#not drawing much these days but i hope all of you are well..

[clavica]

I've been experimenting last year to try to unfuck my life. COVID left me unemployed and with depression, which was a battle on its own and in the aftermath of it, I found myself in a place where my hobbies and interests were left untouched and under a thick layer of dust for more than three years, because fighting for survival doesn't leave much room for anything extra. To find a job and to get my mental health to so-so place was more important than drawing, cleaning or exercising. And after I finally had some mental and energy room for "something extra" I found myself not really wanting to do anything, so scrolling and mindless media consumption was taking that extra bit I fought so hard to get back and honestly, it made me miserable.

So I started to experiment around getting myself to do more than just survival. I wanted to draw, to read, to exercise, take care of myself, to learn something new. And frankly, it sucked, especially in the beginning. Getting my space cleaned regularly was a struggle. I couldn't stay on track with eating healthy and returned back to bad habits quickly. Creativity wasn't coming and anything I've made felt horrible and ugly, especially that over the years some of my skills eroded and comparing to my old art, I was doing worse...

I guess the best take away from my struggles was to if I can't get something done, is to downsize and limit.

I couldn't get myself to do one day of general cleaning, so I broke it down to 15-20 minutes of cleaning everyday before going to work. At first I used a schedule written on a fridge, then switched to an app to keep track of this and additional tasks and appointments I have, but at this point I know the roster by heart. Monday is for cleaning the stove and counters in the kitchen. Tuesday is wiping mirrors and sweeping floor. Wednesday is cleaning toilet and taking out trash. Thursday is to wipe sink and shower. Friday is free. I do laundry as needed and dishes as well. Dishwasher saved my life as I absolutely detest washing dishes.

Second thing was starting to draw everyday. I got a cheap notebook-calendar and I spend 10-15 mins drawing in it everyday. Even if it's a stick figure. Nobody will see it, and tomorrow I will have another chance to draw something else.

Exercise was the worst. I'm not w sporty person and it's catching up to me. I don't like walking when I have no aim and the weather is bad. Fitness bores me and feels pointless. During pandemic, I got a stationary bike that I was using on and off. So far I managed to put the bike in front of tv and watch Netflix while I cycle, tapping to the crave to watch something and tricking myself to not thinking that I'm exercising. I started with 20min anime episodes, one every day. Currently doing one hour long Netflix shows episodes everyday. Cliffhangers help a bit, because I want to know what happens next and I can't watch without bicycling, so gotta bicycle to know, sorry...

Diet is a problem too, since I eat everything on sight after coming back from work. So I stopped eating after 18:00 because I can't be trusted after that. Deleted all apps where I could order food and I keep in fridge water and vegetables and frozen food for lunch next day. The biggest issue is when I'm out, no rules can stop me there, but fortunately that doesn't happen often.

The last tips I might give basing on my journey:

- if something stands in the way and you can get rid of it - get rid of it

- don't underestimate doing something for fifteen minutes every day, even if it's half-assed

- fuck ups will happen, you will fuck up and that doesn't mean the times you didn't fuck up stopped counting

- it's better to focus on what you're doing now than on possible goals you have

- be kind to yourself

- be patient and don't overextend

Of course everybody is different and their journey might be different. If is, I hope you could share it, as I'm still looking for inspiration to unfuck the rest of my life.

how do u have it all. how do u workout and stretch daily and play an instrument and stay drawing and creative and inspired and have a job. i rlly believe some ppl r living this kind of beautiful and balanced life. its achievable. i think. but how. how does it all become second nature. how do you make it all habit. it feels silly to think something like my phone could be standing in the way of all of it. but maybe it is. or maybe u rlly have to be a specific type of freak person.

[wosospacegirl]

loved the latest alexia fic haha

i had an idea for us stem girlies (not wanting to study virology btw, so fkn real)

i was thinking a kika fic where readers a bio/stem student & is trying to teach kika something & likewise kika (and the rest of the younger barça girls) tries to teach r football

Summary: Y/N’s been buried in virus replication pathways for hours. Kika’s had enough.

