#not anything about trans ppl but just a lot of ‘men suck men are the worst’ shit that feels like it leans into the ‘men are inherently Bad’

[charlataninred]

Sometimes I worry my sister is getting a bit too close to some terf rhetoric

[drdemonprince]

can i ask for some sex advice? im a bisexual trans guy, i’ve been with cis women and had hookups with a cis guy where he just went down on me. i’m generally attracted to all genders, but sexually i find myself turned off/repulsed by penises and cum so i’ve only pursued hookups with ppl with vulvas (so far cis women and other ftms) or situations where i don’t have to interact with the penis. totally fine with trans women and femmes who are post-op, etc. i’ve just been worried that i’m gross/transphobic/a chaser? even though im bi i feel like a shitty person for not being into dick.

Hey, thanks for the question. I think it is a good thing to be asking oneself. I think that even if you were to conclude that your attitudes were transphobic, I don't think the solution would be pushing yourself to have sex you didn't want to have or trying to force yourself to "get over" the associations that you have. That won't work, and it's not your fault for having them. What matters is how we treat people, not what fleeting thoughts and emotions we might have privately, which is part of why it is so annoying for cis people to act as if they are persecuted for having a "genital preference" or whatever. The problem isn't their feelings. It's their exclusionary, cruel, often violent actions and the words they express publicly.

I think it's worth contemplating that many trans femme people have absolutely no desire to use their penises during sex, or can't because of various medical issues, and do not produce cum that looks anything like the way most cis men produce cum. How would you feel about a trans woman who does have a penis using a strap-on on you? About you two fisting each other? About you using a hitachi magic wand on her? How do you feel when you see a trans guy with a post-phalloplasty cock? Try to reflect on questions like these with curiosity and not judgement.

Maybe you will explore your feelings and find that there are still barriers; maybe for example you wouldn't feel comfortable going down on someone's penis, but would be happy to be fucked with a strap-on by someone who has a penis, or to fuck them. That's okay. Lots of trans women want exactly that kind of sexual encounter anyway. And lots more are open minded and recognize that T4T sex is experimental and free-floating and doesn't have to involve any specific sex acts. Negotiating these things should be done delicately and respectfully, but it is always fine to say "I don't do [xyz]" or "I don't want to do xyz right now."

I relate more to your question that you might know, albeit from a different direction. I have a lot of dysphoria about having a vagina; though PIV can feel good, what I most picture myself as having in my mind's eye is nothing at all between my legs. I hate receiving oral, as I've talked about a lot, but I'm also dysphoric about and disturbed by giving oral to a person with a vagina. I have also experienced a lot of sexual trauma that involved a (typically cis male) partner forcing or pressuring me to have sex with cis women. That's happened to me many times over the course of my life. It's also made facing any pressure whatsoever to have sex with women (either cis or trans) deeply triggering and upsetting to me.

All of my own personal hang-ups and traumas have left me feeling funnily very much like that one line from Saltburn, "Women are too wet. Men are so lovely and dry."

I do get into my head about it being super transphobic of me sometimes. But I have also had fun, carefree, experimental, gratifying, hot sex with trans men with vaginas. I might not be able to eat them out, but there's lots I can do. I can finger them, put my hands in them, eat their asshole, take their strap, suck their strap-on, kiss them, fondle them, play with their nipples, be fucked alongside them, writhe atop a single hitachi together with them, slap their ass, put a dildo in them, whatever. I just don't want to eat them out or have them eat me out, for the most part.

It would be highly understandable if a trans guy felt invalidated by my feeling that way or didn't want to have sex with me given those limits. that's fine. I understand this stuff is fraught and sucks sometimes. I don't talk about my feelings around this topic publicly often because it is so contentious and I don't want feelings to be hurt. But in my heart I'm comfortable with where I am at. I know which limits I have that seem immovable and I don't really want to push them ever again. Having those limits pushed is what traumatized me. At the same time, I know it's not connected in any way to seeing trans men as lesser than cis men, or as less attractive, and I know it's not a barrier to me having sex with trans men if the moment and our interests both align. I'm not a bad person for feeling this way. It's actually really hard to be trans and to be wired this way. But I'm doing the best I can with it to both grow, and not be an asshole, and also to find fulfillment.

[macrotiis]

Idk it's just fucking frustrating that femme trans guys are minding our business & the masc lot are out there acting like we somehow have it over them when we really don't. We are gatekept out of transitioning & get harassed relentlessly by transphobes & even our own community. Most of the posts you see that are transphobic towards trans men target feminine trans men specifically.

Like sure, there is a lot of fear mongering about the effects T has on our bodies, but that affects all trans men, not just masc trans men. Meanwhile you have dipshits on tiktok talking about misgendering he/hims who wear makeup & have boobs as a joke bc obviously they aren't manly enough to be considered men or to use he/him pronouns.

We have to hide our femininity or non-standard gender if we seek out transition because otherwise we aren't seen as being serious about it. We instead get pathologized & thrown into the mental health system until we either give up on transition altogether or conform cisgender ideas on how trans men should be.

We aren't treated any better than masc trans men, we are treated with skepticism & seen as just as much of a threat to queer spaces as any trans man is. If anything we get it worse bc cis ppl see us as invaders who aren't even trying to be trans or man enough for them. Or we get thrown in the same pigeonhole that trans women get, where our femininity is conflated with sexual deviancy & we are assumed to be predatory.

Also it's becoming increasingly obvious that when you all say "feminine" you really mean skinny, hairless & white. I think you should all really unpack why you think this way bc you're misgendering trans guys who are just simply skinny & small by marking them as feminine without even asking them how they view their gender expression. And you're equating being fat, hairy & not-white with being masculine, which especially sucks for people who have these features & aren't men or masc at all.

I don't wanna push any kind of divide between masc & fem trans men, but I really want yall to understand how horrible you sound when you talk about feminine trans guys & act as though we arent constantly under intense scrutiny to uphold the cisnormative idea of what masculinity & being a man is, or just not being allowed to transition at all. Stop acting like you as a masc trans man are being forced into feminine gender expression, you aren't, you are being forced to detransition, there is a fucking difference. Every time you bring up how trans men are pushed to be feminine to be more palatable, shut up & think about how that sounds to trans guys who are actually feminine & still get treated the same fucking way.

