#not in any way respectful to think that everybody who cares about spoilers is going to have watched it in the first few days?

[theeverdream]

Piece of highly-anticipated media: releases on a Friday

Person, on Monday: are spoilers still an issue?

Me: ......... what

[dragonwysper]

Just finished Mouthwashing, after hearing all sorts of snippets of fandom drama about it. I'd stayed away from all that because I didn't have the context, but now I do! So I'm blasting you all with my thoughts.

Long post. Be prepared. Spoilers for Mouthwashing and CW for in-depth discussion of SA below.

So the biggest aspect of the drama side of the fandom that I've been seeing is how the game handled Anya's rape. Some people think it was devastating and properly showed the awfulness of Jimmy, and feel Anya's trauma was portrayed accurately and handled well. Others think Anya was somewhat one-dimensional; she was given a stereotypically female-specific trauma to match the different pain/traumas of the other crew members, and feel the subject wasn't given enough weight and respect.

After having played the game (while also going into it with the knowledge and expectation that it would be about SA), I can see both sides. Though I think my thoughts on everything come from some core details.

Firstly, the core theme of the game is not SA. It's karma. Jimmy is a terrible person who doesn't care about the pain he inflicts on others, as long as he gains something from it. The game follows him as he destroys the people around him, and treats them like fodder to fuel his own goals. We see all of this catch up to him in the end, and he's sortof divinely punished, or overcome with guilt, or whatever it is, because of it. Each person's harm is unique and everybody has their own micro-themes, but the core theme of the game is overwhelmingly karma.

Essentially, this is not a game about SA. This is a game about a terrible person getting what's coming to him.

Secondly, rape as shock content is a common gripe regarding mostly horror movies. It's a quick and easy way to create motivation, so much so that it's turned into its own subgenre of 'rape and revenge' plots. Think I Spit On Your Grave style movies. The other side of the same coin is objectifying the victim, which creates an exploitative feel. The act of the rape itself, and furthermore the shock of it, is more important than the victim and their feelings and trauma. Rape is detached from the lasting harm it causes, and is more something to justify getting up in arms about something/someone rather than a trauma.

And while we do see some of Anya's trauma from SA, Mouthwashing by and large is not meant to be a commentary on SA specifically. Again, it's about how terrible of a person Jimmy is, which makes the SA, at least in part, a tool to make the player hate him.

Ultimately, if Mouthwashing was changed to where Anya faced a different form of harm from Jimmy, instead of SA, it would still be just about the same game. You could still make a convincing game with karma and bad people getting their comeuppance as the core theme. And that I think is the most important realization to have about the subject.

Anya's SA was the first trauma, and the details of the aftermath are what kickstarted the plot, but it was, intentionally or not, a tool to make you hate Jimmy. Because the game isn't about Anya and her trauma. It's about Jimmy and his karma.

I think Mouthwashing is fascinating, and that theme of karma is not something I see done well very often. I think the style of the plot and all the little details that expound upon the micro-themes of the game are extremely well done. And I think it did handle its themes of SA better than a lot of content that discusses it. But it's not perfect, and it falls short of really digging into the true weight of it. It's not a game that makes any real progress on the portrayal of sexual trauma in media. It's cleaner and less graphic than 'rape and revenge' stories, but it ultimately still relies on exploiting the shock of rape to serve a 'bigger' plot.

It's late, I'm tired, and I'm struggling to properly word what I'm feeling, but hopefully my interpretation of nuance comes through.

[stringcage]

Ok u guys I couldn't help myself so here is the parallel post for everyone's favorite gay punk high school dropouts,,, the incomparable Ronan Lynch and Chloe Price!!

Obviously they have very similar character arcs and I think the main thing unifying them as characters is the way that grief takes shape in young people, both inside and out.

(this will have spoilers for the raven cycle + extended universe and life is strange + extended universe btw)

Each are described as being very jubilant and bright characters because of their happy childhoods before their transformations. They had extremely loving environments to grow up in that were stolen by loss. When their fathers died, it changed everything, as it would for anyone, but what amplified the pain of this loss for each of them is added loss that is (perceivably) chosen. When Ronan's dad died, Ronan was also confronted with the knowledge that he wasn't allowed to see his mom anymore, and for reasons he can't understand, she hasn't pushed back on this contingency at all. When Chloe's dad died, she had the awful luck of Max, her best friend, moving away only days later, and even though Max promised she would be there for Chloe despite the new distance between them, Max never calls or makes any effort to maintain contact with Chloe. So both of these characters are forced at a young age to endure unspeakable grief for their closest family member, but on top of that, their next closest support system CHOOSES (from their understanding, at least) not to help them get through this even though they could.

So what impression does that leave them with? This intentional rejection gives them the impression that they are not worth support, not worth loving. And they each have prior evidence from the world to support that claim:

Ronan has spent nearly his entire childhood isolated from the world because he's a dreamer. We know he isn't allowed to hang out with friends like a normal kid would. He comes to find out that not every kid can do the things he can do, in fact, from what he can tell, NO kid can. He has his brothers, who he got along with at the time, but neither of them would ever have to deal with the same otherness that Ronan did. On top of this, he's the only gay person that he even knows or knows OF. The world is beating this sense into him, this sense that he does not belong and that he is doomed never to be understood by anyone. You are made of dreams and this world is not for you.

And Chloe, a new student at Blackwell at the time, is one of the only scholarship students in a school full of rich kids who she deems "fake." We learn in "Farewell" that Chloe was being bullied for her family's economic status, and her only friend goes to an entirely different school from her. We don't know exactly how Chloe copes with the pain of being a young lesbian or if she even realizes it as this point in time, but knowing the environment she was surrounded by, there's no implication that she had any kind of support system for this. She's able to combat the isolation that all this induces, but once Max is gone, that's no longer possible. She's well and truly alone. Everybody pretends to care until they don't.

All of this piles onto each other- the forced loss, the chosen loss, and the increasing sense of isolation- but there's a tipping point when Ronan and Chloe are no longer able to bear life the way they always have. This comes in the form of a threat of paternal replacement: Declan Lynch, David Madsen. Ronan's older brother has to shoulder the responsibility for the rest of the family once their parents are out of the picture, and Chloe's mom married an overbearing, paranoid man. Both DBag Lynch and Step Douche care very much about their families and are deeply invested in the role to protect them, but neither of them go about it the right way. They constantly fight with Ronan and Chloe respectively. They can see that Ronan/Chloe are getting broken by this world, and their response is to try to whip them into someone the world could be more sympathetic to, even if it means not truly being themselves.

A new figure trying to usurp the role their father had in their life would be hard enough to tolerate from even the gentlest of people, but Declan/David's sternness over the fragile, freshly wounded Ronan/Chloe invokes a defensive urge, the final straw on the camel's back. They have to push back against the world that has taken too much from them and expected them to get back up on their feet with no one patient to lean on.

(disclaimer: this is NOT a holistic comparison of Declan and David. David caring for Chloe as his step daughter does NOT excuse any of his actions. What he did to her is not forgivable, and I am not likening his actions to Declan Lynch's.)

This, of course, comes in the form of two major shifts: external, and internal. Out jumps the PUNK ASS BITCHES with their newly short hair, edgy clothes, and extremely extremely noticeable massive tattoos. This look, the superficial armor.

With the new look comes the new attitude. They have been transformed into abrasive and disagreeable miscreants, untouchable through the cold blunt edges that conceal their inner turmoil. Notably, Adam Parrish refers to Ronan as a pitbull; Frank Bowers compares Chloe to a bulldog. This demeanour, the TRUE armor.

The world cannot reject them if they reject it first. They cannot be misunderstood if no one wants to get to know them in the first place. They must be harsher, faster, more unfeeling than the world ever was to them if they hope to survive it.

Miraculously, this armor is not impenetrable to all. In fact, they'll find solace in the charming king and queen of their towns, ENTER STAGE LEFT, RICHARD GANSEY AND RACHEL AMBER. In a school full of pompous admirers, what could Gansey/Rachel possibly see in a battered dog like Ronan/Chloe? Apparently, someone worth taking anywhere. Gansey/Rachel admire the ferocious heart within Ronan/Chloe, warts and all, and resolve to stick by their side, becoming a conduit for the strong loyalty that Ronan/Chloe have always possessed, but have been deprived of someone to give this loyalty to. They may seem like unlikely duos, but they give a sense of purpose to everyone involved.

This friendship will keep them alive for many years to come, but of course, the loss will pile on eventually. Chloe will lose Rachel and even eventually come to find that Rachel betrayed her before she was gone. Ronan will lose Aurora before he gets a chance to save her for good, and he will briefly lose Gansey as well. Their armor will be penetrated worst of all upon these revelations of further loss. We see them heartbreakingly break down for the first time. It will seem that all is lost for them, and after all the universe has taken away from them, were they right all along? Are they really not meant for this world?

And of course, that brings us to the gayest part of all: being DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE. Throughout the duration of their stories, the world has not been on their side. In The Dreamer Trilogy, Ronan will be pummeled by reality's rejection of him. He will literally be hunted down by people trying to prevent the end of the world which has been traced back to an apocalyptic fire he will cause. In "Polarized" we will discover that the tornado that has been alluded to as "the end of the world" (the degree to which we are uncertain, but certainly the end of Arcadia Bay) is a result of Max's repetitive intervention to keep Chloe alive, and the storm can only be stopped if she is allowed to die. These two are SO UNFIT for the world around them that it literally takes apocalyptic forces of nature to wipe them out of it for good, and seemingly the world will be better for it.

But the world doesn't have a final say in this. These two will not be abandoned by those whose lives they've touched. Throughout these stories, Ronan/Chloe's armor against the world was not enough to keep love out of their lives. Both of them have quantifiably good impacts on their love interests.

Blue Sargent makes Richard Gansey quiet, but Ronan Lynch makes Adam Parrish loud. He shows Adam that there is room for the present in his life, not just the future he's been obsessing over. He gave Adam enough happiness for the first time in his life that Adam was able to recognize that the future he always thought he wanted wasn't working out for him, and that he deserved some say over his own life.

Max Caulfield starts out the game by being self contained. She has ambitions, but she doesn't believe that she has the power to actualize them. Chloe restores something in her. She shares her self-assuredness with Max and encourages her to reach her full potential and embrace the strange abilities she possesses. In this story of choice, Chloe is what proves to Max that there is value in her choices. Her decisions and uses of her power literally start and end with Chloe.

And because Ronan/Chloe have done this for their love interests- not even entirely knowingly, but just by being themselves and living in their lives- Adam/Max refuse to let the universe have their way with Ronan/Chloe.

In "Greywaren," Adam, although angry with Ronan at the time, risks everything to scry out and find Ronan's incorporeal soul in the sweetmetal sea. Though Ronan thought he'd lost him for good, and maybe even found it justified, Adam won't let him be alone anymore. When all is lost to Ronan, and he doesn't know if he will ever be whole again, the love of his life comes back and he tells him: you are worth being here for. You are worth people. You are worth the world, and I will choose to be with you when it is not easy to do.

In "Polarized," Chloe discovers that the storm can only disappear if she does. She reflects on her mistakes and realizes that the world that has so shunned her is worth her life, and so she begs Max to let her die so Arcadia Bay can live. But Max cannot reconcile this. She destroys the chance to let Chloe die, making up for leaving her after her father died. The love of her life tells Chloe: you are worth being here for. You are worth people. You are worth the world, and I will choose to be with you when it is not easy to do.

(^ of course this ending is contingent on the player choosing to sacrifice Arcadia Bay, which only about half of players do, but considering that the comics pick up after Max sacrifices the bay for Chloe, we can consider this to be the "canon" ending that Max (the character, not the player) chose.)

Ronan Lynch and Chloe Price tell stories of people who, in one way or another, are just not designed for this world. Some people have hearts too big and grief too often. The world rejects them, and no matter how much Ronan/Chloe believe they would reject it back, in the end they would go to any lengths to keep it around. The acceptance of the world may not be enough to keep them around, but the love of their close ones can be.

[lollytea]

I'm actively putting on my tinfoil hat as we speak but... the more Zeno plays up the whole 'Oh Hunter and Willow Are Such Good Friends' on twitter the more I think we have a big Huntlow Confirmed Romantic moment still to come in the last special. I feel like he's trolling just for fun but also because he knows there's only a limited amount of time he can plausibly say 'uwu just friends!' about them and he's milking it.

I will always respect and appreciate those who fight the good tinfoil hat fight. My own personal reading on all of this is that it confirms that the finger link WAS the big Huntlow Confirmed Romantic moment. Because I feel like that's why Zeno keeps milking the "friendship :)" joke. Because it is very obviously not. And he's never gonna stop saying it. Cuz it's funny as hell.

He made the joke sparingly over the months before FTF aired when the canon content consisted of Hunter blushing and Willow going feral when he was threatened. But he's really amped it up now that more stuff has happened.

Like I was very much in the opinion that, depending on if you squint or not, the finger thing could be interpreted as ambiguous. Maybe. Possibly. Then as soon as the episode aired, he went and said this shit.

Which I consider as good a confirmation as any lmao. No platonic intent behind this scene whatsoever. It's explicitly romantic.

Zeno has also been very funny because he'll say shit like "what is huntlow? Is that a band? Do they have good songs?" and then rt art of them smooching in the same breath. He's liked and rted art of them before, though he was kinda cryptic about it. Removing it within an hour. It's as if somebody contacted him like "Hey!! Spoilers!! Cut that out!!"

This led to people turning his huntlow teasing into a bit of a meme, something he happily leaned into. Like he knew everyone else knew that something was going on with those little guys. But he was still not allowed to talk about it. So he was all "They're friends :)", knowing everybody got what he was putting down. Now he's apparently been given the okay to post about it, considering all the art rts, their relationship is no longer considered "spoilers" apparently, he's teasing about dubbing over a comic where Hunter refers to Willow as his girlfriend, like??? The man is fully free. He's been set loose. Huntlow is as canon as canon can be. I don't personally think his "advanced friendship" gag is hinting at anything bigger still to come. I think he's just committed to the bit. Man's got jokes.

But yeah I honestly see FTF as a "wrap" on Huntlow, the same way Hooty's door was a "wrap" on Lumity. In the same vein that Dana started posting and rting explicitly romantic Lumity art only after Hooty's door aired, she only interacted with Huntlow art after FTF. (Most notably stuff that was captioned "they're canon now") Like Zeno made a few slip ups but Dana never did. She's very careful about the art she interacts with, because people are quick to take her liking art as official creator approval and sometimes take it too far. So like. Huntlow canon bro. Huntlow painfully canon. They're officially established now. That's a wrap, folks.

Not that Huntlow's sweet little love story is over. Just like Lumity wasn't over after they were established. However, Lumity asked each other out at a somewhat low stakes point in the series. They had a little while to breathe and adjust as a newly formed teenage relationship. They got to have their silly little honeymoon phase and we got to see a glimpse into their mundane but adorable slice of life transition into girlfriends.

Meanwhile, Huntlow doesn't really have that privilege. They established themselves during a high stakes climax. They don't really have time to sit down and talk about this any further. Judging by whatever the Collector triggered at the end of the episode, they're probably gonna be more preoccupied with staying alive than entertaining thoughts about the fact that they're kinda sorta dating now.

Stuff's definitely gonna happen. I imagine they'll be joined at the hip over the course of WAD (possibly separated for plot related reasons and might be overly sentimental when they part ways and/or reunite.) If we get a breather or two throughout the ep, maybe they can flirt or hold hands or something dumb like that. Maybe some stuff linking them to Caleb and Evelyn. Idk if they're smooching. I seriously doubt it. I don't really believe we're getting any kind of kiss in the next special but a silly little cheek smooch like lumity in follies isn't unlikely. I could see it.

But yeah. I don't believe we're getting a bigger and grander romantic moment than the finger link, but I think we're gonna get a bunch of little ones instead. They don't have a lot of time to be cringe but I think they're gonna take advantage of every available moment to be complete losers for each other. I believe in them.

[madnesslovelymy]

My favorite moments  (and some lines) from Inside Job Part 1

- Robotus saying “Did you say Brett? I love that guy”.

- Brett saying “Man, Reagan. Your robot is so sick!” while Robotus (now Alpha Beta) is punching him.

- Akira reference.

- Reagan says to Alpha Beta that Netflix paid millions for Friends.

- Mr. Mothman counting Regan’s HR violations.

- Rand swearing to tell the truth on a Godzilla 2000 DVD.

- Rand and Reagan trying to hug each other, but they felt uncomfortable. In Episode 9, they do a distance hug.

- Reagan telling her mother she is single by choice because she has a job doing very important things. Next scene is something not so important for her.

- THE DRONE THRONE!

- Bear-O starting to work at Cognito Inc. and everybody just accept it.

- “Power is attracted to me, honey”.

- Reagan calling an extraction team in her third date at the movies. The person behind them saw everything and says nothing.

- Brian’s first message to Reagan was a meme and a bad pun.

- Animorph reference (I never read the books, tho).

- “Do you have any idea how dangerous I’d be if I had zero self-doubt?”

- Brett and Reagan being confused watching J.R’s Sex-Deck history.

- “Brett’s got a point...”. Brett smiles. “...for the first time ever” . Brett’s face changes.

- Reagan not knowing any media or references from the 80′s.

- “Brett, I’d lie to you, but I just don’t respect you enough”.

- Myc falling from the plane, expecting his pants would work like parachutes but doesn’t work and screams.

- “We can’t let a whole town get killed on our watch. We’ll get fired. Or promoted? I can never remember how evil we are”.

- When the teacher said is okay to abuse the students physically because is “socially acceptable” in the 80′s.

- The interaction between Reagan and the Blockbuster guy. I don’t know why, but I really like that minor character.

- The Remakes song.

- The whole episode about the flat-earthers.

