#not even like the good emotional type of sad
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𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐘
pairing ── kim minji x female reader
summary ── in which she realizes how much of a lovesick fool she has become, and how needy she became because of you.
contains ── wholesome, non idol au, potter job, confession, whipped minji, reader flirt, soft make out, emotional, slight possessiveness
taglist ── @flyingcigarettes
[masterlist]
── ── ꒰ 𓎻 ꒱ ── ──
"oh."
minji mutters as she freezes by the door frame, eyes landing on you standing by the table filled with different types of fresh pottery, obviously made by you. you just place down your current one and turn to see minji blinking as she watches you.
you blink back before looking away, feigning indifference as you walk away to your seat. you sat down and wet your hands with fresh water that you prepared after finishing the last pot you made.
"morning." you greet simply, not sparing her a glance as you grab a good amount of clay before cupping your hand to gather water and pour it onto the dry clay.
minji felt awkward, walking over to the clean area where your bags are resting. she gently places down her bag, removing the headphones around her neck before shoving them into her bag.
she glances at you while removing her jacket, eyes soft as you gently move your hands onto the wet clay, forming them into your desired shape.
she averts away as she hangs her jacket before heading to another table to get her apron. as she wears them and tying the tie on her back, she brushes her wavy hair over her shoulder and rolls up her sleeves.
she walks over to the other seat next to you, sitting down as she presses her feet onto the pedal to check for speed and capability. Satisfied with the perfect result, she glances over at you once again, staring at you for a good minute before clearing her throat as she looks away with flushed cheeks.
"so..." she mumbles, tapping the clean bat as she thinks over what she should converse on. her heart was racing, and loud. she found it hard not to look at you, "uhm.. how many pots have you made so far?"
well, she tries at least. a rather good way to start the day with you, in a way not to annoy you unlike before.
your hands never stopped as you replied, "six of them." minji felt her heart flutter, cursing at herself for being so flustered around you for no particular reason.
she cleared her throat again awkwardly, "right, that's nice." she responded, eyes wandering over her set before noticed something important.
"oh.. i forgot the water." minji mutters under her breath as she takes the bowl and stands up, walking to the sink, unaware of your eyes landing on her back.
taking her time to rinse the bowl and gather water in it, and might as well wash her hands clean, she breathes to calm her nerves. she doesn't know exactly why she felt nervous around you today. she would've understood that she was a bit late today but it felt different.
it has been a year since minji had been hired into her auntie's pottery shop as a potter. the new young adult has been wanting to pay her college tuition with ease, and thankfully, her kind auntie offered her this job with a good salary that could afford her tuition and even her needs.
when she first met you, it was only you that had been working aside from her auntie. after losing some of her auntie's workers due to some personal issues or whatever, you were, basically, the only one that stayed.
minji was grateful to you for staying with her auntie, even if she doesn't know the full story of what happened. and it was obvious that her auntie doted and adored you quite a lot, when it came to minji's thoughts that you were a good person, based on her auntie's endless conversation about you.
when she tries to get to know you, however, you are a bit cold and indifferent towards her, barely sparing her any glances or sometimes take a long time to reply to her questions or talks.
although minji doesn't really mind, she felt a bit sad about being treated like this. but, as she assumed, maybe you don't like people much, aside from her auntie.
it was a long process and effort, but as time went on within a year, she was able to make long conversation with you, though it was just about the pottery, yet she doesn't really care.
it was nice to hear your voice and chat with you.
you were still like that— cold and maybe awkward, but certainly matured and collected— but you have your rare times when you suddenly become a bit clingy or a talker.
it was endearing, in minji's part.
almost adorable.
"minji?" your voice suddenly interrupts her thoughts, snapping her out and turning to you to see you staring at her with a stain of clay over your chin. minji blinks twice, and her face burns flusteredly.
she didn't notice that she had finished gathering water and washing her hands and had sat down on her chair, staring at the bat blankly until she was called by you.
she pressed the back of her wrist against her lips, looking away to hide her red face from you. "m-my bad.. sorry." she apologizes softly as she breathes to calm her nerves against her skin.
her ears turn red when she hears you hum in response, "are you going to start or what?" you say as you stop pressing your feet on the pedal, at the same time the bat stops spinning as well.
minji cleared her throat, nodding sheepishly with a pursed smile. "yeah, i'm starting." she responded, breathing to cool down her burning face and ears. her heart never stopped racing, just to be around your presence was enough to do something with her heart.
as she begins to do her business, you are staring at her with half-lidded eyes, calm in your eyes. it was obvious that minji noticed your gaze, just her eyes wandering around nervously and her hands trembling against the wet clay, she made a small mistake by her thumb pressing down too deep.
"ah-" minji sputters, blinking at the mess she had made. she clicked her tongue in embarrassment, muttering a quiet apology under her breath as she pressed down the whole clay to start over again.
it has been almost an hour before minji finally finishes with a smile. a large pot perfect for large-sized plants with a good amount of space inside the body, minji was satisfied with her work but was embarrassed to see that she took almost 30 minutes just to finish this.
"that looks nice," you suddenly said, making her look up from her work to you standing near the sink, facing her way. but minji's eyes widened to see your white polo's two bottoms were open, instantly looking away from your... uh, pretty cleavage.
her heart raced again, her thoughts were quick to turn into a storm. "c-could you cover up, please..?" she stutters as she is still looking away, heart jumping to hear you walking. she doesn't know if you're walking towards her or away.
"sorry, the clay stained my collar so i cleaned it a bit," you said calmly, wiping your wet hands with your apron, sighing as you blow away the stubborn fringes over your eyes.
minji bit her lower lips, aware of her own ears burning. "r-right.. alright," she mumbled, turning to her work instead before noticing her hair was covered with clay.
"ugh.." she grimaces, about to wipe it away when she notices her hands were completely covered with the same clay. slowly, she glances up to you through her eyelashes, already making eye-contact with you.
her cheeks turn rosy, "um.. could you.." she bit her tongue, unable to keep her trembling voice. but when she hears your footsteps approaching, you walk towards her way with your hand holding a hair tie.
she blinked when the thought, '.. did she prepare that already?' it popped into her mind, and again, her heart raced even more. the thought of you preparing the hair tie already before she says anything was so..
fuck.
she looks down on her lap, ears booming with her heart beating furiously and flushed face as you stop behind her. she couldn't see your face, and she doesn't want to, for the sake of her dignity of maintaining her cool side.
obviously, she was failing quick.
then her shoulder quivered when your fingers gently pressed around her skull, gathering her hair together and basically pressing your stomach on her back. the warmth of your body was quick to spread around minji— and exaggeratedly, around minji's soul and mind.
her breath was turning shaky, eyes clouded as she subconsciously leans back onto your stomach, finding your overall presence and everything so comforting.
behind her, you smile warmly as you gently tie her hair into a pony tail, brushing out her light fringes over her forehead with your fingers. then, you gently take out her side bangs in front of her ears and twirl them almost in a flirty way.
and you just know that minji saw it, just the way her shoulder jumps and her head bowing down with her ears reddening like an apple.
you pull away from her back, but your finger lingers lightly on her neck, your smile softening when minji presses her legs together. "...there, all done," you muttered behind her, eyes glued on her back.
minji felt her sweat dropping, her legs shaking and her ears burning. she was getting crazy and it was because of you. she was getting insane and it was because of you. really— you're turning her into a fool. a lovesick fool.
and she's not even gonna complain!