They don't want you to be a feminine trans man, they don't want you to be a trans man period.

Do fucking better.

[farmerlesbian]

where is the line between transmasc/genderweird lesbians and Men with a capital M? i dont think there really is one, but as a lesbian who straddles that line, people are constantly trying to shame me onto one side or the other and its exhausting. i think sometimes the ppl trying to protect our community by keeping men out end up targeting mostly ppl who are in between or overlapping categories and are typically trans, instead of like, Cisguys preying on dykes. its become a real problem in the community just being visibly trans or butch tbh

i don't think it's possible to articulate A Line. i agree with you and don't really have anything to add!

i'll just say what i've said before. it's fuzzy/blurry. the nuances and intricacies of someone's gender through the narrow slice the internet (on anon!) is not enough for a stranger to make any sort of call about! it's something that individuals with non-binary gender experiences gotta use their own discretion about. people should go about these things with a mindset of using their best judgement and engaging in good faith, instead of like, pushing the boundaries of what is "allowed". instead of seeking approval and validation, seek to look inside onesself and determine 'is this for me? is this space for me? do i genuinely feel like i'm intruding and pushing the boundaries or do i feel like i'm being pushed out and unjustly excluded?'. those are different feelings and while i can imagine it's hard to discern sometimes, maybe talking with your irl people you can figure it out. yeah sometimes you gotta ask a clarifying question here and there to the organizers of the space in question -- i certainly do when seeing (nonlesbian) events for "femmes" and stuff like that haha!

i'm sorry that you're dealing with people being shitty to you about straddling the line. i know i see it, people having this like compulsive need to find rules and permission and categories for everything, needing to push people into one box or another in order to make sense of them, to know how to see you and treat you. and it sucks! it sucks even more because the boxes are WRONG! it hurts and they don't get you.

for ME, when i say "no men" i mean people who are men period. no additions no explanations no complications. just a straight up man. a fully binary man, if you will. i do not intend to apply this to people with funky genders. to trans folks straddling lines. i think if someone is genderweird or got somethin funky goin on they aren't a straight up Man capital M with no qualifiers! do you see yourself as a man or not, deep down? (general you, not you anon!) i do apply it to trans men and cis men alike. i see no reason to separate the two as if trans men aren't really men. because there ARE binary trans men. there are binary cis men! there are a LOT of them out there in the world! some of them are even on tumblr! are there ALSO trans men that feel also kinda butch at the same time and like a little dykey? maybe. i dunno any personally so i'm not gonna make harsh calls and big rules and statements. i'd expect people to make their own judgement calls and use their discretion and best judgment! i absolutely do not want to push someone out who feels that it is their community and that they deserve to belong in it. this is why i don't patrol my followers list except for bots (common lately ugh tumblr!) and obvious gross lesbophobes (quite rare).

sorry this got so long. lmao i say i'm not gonna add anything and then next thing i know you have an essay!! sorry!! hope it makes sense. basically i fully agree with you and i'm sorry you are having people shame you and push you. they should not do that and i do not support it and it is not what i think We should be doing as a lesbian community.

[redysetdare]

I still think about how I was told by another trans person to my face after I made a comment at how much it sucked being misgendered that it was because of how I dress. I couldn't expect people to gender me correctly when i dressed femininely. I needed to dress differently.

Ignoring the fact that how I dress shouldn't stop me from being upset over misgendering, there are multitude of reasons I can't look more masc. one being that I'm too small to fit into men's clothing. a lot of men's clothing is way too big on me. When i wanted to buy a masc dress shirt I had to but it from the boys section. Ppl don't realize that men's and Women's fashion is different. Men's fashion goes from boys to men's because they are expected to his a huge growth spurt that rockets them into men's sizes immediately. there is no in between size for men. Women's sizes go Girl > Junior (teens) > Women's. I can still fit into some of the juniors clothing in the women's section. The men's pants i have took FOREVER to find because there just are not sizes that take into account people of my size. My body is not seen as a men's body and so clothing is not made for it in the man's section. usually I find myself in the unisex fashion section to find anything slightly more masc. second reason is that I'm just not on T. I haven't been able to get on it since I came out. There are medical reasons as to why I haven't started yet. I do not look masc enough for people. Eve if i did dress more masculine people would still misgender me because to them i look like a cis girl.

that's not eve to mention that masculine clothes are so boring and uncomfortable so I dress in a way that makes me comfortable which just happens to mean I dress in a pink jacket and a colorful hat (which literally is the only 'feminine' clothing i have. that was what was being pointed at as the reason for my misgendering.)

Another thing I was told was my hair being long was an issue and i should cut it which... is an entire bag of worms because my hair has been a huge point of dysphoria and insecurity for me so for someone to say it's 'too long' and use it as a reason I'm being misgendered is just....

like listen, I know i don't pass. I know that's why people misgender me. I'm used to it. But as a trans person I have a right to be upset by the fact I'm being misgendered - no matter if I pass or not. I can still be upset that I am not being seen as a boy and people do not use he/him pronouns for me even though I have my pronouns shown by my name tag.

People misgendering isn't my fault. it's not because I'm not trying. it's not something that I should be shamed for being upset about. I should not have to change myself and make myself more uncomfortable just for no cis person to care because they just see me as a tom boy anyways.

[binders-and-beanies]

I don’t hear ppl talk much about balding on T so. Just some info on my personal experience

Ok so it’s genetic in the sense that if the men on your mom’s side of the family are bald, you’re more likely to go bald regardless of whether you take testosterone or naturally produce it. So it’s not that the medication itself necessarily makes you go bald, you just have the same risk as a cis man in your family with the same amount of testosterone.

And I also want people to know it’s not something that’s likely to happen very soon after you start (although everyone is different). So you don’t need to be scared that all your hair is going to fall out within a year or anything but also don’t be spreading implied misinformation like “I’ve been on it for 1-2 years and haven’t lost my hair so it’s fine” bc it can still come for ya.