A/N: for the STEM girls who haven’t seen the sun in 3 business days and need a footballer girlfriend to drag them outside - Everything written here was taken from my own notes...I hope they are right, or else it means I failed my own exam.

..

Y/n had been studying for what felt like seven years straight. 

Realistically, it had only been four hours, but time blurred somewhere between drawing replication cycles and muttering the difference between RNA-dependent RNA polymerase and reverse transcriptase.

Kika had been patient. She really had. She brought her water, kissed her temple, and even sat silently nearby, scrolling through TikTok while Y/n ranted about capsids and envelope proteins. 

But now it was too much.

“...and that’s why enveloped viruses are more susceptible to disinfectants,” Y/n concluded, still scribbling away. “You would’ve thought that the envelope would make them more resistant, right?”

There was a beat of silence.

“You realise we were just talking about lunch?” Kika said.

Y/n blinked. “Were we?”

“You brought up protein bars, and then somehow transitioned into protein coats. Again. That’s like the third time.”

“Okay, but it’s actually a really–”

“No.”

Kika stood up with the kind of quiet menace only a very tired girlfriend could summon.

“You need to get out of this apartment.”

“I’m busy! I have an exam, Francisca.”

“You need to touch some grass.”

Y/n gasped, clutching her notes to her chest. 

“You sound like my mom.. Are you okay? Did a neurodegenerative virus get to your brain?” Y/n  squinted her eyes, talking in a very mysterious and suspicious voice. “It could be rabies.”

Kika raised an eyebrow. “Por favor, put on some gym clothes.”

“No.”

“You’re coming with me to the training ground.”

“I’m not playing football.”

“You are, just a bit. You’re going to run, breathe some fresh air. Maybe learn how to use your legs again.”

Y/n narrowed her eyes. “I feel like you want to sabotage my academic life.”

Kika deadpanned, “I just want to have a normal conversation with my girlfriend again.”

Half an hour later, Y/n was in mismatched gym clothes, standing awkwardly on the sidelines of the Barça training pitch while Kika passed her a ball.

“Okay,” Kika said. “Basics. Pass it back.”

Y/n kicked it directly into Kika’s shin.

Kika didn’t even flinch. “Right. That was bad.”

“Yeah, well,” Y/n muttered. “I use my brain, not my feet.”

“You used your foot just now,” Kika deadpanned. “You’re just not good at keeping control of it.”

Before Y/n could come up with a scathing reply involving cortical motor neurons, a trio of voices interrupted from behind her.

“Hi amiga,” Jana grinned, jogged up with Pina and Vicky flanking her. “That pass was criminal.”

“Terrible,” Vicky added.

Pina nodded solemnly. “You’re bad, bad.”

Y/n crossed her arms. “Wow, thank you. So much support.”

Kika smirked from the sidelines.

“She made me come here,” Y/n gestured vaguely toward her girlfriend, “because apparently I’m ‘studying too much’ and need to ‘go outside like a normal person.’”

The girls blinked.

“What are you studying?” Jana asked.

Y/n brightened instantly, like a switch flipped. 

“Oh! I'm doing an exam on virus replication pathways, and it’s super interesting because…wait–okay, so you know HIV, right?”

All three nodded slowly, unsure where this was going.

“Well, it’s a retrovirus, which means it uses reverse transcriptase to turn its RNA into DNA inside the host cell. And that DNA actually integrates into the host’s genome and–wait, let me draw it.”

Somehow, within ten minutes, they’d migrated off the pitch and into the tactical analysis centre. 

A whiteboard was pulled over. Y/n commandeered a marker, drawing the double-stranded DNA meticulously.

“This is the viral envelope, this is the capsid, oh, and DpRd-RT is like–the main enzyme you have to remember, alright? So now we have a full DNA–”

Pina was blinking rapidly.

Vicky was furrowing her brows like she was trying to understand it, really trying.

Jana had started taking notes on her phone.

Kika walked in fifteen minutes later, looking for her girlfriend.

“Amor,” Kika said slowly, “why is my team being held hostage by you and– ai meu Deus…is that a virus?”

Y/n turned around, completely unfazed. “I’m teaching them how HIV uses the host's RNA polymerase II to transcribe proviral DNA.”

