#i dont think anyone believes me when i say i am trans

[cosmicredcadet]

I still think about how I was told by another trans person to my face after I made a comment at how much it sucked being misgendered that it was because of how I dress. I couldn't expect people to gender me correctly when i dressed femininely. I needed to dress differently.

Ignoring the fact that how I dress shouldn't stop me from being upset over misgendering, there are multitude of reasons I can't look more masc. one being that I'm too small to fit into men's clothing. a lot of men's clothing is way too big on me. When i wanted to buy a masc dress shirt I had to but it from the boys section. Ppl don't realize that men's and Women's fashion is different. Men's fashion goes from boys to men's because they are expected to his a huge growth spurt that rockets them into men's sizes immediately. there is no in between size for men. Women's sizes go Girl > Junior (teens) > Women's. I can still fit into some of the juniors clothing in the women's section. The men's pants i have took FOREVER to find because there just are not sizes that take into account people of my size. My body is not seen as a men's body and so clothing is not made for it in the man's section. usually I find myself in the unisex fashion section to find anything slightly more masc. second reason is that I'm just not on T. I haven't been able to get on it since I came out. There are medical reasons as to why I haven't started yet. I do not look masc enough for people. Eve if i did dress more masculine people would still misgender me because to them i look like a cis girl.

that's not eve to mention that masculine clothes are so boring and uncomfortable so I dress in a way that makes me comfortable which just happens to mean I dress in a pink jacket and a colorful hat (which literally is the only 'feminine' clothing i have. that was what was being pointed at as the reason for my misgendering.)

Another thing I was told was my hair being long was an issue and i should cut it which... is an entire bag of worms because my hair has been a huge point of dysphoria and insecurity for me so for someone to say it's 'too long' and use it as a reason I'm being misgendered is just....

like listen, I know i don't pass. I know that's why people misgender me. I'm used to it. But as a trans person I have a right to be upset by the fact I'm being misgendered - no matter if I pass or not. I can still be upset that I am not being seen as a boy and people do not use he/him pronouns for me even though I have my pronouns shown by my name tag.

People misgendering isn't my fault. it's not because I'm not trying. it's not something that I should be shamed for being upset about. I should not have to change myself and make myself more uncomfortable just for no cis person to care because they just see me as a tom boy anyways.

[bungusofficial]

mutual how are you so good at getting into arguments with people who agree with you

probably bc i only respond to people who cant write or read

"rape play can be consented to" and "rape can be consented to" are VERY different sentences. n like honestly i shouldnt even have bothered.

if you have such a fundamental misunderstanding of the english language i wont waste my time trying to communicate with you. when every word means something different its not really english anymore is it. if everything u say is so divorced from the english language that i need to ask you to repeat and translate everything i dont think im at fault here

i might just cut contact w anyone in the community because everything i say is misunderstood and misrepresented and not taken seriously if im not sucking up to people.

and so many words have new double-meanings and im led to think i disagree with ppl because theyre fucking incapable of writing a coherent sentence. and then its my fault somehow.

and its not like 'transid' or paraphilia dont exist outside of the radqueer community. everyone wants to change things about themselves. everyone changes. people are into weird shit and have mental disorders. i dont have a problem with peoples experiences.

n if rqs put any effort into what they say (or even didnt blame me for assuming that a word doesnt have any new secret meaning) id treat it the same as the mogai or liom community. whatever. kinda fun. sometimes theres a relatable label

.delete later

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, im an 18 year old pre-transition trans guy and ive grown up in an incredibly repressive fundie household which has caused me to really struggle both socially and with my sexual development. ive been homeschooled nearly my whole life and am currently getting everything set up to enroll for college this fall, this will be my first time living away from my abusive household and im very nervous about it..

anyhow, im in a really really weird situation right now. because of my shelteredness ive always been extremely isolated irl, ive never had a consensual romantic or sexual experience irl and all of my friends are online friends. well, one of my online friends (a cis guy who i knew from an online forum) and i started fooling around a bit, flirting and then eventually very explicit conversations, trading nudes and sexual video calls. we were extremely emotionally close and the relationship was pseudo-romantic but we both agreed we didn't want to do online dating after both of us having a bad experience with it previously.

this whole situation allowed me to experiment sexually more than i ever have, and i really felt more sexually confident than i ever have.

when we met, he told me he was freshly 19. and for the whole relationship i was under that impression, he didn't give me any reason to doubt it. but two days ago he couldn't handle lying anymore and revealed that he was 15. needless to say that was an incredible shock and i dealt with it as responsibly as i think i can.

the reason i'm coming to you about this is because i feel really weird about the whole thing, i dont blame myself for believing him and im not mad at him because i understand what lead him to those choices, but now i feel really awkward about all of the good things i got out of the situation before the reveal.. this was my first time ever really doing "real" sexual stuff with someone (beyond just texting i mean, i had never exchanged nudes or done vidoe calls like that before) everything sexual i encounter now makes me feel awkward because of all of this, its really weird and uncomfortable and i don't know what to do :(

im not sure what im hoping to get out of telling you this but i can't really talk about this to anyone else i feel like, so i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest

(if anyone responds to this accusing me of taking advantage of him or not handling the situation correctly, firstly you have basically no context and secondly you don't know what i did to take care of the situation. let me and my close friends be the ones to judge how i handled it, this is an extremely complicated situation for me to be in and you being judgmental does nothing positive for it.)

hi anon,

oofah doofah, what a sucky situation.

I totally understand feeling grossed out by the reveal; those feelings are real and deserve recognition. it's not nice to be lied to, especially when the truth casts all of your previous experiences in a totally different light - and a much scarier one, since you could very well have been breaking the law by exchanging nudes with a 15 year old, depending on where you live! this person could have gotten you in huge trouble by lying, which makes this whole situation that much worse.

having said that, you don't need to feel good about having had a good time and having gotten some positive experiences out of this dynamic. you were enjoying a relationship that you had every reason to believe was above board and it did great things for your sexual confidence! that's not retroactively untrue just because you were being misled; all of the good things you felt are still real.

think of it this way: when a couple breaks up there's often a urge to feel that they've been wasting their time together, that all of the energy and devotion they brought to their relationship was ultimately a waste because they didn't die together in bed holding hands at the tender age of 107. but that isn't true! no relationship is a waste of time, and even when things don't work out, that doesn't mean the good things didn't count. every time those people made each other laugh, everything they encouraged each other to try, every new thing they experienced together, every time they had sex, every meal they shared - all of these are real and matter and helped shape them for the better, even if they ended up parting ways as romantic partners.

the same is true for you. take your time to sit with your hurt at this loss and betrayal of your trust, but don't throw the good out with the bad. this wasn't ultimately a good relationship for you, but that doesn't mean it brought nothing of value into your life, and you can carry what you learned about yourself forward with you as you seek more appropriate partners :)

[junglejim4322]

You see 4chan speak used by a trans person and you immediately resort to he/him-ing me?????? If you know what 4chan speak is you also know most trans users there are transfemme. You didn't bother to delete your comment only a sloppy correction was you taking responsibility. I dont think im going to listen to you regarding my pain you are a deeply awful and unpleasant person to be around.

