#These guys sit in their rooms and use the computer for 90% of waking hours. They are not looking after themselves well enough for good skin

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The indescribable tension between an overworked and underpaid smut writer, and his biggest fan hater.

(for @frummpets)

[emm-jayy]

unexpected (iv) -Spencer Reid

Summary: everything is blurred as Spencer tries to find you

warnings: drug and alcohol use, gunfire

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

gif not mine

All Spencer could see was white, all he could hear was ringing. He’s not sure how long he was on the ground for, but as soon as he can, he scrambles to his feet. Spencer turns his head every way he can, looking for you.

~

Yesterday

You and Cameron speed away from the warehouse. You sigh, wind running through your hair as you let it down. Your face might still slightly burn from the slap Hunter had given you, but the cool air of the car makes it feel better.

You had decided to go to Cameron’s apartment before tonight, he lived with a girl, Skylar, that you were good friends with. Well, she had been your partner on a number of jobs, so you had grown close that way.

You pull up to Cameron’s apartment, he throws his keys to you, and you walk up the stairs to unlock it. The apartment was simple, nothing too fancy. Personally, you didn’t have an apartment. You didn’t want anything that could possibly be traced back to you. Sure, Cameron didn’t use his own name, but there were still other ways it could be traced.

You say hey to Skylar, her red hair was down, and she was sporting a septum and eyebrow piercing. You flop down on the couch, graciously taking a drag of the cigarette she was offering. “What have you been up to?” You ask, misting referring to ‘business’ related stuff.

“Hunters happy with me, I've gotten a lot of Cloud Nine onto the streets. And, I found a way to increase profit with it.” Skylar says, smirking. There was a rumor Skylar was sleeping with him, but you knew that wasn’t true. Hunter was too stuck up and proper for that.

“Nice one Sky.” You say, holding your hand up for a high five, and she complies. You see Cameron go over to the fridge, searching for some form of alcohol and/or food, when his phone rings. He sighs, answering with a hello. He turns to you after a moment, mumbling a “yes.” then after a minute, he hangs up.

“We have another job.” Cameron says, closing his phone. You sigh, “What is it?” You ask, a look of disappointment on your face.

“You’ve gotta call your FBI buddy tonight.” Cameron states, and you sigh, running a hand through your hair. You obviously didn’t think that you would have to speak to Spencer ever again. You thought that in a few years he would be a ghost of a memory, but you could still revel in the touches you shared.

“Why? What do I have to say?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows. Cameron looks at you, slight regret in his eyes.

“We are going to burn down NorthGate Plaza.” He says, and shock fills your body. Noctiphany had never done something so major before. This was a huge step up for the publicity of the organization.

“Why do I have to call that agent?” You ask Cameron. “To get his team there. Boss wants a lot of cops and publicity to show how easily we can get away.” Cameron explains.

You look to Skylar, and then a smile forms on your face, “As long as we can get black out drunk after.” You say, a small laugh coming from you. Cameron rolls his eyes, and agrees, “You’ve gotta call him around 9.” He says, and you nod. You need something to do for the remaining four hours, so you spend that time watching shitty soap operas, and eating horrible, but somehow delicious food.

Your heart is racing at 9. You knew that you would hang up the disposable cell phone before Spencer could even respond, but it still filled your body with anxiety. You had what you were supposed to say written out on the table, a time and place. You dialed the number, and held the phone to your ear. You don’t even wait for a greeting before delivering the message.

“9:00 pm, tomorrow, at NorthGate plaza. Be ready, Princess.” You say, and hang up the phone as quickly as you can. The nickname had just slid off your tongue, a cursed reminder to Spencer about the times you had shared, a reminder of the betrayal he felt.

A chill ran down your spine, something that often happened before you began to cry. You set the phone down, and clear your throat, “C'mon guys, let’s go celebrate.” You say, clasping your hands together. Cameron and Skylar smile, and you all head out the door.

You have to enter the bar from a door in the back, and you must know the password. Cameron knocks on the door the specific way, and tells the bouncer the password. The door opens, and you take in the scene. The bar is dimly lit with warm toned lights. You can smell the stale beer and liquor in the air, it wasn’t necessarily the best smell, but you had associated it with good memories.

You tell Ben, the bartender that was usually working, your order of Jack and Coke. He nods, and begins to make it for you. You take it graciously, and turn back to your friends. Skylar has a slick smirk on her face, and you question it.

“I know that look Sky, what do you have?” You say, copying her smirk. She pulls a bag out of her pocket, and you recognize it as Cloud Nine.

You roll your eyes, “Just give me a half.” You say. While you did want all of your problems to float away, you didn’t want tomorrow to be all hell. In fact, you had never actually tried Cloud Nine for that reason. For the work you did, you needed your mind to be sharp. Given the events that had occurred recently though, you decided to give yourself a break.

You down the pill Skylar gives you, impatiently waiting the 15-20 minutes it takes to kick in. You stir your drink, and talk about Cameron’s latest job he was on. It was only whenever you got out of your chair to order another drink, when you realized the effects. You feel as though you are walking on nothing, and you begin to giggle.

The 80s and 90s mix in the bar makes you move and sway your hips. You feel a body behind you, and it’s Cameron. You smile, jokingly moving your hips against his, and he plays along seemingly grinding into you. You hear the people around you laughing, cheering you on as you dance.

What you didn’t know is that Cameron had actually not taken any Cloud Nine, and was completely sober. Also, no one told you about the horrible come down of Cloud Nine.

An hour and a half after you took your half of the pill, you are sitting at a table with your head in your hands, almost in tears. You were ranting about everything wrong in your life, but something specific had seemed to grab Cameron’s attention.

“And that whole thing with the FBI agent, Spencer Reid.” You said, and Cameron’s ears perked up, “I know it was supposed to be a fuck and duck, but I think I’m in love with him.” You confess. You attempt to stop yourself, but the words keep coming, “I can’t stop thinking about him, and how good it felt that one time that I slept in his arms.” You sigh, this was the only time you had really confronted your feelings on the whole situation.

Skylar held your arm sympathetically, “You will get closure tomorrow.” She says, her words slurring slightly. You nod, eyes still watery.

“Come on guys. We need to get back to the apartment.” Cameron says, pulling you and Skylar up by your arms. You follow his lead, stumbling all the way into the backseat of the car. You drift in and out of sleep on the way back to the apartment. Cameron helps you and Skylar to the door, and through the living room. You chug the cup of water he gives you, and collapse on the air mattress in the living room.

~

You wake up the next morning with an awful pounding in your head. You groan, rubbing your eyes as they adjust to the light. You hear a slight laugh from in front of you, and you open your eyes fully.

“I feel like a mom, making bacon and eggs for my kids.” Cameron says, a nervous laugh falling from his lips, He moves the pan back and forth on the burner. You laugh slightly, taking in the smell of bacon. It had been a while since you had one of these breakfasts. You, Cameron and Skylar liked to have a nice breakfast before you went on a job.

You grab the cheap paper plates off of the counter, and impatiently wait for the bacon to be done. You needed something greasy after the terrible hangover you were enduring.

You could see that Cameron was sneaking glances up at you, but you decided to ignore it. You rub your head again, attempting to remember the events of last night. All you can remember is clouded vision, feeling light, and dancing provocatively against your friends.

Before you ask Cameron what happened last night, you hear Skylar walk into the room, exhibiting the same actions as you. You laugh, “Last night was crazy huh?” You say, smirking at Skylar.

“I’ll say.” She says, returning the smile. You turn to Cameron, noting his gritted teeth. “Did you end up driving us home?” You ask him, attempting to meet his eyes, but to no avail.

“Yeah.” Cameron says, finally turning to you, “After you declared your love for that FBI agent to the entire bar, I decided to take you and Sky home.” He says, shaking his head.

“Woah.” You say, laughing slightly. “I was obviously coming down from Cloud Nine. You know how emotional that stuff makes you.” You say, making slight excuses for yourself. You put your hand on Cameron’s shoulder in an attempt to make him feel better.

“Eh, you’re right.” Cameron says, a smirk ghosting his face. You laugh, “Loving a cop? A fed no less? Come on.” You add, and that brings a full on smile to his face.

“Let’s eat.” Cameron says, “We have a lot of prep to do.”

~

Skylar was skilled with computers, but attempting to access files from the FBI and local law enforcement was still difficult. She was attempting to figure out how many agents would be at the plaza that night. She was trying to access phone and email records to see if they had called in SWAT teams.

“Let’s just assume that the whole nine yards is there. What do we do?” You ask, addressing both Cameron and Skylar.

“We need to make a threat.” Cameron says, “I say that we tell them that the plaza is already soaked head to toe in gasoline, and then we threaten them by lighting a match.” Cameron says, a devilish glint in his eyes. “Knowing that not even the FBI can help everyone feel safe will freak everyone out.” He says.

You nod in agreement, “But what if they think that we are bluffing, and they shoot us?” You ask, biting your thumbnail. Cameron throws his hands up, “We are just doing to have to take that chance.”

This back and forth goes on for a while. Cameron insists that Hunter needs this done a certain way, otherwise he could kick him out of the organization. It seemed as though Cameron thought he was in charge, when you knew it was your ass on the line. You had been in the organization far longer, and just because you, Cameron, and Skylar were in the same rank, didn’t mean quite a lot. You (in your opinion) were far more skilled at most everything.

Skylar stays neutral for most of the conversation, until you ask her, “What do you think?” She seems shocked by your words, not many people seemed to include her in conversations. She was more like a jack of all trades, master of none. You however, managed in stealth and secrecy. Cameron managed in planning, and financial gain. Skylar knew how to do almost everything, and you respected her for that.

“I agree with Cameron. We have to have a threat otherwise they won’t take us seriously.” She says, giving you a sympathetic look. Another thing you respected about Skylar was that she wasn’t really meant for this job either. She just took what she was given. She didn’t have to be in this line of work. She could have used her skills in many other places.

You nod, you always trusted Sky more than Cameron to a fault. “Alright, that’s what we’ll do.” You glance at the clock, the time being about 4. You groan, time passing was one of the worst things about this job. Having a smartphone was a big no. The police and FBI tracking that was way too easy. You had to watch TV and occasionally read books for entertainment. You had sometimes opted for different ways to sharpen your skills. Learning simple gymnastics and tumbling was one. Your small frame made it easy to slip through gaps. This aided in your speciality of stealth.

You flop back onto the couch, “Sky, any luck with getting into the database?” You ask, looking over at her, and she shakes her head, “I have to be extremely careful, because if they know i’m in they will trace it back to me.” She says, her voice trailing off as she types faster.

You nod, getting up to get another water bottle. Your nerves were still racing at the thought of seeing Spencer, but you were trying to suppress them. You kept trying to remember that you were dedicated to this organization. That relationships were not supposed to stand in the way of that. Yet your mind keeps drifting back to the way he held you. Could it have been love? The way his hands grazed you hips in the shower, the way his arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. Was it love?

You coughed at the realization, forgetting that you had to actually drink the water amidst your thoughts. Cameron comes up behind you, patting and rubbing your back to help you regain breath. You furrow your eyebrows, he had never been this physical with you. It might’ve been odd, but you chalked it up to just a weird situation.

You needed to get ready for tonight, so you attempt to find something to wear. All black, but make it chic, you thought. One of the few things you enjoyed about the job was the clothes. Oddly enough, you enjoyed the ‘Criminal Aesthetic’.

You picked a typical all black ensemble. The gun holsters that you had sewn onto the pants were not to be used today. It was about burning down the plaza. While killing officers might bring fear to the public, they would cover it up. Burning down a public building that everyone felt safe in? That was a good plan.

You pulled on the tight long-sleeved black shirt, and the black cargo pants. You applied red lipstick with dark eye makeup. Were you doing this so that Spencer would see you and his eyes would go immediately to you? You weren’t sure.

You let your hair down as you walk back into the living room of the small apartment. Skylar sees you, giving a ‘Damnnn’ and you laugh. While you had told the feds 9, you knew that really meant 8:30. So at 8, you pile into the nondescript car, and you are on your way.

You park the car a good walk away from the plaza, and walk up to the center of it. As soon as you can hear cars in the distance, you expect Cameron to pull out matches. Instead, he pulls out a gun, “I’m sorry to have to do this Y/n.” He says, cocking the gun and pointing it towards you.

You freeze. Long enough for Cameron to put you in front of him, a gun pointed to your head. You see the black SUVs pull up, and fear rakes through your body. This is not how you thought you would be seeing Spencer again.

Spencer walks out of the car, putting his hands up. You attempt to warn him, but to no avail. Spencer, the hero he is, wants to save you. You hear the anger in Cameron’s voice, and you slip away once again, warning Spencer.

“It’s okay Princess.” Spencer says, and it’s hard for you not to smile at the nickname. Spencer begins to challenge Cameron, speaking about all the times you shared together.

Cameron spits out the words, “She wants me.” And you automatically attempt to yell no against his hand. Spencer looks at you, and you can tell automatically what he’s trying to tell you with his eyes. It’s interesting how you could do that with someone you hadn’t known for more than 2 weeks.

They say that Whenever your life is in danger, it seems like your true feelings about everything surface. In that moment, you knew your true feelings about Spencer. You knew that you loved him, and that maybe he loved you back.

Everything blurs together as you hear gunfire, and everything goes white for a moment.

~

Spencer is trying to look for you, his eyesight is still blurred. Finally, he sees you, your leg is hurt, and the man who was holding you at gunpoint is trying to pull you away.

Spencer doesn’t hesitate, he runs as fast as he can, trying to catch up to you. He finally does, tackling you to the ground. The man that was pulling you looks back, and seemingly decides that you’re not worth it. He runs off.

Spencer takes a breath, looking over your body for an injury. He sees that it’s your leg that’s injured, a bullet had hit your thigh. With Spencer’s limited medical training, he concludes that you will be fine. You will still need to go to the hospital, and you’ll need to have an agent or officer go with you. Spencer decides without anyone approving, that it will be him.

He does what he has to, and pulls your arms behind your back to handcuff them. He takes a look at your face, there is no smirk on your face this time. Just regret and sadness.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer says quietly, and you nod, understanding. He helps you get up, “How much pressure can you put on it?” He asks, and you groan at the feeling of trying to walk. Spencer, without hesitation, puts you on him and walks you to the ambulance that had arrived.

The medics take over from there, they ask if Spencer is hurt, and he shakes his head. He is zoned out, only focused on you when Morgan comes up behind him. “Are you okay?” He asks, looking at Spencer.

“Yeah, are you guys not chasing that guy?” Spencer asks, a harsh tone in his voice. From behind him, he hears a groan, “He had a getaway car. You’ll never find him.” You say, and Spencer turns to you.

“Where would he go?” He asks you, searching your face. You have a small smile on your face. “I can tell you the address of the apartment we were at, but I highly doubt they’ll go back there.” You say, and the medics lift you in the ambulance.

Spencer turns to Morgan, “I’m riding with her.” He says, matter-of-factly. Before Morgan can tell him no, he’s already climbing in.

On the way to the hospital, Spencer wanted to hold your hand. Instead, he settled on putting his hand on top of yours.

~

Spencer stands outside of your hospital room. The officer assigned outside of your room was looking at him a bit weird, but he didn’t care. He needed to be in there. To everyone else, he was conducting an interview, but there were other things he needed to get off his chest.

He finally works up the courage to go in there, telling the officer that he has this. The officer walks away, presumably to take a break.

Spencer walks into the room, and you turn your head, smiling at him. “Hey princess.” You say, but Spencer sees through your behavior.

He sees the fear in your demeanor, the regret in your eyes. The way your face falls after sentences.

He can’t help it, he turns your face, and captures your lips in a soft, short kiss. When he pulls away, you nod, “I’m sorry.” You say, tears threatening to fall down your face.

The memories of betrayal and hurt go out the window whenever Spencer sees you cry. He wraps you in a hug. “It’s okay.” He mutters over and over again. Whenever he pulls away, he gives you a sweet smile.

“I have to ask you some questions princess.” He says, pulling out a notepad. He didn’t need the notepad, he just needed something to occupy his hands so that he didn’t put them on you.

He asks you many questions, and he has to assume you’re telling the truth. You were betrayed by the organization, and seemingly your best friends.

After asking all the questions he needs to, he squeezes your hand, and gives you a bittersweet goodbye. Spencer walks out of the hospital room, and he presses his back against the door.

Your trial would be very soon, and he was terrified for the results.

~

@1800-fight-me @rachel-rebellio @itsarayofsunshine @cupcake525 @soupmakesmynoserun @elizabethkaylynn @drspencr @mattgraygubler @reid-187 @darling-doll9 @disney-dreams-world @myfavbau @softpeteparker @chaoticsteverogers @throughparisallthroughrome @whollytaciturn @imsuperawkward @pinkprinceamjoon @spenciereiddd @pinkdiamond1016 @futuremrsdrreid @aperrywilliams @pprettyboyreid @reidswords

[thadelightfulone]

The Firm - Chapter 10

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Summary: Erik has been hired to find an embezzler for an old friend. The whole gang is back at GBI, working to take down an old enemy. 

Pairing: Erik x Black!OC

Genre: Suspense

Words: 6K

CW: Implied Sexual Assault - no details

— Two Days Earlier —

Darkness greets LaNyah as she opens her eyes. There is a small window up high, casting light down into the room. A wave of nausea passes over her as she sits up, she blinks her eyes to adjust to her surroundings. There is soft and comfortable padding underneath her, she figures it is a bed, so at least she is not on some cold hard floor. Shifting the blanket that was over her, she sees her favorite blue Squirtle shirt paired with light blue denim capri pants and all-white low top Vans. The outfit she wore when she was shopping on Saturday before she was kidnapped.

LaNyah inhales deeply before bursting into tears. “Kidnapped! Oh my god, I have been kidnapped.” She lifts her hands to wipe away her tears, but feels a slight sting as she moves, she looks down to find an IV in her arm. “What the hell is going on?” She quietly whispers to herself as her tears silently fall down her face.

Looking around the space, it seems someone changed the small area into a makeshift cell. LaNyah places her hands against the walls, the feel of hard rock greets her. It would be pointless to scream, her voice will not penetrate the concrete. She starts crying again, feeling hopelessness take over, her cries echoing off the walls. LaNyah has no idea of how long she has been out or even what day it is. Bringing her legs to her chest, she curls into herself. Suddenly, the sound of steps outside the door to her small room, stop her sniffling. She lays back down, covers herself back up, and fakes sleep when she hears the doorknob turn.

“Shouldn’t she be awake by now?” A male voice asks. She hears more footsteps enter the space then stop. They are across the room. They must be looking down at her from the staircase by the door.

“Even if she isn’t, we need to move her before the boss arrives.” Another male voice, “Wake her ass up.” She hears the steps of the two men getting closer to her. LaNyah silently prays until one of the men grabbed her arm. She reaches out and scratches the closest one.

LaNyah screams, “GET OFF OF ME!!!” Continuing to claw at both men when they try to grab hold of her. She kicks one of them hard in the chest, stunning him for a moment.  

“Stupid bitch!” He stumbles back, catching his balance before yelling out, “Hit the damn button. I am not getting paid enough for this shit.”

LaNyah looks around trying to figure out what button he is referring to, she sees it and tries to move the machine away but is too late. The other guy grabs the pole and hits the button on the IV pump before she can tear the needle from her arm. The machine whirrs to life, and LaNyah watches as the asshole she kicked waves to her and fakes sleep. She sticks her middle finger up as the sedative rapidly enters her bloodstream, barely hearing the men laugh when her body tumbles to the right and off the bed. She tries to brace herself for the fall, but her arms crumble under her weight, and her head hits the ground as she ultimately passes out.

They watch her for a few minutes to make sure she is under, not taking any chances of another attack. “Pick her up. I got the machine.” LaNyah is transported out of the small room and down the hall to another in the basement.

“Where are we putting her?” He looks around the much larger, already occupied space.

“Drop that bitch on the couch.” The one holding LaNyah lays her on the couch. The second one grabs her arm, carelessly yanking the IV needle from it. “She won’t be needing this anymore.” He drops everything in a biohazard bag and seals it up, “Let’s go. I do not want to be here when the boss comes.”

The two henchmen make their way out of the room. Another set of eyes land on LaNyah, sitting up on their bed. Making their way to the couch, they look at her, grumbling, “So, this is her?”

— Present Day: Tuesday Morning —

Ashley and Stacey are now sitting in the conference room, trying to figure out Gina’s next move. They are both tapping away at their laptops, working in companionable silence. Stacey stares at her cell phone, willing it to ring. Ashley follows her eyes.

“You know that is the 5th time that you have looked at your phone in the last half hour.”

“I can’t help it. Even though we haven’t been friends for long, we talked every day.” Rubbing her shoulders, she looks over at Ashley, “This is so not like her. I could set my watch to her 90% of the time. I’m worried about her, Ash.”

“I understand I really do, but maybe she really needs this time for herself. LaNyah hadn’t called me in about 3 months before Erik showed up. Big and abrupt changes still shake her, but from what you told me, she is finding her way and trying to do a lot of the work on her own. She knows when to reach out if it becomes too much for her.” Ashley smiles brightly. “My little bird is finally learning how to use her wings.”

"Yeah, she is. She told me that if she has to work directly with Erik after all that has happened, then she wanted some time. I just figured Sunday would be enough and that she would be in on Monday like she promised.

“She needs the time to reconcile her feelings for him in order to be around him. That makes sense.” Ashley takes a sip of her tea, “Does LaNyah know that Erik likes her?”

“HA!” Stacey responds, shaking her head with an amused laugh. “No, I had to drag it out of him. But I saw it long before he did. Shoot, I had to point out that she had a crush on him. He acted like he couldn’t tell.” She looks into the office where Erik and Green are talking. “A man like that oblivious to a woman checking him out? I call bullshit.”

Ashley smirks, “No, no that’s him. It’s not obliviousness, so much as willful ignorance.” Stacey laughs, “It’s true. You see him, he grew his hair out and is much bigger, but other than that, ain’t shit changed. Erik knows when he is being gawked at, but because he has never been the relationship type -” she gestures, “Well, to my knowledge and how he was way back when. I can see how he would still have his blinders up.”

“Ashley, Nyah had a mid-meeting daydream about him.” Ashley chokes on her tea, eyes widening over the cup. “Yes, he called me in because she was non-responsive. She looked really peaceful then something jolted her out of her fantasy, she got embarrassed and wouldn’t make eye contact with him any longer that day.”

Ashley places her tea back on the table, “Erik knew then.” She nods, “But like I said, and you have found out, he is the king of compartmentalizing things. He clearly decided to take the nonchalant path when it comes to LaNyah.”

Stacey hums in agreement, “I said something about him being in trouble, and he laughed it off.”

“Oh, that’s because he had his defenses up. There was no way Erik ever thought his attraction to her could prevent him from doing any part of his job. Until it did.” Ashley looks at her watch, “You said she should be up around 11, right?”

“Yeah, after her team meeting.” Stacey down looks at her phone. “Do you think we should tell her?”

“About how Erik feels?” Stacey nods in response. “No, her feelings about him are already a lot for her. I think that his actions not matching his feelings would further confuse her. We know Erik betrayed Nyah’s trust to save himself, but I don’t think she would understand that. It might hurt more to know he willingly did that.”

“Yeah, and Erik already has a lot to deal with since he will be watching her day and night. Nyah just thought she would have to work with him again, not be babysat by a man she will have to learn to trust again.”

They both quietly ponder the conversation before letting it fade away and returning to their previous tasks. Ashley pulls up the top right screen for the account information. The lights are still bouncing around as small amounts of the more substantial money grab dipped in and out of Gina’s dummy accounts.

Ashley and Stacey work independently at the table for more than an hour. Ashley researching more information on Gina and Stacey following the military trail. Ashley stands to stretch before heading to the bathroom. She lets Stacey know that she has something to share.

When she returns, Stacey gets up to walk the room while Ashley shares what she has found. “Gina married Greg right after she graduated from college. They were together for 15 years and with his resources, who knows what she has been able to discover for her plan. She inherited everything. She provides for her nieces and nephew, but does not have any children of her own.”

“She met a man who could fund her revenge.” Ashley silently nods at Stacey’s remark. Stacey moves back to the table, running something from the conference room computer. The screen pulls up some military files for their special ops team. Continuing, Stacey looks at the images on the wall screen, “Following the trail, she must have used; we can see your name on the file from the incident. She was able to follow your career and who was on the team.” Stacey squints at the screen. “Ashley…”

Ashley looks up at the wall, blinking at the mess of reports on the screen. Two papers standing out to her. She shakes her head as she accepts what it means, "Oh no.”

“Yeah, I think we need to tell the guys.”  They both sigh deeply, taking in the new information.

“We already know why she is after me, but what about everyone else?” Ashley thinks aloud while tapping away at her laptop.

Stacey is standing by the windows, looking out over downtown Irvine, “Everything you have.” Turning back to Ashley, “She obviously feels like you are the reason her twin brother is dead. She wants everything that you care about to crash and burn while you watch. Why not your husband’s company?”

“GBI, sure. You ruin my husband and his company, then you hit me. I understand that, but” pointing at the screen, “that does not look like she is coming for only Alex and me.”

“Yeah, I know.” The two women share a knowing look.

— Meanwhile in Green’s Office —

“So, she got you too, huh?” Alex cuts to the chase. Erik takes a seat but says nothing, “It’s ok. LaNyah has that effect on everyone.”

“Yeah, but I’m not everyone.”

Alex rolls his eyes as he stands in front of his desk. “Stacey is right, you know.” Erik looks up at him, “You can care about someone and protect them at the same time. To me, those go hand in hand.”

“I have never seen that.” Alex waves his hands, “Ok, but you and Ashley are different; you were already attracted to her when that happened,” Erik closes his eyes as recognition dawns on him, recalling the discussion from the day before. “Yeah ok, I see what you mean.”

“I get that this is new for you, and you are feeling like a fish out of water, but is it really a bad thing to care for someone? To want someone? I mean, aren’t you tired of being alone?”

“What does being alone have to do with anything?”

“Erik, do you know why Ashley was worried when she discovered LaNyah’s interest in you?”

Erik acting unbothered answers, “Based on her assumption that I slept with Stacey, could it be my track record with women?”

“Yes and no.” Erik scoffs at him, “Can you blame her? If we even saw you with someone, we knew not to remember her face or her name. No use if you know that you will never see them again.”

"Ok, ok, point made. But why no?” Erik gestured for him to continue.

“Her first concern is LaNyah’s well-being. After everything Ashley went through pulling herself together, only to find out children were no longer an option for her; she threw herself into school and work. Ashley needed to find an outlet for what she was feeling and all the love she has to give. It speaks through her work. Having a case like LaNyah’s land on her desk was kismet.” Erik has been nodding his head in understanding while Alex explained, but he shuddered and took a deep breath, realizing the turn this conversation was about to take. “That college party broke her, Erik. If you thought what LaNyah had been through up to that point was bad,” Alex shakes his head, blinking back tears, voice breaking, “She almost didn’t make it.”

