shipwreck this is for him. Maker, he’s making a fool of himself. Amid his internal despair, he hears you giggle at his fumbling and his heart starts beating faster.

“Poseidon right?”

And suddenly his heart stops, his mouth drops every so slightly, and his face whitens. How have you possibly figured him out so quickly?

“What?” Is about all he can muster in response.

“Or Neptune, I guess, depending on which you prefer.” He’s silent. Awestruck. But you must pick up on the confusion and awe on his face because you elaborate, “You know… the sculpture right over there? The big marble one with a man holding a trident? The one you were staring at before you nearly crashed into this poor head bust of Zeus and broke this priceless piece of historic artwork? Really, what did the poor guy ever do to you? Surely he doesn’t deserve his head getting cracked open a second time.”

Oh thank the Maker, you were just referring to the art in the room. Which perhaps he should’ve accounted for instead of internally freaking out because he did willingly enter the Ancient Greek and Roman Art exhibit of the museum.

But you take his silent relief as continued confusion because you are suddenly rambling, “You know, because Zeus already had his head cracked open once by Hephaestus after Zeus swallowed a pregnant Metis and gave birth to Athena through his forehead?” You laugh awkwardly before plowing on, “Maybe I should stop talking now, sorry, sometimes I just go off about all these old myths, I just think they’re fascinating and—sorry, I’m doing it again aren’t I?”

He laughs in response to your weak joke and hearty explanation, and he starts to feel a little less wound up and nervous when he notices that you’re feeling the same way.

“No, no, it’s alright! It was very clever. Funny too,” he comments. The two of you share a smile and simply stare into each others’ eyes for a couple moments. But then he begins to worry that he’s making you uncomfortable by maintaining eye contact for longer than normal—except what is “normal”? How much has human etiquette changed since he’d last been on earth? Is this conversation already doomed? He decides to take the gamble anyway and clears his throat as his eyes flicker around the exhibit, trying to think of what else to say to you, before he lands on your name tag (what a pretty name you have) and he says the first thought that comes to mind.

“So, you work here then?” Not the best conversation starter, but it’s something, he supposes. Maker, what is wrong with him? He’s never been so nervous in his entire immortal life, but one conversation with you and suddenly he’s falling victim to all the nerves and anxieties of humans, but dialed up beyond a 10. Gods really are the maximization of humanity’s best and worst. What an awful time to be living this fact. Thankfully, you respond and break him out of his spiraling worries.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve been working here for the past couple of years as one of the curators. I actually worked on this exhibit. I helped organize and select all the pieces in the exhibit, arrange restorations and displays, and record all the art you see here. I’ll admit it’s rather hard selecting which art pieces would fit best with the message we’re trying to convey, not to mention the availability of many pieces of art also plays a difficult role, but I like to think it paid off in the end. There’s something special about all the pieces of art here,” you suddenly pause in your speech before walking over to the very Poseidon statue you thought Obi-Wan had been looking at earlier, and he follows, quick on your heels.

You continue, “Like, this statue of Poseidon, for example. It traveled through an ocean of time, across several continents, through several restorations, all to be right here, right now, in this very moment for you and I to admire.” You let out a sigh that Obi-Wan can only describe as wistful. “I can only wonder how it looked when the artist was creating it and when it was first unveiled.”

He wishes how he could tell you about when he first laid eyes on this statue of himself he had nearly burst into tears, sending a light rain over the agora from the intensity of his emotions. But he suppresses the urge. He wasn’t supposed to reveal himself to humanity, and even if he did let something slip, what are the odds that you’d ever believe him? The two of you are not close, and you never will be. His livelihood as a god forbids it.

Still…

There’s something about the sparkle in your eye as you wistfully look at the art, as if looking at it for the first time despite having seen it countless times before, and your passion for the ancient classics that he finds compelling. Initial literal-sweeping-off-his-feet encounter aside, there’s something about you that draws him to you.

You’re entirely intriguing to him, and he can’t quite pinpoint why. Not entirely, at least. It doesn’t hurt that he finds your ramblings of history and art to be adorable. Not that he’s admitting to anything more than simple infatuation at first sight. He wishes he had the chance to get to know you better beyond the confines of this Ancient Greek and Roman exhibit. But the two of you lead entirely different lives and he has to let this go.

But, he can allow himself this one instance of normal human interaction.

“I’m sure it must have been a sight to behold given how important the gods were to the Ancient Greeks and Romans,” he comments.

“Exactly!” Despite being a curator here and knowing the rules of the exhibits like the back of your hand, you are shushed by a nearby patron at your happy exclamation. Obi-Wan laughs softly at the embarrassed look on your face.

“Guess that’s my cue to switch topics,” you joke. Obi-Wan smiles kindly at you before you continue, “Basics then. I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it,” he winks at your unimpressed look. Luckily for him though, it cracks and transforms into a brilliant smile as the two of you share a laugh. No harm done.

“Okay, smartass, I’ll rephrase: what’s your name?” you ask. “Not all of us are lucky enough to talk with people who wear name tags.”

“Alright then, since you asked so nicely, I’m Obi-Wan. And it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He holds out a hand for you, which you easily take and give a shake. A slight zing runs through his body at the slight contact, his hand still buzzing even after you two let go.

“Pleasure to meet you as well. Is this your first time here?” you inquire.

“Ah, yes, my friend decided to take me,” Obi-Wan starts, but he can’t help but grumble out, “I think he’s a frequent visitor.”

You let out a giggle at his grumpy tone. “You make it seem as if that’s a bad thing. Surely it’s not that god-awful here?”

“The company sure makes it better,” slips out before he can catch the words, but he’s not blind to the pleased look on your face. Huh. Interesting. “I never thought he was interested in art museums but—”

“Obi-Wan!” Cuts through the air, loud and brash and diluted with the slightest hint of concern, immediately followed by shushing by other patrons. Obi-Wan sighs as he recognizes the voice of Anakin.

“—it would appear that he still hasn’t picked up on museum etiquette despite all those visits.”

You rub his arm gently, a look of playful sympathy on your face as you tell him, “How awful it must be to have a friend that cares about your whereabouts.”

But he’s suddenly finding it very hard to even pretend to be annoyed when you’re touching him with such care. All too soon, your hand is off his arm as Anakin makes himself known, sidling up right to Obi-Wan and immediately grasping his elbow.

“Where on earth were you? We were supposed to meet half an hour ago. I waited for you! And here I was thinking you were the responsible one—” Anakin is cut off by you attempting to diffuse the situation.

“I believe that’s my fault. I kept him here talking to me and I held him up,” you turn back to Obi-Wan, a bright smile on your lips and the stars twinkling once more in your eyes. Maker, if he didn’t know any better he really would think he was looking at the sun, his beacon of light. “It was lovely talking to you, Obi-Wan. Maybe you could come again soon and we can continue this conversation?”

“Of course.” It’s his automatic response, no thoughts, questions, or worries in mind. You just look so hopeful and he’s once again a ship in the night, setting out to sail the high seas but hoping to return to again safely, guided by your light. He can only hope Anakin doesn’t pick up on his infatuation with you.

“Great! I’ll let you two go then. Nice meeting you!” And just like the wind, you’re gone, moving on to other patrons and other works of art, sharing your knowledge and stories and passion with other lucky souls. Maybe he will come back.

“They seemed nice,” Anakin remarks with absolutely no subtly.

“I’m not sure what you think happened between us, but whatever it is, you’re wrong,” and with that Obi-Wan turns and begins walking out of the exhibit before Anakin can refute or comment on Obi-Wan’s building anxiety, giving him no choice but to follow.

The walk out of the museum, their time sitting and people watching at a nearby cafe, and the walk back to the forested area follow a similar pattern: Anakin trying to do some digging with heavy insinuations, Obi-Wan denying vehemently any theories and offering scant details, and neither one willing to back down from their stance. It’s an old familiar rhythm, and despite it being grating at times, it’s nice to feel a sense of normalcy with Anakin once more.

Eventually, they make it back up to their hidden sanctuary in the sky and part ways for the day. Once back in his dwelling, Obi-Wan sits down on a cushioned chair and mulls over his day. While going to the museum was fun and enlightening, his mind wanders back to a certain museum curator. The dark horse of the day. The unexpected detail. His beacon of light.

There’s something more to you, something he wants so desperately to know. He practically itches to go back to the museum and keep talking with you. You’re intelligent, beautiful, and humorous. You’re the sun, moon, and stars. He knows he can’t pursue a romantic relationship with you, and he knows friendships with humans are frowned upon if they get too close, but he reasons to himself that one more visit down to earth to speak with you wouldn’t hurt anyone. With this in mind, he closes his eyes and begins to reach out to see if he can hear you once again, but as he’s doing so, a realization dawns on him.

Meeting you is the closest he’s come to believing in Fate, and despite this going against his beliefs, he’s ready to set sail on this unknown voyage and see where your next meeting takes him.