Kika stared. “...This started with a bad pass.”

“And now it’s a public health seminar!” Y/n grinned. “Honestly? You're welcome.”

[bananastarlo]

yandere Isekai trope

What if you wake up in another world and nothing is quite as it was before you fell asleep? Everything looked different—hell, even you looked different, wearing a strange school uniform.

That’s when a screen appears before you:

“In order to leave this place, you must get along with the yandere of this universe and identify—plus avoid—their darling. Good luck, and don’t get yourself killed.“

So that’s why you’re standing in front of the classroom the screen assigned you to. Peering inside, nobody seems to notice your presence. You take a seat and inspect every person carefully… 

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Is he not in this school?

But then he walked in, head slightly bowed to avoid drawing attention to himself. Yet somehow, you knew it had to be him. It was a gut feeling, strong and undeniable. The boy was quite tall and lean, with little muscle, a gentle appearance, and hair that fell over his face. His expression was unsure.

He’s supposed to be the yandere? You smirked to yourself. Definitely manageable.

As he took his seat, you came up to him and warily sat yourself down next to him. He didn’t even bother glancing up, absorbed in whatever he was sketching in his notebook. 

You’d figured you should try befriending him—gain his trust so he (hopefully) wouldn’t hurt you.

Your first interaction with him was short-lived 

“Hey, I’m new here. Uh…what’s your name?“

…

Shit. 

You take a peek at his notebook.

“That’s a really pretty drawing! You’re very talented!“

“…Thank you.“ 

Were you the first person he’d spoken to? It sure felt like it. You almost felt bad for him.

As time went on, you tried every tactic to win him over. After countless failed attempts, you finally earned his tolerance, maybe even fondness. Now, he even waits for you after class, which was…kind of cute. You learned his name was Luca, a shy boy who loved to draw and read comics.

It made sense for him to be a yandere, you thought. 

Eventually, he grew clingy. You didn’t mind. If anything, his attachment meant he wouldn’t turn on you later…right?

But you’d be lying if you said he hadn’t grown on you, too. If not for the yandere thing, you’d actually enjoy your late-night talks (it’s more of a one-sided conversation, but oh well…) and the times when you did school projects together at your house and he gets flustered by being in your space. 

But you’re forgetting something really important, aren’t you? 

“Hey, my name is Lola! It’s nice to meet you all!“ 

She was an awfully cheery girl who just transferred here. The kind of girl boys fell for. Even…

You turn your head to study Luca’s reaction.

His expression was unreadable, but this has to be her—the darling. Now, you just had to avoid her as much as possible.

“Thank you. You can sit now. Uh…you! You’ll show Lola around and partner with her for the upcoming project.“

The teacher pointed directly at you.

Aw, shit.

Arguing was pointless, so you agreed. But you could feel Luca’s glare burning into you as Lola beamed beside you.

“I hope we become good friends!“

You spent the rest of class ignoring him, but dread coiled in your stomach. 

After class, as everyone scattered, you grabbed Luca‘s wrist before he could leave. “Listen, I…I really like you. I don’t want anything to change what we have. Once I finish what the teacher asked, I‘ll stay away from her, okay?“

He blinked in surprise, then smiled. “I-I didn’t think you’d understand. Thank you so much.“

And with that, he left.

At least that went well.

Or so you thought.

Lola was determined to befriend you. No hint, no brush-off worked. The more time you spent with her, the more Luca withdrew. His distance made you paranoid—rightfully so.

Today was another dreadful day and you were the only one left in school working on an assignment—too scared to walk home now that it was already this dark out. After packing up, you sighed and headed out—until a strange noise made you stop in place. 

Against your better judgement, your feet dragged you to the source, scared of what you would find.

That’s when you saw an open classroom and heard a piercing scream from inside. Your stomach dropped and hands started shaking.

There he was, repeatedly stabbing a person, who was so familiar to you, you almost threw up. Lola. Luca was hunched over her. He must’ve heard you, because his head slowly turned, blood splattered across his face.

“You? My darling… you weren’t supposed to see this.“

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!“ You backed away.

He looked like he was the one who had just been stabbed. His lips trembled.