"t..thanks," minji mumbled, trying to keep her voice normal and her heart calm, but she was failing miserably. her voice cracked in-between, breathing became heavy and her hearing was just filled with her beating heart.
it was so ridiculous.
"mhm," you hum in response, your smile vanishes as you walk away, tending to your drying pots, leaving minji in her overstimulated state. inside her head was full of cursing towards herself, for being so weird around you.
'aah.. shit, i want to confess. i want to say how i feel to her-' she sobbed internally, biting onto her lower lips to stop her eyes from tearing up in frustration. she doesn't know why she's holding back.
maybe it's because of the rejection that you'll give her? or maybe because of fear that you'll think of her as a weird person who likes women? but she only likes you!
no— she loves you. she wants to tell you her feelings. she wants to say that she has never liked a woman but you, she wants to say that you are her first love, she wants to say everything to you.
but it was so difficult, the fear of getting rejected by you would feel so much worse than having a physical injury.
but minji was determined. she will confess. it has been a year ever since her feelings grew so much bigger than she had initially expected, and it was time to release her feelings to you.
she could only pray that you wouldn't hate her after..
─────
minji waited for the day to finish, eyes staring at the sun setting down, replacing with the awaiting white moon. it has been a long day, time consumed just making new different types of pots and bowls, all used for human resources.
although it was fun in most parts, it's tiring mentally and physically. constant thinking on how to detail out the creation, how to shape it perfectly, how to size it, how to make a function on it and others.
however, it's a good part. it's a good thing, really. minji has become more creative and more observant than she has ever wondered of herself. with countless ideas for the clay to be created into a new type of creation, it was certainly satisfying to make it just with your hands and mind.
minji doesn't regret taking this job.
footsteps caught her attention, making her turn to see you standing beside her by the window. with your hands on your side and your tired eyes staring at the beautiful moon, the light shines through the glass and makes your features even more beautiful.
finding herself staring at you like an idiot, she shakes her head to shake away the flustered redness on her face. then she hears a soft inhale next to her, causing her to look at you.
she blinks slowly, eyebrows subconsciously furrowing as she watches you. "is something wrong?" minji asks softly, her voice mixed with curiosity and concern. you were careful to turn to her, eyes meeting each other and it felt like the world was moving too slowly.
minji couldn't turn away from your glistening eyes.
"minji," you begin quietly, barely above a whisper but enough for the same aged girl to hear it clearly. the room was silent, except with the oven humming lowly with the pots warming inside the machine.
she hums in response, eyes turning solemn at the sight of the hidden emotion inside your beautiful eyes. what made you look so sad? she wanted to ask, but in fear of being turned away because she was stepping into your line, she stopped herself.
but what you said next stopped her whole world, eyes staring into her eyes and your voice only entering her ears.
"i like you," you mumble, a small melancholy smile forming on your face. your voice sounded so weak, small and vulnerable. you sounded so afraid, fearful yet longing at the same time. yearning for something.
"i like you, minji." you repeat softly, breathing slowly. "so much so, i could barely try to calm my heart from racing like a maniac." your soft smile quivered, the tone in your voice struck something in minji's chest.
your eyes were soft, and yet your voice held something different. full of warmth and cold— the confidence and the fright. those words are things minji has been wanting to hear in a year, words that she has been longing to hear from you, from your lips.
and the moment she finally got it, tears fell onto her cheeks and her eyes never stopped looking into your eyes.
you didn't move, smiling at her like she was the only one in this world, the only person you have ever seen in your entire life. the feeling of your cold hand slowly and shyly intertwining with hers fluttered her heart and stomach with butterflies.
too much butterflies.
"...say something," her teary eyes widened slightly at the sight of your eyes wavering, the fear and nerves were so visible. it clenched her heart into something. her mouth moved, but she couldn't release any words nor sounds.
her lower lips twitched, teary eyes turning clouded before she pulls you into her arms and buries her face onto your neck, embracing you so tight and securely— almost as if she doesn't want anything to take you away from her.
a soft choke from you was enough for her to tighten her grip around you, heart thumping hard against her chest as you embraced her back. burying your face on her shoulder, hands clawing her back and bodies pressed together felt so whole.
the smell of the clay on you was so entrancing, she oddly felt so welcomed and accepted in a way she doesn't understand how a single weird smell was making her feel.
"...i like you too," minji muttered against your neck.
she could hear your heart beating the same rate as hers, rapid and loud. it sounds like you share and hold the same feelings as hers, the same emotions as hers. it felt so surreal.
"i like you a lot— i... i love you, y/n." her words came out shaky, affection, fear, nerves and love in her voice was so loud to you. her arms around you tightened more, her face pressed up to your neck even more and she has you against the wall.
your heart thumped, the sight of feminine tall body hovering over yours. you felt small yet safe in her arms, warm like a home and warm blanket around you.
the world felt cold, but in her arms, it felt so warm.
you breathe softly, eyes closed as you take in her warm embrace and the feelings she was trying to express with her whole body and her words. the wall against your back felt rough, but her body was soft and fit with yours.
your hands clawed onto her back, nose against her hair and her scent was masking over you. it felt so good, it felt so overwhelming. it felt so safe.
"i love you, i love you." minji chants as she pressed her lips against your neck, hands gripping onto your shoulder and waist possessively yet securely. she wants you in her arms, only you.
you gently push her away, softly smiling at her crying face. you cup her cheeks, and brushes your lips with hers. "i love you too, minji," you mumbled back, eyes soft and half-lidded with an overwhelming love in your eyes.
her heart beats so loud in her ears. your eyes that were once so cold and indifferent had turned softer than a cloud, and truer than the truth. you're more than sincere, and that genuine was making her fall in love with you even more.
how could a lovely person like you ever exist?
where have you been all her life?
you pressed your lips on her lips, softly rubbing your thumbs against her wet cheeks as she melts onto your lovely lips. her ever-so-tight grip around you loosened, finally gripping you with gentleness and affection.
the soft movement of both your lips paces up, lips finding and craving for each other. minji, who felt more impatient than ever, sticks out her tongue and slid them between your lips.
your breath hitched before parting your lips, allowing her to slide her tongue in and explore the warmth. tongues dancing gracefully with each other, head tilting to each side, teeth softly clanking onto each other and bodies even more pressed with each other.
you and minji were just so into each other, the world had completely stopped spinning.
she pressed you against the wall more, chasing your lips greedily and melts into you like melted butter. you tasted so nice, good and wonderful. you smell so good, beautiful and enchanting.
everything about you captures her whole attention, and she would gladly kneel down onto your feet and worship you
those hands that were carving and shaping the clay so gently had turned needy and clawing onto her back, desperate to pull her closer and devour her mouth like a hungry maniac.
the soft moans you erupt sent down hot shivers down her spine, causing her to grow possessive and desperate to claim you as her own. but you're still you— you who would share thousands of parts of you with her, you who would gladly give yourself to her.
for her to love you unconditionally, you would do that.
and unbeknownst to you, minji would do it more than that.
── ── ꒰ end ꒱ ── ──
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Could you please write arcane characters with crybaby S/O?? If you want, of course! Whatever, thank you, I love your works 💗💗
I’m so glad you enjoy my work! Arcane characters and their crybaby s/o,:
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Jinx
Jinx’s first instinct is to panic when she sees you crying. Her eyes widen, and her brain short circuits a bit as she scrambles to figure out what’s wrong.