- Myc doing spoilers about the ending of Breaking Bad and Andre using his memory erasers to (re)watch the ending. As a person who didn’t see Breaking Bad, I kinda saw it coming.

- Reagan being confused about Rafe bringing a bear rug just to make a pun.

- Reagan “being direct” to Steve, but in reality was being mean or rude (maybe for her that means “being direct”, let’s remember Reagan lacks social skills). Then, she’s trying to break up with Rafe in the nicest way possible (character development), but Rafe is being so dramatic and behave like a victim and the people around her see her as the bad person.

- When Rafe texts Reagan “Wouldn’t it be so funny if we had kids? Just kidding! Unless...” and Reagan throws his phone and says “Fuck it” and proceeds to fake her death.

- Rafe and Skullfinger being gay to each other.

- “Goddamn it, can’t even enjoy my death in peace”.

- Reagan being far away from Rand and doesn’t care if she dies in the moon because “she’s already dead inside”. 

- Brett and Reagan sharing their daddy issues.

- At the end of the Episode 8, Myc explaining that the moon landing was real, so the real Buzz Aldrin doesn’t sue Shion Takeuchi and the whole crew is funny. Also, the “Don’t sues us, Buzz Aldrin�� having the same style font of “The more you know” is hilarious.

- Glenn dab.

- Brett saying a reference about an episode of South Park (Insheeption, S14E10). As a person who like South Park, I like that and I get the reference.

- Bear-O not targeting Brett because he knows he’s a good influence for Reagan. But Bear-O targets Rand, the person who built it.

- The disgusted face of Brett when her parents doesn’t care that Reagan is going to the dance with a stranger in their thirties.

- “I’m gonna tell you what I told Leonardo DiCaprio when he begged me to rig the Oscars. If you were the best, ya woulda won”.

- Andre destroying the Wi-Fi, so Alpha Beta doesn’t discovers what are furries. Even though, I think he knows what are furries, since Reagan connect him to the Internet in the first episode (specifically Facebook).

- “They [Furries] are a valid community. It’s not always a sexual thing, but usually”.

- Myc being sarcastic, in general.

- Brett and Reagan being best friends, of course! Thanks to Brett, Reagan is able to hug, improve her social skills and talk about her feelings. And thanks to Reagan, Brett doesn’t have to please or like everyone and is more assertive.

[gamebunny-advance]

Probably the Last of my Thoughts

Pikmin 4 Spoilers

Actually, while I previously thought that Dingo either has special solo missions or that he collects things in 100% areas, I think some of his side dialogue actually implies that he might be a "free pass" for dandori challenges or that he might act as a helper in such levels. So what I'm thinking now is that if you keep failing the challenges, then he may offer to either clear them for a cost or he's an AI that gathers items on his own alongside you to make clearing the dandori challenges easier.

If that's the case, then I do hope there's still a great enough incentive to do them yourself. I support "easy-mode" accessibility options as long as there's still incentive to take the challenge on yourself. Either way, if this really is what he does, it seems like the game is going to value "completion" over "challenge" which is giving me Pikmin 3 vibes in a way I'm not certain about.

Also, I didn't realize until my latest run that you collect pieces of Shepherd's diary and logs from her predecessors. They're probably going to be the source of most of the lore, but since half of said lore is gonna be from her point of view, she may turn out to be a well-rounded character the same way Olimar was in the first and second game. Now I just wonder how many people besides me are going to care about it since she's not the player character.

I never really bonded to the Pikmin 3 leaders despite them having personalities, since their main goal (collect fruit) seemed so impersonal despite the urgency of their situation, and the comic relief moments never really landed for me. It's just not funny to me for Charlie to be the butt of every joke when he doesn't seem to really deserve it most of the time. Like, I get the set-up of having the great respected hero be kind of bumbling, but that only really works if you see them in their prime beforehand. So he just starts bumbling and disrespected and ends bumbling and disrespected.

It kinda felt like they were going the same route with Shepherd, with her apparently being an accomplished captain but only being found in compromising situations, but I think her diary is either gonna really help or hurt that. From extra dialogue from the rest of the rescue corps, they all seem to really respect her, and vice versa, and despite her current achievements, she, just like you and everybody else, have been thrust into a challenging situation that you're having to suddenly adapt to. There's probably even more riding on her, since she has a legacy to live up to, so I'm interested to see if that plays into her character at all.

I'll also say that I like hearing the extra dialogue about and from the other guys too. While they do seem like archetypes first, and characters second, the little bit of character I've already gotten has endeared me a little more to them than the aforementioned Pikmin 3 leaders. Maybe it's because their archetypes are already more "extreme" than, "nice plucky boy" and "bitch," so there's already more room to add subtle details about them in the side dialogue. For example, even Collin, who seems to be the generic "nice guy" like Alph, has a relatable backstory about working to fund his education. And there's Dingo, who despite going down Charlie's route of being the tough guy with fantasies of romance at the very least has a reason to have a crush on the captain where Charlie seemed to pursue Brittany just because girl.

I'm not saying any of this deep or innovative characterization, I'm just saying they're more likeable upfront than 3's leaders. It feels like they're actually a group that had some history together, vs. 3 where they were essentially strangers learning and failing to get along without any emotional payoff for that journey. Like, I can imagine these guys around a campfire and telling stories together into the night.

However, that's all on the side and isn't gonna make or break the game either way. You don't play Pikmin for the story or characters, you play Pikmin because the puzzle solving of trying to do everything as efficiently as possible is addictive. Pikmin has never been a social sim, so a good story/characters are just a bonus rather than a necessity. However, I also think that kid of thinking is part of why I find Pikmin 3 so unmemorable. Of course, the game being fun in itself is a great point, but if the game is too easy, and the characters aren't relatable, then I probably won't have any lasting memories of it.

But I'm pretty hopeful for this game.

[sedgewicke]

Well. Reading the prologue to the fifth book sure is... A Thing when you've only read the first. Half of it doesn't even count as spoilers to me, it's pure word salad.

My main takeaway is that Sadeas would be fucking pissed if he knew Gavilar was keeping aaaaaaaaaallllllll thaaaaaat from him. And Merida is in on it? MERIDA!? No idea what he'd make of the secrets themselves, it's kind of a lot of a lot.

I am disappointed to know that Sadeas being with Gavilar that night meant nothing more than him hustling up like "Here, take my armor, I'm gonna go probably trying to save your life I hope you haven't been keeping any absurdly massive secrets from me bye!"

Not that I expected it to be revealed that they were banging on top of everybody's coats, but it's nice to have some empty spaces for the imagination to roll around in.

So, what's the deal with telling Dalinar not to drink (albeit in a weird, cryptic way), and then telling his guy to make sure he gets something to drink? Is it to test Dalinar's will? Is it just to fuck with him? Is it to redirect blame from Dalinar for choosing to get drunk that night and put it back on Gavilar? Because that would be on-Brando. (See: Dalinar having the gall to blame Sadeas for not doing enough, and this not being treated as an absolutely wretched thing to say.) As someone who's lived with an alcoholic for 15+ years: Fuck that. I ain't got that kind of patience for winos no more.

Everybody's pissed at Gavilar for how he treated Navani, but to be brutally honest? I don't care. You married a war criminal. What do you want? No, what I'm pissed about is how he must've treated Elhokar if that's what he thinks about him. No wonder that boy's got so many problems. I sure am glad Elhokar got to prove his dad wrong by becoming a Radiant and helping to save the wor--ohhhh. Yeeeaahhh. Fuck you, Sanderson.

EDIT: Because I should've known better than to not include a disclaimer re: my opinions on this fictional character's fictional life situation. I would have been sympathetic towards Navani, despite the fact that she made a blatantly terrible decision... but then ch 75 of TWoK happened and she pulled some real Scumbag Mom Tactics--and unlike Gavilar's Scumbag Dad Tactics, it's treated as NBD, nothing to see here--and so now? I don't care. And if you tell me I need to care? I will care less. Signed, a real life victim of emotional abuse--not that that matters, apparently.

I hope it's explained somewhere, at some point, how Gavilar got into any of this. Did he just up and start having visions like Dalinar, and one thing led to another? I don't know shit about any of these non-human entities pullin' strings and whatnot yet, but I feel like they probably have some stuff to answer for. They gotta know that humans do not do well with having mystical nonsense foisted upon them like that.

What's up with mentioning Aesudan like she's an old chum. We're talking Elhokar's wife, right? How old is she, that she'd be pallin' around with Gav and the Sadeases? Is she like Aesudan Jr. or something?

His family. In that moment, Gavilar saw his legacy crumbling. He was dying. Storms. He was dying. What was le to him? What did anything matter if he was dying. He couldn’t. He couldn’t... He was supposed to be eternal...

ngl, this got to me. Sure, he was a dumb bitch getting up to all kinds of dumb bitch shit, but I dunno, man, something about dying thoughts does stuff to me. Look, I hurt inside when I think about... Roshone's? shitty kid's death, and I don't even remember his name. No one can predict what'll get to me and what won't (probably what's not supposed to and what is, respectively), not even me.

I liked that there were little bips of humanity tucked in between all the red conspiracy string. Like "When was the last time I hung out with my friends? NO TIME! GODHOOD NOW! I think I used to like my wife? NO! RENEW THE APOCALYPSE TO SAVE THE WORLD OR SOMETHING!"

[vivispec]

so. absolution. i watched it last night and boy howdy am i a fan. i’ll give my non-spoiler thoughts above the read more, and then some more spoilery thoughts under the cut, keeping in mind i’m pretty easy to please. like golden retriever levels of easy-going.

first of all, can i just say what a wonderful surprise? when I first heard netflix was in charge of this, I was not exactly hopeful. the team did great, though. the whole thing was very respectful to the world bioware built, while still being unique and interesting. they used the lore to build a great story, and didn’t seem smothered by it. 

honestly my high point? the action scenes. they were incredibly well-animated, and had an amazing flow. easy to follow, but still packed with movement and stunning. i usually don’t give two fucks about fighting scenes but these were mesmerizing. the dialogue was quirky, but i didn’t find it annoying. honestly, felt pretty da to me, like banter. characters were well-written (though it felt a bit rushed. like everybody else I wish there had been more time to set them up, but they did a lot with the 6 eps they were given) and there were lots of twists and turns, but they weren’t surprises for the sake of surprises. i feel like everything was foreshadowed pretty well, kinda in the vein of solas’ whole deal: hard to see it until you know, but once you do its so fucking obvious. still, might bother some with how much whiplash you get.

as said by many before, the pace is a little wonky in the first episode, but the rest of the series really smooths it out. they had to estabilish already built relationships and characters in a way that made you care for them from the start, and they did it pretty well, if awkwardly. but i can’t see it working any other way. 

my stepdad, who only ever played origins all the way back when it came out, seemed to enjoy it with very little context. most of the episodes seem to be enjoyable for people who don’t know a thing about dragon age, but the final reveal of the series will not be very impactful if you haven’t played/watched da2. it’s such a small portion of the series, however, and i would still recommend it for anybody who wants to watch it before playing da:d, but who doesn’t want to play da2.

okay here’s my real actual spoilery thoughts yippeee

i am so sorry fairbanks you and your wife deserved so much more

can i just say how chilling the conversation between rez and hira is after we know the truth? like got damn. that was....something holy shit.

i actually really like rezaren as antagonist. i was kinda rolling my eyes at his whole deal when they set him up like he was going to be sympathetic but...then he just. turned, when miriam didn’t do what he wanted. and it was chilling. he is an evil, evil antagonist in a series that loves moral middle ground and i love it. 

and that one line he says, oh my god. something like ‘how many lives taken to control one beast’. and you can’t tell if he’s talking about miriam or the dragon. chilling. maybe one of my favorite moments for that reason alone.

and i loved that neb turned away from rez like that! and towards miriam! he knew!

which btw....spirit neb was so pretty. god i wish he wasn’t a corpse.

speaking of middle ground antagonists, i won’t claim i saw her betrayal coming from the getgo but i was getting strange vibes from hira from the start. i think they handled her really well, all things considered? you can tell she legitimately cares for miriam, but that her desire for revenge is just. too strong. not unlike a couple other mages i know and love.

like, does being a mage just make you the most passionate motherfucker on thedas by default or? 

i was going to ask if it was the oppression but she’s still a tevinter noble so. not quite the same as somebody like, say, anders. who really went through it huh.

on that note, because everybody has opinions about miriam wanting to stay with hira....i really do think its in character. they seem to legitimately love each other, and miriam hasn’t known love like that before. she’s desperate, and so very hurt. she just lost her brother a second time. i think it’s very in character

that doesn’t mean i want to see them together again. hira trying to sell her back into slavery is something you don’t get over. even if sapphira gets some kind of ‘redemption’ (next season? in da:d?) and they’re friends again...i think that trust should be gone. but that’s just my two cents.

i maybe possibly am on the qwydion/miriam train though so i am possibly maybe biased. legitimately don’t know yet if i ship them romantically or platonically though, either way i just. want them to be together and supporting each other. i love them i love their hugs. 

i love love love seeing their interpretation of the demons and shades. memory was super cool, too. and the fact that you could tell what spells the mages were using? they could’ve opted for just ‘ah yes fireballs and lightning’ but they chose to use abilities that are pretty specific, like crushing prison. 

going back to what i said before, where you can’t tell if rez is talking about miriam or the dragon, i really like them releasing the dragon like that at the end. you can tell just how painfully euphoric it is for her, to see something that had been shackled and chained and used as a weapon be recognized as simply a living thing that wants to be free. to be treated with kindness, and understanding, and love when all to often it is instead feared and hated. i wanted to cry, such a beautiful scene.

and the fact that its qwydion doing the healing, and releasing. the fact that she was the one who freed it in the first place? foreshadowing maybe? not my lil wlw heart jumping on this ship and setting sail. romantically platonically i just.....want them to be together holy shit

and finally, that fucking ending. holy SHIT. i was watching it with my stepdad (who only ever played origins, back when it came out) and i could not stop yelling. i think i scared him. when i heard her voice i lost my shit. like it makes sense: lyrium has a connection to the fade, red lyrium has some restorative abilities, and if i remember correctly there have been reports of regular lyrium holding onto memories, so...i could see it being that the red lyrium trapped her spirit before it could make it into the fade and restored her over the years, or a number of alternatives. but damn i did not think that i’d see her ass. poor hawke and varric. can the tyrants they kill just. stay dead, pls.

bioware seems to be acknowledging da2 a lot more and can i just say i am living for it. 

i do think it was very evil of the writing team to make me think that we were going to see varric when hira said she had a contact in the hanged man and i do not forgive them.

and lackland? holy shit. i didn’t say anything about them here because what more can i say. their dynamic is so good, i love how roland teases and flirts but is seemingly just as invested as lacklon is. despite how little time they get the team did such a great job of building up their chemistry with the training and fighting scenes, which isn’t easy when there’s so. much. action going on. really, truly, they used what little time they were given so efficiently. they heard that we wanted a dwarf romance and boy did they deliver.

[violetsystems]

#personal

Being back at work again is an adjustment but not terrible. When you sit around for three years with people acting like you are a worthless human being, it is nice to get justified through a paycheck. I have health insurance so I've been able to book an appointment to see the dermatologist again in the moderately near or far future depending on your idea of timely. A trip to the dentist worked into my probationary period for employment is in order as well. But we're talking having all that and then having it taken away by covid. A long period of time defines you of course. And there's things in my life that have been there longer than any of it. Which is why I try to occasionally write and keep up with how bad or good things are with me. I definitely liked it more when I didn't have to worry about getting to work or waking up to an alarm. But for the most part, I don't have much else going on in my life outside of here. And you know it hits me some type of way when I'm completely left alone. But ultimately being your own person and independent is a goal and probably more desirable than being an invasive species. And I don't purport publicly to anything really other than what I imply here in good faith. But my experience in society and how it interprets my significance is warped by now. It is it's own thing and it rear it's head whenever I step out in public. Regardless of where I am in my skin care routine or light sensitivity. And that is pretty much the same for everybody. Stepping into somebody's space because you have a vendetta, agenda or interest in their existence is an all or nothing affair. And I get this feeling lately that everyone feels entitled to invade my space for reasons I can't really explain. It is just a given at this point and I accept it. I accept a lot of things without saying much about it. It doesn't mean I'm ok with things out there. In here, it is part of the unspoken culture. And I care about it more than most things. I feel like I've been less than ideal the last few years people stuck with me silently.

It really is tempting in this environment sometimes to say that I'll never be better than who I was. People actively target you in public to erase this hope for a reason that is obvious and insidious at the same time. You compare yourself in a third market city and that's your own fault. But when you walk out the door into public, people don't leave you alone. And it's one thing to find a job and go to work. It's another thing for people to waste your time singling you out for things they don't completely have the respect, care or attention to understand. And this is America in general. I walk outside of work in a mask and somebody feels compelled to tell me that they don't work. Not knowing I'm wearing it because I'm sensitive to UV due to some medication I'm on. That person is just an ass. And ultimately we've embellished and accepted to the obvious jack-assery or explain it all American culture. Spoiler alert. I know everything about that guy who rides the train. So does artificial intelligence. And even it doesn't apply what it knows correctly. Why do people feel compelled to talk about me like they're my personal publicist when they have nothing to offer but static in return? Spoiler alert again. It's hate. And you'd never guess who is throwing the shade or how much debt they're in. I guess that's being famous in the modern age. So many people want to be sports players, rock stars, or influencers that normal people are more authentic than Hollywood. Reality hell. Society is hallucinatory. The job market isn't much better and they're both linked in a death spiral. To have a job where beyond your basic politics and reluctance to want to be working more than enjoying life is gold. I'm still stuck in this mindset where I'm brainwashed into thinking the only way I'll survive retirement is by giving rich people more money. I have had the displeasure to have my life savings sucked out of the stock market like everyone else. I don't know that saving for retirement makes any sense other than putting it in a piggy bank with these interest rates. I try not to spend too much money. I work off an excel spreadsheet like an adult. But aside from hiding in my apartment, I don't want to give my money out to people who have no love for why I even try. And I generally have found how to make those judgements through massive trial and error.