Erik releases the breath he had been holding. Jaw clenched, balled up fists by his side, and through gritted teeth, “So, you know about that?”

“Yes, and Ashley knew you would discover it as well. Look at the business you are in; you know what to look for and how to get it. There is no way you did not complete a deep dive when you looked into her background.”

Erik stands, releasing the tension from his body. He starts to pace the area in front of Alex’s desk, “Ashley saw herself in LaNyah.”

Alex leans back on his desk and nods. “The same way, you and I gravitated to Ashley and treated her like family, naturally protective of her. Essentially, LaNyah became our daughter as soon as she finished the program.”

Erik walks back towards Alex, “So, you understand then.” Alex shrugs, “Even with my attraction to her, I can’t get involved.” He rushes out.

“Says who? Did Ashley and I say anything about it?” Alex eyes Erik, who stopped suddenly, “Hell, does LaNyah even know? Because Stacey clearly could tell, and she saw it from both sides.”

Erik looks away from Alex, “No, she hasn’t said ‘Boo’ to me since the day she threw me out of her office.”

“How bad was it?”

“She walked to her door, opened it, and yelled for me to get out. When I made it to the door and reached for her, she flinched. She had tears in her eyes as she quietly asked me to go, and then slammed the door shut as soon as I was on the other side.” Erik huffs, “Total silence ever since. I am a non-entity even when we are in the same room.”

“Well, Mr. Bodyguard. It is time for you two to start speaking again since we need to keep LaNyah safe.”

Not paying attention to Alex’s comment, Erik carries on, “You know Stacey asked me if I wasn’t making a move on LaNyah because of what she has been through.”

“And?”

“It’s not that; it was never that. I don’t look at LaNyah like she is damaged goods. She was dealt a bad hand and encountered more than her fair share of monsters along the way.” With a pained expression and slow stride, he makes his way to the windows. "Once, she opens up, and you really see her. She shines so brightly like you can’t miss that shit. LaNyah doesn’t need someone who can easily remind her of her monsters.”

“You and Ashley, I swear.” Alex laughs. “You don’t know what LaNyah does or doesn’t need. What she is strong enough to handle now.” He claps Erik on the back, standing next to him in front of the windows. “You know why, because LaNyah doesn’t even know that yet. This is the farthest out of her comfort zone and routine she has ever been.” Erik abruptly jerks out of Alex’s hand.

“That’s it!” Erik rushes out of the office and into the conference room, breaking Ashley and Stacey from their thoughts. When Alex makes it out of his office, he starts talking. “You told me that LaNyah follows a routine. Clearly, not just with work but home and any other activities.”

“Sure, she does. It gives her control.” Ashley says.

“Where was she when you called her on Saturday, Stacey?”

“She was in the midst of her weekly shopping. There are like three different stores she goes to for different items.”

“Does she go to them at the same time and in the same order every week?”

“I think so. Why? What are you getting at?” Stacey inquires.

They all watch as Erik pulls Ashley’s laptop towards him and starts typing away.

He throws his search up on the screen. Ashley leans into Alex. “What were you two talking about in there?”

“LaNyah and feelings. I know he is worried about her. She hasn’t said a word to him since the ‘interrogation’ in her office.” He whispers to her.  

“Still convinced that there is no one in the world out there for him?” Alex nodded her way. “I would approve.”

After a quick coughing fit, he looks at her, “Really?”

“Yeah, LaNyah deserves what we have, and well, why not him?” Ashley shrugs. “We know that he is capable of caring for someone beyond thinking of it as part of his job.”

Stacey chuckles, having heard the whole exchange. “Now, someone tell him that.” She points at the man in question. They all smile until they see Erik frowning at the screen.

Erik traces his fingers along a path on the wall and stops on a grayed out box, “Something’s wrong here.” He steps back to let them read the information as he heads for the door, “I gotta go!”

—

Erik pulls up in front of LaNyah’s apartment building. He walks through the parking lot and looks over the covered spaces for her car. He doesn’t see it anywhere and rounds the building to the front. Taking the stairs 2 at a time, he reaches the 3rd floor. Standing in front of 3F, he knocks loudly. Yelling her name, hoping she would answer the door. He tries to call her phone, listen for any ringing in the apartment. Nothing. He reaches for his lock pick set when he hears the door behind him open.

"Excuse me, what are you doing?” Erik turns around to see a young black woman holding a baby on her hip, standing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, did I wake him?” He looks down at the little boy who was yawning and rubbing his eyes due to the harsh hallway lighting.

“No, but why are you screaming at her door? Who are you?” She steps outside to get a better look at him. Erik is dressed in some black slacks, a gray polo shirt, and black driving loafers. He relaxes his stance and shakes his head as he watches her pupils dilate while looking him over. She smiles up at him when she finally makes it back to his face.

He rolls his eyes and exhales quietly, trying to remain calm. “I’m Erik. A work friend of LaNyah’s. Have you seen her?”

She walks closer, holding her hand out to him, “Hi Erik, I’m Tiffany.” He acknowledges her but doesn’t take her hand. Tiffany drops her hand, scoffing at his expectant look.

They both turn when they hear someone coming down the hall. Erik steps back, leaning on the door to LaNyah’s apartment. It is an older man who looks between Tiffany and Erik.

“Young lady, don’t you already have a man?” He points to the little one in her arms. A choking sound comes from behind him, but he keeps looking at Tiffany.

“Man, Mr. Maxwell. Mind your business.” She waves him away, moving her baby to her other hip.

“I would if your business was conducted behind closed doors, Tiffany.” Erik puts his fist up to cover his laughter. Mr. Maxwell swiftly turns to face Erik. “And you boy, ain’t you got some business anywhere but here?”

Erik moves away from the door, straightening up to his full height. “My business is here, sir. I am looking for the woman who lives in this apartment.” He points behind him.

“Oh, Miss LaNyah?” Erik nods, “You know what?” He scratches at his greying beard. “Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen her since Saturday morning. I passed her before she left to run her errands. I usually see her on Sunday for Wash Day, too, but not this week.”

Erik clasps his hands together in front of him. “Tiffany?”

“No, I haven’t seen her since Friday night when she came home from work.” Erik’s face falls, Tiffany and Mr. Maxwell watch him. “Is everything ok? Where’s LaNyah?”

"I don’t know, but I will find out.” He starts making his way down the hall, facing them, “Thank you for your help.” Erik turns around and runs towards the stairs.

—

Alex is standing near the screen while Ashley and Stacey are huddled together in front of a laptop when Erik bursts into the conference room.

“We were too late!” Everyone watches as he slams his hands on the table. “FUCK!”

Ashley’s voice falters, “Erik, what are you talking about?”

“She’s gone.” He looks up at them with a distressed air. “LaNyah is gone,” Ashley screams, and Stacey pulls her into a hug. “No one has seen her since Saturday.” He walks to the screen and points at the spot he noticed before leaving. “Her phone signal dies here mid-day Saturday. Probably not too long after she spoke with Stacey.”

Alex looks at the distraught women, “Erik, I need you to calm down and listen. There is more.”

He turns on Alex, and impatiently asks, “What do you mean, more?”

Stacey speaks up from where she is holding Ashley, “We did more searching this morning and found Gina’s hit list.”

“Hit List?” He rubs his temples, “Is she going after the whole team?”

“That’s the thing. The list only has three names on it.” Alex pulls up another screen. Erik quickly surveys the documents on the screen.

“When did she pull these documents up?” Erik flops down into the nearest chair. “Do we have a date on her search?”

“Three weeks ago.” Stacey releases Ashley while Alex takes her place, holding her. “She has taken out at least 7 of her own people over the last two years, tracking down all this information.”

“We discovered that she was able to find every member of our team except one.” Ashley softly interjects, “Until now.” She looks over to him. “I’m so sorry, Erik.”

He waves away Ashley’s concern. “How did she manage to get unredacted copies of these files?” He enlarges one of the reports. “This clearance to access these goes all the way to the top.”

“Somebody either gave her their login information, or she is paying out the ass for it. Either way, you were added to the list, so she must have figured out you were the missing team member.” Alex states.

“Who is Killmonger? He sounds scary as hell.” Stacey looks back at them as they all avoid her stare. She points to the report. "It says he single-handedly took out 5 men who were trying to ambush one of his teams.”

“Stacey, drop it.” Ashley pleads with her. “We should focus on finding Nyah.”

“Come on. You guys obviously know him.”

“Stacey!”

"What? I mean, with skills like his, we should reach out to him to help us find LaNyah and get rid of the vengeful bitch.”

Alex stifles a laugh while Ashley punches him. "She does have a point.” Stacey looks over to Erik, who has his back to them, intensely staring at the screen.

“Erik?” He doesn’t respond. Instead, he stands up stoically and slowly turns around. He appears bigger and taller, his eyes darkened, and his energy is threatening, murderous even. He looks at Ashley and Alex. They nod their heads in understanding.  

Sternly, he starts making commands of everyone. “Bridges, I need you to look for any properties that Gina owns. Green, follow me. There is someone we need to speak with downstairs.” Ashley pulls her laptop across the table, Alex stands up and walks to Erik while Stacey pops up, ready to speak. “Sit. Down. Stacey. Bridges will fill you in.”

Stacey watches as Erik and Alex walk to the elevators, she sits back down with a huff. She looks over to Ashley. “What just happened?”

“You asked for Killmonger.” She shakes her head methodically as a sly grin breaks across her face. Shrugging her shoulder, “Now, you got him.” She pulls up another document on the screen. It is a dossier for one, Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens.

—

As the elevator doors close, Green hits the button for the 31st floor and looks at Stevens, “How are we playing this, Kill?”

Erik is standing at attention, staring directly at the closed doors. “The team thinks I am recruiting for one of your special assignments. I have made my decision, and we are going to tell Mr. Stone in person.”

Green mirrors Stevens as the elevator descends the final two floors. He rolls his shoulders back, straightening his stance. Neither man thought they would be back in this same position presenting a united front, nearly 20 years later. He takes a moment to prepare to do his part, backing any move that Kill makes. It isn’t about him, it never was. It’s something they started years ago and will continue to do until the end, protect Bridges and now LaNyah.

The elevator bell dings as they reach the Accounting floor. When the doors open, the two men walk out of the car side by side. They approach the front desk where Sandi sits. She looks up at them and immediately stops what she is doing.

“Mr. Green,” she acknowledges each man, “Mr. Stevens, how can I help you, gentlemen?”

Green tries to keep the menace out of his voice, “Please call Matt to the front. We need to speak to him.”  

“Oh, he must have gotten the special assignment position. How wonderful!” She picks up her phone and calls his office, “Matt, Mr. Green and Mr. Stevens are out here. They want to speak to you.” A dial tone sounds on the line, Sandi stares at the phone and puts it back on the base. “He hung up. He must be on his way.” She cheerfully explains.

Immediately, Green runs back towards his office while Stevens stays in front, waiting for Matt to make his way to him. Matt zig zags his way through the assembly of cubicles that are back to back. Green spots him and cuts him off, forcing Matt to run along the right side of the floor.  

“Stevens, on your left!” Kill hears the directive from Green and moves to his left at the exact moment Matt comes into his line of sight. He is running too fast to stop and runs straight at Stevens. Matt shifts to pass him on the right when Kill’s arm comes out, clotheslining him.

“Going somewhere, Matthew?“ Matt hits the carpeted floor hard. Stunned, he has no time to recover before Green comes from behind him and snatches him up. Kill glares at him as he grabs Matt’s other arm, and they walk him back to the elevator. Matt slumps over, forcing them to carry his dead weight onto the car when it arrives.

Green and Stevens drag him off the elevator and into the conference room. Bridges pulled a fold-up black chair towards the empty area in preparation for Matt’s arrival. The women get to work tying him up once he is set on the chair. Standing up, Stacey and Bridges move back to stand next to Green and Stevens.

Matt looks up at them and starts whimpering. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. Please don’t’ kill me. I have a baby on the way.”

“How many properties does she own?” Kill asks.

“We are looking for anything in an industrial area. The bigger and more isolated, the better.” Green adds.

“25 in total across the U.S. 7 in California alone,“ Ashley responds.

"Do you think they are still in the state? She has a 72-hour head start over us.” Stacey interjects.

Green nods his head, “Yeah, they are still here. Gina wants to draws us out. She’s not taking them out of the state.”

“Besides, dipshit over there has an 8-month pregnant fiancée. Flying would be the fastest way to get them as far away as possible, but it’s a no go with Laura, too.” Kill watches Matt, who has been blubbering in the background until he heard Laura’s name.

“W-what? Laura is at her mother’s house in Bakersfield.” He sniffs, “I spoke with her a few days ago.”

Ashley asks, “What day?” Stacey pulls up a map and spots the grayed out location tag. “According to this, her phone signal died Friday night.” Matt looks at the screen and notices that the phone went out at her mother’s house.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” He struggles in the chair, trying to drag it forward. “It was on Friday. Let me call her mom. I can prove that she is there.”

“Stacey, call Laura’s mother. Put it on speaker.” Kill stands behind Matt, “Get yourself together, she already doesn’t like you.”

The phone rings 3 times before it is picked up. “Hello.”

Matt clears his throat before speaking, “Hey Martha, can I speak with Laura?”

“Matt? She ain’t here. My friend Mrs. Williams offered to take her on a spa retreat for the weekend. She was picked up on Friday night.” Matt’s face falls at her statement. Bridges and Stacey have another map pulled up on the screen, it has pins on all of Gina’s properties in California.

“Did they mention which spa?“ Matt’s voice starts to crack, and Kill squeezes his shoulders.

“Yeah, I think they said La Jolla. Leave her alone, Matt. This is her free time to relax before the baby comes.”

“Yeah, I understand. Thanks, Martha.” Stacey hangs up the phone while Matt breaks down. Through his tears, he looks up at the screen, “Gina has a warehouse where she conducts business in San Diego.” Stacey circles the location and texts the address to everyone.

“We leave in an hour.” Matt relaxes into the chair, “Oh no, don’t get comfortable. You are coming with us.” Kill snarls at him.

—

Something is wrong. LaNyah wakes up with a dull headache. She crosses her arms over her face as her mind repeats the same queries over and over. How will anyone know she is missing? Someone has to be looking for her, right? Who would want to take her, and for what? She has no enemies and keeps to herself. How will anyone find her? She exhales out all those feelings and decides it is time to deal with her reality, whatever it may be at this point.  

She looks up at the ceiling and knows that she is not in the same room as before. She closes her eyes again, counts to 100, stretches out, and slowly sits up on the bed. Looking at her attire, she notices someone changed her clothes. No longer in her cute shopping outfit, she is in a huge plain white tee with gray sweatpants and white socks.

She shudders, thinking one of those men might have touched her while she was unconscious. Closing her eyes once more to center herself, not wanting to dwell on that, she tries to think of anything else. Still not knowing what day it is, her mind shifts to work and her chosen family – Alex, Ashley, and Stacey.

LaNyah finds herself smiling, even thinking about Erik. He may have been an inconsiderate jerk to her for whatever reason, but it’s not like she hates him. She knows he has been trying to apologize to her since then. Maybe she should finally hear him out. LaNyah opens her eyes and resigns herself to just that when she gets out of there.  

People are looking for her. She grins to herself, then laughs. If anyone is looking for her, it would be all of them. Yeah, she’s gonna be just fine. She starts humming to herself until she hears some movement from the other side of the room. For the first time, she realizes this room is much bigger than her other makeshift cell.

It reminds her of a college dorm split in half down the middle. Each side identical with a small bed against the wall, a chair, and a lamp. In front of her is a big shared living area complete with a couch, matching side chairs, and a coffee table. So, she moved from a private room to their dormitory, that’s cute. The movement draws her attention again. Who could be on the other side of the room?

LaNyah scoots to the end of the bed, throwing her legs over when she notices the bruising on her arm. Must have happened when they removed the IV line from her arm. She rubs the area, knowing it is going to leave a dark spot there even after the bruise disappears. She gets up following the noise, some soft grunting coming from the other bed against the wall.

She can only make out a lump in the center. The grunting grows louder the closer LaNyah gets to the bed. She kneels beside the woman bent over in pain. “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Get away from me.” Laura shoves her away. “This is all your fault. Why did you have to be such a little kiss ass?” Not expecting that LaNyah falls back without supporting herself.

“What are you talking about?” She gets up and dusts herself off. “I don’t even know you.” LaNyah turns around and goes back to her side of the room.

“Are you kidding me? You’re Green’s pet project. You are trying to steal my fiancé’s job.” Laura clutches at her stomach.

"I really have no idea what you are talking about. But you may want to calm down before you cause the baby any unnecessary stress.” LaNyah watches as Laura yells out again, from pain or frustration, she can’t tell.

“Matthew Stone!” LaNyah heart drops, hearing his name. His fiancée is stuck in this room with her. How can that be? Is he the one responsible for the missing money at GBI?

“Matt?” She shakes her head, “You are mistaken. I am being framed for embezzlement, and you think I am trying to steal his damn job.” LaNyah hisses at Laura.

“Ladies, ladies. There is no need to argue.” Both of their heads snap towards the door. Walking down the stairs is the older woman that LaNyah helped before she was snatched from the parking lot. Laura starts crying upon recognizing the woman.

“Are you here to kill us?” LaNyah looks suspiciously at Laura.

“Not yet, dear.” Gina walks over to the couch, “Please join me, and I will explain everything.“ She sits on the right side, pointing to the left for Laura, who waddles over and sits beside her, “and LaNyah, you can sit in this chair to my right.”

“H-how do you know my name?” LaNyah quietly asks, “W-who are you?”

“Come, come. I promise to tell you everything before your friends arrive.” She pats the arm of the chair. LaNyah slowly makes her way over, and plops down into the chair, before curling up with her arms around her legs. “There we are.” Gina claps her hands together and lays them in her lap. “Once upon a time – or rather, 18 years ago is where this story begins.”

Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you for all the love and support for this story. Special shout out to the lovely, @soufcakmistress for letting me pick her brain. 

Taglist: @killmongersaidheyauntie @muse-of-mbaku @panthergoddessbast @youreadthatright @princessstevens @eye-raq @stark-red19 @kreolemami @bidibidibombaclaat @iamrheaspeaks @missumuch1918 @simplyyamberr @cheychey10142 @ajspencer1892 @chrismarcs @loosewindmill @sydneebleu @semianta @eyeknowmywrites @alexundefined @itsjustmezari @goddessofthundathighs @guccixcucci @kissmyafropuff @gimmeface @fd-writes @jozigrrl @soufcakmistress @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shaekingshitup @localtrapgod @post-woke @theesotericqueen

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Stephen King’s “On Writing” 03: How to Write

Now that King has laid out the tools before us, he sits down and tells us exactly how he goes about his craft. He acknowledges that everyone writes differently, and that how he writes may not jive with you, and that is okay. He is just walking us through what he does, and you can take what you want and leave what you don’t.

How to Summon Your Muse

“There is a muse, but he’s not going to come fluttering down into your writing room and scatter creative fairy-dust all over your typewriter or computer station. He lives in the ground. He’s a basement guy. You have to descend to his level, and once you get down there you have to furnish an apartment for him to live in. You have to do all the grunt labor, in other words, while the muse sits and smokes cigars and admires his bowling trophies and pretends to ignore you.”

Read a Lot and Write a Lot

“We read to experience the mediocre and the outright rotten; such experience helps us to recognize those things when they begin to creep into our own work, and to steer clear of them. We also read in order to measure ourselves against the good and the great, to get a sense of all that can be done. And we read in order to experience different styles.”

Man, I probably can’t even count how many times I’ve seen this piece of advice. But the fact that I’ve seen it this much means that it must be right, I guess. In particular, King advises us to read bad books, as the bad stuff is usually more glaring than the good, and we can learn from that. 

He also says that reading bad things can provide us positive inspiration.

“Most writers can remember the first book he/she put down thinking: I can do better than this. Hell, I am doing better than this! What could be more encouraging to the struggling writer than to realize his/her work is unquestionably better than that of someone who actually got paid for his/her stuff?”

Certainly, I have to agree with him.I remember the first time I was deflowered with bad fiction.

King also advises us to read good books, because we can learn about style, graceful narration, plot development, the creation of believable characters, and truth-telling. 

On Finding Time to Read

It’s not that we don’t want to read, it’s that we just don’t have the time to read when we’re working and have other obligations and also want to write. So how do we find the time to read? King says:

“The trick is to teach yourself to read in small sips as well as in long swallows.”

Especially with the advent of e-books, it is easier now than ever to have a book on hand at all times. Read in waiting rooms, in transit, in the checkout line, on the treadmill, and the bathroom. Read when you have an hour to yourself on Sunday. Just read when you can. 

On the Importance of Reading

“The real importance of reading is that it creates an ease  and intimacy with the process of writing. ... Constant reading will pull you into a place (a mindset, if you like the phrase) where you can write eagerly and without self-consciousness. It also offers you a constantly growing knowledge of what has been done and what hasn’t, what is trite and what is fresh, what works and what just lies there dying (or dead) on the page. The more you read, the less apt you are to make a fool of yourself with your pen.”

This makes a lot of sense. From personal experience, even though English is my native language and I love reading and writing, I stopped reading English for leisure when I moved to Japan. I poured all of my free time into learning Japanese, and I consumed only written Japanese media for about three years. When I went to pick up a pen again, it felt like a foreign object in my hand. My prose was clunky, the words were stop and start, and I was forgetting words. Especially since I spend a good 90% of my day in Japanese now, I make it a point to come home and read in English every night, and I have seen an improvement. 

How Much to Write?

Okay, so we know that we have to “read a lot” and “write a lot,” but let’s quantify that. (This is the specificity that I really love in this book.) 

King prefaces this section by making it clear that all authors work at different paces. James Joyce sometimes wrote just seven words a day. There was this dude Anthony Trollope who wrote for 2.5 hours every morning before work and stopped even if he was mid-sentence when time was up. If he finished writing a book before the 2.5 hours was finished, he would close that manuscript and start writing the next one. What a machine.

Also, just how many works must a person write to become a Real Writer? Harper Lee only wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. (I know a sequel has been released since King’s book was published, but don’t we all want to forget that sequel exists anyways?) This guy John Creasey wrote five hundred novels under ten different names. 

So how long your works are and how many works you have is your choice. You do you. But if you’re good at it and you love it, don’t put down that pen! 

Writing Schedule

King writes in the morning, takes naps in the afternoon, and spends time with his family in the evenings. That sounds like a dream come true to most of us that are still working a 9-5 and writing on the side. But that’s what he does now. 

To put things more concretely, he says that he has a strict 2,000 minimum that he must write every single day. Even if it’s like pulling teeth, even if it takes longer than he hoped, he does not stop until he has 2,000 new words on the page. 

King also believes that the first draft of a book, even a long one, should take no more than three months to write. (Personally I feel that could be difficult for everyone to do unless they have the ability to commit a certain amount of time everyday to writing no matter what.)

How to Keep Good Writing Habits

King gives us this advice.

Have a “writing room.” For King, this was the cramped laundry room while he wrote Carrie and Salem’s Lot. He isn’t telling you to add a room onto your house. Just have a space that is yours and free of distractions. Have a space that is designated for writing and nothing else, and make sure you can close the door to it. 

Set a daily writing goal for yourself. Even if it’s as low as 100 at first, that’s fine. Just write every day no matter what. He says you can take one day off a week at first. But only at first. 

Eliminate all possible distractions while writing. No phone, no TV, don’t even have the windows open (unless your view is boring). You can have music on if it helps filter out the outside world. 

Have a schedule. Dedicate a certain time before or after work that will be “writing time.” Let’s say mine is 8 pm to 10 pm every day.

Don’t wait for the muse. In King’s words, “Your job is to make sure the muse knows where you’re going to be every day from nine ‘til noon or seven ‘til three. If he does know, I assure you that sooner or later he’ll start showing up, chomping his cigar and making his magic.” Sidenote: King’s muse doesn’t match muse stereotypes lol.

“I think we’re actually talking about creative sleep. Like your bedroom, your writing room should be private, a place where you go to dream. You schedule -in at about the same time everyday, out when your word goal is on paper - exists in order to habituate yourself, to make yourself ready to dream just as you make yourself ready to sleep by going to bed at roughly the same time each night and following the same ritual as you go. In both writing and sleeping, we learn to be physically still at the same time we are encouraging our minds to unlock from the humdrum rational thinking of our daytime lives. You can train your waking mind to sleep creatively and work out the vividly imagined waking dreams which are successful works of fiction.”

The above quote put a lot of things into perspective for me. I had never thought of writing like dreaming, but really, that is what it is. I have a desk that was meant for writing, but is actually for everything now. Eating, chatting with friends, surfing the web, and writing. It is very far from distraction-free. I also just write “when I feel like it,” which means that sometimes I have months-long or years-long dry spells. And that’s nothing but a shame. 

So now I’m looking at getting another smaller, simpler desk to put in my bedroom, upon which I’ll put a tablet with no internet connection and a wireless keyboard. Maybe a notepad. Maybe. I’m not much of a note-taker. But I’ll put that in my bedroom, which really has just a bed and clothes, not even a clock, and I’ll push myself to write more every day, right there, from 8 pm to 10 pm. 

Source: King, Stephen. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Hodder, 2012.

[hatsukeii]

Pt.2 to the Karasuno boys during the coronavirus quarantine, this time it’s gonna be Kags, Yams, and Hinata w their s/o, which ig is gonna be you in a few situations.

🌊Kageyama🌊

- “How much milk do we have at home mom?”

- “Fuck, we’re running out of milk”

- “She really expects us to understand this shit? This is Zoom not fucking Khan Academy, she’s not that great.”

- Probably one of the bulk buyers Tsukishima shits on.

- Realises he only has one carton of normal milk at home.

- So this boy goes out and buys like 4 cartons of different flavoured milks. Strawberry? Chocolate? Banana? Melon? Yes.

- And do you think he doesn’t finish it? Ohohoho you are mistaken. This bitch somehow finishes all of them in the span of a week.

- Tries to write notes during online classes.

- Fails miserably.

- Does not understand a thing the teacher is saying.

- Would rather die than admit that to Hinata.

- He’s not allowed out of the house but you are.

- Which means study dates are a frequent event during the quarantine.

- You’re now his personal English and Science tutor.

- “What the fuck is a mitochondria?”

- “It’s the powerhouse of the cell sweetie.”

- Is so fond of you he voluntarily gives you some of the flavoured milk he fought middle aged women to buy, but he obviously would try to cover up that soft spot he has for you.

- “I had to snatch it from the fridge before a Karen who bought five of the same flavour did, you better finish it and grow the fuck taller.”

- Volleyball “practise” in his room after the tutoring.

- He teaches you how to do basic shit like receive, serve, and of course, set.

- You fail miserably all the time, just saying. But good news is, that doesn’t matter. None of it does.