#so that was a doozy... good grief but i hope it's worth it #i usually don't do taglists but lemme know if you want to be tagged in future parts #because i don't have a schedule soooo #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi imagine #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars one shots #obi wan kenobi #my writing #userkarina #yes a lot of the godly traits were inspired by disney's hercules bc i am basic

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readbythestarlight · 4 years ago

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c2e100

ITS FINALLY THURSDAY AGAIN

I’m emotional just watching the art reel again

EEEEEE

Matt’s hair so long

I miss the big table but I’m so glad they're back

"No sponsor" no more D&D beyond?? Did they lose the sponsor??

Not that I care about D&D beyond but I’d hate for them to lose such a big sponsor

Saaaaaam <3

[[MORE]]

They’re not organized by top table/bottom table which is weirding me out a little

THE INTRO

HERE WE GO HERE WE GO

lol starting out with Divine Intervention nice

How does that work with the Traveler not actually being divine

95 lol poor Laura

Travis is suddenly controlling the ship and it’s amazing

You can tell it’s been a while, nobody’s quite sure of their place anymore and it’s a bit awkward getting back in

And also the energy is a little subdued, maybe from the space between them? Not being able to be pressed close. I’m not complaining though!!

I miss Laura and Taliesin being able to whisper and plan together

frick if the ship sinks how will they get to TravelerCon??

Laura/Jester is CARRYING this shit she’s hit it twice and now her polymorph!

Cad: "we’re good, I’m taller than him! Let’s go." xD

F: "I’m sorry I didn’t check in before I got on the water like a fuckin NOOB! Please cast your protection over the cast — and the crew."

Is Taliesin okay? He seems a lot more scattered and he keeps stuttering a lot.

"Probably" Uh-oh. They’re not getting away from this are they.

Sam’s flask is so covered with paper look at how thick it is!

Message to the turtle ajalskalwjs Jester

TRAVELER COOOOONNNNNN

Oooo we got islanders! I hope they’re nice and not like... pirates or something

What if they’re people who were shipwrecked there???

Or like an Australia thing where they shoved criminals onto an island.....

Or political prisoners shoved off where no one would think to look for them

Oh my god Yasha NO

eating the flower ew

I’m so glad she’s okay

Dear god they’ve all missed playing so much

“I know what you’re talking about, you’re just Laura Bailey so...” xD Matt

The people are trapped because there’s something in the woods/fog that eats you if you stray into the mist

Idk I’m just throwing stuff out

B: “don’t compare yourself to me, it’s an impossible task.”

There it is... what is it...

LOL Caleb looking out for Veth still

Ohhhh boy

Clever girls

Came in like velociraptors

The orc?

Not the orc?

The orc

NOT the orc

A Druid??

Ooo they can’t remember specifically how long they’ve been there?

Werebears!!

Right so memory stuff that’s interesting

Interesting to see if it’s the fog, or the were—stuff or what

Uh-oh, clash of the gods

Fire god oh boy

It’s a CULT

CULT CLASH

Wait

They genuinely don’t THINK that’s the case or it’s genuinely not the case

Those are two very different things Matt

Oooo ex thief?

I sense a scam (not from these guys they seem nice)

Oh fuck wait

It’s a dragon isn’t it

A fire dragon

With it’s nest in the volcano and it’s hoarding all the shiny stuff the villagers bring it

Are the M9 ready to fight a proper dragon?? Level 12 I mean probably?? IDK???

Oh somebody mentioned maybe a phoenix thing they saw in the U’kotoa temple?

Part of me still thinks dragon because shiny stuff but

Either way it’s gonna be bad and TravelerCon is probably NOT going to be the party Jester hoped for

Oh boy this will be fun

IM SO GLAD WE’RE BACK

Cult v cult lol

Travis is remembering the phoenix too

Oh gosh

Somebody else mentioned beholder layers came with a “you’re being watched” vibe so that would be bad too. Like I’m still holding onto dragon or phoenix

WE LOVE Y’ALL TOO

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers

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imnxtsorry · 4 years ago

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important notes: this is my about and my main verse, v. free woman, and because I am canon divergent I have to ask you to take the time to read at least the bolded parts of ‘before and during the trilogy’ and all of ‘after the trilogy’ so you know what to expect. I’m not happy with her canon finale, so I will not be writing her raising Will’s child as a single mother, and characters from following movies would have to interact with Elizabeth after a bit of plotting/changes in timeline, thank you. There are other verses all of you can check out at the bottom, to explore different aus/canon divergences/what ifs scenarios, knowing that everything can be changed/plotted so that your muse doesn’t feel goodmodded..

BEFORE AND DURING THE TRILOGY

Elizabeth's mother, Rose, was happy with her ordinary life as a lady, mother and wife. She was also curious, a day-dreamer, who encouraged Elizabeth to dream too, and to learn whatever her heart wished, as long as she would keep in mind that she’d have to follow society’s expectations when older, at least enough not to bring them shame. Rose also loved traveling, so whenever it was possible and appropriate she'd visit new places with her family - which was led her to an early death at sea. This is one of the reasons Elizabeth, who took a big interest in pirates, was allowed to read every book on the subject she could find, to the point of knowing pirate songs by the time she moved to Port Royal; that and her father being so loving and soft to her. Her mother is still a big influence in her life, a drive to do what she thinks is right and not only what she's told, and Elizabeth has warm memories of their life as a child and of how much her parents loved each other. Which is also why Elizabeth does not hate everything about her life as a 'lady': she did show genuine happiness at the sight of the new dress her father gifted her (until she tried it on and it was too tight), there is no reason why she shouldn't like social events involving dancing, or for some decorum to not be appreciated. On the other hand, a woman living in those times had limited options, too limited for Elizabeth, who expected Will to address her by name and not titles, who finds intimacy in breaking protocol, who does enjoy the freedom that comes from ignoring rules that mean nothing to her and have no real use (and of course in following her own rules and morals, for example waiting until the wedding night to be with Will despite clearly wanting it that badly). She enjoys adventures, swordfighting, leaving propriety behind in favor of honesty and closeness.

For these reasons Elizabeth never got close to other ladies growing up, feeling they wouldn't understand, and why I believe she never truly saw James Norrington for what he was, the qualities of him she could have appreciated, or not until it was too late.

After the Curse Of The Black Pearl, Elizabeth and Will find out that they have too many communication problems to work, not sharing their deepest thoughts and pains, not knowing how to end fights - defensiveness, leaving the room in the middle of an argument. So they end up 'breaking up' before they ruin their relationship entirely. This sends Elizabeth down a spiral of self-doubt and self-discovery, because something she believed certain was gone so easily, and because she found herself unable to lean on the man she thought she'd love forever. Who was she meant to be? Could she be good and rebellious, true to herself and happy, but also make her loved ones happy? Once Beckett arrests them, things progress the way they do in the movies except for her and Will being romantically together, and any deviation from canon beside that will depend on our threads. It’s unlikely that Jack and James would know about the breakup before she tells them.

AFTER THE TRILOGY

If everything has gone like in canon, and our threads are set after, Elizabeth has taken her belongings from her father's house, which she can't inherit because she's an unmarried woman and will go to her cousin. He'd be willing to let her have it but she can't imagine living in it without her father, so she uses her pirate king title to get a smaller place on an island nearby, from where she can be given a ride to Shipwreck Island when needed there.

Thing is, Elizabeth's idea of freedom feels limited as pirate king too, since she has to stomach horrible acts the other pirates do, and would find no happiness in attacking people who haven’t attacked her first. She has only been able to give a new rule: to leave women and children alone (unless the women are warriors attacking them). Anything more, like asking pirates to leave good people alone, is just not possible without a mutiny. Teague supports the king and most are terrified of him but there is only so much that can be imposed, and Elizabeth has to ignore other bad acts to keep his 'subjects' appeased enough to follow the few directions she gives.

