#reblogs turned off bc this is not a me applying this to everyone here thing

[ablednt]

Making my own post bc this would absolutely be derailing imo but the post about how trans women who don't pass and also many queer men don't experience male privilege because it is a contract that they fail to perform to and are then seen as inferior, and the comment that "faggot" is a 3rd gender inside cis ppls binary has me thinking about my own experiences with femininity as an intersex afab (spoiler alert: it's not comparable to my sisters upbringing in the same environment as an amab person almost at all)

I think that there's a 4th gender in the cis gender binary (still a binary bc these aren't REALLY their own genders just a way to classify ordered demographics inside existing ones)

Because trans men, intersex afabs, and sometimes afab nonbinary people aren't really treated as women when they are misgendered either, we treated like "defects." Cisgender binary is a patriarchal contract and both sides are performing to an insane standard and finding ways to label outliers for harassment.

But cis women are patriarchally the inferior gender and they're objectified and seen as products and property (I got a much more overt view of this growing up mormon where women are discussed like property constantly from a young age) so when we DON'T perform correctly even if we're Trying To then we're seen as defective products.

And I think that gives a lot of insight into the ways that afab queers are treated and what a lot of people are trying to put into words but instead just getting frustrated they don't know how to express it and lashing out at other (mainly amab) queer people.

Like growing up intersex I was never really treated like a girl, nor was my sister ever really treated like a boy. For me though, it wasn't seen as the choice to misbehave, girls don't make choices after all. I was certainly girl adjacent I was never a BOY, god forbid, as I was reminded whenever I wanted to do activities with my peers that were too boyish. But I wasn't a perisex girl either and as soon as puberty hit that became readily apparent, I was harrier and sweatier and my cycle was wrong and my overal shape was different. But I wasn't treated like a boy I was treated like a defective girl, someone who was required to participate in girlhood but who always operated as lesser inside of that girlhood. Abuse for me was supposed to be seen as a blessing, a gift I didn't deserve, because I was a defective product and they couldn't take me off the shelf so all they could do was lash out for making the product (womanhood) look bad. The discrimination I faced was never overly overt though, so I didn't know what my problem was or why I Just Felt Different and Lesser.

So flash to adulthood, I'm nonbinary and cis feminists are making me insane by completely erasing me or lashing out at me for being a traitor, even in the queer community and it sucks and I'm all mad and caught up in my feelings and I grow to despise femininity (when it's not the problem here) I gave up on being a woman because I was never allowed to be one in the first place and I wanted to feel some semblance of control.

Then I spend more time around queer femininity and it's different and exciting and fun and it feels like coming home but I know this was never where I was or what I was. Cis people and (actual) transmedicalists want to co-op that and say I'm a cis woman but I know that I'm not, I know if I go back there I just become their defective pet again.

And I think I see where the urge to say your a trans woman comes from but like, really think about it. Am I a trans woman? I didn't transition to womanhood from manhood or anything even adjacent to that, I went from being a defective woman to defining my own value. And that's the vocabulary that I find most helpful, anything that makes it clear to cis women that I'm not operating under their rules and I refuse to be treated like a defect anymore. Nonbinary woman, demiwoman, agender woman, intersex woman, there's a million variations that I can use but none of those are accurately represented by trans woman imo.

And then like people ask what labels to use for when we're punished by cis women for being "defective" the way that we're labeled as traitors and silenced and repressed and sometimes (many times) that can manifest in outward aggression and violence. And we've been told so long (by cis women who, again, view us as defects) that we don't experience misogyny and instead of unpacking that so many people come up with trans versions of misandry because we have to prove we have 0 overlap with cis women bc they don't WANT US and we don't want to be defective anymore but it never fully makes sense because they don't treat cis men like this and then you loop around and go well it's transmisogyny then and like... is it though? Because it seems like regular misogyny to me, it's the exact same treatment I got growing up intersex and no one even knew that's what I was. But women see themselves as a product and as a subordinate and they feel like if they don't suppress any hint of defectiveness that they'll all be punished and the root of that is because of misogyny. The fact that we're called traitors a lot really calls attention to the fact that cis women view gender as a sport or a battle and themselves as a team, and feel the need to silence and violently punish anyone who might jeopardize the system or reflect badly on that team. It's specifically because they view us as a part of them (and an inherently defective/lesser part) that they treat us this way.

Long probably incoherent post I know but I feel like so many afab cisn't and intersex people are missing fhe mark not just for linguistic reasons but because they're unsure where the descrimination stems from. I dunno I just think about this a lot

[twiceasfrustrating]

I posted 1,473 times in 2022

That's 770 more posts than 2021!

411 posts created (28%)

1,062 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@crazyyanderefangirlfan

@wittythreads

@property-of-diavolo

@theevilpretty1

I tagged 1,400 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#obey me - 597 posts

#obey me fanart - 420 posts

#ask - 182 posts

#twst fanart - 171 posts

#writing - 133 posts

#obey me simeon - 129 posts

#twisted wonderland - 115 posts

#anon - 92 posts

#obey me lucifer - 74 posts

#mindless aside - 64 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i'll always assume this is always done in bad faith bc literally whats the big issue with making the characters actually look their color

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey! Anyone want a wip I will probably never finish, but it's too long to just never post? Take it and know I had plans but my dumb brain said 'no'.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: F/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Diavolo, F!MC

Additional Tags: afab!MC (you/your), AU, yandere, blood, murder, demon summoning, very demonic Diavolo,

Summary: You were supposed to be the sacrifice, but now you have no idea what's happening...

Word Count: 2314

You should have been terrified of the darkness, of the eyes that peered at you through the shadows just beyond the circle in which you'd been spread out like a starfish and bound so tightly the ropes pulled at your joints. Maybe you were just too tired to be afraid or maybe you didn’t care what was about to happen to you; life was a series of disappointments and tragedies and it seemed it would laugh at you one last time before it kicked you to the curb.

You pulled at the ropes that kept you in place, secured by one of those many hooded figures that now lied scattered around the floor in a puddle of their own viscera and fluids you didn’t even want to think about. It smelled almost as disgusting as it looked, but the sight of someone’s head completely detached from shoulders won out in the disturbing factor.

The hulking figure framed by shadows stalked closer to you, blood dripping from his clawed fingers and monstrous fangs glistening in the light of a distant candle that was flickering its last. If there was one good thing about this situation, it was that whatever that thing was had started with everyone else so you could enjoy watching them be torn to shreds; they deserved it. Now, however, it seemed to be your turn to feel those claws and terrible teeth tear through you like wet paper. 