-All Kageyama lives for is that cheeky smile every time you fuck up a move. That victory dance you do after you finally succeed. The tight hugs you give him, thanking him for teaching you how to play volleyball. It’s all those little things that he absolutely adores. He wouldn’t exchange you for the world.

🍃Yamaguchi🍃

- “Do you have your hand sanitiser?”

- “Put your mask on, stay safe!”

- “You’re out of masks? I’ll be right there, I have five extra boxes”

- Extra cautious about the virus because his immune system isn’t the best.

- Has a stash of food at home, ready to be cooked anytime.

- Isn’t allowed to go anywhere farther than the neighbourhood.

- Hates online classes with his whole heart, but still attends them to maintain his grades.

- Actually really smart, takes very nice notes in class.

- Anything you want or need, he’s gonna get it for you.

- Meat buns? No problem. Boba? Easy. Hotel? Trivago.

- Since you guys are good at different subjects, you go to his house to help him with English, Philosphy, and Biology.

- And he comes over to yours to help you with Maths, Chemistry, and History.

- And he surprisingly, likes subtle dark political humour. A lot.

- “What is covalent bonding supposed to be the fuck?”

- “Think about it like communism.”

- Yamaguchi is actually a very, very good teacher.

- (Way better than when you asked Tsukishima for help, but don’t tell him that or he’ll get salty.)

- Guess what ya boy Yams can cook to save both your lives.

- Every time he walks out of your house you’re equipped with five new quarantine recipes to make for your entire family.

- After every “tutoring” session, comes the movie session.

- You introduce him to classic movies and go all the way back to watch films from the 80s-90s.

- It’s been about 3 weeks and you’ve managed to watch Pulp Fiction, Dead Poet’s Society, Breakfast At Tiffany’s, Forrest Gump, Top Gun, all those oldies.

- Movie sessions consist of cuddles, forehead kisses, hair braiding, more kisses, tickle battles, and falling asleep on Yamaguchi, your head snuggled in his chest while he plays with strands of your hair, thinking about how lucky he is to have someone like you that cares.

☀️Hinata☀️

- “Hinata get your ass back to bed.”

- “It’s 5am dude lessons start at 8am go back to sleep.”

- “I swear I love you but I will block you.”

- Good luck getting his jumpy ass to sit the fuck down.

- Constantly waiting for the quarantine to end. (Spoiler alert: it’s gonna take about a month or two more.)

- Since he’s so used to getting up at 5am for volleyball training and school, his mental alarm clock wakes him up at 5am too, even though all he has to do is go on a website.

- Tries to catch up in class while calling Kageyama.

- Fails. Terribly.

- Doesn’t understand a thing the teacher says, even after bombarding her with questions.

- Probably doesn’t think he needs a mask, so you force him to wear one if he ever had to go out.

- Isn’t allowed out of the house at all because apparently someone in his neighbourhood was infected and diagnosed with COVID-19.

- You’re not allowed to go over either, so you send him all your notes, hoping he doesn’t fail his classes.

- Video calls you to ask for homework answers.

- “I’m not giving you the answers, but you can take my notes, or ask me if you need help.”

- You both have Netflix Party on your computers, so you use that to talk while binging Disney movies at ungodly hours.

- Secretly cries himself to sleep because oh my god this boy misses you so fucking much seriously.

- Gets made fun of by Natsu for being a pansy.

- “Shoyou, it’s not like your girlfriend’s dead, whatcha crying for?”

- Probably stares at photos of you in his phone, reimagining how it feels like for you to be by his side.

- Plans to take you out on as many dates as he can once this whole thing is over. Cuddles and kisses for hours are musts.

[teamhook]

CS Pupstravaganza ~ Our Love’s Melody Chapter 2

Hello all! Well, just wanna say I’m sorry it has taken me a while to update. I’m just really sorry I’m such a slow writer and I’m trying to update a couple of fics at the same time and then I had some medical issues. I hope you all forgive me. Thanks for your patience.

This is my contribution to the @cspupstravaganza​

Thanks to the pupper moderator, the lovelies over at Discord, and my Beta- @gingerchangeling​

Gotta tag a few people.

@searchingwardrobes​ @revanmeetra87​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @hookedonapirate​ @seriouslyhooked​ @snowbellewells​ @kmomof4​ @let-it-raines​ @shireness-says​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @xhookswenchx​ @kymbersmith-90​

Links:

AO3

FFN

Emma was in the safety of her home. She had rushed to her bedroom and locked herself in. She let herself fall on the bed. The melody was still in her head. It was so beautiful and for a moment she was lost in a feeling and with those feelings, the words just poured out. It was so dumb of her to let her guard down.

~~~

MM and her charming fiancee David shared the love seat in the living room at the soon to be bride's home. They were busy discussing the wedding when the front door opened and a blur of blonde hair passed by. The pair shared a look.

David's eyebrow raised to his hairline. He was confused, it was unlike Emma to walk by without acknowledging them. Usually, there was a comment about how annoyingly in love they are and how it makes her want to barf. "Sweetheart, go check on her."

MM smiled and gently met his lips with a kiss, “Okay, I’ll be back. Wish me luck.”

David knew that his soon to be sister-in-law was a bit prickly but once he proved himself a good egg, her words, she became his little sister.

~~~

Knock, knock… “Emma, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, MM. I’m just tired.”

“Ems, I know something happened. I’m here whenever you're ready.”

Emma listened carefully on the other side of the door.

The door creaked open, Emma stood in front of her sister with red eyes.

MM rushed her and hugged her. “What happened?”

MM sat down on the bed as Emma paced the room.

“Okay, I finally met your Killian Jones.”

MM gasped and covered her mouth to stop the squeal.

Emma looked at MM to make sure she hadn’t fainted. “I uh,” the pacing was back “he was playing his guitar and I sang for him.”

“Okay, you sang for him. How is this a bad thing?”

“He is looking for a lyricist and he liked what I was singing to his music. He wants me to help him write a song. Toss some ideas around.”

MM squealed loud, “oh my god, oh my god!!”

“MM, I’m not doing it. I’m just there for Jolly and the plants.”

“Emma, he obviously thinks you’re good. Why not? You were an amazing writer.”

“Do you know why I work with dogs?”

MM shakes her head no.

“Because they can’t let you down. Dogs will never betray you.”

“Oh. Emma, I know but I really think this could be a good thing for you.”

"Ems" MM sighs "not every man is going to hurt you. Look at David, you like him."

Emma rolls her eyes, "He is a good guy but I'm pretty sure my sis would knock him out on his ass with a rock if he did. Look I know, okay. It’s just hard for me to even think about it. Those poems were a part of me, I don't know if you understand. Those poems were there for me when I had no one, and he just took them claimed them as his. He made money off of my misery and I couldn’t do anything about it."

MM smiled, "But now you have a second chance for a new beginning. Emma you cannot lose hope, I have a feeling about this one. Please, don't decide yet besides it's just to toss some ideas around right? I know I’m a little biased, but I think you can do it."

“MM, I agree I think you’re biased too. You love the Scoundrels. I'll think about it." Emma’s phone rings.

“I meant I’m a little biased when it comes to you. Ooo look at that I think it’s for you.”

Emma sniffles, “Hello.”

“Hello, is this Miss Swan?” There’s some muffled barking and not now Jolly.

“Yeah,” Emma is straining to understand what is being said.

“I’m sorry about that, Jolly was a little antsy. I asked my brother for your number I hope you don’t mind. Lass, I was hoping you’d come to a performance. Liam agreed to it. It’s a high school reunion for the president of the band’s fan club.” Liam had insisted they perform, it’s for your number one fan he kept saying to him.

“You want me to come to a performance?” Emma asked as she turned her gaze to find her sister jumping up and down.

“It would be an honor if you accepted my invitation, Lass, if only for a laugh at my expense. I’ll text you the address.”

Emma stays quiet as the call ends and braces herself for her sister’s reaction.

“Emma, was that him? He invited you to a performance! Where? I haven’t found anything online.” MM was now opening Emma’s computer.

“Yes, MM it was him. It’s a special performance I think it’s for the president of the band’s club high school reunion. I’m surprised you’re not in that.” Emma’s phone dinged with the text.

“You have to go Emma! Please! Ooo, can you take me with you? Oh my god!! Can I come, please?” MM begged her sister.

Emma chewed on her bottom lip.

MM smiled and shouted, “David, Emma and I are going out! Emma, sweetheart you are not wearing that.” MM moved faster than a tornado as she grabbed Emma’s best pair of skinny jeans, a red sheer top, and her favorite boots. “Here you’re wearing this. I’m gonna go change, I’ll be right back.” As MM leaves the bedroom she squeals in excitement.

Emma looks at the clothes and reluctantly starts changing once she is finished, she ventures to the living room where David is still looking for the perfect venue for the wedding. “Hey, Dave. Sorry about earlier.” She sits next to him and he hugs her.

“I know, it’s okay, Buttercup. So you’re stealing my fiancee for a night?”

“Eh, I rather not go out but we both know there’s no winning against MM once she decides something.”

David groans, “Don’t remind me. She hates every band we’ve seen.” He sighs. “It would be a dream come true for her to have The Scoundrels sing at our wedding.”

“I know, she’s gonna embarrass me isn’t she?”

David smiles, “Where are you guys off to?”

“Well, it turns out Jolly, my new client, belongs to Killian Jones, who turns out is the lead singer of the Scoundrels.”

“Oh,” that explained all the squealing he heard. “Emma, we’re family a family of three. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.” David reassured her.

Yes, they had become a trio surrounded by loss. The fact that all three had lost their parents had only made the bond stronger. MM had made it known that if her parents wouldn’t have adopted Emma, the grief would have killed her.

“I know Dave, thank you.” Emma smiled as her sister appeared ready to go.

~~~

MM drove to the address and once they arrived she could barely hide her excitement. They enter the hotel lobby and follow the signs. At the sign-up desk, Emma notices Liam is talking animatedly with the lady behind the desk. The woman giggles before she turns to glare at Emma and MM as they arrive to the desk. Liam smiles and says, “They’re with us, I hope that’s okay?” The woman smiles and nods her approval. “Thank you, love.” Liam then asks Emma and MM to follow him to the made-up backstage. As soon as the band is visible, MM gasps and grabs Emma’s hand only to squeeze it tight.

MM pulled her close to whisper, “That’s Robin Locksley-rhythm guitar, Will Scarlet-drums, and you know Killian Jones vocalist and lead guitar, finally Little John on bass.”  

Emma looks at the men on stage. MM has a big smile on her face as they watch. The crowd of fangirls swooning for the men as they played song after song. The mini-concert had been a special gift to the number one fan. The women were ecstatic, and the men were making good use of the free bar.

Once the band’s set ended Killian made his way to Emma. The rest of the band were busy putting away their instruments. They still had to do a small greet session. Killian hoped he could convince her to reconsider working with him on that song.

Emma is the first to greet him, “I hope you don’t mind my sister tagged along. She is a big fan. Mary Margaret, Killian Jones.” MM is just staring at him with a glazed look on her round face. Emma nudges MM to wake her from her daze.  

MM flushes red, “Hello, nice to meet you.” A small giggle escapes her.

Killian grins, “Lovely to meet you, lass. Would you like to meet the rest of the band?” He turns to Emma to ensure it’s okay, he doesn’t want to overstep. He would love to talk about the proposition he’d made her. He was sure they would make quite the team, but he will not push.

Emma nods and turns to MM who is nodding vigorously as they follow Killian. They end up having dinner at a 24-hour diner. The band is super friendly to them, and they treat them like part of the group.

At the end of the night, Emma and MM go home with a smile on their faces. Emma will never admit to MM how much she enjoyed herself that night.

~~~

Killian keeps looking at the time, he is sure she is running late. He truly hopes she is only late, he looks at Jolly and smiles. Jolly’s tail is wagging and stops suddenly, his ears perk up. Killian and Jolly both turn to the door as soon as they hear the door unlock and open.

Emma walks in with a small smile on her face once she notices her welcoming committee.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t show,” Killian says as he pets Jolly.

She walks towards the coat closet that holds Jolly’s leash, she stays quiet as she opens the door and grabs Jolly’s items. Leash, pooper bags, and a few treats for him. She shakes the bag. Jolly’s ears perk up and his tail starts thumping rhythmically on the floor in excitement.

Killian scratches behind Jolly’s ears. “Lass, would you mind if I accompany you and Jolly on your walk?”

Emma turns to Killian, “Is this so we can talk about your proposition?” Her right brow raises.

“Aye, I thought we could talk about the possibility while we take Jolly for his daily walk. If you don’t mind my company.“

Emma reasoned, she had to take Jolly on his walk because that is her job. A little company should be no problem. She was trying her best to follow MM’s advice. “Okay, but keep up. Jolly loves to run around. Are you ready?” Emma smiles and latches the leash on Jolly.

Killian smiles, “Aye, I’m ready.”

They walk in silence to the park, Jolly stopping to sniff everything in sight then trotting on to the next thing. Once they arrive to the park Emma and Killian sit on a bench. Emma releases Jolly to go play with the other dogs.

Killian clears his throat, “I hope you and your sister had fun last night.”

“It was fun, my sister couldn’t stop talking about it. She was so excited. I’m sorry she tagged along but last night made her year. Just don’t let her fiance know that.”

“Is she really that big of a fan?”

Emma rolls her eyes, “I’m surprised she didn’t ask you guys to play her wedding.”

Killian smiles and scratches behind his ear nervously.

Emma turns to make sure Jolly is still frolicking with the other dogs. She holds her breath for a second as she turns her attention to Killian.

He smiles, “Lass, I would have preferred to share a much better performance with you. Instead of you having to listen to us play old songs.” He invades her space and whispers, “I sing covers of hit songs at a small club called Neverland. Sadly, Liam had insisted we perform at the reunion.”

Emma smiles, “It’s okay, you were good. Thank you for being so sweet to my  sister.”

“How could I not? She’s a fan and somehow convinced you to go.”

His words remind her of the whole reason for her avoidance and why he was on the walk with her right now. She takes a good look at him before she makes up her mind.

“Okay, how about this. We test it out, see if we work well together, and go from there?”

“Lass, I have a feeling we will make quite the team.”

[davidedwardking]

I found an extremely bizarre internet survey

Nobody knows what rock bottom truly is until they've hit it.

Being abruptly fired from a job you've worked at for the past ten years, and then catching your girl cheating on you with your replacement really makes a man think.

Hell, my student loans aren't even paid off yet.

What a shitshow this life is.

After a rather boozy night that consisted of sending out about four dozen resumes and horrendously written cover letters, I passed out.

When I woke up the next morning, I decided to at least try and make some money at home while waiting for an interview.

At that moment, I thought that the best way to go about it was completing those internet surveys that yielded 5 dollar subway gift cards and other shit like that after about an hour of answering questions. I mean, I didn't have any other marketable skills that could've yielded immediate income.

It was either that or wasting the day away playing computer games. At least I wouldn't have to pay for food.

I did these surveys for about 5 hours before nearly passing out. It was way more excruciating then I'd originally anticipated. At the end of those 5 hours, I'd accumulated about $45 in cash and gift cards.

$9 an hour. Not like I was making much more than that before. I was about to close my laptop up for the day and head to a bar in an attempt drown out my melancholy when I first saw it.

It shouldn't even have been noticeable... but for one reason or another, it was. At the bottom corner of the website that I was on, existed a tiny, singular advertisement. Maybe it was the simplicity that got me. Plain black letters in a tacky font that read "Surveys for cash" overlapped a completely white background.

At least they were direct with the message. One more couldn't hurt, I thought. Might as well scrape together a little bit more booze money before heading out.

I sat back down, clicked on the picture link and prepared myself to grind through some more painstaking inquires. The first few questions were simple enough. I guess they weren't really questions, but more data collection. My name, age and occupation. I thought it was kind of weird that they also asked my height and weight, but it wasn't unheard of.

The first real question was a different story though. I must have stared at it, eyes wide and mouth agape, for god knows how long.

What the actual hell?

In plain English, this is what popped up on my screen: "How strong is your urge to currently look behind you?"

There were five options below, ranging from "Not at all" to "overwhelming".

There was no feasible reason why I should've been afraid at that moment. But I was. I tightened my breathing, trying to make out any subtle noises behind me. There were none. After maybe about five minutes, I worked up the courage to look. There was nothing. I sighed in relief and scoffed at myself at the same time.

This must have been some kind of joke. However, I decided to entertain it, answering "neutral" and clicking onto the next question. This is what it read: "Why would you look behind you?"

I smirked. Funny, before simply typing in a "I don't know" in the response box and once again clicking next. This was the 3rd question: "You're on a plane. Apart from you, there is only one other passenger, who is sitting somewhere behind you. At some point, you get up to go to the washroom, and find that the man is gone. You check to see if he is in the only bathroom on the plane, but he isn't. What do you do?"

Again, I must have stupidly stared at it for nearly ten minutes. Was this some kind of obscure personality test? I mean, it must have been, right? Right?

I put the same answer that I used for the last question: "I don't know." It was true. I didn't know. How was I supposed to answer this shit?

I click next again, now more intrigued than anything. The 4th question went like this: "You wake up in woods unfamiliar to you. It's nighttime, and the moonlight provides you with only slight visibility. About thirty feet away from you, there is a small, dimly illuminated cabin. The door is open, and a smiling woman is motioning for you to come in. Do you go? Explain why."

This question wasn't necessarily weirder than the last one, so my conjecture that this was some kind of odd personality test was still feasible. I actually make an attempt to answer this one, something along the lines of going into the cabin because there's simply nowhere else to go.

Once again, I click next. Probably shouldn't have.

The questions started getting fucked up. They weren't too gory or explicit, not anything like that. They were just stranger. Weirder. More psychologically disturbing. If you're wondering why the hell I kept going, I can't really give you an explicit answer to that. I just felt like I had to. It was an esoteric, creeping sensation that I can't quite explain away. But I could never shake it. So I just went on.

Some of the questions that stood out were:

"Suppose that you wake up one night to find an elevator in your house. During every midnight after that, it opens up for five minutes, revealing an exact copy of yourself that gets progressively more injured as time goes on. Do you keep living like this? Or do you enter the elevator once and end it all?"

And:

"You're in a hotel room but are awoken by a rapid knocking at your window. You peek through the blinds, seeing what appears to be a man missing both his eyes. He puts his mouth to the glass and tells you to kill the woman in the bathroom immediately. Do you listen to him?"

This was one of my least favorites:

"You are watching home videos with your mother. One of the tapes include footage of her being murdered by a masked intruder. Your mother simply laughs at this footage without saying anything. In your opinion, is this a cause for concern?"

In addition to this insanity-inducing shit, there were some rather disconcerting events happening in real life as well. I received a knock at the door about thirty minutes in. I looked through my peephole to find a guy standing there, frantically shaking his head and mouthing "no" while making direct eye contact with me. He looked terrified. Obviously, I didn't open up.

I received about ten phone calls from somebody named "the auditor" on my caller ID. They left a message every time, but each one was just a recording that consisted of somebody saying numbers through heavy static. Actually, it sounded more like screaming now that I think about it.

About an hour into this thing, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I was petrified of looking behind me, even though there was no indication that anything should've been there. I heard some soft scratching coming from my vent at one point, so I moved my couch over it.

Eventually, I reached what appeared to be the end of the survey. However, it wasn't a question. It was simply a statement.

"Don't let them in. They're not to be trusted."

Almost as if it were on cue, I heard more knocking at my door about five seconds after reading this. As slowly and silently as I could, I moved over and looked through the peephole once again. It was a different person than the one I'd seen earlier. She was a woman, looking to be in her mid twenties. She was wearing a thick blazer, despite it being around 90 Fahrenheit outside. She was also wearing sunglasses, so I could never really tell where she was actually looking. She eventually took a piece of paper out of her pocket and slipped it under the door.

I look down and read it.

"It's lying. Leave your apartment immediately."

It's been about half an hour since. I can't bring myself to look at the computer screen nor at the woman outside. She's still there. I can see the shadows of her feet from underneath my door. I heard my bedroom window open a few minutes ago, but I've since jammed the door shut with a chair. I can hear some kind of distorted muttering coming from behind it now.

Maybe rock bottom wasn't so bad.

But what the fuck am I supposed to do here?

[thicctransboi]

Sam+Grizz If New Ham had never happened- Finale

(If anyone has any more prompts for a fic/ one shot/ smut they’d like to see me do please message me! Also feel free to share and comment what you think) ending of this little prompt starts now!!

Friday

The rumors about Grizz’s relationship with Sam had spread like wildfire, much to Campbell’s help. He had been telling graphic and untrue stories about what he had supposedly caught the pair doing. And it was all taking a tole on Grizz. His friends had questioned him relentlessly, people stared and whispered as he walked down the hallways. He had avoided Sam, including his messages, all week. He didn’t know what to say to him, or anyone for that matter. But, today they were supposed to present their project.

When 5th period rolled around, Grizz was tempted to skip. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to nor abandon Sam. So, he came early.

Sam was waiting for him, sitting in his usual spot near the back of the classroom. His vibrant blue eyes caught Grizz’s, and he felt his heart melt. Grizz May have been sporting a black eye, but Sam looked somehow more broken.

He approached him slowly. “Hey.” He said simply.

“Hi.. So, do you want to do the speaking? I made the power point so it seems fair. Im not in the speaking mood today.” Sam said quietly, his voice distant. His signing even seemed distant.

Grizz simply nodded and sat beside him, the tension between the two seemed to be toxic as they waited their turn. When the teacher announced their names, Grizz made his way up to the front of the class, Sam following suit as he plugged his USB into the teachers computer and loaded up the PowerPoint.

Grizz suddenly felt shy, exposed standing in front of the class. Though he never had issues with it before, everything seemed to have changed.

“So, for our poem we chose ‘An Eastern Ballad’ by Allen Ginsberg. Also known as ‘song’. Ginsberg was one of the Beat poets in the 50’s through the early 90’s. Okay so the poem goes, ‘Winds around the beaches blow:

Things being as they are, although

Half clearly understood, and I

Uncurious is mystery;

Such thoughts as once were my dispair,

-The frantic sea, the silent air,

The changing moon and fridged shore-

I find delight me more and more.

I had not dreamed the sea so deep,

The earth so dark; so long my sleep,

I have become another child.

I wake to see the world go wild.’

“Now, there are lots of ways to interpret Ginsbergs work. He used to often say that he never had any meaning for most of it, and that the reader should interpret it. It’s well known at this point that Ginsberg used psychedelic drugs to jumpstart his writing and to discover his style. So, it’s safe to assume that that is what he means in this poem by becoming another child and his soul being awoken.” Grizz began.

Sam’s interpreter was signing along for Sam to understand, even though Sam knew what Grizz was supposed to be saying. However, he didn’t see the plot twist that was about to happen.

“But, upon reflecting and rereading this poem, I have another interpretation. If you read ginsbergs letters up until this poem, he talks about realizing his sexuality... he uhm.. He realized he was gay and how that realization opened his eyes. I believe, that this poem isn’t about realizing and noticing the world through the use of drugs. But it is about waking up and seeing the world through new eyes upon realizing who you are, as a person.”

Grizz was shaking, and Sam was speechless.

“That’s a rather interesting interpretation, Grizz. I assume by the two different annotations that the first was Sam’s interpretations and the second was yours?” Mrs. Newberry asked, easing an eyebrow.

Grizz nodded slowly, his eyes filled with tears.

“Mr. Eliot. What do you think of Grizz’s interpretation of this poem?”

Elliot gestured for his interpreter to speak for him as he signed l, “I can see where he is coming from. But, I disagree. Eveidence shows that this is a spiritual awakening, caused by Gimsberg’s drug use at the time. But, Grizz likes to read into things.”

Grizz felt his heart plunge.

“Well, very well done you two. You may have a seat.”

**

Sunday evening, November 21st

Weeks went by, Sam ignoring Grizz’s texts, Grizz ignoring the questions from the gaurd and his other friends. It was soon late November, and the pair had not spoken. The winter formal was coming up, and Sam asked Becca to be his date.

“You know I hate those things. Besides, I’m not who you want to go with. Ask him, he’s been texting you non stop for over a month now. It’s kinda annoying.”

Sam chuckled and rolled his eyes as they sat in Becca’s bedroom. ‘You know he wouldn’t risk his reputation going with me. Besides, you’re my best friend, I want you to go with me.’

Becca sighed, “Sam, talk to him. I hate school dances, you love them. It’s your senior year, go with the guy you want to go with, not your beard.”

Sam felt dejected. And conflicted. He refused to make a spectacle out of himself or Grizz. Grizz was obviously not ready for this yet, and that was partially Sam’s fault that it ended this way. Or, at least, that’s how Sam felt.

**

Sunday evening, November 21st

Grizz had been fidgeting in his room for over an hour now, anxiety coursing through his veins. When his mother called for dinner, he knew it was time.

Making his way downstairs and to the kitchen table, he rubbed the sweat off of his hands as he sat down across from his father. He was nervous, really fucking nervous. But he had to do this, he had been holding it back for too long.

He watched anxiously as his mother laid out their dinner on the table before sitting down.

Now or never, he thought to himself. “Mom, dad. I have to tell you something.”

***

Monday, November 22nd

Sam walked begrudgedly to his locker, spinnng the dial around until the lock came undone. As he opened the metal door, a small slip of neon green paper floated to the ground from inside the door.

It was a note. He unfolded it and read it to himself:

Sam, the winter formal is next Saturday, I hope to see you there. I’ll be wearing green and pink.

-Grizz

Sam felt his heart stop momentarily. This couldn’t be serious, could it?

**

Sam, being himself, had arrived to the dance right as it started. Only to find out his ticket had already been paid for. He wore a white button down with a rose gold vest and a plaid neck tie. His ginger hair styled neatly on top of his head. He felt anxious as he made his way into the gym: lights were hung here and there of all kinds. Fairly lights, that changed color, random lamps and chandeliers. All fashioned in blue, silver, and white. The tables were dressed with silver table cloths with blue placemats and white flowers. Student council had gone all our for this one. He could feel the bass of the music through his shoes and he anxiously made his way through the crowd, finding a lone spot near the back at an unoccupied table. He suddenly longed for Becca. He had a bad feeling about this.

Time rolled on, and soon 45 minutes had passed with no sign of Grizz. He hadn’t shown, and Sam had given up and lost patience. He rose to his feet, and began shuffling through the crowded dance floor. He was stopped in his tracks when he felt a firm but gentle hand grasp his wrist. Turning, he saw Grizz. Towering above him in all of his glory. Wearing a neon green button down and a plaid bow tie in similar fashion to his own. Sam couldn’t hold back his smile.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” Sam said, taking a step closer to Grizz.

Grizz could feel eyes on the pair, but it was too late to turn back now.

“Neither did I.”

Without another word, Grizz pulled Sam into him, pressing his lips against his. Sam happily kissed him back, standing on his tippy toes to reach him.