“Oh no! Did I break something? Was it my bombs again?!” She pulls you into her arms and starts rattling off a series of wild suggestions to make you smile. “Maybe some candy? Or I could build you a new toy—no, wait, I’ll make a whole new everything!”
When she finally calms down enough to hold you and see the tears are simply from emotion, she softens, giving you a tight hug and whispering, “Don’t cry, okay? I can’t handle it.” She might still end up doing something completely ridiculous to cheer you up, but she loves you so much and hates seeing you sad.
Vi
Vi’s reaction to you crying is immediately protective. She’s quick to scoop you up in her strong arms, cradling you against her chest like you’re the most precious thing in the world.
“Hey, hey… you’re okay,” she murmurs softly, gently stroking your hair. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry.”
She’s not great with words when it comes to comforting, but her touch speaks volumes. She’ll just hold you close, letting you cry it out in her arms, her jaw tight and eyes soft as she assures you, “You’re the toughest person I know, don’t forget that.” She’d never let anything hurt you.
Sevika
Sevika is a lot tougher on the outside but crumbles when you’re upset. When she sees you crying, it’s like a switch flips, and all her usual hardness melts.
“Why are you crying?” she asks, her voice surprisingly soft, but her posture tense as if she’s trying to hold it together. She gently wipes away your tears with her thumb.
Sevika doesn’t quite know how to comfort in a traditional sense, so she might pull you into her lap, leaning against the wall as she lets you cry it out. “You’re tough, you don’t need to cry, alright?” But there’s a softness in her tone, a vulnerability she doesn’t often show to anyone but you.
Silco
Silco is stern, but when he sees you crying, a strange protectiveness takes over him. He’s never really been great at comforting anyone, but when it comes to you, he’s incredibly tender.
“Enough of this,” he says, voice low and commanding, yet his actions are the opposite. He gently pulls you into his arms, running a hand through your hair, his grip surprisingly delicate.
“You’re the last person I ever wanted to see in tears,” he mutters, his voice rough. He may not have the right words, but the way he holds you speaks volumes. “Don’t waste your tears. I’ll handle whatever is making you sad.” He’ll find a way to fix it—because you mean that much to him.
Vander
Vander’s heart aches whenever you cry. The moment you start, he’s immediately by your side, pulling you into his massive arms with an almost fatherly tenderness.
“There, there,” he murmurs, rocking you gently as he lets you cry it out. “You don’t have to hide your tears from me, sweetheart.”
His voice is soothing and steady, like a calm in the storm. He doesn’t ask questions right away; he just holds you, rubbing your back and whispering, “I’m here. You’re safe.”
Vander’s the type to offer warmth and security, his hands gentle on your back as he helps you through whatever’s troubling you.
Ekko
Ekko’s heart drops when he sees you upset, especially when it’s tears. He immediately drops everything, running over to wrap his arms around you in a tight hug.
“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” he asks, his voice full of concern. His hands are all over you—touching your arms, face, shoulders—as if making sure you’re real, that you’re okay.
“Come on, you know you can tell me anything, right?” he says, trying to reassure you. Ekko’s never good with seeing you cry, and he’ll do anything to stop it. He might even go a little overboard with distractions—making you laugh, telling you a silly story, or offering to make you something special—because the last thing he wants is for you to feel sad for long.
Jayce
Jayce is the type to immediately feel overwhelmed when you cry, unsure of what to do at first. He’s a man of action, and seeing you upset makes him want to fix everything.
“Sweetheart, please, tell me what’s wrong. I can help, I swear,” he pleads, his voice urgent yet gentle as he pulls you into his arms.
Jayce is the kind to try and solve whatever’s troubling you, whether it’s with words or some grand gesture. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it together,” he promises, brushing your hair out of your face.
He might even work himself into a frenzy, trying to make everything perfect just so you’ll stop crying, but ultimately, his soft embrace and the way he looks at you with concern will make you feel safe again.
Viktor
Viktor is a mix of confusion and worry when he sees you in tears. He’s so used to dealing with problems with logic and technology that when it comes to comforting you, it’s like stepping into uncharted territory.
“Why are you crying?” he asks, his voice soft and a little uncertain. “This isn’t like you.”
Viktor doesn’t understand all of your emotions, but what he does understand is that you’re important to him. He’ll sit beside you, reaching out to hold your hand, carefully avoiding overwhelming you with words.
He’s more likely to offer you quiet, thoughtful gestures—making you tea, working on something together—anything to make you feel better.
Caitlyn
Caitlyn is a little flustered when she sees you cry, especially if it’s about something that’s beyond her control. She’s so used to solving problems in a structured way, but she wants to do everything to help you feel better.
“Darling, what happened?” she asks, her voice soft but filled with concern as she wipes your tears away.
She’s very gentle with you, rubbing your back or combing through your hair, and she’ll do anything to get you to stop crying. Caitlyn might get a little frustrated with herself if she can’t figure out the cause, but she’ll keep reassuring you with sweet words and actions: “You’re safe with me, I won’t let anything hurt you.”
Mel Medarda
Mel’s reaction to you crying is calm, yet deeply caring. She’s not overly sentimental, but she’s not cold either. She’s incredibly composed, and she’ll use her sharp intellect to try and get you to open up about what’s troubling you.
“Tell me, my dear,” she says softly, her voice full of warmth. “What’s weighing on your heart?”
Mel will sit down with you, her hands resting on yours as she listens carefully, offering advice only if she thinks it’s needed. She doesn’t want to push you, but she’ll always make sure you know you’re not alone, and that you have her support, no matter what.
Ambessa Medarda
Ambessa’s reactions are subtle, but her presence is commanding. She doesn’t like seeing you cry, and while she may not be the most emotionally open, she’ll show you affection in her own way.
“Don’t cry,” she says with quiet authority, pulling you into her arms. “Tears are for weakness.”
But her actions are softer than her words. She’ll stroke your back gently, offering you silence as she lets you cry it out, and then, once you calm down, she’ll make sure you’re taken care of, ready to shield you from whatever caused the pain.
Maddie Nolen
Maddie’s heart breaks the moment she sees your tears. She’s quick to offer comfort, wrapping you in a tight hug, kissing your forehead, and telling you everything will be okay.
“You’re everything to me,” she whispers, her voice low and soothing. “Please don’t cry.”
She might be a little overwhelmed by how much she cares for you, but she does everything she can to help you calm down. Maddie will talk with you for hours if she has to, just to make sure you know you’re not alone, and that she’s there for you.
Lest
Lest’s heart always skips a beat when she sees you upset. She’s very protective of you, and she’s quick to wrap you up in a soft embrace, not quite knowing what to do but instinctively wanting to shield you from anything causing you pain.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she says softly, her hands gentle as she holds you close. “Don’t cry, I’m here.”
She doesn’t rush you to stop crying, letting you take your time. She’s patient, and she’ll listen quietly, never pushing you for answers, just offering her warmth and comfort.
#x reader#arcane x reader#character x reader#imagine#arcane imagine#headcannons#arcane#arcane headcanon#jinx arcane#jinx x reader#ekko arcane#arcane jayce#vi arcane#arcane vi#arcane caitlyn#arcane silco#arcane sevika#arcane victor#arcane vander#lest arcane#maddie arcane#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#use me pls
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Being the older itoshi sister
Tagging @zendersenders
Rin:
💙 Tsundere brother. He’s your littlest brother so bear with him okay, he’s the youngest. He doesn’t act like it though. He likes to think he’s way more mature for his age, which isn’t necessarily true as he has lots of mood swings and outbursts. Will never admit it, but he also sometimes has temper tantrums. But he finds them embarrassed and will deny ever having them.