I can’t believe I’m replying to a reply to my reply to an anon someone else received BUT I assumed that BECAUSE you said “I’m still fembrained” in the middle of a doomer message in a way that seemed like a negative statement so I yeah assumed. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings however I do mean it when I say I’ve known people who are chronically on 4chan and it will only make you miserable and I am sure you are solely because you used actual 4chan speak in a message about your pain that was sent to someone who I assume cannot relate out of desperation. Assuming I am a deeply awful person to be around is a lot based off of me saying “I’ll take you to the club” let’s be real. Sorry to cause any more pain and I do hope you take this to heart or at least read it

[songofapollon]

Χαίρετε, worshippers and devotees of Apollon!

Welcome to the shrine of Apollon! This is a community shrine, meaning it’s a shrine for many of us to share, offer, and show our Love for Lord Apollon.

The Shrine is a safe space for everyone. By that, I mean any queer people, BIPOC, nonhumans, systems, those who are disabled, neurodivergent, mentally ill, and anyone else who does not wish harm on others. There is ZERO tolerance for racism, ableism, queerphobia of any kind (homophobia, transphobia, etc), or any other kind of hate. The person who runs this blog has signed the xenia declaration.

This is also a place where you may ask any questions you have or request posts you would like to see. That being said, asks or requests that make me uncomfortable or I simply do not want to answer will be deleted.

What Will Be Posted?

I’m not sure how often posts will be, but I would like to try and post at least twice a week, preferably more.

Posts may be information about Lord Apollon or His many aspects, artwork depicting Him, answering asks, prayers or hymns, occasional readings from Him, etc. I haven’t completely thought all of that out yet.

Guidelines

• The biggest one- Be respectful. Everyone worships differently, everyone believes different things, everyone has different experiences. Please always be respectful to others.

• This is a safe space for all - as well as all those I mentioned above, this space also welcomes minors (who are old enough to be on this app, of course). In addition, I, the person who runs this blog, am a minor. So please, please keep everything sfw and kind.

• Do your research. It's okay to be wrong or to not know something, but learn from that.

Additionally, I will try to list my sources in informational posts, and I always encourage you to fact-check me, please don't blindly trust information from a random Tumblr post, as much as I hope my information is true.

• Use common sense and kindness. Always think before you say something, be kind when speaking to someone else. Don't do something you wouldn't do in real life.

Who Runs the Shrine?

Hello there! I'm Aspyn and I run this shrine to Apollon. I am trans, queer, and aroace. My pronouns change a lot but He/Him and It/Its reliably fit me. I am a devotee of Lady Aphrodite, Lord Apollon, and Lord Hypnos.

I AM A MINOR. IF YOU DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH MINORS DONT FOLLOW.

I am NOT an expert on any of this, nor am I any sort of authority. Please don’t hold me to that standard, I never want to seem like I think I’m better than anyone else.

Tags

The Song of Apollon - Any original post on this blog

Shrine Songs - Original informational textposts

The Shrine Inquires - Community Questions or Polls

Sharing Songs - reblogs

[velvetvexations]

anon from earlier, elaborating now becuase i sent that ask while sleepy as fuck.

keep coming across posts talking very specifically about how every transfem has experienced being socially isolated specifically for being transwomen, and the reblogs are often filled with "yes! i am a transfem and my.entire friendgroup left me" or even the idea that "every transfem has had a smear campaign against her and noone talks about it"

i want to be kind. i dont know these peoples personal situations. i have experienced being.isolated from friendgroups, and its.not fun.

i guess where ive started feeling wary is that so far, almost all of the posts ive seen on my dash are from tma/tme users, and ive also seen an undercurrent of "everyone leaves me!", and ive encountered these people before, and what ive learned is that theres usually a reason.

scared im just a little paranoid i guess. still dont know if this makes any sense but was just curious if anyone else has felt like this

Awhile ago someone made a post about a friend who's a trans woman had been briefly ostracized for like, a week, because her transmasc ex said bad things about her. Then OP, also a trans woman, convinced them that actually the ex was the bad guy, and their friends believed them, and brushed it off when the ex tried saying both trans women were bad. And I thought, jeez, it seems like they're actually quite trusting of transfems and the problem is that they listened to an accusation at all when they should have just automatically sided with the trans woman, because I guess she could not possibly have done wrong.

That OP now reblogs every callout post Mordred makes about me being a conservative TERF who thinks all trans women are groomers tagged with my URL, btw.

[steifel]

HERE TO ASK YOU ABOUT UR TRANS JOHNNY AND SODA HEADCANONS 🫡

I may have gone a little over bord with these

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, gender dysphoria, talks of body parts. Everything is very minor but please protect your peace

Sodapop

-first off She cam out to Johnny first on accident Darry had taken Pony to the doctors so nobody was home Soda wanted to test a theory. She was dancing around the house in a mini skirt and a stuffed bra Johnny walked into the house and was like "you wanna talk about this? You don't have to"

-soda literally broke down telling Johnny everything

-poor Johnny has no idea how to comfort people but he just sat there listening and understanding

-she told Pony next they were laying in bed one night and the conversation went like this

S: hay Pone? You know how Johnny was born a girl but hes really a boy?

P: mhm

S: well sometimes i feel like i might be your sister even though ive always kind of been your brother

P: *pulling Soda into a big hug* ok

S: thats it just ok

P: um okay.... I love you?

S: love you too pony

-she told Darry next and he required a lot more information than ponyboy did.

-how long have you known

- she/her?

-who all knows

-is your name still Sodapop

-how do you feel

-do you want me to help you tell anyone

-is there anything i can do to help you?