It started for me around 6 years on T, I’m currently 7 years and almost 25 years old and I have like, not male pattern baldness but *significantly* less hair than I did. I used to be that person who would always have hairdressers say “I would kill for hair this thick” and it stayed that way for years after starting T, so I thought I’d be fine until my 40s. But very suddenly my hairline receded to the point I get told I have a five-head, and you can see my scalp on the top of my head. (Yes I’ve tried everything other than like, medical intervention so I can’t rly speak on that.) (Stress could contribute but I’m also significantly less stressed than I’ve ever been.)

Everyone will react to this differently, like in my case for example I’m scared of losing more hair because I feel it conflicts with my androgynous gender expression. I feel the need to prepare myself to be a “bald queen” or get tattoos on my head or find some way to be confident without much hair in the next few years. As far as the current emotional impact, it makes me feel kinda insecure since a lot of my friends are trans men either pre-T or less than 2 years on T with beautiful thick heads of hair.

People close to me are cool about it but in general I’m treated differently bc of my hair, and it sucks because I feel too young for it. Yes there are cis men my age who are balding but it’s just strange as a trans man because you’re treated as younger than you are, until you start balding. People were infantilizing me, and now I’m viewed as a creepy old guy, and there was like no in between. I *just* got comfortable in my level of transition and now I have this obstacle in my confidence.

But don’t get me wrong it’s been sooo so worth it, I remember saying at the start of my transition that I’d rather be perceived as a bald man than a woman. Gender is an innate part of my identity and I needed my medication to live a comfortable life, whereas my hair is just something that helps me feel good and express myself. I absolutely regret nothing but I want people to have a bit more informed consent about what they may experience depending on genetics.

[ablednt]

Making my own post bc this would absolutely be derailing imo but the post about how trans women who don't pass and also many queer men don't experience male privilege because it is a contract that they fail to perform to and are then seen as inferior, and the comment that "faggot" is a 3rd gender inside cis ppls binary has me thinking about my own experiences with femininity as an intersex afab (spoiler alert: it's not comparable to my sisters upbringing in the same environment as an amab person almost at all)

I think that there's a 4th gender in the cis gender binary (still a binary bc these aren't REALLY their own genders just a way to classify ordered demographics inside existing ones)

Because trans men, intersex afabs, and sometimes afab nonbinary people aren't really treated as women when they are misgendered either, we treated like "defects." Cisgender binary is a patriarchal contract and both sides are performing to an insane standard and finding ways to label outliers for harassment.

But cis women are patriarchally the inferior gender and they're objectified and seen as products and property (I got a much more overt view of this growing up mormon where women are discussed like property constantly from a young age) so when we DON'T perform correctly even if we're Trying To then we're seen as defective products.

And I think that gives a lot of insight into the ways that afab queers are treated and what a lot of people are trying to put into words but instead just getting frustrated they don't know how to express it and lashing out at other (mainly amab) queer people.

Like growing up intersex I was never really treated like a girl, nor was my sister ever really treated like a boy. For me though, it wasn't seen as the choice to misbehave, girls don't make choices after all. I was certainly girl adjacent I was never a BOY, god forbid, as I was reminded whenever I wanted to do activities with my peers that were too boyish. But I wasn't a perisex girl either and as soon as puberty hit that became readily apparent, I was harrier and sweatier and my cycle was wrong and my overal shape was different. But I wasn't treated like a boy I was treated like a defective girl, someone who was required to participate in girlhood but who always operated as lesser inside of that girlhood. Abuse for me was supposed to be seen as a blessing, a gift I didn't deserve, because I was a defective product and they couldn't take me off the shelf so all they could do was lash out for making the product (womanhood) look bad. The discrimination I faced was never overly overt though, so I didn't know what my problem was or why I Just Felt Different and Lesser.

So flash to adulthood, I'm nonbinary and cis feminists are making me insane by completely erasing me or lashing out at me for being a traitor, even in the queer community and it sucks and I'm all mad and caught up in my feelings and I grow to despise femininity (when it's not the problem here) I gave up on being a woman because I was never allowed to be one in the first place and I wanted to feel some semblance of control.

Then I spend more time around queer femininity and it's different and exciting and fun and it feels like coming home but I know this was never where I was or what I was. Cis people and (actual) transmedicalists want to co-op that and say I'm a cis woman but I know that I'm not, I know if I go back there I just become their defective pet again.

And I think I see where the urge to say your a trans woman comes from but like, really think about it. Am I a trans woman? I didn't transition to womanhood from manhood or anything even adjacent to that, I went from being a defective woman to defining my own value. And that's the vocabulary that I find most helpful, anything that makes it clear to cis women that I'm not operating under their rules and I refuse to be treated like a defect anymore. Nonbinary woman, demiwoman, agender woman, intersex woman, there's a million variations that I can use but none of those are accurately represented by trans woman imo.

And then like people ask what labels to use for when we're punished by cis women for being "defective" the way that we're labeled as traitors and silenced and repressed and sometimes (many times) that can manifest in outward aggression and violence. And we've been told so long (by cis women who, again, view us as defects) that we don't experience misogyny and instead of unpacking that so many people come up with trans versions of misandry because we have to prove we have 0 overlap with cis women bc they don't WANT US and we don't want to be defective anymore but it never fully makes sense because they don't treat cis men like this and then you loop around and go well it's transmisogyny then and like... is it though? Because it seems like regular misogyny to me, it's the exact same treatment I got growing up intersex and no one even knew that's what I was. But women see themselves as a product and as a subordinate and they feel like if they don't suppress any hint of defectiveness that they'll all be punished and the root of that is because of misogyny. The fact that we're called traitors a lot really calls attention to the fact that cis women view gender as a sport or a battle and themselves as a team, and feel the need to silence and violently punish anyone who might jeopardize the system or reflect badly on that team. It's specifically because they view us as a part of them (and an inherently defective/lesser part) that they treat us this way.