💙 he said would trust you more than Sae, he’ll tell you his secrets and feelings. But only if you promise to not snitch it to Sae. He’ll sometimes cry, but he doesn’t find it as embarrassing since he’s with you.
💙 If you follow school abroad he’ll miss you dearly, he’s not one to text first or everyday but he will make time for it somewhere in his busy schedule. He’ll respond to your stories or just tell you things about his day
💙He’s more of a caller than texter. Or he’ll send voice messages to you. Half of the time you can hear him out of breath since he’ll probably sent the messages after soccer practice. He would probably walk home with his phone still open, hoping you’ll see it sooner or later since he doesn’t want to talk with you at home. Otherwise his parents are all nosy and up his business.
💙 ‘sister! *pant pant*’ ‘hey Rin, what’s up?’ ‘*pant* can you sent me money? I want to buy some snacks after practice.’ ‘Where are you now?’ ‘Its break time. Can you sent me money?’ ‘Sure! I’ll sent you 20 bucks.’ ‘Thank you!’
💙 He hopes you visit him a lot. Preferably more than Sae. But he also knows that the both of them are your brothers and doesn’t push in that regard, he will get jealous if you spent more time with Sae than him. He doesn’t want to be left out because you and Sae are both adults.
💙 you two probably share a playlist, and most of it are english songs. It will help him with his English. He probably listens to the neighborhood and chase Atlantic. He would 100% stress about concert tickets if they were coming to japan. Ofcourse hell but you one too.
💙 He will never admit it but it makes him happy if you go to his matches or practices. He sometimes searches the seats to see if he can spot you sitting in one of them, he hopes you’ll see his important matches bo matter what. Whether it’s in real life or on tv.
💙He hopes that you’ll see his matches before Sae’s. He knows that Sae is your brother too and that you love him but Rin wants to be your favorite and trustable brother. He feels as if he’s better than Sae if you love him more than him.
💙 He sometimes has his emo phases where he shuts down and doesn’t speak a lot, it’s mainly because of how he feels or it has to do with Sae. He’s not one to tell his feelings to you, most of the time he does but not always. Sometimes he cried, but at least now he doesn’t have to cry on his own, he can cry with you by his side. And that gives him some type of comfort.
💙 be ready to have a clingy and rather possessive Rin if he finds out you have a partner. Rin wants to know everything. Why them? Are they good for you? Will they treat you well? He wants to meet them. He’ll wait. And if he doesn’t approve he better not see them again. No scummy partner will ever enter your life.
💙 Sometimes Rin becomes emotional, very emotional. Whether it’s sadness or anger. He expresses them very intensely, that’s why he sometimes might say hurtful things or words. But at the end of the day he never means them. Doesn’t take away that they hurt though. He does feel a lot of guilt and might end up crying and apologizing to you for it.
💙 He’ll be your best friend. So please consider him yours. You’re his sister, the only sibling still talking to him. He doesn’t befriend others often nor does he talk to his parents. To him you’re currently the most important person in his life. He loves you a lot even if he doesn’t show it. No questions asked.
Sae:
❤️ Sae is around your age, and way more mature than Rin. He doesn’t really bother you because of that and because most of the time he’s in Spain. He also doesn’t talk much, like as if he’s always sleepy. No he does not lack sleep it’s just how he looks so no worries sister.
❤️ Sae isn’t the one who contacts you first nor tried to keep to conversation. He’s busy with a lot of things. It’s no question that he cares for you, there just is only so much time in one day. He has matches, interviews, contracts, practice and a lot more. He hopes you understand how busy he is and that it’s not intentional.
❤️ Unlike Rin, Sae isn’t emotional but rather rational. He keeps his cool and thinks straight and logical. He does have a sharp tongue, but swallows his words when it comes to you. You’re his elder sister and he respects you a lot, such words aren’t meant for you.
❤️ Sae would rather see you in person than on texts. He watched your stories and sees you’re online but will not sent a message until you sent one first. He’ll often leave you on read. It’s not meant to be offending, but rather that he’s busy or just doesn’t wish to engage in the conversation further. He’s tired okay? He hopes you understand.
❤️ it had been stated that Sae thinks that Rin is in his ‘rebellious’ phase. That caused him to be rather confused if Rin snaps at him, which causes Sae to come to you. He often talks to you about Rin as Rin hinself doesn’t even talk to Sae when he’s back in Japan.
❤️ As the older sister, you will have to deal with Sae not understanding what is up with Rin, and Rin hating Sae’s guts. This puts you in a rough spot. Both of them knows you love them very much. But in contrast to Rin, Sae doesn’t seem to mind you spending more time with Rin. After all, Rin is the youngest and needs to most attention because he’s needy. At least that’s what Sae thinks.
❤️ He does make an effort to see you. It might not always feel that way, but he does go on a plane and see you from time to time if his schedule is cooled off. To him the not everyday talking works great. That way the moment he sees you he has a lot to listen to and maybe talk back about some things happening in his life too.
❤️ Sae doesn’t mind you having a partner. He thinks your old enough to know whats best for you and trusts you in that too. Ofcourse if it doesn’t end up working he’ll always he there for you. Only thing he wants is that you keep an eye out for yourself and that your partner isn’t hurting you. He doesn’t necessarily need to meet them but if you insist he wouldn’t mind.
❤️ if you live abroad he’ll also visit you, but then he’s more willing to go out and explore where you live. It feels rather fresh to him when he’s somewhere different than Japan, as if he can breath. He will avoid public spaces a lot because he doesn’t want to be recognized. He might stay at your place for a few days before eventually going back to Spain.
❤️ He will give you random things from Spain, whether it’s a photo, a souvenir, typical spanish snacks or something else. He’ll always bring you something. It’s one of the rare moments he’ll text you and ask you what you want from Spain.
❤️ Unlike Rin, Sae doesn’t seem to mind if you don’t come to his matches. If you watch them on tv he’s happy. But if you don’t he doesn’t mind it. Seeing them irl is something he doesn’t expect. Especially if you live abroad or in Japan. Flights and Hotel costs are expensive. His tickets always get paid by the manager, he will try to get them to also pay yours. But he also understands if you don’t feel comfortable by it.
❤️ Sarcastic asf. It depends on how you take it but sometimes it just floops out. He doesn’t want to be mean but it’s in his system. It’s never curse words but more comments and he always seems to pause after he says it because he didn’t mean to say it out loud. He usually says that to others and can be seen as harsh or rather blunt. He tries to watch his tongue, he really does
❤️ Sae loves you without a doubt, the same goed for Rin even though he might not show it. He doesn’t see a need for friends or to actually regularly contact someone. But he’s happy that your the glue that sticks the bond with him and Rin. He knows you’re in a rough spot and tries to make it less harder for you. But he is grateful that you’re here to help him and tha babiest of brothers, Rin.
