#not everyone is so lucky
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So my usual response to feeling gross is to continue to feel gross and sulk in my bed, as is most people with depression's response. But I decided instead, today, that I would go take a shower because I feel gross and you know what? I feel better.
stupid fucking shower for my stupid fucking mental health 🙄 (sarcastic/joke)
#mental health#stupid fucking shower for my stupid fucking mental health#I actually had this conversation with my therapist#except it was#stupid fucking walk for my stupid fucking mental health.#I love that my therapist lets me swear#she's great#I love that I have a therapist#not everyone is so lucky#some of yall learn the hard way#we all deserve better#free therapy#i mean#that'd be rad#good quality free therapy would be even better
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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there is just something about the difference between edwin's love interests and having the cat king's reaction to edwin in hell being "i'll be waiting when he gets back" vs charles "no version of this where i don't come get you" rowland convincing a powerful trans-dimensional being to open a door to hell just so he could get him back
i am insane
#like YES i know there is obviously so much more history between the boys than edwin and the cat king#and for everyone who's like “well how would the cat king have gotten to hell”#yall charles got LUCKY that the night nurse was there to open a door for him#you can bet your ass that if she hadn't been there he still would've figured out how to get there no matter what it took#but the cat king calling himself a romantic because he'll wait vs charles GOING TO HELL TO GET HIM BACK????#absolutely insane#i cannot handle these two#like i can vibe with the cat king#but charles x edwin for the WIN#obviously the circumstances between the characters are a lot different#but to me that changes absolutely nothing about the fact that charles who only thinks of edwin as a friend would do literally anything#vs the cat king who claims to have fallen for edwin doing literally nothing and just sulking about it#i don't even care if you dont ship charles and edwin#the love they have for each other will forever outweigh anything else#(ps if you ship catwin you simply do not need to interact with this post. you will not change my mind)#(you do not have to interact with posts you don't agree with)#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#charles rowland#edwin payne#the cat king#painland#payneland#dbd netflix
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💚⚡🤓
(for a minute I forgot I'd posted that ask game and thought you were trying to send me a coded message, anyways—)
💚 - What’s your favourite colour? Red.
⚡️ - Do you have any scars? Yes, most notably I have scars on my knees from scraping them up and healing so badly as a kid, scars on the backs of my hands from pencils of all things, a scar on my chest from being an idiot, a scar on one arm from an oven incident, and scars in places that aren't polite to talk about in polite society.
🤓 - How did you get your name?
*slow, deep breath in* Okay, so... hmmm...
Okay so mom was pregnant with me, right? As you do, she was trying to decide on a name, she knew I was a girl, and mom loves romance novels. Loves them. Apparently, that year, there were a lot of romance novels with the name Cassandra in them. Cassandra was never a main character, never a love interest, just a friend, a neighbor, a sibling, the sorceress, the shapeshifter, what-have-you, there seemed to be a lot of novels with this name in it, and so my mom picked it, and I have been doomed with this name. No one listens to my advice, no one heeds my warnings, and until a couple of years ago, I actually felt like I really was just going to be that friend, that confidante, that person you talked to but no one was interested in.
Be careful how you name your kids, people.
#the inquisitor speaks#that shit hurt for years#I've made peace with my name#and I have my wife who has helped me like and then love my name#not everyone is so lucky
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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I live in Western North Carolina. I have no idea if anyone knows what is going on here. I finally have gotten sufficient enough cell service to get online.
We are never going to fully recover. Whole towns are gone. My town was flattened. My street, a few miles south of town, was spared. We had no power or running water for four days. We lost hundreds of dollars of food from our fridge and freezers. We have no internet and no idea when it will be back. I work from home. My partner works two jobs - or worked, because one probably doesn’t exist anymore. My car took minor damage from the storm. Even if we had jobs, we probably couldn’t get to them. We got really lucky.
I so far have not lost anyone. Many of my friends are displaced. Some watched their homes be swept away. Some of them lost their pets. Some of them had to dig their children out of mud.
People - not organizations, not first responders, not the government - are clearing roads, doing welfare checks, forming groups of riders to take supplies up mountains on horses and mules. Private helicopters are landing in the middle of my town to drop supplies. They are doing this all over, all day, an essential lifeline for our cut off communities. The bigger cities are getting a more organized response, especially Asheville, which was essentially cut off from incoming vehicle traffic for a few days. Thank god the airport was spared.
I lost cell service, then internet, then power, from 7:45-8:20am Friday. I had no communication until Saturday. I was able to get a few texts out. I was able to get into town. Children’s toys were in the street. Some of my favorite businesses are gone. I saw a car part way up a house.
Please, send help. I don’t know what organizations to donate to. Any time I get online is spent networking relief efforts and getting the word out about missing persons. Keeping my family updated. Applying for FEMA assistance and mortgage relief. I have heard Blue Ridge Public Radio has a list on their website.
