#i dont think anyone believes me when i say i am trans

[redysetdare]

I still think about how I was told by another trans person to my face after I made a comment at how much it sucked being misgendered that it was because of how I dress. I couldn't expect people to gender me correctly when i dressed femininely. I needed to dress differently.

Ignoring the fact that how I dress shouldn't stop me from being upset over misgendering, there are multitude of reasons I can't look more masc. one being that I'm too small to fit into men's clothing. a lot of men's clothing is way too big on me. When i wanted to buy a masc dress shirt I had to but it from the boys section. Ppl don't realize that men's and Women's fashion is different. Men's fashion goes from boys to men's because they are expected to his a huge growth spurt that rockets them into men's sizes immediately. there is no in between size for men. Women's sizes go Girl > Junior (teens) > Women's. I can still fit into some of the juniors clothing in the women's section. The men's pants i have took FOREVER to find because there just are not sizes that take into account people of my size. My body is not seen as a men's body and so clothing is not made for it in the man's section. usually I find myself in the unisex fashion section to find anything slightly more masc. second reason is that I'm just not on T. I haven't been able to get on it since I came out. There are medical reasons as to why I haven't started yet. I do not look masc enough for people. Eve if i did dress more masculine people would still misgender me because to them i look like a cis girl.

that's not eve to mention that masculine clothes are so boring and uncomfortable so I dress in a way that makes me comfortable which just happens to mean I dress in a pink jacket and a colorful hat (which literally is the only 'feminine' clothing i have. that was what was being pointed at as the reason for my misgendering.)

Another thing I was told was my hair being long was an issue and i should cut it which... is an entire bag of worms because my hair has been a huge point of dysphoria and insecurity for me so for someone to say it's 'too long' and use it as a reason I'm being misgendered is just....

like listen, I know i don't pass. I know that's why people misgender me. I'm used to it. But as a trans person I have a right to be upset by the fact I'm being misgendered - no matter if I pass or not. I can still be upset that I am not being seen as a boy and people do not use he/him pronouns for me even though I have my pronouns shown by my name tag.

People misgendering isn't my fault. it's not because I'm not trying. it's not something that I should be shamed for being upset about. I should not have to change myself and make myself more uncomfortable just for no cis person to care because they just see me as a tom boy anyways.

[bungusofficial]

mutual how are you so good at getting into arguments with people who agree with you

probably bc i only respond to people who cant write or read

"rape play can be consented to" and "rape can be consented to" are VERY different sentences. n like honestly i shouldnt even have bothered.

if you have such a fundamental misunderstanding of the english language i wont waste my time trying to communicate with you. when every word means something different its not really english anymore is it. if everything u say is so divorced from the english language that i need to ask you to repeat and translate everything i dont think im at fault here

i might just cut contact w anyone in the community because everything i say is misunderstood and misrepresented and not taken seriously if im not sucking up to people.

and so many words have new double-meanings and im led to think i disagree with ppl because theyre fucking incapable of writing a coherent sentence. and then its my fault somehow.

and its not like 'transid' or paraphilia dont exist outside of the radqueer community. everyone wants to change things about themselves. everyone changes. people are into weird shit and have mental disorders. i dont have a problem with peoples experiences.

n if rqs put any effort into what they say (or even didnt blame me for assuming that a word doesnt have any new secret meaning) id treat it the same as the mogai or liom community. whatever. kinda fun. sometimes theres a relatable label

.delete later

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, im an 18 year old pre-transition trans guy and ive grown up in an incredibly repressive fundie household which has caused me to really struggle both socially and with my sexual development. ive been homeschooled nearly my whole life and am currently getting everything set up to enroll for college this fall, this will be my first time living away from my abusive household and im very nervous about it..

anyhow, im in a really really weird situation right now. because of my shelteredness ive always been extremely isolated irl, ive never had a consensual romantic or sexual experience irl and all of my friends are online friends. well, one of my online friends (a cis guy who i knew from an online forum) and i started fooling around a bit, flirting and then eventually very explicit conversations, trading nudes and sexual video calls. we were extremely emotionally close and the relationship was pseudo-romantic but we both agreed we didn't want to do online dating after both of us having a bad experience with it previously.

this whole situation allowed me to experiment sexually more than i ever have, and i really felt more sexually confident than i ever have.

when we met, he told me he was freshly 19. and for the whole relationship i was under that impression, he didn't give me any reason to doubt it. but two days ago he couldn't handle lying anymore and revealed that he was 15. needless to say that was an incredible shock and i dealt with it as responsibly as i think i can.

the reason i'm coming to you about this is because i feel really weird about the whole thing, i dont blame myself for believing him and im not mad at him because i understand what lead him to those choices, but now i feel really awkward about all of the good things i got out of the situation before the reveal.. this was my first time ever really doing "real" sexual stuff with someone (beyond just texting i mean, i had never exchanged nudes or done vidoe calls like that before) everything sexual i encounter now makes me feel awkward because of all of this, its really weird and uncomfortable and i don't know what to do :(

im not sure what im hoping to get out of telling you this but i can't really talk about this to anyone else i feel like, so i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest

(if anyone responds to this accusing me of taking advantage of him or not handling the situation correctly, firstly you have basically no context and secondly you don't know what i did to take care of the situation. let me and my close friends be the ones to judge how i handled it, this is an extremely complicated situation for me to be in and you being judgmental does nothing positive for it.)

hi anon,

oofah doofah, what a sucky situation.

I totally understand feeling grossed out by the reveal; those feelings are real and deserve recognition. it's not nice to be lied to, especially when the truth casts all of your previous experiences in a totally different light - and a much scarier one, since you could very well have been breaking the law by exchanging nudes with a 15 year old, depending on where you live! this person could have gotten you in huge trouble by lying, which makes this whole situation that much worse.

having said that, you don't need to feel good about having had a good time and having gotten some positive experiences out of this dynamic. you were enjoying a relationship that you had every reason to believe was above board and it did great things for your sexual confidence! that's not retroactively untrue just because you were being misled; all of the good things you felt are still real.

think of it this way: when a couple breaks up there's often a urge to feel that they've been wasting their time together, that all of the energy and devotion they brought to their relationship was ultimately a waste because they didn't die together in bed holding hands at the tender age of 107. but that isn't true! no relationship is a waste of time, and even when things don't work out, that doesn't mean the good things didn't count. every time those people made each other laugh, everything they encouraged each other to try, every new thing they experienced together, every time they had sex, every meal they shared - all of these are real and matter and helped shape them for the better, even if they ended up parting ways as romantic partners.

the same is true for you. take your time to sit with your hurt at this loss and betrayal of your trust, but don't throw the good out with the bad. this wasn't ultimately a good relationship for you, but that doesn't mean it brought nothing of value into your life, and you can carry what you learned about yourself forward with you as you seek more appropriate partners :)

[steifel]

HERE TO ASK YOU ABOUT UR TRANS JOHNNY AND SODA HEADCANONS 🫡

I may have gone a little over bord with these

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, gender dysphoria, talks of body parts. Everything is very minor but please protect your peace

Sodapop

-first off She cam out to Johnny first on accident Darry had taken Pony to the doctors so nobody was home Soda wanted to test a theory. She was dancing around the house in a mini skirt and a stuffed bra Johnny walked into the house and was like "you wanna talk about this? You don't have to"

-soda literally broke down telling Johnny everything

-poor Johnny has no idea how to comfort people but he just sat there listening and understanding

-she told Pony next they were laying in bed one night and the conversation went like this

S: hay Pone? You know how Johnny was born a girl but hes really a boy?