[canaryatlaw]

alright. well today was.....the first day of the bar exam. Don’t know if I have any better description than that. it was something alright. I woke up to my alarm (which I had set to the Mean Girls song I’ve been using as my pump up song but starts with just Kevin screaming “Yo Yo Mathletes!!”) and did get myself out of bed, I was planning to leave at 6:15 so I had plenty of time to get ready. So I brushed my teeth and changed, they said to dress in layers because the exam rooms might be hot or cold (spoiler alert, it was FREEZING), so I picked a tank top and leggings with a zip up hoodie if needed. The email they sent (they people the people from my school who are trying to get us to pass the bar) yesterday said that when you wake up read a book or something (but no outlines) for 10 minutes to wake up your brain, or something like that, so I read the little local Chicago magazine that they keep in hotels saying all the cool things to do in Chicago this summer. I made the microwave minute muffin that I was telling you all about last night, but I was super careful to stir it all the way so there were no unmoistened bits and it was a wonderful double chocolatey muffin experience that I was very pleased with, and then ate a granola bar for good measure because you know, good breakfasts. when it was like 6:15 I headed downstairs where there were several other law students (recognizable because of the plastic bags we all had with our computers inside them) were all waiting and got in an uber, I thought of maybe sharing with some of them but there are like 3 different test sites all in this area so idk where they all were going. And in this area I mean these are the only sites for all of Chicago (and potentially all of Illinois? don’t quote me on that but that might’ve been the case) and there were a ton of kids from other law schools around, mostly recognizable because they were all wearing stuff from their school which I apparently did not think to do, but oh well. I arrived there around 6:20 (it was a really short ride obviously, that was the point) and got out of the uber to see my bus orgs professor standing there looking slightly confused, and he saw me so I said hi and he said that a group of them were supposed to be here greeting us (which was also in the email from yesterday) and that he had been told to get there at 6:15 but he was now the only person present, which sounded familiar to me always be the on time person. But we chatted a little which was nice, I hadn’t really seen him since the class ended in the fall, and despite me finding bus orgs terribly boring I did rather enjoy him as a professor. So the doors were opening at 6:30, so a bunch of us were just kinda milling around in front of the building. It was on one of the college campuses around here (it’s U of Illinois Chicago) in a building called the “forum” which apparently has large rooms in it where a lot of people can sit for tests. So they open the doors at 6:30, there are metal detectors directly after the doors, and they were checking bags as well. I’m not sure if metal detectors would find the kind of contraband they were actually looking for (like I’m sure it’s good to know there aren’t any guns too, but nobody’s really concerned about sneaking a gun into the bar exam), they were more focused on keeping all electronics out of the room, which is understandable. I still have had my period today but very little cramping, so I didn’t need to use the thingy that I stowed in my bag anyway but wouldn't have been able to use during the test because technically it’s an electronic. But we got through the metal detectors and were directed to tables where we showed them our photo IDs and they gave us our photo name badges which we then had to wear for always the rest of the test. I have the world’s worst photo of me on mine, but it’s technically my fault because I’m the one who uploaded it, but in my defense it was like, two hours before the window for submitting your application was gonna close and like 10 o clock at night so I just took a photo of my unmake-uped face against my white wall without me smiling like they wanted and surprise surprise, it looks terrible, but oh well I’m over it. We then got shown the room where we could leave our stuff we couldn’t bring into the test room, which was pretty much everything. I was using my black legends drawstring bag that we got in Florida, so I left my phone, the charger I brought with me and the external battery (because I’m prepared) along with some food and a gatorade, plus a few other things. The only things we could take into the room were our laptops and chargers, then in a little ziplock bag you could have your photo id, cash/credit card, transportation card, keys, pads and earplugs. We all had giant ziplock bags (the 2 1/2 gallon ones) to carry our laptops and chargers in because that’s what they told us to get. So we got into the test room with our little bags and computers. I found my seat all the way in the front right corner, and this room is BIG, like best estimate there were maybe 2,000 people? You didn’t really see it until everyone went to leave and it was like impossible to get through the doors and then you’re like oh wow, there’s a lot of people here. But I was in the second row, third seat in from the right wall, so pretty much on the edge, but hey it’s fine we got a perfect view of the guy at the podium who was legit right in front of us. They had the two big screens down both displaying a “clock” tab with the time counting up by seconds. In the instructions it had said if we were mac users who didn’t have a usb port you could bring your little converter thing, so I took mine with me just in case, but didn’t think I would need it. I got to the instructions they had on the tables for the computers and it had this whole thing about no usb’s or data transferring devices and I was like shit am I gonna get in trouble for this? So I took it to the proctors right in front and said it said in the instructions that I could bring it but idk if it qualifies under these rules. They both pretty much looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about, probably because they didn’t understand what the thing actually did, but recommended I go on to the tech people, who I asked and they said oh yeah that’s fine, the other’s just don’t understand how to use things lol so that was solved. I didn’t think I’d need it, I just didn’t want to get in trouble for having it. So I sat down and logged onto my computer, got the exam stuff up and waited. There was this stuff on the program saying if you didn’t have wifi access you’d have to wait to upload your exam answers to later and I was like well that sounds perturbing so I checked if we could get wifi and that was a big nope, so that was a nice little anxiety inducer. Waited for a while, more people came, I think we officially started at either 8:30 or 9, I don’t remember exactly. First was the “Illinois Essay Exam” which is the only part of the test that is completely unique to Illinois, the other portions are all used by other states (most states have switched to what they call the Uniform Bar Exam which has reciprocity across most states, but Illinois isn’t switching until next July [boo], so we instead had pieces of the UBE but not the whole thing). I was a bit nervous about this part because a lot of it depended on knowing where Illinois law differed from the majority law you would otherwise learn, and there was the potential to be hit with some questions from the really fringe subjects like personal property that you know I had a 2 hour lecture on and that was it, so I was glad to see it was mostly mainline stuff, so that wasn’t bad. 90 minutes for that, 3 essays, not bad. After that we switched into the Multistate Performance Test that most other states use as well, and it’s a closed packet of info from which you need to draw up some sort of legal document based on the facts and laws inclosed. I had thought this would probably be the easiest part for me because given all the info I can write stuff no problem, and it definitely wasn’t hard, but it was.....odd. Not like any of the practice ones I’ve done, it was about drafting language for the articles of incorporation of this rugby league and dealing with a bunch of corporate stuff that seemed really easy, like stupid easy? So either I did really well or I totally fucked it up, but I’m fairly certain it was the first lol, so that was a relief, even though the nerdy side of me was like awww now I don’t get to write a long essay that I’m really good at writing, but that’s really okay. We breaked for lunch, I saw a few of my friends briefly but then got separated from them. The deal was that the school was going to bring us lunches, and they were set up somewhere for us to get to. When we left the building there were like 3 other schools set up with their lunches right there but ours weren’t, so I was trying to follow the directions to the spot they said in the email but it was not going well and I could tell I was just getting lost, and I was like fuck it I’ll just get some food from the popeye’s that’s right here, except it all got fucked up and was spicy and I couldn’t eat any of it except the biscuit, so basically lunch was a massive failure on multiple levels, but I had some pretzels in my bag so I wasn’t starving. Got back in and ready to go, the afternoon was the Multistate Essay Exam (don’t you love all these titles?) which was similar to the Illinois one but based on federal/majority law. It still had the opportunity to get into some fringe subjects though. it was 3 hours, 6 essays, so same odds as before. It can be hard for me to tell how well I actually did coming out of a test like that because I’m really good at bs-ing and I know it, so if I can come up with some good bs my mind thinks it’s all good when it could actually not be, but whatever. The first one was a con law question that was about marijuana of course, but was kind of on an odd basis, but I think I got the law part right so that was good. There was one about a corporation where I got to use my favorite line of the day “....because things that do not exist cannot enter into business deals” and one regarding trusts that was probably the biggest fringe subject, but I spent the last few days going over trusts (for like, the first time, but still) so the rules were fairly fresh in my mind and I think I got all of the intricacies of it right. There was one question that was just like straight evidence questions, and like those are my jam, so I get typing and I’m going and going and- oh wait, I hit the character limit and I didn’t even start the third prompt within the question yet. WHOOPS. The character limit was 4600, which really is not very much, so I had to go back and remove the bs I wrote in the first two prompts, just because I knew I could write it, and then wrote my third answer and had to move some more stuff around and delete some more bs, but I ended up with a final product that was exactly 4599 characters, which is really a masterpiece, so I was like alright perfect I’m not touching it from here lol. I ended up finishing with about 20 minutes left, so I read over a few of them and made minor changes, just details and such. Then we were done and had to wait for them to collect all the papers and then account for all of them before we could get released, then of course I had to make it through the massive crowd just to get outside. I did get outside and got an uber to my hotel room because I had to go there for wifi to upload my friggin exam answers, and let me tell you guys, this was the most anxiety inducing thing, because when you click submit on the test it will try to upload the answers but then see you don’t have wifi and be like oh it failed and the proctors are just like “yeah just go home and when you get wifi open the program and it’ll upload the answers” and I’m just like.....you couldn’t have just let us into the wifi you already have set up in this building??? Like do you know how much anxiety this process is going to give me?? The proctor said to make sure we hold onto our laptops as in the previous year someone had actually left theirs on a Chicago public transit bus which was like oH GOD WHY level nightmare, so I was making sure that didn’t happen. The uber took a while to get there because it was rush hour and there was traffic, and while I had been taking the afternoon part of the test I was like I’m gonna get out and text Jess and bug her until she agrees to go get food with me, then when I turned my phone back on and opened twitter I already had a message from her being like I can’t wait till Thursday morning like we originally said I need to see you and get food after the test tomorrow and I was just like bitch come get food with me now which she readily agreed to, which was easier than I expected lol. The uber finally came, I got to my hotel and logged onto wifi so the exam answers would upload, and legit right after they did that I switched a few things out of my bags and then headed back out. I walked a few blocks to the train that’s nearby, it’s the same stop as my church so I was familiar, and took that to the red line and then up to where we had agreed to meet because Jess wanted to take me to her spy restaurant which is really the only restaurant she knows in the city of Chicago (and now that I wrote that she’s probably going to wind up reading it even though she never reads these posts) and we definitely did not get lost getting there, that did not happen, but we did get there and it was cool, you just enter this random door on a building and it brings you to this little entry way where you have to say the “password” and get confirmed, then the wall opens and there are stairs down to the actual restaurant, which was pretty cool, outfitted with a lot of spy and James Bond stuff. We ended up just getting a table by the bar because it was kind of crowded, so we just chilled and she told me literally everything that happened at SDCC this weekend which, let me tell you, was a trip, then we decided we’d split an appetizer of cheese curds, then we were both gonna order the grilled cheese that also contains cheese curds because we are 100% those people lol. The service was kinda slow but I didn’t really care because we were talking and have fun, but of course those are Jess’ stories to tell so I won’t spoil any of them here other than saying she had a ridiculously awesome time, even if it had some stressful moments with stupid security guards. We eventually finished and paid, then ran around the restaurant checking out the rest of the spy stuff and hitting random buttons that caused different things to happen which was pretty cool, then to get out you had to put a dollar in a payphone which would then ring and give you a code which you had to enter, and then the wall would open which led to this staircase down and then up again that was covered with the little name tags they give you to write your “spy name” on, and then when you get to the door you come out in the lobby of this random hotel that’s like, a fully functional hotel, so that was pretty fun. We eventually figured out how to get to the train (read: I wasn’t navigating and Jess only got lost a little bit this time) and we decided to save ice cream for tomorrow even though I wanted ice cream now, because I was also full of cheese curds and other types of cheese. So I got on the red line and then switched to the blue line, then got off and walked the rest of the bit back to the hotel. While walking back my parents called, just wanted to check in so I told them everything and they seemed pretty happy about all of it, so that was good. Since we did all the essays today tomorrow is just going to be the multiple choice questions, 200 of them in two sessions of three hours each, 100 per session. They’re all hypos though so they take a while to answer and the supposed time allotment for each question is 1.8 minutes, so it’s a solid amount of work I’d say. It was like 9:15 by the time I got back and I desperately needed to shower because I hadn't since Monday morning because I didn’t want to have to wake up even earlier this morning to do it, so I got in the shower and changed into my pajamas, watched tv and did internet stuff for a bit before figuring I still had to get up pretty early, though an hour later than today, so that’s an improvement, so I’d better start writing this post and that’s what I did. Of course it took longer than usual because I end up being incredibly detailed about days like today even when I don’t consciously think to do it. Oh well. And now I’m here, it’s almost midnight, and I need to wake up at 6:30 am, so I’m gonna take all of those as reasons why it’s time for me to go to bed now. Goodnight babes. Stay magical.

[carmillatranscripts]

The Carmilla Movie

Air date: October 25, 2017

Length: 1:34:27

We open with static, which disappears to be replaced by Laura against a plain white background.

Laura: Okay!  Don’t know how many of you are new, and how many of you have been with us from the start, but I am Laura Hollis.  Yes, the Laura Hollis, who recently got famous, or “internet famous”, because my university pals and I vlogged ourselves saving the world.

Brief footage from 3x33, of Dean!Perry opening the Gates of Hell

Laura: See, back in my freshman year, we discovered that our Austrian university was actually being run by an evil dean and her vampire cult.  Naturally.  They’d been sacrificing girls to this monstrous creature under the campus, and I was next.  Really should’ve gone to that safety school.  Anyway, the Dean sent ... Carmilla,

Footage from 1x2

Carmilla: I’m your new roommate, sweetheart.

Back to Laura

Laura: A 300-year-old vampire with a checkered past and centuries worth of victims to kidnap me.

We see Laura and Carmilla kissing from season 3

Laura: There was just one small snag with that plan.  (back to Laura) Carm and I fell in love.  Carm turned her back on the evil dean, and with a little help from our friends: LaF, Perry, Kirsch, Mel, and Danny, we saved the school!  And the world.  For stopping the apocalypse, Carm earned herself a magical human life.  A vampire no more.

Footage of Laura discovering Carmilla’s heartbeat at the end of 3x36

Laura: A chance to start again, and leave the crimes of her past behind.  And for us to figure out ... whatever happens next.

New scene.  Exterior: An old manor, on a stormy day.

We see Laura, waking up inside the manor, dressed in 19th century clothes, lying on a couch.  She gets up.

Laura: Okay ... weird.  (looks at her clothing) Old-timey and weird.

Laura notices a mirror and looks into it.  She does not see her own reflection, instead, she sees another woman, dressed as she is, copying her moves.  A door creaks open, and Laura turns towards it

Laura: Hello?  Ghost-lady?

Suddenly, a woman dressed all in black, with a veil over her face, appears behind Laura, and taps her shoulder.  Laura runs in fear out the room and down some stairs, looking behind her.  At the foot of the stairs, she runs into the same mysterious woman.  The woman lifts her veil, reveiling herself to be Carmilla.

Carmilla: You’re wearing my broach.

Laura: Carm!

Carmilla: Did I scare you, my pet?

Laura: You think?  Sneaking around, dressed like Lizzie Borden?  Wait, why are you dressed like Lizzie Borden?

Carmilla: You mustn’t be afraid

Laura: Why would I be afraid?

Carmilla: We shall die, as lovers may ... (Carmilla kisses Laura) Die together, so that we may live together.

Carmilla’s fangs appear, and she bites Laura, drinking from her, Laura looking terrified

Suddenly the scene changes, and we see Laura waking up from a nightmare, her head on Carmilla’s lap.

Carmilla: Welcome back, creampuff.

Laura (moving up from Carmilla’s lap to lay her head on Carmilla’s hsoulder, we hear screams and chainsaw sounds from a TV offscreen) I think your horror movies are giving me nightmares

Carmilla: Oh, well, life’s rough like that sometimes.

The camera zooms out, giving us a broader view of the living room

Carmilla: Come on!  How long does it take to kill one limping teenager?  Is this guy on a coffee break?  (to Laura) So, what happened?  Did you get scooped up by that talking goat again?

Laura: No, I dreamed you were a vampire.  (Sitting up)  It was very ... blast-from-your-gothic-horror-past.  There was this old house, and then you ... well, you were actually kinda scary

Carmilla (concerned): Did I hurt you?

Laura: In a dream.  Come on, it was probably a ... subconscious fascination with Victorian murders.  Or, uh ... corests.

Carmilla: Mmm!  Well, no need to go digging around in the past.  We have it much better now.

Laura: No arguments here.  (looks at TV) So long, hammer horror!  (to Carmilla) Hello, rom-com

They start to kiss, when suddenly a loud scream and chainsaw sounds come from the TV.  Carmilla turns off the TV, and they begin kissing, and we fade out to the opening credits

New scene: Another dream sequence, Laura’s running in fear through the same mansion as before.  She opens a door and sees Carmilla being placed in the coffin of blood, she closes it and keeps running, opening another door where we see Carmilla covered in blood 

Laura wakes up, breathing hard.  She’s in bed next to Carm.  She kisses Carm’s forehead and gets up.  We see her making coffee and pouring it into her Tardis mug.  She snaps her fingers to wake herself up and sits down in front of her laptop.

Laura (with exaggerated enunciation): How now, brown cow?  How now, brown cow?

She turns on the laptop, and we see her from the POV of her laptop, with a “Laura Hollis” logo in the lower left corner.

Laura: Happy anniversary, faithful viewers!  I know!  Iknowiknowiknow I’m behind in my posts, but, I would never miss this!  Because 5 years ago, today, (copy of the Voice of Silas on screen with headlines “Students Save Austria From Apocalypse” and “Girls  Sacrificed to Giant Anglerfish!”) a ragtag bunch of undergraduates stopped the dean of their evil university from unleashing Hell on Earth!  Or, mostly stopped.  You can’t really blame us for Antarctica.  And where are they now, you might ask?  Well, let’s check in with a very special 5-year retrospective.

Laura looks off to the side with a dramatic gesture.  And then her face turns neutral

Laura (mumbling): And then we will cut to ...

Super cheesy graphics with phrases like “tiny, gay and mighty” and “Hollis Five Year Retrospective”

Back to Laura narrating

Laura: First up is LaFontaine and Perry who, as you’ll recall, transferred to Occult Studies at Berkley and then started LaFerry Industries, where they’ve been revolutionizing life for the supernatural with products such as their Hemo-Soy vegan vampire sumplements ever since.  They’ve got this huge meeting with a megacoporation that wants to buy their start-up.  I’m so proud!  Speaking of super-successful people, you guys remember Danny?  My Lit TA, turned stalwart ally, turned repentant vampire?  Has turned into ... a vampire rights advocate.  And, what retrospective would be complete without a look at how Mel and Kirsch and I leveraged our coverage of the almost-apocalypse into a career in local news?  And, if you’re morbidly curious, here are some clilps!

Clip 1, Laura in front of a flower shop, with “Luane Horlis Reporting Live” at the bottom fo the screen

Laura: Today, we explore the fast-paced world of floral arrangements.

Clip 2, Laura on another street, in front of a bakery, with the name “Lauren Horley”

Laura: Cranberry bannock

Clip 3, another street, name displayed as “Laura “The Puff” Hollis”

Laura: Ceramic cephalopod

Back to Laura’s narration

Laura: So, yeah.  Not quite achieved Lois Lane-dom.  But never fear!

Laura runs off screen, and comes back with a big board with various goals on it

Laura: It is all part of my 5-year plan!

Some of the goals are marked with stars, and others with X’s.  Some are sensible goals like “Meet Christiane Amanpour” or “200 hours volunteering in the library”, while others are nerdy, like “Buffy marathon with Carmilla”.  Laura looks wistfully at he board for a moment and then pulls herself away

Laura: Yeah, um, after Carm and I took our glorious gap year, it was time to start real life.  We moved town to TO, I finished my degree, stuck my foot in the door, now I’m just waiting for my big break!  Busting open some huge Woodward-and-Bernstein-style scandal and being moved up to the city desk.  Admittedly, I have been waiting a while for that one.  But, uh, you know ,that’s what you do in life.  You pay your dues.  Unless you’re a former vampire with 300 years of sunshine and culinary history to catch up on.  So, what has our Carm been up to as a living, breathing, human?

[Scene of Carmilla walking around in broad daylight]

Laura: She’s definitely taking advantage of ye old vampire trust fund.

[Carmilla walking out of a bakery with a pastry]

Laura: Bakery-based gluttony, check.

[Carmilla lying out in a bikini on a patio in the sun]

Laura: Sun-tanning sloth, check.

[Laura in front of a computer, eating a strawberry, Carmilla comes by and takes a bit of the strawberry with a seductive look at Laura]

Laura: I-have-a-pulse-now lust ... well ... actually I can’t complain about that last one [Laura and Carmilla exit scene]

Back to Laura narrating

Laura: Yeah.  Unless you count starring in my spooky dreams, it’s been a bit more pastry than purpose lately.  But!  Today’s retrospective is all about perspective.  We are going to get our heroine back on track.  But, where to start such a conversation?  Where else?  [Laura pulls a cake into camera view]  With desert!

Carmilla walks in

Carmilla: Mmm ... have you been baking?

Laura: Happy rebirthday! [kisses carmilla several times]  It’s, um ... like a ... like a birthday, but for your rebirth.  Because, five years ago, you got a life.  Not like 90s ‘get a life’, but you know, um, literally.

Carmilla: Hmm, how very Lewis Carol.

[Carmilla turns the webacm off and closes the laptop]

Laura: So ... speaking of five years, I was thinking that we could talk about five years in the other direction.  [Carmilla looks faintly exasperated]  Cause you’ve been through a lot.  Not just Silas, but death.  And the French Revolution.  So, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling a little lost

Carmilla: Lost?

Laura: Okay, maybe not lost, but maybe a little ... aimless?

Carmilla: Laura, are you staging an intervention because you think I’m wasting my life?

Laura: No!  [Carmilla gives her a look like “really?”]  Maybe.  It’s just ... you aren’t immortal anymore.  And I know that you want to make the most of our lives together, but -

Carmilla: Is there something wrong with those lives being fun?

Laura: No!  But I think it’s possible to have fun and ...

Carmilla: And did I go to that supernatural therapist?

Laura: One time.  You siad you couldn’t take advice from someone born after the moon landing.

Carmilla:  Mm-hmm, and do I pester you because you’d rather spend your days in a news cubicle instead of on a beach in the South of France?

Laura: No, you don’t.  It’s just ...

Carmilla: It’s just, you like making plans.  And I love that about you.  But, I don’t know, it’s my rebirthday, so ... I want to spend it enjoying our lives.  Preferably [wipes a bit of chocolate icing on Laura’s lip] somewhere with a patio and an extensive wine selection?  [they kiss]  And chocolates

They wander off-screen together, tightly embracing, the camera zooms in on the cake; Carmilla runs back on camera to blow out the candles, and then they both leave the scene again.

Several city scenes, a sunset, night time, then back to their home.  Carmilla’s in bed already, and Laura puts some moisturizer on her hands.  They snuggle together on the bed.  Laura falls asleep, and it’s another dream sequence.  She’s in bed, and she sees Carmilla crouched at the foot of the bed.  In the background is a painting of Carmilla.

Laura: Carm?

Carmilla: Shhh.  You’re dreaming.

Laura turns on a lamp, and Carmilla winces, covering her eyes

Laura: Oh.  Right.

Carmilla crawls onto the bed towards Laura, in a scene shot to resemble a famous illustration from the original publication of Carmilla

Carmilla: You are mine.  You shall be mine.  You and I are one, forever.

Laura: Something tells me I’m gonna like this dream.

Carmilla strokes Laura’s face, and then her fangs appear, and she bites Laura.  Laura’s eyes snap wide open.  She’s back in the real world now, and the real Carmilla is biting her neck.

Laura: Carm!  What are you doing?!  [pushes Carmilla off her, Carmilla hisses, her fangs exposed]  Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  It’s me!  It’s me!  [snaps her fingers]

Carmilla comes to, and looks horrified

Carmilla: Laura, your neck!  Oh, God!  [she moves towards Laura, and Laura backs up, still afraid; Carmilla pulls back, looking completely horrified]

Laura: What is going on?

New scene: Back in the living room.  Carmilla’s sitting in a chair with some kind of electrodes on her forhead.  LaF and Perry are there.  LaF is holding some kind of electronic tablet, while Perry has some notes in front of her.  Laura is standing watching, with bandaids on Carmilla’s bite mark

Perry: Have you been in close proximity to any vampires or vampire by-products in the past two or three months?

Carmilla: Oh, you mean when a Sumerian goddess turned me again last week?  Must’ve slipped my mind.

Perry: I see that sarcasm hasn’t suffered.

Laura: Thanks for taking some time out of your meeting prep to help us.

LaF: For you guys?  Anything.

Perry: Of course!  We’re probably over-prepared.

LaF: Something’s definitely off with Carm.

LaF’s scanning her with their robot eye, we see various graphs and the like, a light glowing above Carmilla’s chest, and the words “lifeforce: flickering”, among others

Laura: For those of us without a fancy cyborg eye?

LaF: Right.  Um, this is Carm [LaF turns their pad around for Laura and Perry to see; it shows an abstract form of a female body, with a glow in the chest]  And she’s, well, dead, except ...

Perry: Except, the resurrection spell is still running inside her, making her a living human

LaF: It makes her heart beat, hair grow, and all the other things a regular human body does

Laura: Yeah, like a magic battery

Carmilla: I thought we agreed we wouldn’t call it that.

LaF: My vote’s still with life-force

Carmilla: No, that’s even worse!

Perry: Oh!  What about her, um, what about your spark?

LaF: Hmm, it does work pretty much like an ignition

Perry: Spark it is!  Spark, spark, spark!

Carmilla: I hope you’re enjoying yourselves.

LaF: Uh ... Carmilla’s spark is ... going out.

Laura: What’s wrong with it?

LaF: It’s producing a sort of electrical discharge that’s making it flicker, and, since it’s what’s keeping her human, when it flickers, she ...

Laura: Vamps out.

Laura sighs and sits down

Carmilla: Okay, so ... how do we get my .... spark to stop flickering?

LaF: We’ll have to run some more tests.

Laura: And in the meantime, Carm just keeps randomly vamping out?  What are we supposed to do about that?

Perry pulls out a bunch of garlic.  Carmilla sighs.

Montage of scenes, mimicking the ones earlier where Laura was talking about Carmilla’s “aimlessness”, but twisted.  First we see Carmilla lying out on the patio, but instead of enjoying the sun, she’s trying to cover up, with a bottle of hemo-soy beside her, then we see her biting a strawberry that Laura was eating, but accidentally biting her hand, then we see her drinking a squirrel’s blood at the same place we saw her getting a pastry before

Then we see their bedroom again.  Cloves of garlic in the foreground.  Carmilla’s lying on the bed, looking sad.

Laura (applying moisturizer): [Unclear dialogue, something about Mel?] ... Kirsch, of course, is jazzed, like ‘Oh, there’ll be blueberry pie, right?  I’m into the bluebs”, and then to top it all off, I get to the fridge, and it’s just ... Carm?  You okay?

Carmilla: Sure.  Just grappling with an aversion to daylight and cravings for blood.

Laura: Hey, LaF is going to figure something out.