So now Elizabeth is having little adventures there and then, involving secret treasures and legends, nothing to do with pillaging innocent villages, and trying to find compromises that will let her sleep at night, while also refusing to start a new life as a lady somewhere else, because she'd be suffocated by expectations and protocol. She will still do whatever it takes to survive, she’ll scheme and not even involve other people in her plans unless cornered or due to exceptional reasons, but she will still despise the idea of leaving someone behind if there is another choice, of not trying everything to save others, to be honorable even at personal risk. She certainly does appreciate affection and some gentleman acts in her direction, she just doesn’t want to be bothered with the “coldness” that comes from being proper. And yes, she still intends to wait until married to have a ‘wedding night’, her moral compass matters to her no matter what people expect of her as a pirate or as a woman. And her moral compass says she must keep fighting until she feels she has found the perfect balance between everything she wants and what life will give her.

little headcanons: -her father has a brother in London, who married and had two children, Mary and Anthony. Anthony is the older cousin who approved of Elizabeth’s ‘odd’ behaviors when they were kids and is now married to a woman who would also like her. For this reason he would help her with money and shelter if ever needed. Mary is determined to be proper and quite judgy, and will embarrass her to death if given the chance. -Elizabeth loves dancing, walks, reading, watching plays and playing boardgames. -she has some pretty mundane wishes when it comes to her future family

OTHER VERSES

v. mrs turner. for will rpers only: they don’t break up after the first movie, and events can follow the next movies or be completely different in threads. Point is they stick together and navigate this new relationship - which after all is a big change after years of keeping proper distance.

v. hold on. she doesn’t break up her engagement with James Norrington even if she does help Jack escape his hanging - whether because not in love with Will or because Will never confessed his feelings. In the second movie she’s likely looking for James in Tortuga on top of wanting to free Will, and ends up joining Jack anyway.

v. follow the compass. threads about random plots like ‘soulmates au’ and the like. The events of the movie can or cannot happen depending on what we’ll decide.

v. fine woman. threads where the movies haven’t happened (or not yet and will happen later than in canon), and Elizabeth is living her life as a lady and growing sadder, longing for more. The stories will start from there. This includes threads with Will or James where their relationship develops in a different way (slightly younger Elizabeth etc.)

v. bring me the horizon. threads where the movies haven’t happened or not yet but one way or another she runs away looking for adventure. May or may not be kidnapped and brought to Tortuga. Her reputation ruined, she has to make a life there.

v. gilded ship. after the events of the movie, regardless of other differences from canon, she can’t return home because she has been ‘outed’ as pirate in most lands, being the king and all, and has to adapt to a pirate’s life and/or look for other options because she doesn’t want to be trapped that way either.

v. captain. one way or another, it’s Elizabeth who succeeds Davy Jones. Threads can be set before, maybe during, and of course after, when she comes ‘home’.

#about page #about page and verses #verses page

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red-is-the-new-blackington · 6 years ago

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This quote is everything. Everything, because Red's heart is just so thoroughly in conflict with itself, and that conflict colors every interaction with Elizabeth, including this one.

One side of his heart, perhaps the bigger side, wants to be her selfless sin-eater, and for her to always choose herself over him. He sees himself as unworthy, as the hideous cave fish, the farmer who knows, in his heart, he must pay.

Yet, he's starved for her affection. He covets her regard. He can't stand the thought of her betraying him again. Every time she goes to bat for him, or offers up any genuine kindness, he's visibly affected. Stunned. Gobsmacked. The mere human that he is, he still yearns to become less hideous in her eyes, wants to be seen as a man and not the monster who thrives in darkness.

So here we are, thoroughly entrenched in his current conflict on death row.

He admits that he does want someone there with him at the end (but not like this). One side of his heart is speaking over the other. He can't bring himself to ask for her, or even Dembe. Perhaps he already knows that Dembe will be there, praying for him.

Red wants to make his permanent exile as clean-cut and painless as possible, for her. He wants her to take his money and GTFO, to make a better life for herself. He wants to preserve the illusion that she'll be more than fine without him. Sin-eater, guardian angel Red could feel good about that. It's enough. He doesn't need her there.

But then time is running out and yes, he does still want to see her again. He shouts her name when she appears because he can't help it. She's here. She's here, and however hard he tries to steer the conversation towards a reassuring place, she's laser-focused on saving him. She doesn't care about his money because no amount is worth losing him. She'd rather have him. And like always, he doesn't know what to do with that. The more human side of his conflicted heart is reborn, a little less hideous, even as he prepares to die.

And like so many ordinary men, he wants his mother now, and laments not having her wisdom. She would have understood his conflicted heart. He knows it has caused him to make more than a few mistakes, but his mother could have sized up the situation with a single look. Maybe things would be different if she'd had a chance to set him straight.

It's genius really, that he can conjure memories of his mother and use them to reassure both Liz and himself that she'll be okay without him.

And even though part of his heart didn't want her there and didn't even know if she'd planned to stay, he can't bring himself to tell her to leave before his execution. The human side silences the sin-eater. He wants the chance to make her face the very last thing he sees, to revel in her beauty until he physically can't anymore.

What I'm left wondering is, had Liz asked him about his former identity, would he have spilled the beans, or would he have taken it to his grave? I could honestly see it going either way. Some people have been bitching about it on reddit, but I'm glad she didn't ask. They just want answers, and frankly, I don't even know if I'm ready for that. What happened instead is real growth. At the end of it all, she accepted the fact that whoever he once was, on the most fundamental level, he is the man who loves her unconditionally, and that is what matters most. After the conflict that's been raging within her own heart for a long time, she could finally admit that she loves him too.

That is a huge step forward, for our ship. It sucks that another shipwreck is coming, but this particular falling out may play out differently than the others. We never saw much contrition in the wake of her botched fake death, but at the time, Liz was too consumed with getting Agnes back. I don't really know what to expect, this time. It will be interesting to see how she regards Red, moving forward. I hope that whenever she resumes her investigation into his past, she'll do so out of curiosity rather than bloodthirst and a sense of entitlement.

But I feel more confident predicting how things will look on Red's side. I imagine he'll subvert her declaration of love to an act of pity, meaningless coddling like the doctor, and he will hate that it hurts him. While he'd willingly die for her over and over again, any day, it will kill him that she'd choose to risk his life and their future for a chance to dig into the past. My question for Red is whether or not he'll actually show her any of that conflict or pain before ultimately forgiving her. My hope for him, for our ship, is that he does.

Of course, one could take the 'conflicted heart' quote on a more fundamental level, separate from Liz. When his mother was around, she understood the conflict between his willful, difficult side, and his desire to be good enough to meet his father's approval. One could then infer that the present conflict being referenced is between the good man and the monster, as we've seen that he's more than capable of carrying out the will of either side.

Anyway, I just needed to get that little shipper rant out before tonight's episode airs and kicks my ass all over again. Sorry, I tried to add a 'read more' link, so as not to clutter dashes, but it doesn't seem to have worked.

#The Blacklist #Raymond Reddington #Elizabeth Keen #Lizzington

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bbcmyhero · 5 years ago

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Car

Got a little free time, so I might as well get started on this one. Into the episode with the giant continuity error, because I distinctly remember them having a car before this episode. At least I’m about...95% sure they did.

Are weetabix anything like the mini-wheats cereal? Cuz, if so, I’d honestly like to get my mitts on some. Frosted mini-wheats have the best crunch, ever.

Also, I hate eating odd numbers of things. I maybe wouldn’t eat 20 giant wheat cracker things, but maybe...4?

Standing in the corner and howling is very #relatable. I get you, Arnie

Again with the fat jokes. Lovely.

No need to rub in Arnie’s lack of powers by doing an equipment test right then and there. George is worst cousin.

Still get a giggle out of that George and Ella interaction.

“No, don’t kiss me.”

“Thanks very much, Ella, I really appreciate that.”

I really think if left to their own devices, George and Stanley would get along. Even if they had to bond over not liking Ella.

Oh, the weird guy in the corner is friends with George? Not a shock.

There it is, the part about them not having a car. But, again, I coulda sworn they had one in an earlier episode.

Yeah, just checked. Janet’s getting groceries out of a car in the pilot episode.

Did they have to sell it?

OMG, George, stop talking. You look like the saddest gold-digger in the world. Mooching off someone as apparently broke as Janet.

“You make me ashamed of my sex!”

“Ella knows you try your best, Stanley.”

BRB, dying

Nice. Now there’s two howlers.

Poor Janet.

See, right there. Tyler does the same thing George does later, when he erases his own memory, while trying to remind himself not to talk about Thermoman. Like Tyler’s erasing his own memory.

Tyler is a transgender alien. Change my mind.

That poster of Piers is the definition of Cringe. But, also, yeah. No. The man is gorgeous, but I wouldn’t trust him to operate on anyone. No one should book a surgery with him.

But dear sweet fluffy LORD, this is precious!

The genuine smile. The jumping into the car like an excited kid.

The blue shirt.

Did he need to be a smug ass? No.

Do I enjoy seeing the precious actually happy? Yes.

Can’t say I blame Mrs Raven. Don’t want anyone in my face with the flu, either.

I get sick, I crumble like a jenga tower.

“There is no Mr Right. There’s only Mr Crap, Mr Tit, and their friend, Mr Total Tosser.”

Wisdom.

That is a beautiful tie.

And lookit Piers! For one brief moment, having none to give about anyone’s opinion.

Because he’s got a really flash car, and you haven’t.

“You needn’t worry, Mrs Raven. Janet says most germs are afraid of catching you.”

And Janet just...runs…

Again, howling in the corner is a totally normal reaction to having no money.

“I could clone myself, but we’d keep on fighting over who gets ya on a Saturday night.”

Retroactively disturbing line, considering Hilary the creeper clone.

WTF, George? Why did your mind jump straight to the idea that Janet was suggesting eating Arnie?

What the actual hell goes on up there on Ultron?

Aw, Janet and Arnie celebrating together. Another case of “could have been adorable friends.”

Except Arnie is a creep, so…

Yet again, Janet laughing at the weird alien custom.