P: mhm

S: well sometimes i feel like i might be your sister even though ive always kind of been your brother

P: *pulling Soda into a big hug* ok

S: thats it just ok

P: um okay.... I love you?

S: love you too pony

-she told Darry next and he required a lot more information than ponyboy did.

-how long have you known

- she/her?

-who all knows

-is your name still Sodapop

-how do you feel

-do you want me to help you tell anyone

-is there anything i can do to help you?

-after Darry got all the information he needed he just hugged his sister and said "i always wanted a little sister"

-she told Steve next

-he was actually kind of excited

-after she told Steve she started living as a girl 100% of the time

-Twobit and Dally were super confused but they eventually figured it out

-Soda is a woman of extremes she is ether so eurphoric shes ontop of the world or so dysphoric that she can barely get out of bed

-her bad dysphoria days just about kill Steve

-he knows that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and it hurts him that she doesn't know that

-when she's dysphoric he always gives her one of his long shirts to wear and then holds her in bed as long as she needs just telling her shes beautiful and playing with her hair.

-when she's super euphoric you bet your ass Steve is gonna take her out and show her off (if anyone says anything bad they get jumped)

-if/when she goes on E she wears push up bras every day and that makes Steve go crazy

-if you think Soda was hot as a guy than you'll think shes a goddess as a girl

-Steve feels so lucky

-its not all fun and games though

-she gets jumped a lot

-the socs can be very vilont with her

-she tends to silently cry herself to sleep a lot

-her and Johnny get really close

-they actually trade pre transition cloths

-johnny teaches her all of the "girl" stuff he learned in childhood and she teaches him the "guy" stuff

-believe me when i tell you that Soda is a MASTER at tucking

-she wears super tight pants and skirts

-Soda is suuuuper fem

-she loves doing her hair and makeup

-this pisses pony off because she takes forever to get ready in the mornings

-the one bathroom thing starts to become a problem now that Soda takes an hour to get ready

Johnny

-was absolutely terrified to come out to the gang

- he put it off for a long time

-came out to Dall first

-and he only came out at this point because Dally could tell something was bothering his little buddy

"So you gonna tell me whats wrong or am i gonna have to guess?"

-dall was genuinely so mad. Not because he's trans but because Johnny had the gaul to ask if Dally hated him now

-when he told Pony he had a shit ton of questions

-this is mostly the reason Pony didn't have a lot of questions when Soda came out

-johnny is one of those lucky bastards that naturally looks masculine so he passes almost immediately

-he never gets out of his baggy clothes and flanels phase (me projecting)

-every single member of the gang makes him take his binder off after 8 hours

"Comon Dall just a little while longer? Please"

"Jonnycakes we can do this the easy way or the hard way now it dont matter to me but i gotta fealing you're not gonna like the hard way"

-eventually Johnny starts to feel more comfortable around the gang without it

-if he's in public though he doesn't give a fuck what dallys "hard way" is he will be wearing that binder

-while Soda usually experiences her transness through euphoria Johnny usually experiences his through disphoria

Another TW for SH and Suicidal thoughts ill let you know when it ends

-he has a tendency towards SH

-one time dally found him attempting to give himself top surgery and he had actually gotten pretty far

-Dally was horrified he's no stranger to blood and violence but it was really bad

-Johnnys gotten a lot better but there was one point where they hid all the knives and did there best to have somebody with him at all times

-Darry has had to grab his hands and hold him super tight before

-Dally had a really hard time sleeping during this time he made Johnny stay with him and he just watches Johnny sleep.

-Dally was just terrified he was gonna lose Johnny over something as stupid as how the world sees him

Major TW over

-on major dysphoria days he really just wants to be left alone.

-he mainly just sleeps on those days

-the whole gang tries to help but sometimes you just have to feel your feels you know

-he cries because of it sometimes and that just makes the dysphoria worse which makes him cry more (me too me too)

-Johnny absolutely loves it when the boys roughhouse with him cause it makes him feel like they really see him as a guy

Ok i feel like if i keep talking about Johnny im ether gonna start crying or just spill every bit of information about my transness. anyway i hope you enjoyed

[breakableprincess]

do you ever start talking with someone who has a certain kink and can feel yourself get worse extremely fast? anyways now I've got this fantasy that won't get out of my head

WARNING: hard kinks, including: Detrans/Misgendering (trans woman), Rape/Non-con, Transfem Superiority, (Trans Inclusive) Misogyny, Sadomasochism. DONT LIKE, DONT READ.

Being a really bitchy and entitled young trans woman who got to transition early and now passes with no problems and has a voice that everyone loves, sharing a locker space with an older trans woman who took hrt much later in life and whose voice still betrays her often

This older woman would always share looks at the other girls in the locker room when she thought she wasn't watched, and being like I was I'd always think badly of her for it, but also I couldn't help but notice she would watch me much more intensely than anyone else

One day when no one else was around and she had been staring even more than usual I would get fed up with it and confront her

"I know what you're doing!!! Stop it!!!" "Huh, what? What do you want?" "You've been staring at the other girls all this time and especially at me!!! Do you think you're slick? Do you think you're being a great person??? It's because of people like you that I dont-"

At this point she takes a step towards me, confronting me

"People like me huh?? Do you want to elaborate on that, princess?"

Her voice coarse but sweet yet condescending all at the same time, I know I am getting threatened and, not wanting to lose the battle without even trying to fight back, I bark back without thinking:

"You- you- you're acting just like some sort of man with tits!"

Ah fuck. As soon as I say that I raise my hands to my mouth in shock. I can't believe I said something so hurtful, no matter how creepy she'd been towards me and the other girls

She looks flabbergasted but takes another step towards me, locking me between herself and the wall behind me

"Oh hoho? Is that what you really think of me, huh?"

She says, grabbing me by my shirt before slamming me violently to the wall behind me

"I-i-i'm so sorry!!! I really didn't mean to i-"

"Oh no sweetheart, I don't think you fully understand your position here. You have to shut the fuck up."

Her frame much larger than mine, towering over me, making me feel small and useless

"You think you've got it all figured out don't you? You think you can escape the hate of the world just by blending in and acting like a precious little girl, don't you??? Well don't think you can escape me. I know what you are, what you truly are."

She shoves me to the ground in one swift motion

"You are a pathetic,"

She kicks me

"disgusting,"

She bends down to grab me again and puts me on all fours

"freak!"