That’s all yall😜
#bllk fanfic#blue lock#rin itoshi#itoshi sae#sae itoshi#bllk sae#bllk rin#blue lock itoshi rin#blue lock itoshi sae#itoshi siblings#itoshi rin#itoshi#rin itoshi x reader#sae itoshi x reader#itoshi brothers
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UE Dream and Nightmare
transferring stuff from A03 just in case <3
TW: mentions of abuse, mentions of discrimination - hatred of a child who 'came out wrong'
"The Scourge Of The Night" - Nightmare - Dark type
Elven/ Aasimar God Mystic Age: over 5,000 height: 5'9 Gender: N/A pronouns depend on presentation
HIs eye changes depending on the phase of the moon. Both eyes did this, but after his Falling, only the left changes, the right staying stuck on full - they day they were cast down
"The Blessing Of The Dawn" - Dream - Light Type
Elven/ Aasimar God Cleric + Ranger Age: over 5,000 height: 5'4 Gender: N/A All Pronouns Eyes change depending on emotion - The more intense the emotion, the brighter his eyes glow. When they're very sad, you can see small black pupils in the pale white.
Were thrown out of their realm due to then not listen to their mother's orders - to chop down the tree holding the balance- despite the fact that those orders would kill them and many others.
They rebelled by stealing one of each of the apples that held the balance of light and dark. Nightmare took a dark one, and Dream took a light. They did this so that even if the tree was destroyed, the balance would stay safe.
The blame for this is pinned on Nightmare, due to their mother liking Dream more, they were both equal in their rebellion.
While they were both equal in in, it was dreams idea, and Nightmare grabbed the apple first, and was stopped pretty quickly, which is why he's scarred and had his hair sheared while dream didn't. Dream then had both apples. Nightmare was imprisoned, their notes were uncovered that proved dream was on on it. They had to punish both of them, but Dream got away cleaner because he was favoued, he understands this. Nightmares a little salty about this, but doesn't hate Dream for it. Dream feels guilt about it, but they both understand why it happened the way it did, and neither hold it against the other Dream WILLINGLY jumped to to the planet, escaping punishment, and joining their brother. They weren't meant to be cast down, and he would have just had his heir cut and then be allowed to live in the realm after that, but he jumped down before any of that happened. Nightmare doesn't know this, and thinks Dream was cast down as well.
The apples both fell down into the world they landed on. Growing nature of all kind, its said that the reason they world has magic, is because if the fallen apples (they mostly only mention Dreams apple, but its know that one of each fell down.)
Nightmare was fallen and sent to sleep indefinitely, and dream was turned to stone, it's said that dream will defeat 'his evil brother' and return to the heavens. This will never happen on account of neither of them wanting to kill the other.
Nightmare was thrown onto the North of the word, and dream the South, their landing split the ground off into islands of of the main island.
They both blame themself and not the other for what happened. Nightmare feels so guilty he initially tries to hide from Dream when the meet up, while Dream feels guilty and feels like he must appologise to Night for what happened. They eventually get over this guilt when they talk it out, but it takes a while.
Nim hated Night so much because his ears point down, his high elf heritage means they should point up, like Dreams, but they point down like a drows ears. This makes her think that Nightmare is cursed as evil, and that if she pushes him enough, he'll bend to her mold, and be good. This obviously doesn't work.
Overtime, the plants, knowing their innocence, slowly began to build fortresses around their bodies, to keep them safe until it was time for them to be awoken.
Nightmare was abused by their mother, Dream didn't know this. Nim threatened to do the same to Dream of he told him. Dream happens to see some of the abuse one day, and starts to question everything he's ever known about his family. This is what triggered his change in predictability - and caused them to rebel against her orders. He never told Nightmare what they saw that day. And the rebellion and banishment happened very shortly after.
Upon being awoken by Ink, Dream insisted that he must find his brother. Ink ( knowing the myths after finding out who Dream was and doing some research) is very against it. Dream doesn't understand why, and once again insists they go, Ink - trusting Dream- begrudgingly, agrees, and they set out to find them. The problem is, they have no idea where Nightmare was thrown, they're on an island ( as is Night) and Nightmare has wards surrounding his island (he was woken up after dream was, but Dream and Ink stay on the island for a good while and get to know each other before Dream insists on leaving, and it takes them a good while to move over there.) They don't find the island on their own, they have help from an outside source. (Error)
Horror (and Honey) , Killer, Dust and Cross have all met before they meet Nightmare, they were the original party, and they went travelling as a group to try and get as far away from the lives as possible, coming from all different directions, the only way to go was up, into the forest surrounded, snowy Island, this is how they find Nightmare.
Nightmare presented as female during their banishment, while dream presented as male. Nowadays, more often than not, Nightmare presents as male, and Dream as ambiguous. This isn't important to their story, but is a random fact. They're both essentially Genderfluid, and will switch genders if they believe they need to, they are essentially genderless beings that choose shapes as they see fit.
Nightmare had been woken up before, by a group who essentially forced him to do spells for them, and if he refused, they'd abuse him. Luckily, this didn't last for long, because Night killed them as soon as he had enough strength to do do. This took all his energy, and the sleeping curse fell over him again.
Their existence is what causes day and night to exist. If only one of them is awake, then only their time exists. For example, Dream was woken before Nightmare and there was a time where they were no nights until night woke up. When Night woke up that one time, there was a period where there was absolutely no sun for the 6 months he was awake.
To keep Dream and Nightmare awake, they require something specific each month. For, Night it's a type of berry that only blooms during a full moon. So, when they find one, they take as many as they can. They have them planted all around their settlement. He has to eat at least 5 of them during a month period to not fall asleep again.
For Dream, its water that has been infected with magic of a god/goddess (note Dream and Night CANNOT directly add magic to water, this doesn't work, they've tried). There's a stream that crosses through the island he landed on that is so infected with magic, and it's perfect. Every year, he and one or two of his party members travel over there and collect as much as possible. This normally brings them back around 8 litres, and as he has to take a half a litre a month this works out fine. They put the spare in a well they have, just in case they can't get any for whatever reason.
Small fun facts
dream really likes birds, small ones in particular, like robins and sparrows. People joke that its due to the fact he has wings, and they feel the need to correct them every time, stating that "my wings are that of a dragonflies, not bird wings!"
Nightmare likes bigger birds, in particular ravens and crows, but he secretly likes insects the most. He finds them fascinating.
