#not dead just deteriorating
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(stumbles out of a horror film franchise covered in blood) something LGBT happened to me
#melviships crushing hours#let's be open here Melvis#we made an insert#their name is Mallory and I will be adding the tag shortly#also hi.#not dead just deteriorating#I'm 26 now#will update pages eventually#also it was the 10th in case y'all think it was today ugxugxuhcucg
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That one line that Dutch says after guarma to Arthur
“You sound like him” makes me wanna bash my head into a wall!!!!!!! Dutch’s coldness and dismissal of Arthur is so tied to Hosea’s death and I stand by that! Dutch’s grief over Hosea was such a tipping of the iceberg
#makes me so sad#cause#vandermatthews#platonic or romantic#but also because Arthur is so Hosea#especially in chapter 6#and Dutch’s absolute deterioration after hoseas death#and his coldness fo Arthur#who is just like Hosea#is so heartbreaking#Dutch is Arthur’s only family he has left at that point#John is missing#hoseas dead#and Dutch is going crazy#you sounds like him#that must’ve hurt to hear#COULD U IMAGINE#AND ARTHUR COUGH AND SICKNESS IS ALSO REMINISCENT OF HOSEAS COUGH FURTHUR THE COMPARISON BETWEEN THEM#furthering*#goodnight#rdr spoilers
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Why does Eostra lowkey remind me of Elluka clockworker
HELP ???????? OH MY GOD???????
#THIS ASK WAS PERFECTLY TIMED BECAUSE MY FRIEND JUST SENT A CLIP OF WHAT EOSTRA SOUNDS LIKE IN THE AUDIO BOOKS LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO#SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE HASN'T HAD WATER IN DECADES#HER VOCAL CORDS SOUND LIKE THEY'RE FUCKING DETERIORATING#IT HAD ME FUCKING DEAD#chronicles of ancient darkness#coad#eostra#coad eostra#eostra coad#evilious chronicles#elluka clockworker#ask
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good thing abt comics is that they keep getting pumped out esp for x men so i think you’ll be pretty satiated fora while
ok but the thing is the comics also have to be good ... and like ... charles has to be in them vjeaLKJALKJVAELKJ
#snap chats#ill read the bad ones too but yk i like good stories .... i dont just read to ogle..... sometimes ... will ogle tho if given the chance--#im just saying that just cause i see media of my fave doesnt mean ill like all of it#like... oh god what was it xmen xtreme ??? the run that was lit just dedicated to killing charles across multiple universes#yeah no that was a mess. jesus christ. never want to see space whale or creepy bug overlord charles OR NAZI CHARLES EVER AGAIN#but like on that note is charles still locked away. is he mechanically dead if you know what i mean#like he's ALIVE just not in the story asnd stashed away ... lowkey havent been keeping up oops ..#on that note tho wasnt there recently a zombie run or somethin i think i saw that ???#all i know is that i think tehy finally put charles back in his chair in that... ill have to hunt for that later ...#NOT SAYING THE RECENT STUFF'S BAD i havent looked too much into them yet to determine that#ive been excluding erik from this conversation erik bb im so sorry#i know semi-recently he just scolded scott for exhibiting Logan Behavior vjaLGVKAEJGLJE#and he has his own hover chair ...... i never got the run names for those tho .......#i do know he's like. deteriorating because of resurrection ... so ive been told ....#but anyways moving on LIKE THATS THE DEAL WITH COMICS THERES A LOT#and so it can get overwhelming .... but im still having fun so we're moving on...
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I agree with you about Capcom bringing Nash back for SF6! I even made a post in my Threads account about him if Bison comes back, then there is a chance he might return! Please Capcom! Bring my boy back in the series! You been neglecting him for far too long!
I could go on about how I think they could bring Nash back in SF6 for AGES. The sheer fact that F.A.N.G. lived and is in SF6 (Fang Fei/Foo, A.K.I.'s master) makes me think that Nash probably survived his bout with Bison in some degree and could come back but there's so many ways they can go about it they could make it really insane if they wanted to.
They could have the Secret Society/Illuminati revive him again to use as an agent to gain ground against Shadaloo and potentially leverage Gill/the Society into higher threat standing (villain).
They could tie Darkstalkers semi-into Street Fighter and say that the Nash we would see is him after escaping the Makai and give him some more wacky magic-like powers (and give Darkstalkers fans like myself some more crumbs to survive on for a while lol).