She lowers my skirt

"Someone who would throw away all the love for your community,"

And my panties

"just so you get to feel like a member of society at large!"

She grabs a nice feel of my ass

"And since you want to act like some sort of cissy girl,"

She removes her pants and I can feel her cock near my entrance

"I'll show you what 'men with tits' do to transphobic cissies like you."

I take a deep breath, resigned to what's about to happen. Maybe like this I will learn respect one day...

[thebisexualdogdad]

hi! love your writting, super glad you're keeping the male reader tag alive- there's so few of those out here.

prompts:

39. tell me something i dont know about you

+ "when im with you i feel like myself. i feel like every side of me is present and accepted. and i feel good about it- i feel good about who i am when im with you"

with Stiles x ftm reader?

fluffy & a little hurt comfort-y, with Stiles letting the reader know that despite dysphoria, he sees him exactly the way he wants to be seen.

thanks!

Stiles Stilinski x FTM!reader

You and Stiles had been friends since you were in diapers, your dads worked together so when they found out they were both expecting kids around the same time it was basically fate that brought you two together.

You finally started dating your freshman year of high school, Stiles had been crushing on you since kindergarten after all and Scott was the one who talked him into actually telling you how he felt but two years later when you were ready to come out as trans he was who you were most terrified of telling.

You're laying in his bed, just cuddling and listening to music, weeks have gone by and you still haven't found the right words to tell him the truth.

"Have you ever thought about how crazy it is that we've literally known each other our entire lives?" Stiles states.

"No one knows me better than you do," you reply despite knowing you have a huge secret you're keeping from him.

"There has to be something left to learn still, come on Y/N tell me something I don't know about you," he chuckles.

You're silent for a moment, Stiles believing you're just thinking really hard to find some weird obscure fact about yourself but finally you reply with, "when I'm with you I feel like myself. I feel like every side of me is present and accepted and I feel good about it- I feel good about who I am when I'm with you."

"Woah that was unexpectedly deep, where did that come from?" Stiles laughs.

You sit up, Stiles suddenly getting concerned at the change of energy in the room.

"There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while now and I don't know how you're gonna take it," you say nervously.

"Hey, you know you can tell me anything," he says rubbing your arm to try to comfort you.

"Stiles… I'm trans," you blurt out.

Stiles looks at you for a moment trying to process what you said, "okay… can you tell me what that means exactly for you?"

"I uh… never really felt like a girl you know even as a kid but it wasn't until about a year ago when I realized that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria."

"So you're a guy?" He asks.

"Yeah I am," you say looking away from him assuming he wouldn't want to be with you anymore.

Stiles puts his hands on your cheek and gently tilts your face to look at him again, softly kissing you.

"You aren't mad at me?" You question.

"Of course not," he assures you, "I love you, I have since we were five years old and nothing will ever change that. I see you for exactly who you are and if you say you're a guy then that's awesome, no matter what I will always love you."

You just smile and kiss him again, feeling the love radiating off of him.

"Have you told anyone else?" He asks.

"No you're the first person I wanted to tell."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell people cause I will fight anyone who doesn't support my boyfriend," he says.

"I like when you call me that," you chuckle.

"You mean my boyfriend? Better get to used it cause I'm going to be telling everyone that I have the coolest boyfriend in the world," he smiles, pulling you in close and laying you guys back in the bed to cuddle again.

Of course it took him some time to adjust but he really was the rock in your support system and even spent an entire week pulling all nighters researching how to be the best ally and partner to you.

He was there for you when you told your parents and your friends, he helped you picked out a new name and was always the first to correct anyone who used your dead name or the wrong pronouns.

You couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.

[anomymoussoapbar]

I'm proship/profiction because I understand that the content somebody creates or is interested in isn't a perfect reflection of how they are irl.

I trust that other proshippers understand how to separate fiction and reality.

I'm anti-censorship; I won't make any exceptions because we've seen in history that once you start making exceptions, it can lead to queer media also being demonized and banned (the best I can think off the top of my head is the trans institute that existed in nazi Germany, which had so many amazing trans resources, getting destroyed by nazis).

I believe people should be able to use art as an outlet for anything. Not every single thing in life needs to be censored, and people do often use art to process feelings and experiences.

I'm against harassing people for their art. Not only does harassing some internet stranger sound like a waste of time, it's bullying too. I don't want to be a bully.

I believe in "don't like, don't look, don't interact" (my own variation of don't like don't read). I have tools to block people and hide content I don't want to see. I'm going to use them. I am responsible for curating my own online experience.

I've seen people online who use proshipping as a coping mechanism. I don't understand how that's possible, but that doesn't really matter so long as those people are safe. I wouldn't deny a victim their coping mechanism unless it endangered their life because that's against my beliefs and I'm not a therapist, so that wouldn't even be my place to speak. I've noticed antis don't like these kinds of victims because they don't fit into the antis' perfect boxes of how they think victims should be, so they often harass and bully and claim victims need therapy/need better therapists. I find this ridiculous because in my and many other's experiences, therapy is inherently proship/profiction and antis ignore this/claim it's not true (idk how you can do that if you're not a psychologist but they're too far gone to argue with). And they don't even offer to pay for the therapy, lol.

Thank you for making this blog and being curious, you're amazing. Sorry that this is kinda long lol

Hello!!! :*)

Thank you so so so much for your views.

I find it interesting how you listed it and specifically how you explained "don't like don't look don't interact" [I really like how you phrased it :*)] which I myself see me doing a lot.

When I read through your explanation, I began getting vaguely reminded of those internet safety PSAs they would make kids watch when you are younger, of curating your own safe environment.

How to report bullying, and to not harass others online as well being points that made me think of those internet safety PSAs LOL

Something I find myself thinking about is on how a lot of what fiction can affect reality is a concern long ago that was likely brought by concerns by parents who were against video games saying it promoted violence.

I also find the idea of fictionally dark themes interesting, as I have realized I. Do often indulge in dark medias. In an oddly comforting way.

I really don't like how people harass proshippers, or anyone in general. And from what I have been gathering, not all proshippers indulge in dark thematics. Perhaps the majority, but the proshipping idea is simply respecting even if you dont share it.

Also, when you mentioned people not being exactly how they write or the creations they make, I realized how a lot of mainstream medias follow this. The creator of most Studio ghibli movies is COMPLETELY different from the peppy and cute movies he makes and the creator of popular horror Manga Junji ito makes a lot of horror visuals and grotesque stories however is just a sweet guy in real life.

I know I bring it up a lot in my posts, but a lot of why media can be triggering for me and sickening is when I see what reminds me of my own traumatic experiences [S/A /COCSA and grooming.] And how no matter how much I filter, it will always end up appearing.

As it makes me physically sick, revolted, and sadly reminds me of what I've so deeply buried.

However, I am ONE side of the S/A survivor victim experience and spectrum. The other is people who find comfort in exploring their feelings and it helps them understand on what happened to them.

And I love art. I express myself through art. I used to draw what happened to me and draw out how I felt with characters. But it would make me feel so much worse. As I am and was at the mental point of connecting so hard to the fictional reality which I built to be so much better than I was in.