Carmilla: I know.  It’s just ... this was supposed to be done.  You know?  The bloodlust, the self-loathing.  The sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom.

Laura: That one might be overkill.  You’ve never had a problem controlling yourself before.  [Carmilla nods]  Unless you count dream-Carm chasing me through discount Transylvania all “you are mine, you shall be mine”

Carmilla: Wait ... what did you just say?

Laura: “You are mine, you shall be mine, you and I are one forever”

Carmilla gets up and runs into the living room, searching through the bookshelves

Laura: Carm, what is going on?  It was just some silly Dracu-poetry my brain coughed up for atmosphere [Carmilla opens up a chest]  What are you looking for?  [Carmilla takes out a book from the chest, looking through it, and finding a photograph, which she shows Laura.  It’s the mansion from her dreams]  That house!

Carmilla: This is where Elle and I lived.  Is this the manor in your dreams?

New scene; Laura, Carmilla, Mel, Kirsch, LaF, and Perry are all in a park

Perry: So, this place Laura’s been dreaming about, the manor, it’s real?

Carmilla: Not just the manor.  

Laura: Carm thinks that, from what I’m describing, the house, the clothes, what she says, that I’m dreaming things that really happened.  [Perry and LaF look thoughtful] .... A hundred and fifty years ago [Mel and Kirsch look thoughtful] ... to Elle.  

Perry, LaF, and Mel all look at Laura shocked; Kirsch has no reaction, he notices everyone else’s reaction

Kirsch: Am I supposed to know who Elle is?

LaF: Elle?  The girl Carm turned on her mother and stopped being evil for?

Kirsch: That wasn’t Laura?

Perry: Carmilla’s epic first love?

Kirsch: Also not Laura?

Laura: Remember first year at Silas, those weird dreams I was having?

Kirsch: Only those weren’t dreams!  They were warnings from Carm’s ... [look of realization]

Mel: So, you think the dreams are from Elle?  Didn’t she, like, sparkle off into floaty white nothingness after Carmilla killed the giant anglerfish god?  ... How is that a sentence I ended up saying?

Laura: Only one way to find out.  We go back to the scene of the crime.

LaF: If it’s ghosts, we can test out the new spectrometer.

The conversation fades out, as Carmilla starts staring at Laura’s neck, the sound of pumping blood; Laura turns to Carmilla

Laura: Carm?

Carmilla shakes her attention off Laura’s neck.

Carmilla: Yeah ... I’m gonna go crack another bottle of hemo-soy

Carmilla gets up.  Laura, Mel, and Kirsch look at each other.  Laura gets up and follows Carmilla

Laura: Hey.  Sorry about the whole “scene of the crime” thing.  I know what happened between you and Elle was complicated, and I shouldn’t’ve said that.

Carmilla: No.  Scene of the crime is exactly what it is.  You saw those dreams.  You know I ... hurt her.  Hurt you.

Laura: You didn’t mean to.  Maybe there’s a silver lining in all this.  If this is Elle trying to warn us about something, maybe you can ... help her?

Carmilla: I’m done being a vampire.  I’m done dredging up the past.  I’m done with ... well-meaning therapists saying “close your eyes and think of those you’ve wronged, while I light up this funky incense”, and ...

Laura: That’s right.  We have plans.  And goals.  And a color-coated chart [Carmilla smiles, laughing softly] None of which features some mystery from your past stealing the life that you earned.  So, we are going to figure out who or what is doing this, and then we are going to -

Carmilla (looking way too cheerful): Gruesomely murder them?

Laura: Stop them.  (Carm rolls her eyes)  We’re going back to Styria!

Transition scene; cheesy image of a world map, showing their flight, with voiceovers

Kirsch: Where are we going?!

Laura: Styria!

Kirsch: Why are we going?

Laura: To stop Carm from re-vamping!

Kirsch: Okay, but really, why go back to the bad place with the monsters?

Laura: Because of Elle’s manor?  It’s in my dream, it’s all connected?  And it’s our only lead!

Montage of various foods

Kirsch: Oooh, schnitzel ...

New scene; all six walking dramatically along a path, looking determined, then the music stops, and they’re all looking exhausted

Kirsch: How much further till we get to this place?

Carmilla: It’s just ...

Laura (dropping her bag): Right around the corner

Laura and Carmilla walk towards the manor, ahead of the rest

Kirsch: Oh, yeah, it’s cool, Laura!  I got your bag!  Yeah.

Laura: You don’t have to do this if you don’t want.  You can just stay here if it’s too much.

Carmilla: Hmm.  And leave you alone to explore the mystery mansion?  Hard pass.

Laura and Carmilla walk up to the entrance.  We see a brief glimpse of someone in an upstairs window

Laura and Carmilla enter the manor; we see them entering from inside the building; on the wall in the foreground is a portrait of the same woman Laura saw in the mirror in her dream

Laura (entering the manor with Carmilla): Hello?

They look at each other, and continue in.  Carmilla’s attention is drawn to the portrait for a long moment.

Kirsch: Hello?  Knock-knock?  Elle’s manor’s pretty cool!

Mel: I guess.  If you dig the Harenhal vibe.  Hello?  Anybody?

LaF: I’m calling it.  This place is totally haunted.

Perry: You don’t know that.  Maybe it’s just ... creaky.  It’s a lovely example of a 19th century schloss.

Kirsch: Heh, schloss.

Laura: This is exactly like my dream.  Beautiful.  I mean, abandoned and dusty, but beautiful.

Perry (putting rubber gloves on): Well, we can deal with the dust.

Mel: Tell me you did not bring an entire bag of cleaning supplies?

Perry: Of course I did!  Do you know what dust does to expensive equipment?

LaF: We have EMF detectors, geiger counters, various spectrometers

Mel: You didn’t think maybe we’d need some actual weapons?

LaF: Well, knowledge is really the best -

Mel (pulling out a crossbow): I’m pretty sure weapons are the best weapon.  Look at this princess.  Carbon-fiber lens, 80-pound drawweight, capable of shooting 160 feet per second. I call her, Gertrude.

Perry: How excessive

Mel: Excessive?  Do you remember senior year?  You were possessed by Carmilla’s mom, the evil god who forced the entire student body, including me, to dig a pit to the literal gates of hell, or how about that time LaFontaine got brain-sucked by the giant anglerfish monster?  Or how about that time that the evil baron tried to execute Carmilla?  Or that time that Laura sorta, kinda, I don’t know, died?

Kirsch: We do have a lot of back-story.

Sounds of thunder and strange crashing noises, spooking everyone

Perry: Fine, fine, haunted.

Mel (to Laura and Carmilla): Tell me at least you two packed some heat?

Carmilla heads over to look at the portrait in the hall

Laura: Uh, I know krav maga.  I am a weapon.  I brought walkie-talkies and flashlights for everyone.  There’s no cell service out here, they’re gonna come in handy!

Carmilla’s approaching the portrait slowly

Mel (off screen): How ‘bout you, Jughead?  [sound of a beer can opening]  Oh, Vincent van Bro brought beer.

Mel looks over at Carmilla and turns to Laura

Mel: Is that her?

Laura: Yeah.  [long pause]  Let’s search this place!

Mel: For a ... girl who died 150 years ago?

LaF: Better not keep her waiting.

We see a sequence of search scenes, first Mel and Kirsch looking in a room with flashlights, then Perry and LaF with flashlights and EMF detectors, then we see Laura and Carmilla entering a room.  Laura sees the portrait of Carmilla that was in the background of one of her dreams.  The portrait is lying on the floor, slashed.  Laura picks it up.

Laura: Is that you?

Carmilla: It was.

We switch to LaF and Perry

Perry: We should be safe to push the meeting to next week, don’t you think?

LaF: Do we have to talk about this right now?

Perry: Single most important meeting of our professional careers?

LaF: Perr, we are searching a haunted castle for ghosts.  This is literally the reason we started the company.

Perry: But if we had more resources, then -

LaF: Hold on, I think I’ve got a hit!  Nah, it’s gone now.

Perry: Well, now, see, as part of Intrigue, we’d have all the equipment, we could scan the house in like two seconds.

LaF: Yeah, I get it.  But we’re not selling out right this second, so can we focus on the task at hand?  Let’s check out the next room.

They leave the room. The door closes, revealing a ghost in 19th century clothing.

We’re back to Laura and Carmilla

Laura: Looking forward to seeing her?  Elle, I mean?  Wouldn’t blame you if you were

Carmilla: Honestly, I’d rather not.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?  “Sorry I lied to you and sacrificed you to a giant fish-monster”?  I doubt there’s a hallmark card.

Laura (walks over to Carm, and strokes her hair): It wasn’t all your fault.

We switch back to Mel and Kirsch.  Something moves in the foreground, and Kirsch spins around to look at it, but it’s gone before a clear sight can be made.  Mel raises her crossbow as they both back up.  Kirsch backs up into another ghost, and starts screaming.

We get back to Laura and Carmilla.  Laura’s walkie-talkie beeps.

Laura: Told her these were gonna come in handy

Kirsch (over walkie-talkie): Ghosts!  The schloss is full of ghosts!

Laura and Carmilla look at each other.  And suddenly another ghost shows up.  They start running.

Laura: Ghosts!  Ghosts!  Everyone, come on!

LaF: Haunted house!  Totally called it!

Perry: Run, weirdo!

Everyone’s running towards the front door.  Laura and Carmilla reach it first, but the door won’t open.  It’s completely stuck.

Laura: It’s stuck!

The ghosts continue to approach them.  They run to another room, running into another locked door, the ghosts surrounding them.  They turn to face the ghosts, who’ve stopped right in front of them.

Laura: Um ... hi.  I’m Laura.  These are my friends.  And we’d be thrilled if you’d abandon your plans to gruesomely murder us.

One of the ghosts, Emily, speaks

Emily: Hello, Miss Karnstein.

Carmilla (confused):  Hello?  Wait ... I know you.  How do I know you?

Emily (turning to another ghost, Charlotte): Oh, dear.  Well, this is awkward.  We imagined you’d recall ...

Charlotte: Killing us.  I’m Charlotte.  This is my sister Emily.

Laura: Carmilla killed you?

Emily: Oh, no, not quite, exactly.  Her mother did the actual deed.

Laura: You’re the girls who were sacrificed to the Deep One.

Lightning.  We pan over the various ghosts.

Charlotte; Yes.  We are the victims of Carmilla Karnstein.

Emily: And we’d like to invite you to a dinner.

New scene.  Dinner table, a roast pig in the center of the table.  Emily and Charlotte are at the ends of the table.  One side are Carmilla, Laura, and Kirsch, with Perry, LaF, and Mel on the other.  Kirsch is eagerly digging in, while the others seem more suspicious

Emily: It’s wonderful that you’ve all been able to join us.  And, naturally, we’re so glad you’ve arrived in time.

Charlotte: We’ve been waiting for weeks.

Laura: For us?

Emily: For Miss Karnstein.  We hoped once she realized what had happened she’d return

Mel: Hold up.  Did you just confess to flipping the vampire switch on our girl Carm here?

Emily: Oh!  Goodness, no, we couldn’t have.  What little research we have been able to perform suggests it was Miss Karnstein’s life-force that pulled us into the physical world.  Until a few weeks ago, we were trapped in a nightmare land, doomed to endlessly repeat our greatest regrets.

LaF: This nightmare afterlife, is it more of a Jungian unconscious, or a “Through the Looking Glass” style situation?

Perry: Stop that!  It’s not polite to pry into other people’s unspeakable suffering.

Laura: Why would you be connected to Carmilla’s human life?

Emily: Ah, w-we think it ... might be ... because  ... it was Miss Karnstein who ...

Charlotte: She’s the reason we died

Carmilla looks uncomfortable.

Emily: Yes.  The family here offered my sister and I a place to lodge

Charlotte: They neglected to mention the vampire cult

Mel: Same thing happened with my college acceptance letter

Laura: Y-you said you knew the family.  Does that mean you knew Elle?

Both Emily and Charlotte look confused

Carmilla: Miss Sheridan.

Emily: Ah, yes.  We knew her.

Laura: But she isn’t here with you?

Charlotte: No.  She isn’t with us.

Emily: But, we’re thrilled that you are!

Carmilla (sighs and puts down her wine glass): Okay, that’s it.  What’s with the Stepford act?   I got you and your sister killed

Emily: Yes, but you’re here now.  And according to this spell book, we need you, Carmilla, here to perform the ritual that will let us move on.

Perry: I don’t ... suppose I could take a crack at deciphering the book?

Emily: Oh, please, do.  I’ve deciphered what I can, but I’m hardly an adept.  Ah, from what I can tell, if we move on, your vampire symptoms will go away.  I assume that’s why you’ve come?  Haven’t you?  Because otherwise you’d be trapped here with us forever?

New scene: The gang is in a bedroom, talking and getting ready for bed.

Mel: So ... they’re obviously evil.

Kirsch: Nah, I though they were kinda nice

Carmilla: More importantly, is this ritual of theirs even gonna fix me?

Perry (reading the spellbook): Well, it looks promising.

Carmilla: Promising?  Are you telling me you were possessed by an evil goddess for, like, six months -

Perry: Eight.  It was eight months.

Carmilla: And you can’t get more specific than that?

Perry: The whole book is written in code.  But, if the family’s notes are correct, it seems as though it’s two birds, one stone.  The ghosts move on, Carmilla stays human.

LaFontaine: That makes sense.  When I scanned them, the energy from your spark was flowing straight to them.

Mel: Look, for all we know, they lured us in and trapped us here.  Are we seriously gonna trust them?

Laura: What happened to them wasn’t their fault.  They were girls just like you or me with their whole lives ahead of them.  If this ritual helps them and keeps Carm human, we have to try it.

Later that night.  Laura and Carmilla are lying in bed.  Perry’s working on a laptop, sitting on the floor by the couch LaF is scanning the room with an EMF detector

Kirsch: Sweet!  Is that a Gameboy?

LaF: Even better.  It’s an EMF alarm.  It might be nice to get a heads-up if any ghosts come calling.

LaF puts the EMF detector up on a mantle and sits down on the couch.

LaF: Psst, Perr, about before ...

Perry: Oh, I’m glad we postponed the meeting.

LaF: You are?

Perry: With all the data we’ve collected here?  We’re in a much stronger bargaining position.

LaF: Really, Perr?  I know this is the big leagues, but why are you so pumped to sell our company?

Perry: Do you even know what I do all day, while you’re off playing in your little lab?  [LaF looks upset] I balance our budgets.  Get our products approved.  Handle the reckless endangerment lawsuits.  I mean, at Intrigue there’d be a legal ... [Carmilla clears her throat, Perry reduces her volume] ... there’d be a legal department, LaF

LaF: I see.  And, uh, by “playing” you mean the research that makes our company possible?

Perry: Oh, that is not fair, you -

LaF: You know what?  I am too tired to deal with this right now.  [LaF lies down on the couch, pulling a blanket overthemself.  Perry goes back to her computer]

New scene.  Kirsch is making a sandwich, and Mel approaches him, startling him, causing him to drop his sandwich.

Kirsch: On, man, we killed my sandwich.  [Kirsch picks up the sandwich] Tutti abal tutti.  [to Mel] Five-second rule.  [bites into sandwich]

Mel: Have we, or have we not, had multiple conversations about not wandering away in the haunted house?

Kirsch: I know.  It’s just the ghost ladies are so nice.  And you know how I feel about leftovers.

Mel: Kirsch, if your stomach gets me dragged into some kind of black girl dies first bullshit, I am gonna come back from the dead and haunt your bar fridge.

They hear a noise coming from another room, and go to check it out

Charlotte: They aren’t going to go along with it.

Emily: They’ll get caught up in the surprise.  You’ll see.  It will all come out exactly as we planned.

Charlotte: Why aren’t we just telling them?

Kirsch’s stomach growls, alerting Emily and Charlotte to their presence.  Kirsch and Mel hurry off to hide, while Emily and Charlotte leave the room, locking it behind them.

Back to the bedroom, Laura and Carmilla are asleep.  Laura has another dream.  Laura notices the nightgown from before

Laura: Ugh, this again?  Really?

She hears Mattie from another room

Mattie: You would do well, little sister, to finish your task here.  We live for the eternal moment, chérie.  We are power.

There’s further talking but it’s indistinct, Laura notices some creepy paintings as she walks through a hall

Mattie: Faîtes attention, chérie.  You would do well, little sister, to finish your task here without further delay.

Laura peeks into a room and sees Carmilla dressed in all black, holding a book.

Laura: Did you ever think that our part in this, that what we do might be ... unforgivable?

Mattie: You must stop reading the romantics!  [takes book away from her] We live for the eternal moment, chérie!  We are power, pleasure [Carmilla walks away from Laura’s sight, while Mattie walks into her sight] and are only accountable for our desires.  And maman, who is growing impatient.  Faîtes attention, chérie.  Votre mère vous met en garde contre l’assassin.

Mattie walks towards the door.  Laura runs off.  Carmilla and Mattie leave the room.

Laura enters the room Mattie and Carmilla just left.  She sees a broach on a plain table.

Carmilla (faint voiceover): You’re wearing the broach

There’s a sound of girls laughing, and then a thunderclap, and a ring of paper dolls appears, surrounding the broach.  Laura looks at the paper dolls.  Suddenly the laughing changes to screams

Woman: No!  I don’t want to go back!

The dolls start to burn and are replaced by a ring of ash in seconds. Carmilla’s gloved hand touches Laura, and suddenly she wakes up in the real world.

Carmilla: Hey, you all right?

Laura: Another nightmare.  You and Mattie were talking and she said something about an assassin, and then these paper dolls disintegrated, and I don’t know.  It seemed more coherent when it was happening.

Carmilla: You’re still havin the dreams?  But we’re here, I mean, why would you still be having them, unless ...

Mel walks in

Mel: Something else is going on.

Carmilla: Knocking, still not a thing.

Mel: The Hunger wanted a midnight snack and while he was getting it, we caught our ghostesses talking about some kind of surprise we aren’t gonna like and sneaking into a locked room.  So they’re hiding something.  Or someone.

Daytime.  Laura, Carmilla, Mel, and Kirsch confronting Emily and Charlotte.

Emily: Hiding something?  How could we possibly -

Mel: What’s behind the door?

Charlotte: Why should that concern you?

Mel: Maybe I don’t like surprises.

Charlotte: You look like a woman who can cope.  [Mel and Charlotte share a long stare]

Laura: This could all be easily resolved by just showing us what’s behind door number one.

Emily: Of course.  If you insist, but ... you’ll ruin the surprise.

Carmilla: We’ll risk it.  [Emily turns to unlock and open the door] We’d kind of like to know if you’re planning to ... [They walk into the room and see all kinds of party preparation] ... to throw a party?

Laura’s looking around excited, while Carmilla looks confused

Emily: To thank you for helping us.

Carmilla: You’re throwing a party?

Charlotte: The ritual can’t be performed until the Ash Moon, and Emily always loved to dress up.

Mel (to Charlotte): I can’t imagine you’re a slouch in that department.

Carmilla: You can’t be serious

Laura (looking at a bottle of champagne): I think it’s sweet.  It’s like a pre-ritual going-away party, before they go away.  Permanently.

Emily: Exactly!  And, we would be honored if you would attend.

Laura: Yeah, of course!  [she notices a closet with ball gowns]  Oh, my gosh!  [she takes out a gown] Ball gowns?  Are we gonna get our strictly ballroom on?  Aaa!  Best haunting ever!  [she gives Carmilla a quick peck on the cheek and runs out excitedly]

Exterior of mansion

Carmilla (off camera): How’s it going in there?

Interior.  Carmilla’s sitting on a couch already in a dress while Laura’s struggling to get her dress on behind a dressing screen.

Laura: BBC period dramas do not spend enough time on how complicated these clothes are.  I swear, I’ve been in here for 40 minutes.  Hey, thanks for going along with this, by the way.

Carmilla: Well, what’s to go along with?  I like a canape as much as the next girl.

Laura: Still, it can’t be fun hanging out with you ....

Carmilla: Former victims?

Laura: No matter how nice they are.

Carmilla: Hmm, yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if they took it down a notch.

Laura: You’d prefer a roaring rampage of revenge?

Carmilla: Well, all this forgiveness is making me twitchy.

Laura (putting a choker on around her neck) You think maybe that’s cause deep down you still don’t think you can be forgiven?

Carmilla: I see we’ve reached the amateur psychoanalysis round.  See, this is why I blew off that therapist.  You know, some things are just too much to talk about in an office full of crystal dolphins.

Laura: I think maybe that’s the point of the talking

Carmilla: Yeah, except it wasn’t just talking, there was this manifes-

Laura steps out from behind the dressing screen.  Carmilla is completely dumbfounded by how Laura looks.

Laura: You aren’t saying anything.  Did I put it on wrong?  I look ridiculous.  I do.  I look ridiculous, I -

Carmilla gets up from the couch and approaches Laura.  They kiss.  They separate and Carmilla takes a long look at Laura.

Carmilla: Forty minutes to get you into that, hunh?  Bet I could get you out of it faster.

They kiss again.  Carmilla turns Laura around, her hand around her waist, kissing her collar

Laura: We’re already gonna be late for the ball

Carmilla: So let us be late.

Carmilla unzips Lauras dress, removing it, exposing her corset, Laura turns back around to face Carmilla, as they kiss.  Carmilla turns around and Laura removed her dress.

Laura drops to her knees, kissing Carmilla as she does.  She kisses the inside of Carmilla’s thigh, as Carmilla gently plays with her hair.  Laura stands up, briefly kissing Carmilla, and then breaking away to lie down on the bed,  Carmilla joins her on the bed, she kisses Laura, and then moves down her body, kissing her left breast.  Carmilla lifts up Laura’s skirt, and dives under it.  The camera focus on Laura’s face as she gasps in pleasure

Carmilla wipes her mouth as she goes in to kiss Laura.  Laura flips them over so that she’s on top.  Carmilla removes Laura’s corset leaving her topless (seen from behind), Laura drops back down to kiss Carmilla as Carmilal’s hands run along Laura’s back, scratching it, as Laura’s hand moves off screen, Carmilla moaning

We see Laura and Carmilla dressed fully again, with masquerade masks running down the stairs, Laura in the lead

Carmilla: I’m coming.

They reach the ballroom.  An unnamed ghost greets them.  There are several pairs of ghosts dancing, as well as LaF and Perry.  Mel is standing in the background watching, next to Charlotte.

LaF: Looking good, frosh!

Carmilla looks at Laura

Laura (laughing): What?

Carmilla: May I have this dance?

They go out on the dance floor, giggling, and start dancing

Perry: I’m sorry about the way I handled things last night.

LaF: It’s alright, I know you didn’t mean any of it.

Perry: I may have been a little harsh, but that doesn’t mean I was wrong.

LaF: Let’s not fight in front of the ghosts, honey.

Charlotte looks bored.

Mel: It’s not your thing either, hunh?

Charlotte: Emily has always wanted to belong to society.  I understood life differently.  [Mel looks at her]  If you have to conform, you never belonged.

Mel (smiling): Okay, how did you fall for Vampirella’s schtick?

Charlotte: I didn’t.  My sister vanished.  I went looking of her.  She’s never forgiven herself.

Mel: What about you?

Charlotte: I didn’t leave her then, how could I now?

Mel: You wanna try this stupid dance?

Charlotte: Obviously.

Mel and Charlotte dance.

We see several dancing couples, including Kirsch with another unnamed ghost-lady

Laura (slow-dancing very close with Carmilla): This is nice.  Kinda like that grad ball we never got ‘cause our school was a supernatural death trap.  [Carmilla chuckles]  I missed this.  I mean, not the pulse-pounding terror, but ... the parts where we help people.  Though, I do wish we’d figure out why the ghosts were here in the first place.

Carmilla: Hey, Laura ...

Laura: I know, no need to keep prying.  The ghosts will move on.  You will get your life back and ... we can go back home.

Carmilla: No.  I, um ... I think at that therapist’s appointment, I may have, um ...

Laura notices the table from her dream, and has a brief flashback to the dolls disintegrating and other scenes

Carmilla: Laura?

Laura: Sorry. Weird déjà vu.

Suddenly she sees dream!Carmilla for a brief second.  She backs away from Carmilla

Carmilla: Hey, what’s going on?

Laura: I though ... I thought I saw ... the woman in black, the ... you!  The you from my dreams, but that’s impossible, right?

Carmilla: Come on, let’s sit down.

Laura sits down on a chair

Laura: I’ll get you a drink, okay?

Laura has a dream-vision.  Carmilla, all in black, with a woman dressed in white with purple fringes.

Carmilla: Come with me, loving me, to death, or else hate me and still come with me, hating me through death and after

Laura snaps back to reality, LaF is next to her.

LaF: Are you okay?

Carmilla arrives with two glasses of champaign.  Laura notices a woman dressed in black, with a mask.  Laura gets up, rushing to where she saw the woman, but the woman is gone.

Laura: Where is she?

Carmilla: Hey ...

Laura: She was right here!

Mel: What’s going on, Hollis?

Laura: The woman in black, the one wearing a mask

Mel: Everybody’s wearing a mask.  [to Charlotte] Do you know who she’s talking about?

Charlotte (to Laura): Maybe if you’re not feeling well, you should sit down.

Laura: I’m dreaming things while I’m awake now.  What’s next?

A light glow fills the room.

Emily: It’s almost time!  The Ash Moon has begun.  Gather round for the ritual.

Skip to all the ghosts plus Carmilla in a circle around a black table (the same one from Laura’s dream), Laura and the others are standing outside of the circle.

Emily: Before we begin, I want to say how grateful we are.  Whatever you’ve done in the past, you’ve come to help us now, and I think that shows a strength of character that is quite remarkable.

Carmilla: Yeah, sure.

Charlotte: It’s time, Emily.

Perry: It’s your last night on Earth.  Are you sure you don’t want another drink before you go?

Charlotte: The ritual must be performed before the Ash Moon ends at sunrise.  Otherwise, we’re trapped here forever.  So, no.

Emily begins reciting some foreign language and places a broach in the center of the table, the one from Laura’s dream

Carmilla: Wait, that’s the broach that I ...

Emily and Charlotte place her hands on the broach, and she gasps, frozen.  The ghosts join hands.

Laura: Carm?

A glowing light appears from Carmilla’s chest, moving into the broach.

LaF: That’s Carmilla’s spark!  It’s leaving her!  Wh-why is it going in to the broach?

The ghosts start shaking and seizing

Kirsch: Uh ... guys?

LaF (looking worried) Did that spell say anything about spirit entanglement?

Emily: It’s not supposed to happen like this!

Laura: Something’s wrong!

She starts to approach the circle, but is stopped by Perry

Perry: Laura, stay back, it’s dangerous!

Laura: We have to stop the ritual!

Emily: I can’t!  It’s out of control!

Suddenly Emily disappears, in a brief flame, which spread through the circle

Unnamed ghost: We’ve been tricked!

Charlotte: I don’t want to go back!