The death toll right now stands in the 50s. It is going to end up in the hundreds.
I am so heartbroken.
#I am ‘lucky’ because I have ptsd and crisis mode is my normal#i know how to cope in these situations#most people do not#I am hurting so much for everyone#please share. please share. I have no idea if this will even post#asheville#hurricane helene#western north carolina#wnc#some of my favorite places in Asheville have been wiped off the map#I am not okay. we are not okay.#this is still so much of a crisis I can’t even think about how I’m going to pay my bills right now#we’re just taking survival one day at a time
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"you all hated taylor kelly, abby clark, ana flores, and every other female love interest but loooove tommy kinard, therefore you're misogynistic" SO CLOSE! i actually never hated any of those women, or any other female love interest for that matter because i'm better than you, but uh good luck next time ig <3
#actually sorry yeah im filled with love#would it be better if i hated all of those women AND a gay man. like would that be a better combination?#lucky for me im not an idiot and i dont hate any of them#its the whole assuming everyone hated every female love interest so seeing people like the male love interest strikes you a misogynistic#like uh well it might be if thats what was actually happening but you guys are the ones who were being weird so#bucktommy#taylor kelly#tommy kinard#abby clark#ana flores#margot yaps
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Happy Year of the Dragon!
#non mdzs#lunar new year#digital art#Still struggling with figuring out digital art stuff but I’m getting there#The year of the rabbit really was a special and lucky one for me. Maybe because sometimes it is also the year of the cat.#The energy of the rabbit might not be with me but I hope to have the wisdom of the dragon leading my days#This week is going to be filled with a lot of sappiness so I won't go into yet.#But thank you to everyone for making me feel less anxious and afraid with all the kindness you have shown me.#I have become somewhat domesticated now. I will sniff your hand if there is a treat in it. Maybe blink slowly at you from a distance.#HAVE A WONDERFUL LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERONE! We are all gonna do great B*)
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A considerable amount of makeup was used to cover Deeva's freckles and face marks, and Cater also had to use magic to make her clothes his size. They did this as a joke, but they sure were committed to it! 💪
Original style swap challenge by @ashipiko ! (see her post here!!) If anyone wants to give it a try, go ahead, it's really fun!!! <3
#I could finally finish this!!!#thought it would be super cursed but why does CayCayfied Deeva actually look good??#well and Cater uhh... I can't look at him for long without laughing he looks like a sad wet cat 😭😭#Cater is lucky Deeva has long hair. He can fidget with it all he wants in class while being subtle about it#Also are those really his freckles or just makeup?? Hmm hmm I'll leave it to everyone's opinion~#personally I've always been VERY fond of the headcanon that he actually has freckles <33#And no I didn't forget to draw her wings. Cater's jacket doesn't have slits on the back so they're just a tiny lump under the fabric HDFHDH#Oh but please do imagine Cater having a paper with poorly drawn wings taped on his back. It's a very funny thought#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland oc#twst oc#twst cater#deeva twst#cateeva#my art
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I’ve discovered my favorite genre of Bagginshield art is where Thorin is a lovesick idiot who is Losing It and Bilbo is unbothered or oblivious to Thorin’s suffering LMAO
#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#bagginshield#if anyone has more please send it to me I have like four rn#I know I made a post a while back talking about how I wish there were more posts that focused on each of their lives outside of each other#and I still stand by that but I also can’t deny the fun in a Important Dwarf like Thorin turning into an idiot around Bilbo#tbh this works even platonically. this guy has friends bc he’s lucky not bc he’s actually friendly#so I can imagine becoming friends with Bilbo is like ‘fuck now I have to be nice bc he WILL actually leave. uh. oh god’#love men who are grouchy and offputting <3#and Bilbo is oblivious not as a flaw but bc he’s just not wired that way and he’s just accepting that Thorin is weird#bc he has no basis of which to assume he isn’t just Like That sometimes same way the dwarves don’t know shit abt hobbits#and it’s not as like. Bilbo being extremely innocent either he’s just not thinking about it LMAO#and Bilbo Also doesn’t have a ton of friends (different reasons but he IS also grouchy and petty) and he’s just ‘?? ok’#they’re both fucking stupid and everyone around them is dying and in anguish#I particularly enjoy when a character who is emotionally constipated and stoic and whatever just starts losing it#not even necessarily in a sappy or angsty way just. those emotions gotta come out eventually#so for a guy like Thorin who takes himself seriously and is very closed off emotionally it’s fun to just imagine that facade cracking#meanwhile Bilbo is just like ‘you ok??’#Bilbo himself has some emotional issues so it’s double the entertainment
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Imagine if Billy didn’t know Shazam died?