I don't really know why I'm saying all of this, I guess I just want to lead to the fact that every survivor has their way of coping, and mine isn't the same as everyone else's. And I am still learning to accept that and educate myself on it. Because I do. I really do want to understand and take away my own personal stigmas.

I have so much more I would love to add but I feel I have been rambling for too long LOL

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for ranting but anyways, thank you so much for the ask and informing me in this much detail. You are so so loved and appreciated. 💞🌸

[lacunasbalustrade]

what are your general thoughts on queer(gay n trans n all) people? like you dont seem to be against gay ppl from what i can see but i also see that you've like never really openly said something pro or against trans ppl. sorry if its out of the blue im just curious esp seeing your pov as a religious person who has trans mutuals/follows n all bcuz i (unfortunately) know plenty of christians that know trans people but only tolerate them instead of accepting them (which usually means they misgender/deadname them)

hi! I'm happy to answer your question - it's a bit controversial, though, and a sensitive topic for everyone, so I do ask for your understanding if anything I say happens to offend you.

as a Christian, I believe in the stance the Bible puts forth: that BEING gay is not a life choice, it's an inclination that came forth due to the presence of sin in the world. the continuation, however, of this choice, is a sin.

To quote so no one thinks I'm speaking out of some random, bibically incorrect bigotry, Romans 1: 24 NIV "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." ,Romans 1: 26 "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones." , Romans 1: 27 "In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."

obviously my faith and beliefs should not be forced on unbelievers. I am not any holier than anyone else because I am straight. I am every bit as sinful because it's impossible to avoid committing sin.

so if I'm going to sum it up, it's best said as: none of my business because Who Am I to tell you how to live, right? you're my friends and 'preaching' isn't actually loving. the best form of loving others as a Christian is to accept them as a person before judging based on whatever life choices they've made or pronouns they call themselves. which brings me into the next part!

theologically, I have to admit I'M NOT VERY SURE about trans people. I genuinely cannot find many sources of literature on the topic. There are intersex people, there are people with gender dysphoria. The Bible doesn't talk much about those, enough to give any real objections anyway. To talk about my beliefs based off the context, if God made you as you are, you shouldn't be trying to change you...is the logic, but again, no reason to force biblical beliefs on unbelievers.

I do disapprove of the extent to which some trans people have taken this schtick. I've seen posts saying 'oh if kids can play soccer and do ballet which messes them up for life, they can also do trans surgeries!' I'm sorry. That just doesn't make sense. WHY would anyone want kids to have permission to do Very Risky Things when they are small enough to not know better or make informed choices? And I also know many posts say that 'common sense', kids aren't gonna do those things till they're old enough to feel like they need to do them....those posters need to remember the last time they regretted doing something as a child. Common sense can't be relied upon in my experience.

Plus, given the kidnapping laws in the U.S which basically allow children to be taken away from their parents if their parents disapprove...lol yeah now make a law where my child can be taken away from me if I'm not in the same fandom as them. It can be hurtful to receive dissent on your life choices, but that don't mean up and leaving is the solution, unless the living situation is physically dangerous in some way or you are an actual adult. Children are not trustworthy indicators of whether or not a parent is problematic. And I'm saying this having had problematic parents myself - sometimes we are part of the problem. And if it's difficult, you should still try not to give up on them.

This might be the most important part: I'm wondering whether the gender stereotypes placed on girls and boys are the markers trans people want to overcome. Because from what I've researched, there are two different camps. 1: people who admit that they are biologically whatever sex they were born, and just enjoy dressing like and passing for the other sex because it makes them more comfortable. 2: people who actually believe they are the other sex because they feel that way and they are only effectively realizing that change to their 'authentic' self by transitioning.

I don't believe in gender stereotyping. Like, girls wear skirts boys wear pants. Boys can't wear pink etc etc. So the concept of a trans woman thinking they are a woman because they enjoy the markers attached to being a woman, like, for example, having long hair and wearing skirts, makes me really uncomfortable. Because that's not the whole experience of being a woman. It's only a small part of it, and it's not universal at all. And while no one can claim that ALL woman have experienced a certain set of conditions that make them woman...the only standard for BEING a woman, in my book, is to be a biological one, because it's the only defining trait. When people think of girls, I don't want them to automatically think of girls with skirts and wearing pink. I want them to acknowledge that all girls are different, and the only thing that makes them girls is the gender marker, not their conformance to 'gender norms' that have arisen from societal conditioning.

The idea that someone's feelings can be 'authentically accurate' makes me feel even more....nah. Feelings are valid but if I trusted mine all the time, I'd definitely be all over the place.

To sum it up: no problems with the trans behavior because I'm not into forcing biblical perspectives on y'all. But I definitely have a problem with the idealogy and the legislature.

dead name, misgendering wise...I believe people should be called whatever they want to be called unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. In which case the other person should just stop interacting with them since they're so uncomfortable. (E.g you want me to call you Baby Chicken. For some reason I have a problem with it. Maybe I have a strong fear of chickens.)

Basically I respect your life choices. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk haha.

[tigsbitties]

talk to me about karin

Okay I yapped WAYYY more than i meant to um

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual probably. I don’t have any super strong thoughts about this is just feel it in my heart. I’m not sure if that’s something she knows about herself or not though. no time for dat goku. I’ve seen the specific take before that Karin is bisexual with a preference for women but subconsciously likes daan bc he’s effeminate and that’s fun i think. i dont need some queer eyepatched foreigner getting my dick hard :/

Gender Headcanon: I’ve tossed around the idea of him having transmasc swag before— not in a “rude and assertive woman has to be a man” type way (something i see people swear up and down is both common and a problem? but i literally almost never see anyone headcanon canonically female characters as eggs so what’s the truth.) but more so as an extension of the “i know i’m right about this why doesn’t anyone believe me” theme going on with his character (tangent unrelated to this but i think a character who was constantly gaslit growing up who now can’t accept being told they’re wrong about anything bc of the fear of being put back in that situation to be super fucking interesting. Karin i love you.) like spending your childhood being talked down to and having things you know to be factually true about yourself and the world around you be repeatedly denied is a transgender experience i think. i’m not sure in mainline canon this is something he’d ever fully figure out or act upon but you never know.

I think in a modern day au he’d have a deeply cringey teenage truscum phase because stupid fucking Dalia doesn’t believe he’s trans bc “you were such a feminine little girl growing up 🥺 who’s making you do this why are you drifting away from me after all i do for you 🥺🥺” so he takes out that pent up rage on Daan (also a teenager on tumblr in this hypothetical scenario) who he sends anon hate to for triggering his “second hand dysphoria” and will not believe daan when he says he’s cis bc he “types in all lower case” and “has a carrd” . they meet in person years and years later for unrelated reasons with no memory of this. This is a lot of words for a headcanon I don’t even follow consistently I realize.

also jesus pocketcat can you fuck off? he’s wearing his dysphoria jacket.