-after Darry got all the information he needed he just hugged his sister and said "i always wanted a little sister"

-she told Steve next

-he was actually kind of excited

-after she told Steve she started living as a girl 100% of the time

-Twobit and Dally were super confused but they eventually figured it out

-Soda is a woman of extremes she is ether so eurphoric shes ontop of the world or so dysphoric that she can barely get out of bed

-her bad dysphoria days just about kill Steve

-he knows that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and it hurts him that she doesn't know that

-when she's dysphoric he always gives her one of his long shirts to wear and then holds her in bed as long as she needs just telling her shes beautiful and playing with her hair.

-when she's super euphoric you bet your ass Steve is gonna take her out and show her off (if anyone says anything bad they get jumped)

-if/when she goes on E she wears push up bras every day and that makes Steve go crazy

-if you think Soda was hot as a guy than you'll think shes a goddess as a girl

-Steve feels so lucky

-its not all fun and games though

-she gets jumped a lot

-the socs can be very vilont with her

-she tends to silently cry herself to sleep a lot

-her and Johnny get really close

-they actually trade pre transition cloths

-johnny teaches her all of the "girl" stuff he learned in childhood and she teaches him the "guy" stuff

-believe me when i tell you that Soda is a MASTER at tucking

-she wears super tight pants and skirts

-Soda is suuuuper fem

-she loves doing her hair and makeup

-this pisses pony off because she takes forever to get ready in the mornings

-the one bathroom thing starts to become a problem now that Soda takes an hour to get ready

Johnny

-was absolutely terrified to come out to the gang

- he put it off for a long time

-came out to Dall first

-and he only came out at this point because Dally could tell something was bothering his little buddy

"So you gonna tell me whats wrong or am i gonna have to guess?"

-dall was genuinely so mad. Not because he's trans but because Johnny had the gaul to ask if Dally hated him now

-when he told Pony he had a shit ton of questions

-this is mostly the reason Pony didn't have a lot of questions when Soda came out

-johnny is one of those lucky bastards that naturally looks masculine so he passes almost immediately

-he never gets out of his baggy clothes and flanels phase (me projecting)

-every single member of the gang makes him take his binder off after 8 hours

"Comon Dall just a little while longer? Please"

"Jonnycakes we can do this the easy way or the hard way now it dont matter to me but i gotta fealing you're not gonna like the hard way"

-eventually Johnny starts to feel more comfortable around the gang without it

-if he's in public though he doesn't give a fuck what dallys "hard way" is he will be wearing that binder

-while Soda usually experiences her transness through euphoria Johnny usually experiences his through disphoria

Another TW for SH and Suicidal thoughts ill let you know when it ends

-he has a tendency towards SH

-one time dally found him attempting to give himself top surgery and he had actually gotten pretty far

-Dally was horrified he's no stranger to blood and violence but it was really bad

-Johnnys gotten a lot better but there was one point where they hid all the knives and did there best to have somebody with him at all times

-Darry has had to grab his hands and hold him super tight before

-Dally had a really hard time sleeping during this time he made Johnny stay with him and he just watches Johnny sleep.

-Dally was just terrified he was gonna lose Johnny over something as stupid as how the world sees him

Major TW over

-on major dysphoria days he really just wants to be left alone.

-he mainly just sleeps on those days

-the whole gang tries to help but sometimes you just have to feel your feels you know

-he cries because of it sometimes and that just makes the dysphoria worse which makes him cry more (me too me too)

-Johnny absolutely loves it when the boys roughhouse with him cause it makes him feel like they really see him as a guy

Ok i feel like if i keep talking about Johnny im ether gonna start crying or just spill every bit of information about my transness. anyway i hope you enjoyed

[breakableprincess]

do you ever start talking with someone who has a certain kink and can feel yourself get worse extremely fast? anyways now I've got this fantasy that won't get out of my head

WARNING: hard kinks, including: Detrans/Misgendering (trans woman), Rape/Non-con, Transfem Superiority, (Trans Inclusive) Misogyny, Sadomasochism. DONT LIKE, DONT READ.

Being a really bitchy and entitled young trans woman who got to transition early and now passes with no problems and has a voice that everyone loves, sharing a locker space with an older trans woman who took hrt much later in life and whose voice still betrays her often

This older woman would always share looks at the other girls in the locker room when she thought she wasn't watched, and being like I was I'd always think badly of her for it, but also I couldn't help but notice she would watch me much more intensely than anyone else

One day when no one else was around and she had been staring even more than usual I would get fed up with it and confront her

"I know what you're doing!!! Stop it!!!" "Huh, what? What do you want?" "You've been staring at the other girls all this time and especially at me!!! Do you think you're slick? Do you think you're being a great person??? It's because of people like you that I dont-"

At this point she takes a step towards me, confronting me

"People like me huh?? Do you want to elaborate on that, princess?"

Her voice coarse but sweet yet condescending all at the same time, I know I am getting threatened and, not wanting to lose the battle without even trying to fight back, I bark back without thinking:

"You- you- you're acting just like some sort of man with tits!"

Ah fuck. As soon as I say that I raise my hands to my mouth in shock. I can't believe I said something so hurtful, no matter how creepy she'd been towards me and the other girls

She looks flabbergasted but takes another step towards me, locking me between herself and the wall behind me

"Oh hoho? Is that what you really think of me, huh?"

She says, grabbing me by my shirt before slamming me violently to the wall behind me

"I-i-i'm so sorry!!! I really didn't mean to i-"

"Oh no sweetheart, I don't think you fully understand your position here. You have to shut the fuck up."

Her frame much larger than mine, towering over me, making me feel small and useless

"You think you've got it all figured out don't you? You think you can escape the hate of the world just by blending in and acting like a precious little girl, don't you??? Well don't think you can escape me. I know what you are, what you truly are."

She shoves me to the ground in one swift motion

"You are a pathetic,"

She kicks me

"disgusting,"

She bends down to grab me again and puts me on all fours

"freak!"

She lowers my skirt

"Someone who would throw away all the love for your community,"

And my panties

"just so you get to feel like a member of society at large!"

She grabs a nice feel of my ass

"And since you want to act like some sort of cissy girl,"

She removes her pants and I can feel her cock near my entrance

"I'll show you what 'men with tits' do to transphobic cissies like you."

I take a deep breath, resigned to what's about to happen. Maybe like this I will learn respect one day...