LaF: We need to disrupt the circle!

LaF rushes towards the circle to try to break it.  They free Charlotte from the circle, but get caught themself, pushing Charlotte back into Laura before they disappear.

Perry: LaF!

Laura rushes twoards Carmilla

Perry: Don’t touch Carmilla, it will take you too!

A masked woman appears, the same woman we saw earlier, humming.

Woman (to Carmilla): Did you think you’d get away with it?  Summon us up to ease your mind and then just waltz away?  Did you really think there’d be no consequences?

Laura: It’s you.

The woman removes her mask, revealing herself to be Elle.

Elle: Surprise!  Not the brightest little ingénue, are we?

She grabs the broach.  There’s a bright light and a high-pitched ring as everyone falls back.  When the light fades, everyone’s on the floor, geting up.  Except Carmilla, who’s not getting up.  Elle takes something from the table and leaves.

Kirsch notices a pile of dust where LaF had been

Kirsch: Is that pile of dust LaFontaine?

Perry: They’re j-... they’re just ... they’re just gone

Mel (to Charlotte): Are you okay?

Laura (off screen): Carm?

Charlotte: I need to hide

Charlotte runs off

The camera shifts to Laura and Carmilla, Carmilla’s on the floor, not moving

Laura: Carm?  Carm?  [Checks Carmilla’s pulse]  Carm!  [Laura starts shaking her] Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  C’mon, hey!  [slaps Carmilla’s cheeks trying to wake her up]  Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!

Carmilla opens her eyes

Carmilla: Hey ...

Laura pulls her up and they embrace.  Laura’s eyes widen in shock

Laura: Your heart.  It’s not beating.  You’re a vampire.

The camera shifts to Elle at the front door, trying to get out, but the door is still stuck.

Elle: Nooo!!!!  Why won’t it work?  I’ve sent all the ghosts away!  [takes out broach and starts chanting in foreign language again; she tries again with no success]  Did one of them escape me?

Back in the bedroom, Kirsch is changing, while Perry reads the book.

Kirsch: So, did I miss something, or did that go radically not as planned?

Laura: It was Elle.  She was at the masquerade.  She knew about the ritual, she knew exactly what was going to happen.

Kirsch: How could she have known?

Carmilla: Because Emily and Charlotte lied to us.  They had to have known she was here

Laura: You think vacuumed, screaming back to a hellish nightmarescape was part of their plan?  [Perry and Carmilla look at her]  Sorry.  We will figure this out.  We will find LaF.  Why would Elle do this?

Carmilla (holding a bottle of hemo-soy): You heard her, to punish me for what I did by stealing my life.  [drinks from the bottle]

Laura: But she can’t steal anything, she’s trapped here just like us unless all the ghosts move on.

Perry: But the ghosts are gone.  All of them except Elle and Charlotte.  Elle can’t leave until Charlotte is also sent back to the nightmare land, like all the other ghosts.  LaF thwarted her plan

Carmilla: And now that my spark’s in the broach and Elle has the broach, if she gets rid of Charlotte, she could become human and leave.

Laura: We have to find her.  Now.

Mel (entering the room): That’s easier said then done.  Miss Sheridan is gone, girl.

Carmilla: Not to mention we don’t exactly know how to extract a life force from a magical broach.

Carmilla sets down the now-empty bottle of hemo-soy, and picks up another one

Mel: You may want to go easy on those, that's the only case

Carmilla: Terrific.

Laura: But, Elle must have the spell already.  I mean, that’s her escape plan, right?  So we have to find Elle before she gets to Charlotte, then Perry can find the spell to put your spark back -

Perry: Laura, what are you talking about?  We have to find LaF first.

Laura: Of course, of course, we have to find both of them, but if we lose Elle now, then all of use are trapped -

Perry: We have to find Elle later, LaF comes first!

Laura: We can’t just let her take Carmilla’s life!

Awkward silence as everyone looks at each other

Kirsch: We could start in the study

Mel: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but beefcheeks is right.  We don’t have much time.

Mel, Kirsch, and Perry leave the room.  Carmilla approaches Laura, touching her arm.  Laura pulls away

Laura: I need to get out of this dress

Carmilla: It will be easier if you let someone help

Carmilla reaches for Laura, Laura spins around facing her angrily

Laura: Did you summon up the ghosts?  Because that’s what she said, Elle, that you summoned her up.

Carmilla: I think it’s ... possible.

Laura: Possible?  How do you not know whether you summoned up the ghosts of your former victims who maybe want some light, refreshing revenge?

Carmilla: Because, it was just something stupid that happened at the therapist’s appointment!

Laura: What?

Carmilla: She ... said I could never move forward unless I dealt with my past, so ... she had me think about Elle and the others, and, you know, there was the usual “manifest your issues” crap, but ... I had completely forgotten about it until my issues actually ... manifested

Laura: And when were you going to share this little piece of information with me?

Carmilla: I was waiting for the right moment.

Laura: You know what would’ve been a good moment?  Any time before the ghost of your former lover killed you!  (starting to cry)  She killed you.  I thought she killed you.

Carmilla: Hey [opens arms] come here [Laura embraces her, sobbing against her] I’m still here.  OK?  I’m still here.  We’re gonna get my life back, okay?  And all those things we want, every single point on your five-year plan, we’re gonna do them, okay?  Okay, let’s get you out of this thing.

We switch to Mel, Perry, and Kirsch in the study

Perry: Either Emily decoded the spell wrong, or Elle tricked her.  The spell she did cast used Carmilla’s spark to force the ghosts off to the nightmare land that Emily described.

Mel: You think that’s where the braniac ended up?  [Perry nods]  You think you can get them back?

Perry: I think the real moving-on spell might do it.  But, that means we only have till sunrise to find the code key.  [Mel looks out the window at the moon]  And I’ll need Carmilla’s spark.

Mel: Well, that makes getting the broach back priority number one.  Hollis’ll be chuffed.  [looking at Perry] Perry, LaFontaine knows you’re looking for them.  They know.  It’s what we do.

Mel slaps Perry’s leg in comfort.  Perry returns the gesture

Back in the bedroom, Laura’s in her regular clothes, and Carmilla’s putting on a shirt.  A humming sound is heard, and Laura flashes to another dream sequence.

Carmilla enters a room, looking very happy, dressed in white

Carmilla: It’s done!  We leave tonight.  In three days, we’ll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

Elle looks less than thrilled.  She stands up from where she was sitting

Carmilla: You’re gonna love New York!  It’s full of ... concerts, and theater, and ... life.  Your life life is gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!

Elle has now been replaced by Laura.  Laura!Ell turns aroung to face Carmilla.

Carmilla: Wh-what are you doing?

The humming returns.  Elle appears creepily sliding up Laura, she takes Laura’s right hand, a knife now in it, and slices her left palm open.

We suddenly return to the real world, Laura’s completing the slicing motion

Carmilla: Laura!  Hey!  Are you alright?

She looks down and sees Laura’s palm sliced open.

Laura: What in Stoker’s name is going on?

Time-skip.  Perry and Mel are now present.  Perry is getting gauze out of a first aid kit while Mel supports Laura’s hand.

Mel: So Elle can dream-kabob you in real life?  Is that a normal ghost thing?  Are we supposed to know they could do that?

Laura: She’s sent me dreams before.  This is the first time she’s reached out and slashed me.

The camera focuses on Carmilla, looking broodily out the window

Perry: Oh, dear

Laura: No, no, no, no, no.  Not “oh dear”, we do not need an “oh dear” right now.

The conversation becomes slightly muted, as we hear the sound of beating hearts

Perry: Well, I mean, I’m still deciphering, but there’s several spells in this book which might make ghosts much more powerful, especially in the dream world.

The camera shifts back to Laura, Mel, and Perry

Laura: Right, so Elle’s faster, better, stronger.  Can we undo that?  Use the book to soup ourselves up?

Perry (reading): “Side effects may include ... anxiety, insomnia, dream contagion, and ... death”

Laura: So ... no.  Wait ... dream contagion?  Is that like ... sometimes in the dreams it’s like she can’t completely control them, like I’m seeing things that she wouldn’t want me to see.  Like just now, I saw you getting ready to leave for New York.

Carmilla: No one’s going anywhere until we find Charlotte.  The Craft here will keep researching.  You, Mel, and frat-boy can ... [notices that Kirsch isn’t around] Where’s the frat boy?

Mel: That burrito-chomping, protein-powder-snorting, gullible, mush-brained ...

We see a pile of ash with a sandwich on it

Mel: ... dope.

We pan up to see Carmilla, Perry, Laura, and Mel looking at what used to be Kirsch.

Mel: I told him

Perry: It’s the same as LaF.

Laura: Okay, we have to find Charlotte and get that broach back before Elle finishes this little re-enactment of And Then There Were None.

External view: The moon in the sky

Laura (voiceover): Search every nook and cranny, Charlotte has to be somewhere

Carmilla: Be careful.  Elle knows this place better than we ever will.

We see Laura and Carmilla searching.  They enter a room, and Carmilla looks at the books on a mantle.  She pulls one out as Laura watches.

Another flasback-dream.  Laura (as Elle) lying on Carmilla’s lap as Carmilla reads from a book labelled Le Fanu Poems

Carmilla: “Girls are caterpillars while they live in the world, to be finally butterflies when the summer comes.  But in the meantime, there are grubs and larvae, so says Monsieur Buffon”

There’s a thunderclap, and then we see Elle standing behind the couch

Elle: To think of the trouble I went to, [Laura gets up, running for the door] warning you, [Elle blocks her escape thinking you’d learn from my mistake.

Laura: Yeah, cause Carm’s the villain here.  Aren’t you the one zapping innocent people for no reason?

Carmilla: I’m doing it to keep what’s mine.

Laura: That life isn’t yours.

Elle: It’s what I’m owed.  And I wouldn’t waste it on some banal five-year plan.

Laura notices LaF drawing some kind of symbol on a mirror.

Laura: LaF?

The dream sequence ends abruptly, Carmilla’s still in the middle of taking the book out

Laura: LaF! I saw LaF!

We skip ahead, Laura sitting on a couch with a pad of paper, Perry and Mel on either side, and Carmilla behind them

Laura: Drawing some sort of symbol, looked like this ... or maybe like this.  [Laura’s drawing two versions of the symbol she saw in her dream]

Mel: How did you get past second grade?

Laura: I saw it for half a second in a ghost-induced nightmare, give me a break.

Carmilla: Any idea what it means?

Perry: No, but if LaF thinks it’s important enough to send from beyond the vale ... if I could just identify it, maybe it could hep decipher the moving-on spell.  I’ll try to figure this out, while you guys go get a life.

Laura gets up and moves toward the door

Carmilla (to Mel): Go with her, keep her safe.

Mel: What are you going to do?

Carmilla: Well, young lady stole my life and turned me back into a vampire?  So, I’m gonna remind her what that means.

Mel (to Perry): How about you?

Perry: Oh, I’ve got the EMF.  If it so much as chirps, I’ll shriek.

Mel gets up to follow Laura.  We see Mel and Laura heading down some stairs, as Perry studies the spell book, and the EMF detector produces static noise, and then starts beeping, Perry looks up.

We switch scenes to Carmilla entering a room, where Elle waits, facing away from the door.

Elle: I used to think you and I would spend our lives reading to each other.  If only I’d known how brief one of those lives was going to be.

Carmilla: Hello, Elle.

Elle: Is that all you have to say to me?  After what you did?

Carmilla: I never meant to hurt you.

Elle: Oh, don’t apologize.  [Elle turns around to face Carmilla]  It costs you nothing.

Carmilla: So, what?  This is about me paying for my sins?

Elle: You never even stopped to think if you deserved this life.  I’ve watched you.  All these years.  You've never thought of anyone but yourself.

Carmilla: Well, that’s some big talk coming from the girl who sent her friends to a nightmare land.

Elle: Me?  Oh, no, I’m just thinking about myself.  Oh, wait, I wonder who taught me that?

Carmilla rushes at Elle to hit her, but Elle vanishes and reappears by the door.

Elle: Oooh [chuckles] Not very ladylike, Miss Karnstein.

From off screen, Laura’s scream can be heard

Carmilla: Laura!

Elle: Better run, Carmilla.  These old house are so dangerous, after all.

We see Carmilla running with her supser-speed to the study, where Laura and Mel are already present

Laura: Damn it! [camera pans to the pile of ash that used to be Perry, there are various notes around her, the only one that can be seen clearly says “... is a giant trap??”]  Perry.  You never should’ve left her alone

Mel: No sign of the spell book, either.  [to Carmilla] I take it your little chat with the ghost of girlfriends past was a bust?

Carmilla: Yeah, I’m getting pretty sick of this haunting crap.

Charlotte: Imagine how we feel.  [All three turn around to see Charlotte in the room with them]  I’m wondering if we might be of assistance to each other.

Charlotte’s sitting on a couch with the others around her

Charlotte: Miss Sheridan said you would never go along with the spell if you knew she was with us.  I should’ve known that she only wanted your life for herself.  It was all she ever talked about.  The wide world that she’d been denied.  As if the same thing hadn’t happened to us all.  (to Mel)  I’m sorry about your friend.  I didn’t know what would happen when they pulled me back.

Laura: Can you help us get them back?

Charlotte: I don’t know.  But we have to stop Miss Sheridan.

Mel: You got any thoughts on the stopping front?

Charlotte: It’s me she wants, so perhaps ...

Another dream sequence.  Laura and Elle are alone in a room.  Laura’s sitting in a chair while Elle approaches her, pulling out a knife.

Laura: Do we really have to do this Nightmare on Elm Street crap?

Elle: Fine [turns around, then turns back, now holding a tray with a tea pot and tea cups, the room gets brighter] Let’s speak as reasonable women.  Elle sits down in the chair net to Laura’s, setting down the tea tray.  So.  Your friends are trapped beyond the veil.  You, Carmilla, and your ... trigger-happy accomplice are next.  Sugar?

Laura: ... sure

Elle: But, if you hand over Charlotte, and let me keep this life -

Laura: It isn’t yours to keep

Elle: That’s beside the point!  Let me keep it ... and I’ll bring your friends back.  You can all ... leave this place.

Elle hands Laura a tea cup, she accepts it warily

Laura: What happens to Charlotte?

Elle: Well, I’m afraid poor Charlotte will have to ... follow her sister.  But, you know that was always going to happen, so.

Laura: She’s just like you.  They all are.  Don’t they deserve a chance to move on?

Elle: Oh!  [laughs]  Oh, you haven’t figured it out yet.  The only way that Charlotte and Emily can reach their ... everlasting rest, is if Carmilla sacrifices her human life.  [Laura looks shocked]  So, let’s not pretend that you’d sacrifice Carmilla’s life for a few wayward spirits, any more than I would.

Laura: You can’t just leave them trapped in a nightmare!

Elle: You’d let your friends die in here to ... help them?

Laura: There has to be another way!

Elle: Ugh!  You’ve had your chance.  [the room darkens again, thunder cracks]  Whatever happens now is your fault.

Laura’s back in the real world, gasping back to consciousness

Carmilla: Elle?  Are you alright?  Did she do anything to yo uin the dreamscape?

Laura: No.  I just wanna get her out of my head.  I wanna get your life back.

Carmilla: Well, we think we can lure her out into the open by using Charlotte as bait.

Laura: You’d do that for us?

Charlotte: There’s only a few hours left of the Ash Moon.  If Emily and I want to move on, it’s our only chance.

External shot of mansion, shots of various rooms.  We see Charlotte coming down the stairs

Elle: There you are!  You know, it’s impolite to cause your host so much trouble.

Charlotte: I’m sure I’ll find a way to repay you.

Elle grabs Charlotte’s neck, pushing her up against a wall.

Laura appears, followed by Carmilla, and then Mel with her crossbow, surrounding her

Elle: A trap?  You aren’t serious.

Carmilla: Vampire, warrior, journalist.  I like our chances.  Let’s have a little chat about taking things that don’t belong to us.

Elle: You first

Elle zooms over to Mel, vanishing her into Ash

Charlotte: Mel!

Elle: Best get the broom out.  [kicks the pile of ashes, then zooms over to do the same to Charlotte]  Look at that.  Then there were three.  [to Laura]  You should’ve taken up my offer, sweetheart.

Carmilla: Offer?

Elle: Your life for you friends.  Don’t worry, Laura declined when she discovered that Emily and Charlotte can’t move on without destroying your precious spark.

Carmilla: You’ll never be able to enjoy it.  You’ll spend the rest of your days looking over your shoulder  [Rushes to grab Elle’s arm]  Wondering if it’s my step you hear at the door.

Elle attempts to slice Carmilla with her knife, but Carmilla dodges too quickly.

Elle: I’ll take my chances.  I’ve got the broach.  There’s nothing you can do to stop me.

Carmilla: Maybe not.  But she knows krav maga.

Elle: What?

Laura grabs Elle’s arm, wrestling the knife out of it, they fight

Laura: Why do people always forget that?

Elle, Laura, and Carmilla fight for the broach.  A bright glow appears from teh light, and they all disappear.

Laura appears in a blank white space

Laura: Hello?  Carm?  Carm!  [creepy whispers and howling wind are all we can hear]  Pull yourself together, Hollis.

Laura finds herself back in a dream version of the mansion.  She sees Carmilla’s rebirthday cake on the same table that they’d performed the ritual at before.  The cake then turns into the broach.  Laura picks it up.  She hears herself, speaking in a sad, almost-monotone, fashion

Dream!Laura: Oh, crap, we’re live?  [Laura turns and sees a version of herself dressed in grey, with a microphone for news 9 (the same as in the “local news” clips from the beginning).  Behind her is a twisted version of her 5-year plan, with all the goals turned into failures]  Today, on Toronto News 9, it’s harsh reality.  Abandon your childhood dreams for the dubious security of  a subpar paycheck.  Spend your days glorifying clickbait and your nights letting fear and misery drive away friends and loved ones.  Accept that life is an unbroken chain of mediocrity stretching on and on and on.  This is Laura Hollis reporting live from a failed career.

Laura notices Elle approaching and runs down the stairs away from her

Elle: I want my life, you little thief!  I want my life!

Laura opens a door, and appears in a brightly-lit room with dream!Carmilla and dream!Elle

Laura: Doors are arbitrary.  Wonderful

Dream!Carmilla: Oh, you’re gonna love New York.  There’s theaters and conerts and ... life.

Laura: Wait, I know this.  I dreamed this.

Dream!Carmilla: Your life is going to be so much bigger than you’ve ever imagined.  What are you doing?

We see Dream!Elle taking out a knife.  The real Elle appears, grabbing Laura and dragging her out by the ears

Elle: You don’t belong here!

Laura runs off, with Elle continuing to follow her.

She appears in another room, with a weeping Emily being held by Charlotte

Dream!Emily: She laughed.  Miss Sheridan, she laughed at the very idea of ... Why did I trust her?  Why did I not ... I was supposed to keep you safe.

Laura: Oh, God.  Poor Emily.  Poor Charlotte.

Elle appears in the doorway.

Elle: Do you know what will happen if you die here?

Laura: Let me guess.  I die in the real world too

Elle: Worse.  You’ll be trapped, in this hell made of dead minds.  I wonder if you’ll feel so sympathetic then?

Laura: Is that what happened to you?

Elle: I don’t want your pity.  I want my life!  [Elle grabs Laura] I can take it from you living, or I can take it from you dead.

Laura: You’ve seen my dreams.  [she kicks Elle in the stomach] Have I ever gone down without a fight?

Laura runs off.  She runs into another room, which is the same one from before

Laura: Stuck in an endless loop of someone else’s damage.  Classic me.

Dream!Carmilla: Oh, you’re gonna love New York.  There’s theaters and concerts and ... life.

Laura notices the real Carmilla behind a couch, watching

Laura: Oh, Carm!  Carm!  [she runs over to real Carmilla]

Dream!Carmilla (partly overlapping with Laura): Your life’s gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!  What are you doing?

Dream!Elle slices her left palm.  Dream!Carmilla looks away

Dream!Elle: I met a woman in the village today.  She said strange things about you.  [Dream!Elle raises her palm, lifting it towards dream!Carmilla]  What’s wrong?  Why won’t you look at me, Carmilla?  LOOK AT ME!

Dream!Carmilla looks up, for a brief second, her fangs appear, she hisses and moves towards Elle, before she stops herself.  But it’s too late.

Dream!Elle: She was right.  You’re a monster.

Dream!Carmilla: I can explain ...

Dream!Elle: Oh, I’ve heard enough of your lies.  All your promises.  All your talk of a new life.

Dream!Carmilla: No, not lies, in the colonies, things’ll be different!  No one will know us! You’ll see that!

Dream!Elle: As if I would go anywhere with you now.  No.  My new friend is waiting in a carriage below.  She is going to take me travelling  She’ll show me the wonders of the world.

Dream!Carmilla is horrified, shaking her head

Dream!Carmilla: No, you can’t go with her.  Elle, I know, I know I lied, but the horror she has planned for you is much worse than -

Dream!Elle: Worse?!  Worse than saying that she loved me ... [whispered]  while she drank my blood?  [loud]  WHILE SHE DRANK MY BLOOD?

Dream!Carmilla (on the verge of tears): Please ...

Dream!Elle: Don’t worry.  I’ve told her where you are.  She’ll send someone to deal with you.

Dream!Elle leaves the room, as dream!Carmilla falls to her knees sobbing

The camera then pans to Dream!Elle in the room as at the start

Laura: What, is this on repeat?  How many times have you watche this?

Dream!Carmilla (entering the room): It’s done.  We leave tonight.  In three days, we’ll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

The real Elle appears, Laura and Carmilla hide.  Elle leaves

Dream!Carmilla: You’re gonna love New York  There’s theaters and concerts and ... life!  Oh, your life’s gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!

Laura leads the real Carmilla out of the room.  They’re now in a staircase.

Laura: Hey!  Hey.  It’s okay.  Hey, you are not there anymore.  You are here, with me, right now.  And I have the broach.  [she places the broach in Carmilla’s hand]  If you can just ... absorb it.  [Nothing happens]

Carmilla: Nothing.

Laura:  Of course not.  Of course we still need some stupid spell! 

Carmilla: Maybe I should give her my life.

Laura: What?   Carm, you can’t!  She’s unhinged!

Carmilla: Not to her ... to them.  Laura, everything you saw in there ... it’s everything I’ve been avoiding for years.  Pretending like being human meant I didn’t do all of those awful things.  How is it fair that I get this life while they’re just trapped here?  After everything I’ve done?

Laura: Okay.  [sniffles]  Okay, [sniffles] A, let’s acknowledge that Ell and your mother share some of this blame, and B, we will figure out another way, a way that doesn’t involve you giving up your life.

Carmilla: You mean find a way to avoid responsibility?  Mmm-mm [shakes head]  You heard Elle, there’s no other way.  It’s my life for their freedom.

Laura: What about our life together?  Our future?  You’re just gonna give up on that?

Carmilla: Laura, I’m not giving up on that - 

Laura: Cause, we’re supposed to have arguments over who does dishes, and cupcakes to celebrate big days at work, and grandkids.  What is that gonna look like if you can live like you’re 25 forever?

Carmilla: You think I don’t want those things, too?

Laura: Please don’t give up on our life.

Carmilla: I’m not giving up.  But I can’t keep running away.  Not after what I’ve done.

Laura: Okay  [they kiss, then in barely a whisper:]  Thank you.  [normal volume]  Let’s go save some ghosts

We see Elle, pissed off by the front door.

Laura and Carmilla walk through a passageway.  A hooded figure in black passes them by, the same ifgure from the dream where Laura saw Carmilla being lowered into the blood-coffin

Laura: Seriously?  People can’t just dream about being audited?

They see LaF standing the hallway.

Laura: LaF! [runs to LaF, huggin them] How did you --- ?

LaF: Escape my personal hell?  I’ve been through, like, three apocalypses, I can tell the difference.

Laura: Have you found any of the others?

LaF: Funny you should mention that.  [LaF opens a door]  I’ve been trying to wake her, but she keeps confusing me for ... me.

Perry is watching herself doing paperwork, with Dream!LaF beside her

Dream!Perry: That’s form 83-B done.  [a pile of papers appears beside Dream!Perry]  Just filing a hundred of these daily ...

Dream!LaF: You don’t mind taking care of these right?  There’ll be just, like, 5 or 6 million pages.  You can do this alone; you don’t need me.  See you in six years.

Laura wakes the real Perry

Perry: Laura?�� What are you doing in my ... strangely bureaucratic nightmare?

Laura: Elle zapped us into nightmare land.  We have to do the spell before sunrise which is coming up fast.

Perry: Well, I had to read the pages before Elle zapped me, but without the code key to decipher the spell -

LaF (clearing their throat): I've got the code key.

Perry: Oh!  Yes, the symbol!  Do you have the full thing?

LaF: Uh, yeah, I’ve literally got a photographic memory [LaF points at their cybor ete]

Perry: Oh, I could just kiss you on your robot eye!

Sadly, there is no kiss.

The four walk down a hallway, rescuing others from their dreams

Laura (to Mel): You’re safe

Kirsch: Why are people always hunting me for sport?

Perry (leading the others to the room where the ritual is to be performed): Okay, circle up.  We don’t need to hold hands or anything, the spell is much more powerful.  But, it might be more cozy that way.

Mel: So, what happens to us after the ghosts move on?

Perry: Oh, um, well, we’ll either find ourselves back at the schloss, or cease to exist entirely.

Mel: It’s better than our usual odds

Emily: I’m sorry, not to criticize any plan that would clearly be so much to our benefit, but ...

Charlotte: Doesn’t that mean you have to give up your human life?

Carmilla: Yeah.  Well, I’m responsible for what happened to you, so ... this is how I can help.

Carmilla sets the broach down.  It turns into Carmilla’s rebirthday cake.

Kirsch: Woah, what happened to the, uh ...

Laura: It’s a cake now.  Don’t ask.

Kirsch: Okay.

Carmilla: Alright, uh, let’s get this ritual started before I change my mind.

Perry pulls out a piece of paper and starts chanting in an foreign language.  Carm leans over, to blow out the candles on the cake, when Elle suddenly grabs her from behind with a knife

Laura: Carm!

Elle: You think I’m gonna let you do this?  Steal everything from me again?!

Laura: But Carm really isn’t the one who you blame for that, is she?  I’ve seen that moment between you two over and over again.  You had everything that you ever wanted and you gave it up because you were afraid.

Elle: They lied to me.  Carmilla, her mother, they betrayed and murdered me!

Laura: You’re right, it isn’t fair what happened to you, but that’s not an excuse. Everything that you’re doing right now, hurting everyone else, hurting yourself, it’s just because you’re afraid of what comes next, but you don’t have to be.  We can help you, we can help you find the peace you’ve always been looking for!

Elle: No!  No, I don’t want your platitudes!  I want my - 

Elle is suddenly stopped by an arrow shot by Mel

Mel: Your life.  You want your life.  Yeah, we know.  But it’s not all about you.  And you’re a part of this.  So, stay put.