“W-What do you mean? I did this for us! She wouldn’t stop bothering you! She deserved this—ALL OF IT! She wanted to take you away from me, can’t you see? You told me you didn’t want anything to change what we have, so please, please don’t look at me with that look. I love you so much, please…“

What have you done?

[ludolka]

Do u think that Joel sometimes leaves Grians feather on his pillow and pretends there's still warmth there? That nothing's changed? That it isn't eeriely quiet and that his bed isnt empty of a bird that clings to him like he's the only touch that understands? Do u think he still wakes up, reaching for wings that he won't feel again? Maybe he missed being kicked or woken up to a soft voice asking for help with his wings. Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession. (Sorry for being insane you made me think heavily about the feather thing) ((I really *really* hope this ain't too dark or sad my writer brain was buzzing all day))

Nonny, I literally just woke up from a nap and this is the first thing I read and now I have feels and thoughts-

Oh how I love your brain. This is amazing, I love this so much. I’ll draw a comic based on this probably later today or maybe write a fic, I’ll decide which fits with my vision better. Also, I’m surprised how many people got feels because of that comic, both on here and TT, I didn’t even intend for it to be angsty :’)

I can totally see him being like this !! During the day, whether he’s alone or has company, he can be a tough guy who acts like he doesn’t care. He can create his own chaos or new alliances (relationships cough cough). Grian’s off doing whatever, maybe he’s with others, or working on a new building project, or in a different plane of existence with the watchers. Joel isn’t the type to go crawling back to anyone, let alone to someone like Grian. He’s fine by himself, he doesn’t need that clingy bird

But at night, when he’s truly alone, he lets his mask slip. There are no distractions, he can’t busy his mind or hands with anything while laying in bed trying to sleep. And he’s more desperate than he’d be willing to admit. He curses himself for throwing away so much of Grian’s fallen feathers and only keeping a handful. He shapes his blanket like a body next to his, but it’s not good enough, a blanket can’t hug him, so he opts to hug the blanket himself, being the big spoon for once. He places the few feathers he has on the second pillow next to his and hates how they are the color they are because he can’t see them in the dark. He wonders, again more times than he’d be willing to admit, whether Grian is sleeping alone or with someone else. If Grian is clinging to pillows and blankets in place of a body or if he’s clinging to someone else, maybe pretending it’s Joel again

He sometimes talks to the feathers once he’s tired enough that his brain doesn’t fight with him on it, about how absurd it is or how pathetic he is for doing so. He talks about his day, his upcoming plans, whatever rambling or ranting his tired brain can think of. He never tells the feathers he misses him though, that’d feel too vulnerable and speaking the words would make it feel more real to him

He falls asleep pretending like he isn’t alone and wakes up either still during the night or in the morning, thinking he isn’t for a few blissful moments before reality sets in and leaves him disappointed and yearning. He often finds himself thinking back to all the times they teamed up and somehow always ended up in the same bed at night, how he used to find it annoying at first, but how good he had it then and how little he used to really appreciate it

Truth is, he does miss their joint chaos and destruction, how easy it is to understand each other, how well they bounce off of each other, the banter and the arguing and the making up. He misses sleeping together, the sound of the other’s breathing, the warmth. He misses Grian

And to kinda circle back to a sentence you wrote, “Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession”, the obsession never left, he just no longer has an outlet for it

And he knows they’ll find each other again eventually, they always do. No force is strong enough to keep them separated for long. It’s just always unpredictable when, sometimes it’s weeks, sometimes it’s months. Maybe if they weren’t so stubborn and prideful they’d stop waiting for the other to make the first move and just seek each other out and have a proper vulnerable conversation. But they wouldn’t be themselves if they did that, they’d need to be different people to be able to do that. They can be open and vulnerable with each other at times, but never about their feelings for each other

In a different base, in a different place Grian waits each night to hear Joel. They can’t have an actual conversation like this, but the other doesn’t seem to mind that he’s talking alone and not getting a response. The more time they spend apart, the more regular these nightly “talks” get. And whenever they happen and he falls asleep to Joel’s voice, he sleeps better and wakes up feeling emptier

[mediocre-hospital-24]

Jayce Keeps a Journal About You (Head Cannon)

Author’s note: I will try to frequently post small head cannons or drabbles between my longer fics or one shots. This one is Jayce but I do the other arcane men as well. If there’s something you would like to see me write about in one of these snippets, feel free to ask!