You closed your eyes and braced for the inevitable as that thing kneeled down beside your head, golden eyes focused solely on you. You only caught a glimpse of it before you shut out the world around you; inhumanly long limbs and too many eyes across its body to count; movements that jittered like a bird trying to keep its eye on a fox darting from here to there and bones that creaked with each twitch; black horns stained red at the base and four black wings so large that they looked as if they could swallow up the sky; black fur covered his body is all places but the red hair that ran from its head to down his spine; all the while it jingled with each motion as the golden jewelry hanging off it clattered and clanged.

Time seemed to freeze as you waited for death to claim you, but nothing came. Nothing aside from the feeling of one of your strained arms finally being able to relax as something above you snapped. You slowly blinked your eyes open, glancing upward to where the creature hovered over the other rope and swiped at it with its claw to break the binding before moving down to your legs to do the same.

Once you were free, the creature stared at you, still kneeling down as it jittered and creaked. Its hands reached toward you, placing claws against your cheeks with a kind of gentleness you could not imagine; as if you were ancient porcelain.

It opened its mouth slowly, fangs clashing together as it tried to speak in a voice so deep you felt it reverberate in your chest, “You… called…”

You laid completely motionless as its hands ventured lower, running small tears in the fabric of your clothing as it went.

"I… came…" Its main set of eyes stayed transfixed on you, but the others darted in every which way to look at the bodies scattered about, "They're… gone…"

Your throat felt dry as words refused to come, but his hands still wandered as if it was looking for something.

"Where… is... it…"

"Where is... what?" You finally manage to ask, the panic making you dizzy and brazen.

Each of his eyes focused on you again, head snapping to the side as if confused by your question, "I came… answered you… you keep me… here… I claim you…" 

You pushed your feet against the ground, trying to slide out from under the creature. The fear and shock in your eyes drew it in, making it examine and follow you more closely.

"You're… afraid…"

You didn't know what to do aside from nod and affirm its statement.

"I won't… harm you…" It reached out its bloody claw and you shirked away. It looked so hurt by your reaction.

It was only natural that prey be afraid of its predator, but the creature hadn't shown you a single shred of hostility since it arrived. If anything, it was going out of its way to be gentle with you. 

"One year… I give… you…" It drew closer yet again, this time letting its long, thick tongue roll out of its mouth and taking kitten licks at your cheek as you sat motionless in panic, "We are one… I… wait…"

Then, it stood upright in its entirety so you could see that its knees were backward as it stalked closer to one of the bodies that still lay in puddles of gore on the floor. One large, clawed hand stabbed into the torso of one of the robed figures and came out holding onto a squishy, dark red lump of meat which it proceeded to bring to its mouth. You turned away before you could see what happened next, scurrying to your feet and running as fast as you could up the stairs and through the winding corridors of the building you were in. There were moments where you thought you'd be trapped forever as you found hallways that went around in circles, but you eventually found the exit.

You cursed your luck, not knowing where you were going and having had your cellphone, wallet, and keys taken by those creeps before they'd tied you to the ground. Getting home was going to be a nightmare and a half, plus it was late so most places were going to be closed by now. Maybe you could walk into a police station and pretend to be drunk enough that they'd offer to call someone for you. Or maybe they'd stick you in a holding cell until morning so you could at least sleep indoors.

See the full post

193 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#4

My running theory is that Yuu (player) actually is twisted in the same way as the other characters. They are the twisted version of a role that each and every fairytale has: the narrator.

Yuu is constantly standing to the side, unable to do anything but watch the events unfold and direct the audience to it. They can lead the story down a path, but they cannot be a full participant in it (they don't fight or do the twistunes -- but characters always mention that Yuu was guiding them through it).

237 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

#3

Would you write something about Mc biting the brothers? Like Mc gives them lovebites

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: GN/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Main Character

Additional Tags: Play Biting, mildly suggestive, fluff

A/N: Yeah… human bites ain’t doing anything to a demon, so this is pretty much the equivalent of a puppy noming on an adult finger before the teeth come in.

Lucifer

Oh? Is this what humans consider cute? It takes quite a bit of bravery to think one can get away with something like that, especially with a demon like Lucifer. Perhaps he should teach them a lesson, one that will teach them exactly what it means to be bitten. There's no need to squirm now, he's simply returning what has been given.

Mammon

Did they just bite him?!??!? What kind of form of affection is that? He was just minding his own business when they came up and sunk their teeth into him. But… if they aren't precious looking with their tiny human teeth trying to nibble at his strong demonic skin.

No, he's not blushing and secretly loving this! Why would you think that?! He's just ignoring it because they're so determined and he's nice!

….

And because he loves them and will accept any strange form of affection they have to give.

Leviathan

Moe! It's so moe when they bite him! He could die of happiness right there. More. Please bite him more and prove that he’s loved so deeply. He can’t believe how much he loves them biting him. He loves it even more when they kiss the spots they’ve bitten. He is not going to make it to tomorrow. He’s going to die right there and there will be a smile on his face when they find his body.

Satan

What are they doing? He is so confused it isn’t even funny. This is supposed to be romantic in what context, exactly? Sweet, sweet MC, these are things that are far more romantic than biting the object of your affections. Satan would be more than happy to give them a hands-on demonstration of just a few.

Asmodeus

Is so offended when MC bites him. He works hard to take care of himself and now they are threatening to break his skin and give him scars??? He doesn’t care if it’s a form of endearment, he’s not amused! He needs to take care of this before he's left with an ugly mark he can never get rid of.

Oh, don't pout like that. He's sorry. Come here and let him show you much better ways to let someone know you love them. 💕

Beelzebub

Are they hungry? Why would they bite him otherwise? It's a form of affection? Oh… he kind of gets it, if only because he thinks of it the same way he bites into good food. Except they aren't trying to eat him… are they?

He thinks the biting is sweet once he understands it. He won't bite back (have you seen his teeth?) but he understands the love in the action. He adores his little human so much. They can nibble all they want. 😊

Belphegor

Beel bites harder. The way they do it is almost kind of cute. Why isn't it? Because all biting him did was make him want to return the favor and nip at parts of them until they are covered in marks.

Don't fret. They can always get revenge and add a couple more to him.

419 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

#2

Hello! Could you plz do where the Obey Me brothers react to their mate (MC) getting hurt and them getting protective over their mate? Its ok if no. :)

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: GN/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Lucifer, Mamm, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Main Character

Additional Tags: fluff, violence, demons being demons, mates

A/N: Bet you thought I was never going to do this. Bet you forgot you even sent it. Well, the truth is I just got stuck and have been staring at the wip for way too long. 😔

Since you said mate, I am presuming something deeper than an s/o. Something deep and primal that tickles their instincts and base nature.