[thebisexualdogdad]

hi! love your writting, super glad you're keeping the male reader tag alive- there's so few of those out here.

prompts:

39. tell me something i dont know about you

+ "when im with you i feel like myself. i feel like every side of me is present and accepted. and i feel good about it- i feel good about who i am when im with you"

with Stiles x ftm reader?

fluffy & a little hurt comfort-y, with Stiles letting the reader know that despite dysphoria, he sees him exactly the way he wants to be seen.

thanks!

Stiles Stilinski x FTM!reader

You and Stiles had been friends since you were in diapers, your dads worked together so when they found out they were both expecting kids around the same time it was basically fate that brought you two together.

You finally started dating your freshman year of high school, Stiles had been crushing on you since kindergarten after all and Scott was the one who talked him into actually telling you how he felt but two years later when you were ready to come out as trans he was who you were most terrified of telling.

You're laying in his bed, just cuddling and listening to music, weeks have gone by and you still haven't found the right words to tell him the truth.

"Have you ever thought about how crazy it is that we've literally known each other our entire lives?" Stiles states.

"No one knows me better than you do," you reply despite knowing you have a huge secret you're keeping from him.

"There has to be something left to learn still, come on Y/N tell me something I don't know about you," he chuckles.

You're silent for a moment, Stiles believing you're just thinking really hard to find some weird obscure fact about yourself but finally you reply with, "when I'm with you I feel like myself. I feel like every side of me is present and accepted and I feel good about it- I feel good about who I am when I'm with you."

"Woah that was unexpectedly deep, where did that come from?" Stiles laughs.

You sit up, Stiles suddenly getting concerned at the change of energy in the room.

"There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while now and I don't know how you're gonna take it," you say nervously.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything," he says rubbing your arm to try to comfort you.

"Stiles… I'm trans," you blurt out.

Stiles looks at you for a moment trying to process what you said, "okay… can you tell me what that means exactly for you?"

"I uh… never really felt like a girl you know even as a kid but it wasn't until about a year ago when I realized that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria."

"So you're a guy?" He asks.

"Yeah I am," you say looking away from him assuming he wouldn't want to be with you anymore.

Stiles puts his hands on your cheek and gently tilts your face to look at him again, softly kissing you.

"You aren't mad at me?" You question.

"Of course not," he assures you, "I love you, I have since we were five years old and nothing will ever change that. I see you for exactly who you are and if you say you're a guy then that's awesome, no matter what I will always love you."

You just smile and kiss him again, feeling the love radiating off of him.

"Have you told anyone else?" He asks.

"No you're the first person I wanted to tell."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell people cause I will fight anyone who doesn't support my boyfriend," he says.

"I like when you call me that," you chuckle.

"You mean my boyfriend? Better get to used it cause I'm going to be telling everyone that I have the coolest boyfriend in the world," he smiles, pulling you in close and laying you guys back in the bed to cuddle again.

Of course it took him some time to adjust but he really was the rock in your support system and even spent an entire week pulling all nighters researching how to be the best ally and partner to you.

He was there for you when you told your parents and your friends, he helped you picked out a new name and was always the first to correct anyone who used your dead name or the wrong pronouns.

You couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.

[anomymoussoapbar]

I'm proship/profiction because I understand that the content somebody creates or is interested in isn't a perfect reflection of how they are irl.

I trust that other proshippers understand how to separate fiction and reality.

I'm anti-censorship; I won't make any exceptions because we've seen in history that once you start making exceptions, it can lead to queer media also being demonized and banned (the best I can think off the top of my head is the trans institute that existed in nazi Germany, which had so many amazing trans resources, getting destroyed by nazis).

I believe people should be able to use art as an outlet for anything. Not every single thing in life needs to be censored, and people do often use art to process feelings and experiences.

I'm against harassing people for their art. Not only does harassing some internet stranger sound like a waste of time, it's bullying too. I don't want to be a bully.

I believe in "don't like, don't look, don't interact" (my own variation of don't like don't read). I have tools to block people and hide content I don't want to see. I'm going to use them. I am responsible for curating my own online experience.

I've seen people online who use proshipping as a coping mechanism. I don't understand how that's possible, but that doesn't really matter so long as those people are safe. I wouldn't deny a victim their coping mechanism unless it endangered their life because that's against my beliefs and I'm not a therapist, so that wouldn't even be my place to speak. I've noticed antis don't like these kinds of victims because they don't fit into the antis' perfect boxes of how they think victims should be, so they often harass and bully and claim victims need therapy/need better therapists. I find this ridiculous because in my and many other's experiences, therapy is inherently proship/profiction and antis ignore this/claim it's not true (idk how you can do that if you're not a psychologist but they're too far gone to argue with). And they don't even offer to pay for the therapy, lol.

Thank you for making this blog and being curious, you're amazing. Sorry that this is kinda long lol

Hello!!! :*)

Thank you so so so much for your views.

I find it interesting how you listed it and specifically how you explained "don't like don't look don't interact" [I really like how you phrased it :*)] which I myself see me doing a lot.

When I read through your explanation, I began getting vaguely reminded of those internet safety PSAs they would make kids watch when you are younger, of curating your own safe environment.

How to report bullying, and to not harass others online as well being points that made me think of those internet safety PSAs LOL

Something I find myself thinking about is on how a lot of what fiction can affect reality is a concern long ago that was likely brought by concerns by parents who were against video games saying it promoted violence.

I also find the idea of fictionally dark themes interesting, as I have realized I. Do often indulge in dark medias. In an oddly comforting way.

I really don't like how people harass proshippers, or anyone in general. And from what I have been gathering, not all proshippers indulge in dark thematics. Perhaps the majority, but the proshipping idea is simply respecting even if you dont share it.

Also, when you mentioned people not being exactly how they write or the creations they make, I realized how a lot of mainstream medias follow this. The creator of most Studio ghibli movies is COMPLETELY different from the peppy and cute movies he makes and the creator of popular horror Manga Junji ito makes a lot of horror visuals and grotesque stories however is just a sweet guy in real life.

I know I bring it up a lot in my posts, but a lot of why media can be triggering for me and sickening is when I see what reminds me of my own traumatic experiences [S/A /COCSA and grooming.] And how no matter how much I filter, it will always end up appearing.

As it makes me physically sick, revolted, and sadly reminds me of what I've so deeply buried.