Warning: Nudity I guess? I’m still learning how to tag warnings sorry. Is this 18+? Idk if you’re a child don’t read anything I write anyway lol

********************************************************************************************

He keeps a freaking diary.

Has had like 7 over the course of his life.

He writes so much random crap in them too!

Dreams, recipes for things, sketches of prototypes, ideas for new things, and brain rot thoughts to just throw into the void.

Eventually got smart enough to keep a separate journal about you two in your home where Viktor hopefully won’t find it because that one is FILTHY!

He purposely leaves his other one in more peculiar places for Viktor to snoop in because he ABSOLUTELY KNOWS Viktor loves to snoop.

The one about you is bound in dark blue leather and was a gift from you when you saw him pick it up at one of the book stores you would meet at.

It’s just him musing about you, drooling over certain parts of your body that he then DRAWS.

The man has an anatomy textbook basically of just YOU.

So MANY NAKED SKETCHES.

Just you, no one else.

He even writes about love bites you give him and just gushes about how perfect and sexy he thinks you are.

Babe has it so BAD for you lol.

It’s not creepy tho!

He mostly just sketches when you’re asleep, he knows you’d be embarrassed, but they’re just for him anyway.

He just has so many feelings and putting them on paper is something he really enjoys doing! It’s relaxing for him to just see you sleeping spread out all over the blankets after he’s absolutely wrecked you.

It’s probably his favorite sight in the whole world to see you half covered by sheets completely in the nude.

He especially loves when your tits are out.

He could stare at them forever and he’d still want more time to commit them to his memory.

He isn’t hiding it from you though, he hopes to show you some of his favorites sometime and maybe he could even convince you to pose for him (do it the man will freaking go FERAL after).

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Snippit:

You were completely knocked out.

Limbs a sprawling mess, lips parted, and sheets tangled and bunched haphazardly around you.

The day had been long, and far too warm for your liking.

After you finally got home from the junk shop you worked in, you quickly showered to wash the sweat and grime from the day away; and promptly cranked your air conditioning unit to max.

You were so exhausted you didn’t even bother with clothes, your boyfriend slept naked most of the time anyway so you knew he wouldn’t mind.

You unceremoniously plopped on the bed and pulled up the thin sheet as the cool air blew on you, finally getting a chance to relax.

When said boyfriend walked through the door to his apartment, he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you.

He loved that you trusted him enough to be in such a vulnerable state in his bed.

Jayce dreamily drank in the moment before carefully making his way over to a decorative globe in the corner of the room and lifting the top.

He reached in, grabbed the journal, and fountain pen he kept along with it, and made his way over his desk.

It was conveniently illuminated by the reading lamp you often left on when you got home before him.

The large vanity mirror that hung across from the bed always had the most perfect view of you from where he was sitting.

You were such a messy sleeper when you were restless and overheated, the sheets often getting discarded near your legs or on the floor.

This left Jayce with a clear view of your uncovered chest; your pretty nipples on display just for him.

It was always difficult for him to just sit there looking at how beautiful you were but not really being able to express it in the moment.

That’s how the drawings started, as a way to pour his deep overwhelming pride and adoration for you when maybe you weren’t there at the time, or in this case, off in dreamland.

He’d wake you up with his tongue later ( your favorite way to be awoken).

But for now, he’d enjoy the quiet peace of the moment, and the soothing sounds of occasional tiny snores.

[fmfmscore]

Helllooo this is from a new follower of yours~ I've been scrolling through your blogs and my goodness your art could change my life forever. YOUR ART GIVES ME A REASON TO LIVE💖💖💖

I love the way you draw sonic characters so much🥺 they all look so soft and squishy like marshmallows!! eugggh💕

Keep creating what you love and never stop! I hope you have a wonderful day because you deserve it! *send s you thousands of love from across the globe💗💗💗

(╥_╥) ouch this made my whole day... I appreciate you so much...

marshmallows are my favorite as well... so this checks out!!

here's something I just sketched up for this! I think.. I'll start rednering it... i think...(◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) It's been very hard for me to draw lately... Art block is my mortal enemy and i plan on ending it very soon... first thing i've drawn in weeks!