Lucifer

Politics are a nasty thing, especially between demons. The fact that Lucifer chose a human mate of all possible candidates made it even worse. You were already facing backlash simply being the exchange student from the human world, but now you were a giant target for the demons that hated Lucifer as well.

You can't go on social media without seeing hundreds of messages about your lowly human status, your weakness, how well you must have trained Lucifer, or comments about how easy it would be to break you in two. It's a minefield of harassment, the kind that Lucifer warns you not to look at. You keep doing it though. You really don't have a choice given how it's shoved in your face.

Eventually, he has enough and takes your phone to stop you from looking at the disgusting comments being flung at you. The pure hurt and agony in your face tells a story of just how terrible some of the comments are.

He will scoop you up into his arms and refuse to let you go as he sits you down in his lap. He will only ever be this openly soft and gentle with you, his mate. He will stroke your head and play an album to help you go to sleep. So many of his albums are cursed and this one is no exception. It puts you to sleep, finally able to take your mind off of all those terrible rumors and attacks.

While you sleep, he will have to look into who has been upsetting you so much. It may be time to remind the entire Devildom why he is the first lord and that attacking his mate is the same as attacking him; a mistake that will only be made once.

Mammon

Tripped going up the stairs? Broke your arm falling off your bike? Got a paper cut? You have a nasty black eye? It doesn't matter what the injury is, he will be there the moment you are even mildly hurt. He kisses each place that hurts with reverence, willing away the pain you may feel. His devotion to you is unwavering and complete.

No injury is too small for his undivided attention as he takes you into his arms and wraps you up like his most precious treasure. You are his mate, absolutely perfect. He would drop to his knees just to worship you the way he should.

In his care, you will never truly be hurt. He would never allow you to be.

Leviathan

Being a demon's mate is special. Their devotion belongs to you in its entirety the moment you become their mate, and Levi is no exception. He’s not usually outgoing, preferring to stay by himself with just you as company and making passive-aggressive comments about normies he doesn’t like, but when someone shoves you aside walking down the street? You’ve never seen Levi get so angry.

His hands are on the other person’s throat near instantly, the growl coming from his throat reminding you of the fearsome creature he really is. It’s so easy to forget because he’s usually on the more shy and quiet side, but he is the admiral of hell’s navy and that position comes with expectations.

No matter how you plead and beg for him to maintain his rationality, your words don’t reach him. His mate has been insulted and shoved aside like trash, and he can’t stand it. He is envy and want by his very nature, but he doesn’t have to want for you. You are already his, and that which is his should never be slighted. You’ve seen the passion with which he defends his fictional favorites, haven’t you? If the person that shoved you is lucky, they will know how hard it is to walk away when they have several broken bones. If they aren’t, well, death would be a mercy for them.

He expects praise after he’s defended you. He did good, right? You always seem to like the overly protective love interests in the anime you watch. Surely you can’t admire those traits more in a fictional man than you do your own mate, right? He’d hate to envy someone who isn’t real.

Satan

Ah! You’ve gone and gotten yourself hurt, haven’t you? It’s okay, he’ll take care of it. There isn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do if you came to him with a scraped-up knee (or worse). Even the most major of injuries is treated with a straight face as he patches you up like all you did was stub your toe.

His wrath is for fools and those who do not deserve to exist. He hasn’t a spark in him directed at you or your own clumsiness. Although, he may find the exact piece of furniture you hurt yourself on and throw it into a woodchipper.

It doesn’t matter though. You are safe for now and you are his and he will keep you safe from even your own two left feet.

Asmodeus

Oh, darling… You should know better by now than to be so careless with who you speak to. Demons are nasty, double-speaking creatures that don’t concern themselves with who they hurt. You are his mate, though, and hurting you is unforgivable. People often forget that there are many types of lust in this world; the kind he has for you and the kind he has for those who make you cry.

See the full post

533 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Demon Marriage

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: GN/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos

Additional Tags: GN!MC, no dialogue, marriage, poetic language

Summary: Marriage is something done across all of the realms, but it means something different for all of them. For demons, marriage is more than a promise; it is a ritual with long last effects that change who you are.

A/N: I had an idea… I framed it as a story unfolding between all of our demon boys because I couldn't decide who to use and I didn't want to be 100% vague.

Word Count: 1211

The ceremonies are ancient and traditions are followed to the very last letter. For demons, marriage isn't merely a promise of 'til death do you part, but a contract forged in blood and carried past the bounds of time. No matter how many times you or they may pass and leave this life behind, you will find each other in the next; two souls weaved together as one reaching out for the other until they meet once again. But, of course, such a strong bond requires the deepest and oldest of magics to forge it; that is the basis of demonic marriage.

The ceremonies were never made for humans but you participate all the same, pushing yourself to your limits as each action shows devotion, shows that you two are far beyond lovers, shows that you and he are already one soul between two bodies.

Lucifer

He presses his lips against each of your knuckles in turn. It's not part of the ceremony, but the way his eyes glance up try to assure you that everything will be alright. Even as your face is painted with nerves, Lucifer is calm. He's been waiting far too long to find you among the sea of souls; to find the match that would be his. Go as slow as you need, but – as one of those many human idioms goes – he will not allow you to develop cold feet and leave him at the altar just before he finally has the soul he's always wanted in his grasp.

Mammon

You're busy speaking to everyone who had gathered as one of your witnesses when he grips your hand tightly in his own, feigning confidence even as you feel him tremble. Without allowing you another moment of distraction, he tugs you away from the onlookers who gathered to witness the melding of two souls. This part is done alone, and Mammon doesn't have the patience to wait or let others stand in his way. He drags you away from everyone else, the very edges of his ears flushed as he pulls you away from all prying eyes. For just this one moment, you will be his and no others. All of your attention shall be on him and his everything will be focused solely on you.

Leviathan

He comes to a stop when everything around you has gone quiet; not even the wind to whisper in your ears as it fails to blow. This place is sacred to demons, where magic pools and gathers in the realm itself only to flow out and between each of the others. In this place everything, nothing, eternity, and entropy all meet and wrap around one another. In this place, you let all of existence that has been, is, and shall be see you and Levi come together. Hesitation twinkles in his eyes, the doubt that you truly understand what you are agreeing to bubbling up to the surface. You, against the rites and rituals, reach out to cup his cheek in your hand, smiling at him and speaking to begin the ceremony.

Satan

There are words to be recited, inviting the magic of the realm to reach deep into your bones and coil around your everything until it pulls you apart and puts you back together. To have one's soul rendered, torn, mauled, mixed with another's, and stitched back together is the first step; to feel the white-hot passion of his wrath and the calm cool fire of his discipline brush up against your very being and leave marks everywhere it touches. It's painful. As much as you thought you had prepared, there was no preparation for being broken down from so deep inside. Even so, you must continue.