(This is actually apart of my AU lol)
But what if Billy didn’t know Shazam, the Wizard, was actually dead? Like maybe he did see Shazam get crushed by rocks but he just thinks a Wizard could survive that, Or he doesn’t remember meeting Shazam for whatever reason. (Like he knows it happened because his pantheon told him so, and he remembers like a tiny bit of being at the RoE, but maybe he doesn’t remember Shazam dying)
This would be kinda funny to think about, especially if the pantheon’s trying desperately not to let Billy know Shazam died. But they occasionally slip up, and each time they do Billy gets slightly more suspicious. Also, in my AU since Billy and Marvel and separate entities, I think it would be funny aswell if Marvel didn’t know either. (—which I do have an AU explanation to make it work, but I fear I may be getting too off track already.)
—
Heracles: Shazam was a good wizard.
Marvel: Was?
Heracles: IS, is. I simply misspoke—Shazam is a good wizard.
Marvel: Oh… 🧐
Billy: 🤨
—
Imagine if literally every other magic being knows Shazam’s dead, but Captain’s just none the wiser and tries to talk to them about the Wizard.
—
Zatanna: So…how’d you get your powers?
Billy (as Cap): Oh, by this Wizard, his name’s, uh…
grabs a piece of paper and scribbles the name down
Zatanna: Shazam?
Billy: Yup! Gave me my powers, have you heard of him? I think he’s very well known. I haven’t seen him in a while. Hope he’s still doing alright.
Zatanna (Going pale at the mention of a very much dead Wizard being referred to in present tense): Mhm….yeah…
—
(the league in the cafeteria, listening to one of the rare times they got Captain to talk about themself. —Billy’s just procrastinating going outside in the midwestern November cold.)
Billy: So I got my powers from this Wizard, his names…um. I think I told Zatanna? Captain looks over at her.
Zatanna (going pale): Really. I don’t remember.
Billy: Oh, okay, that’s fine! Here.
Grabs a piece of paper and scribbles down the name.
Superman: Shazam?
Every magic user in the cafeteria freezes.
Billy: Yeah! He’s the wizard who gave me my powers. I haven’t seen him since I became Captain Marvel, though. I should really go talk to him, maybe I’ll do that later.
****
Achilles: But what if we didn’t…
Hercules: How about we don’t…
Solomon: That wouldn’t be a good choice, Billy.
Zeus: I agree, you’d be just of a fool as Atlas to go.
Atlas (offended): Wow.
****
Zatanna (uncomfortable): I don’t think you should…
#Shazam was just so cool that everyone knew who he was#And when he died all the Magic beings could feel it because he was basically a key component of magic#Shazam’s ghost lonely in the RoE because his new champion won’t talk to him: where’s my boy 👴😢#The rest of the pantheon sweating whenever Shazam is brought up: 😬->😤->😅#STOP THE FUNERAL! ⚰️#I’m sorry for disappearing…again…again#guys I’m trying my teacher gives me essays every week and a test every other (if I’m lucky)#Once I finish that very late Halloween fic I’ll start posting more often.#dc#dc captain marvel#dc comics#dcu#Hcs#shazam#captain marvel#billy batson#captain marvel dc#dtc#divine twitch chat au#justice league#hc#rambles
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🔪
#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#peppino#the noise#noise#arts#mine#peppino is like#i fucked up this fucking trust fund brat with my bare hands; hes lucky I didnt have a fucking shiv on me#its just funny to me#peppino is amicable with literally everyone now#and if not#just a little annoyed but tolerant#but the noise just pokes and pokes at this bear (hehe) in such a way#that makes peppino want to bash his skull in#so now everytime the noise wants to be a little menace and sneak around the pizzeria hes gotta stay on his toes#bc whenever he THINKS peppino is busy; theres a fucking weapon being flung at him from nowhere
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#a doctor once said the opening line to me once and i replied without thinking 'oh i'd be so lucky'...i almost died of mortification#im still stuck on pre watershed double entendre jokes im sorry everyone#team fortress 2#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#heavymedic#red oktoberfest#tf2 fanart#heavy is the dick in the relationship. he's a quiet guy so you know he's working on some sick burns#still getting over my art block! im...getting there slowly#tf2
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New reaction image just dropped
#im gonna use this all the time. everyone is lucky i am sick and tired rn so i cant be creative as i wish#911 abc#9-1-1#eddie diaz#9 1 1#911 season 8#buddie#ryan guzman#jwpyyy#reactions#silly ones#tops
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guys stay with me here while i say something really dumb but you know how people don't actually know if dan and phil are dating but also pretty sure they are and have been for the past ten years and maybe they're not dating but it's obvious they're the most important people to each other and you can't imagine one without the other and maybe they're past dating maybe they're a secret third thing that transcends being 'boyfriends'.... yea that's how i imagine andrew and neil are when they're in their pro careers
#like everyone knows theyve got something going they just dont know what#are they lovers or literally just really close flatmates/teammates#i was really into dan and phil like 12 years ago and now only hear updates about them every so often via twitter but thats i imagine andrei#just like#not as happy go lucky obvi#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#andreil
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