Which, granted, does look like camp gay “I’m a little teapot,” but still. Rude.

Okay, I definitely see the fat Freddie Mercury resemblance.

Doesn’t mean I have to like the joke.

Also, frozen Janet is the stuff of nightmares. Is no one going to thaw her out?

I’m not 100% convinced Tyler isn’t hearing actual alien words in the radio static.

Poor thing. I know he meant “present life,” as in reincarnation, but I still think “faded memories of being Ultronian.”

This lady’s gold blouse is awesome.

But ew with Arnie looking through her clothes.

I know they immediately sniffed a disaster, but that alone should still have gotten him a warning. Considering his hero test question was about sexual harassment.

Piers has on a stupid hat. I love it.

It makes the boring shirt more attractive.

BUT! Dude bragging aside, bby, we all know you didn’t take any ladies for a “test drive.” Except in your own mind.

Bless. Janet and George are so happy about his four customers, but everyone else is completely unimpressed.

And the weirdest courting ritual in the world begins in 3

Mrs Raven gets bitchy, Arnie gets...a boner, apparently.

Insult. Insult. Hand lick. Both parties clearly need a cigarette.

I ship it.

And George basically just insulted Mrs Raven by saying it was fair how she hated everyone. And she just looks pleased as punch.

Bits of shipwreck all over the living room and helmets not in the helmet cupboard. You know your life is weird, when…

Um, no. Bad George. We don’t imply the little woman is a nag when she doesn’t want you trashing the house for her to clean up.

At least he cleaned up without complaining.

Oh, I love this part.

“She’s queen of here...YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS!”

GDI, Arnie

And there went Janet’s morals completely out the window.

YOU’VE STOLEN THE CROWN JEWELS

But I want a car

Okay, theft is staying on the dl for now

Stanley doesn’t even blink at George wearing a crown. It’s just one more weird thing George does.

That was weirdly polite. “Oh, it’s you. You’ve come outta your corner.”

Like, nice to meet you, weird guy. What’s up.

Love that delayed reaction...oh. Wait. George is wearing a crown.

Oh, of course this weirdly similar crown isn’t part of the crown jewels.

Good thing George was so completely convinced of that, or Stanley probably wouldn’t have been.

Tyler still in the corner counting the oats. Apparently no one finds that a bit strange.

At least that guy behind him threw some side eye at calling George “master.”

Also, I would dearly love it if I could find a magical alien healer to fix everything that is fubared in my stupid body.

No more broken thyroid gland. No more kidney pain. No more stress puking.

Sounds fake.

Mrs Raven wanting the phone to ring, then getting annoyed when it does, is me bored outta my mind and wishing someone would text. Then resenting it.

Janet’s face says she really believes Mrs Raven would kill all the patients and bury them in the car park.

“Bye, baby, daddy’ll see you very soon.”

I react to this the same way I react to bearded Hugh swinging his belt on Taskmaster.

Incoherent whimpering and nail biting, mostly. At the calmer end.

Jesus!

Okay, I’m cool.

“I am always...we’ve got no patients.”

Blue! Shirt!

It’s not nice to say sexy things while wearing a blue shirt. Sir. Not fair.

I’m fine.

Piers just watching Arnie and Mrs Raven’s mating ritual like...wtf am I seeing here? And then just nodding, like, yeah, that was definitely the most disturbing flirting I’ve ever seen. I’m leaving before it gets worse….

Wait…

Is George curing my patients?

How very dare he? The nerve!

Mrs Raven’s little quick change with the stolen scarf. I think it has to be in the lost and found more than one week before you can claim it, ya know.

Bless him, I think Piers is going to cry. And back to caring what everyone thinks, again.

Another thing that was nice while it lasted.

Theft cat is out of the bag. But he’s right. That is one ugly necklace.

Even if all that stuff was just stolen and hidden in their flat that day, how did no one notice a bedroom full of corgis? They’d surely have started barking at some point.

Rule of funny.

George at least has more morals than Janet.

I mean, I know a car would be useful, but I can’t believe either of them trusted Arnie in the first place.

Howling sadly in the corner is contagious. Poor Janet. Nice going, George. Just couldn’t be a little more optimistic, could you?

Lovely problematic cinnamon roll in a blue shirt is at the door.

“You have all my patients, I want them back….Not that I like them, they just go with the job.”

I love him.

If looks could kill, I’d have murdered Janet and George ten times over by now.

Couldn’t just take the check and get yourselves any old car.

No.

I mean, someone hands me 8k, I’m not gonna be a greedy prick about it.

But, it’s the throat-clearing and the slumped shoulders that Piers has going on, while handing over his car keys. Like a little kid that just got conned out of his favorite toy.

And the fidgety hands.

God save me from this man’s little sad hand fidgets.

“Can we give you a lift?”

You ever see A Fish Called Wanda? The way whenever Otto crashes his car into someone else’s he always screams “asshoooooooooole!”

That’s me, rn.

I mean, I laughed the first time. But that was before...the incident. The moment that changed everything.

Also, flying the car over traffic isn’t very subtle and secret-identity.

Douchebags.

#my hero #george sunday #thermoman #ardal o hanlon #emily joyce #bbc's my hero #Piers Crispin #janet dawkins

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all-blue-headcanons · 6 years ago

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So, let me ask you about your OCs! I would love to know how many you have, their names, if you have any main one, the one you like/love most, with who you ship them and I you would like them to meet mine(lol). So throw me all the info you want to share. -Ai-

Oh fugg, you’ve only gone and done it now, Ai. Buckle up for the ride, kids, I’m about to bore you shitless with my lame ass OC’s… well, one of them anyway, but it’s less of an OC but probably more of a self-reflection as to what my story might be in One Piece? That’s right, I’m one of those disgusting self-inserts so feel free to hate on it since I already hate myself enough, lmao.

A new challenger has appeared! Introducing… Passenger Khare! Her backstory is a bit of an odd one as she never used to have any great ambitions and would have been quite happy just living as a simple civilian somewhere in South Blue. Originally she came from North Blue and used to be friends with X Drake back when they were children since his father was still working with the Marines at the time. Thanks to Germa 66 and the ‘Conquest of Four Nations’ however, Khare’s homeland was devastated and she forced to flee alongside her mother. Her father was killed in the war against Vinsmoke Judge, so naturally Khare’s carried a bit of a grudge ever since.Her problems started when her identity was completely erased by a rogue Devil Fruit user. The ability of their fruit was supposed to be a concept on the idea of identity swapping, meaning that you could pin certain actions and events on somebody else. For example, you could make Luffy think Arlong was responsible for Ace’s death* and would adamantly believe it too until confronted by the truth. For some reason, this person either didn’t have the hang of their abilities or went completely over the top, effectively striking Khare out of history - her mother could look her own child in the face and refuse to believe it’s her. (Actually thinking back on it now, a better explanation would be to switch ‘events’ caused by one person to another? Essentially framing somebody for another’s crimes like Kuro wanted to do to some random dude)There are other problems with this issue too, in that Khare is very hard to notice or easily overlooked by most people. They quickly forget what she looks like as well, effectively becoming ‘faceless’ in their minds. The stronger one’s Haki is however, the more easily she’s noticed/remembered so when Khare fled home to look for the person responsible for stealing her name, it was difficult to say the least. She’d have to stow away on ships, moving from island to island in hopes of catching up or finding the person through tracking their bounty.About a year into this ‘drifter’ lifestyle, the ship that Khare was currently hiding on began to sank after a battle against the Marines - so she jumped off the side and swam to a distant island where there was little food and less water. Despite being unnoticable to most people, animals such as Sea Kings can notice her just fine, so swimming elsewhere wasn’t really an option. Her only options were to starve to death, risk being eaten or hope another ship came by.And there it was; a Devil Fruit sitting right there at the island’s oasis. It was a large and ugly blackish-grey fruit with reddish-pink ‘leaves’, but being so hungry, Khare ate it anyway and became a Fire Dragon Zoan.Leaving the island behind, Khare wanders the world of One Piece; an insignificant human whom most people ignore… and a dragon that is quite a bit harder to. With new abilities at her disposal, she doesn’t quite go on rampages; instead Khare spends most of her time flying between islands and checking out taverns for new bountries, picking up any pirates or marines that have been shipwrecked, stranded or otherwise left to die at sea. She used to be the unknown passenger and now operates as a ferry-service for those who in need, leaving them in safe places with a bag of gold to tide them over.Where does she get the gold from, you might ask? Well, even when you’re a dragon, sometimes you get bored of fending for yourself and need small things like the comforts of food you haven’t cooked yourself, a warm bed for the night and some good old human company. Raiding bandit strongholds and enclaves works out great in paying for more extravagent luxuries, and simply because like any good dragon out there, who the hell is going to stop you? Name: “Passenger” KhareTitle if a member of the Worst Generation: “Robber Baron”Age: Early thirties, ‘cursed’ about five years prior to the start of Luffy’s adventuresLoves: X Drake (childhood friends)Friends: Scratchmen Apoo, Urouge.Enemies: The entire Vinsmoke family. Will drop the grudge against Sanji when she realizes he’s actually a pretty nice guy despite his father. Favourite food: Shrimp Laksa, South Blue style.Least favourite food: Eggs (bad experience, shared dislike with X Drake)Interests: Aerophysics, warfare, scarves, thinking about getting revenge on Germa 66…Style: Pockets, pockets, pockets. Aviator goggles along with pilot-themed attire. Ugly ass eyeburner scarf. Did I mention pockets for stashing people and loot in? Traits: Androgynous as hell, people aren’t sure whether she’s a boy or a girl. Rugged, windswept hair, face often smudged with soot and smoke bc ashen breath. THICC shoulders and upper body due to all the flying causing small tiddies which she doesn’t like. Short-tall at 5′9, needs to stand on her tippy toes to nuzzle Drake’s chin.Personality/Quirks: Awkward, especially socially after being on her own for so long. Doesn’t believe Fish-Man Island exists and gets incredibly angry when people try to tell her it does. A little lecherous (towards both men and women) and rowdy when she’s had a few too many to drink and will definitely sing rude songs. Sung this song to Apoo once when drunk and somehow he remembers it, never letting her live it down. Hates it whenever he brings the topic up. Feels the cold easily. BAD LANDER.Random fact: Was asked to be Lola’s husband once. Khare genuinely told her the truth in that she was actually a woman and thus wouldn’t make a good husband, but would totally have said yes were she a man. Lola was surprisingly good-natured about it anyway, but felt sad when she couldn’t quite remember Khare’s face after parting ways.