They could lean into the Nash/Shadow setup from Marvel vs. Capcom and say that Shadaloo had/has him and the Nash we get to see is totally brainwashed into servitude by Bison or has escaped his brainwashing but like Cammy has no memories of his past. Or hell, just bring 'Shadow' back and it's just Nash but under a different name with different goals in mind!
But those are just my ideas after all.
Capcom needs to give us Nash STAT. I need to see my boy again!
(Also as an aside I love your art <3 )
#I'd love to know more about your ideas on how Nash could return ladydbzelle btw! <3#the disappointment speaks#not me going off on a tangent about ideas for how capcom can put nash in a game lol.#give! me! more! of! my! boy!#we cannot just have nash appear in like 2 canonical stories (sfa3's ending for him being non canon) and in both he fucking dies like come o#like bosht is dead in canon we see him die and he dead fr after the explosion because he's crispy#its heavily implied that akuma finally killed gen in sf5 too but its not explicitly stated its very clear he should be dead#nash? there was a big energy explosion and his dog tags he wasnt wearing fell to the ground#we see no corpse... unless we include 'living' nash as a corpse haha lol undead guy joke#so by technicality and the fact that nash said his body was deteriorating which I think is kind of strange given bison can revive with ease#like bison's revivals are stunted by his psycho power if I recall correctly. nash has the opposite of that in sf5#if anything by that logic nash should be immortal but instead he's dying rapidly? seems odd#my thought from other game logic is nash is either not nash but rather some 'Eleven' type entity disguised as nash and has no idea#or like a poorly made clone using old dna from nash's body that was deteriorating rapidly due to that fact.#or maybe it was nash but he didn't die completely in the explosion of energy but rather was severely injured and on death's door again#either way our boy aint dead until capcom shows me his corpse#also I want to see how guile would react to see his dead buddy again after he dies for the second time. lets make it a third. come on.#it could be so funny capcom you have no idea.#I went off in the tags lmao I should stop yakking and get to doing other things lmao#I may just be caught up on F.A.N.G. somehow surviving getting his ass beat TWICE in quick succession and falling AND the collapse of Shadal
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#ngl we've been feeling kinda frustrated here lately!#is it just me or has it been kinda dead over on this side of tumblr#am i about to start streamlining my shit bc all people seem to care about is smut lol#also we have a problem with minors again bc last week why tf did i have to block a 13-year-old#you were born in 2011 ??? you were literally one year old when payphone - maroon 5 came out ???#you should not be lurking on my blog which clearly states minors dni - which you clearly ignored right before you hit that follow-#button right below those words lol#i am so pressed about so many things i'm gonna keep deteriorating in the gc bc people might bury me for the shit i have to say lol#jen rambles
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mfw i just realized neither of the gay cousins are gonna be here tn or i guess really none of the younger ones except the one that traumatized me at a very young age and changed the trajectory of my life forever. and the cop (her brother)
#it’s gonna be really cool. there’s the kid cousins ranging from very little to like in high school now. what the fuck. and like a foot#taller than me. and all my old aunts and uncles. and the cousins i don’t have much in common with seeing as they’re 40 with a mortgage and#kids and i’m a deadbeat gay kid who just graduated and brings no bitches home and has a dead end job and no prospects#on any front really. but it’s okay because of my beautiful nature and spirit. 🩷🫶 i’m hanging on here. by a thread#you would get it if you spent a minute around my parents. but then there are some things you just can’t even be tuned into#if you’re not aware of years of lore and resentment. but still the vibe is overall off and bad#and they’re physically deteriorating too it’s like a dorian gray thing in that i feel like#their souls have been dying and so they appear much more old and weary than they even are. on top of the just actually getting old#abby talks
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I feel like I died so many years ago
#like yeah there’s been good parts to my life but overall the negative defo outweighs the positive#n I think everyone can tell I’m just miserable being here#I’ve spent most my life being depressed and suicidal than i have been happy#n it really does say a lot tbh like i just don’t think I’m a person capable of living life and being happy#everytime I talk to my mum I feel like by being here I just keep worrying her bc my life doesn’t seem to improve#she said it seems like things are just getting worse over better#n she’s right tbh like every year I’ve just deteriorated more and more#I feel so dead#like this just doesn’t feel like ‘living’ I genuinely have wondered sometimes whther this is just hell#n I’m not religious lol but it doesn’t feel like this is what it’s supposed to be like…#for years ever since I was young I didn’t think I’d live this long#when I attempted years ago I did want to go but maybe some part of me did it for attention bc I was struggling and I didn’t know what else#to do like it felt like a last resort. I hated mysel and my life and wanted out but I guess u can’t overdose on painkillers#unless it’s a hell lot#even tho I did take quite a lot#n like some part of me does want to stay I want my life to be better but it just doesn’t seem to change even when I keep trying#my mental health just ruins everything#i just ruin everything#journal