When they say "invest in yourself" and I interpret it to my own situation? I don't know anyone who hit this much of a brick wall alone and figured out salary wise what they were worth by accident. Knowing what I know now and what is worth it to me? If I didn't move on with another job my resume would be worthless. I like what I do now and it seems like people appreciate it. Working hybrid can be a real pain to justify but I made that a priority early on. When I do go out and commute, it is like taking a flight sometimes especially if I go to Millennium Station. But it really is the city and some of the people sometimes that can't just keep to themselves. And as much as I'm always looking for that reset, I feel it isn't relevant to think about. Spending a month and a half rewriting your routine and there's noticeable change once you reduce the chaos. Skin doesn't clear overnight. Neither does your attitude. But really without me in the picture, nobody would be doing what I do. And that is a lot that nobody really cares to ask specifically about. And I'm not really asking anyone for advice particularly when it comes to wearing a mask. I still don't drink. I workout when I don't want to. I take a one a day multivitamin and occasionally devour an entire Costco frozen pizza. Of course, I have space for more. Like what? Going out to a bar and trying to reconnect with a bunch of people who don't care what happened the last three years? I don't really either. I moved on and got paid. I don't need a Netflix drama to explain my Internet habits for the last ten years. People out there smoking menthols on the train in 2024. You do you and I'll move to another car. When white people invade your entire data sets to start an economic micro war based on your taste making legacy so they can change the valuation of a stock by two cents? Just what kind of pitiful shit is the world on anyway? I don't know. That's why I like staying put, counting money and genuine clicks. That's my legacy that nobody other than me can speak on. Genuine clicks. Never underestimate the power of that when everyone is watching everything you've ever done. Free will is a mother fucker. The time I invested is well spent just like the company I keep that people don't see unless it's to gossip about. I just spent three paragraphs gossiping about myself. Bottom line. Not terrible. Just star crossed. <3 Tim

[nishiannoya]

ᴄᴏᴠᴇᴛ sᴀɴᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

18+ Only - MDNI

well I never planned on writing for Genshin, but since I couldn't find an in universe Thoma smut fic, I wrote my own. also for @gg9183 🤍

thoma x f!reader, did not proofread, not really slow burn but you have to read to get to the smut, pwp, pwf, lightly possessive, dry humping, slight angst, hint at aether x ayaka, some spoilers for the inazuma arc, (3.97k wc)

Perhaps it's because you come from a small clan, living a life closer to that of a commoner than what one would expect of a family in power, but you always come to the Kamisato estate with a critical eye. It's not that you don't like your meetings with Ayaka (a roundabout plan by your parents to raise the clan's status in hopes that one day she'd have the pull to suggest to her older brother that he marry you), but the perfection you observe makes you wary. They could try to hide it with their immaculately clean halls and rooms, or Ayaka's drilled manners, but you know that nothing is perfect.

Certainly the housekeeper they call Thoma is no exception to this knowledge.

However, despite your reservation to believe in perfection, the blond foreigner has yet to prove he's anything but so. He seems to be friends with just about everybody, and all that know him do nothing but revere him for his skills as a housekeeper and business negotiator. He's kind in a genuine way, and you can't find a hint of hidden motive behind the offers of his hand to help you up or down any stairs, running after you with an umbrella if it rains on your journey back home, or his jacket if he catches a hint of a chill in the air.

Oh, and he's handsome too.

As the case may be, he is an exception and he really is perfect. And almighty archon, is it ever so annoying.

But you know you should not concern yourself with agonizing and irritating thoughts of Thoma's perfection. You know the real reason you've been cultivating familiarity with the Kamisato clan is for none other than the man himself, Kamisato Ayato. You've only been introduced and had quick greetings before he'd retreat to take care of his duties with the Yashiro Commission. He's handsome as well, sharing the same genteel beauty as his sister. You wonder if the suggestion he marry someone from such a clan as yours would even be suitable. He's supposedly a fearsome fighter and strategist, and perhaps would be better suited for the Kujou clan's military general daughter.

At the very least, you like to think that your friendship with Ayaka is meaningful enough to give your clan a stronger voice when you eventually take over one day. Back when you were kids, you were only allowed to converse through a screen divider, making your visits a little awkward. However, with the years, she was finally able to meet you face to face, and though shy and reserved at first, you've noticed in the last year or so that she's become more relaxed and excitable.

"Excuse me if this is uncouth. I couldn't possibly talk to Thoma about this, but I-" the icy-haired girl fumbles around uncharacteristically with her words one day over tea at the estate. "I was wondering you had any experience with, um, love."

The inquiry throws you off and makes your brain go wild with the thought of why she would be asking, and ultimately who she could be seeking advice on. Thoma is the only one who comes mind, seeing that they spend a considerable amount of time together and he dotes on her with the same kindness he shows to everybody - if you were her age, you'd also be charmed. You take a deep breath, mentally composing a respectable response.

"I'm afraid I don't know much when it comes to romance, other than the stories," you admit as you nervously take a sip of tea. You do know a little more than you're willing to let on, but you're not sure what would be appropriate to share. Certainly you've found people attractive, but never enough to distract yourself from your duties as the future head of your clan. However, Ayaka is a few years younger than you, any normal teenager would begin to think of such things in a serious manner. "If may be so bold as to ask, why?"

Her cheeks turn an endearing shade of pink as she lets her gaze fall to her hands in her lap.

"I made a friend recently. Perhaps you have heard of the traveler who helped to end the vision hunt decree," Ayaka answers shyly.

Your mouth hangs open just a bit before turning into a smile at the revelation. The esteemed Ayaka-dono falling for a foreign traveler? This is very exciting news.

"And you're in love with him?" You exclaim, although not too loudly, knowing that Thoma and some others are right outside the room.

"No! I mean, he and I are friends. He helped me learn more about my mother, and we also went to the festival together, and after-" She cuts herself off.

"And after?" You prod. This is the most she's ever opened up to you, and the topic is quite stimulating.

"We, um, shared an intimate moment."

You go silent, eyelids pulled back high in shock. You find it hard to even blink, but you manage to at least clear your throat and not drop your tea cup.

"By intimate, you mean like, kissing?" You ask, hoping for nothing worse of an answer.

"Eh?! No, no! K-Kiss? I meant- Not kissing! Th-That's- We- I just-" She stammers in embarrassment and covers her face with a fan.

The conversation must have gotten a little loud, because the door slides open to reveal Thoma looking in. You meet his stare. For a split second, you notice that it lacks the usual lightness, but quickly a bright smile takes over when he asks, "Can I get you two anything?"

"We're fine Thoma," Ayaka tells him as she lowers her fan, quickly putting on her usual demeanor with impressive turnaround.

"Well if that's the case, my lady," he says turning towards you. "Your room is prepared for your stay. Might you accompany me to help you settle in?"

It's not unusual for him to ask, being too considerate to move a lady's things without her being present. Ayaka nods toward you as if to say she'll find you later to continue your discussion. Before you can even shift to stand up, Thoma is by your side offering his hand. Again, nothing unusual, but there's something in the back of your mind that tells you to be more on guard. You take his hand though, and rise to your feet, bowing towards Ayaka who gives you a small smile.

Thoma offers his arm to you as you walk through the expansive estate. He's talkative as per normal, pointing out the new artwork from Liyue now that trade restrictions are starting to lift, and chatting about how they're expecting more foreign visitors in Ritou. It's hard not to marvel at the well kept grounds at his doing, and you wonder if there truly is a future for you live in such a perfect place.

You feel comfortable at his side, walking arm in arm like this, even if there is something keeping you a little on edge. The split second look he gave you when he interrupted your conversation with Ayaka makes your throat feel strange when you think about it. But he seems relaxed and carefree as he recounts a his most recent run in with a tanuki, and you find yourself more at ease and giggle at his story.

"Here we are! Same room as usual, though we finally got enough silk in to have new sheets and pillowcases made," he says as he opens the door for you. There is a sense a familiarity, coming to stay here a few times a year since your early teens. Though but a guest room, it's nearly as big as some of the homes in your village. It's conflicting, feeling so appreciative and admiring of the work done to accommodate you, yet also knowing that there are people you know with so little. Still, you can't help but to run your fingers over the fine silk and imagine sinking into the softness come nighttime.

You thank him for making such arrangements for your stay, but insist that the previous Sumerian cotton was more fine than anything you're used to.

"One good night's rest under these sheets and you'll never want to sleep in anything else," he insists.

"Then I cannot allow myself to get used to it," you say cheekily, and seat yourself on the soft mattress, smoothing the high quality materials of the duvet.

"You will have to if you are to marry Lord Ayato."

The words cut the lightness in the air, and suddenly that strange feeling is back from how he looked at you earlier.

"I am not inclined to be expectant of such an offer," you say, turning your head away. Part of it is true, though you know that it's also the whole reason for your visits.

"Who's to say you shouldn't be? You have Lady Ayaka's favor," he tells you in earnest, though his tone changes when he continues, "And you have mine as well."

You go warm at his words, though he means it not as flattery, but as fact. It's no secret that despite being a housekeeper, he is Lord Ayato's closest friend. Thoma's good word has just as much power as Ayaka's in this regard.

"I've done nothing but let my family impose my presence to earn such favor," you state, still refusing to look his way.

You can hear the rustle of his clothes as he takes a step towards you. Your eyes slowly trail over to him, though you can't bear to look at his face.

"We host dozens of others with the same intentions, though none quite like you. You don't seek luxury, in fact, I don't think you like it all that much. But you have a strong connection and sense of duty to your people," he says and your eyes shoot up to meet his.

You've never felt so seen than under the softness in his green eyes. Something heavy sits in your throat, rendering you unable to respond to his analysis.

"Lady Ayaka senses this as well. I don't think she would have opened up to you in such a way if she didn't."

"You were-" You go to call him out for eavesdropping, but he stops you.

"I'm glad she has another friend in you. Just," he sighs, "Just be easy with her if she brings up the traveler again."

You harden your stare at him now. Now you understand the look he had given you when he intruded. You know the reason behind the concern, but-

"Just because she's an ojou-sama doesn't mean she isn't allowed to have a crush," you state plainly. You're not nearly as high of status, but you understand the position she's in, what's expected of her, and how it's humanly impossible to fight the way she must truly feel.

"I didn't mean-" He starts to defend himself, but you quickly stand up and take a step towards him, making him back up.

"Can't a girl fantasize? We already have to sacrifice our desires, our spirits, our freedom just for being born into our positions. Is it so much to be a little selfish and think about love for ourselves?" You lament as you keep moving towards him until he's backed into the wall. He meets your hard gaze, his eyes quickly taking in your expression. He seems taken aback, yet there's an understanding as he reads you.

"But you wouldn't know anything about being selfish: Thoma the kind. Thoma the chivalrous. Thoma the magnanimous," you say almost tauntingly as you relent your stance and move back to allow him the air. Of course someone like him wouldn't be able to relate-

"You're wrong."

Your heart stops at the staunchness in his voice. In all your years, you've never heard him speak with such roughness. He takes a long stride away from the wall and back into your space, the usual softness in his face replaced with something darker. There's still a hint of his usual playfulness, but something about his demeanor sends a chill up your spine.

"I'm envious. I could be selfish, too," he tells you without breaking his eyes from yours. He doesn't stop his movement towards you. You step back. He steps forward again. Again, and again until the back of your knees hit the bed. He doesn't stop, looming closer to your face until you're forced to sit, and still, he does not stop.

"I want to be selfish," he declares in a low voice.

He finally halts just an inch away from his nose touching yours. Your breath moves fast and heavy through your chest, speeding up the accumulation of heat taking over your body. Though just as you start to lean up towards him, he pulls away.

"Sorry, I-"

"Show me," you say in a small voice, almost like a plea as you pinch his jacket to keep him getting further.

"I shouldn't. You're- I'm-" He hesitates, still the dutiful Thoma after all.

You give a light tug, beckoning him closer. His sight drops to your lips, and finds himself locked into your gravity.

"Be selfish," you permit, the words ghosting his parted lips.

And he submits. Claiming your lips for himself, he slots into you, taking in a moment to connect with you in such a way. His knee slides up onto the bed and next to your hip as he grabs the sides of your face, pulling you and pushing himself closer and closer until you have to wrap your arms around him to stay upright - A futile effort, as he leans into you more, dipping his tongue into your mouth and brushing the tip against yours. You fall back on the bed, bringing him flush against you as you continue your heated kiss, enjoying this feeling being trapped between him and the mattress.

He moans into your mouth, making you whimper as your hips squirm beneath his weight. You've never felt anything quite like this. The books you've read have always described kissing as something sweet and sacred, but this- this feels much more frantic, like you need so much more. Thoma's thumbs brush against your cheeks as he moans into you again before pulling back.

"We should-"

But you don't let him speak, pulling him by the jacket back to your lips and greedily chasing his tongue with yours. Your knees wiggle out from under him, drawing your legs out to hook around his thighs and squeeze his lower half closer to you.

"Mmmph!" He groans and forces himself to stop kissing you, much to your annoyance. He struggles against your pleas for more, breath fast and heavy as he stares at you closely.

"We can't. I can't," he says, though you know that's not what he wants.

"I told you: show me. Show me more," you demand, moving your hands to tangle in his golden hair and loosening the tie that holds it back. Your fingertips graze through his roots, making his eyes flutter shut at the sensation.

He drops his head to the side of yours, breath rousing the sensitive skin of your neck and heating up your ear. You feel his lips brush against the lobe, and you squeeze your legs just a little tighter around him.

"I won't be able to stop," he says right into your ear, the waves of his voice sending a tremor all the way down to your core. You gasp, arching your chest to him as you grip into his hair.

"Then don't. Please, just this once."

You want to tell him to be selfish again, but there's no need. He lifts himself up, and you realize just how much heat you've generated between the two of you when the air hits you. Perhaps a result of his Vision, but your body feels like a forest catching fire, slowly building more and more until it's unbearable. He must be feeling it too when he strips off his jacket and peels off the black shirt beneath, giving you a front row view of his lean muscular body, arms and shoulders defined by his work with the polearm. He drops his belt and leather tasset, and throws off his gloves, leaving him just in his pants when he leans back down to kiss you again.

Surely you've seen men bathing and frolicking in the rivers before, but you've never been so close to one so bare. Your arms encircle him when he settles his bare chest against yours, lost in the savor of your lips. His skin is smooth and smells of ginger scented soap when his kisses trail down your chin and to your neck. You gasp at the torturously pleasurable jolts you get when his tongue teases your pulse, exposing more of the vulnerable skin to him as you bury your face to his shoulder. Your fingertips grip into the muscles of his back, desperately clinging on as you let the heat consume you.

You whimper his name over and over, encouraging him to give you more of whatever this is. You're no stranger to touching yourself at night, but your own fingers have never felt anything quite like his hips settled between your legs, moving the hardness in his pants against your barely covered sex that's been nearly exposed by the shifting of your robes. Your own hips move as well, seeking pressure and rousing on that one spot that makes your voice come up high and airy.

"Does it feel good?" Thoma asks against your collarbone, pulling at the gap between your robes to expose more skin.

"Yes," you rasp as his lips get closer to the valley of your breasts.

"Can I?" He tugs more at the opening of your robe.

You shut your eyes, feeling shy, but wanting more of what he's giving. You utter your consent and cover your face with your hands when he pulls apart the fabric and reveals your bare chest to him. He makes a throaty sound and runs his hands down the sides of your sternum, thumbs brushing over your nipples in passing, making you gasp and shiver. He does this again and again until you're whimpering and writhing beneath him, and ultimately settles his hands to continually roll your buds under his thumbs.

Eventually, desire and pleasure takes over your shyness, and you drop your hands in favor of once again tangling themselves in his hair. Your fingers move fervently through his loosened locks, knocking his headband off place until he takes a second to fling it to the side. He looks down at you for a moment, blonde hair wild and pushed around, showing a little bit of his forehead to you for the first time. Your cheeks go impossibly warmer at the sight.

"You're beautiful," you say with a light smile, and giggle when his green eyes change from drunk and heavy, to wide in surprise.

"I should be saying that to you first," he says back, matching your smile. His gaze softens and he move his face to kiss you again, though cut short when he speaks again.

"Can I be even more selfish with you?"

You nod, wanting nothing more.

He smothers his face into your neck and molds his body to yours, taking a moment to memorize this feeling.

"Even if we just pretend," he whispers and trails off, a little apprehensive as to what he'll say next. You stroke his hair to coax him into saying whatever prehensile thing he has on his mind.

"Don't marry my lord," he tells you. "Don't marry anyone."

Your heart swells and thumps at the plea. You squeeze him with your arms and kiss the top of his head sweetly.

"Okay," you agree quietly.

"Be mine. Just be mine," he mutters and presses his nose even harder into your skin.

"All yours," you assure him and continue to run gentle touches up and down his spine. He inhales long and deep, then shifts to hover above your again. Sincere green eyes study your face as you stare back at him, a silent understanding passing in the intentional and meaningful look.

Then he indulges, letting his head drop down to your chest, taking one of your sensitive pebbled nipples between his lips. Your mouth falls open, unable to hold back the breathy moans as flashes of need sear your core. He teases the other bud between his fingertips, and you swear your body might break from how much you're trembling from the tightness in your belly. Your legs kick and squirm around his thighs, feverishly searching for relief by rubbing your aching clit on his hardon in his pants.

His name comes out in strings from your lips, begging for something that you're not quite sure of but he has you believing in. Your eyes roll and flutter with each flick of his tongue and jolt of his hips against you. You grab at his back, stifling him into your chest as he sucks even harder at your teat.