Enjoy bad art of the passenger dragon that ‘carries a mountain of gold’ on it’s back.Other OC’s I’m still creating, but I have one going about a bored, sociopathic Celestial Dragon that left the Holy Land voluntarily because he was so tired of living an easy life of luxurious and wanted excitement. He’s nothing special, he’s just some bored rich kid who does obnoxious things like starting wars between nations for the hell of it. Surprisingly he’s pretty honorable about his ‘bargains’ if they are completed successfully; these ‘requests’ however, while seeming innocent, are actually death traps he’s arranging for his victims (aka please go and steal me this hat. Which hat, you ask? Why, Straw Hat Luffy’s of course! And I’ll give you ten million berries for it!)

#anonymous #oc stuff #haha #I'll be impressed if anyone does read this but she's a lot of fun to me personally #Who expects a dragon to come and pick your ass up?#Who the hell needs Uber anyway #anyways back to requests #Passenger Khare

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vestirkano · 6 years ago

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CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE PROMPT

01. Tell us about your character’s name. Was it given to them or chosen? Does it hold any special meaning? If your character has aliases or nicknames, how did they get them and what do they mean?

CONTENT WARNING: kidnap mention /// his real name is vaestkyrn nakos tenua. when he was kidnapped, nobody wanted to pronounce his name vaestkyrn. everybody called him by a bastardized version of it. his real name meant radiant and gentle. over time, he adopted the name vestir which resembles most closely to the zelosian name that means radiant and victory. he doesn’t actually know this fact. he did intentionally pick the surname of his mentor on the pirate crew because she was the only one who showed him kindness and warmth. possibly even more so than his parents who never came to rescue him.

02. What is your character’s relationship to their homeworld? Do they hold fond memories of it, or do they hate it? Are they still here, and if not, do they miss it?

vestir has not gone back and refuses to go. no matter how much money may be offered, he will not return to zelos ii. despite any fond memories he may recall, there is a caustic taste left in his mouth. he holds a deep resentment towards his “big and powerful” senator parents.

03. Describe your character’s relationship with those who raised them. Was it positive? Negative? Neutral? What sorts of ideologies were they raised with, and do they still stand by them now?

his birth parents are dead to him (his father is actually dead). they were very active in the politics scene. they were excellent economists. they wanted to reinvigorate zelos ii’s economy by pushing for less strict trade regulations but were unsuccessful in putting their foot down in other matters. their military forces were often sent to follow plans proposing by other neighboring planets’ senators to “benefit” the republic as a whole. their gaping hole in security allowed pirates to infest the planet. vestir still remembers a variety of their capitalist driven values. he doesn’t care much for their teachings about integrity and service though.

his mentor, mykana, was a middle-aged woman who wasn’t a conventional maternal figure. but she did do her best to keep vestir alive, even going so far as getting hit in vestir’s place by the captain. he did pick up his temper from her but he also retained her work ethic, selective & fierce protectiveness, and tendency to be emotionally distanced.

04. What is your character’s relationship with the Force? Is your character Force-sensitive? Whether or not they are, do they believe in it? Do they lean more towards the dark or the light or are they somewhere in between?

it’s like vestir has a chronic disease that isn’t properly diagnosed. the force tries to speak to him but he was never taught to decipher it so it feels like a pressure building in his mind. he describes it as a cross of a migraine pain and white noise that he can ignore for the most part. sometimes it’s much worse than others. if he was any more sensitive to the force, maybe on the same level as his baby brother, he might’ve gone completely lost to the pain.

05. What three word would you use to describe your character? What three words would your character use to describe themselves? What three words would someone close to them use?

i would use: stubborn, selfish, arrogant

vestir would say: strong-willed, opportunistic, handsome

he has exactly one person who’s close to him... and that person says: “late for dinner”

06. Describe your character’s aesthetic. Do they tend towards fashion or function? Do they like to accessorize? How does this extend into their own personal spaces, such as their home or their workspace?

vestir's way of dressing himself is borderline homeless chic (it is a real thing, and yes, high fashion really found a way to commodify this) and actually looking homeless. it’s almost genius the way he always looks like he has nothing valuable on him at all times. but in almost every pocket is a mf KNIFE or something. his ship looks the same way on the inside. it’s all pretty neat and modest looking, and it’s because he’s hidden stuff everywhere.

07. What are your character’s vices? Guilty pleasures? Bad habits? Weak spots?

he’s hot tempered. his indoor voice is still him yelling. he wakes up and sits in bed, frowning for a good 30 minutes. he cuts his own hair. pick ass eater. he thinks white lies are fine. he shoplifts; not because he has to but because he can. sometimes he steals from his paying clients too. fights any mandalorian on sight.

he has a weak spot for sugar water. it’s the only thing that gets him drunk. alcohol has no effect on him so he does tend to hustle people into drinking contests. naturally money is a huge weak spot as well.

08. Tell us about your character’s relationship with food. What are their favorites? Do they enjoy cooking? Are they adventurous? Will they eat absolutely anything or are they hard to please?

he photosynthesizes. it cuts down on expenses so that he has more money for weapons and ship parts. he does not have a refined palette but he is picky once he finds something he really likes

09. How does your character feel about engaging in relationships—romantic and / or sexual—with others? What is their history like? Do they fall in love easily? Are they constantly in and out of relationships?

um WELL. he absolutely has no interest. there were a few people who have come onto him with sexual intent in the past. he indulged them but he has this incredible way of losing interest 2 minutes into whatever activity they start engaging in. he doesn’t develop feelings easily. he doesn’t like being that close to people because he’s allergic to the spectrum of human emotions and vulnerability. so it comes as a surprise any time someone develops a crush on him. he’s self aware enough to know he always disappoints those people when they realize his cool-guy-devil-may-care attitude is just him being a genuine asshole.

10. What is your character’s pain tolerance like? Can they hold their own in a fight, despite injury? If someone hurts them with the aim of gaining information, how much can they take before they cave?

he’s not super smart but he is tough and stubborn. he learned early on that if he shows people he’s feeling the pain, they’ll think they got control over him. he’ll grit his teeth and bleed out from biting his tongue before he admits that anybody’s got the best of him.

11. What is your character’s weapon of choice? Are they more skilled as a melee fighter or do they have more skill with ranged weapons? What’s their fighting style like? What sort of training do they have behind them?

you know how krav maga’s philosophy is really based on instinct-based movements and using “weapons of opportunity” (if there is a lolipop nearby, he will stab you in the trachea with it) to attack your opponents? that’s how he fights. he’s scrappy and his “””instincts””” are pretty sharp. when you’re a pirate who isn’t given any weapons or even told where all the nearest exits are, you start getting creative so you don’t get your ass handed to you during a raid. he is skilled with blasters but he’s more of a friend-fire on type of person.

12. Does your character have any words or catchphrases that they say frequently? Tell us about how they picked them up.

he still says “crink” a lot which is the “fuck” equivalent for outer rim pirates. but don’t get him wrong he still says fuck a lot. he has a lot of stupid yet vulgar hutt imagery that he defaults to when he’s mad. like, “DEEPTHROAT A HUTT’S TAIL” or “choke on hutt slime.” there was a gunner back in his bounty guild who had a deep bias against hutts and vestir picked up on it. at first he thought it was just funny but now he can’t stop. so he played himself

13. Tell us about a negative experience your character has had with either the Jedi or the Sith, and how this has affected their standing. Whether currently aligned or unaligned with either faction, if forced to choose, how would they side?

well the sith empire withheld his pay a few times because he didn’t do a “good enough” job so he thinks they can deepthroat a hutt’s tail. a jedi once lectured him on his life’s choices. he generally just doesn’t like the jedis because he thinks they’re pompous and doesn’t get involved nearly as much even with their holier-than-thou attitudes. if he had to choose a side, he’d choose one that offers a longer life expectancy for himself

14. How would your character react to seeing a relative or friend on the opposing side of a battle or mission?

easy. they’re getting ONE warning shot so they can get a head start and then all bets are off.