Asmodeus

Your face burns up as you stare deep into Asmo's eyes. His beautiful smile is full of admiration as he struggles to hide the bitter agony you know he is also feeling as the same pain rushes through him. Only for someone he loved as much as himself would he tolerate such suffering. He raises his hand, fingers shaking as he musters through the pain. You meet his hand with your own. Then he moves his hand and you copy him. Again, he moves and you copy. Your head tilts to the side and he matches you. His leg moves back and so does yours. For each move one of you makes the other repeats.

Beelzebub

You aren't sure when it happens, but your movements stop being a simple mimicry of his own and begin to match his in time. Your body feels heavy, like it is suddenly much bigger; so powerful that it may crush you from the sheer intensity, but it doesn't. Beel's body matches yours beat for beat, holding you together as his eyes smile down at you. He matches strength with grace, then vice versa again and again until you can no longer tell which of you is keeping the other from falling apart.

Belphegor

Your mirror dance ends as your fingers intertwine with his, both of you pressing against each other, your souls trying to return to one another despite being trapped inside all too mortal flesh. In him, you have lost yourself. In him, you have found everything. Yet, somehow, you know that you still have more to discover. Wherever he is, you shall find him because he is you and you are him. Two made one across the limited space of the universe; ancient stardust melding together after millions of years drifting do far apart. Both yourselves and each other and something new. He grabs you by the hand and brings you back to the end of you and he; the beginning of your now.

Diavolo

When the two of you present yourselves in front of each of your witnesses, there is a pregnant silence. It's been a long time since a ruler of the Devildom tied their soul to another, and the first time ever it had been to a human. No one was sure it would work, but with your heritage and powers they took the gamble. And, as you stand in front of everyone else for them to behold what you and he have become, you know that you will stand before them time and time again. Perhaps in different forms, different faces and experiences, but always as the other half of their future king.

Barbatos

He's a patient demon, as one should be when all of time is laid bare before him. He staves off the tedium by looking through doorway after doorway into the past. Always a different dance, but the same partner who knows exactly how he plans to move. It's a rhythm neither can forget no matter how much time passes or how much the world around them changes. Even when you change the tempo, he still moves with you. He can feel you somewhere in the distance; a soul adrift and wandering. You'll find your way back to another life when you're ready. You will be you all the same, no matter the changes. And, when it is time, he and you will find each other. You and he shall not be yourselves, but something beyond what a singular person ever could be.

619 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fishfacedterror]

Wow, its been a really long time, huh?

Tumblr has kiiiiiiinda lifted their weird ban, which is. Kinda good, but thats not really what im focused on right now. At least not in this post. More than my feelings on that, i feel like i aught to communicate where ive been and whats been happening, to anyone who is still maybe interested in me/this blog. Just a general and relatively quick update bc I Control The Amount I Share and Dont Feel Like Repeating Stuff

TL;DR

been on a side blog for past 4 years w/ rp main. U can find the sideblog here. Probably gonna let this blog be a relic of a bygone era, but the username is still important to me so im gonna keep it with me going forward.

also went to cohost bc shits kinda fucked and they seem alright. We’ll see if it gains any traction or if it ends up in the flux pillowfort did

I have graduated from University now! Im a smart lad who (hopefully) will get to apply their studies soon, but for now is just doing The Grind. I also moved out on my own and proved to myself i can be independent. Also nice! Ive also had 2 (two) mental health crisis’s over the last four years and that really sucked! Luckily I’m okay now, and have good ppl around me if I ever get sick again, but hopefully not ever again. Or at least as bad.

As for my presence on this Webbed Site, I actually have been here consistently even after the ban, just not on this blog. Idk, thats what happens when you can only choose 1 main blog to be logged into at a time, and I chose my rp blog. Funnily enough i ended up making a side blog to reblog and post rp unrelated things to, and it has for better or for worse become the successor to this here blog. You can find it here if you’re interested! Again, its a side blog so im kinda limited on everything i can do there, but its still me!

As for this blog specifically, I’m not really inclined to Come Back to it; however the URL is still pretty important to me. I an STILL fishfacedterror, and have been on twitter up to this point, and plan to be into the future until I get run off by a bunch of pandas or whatever. I may turn this blog into an archive of my 2010s, changing the URL to reflect that, then reuse the URL as a places hub for all my stuff. Or maybe not! Who knows! If I do Come Back to this blog instead of making it into an archive of my ego im gonna have a lot LOT LOT of housekeeping to do. 2018 me and 2022 me are 4 years apart!

I also made a cohost for myself, if that interests you all too! Its kinda like tumblr 2, though not everyone is on there just yet fir better or for worse. Kinda reminds me of the days where everyone did a big exodus from deviantArt for tumblr.

agh, good ol days.

anyway, this update post has been long enough so I’ll put in a TL;DR at the top so you dont have to feel bad abt scrolling past. Or blocking me for suddenly making a long rambling post out of the blue. I Do Not Care

anyway, shits been real and it keeps on coming!

[hanniiesuckle17]

Stray Kids Reaction: Asking to Borrow S/o's Razor/ Wax

A/n: so this came from the revelation that stray kids probably freaking shave and wax their armpits. BC LIKE OMG THEYVE B EEN WEARING TANK TOPS RECENTLY and like idek man like i was just like its so smooth that cant be natural

Tagging: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​(if you want to be added to the tag list just comment or reblog! <3)

Warnings: probably some cursing

Bangchan:

“AAAAAHH NO!!!” 

Hearing your boyfriend’s scream you raced to the bathroom door and knocked. This would not have been the first time Chan had fallen asleep in the shower and slipped. “Chan! You okay, love?” You asked, knuckled wrapping against the door. 

“Uhhhh....one sec, Y/n.” 

You waited patiently in the hall before Chan told you to come in. The shower had been turned off and Chan stood in the shorts he was wearing earlier and his hair hung in wet strands in front of his face. “You okay?” You asked eyeing him for injuries. Then your gaze fell upon the little pink razor that lay in two parts in Chan’s hand. Your boyfriend looked from you to the shaving utensil cutely.

“I think I broke it.” He mumbled.

Your heart fluttered seeing his adorable face looking down at the tiny pastel broken razor in his big hands. “Yeah, I think you did, babe.” You did your best not to laugh when he tossed the snapped razor onto the counter. You watched him reach under the sink and pull out a clear bag full of little pink razors. The kind you used to use in middle school. “Oh my gosh, Chan you aren’t using those are you?” 

He blushed seeing you laugh at the bag. “Yeah...why?” 