He fights your hold to come up for a breath, but instantly dives back into kiss you. He shifts his body, and finally you find that sweet reprieve you had been so desperately seeking. His hips rut against you, moving in rhythm with yours as you stimulate yourself on his hard, covered cock. The friction has you whining and begging muffled pleas into his mouth, though he's also using your kiss to suppress his own voice.

He groans into you, tongue messily teasing yours. The pace of his hips pick up, grinding himself against the heat between your legs. Both of you tremble and heave. You can feel the head of his cock straining through his paints and catching against your swollen, aching nub.

"Thoma, p-please. Something is- If you keep moving like that," you stutter between moans.

"Gonna cum for me? Please cum for me. Gonna make me cum too," he huffs and moves his hips even faster, determined to hear you cry out even more.

"I think- Ohhh! Oh!"

You don't know what's coming, but when it does come, you know. Your eyes screw shut, your own hips jerking up to meet his and ride out your peak, shockwaves of ecstacy rippling through you again and again with the friction of your movements. He lets out something between a grunt and a growl, shoving his face back into the crook of your neck as a sticky wetness soaks your underwear. His body shudders against yours, making you whimper from the sensitivity and his hot breath at your skin.

Eventually, he relaxes his weight onto you, placing a light kiss to your neck without moving his head. He's a little heavy, but it feels nice. Your hold on him lightens, though you still keep your arms around him, and return his affection with a kiss to his forehead.

"I like the selfish side of you," you mutter softly, breaking the quiet afterglow.

"I can be worse, you know," he says, voice a little groggy.

You believe him, smiling to yourself when you tell him, "You'll have to show me."

He lifts his head to kiss your lips, only breaking to say, "When you're all mine, for real."

"When I'm all yours," you promise.

You both are tired from the experience. Some time passes by before you move to lay on the bed properly. The Liyuese silk feels just as Thoma had described, though your head seems to much prefer the comfort of his chest than the luxurious down pillow. He sleepily strokes your hair and murmurs sweetness on your crown. There will be out-turns to follow this yield to desire, but right now, everything is perfect and for once, you're okay with that.

[inkmemes]

young  royals  (  2021  )  sentence  starters ↪  taken  from  netflix’s  swedish  ya  drama.  non-contextual  spoilers.  trigger  warning  for  mentions  of  sexual  activity,  drugs,  alcohol,  death,  implied  internalised  homophobia,  bullying.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“at least you can stay for a cup of coffee?”

“hey, wait up. did you sleep together?” 

“he's probably making out with someone. forget it.”

“i can't take it anymore.”

“what are you doing?”

“and he had to finish your sentence. what's going on? you like him.”

“every time you see your dad, you get all depressed.”

“you're still here, so obviously you must want something.”

“are you high? what the hell are you on?”

“does this make you horny?” 

“i like [town name], but i don't want to live here forever.”

“you can leave now. go home. i'm staying here for the weekend.”

“do you want chocolate?”

“how do you feel?” 

“it's kind of hard to tell them apart, you know.” 

“you're a worthless drunk.”

“you … you need to figure out what you want. and you can take all the time you need. and i respect that. but you have to do it by yourself. i don't want to be anyone's secret.”

“you have to stop pretending that you're not afraid.”

“that's the thing, i just don't want that.”

“it's something new. something fresh.”

“can we talk privately for a minute?” 

“and if anyone gives you a hard time, you know, just let me know, and i'll take care of it.” 

“you do know you don't need to hide?” 

“are you gonna let us in?”

“promise to let me know if there's anything i can do.”

“hey, we won't go blind from your moonshine, right?”

“i'm just getting a good vibe. that's all.”

“you're so fucking pathetic.”

“you realize that this will have consequences?”

“he's such a fucking idiot.”

“i wanted us to have a few minutes alone.”

“when you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the world.” 

“i really like you.”

“felt like i had to rescue you from that situation.”

“it got so damn hot in there, i thought i'd get some fresh air.”

“you are allowed your own opinions. it's cool.”

“i've seen the way you look at each other.”

“here, this one is a little big for me, but i think it'll look great on you.”

“do you think royal dick is different than regular?”

“you're the only one here i feel i can actually talk to.” 

“i haven't heard anything yet, but i'll tell you as soon as i do.”

“you can't just lie here jerking off.”

“i don't want to go to some fucking boarding school!”

“i've missed this place so much.”

“are you going to horror movie night on friday?”

“but i like you. and that is not fake.”

“you don't need to share everything.”

“we should go to a concert again sometime.”

“you're fucking crazy!”

“where have you been? i've been trying to reach you.”

“just don't use the school's wi-fi for porn surfing. could be embarrassing.”

“but no matter what, they can't dictate what you say.”

“sorry about last night.”

“i don't want to talk to you!”

“i don't wanna sound like an idiot.”

“i was thinking, would you like to have a sleepover at my place? because that's something friends do. it's going to be really cozy.”

“i think maybe we should forget about that.”

“you can't really see that it is you.”

“i mean, it could be anyone. it's so fucking stupid.”

“i don't want to say anything.” 

“now you're doing it again. you're trying to take care of me.” 

“i can take it, it's okay.”

“that's not true. i haven't spoken to my parents.”

“we haven't done anything wrong.”

“you're beautiful! you're so beautiful.”

“i'm gay, [name].”

“seriously? what the fuck is your problem?”

“you keep letting people piss on you!”

“i just assumed you didn't want special treatment.”

“keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“so you thought you'd start spreading false rumours without having any proof?” 

“i just didn't want to lose you.”

“uh, there's pizza left if you want some.”

“everybody thinks you're perfect. you know that, right?”

“he's just been outed.”

“i'm going to fuck this up.”

“he bloody ruined my fucking life!”

“why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?”

“hi. sorry, i was feeling a bit better. so i thought it was okay that i hung out with some friends.”

"everyone should be allowed to live as gay or straight or whatever they want.”

“i woke up in my own bed. that's always something.”

“could i just have one second? just one second alone, please?”

“i’m sorry. but it was, like, the only way.”

“i thought, everyone deserves a second chance.”

“i'm sorry about the mess. i wasn't expecting such distinguished company.”

“i just don't want you to be treated badly again.”

“oh, fuck.”

“you don't even… aren't you even gonna answer me?”

“i didn't know that one was supposed to sign up.”

“in real life, you don't pay to get ahead.”

“and what the fuck does your dad do?”

“let's try to have some table manners.”

“it's, like, really serious.”

“who the hell can live like this for three fucking years?”

“that's what happens when you buy the cheap ones.”

“i need your help with something. ”

“being a prince is not a punishment, but a privilege.”

“it's awesome to just chill out.”

“or maybe he lied about that too. what do i know?”

“you have to give people a chance.”

“you have to try to see it from my perspective.” 

“what the hell's this?”

“what happened to "we should forget about it"?”

“stop being so fucking stubborn and try to understand my situation.”

“sometimes it's better not to say everything.” 

“i was just bored.”

“have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“sometimes it's better to keep quiet.”

“can i get you some coffee?”

“nobody else cares about these things.”

“i lost track of time.”

“everybody does the same things and everybody knows everybody.”

“thanks for rescuing me yesterday.”

“remember when he came up to us the first week and was like, "what's up?"”

“i need you to delete all our texts.”

“i can't keep doing this anymore.”

“are you gonna let them go on with their bullshit?”

“i want to be with you.”

“here's a blanket, a pillow, and bed sheets. there you go.”

“okay, yeah. you don't seem to have grasped what i'm trying to say.”

“it's usually boring as hell.”

“he's been dealing to us for months.”

“i don't want to talk to him.”

“don't you wanna date [name] anymore?”

“i don't know why he's started texting me again. he knows i don't want anything to do with him.” 

“yeah, we had a shitload of drugs.”

“we could murder someone, and nobody would say a word.”

“she needs some fun.”

“he's just doing it to fuck with me.”

“it's such a weird question.”

“i just wanted to say hi. i don't believe we've met. ”

“but i still want us to be friends.”

“if i were to stay here… would you… like to keep me company? just you and me.”

“everything's, like, upside down now.”

“have you always lived here?”

“damn it. sorry. shit. i completely forgot.”

“i'm sure someone has a story to tell.”

“you've got to put yourself first. i mean, no matter what he thinks about it.”

“come on! you can't just sit there stuck in your room.”

“you can snuggle up in my safe arms if it gets scary.”

“i want to live a normal life.”

“let me have a look. you can hardly see it.”

“any other dick that's been sucked?”

“you just expect everything to be on your terms.”

“i want to know everything!”

“you don't have to go there. i'll take care of myself.”

“has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” 

“i'll just stay in and go to bed early.”

“thanks for explaining the schedule.”

“i'd rather die.”

“i don't want you to be mad.”

“promise to tell me if something is wrong.”

“i can't be dressed like this if you're dressed like that.” 

“it's really complicated.”

“it feels like you don't care what people think about you, or if you have a lot of friends and stuff.” 

“nobody asked you to come. feel free to leave if you want.”

“well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this!” 

“there isn't so much to do around here.”

“you've become such a snob.”

“i know you're only trying to help me.” 

“do you like it here?”

“i don't wanna go in there. we're not even invited. fuck this.”

“don't you think it's weird [name] invited us to come?”

“if they hadn't been here, would you've, uh, made out with me?”

“so, you're an actual proper couple now?”

“you're thinking about someone else.”

“you're right. we're doing this together.”

“thanks… for nothing.”

“why are you even so obsessed with him?”

“i want you to hold me.”

“call me when you want to be picked up.”

“what the fuck do you care?” 

“i don't think we're a couple or anything. i don't know what it is.”

“you never asked me!”

“your focus should be on comforting me so that i can comfort him.” 

“it's not that hard. you have to be able to keep up appearances.”

“famous people make videos like that.”

“maybe somebody forgot to tell me, as usual.”

“just make a move on [name] and show him what you want.”

“you wanna stay a while and jam?”

“have you talked to your parents about it?”

“a diverse bunch of losers, who'll never amount to anything.”

“why can't i decide how the hell i want to live?”

“apparently, i'm the only one who doesn't know everybody.”

“i used to have straight a's on every test.”

“it will damage our reputation.”

“i'm fucking starving.”

“why is it called tax "evasion" but welfare "scam"? it's all right that rich people cheat, but when poor people do it, it's messed up. for rich people, it's not even called "welfare”, it's called "deduction."”

“what the fuck is rowing?”

“what the hell have you done, [name]?”

“good voice, man.”

“why can't i just have a relationship with him?”

“did you have fun last friday?”

“all the people are fake. they're made out of metal.”

what do you want me to say? i'm sorry!”

“is this some kind of prank?”

“i like you when you are yourself!”

“but you like him, don't you?”

“she shouldn't talk to you like that.”

“are you into him?”

“something's not right, i think we should head back to the road.”

“do you have trouble sleeping?”

“doesn't anyone care what i want?”

“just don't tell anyone that i've been here.”

“i was going to text you back, but…”

“your only mistake was that you hung out with the wrong kind of people.”

“i just wanted to help.”

“i know you'll use anything to get high or drunk.” 

“it's time to stop being so selfish.”

“i just want my fucking money.”

“you should've planned ahead. didn't you bring a sandwich?” 

“who the fuck wants to be normal anyway?”

“you fucking told me you were the one i could always come to!”

“i take it back.”

“i can see there's something going on.”

“i have to finish getting ready, so if you could please leave.”

“no one likes me when i'm myself.” 

“i hope you have a nice christmas.”

“i'm gonna do the wrong things, say the wrong things.”

“my mom is gonna kill me.”

“do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“i cannot be dragged into this.”

“i like you too.”

“you're no longer a part of my family.”

“it's well-suited for smaller people.”

“i assume that he thought that it would make him popular.”

“i didn't ask for this!”

“it's no problem. i like doing it.”

“it feels like i'm gonna throw up.”

“don't i get any breakfast?”

“whatever i do, i can't do anything right.”

“we haven't been to any party whatsoever.”

“did you get my texts?”

“i think it sounds romantic.”

“uh, wait, you have to come to the horror movie night on friday.”

“i liked what you said in there, [name].”

“okay, maybe he used to be a player, but love can actually change you.”

“it's nice to make an effort and dress up for dinner.” 

“i'm in a fucked-up situation and i'm trying to talk to you.” 

“you don't understand. i was gonna pay it.”

“you're not that kind of guy.”

“i was about to go outside and, um, do you wanna come with?”

“what about me?” 

“it was… okay, i guess.”

“can i sit with you?”

“you call this a scary movie?”

“i have a million things to take care of, i don't have time to talk to you.”

“have you lost it completely?”

“but i'm starving.”

“this past year has been difficult for me.”

“i don't get it. she's making it into such a big deal.”

“no, this won't work. just take it off, please.” 

“i'm not like that.”

“fuck you. it's not a crush.”

“then i know that i can't count on you.”

“can't you come see me in [town] sometime?”

“it's just that we can't be seen together.” 

“he was still sleeping when i walked in.”

“doesn't bother me at all. i've seen it. absolutely. 100%.”

“[name] is really getting on my nerves! seriously.”

“i want us to be friends again.”

“i thought you and [name] were friends.”

“make sure you check your dms. okay?”

“you think it's fun to fuck with people like me?”

“never spend money you don't have. okay?”

“you think i'm stupid?”

“this sucks.” 

“how nice to see some smiles.”

“this isn't just about me, but my entire family.”

“i'm going to marry her.”

“are you threatening me?”

“don't you realize the shit storm that follows if i come out?” 

“i don't want you to talking to her.”

“remember what we saw during movie night? when they sat next to each other?”

“i love you.”

“i just want to hang out with you.”

"there's no point in having a back-up if you never use it."

“pretend i'm saying something clever.”

“how's [name]? he must be totally devastated.”

“what do you think they think we're talking about?”

“everything is fake. everything in the world is fake.”

“[name] is dead.”

“it just wasn't what i thought it would be like.”

“since when did you start liking him for real?” 

“what a fucking douchebag. god!”

“what the hell are you saying? chill out!”

[twd-obsessed-bitch]

Okay okay okay

I think I have my thoughts in order a bit more to be able to vomit them out into a post and share with all of you (just a note they are not in order, after typing this all out it really doesn't make the most sense but here's my stream of consciousness)

This will definitely be a long post so buckle up lmao

Also feel free to share your thoughts as well I wanna hear them!

Spoilers for the walking dead series finale below the cut

Okay to start off, this show has been on for 11 season. There is no way that it was going to have an ending that was satisfactory and gave all of the characters what they deserve. It is an ending and for what it was I do like it. I also know that the cast and crew are all very proud of the work they've done and that in itself should be enough to respect it as the ending of the show.

HOWEVER

Here's how I think it could've been done just a little bit better.

Okay I'll probably get some people hating me for this one but more people should've died, not even just in this episode but in the whole last season. I think in season 11 we lost the least about of characters than ANY other season, I haven't done the math but that's what it feels like

Like named characters that we all know and care about?? We lost Alden, Luke, Jules, and Rosita. I know more died but like did anybody really care about that kid on the train??? I mean fuck I don't even remember his name. Also like read those names again. Three of the four people I just named died in tonights episode, we've had mid-season finals have more death. We've had just a regular old episode have more death.

And the series finale they decide to dial it back??? Like for most of these characters we are never going to see them again. Kill them off, rip out our hearts, stomp on them, put them back in, let us catch our breathe and do it all over. Logistically I know that we couldn't have lost characters like Daryl, Maggie, or Negan. But like imagine if we did??? But for characters that could've died and didn't I have a list. Once again this list isn't who I want to die, it's who could've died and would've made the whole episode, the whole season that much more of an impactful ending.

Carol. She's top of my list because it would affect EVERYONE. Imagine Carol gets bit and it's on the neck because she turned to run away from a bunch of walkers and got caught. And shes bleeding out, and Daryl is just slaughtering all of the horde that broke into where they are and then it gets calm and all we hear is Daryl's harsh breathing and Carols gasps for air. Maggie and Judith are there and they just start bawling and hugging each other and Daryl picks up Carol and cradles her as she's struggling to take he last breaths. He's crying. We're all fucking crying and that's when we get his "I love you". Whether you read it as platonic or romantic it's heart wrenching. He whispers it between sentences like "don't go", "not you", "please don't leave me" and then he starts yelling it. And in return he gets a garbled "I love you too" and a bloody hand holding his cheek as she takes her last breathe. IT'S EMOTIONAL, IT'S HEART BREAKING, ITS IMPACTFUL. It's the first death after Luke and Jules', everybody is still reeling from losing Luke and all of a sudden carols gone too.

Next up is, Mercer. Now don't get me wrong, I love that Mercer became co-governors with Ezekiel. In fact I prefer that ending for him but we're going for emotional impact. Mercer is to the CW what Daryl and Carol are to our main group. Him dying would cause a riot. In that scene where they're at the gate. Imagine Pam telling that other chick (I don't know her name) to shoot Mercer because he's a threat and she does. Right between the eyes. He just drops mid-sentence. The rest of the cw soldiers immediately turn on Pam because she killed Mercer, the people yelling at the gates start climbing over due to anger and there being a distraction to do so. And Max. Poor sweet Max. Takes the gun from her brothers holster, raises it and shoots Pamela in the shoulder.

This brings me to my next person. Pamela. Look I understand the "jails worse than death" mindset but like it's not. She doesn't deserve to live, especially since it's the series finale. So she doesn't. Max shoots her in the shoulder. Coincidentally right where Pam shot Judith. And Pam ever the dramatic bitch drops to her knees and starts going off on a politician speal about how she had to and how dare Max shoot her and this and that and Max just marches forwards and punches her in the face. And she doesn't stop, her anger over Pam getting Eugene arrested and almost executed and now killing Mercer is taking over. She's angry, shes hurting, she sees red. By the time somebody's pulled Max off of Pam, Pam is nothing but blood and bruises. She's still alive at this point but not for long. She's gasping for air and choking on her breath and everybody just forgets about her. They start their plan to blow up the estates and when they do they just leave her for the walkers to find before getting blown up. The last thing we hear before the explosions is her screams.