A ship I have with said character: I am a huge daarin guy to like a HUMILIATING degree. i know that’s like. the most basic ass redditor wholesome chungus ship choice a person could have or whatever but it’s something that canonically has a lot going for it i think. You have to understand that first and foremost i live for banter— which they have in spades, their party talks are so fucking funny. I love having them both as party members when i play through termina— god especially the one about Daan’s soft hands? Why do you know they’re soft? did you feel them? are you susssing this out by just looking? i don’t know which is worse. jesus christ.

but besides that i think this little bit encapsulates a lot about what i find interesting about their dynamic. Karin’s insistence that Daan, because he is visibly wealthy, must be prissy and fragile to over compensate for insecurity at coming from a well off family— completely unaware of the fact Daan has spent large chunks of his childhood fending for himself in the woods. Daan’s complete disinterest i’m giving a serious response because this is such a bizarre thing to get caught up in. “just making small talk” you’re unwell.

The two of them def go beyond “characters i ship for fun”. i do think they’re two halves a whole in that you need one to fully understand the character of the other— like Karin is someone born into aristocracy who has rejected it both because of the ways it’s hurt her (created a scenario in which a malicious adult had unfiltered access to her bc her parents were too busy to care for her making paying someone else to do it more convenient) and more broadly the way it hurts those at the bottom of the class system (which is most people) and how Daan is someone born and horrifically abused at the bottom of that system who managed to weasel his way up the ladder and gain the necessary tools and education to survive at the cost of making a spectacle of, and by extension reliving, that abuse.

Likewise i think the two of them have more aligned goals than they realize. At the end of the day i think both them genuinely really do want to help people— regardless of what subconscious hang ups or insecurities are part of that want. For as stand offish as she is and her tendency to antagonize those who probably don’t deserve it, Karin is deeply passionate about the welling being of others and will do anything she thinks is necessary for a greater good— even if it may come across as exploitative or insensitive. Like there is definitely 100% an element of ego to it— the idea of “if i help others then that makes me a good person™️ and i should be praised for being a good person™️” is totally there— but it’s not all there is to it you know?

Likewise Daan being a doctor coexists as both a testament to his own lack of agency in his life and how his body can be used and discarded how anyone else sees fit if it’s for a greater good and as something he does because he cares about other people and wants to put good into the world. Like even if he comes to the conclusion that the people of prehevil are too far gone to be helped in a way that matters, he still makes the effort to figure out if something can be done about it. And i do think it’s a testament to his character that he mentions his primary clients he sees are prostitutes— people who are made to feel ashamed and dirty for their occupation, something he can empathize with and would want to help without judgement. I like the argument Daan and Karin have in the slums about why these people are sick and what they should be doing about it, because at the end of the day no matter how badly their personalities may clash they want the same thing. Alright buddy you got two options here. you can either have someone help you to affirm their ego or as a form of self harm. those are your choices. choose wisely.

I also really like that like. Karin’s an atheist in the actual sense of that word where she doesn’t believe in gods or magic in a world where that stuff is very tangibly real and Daan is an atheist in the way characters in christian movies are atheists where they do believe in god they just have personal beef with him. do you understand. i like this party talk a lot

In general i think they strike such a good balance with their clashing personalities of having very real issues with each other that are interesting to explore while also having banter that is genuinely really fun to read in a game so often as unpleasant as termina. I’ve seen people complain about people watering down Karin’s “genuine hatred for daan” for the sake of fluffy ship content— and i can see that broadly from the angle of “art and fics about on these two tend to focus on them arguing in a light hearted cutesy without exploring why they clash in the first place” but also like? idk i think “genuine hatred” is a bit strong for what in the game itself largely leads to comic banter. I think there can be emotional complexity intertwined with lighthearted scenarios. I don’t think anyone’s light hearted daarin post canon is hurting anyone or necessarily means they “didn’t understand” the source material.

In general the appeal to me from a romantic standpoint comes in the form of seeing how these characters who have already established strong feelings towards each other in an incredibly short amount of time could potentially develop if given the chance to. And i don’t even think i see them ever “dating” per say? I think their relationships with the concept of romance in a traditional sense would be very complicated and not something easily applied to each other— but i think in a post canon scenario where they’re both still alive there’s plenty of opportunity for an emotional intensity to form there— one that’s not entirely negative or positive. I think like it or not they have the best chance at understanding each other, even if it takes work to get there. Also their soul types match. if you evennnn care.

TLDR: they’re this image to me

A BROTP I have with said character: I don’t think i’d have a strong opinion on it if it wasn’t for the sheer amount of cute art of them, but i’ve become super endeared to Karin and Abella. less “BROTP” and more “thing i ship just less than the thing i mentioned above” . not something i have incredibly strong opinions on currently but i’d love to listen to someone who does speak about it. OH OH ALSO the post about Daan, Karina, Abella, and O’saa being in a polycule? Literal Peak. that is like the perfect cast of characters we have reached scooby doo levels of perfect character group.

A NOTP I have with said character: Not a fan of her and Pav but not something i care about or think about that much.

A random headcanon: I can totally see her being the type of person who doesn’t like cats and thinks they’re obnoxious and asocial and yadda yadda until a stray sort of worms it’s way into her apartment and she can’t get rid of it and now she has a cat forever. Its so annoying and she hates it sooo bad (it is the most spoiled animal on the planet). I can also def see her needing to get glasses at some point— mostly bc i think it would look nice on her. adds an extra layer of “old man who wants to sit on his chair read his newspaper and smoke his pipe”ness to her. I also crucially think she has OCD but that is a topic way better suited for another day I HAVE YAPPED ENOUGH. OH OH and i know her jacket was probably given to her by one of her brothers which if true makes me wanna eat sand and die but it would also be really funny if the unspecified “he” who gifted it to her was like. a scorned ex lover. Daan and Karin being each others rebound is an idea that makes me laugh way harder than it should.

General Opinion over said character: Karin is definitely one of the fear and hunger characters of all time to me and it makes me really sad to see her get reduced to “bitchy delusional woman” bc of her, very understandable given the everything, paranoia and stubbornness. Her backstory especially fucks me up so bad i feel a little insane that i never see anyone talk about it? like jesus christ. I think she’s a character who is both deeply entertaining and has a lot of emotional depth that makes her really fun to poke at.

[sonicexelle-junkary]

Dude, are you romanticizing awful people like Jeffrey Dahmer or Armin Meiwea by putting up this show? Y’know the families of the victims are still hurt over him to this day… or are you an edgy insensitive person?

Plus, isn’t making him ND and ftm is awfully disrespectful to people from both communities?! My best friend is ftm and he got broke down crying saying how he hates people putting trans people as villains when he saw this.

Not shitting on you or your AU cuz your art is great TBH, just really curious or worried if you’re a Jeffrey Dahmer sympathizer?

FUCK NO! THAT MAN CAN BURN IN THE CENTRE IF HELL FOR ALL I CARE!

Ahem, anyways. I should clarify a few things regarding myself, my aus and what I put into it.