However, I am ONE side of the S/A survivor victim experience and spectrum. The other is people who find comfort in exploring their feelings and it helps them understand on what happened to them.

And I love art. I express myself through art. I used to draw what happened to me and draw out how I felt with characters. But it would make me feel so much worse. As I am and was at the mental point of connecting so hard to the fictional reality which I built to be so much better than I was in.

I don't really know why I'm saying all of this, I guess I just want to lead to the fact that every survivor has their way of coping, and mine isn't the same as everyone else's. And I am still learning to accept that and educate myself on it. Because I do. I really do want to understand and take away my own personal stigmas.

I have so much more I would love to add but I feel I have been rambling for too long LOL

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for ranting but anyways, thank you so much for the ask and informing me in this much detail. You are so so loved and appreciated. 💞🌸

[lacunasbalustrade]

what are your general thoughts on queer(gay n trans n all) people? like you dont seem to be against gay ppl from what i can see but i also see that you've like never really openly said something pro or against trans ppl. sorry if its out of the blue im just curious esp seeing your pov as a religious person who has trans mutuals/follows n all bcuz i (unfortunately) know plenty of christians that know trans people but only tolerate them instead of accepting them (which usually means they misgender/deadname them)

hi! I'm happy to answer your question - it's a bit controversial, though, and a sensitive topic for everyone, so I do ask for your understanding if anything I say happens to offend you.

as a Christian, I believe in the stance the Bible puts forth: that BEING gay is not a life choice, it's an inclination that came forth due to the presence of sin in the world. the continuation, however, of this choice, is a sin.

To quote so no one thinks I'm speaking out of some random, bibically incorrect bigotry, Romans 1: 24 NIV "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." ,Romans 1: 26 "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones." , Romans 1: 27 "In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."

obviously my faith and beliefs should not be forced on unbelievers. I am not any holier than anyone else because I am straight. I am every bit as sinful because it's impossible to avoid committing sin.

so if I'm going to sum it up, it's best said as: none of my business because Who Am I to tell you how to live, right? you're my friends and 'preaching' isn't actually loving. the best form of loving others as a Christian is to accept them as a person before judging based on whatever life choices they've made or pronouns they call themselves. which brings me into the next part!

theologically, I have to admit I'M NOT VERY SURE about trans people. I genuinely cannot find many sources of literature on the topic. There are intersex people, there are people with gender dysphoria. The Bible doesn't talk much about those, enough to give any real objections anyway. To talk about my beliefs based off the context, if God made you as you are, you shouldn't be trying to change you...is the logic, but again, no reason to force biblical beliefs on unbelievers.

I do disapprove of the extent to which some trans people have taken this schtick. I've seen posts saying 'oh if kids can play soccer and do ballet which messes them up for life, they can also do trans surgeries!' I'm sorry. That just doesn't make sense. WHY would anyone want kids to have permission to do Very Risky Things when they are small enough to not know better or make informed choices? And I also know many posts say that 'common sense', kids aren't gonna do those things till they're old enough to feel like they need to do them....those posters need to remember the last time they regretted doing something as a child. Common sense can't be relied upon in my experience.

Plus, given the kidnapping laws in the U.S which basically allow children to be taken away from their parents if their parents disapprove...lol yeah now make a law where my child can be taken away from me if I'm not in the same fandom as them. It can be hurtful to receive dissent on your life choices, but that don't mean up and leaving is the solution, unless the living situation is physically dangerous in some way or you are an actual adult. Children are not trustworthy indicators of whether or not a parent is problematic. And I'm saying this having had problematic parents myself - sometimes we are part of the problem. And if it's difficult, you should still try not to give up on them.

This might be the most important part: I'm wondering whether the gender stereotypes placed on girls and boys are the markers trans people want to overcome. Because from what I've researched, there are two different camps. 1: people who admit that they are biologically whatever sex they were born, and just enjoy dressing like and passing for the other sex because it makes them more comfortable. 2: people who actually believe they are the other sex because they feel that way and they are only effectively realizing that change to their 'authentic' self by transitioning.

I don't believe in gender stereotyping. Like, girls wear skirts boys wear pants. Boys can't wear pink etc etc. So the concept of a trans woman thinking they are a woman because they enjoy the markers attached to being a woman, like, for example, having long hair and wearing skirts, makes me really uncomfortable. Because that's not the whole experience of being a woman. It's only a small part of it, and it's not universal at all. And while no one can claim that ALL woman have experienced a certain set of conditions that make them woman...the only standard for BEING a woman, in my book, is to be a biological one, because it's the only defining trait. When people think of girls, I don't want them to automatically think of girls with skirts and wearing pink. I want them to acknowledge that all girls are different, and the only thing that makes them girls is the gender marker, not their conformance to 'gender norms' that have arisen from societal conditioning.

The idea that someone's feelings can be 'authentically accurate' makes me feel even more....nah. Feelings are valid but if I trusted mine all the time, I'd definitely be all over the place.

To sum it up: no problems with the trans behavior because I'm not into forcing biblical perspectives on y'all. But I definitely have a problem with the idealogy and the legislature.

dead name, misgendering wise...I believe people should be called whatever they want to be called unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. In which case the other person should just stop interacting with them since they're so uncomfortable. (E.g you want me to call you Baby Chicken. For some reason I have a problem with it. Maybe I have a strong fear of chickens.)

Basically I respect your life choices. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk haha.

[tigsbitties]

talk to me about karin

Okay I yapped WAYYY more than i meant to um

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual probably. I don’t have any super strong thoughts about this is just feel it in my heart. I’m not sure if that’s something she knows about herself or not though. no time for dat goku. I’ve seen the specific take before that Karin is bisexual with a preference for women but subconsciously likes daan bc he’s effeminate and that’s fun i think. i dont need some queer eyepatched foreigner getting my dick hard :/

Gender Headcanon: I’ve tossed around the idea of him having transmasc swag before— not in a “rude and assertive woman has to be a man” type way (something i see people swear up and down is both common and a problem? but i literally almost never see anyone headcanon canonically female characters as eggs so what’s the truth.) but more so as an extension of the “i know i’m right about this why doesn’t anyone believe me” theme going on with his character (tangent unrelated to this but i think a character who was constantly gaslit growing up who now can’t accept being told they’re wrong about anything bc of the fear of being put back in that situation to be super fucking interesting. Karin i love you.) like spending your childhood being talked down to and having things you know to be factually true about yourself and the world around you be repeatedly denied is a transgender experience i think. i’m not sure in mainline canon this is something he’d ever fully figure out or act upon but you never know.