Elle slides to the ground, injured, the arrow in her shoulder

Carmilla: Nice shot!

Mel: I’ve been waiting to do that since we got here

Laura and Carmilla embrace.  The circle is reformed, as Elle sits quietly in the background

LaF: So, you’re kinda rocking the fieldwork these days, hunh?  Think if we got more admin help, you’d be able to come out more?

Perry: I think I could ... find some time to play.

Charlotte (to Emily): We’re almost free of all this

Emily: You shouldn’t have been drawn into it to begin with.

Charlotte: It was 1872.  If we hadn’t been killed by vampires, it would’ve been, I don’t know, tuberculosis?

Laura: Oddly specific

Charlotte: Each day was made better because you tried to make it such.  I don’t regret a thing.  [to Mel] Thank you for the dance.  I wish there could be another, but ...

Mel: I get it.  You gotta leave with the one that brung you.

Charlotte: Would you like to ... ?

Mel: Obviously.

Charlotte and Mel kiss.  Everyone looks happy for them, except Elle who just looks annoyed by the delay

Elle: Ugh, can we please just move on already?

Perry resumes the spell.  Carmilla blows out the candles, all but one.

Someone: Ah, it’s working!

Charlotte and Emily vanish in glowing sparkles, followed by Elle.  Then Mel and Kirsch vanish, followed by LaF and Perry, leaving just Laura and Carmilla.

Carmilla: What the hell now?

Laura: I guess with all the ghosts gone, there’s no reason for this place to exist anymore.  So ... it worked.  Hooray.  [looking at Carmilla]  Sorry about before.  I think I’ve been so focused on chasing after your life cause it seemed a lot easier than trying fixing my own.

Carmilla: Hey, you’re Laura Hollis.  [chuckles]  And I’ve watched you fight vampires ... and gods and even that lady who tried to butt us in line at the craft fair. [they bloth laugh] So, you’re gonna figure it out.  Whatever happens next, we’re gonna do it together.

Carmilla prepares to blow out the remaining candle

Laura: If this goes Romeo and Juliet on us, I’m totally gonna haunt your ass.

Carmilla: Of course you are.

They kiss, and then Carmilla blows out the remaining candle.

They find themselves lying on the floor, sunlight coming, holding hands.

Laura: Well, that was a kick.

Laura’s walkie-talkie beeps

Perry (on walkie talkie): Where are you guys?

LaF (on walkie talkie): Is everyone okay, over?

Laura: Affirmative.  Laura and  Carm A-OK.  Over.

Laura and Carmilla get up

LaF: Front door’s unlocked

Perry: Oh!  Meet you outside

LaF: You’re supposed to say over

Perry: Over.

Carmilla: Let’s get the hell out of Styria.

Laura and Carmilla walk out of the schloss, joining the rest.  Kirsch hands them their bags.

Kirsch: I call dibs on window!

Montage: Walking down the path, then taking a train, then a plane landing, then back to Toronto.  The group is having a picnic, and we see Danny in the background talking to Kirsch.  Laura and Carmilla are sharing a bottle of champagne

Carmilla (holding champagne bottle as if microphone): And, how does it feel, Ms. Hollis, to officially be a freelance journalist at large?

Laura: I made a huge mistake!  What have I done?  I quit my job!  I gave up my cubicle!  I don’t have a plan!  What’m I supposed to do without a plan?  [Laura starts laughing, joined by Carmilla]  Only about half of that was actual panic, so pretty good, right?

Carmilla: Yeah.  I’m  just gonna go get some blood, babe.

They kiss.  The camera pans over to LaF and Perry, looking at some kidn of electronic device.

LaF: So ... this is a blueprint?

Perry: Yep, these are the blueprints they sent over.  And, oh, check this out.  They have an industrial-sized cleaning closet, and I was thining we could put your reactor over here in this corner.

LaF: That is a beautiful thing.

Carmilla: Selling out going smoothly?

LaF: Uh, we’re retaining executive control over LaFerry at Intrigue.  And they’re giving us a thorium reactor.  A thorium reactor!

The camera pans over to Kirsch and Danny

Kirsch: It was really scary.

Danny: It sounds a little cushy.

Kirsch: But it was a totally legit adventure.  You know, there were ghosts and this haunted mansion and then, you know, this weird netherworld

Danny: And comfy beds and midnight snacks, and a masquerade ball

Kirsch: Look, I even have that mark where I was ghost-zapped.  Look.  No, seriously look!

Danny: No, I see it

Kirsch: It’s there, look!

Danny: Okay, I see it, you can put it away now.

The camera pans over to Mel.  Laura’s standing by her, with a sympathetic look

Mel: Okay, don’t give me pity eyes, Hollis.  Like you never had a crush on a dead girl.

Laura: That does sound familiar.

They touch foreheads

Mel: Thanks

Laura walks over to Carmilla

Laura: So, Carmilla Karnstein, a vampire again.  What’s next?

Carmilla: I’m thinking ... maybe my PhD in Philosophy.  Hey, attend university for 70-odd years, and you rack up a few credits.

Laura: I’m so proud of you.

Carmilla: You’re not worried about how we’ll spend our lives together?

Laura: I figure any two people in a relationship, their lives move at different speeds.  That isn’t the part that matters.  This, here, right now.  This is what matters.  And I love you.

Carmilla: I love you too.

They kiss, and then look at the cityscape together as the credits begin

Credits scenes

Montage of various scenes of Laura reporting from various locations

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis and this is a web exclusive for Creampuffington Post.  We’re talking today with veteran dragonslayer Elizabeth Spielsdorf about the great apocalypse of 2015

Laura: Hi, I’m Laura Hollis on assignment in Graz where we’re just in time for the ribbon cutting ceremony on the JP Armitage Memorial Library

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis reporting live from the Geneva Summit on the Rights of Were-People

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis reporting to you live from Iceland where scientists have made a breakgthrough discovery of the first drinkable Fountain of Youth

Laura: A scandal brewing tonight on the steps of the capital as the President, who last month was revealed to be an as-yet unidentified species of lizard creature with very small hands, refuses to produce his long-form hatching certificate.  This is senior correspondent Laura Hollis for MSSSN-BCD

Credits roll.  Pictures of Laura and Carmilla with a baby

Post-Credits scene

Laura and Carmilla asleep in bed.  Carmilla wakes up.  She yawns, and gets up, walking to the kitchen.  She opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of hemo-soy.  Mattie shows up

Carmilla: Hey, Mattie. 

Mattie: Hey, sis.

Carmilla: Why are you ...

Mattie: Back from the underworld and lounging in your charmingly Bohemian pied-a-terre?

Carmilla: For starters.

Mattie: You and I and the little ingénue that could are going on a road trip.  Turns out the anglerfish was female.  Before it died, it laid eggs.  Just an alarming number of eggs.

Carmilla takes a sip of hemo-soy

Carmilla: Alright, let’s get going.

Title card reading “To be continued ...?

[fatbadjah]

To those whom I’ve disappointed and to those to whom I am disappointing...

On Monday I demonstrated that common sense, good judgment, and I are not always the best friends.  I learned about a social event that I was not involved in, and I felt hurt, left out, emotionally neglected and replied out of pain.

I hurt others in a moment of weakness, and for that, I apologize and ask forgiveness.

For me, one of the most iconic images of the 90s was a clip from Blind Melon’s “No Rain” video. In it, a little girl in a bee costume is ridiculed after a dance performance, and spends the song wandering the street…again facing derision and ridicule from strangers. Then, at one point in the song, she sees a gated field. In it, she sees others in bee costumes, dancing around. She pushes through the gate and joyously cavorts—having found “her” people.

I’ve come to define these moments of social connection “bee girl” moments. Most of us have them—especially in the furry fandom.

Like most, I was interested in anthropomorphic animals since I was a child. After reading The Wind in the Willows in third grade, I wanted to join that created family of Rat, Mole, Toad, and Badger. In the mid 80s, I saw Animalympics on HBO until I knew the songs by heart. Likewise, seeing Rock and Rule on the Movie Channel in early 1986 not only furthered my interest in anthropomorphics, but expanded my musical palate out a bit. I started collecting comic books in 1987, as quarter bins were bursting with remnants of the Black-And-White boom—many of which were anthropomorphic attempts to become the next TMNT. When I played role playing games or video games, I gravitated towards any animal-themed races, classes, or characters.

Frankly, I thought I was weird and the only one.

In December 1993, I saw a clip of an event called Confurence on the then-new Sci-Fi Channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iodRjbBKB0k). For the first time, I knew that there were others out there like me…that I wasn’t alone.

Florida State University, like many universities in the early 90s, restricted their student Internet access to engineering and computer science students. If you weren’t in one of those disciplines, the assumption was that you didn’t need to access the Internet. Of course, once I’d seen the Internet, that didn’t stop me. I’d learned a little UNIX trick that allowed me to access a raw Telnet in 1992, but I didn’t know what USENET was until January of 1994, when FSU began selling Garnet accounts to students—a basic Internet account with Telnet, email, a few other early 90s goodies, and USENET access. One Friday night, as I was diving through the sea of alt and soc groups, I found one called alt.fan.furry. The group was buzzing about an event called “Confurence” which was happening that weekend in Orange County, California.

I had my “bee girl” moment. I soaked up every zine I could find. Alt.fan.furry was my new hangout. I had an account on Furrymuck and explored more.

I felt like I belonged somewhere. I made a trip in January 1995 to Confurence Six and soon connected with virtual friends.

I wanted to get more involved. I wanted to give back. I didn’t want to just be a passive fandom participant. I put my art out there—though I knew I would be mocked and ridiculed for my lack of skill (I was). I started the first openly gay furry zine, Ten Furcent, in 1995.I published a comic book, Milikardo Knights, in 1997. In 1999, when Ed Zolna’s Mailbox Books folded, I was one of several who tried to open a zine distribution business to fill the void—mine having been Bronzebear Media. And in 2001, I founded Florida’s first furry con, Furry Spring Break, which folded after an internal coup in late 2001 and became an event you may be familiar with today.

Yet while most (sane and rational) people would have denounced the fandom and moved on, if not taken up ranks with folks like the Burned Furs (whose ranks were pretty much filled with fandom failures who could not adapt to the growing and changing nature of the fandom and began pre-Trump cries of “take back our fandom!”) and becoming toxic and bitter fandom saboteurs, I stayed in to help how I could. I involved myself with the staff of events like Mephit Furmeet, Furry Weekend Atlanta, and Midwest Furfest.

In 2011, I took a break. I finally realized after a social breakdown that I was grinding metal and stepped away. I’d moved to North Carolina in the wake of the Great Recession, and I decided to focus on my career. Thus, for years, I was the guy at the Triangle Area Furries meets who stood off to the sides and only chatted with one or two trusted friends, as I licked my metaphorical wounds from the 90s and 00s.

But I never quit, I never left, I never got bitter, and I never tried to sabotage the fandom. For me, furry fandom was my family. You don’t abandon family because of a few toxic relatives. Like the odd cousin at the family gathering, I just stepped away a bit because the obnoxious aunts and uncles had finally taken their toll.

In 2015, I finally got some forward motion on my career and returned to fandom activities, with MFF 15 being my first con back since 2010. In the summer of 2016, I thought about the fact that there were no cons or large “destination” events in or around Raleigh, in spite of the large community. I talked to an old friend, and in early July 2016, Tarpaw Furmeet was born. We staged a “practice” event in November 2016, which then gave way to events that grew in May and October of 2017. As they grew, we eventually had a staff, with whom I started to bond.  People were friendly to me at the Triangle Area Furries events and actually started to talk to me.

I actually thought that I was “in,” but got blindsided by my social eagerness, as several of you now know.

To really get this, you need to understand a little of my history and romp through some trauma baggage. I was in a family with two emotionally abusive parents. I not only heard the constant barrage of how I was “not good enough” from both, but during their divorce, each specialized their skills by projecting their spousal loathing onto my brother and I.

My mother played the diehard Christian card, completely modernizing the “spare the rod, spoil the child” concept by making my brother and I draft up “contracts” that opened with “PAIN + FEAR = RESPECT” then laid out multiple violation clauses. Usually, the clauses in these contracts varied by my mother’s mood and often had a bad habit of doing so when she’d had a bad day at work.

My father, meanwhile, decided to simply deploy a forever-scarring tactical nuke on a school morning in early 1981. As my mother was helping my brother and I dress, my father came downstairs, looked at us all and said simply “bye guys, have a nice life” before walking out the door. We knew our parents  were divorcing, so my brother and I spent five minutes trying to persuade him to stay—and by “persuade” I meant that my mother held one sibling while the other sibling laid behind the tires of Dad’s Corvette, then swapped places when she would pull the other one from behind the tires. A few hours later, when I had a hysterical breakdown in my third grade classroom, neither my teacher nor principal believed me. I was sent to the office, and the principal called my father’s office to follow up on the “lie.” Upon calling my father’s office, I was told that he’d flown to Acapulco to holiday with the women he was (then) leaving my mother for. My mother at least intervened to back up the “have a nice life” story, because I had to go home since I was a basket case. Dad came back tanned and whored, and acted like nothing had happened—not even an apology.

Since then, I’ve had a nagging fear of abandonment and all purpose fear of letting people get control over me. I’ve tried to address it by simply not letting people connect to me emotionally and living a life of fierce self-sufficiency. I’ve heard “aloof” pushed on to me so many times in my life, I’d have assumed it was my name if I didn’t know better. After all, I figure, everyone leaves me eventually…so why attach to them? Likewise, my other coping mechanism is to just quit when things turned bad—a trend in my early relationships. Imagine that Kermit/Dark Kermit meme: “Things going bad in the relationship… Bail on them before they get to bail on you!”  I tried to not quit a spiraling situation once. I made the mistake of entrenching on Furry Spring Break when the coup’s instigator began to get out of control in mid-2001 and fought suicidal urges for most of 2002 once I’d been ousted.

I’ve been used to being left out of things. It was the hallmark of my adolescence. When it wasn’t a point-blank, mean girls style rejection (no seriously, I got “you cant sit here” in the school lunchroom), the reasons were a bit softer on the blow. “Sorry, we just didn’t think you were interested” or “Sorry but there just wasn’t enough room for you” were the popular go-tos.

Once, when I was fourteen, I let my guards down. My father went to the “country club” church in Flint Michigan, First Pres—the one where the shi shi white people went to escape the lower classes. One afternoon, I got a call from one of the students in “the Pipe,” their Wednesday night youth group. “Hey, can you come to the meeting tonight? We’d love to have you there!”

I was beyond elated. Someone called me to come out. They wanted me out there.Me, worthless, stupid me. When my father got home from work, I told him in no uncertain terms that I had to go to church that night, for the Pipe. When I got there, people were friendly towards me. Then the meeting started. Eventually, one of the leaders came out playing “Sasha Cashachek,” a taunting (yet Christian) Russian femme fatale (it was 1986. Russians and Iranians were stock bad guys then) who was gloating that the Pipe wouldn’t make their ski trip. Eventually, we stopped for snacks, and a few people came up to me during the break.

“So we know you like to ski, and we’ve got a big weekend ski trip scheduled to (some shi shi place I can’t remember) in a month, but we need a few more people to help pay for it! Want to come?”

I told them that I’d already booked with my high school ski club on a trip to Killington, Vermont, and my dad was tapped.

“Oh.” No one talked to me as soon as I’d announced that. Not even a “goodbye” when I left.

Remember that scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie learns that Little Orphan Annie’s important “secret message” was nothing more than an Ovaltine ad? I got the 80s church group version of it.

When I said no to the ski trip, I went back to either being invisible in that church group every Sunday (I never went to another Wednesday night meeting), or I existed only when I wore or did something worthy of social mockery. I never got an invite back to the Pipe.… After that, I shut down. I stopped trying.

Given that I’d taken to emotional avoidance since late childhood, I was used to it. I took jobs in college that kept me working Friday and Saturday nights, so I didn’t have to worry about feeling slighted from collegiate social events, and I always had an excuse when people felt crazy enough to ask me to do something. And as an adult, I became a hermit who spent most weekends alone, playing video games or working. I never kept friends because I didn’t think friends wanted to keep me around. I feel emotionally uncomfortable when people press me into social conversation…unless I’ve been drinking or that weird cluster of neurons has fired that say “we can trust this person Lighten up, badger.”

But I thought that things were going differently in the Triangle. I felt my guards dropping. I didn’t feel that “fuck! Fly now! Flee, fatass! Get small or invisible!” reflex when I talked to people.

So on January 1, 2018, I became aware of a New Years party via Twitter. I saw friends names. I saw friends pictures. And I didn’t even know about it. In a split second, I was caught off guard.

And I felt stupid. I felt like I’d been left out. Knowing that people there were talking about con plans, I had fears of another Furry Spring Break style coup. But most importantly I felt worthless, like I did in childhood and adolescence because I wasn’t good enough to get invited. I felt like I’d made inroads, that people liked me and wanted me around, and I felt foolish for letting my guards down. It was like finding out that the people at the Pipe only wanted me there to make a ski trip happen, and threw me aside as soon as I couldn’t help them do it.

So I made a nudging reply that my invitation must have been lost. I later vented because I felt like all I was good for was making the con happen. Then the messages started piling in…

“No one owes you anything!”

And they were right.

And that was my mistake. I own that. No one has to be my friend, and no one owes me a damned thing. I had thought that because we had bonded as a staff, because we had broken meals together at staff meetings, that I was more important than I was in the collective zeitgeist —namely, that I’d finally gone from beyond being the “creepy” guy to someone that people actually wanted to know and interact with. Again, my mistake.

As our event has grown, I’ve been mulling over the #FurryOver30 hashtag from Twitter—the reaction to an ageist movement that suggested that anyone over 30 should leave furry fandom. As of 2017, I’d been a formal part of the fandom for almost 24 years, and at 45 years old, I’d more than outlived my socially-decreed “time” by the claimants standards. Likewise, as I was pulling locals together to build this event, I remembered a friend telling me recently that I’d been described to him as “creepy” by at least one local furry in the early ‘10’s, before I stepped forward to begin building things. Despite groups in fandom who told me I didn’t belong, I actually felt like I did here—like I wasn’t just “buying” my way in by making a convention happen in the area.

I had gotten a little comfortable and let my guards down. I had thought that I’d had my “Bee Girl” moment and found my community, and that being excluded from the party was a harsh reality check. So I got angry on Twitter. I apologize for any assumptions made, and I assure folks that I’ll maintain my social distance as I keep looking for my “bee girl” moment elsewhere in the fandom.

For four days now, the people I've hurt told me how I disappointed them.  That happens a lot, believe me.  Just ask my parents for the last fourty-five years, so it's nothing new.  If this is your first time, I'm sorry I hurt you.  I'm not always going to be able to be the unflappable badger, or an unmoveable rock.  I'm broken.  I've been broken most of my life, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on my way to being whole.  Only to be reminded of just how very far I have to go.  I'm not convinced I'll ever be whole?  But I'm going to keep trying.  And I'm hoping to keep trying with the those around me.

Once again, I apologize.

[phagethemage]

Literally all 102 creepy questions

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yes I think she did.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? I feel like this is a dangerous thing to answer but it all really depends honestly. I mean 7 years difference doesn’t seem bad but someone my age shouldn’t be going for a teenager.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Today. My boss was showing she cared but it aggravated me that I was having a flaw pointed out.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? I do every time I look at someone.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Not to my knowledge.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? “I love you all - Frank (End Credits)” Made me think of my friend.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Underwear and a big comfy shirt.

8. How often do you listen to music? Every day. Whenever I’m doing something to keep myself busy.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Jeans all the time.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018? Not really.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? Usually I’m very social. Sometimes I withdraw when I’m not feeling well mentally.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Yes

13. What about ‘R’? No.

14. Can you drive a stick shift? Not at all lol

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I would be surprised if they did.

16. Are you going out of town soon? Actually yes. Going to Texas for my Aunt’s 60th birthday.

17. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? I’ve told multiple people I loved them.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I would change it to gold.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes and he’s a pup named Jasper.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. It wasn’t long enough.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? Honestly never had a guy do it. I’ve had a girl do it and it makes me feel at peace.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? No I’m not. Single as a pringle.

24. What are you sitting on right now? Comfy spinny computer chair.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Yes my friend Josh and Tiffany.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Once or twice then I let the feeling slide.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Erica.

28. Do you get a lot of colds? Nope.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? It used to be my dad’s. He wore it all throughout my childhood as a comfort shirt around the house.

30. Does anyone hate you? If someone hated me I would genuinely be surprised and happy.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Lol no

32. Do you like watching scary movies? Absolutely I do.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Uh no thanks.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Already have. I don’t recall any of 7th grade.

35. Did you have a dream last night? No. It was a restless night.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Earlier today.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I can only hope.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I know one person does. Any others I have no clue. I’m not good at catching onto that.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Not intentionally.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? Nope. Toooooo long.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Not at all.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? It’s possible but I doubt it.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes.

44. What’s the best part about school? The friends I made along the way.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I have tons of photos on my facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I randomly would but not often.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yes I do. Usually to figure out how to do better next time.

48. Were you single over the last summer? Yes.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Not at all.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Sleeping.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nah I don’t hate my brother. He’s a good guy.

52. Are you nice to everyone? Actually yes I am.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah that happens a lot.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? I don’t cheat. That’s fucked up to do to someone.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Depends on which feelings I’m trying to hide.

56. Do you think you like someone? I know I like someone.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Nope.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? “I may not date a lot of girls, but I’m gonna have a hell of a lot of pretty girl friends.” 

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Not to my knowledge.

60. Do you hate anyone? No.

61. How’s your heart? Good condition.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? I hate talking about who I used to be.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Once I cried over Mayes Hughes dying in FMA.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Nobody.

65. Are your toenails painted pink? No lol

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Probably not.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? If they do, they’re sadistic and need to not have a boyfriend.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Yes actually and no one cared.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? I think it was my boss.

70. How do you look right now? Tired but comfortable.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? No.

72. Can you commit to one person? Yes I can. That’s easy.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? I can tell my mother and sister almost everything. But completely? No.

74. Have you ever felt replaced? Constantly. Especially when friends I want to talk to can’t talk. But that’s paranoia and such.

75. Did you wake up cranky? Not really.

76. Are you a jealous person? I can be when it comes to things.

77. Are relationships ever worth it? Y E S THEY ARE

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Kinda,

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? I’m wanting to see a lot of people and give them hugs and tell them the world is gonna be okay.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Aye it’s another work day with cremations!

81. Last person you cried in front of? Tiffany.

82. Is there someone you will never forget? I will never forget why I started on the path to be a good genuine person.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I think she would garrote anyone who tried to hurt me.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Sleeping because we would be tired from having a long work day.

85. Are you over your past? I don’t like my past but it’s a part of me.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yeah and woo boy does it get weird.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? No.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I would hug her and talk to her but I don’t think I would accept it.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yes I would because it’s chilly outside.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Nope. My friends all liked my interests. 

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Maybe.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? I know a few actually. One of them is a great friend.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Never kissed a dude before honestly.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Nope I wasn’t.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? Yeah.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? She’s pretty darn cute.

97. Who do you have texts from? Work people, girl that I like, friends

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “Well I hope it goes great. You deserve happiness but I’ll always be your friend.”

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yeah and she was a bad kisser.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? Augustine

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? Nope

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Actually yes and it surprised the hell out of me. She was so beautiful and in my opinion out of my league. That was the recent time it happened though.

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Vital Signs, Pt15

Word Count: 1835 Tags: @supermoonpanda @rayleyanns @sistasarah-sallysaidso @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @outside-the-government, @jimfromsales, @donnaintx, @enterprisewriting

I was gagging. Gagging and choking and desperately trying to get whatever it was that was crammed down my throat out. I felt my arms being pulled away from my face, but I just couldn’t wake up. Instead I thrashed, trying to get away from whatever was holding me down, whatever was gagging me.

“1mg of midazolam will settle her. But we should trial her unvented. I didn’t think she’d recover so quickly.” The voice was familiar, but just as I thought I might be able to open my eyes and place it, I slid back into darkness.

The next time I woke, I wasn’t choking on anything. I could breathe freely and my arms were unrestrained. I willed my eyes to open, and fixed my blurry vision on the ceiling, waiting for everything to focus. I ached all over.

“Hey, you’ve come back to us.” A nurse rubbed my hand. I turned my head and tried to speak, but my mouth was so dry I couldn’t. She offered me a sip of water.

“Thanks,” I croaked. “What happened?”

“You were injured during that alien invasion.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Just a day. It’s remarkable, actually. No one really thought you would wake up for at least a few more days, but you’d only been here in the ICU for a couple hours when you tried pulling your vent out,” she explained.

“It feels like longer.”

“Nope. You were admitted yesterday afternoon at about 1600.” She offered the water again, and then rose from her seat. I looked at the clock. It was 2pm. I hadn’t even been there 24 hours. No wonder I ached so badly.

“I ache everywhere. What is broken?” I asked. I’d been tentatively moving all my limbs but other than being sore, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

“Nothing, actually. You’ve got some superficial burns to your hands, and one helluva concussion. They vented you in the field because you stopped breathing, but the doc thinks that was probably the shock more than anything. I’m going to call your doctor and see if we can’t get you transferred out of here to the medical floor.” She excused herself. Steve rushed past her, looking tired and haggard.

“You look like hell, Steve,” I said. He laughed and leaned across the bed to hug me.

“You do too.” He kissed my forehead, “You scared years off my life, Lex.”

“And at nearly 90, you don’t have many left,” I teased. He relaxed with the joke.

“You’re really okay.” It was almost a question. I pushed against the bed to sit up. He sat down beside the bed and took my hand in his. We stayed that way, quietly, until Dr. Jameson came in, which answered my question as to where I was. He quickly assessed me.

“I think you could safely be discharged, but I’m going to keep you overnight just to be sure. You rattled your brain quite a bit,” he said.

“Dr. Jameson, I’m not a medical person, but this is an Intensive Care Unit,” Steve protested.

“I understand that, Captain Rogers. We have a tendency to be overly cautious when it’s one of our own, and I don’t know that Dr. Richmond actually needed ventilation or a stay in this unit. Observation on medicine would probably have been fine,” he explained. Steve nodded.

“So you really think she’s okay?” He asked.

“I wouldn’t sign this order if I didn’t, son.” Dr. Jameson placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder in reassurance. I was moved to the medical unit soon after. Steve insisted on wheeling me down in a wheelchair, despite assurances that I could walk there. Unhooked from the monitors, I was able to make room for Steve beside me in the bed, and he slipped in beside me, and took me into his arms. We both slept.

I shrieked as I came awake, sitting upright. Steve grabbed me and pulled me back to him and laid my head on his chest. He stroked my hair.

“What?” He asked. I could hear his heart racing.

“Nightmare.”

“Chitauri?”

“Who what now?”

“The aliens,” he explained.

“Destroyer,” I shook my head. He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me. A nurse rounded the corner into the room.