TLDR; I am not justifying or romanticizing cannibalism or peices of shit people like Jeffery Dahmer. I am also not trying to vilanize the trans or Neurodivergent community. I am just having fun with my ideas and art. It is not my intention to cause harm to anyone. It is just me fucking around with ideas.

Sonic isn’t ND and Trans because he’s a cannibal. He’s ND and Trans because he’s ND and Trans!

I, myself, am trans, I am Agender (He/They) and am Neurodivergent, I was diagnosed at a young age. I don’t like to put myself out there because it’s not really anyone’s business to know who I am. I use my art and AU’s as a form of expression, to vent my feelings in bizarre ways. This is not saying that I do wish to cannibalize or kill people, because I DONT and I don’t wish I’ll will on people (who don’t deserve it) either. I am an avid horror and gore lover, and love to create stuff in that genre, though not all the time.

HungryHero.EXE is based on MY PERSONAL HEADCANNONS OF EACH CHARACTER AND SONICS WORLD. It is NOT MY INTENTION to vilanize or create harm to the trans or ND community, or any community in general. As I’ve said, I am part of the trans and ND community myself, and I personally believe that trans rep is needed, good or bad. TRANS PEOPLE WHO ARE ASSHOLES CAN EXIST IVE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES. Many other characters in HungryHero.EXE are also part of the LGBT or ND community as well, it’s not just sonic. Shadow himself is Agender and AroAce, even Tails is Autistic.

Sonic being the main character in HungryHero is just what I landed on, as I personally really like him, as well as he just happens to be the face of most Sonic.EXE AU’s. Him being trans and ND in the au was just because I just personally like the concept of him not being cis, as well as I see a lot of myself in him so I project myself onto him, it has NOTHING to do with vilanizing trans or ND people. I am also NOT ROMANTICIZING CANNIBALISM (intentionally). I know that it can be viewed in that way, but I PROMISE it’s not my intention to.

I think that absolutely disgusting people like Jeffery Dahmer should fucking get a punishment WORSE than hell. He has done the most DISGUSTING things I have EVER read a person could do and have not even a smidge of sympathy for others. People like that can die in a ditch and be burned alive for all I care.

If you are worried that HungryHero.EXE is my only au where I put my headcannons in, you’re wrong. I have TONES of AU’s that are not horror based and have Sonic characters being ND or LGBT, even if I haven’t explicitly said it yet. For example: my PIBTLW AU has him being openly gay and into shadow.

Please remember that this blog is just an piece of what I like. I don’t like to post really gruesome and gorey things on my main blog. This blog is not who I am as a whole, I am genuinely a very nice person, at least I try to be. If you still think that I am doing this to harm people, then I don’t know what else to say. You can block me if you like, but I’m not going to stop drawing things that I like to draw just to please people who think differently. I’m sorry, I won’t do that.

That’s all and have a good rest of your day.

[thewither129]

Heavy topic for a sec, includes transphobia and misgendering, as well as sexual assault

So Ava Kris Tyson has been under fire lately

Ive kinda bounced back and forth because this whole thing is a mess, but its a pretty hot topic

At first i was open but skeptical, but the brunt of the impact was requesting shadman make NSFW of popular fictional children, including for example, Caillou

Big yikes. Mega gross. But i dont think being buddy buddy and supporting shadman is a huge deal. He was super popular as a shock-value all-edge-no-point figure. Theres no way all the people who interacted with him didnt know about the shit he did. Most just swept it under the rug, cus clout. That does NOT excuse Ava’s behavior though, however i believe she’s addressed it?

Anywho, then came allegations of grooming. These allegations were incredibly flimsy at best and just downright braindead at worst. The best they had to offer was her making incredibly inappropriate jokes on discord, sure, thats bad. They claim she met the kid in the woods, but the kid was with his parents and she was with the MrBeast crew. The worst they had was… an adult playing Uno with a kid. Seriously? This is desperate.

Inappropriate behavior online, yeah. The rest is nonsense. Furthermore, the alleged victim came out and said “uh, no. She said horrible shit, but she didnt groom me.”

Immediately all the people who supposedly care about protecting the kids are shitting on him and calling him pathetic and an idiot.

Right.

Ava has also stated she has not groomed anyone and apologized for her unacceptable behavior.

Oh, thats not the end though.

Another trans woman came out about how Ava messaged her before she’d come out to her before coming out publicly. She also told her about how much better she felt when talking to her.

And that is how you start manipulating someone. Make them feel special.

She went on to use and abuse her power over her, repeatedly.

Theres a whole thread here, read it if you need details, but the short of it is Ava manipulated and sexually assaulted her.

This is a lot more grounded and believable than the claims of grooming.

Its really bad, and if its true, she is actually exploitative. However, all the people who jumped onto the grooming allegations have interestingly jumped in to call the victim a liar or a clout chaser or a pedophile, cus they dont like to acknowledge that trans women are more often victims than offenders. They cant acknowledge the only credible victim we have so far is also trans and was out before Ava.

Also, the accusations of abhorrent discord behavior expanded. There were leaks and confirmations that Jimmy Beast himself was there and knew about it. There were some really bad, gross jokes. Further, another person came forward to discuss how more recently, Ava had sort of spiraled and had potentially been unfaithful to her at the time wife.

Again, supposed moral vanguards are harassing this person.

It gets a little more wild, but i do not believe these following claims in the slightest.

The “alleged sister” (????????????) of Ava has come forth to call her autogynephilic (fake bullshit made up by a pseudoscientist, basically the idea being trans is a fetish) and claim she was aroused by trying on her clothes.

This supposed sister is currently privated on twitter, so this is effectively unverifiable.

Its bullshit. Even if they are her sister, im not believing anything someone who believes in agp has to say about a trans woman. Frankly, its really telling how many supposed allies or LGBT people themselves instantly believed this entirely unverifiable claim by a dubious and biased source.

The reactionary loons are mad all their claims are shoddy while the stronger ones come from another trans woman. This is no more than a desperate bid to push their agenda.

Autogynephilia does not exist. I am appalled by the amount of progressives falling for this garbage. Anyone saying “this set us back xxxxx years in trans rep” is a fucking idiot. All the transphobes believing this trash already believed it about ALL trans people. Shut the fuck up. Youre worthless. You add nothing of value.

There are three solid things to attack Ava for:

Supporting shadman

Making horribly inappropriate conversation with kids present

Manipulating and abusing someone

This is, thus far, all we can plausibly criticize her for. Not her identity, not grooming, not fucking autogynephilia.

Do not believe every new piece of info. Analyze, investigate, use your head.

Finally, fuck Ava Tyson, and shoutout to @LavaGS and @Genderillennial on twitter for doing there best.

Fuck the losers believing random bullshit from transphobes. Fuck the transphobes spreading random bullshit and harassing people.

If ive missed anything, feel free to add.