Long probably incoherent post I know but I feel like so many afab cisn't and intersex people are missing fhe mark not just for linguistic reasons but because they're unsure where the descrimination stems from. I dunno I just think about this a lot

[stackslip]

#also smth to be said (a lot to be said actually) about how men that are that are traditionally published are given way more grace about#writing themes like this into their works#than like. a poorer trans woman posting her stories on tumblr or smth. like. who has more power and who is getting the more harassment#just look at the reaction to tazmuirs fanfic vs her traditionally published works#and how differently ppl react to the EXACT same themes shes meditating on (via @seapigeonn)

right? something to be said about how a lot of the people screaming at their mutuals for having liked a tweet from someone who may or may not enjoy a Bad Ship or Sexualized A Minor (a shounen character) will have far less to say except some vague performative "yeah it sucks ugh" about their own favourite shounen author sexualizing their characters who are minors, or worse yet nothing to say about their fave author actively supporting and welcoming actual sexual predators who get away with it with a slap on the wrist.

like, i said before that i didn't jive with dandandan and its sleazy horniness (i don't think it's evil or morally repugnant it is just personally distasteful to me and i don't care for it or judge anybody who enjoys it) but now i'm seeing people get mad that fanartists are sexualizing dandandan characters...... babes. the sexualizing of dandandan characters is coming from inside the house lmfao.

but also, why are you debating whether a trans artist deserve to have their livelihood cut off because they drew porn of shounen boys or girls, while being a fan of one piece and making fond jokes about eiichiro oda, who has actively helped his best friend the actual csam consumer nobuhiro watsuki return to the industry to make more money with absolutely no apology or change in behaviour. i'm not asking you to drop one piece!!!! i'm saying you're fucking hypocrites and pieces of shit who are going after vulnerable people who have committed no harm bc let's be clear, they're an easy target and you can both dehumanize them AND make sure they hurt. your politics are bad and based on moral disgust above anything else and you are causing more harm to the world than anybody who's drawn a bnha character fucking or posted on their locked account about momdaughter fantasies ever has <3

Something I’ve noticed on Twitter wrt mangaka is how people will either completely deny they’re into xyz thing they obviously have a kink for because they think it taints the work (Fujimoto being a prime example of this) or completely reduce them to Epstein and Diddy jokes.

it's because people don't see irl incest and csa as forms of oppression and harm that make the world a worse place and destroy lives, but as objects of primarily moral disgust that they can joke about to distance themselves from as an "ewww, everyone look at this and groan with us" point not an actual harm to combat. alternatively, it's because they think incestuous abuse and csa only happen because someone has Weird Kinks or has written a bad fic or something, not bc the nuclear family and the legal/cultural status of minors allows young people to be easily abused and discarded with little fear of repercussions. as for the jokes about diddy and epstein, wait til people find out that most abusers don't get away with it because they're rich conspirators, but because their friends and family will cover for them and pressure victims--you don't want daddy/the pastor/cousin robbie to go to jail, do you? hell, most trafficking victims in these cases have been sold by their families. it's almost like most csa happens via people the child already knows and trusts.

when it comes to people like fujimoto they think it's impossible for an author to have a kink AND to think of the real life implications of the abuses depicted, but mysteriously everyone knows that just because kojima thinks military shit is cool as hell it doesn't do anything to diminish the anti imperialist and anti war messages in his work. and besides they love making jokes about their favourite fictional war criminals bc sexual abuse is a Real And Serious Thing That Happens as opposed to war crimes apparently which Never Happens To Anyone.

anyhow i've already complained about these kind of losers. they'll happily go after some rando trans person online for tweeting/posting a fantasy about a fictional sister and cry about how she's single handedly responsible for incestuous abuse while combing through her sexual life to have her exposed and shamed to thousands, and that apparently doesn't count as sexual harassment in any way. and then maybe they'll hear she's a csa victim and a few of them will go "oh wow i'm sowwy i didn't know she was a *victim* trying to *cope*, but nevertheless couldn't she have done so more privately? why didn't she get therapy? it's not like that art LOOKED like vent art it looked like fetish" after having told their minor followers to go gawk at her sexual life and gasp in shock with them at how much of a freak she supposedly is.

anyhow nobody owes you an explanation for their Bad Kinks. there's horny stuff i find tasteless and dislike (ask me about why i didn't bother to go past the first chapter of dandandan), as long as they are not materially harming anybody--who cares. your moral disgust and shock is not actual inflicted harm! you acting on said disgust to try to ruin lives and convince your teen followers that they are surrounded by sex pests and that sexual predators can be spotted bc of their weird kinks/tastes in fiction and nothing else is doing more harm than anything a so-called "weirdo" who enjoys momson hentai doujinshi in a corner ever will and i stand on that

[ascaryghost]

✨people of edblr✨

18+ ppl with eds who can barely restrict anymore bc they are just so so so tired but they also can’t stop wanting to restrict bc they’ve been stuck in this hell for ~10 years

🤝

trans (possibly polish and or autistic) men who feels like they need to lose weight to lose curves in order to “pass”/relieve dysphoria and if there was better trans health care things would probably be a hell of a lot easier for them but most countries suck ass

🤝

teenage girls living in dysfunctional families, resorting to trying to be perfect and “coquette”, still in the honeymoon of anamia posting tspo and don’t rly realize how horrible this is yet. prolly also has twt posting fatspo

🤝

“i’m losing weight healthily im just on edblr for some tips,,, i’m not anorexic or whatever” but literally compulsively excersises everyday and feels like they can’t have anything that society deems unhealthy

🤝

memelords (possibly lgbtq+) who are scarily good at faking mental stability, nobody irl would suspect they have an ed. they’re the fun, jokey “i love food” friend but when they r alone they go on edblr to post really dry ed memes.

🤝

logs on once a month to check everyone and post about how they wanna die. they really need help but are probably really isolated.

🤝

❤️❤️❤️❤️hewo im ana ajm 41… i mean 14… i can be ur ana coach❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

👊

[spacelazarwolf]

I really hate how often neo ra/df/ems will go on and on about how trans fem's transitions are waaaaaay more difficult and they're waaaaaay less likely to pass, but if a trans masc dared to make any similar comparisons, they'd be fucking crucified.