“I heard screaming?” She asked. I nodded.

“I had a nightmare,” I explained. She raised an eyebrow at Steve being in the bed with me, but didn’t say anything. It took a while for us to relax back into sleep, but once I slept, it was thankfully dreamless. I awoke alone to sunlight streaming across the hospital bed. I sat up quickly, looking for Steve. The motion made me very dizzy and my stomach turned. It took a little blinking before my vision came in to focus, and I couldn’t see Steve anywhere. I stood up slowly, and made my way to the bathroom for a shower. I could still feel the grit from the battle on my skin and it had made me crazy all night. I pulled on a clean hospital gown and realized I had nothing with me. No clothes, no toiletries.

Pulling on a pair of those horrible blue paper slippers, I made my way down to the nurse’s station. Dr. Jameson was flipping through a chart and chatting with the nurse at the computer.

“Dr. Richmond! I was just signing your discharge orders. Your vitals were stable all night, and you look wonderful. How are you feeling?” He asked. I smiled.

“Good. I was dizzy when I got up, but that’s understandable,” I answered. I looked over at the nurse, “I hate to bother you, but do you have any combs? I showered without thinking about toiletries.” She nodded and grabbed a comb from the clean hold. As she handed it to me, Steve rounded the corner with a small gym bag.

“You’re up,” he observed. I raised an eyebrow and he blushed, “I thought I would make it to your apartment and back before you woke this morning. I figured you would want clean clothes and a toothbrush.”

“You’re the most thoughtful boyfriend ever!” The nurse was admiring his shoulders too. I blushed. We hadn’t actually defined what was going on with us, so I wasn’t sure if he would be okay with the term boyfriend. Then again, he was an old-fashioned guy. He was probably fine with it. We headed back to my room so I could change.

“Dr. Jameson just discharged me. We can pretty much go as soon as I have clothes on.” I took the bag from him and popped into the bathroom. I was partway dressed, in my bra and a pair of jeans when he knocked on the door. I opened it a crack, puzzled as to what couldn’t wait. He looked me in the eye, but didn’t say a word. Then he pushed me into the bathroom and against the bathroom wall, flicking the door shut with his foot. His lips pressed against mine in desperation, and his hands tangled into my wet hair.

“I have never been scared like I was when I saw you flying back from that car,” he murmured between kisses. One of his hands slid across my side. His hands were rough against my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him, hungry for the comfort of his mouth against mine. A sudden knock on the bathroom door broke us apart.

“Dr. Richmond? Are you all right? Your bathroom call bell is on,” my nurse called through the door. I reached behind me, and flicked it off. Steve smothered a laugh in my shoulder.

“I’m fine, sorry.” I picked my shirt off the floor and pulled it over my head.

“We should probably get going,” Steve smirked. I threw my patient effects bag into the duffel and pulled on the runners Steve had brought.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you brought my sexiest underpants, Steve.” I couldn’t help but smile. He blushed, just a little.

“Yeah, you really scared me,” he said, as though that explained the lacy bra and pants that I’d found in the bag. I laughed and shook my head. Man logic.

Steve was propped up on one elbow in my bed, tracing my collarbone with his fingertip lazily. He dipped his head to kiss me again, but it was so much less urgent than the kisses in the hospital had been.

“It’s taking all my willpower to not demand that Fury hide you away in a safe facility for the rest of your career,” he offered. I smiled, and ran my hand down his arm.

“How very modern of you,” I teased. He chuckled softly.

“Well, like your nurse said, I am the best boyfriend ever.” His smile was a little shy.

“How could you not be? You’re Captain Goddamn America.”

“I don’t think Dr. Erskine’s serum covered good boyfriend qualities.” He was just leaning down to kiss me again when his phone rang. So much for round two. He rolled away to answer it and sat up when he saw the call display.

“Director?” Steve spoke into the phone. He pulled on his pants and paced out to the living room. I sighed, and tracked down my clothes. I put a pot of coffee on while Steve was talking to Fury, and I desperately wanted to listen in, but Steve was mostly just saying yes, no and uh-huh. I tossed his t-shirt and boxers at him and handed him a cup of coffee.

“No, actually, she’s here. She was discharged this morning. I’m at her place right now,” Steve responded, looking up at me. He handed me the phone wordlessly, and finished getting dressed.

“Richmond, are you ready to get back to work?” Director Fury asked me. I sat down on the couch, and closed my eyes. No rest for the wicked, I suppose.

“Sure, I guess so.”

“Good. We have a lot of protocols to readdress in light of this most recent incident. And I need you to do a final assessment on the prisoner before Thor takes him back to Asgard.” Fury was asking me to assess Loki again.

“I don’t think-“

“We need to know about his physiology, Richmond. We need to know how to defeat his kind, should this happen again.”

“Steve said the Chitauri were something different than Loki,” I argued.

“Yes, we have a number of their bodies back at the Hub being autopsied. But Loki can’t be autopsied.” Fury’s voice was somehow gentler than usual.

“I don’t see why not,” I snapped into the phone, thinking about Coulson. Fury barked out a cold laugh in response.

“Thor seems to think facing Asgardian justice will be a harsher punishment. He’s being held at the med clinic at the detention centre uptown.” The line went dead. I passed Steve his phone.

“Can we stop for coffee on the way?” I asked him. He nodded.

[amarimeta]

100 questions

@writerinthedarkabyss​ tagged me to answer these 100 questions! if you feel like answering please do so and tag me in it! 

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

not exactly,,, i always lowkey like people but it’s never an actual thing 

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

yeah, it was a misunderstanding 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

my friend who loves cats 

4: What’s something you really want right now?

motivation to do my homework

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

yep because im on the aro spectrum and it’s a mess for me

6: Do you like the beach?

yes!!! i used to go all the time when i was younger. 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

sure all the time at friends house 

8: What’s the background on your cell?

a picture of lana :) 

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

mine, i assume zoe’s, idk i don’t sit on many people’s beds as im realizing??

10: Do you like your phone?

yeah its a 6s 

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

nope but i didnt plan too much 

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

i think it was someone at an anime convention not sure tho 

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

rottweiler 

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

zoo 

16: Are you tired?

always 

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

going by alphabet so since 3rd grade 

18: Are they a relative?

nope it’s an ex friend 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

yeah

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

statistically speaking it was kate so today 

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

no 

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

it’s kate of course i would 

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

one it’s the ace colors and zoe got it for me 

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

not really

25: What’s on your mind?

i haven’t started my homework and its 11 pm 

26: Do you have any tattoos?

not yet 

27: What is your favorite color?

cyan??

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

probably kate at some convention 

29: Who are you texting?

zoe rn 

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

i don’t think so ???

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yeah

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

sure

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

maybe??? idk im a horrible judge of this 

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

don’t recall 

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

GOOD FOR YOU KATE!!!!! WHATS HER NAME TELL ME MORE 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

yall kate is my best friedn i love her 

38: What do your friends call you?

Ace, Carter, KIDDO

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

yep

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

yeah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

my knee from bumping into stuff 

42: What is it from?

oops 

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

everyday at school 

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my dad lol 

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

my boots but theyre super old now 

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

not that often 

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

maybe? 

48: Do you make supper for your family?

sometimes not often 

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

yeah

50: Top 3 web-pages?

ao3, tumblr, netflix 

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

yeah

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

MY LEGS RN ARE SO SORE FOR NO REASON 

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

yeah

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

cream soda today 

55: How is your hair?

normal/? idk lol its wet rn 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

check my phone 

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

yes 

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

yeah lol 

59: Green or purple grapes?

green grapes unless theyre frozen then purple 

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

lol whenever i see a friend in the hallway 

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

yeah !!! always 

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

im texting kate rn 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

in my bed asleep hopefully 

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

waking up 

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i think we were dating at this point correct me if im wrong 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

lol actors and friends

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

of course i hugged my friends!!!

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

wow i should have gone to sleep earlier 

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yep

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

three 

71: How many fingers do you have?

okay so apparently thumbs arent fingers??? eight i guess 

72: What is your ringtone?

regina’s true love theme from ouat 

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

still 15 :(

74: Where is your Mum right now?

MY ONLY MUM IS @lost-your-memory

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

it’s wild and she follows me 

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

probably with a friendo 

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

some people yeah 

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

yeah we dated lol 

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

not off the top of my head 

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

i cuddle with friends all the time 

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

dont attack me like this 

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

in like the changing room in pe? 

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

maybe

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

idk i haven’t been drunk 

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

yes 

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

THESE KIDS WOULDNT SHUT UP IT WAS SO RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL I COULD RANT FOR AN HOUR ABOUT IT 

87: Who was your last received call from?

zoe lol 

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

fuck my heart and head say no but my hands say money 

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

time, sleep, motivation, money 

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

no

92: Do you get along with girls?

yeah

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

i dont think so?

94: Does sex mean love?

hope not im ace 

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

IT’S KATE we will probably marathon akb or something 

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

no

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yeah : )

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

my heart says yes but my mind says no 

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised?

i dont know lol 

OKAY THAT WAS SUPER LONG BUT YAY I DID IT THANKS FOR TAGGING ME 

[mthomas0236]

Superman

Superman Sort of a timeline story about me. I guess I was about 13 when I use watch a TV show called Superman. Sure, I would think about what it would be like to be Superman with super powers, but what kid doesn't at that age. Well, as time went on I really started to like many of the superheroes that I would read about in the good old comic books. I remember as a small child, we would go to a book store in Lafayette, Oh yes, we got to go to the big city from time to time and on the way they're sometimes we would get a treat and get to have lunch at McDonalds. Wow, time has changed everything so much. I can remember driving into town and where the mall sits , back then there was nothing but open field. Come to think of it the mall has been there a really long time. So now back to what I was thinking. My mom would go inside the bookstore and we would go to the comics. I never could understand how my mother could sit and read those boring love novels, the only thing good about them was the pictures they had on the front of the book. So after many, many minutes of waiting for my mother to get done so we could go home and I could read all the cool comic books I had just gotten I would go up to the bedroom which I shared with my twin brother I would read until I would fall asleep. Pretty soon I would be woken up to go downstairs to have supper. My mother always fixed really good food and she was always in the kitchen baking up something. I will say we never went hungry; there was always something to eat in this house. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how we ate in that small kitchen ,I guess it was probably bigger than I remembered, but that's one of the things that we had to do was eat in the kitchen and we had to finish everything off our plates before we could leave the table. Strange, I don't think that happens much anymore. Oh yes the food, the food you could smell it and it would make your tummy rumble with hunger and then that first bite, when all of your senses come together and explode in your brain, hmm mmm wow the good old days, when food was made and not bought. It was special the time that mom took to cook each meal or the cookies or cakes that she took so much time out of her day to make our day special. Well most of the day was spent watching TV; I would be asked if I had gotten my homework done. Of course I lied and said yes. Now I look back and think you know I've should have done a better job at school. Soon it would be time to go to bed, of course after watching Welcome Back Kotter! I think everyone had a tee shirt with "up your nose with a rubber hose"! It should have been off to dreamland, but I would find myself staying awake at night listening to the radio and watching that old clock flip one minute at a time. I can still hear Bob Seger Aginst the wind, on the radio and I would look out the window to see how much snow we were getting and then waking up early and listen to the radio and then complaining because we haven't heard Tippecanoe had closed the Schools yet. Now it seems like they close for the smallest reasons. And then across the radio we would hear that our school was closed for the day, Yah, back to sleep for a little while. Soon we would be up and running around so that we could go play outside, you know that was about as much as we had to worry about growing up and how long we got to play outside. Yes, you read that right, play outside. We didn't have computers or phones or other fancy things to keep us inside so we did what god gave us and we used our imagination, and we went out and we built snow forts and snowmen and had snowball fights. Sometimes we would go over to my friend's house. They had a new house, and it had woods behind it and we would go out into the woods and we would play for hours. We did everything from climbing trees to taking our sled which I think was made in the fifties and we would get on that sled and we would slide down the hill in the woods, and if we were lucky enough we would make it down the hill without hitting any trees. So many good memories. They say you only remember the bad things, but that is just not true, I would say it's the other way around. There are so many good things that I remember growing up as a child, just too many to write down, if I did I would have the largest book in history. I guess you could say I like to live in the past, because at least what I remember was mostly happy thoughts. So I guess that's what brings me to what I really started to write about. Back in the 90s, I joined the Sheffield Fire Department in Dayton. What I learned from that time while on the department I could never replace not to mention the many friends that I still have today. While being on the fire department I learned that I really wanted to be a Police Officer. Many of the guys wanted to go on and be a fireman on a paid department, but I felt a different calling. Something deep down inside told me that I wanted to be a police officer. On many of the calls that I would go on I would work next to many police officers. It was soon my life would take a different direction. I started doing Animal Control for Tippecanoe County and started having a great respect for the officers. I thought to myself, how would I ever become one of these people that I admire so much. I didn't go to college; I have been just a factory worker with no experience in law enforcement. But soon the desire was becoming stronger. I should mention that one of my best friends was an officer and all though he might not know it, I looked up to him, and I still do to this day. I can't explain it, but I just felt this need to make some changes even though I really had no idea what the job was really about. Finally, I got the nerve up and I quit the job that was slowly killing me inside and out. I went to work at Purdue and yes, it was not the best job in the world, but hey, it was a job and when the boss comes up and says your one of the best workers he has seen, well, I don't know about you, but I really didn't think cleaning toilets is that hard but I guess I can't take crap from anyone. It wasn't long before I found another place that I would like to work at. I put my application in and went and got myself hired at St. Elizabeth Hospital in security. I really enjoyed this job, I met so many people that I really liked and the job was a lot of fun. For a security officer back then we got into a lot of crap and I think the staff liked having us around. This is where I met one of my soon to be boss; I just didn't know it at the time. He was a Sergeant at Carroll County and was in the ER getting information about an accident that had happened. Strange to think that he would end up be one of my bosses and a friend. I guess you just never know what will happen in the future. So soon I need to do something because the security job just doesn't pay enough and now I'm trying to raise a family. So I drove up to Carroll County Jail and I put my application in for a jailer's position. The Sheriff at the time interviewed me and told me that I would have a job here and thought it might even be a full time job. A couple of days later I received a call from the Sheriff and he stated that if I still wanted the job that I could have the full time spot. Well of course I took the job, it was way more money duh. So for two years I worked hard at my job and I believe I did a pretty good job at it. Then one day I heard that they were going to hire three new deputy's. So after thinking about it, I decided that I would try for it and that maybe, just maybe, I might get to do what I have been wanting to do all this time. Pretty soon the time came for the interview with the Sheriff and the Merit board. Funny the Sheriff that day was the same one that I met in the emergency room while working as security. Later that night I got a call from him and him telling me I have one of the positions if I wanted it. From that moment on, my whole life changes some for the good some of that bad. Remember that officer, I was telling you about that I looked up too. Well, he was now a deputy in Tippecanoe County. I would ride with him and though he might not have noticed I was learning from him. I learned how to do my job mostly from him and though I know he doesn't know it. I owe him a lot, because where I am today is because what he taught me. About a year later it was time to go to the Indiana Law Enforcement Academy. The first go around was not pretty to say the least. I will admit they scared the crap out of me and I wasn't in very good shape and when we went outside to do physical training I ended up getting sick and had to go to the hospital. I had been dehydrated severely and went back home only to try again three months later. Well, this time I did very well and almost graduated almost with honors. At that point I was just glad to be able to get back to my family that I loved so much. Now I wished that I would have done better on that last test, oh well it happens. So I guess you're probably wondering while I titled this story Superman? Well have a seat; take a drink because this might get heavy. I was new and all of a sudden I had all this thrown at me and I was not ready for the feelings and emotions that were to follow. I have a great job where they provided me with a car, a gun a uniform and so many other things that I could put down but won't. The responsibility of so much was now on my shoulders. I did not know how to handle all the feelings and emotion that I was feeling. I decided to go talk to a counselor about what I was feeling because I was just not sure about all this. For those of you that don't know I was driving the roads at night and taking calls and sometimes I was the only one on duty protecting the people of about 20 thousand with the help of the city of Delphi and Flora. The feeling was overwhelming at times, so when I went in and spoke to the counselor, I told him that when I have my uniform on I felt like superman, that all I had to do was rip open my shirt and I could do anything. But sadly this just was not the case. As much as I wanted to believe I was superman I have been just a normal human being and no super powers. Over the years I have learned that no matter how many arrest you make, no matter how many people you have put away you have this empty feeling that you could have done more. Over time you start to become numb at times when you listen to people's problems and even though you do your best for many it's just not enough. Until you get someone to walk up to you and they tell you, it's because of you I am where I am today. So at first you get a knot in your throat and you think the worst. But then you hear them out, and they tell you that they are now married and they have a good job and they are happy for once in their life. You walk away with a good feeling. Have I saved some lives? Yes. But it comes back to that feeling of being superman or whatever superhero you like. I have seen death over and over again and the tragedy that no one ever wants to see. Believe me; I have seen enough to last a lifetime. So yes, I still battle that feeling of ripping my shirt off to save the world only to know that not even Superman can save everyone. This world has a change so much from when I first put on that uniform and the respect that I have for those that put on the uniform no matter if it's military, firefighter, EMS or a brother in blue. I look at my daughter and the way she is raising my grandkids and I think that if this world is ever going to turn around, it's the simple basics of raising a family with manners and morals and respect for life. My daughter and son in law teaches their children to be nice, to follow the rules that they have in place, to correct them when they have done wrong, to eat at the table and to pray before each and every meal. Sometimes I think with all the technology we gained we equally have lost something. It's a give me, give me type world. So with that I will say I have worked hard in my life to be where I am today and even though I did not go to college and trust me, you don't have to tell me about my grammar not being all that good I've lived with this burden all of my life and something that might be easy for you to understand just isn't that easy for someone else. But in closing, I will continue to put that uniform on, one button at a time, to sling that heavy gun belt around my waist that has caused me back problems, to walk out that door and assume that I will return safe and sound to see my family while I've been protecting yours. And when I return home from a day of work and I take my shirt off only to see a bare chest with no S on my chest only to realize that the S is not something you wear on the outside it's something you have on the inside. And remember the S doesn't mean superman it stands for hope and that's something we all need some of.

[ali-explains-it-all]

Journal time

I would much rather a paper journal but this is what I have right now so here we go.

Life has been pretty chill for a while. Then it kind of came to a head. Jace got a job and hurt his knee really badly. So he was fired but they claim he quit. What the fuck ever. He’s miserable about it and it sucks. I hate it for him. Like that sucks. I think they realized they can’t fire him for getting hurt so they lied. It’s a prison so they are obvi currupt. Well let’s talk about Jaces knee. We have been trying to get him seen forever. Insurance took forever to accept everything. US health system at large. ( eye rolls ) but eventually it did and Jace got his MRI. The MRI dude was like ‘ I can’t tell you what I seen but it’s been to come in when you feel pain than to let it get that bad ‘ . And then he went in for his next appointment that Monday. WELL they rescheduled him last minute for the 13th of this month. It’s the 6th and his doctor called today after seeing the MRI and being like ‘ don’t bother with the next appointment. It’s an emergency. We can get you in on Thursday. ‘ and proceeded to tel him that his knee cap is torn off and he doesn’t know how Jace walks. And said that his  Cartledge is non existent and he has arthritis. And other stuff I didn’t unferstand like a torn membrain. Jace has been in extreme pain for months now and his fucking family acts like what he’s going through is nothing. His mom constantly getting mad he isn’t doing things for her. When she should be helping him. He is literally crippled. His sister asking him to do everything. Side story his sister and her family are homeless right now. Her husband quits jobs faster than anyone I’ve ever known. He can make up to like 20 dollars an hour and he is just like ‘ how about I just stay home instead ‘. And he doesn’t want to watch the kids so he doesn’t let Jaces sister Juliette get a good job either. She was offered to live in two different houses to themselves for free and they turned them down because her husband Adam wasn’t allowed there. Why not? He doesn’t like them and he’s an asshole. He said some really mean stuff about their uncle and he’s never come to their grandmas anything. And he refuses to be a man and take care of his family. He just gives them rules. So none of them want him around. So their homeless. Not finding jobs to fix this matter and are in a charity apartment that lasts 90 days. This is their second charity apartment which means they had about two 90 day periods. And now they are almost out of time. Yet to have kept a job. Juliette has straight up ruined job opportunities by yelling at employers because they made mistakes. And called into other jobs because she didn’t feel like working and expected them to be okay with it. Like no. No job let’s you miss the first day. What? But she expects us to help her all the time. And sure why not help. When we needed help she has turned us down. She has never done me a solid. She got me Christmas gifts. I love them and use them. Very thankful for those gifts even though she shop lifted them. But when we were in a bad place she was like ‘ nah ‘. Which is her choice. We still helped her all the time. She asked jace to do insane things he couldn’t do because he as I said earlier has a list of things wrong with his right knee. When he said no he physically couldn’t do those things. Like watch her kids for her. No. Her son who is clearly autistic and she doesn’t bother to get him diagnosed and get him into places that can teach him and help him. He is way too much for us. We have Lorelei and Zoey. And Zoey has autism and she is a handful all on her own. Arabella her daughter is chill. No problem what so ever. But Jack will hurt himself 90% of the time. He will step on Lorelei and throw stuff that can hurt her and him. He could hurt Jace. Like it’s way too much him and I. I couldn’t do it all on my own either. Jack sadly is just watch too much for me. But any other time we have helped her. At Christmas dinner at her memaws she started talking shit about everyone.

Well Christmas Day was supposed to be Jaces mom, Juliette , her two kids, Jace , Lorelei , Zoey and i. We were gonna have this spread of family dinner. Juliette was donated so much food and SHE offered to use that for dinner since it was donated so she would have a Christmas dinner. Which was cool. And then while she was at their memaws for some reason Adam decided to be the trash can he is and said he didn’t want us to have the food. That Jace is lazy and won’t keep a job. And he doesn’t want to waste it on him or any of us. So Jaces mom made meatloaf. Which I PREFER meatloaf. I was so happy. Then Bruce Jaces uncle told him why. And guess what? Jace didn’t believe it. He thought Bruce was lying because Adam was mean to him. So Jace called his mom and his mom said it was true. So Jace called Juliette and asked and she just dogged us so hard. Like she said I never cleaned and called me lazy. I literally am the only person who cleans this fucking apartment. I’m the only person who does almost anything here. I just cleaned Jaces moms bathroom because she doesn’t bother. They will live in filth and complain but not get up from their laptops and do anything. I was pregnant and couldn’t walk and this place was a fucking pigstye. I clean so much. But she was like ‘ I have been to your house. I see it ‘. Like first of all you selfish person. I have been to your apartment multiple times and I seen how fucking disgusting it was. Your last apartment smelled so bad. Food everywhere and trash piled up. Smelling of decomposing food and mildew. Did I judge you? NO. You have two kids, a mental illness and an actual worthless husband who has to be paid to watch his own kids. Yes I know your mom had to pay him so he would watch them. So I understood. It’s hard to keep the place clean. Jack is a tornado in and of himself. There is no such thing as clean. But you come here all high and mighty thinking you know me because you happen to come and some bad days of mine. And complaining that I don’t work. Lady I have a child with autism who has picca and BM issues. I also have no ride to work. I don’t have a car. But I do pay bills. Since I get a check for Zoey. I clean this apartment all the fucking time. I cook dinner for everyone. I buy food for everyone. I buy a lot of stuff to make sure this apartment still runs. I pay bills. I may not have a job but I bring so much fucking value to this home. Don’t even act like I am worthless when you guys spent so much money on pot and fast food and couldn’t afford your bills. Because hey I don’t use my money on things I can’t afford. Like hey I haven’t had new pants in over a year. I’ve had one new shirt. But it for shrunk in the dryer and it doesn’t fit anymore. So basically I have ratty ass clothes and I look like shit but you know what. I make sure we have what we need. I don’t spent it on pot. So coming at me and judging me is so ignorant when I have time and time again been so nice. I help any way I can. And you know what? I know why you’re like this about me. Because you wanted me to give you my Hulu password so your husband who can’t do anything for himself or his family can watch it while he’s at work. It made me uncomfortable. First your mom told me it was for him then you tried to lie to me and say it was for you. I didn’t answer you because it makes me uncomfortable when people lie to me. Then you keep bothering me about it. And then you say it is for him. Jace answers you and says no. I don’t wanna share with him and be his reason to not work. Or his reason he got fired. I pay 30 dollars for my Hulu. I let you use it before because I didn’t think you’d abuse it. But I don’t want that. I don’t want him to give my account out either. I don’t trust him. I am honestly so fucking worthwhile. I am so nice and caring and loving. I provide and help. I am annoying and I sick at doing dishes and remembering to put stuff in the dryer. But I do my best. And sitting around being a cunt because your life sucks isn’t okay.

Then tonight I finally get Lorelei asleep. And as you know. Jaces mom moved in with us because at first she wanted to save money. And eventually move. But Jace lost his job and now she helps with bills. Before she didn’t . Now she does. I am so thankful. But she is so mean these days since Jace is hurt. Side story - Which is insane since she was hurt in June and was laid up for over a month and we didn’t even complain. But he’s injured and can’t do everything for her and she’s mad all the time. Like this is what she does. She wanted a dog and encouraged it. We got a dog and loved him. She had to take him out sometimes. She got tired of that real fast and found him a new owner before even asking if we wanted to give him away. Jace worked a lot and he couldn’t always walk him. And Jaces mom hated this dog because he was a lot of work and took up a lot of space. And Jace felt like he had to. And Jace cried for months about this. And that’s what his mom does. Well now she is mad all the time because she’s inconvenienced. Tonight I finally get Lorelei to sleep and we are in the living room because Jace is asleep and I can’t do anything to wake him up. He needs his sleep turned around for his surgery Thursday. And we have an open concept place. The kitchen is connected to the living room. She comes in and sees me with all the lights out and my computer screen off and sees Lorelei asleep with her baby music on and then she walks into the kitchej and turns on the light. Fine if it doesn’t bother Lorelei it’s fine. But it did. And I asked if she could turn the light off while she uses the microwave. Lorelei is trying to sleep. Note that she was also slamming things. But I didn’t bring that up. I asked nicely and she yelled at me. Telling me she can’t use it without the lights on and why isn’t Lorelei in her bed anyways. And I explained that Lorelei has to be fully asleep before I move her or she will wake up and be awake all night long. And she got so mad but turned off the light. And I get it. It’s annoying to have to do that. But she came in at 9pm. And she seen me yesterday using my phone light to cook. I don’t expect her to do something if I don’t do it. But I do it too. I put the baby first. I don’t even think she likes Lorelei. She literally has told jace that Lorelei isn’t allowed to eat French fries because she doesn’t want Lorelei to be the fat cousin. EXCUSE ME. What?

Lately Jace has been so loving and sweet and caring. He got me so many gifts. And loved on me. Gave me the best sex and have been pretty much fulfilling my needs. I am so thankful. One part of my life is going well. Just everyone else is just testing me. My kindness can run out though.