There's more people that I think could've died. Like Tomi, Kelly, Jerry. They all would've made the episode hurt 10x more, it wouldn't have made it a more satisfying ending but it would've made it more bittersweet. If they kept the 1 year later jump. Having them all have to move past a multitude of deaths and be thriving would've been better than the "we all survived and lived happily ever after" that we got because its not realistic in this show.

Still on the topic of character deaths. Rositas while done beautifully confused me. And not her dying, after learning that that's what Christian wanted, so that she could say goodbye, and honestly with how well they did her death I wouldn't change it. But what confused me was she got bit. And when people get bit they get sick.

We see it with Jim all the way back in season one, with Tyreese, with Carl, and so on. You get a fever, you get shakes, you throw up, you hallucinate. You all around have an awful ending. And Rosita didn't have any of that, she wasn't sweaty, or throwing up, she seemed weaker as shown by her needing Carol and Maggie to help her to bed. But that was really it. She kind of just layed down and died, and if you didn't know what happened you would've just thought she was worn out from fighting. They did pale her a bit but not much. I will admit this is me just being nit-picky but like you set up in your universe that when a person dies from a bite they get sick. Really sick. Visibly sick. And then in your final episode you don't follow that??? It's just weird

This episode kind of felt like it was made in three parts. The first part is the hospital, the next part is the estates and the final part is after the year jump. And they all feel connected but at the same time don't. And if you took any one of them (except maybe the last couple minutes of the episode) out of context it wouldn't really feel like the final episode. They don't scream finale to me. We have Judith shot and dying and losing blood, but oh wait Daryl Dixon is O- and we were never told until now. She'll be fine. And then she is. She's up and moving by the time it's nightfall. And it's kind of just that over and over again for the episode

Don't get me wrong there were some amazing points in this episode, and alot of them are call backs to previous episodes

Daryl saying "we ain't the walking dead" being a direct contradiction to when Rick said they are the walking dead back in season 5

The hospital bed blocking Judith's door being a call back to Shane blocking off Rick's door in season 1

Gabriel opening the gates VS when he first came on the show and said he locked everyone out

Magna and yumiko getting back together (and then we don't see them a year later thriving and being gay)

Carol and Daryl standing around Judith like Lori and Rick did for Carl

DARYL GIVING JUDITH BLOOD LIKE RICK DID FOR CARL

I'm starting to (I have been rambling welcome to my stream of consciousness) kind of ramble sorry let me try and wrap up

For what it was this episode was enjoyable. But it didn't feel like the final episode until the end of it. Just like how season 11 didn't feel like the final season until the end of it. And then they go and make it basically a commercial for their spin offs which leaves their main show so open ended.

I made a post about it already but they shouldn't have ENDED THEIR SHOW WITH A CLIFFHANGER

The show should be its own entity, we didn't need to be left hanging about the Richonne mini-series or the Daryl Dixon show, or dead city. We all know that those are coming. They could've left it at Daryl saying if he finds them he'll bring them home.

ALSO Daryl Dixon leaving doesn't make any sense. It didn't make sense to me when they announced the spinoff and it doesn't make sense now. Why is Daryl leaving his kids? This whole season all that's been shown is how he is their interim dad and how he would give his life for those kids. And then he just fucks off for no valid reason???

Finding Rick isn't a valid reason because michonne is off doing that and we know Daryl trusts that michonne is competent. We also have heard Judith say multiple times that she doesn't want Daryl to leave too and every time Daryl has responded with "I'm right here"

They had this man that went from being a loner and an outcast to being a family man with two kids and a dog, then turned around and made him a loner and outcast again??? All so he can fuck off to Paris? For why??? Just for why??

All in all, the ending is, well it's an ending. And like i said at the top of this post if the cast a crew are happy with the work they did then that's all the really matters. They're the ones the put 12+ years of their lives into making this universe.

It could've been better but maybe it being the way it is will make more sense come the spinoffs (even though that kind of irks me cause like let it be its own thing.)

To be honest I'm emotional, I'm sad it's done, I'm sad for the characters we lost, and I'm sad for the characters that survived that we won't see again. I've cried alot more tonight than I have watching this show in a hot minute

Anyways thanks for reading this mess if you made it this far lmao. What are your thoughts?.?

[agendratum]

parties ruined by wei wuxian: ranked

(spoilers ahead!)

1. lantern ceremony (that counts as a party)

what was damaged:

- nie huaisang’s expensive lantern - jin zixuan’s pretty face - everybody’s mood

pros:

- ruined lantern was kind of lan wangji’s fault - ruined pretty face was kind of jin zixuan’s fault - resulted into a called off engagement (which was a good decision in the moment) - the party itself actually wasn’t ruined, the fight happened after it ended

cons:

- jiang yanli was sad - mianmian was disappointed - the whole thing with wei wuxian getting mad at jin zixuan and attacking him and jiang yanli and mianmian getting in between them kind of became a pattern that culminated into a very unfortunate event, but we don’t have to worry about that right now

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

0/10 that was an actually good party!

and the fact that it got slightly ruined by the end isn’t even really wei wuxian’s fault! good job!

2. we shot down the sun banquet

what was damaged:

- lan wangji’s mood - jin guangshan’s smugness - jiang cheng’s self-esteem

pros:

- actually it’s impossible to ruin a party for lan wangji because being at a party is already a ruined party for him - wei wuxian tried really hard not to ruin that party by drinking outside alone like an emo he is - jiang yanli got to voice her opinion on her own life, which isn’t something that happened a lot - fuck you, jin guangshan

cons:

- why do you have to be so rude to lan wangji, wei wuxian, please (i know why, but still) - everyone’s idea of wei wuxian being an arrogant, cocky boy who didn’t respect his sect leader was being solidified (that definitely wasn’t going to backfire later)

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

2/10 jin guangshan got fucked, so that’s a good enough party for me

also most of the people there were feeling pretty uncomfortable even without wei wuxian interfering, so does it really count

3. wen ning is back party

what was damaged:

- wei wuxian’s health - wen qing’s peace

pros:

- wen qing actually noticed wei wuxian’s problem with alcohol - for a moment it seemed like wei wuxian was too drunk to be depressed

cons:

- wei wuxian could never be too drunk to be depressed - wei wuxian was probably depressed - and slowly killing his health - and wen qing knew she couldn’t do much about it - but she was determined to try her best to help wei wuxian even if it killed her (oops)

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

3/10 it’s that type of a party that’s pretty nice in general, but then later you’re the only sober person left, and your friend that got too drunk starts crying and talking about all the terrible things happening in their life, but you can’t really do much about it, so you just hope that they will fall asleep soon enough and you’ll get a chance to finish cleaning in peace

so like… just a normal party

4. nie huaisang’s banquet

what was damaged:

- wei wuxian’s reputation - nie huaisang’s plans for the evening

pros:

- it prompted both jiang yanli and jiang cheng to try to talk with wei wuxian about whatever the hell was going on with him

cons:

- he’s a stubborn idiot so he kind of lied to their faces instead of talking about his problems - old sect leaders got opportunity to gossip about him - jin zixun got opportunity to be an asshole - nie huaisang didn’t get opportunity to hang out with his friend

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

4/10 that was lame as hell but not a total disaster

on nie huaisang’s scale tho it’s probably at least 8/10

5. post phoenix mountain hunt banquet

what was damaged:

- jin zixun’s smugness - a table - jiang cheng’s self-esteem (again) - everybody’s mood (again) - jin sect’s reputation (if only)

pros:

- jin sect was rightfully called out on their bullshit - everyone forgot the terrible time they were having before wei wuxian arrived and only remembered the terrible time they started having after he arrived - lan wangji got to enjoy his 10 seconds of thirst before everything went to shit

cons:

- most of the people there didn’t really notice jin sect being rightfully called out - they did notice wei wuxian threatening to murder people and black smoke coming from his flute - wei wuxian ruining jin guangyao’s parties kind of became a pattern and that wasn’t making jin guangyao any happier or less murderous

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

6/10 a disaster for sure, but at least no one died, right?

6. discussion conference at jinlin tai

what was damaged:

- qin su (in more ways than one) - jin guangyao’s peace - jin ling’s psyche - wei wuxian himself

pros:

- what happened to qin su can’t really be blamed on wei wuxian, but really we will never know - the truth came out - wei wuxian and lan wangji got to have an extremely romantic moment to everyone’s annoyance

cons:

- qin su fucking died - the truth only came out to wei wuxian and lan wangji - wei wuxian got stabbed by his own nephew, who thought that he was responsible for his parents’ death - jin ling was having a really bad time - jin guangyao basically didn’t have anything to lose anymore (that definitely wasn’t going to backfire later) - the whole cultivation world found out wei wuxian was back and they all wanted him to be dead again

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

8/10 only one murder happened! and not even because of wei wuxian (probably). but now someone had to pay for jin ling’s therapy

at least everything was going more or less accordingly to nie huaisang’s plan (let’s pretend he had one)

7. jin ling’s one-month celebration

what was damaged:

- jin zixuan - jin zixun - lan sect juniors - many sects' disciples - wei wuxian’s already not so bright future - wen ning’s already not so bright future

pros:

- technically didn’t ruin that party, as he didn’t even get to that party - didn't actually commit (some of) the murders himself, was set up

cons:

- nobody cared - many people died - his sister’s husband died - everything was kind of falling apart - that was the bad place

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

10/10 a double murder!

with an added bonus of a bunch of other murders. what fun!

bonus!

8. afterparty in nightless city

what was damaged:

- many cultivators - jiang yanli - wei wuxian - jiang cheng (in more ways than one) - lan wangji (in more ways than one)

pros:

- not all of the cultivators there were hurt or killed by wei wuxian (good!) - most of the people there were happy that wei wuxian died (good?..)

cons:

- people fucking died - some of the people there were extremely not happy that wei wuxian died - jiang cheng was left alone with a child on his hands - lan wangji was left alone with a child on his hands - you would think having so much in common after that they would at least have something to talk about - wrong, they haven’t talked to each other in 16 years

on a scale from an actually good party to a double murder:

100/10 when the only word that you can describe your party with is a “massacre”, that’s a bad sign

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[theggning]

I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!

DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.

DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.

I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.

So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).

As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)

From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.

There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.

So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?

In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.

Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!

SIDENOTE: King Shit of Fuck Mountain

There is no wrong way to play a single-player video game. If you are having fun, then you are accomplishing the task for which the game was made. Good for you! Play it on easy. Play it on hard. Mod it. Speedrun it. Make up an intricate roleplaying scenario. Perform “challenge” runs. Kill everybody you see. Ignore the story and run around collecting wheels of cheese. Games are meant to be fun and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a game however you damn well please. This is especially true for RPGs like Fallout, which are designed with player freedom in mind.

There is an RPG playstyle I like to call King Shit of Fuck Mountain: a naked power fantasy in which your protagonist is the most powerful person ever, even beyond normal RPG plot significance. Through brute strength, incredible charisma, or having completed tons of quests for world-breaking artifacts and weapons, your character wields godlike influence, able to control people, factions, and the fabric of the world itself. A game enables KSoFM gameplay when it allows the player limitless freedom to gain as much power as they like with zero consequences to plot or storytelling.

A great example of this is the Dragonborn in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If the player chooses to pursue every questline in the game, one single person can become Harbinger of the Companions, Archmage of the College of Winterhold, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Nightingale and Guildmaster of the Thieves’ Guild, hero of the Imperial/Stormcloak army, the chosen one of like, 11 different Daedric princes, a bard, a Blade, and otherwise just, absurdly goddamn powerful in completely unrealistic ways. And that’s not counting DLCs. A fully-kitted-out Dragonborn is King Shit of Fuck Mountain.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing KSoFM if you like to. But I’m not a big fan of this style, personally. Sure, my first Skyrim character became KSoFM while I was figuring out the game, but after my first playthrough I preferred my characters become coherent figures in the story of the world. I pick one or two character traits and things that my Dragonborn is good at, focus on them, and make them part of some overall story. My honorable Imperial paladin werewolf is in the Companions, and hunts vampires on principle. My Argonian sneaky archer is a gleeful thief, but would never jive with the College or the Dark Brotherhood. I like creating protagonists who fit into these settings immersively. I don’t care about power fantasies or being in charge. I don’t WANT my character to be all-powerful, because that ruins my immersion and my little story.

Additionally, in a plot-driven story-focused game like Fallout, KSoFM tears the narrative apart. Skyrim is fairly light on story, so the Dragonborn can be the leader of the Companions and the Dark Brotherhood and whatever other factions without any of them noticing or caring. But FO4’s themes, faction drama, and the main thrust of the plot don’t work at all if the Sole Survivor is able to become too powerful or too influential. The Sole Survivor cannot become the leader of every faction, solve every problem, or eliminate every inconvenient bend of the conflict because it makes the lore of the entire setting implode. Thus, the game forces you to choose between factions. You cannot be with the Minutemen and the Nuka-World Raiders. You cannot be with the Railroad and the Institute. And you cannot become Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel.

So if you’re the kind of person who loves playing KSoFM, if you like plots that your character can “solve” with relative ease, or if you just think it would be super cool for your Sole to become Elder regardless of surrounding storytelling, then you might think the Elder ending sounds super cool. You are absolutely allowed to disagree with me here. Install all the mods and write all the fic and have all the headcanons you like. I respect that. There is no wrong way to enjoy a single-player video game. Have fun!

But if you’re a big nitpicky pedantic lore nerd like me, a fan of cohesive storytelling, or if you just want to hear how the Elder ending of BB absolutely fucking ruins Maxson, Danse, the Brotherhood of Steel, and the entire plot of FO4 from a narrative perspective, read on!

1. The Synth Thing

The Elder ending requires the stupid plot contrivance of the BoS forgetting about Danse’s synthhood.

One of the biggest problems with the BoS as an institution is their strict and dogmatic beliefs, which include a widespread dislike of non-human species. Perhaps more than any other non-humans, the BoS hates synths. Synths are, in their eyes, machines given free will, a violation of the sanctity of human life and the ultimate example of technology run amok. To them, synths are not sympathetic, they are not slaves, and they are not victims of circumstance. They are weapons that left unchecked will destroy all of humanity for a second time. Synths are anathema to everything the BoS stands for, and finding out that one of their most beloved and trusted Paladins is one is an earth-shattering blow to their integrity and sense of security.

It is completely absurd that the BoS would allow a synth within their ranks, particularly as they are waging war against the Institute, who created synths in the first place. It is even MORE absurd that they’d allow one to influence their Elder, or even worse, to become Elder. It completely undermines their mission in the Commonwealth, and the core tenets of their extremely rigid beliefs. No matter the Elder, no matter the Litany or obscure BoS law, no matter how valuable the Sole Survivor is as a soldier or how much influence they wield. Danse is a synth. He’s the enemy. He is physically the embodiment of everything they hate.

Not only wouldn’t they trust a synth in general, but the BoS specifically believes that Danse is an infiltrator for the Institute. Even Danse believes that he is a danger, that the Institute may be able to take control of him and use him as a weapon. Sure, we know none of this is actually true, or possible, but the BoS don’t know that. And given how quick they are to order Danse dead without even the possibility of surrender, I don’t think there’s any charisma in the world that’s going to convince them otherwise.

According to Peter Jessop, this, ultimately, is the reason why the Elder ending was cut. He talks about it around the 11:30 timestamp in his Instagram stream, linked above:

“We recorded an ending where you keep Danse alive and you take over the Brotherhood. But there was a question of content… there’s no way the Brotherhood, once they knew he was a synth, would let him be even the right hand of the person in charge.”

Bethesda correctly recognized the incredible narrative contrivance for the BoS to shrug off the reason they’re trying to execute Danse in the first place. Whatever other beefs I have with this ending conceptually, they all come in second to just what a big dumb leap it is to get beyond this first and most important problem.

2. The Complete Death of Conflict

The Elder ending of BB destroys the conflict of the quest, and potentially the conflict of the entire game.

Greed is a poison. There is no such thing as a perfect ideal or a perfect organization. Power corrupts. Humanity has the choice to build back better. War never changes. The Fallout games are full of themes, depicted by the characters and quests and factions we play out.

Blind Betrayal is rightfully praised as one of the most powerful quests in FO4. Not only is it well-acted, but it puts the player in a very difficult position. The BoS has given you clout and glory and free power armor and lots of firepower, but now you see the price: unquestioning obedience. You are ordered to execute your friend and mentor Danse for the mere fact he is a synth. Are you going to follow that unjust order? Are you willing to give up your principles on command? Or is this where you can no longer stay quiet and stay in line?

To be honest, I’ve always thought the fact you can talk Maxson out of killing Danse but still remain with the BoS in good standing was a cop-out. BB goes 90% of the way to forcing you to choose between a companion and a faction, and then chickens out at the last second to let you have both, if your charisma is high enough.

(I believe this has the fingerprints of Skyrim’s development on it-- Bethesda’s writers got nervous about doing another Paarthurnax choice involving the fan favorite Brotherhood of Steel. That’s right. Danse is the Paarthurnax of Fallout. Frankly, I understand why they chose not to go there, but damn, wouldn’t it have been wild? You want to run with the BoS? Then kill your friend and feel the burn. THIS is what it means to follow orders without question.

As for me, I’d pick Danse every time and sleep soundly without the company of shitty bootlicking dieselpunk LARPers- but I digress.)

Anyway, you know what would have REALLY been a copout? If the game asked you to make a difficult thematic storyline choice, and you solved the problem by just not choosing at all.