There are a lot of feelings I have around sex-based discrimination and the difficulties of a masculinizing transition. On one hand, I don't think comparing struggles like that is useful (i.e. trans women have harder transitions).

On the other hand, I feel like the reality of the situation is actually quite the opposite for many people (everyone acknowledges that testosterone makes your voice drop and you grow hair, but nobody seems to want to acknowledge hysterectomy vs orchi, voice training is still often needed, electrolysis for phallo, the fact that bottom surgery is usually multi-staged [even metoidioplasty is sometimes 2 stages] with a lot of moving parts and far worse scarring, top surgery is almost a necessity for passing whereas not every trans fem wants top surgery + scars are easier to hide, face masculinization is far less common w/ fewer options, puberty begins earlier in perisex people AFAB and puberty blockers don't always allow for full height to be achieved bc they don't typically allow you to start testosterone until you're about 15 even IF you were a "classic" trans-since-3-years-old kinda case, the extreme body horror that is accidental pregnancy and abortion and menstruation when that's dysphoric vs not being able to carry a pregnancy just feels like an insulting comparison sometimes and I've had multiple trans women call me inconsiderate for expressing horror at getting my bodily rights taken away bc "that triggers my dysphoria", testosterone is a scheduled substance and has more difficult administration methods than simply a pill, etc.)

And so I bite my tongue and try to be the better person, because stooping to that low doesn't help anything. But at the same time it's so extremely frustrating to be told that you "have it better" when, considering the facts, it REALLY feels like the opposite. There's this level of bitterness around that that I am DESPERATELY trying to resolve within myself. I have a therapist. I know it's projection. I'm working on my own bullshit. But please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way? I just wish they'd stop with that rhetoric and realize just how difficult the average trans masc transition truly is

yeah it's really frustrating for ppl to present Trans Women's Experiences and Trans Men's Experiences as diametrically opposed, with one experience being Eternal Pain And Inescapable Suffering and the other being Barely A Blip On The Life Radar. and while i understand it's coming from a place of pain, i've also experienced a lot of trans women shutting me down when i try to talk about how abortion rights affect me. back when i was first dipping my toe into trans spaces, i was friends with a trans woman who told me it was transmisogynistic of me to want to transition because "trans women would kill to have been born in your body." and while it absolutely comes from a different place than when cis men try to assert control over me and there's not the same power dynamic, it's still a complete stranger feeling entitled to tell me what to do with my body because of the sex i was assigned at birth. it's frustrating to have people i'm supposed to be in community with play into the same sexist bullshit that other people, regardless of gender, have been holding over my head my whole life, feeling like they own my body bc women and ppl who are forcibly assigned the role of women in society are seen as public property. our bodies aren't our own. everyone feels entitled to comment on them and touch them and make decisions about them. and it sucks when it comes from other people who should understand how that feels.

and like. obviously this idea that trans men's transition is so much easier than trans women's is unhelpful bc 1. there is no one particular way for trans men to transition, 2. not everyone who transitions in the way typically associated with trans men is a trans man, 3. it doesn't take into account how disability, race, ethnicity, etc. play into people's experiences before, during, and after transition, and 4. it's just not a fucking competition????? the fact that a disabled black trans man is going to be more systemically oppressed in society than a wealthy white trans woman doesn't mean trans men as a category are Objectively More Oppressed than trans women. bc gender is like. the worst possible way to try to gauge a group's place within the system. bc at this point, gender is not the most powerful system, race is. and i feel like a fuck ton of people really do not recognize that.

another thing that has bugged me for as long as i've been in trans spaces is this bizarre attitude that trans women are doomed to this miserable life of clockability and will never be able to pass as cis women thus they must accept that their life will be nothing but pain and suffering. and that's just very much not true! i know plenty of trans women who "pass" or who are happy with their bodies, who have jobs they love and friends and family who love them, who have a community that supports and celebrates them. and it has just always rubbed me the wrong way that people think they're helping trans women by presenting their existence as Inevitably Miserable when all it does is terrify closeted trans girls who think they're better off never coming out or transitioning, or better off dying. like. we have to understand that these narratives we create, the idea of the perpetually suffering trans woman and the lonely isolated trans man, are absolutely driving people to suicidal ideation. and if we give a shit about trans people, we should be changing these narratives.

[formulatrash]

ppl seem pretty happy about having found smth to hate chadwick for now

sigh. I'm always. cautious because I think she is being given chronically bad advice - and also what was some idiot man from the Times doing asking her about tHe TrAnS dEbAtE given she competes in an un-separated sport, gender-wise and W Series has made it repeatedly clear that trans competitors would be welcome. like, whatever that guy's agenda is sucks.

anyway. the inherent grossness of men interviewing female athletes aside, the thing is: what she said was fundamentally wrong. and internally contradictory. there should be no barriers to women competing with men - and I mean this totally genuinely. there shouldn't be a gap. we should maybe classify overall athletes by height and weight for contact sports, like we do with boxing within gendered classes because a 5'2" person beating the shit out of 5'10" me would be funny as hell but also embarrassing for me. but there should not be the gap that there is between women's and men's sports. and trans athletes do not exist within that gap, in any case. Lia Thomas is not, contrary to screamed views, #1 in women's swimming - she's barely even anywhere ranked on a national level, she would never make an Olympic team. she would be absolutely smoked by Katie Ledecky, the actual GOAT of US women's swimming, who scares the shit out of the men.

the problems with women's sport are the same ones Jamie faces: there's a lack of funding, a lack of belief, a huge gap in the number of professional female athletes to men. a huge gap in visibility, a huge gap in coverage, a huge gap in the amount of time women have been allowed to compete. a colossal gap in how children who compete are treated and encouraged and their access to leagues to compete in and improve.

none of that has anything to do with trans people.

what worries me is Jamie has obviously endured a lot of irrational hate over her career. I honestly think one of the reasons she struggled in FRECA was because her car was broken in first practice - quite a big deal - then she came back and got a podium on her first weekend. which for some reason had a bunch of people declaring her and W Series and women at large washed. because they fucking cannot stand a woman to get even a chance. not just can't take them succeeding, they literally can't fucking take it if she gets a chance.

and that worries me because it makes me wonder if Jamie won't listen on the trans thing because she's had to enter this insular headspace and she's, y'know, not as old or successful as other drivers who've had to confront this and sort themselves out about it and she's just saying what her team boss says so: heck. damn. hate it.