I think in a modern day au he’d have a deeply cringey teenage truscum phase because stupid fucking Dalia doesn’t believe he’s trans bc “you were such a feminine little girl growing up 🥺 who’s making you do this why are you drifting away from me after all i do for you 🥺🥺” so he takes out that pent up rage on Daan (also a teenager on tumblr in this hypothetical scenario) who he sends anon hate to for triggering his “second hand dysphoria” and will not believe daan when he says he’s cis bc he “types in all lower case” and “has a carrd” . they meet in person years and years later for unrelated reasons with no memory of this. This is a lot of words for a headcanon I don’t even follow consistently I realize.

also jesus pocketcat can you fuck off? he’s wearing his dysphoria jacket.

A ship I have with said character: I am a huge daarin guy to like a HUMILIATING degree. i know that’s like. the most basic ass redditor wholesome chungus ship choice a person could have or whatever but it’s something that canonically has a lot going for it i think. You have to understand that first and foremost i live for banter— which they have in spades, their party talks are so fucking funny. I love having them both as party members when i play through termina— god especially the one about Daan’s soft hands? Why do you know they’re soft? did you feel them? are you susssing this out by just looking? i don’t know which is worse. jesus christ.

but besides that i think this little bit encapsulates a lot about what i find interesting about their dynamic. Karin’s insistence that Daan, because he is visibly wealthy, must be prissy and fragile to over compensate for insecurity at coming from a well off family— completely unaware of the fact Daan has spent large chunks of his childhood fending for himself in the woods. Daan’s complete disinterest i’m giving a serious response because this is such a bizarre thing to get caught up in. “just making small talk” you’re unwell.

The two of them def go beyond “characters i ship for fun”. i do think they’re two halves a whole in that you need one to fully understand the character of the other— like Karin is someone born into aristocracy who has rejected it both because of the ways it’s hurt her (created a scenario in which a malicious adult had unfiltered access to her bc her parents were too busy to care for her making paying someone else to do it more convenient) and more broadly the way it hurts those at the bottom of the class system (which is most people) and how Daan is someone born and horrifically abused at the bottom of that system who managed to weasel his way up the ladder and gain the necessary tools and education to survive at the cost of making a spectacle of, and by extension reliving, that abuse.

Likewise i think the two of them have more aligned goals than they realize. At the end of the day i think both them genuinely really do want to help people— regardless of what subconscious hang ups or insecurities are part of that want. For as stand offish as she is and her tendency to antagonize those who probably don’t deserve it, Karin is deeply passionate about the welling being of others and will do anything she thinks is necessary for a greater good— even if it may come across as exploitative or insensitive. Like there is definitely 100% an element of ego to it— the idea of “if i help others then that makes me a good person™️ and i should be praised for being a good person™️” is totally there— but it’s not all there is to it you know?

Likewise Daan being a doctor coexists as both a testament to his own lack of agency in his life and how his body can be used and discarded how anyone else sees fit if it’s for a greater good and as something he does because he cares about other people and wants to put good into the world. Like even if he comes to the conclusion that the people of prehevil are too far gone to be helped in a way that matters, he still makes the effort to figure out if something can be done about it. And i do think it’s a testament to his character that he mentions his primary clients he sees are prostitutes— people who are made to feel ashamed and dirty for their occupation, something he can empathize with and would want to help without judgement. I like the argument Daan and Karin have in the slums about why these people are sick and what they should be doing about it, because at the end of the day no matter how badly their personalities may clash they want the same thing. Alright buddy you got two options here. you can either have someone help you to affirm their ego or as a form of self harm. those are your choices. choose wisely.

I also really like that like. Karin’s an atheist in the actual sense of that word where she doesn’t believe in gods or magic in a world where that stuff is very tangibly real and Daan is an atheist in the way characters in christian movies are atheists where they do believe in god they just have personal beef with him. do you understand. i like this party talk a lot

In general i think they strike such a good balance with their clashing personalities of having very real issues with each other that are interesting to explore while also having banter that is genuinely really fun to read in a game so often as unpleasant as termina. I’ve seen people complain about people watering down Karin’s “genuine hatred for daan” for the sake of fluffy ship content— and i can see that broadly from the angle of “art and fics about on these two tend to focus on them arguing in a light hearted cutesy without exploring why they clash in the first place” but also like? idk i think “genuine hatred” is a bit strong for what in the game itself largely leads to comic banter. I think there can be emotional complexity intertwined with lighthearted scenarios. I don’t think anyone’s light hearted daarin post canon is hurting anyone or necessarily means they “didn’t understand” the source material.

In general the appeal to me from a romantic standpoint comes in the form of seeing how these characters who have already established strong feelings towards each other in an incredibly short amount of time could potentially develop if given the chance to. And i don’t even think i see them ever “dating” per say? I think their relationships with the concept of romance in a traditional sense would be very complicated and not something easily applied to each other— but i think in a post canon scenario where they’re both still alive there’s plenty of opportunity for an emotional intensity to form there— one that’s not entirely negative or positive. I think like it or not they have the best chance at understanding each other, even if it takes work to get there. Also their soul types match. if you evennnn care.

TLDR: they’re this image to me

A BROTP I have with said character: I don’t think i’d have a strong opinion on it if it wasn’t for the sheer amount of cute art of them, but i’ve become super endeared to Karin and Abella. less “BROTP” and more “thing i ship just less than the thing i mentioned above” . not something i have incredibly strong opinions on currently but i’d love to listen to someone who does speak about it. OH OH ALSO the post about Daan, Karina, Abella, and O’saa being in a polycule? Literal Peak. that is like the perfect cast of characters we have reached scooby doo levels of perfect character group.

A NOTP I have with said character: Not a fan of her and Pav but not something i care about or think about that much.