“Awww baby.” You kissed his cheek and took the bag and tossed it in the trash. Your boyfriend watched you open a drawer and pull out one of the extra razors you had lying around. “Here use this. I’ll go buy you an actual razor this weekend.” His dimples made an appearance as I handed him the metal razor. 

“Thank you, Y/n.” He said kissing your forehead.

Minho:

“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called out into the apartment. “Y/n!” 

You sighed and got up from your comfy place on the couch. “What, Minho?” One of the cats brushed up against your leg as you walked into your shared bedroom. “I thought you were gonna take a shower?” Minho lay face down on the bed, like the drama queen he was. 

“I can find my mppphrhp.”

“You’re what?”

“My mmrmpr.”

“Babe, take your head out of the pillow.” Minho dejectedly rolled over and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t even move when Doori hopped onto the bed and snuggled into his chest. 

“My razor. I can’t find my razor. My stylist called and told me she has me in a cutoff tee tomorrow and I haven’t shaved since before the comeback.” Knowing Minho, he probably left it out on the last tour or something and one of the boys swiped it. They were always ‘borrowing’ things from each other and never giving it back.

“Hold on. I’ve got an idea.” You said turning on the light to the adjoining bathroom. “Are you too upset to take off your shirt?” The only answer you received was a grumble from Minho and the sound of fabric rustling. You came back into the room with a box of wax strips. 

Minho raised his head, hearing the box open and he shot up from the bed fear in his eyes. “Hey...back off.” He tried to laugh off the nervousness as I approached him with a wax strip in hand. “Y/n, you know I love you right?” He said holding a hand out so you kept your distance.

“Come on, Minho. It will only hurt like.....a lot.”

He sprinted out of the room only to trip over a cat, giving you a chance to tackle him and apply a strip to his underarm. “Y/N! NO- OWWWWWWWW YOU ASSHOLE!”

Changbin:

Your nap was interrupted by the sound of your boyfriend loudly opening drawers in the bathroom. “Binnie! Shut the hell up please!” You said stuffing a pillow over your head. He mumbled an apology but continued to loudly open cabinets.

“Hey...baby?” Changbin asked crawling onto the bed. He lifted the pillow from your face and laughed at your scowl. “I need your help.” You shook your head and turned over. “Please....” He tried pulling the covers away from you, but the effort was in vain.

“Y/n I’ll order your favorite takeout if you help me?” He coaxed in a cute voice. Changbin laughed when your sleepy face peeked out from under the covers.

“What do you want, Binnie?”

He huffed and collapsed on top of you, a groan leaving you in response to his weight. “I forgot my razor at the dorms. Do you have one I could borrow?” You rose an eyebrow and wrapped an arm around his bare back. 

“By borrow do you mean gunk up with your armpit hair?” Changbin laughed and nodded. “No, sorry. I only use wax.” He sighed and dropped his head down into your neck. 

“Is it my only option?” 

To be honest, you probably had a cheap razor lying around somewhere, but....he had woken you up from your nap. He deserved it. “Yes, this is your only option.” He whined and rolled off the bed. You told him where you kept the wax and paper and he retrieved them from the bathroom.

“I’m a manly man. This should be nothing.” He said, giving himself a pep talk as you spread wax over a strip and placed it under his left arm. He raised it over his head and readied himself for the pain. “Ooo. That wasn’t so bad.”

“Changbin I haven’t pulled it yet.” He just blushed and stared straight ahead. A high pitched scream filled the apartment when you ripped away the paper.

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin lounged on your shared bed, blonde hair laid out in weird directions as he scrolled through his phone. You walked out of the bathroom carrying the laundry hamper, most of it filled with Hyunjin’s workout clothes. “Oh, Chan called and asked me to remind you that you are filming your dance practice tomorrow.” You said adjusting your hold on the basket.

“Thanks, babe,” Hyunjin answered still on his phone. 

“Your clothes are rank, Jinnie.” You said beginning to sort through the clothes so you could begin laundry. He shot up from the bed eyes wide. You watched as he ran to your closet and searched through the clothes. “What’s wrong?” You asked sorting the dirty clothes.

“All I have left are tank tops.” 

“So? You look really hot in tank tops.” You said with a smile. Hyunjin collapsed against the closet doorframe. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong, drama llama?” He whined and groaned until he collapsed onto the floor in a puddle of depressed Hyunjin.

He pouted up at you. “I forgot to buy a new razor. I can’t film in a tank top tomorrow looking like Bigfoot!” You laughed, finding the tiniest bit of joy in his misfortune. Hyunjin was honestly overreacting. You were certain no one would care if his underarms weren’t smooth and shaved. 

However, knowing he was going to whine and complain and be an overall pain in the butt until the problem was solved, you stopped sorting the laundry. Hyunjin was too caught up in his whiny fit to see you go into the bathroom and pull out an extra razor from under the sink.

“There. Problem solved.” You said tossing it into his lap. 

“Thank you, Y/n.” He said, expression changing to a bright smile like a flip of a coin. He rushed over and gave you a sweet kiss before sprinting into the bathroom and turning on the shower.

Jisung:

“HEY BABY!”

The loud sound of Jisung’s voice rung out through the apartment making you jump. Your ears picked up on the sound of drawers opening and closing. You pushed yourself off the couch and ventured into the bathroom. Your boyfriend stood with messy hair and half his shirt over his shoulder rummaging through the cabinets.

“What’s up handsome?” He sighed, a small whine escaping his lips when his head rolled back.

“I can’t find my razor. I think I lost it on tour.” You leaned against the doorway and watched Jisung continue to search. He gave up eventually and tugged his arm back into his shirt. “Can I borrow yours? I have a performance tomorrow.” He asked cutely taking your hands in his. 

“Jisung, I only have wax strips right now. I used yours if I needed a razor.” Everyone knew guys razors were better. He flinched hearing the word wax. You could practically see the gears turning in his head. He was debating whether to go through the pain of wax or go on stage in a tank top unshaven.

“Fine. But will you help me?” 

You nodded and he trudged his feet into your shared bedroom. “Shirt off babe.” You called before grabbing the strips from below your sink. Jisung lay on your bed, feet planted on the floor and hands covering his face. His tan skin exposed to the air. You leaned over, crawling on top of him and resting your thighs on either side of his waist. “Ready.” He nodded squinting his eyes closed.

He raised his arm and you placed the strip down and smoothed it out. Jisung’s other hand held on firmly to the bedspread. “1...2...” You yanked off the strip before you got to three.

“HOLY FUCK!” Your boyfriend screamed. You took his face in your hands and peppered it with kisses.

“You ready for the other side?”