#undertale au#undertale#ue!au#unrivalled elementals#rues aus#nightmare sans#dream sans#lore#lore drop#dnd au#dreamtale#dreamtale sans
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sometimes if i look at really good art too hard it makes me sad
#ace rambles#not even like the good emotional type of sad#just the type of sad that comes from knowing that i'll never be that skilled or make something that good in my life#like.#okay.#my art isn't bad. alright? i know that. my art is fine. it's okay. sometimes it's even good.#but it's not like that. it's never like that.#and it never will be.#it's always cute. occasionally it's cool. it's never beautiful.#nothing i make will ever move someone to tears or inspire the kind of raw emotion that drives other people to wonderful things.#i'll always just. be that guy who draws cartoons.#which is fine.#i guess.#but i can't say it never hurts.#GOD THERADICACE BUMMER MOMENTS DON'T MIND ME#negative//
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am i misremembering this? i feel like there was a panic around the allister episodes that allister was going to take ash’s gengar but i dont remember if that was real or where it came from. i feel like i made that up bc this episode states outright that gengar doesnt want to leave ash’s side at all
#idk if that was a theory or not#also wow these episodes would feel much more meaningful if gengar wasnt shoved into a corner and ignored for most of the series#its always really funny when they do flashback reels meant to be super emotional but they can barely pull any good moments#bc they treated the pokemon like dogshit most of the time#and by funny i mean sad#like wow ash and gengar are so close. wish we couldve seen that outside of one other episode#echoed voice#jn lb#also god the lost potential w gengar hurts to bad. its the one abandoned pokemon where its not relevant at ALL that it was abandoned#say what you want about pignite being a charizard clone but at least it got an actual follow up and it had a consistent personality#that was clearly affected by the abandonment#gengar is mad for two episodes and then after that its just a prankster type that keeps losing#even charizards actions in os can be explained by its backstory#gengar gets nothing after its capture besides generic ‘’aw you like ash’’ comments#bc if we acknowledge that something fucked up happened to it then oughhh that might alienate and put ppl off oh noooo
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#was having a good day and now feels all wrong :(#like. zero positive emotions left at the moment. i am not having a good time . and it's not even like i can blame anything else but myself#i can just feel a big ball of badness in me and it's humming#i need to do washing up and i need to watch lecture recording and i need to type up notes and finish knitting and -#just. bad paralysis. sad sad sad. little beepo's misery truly is increasing
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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I think the hardest thing in writing for me sometimes is the like “show don’t tell/let people communicate through subtext/Normal People don’t just walk around openly explaining their motivations for everything That’s Unnatural” thing because like.. I literally DO walk around openly explaining my motivations for everything, that is how I talk, I am an analytical detail oriented over-communicator who explains everything as thoroughly as possible and and will give a fully detailed 2 minute long answer to something simple like “how are you doing today?” .. like it’s hard to make things sound Natural and Normal when you yourself are inherently unnatural and abnormal in your methods of communication to an extent lol
#''hey. whats up? you look kind of sad.. is something wrong?'' normal answer (apparently how people are supposed to talk): *looks away#remosefully and stares into the distance* ''n-no.. I'm fine. don't worry about it.'' abnormal answer (how I would respond): ''Yeah I#'m mostly fine. I was just thinking about what the future is going to be like 30 years from now and if I'll ever actually accomplish anythin#g that I want to. which makes me feel X way for XYZ reason. you see because I had a dream last night that made me think of *continues to exp#lain my exact emotional state and inner thought process completely matter of factly in exact detail for 5 more minutes*#tfw you would be a badly written character if you existed in a story lol#This is also why I struggle making conflict because most conflicts can be resolved through conversation and I personally love to have long#detailed conversations about everything. Like literally I don't have hardly any conflicts interpersonally because if something happens it's#immediately followed up with like ''hey sorry if my tone of voice sounded a bit pointed or harsh. when you were talking to me I was trying#to balance all the stuff I was taking up the stairs and also my leg hurts so I think all my mental energy was being used there and I just#didn't feel like talking. I should have just said 'wait a minute and we can discuss it inside' instead of trying to end the conversation qui#ckly in a short rude way.' ''oh yeah thats fine. I thought it was something like that. sorry for hounding you about the topic as well. i#havent eaten in a while so I think I'm just a bit prickly at the moment. we should both rest for a while and destress from the store#trip and then talk about it later. maybe after lunch?' 'sure. sounds good.' like LITERALLY. lol#it is so hard for me to write characters who are bad communicators or don't understand their own internal states or arent constantly#analyzing their own actions to understand what they do/don't feel and why and what the cause of it is and etc. etc. etc.#I just naturally want everyone to perfectly undertsand everything and communicate amazingly and have complete self awareness and#logical presence of mind gjhbj.. which like.. of course comes across as unnatyural and also those type of people rarely ever get involved in#conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa#I mean you can get around this to some degree by the fact that (at least in my opinion) no rule for dialogue is 100%. dialogue is good if it#sounds naturally like it comes from the character who said it. It can be meandering and pointless and rambly IF that matches the character.#it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik#e '5000 year old cave dwelling hermit' type people is good for me and works BUT the thing is an ENTIRE cast of characters can't be that way.#at some point - even in a setting where everyone is reserved and academic (like a research camp in the wilderness full of scholars and stuff#) still SOMEBODY has to be the one who's conflict prone and doesn't pristinely understand all of their emotions and etc. etc. Because statis#tically that is still literally the majority. Kind of like my tendency to make everyone 100% aromantic and asexul when it's like.. YES.. may#be 2 or 3 or even 4 out of 10 of them could be that way. but like.. an entire group? a diverse group of 10 people from all walks of life and#EVERY single one is like that??? hgjh . you have to add realistic variety#As much as I'm pro 'have more stories where sex or romance are literally NOT involved at all in any capacity since it's already oversaturate#d in media' I'm also dedicated to realism. alas. (at least as realistic as you can get in a fantasy setting lol)
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random pic for tag diary (made these from kneadable eraser)
#idkkkk just feeling some type of way?#last weekend i was hanging out with some friends and we were just talking about how long we want to live idk#and my boyfriend is the first person ive heard saying that he wants to get at least 120 bc like so many of us are just sad kids#who are scared of a future that seems so dystopian#and in comes this idiot (affectionately) going 'i need to get at least 120 i want all the time i can get'#i dont fully know why but he said 'life's the only thing we get for free and you know that i cant say no to free things' and i almost cried#it was just so very earnest and sweet and im used to being friends with a lot of cynical people#hes good for me i think. softens me up. bc im definitely more on the rough side and hes just very emotional and (a bit over)dramatic#its really funny actually bc were like. super effeminate boyfriend x super masculine girlfriend and tis probably hilarious from the outside#even if i feel super inadequate sometimes bc he's so thoughtful and romantic and im. well. not really. im more like a block of wood#romantically speaking#idk i just stand there and feel awkward a lot bc i cant deal with affection too well but it helps that hes just so sweet#like when we were on our drive through half of germany and we just talked about so much and it was things like favorite colors#or singing along to the beatles on one of his player pianos (dont ask)#it can get a bit much but hes just so easy to talk to. idk why im making a blog entry from this but hey :)#anyways what i wanted to say. it's nice to have someone in my life whos less cynical than me
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i know it can take weeks for antidepressants to start working but oughhh i feel so numb and tired and want this to be over already. i deal with constant fatigue every day normally but that is nothing compared to how i've been since i took my pill a few hours ago.
#i know i have to stick with it and maybe try evenings but oof. i'd like to be able to feel an emotion please even if its the sadness.#just typing this is a struggle because of how tired i am from doing absolutely nothing#idk how im gonna feel like im doing something good for myself when these are my side effects day 1
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.
#tw self harm#i told my professor about my cutting and it was nice to talk to someone who could respond in an actually helpful way#i call him my professor because that is technically what he is but hes become a sort of real friend recently#which is good bc i dont have any nowadays really#a bit sad for him tho#anyway it was nice to actually get to talk to someone about it who was capable of being an adult about it is the best way to describe it?#like i told my then partner about it and they kinda just didnt say anything? like didnt even acknowledge that it was something i said#i told my best friend about it and hes sweet but he mostly just got upset and asked me to stop#its a resonable thing to get emotional about but that wasnt the response i needed#but my professor just asked me if i wanted to talk to him about it while he walked his dog#i said yeah because i wanted to meet his dog and we went on a walk and it was nice#he said he didnt find it that weird since he had a girlfriend who did it in college#he let me explain and didnt try to change my mind and just asked me what i thought about everything#and when i couldnt answer he just pointed out some ducks and we talked instead about the kinds of turtles living in the canal#ive been in therapy for a long time but that was probably the nicest conversation i ever had about my self harm#im really emotional and lonely typing this out but i wanted to at least document a little of what im feeling right now
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deadpool!