A random headcanon: I can totally see her being the type of person who doesn’t like cats and thinks they’re obnoxious and asocial and yadda yadda until a stray sort of worms it’s way into her apartment and she can’t get rid of it and now she has a cat forever. Its so annoying and she hates it sooo bad (it is the most spoiled animal on the planet). I can also def see her needing to get glasses at some point— mostly bc i think it would look nice on her. adds an extra layer of “old man who wants to sit on his chair read his newspaper and smoke his pipe”ness to her. I also crucially think she has OCD but that is a topic way better suited for another day I HAVE YAPPED ENOUGH. OH OH and i know her jacket was probably given to her by one of her brothers which if true makes me wanna eat sand and die but it would also be really funny if the unspecified “he” who gifted it to her was like. a scorned ex lover. Daan and Karin being each others rebound is an idea that makes me laugh way harder than it should.

General Opinion over said character: Karin is definitely one of the fear and hunger characters of all time to me and it makes me really sad to see her get reduced to “bitchy delusional woman” bc of her, very understandable given the everything, paranoia and stubbornness. Her backstory especially fucks me up so bad i feel a little insane that i never see anyone talk about it? like jesus christ. I think she’s a character who is both deeply entertaining and has a lot of emotional depth that makes her really fun to poke at.

[sonicexelle-junkary]

Dude, are you romanticizing awful people like Jeffrey Dahmer or Armin Meiwea by putting up this show? Y’know the families of the victims are still hurt over him to this day… or are you an edgy insensitive person?

Plus, isn’t making him ND and ftm is awfully disrespectful to people from both communities?! My best friend is ftm and he got broke down crying saying how he hates people putting trans people as villains when he saw this.

Not shitting on you or your AU cuz your art is great TBH, just really curious or worried if you’re a Jeffrey Dahmer sympathizer?

FUCK NO! THAT MAN CAN BURN IN THE CENTRE IF HELL FOR ALL I CARE!

Ahem, anyways. I should clarify a few things regarding myself, my aus and what I put into it.

TLDR; I am not justifying or romanticizing cannibalism or peices of shit people like Jeffery Dahmer. I am also not trying to vilanize the trans or Neurodivergent community. I am just having fun with my ideas and art. It is not my intention to cause harm to anyone. It is just me fucking around with ideas.

Sonic isn’t ND and Trans because he’s a cannibal. He’s ND and Trans because he’s ND and Trans!

I, myself, am trans, I am Agender (He/They) and am Neurodivergent, I was diagnosed at a young age. I don’t like to put myself out there because it’s not really anyone’s business to know who I am. I use my art and AU’s as a form of expression, to vent my feelings in bizarre ways. This is not saying that I do wish to cannibalize or kill people, because I DONT and I don’t wish I’ll will on people (who don’t deserve it) either. I am an avid horror and gore lover, and love to create stuff in that genre, though not all the time.

HungryHero.EXE is based on MY PERSONAL HEADCANNONS OF EACH CHARACTER AND SONICS WORLD. It is NOT MY INTENTION to vilanize or create harm to the trans or ND community, or any community in general. As I’ve said, I am part of the trans and ND community myself, and I personally believe that trans rep is needed, good or bad. TRANS PEOPLE WHO ARE ASSHOLES CAN EXIST IVE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES. Many other characters in HungryHero.EXE are also part of the LGBT or ND community as well, it’s not just sonic. Shadow himself is Agender and AroAce, even Tails is Autistic.

Sonic being the main character in HungryHero is just what I landed on, as I personally really like him, as well as he just happens to be the face of most Sonic.EXE AU’s. Him being trans and ND in the au was just because I just personally like the concept of him not being cis, as well as I see a lot of myself in him so I project myself onto him, it has NOTHING to do with vilanizing trans or ND people. I am also NOT ROMANTICIZING CANNIBALISM (intentionally). I know that it can be viewed in that way, but I PROMISE it’s not my intention to.

I think that absolutely disgusting people like Jeffery Dahmer should fucking get a punishment WORSE than hell. He has done the most DISGUSTING things I have EVER read a person could do and have not even a smidge of sympathy for others. People like that can die in a ditch and be burned alive for all I care.

If you are worried that HungryHero.EXE is my only au where I put my headcannons in, you’re wrong. I have TONES of AU’s that are not horror based and have Sonic characters being ND or LGBT, even if I haven’t explicitly said it yet. For example: my PIBTLW AU has him being openly gay and into shadow.

Please remember that this blog is just an piece of what I like. I don’t like to post really gruesome and gorey things on my main blog. This blog is not who I am as a whole, I am genuinely a very nice person, at least I try to be. If you still think that I am doing this to harm people, then I don’t know what else to say. You can block me if you like, but I’m not going to stop drawing things that I like to draw just to please people who think differently. I’m sorry, I won’t do that.

That’s all and have a good rest of your day.

[starsandgutters]

Hi so sorry if this is a weird ask but basically im a trans guy and dysphoria really gets me but uve actually really helped me with all your fics because the way u describe aaron in them is like really similar to how i am and i dont like how i look but then Kevin talks about him and he loves him so much and Idk if this is weird but it makes me feel a lot better just about everything So thank youf or that i love your writing

You are not weird for this at all, and I’m really happy you feel this way 🫶🏻 I know some people don’t click with the body diversity I write in my AFTG fics because they have an image of what college athletes look like - which, fair, they’re on really intensive training schedules. I get it, but you can also be really fit and train a lot and still hold weight, especially if you’re fueling properly (with that age group especially REDS is so common! Because there’s this concept that skinnier = lighter = faster, which is not true if your body doesn’t have the right fuel to function, and there’s been a lot of abuse from coaches pushing rhetorics like this, which Wymack would NOT), and also due to biological factors that will impact body shape regardless of other factors!

Personally, I think Nicky & the twins are less devoted to exy than a lot of the others in terms of their general lifestyle. We see them eat junk food. They go out drinking every weekend! It makes sense to me that they’d carry a bit of extra weight from that, especially since the twins probably had inconsistent diets when they were younger due to neglect.

Aaron especially when he drops off his exy schedule and gets buried in the stress of med school and residency I can see getting a little softer when he ages, and there’s something so reassuring to Kevin about that. That Aaron is something he fears for himself, but Kevin still finds him attractive and worthwhile.

Idk I’m just tired of always hearing about how SLIM and LITHE and TONED people are in mainstream media. Like yeah no hate to those body types, Kevin Day’s slutty waist and abs are very hot 🙏🏻 but so are Aaron’s tummy pouch and thick thighs (thick leg supremacy, honestly 🙏🏻) (but also tired of only seeing plus sized bodies fetishised, so even though I will write Kevin’s attraction to certain parts of Aaron, it’s also in connection with him as a person)

I get that it might not make you love how you look. There’s so many layers and outside influences and nuances in how we feel about ourselves, but I truly believe positive representation of body diversity really softens some of those voices, because if you can really appreciate something (or at least see it represented positively by someone else) on someone else, then it’s kind of like… ok even if I don’t like this on myself, what’s the point of hating it if I can see it positively on someone else. At least it gives a more neutral ground to stand on than the constant body image standards pushed by companies who want profit on insecurity.