“No. But....just do it.” He flinched, feeling you press another strip under his other arm.

Felix:

Felix had been in the bathroom for three hours. You were starting to get a little worried. After another hour without hearing the shower or water running, you decided to check on him. Your knuckles tapped on the wooden door. “Felix, baby, you okay?” 

“Actually could you come in? I need some help.” His deep voice floated through the door. The scene that greeted you when you opened the door almost made you laugh out loud. Felix was standing shirtless in front of the mirror his arm raised above his head. Foamy soap was in his armpit and he held scissors in his hand, the blade having little traces of foam soap on it. “What?” He asked when you started laughing.

“Felix, what the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m trying to shave. We are filming at a water park tomorrow.” 

You could no longer hold in your laughs. Felix watched you fall to the floor clutching your side. “Oh my gosh....I can’t breathe.” You said between labored laughs. 

“Why are you laughing at me?” He asked completely serious. You smiled seeing your boyfriend look at you with utter confusion his arm still slightly raised. He watched you lean in and place a kiss to his lips. “What was that for?” He asked, though he thoroughly enjoyed the kiss. He smiled feeling your fingers play with the end of his hair.

“You are too cute.” He blushed and looked down. “If you needed to borrow a razor all you had to do was ask, baby.” He smiled and kissed you again.

“Can I use your razor, please, darling?” I reached into the nearest drawer, a hand still on Felix’s cheek, and pulled out the shaving utensil. “Thank you, Y/n.”

“What’s mine is yours, Lix.”

Seungmin:

“Hey, Y/n?” Your boyfriend called. 

You set down the spoon you were stirring with and turned down the heat on the stove. “Coming, Min. One sec!” You wiped your hands on a towel before following your boyfriend’s call into your bathroom.

He was on his knees and searching for something under your sink. “Hey, can I borrow your razor?” He questioned as if he was simply asking the time. The question confused you. He wanted to borrow your razor? Like the one you shaved your legs with?

“My what?” 

“Your razor.” 

Still quite confused you walked into your bedroom and pulled out your still semi-full suitcase. You had gotten back from a trip a few days ago and Seungmin had spent the last few nights at your place. He claimed that it was because he needed a break from the boys, but you knew he missed you. His arms wrapped around your stomach from behind and he watched you search through your bag for the shaving utensil.

“Why do you need this again?” You asked, pulling out your toiletry bag.

“Cause I usually borrow Jisung’s before a performance but Changbin stole it before I could.” 

“I’m gonna ignore how unhygienic that is.” You said pulling out a clean razor from under your shampoo bottle. “Here you go.” His hand brushed yours when he took the commercial blade from your grip.

“Thanks cutie.” He surprised you by pressing an exaggerated kiss to your cheek before running back to the bathroom.

“KIM SEUNGMIN IF YOU CLOG MY RAZOR I WILL CASTRATE YOU.”

“I KNOW!”

Jeongin:

“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called. Innie was somewhere in your apartment doing something. This was one of the few days the Jeongin had free of any schedules and you were ecstatic he chose to spend it with you at home. 

He turned when you opened the door to the bedroom. Jeongin sat on the edge of the bed in a loose tank top. “What’s up, handsome?” You asked jumping onto the bed and resting your chin on his shoulder. 

“Do you have a razor I could borrow?” Your brows furrowed in thought. To your recollection, you only had wax strips. They gave you a closer shave job than a razor. He sighed when you shook your head ‘no’.

You rubbed his shoulder and he gave you a half-assed smile. “I have wax strips. They will be a little painful, but they will get the job done.” Jeongin let out a nervous laugh before shrugging and letting me go get the strips from the bathroom. 

“How much is it gonna hurt?” He asked, eyes going soft. He laid down on the bed at your direction and raised his arms over his head. 

“Not as much getting your ears pierced.” You said placing the wax strip in his armpit and smoothing it out.

“I don’t have my ears pierced.”

“Yeah, when are you gonna do that? You would look really hot with piercings.” In the middle of your sentence, you ripped away the paper making your boyfriend yelp in pain. “Aww....baby.” You leaned down and kissed his cheek before moving to his lips. 

“You’re right that wasn’t too bad.”

Requests are open my lovelies! Just send an ask!

Masterlist

[pinkykitten]

boyfriend and girlfriend outing

- anonymous Hello, Ki!! 😊💖 Can I request a Lance Mcclain (Voltron) x shy female human reader fluffy oneshot about they are going to the swimsuit shopping at space mall? 🥰🥰💖💖 How would Lance reacts to shy female human reader trying on/modeling swimsuit for him? 🥰😂🤣💖 I really love to see Lance is blushing mess near her!!! 🥰🥰💖💖

- anonymous Can I request a Voltron fluffy oneshot about how would Lance Mcclain reacts to his shy female human reader wears his jacket? 🥰🥰💖 I bet he will be blushing mess to her cuteness, haha. 😂🤣💖 Bonus: fluff/general prompts #2: “aw, you’re so cute.” (only Lance) and #22: “i love you.” (only reader) 🥰💖 Please??😁😁💖  prompt(s):  “aw, you’re so cute.”  “i love you.” 

pairing: lance mcclain x female! reader words: 1,602 genre: fluff, romance, comedy, requested, prompt, one-shot

a/n: sorry guys i have written in a while ive been soooo busy atm so hopefully i can write more for you guys. its been a minute since ive written for vld and i so totally miss it esp my cuban bby. yes we all can agree it ended like poo but thats why moi is here to help w canon and make it a thousand times better bc im a miracle worker duh. ty guys fr for reading my stuff, following and reblogging my stories i really appreciate it. 

It was in order- in your mind to take time off for yourself. Getting up every morning at 5 to train hard your mind and body. All you wanted was one day to enjoy having fun and being a teenager. 

You giggled at your pathetic bucket list. To think on yours it would say go out to a mall or market when back on earth that was something so insignificant and so easy to accomplish. But you hadn’t done something exciting and something for yourself in a while. 

You practically begged Shiro to let you to go to the mall today. After much butting he finally gave in. You knew pouting your lip out and whining almost like a puppy would do the trick. 

You didn’t waste time in getting dressed and doing your makeup. You wanted to look fierce on your day out. 

A knock was heard on your bedroom door. 

“Where are you going?” Lance, your boyfriend raised his brow as he stood by your doorway, arms crossed. He was a bit jealous that you were going out looking so hot and you hadn’t invited him. 

“I’m going to the mall,” you applied lipstick. 

“Without me?” He pouted. 

You chuckled and went to hug him, squeezing hard. “What are you waiting for then? Get ready? We’re having a date.”