Trans rights 🏳️‍⚧️

[sexisdisgusting]

ALSO SORRY FOR SO MANY ASKS DJHDFJHDJHD

but do you or any other radblr lesbian girlies have advice for dealing with a "conventionally attractive" body aka an oversexualized body? big ass, big tits, small waist. I hate how i was groomed into believing that coping with sex was okay. i hate how i tried "being more feminine". like i can never get that money back and i can never take back the times ive let those men use me. it sucks. what sucks even more was that ofc it was other women, the handmaidens, who were the main ones to perpetuate that agenda. Because if men were like "yeah its okay to wanna be raped again <3 and getting with men to play out past trauma" then everyone would know their intentions. but no, it was seeing all the women be like "omg this helped me a lot <333 !! and im so much more happy now!!". showing off their age regression stuff. god i hate it. Without those women, there wouldnt have been anything to begin with. I wish more women saw through that BS.

also, to cope with gender dysphoria (like actual gender dysphoria) all ive been doing is just objectifying myself. since my body is very "feminine". its the fucking Porn Artist stereotype. I hate it. I feel like a walking object. I feel like its why I wanted to be a boy, like i wish I had no tits and no ass. because then i wouldnt be sexualized. Buying clothes to "hide" my body doesnt help because then i feel bulky/stuffy and overwhelmed. I hate how i use my body for social validation since because my face is deformed, its all I basically have.

lol im kinda glad though that I struggle with this in a way.... because it made me detrans. Especially seeing as i didnt even feel accepted as trans since I was a transmed. And then seeing these "omg trans healthcare saves lives, tho!!" people go about supporting literal AGPs truly peaked me. When my one ex friend group all trooned out at once, all the men being AGP anime / porn obsessed freaks who previously made fun of my trauma and victim mentality (despite me literally being marginalized) .... now theyre all pretending to be oppressed despite being white men from upper middle class families. Like damn, I AM NOT being in that community then. If that gets accepted? Yet me and my gender dysphoria diagnosis at a young age wasnt? Then nah. Its all nonsense.

i wish lesbian spaces werent taken over bc all this shit be isolating. Like im so sick of sex and porn and all that, i want LOVE goddamnit. Love and friendship. I am so burnt out, dude.

HIIIII MY LOVE, thank you so much for your ask

ugh i can feel first hand how tired you are with this shit in your wording, and i can relate, its really fucking draining

reading about your journey was really interesting, thank you for sharing it with me, im so happy you feel im a safe space for you because thats what i aspire to be <3

ALSO u dont have to apologize for sending a lot of asks, i love it

i feel for you, mootina

its hard to truly love your body and accept it as yours especially when you see pornsick idiots fetishize it

i read recently about the concept of body neutrality, and its where instead of praising, or hating your body, you simply thank it for doing all it does for you, i think perhaps looking into that will help you feel more in tune with yourself, and your body

also, of course this goes without saying, but feminist literature can help you, and also researching the female anatomy

in my struggles with my body, learning more about the capabilities of it helped me a lot with how i felt regarding it, and made it easier to tune out the fuckery of whatever anyone else has to say about it

i love you so much, ill leave the floor open for anyone else who has advice for you

thank you again for entrusting me with this <3

[pathetic-tboy]

I started following your blog and I see you post a lot of T4T so I'm just curious like what makes someone a chaser. Like I'm a cis bi/pan guy and I don't really care much who I'm hooking up with but I've found my experiences with trans men and women generally just a lot better than with cis guys or girls. Like I find these days when I'm dating and someone is trans it appeals to me more because if those connections but I don't want to come off as some chaser that just wants to fetishize trans people but I do still seem to just like them more on a personal level. And my last few long term dating were with trans guys. Like I see a lot of your posts and stuff and things like a trans boy puppy and stuff I find hot because like I used to date one but I feel worried reblogging a lot of that stuff and appearing as a chaser. Is this something that's ever come up with you before with cis friends or relationships in the past, and do you have any advice I guess.

Also feel free to just ignore this message if it's TMI or whatever. I just find myself back at dating again and trying to like work it all out ig

totally fine question

everyone has different ideas of what a chaser is, some are more bad faith than others, MY general idea is someone who fetishizes transness and trans bodies

however, some people who also say this also include people who are just attracted to their trans partners/are t4t. so my idea of a fetishist is in a very negative way

what actions i would consider from a fetishist are wanting to control your partners transition, wanting your partner to halt their transition for sexual reasons regardless of what they themselves want, largely doesnt consider their trans partners human on the basis that they're fetishizing them. what this means is that a chaser may consider their partners wellbeing, consent, and opinions secondary to them and/or their fetish

what i DONT believe a chaser is is any person who has a history of dating mostly trans people (or even preferring to date trans people) for any other reason. theres lots of reasons someone may prefer to date trans people, im t4t for safety and comfort reasons

in my idea of what a chaser is, trans people are not excluded from that definition. my nonbinary ex guilted me into not getting top surgery or binding for their sexual fetish of transmasc bodies, and as a result, i lost a lot of my personal identity and my grasp of who i was. however, some people dont believe trans people can be chasers

and, noteably, you can have your preferences in partners influenced by past partners. my first serious trans ex made me realize im really into dominant women who are a little taller than me, for example. its very reasonable that, if you have had very good relationships with trans people, you might want to continue that streak.

also, ignore this bit if its out of pocket, but honestly if you find that you connect more with trans people than cis people, it might be worth exploring your gender a little bit. birds of a feather and all that jazz, yknow?

all in all, i consider a chaser to be inherently in bad faith. if you happen to have a trans partner or even just think trans dudes are hot (we are) then dw about reblogging my stuff! honestly i think with the way social media is right now with everyone assuming bad faith, anyone who even dates a trans person is usually gonna get called a chaser at least once. i've gotten called a chaser so many times, like yall my girlfriend is way worse of a chaser than i am lol

[rgr-pop]

okay my job is Very blue collar, can you talk more about being told to go to a… doctor’s appointment???? for inappropriate workplace behavior? is this common? obv not saying you were actually inappropriate. but if someone was homophobic at your workplace, hr can tell them go to therapy??? like a tumblrina scorned???