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
#sorry stupid vent post <3#im gonna be angry in the tags here for a second#im just. idk. sick of being aware of the fact that im getting worse.#i had a week off from work for moving and school purposes#and now that im back i am . oh boy 👍 not great#literally passed out this morning which . thats new. dont like that.#hopefully its just a . one off thing. i dont know. but. idk.#something something capitalism something something ableism something something im tired of this grandpa#i am tired of being in pain <3 im tired of feeling like im falling behind constantly and like im letting everyone down#by just not being able to do the things i feel i should be able to do.#and like. also currently looking at wfh jobs bc i do not think my body can handle school and work and having to stand and walk and stairs#that much . every single day.#and i feel bad about that too bc i transfered to this store ! i put in work to be here at this store and my fucking body is giving out !!#its not even bad. its a much quieter store than the one i came from. everyone ive talked to is nice. the manager is understanding#and i hate that i feel like im just. deteriorating. and failing at everything <3#but like whatever . its whatever. i know its just the. internalized shit of 'yeah but im not bad enough to warrant this'#like ! fuck !#idk. things to bring up in therapy i guess <3#ok goop night sorry for this. i wont be deleting bc fuck me if i ever delete a post. cringe is dead or wtvr
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this may be a hot take, but i think neil had been having suicidal ideologies since before his father banned him from being an actor. that was just the final straw.
#i would argue that he had been feeling urges since the very beginning of the film#we just see his mental health deteriorate in real time so it becomes more noticeable#his father finding out about his interest in acting was the littlest ounce of hope he had left#and the dismissal finally blew neil's flame out#but yeah unfortunately i think it's something he had been considering for quite some time#dead poets society#neil perry#dps#tw suicide#ask to tag#dps headcanons
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How did Gem become the terrifying witch she is today? Was she like that when she was was first booted up?
probably similar case to Murder of Crows
in the case of Crows, a Gen 3, her existence is explicitly filled with emotion cuz that's just how poor Gen 3s are. instead of the usual "going to anger/determination or joy", Crows' programming scanned through the starting info package and went clinical depression mode
Gen 1s are more callouse about emotions, robotical, usually fall back on logic in their first few years. Gem's programming scanned through the starting info package AND interacted with her elders- especially most likely Boreas and Disdain, two most morally complex Iterators currently online (Orion and Spore were sweethearts, Zephyr generally unavailable to anyone but Boreas and Orion)- and her programming concluded that morality is a choice she doesn't have to take to reach her goals- in fact it might actual hinder her progress- and deleted the stuff out of herself
cue typical growing up stuff in a society where death isn't taken all That seriously while still carrying the horrific effects on mental health like irl and you get Gem's brashness, lack of moral sense and readiness to dig through guts of still living things
#spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#ive been thinkin about it these past few days. the Ancients are pretty close to just seeing themselves as bags made of flesh carrying-#-organs and veins and such. especially in lower circles dead bodies arent such Big Things- its socially accepted even though it still-#-carries mind deteriorating effects. normalization of horrible things dont make the horrible things suddenly good basically#imagine the ages of the black plague. dead bodies and deathly sick people littering the streets became the norm. it was still horrible#so both the Ancient people and the Iterators have different relationship to gore and death than us because they are submerged in it#and if you dont watch yourself it will affect the development of a person in a horrid enough way that one ends up like Gem
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Sometimes I’m in a momentary panic of “oh fuck I don’t wanna age” and then I remember that hell yeah I do. I wanna be one of those people who go to pride events n shit, that are old enough to be the mom to anyone there, and be giving hugs like the guys in those videos.