[loki-zen]

thinking about an old post of mine that inspired minor drama relatively recently (by being taken out of context and accused of being TERFy, as ppl do), and how the feelings it was about have changed over time.

the point of contention was basically me writing about how trans women didn’t feel like Representation to me, as a “woman” (retrospective scare quotes).

that is to say that - whatever it is you are supposed to feel, as a woman, when someone is like the First Woman To Blah, or when women get to be badass in a movie for a change* - a trans woman wouldn’t make me feel it.

In the fictional context it would be more like, idk, more and better black people representation — a feeling of “I definitely think everyone should have this stuff, and moreover that art should delve into the complexity of all human experiences not just those of a narrow demographic, and so I approve, but I couldn’t claim to have a personal connection to the Representation(tm) side of this, I don’t in any sense beyond empathy with another human (and perhaps their particular traits and/or circumstances beyond demographic markers) see ‘me’ reflected on the screen.”

and in the nonfictional context it was maybe ‘worse’ - I just felt like a lot of the time it wasn’t the same thing at all? like, if you accept as a premise that the reason any random woman is supposed to care about the First Woman To Blah is because it represents breaking through barriers that she (the random woman) had been subjected to all her life — then I very much felt like my experience of that had always been of people pointing to things that they thought were innately, biologically, unchangeably true about the sort of body that gets you assigned female at birth as the reason I should be gatekept from stuff. I felt like the same people who gatekept me from stuff would be, if anything, pushing trans women towards it in the belief that they were men and should do Man Things. I do get now that it’s a lot more complicated than that. And even at the time I certainly knew the fact of being trans could and would be a huge discrimination barrier, I just figured that this was a different barrier. But obviously also there are just trans women out there living as women and getting discriminated against as woman because bigots aren’t parsimonious and also trans status is hardly universally accurately discernible.

(* which presumably I must have felt, at least somewhat and in some contexts back then in order to make the comparison. I seem to remember that I did. I’m not really taking a stance on whether or not I do now or in what situations bc tbh I’m really not sure)

and also i just on some level didn’t look at these girls and see someone who was like me and the thing is that these days I 100% do, and it’s all because I a know enough people now not to alieve any amount of the ‘lies to kids cis people’ version of what a trans woman is.

it was actually really harmful to my understanding of any of this to have it presented as if trans women were just AMAB women without any of the conflict and resentment around socially inhabiting a female identity that, to me, had always defined the experience of inhabiting a female identity.

so now i’m like oh yay other people who think gender is stupid but not in the same way as nonbinary people, inhabiting female social identities and feeling weird about it. Maybe someone else who revels in the weirdness of identifying with the ‘she’ in ‘suck her dick sunday’ as an expression of amused disdain about the notion that this is a juxtaposition and also because it feels nice to get your dick sucked! maybe not. but she’s ~me or close enough. cis chicks can be ~me too but tbh they’re on thin fucking ice. or maybe no one is. maybe Representation was stupid all along idk

[bratdykebarbie]

📌 please put your age in your bio/pinned before following me! 📌

‼️ also pls do not follow me if you are under 21, fully identify as a cishet man, or follow from an eating disorder/self-harm blog ‼️

💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖

hi I’m bratdykebarbie 🍒🐰

(formerly cherryykitten, cherryybunny)

welcome to my little corner of tumblr, you can call me cherry, Barbie, or anything nice 🍒

I’m a 26 y/o lesbian femme dyke from the US 💖

not a girl but not, like, NOT a girl 🖤🩶🩷🤍🩷🩶🖤

she/her, they/them, or a combo work for me ☺️

taken by the best Mommy and dreaming of wife life 💖🔐💖

99.8% subby bratty baby bottom with a lil demon streak 🥺💖😈

every single thing I post is for the sapphics, lesbians, wlw, dykes, fags, sluts, girlies (gender neutral), homos, carpet munchers, cocksuckers, whores, queer babes—all of you pls consume all of my content with the utmost disrespect 💖

trans women are 100000% included in the above groups, and I post a lot of content about trans lesbians. as I figure out my own gender I feel an intense emotional connection with trans women, and it is so important to me to love on y’all 💖

attn: non-cishet men and/or ppl who identify partially as male or masc in any way*—you absolutely can follow, this isn’t rly a “men dni” space, I love you funky gender ppl 💖

if you’re questioning if you’re “too” male/masc to qualify then you probably aren’t cishet in which case come on in 💖

also welcome: anyone who previously identified or still feels like/presents as a cishet man and are figuring out their gender! I love you! good luck in your journey! 💖

*🚫 this does NOT include “transandrophobia truthers” and other transmisogynists, fuck off on outta here 🚫

I follow/send asks/like from sa*************ht ✨

header art is “When the butterflies are just warning signs” by Relm of RelmArtist 🌸

“my gender is just left of girl” post by the lovely @femmedummy (formerly femmeidiot) 💖

title is from “(BDE) Big Dyke Energy” by FLAVIA 💖

feel free to ask me anything 💐

love y’all 💖

(updated 9/27/24)

ADDENDUM UPDATED 6/2/24

I will not tolerate TERF shit, “gender critical” nonsense, or other transphobia/transmisogyny on my blogs. get the fuck out of here with that shit, you are not welcome. fix your hearts or die 🫀🔪

rules/dni, kinks/likes, and tags under the cut ⬇️💖

basic rules

❤️ put ur age in ur bio ❤️

❌ no minors/under 21/TERFs/transmisogynists/other bigots/cishets/Nazis/gross old men w/ stolen porn blogs/etc ❌

❌ no “afab transfem” shit/no TME ppl who call themselves transfem(me), no ~transandrophobia truther~ losers, no transmisogynists of any flavor, fix your shit ❌