I’m tired and this has gotten a bit rambly haha All this to say I’m very glad if my work has ever made you or anyone else feel better about themselves. That’s why I always try to put body diversity in them and it’s the nicest thing ever to hear my work has resonated with someone in any way 🥹🕺🏻💖✨

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas, if you're okay with it I want your advice on some things.

Okay so I know I'm queer but I'n not quite sure what my labels are. I think I might be oriented aroace (i think thats what it is??) but I'm not sure. I'm 12-16 years old and I've never had a crush on anyone. i think i'm like bisexual/bisexual oriented or something like that? but i have no clue I think people are hot and I have celebrity/fictional crushes but I've never actually like liked someone. I'm also not out so everyone i know irl thinks I'm straight

I'm not very good at making friends so I pretty much have one friend and they're my best friend. They're the best I love them very much but one thing I really don't like is every single time anything queer related comes up or they see anything they always point out i'm straight and start making fun of me for being straight and I never know what to do I really hate it. And I dont want to come out because i dont really want labels (i wouldnt mind labels but i dont want to come out as something because I'm not quite sure what i am yet) and idk i just dont.

But every single time they always have to point out i'm straight. And whenever any straight media or characters or anything like that show up they always start going like ewwww and i cant believe thats up there. And as soon as anything isn't queer they immediately hate it. And i think i'm queer idk. But like if i was or if i was cishet i would still think thats really weird because it is and idk it makes me uncomfortable that they're actively hating on people and not even in a jokey way.

And they were reading a queer book and saw the word 'cisgender' and they were immediately like omg thats you I can't believe you're cis. And I really hate that because there's nothing wrong with being cis. And literally a few months ago they didn't even know what cis meant I had to explain it to them but now they're acting like the fact i'm not trans is a negative thing.

And i just think all of this is so odd and I hate it and I don't know what to do. I really hate confrontational things like this so no way I'll have the courage to tell them to stop because wtf?? But whenever they start saying bad things about a cis person I always say there's nothing wrong with that but they don't seem to get it.

Anyways those parts were kind of a vent rather than advice because I know a lot of the time you tell people to set boundaries but I hate talking about my feelings and stuff and I don't know if i'd be able to do that. But if you have anything else then please tell me because idk.

Also I'm so so so confused about my sexuality and I know I don't need labels but i still want to know or at least have an idea so if you have any idea then idk please mention it idk

Sorry that was really long I have more stuff but I'll send it later because I don't want to bother you too much. I always want to send you asks for advice because I feel so much better afterwards but I never really get around to it. Anyways no pressure you don't have to reply to this but if you do please don't answer this ask but instead make it a post and adress it to me because I know some people on tumblr who view your blog and idk. Anyways you're always so kind and thoughtful to everyone else so remember to show love to yourself and take care no pressure <3

-default anon

Hi!

Yeah, I think sometimes people act this way as a joke but then get carried away and it's turned into a Thing. Instead of confronting them, could you maybe play stupid and ask questions. "Oh, what's wrong with cis people? What's wrong with straight people? When did I tell you I was straight? Oh I met a really nice cis person once." Etc. Like question their actions in a nonconfrontational way.

Sadly, I can't just pick labels for you <3 I do want to reassure you though that sometimes it just takes time and self-discovery to figure it out. It's okay not to know and it's okay to figure it out as you go! You don't have to already have picked out the gender you want to marry before you even go on a date. You're young, and you're allowed to (for lack of a better word) experiment.

[velvetvexations]

oh hi other anon no i didn't read any other anons on velvets blog specifically really i just saw we are talking about nonbinsry stuff that tumblr is talking about alot right now and wanted to weigh in with why it's frustrating and confusing to me!

i don't really want to say any one is "worse" at all! actually the reason i get frustrated is because how it's explained to me is that attributing a lot of things to exorsexism are claiming they're "worse" just automatically because that's claiming they don't affect binary trans people or theyre easier to deal with for them. like for example if i talk about how im treated better at the Dr's now that im pretending im binary trans as something thats exorsexist, that's saying im treated better because im lying about being binary trans. and i am lying to be treated better, but it isn't because binary trans people are treated better because there's no way to tell who's binary and who's not and so binary trans people are the same as nonbinary in this case.

and also ive been told binary trans people aren't treated better anyway, like that in the housing program they would also have been not allowed in, and me getting into the program by saying im binary trans and other things ive experienced like the Dr's is based on something else that's a coincidence that's related to me lying about being a binary trans person, but not about anyone being binary or nonbinary at all? but nobody will tell me what that thing IS. but i do believe what everyone is telling me that if a real binary trans person lived my life they'd experience the exact same things and not even be able to get out of it by changing what they say their identity is like i did (which i guess means it's kind of a privilege since a binary trans person couldn't do it?), but i don't understand WHY, yknow? like WHY does me pretending to be binary trans make me safer but for a real binary trans person they experience all the stuff i was experiencing when i was out as nonbinary? that's such a weird social phenomenon and i want to understand the rules and have words to talk about it.

but even the people explaining this stuff on tumblr never talk about how to talk about how to think about it instead, just that the popular way of thinking about it where nonbinary has oppressions binary doesn't is transphobic by lumping together trans and cis people as being oppressors (which ahain i understand and i don't wanna say it so i want new ways of thinking that help me talk about my personal experiences that don't imply they're because im nonbinary or because im pretending to be binary, and actually descrine whats really happening to me, because i think i dont understand what is happening to me at all since how i feel about it conflicts with how transphobia really works).

how you feel doesn't conflict with how transphobia "really" works, that's just transphobia working in a different way

trans people aren't oppressors just because they can be exorsexist just like trans women aren't oppressors because they can be transandrophobic or trans men aren't oppressors just because they can be transmisogynistic

binary trans people aren't the authors of your experiences so like straight up you should stop listening to them to the extent that you do tbh they're just wrong about some things and that's okay, it's not bad of you to recognize yourself as more of an authority on non-binary issues than they are