….as your boyfriend.
description: deadpool as your boyfriend!
pairing: deadpool x you!
contains: 18+, mentions of sex!
|an: just saw deadpool & wolverine.. couldn’t help myself.
- awful with emotions but always finds a way to make up for things whether through humor or sex.
- speaking of humor you’re never not laughing with him, or bickering, or fucking
- you’re the only person he can actually feel vulnerable and comfortable with, he cherishes that and he loves you so much for that.
- you’re his person, he would genuinely kill for you if it meant he would lose someone so important in his life.
- if someone makes you sad, mad or uncomfortable ooo…not his babygirl.
- he usually doesn’t keep people or friends in his loop often, they could find him annoying or over the top but not you.
- you love absolutely everything about him, his outlandish humor, his extroverted personality, his big ol’ mouth. you think it’s so hot.
- so hot when he’s mean to you so hot when he’s soft with you
- you literally bicker like two teenage girls all the time and he always somehow clocks your tea it’s ridiculous but you also find it impressive that he always has something to say that you cannot come back from😭
- god you need to pray that no man ever even has the thought of coming on to you… he’ll experience some banter with your boyfriend before it’s lights out.
- not only are you his but he’s yours! he’s super loyal and if he can’t get someone to back off , you sure will!
- you’re always having fun with him date nights are some of the best times of your life, he always finds a way to entertain you no matter what you’re doing.
- always gotta hand somewhere, your ass, a singular cheek, a titty, somewhere. how could you expect him not to! you’re all his.
- you literally have him wrapped around your finger, he’d do absolutely anything for you.
- also always bullying you he is so straightforward😭
“hon that has got to be the ugliest shirt i’ve ever seen on you”
“wade-“
“i know you got better in that closet that i snoop through and try on all your clothes when you aren’t home now go!”
- he’s so tall so if you’re short oh wow…you’re never catching a break
“soooo how’s the weather down there.” wade said, placing his elbow on the crown of your head.
“prick…”
…
“yeah that’s enough of that dirty mouth!” your boyfriend had announced before bending down and wrapping an arm around your behind, throwing you over his shoulder and positioning his palm on your ass.
“god, wade put me down!” you’d laughed playfully hitting his back.
“don’t make me have to spank you!” he said, lighting pinching your ass.
- do not get an animal bc it will quickly become his center of attention and he will defend it over you.
“wade, we’re having my mom over please put it in the room”
“ugh…she’s so mean isn’t she sugar?” he’d said stroking your pet, followed by a “yes she is yes she is!” as the animal licked his face.
sigh.
- good lord we got a cuddle monster on our hands!
- absolutely adores any type of affection and practically begs you for it 24/7. he loves being little spoon specifically. also loves it when u scratch or message his back, bc that also gets him going..
- speaking of, you got this guy rock solid 24/7
“hungry for seconds?” he joked, hugging you from behind and pressing his hardened cock against your ass.
“we literally jus-“ you’d started just to be interrupted mid sentence.
“so! cmon baby throw a dog a bone.” he muttered, hand already gripping your inner thigh.
you’d sighed, god you can’t resist him.
- it doesn’t matter what you’re doing he finds anything you do hot i stg
- a M-U-N-C-H! for life, literally came in his pants from eating you out once! he loves making you feel good.
- a goofball during sex he cannot do shit seriously😭 he be talking you and your pussy thru it!
- again, if you’re petite god help you bc he is large.
- babe, you better match his freak because yall doing anything.
- trying a new thing every night multiple times bc that sex is never vanilla and that dick is never tired! at some point he’s just making positions up😭
#deadpool x reader#deadpool#wade wilson#deadpool and wolverine#ryan reynolds#deadpool x you#marvel#mcu#wade wilson x reader#wade wilson x you#deadpool headcanons
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after hearing what jervis had to say, although it was an impulse he didn't want to give into, all jack could do was turn his face downwards. the act of relating to someone saying something like that about themselves and being able to empathize with them — it made his throat sting, as jack had drawn up the proper dosage for someone of jervis's size of both meds. the pain-reliever was injected into the IV first before he had to stop.
jack still wasn't looking at the other while he spoke to him, ❝ that's not true. i may not know you personally, but your life is valuable. if you spend enough time around people who treat you as if you're just a bother to them, though? you start to believe stuff like that in my personal experience. ❞ it was only when he was finished with having the cyclizine (the anti-vertigo medicine) join the other meds in his IV that he finally looked up. and directly at jervis, too, while squeezing the bag of it. why would he be asking for ketamine?
jack might not be so good at remembering all of the pharmaceuticals his dad just hoped he would memorize, but he knew that ketamine was pretty notorious for causing hallucinations. shaking his head was an almost instantaneous reaction once he recalled something and tried to keep his tone light-hearted. ❝ no, i'm afraid we don't have any of that here. what you really need is food anyways; your body seems to be running off of just hopes and dreams right now, after all. no offense, ❞ jack smiled a bit sheepishly at that before turning his back to jervis.
deciding to just get it over with, he then disposed of the needles in the sharps container in the room once his feet had successfully carried him there. this allowed jack a moment to drop the smile he'd put on and stare at the wall in confusion. because even though it wasn't really his business to ask jervis about the ketamine, in his opinion, it was still perplexing. this was of course after jack had given the man the washcloth he'd carried with him. he supposed now that he'd learned a bit too much about nico, that jervis was now the person he was wondering about.
and i say this because he seemed different. not in a bad way, but from an emotional standpoint. the rest of jack's family always seemed so reserved at the best of times. then unfeeling, at the worst. but here jervis was seemingly intentionally trying to connect with jack. it made him feel less like an outsider than he usually did, which he was thankful for. jack only blinked at the idea of lewis carroll also being a mathematician. he honestly never would've guessed he had both an analytical and creative mind. that was just further evidence that it was easy for people to get swept up in seeing only one facet of a person, jack supposed.
whoever jervis's wife might've been, she must've been smart. a small smile tugged at his lips as the other talked about her liking for puzzles and wanting to pursue different intellectual challenges. jack decided to only ask him a short question, then, ❝ it sounds like you knew her like the back of your hand. how long were you two together? ❞ the smile that was on his face soon dissipated just like that, however, when the topic of miscarriages was brought up. oh... that was devastating. jack didn't even know what to say to that.
he turned his attention to his tarot deck due to being at a complete loss as to what he should say. jack's breath caught in his throat at the apology, nodding as a way of saying 'thanks.' ❝ yeah. i'm sorry too, honestly. ❞ that felt like the best way to convey his feelings about it at that point. it wasn't that he was bitter about it, but saying 'it's okay' never felt right to him. jack lifted up the table and chair one by one to move them directly next to jervis's bedside. and then, it felt as if his heart was being squeezed. ❝ we were. julien was always looking out for me and although i was three years younger than him, i always tried to look out for him. ❞
jack spread out all of the cards in a fan-like pattern with one hand upon the table. he cleared his throat to try to maintain his composure as he said, ❝ i try to, ahh, talk to him sometimes even though he's not here. which does strangely help. and allowing myself to feel all the things that come with grief, then letting them go has been like... going from being swallowed by the waves in a shipwreck to surviving one. ❞ jack blinked up at jervis, smiling briefly before running his hand along the cards.