!(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ I will continue to work hard for all of you! Thank you again...!

[nebrasska-alasska]

Hello!! I hope you're doing well :)

I absolutely adore all your fics, and I've had such a blast reading them! And honestly your works have inspired me to get back into writing my own fanfiction, (it's been a few years haha) but I'm stuck with just an idea, and unsure where to take the whole story T-T

I was curious- what are things that help inspire you with your writing? What are things that help you figure out your plotline? What do you do when you're stuck and unsure where to take the story next? Thanks so much!!! <3 <3 <3

Thank you!!! And EEEEEEE that's so lovely to hear that you've gotten back into writing!!! Welcome back, and I hope you have fun as you get into the thick of it!!!

And honestly, I'm inspired by things in my daily life and personal experiences! I draw on these experiences to make my plotlines, and how I'll usually draft up my longfic plots is I'll make a list of potential things that can happen and a progression of conversations that they need to have, and then I'll cherry pick my favorites and assemble them in a way that makes sense!

Truthfully, when I'm stuck on my outline, I'll go on a very long walk or hike and just think. I'll think of various scenarios, and just play around with different interactions between the two. And when I get home, I'll write these things down so that I can later organize them in my outline. I literally had to do this two days ago; I signed up for a Sonadow fic exchange where we're assigned a request, and the things/tags that my giftee wanted kind of had me stumped. So, I went on a ten-mile hike, and when I came back, I had the entire 5-chapter outline planned and I was ready to start writing! (And it's lowkey a banger concept now that I've finished the first chapter, and I can't believe I have to wait until June to post it AGH)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The indescribable tension between an overworked and underpaid smut writer, and his biggest fan hater.

(for @frummpets)

[2isted-chocol8-art]

My secret santa piece for @lichbarry! It was the perfect excuse to get out of my comfort zone and draw solanum (and backgrounds!!! Look at those rocks!!!

It was really fun to try and capture all the emotions this moment made me feel in game ::]

-> More Outer Wilds Art!

[prinsomnia]

✷ purest thoughts ✷

if this resonates with you, feel free to support this lil creacher living paycheck to paycheck! ► my ko-fi page ☕️

[teethkid67]

PAYDAY

aka a valentine for the lovely @itsnotmystic / @corvids-calling - fanart for stars fic of the same name, which you can read here !!! i really enjoyed this concept and wanted to do some art for it :3 hope you like it because i REALLY loved your work & i hope this shows that !!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!!!

this is also a loose love-letter to the wonderful @arginnit 's crazy background-drawing-ability and style/skill at portraying environments . wadds your stuff is insane and i love it

happy @mcyt-valentines exchange !!!!

[theythemmer]

Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 129

so was anybody going to tell me @adorkastock had their own random pose generator now or was i just supposed to find that out on my own

[marcelineuntitled]

silly little drawing of these two :))

[woolying]

rainbow dash and j makes so much sense i think

gift for @hayleymarriedjakuraii !! hope u enjoy <3

[javierduffy]

I have been having... a very bad day. Any spare fluffy headcanons for the boys? (and maybe some nsfw ones if you're up to it-)

ohh no my dear helena !!! its unfortunate that you’re having a rough day today :( remember that everything is temporary and that this day, like every other hard day before (and all following after), will pass in its own time.

i can absolutely spare some fluff ! that’s all i’ve got !

• javier goes to bed at about the same time that kieran is waking up every morning, right before dawn, and it’s a common occurrence that he will forget to untie his hair before laying down for bed, especially after a long night of guard duty. kieran will notice every time, and knows himself how easily long hair can get matted, so he will beckon javier over so that he can untie his bow. usually, he’ll also take the time to run his fingers through javier’s hair to detangle it as well, so that he’s even less likely to wake up to knots. javier adores it, teetering with the weight of his head and leaning hard into kieran’s legs on each side of his shoulders- sometimes kieran will even indulge himself in giving javier a head massage. javier never sleeps better, and coincidentally, he began forgetting to take his hair down a lot more after moving out to clemen’s point ….