You are supposed to feel uncomfortable when Maxson orders you to kill Danse, because the game is telling a story about how it is maybe a bad thing to thoughtlessly follow orders without question. It is asking you to think about what the BoS is, what they are doing, and how they are going to run things, if you choose to let them “win” the Commonwealth. It is pointing out that there is no room for gray in the BoS’ black and white. That a good, loyal man may die because of the way he was made, through no action of his own. That soon, you’ll be killing other people on command. The Railroad. Fleeing Institute synths and scientists. Others, down the line. It all depends on who’s giving the orders. Are you going to follow those orders?

Eesh, that sounds thought-provoking and unpleasant and difficult! Let’s just skip it by killing Maxson and making ourselves the boss. Now we get to tell everybody else what to do!

It’s unknown what powers the Elder ending would have granted the player, or how it would have interacted with the other factions. There is speculation that you’d have been able to ease back on the BoS’ dogmatism, or change some of the later events of the game. For instance, perhaps you could talk the BoS down from attacking the Railroad, sparing popular characters like Glory and Deacon who must die in the normal BoS storyline. Perhaps you could have made the BoS a kinder, gentler faction and directed them to run the way you want them to.

If this was indeed the case, then the Elder ending would not only suck the gravitas out of BB, but torpedo the entire main plot.

If you can get rid of any and all downsides to siding with the BoS, why in the hell would players side with anybody else? With the player given total power, the BoS becomes a perfect faction with no drawbacks, no weaknesses, no tough decisions to be made. Screw slumming it with the Railroad or the Minutemen, let’s take over the BoS. Free power armor and a giant robot! Forget the whole intolerance thing, I hereby proclaim the BoS No Longer Problematic! Now to force all the factions to get along, completely removing all conflict and nuance from the plot!

That’s some real anticlimactic “tell Legate Lanius to go home and then he does it” bullshit right there. King Shit of Fuck Mountain!

Look, it might be nice if there was a perfect path like that to take through the game. It would be cool if our characters could be that powerful and the game was that tailored to our individual choices. On the other hand, “I change all the factions to suit my exact liking” might be a fun idea for a fanfic, but it’s an incredibly boring plot for a video game. “I get to make everything in the world exactly how I want it” is Minecraft, not a story-driven RPG with a complex and intricate plot.

It would be great if complex conflicts could really be solved that easily and effortlessly, but hey, you know what? War never changes.

3. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Literal)

Arthur Maxson’s death is too significant and fundamentally disastrous for the Elder ending to make any sense at all.

Hero, villain, leader, monster, tortured soul, brutal dictator, immature twerp, bearded sex hunk. However you personally interpret Arthur Maxson, there is no denying that he is a venerated, popular, beloved figure in the BoS. He is the blood heir of the organization’s founder, a powerful warrior, a brilliant tactician, and a charismatic negotiator. He is responsible for reuniting the East Coast BoS with the Outcasts, leading the new, stronger BoS with a sense of shared purpose. There is a damn good reason his name is Arthur and he named his ship The Prydwen, echoes of King Arthur and the legends of his glorious kingdom of Camelot. Arthur Maxson is so beloved that many view him as a demigod, a messiah sent to lead the BoS into a mighty and prosperous future.

So I’m sure nobody’s going to be upset when some wasteland jackass recruited a month ago stumbles in with a synth, kills him, and takes over his job. Right?

It doesn’t matter that it’s “honorable.” It doesn’t matter that it’s done “by the book” via obscure BoS rules. There is no codex or litany or rule so binding that it’s going to overcome the cult of personality around Maxson. There is no way that the BoS is going to accept the death of Arthur Maxson, a man whose reverence borders on worship, especially not when he is immediately replaced by a wastelander, or a synth.

The death of Arthur Maxson removes the unifying glue that’s been holding the BoS together since mending the rift with the Outcasts. Maxson’s death eliminates the one person that both sides of that conflict agreed could steer the organization in the right direction. Some level heads may try to keep the focus on the mission and the Brotherhood tenets, but Maxson loyalists will never forgive the new Elder for his death, and that amount of passionate righteous anger will not be quelled by appeals to the rules. The new Elder’s war on the Institute is basically over before it begins, when the forces splinter and start infighting over the change in leadership.

And this is if the new Elder lives long enough to actually give any orders. I give them around 24 hours after the duel before some angry Maxson loyalist “accidentally” pulls the trigger and “tragically” empties a clip into their back.

24 seconds, if it’s Elder Danse, the dirty synth abomination.

4. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Figurative)

The Elder ending of BB falsely pretends that Arthur Maxson is the biggest and only problem with the BoS.

In the Elder ending, as written, the conflict of BB is considered completely and totally solved by the death of Arthur Maxson. The core problem, that Danse is a synth and considered an enemy by the BoS, has not gone away. But by getting rid of Maxson, this apparently no longer matters. Nobody else is going to take offense to Danse’s nature or protest his presence. Nobody else is going to attack him or try to follow through with Maxson’s prior orders. Nope, that meanybutt guy who gave the order is gone, and everybody else is going to welcome Danse back into the fold like nothing ever happened.

I touched on this a little bit on an ask about Maxson a few weeks back, but a lot of people seem to believe that the FO4 Brotherhood of Steel is the way they are purely because of him. That he is the one making them treat non-humans as second class citizens at best, and enemies to be slaughtered at worst. That it’s his fault the BoS is so vehemently against synths and the Institute. That he is the one influencing their imperialistic tendencies, and treating the Commonwealth like territory to be conquered and people to be ruled over by their betters.

He’s not. That’s the Brotherhood of Steel, guys.

The charitable, altruistic, virtuous BoS that many of us met for the first time in FO3 were outliers. Lyons’ group was literally disowned by the rest of the faction because their kindness to wastelanders had gone so far astray from the “core” tenets. The BoS as a whole has always been exclusive, isolated, and seen themselves as “superior” to the average wastelander. They have long disliked or outright hated non-humans (and even Lyons’ BoS in FO3 use ghouls, feral or not, for “target practice” if they get too close!) The rigid dogmatism of the BoS is not something that Arthur Maxson started, but has always been part of their fabric.

Now, it’s true that Maxson is absolutely going hard on the BoS tenets, and extremely dedicated to upholding them. His BoS are the way they are and act the way they act because he believes that this is the way it should be. Is it possible that a different leader may be a little more flexible? Absolutely. Could a skilled Elder eventually show them the benefits of a softer approach and a more generous worldview? Totally. Is getting rid of Maxson and replacing him going to make that happen overnight, or going to make the rest of the BoS who supported him shrug and follow suit?

Nope.

Blaming Arthur Maxson for everything unsavory about the Brotherhood is unfair to him and also foolishly ignoring the deep, massive problems that are far older than he is-- problems that plenty of its members wholeheartedly believe are not problems at all. Getting rid of Maxson does not make the BoS kinder or gentler. Even pretending Maxson isn’t as personally beloved as he is, any new Elder who steps in and starts trying to fundamentally alter the way the BoS operates and what they believe in is going to face some major, immediate pushback.

Like, a full clip of bullets in the back type of pushback.

In the face if it’s Elder Danse, the godless freak of nature.

5. The Un-Redemption of Paladin Danse

Last, and my personal least favorite!

At first glance, Paladin Danse is a steely jackboot, a die-hard Brotherhood loyalist who fully and firmly believes in their cause. Many immediately dismiss him as a humorless brute, or completely ignore him because they think that’s all there is. But if you spend any time with Danse at all, you’ll notice a sort of weariness in him. He is tired, overworked, and his years of service are starting to weigh on him. He has watched friends, comrades, and mentors die in horrible and gruesome ways, and he suffers from PTSD. Though he has always been told that his own sacrifices, the sacrifices of his brothers and sisters have been” worth it,” he’s starting to question if that’s true.

After telling of the incident where he personally executed his best friend Cutler, who’d been turned into a super mutant, the Sole Survivor is able to console him:

Player Default: You did the right thing. Danse: {Somber} It's what I was taught. I don't know if it was right.

This line is an excellent summary of Danse’s entire character arc. He learns to question whether to believe what the Brotherhood has taught him, or to believe in himself. His gut feelings. His sense of justice and his own ideas of what’s right and wrong.

(In the interest of not turning this into an essay about Danse’s character, I won’t even get into how this also applies to his beliefs about his worth as a person. But keep in mind, that dimension is there, Danse just covers it up by making everything about the Brotherhood.)

During Blind Betrayal, after getting the orders to execute him and hearing Haylen’s plea for mercy, we may expect Danse to be ready to fight back or flee. But when you confront him in the bunker at Listening Post Bravo, he’s compliant and suicidal. Danse is so deeply poisoned by the BoS’ rhetoric that his own feelings or will to live don’t factor into the conversation. He demands that you follow your orders and execute him, because he believes, as the BoS does, that all synths are dangerous and must be destroyed.

Danse: {Stern} Synths can't be trusted. Machines were never meant to make their own decisions, they need to be controlled. Technology that's run amok is what brought the entire world to its knees and humanity to the brink of extinction.

{Confident} I need to be the example, not the exception.

Through various dialogue options, if your charisma is high enough, you are able to talk Danse off the ledge. He is able to consider, at least, that the BoS’ merciless judgment of him is wrong and that what he was taught isn’t right. He is a thinking, feeling, self-aware synth, and that makes him as much a person as any human. Danse is no danger to humanity-- and maybe, most synths aren’t either.

Danse is an example, not an exception.

Later on, if you manage to get him out of BB alive, Danse shows further acceptance of his nature. His approvals about synths begin to soften slightly (or many of them do, at least… it’s not perfect.) He is still struggling with his identity and reconciling it with his former hatred, but his dialogue suggests that he’s on the road to being more open-minded and understanding. Along with this, Danse learns that he has value as a person beyond the Brotherhood. He no longer needs to define himself with BoS beliefs or judge himself by how useful he is to them. He learns that he is worth caring about, worth being friends with or being loved because of who he is-- not what he is, in any regard.

[SIDENOTE: Many players, myself included, are frustrated that Danse’s arc leaves off sort of midstream there. Due to the open-ended nature of the game, we don’t get a real conclusion to his arc-- even though much of his idle dialogue doesn’t change and he still espouses pro-BoS sentiments ( an unfortunate by-product of writing for a video game) there is every indication that he’s started down the right path, but understandably has a ways to go.

Also, Peter Jessop agrees with us.]

Meanwhile, in the Elder ending, Danse doesn’t get a redemption. His entire character arc, actually, hits the skids and does a total 180.

He never leaves the BoS. So scratch the need for Danse to ever think about himself as separate from them. He never needs to question what they’ve taught him or whether they’re right or wrong. He never needs to find any worth in himself beyond his use to the BoS. Why would he? He might be the Elder. The BoS is all he needs to care about anymore. The BoS is all he ever needs to be, ever again.

And I think, most horrifying of all, this Danse never needs to change his mind about synths. On the contrary, one of the surviving dialogue files includes Danse’s speech to reassure the rest of the BoS of his stance:

Danse: I want to make one thing clear to everyone. This body might be synth, but my heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood. The Institute is still a tremendous threat to the Commonwealth. They possess technologies that need to be confiscated or destroyed. And even if that means I have to pull the trigger on my own kind, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

Elder ending Danse doesn’t grow more understanding on the nature of synths. He doesn’t accept that synths are people, or anything more than technology run amok. He won’t even accept that for himself. Elder Maxson wasn’t wrong about synths-- they’re the enemy and they need to be destroyed.

But, see, he was wrong about Danse. It’s okay for Danse to exist in spite of his nature. It’s okay for him to never fully accept his own personhood, and to outright deny it to his kind. Because his body is a machine, but he’s different from the rest because his heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood.

He’s the exception, not the example.

CONCLUSION:

The Elder ending of Blind Betrayal is dumb, contrived, stakeless, character-derailing powergaming crap at its finest and I’ll happily dance on its grave.

People give Bethesda a lot a shit for their writing-- whether it be stuff they left out, stuff they left in, or stuff that they never, ever could have made work due to the limitations of writing for a video game. Plenty of it is well-deserved, or at least worth a discussion. But from the minute I found out about its existence, I have always wanted to extend a congratulations to Bethesda for cutting the alternate Elder ending of Blind Betrayal. It was a good choice. A very good choice to cut a very dumb plot that would have fundamentally altered the story they were telling, and characters that I’ve grown to love. I think the writers deserve some credit and a hearty handshake for the wisdom of this decision.

Now as for why Nick Valentine isn’t romanceable--

[yelena-bellova]

Safe Haven: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x fem!reader - Chapter Ten

chapter nine - Chapter Ten: Heroes - chapter eleven

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n, Sam and Bucky make one final effort to stop the Flag Smashers.

Warnings: spoilers for episode.6, violence, character death (major), wounds, blood, ANGST ANGST ANGST, Bucky and Y/n are a badass couple, Sam and Y/n are a badass sibling duo, everybody’s a badass, inaccurate medical care (unless you consider google legit then it’s for real lol)

Word Count: 8.6k

A/N: GUYS. SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER. HOW DID WE GET HERE?!?! This one was challenging to write because I wanted to still make it mainly focus on Sam and not detract from his story while incorporating another one, hopefully I did it justice. Smaller amount of Bucky Y/n fluff purely because of plot. Imma shut up now and let you guys judge it for yourselves, hopefully you enjoy ☺️

----

I’d always wanted to visit New York, I just never thought that the circumstances in which I’d come would be so dire.

Surprisingly, flying from Delacroix to the city hadn’t been as draining as I’d thought, the adrenaline rushing through me was enough to keep my stamina up. Once I got into the state I shot up higher, the only way to pinpoint the city’s location was by sight alone. The mass of flashing red, white and blue lights served as a literal guiding light and I followed it till my feet made contact with the ground. I landed in between two buildings, a safe distance away from the commotion but close enough that I could intervene if needed. Sam had told me to go ahead of him and meet up with Bucky, the two of us would be on the ground while Sam took care of business with the senators. “Something’s different…” the voice I’d gone days without hearing announced from behind me, “New haircut?” I smirked and turned to face Bucky, “Do you get bulletproof suits for all the girls that catch your eye?” “Only the ones I really like,” he smiled, cradling my cheek in his hand and giving me an overdue kiss before pulling back to admire the suit, “Looks good on you.” The suit that Bucky had the Wakandans design for me was made almost entirely of Vibranium. It was sapphire blue, the same color of my energy with accent lines of silver running through it to define the shape. It clung tight to my body without showing off too much, the v neckline ended just below my collarbone. Hidden behind Bucky’s note in the case had also been a note from Shuri, the princess of Wakanda, listing that the suit was bullet proof and should I choose to channel my energy through a specific part of my body, the Vibranium would absorb and redistribute it to amplify my strike. The whole ensemble made me feel an official member of whatever club I’d decided to join.

I opened my fingerless glove adorned palm out to Bucky, offering him one of the comms Sam had given me and placing the other in my ear. “Ready?” he asked.

For once, I could answer feeling fully confidant in my capabilities. I reached out and squeezed Bucky’s hand, giving a single nod, “Ready.”

The two of us made our way out from between the buildings and headed into the heart of the chaos. There were news crews, police officers, soldiers and SWAT teams while innocent bystanders quickly fled the scene. 

“Sam, where you at?” I said into my comm.

“I’m almost there,” he replied.

“What’s the plan?” Bucky asked from beside me.

“Karli’s gotta be close, keep your eyes open.” “Well, it could be anybody…” Bucky said quietly as we passed by a group of officers.

We headed for the building in which the senators were being held, the SWAT team immediately parting to allow Sergeant Barnes and myself to enter. Whether or not he was paying attention to anything other than finding Karli, I wasn’t sure, but I smiled internally at the fact that they’d recognized him for what he should have been recognized for all this time.

“Oh, we also called in some backup,” I relayed to Bucky.

“Excuse me, sir, ma’am,” we turned to see a man in a beanie following us, “Are you supposed to be here?” Bucky looked stunned and slightly concerned while I stayed calm, recognizing the signal. Immediately, Sharon ripped off the technologically advanced mask that concealed her identity. “It’s me.” “Sharon, what the hell are you doing here?” Bucky asked.

I gestured to the woman, “Backing us up…” “Relax, no one’s looking for me here,” she said, pulling on Bucky’s arm in an effort to get us away from the crowd. “Is that Sharon?” Sam asked over the comms.

“Unfortunately,” Bucky answered, earning a light, disapproving smack from me to his chest.

“Hey, Sam, I thought I’d get the band back together,” Sharon said into her earpiece.

“Thank you, you’re risking a lot coming here.” I took a step forward towards the blonde, “If you want me to fly you out of here, now’s the time.”

She gave a little shrug, “I hear pardons aren’t all they’re cracked up to be anyway.”

“Depends on the therapist,” Bucky grumbled.

“They’re gonna move on the building soon. Be ready,” Sam’s voice flowed into my ear.

“Same goes for you,” I replied, trying to compartmentalize the constant anxiety that ran through me in regards to my brother’s safety. Though knowing he wore vibranium wings now did help ease my fears a little. I turned my attention back to Sharon and Bucky, “Let’s split up and do a perimeter check. Front’s clear so I’ll take the back, you two take the sides.” “Wow,” Sharon smirked, “Give you a suit and suddenly you’re Miss Take Charge.” I shot her smirk right back at her as she headed down her side of the building while Bucky and I went around the other way. “Somethin’ changed while I was gone,” he observed as we walked. “You made amends,” I replied, flashing back to my visit to the graveyard, “I made peace.” I expelled energy from my fingertips to float above him and fly to the back of the building, not a soul in sight.

“Y/n, Sharon, Bucky, what’s going on on your end?” Sam asked.

“Nothing, all quiet,” Bucky answered. “Same here,” I said, taking another look around me to be sure,

“No one’s moving toward the building,” Sharon added. 

“Karli’s not coming in. She’s trying to force everybody out,” Sam said, “It’s a misdirect, we gotta keep everybody inside.” 