15. Describe a memory that your character finds embarrassing.

vestir and aerith were shipwrecked on a deserted area with nobody around for miles. the temperature dropped to frigid conditions. they made an executive decision to share a bed and huddle for warmth. vestir “never cuddled anybody” kano knee’d aerith in the ass. at some point he sneezed on the back of aerith’s neck.

16. What goals does your character hold for themself and what steps have they taken towards achieving them? How far are they willing to go to reach them? What is their be-all and end-all?

he is always surprised that he’s able to live for another year. he has no long term goal. he has no idea what that is. he stays alive out of spite honestly. his captain told him he’d never live past 15 with that mouth of his so he never stopped mouthing off at everything since then. although there is a side of him that finds a certain sense of fulfillment from keeping his travel partner safe

17. What is the one thing your character would change about their life if they were given the chance? What other lives could they have lived as a result?

CONTENT WARNING: human trafficking //// nothing. he feels like everything helped open his eyes to all the ugly truth under the gilded illusions he used to live in. his jaded outlook and “carefree” lifestyle gives him control of his life. also if it wasn’t him, it’d be some other kid. he knows he was hard headed enough to survive this life. he made himself useful and avoided being sold off at several points while he was with the crew. others may not be as fortunate.

18. Living in such a high-conflict time, how does your character feel about doing what they must to survive? Will they hurt or kill others—either directly or indirectly—to protect themselves and / or those close to them? If so, do they regret it when all is said and done?

No ragrets. he lowkey has stole someone’s bounty after they put in all the hardwork, which is a cardinal sin in bounty hunting. but he didn’t have a way to repair the engine and make sure aerith had enough food to last the upcoming long journey. he does what he has to. if he deems it necessary, he’ll do it

19. What is the biggest problem your character is currently dealing with?

finding aerith

20. Give us 3+ headcanons of any length or subject matter.

he cannot stand pets or animals in general. same with babies, really

surprisingly, he can dance. there’s literally nobody living who knows this fact though

every once in 120 years, all the moons of zelos ii are visible at once. he actually misses the moon festivals from his childhood

bonus. Give us a list of any length telling us why our “fave is problematic.”

stop playing we don’t have time for this. but to name a few:

he would pour milk first before the cereal

doesn’t know how to whistle

“i need a new gun” “there is no why” “I SAID I NEED A NEW GUN, AERITH” “I KNOW I HAVE PLENTY” “BECAUSE I LIKE THAT ONE”

will stop smiling if you look at him and remind him he’s showing an emotion

has made aerith cry

will sell you for a single cornchip and the pocket change in someone’s pockets

blames you for farting when it was literally his fault

does not want to better himself

pretends he was listening to you then interrupts you just to hit you with a “damn that’s crazy”

that one time (plus 40 more times) where he ran off without his teammates during a gig

#( headcanons )#sidereal prompt 01 #trauma but make it meme !

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blockgamepirate · 3 years ago

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I mean first off, I just love swamps in general, I think they're such a cool and atmospheric biome, especially with the water colour change in 1.13 and everything. But here's my more detailed yelling about it:

1: Chest boat

I'm actually so fucking hyped for this feature, and NOBODY seems to understand me

- IT WILL BE SO GOOD EARLY GAME and I LOVE early game Minecraft, the only thing that I hate about it is inventory management, but this gives you a CHEST that you can TRANSPORT so you can actually go loot shipwrecks, ruins and treasure chests without immediately running out of inventory space! (And you don't even have to murder rabbits for it)

- OCEAN ADVENTURES

- FLOATING HOME BASE

- I GET TO PRETEND TO BE A PIRATE WITH THE TINIEST SHIP

- I GENUINELY CANNOT WAIT, IT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN

(I swear nobody seems to understand how much I like these tiny little features in Minecraft, I also love using minecarts for travel and every time I try tell people about it they're just like "oh but ice boats / elytra are faster and more efficient" THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT, THE POINT IS THAT IT'S A MINI TRAIN AND IT'S RELAXING AND CHILL)

2. Mangroves

- NEW TREE TYPE!!! AND IT'S SO COOL! LOOK AT THE DESIGN!

- THE ROOTS!!!!

- NEW WOOD TYPE!

3. Mud

- RENEWABLE CLAY!!!

- THIS WILL BE AMAZING FOR LANDSCAPING

- MUD BRICKS!!!! THEY HAVE A UNIQUE PATTERN! AND COLOUR!

4. Frogs

- they're just cute, I love frogs

- THEY ACTUALLY ADDED TADPOLES. I wish they'd done something similar with the bees too, the baby bees are adorable but they make no fucking sense

- I'm wondering about how the fireflies are going to work, are they gonna be actual tiny creatures? but for now they are v pretty and atmospheric for sure

- I am a little bit sad that they don't seem to have a bright-coloured frog variant, though, but I guess at least they do have variants and maybe they'll add more later??

I am so hyped up for the swamp update, it was my favourite of all the biome votes from the past and all the new features are SO GOOD.

#minecraft

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skarletterambles · 8 years ago

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Pirates of the Caribbean 5

I just got back from seeing Dead Men Tell No Tales. I have thoughts. Quite a few of them, actually.

I should preface this review by giving a bit of background on my involvement with this franchise. I saw the first PotC movie in the theater seven times. I saw Dead Man’s Chest three or four times and loved it. I saw At World’s End exactly once, hated it with the passion of a thousand burning suns, and never saw it again.

I was--and am--a hardcore Sparrabeth shipper. The canon status of Willabeth only explains part of my disillusionment with the franchise, however. My biggest problem was how Elizabeth had an amazing character arc over three films, going from a prim-and-proper governor’s daughter to the ass-kicking Pirate King, pursuing her dreams in defiance of society’s expectations, outwitting both the EITC and legendary pirates, leading an armada in battle...and then had it all stripped away at the end of the third movie, where she is left literally barefoot and pregnant to wait for her man to come back. I was--and am--livid. I felt betrayed, both as a fan and a feminist, to see one of my favorite characters do a 180 like that.

So I have very strong feelings about these movies. I’ve tried to get over it in the years since AWE, with limited success. Against my better judgment I did see On Stranger Tides in the theater, and thought it was mediocre. Since Elizabeth wasn’t involved I could just ignore its existence, for the most part.

Then the fifth movie was announced, and Will was going to be in it. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe they could try to rectify some of the mistakes (read: character assassination) of the past.

They didn’t. But they still came up with a pretty good movie. Honestly, I’d even give Dead Men Tell No Tales four stars out of five. I was riveted to the screen for most of it, and it was thrilling to hear the theme music and see the familiar faces. It was exciting and entertaining, the special effects were impressive, and there were some good laughs. Plus, zombie sharks!

Do I have issues with parts of it? Yeah. And I’m going to ramble at length.

**** MAJOR POTC: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES SPOILERS BELOW ****

Sequel creep is definitely at work, where each installment has to be bigger and zanier than the last. The gags are broader, the willing suspension of disbelief gets even more strained, the stakes are higher, and it becomes almost like a Saturday morning cartoon version of itself.

Thinking back to CotBP, we had to buy into the curse turning Barbossa and his crew into undead, but other than that the world operated on fairly realistic terms. Yes, there was movie logic involved as far as coincidences, travel times, fast wound recovery, and all that, but it still felt more or less like the real world. Stakes got higher with each sequel, until we have whatever the hell that “bank robbery” was in DMTNT.

Don’t get me wrong; it was an enjoyable action sequence, but it felt more like a cartoon than anything that could happen under the laws of physics as they exist in our world. That’s not inherently a bad thing, but the tone was noticeably different compared to the earlier films.

Moving on, I was glad Captain Salazar didn’t have that slurpy, blood-drooling voice through the entire film. When I first heard that in the early trailer I was both grossed out, and concerned that he would be hard to understand. Instead it was just that one scene, and he spoke normally the rest of the time. He was a great villain, from his badass and scary entrance through to his delightfully ironic death. He was genuinely threatening, which was kind of surprising considering the cartoony feel of some of the action scenes. Javier Bardem killed it. Thumbs up to him!

The legend surrounding the trident, and the map to find it, seemed cool until you thought about it for more than two seconds, and then it didn’t really make any sense. Calypso is the Sea Goddess in this universe, so where did Poseidon come in? How can his trident override curses that she put in place? If it could be broken by a single sword blow, how did it stay intact under the sea for (presumably) thousands of years? I mean, sure, maaaaaagic, but...eh.