❝ while we've got time to spare, do you want me to read your past, present, and future? it could be therapeutic. ❞
“Both. Please. Although, you needn’t worry about me fainting; I’m not worth the trouble or the concern.”
Jervis folded his arm across his eyes; counted the seconds as he tried to focus on his breathing. The five senses technique wouldn’t do him much good with his present state, as erratic as his thought process currently was; as battered and muggy as his body felt.
“Maybe even a dash of ketamine, if it’s possible? Though I understand if that’s something you don’t have on hand.” A joke at his own expense; pitch-black, crashing and burning.
White walls, white ceiling, white floor. Everywhere, the gleam of white. The scent of antiseptic choking like mothballs. Good old Vitamin K, thin and watery. Enough pills forced down his throat to incapacitate a warhorse. Which will it be today, Tetch, IV or up your nose?
Not entirely a joke, either, if we were being completely honest here. But the boy didn’t need to know that. Pathetic. As though you weren’t wretched enough… get over yourself. Are you that much of a coward?
He didn’t want to look at Jack’s face, couldn’t fathom how the boy would possibly react. Didn’t want to consider it.
Instead, he accepted the washcloth with a faint, grateful hum and carefully dabbed at his mouth, blotting away every bit of blood he could taste. It almost reminded him of how Alice would use sponges to wipe away errant streaks of paint on her canvases—
Jervis cut the thought off before it could finish maturing. It was a wonder those mental shears hadn’t blunted, with how much he’d been using them of late… He shifted his focus on the comments the other made about the Carroll quote. A very faint grin quirked the side of his face; blink and you’d miss it.
“Correct… though I suppose it’s just a matter of perspective, really. Carroll was also a mathematician, but not many people outside academia tend to think about or focus on that particular facet of his legacy. Quite brilliant… geometry, linear and matrix algebra…” He moved his arm, gazed at a hairline crack in the ceiling.
“My wife would frequently read and re-read his essays, after I introduced them to her.” Pale, scarred fingers swept his sweaty hair off his brow. “She was mad for Sudoku and logic puzzles, always looking for ways to challenge herself intellectually…”
Jervis straightened the chain from where it tangled around his neck, carefully tucked it back beneath his shirt; out of sight but not out of mind. “… she’d had two miscarriages, before our daughter was born; I guess the equations and the rules were her way of channeling it; all the pain and sadness and self-blame…”
His voice trailed off again, and he shrugged. There was no point to any of this; he hoped Jack had enough sense to just dismiss it as delusion or fatigue-induced rambling, and ignore it all. He couldn’t rightly say why his thoughts turned in that direction, and he certainly wasn’t looking for any sympathy or pity. He could barely keep his own eyes open, as it was. But there seemed to be an air of warmth and easiness around Jack; in sharp contrast to his sister and father.
In any case, Jervis’ attention diverted as Jack’s shell bracelet rattled softly around his wrist. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he murmured; nothing in his tone facetious or contrived. Merely a sense of pure, genuine empathy embroidered those four words; infusing them like a cloud of purple mist.
He let out a soft breath and shook his head slightly. “Did you have a close bond?” Thoughts of his uncle Stephen and father, Simon, danced in his mind; their uncomfortable silences and lengthy, strained strolls. Memories flickered like shadows, each one a reminder of the distance that had grown between them over the years.
More often than not, the air between them was thick with the lingering scent of pipe and cigarette smoke, enveloping them like a veil. Each moment felt like a thread in a tapestry woven with both love and resentment.
Two sides of the same coin… but then again, when was family ever perfect?
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of child death.#tw: grief.#tw: medication.#tw: needles.#tw: illness.#AHH of course of course!! you already know i loveee everything you write my friend <33#but yeah. i know exactly what you mean as it can be kind of easy to put like... a whole lot of angst into things but mixing even-#a spottt of hope or happiness into it i feel is good sometimes as it is fine for things to just be sad every once in a while OFC-#but i know with like jack in particular he is the type to seek out outlets in which he can cope with his pain as a character just as#a person would do in real life. but yes i think you have honestly hit the nail on the head when it comes to describing how that kind#of emotional pain can affect someone but AHHH. well thank you very much for the compliment! i have really tried my best#to give everyone a separate and distinct voice in the family thus far so that really means a lot to me ;; BUT i am so sorry about that!!#i didn't mean to make you cry at all so c'mere 🫂 i'm giving you a big hug RN but TBH that is honestly so understandable when you-#consider everything that's happened. like the poor guy is just trying to survive right now am i right? he doesn't have TIME-#to be worrying about a chaos gremlin in the other room / hj LOL but GAHHH you got 'em there xDD#but yeahhh. gosh i can just imagine that any characters who live in gotham in general have to really hold fast to any morals they may-#have BC the place is just swamped with corruption and it'd probably be easy for people to get swept up in it. but with jack in#particular he just doesn't have a lot of this 'bloodthirstiness' in him that is unfortunately pretty much a characteristic of the mathis#family at this point. but goshhh... yeah ): i really do constantly feel for jervis as a character BC you can just tell that he got sort of#sucked into all of this and the fact that he's trying to do things right for alice is GAHHH. like that's the only word i have for it jsjsjs#though i totally understand what you're saying and don't worry i didn't get the impression that you're trying to condone it at all!!
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does no/low empathy mean like. emotional or cognitive empathy or can it mean either or?
#ive been trying to search online for answers for 20 minutes and i feel my brain melting#all im finding is either people explaining what empathy means#or both that and ''sometimes people have low/no empathy'' yea ok i know that im trying to find out what exactly it means#OR alternatively ''signs of low/no empathy''#which is also not what im looking for#am i just like. exceptionally stupid for not understanding what type of empathy is meant by it#bc usually when i see ppl talking of it its like. obviously not explaining what it is bc thatd b unnecessary (im not being sarcastic like i#understand)#and from context i honestly cannot tell#what confuses me here even further is that for the longest time i thought people were over exaggerating when they said they feel other#peoples emotions in like an emotional empathy way bc i didnt know that was an Actual thing#like yeah i might get sad bc a friend is sad bc i dont want them to b sad or get inspired by their good mood#or b angry on their behalf or cry at a movie#but like. hearing someone is sad and getting literally emotionally sad just because sounds fake#which is probably bc im just misunderstanding something crucial#god i miss the feeling of knowing and understanding things OR being able to search for information on things you didnt know or understand#google is nothing but ads and duckduckgo is trying its best but it cant find things i search for#i mean i still use it primarily but yknow
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Another horny thought of the night, this time about Jason (and also sad)
#myocs#I think jason is definitely the type of person who sometimes uses sex to ignore his feelings#when he was younger he used violence but once he was forced to tone it down sex became a good substitute#doing anything with his body is better than dealing with his mind rip#''depression can't catch you if you're out fucking pretty boys'' thought process#onnie freaked out the first time he saw it in action because he did NOT understand wtf was going on#like bro you're crying about your trauma??? obviously we're not gonna sleep together rn#jason tries to initially deal with this by suppressing his emotions even harder (spoiler: didn't work)#eventually he kind of cracks and is forced to talk about his feelings like a normal person#he gets better about it after that. although he still craves physical affection when sad#world hard and cold. boyfriend soft and warm#it does occasionally lead to sex but they do try to like. actually deal with the issues instead of just fucking until he forgets them lol#jason you're so fucked up lil guy <3
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