I levitated once again and headed to the front of the building, finding Bucky and Sharon waiting for me. Once I landed, we entered through the glass doors. “You guys are gonna have to do something,” Sam panted through the comm, “Don’t let ‘em out of the building.”

We passed through the building’s metal detectors one by one with no issue, till the alarm sounded off on Sharon. “Oops,” she muttered unconvincingly. “Here’s one of them,” Bucky said, gesturing towards a man in a security uniform, a Flag Smasher, “We’ll get the evac.” Bucky and I winded around the halls but didn’t get far before a woman came walking towards us with a phone extended out in her palm, “Mr. Barnes, Miss. Y/l/n, it’s Karli.” How she knew my name baffled me, Bucky reached for the phone regardless and took note of the orange handprint projected on the screen. He placed the call on speaker, “Karli?”

“Aren’t you two tired of fighting for the wrong side?” the young girl asked.

Bucky scoffed as we stepped down a staircase, “I’ve done this before, kid. I know how it ends.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t survive this,” she replied, “I’m fighting for something bigger than myself. With all the bodies you’ve collected, have you been able to say the same?”

“You don’t think I ever fought for something bigger than myself?” Bucky asked, “That’s all I ever tried to do. And I failed twice.” I tugged Bucky’s arm so the phone was in front of me, “Karli, all I’ve ever wanted was to use my powers for good. I respect the fight you’re fighting but this isn’t the way to win it.” “Believe me, I know all about your father’s crimes,” she spoke back, “I looked you up after meeting you in Riga, and trust me, the side you’re on is no better than the one your dad was one.” My heart clenched at her words, I knew that she was a black and white person who only dealt in absolutes, but it didn’t mean hearing it didn’t hurt. “If you wanted to do any real good, you’d have joined us,” Karli continued, “You’d have needed to get your hands dirty, but you’d have made an actual difference.” “You think your cause justifies all this death,” Bucky stepped in and took the wheel, “But in the end, the nightmares won’t go away. You’re gonna remember all the ones you killed. Trust me. Don’t do this. Don’t go down this path.”

There was a hopeful pause over the line, followed by a disappointing response. “If that’s how the both of you feel, you should sit this one out.” I glanced over at Bucky, sharing the same tired, yet determined look I was displaying. “That’s not gonna happen.” “Well, thank you,” Karlie replied, “I’m glad you took my call, you’ve been a big help.” She hung up then, the realization hitting me immediately as to why she’d called us. “The evac,” I breathed, “It was a deterrence.”

“Damn it,” Bucky growled with a clenched jaw, “Come on!”

We raced through across the floor of the building, making for the winding staircase lit up with flashing emergency lights that would lead us to the parking lot. Since we were the only two fleeing the building that particular way, it was a safe bet to make that the hostages had already been evacuated. Once we were in the parking lot, Bucky took the lead and led me to a parked row of motorcycles, quickly hot-wiring one.

“Seriously, guys, you had one job,” Sharon popped out from behind a pillar to critique us.

“You worry about your guy,” Bucky grumbled as he swung his leg over to straddle the vehicle, I promptly did the same, “Good?” Locking my arms around his torso and scooching forward so my Vibranium chest was pressed against his back, I nodded. “Good.” Bucky floored the gas pedal and we rode off with an echoing screech, finding our way through the garage’s exit. A blockade of soldiers yelled at us as we quickly approached them, shooting through the gap between barriers and whipping around the street corner. On any other occasion I’d have enjoyed clinging tight to Bucky’s body as we rode through the cool New York evening air. Sadly, there was no time to savor the moment.

“That’s one down,” Sharon’s voice came through my comm. “How’d you manage that?” Sam joined in. “Mercury vapor, amongst other things.” Bucky made a sharp turn down one of the streets causing me to clutch his middle tighter, “Any idea where they’ll be headed?” “I thought you were the one in charge,” Bucky retorted over the engine’s noise. “You better speed things up, Sam,” Sharon said, “The chopper’s about to take off.” “Bucky, Y/n,” Sam called, grunts following directly after. Bucky halted at a light, determining the rest of our course. “I don’t fly, man, that’s your guys’ thing.” He revved the bike and turned down a different street.

I pressed a hand to my ear, “Meet you there.” Placing a reassuring hand on Bucky’s shoulder, I levitated off the motorcycle and watched him continue on his path while I turned in the opposite direction and headed back through the city. From across the way, I could see the silhouette of Sam’s wings as he jumped off of the building after the helicopter. The chopper had taken a nose dive and was headed for the street, pulling up just before it hit the overpass. I quickened the speed in which I was flying over the bay, catching up to Sam soon enough. He flew lower than me, his new wings dipping into the waters before he shot back up.

“Plan?” I called into the comms as I kept close to the rear of the chopper. “We gotta take out the pilot,” Sam answered, “Take the left side.” I flew to my designated spot and reached out a hand to grasp onto one of the bars of the plane. Reabsorbing my energy, I put full faith in my grip as I dangled off of the helicopter in mid flight. I poked my head out to the window on the pilot’s side only to be given a front row seat to his attempt to kill Sam, firing a machine gun till my brother was forced to pull back and off the chopper. The pilot whipped his head around to lay eyes on me, aiming his gun. Lightning fast, I let go of the bar and narrowly escaped the shots fired, throwing my hands out and expelling energy to resume my flight. Sam wasn’t far behind, we took off in tandem with one another with him sending Redwing ahead to see if any of the hostages had flight training. As the chopper plunged towards the water, we moved in synch with it, just a few hundred feet behind in a dance of sorts. In the distance, I could barely make out the shape of an almost identical vehicle headed towards the one we were tailing, this one bearing the logo of the NYPD. Our chopper rammed itself into the front of the police copter, sending it spinning in a spiral of smoke and fire. If we didn’t get there in time, it would crash into one of the skyscrapers or worse. Sam and I changed course and made a beeline for it. “Get the co-pilot,” Sam yelled as he swerved to my left. 

I flew up to the side window and shot an energy blast towards it, smashing the glass and startling the co-pilot. I then levitated him out of the chopper and flew the two of us down to the bridge below us, Sam was right behind me with the pilot. The plane was losing altitude fast and was headed straight for our rescue party. Before I could even think to build a force field, Sam shoved me and the pilots down and shielded us with his wings. I felt the Vibranium shake as the plane bounced off of us and over the edge of the bridge. Sam retracted his wings and the two of us rose to our full heights, him in all his red, white and blue glory.

“Go, I got this,” he instructed, taking off into the skies before I could put up a fight. 

I levitated high above the bridge to get a birds eye view of the city, “Bucky, where are you?”

“42nd Street, heading west,” he answered

“I’m a tourist, those words mean nothing to me.”

“I’m passing a building with white and red lights,” he modified his answer. My eyes searched for the building he was talking about, spotting it quickly and taking off toward it. I looked below me to see two humvees and multiple bodies running around them. “Found them, they’re trying to build a-“ “I see ‘em, coming in hot,” Bucky interrupted, I could see his motorcycle speeding down the street and toward the barricade the Flag Smashers had arranged. Taking a leap, or rather a fall of faith, I absorbed my energy and free fell, throwing my hands out and releasing it just before my feet hit the ground. Bucky wasn’t far behind, leaping off his motorcycle and diving forward to tackle one of the Flag Smashers. The man jumped to his feet and Bucky engaged him in combat, the two exchanging punches with Bucky having more favor. In a split second of separation between the two I shot a blast of energy at the man that sent him flying backwards into the side of a truck, creating a super soldier shaped dent in the car. A sudden explosion sounded off nearby, I turned to see that one of the humvees had been set ablaze. Bucky and I ran to the vehicle, I sent an energy blast towards the high tech lock that had been placed on the back doors. It did absolutely nothing.

“Hold on,” Bucky shouted to the screaming hostages as he used his Vibranium arm to pull on the door handle. Even he couldn’t get it open. “Help me!”

I focused all my energy on the lock, sending unsuccessful blast after unsuccessful blast. Letting out a frustrated cry, I backed away giving Bucky another chance to try. He began throwing a stream of relentless punches, his determination growing with each hit. Eventually he’d done enough damage that he switched to pulling at the door’s bar. The pain on his face as he pulled was heartbreaking, the tendons and muscles where his prosthetic met his flesh stretching to too great a length. Making one last ditch effort, I extended my energy towards the handle to help him in his efforts. Together, we strained and struggled until the lock finally broke and the doors opened. While Bucky kept his footing, I fell backwards doing a very ungraceful somersault and landed on my side. What I saw happening in front of me was almost too shocking to believe, and yet not at all. 

John Walker was getting his ass kicked by the Flag Smashers. 

With a replica of the iconic shield that was definitely not made of Vibranium and his suit, he was lying on the ground being pummeled by the super soldiers. With the vigor in which they were attacking him, I knew that the metal wouldn’t protect him forever. The man that I hated, who had tried to kill me, Sam and Bucky, who had shed innocent blood on Steve’s legacy…I could have let them kill him and I should have wanted to.

But even in my hatred, I couldn’t let a man die.

I rose to my feet and sent a stream of energy towards two of them, knocking them a few feet away from Walker. The third who I deduced to be Karli, came charging at me. I threw up a force field to act as a shield and met each one of her punches with the energy. She let out grunts of frustration, going for a roundhouse kick but giving me just enough time to drop the field and levitate her into the air. I held her there a second, watching her flail about trying to escape before tossing her several hundred feet away from us towards the end of the street. The two Flag Smashers that I’d knocked over came charging back toward me, it was time to test out just what the suit could do…

I focused my energy out through my elbow and hit one of them square in the jaw, the energy sending him rolling down the road far greater a distance that I’d have been able to cause without the Vibranium amplifying it. I turned around to the other one, dodging a quick punch before sending my energy down to my foot, landing a kick my attacker’s stomach that caused him to go airborne and land on top of one of the trucks. Unfortunately, the first guy didn’t stay down as long as I needed him to and came up from behind me and landed a kick to my back. I fell to the road with a groan, felt the burn of the asphalt as it shredded my cheek. I heard the man rip something metal followed by the sound of his thick boots coming my way, undoubtably he’d grabbed something to use as a weapon. As I rose to take another stand, I saw Bucky come running past me and turned to watch him knock the Flag Smasher over, the man dropping the toll meter he’d been holding as a bat over me. Bucky strode forward and they began fighting one another with punches and kicks while I looked around to see Karli welding the unattended meter. She swung it towards Bucky, his avoidance of the hit and my creation of a force field around him totally in synch. Karli took another swing at him and met resistance, unable to move the weapon as I froze it in place with my energy.

“You don’t have to do this,” I urged her.

With a yell she let go of the weapon and dove for me, being hit in the face with a chain that Bucky had picked up. Before I could stop it, the Flag Smasher who had originally intended to hit me with the toll meter landed a kick that sent Bucky flying backwards. His metal hand scraping the asphalt as he desperately tried to hold on before going over the edge of the nearby construction site. “BUCKY!” I cried as he screamed into the night air just before Karli kicked me down herself, and landed a punch to my abdomen. The Vibranium, while giving me protection, still allowed some of the blow to reach me and I was in just enough pain that I couldn’t go after the Flag Smasher that leapt down into the construction hole Bucky had landed in. I sent a blast of energy at Karli, throwing her back and allowing me the time to stand up and regain my footing. At the same time I rose, so did Walker, the two of us sharing eye contact that was oceans away from the last time we’d met on the battlefield. Separating once again, he turned to lift one of the Flag Smashers up by her throat while I landed a punch on one that was coming for me. The second van of hostages was brimming with horrified screams, both my and Walker’s attention being redirected to them. Karli, who stood a few feet away from us, made a run for the humvee and Walker and I chased after her. Walker braced himself with the shield and the two of them came face to face with one another. Giving another insignificant try, I sent a stream of energy towards the lock in an attempt to break it but couldn’t without Bucky’s brute strength. Behind me, I could hear the grunts and groans of Walker and Karli moving around as they fought one another. When the noises got too distant to still be close by, I knew I needed to go back Walker up.

I looked through the everything-proof glass window to the terrified faces of the senators. “We’ll get you out, I promise,” I yelled, taking off towards the fight. 

Karli came running out from where they’d disappeared behind, I sent another blast her way that she dodged. She leapt into the air with a cry and raised a fist, I threw up a force field that she bounced off of and rolled to the ground. “This isn’t change, Karli,” I spoke up over the noise of the fire, “It’s murder.” The only response I got was another yell, Karli came charging towards me forcing me to throw up another shield to deflect her punches and kicks. I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t even want to fight her. It was different than with Walker where there was a mutual disliking of one another since almost the very beginning, she was just a kid looking to fight anyone who got in her way. Her cause was even something I agreed with, but I couldn’t stand by her taking innocent lives in the process.

Karli caught my exposed neck, gripping my neck tightly and holding me in the air. The bruises from Walker’s assault hadn’t fully healed and Karli was squeezing far tighter than he had. Thinking quickly, I swung my legs around to the back of her knees and forced my energy out of my feet as I slammed into her legs. The two of us fell in a heap, Karli on top of me with her grip loose enough on my throat that I could get out of it and flip her over. I pinned her hands to the asphalt on either side of her head using my energy, “You can stop all of this right now,” I urged over her furious cries, “Karli, please.”

Karli snarled at me before moving her knees to hit me in my back, throwing me off balance and giving her the perfect opportunity to launch me down the same hole Bucky had fallen down. I caught myself mid air and looked down to see Bucky and one of the Flag Smashers fighting with a metal beam, Bucky gaining the upper hand. I dropped to the ground and ran to him as he landed a final strike against the man, knocking him to the ground. As my hand reached out for his arm, there was a violent crash above us. We looked up to see that the humvee filled with the hostages had been driven off the road and was balancing on top of the construction. It teetered on the edge, ready to slip at any moment and finish Karli’s plan. I extended my energy to steady the vehicle, I wasn’t sure what made me think I could keep a couple thousand pound vehicle suspended in midair but the fact that I’d never used my powers like this didn’t matter. I had to try. As it rocked back and forth against my energy, I took a stance and dug my heels in the ground, sending up the steady streams I’d recently discovered I could produce. They curved around the front of the vehicle, protecting it from falling any further. The screams of terror from the hostages were my motivation to keep going, to do everything in my power that I could do save who I could.

After a few seconds of bearing my teeth and groaning in struggle, the load lessened slightly. I opened one of my eyes that had been squeezed shut in concentration to see Walker’s homemade shield near my feet, the decommissioned captain above me pulling the truck from the back. For once, we were working as a cohesive unit. Who would have thought…

All was short lived though as the second we were making progress on getting the humvee away from the edge, Karli and two other Flag Smashers jumped Walker and attacked him. Unable to hold them off, they toppled over and fell into the pit alongside Bucky and I. I cried out as the full weight of the humvee became mine to bear once again, fighting harder than ever to keep it from falling. Every muscle in my body clenched as I kept the streams flowing while also slowly rising off the ground, wondering if it was possible for my body to run out of energy with how much I was throwing into my stand. I had to save them, so long as I was able to fight, I wouldn’t allow any more innocent bloodshed. My hands shook, causing my streams to shake and I groaned as my body sent every signal that it couldn’t continue on.

As I started to falter, I felt something come up beside me and some of the heaviness was taken away. Looking to my left, Sam was in the air bracing the weight of the truck alongside me. I felt renewed with his help to rise with him as we used our combined strength to steadily raise the humvee back onto the beams of the construction site. Once it was secured, Sam and I both landed on either side of the truck and faced the crowd. I made the easy decision to fly back down into the pit, the moment belonged to Sam and no one else. Bucky was at my side at once, his hands on my arms and a careful set of eyes watching to make sure I was okay. I rested my forehead on his shoulder for a too brief second and nodded through my heavy breathing. 

From in front of us, Karli launched a spear towards Bucky’s head that he easily got throwing it to the side as he stared her down. Sam’s shield came flying out of nowhere, hitting Karli and rebounding off of the other Flag Smasher before landing back on Sam’s wrist. Karli shed her mask, looking at him with disgust and shock. “You of all people bought into that bullshit?” she asked, examining his patriotic suit from a distance.

“I’m trying something different,” Sam answered, his voice steely, “Maybe you should do the same.”

A sudden explosion was set off, a grenade landing at our feet setting off smoke that blinded us. I quickly covered Sam, Walker, Bucky and myself in a large force field, as my eyes tried to make out Karli’s figure. “This way,” Sam directed, using the tech in his goggles to spot them. I dropped the shield and followed him, the only person I could make out semi-clearly in the haze. We ran down and through a nearby tunnel, weaving down underground hallways in search of the remainders of the group. “Hey Sharon,” Bucky said into his comm, “We’re underground. We entered the tunnel on William. Heading south.”

“Looks like they split up,” Sam announced, he pointed down a corridor, “Here.” Walker took off without a second thought, while Bucky paused in front of Sam and I. “I got it,” he pointed to my brother, brushing his fingers against mine before heading down the hall. Sam and I both watched them leave, my anxiety rising with each step Bucky took away from me. Shaking myself out of the spiral I knew I’d go down if I gave it any more thought, I followed Sam’s lead as we continued on our way. The sound of the Flag Smasher’s signature whistle echoed off the walls causing Sam and I to freeze, he determined where it may have come from and motioned for me to come forward. 

“If something happens, you get the hell out of here, got it?” Sam whispered. “Nice try,” I replied, having flashbacks to the various times in the past week or so that we’d had conversations like this, “I’m not leaving you.” Suddenly, two shots were fired nearby. Sam and I bolted in the general direction that the sound had come from, fear flooding my body at the thought of Bucky being on the receiving end of one of the bullets. The worry caused me to run faster. We made it into a wider room, Karli standing in the middle with a gun aimed at a helpless Sharon, laying on the ground with a hand over her abdomen. I spotted the blood staining her shirt and threw a force field around her as Sam clipped his shield to his back. “Sam, stay back,” Karli warned, her eyes flicking to him briefly before landing back on Sharon.