And why did Will get all barnacley anyway? Elizabeth waited for him, so that part of the curse shouldn’t have kicked in.

And what will happen to the souls of the dead without the Dutchman to ferry them to the afterlife?

And what happened to Bootstrap Bill? Did Will figure out how to free him and let him move on to the afterlife?

And if breaking the trident cancelled all the curses related to the sea, how did Davy Jones appear in the after-credits scene? (Assuming it was him. The gait, crab claw, barnacles, tentacley silhouette and the music box theme all pointed to it being him, anyway.) I could almost buy him coming back to life when the curse was broken, but as a normal human again, not ol’ squidface. The mythology makes no damn sense at all!

This review is coming across pretty negative so far, but I really did enjoy the movie. I thought it was much better than OST, and felt like a return to the original vibe of the series. I thoroughly enjoyed watching (almost) every minute of it, and I left the theater grinning and humming the theme music. As a summer popcorn movie, it’s pretty great. It’s just when the adrenaline wears off and I start thinking and analyzing that I see the issues. And, like I said, I have a long history with this franchise, so overthinking it is what I do.

There were definitely some surprises, although I saw a couple of the twists coming. The instant I realized Carina was Hector’s daughter, I was like, “Well, he’s going to die saving her somehow.” And I was right. It was sad (and that damn monkey gave me more feels than any creepy little primate has a right to), but at the same time I’m delighted at how his character grew into so, so much more than he was originally planned to be. He was supposed to be a one-shot villain in CotBP, but Geoffrey Rush is so damn awesome, and he and Johnny Depp brainstormed a history between their characters, decided his first name was Hector, and one thing led to another and here we are, genuinely mourning him in the fifth movie. It was a worthy sendoff for a memorable character.

One of the themes that got raised over and over in the earlier movies was the idea that it’s possible to be a pirate and a good man. Bootstrap Bill Turner was. Jack is. Was Hector Barbossa a good man? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but he wasn’t 100% evil, either. And he was a lot of fun to watch.

Henry definitely reminded me of Will. He had the same wide-eyed earnestness about him, as well as the tendency to charge into danger because it’s the Right Thing To Do without thinking through the full plan first. Elizabeth’s legacy is a bit harder to see, except in the first two scenes. Keeping a secret stash of pirate memorabilia and legends? Totally Lizzie. Back-talking authority figures? Yep, Lizzie’s genes are in there. And later, in the jail, taking Jack’s ego down a peg by scoffing at his legendary reputation in comparison to the reality of a scruffy, rum-soaked pirate? Also from the Swann side of the family. So I think they did a pretty good job of making Henry his parents’ son.

I just wish we had more information on how he was raised, and where. I always imagined him scampering around Shipwreck Cove and up the rigging of Elizabeth’s ship(s), the mischievous pirate prince. Based on the house Elizabeth is living in at the end, and the fact that he was enlisted in the royal navy, I don’t see that happening in canon now.

When Carina was introduced I had a couple thoughts:

1. “I wonder if she’s related to any existing characters... No, don’t be silly. This isn’t a fanfic. They’re trying to move the franchise forward into the next generation.” (Or not.) 2. I don’t want to like her because no one can ever replace Elizabeth Freaking Swann the Pirate King as the best female character in these movies. And that’s still true, but she definitely grew on me. She had a fairly good balance of “smart woman who can take care of herself and doesn’t need a man to complete her story” and “too perfect to be likable or believable.” I could have done with a costume that didn’t draw quite so much attention to her heaving bosom, but I suppose there’s some vaguely historical style going on.

Honestly, there’s a reason her backstory could have been lifted from a story on Fanfiction.net circa 2004: those kinds of long-lost relative reveals can be a hell of a lot of fun. Especially when you have Jack there to tease “daddy” Hector mercilessly.

I’m glad they didn’t have her be Jack’s daughter, though. That thought crossed my mind, too, and that would have been...not good.

Pity Hector never got to introduce himself to Elizabeth and Will as the father of their potential daughter-in-law. Awwwwwkward! Bwahahaha!

Speaking of the dreaded Willabeth... Jack saw them smooching in his spyglass, made a face, and announced that it was a revolting sight. Same, Jack. Same.

Therein lies my biggest complaint about the movie, and, as I mentioned above, it’s just the latest sprout on a tree of dislike that I’ve been nursing since the ending of At World’s End was leaked. How in the seven hells they thought it was an appropriate, satisfying, logical plot development for Elizabeth Freaking Swann the Pirate King to end up standing around passively on a beach in a frilly dress and a fucking corset, waiting for the menfolk to do the important stuff, I will never, ever understand. It’s a slap in the face of everything her character arc was over the first three movies.

“Sure, little girls, you can have adventures and play pirate for awhile if you want to, but in the end you still have to get married, grow up, conform to society’s beauty standards, put aside those dreams, and take care of your husband and children.” Fuck that with a rusty garden trowel.

And here, when they had the chance to redeem that travesty, when they could have showed a glimpse of her at the helm of her own flagship, or holding court with the other Pirate Lords, or just simply wearing pirate-type clothes and carrying a sword, for the love of all things holy, did they do any of those things? Oh, no. No, they doubled down and had her be so passive that she didn’t even get to speak. (Doesn’t that mean they don’t have to pay Knightley as much?) Literally all she’s there for is to be a reward for Will upon his homecoming, and then sleep with him--on land in a fancy house that could have been in Port Royal, for all we know. Any journey her character had is moot. She’s back to square one, and it makes me want to throw things.

Oops, I was going to keep that rant short, and failed. Oh well, it’s a sore spot, obviously. I have never felt so betrayed by a franchise as I did when they did that to Elizabeth in AWE, and it still stings after all these years.

My ire didn’t even stem from my shipping preferences, although that certainly was salt in the wound. If they couldn’t give us a series of movies with Jack and Lizzie, the best pirates in the world, having amazing adventures while flirting like they did in DMC, at least they could have given us a sort of open ending, where she, Will and Jack all sail in their separate directions, knowing that their paths would cross in the future in any number of entertaining ways. I’m never sure if I should blame the writers, the studio, or the actors, or all of the above, but I would have bought, like, ALL THE TICKETS to see those movies.

But, alas, that’s not what we got. We got OST and DMTNT instead. OST was quite forgettable, but DMTNT packed a pretty good punch and I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. I won’t say it totally redeemed the franchise for me, but it’s got its head above water for the first time since DMC, so that’s progress.

Should you see it? Yeah, I think so. If you enjoyed the precious PotC movies, or just like pirate movies in general, it’s a fun couple hours. Just don’t think too hard about it afterward (like I did.)

#Pirates of the Caribbean #dead men tell no tales #movie review #sparrabeth #anti willabeth

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thanatophania · 8 years ago

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Sera, Cass, Lottie? :3c

WOW this got very long.

Full name: Seraphina Lucia Rosenvinge

Gender/orientation: Female, bi. All hail the heartbreaker, she’s been through her share of beaus and likes to change things up.

Pronouns:She/herEthnicity/species: Lalaland European; her family background is primarily Norwegian and they’re a small, pureblooded family of swan witches.Birthplace/birthdate: January 21, somewhere in Svalbard.Guilty pleasures: Going on extravagant shopping sprees. Back when she used to flirt a lot more and be a lot more casual with her affections, it was nice to have people buy gifts for her. She certainly knew how to get things she wanted, one way or the other. Sometimes she gets guilty enough to return the stuff she buys, but most of the time she doesn’t. Hey, it’s not like she just leaves them to gather dust; unlike some people, she actually uses them! It’s not a hoarding problem, what are you talking about.Phobias: A bit of a Rich Person First World Problem in some aspects, but she’s afraid of having … nothing. No assets, no ties/bonds to people, being completely cut off and isolated. That’s kinda why she did that to other people before they could do it to her. :’)What they would be famous for: If she had her way and wasn’t stopped by the likes of Ali or Cass, she might’ve gotten famous for having a lot of spouses that died mysteriously. :| Maybe gained a reputation as a black widow or some shit. Not very flattering …What they would get arrested for: Casual property destruction. Assault and battery. She’s got a rather short fuse and some pretty bloodthirsty tendencies if provoked. She tends to get pretty angry on behalf of other people, and her first solution to their problems is usually to beat the problem until it repents.Ship them with: Sho. It’s somewhat complicated, because it seems she might have to gear up to fight Cass for the rights to Sho’s hand in … er, not marriage, but. Certainly something. Neither of them are particularly pleased about sharing. She saw him first, damn it! That said, she still likes to flirt, and totally used to flirt with Alistair’s illegitimate half-sister. Mostly to piss him off. Which is succeeding, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.Most likely to murder them: The Bureau, anyone who hates Alistair enough to want to kill him – and it’s her job to get in their way, alas. Closer to home, Mei has threatened to kill her if she breaks Sho’s heart. Sera thinks it’s kinda cute, that her boyfriend’s old childhood girl/friend is protective enough over him to threaten grievous bodily harm to whoever messes with his feelings, even if she was the one that broke things off first. It’s cute. Mei’s also cute.Favourite movie/book genre: Romances and chick lit/flicks. Whether it’s ironic or not, nobody knows. She seems especially fond of trashy romance paperbacks, a la Chuck Tingle or Danielle Steel. And hey, Bridget Jones’ Diary and The Notebook are all hilarious, don’t judge.Least favourite movie/book genre: Action. She can get pretty critical about things like historical and biological accuracy, and commentates all through it. Do not bring her for action movies or superhero flicks. Just don’t.Talents/powers: Ruthless Monopoly king. She’s not here to make friends, she’s here to win. She’s also got a pretty good singing voice, and gets pretty competitive during karaoke nights, sometimes breaking out the operatic contralto if she’s had enough to drink. That aside, Sera’s also pretty handy with polearms and thunder magic, and has a better handle on casting offensively than her brother.Why someone might love them: Protective as all hell to whoever she likes enough. Never mind the fact that they might be able to do it themselves. Even if she gives Ali a lot of shit and doesn’t seem to respect him, she can and will kill for him. It goes without question she’ll do the same for Sho. Ride or die, my man. She’s all about that life.How they change: Uh, well, she genuinely cares for Sho and he’s the biggest catalyst to her settling down and being? A better person? Maybe? She also eventually becomes more honest with herself and with other people.Why you love them: She’s a vicious blood knight (and sometimes gold digger) dressed up as a fragile blushing rose maiden. What’s not to love. She’s awful and I love her.