yes well i can do my best! officially i can say all this now Technically but dont rb but if you are in the field im happy to speak to colleagues, i had a disciplinary action filed against me for privately correcting a coworker for using the wrong pronouns for a trans girl student. she is on the school board and she works closely with someone who lost a city council race in large part because she had worked with bethany christian services and was discredited. so of course i very innocently talked to our director about how im soooo worried about her possibly being radicalized by this issue on the school board--have you watched the news? no? are you not getting the ALA emails....? so i had a conversation with her about she pronouns, she screamed in front of patrons that nobody can tell her what she has to call them. she called our student a karen. i asked my director to handle this, specifically said if you ask me to handle this i will feel like its undue attention as a queer person in the workplace please have someone else do it. set up a process for pronoun stuff, i found him some training resources, the whole thing. his solution was to force me in a meeting with this person in which she said that pronouns quote reminded her of being enslaved. i was not allowed to leave, cried, made five or six on paper and recorded on video claims of quote homophobic retaliation. the other person filed a complaint against me which means she cant face any disciplinary response. officially my report on paper you can probably FOIA it says that the discipline was for using the word homophobic and transphobic. well actually my discipline was for rude behavior in that meeting plus saying the words homophobic and transphobic but they found in my hearing that i was appropriately apologetic for raising my voice and crying but that i refused to apologize for saying homophobic and transphobic (they didnt ask me to but obviously i would not have. so thats what my report says. a little birdie told me that in the hearing discussion the words quote religious freedom were tossed around. its unofficially prohibited to communicate about someones pronouns in the library until further notice and ive been told they will get a procedure on paper next year. as a consequence for my behavior (saying homophobic and transpobic i face mandatory counseling. can they do this - i think yes but i really think its a legal technicality that has never seemed a winnable fight to anyone. my understanding is that it is probably common. what i believe is typically the case is that employers will partner with something called an employee assistance program. the employee-facing component of these orgs is access to mental health services as a benefit (in the case of me, in lieu of healthcare benefits(. employers partner with these orgs to offer those employee-facing mental health services while contracting the company for other org psych/HR services. here is one of the big companies that does this, based in detroit, who i believe does this work with state of michigan employees (who i am not( - https://hmsanet.com/managed-behavioral-health.html the employer contracts this company to provide employee benefit limited mental health services and also uses their services for various disciplinary, mediation, crisis management, probably also consulting purposes. in my case, im being required to have a counseling session with a counselor through what is described by the company and my employer as a voluntary program, but i have been instructed that doing so is mandatory.

interestingly, in the past when ive worked with union members who got this disciplinary action, it was posed to them as they could choose to go to counseling or have a higher level disciplinary action. i was expecting this to happen to me, but i was not given the false option. mandatory referral through your employer are the words used. im required to sign a release of information allowing the counselor to disclose information about my participation and progress and it appears that this will likely be in the form of a checklist certifying my compliance. obviously what i would prefer is to create an even more complete paper trail of them doing homophobia on purpose so were considering the strategy...

[floatingwithlaura]

im gonna say it on here bc it’s safer than my other socials atm. i don’t think im trans (fully). i was dead sure for 9? years. i feel like i am losing a part of myself - i am ACTUALLY gaining something but idk my heart is breaking a bit.

i was on T for 2 and a half years. i was gonna get top surgery (and decided not to for diff reasons). i changed my name. the sex on my passport is M. like. i was SO SURE.

now after all this time i’ve finally been unpacking shit in therapy and also learning about autism. and … yeah. i fucked up lmao.

it is entirely on me, i chose to do all i did and i chose to get done what i did. i consented to everything and i do not regret it. i just feel like… let down. that i wasn’t offered the support i needed earlier to understand myself and how i would feel more comfortable.

i am happy w a lot of T changes! like super happy. it made me feel like my own person. but.. yeah.

i think i would consider myself agender but i dont wanna say i identify that way bc its less of an identity and more of just my general understanding of gender. i have never understood gender. probably an autism thing! but i just DONT GET IT. i dont know how it is meant to ‘feel’ or how u even know which one u fit in.

since i was a child i just couldn’t grasp gender like everyone else and i guess that’s why i transitioned bc i never felt like a real girl. but then i didnt ‘feel’ like a boy either. and then i decided to come out as nonbinary but idk. i never ‘felt’ like that either.

to make matters more complicated, my abusive ex stepdad would bully and belittle me for being afab. he made me HATE being born how i was. the csa i felt was only because of my being born this way. no wonder i wanted to get away from it all. i refused to believe he could have an impact like that when i was 16 or so and people were suggesting it. it made me feel even more out of control. all i wanted was to be in charge of my body for once. transitioning felt like getting that control back (one of the reasons im so grateful for it).

in an ideal world gender wouldn’t exist n we would all just utilise hormones and surgery to feel good in our skin much like any other affirming surgeries.

for now i will use they/she pronouns. but idc really. gender is confusing and unimportant to me. i care more for aesthetics lmao ..

i hope this makes some sense n if anyone resonates with it plz dm me :,) i feel quite alone currently. i know it’s a very odd experience but i hope someone somewhere gets it.

[narconfessions]

Not dark per se, but definitely a NPD confession that I dont feel I can share elsewhere.

I actually Do want to collect "oppression points." I like being part of marginalized groups because it makes me feel special and being the victim in situations makes brain go brr. I dont go so far as faking things to feel oppressed, but I do take pleasure in being plural/disabled/queer/trans/cluster B/autistic/a trauma survivor/etc (which I am) partly because I like feeling special.

(Disclaimer this is not to say that discrimination and hatred based on these things does not affect me negatively. I do experience and struggle with ableism and queerphobia and other things.)

i can't believe my eyes because i genuinely thought no one else felt this way and im so relieved to know im not the only one. this is tough with my severe impulsivity too because sometimes i impulsively come out in situations where i KNOW i'm not safe just because i impulsively want attention and sympathy.

i think the problem with the whole thing surrounding "oppression points" is that most often, it's just a term pulled out by marginalized people who have fallen into the trap of respectability politics, to describe people who don't fit their worldview. for example, autistic people who i've seen shit on autigender people because "IM autistic and IIIII understand gender so why can't you". and just look at the endless cycle of exclusionism within the queer community. it's always that we "just want oppression points to be special" but the whole problem in the first place is that we've made oppression out to be something special in the first place! the online world has placed a hierarchy on who is coolest and most valuable based on how many marginalized identities they have. we've created this idea that being marginalized is "cool". sure, it can be a big part of your identity but i've met so many people online who genuinely believed they were cooler and more interesting than cishets just by virtue of having a different gender modality or sexuality and i've also met so so many cishets and guys whose mental health has genuinely plummetted because they think they are not cool because they have no or very few marginalized identities and it's like. being gay or trans or nd or disabled IS cool, but it's not what MAKES YOU COOL! no one is inherently better than anyone else based on unchangeable aspects of their identity because your morality is based on what you choose and how you act, not just who you are. i'm not saying "aw boohoo white cishets are so oppressed" because that's bullshit, but i do think it's ridiculous how much we've turned marginalization into a competition of cool points. you can have as much pride in your marginalized identity as you want but you are not morally better just by virtue of being an Oppressed Person. so that's why this whole "oppression points" thing has taken off and instead of criticizing the hierarchy of oppression-based worth and value that's contributed to it, people just blame other marginalized people for being the "wrong" kind of queer or nd. there's nothing wrong with liking having multiple marginalizations and enjoying the attention from it, it's just when it becomes, like you said, something that people take as paradigm for peoples value or "coolness" and fake stuff because they think it'll make them cooler, when it's a problem like babe no! you are not a boring person just cuz you're cis or straight or nt or abled or white or whatever you have a personality and a life and a value. if people realized that they had value outside of societal checklists and boxes, then people making fun of other marginalized people for being supposed "fakers wanting oppression points" will die down. (none of this is said to invalidate you it's just my take on the nuance of the whole 'oppression points' thing.)