• javier snuck kieran his first bowl of pearson’s stew after ‘making a social call’. john kicked kieran off his horse at the entrance of camp and javier watched as the latter dredged himself through the brush to what would become his usual resting place behind the rock by the horses. he looked miserable, dead on his feet, and javier knew by then he’d been weeks without a meal. he was a dirty, disloyal, unholy traitor of an o’driscoll, but something about his sunken eyes, the shake in his hand as he lit his first cigarette as a free man again- likely to quell off the hunger- it urged javier to act in a way that he’d never felt before. javier could kill a man in cold blood easier than he could stand to watch fear starve a man even after his hands are free to reach for the bowl. the study for learned helplessness in psychology will come years later, but javier understands himself now through watching kieran’s instinctual desire to survive be beat out of him by the gang javier dedicates his life to. with a healthy amount of spite to himself, he scoops a heaping amount of fresh stew into the cleanest bowl he can find, and sets out to add a fresh layer of flesh to kieran’s prominent bones.

• following this, cooking for kieran is one of javier’s favourite things to do when they get together. javier will cook for him traditional mexican dishes from home (as best he can. both with his limited skills and also with his limited accessibility to the proper ingredients. (probably for the best that he can’t get authentic chili peppers from home and has to use a less spicy chili native to this northern climate. kieran does okay with spice but it isn’t in his genetics to truly have a high tolerance.)) and not only will it be an unknown love language from javier, to feed kieran and make sure he is full, but it will also be a love language from kieran, to let javi share a piece of home with him.

• ^ also applies to modern au javieran ! javier loves cooking, and especially for kieran. they would cook together, but kieran struggles to cook with other people in the room, and javier gets so absorbed in it that he’d likely be running into kieran or otherwise being unhelpful in aiding in making sure the dish is being cooked correctly because he’s too Locked In to guide kieran LOL but they’re more happy to simply keep each other company, anyway. kieran on the counter/table/floor, watching javier sing and dance to the music he’s blasting from their speaker. cue dancing in the kitchen when the love songs come on (here’s a good one (rip javier escuella you would have loved dannylux)). the parallel play and quality time with these two is off the charts

• come mid/late clemens point, the way javieran make most of their money for the camp is by going on days-long fishing dates, laughing and laying close to one another in the grass under a tree on the riverbank in the shroud of darkness. they come back to camp flushed as all get out but with stacks of cash in their hands wadded up so thick no one dares to ask where it came from. kieran will get excited at even the smallest of fish, perking up and sharing/asking javier for tidbits on the species. they never miss a bite, either. one time one of the bells on their bobber rods rang once and they both broke out of a very hot and heavy make-out sesh so fast that javier tripped on kieran and nearly broke both of their wrists. they laughed so hard about it, javier was certain that by the time he arrived to his rod, the fish had already successfully ripped the bait off of his hook. he reeled in a boot, at the end of it all. he never lives it down.

• kieran is ambidextrous, and javier is fascinated by it. javier stumbled upon kieran writing on one rare occasion, and noticed immediately that he was writing with his left. “left handed, huh ?” kieran cocks his head at him in thought. javier wonders why on earth he would have to stop and think about a question like that. “uhh, not really ?” well, now javier is simply confused. “right, then ? is something wrong with your dominant hand ?” “um … no, that’s not it either …” and at this point, javier is demanding kieran explain what the hell he’s talking about, and why he’s pulling a prank on him. cue kieran explaining and javier making him do all kinds of silly “tests” like writing, shooting, playing guitar (as if kieran is going to any better with either when neither of them can do it right to begin with) because he finds it so cool.

• modern au kieran gets overstimulated incredibly easily, so he’s got a pair of noise canceling over-ear headphones that he often wears to dampen sensory input and ground himself when there’s a lot going on. when it’s cleaning day, generally no matter what he’s doing, he HAS to wear his headphones. javier is left to dodge him the same way he has to dodge the cats when they’re weaving in and out of between his feet. it also leaves him to dance to his own tunes when kieran suddenly swoops or sways or dips him to the music only he can hear- though just as often, javier will catch kieran dancing by himself and he will simply be unable not to join him, even though he can’t hear what it is he’s dancing to. as overwhelming as they can be, cleaning days for javieran somehow always end up feeling more like a date than anything.