Full name: Cassius Isak RosenvingeGender/orientation: Male, bi. If his previous interests are any indication, his preferences lean towards men.Pronouns: He/himEthnicity/species: Lalaland European; he comes from a family of Norwegian swan witches.Birthplace/birthdate: January 21, somewhere in Svalbard.Guilty pleasures: Cass is the type of person who feels obligated to be doing something 24/7, so just. Unwinding and Not Doing Anything is something he considers to be a guilty pleasure. Napping, sitting in the park watching people pass by, going to the local pool/lake/miscellaneous water body and just floating aimlessly watching the clouds drift past … yeah, that’s the life.Phobias: It’s not all that uncommon a fear, but Cass hates the Naraka more than anything else because he’s had some experience with getting too close to it. He doesn’t like the cold, or still waters – together, they remind him far too much of the Sea of Samsara. One of his worst nightmares usually entails drowning, the open sea, deep waters, burial at sea, and shipwrecks.What they would be famous for: Very few people use blood magic, especially in conjunction with healing, and Cass is one of them. He may or may not have gotten a few lessons in between from a certain blood mage snake witch, long before her fall from grace. Take that how you will. :^)What they would get arrested for: Robbery. Mostly by virtue of wandering off without realising he hasn’t paid for something, only to set off the alarms as he leaves. Or can you also get arrested for being too smug, and being snide to whoever arrests you? Cass would probably always be held in contempt of the court, no matter what the original charges.Ship them with: … Sho. Remember when I said it’s complicated. His first love was Alistair but it was rather one-sided and never really got anywhere, and Cass knows he’d be lying if he said he didn’t still kinda hold a torch for everyone’s favourite resident jerk stag. And … re: Sho, he was supposed to be playing wingman (ha) or something for Sera but look what happened. Oh no. Oh no, he’s cute. Most likely to murder them: Anybody who has beef against Alistair, naturally. The Bureau – and the most likely candidate may well be Ren. Hell, let’s not even go that far and think about the Bureau – he’d let Alistair murder him. Wait, come back, he didn’t say that out loud, did he.Favourite movie/book genre:… he likes documentaries and educational videos. They’re good to have as background noise while he’s doing something else, though he always changes the channel if it’s one of those deep-sea specials. He’s also got a National Geographic subscription, and likes the photography spreads.Least favourite movie/book genre: Crime and horror. He’s seen enough shit to last a lifetime, thanks, and his normal life has quite a few dead person horrormonsters in it; he’s not a fan of his entertainment having them too. Nor does he want to be reminded of the depths of depravity the human condition is capable of sinking to.Talents/powers: He’s a good artist, particularly with inks and watercolours! One of his favourite hobbies as a kid used to be sitting at the lake on his family’s estate, painting the scenery. Good eye for detail and figure/gestures, and a pretty dab hand at landscapes. Also an accomplished blood mage/cleric, though that doesn’t come into play quite as much.Why someone might love them: All things considered, he’s pretty honest and to the point, and can be rather direct – he’s just not very good at being subtle. Also has a pretty wry sense of humour, even if it takes a while to show through.How they change: He gets a haircut. HAHAHA. Okay, I’m joking. Gets over his reservations re: demons and demony bullshit, stops being so gung-ho about the blood magic business, stuff like that.

Why you love them: I’m a fan of characters who look serious and foreboding and are actually pretty chill. I am also a fan of those that look deadly serious but have a weird streak. Hypercompetent in some areas, utter dorks in others. :’)Full name: Tilottama KulkarniGender/orientation: Female, bi.Pronouns: She/herEthnicity/species: Lalaland Indian, from a family of snake witches.Birthplace/birthdate: March 6, in Maharashtra. Guilty pleasures: It’s a well-established fact that she likes people-watching, and sometimes making up stories about their lives when she’s bored or surveilling/staking out a mark. It goes without saying that the wilder and more sordid, the more fun. She’s not against sharing said stories, either, especially if the listening party is also involved in said story. The more horrified their reactions, the more fun!Phobias: Going insane and demoning out. Her family has quite the history of demoning out – almost a 100% rate, which is high even for witches. She tries to rein in the Sway from the Spine and mostly succeeds, but fears it getting to her; it’s a big part of why she ignored Eri’s offers of joining her grand demony agendas. She doesn’t need help in that, thanks.What they would be famous for: Setting a new world record for lowest limbo? Don’t look at her like that, it’s a perfectly valid claim to fame. Maybe in another life, she’d have become famous as a traditional dancer (and she used to try teaching Sav a bit too, but their styles are very different), but this is not that life, alas.What they would get arrested for: Cheerful obstruction of justice. She can be frustratingly obfuscating when she wants to be and knows it. I guess technically everyone here would get arrested for murder at some point or another, because, y’know. That’s just the way things are in Quell’s Wonderful Lalaland.Ship them with: Kinda had a casual thing with Millie when they were trainees, though she currently prefers making up her wild and sordid stories to actually being involved in them. At some point, everyone expected her and HP to be a thing since they were childhood friends but they never really got into that; both of them mutually agreed they weren’t each other’s type, and left it at that – though she did admit taming HP would’ve been a fun challenge, had he not eventually tamed himself. Haha.Most likely to murder them: Again, the Bureau is the most likely candidate – and for extra irony or whatever, it could well be Eri. For Science. You know, kill a witch whose family is known for demoning out, demon out yourself, eat the other. She’s also informed the likes of Ming, Lin and Yong to put her down in a worst case scenario, because she trusts in their abilities to put aside personal feelings and end things.Favourite movie/book genre: Historical fantasy dramas, and over-the-top theatrics with terrible effects. Sometimes they intersect and that’s TWICE THE FUN. Sure, serious historical dramas are great and all, don’t get her wrong (and she can get pretty emotional in them HAHA she’s the type of person to connect to the characters and resonate with the storyline or whatever) but she has a huge soft spot for the ones that take their unironic corniness up to eleven.Least favourite movie/book genre: Anything that should, by premise, be ridiculous as fuck, but takes itself too seriously. C’mon, man, where’s the fun in that? There’s way too much media that takes itself too seriously. You gotta be able to laugha t yourself and relish and revel in your cheesiness sometimes.Talents/powers: Can chug a litre of liquid in under twenty seconds. It made for a neat party trick and still kinda does! Just, y’know. Not that often. And uhh I guess even as an archer and a generally ranged caster she’s very good with melee and hand-to-hand and her favourite approach to solving closer-ranged problems is to punch it right in the face. Even amongst water-root witches she’s a very fast and fluid caster, and can use minimal movement and gesture to great effect.Why someone might love them: She’s chill, she’s fun, she’s a good listener. A good budget therapist, in a pinch! She’s pretty perceptive and good at picking up on subtle cues or subconscious hints even if the other person may not even know about them. Guess there’s a good reason she’s trusted with a lot of negotiation stuff and/or recon.How they change: She’ll eventually accept that demoning out isn’t really in her power and she probably won’t get a lot of say in it, and to stop being so paranoid about it happening. It’s okay, carpe diem and all that, and she learns to embrace that fully, and practise what she preaches.

Why you love them: I like characters that stay idealistic and true to themselves despite the world being crapsack. She’s not quite on the level of Yuna or Nagi, but she’s also not as jaded as some her age are.

#meme #txt #orig #sera #cass #lottie #THIS GOT REALLY LONG-WINDED LMAO.

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