“So, what’s next, huh?” Sam asked, taking careful steps toward her, “You kill ten this time, then, what, a hundred? Where does it end? Please,” he lowered his tone, “Let me help you.” “Don’t try and manipulate me,” Karli replied, looking between the blue barrier I shielded Sharon with and me. She twisted her body to aimed her gun at me, my resolve to protect Sharon stronger than protecting myself. 

“Karli, don’t!” Sharon cried.

Sam dove forward and tackled the girl to the floor, somersaulting away from her as Karli raised a piece of cinderblock. She launched it at Sam who deflected the makeshift weapon with his shield. Karli swung at him and Sam jumped on top of a small staircase, his shield in front of him at all times. “I’m not gonna fight you!” he yelled, leaping off the stairs. 

Karli continued her attack, Sam dug the tips of his wings into the concrete and met her fist with the shield. “Karli…” he urged just before she ripped the shield away and walked him backwards, Sam completing a series of jumps and flips. Karli grabbed a metal pipe and swung it at Sam, knocking him to the ground. “Stay down!” she growled.

Every instinct I had told me to go after the person who was endangering Sam’s life, anybody’s would be. But I knew that it was pointless to fight her, it was only giving her what she wanted. The serum enhanced people’s personalities, Karli had always been a fighter but now, she was looking to fight anything and anyone and would do it ruthlessly. I couldn’t buy into it.

I retracted the shield I’d built around Sharon and flew around Karli, placing myself between her and Sam. “Karli, the fight is over,” I breathed. 

“No!” she shrieked, barely giving me enough time to throw up an energy shield before she threw a punch. Her fist bouncing off of it only angered her more and she began a relentless attack, banging her hands against the force field, taking swipes anywhere she could. I levitated over her head and landed a few feet away, luring her away from Sam. Karli was furious at the fact that she couldn’t touch me or get me to try and battle her. It didn’t take long for Sam to spring to his feet, throwing his shield out in between Karli and I. Karli focused her efforts on Sam then, punching the shield relentlessly as Sam walked her away from me. “Fight back!” she screamed in my brother’s face.

I extended my energy and pulled her away from Sam, throwing her a few feet away from us. Karli let out a battle cry and leapt forward, Sam and I coming side by side and holding up our respective shields. Karli’s fist rebounded off of my energy and spun around to hit Sam’s shield, he then grabbed her by the waist and turned on his thrusters, flying them across to room to slam Karli into a beam. “Stop it,” he ordered, gripping her by the lapels of her jacket. Karli replied by throwing him above her head into the ceiling, I used my energy to yank her away from Sam and in front of me. 

“Listen to me, Karli,” I urged, earning a super-soldier shiner to my cheek, “We’re not your enemies.” Karli dropped me to the ground like I weighed nothing, the vibranium suit creating a dent in the flooring. I let out a groan at the shock and she ran off to deal with Sam. “Fight me!” she screamed as she clawed at the shield, “Fight back!” She flipped him over.

He fell.

The shield fell out of his reach.

Karli picked up the gun and aimed it at Sam.

He rose, accepting his fate.

Gathering the strength I had left, I got to my feet.

With trembling hands, knowing what I was about to do, I levitated and landed in front of Sam.

Karli’s face shifted, though I couldn’t read it as my emotions overwhelmed me. 

A supercut ran through my mind.

Sam.

Sarah.

AJ and Cass.

Mel.

My mom.

My father.

A legacy rewritten.

Bucky. 

Would he forgive me for what I was about to do? I hoped so.

“Go ahead,” I whispered, staring Karli down and blinking away the tears before she could see them, “Do it.” Karli’s face scrunched up as her finger prepared to pull the trigger when suddenly, three gunshots went off from nearby, hitting her. The gun fell to the ground and so did she. My eyes flew to where the bullets had come from, the sight of Sharon holding the smoking gun awaiting me. Sam dropped to his knees to cradle Karli’s head, the young girl staring up at him wide eyed and afraid. I knelt down on the other side of her, slipping her still warm hand into mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, staring up at Sam before looking to me. The only thought that ran through my mind was she’s just a girl, she’s just a girl…As I watched the tears well in her eyes before the life drained from them and they shut, the sudden innocence overwhelmed me. She was just a girl…

I didn’t let go of her hand even when it went limp, holding it to my heart as I wept over her. Sam cradled her cheek as we sat quietly, the only sounds were my soft sobs and Sharon’s labored breathing. I couldn’t face her right now, my feelings were too mixed about the way she had saved my life.

Eventually, once an undetermined amount of minutes had passed, Sam lifted Karli into his arms and the two of us rose to leave. When I turned to tell Sharon to come with us, she was already gone, probably having slipped out a back hallway. Sam carried Karli’s body the entire way out of the building, I hardly registered when we made it outside in the night air.

“I’ll clear the way for you,” I mumbled, extending my energy and shooting into the air, Sam not far behind me. The wind blowing against my dried my tears off of my cheeks as I flew toward the glow of ambulance lights outside the building we’d started the night at. There were crowds of news crews, there were the senators we’d saved and officers cleaning up the wreckage that had been left behind. They all noticed as I flew up, landing in the midst of it all and scanning the crowd for Bucky. Once I spotted him and Walker towards the very back near the ambulances, I ignored the reporters asking me questions as I weaved through the chaos. Bucky strode forward as I neared and wrapped me in his arms, I let go of the breath I’d been holding in my chest as soon as our bodies met. He was okay. My hands held the back of his neck as I dug my face into his shoulder. He tapped my waist and I turned to see Sam flying in, resembling the an angel with his outstretched wings as he landed. He carefully passed off Karli’s body to the paramedics who placed the girl on a stretcher, carrying her off to who knows where. 

Sam walked towards the crowd, doing the same as me and ignoring the reporters flooding him with unimportant questions. He had flown in carrying the dead body of a kid and here they were, asking him if they should refer to him as Captain Falcon. He stopped in front of the senators who were busy thanking him for dealing with what I heard one refer to as ‘terrorists.’

“Are you still going forward with resetting the borders?” Sam asked.

They answered, and while I couldn’t hear their words, I could read Sam’s face well enough to know it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“You have to stop calling them terrorists…” “What else would we call them?” one of the senators asked. “Your peacekeeping troops carrying weapons are forcing millions of people into settlements around the word, right?” Sam continued, “What do you think those people are going to call you? These labels, terrorists, refugees, thug. They’re often used to get around the question ‘why.’

“Those settlements that happened five years ago, do you think it is fair for governments to have to support them?” another senator asked. “Yes,” Sam said plainly. 

“And the people who reappeared only to find someone else living in their family home, they just end up homeless?” the bearded senator pushed back, “Look, I get it. But you have no idea how complicated this situation is.”

Just as he prepared to walk away, Sam spoke up. “You know what, you’re right, and that’s a good thing. We finally have a common struggle now. Think about that. For once, all the people who’ve been begging and, I mean, literally begging for you to feel how hard any given day is, now you know. How did it feel to be helpless? Now if you can remember what it was like to be helpless and face a force so powerful, it could erase half the planet. You would know that you were about to have the exact same impact. This isn’t about easy decisions. Senator.”

“You just don’t understand,” the senator replied, probably the most ignorant response I’d ever heard.

Sam scoffed, “I’m a black man, carrying the stars and strips. What don’t I understand? Every time I pick this thing up, I know there are millions of people out there who are going to hate me for it. Even now, here. I feel it. The stares, the judgment, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Yet I’m still here. No super serum. No blonde hair or blue eyes. The only power I have is that I believe we can do better.”

Holding onto Bucky a little tighter, the tears that I shed had morphed to those of joy. There my brother stood, in front of the government and the entire country saying what we all needed to hear. He spoke without reserve, unapologetic in his stance, and I had never been prouder of him.

“We can’t demand that people step up if we don’t meet them halfway,” Sam’s voice rose with passion, “Look, you control the banks. Shit, You can move borders. You can knock down a forest with an email. You can feed a million people with a phone call. But the question is, who’s in the room with you when you’re making those decisions? Hmm? Is it the people you’re gonna impact? Or is it just more people like you?” he paused, collecting himself before gesturing to where Karli’s body lay in the ambulance, “I mean, this girl died trying to stop you. And no one has stopped for one second to ask why. You’ve got to do better, Senator, you’ve got to step up because if you don’t, the next Karli will. And you don’t want to see 2.0. People believed in her cause so much that they helped her defy the strongest governments in the world. Why do you think that is? Look, you people have just as much power as an insane god,” Sam’s voice broke for only a second, “Or a misguided teenager. The question you have to ask yourself is how are you going to use it?”

With that, he walked away from the crowd that had been watching him so intently and made his way towards us. He stopped in front of Walker, the two of them sharing a look before nodding to one another, a non-verbal truce being declared. Walker also turned to me, in the end he had stepped up and done the right thing, but I knew that the two of us would never be on good terms. I’d never forget his tightening grip around my throat, nor would he forget that I wasn’t afraid of him and would tear him apart if he ever tried anything like he had in the warehouse again. But I had saved the guy’s life and because of that, his stare softened for only a second as he nodded his thanks to me. I watched as he disappeared into the crowd, off to whatever his next mission may be…

“Sorry, I was, uh, I was texting and so, all I heard was, um, “a black guy in stars and stripes,” Bucky broke the tension of the moment as Sam approached us.

The three of us shared a chuckle before Sam and I locked eyes, not having spoken a word yet about what had happened underground. I threw my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my shoulders, sharing probably the best hug we’d ever had. Our shared goal of keeping one another alive had been achieved. “Love you,” I whispered in his ear. “Love you too,” he replied, a hint of emotion choking him up. He squeezed a little tighter before releasing me, the three of us walking off together.

“Nice job, Cap,” Bucky said, patting Sam’s back that displayed the shield before sliding his hand back around my waist. A few feet away, hidden behind one of the ambulances and leaned up against the car was a familiar blonde figure.

“Sharon?” Sam called.

“Blocking my light,” she retorted, holding a gauze pad to the gunshot wound on her abdomen. “We need to get you to a hospital,” I strode forward, examining her injury as best I could.

“She’s not gonna listen,” Bucky grumbled as he looked over his shoulder to make sure nobody was following us. Sharon panted as she shrugged, “Hey, it’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me all week.”

“Told you…” Bucky said at my side. “Yeah, I don’t care,” I shook my head, “We’re take care of this.” “Uh, Cap?” an interruption came, the senator that had been on the receiving end of most of Sam’s impassioned speech. “I think he’s talking to you,” Sharon said before turning to both Sam and I, “Look, I’m sorry for how things ended down there. For what it’s worth,” she looked Sam up and down and genuinely smiled, “Suit looks good on you.”

Sam chuckled, “Thanks.”

Bucky nodded along, humoring the conversation for as long as he could. “All right, look, can we get out of here, please?” he asked, placing a hand on Sharon’s back to urge her forward. Giving up, she allowed him to lead her away. 

“I didn’t forget my promise,” Sam called to Sharon, referring to the pardon I hoped he could secure for her. 

I turned to my brother, “Meet you back home?” 

He gave a long sigh, his eyes flitting between Bucky’s departing figure and me, “Why don’t you stay here a couple days?” I knew what he was offering and how hard it was for him to say the words, he was trying to give me time with Bucky. I did my best to conceal my smile, “Are you sure?” “You risked your life all week, you almost died trying to protect us,” he stated with a scoff, “I think you deserve a little time off. Now go,” he looked back to Bucky and scrunched his face up a little, “Before I change my mind.” Unable to hide my grin any longer, I reached out and clasped hands with him, bringing each other in for another hug. “Go get ‘em, Cap.”

The two of us let each other go, off to tend to our business before eventually reuniting back in the house we’d grown up in. It was crazy to think that I owed almost every great thing in my life to the boy who’d sat next to the lonely girl in first grade. Now here we were, dressed in Vibranium off saving the world, or at least doing what we could to make it a better one.

——

“Superhero, nurse…you’re full of surprises, Y/l/n,” Sharon commented before sucking in a sharp breath as I placed another suture.

I laughed softly, concentrating on my work, “I took a first aid class a couple years ago. When you’re living with two boys, trust me, it comes in handy a little too often. But I’ve never had to remove a bullet.” We were seated on the floor of Bucky’s Brooklyn apartment with me tending to Sharon’s wound using his first aid kit. Bucky was waiting in his bedroom to give us privacy, Sharon had her shirt pulled up and her pants unbuttoned to give me full access to her stomach. I’d had to place sutures once when Sarah had accidentally sliced her finger open with a knife, pulling out a lodged bullet was entirely new to me.

“I saw you tonight, with the truck,” she said as she watched me work, “You did good.” 

I supposed now that I had shown my powers to the world, I’d have to get used to people paying me compliments but for now, I still didn’t know how to take them. “So are you gonna stick with it? The hero thing?” Sharon asked.

I tied another suture, closing the sterilized hole in her abdomen. “I think so. Captain America needs a right hand man, why not have it be his sister?” Sharon hummed in agreement, a beat of silence passing. “You don’t think you’ll strike out on your own? You seem a little too independent to follow orders.” “Yeah, well,” I started working on the last stitch, “Sam and I work better together than I would with anyone else. Maybe one day I’ll do my own thing but for now, I’m fine where I’m at.” “Well, I guess you’re finally in a position to do all that good you said you wanted to,” she sighed, “Just don’t forget to keep your eyes open, opportunity’s everywhere.” “Alright, Miss Madripoor,” I chuckled, sterilizing the wound one more time with an alcohol wipe, “Your hustler side is showing.” 

Sharon shrugged and gave a little smirk, “All I’m saying is there’s a lot of ways to effect change, but I’m sure you’ll find that out.” Storing her advice away in my head for a later time, I placed a gauze pad on her abdomen and secured it. “Alright, you should be good. Just promise me that you’ll actually get checked by an actual doctor or whatever you have in High Town?” “Sure thing, Doc,” she replied with a smile as she adjusted her clothes again and rose to her feet, “You’re good, Barnes!” Bucky stepped back out into the room, peering around the corner carefully before entering fully. Despite the fact that he was in his own apartment, he still hadn’t changed out of what he’d worn to the fight. “What happens now?” I asked, looking to Sharon, “Hotel? Hidden apartment in some dodgy part of the city?” Sharon chortled at my suggestions, “I’ve got a plane waiting to take me back to Madripoor. The longer I stay here, the more of a chance they’ll find me,” she gave a small smile, “It was good seeing you guys again.” “It won’t be the last,” I confirmed, placing a hand on her shoulder, “Sam’ll get that pardon, you’ll be back before you know it.” “That’d be nice,” she sighed longingly, clearly thinking about all the freedom that would come with coming back home. Coming back to the conversation, she patted my arm and regained her full voice, “But until then, keep them in check. God knows they need it.” “The hell does that mean?” Bucky grumbled from his position outside his bedroom, leaving Sharon and I to share a laugh before she walked to the front door. “I’ll do my best, and hey, thank you for what you did for me...” I called out just before she shot us one last knowing smile and left, the door shutting behind her. While I wanted to worry about her walking the streets of New York and possibly getting caught, I’d seen enough of her in action to know that she could handle whatever came her way. 

Bucky slowly made his way to the door, locking it and turning around to face me. It was the first time of the night we’d been completely alone. Our eyes met, tired and traumatized but still alert and seeking one another out. Bucky crossed the room in a few long strides, taking his time in approaching me as if he was savoring the moment. I reached out once he was close enough and interlocked my hand with his, tugging him close to me. He dragged two featherlight fingers over the nasty bruise that Karli had given me, his brow furrowing as he examined the side of my face. I ran my thumb over the long red bruise across the side of his forehead, the pressure increasing when he leaned into my touch.

The night could have ended so differently. If Karli had pulled the trigger, if Bucky hadn’t fought on such high alert, we could have ended in tragedy. Such thoughts were better buried away and not thought of, but I couldn’t help it. Lucky, blessed, whatever word you wanted to use…we were it. With no battles on the horizon to fight, we could focus on figuring out just what spark there was between us. 

No words needed to be spoken, not for now at least. Tonight, all I needed was to hold Bucky in my arms and remember that despite every odd and every trouble thrown our way, we were alive. And as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a tender but still passionate kiss, I had never felt more alive.

----

A/N: Oh, but we’re not done yet...We still have some time off and a cookout to attend 😉 I really can’t thank you all enough for sticking with this series the past few weeks, it means the world to me that I’ve been able to bring a little joy to people’s days. Let me know what you thought and if you’d like to be tagged for the LAST CHAPTER. 

Safe Haven taglist: @tanyaherondale​ @wanniiieeee​ @asoftie4bucky​ @edencherries​ @i-reblog-fics-i-like​ @ttalisa​ @gcfty @withyoutilltheendofthismess​ @rinaispunk @weirdowithnobeardo​ @felicityofbakerstreet​ @godlyhufflepuff​ @eternalharry​ @voguesir​ @mizz-kraziii​ @okayline​ @smellmymisunderstoodfluff @wanderin-stories​ @nicklet94 @intricate-melody​ @aesthethickks​ @stumbleonmywords​ @simplybarnes​ @21bruhs​ @lostinwonderland314​ @superbookishhufflepuff​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @zozebo​ @fandomxreaders @kittengirl998​ @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​ @i-know-i-can​ @x-judyjude-x​ @thebi-valkyrieofvalhalla​ @buckverse​ @living-that-best-life​ @haphazardhufflepuff​ @citlalireedus @lindseyrae20​ @missstef23​ @qhbr2013​ @sebby-stann​ @bluemoon-icecream​ @iixbella​ @lets-love-little-me​ @abitofeverythinggg @itsnottilly​ @sltwins​ @mads-weasley​ @hart-failure @natdrunk​ @nctma15​ @obsessedwithjustaboutanything @patdsinner33​