Going into the mall- it already made a huge smile on your face. The smells reminded you of home. Food, perfumes, creams, the clothing were of different colors and of different alien races customs. It was like a walking into a whole different world. 

Lance giggled as he saw your face and scooped you up, kissing all over your cheeks. “Aw, you’re so cute, you know that. What do you want to try first?”

You sniffed the air and couldn’t get rid of a cinnamon smell. As you went onward you saw what that smell was. 

“Doughnuts!” You were almost salivating. Grabbing Lance’s hand you raced to the stand. 

You and Lance shared a huge doughnut and Lance smudged some frosting onto your face. You tried pushing him away and all he did was tickle you. It was like a fight and as much of a flaco he was he still got a hold of you. 

“I’m gonna get you Lance,” you gave a hearty laugh. 

You climbed on Lance’s back and ordered him like a pony to go to the arcade. There were so many games there your eyes lit up with the bright neon lights and colors. 

“I want to try this.” It was a game of getting a hammer and hitting mini Prince Lotor’s. You and Lance were up against each other and of course you won. 

“You cheated,” Lance pointed an accusatory finger at you. 

You stuck your tongue out, “you just suck.”

Lance rolled his eyes and walked away pretending he didn’t know you. 

You guys hopped on a motorcycle game, Lance went first and you jumped in his lap and he taught you how to play. 

Next, was the perfume store. You bathed Lance in cologne as he twirled around, and rubbed himself on you. 

As you were walking onward you spotted a swim suit store. You were fighting with yourself if you should go or not because you were a bit shy around Lance but you decided to go because you would probably never come back again. 

“Let’s go in this store please,” you asked shyly. 

Lance didn’t want to show it too much but he was so excited to see how beautiful you would look in swim suits, especially bikinis. He saw how much you wanted to go in and he couldn’t and would never say no.

“Of course gorgeous,” he smirked and acted all charming. 

“You sit here and wait,” you pushed him onto the couch in the waiting room and fled to each aisle, picking up the ones you wanted. 

The store owner waved her tentacles around and glanced at Lance, “are you here for you?”

“It’s actually for my girlfriend.” He said proudly. “She’s special.” 

“Alright Lance,” you sang as you brought them in the room and tried one on. “This one I call Florida weather.”

You jumped out and the one piece had oranges on it. You modeled and pretended to peel an orange and eat it. 

Lance clapped and nodded his head, “that’s so cute!”

“Next!” You shimmied your way in the room again and put on a swimsuit that was adorned with a skirt and it was bedazzled. It looked so trashy and made for a grandma. It was the furthest thing away from sexy. You chuckled as you looked at your reflection. Lance was really going to love this. “What do you think about this one babe? I think this will be your favorite.”

“Let me see girl!” Lance bounced on the souls of his feet in anticipation.

“Tada!” You danced out, shaking your hips. “My name is abuelita.”

Lance was surprised to say the least but he clutched his stomach, bending over laughing. “Oh my God, you do!”

“Do you think this is flattering?” You strut your stuff and flung your leg out like a show girl. 

“I still think you look great sweetheart.” Lance grabbed your hips and kissed your lips.

Lance was the perfect boyfriend to you. Even though you looked like an old lady from the 80s, Lance thought you still looked perfect and that made you have fireworks in your tummy. He always knew what to say. “Alright, but I got one more!” You ran back to your room and lifted up the dark blue bikini. Was your body perfect? No. Did you care? No. You thought you were beautiful in your size and no body was perfect. It was for you and Lance loved you no matter what. As you pulled the straps up, you checked yourself out in the mirror. “Perfect.”

“Are you done baby?”

“Yes, I think you’re going to really love this one.” The beating of your heart was rapid as you thought of his opinions. Would he like it? You tiptoed out of the room and rubbed your arm sheepishly. “Do you like it?”

Lance was flabbergasted. Not because he never thought you would look that way but because of how perfect and beautiful you were. He was star struck. His eyes widened and shined bright like jewels. His mouth was wide open. His heart grew more large for the love he felt for you. You were his baby! 

“Well!” You crossed your arm, beginning to feel shy and bashful at his loss for words. 

Lance covered his mouth, “And I have the audacity to live.”

You shook your head as you giggled like a girl with her crush. It was kind of true he was your crush but he was also your boyfriend so you scored. Lance was so extra!

“My baby is so sexy oh my God!” He shouted so loud- everyone in the store glanced over your guys way.

“So this one is a buy?” 

“Heck ya! I’m buying this for you babe. You look so smokin in this like por tu madre, my girl gonna look good!”

As you both were walking out to go back to the ship. It was night time already and the sky was a dark purple. The stars looked like diamonds sprinkled on a painting. It made you have a warm feeling in your tummy to know that you were one of the many brave souls that traveled up there to save lives. The air was cool and the trees swayed in the wind. 

Hand in hand with Lance, you walk on the cobblestone, trying to balance as you place one foot in front of the other. The wind that blows by makes you shake and shiver. Goosebumps rise on your skin and Lance takes notice. 

“Baby, you’re cold?”

You didn’t want to seem weak so you shook your head. “No, I’m okay. Just the wind.”

Lance looked the other way, shy, as he stripped his jacket off and enveloped you in the warmth. 

You loved cuddling with it, the soft inside fabric tickled your cheek, and it smelled of his perfect self. You tried to hug the jacket subtly without his detection but Lance saw and became a bashful mess. You bit the inside of your cheek, not looking into his eyes because of your embarrassment. “It’s so warm,” your lips turned into a small, satisfied smile. 

“It looks amazing on you,” Lance said breathless. 

“Oh wait!” You paused as you sprinted to an open field.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” 

After a few minutes you ran back to Lance. 

“What did you do?”

You brought out a daisy, kissed it, and gave it to Lance. “A present for you, my Lance.”

Lance couldn’t contain his love for you. He lifted you up and twirled you in his arms. “You are defiantly my girl.” He put you on his back as you both traveled back to the ship. 

On his back, you hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his hair, kissing the back of his neck. “I love you.” You whispered your heart and soul into his ear. 

“I love you princess.” Lance kissed your hands as you started drifting off to the rocking of his steps. His breathing a peaceful melody in your ear. You needed the day to get out and have fun and just be you with Lance. As the day was ending your smile became wide as you thought about how perfect this day was and it was with the most perfect boy. 