❌ no non-transfem sissy/cd/trap blogs ❌

❌ pls don’t follow if you post any extreme cnc/violence, actual non-consent, pedophilia, the word r*pe, gore, thinspo, self-harm, anything with blood (vampire stuff is fine), “icky kiddo” stuff, actual incest, scat/emeto, gun play, drowning/suffocation, necro, bestiality (furries incl sexual are fine), or gaslighting/kidnapping/extreme psychological stuff ❌

❌ also pls don’t follow if you PRIMARILY post fauxcest, abdl, M/s, feet, somno, intox, or piss ❌

(those last ones aren’t major triggers so if you post a variety of other things it’s probably fine, I’ll evaluate on a case-by-case basis, I’m generally ok with you following me, if you’ve been following me and are just now seeing any of this then you’re fine. also, if I follow you first, then you’re good obvs)

❌ again for the court, absolutely no fucking TERFs/rAdFeM/“gender critical” bullshit, get the fuck off my blog and genuinely please fix your hearts or die ❌

💚 kinks/things I like & post fairly often 💚

—“good girl”, brat play, breeding*, sucking girls’ dicks, cum/swallowing/facials, teasing, dirty talk/talking me through an orgasm, overstim, “mommy” as a title, gentle/soft domination, loving degradation, hickeys/bruises/marks/scratching/biting, the words “cunt”/“pussy”/“cock”/“dick”/“hole”, a very gentle hand around my neck, the word “little”**, being gagged, being called “baby”, using the vibe during, collars, being called bunny/kitten/puppy/pet, having my ass smacked during, taking pictures, making audios, being passed around by more than one girl at a time

* NOT pregnancy but “I’m gonna put a baby in you/knock you up” is 🥵

** “little slut”, “little pet”, “little angel”, “[perfect/precious/sweet/good/etc] little [noun]”

⚠️ things I like a little/in concept and want to explore/do more & don’t post as much ⚠️

—face slapping, free use, light spanking/impact, bondage/shibari, bigger toys, service topping, giving prostate orgasms, VERY light somno (sleepy but not asleep), leashes, being recorded, “daddy” as a title

🏷️ tags (need updating) 🏷️

horny text posts - #bratdykebarbie.txt; also #cherryykitten.txt and #cherryybunny.txt 💞

miscellaneous/personal text posts - #bratdykebarbie.misc; also #cherryykitten.misc and #cherryybunny.misc ✏️

any pics I post - #bratdykebarbie.jpg; also #cherryykitten.jpg and #cherryybunny.jpg 📸

posts from Dyke Week 2024, spent with 2 tumblr friends and full of the hottest nastiest gay sex - ​#dyke week 2k24 💖🌈🍊🐰🐝🌈💖

asks and submissions—

#bratdykebarbie asks / #bratdykebarbie subs

old asks/submissions—

#cherrybunny asks / #cherryybunny submissions

&

#cherrykitten asks / #cherryykitten submissions

〰️ this section was last updated 9/13/2024 〰️

[brainless-moe-white-lotus]

The lesbian indie music scene virtually entirely sucks ass (boring lyrics, okay music but it's all in the same style) and it's sad bc there's little else to go to if you want to listen to explicitly gay music about women. I think it's bc these artists are too cut off from anything other than uber-commercialized lgbt stuff, so they can only make the tamest music that mostly just imitates straight ppl's songs

Honestly imo I think this issue is kinda two fold, like I think partly mainstream acceptance of wlw relationships is contingent on them being very tame and de-sexualized to an extreme where the only acceptable sort of attraction to women is this softcore, handholding, childlike love that indie music tends to convey really well. The other issue I think is that lesbian culture doesn't have like, an associated genre in the same way mlm culture does, like I'm not claiming all gay men like pop but pop music does have an established place within gay culture in a way that genres don't have with lesbianism so a lot of like mlm music is more fun, is more rooted in pop and hip hop, compared to wlw music where there isn't like a clear genre direction and so wlw artists just end up gravitating to the genre that allows them the most like socially acceptable way of communicating attraction to other women.

I think there is still some good wlw music, like Rina sawayama's first album, dirty computer, I'd say a number of Tegan and Sara songs are still fun wlw indie, but I think that like a lot of wlw artists kinda box themselves into trying to make lesbian romance like more toned down and there hasn't been a huge amount of branching away from indie. I do think that with the increasing popularity of EDM and hyperpop there's been more trans women entering the music scene and I'm hopeful they will kinda increase the presence of LBT women in music, even if those genres are rarely explicitly romantic I still find that as outsider art by women who don't fit into the socially accepted cisheteronormative mold they do resonate to me.

Also just to add, I don't think we ought to discount wlw music by bi women, like yes they may not make entire albums exclusively about attraction to women but they are still making music about attraction to women that is as real as anything by lesbians. A lot of talented women in the music industry are coming out as bi now and adding music abt attraction to women to their repertoire, making it more acceptable and more varied. I think that supporting bi woman artists and trans women artists rn could really do a lot to make room in different types of music scenes for lesbians.

[jaketism]