Tryna be a helpful little role model for the youngins, so I gotta look the part. You feel me? Need a little costume
#I must don the appropriate mortal skin#and if that appropriate skin is the flesh of a middle aged woman. I will wait#I WANNA BE THE OLD LADY THAT BAKES COOKIES FOR THE MEW NEIGHBORS :(#I wanna be so gentle and caring and understanding#it’s 1 am and I feel so sentimental but GEJSVS#STOP THE WAY IT AUTOCORRECTED RO A DIFFERENT KEYBOARD SMASH#but like. :(#lowkey can’t wait. I’m gonna be a little history teacher also so I have an excuse to bring an Aztec death whistle to class :) <33#I’m so excited. I love possiblities#IM NOT SUPER GOAL ORIENTATED. I DONT HAVE DREAMS ONLY HOBBIES BUT LIKE.#yeah I can dream to be this. ahhhh <33#I’M GONNA BE FOUND DEAD IN MY HOUSE WITH 5 SNAKES LOLOLOL AHHHH I GOT PLANS#this is the first time I’ve been able to imagine a future for myself. is it obvious#I’m gonna be the neatest death ever. both meanings. just wait#(NOT NOW THO I WANNA GET TO BE AN OLD LADY)#sometimes I worry abt my body deteriorating w age but I wanna run people over w my wheelchair and smack them w my cane#I wanna babysit and take the kids on a ‘walk’ (we’re just riding in my wheelchair)#pro aging#old age#aspirations#personal#lgbtqia+#lgbtq#lgbt
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aughghghghh... tiny detail i just noticed on rewatching SDT again... Meghan & Allison's matching yin/yang necklaces...
#feeling insane again sorry. i wasn't rewatching the WHOLE movie but. scenes while making gifs. anyways.#meghan plays such a small role in the movie like out of the named characters but she compels me so. her dead girl charm#like truly she just wanted to vibe. hosting her bestie's birthday party. offering up a page from the bible to roll a joint. made her own#sound effects while playing around with the sword & called it 'fucking rad'. she was JUST trying to have a good time#but also something something zach & josh's friendship deteriorating because of actions that while accidental still were Of Their Own Doing#but allison & meghan's friendship—and meghan's life—being casualties. collateral damage in that fallout. something something the way that#guilt and grief can extend so far beyond the people initially impacted if left unchecked/improperly addressed#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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probs won't hit post limit bc i spent a good chunk of the day watching smallville
#my currently smallville thoughts as of getting halfway thru s5:#jensen's character is dead and gone rip jason teague#also he turned out to be working with his evil mom and held my girl martha and jonathan hostage. so not too sad to see his character go lol#chloe is still getting on my nerves but a little bit less#she seems to have finally accepted her role as sidekick friend who will never be the Love Interest#lois continues to grow on me<3 the 'i barely (but fondly) tolerate you' friendship she and clark have rn is cute#CLARK AND LANA DATING FOR REALS THIS TIME. my shipper heart soars. soaking it all up bc i knowww it will not last </3#also them being each other's firsts. cute and also. VINDICATION. it's just simply what's meant to be. that's his first love ok#clark and lex's rapidly deteriorating friendship in s5 breaks my goddamn heart tho. also lex suddenly interested in lana like. no dude stop#like. i can only get one of my two favorite clark relationships to be afloat at a time. i get a clark x lana win this seasons#only to lose clark and lex :(#my girl martha continues to slay. all the awards to annette o'toole. literally every scene she's in just banger#and lionel's glorious hair finally back. we just love lionel in general. a fun bad dad. it's the flair for dramatics that makes him so fun#also just john glover is constantly slaying every scene too#smallville watch
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#hello dead dash it’s almost 2am and I’ve made myself fckn sad because I decided to go through my old art portfolio#because I used to like??? be pretty good I think???#and it made me think about what I might have been able to create if I just kept at it after hs#and ngl I miss it so much my heart kinda hurts#ya know#I might try to pick it up again if I can get out of my own head about being incredibly out of practice#I just remember being such a perfectionist about it#and idk how I’d handle the reality of deteriorated talent lmao#idk I just#feel some type of way now#ooc *:・゚✧#mobile mun#tbd prolly#vent cw#kinda#personal cw#kinda pt 2
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can i get an f in the chat
just had to send my 21-year old car off to the retirement home and, since she was my first car, i'm feeling like a big ol baby about it
#owned her for 11 years but she fell into disrepair after i had back surgery and couldn't drive#she just sat in the lot and deteriorated. wouldn't start and needed more money than she was worth to get running again#that car saw me through some of the worst years of my life and took all my abuse. she would always start and get me from a to b#except that time i got run off the highway by some fuckin rat bastard in a lifted f150#fr thought i was dead because i dove off the hwy into pitch black nothingness. but she gently took me down the slope and stopped me in the#middle of a water runoff. then she was still able to keep going forward and only stopped when she got stuck in the mud as i tried to#get back onto a road. she just kept going#a very good and sturdy car‚ despite her flaws (broken windshield wipers/windows wouldn't roll down/no horn)#i will. miss her very much
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