• on a similar note, kieran also wears his headphones to bed, and listens to asmr/white noise to sleep. the pressure helps him feel safe, and the silence of a room makes him anxious. he also has a terrible bedhead and rbf in the morning. both of these things javier finds incredibly charming, and if he ever does wake up when/before kieran does (incredibly rare), this is his pov (right before he tries to kiss kieran’s face off and gets shoved away with a sleepy giggle that only bolsters his aggression);

nsfw under the cut !

and how could i resist a chance to finally talk about this ;3€ ?? i’ll try to keep them fluffy !

(context, i hc both of them as tguys usually (though im content with writing javier as amab too), with both of them being absolute, unabashed switches. they have little preferences anywhere in terms of bottoming/topping, though kieran has a preference for subbing, and javier has no qualms with domming more frequently.)

• as much raunchy, animalistic sex that javieran have, they have double as much slow, loving, tender sex. and most times between, they’re having raunchy, loving, animalistic sex.

• javi loves to turn kieran’s brain off, he loves more than anything to make kieran feel so overwhelmingly pleasured that he forgets everything that ever has, ever could, or ever will happen to him. nothing gets javier off quite like seeing the face of bliss kieran makes when all he can think about is javier’s mouth/hands/cock working overtime just to make him feel good.

• both of them i think are quite vocal when they’re able to be, and kieran tends to be vocal whether he’s supposed to be or not. both of them often dissolve into whimpers and “i love you”s and praise like “you feel/sound/taste so good” by the end. their love for each other has a carnal grasp on every aspect of their sex lives as well <3 so they’re always speaking so sweetly to each other, even if the way they growl it seems violent

• javier LOVES love bites. he loves to mark kieran up and he especially loves to bite and lick and suck on his neck, not only because of the primal aspect of his jugular being so close (as well as the warmth of his pulse thrumming against his mouth), but also because it arouses kieran to the point of making him shiver nearly every time. javier has permission to bite him hard, but it’s pretty rare that he ever does, and it’s only late into their relationship does javier feel like it will be more pleasure for him than it would just be pain. sometimes he can’t help it though, he’ll get so worked up that he just latches on and the way that kieran tightens around him is mind-numbing.

• unironically i think kieran is a GREAT soft dom, and that is something that javier generally had never experienced prior to getting with kieran. javi thinks it’s hot to be man-handled and roughed up, and kieran can do his very best (despite the constant guilt and fear) if javier is really feeling it, but where he really excels is soft domming. once the nerves melt off, he’s so gentle with javier that it makes the latter’s skin hot all over. constantly praising him, cooing at him, asking him nicely, rewarding him for good behavior, all the while touching him oh-so-gently, it all makes javier feel so awkward but so, so good. kieran makes him feel so loved and worshipped that the world in which he has anything to question simply just fades away, and all he has to think about is doing what meager tasks kieran asks of him.

• they find so much peace in each other’s bodies. in every rib and wrinkle and sunspot, these two will spend hours simply exploring and enjoying the body of the other in whatever the closest form of “privacy” they can manage to acquire. turns out, kieran has sunspots all over him. turns out, javier has a keloid scar on the back of his bicep. turns out, kieran has a mole on his scalp right where his part is (this is canon btw i saw it once when i was studying him in photo mode like a specimen in a petri dish), and javier has back dimples, and kieran’s ribs stutter and dance beautifully when he laughs, and the flex of javier’s thighs warps his skin like a marble statue. javier escuella and kieran duffy love like artists, and they spend hours just learning and looking and studying each other, like a painter with his muse, like a writer with his words, like the last things they want to see while they’re dying are all the hours they spent learning the beauty of the other.

i could honestly come up with more but it would never leave my drafts, so i hope u like these that i came up with as quick as i could :’) ! i hope you’re feeling better and have gotten some good rest !! thank you for the ask !!!!!