talk to me about transhet sam pleas

AHHHH YES OF COURSE OF COURSE ok so like. as a kid i think he was sort of. asocial and weird, he had long hair he didn't brush well and wore ratty zip up hoodies and t shirts and jeans, and he sort of. longed to be more tomboyish than he was but john had expectations for what his daughter would be like. i don't think he expected a girly girl or anything but shit like cutting his hair shorter than shoulder length and wearing cargo shorts was off the table. around middle school he started like. figuring out who to talk to at new schools, generally quiet boys who got picked on because girls were often mean or had already figured out where they fit into the social order. he played dnd sometimes, shit like that. i think he had a lesbian teacher at some point that encouraged him to come out of his shell a bit more and i think thats around when he chopped off all his hair in a motel bathroom by himself. in late high school he thought he was a lesbian, and he started dating girls, hooking up, shit like that. he wore 2 sports bras most days and lots of layers, hiding his chest and he was really abnormally tall and for a while it suited him. he was mostly happy as a baby butch, and the high of passing every once in a while was weird but far from unpleasant... but there was an underlying. tug towards not just masculinity but manhood that he couldn't articulate or figure out what to do with. he and john fought a lot, john sometimes used his masculinity or sexuality as an insult, shit like that. i think when he got to stanford he had the like. space to breathe and read gender theory and join a gsa or some shit and like. i think thats around when he first heard about being trans masc. i think it took like. 6 months between finding out about trans men's existence and realizing he was one, and he started t quickly after. and top surgery about a year after that. i think for a while he like. stopped dating anf eventually stopped like. even hooking up w ppl, because when yr pre t its rlly hard to feel like anyone takes your gender seriously, ESPECIALLY in fuckin! 2001-2005! and that shit sucks so bad. anyways after starting t and especially after top surgery he felt Way more at home in his body but also way more. free to interact with people. you dont realize how long youve been holding your breath til you start to let it go. he and dean had some weird weeks after dean came to get him. its weird to say goodbye to your weird little sister and then come to get her 4 years later and meet a man taller than you thats still definitely the kid you grew up with. dean doesn't like. get it exactly, but he's not a dick. he loves sam no matter what. he says the wrong thing sometimes, but he gets used to thinking of sam as a man quickly and after sam calls him on his fuckin. shitty jokes he drops them all together. one of these days i will make actual progress on my transhet sam fic. one day. also i think jess is bi and that makes him feel more comfortable than like. if she was a lesbian (obviously) or a straight woman (scary) and she was the first person he dated after he started dating again and even tho that like. could spell disaster it was a good relationship that they both found fulfilling <3

[janiedean]

Antis are in the r*dfem cult too and it's sad how almost half of an entire generation of young queer people got recruited into that

I mean... the problem is that they infiltrated a lot of spaces when they should have been shut off since the beginning and I really just hope people wake up to how toxic and generally shit they are at some point never mind that they're nowhere near progressive, but the fact that it happened is bad and the thing is that... basically anti-ism and terfism have an entire list of shit in common starting with wanting people to conform to whatever they think is the correct way of thinking, being antikink, being anti sexwork, othering anyone who tells them they're wrong, discouraging critical thinking and mostly wanting to police what people are allowed to like or not, and like that's why all those dumbass posts that were around ages ago like 'ah op was a terf so I'm cp-ing from them so that they don't get traffic' were like the most fucking stupid thing in existence

because like sorry if I go into a rant here but point is: you can't steal stuff from a terf and presume to repost it as an opinion you share because guess what you're still sharing a rdfem opinion which is most likely not harmless - what is going to cp posts from terfs saying all men are a scum of the earth going to accomplish? it's a shit rdfem opinion that you should criticize because it comes from that side of the fence, and it's not like you can say 'ah I disagree with rdfems about trans women/trans people/being gender critical but they're right on everything else' because just that means that automatically they're cutting out of the list of ppl they care of everyone that's not a rich cis(het) mostly white woman and I put (het) in the brackets because then they preach political lesbianism and go around saying wanting to be with men is being brainwashed by the patriarchy and like... that's not a thing you can pick and choose. it's shit thinking. it's like that time I argued with one who said that going back to separate gender schools would be super feminist bc apparently girls performed better in a same gender environment and boys performed worse so it would bridge the gap in society and like

that just shows you don't know how a sexist society works bc if society is sexist it doesn't matter if a woman is more competent than a man I mean didn't the 2016 us election teach ppl anything

separated genders schools means that you don't interact with ppl of the opposite gender your age regularly every day until you're 18 and like... not to be that person but if you don't have friends of the opposite gender then how are you gonna interact with the opposite gender when you're in university? like... all these people say men should be more understanding of women but how can they if they don't talk to any that are not related to them?

where do you send trans ppl in this scenario?

what about lgbt people in general surrounded by possibly homophobic/transphobic classmates?

also those schools tend to be private in general so what if someone can't afford it?

like basically such a thing only favors (in theory) girls who are well-off, not lgbt and I dare say not non-good looking bc I can swear an all-girls school if you don't conform to whatever's the ideal is not the place you wanna spend thirteen years of your life, but hey that's feminist! because we said so! and it sounded good! yeah no, it's not feminist it's like dumbass 50s rhetoric dressed to sound feminist and it's the same for all terf crap - like you can scream that you don't like surrogacy how much you want and it's a thing that should be discussed/regulated, but someone telling me surrogacy is a travesty bc 'motherhood is a fundamental part of femininity' which is what terfs say about it means implying that if you're not a mother you're not a full woman and that if you want to be a surrogate you shouldn't which in one go negates body autonomy (bc surrogacy is also that if someone chooses to do it out of their own free will) and says that any woman who can't have children or doesn't want to isn't a whole woman, which... they might think it's a clever way to say trans women aren't women, except it cuts off each single cis woman who's sterile, every single cis woman who like doesn't want to have kids and on top of that sounds like victorian age bullshit bc what the fuck we spend the entire 20th century making the point that having children was a choice and a woman wasn't useless if she didn't have any and in 2021 we're sprouting this? like fuck that, and let's not even go into the antikink stuff because saying that if you like something in bed then the patriarchy influenced you OR it means you're not okay or whatever then it turns into whatever crap antis say about ppl being sick in the head for writing kink which is like not anything that makes any sense whatsoever and guess what you get sucked in like that and then you turn into the kind of idiot who agrees with trump/the american right wingers that you should have guards at public bathrooms to make sure trans ppl don't access the one of their gender and like.... sure, as a woman I feel so much more threatened by a trans woman using the stall next to me than by idk a guard feeling me up to make sure I'm a cis woman before I can use the bathroom, suuureeee /sarcasm

tldr: terfism is backwards right wing ideology dressed up as feminism and that people fell for it like this is a disgrace but I'm nowhere near suprised that terfs ended up recruiting antis or that antis ended up being terfs, bc it's the same kind of bullshit thinking and if you don't wonder why you're sharing the ideas of someone whose ideas you technically loathe then good luck not getting sucked in into cults like that :/