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 10

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦." ━  𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧 𝐟𝐭. 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭, 𝐈 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: just angst tbh

word count: 5,850 [again of un proofread material sorry lmao]

authors note: [quick sidenote: if you want to make this sad af, then listen to heal by tom odell here bc that’s what i did when writing lmao.] omg yay part 10 finally! when this posts i’ll still be at work, but i’m so happy that i was able to get this out to you guys today! this series is coming to an end soon and honestly i’m sad about it bc idk what the hell i’m gonna do once it’s over lmao. for everyone who reblogs, likes and even reads this series– thank you from the bottom of my heart. i enjoy reading everyone’s tags and messages and it makes me happy and want to write even more when i see how much you guys enjoy the series. i hope this part is good enough bc part 11 is coming up and well...we’ll see what happens :)

Two days after the incident in the training room, finals week had wrapped up, Kennedy had already gone home to celebrate an early Christmas with her parents before joining you in Victoria, campus closed down and you had found yourself displaced. Originally, pre-Typocalypse...you were supposed to stay with Jamie and Katie, then all fly back together after the game tonight. But those plans had since changed since Jamie was obviously still not talking to you. Kennedy offered you to come and stay with her, but you were already stealing her for Christmas, you didn't want to intrude on the few days her and her parents got to spend together for the Holidays.  Before you could even think about booking a hotel for the next few days, Big Rig offered you his guest room and the two of you have been temporary roommates ever since.

It was a great set up, honestly. Since you were still obligated to be at team practices, the two of you drove there together and left afterward. He was like the big shield that protected you from Jamie's glares and Tyler's horrible attempts at trying to please Jamie by not looking at you. When they went on their Florida series, Dave offered you a chance to go since you were on break, but you turned it down and made a joke about how if you went to Florida you might not come back. Instead, you relaxed on Big Rig's couch, thought about going to see Tyler's dogs and switched between binging 'You' and 'Fuller House' on Netflix.

But today was the day that you would be handing John the paperwork for your internship that he needed to sign and handover. Just things saying that your timesheet was correct, signing off and typing up a letter about how you did. The practice before they left for Florida, actually the same day he had offered you a spot on the trip, was when you broke the news to him that you wouldn't finish out the season with them. Of course, he probably had some kind of inkling as to the reasons why. You always thought that girls were the worst when it came to gossip, but it turns out grown men are a lot worse. But he was kind and never asked for the specifics and respected your decision not to continue and just told you to give him the paperwork whenever you could and that he'd fill it out for you. He also commented on how good of a job you did and that if you ever changed your mind, they'd welcome you back without a second thought.

And that's what you told Katie when the two of you went out to an early dinner before heading to the arena for the game. But now, as the two of you were in your uber and headed towards the arena, the daunting task of having to actually hand over your paperwork weighed heavy on your heart. Katie had invited you along to dinner and you thought that it was probably her way of reaching out to you since your brother was failing to do so, but you didn't mind. You really liked Katie and she was like the other big sister you never had. To your surprise though, the two of you didn't talk much about what had happened between you, Tyler and Jamie. Instead, she focused on your senior year, where you were applying to jobs and how life in L.A. had been treating her.

But now you were itching to get her opinion on the matter, because if there was anyone besides you who was closer to Jamie in this city and had the insight of his thoughts– it was her. When the two of you stepped out of the Uber and made your way through security to get to the back hallway, you broke the silence on the matter.

"Did you know?" You blurted out as the two of you bypassed security. She turned to you with a generic expression. "Did you know before he...found out?"

"I mean, I kind of had a feeling something was going on," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Just even during the few times I was down here and we all went downtown. The two of you had never really been as close or hung out too often before and I just noticed all of the little things that boys are too oblivious to see."

"Yeah, maybe going out together was a bad idea. Maybe this whole damn thing was a bad idea," you sighed, clutching the manilla folder close to you.

"I don't think it was a bad idea, I just think that you and Tyler approached it wrong. You guys should've been a little more upfront and honest with Jamie. He still might have been angry, but it would have been a lot better than the alternative."

You nodded, accepting her cold truth as the two of you made your way through the parking garage and towards the hallway entrance. "Has he reached out to you yet?"

"Jamie or Tyler?"

"Both, I guess."

You shook your head, pushing back the pain that came with the thought of the two guys you cared for most, ignoring you. "Not even an in-person acknowledgment."

"I've been talking to them both, trying to get them to see the sense of it all. I told Jamie he needs to talk to you before this gets any worse...but you know how he is."

"Yeah, I do," you nodded, opening the door and stepping into the hallway. You looked down the right towards the training room and took a deep breath. "Well, I guess this is it."

"I can come with you if you want? Give you a little moral support?"

"Thanks, but I need to do this on my own," you took a deep breath and nodded, giving yourself a little encouragement. "I'll see you at home in a few hours?"

"Longest plane ride of our lives," she joked, hugging you before turning towards the elevator. "Oh, one more thing about you and Tyler!"

"Yeah?" You asked, giving her a hopeful, but sad look.

"It wasn't just the physical things I noticed, like the small touches." She shrugged her shoulders and gave you a small smile. "But it was just how different the two of you seemed. You were a lot happier and open and Tyler...he was a lot calmer and genuinely happy. I think the two of you are very good together."

You didn't know what to say, but instead gave her a thankful smile and watched her get into the elevator to head up to the upper level. It hurt your heart, to think about how your relationship had changed the two of you for the better and yet here you guys were– avoiding each other at all costs. You brushed those thoughts aside and walked down the hallway. You needed to give Dave your paperwork, but there was something else you needed to do first.

You knocked on to the locker room door, hearing a voice on the other side. You covered your eyes with one hand and pushed the door open, stepping into the room. "Is everyone in here decent?"

"It's just me and Dobby, Y/N," Klinger said, laughing. "So yes, open your eyes."

You uncovered your eyes to see the two men sitting in their respectful stalls. "Where's everyone else?"

"Training room, on the bench or playing footy," Dobby said, standing up. "You okay?"

You nodded, walking over towards Big Rig's stall and holding up your purse. "Big Rig just asked me to bring something for him, he forgot it at the apartment."

They nodded and Dobby walked out of the door, Klinger stopping while holding it open. "Do you think you can tape me today?"

You felt a crushing feeling inside of you because he had no clue that you weren't here to work...but instead to quit. "If no one's busy." You smiled, as he nodded in reply before leaving the locker room.

You took a deep breath and sighed before walking away from Big Rig's stall and over to Tyler's. You dug into your purse and pulled out his house key, which was attached to the  '#1 labrador mom' keychain he had given you, and placed it right in the middle of his stall. You've been meaning to give it back to him since everything crumbled, but you just haven't had the courage to face him since the day of he and Jamie's explosion. Plus, you were flying home to Victoria tonight and there would be no better time than the present to give him back the gift. Now, you had to do the one thing that you came here for– turn in your hour sheet, along with some other internship paperwork, to John. You had talked to him earlier in the week about deciding not to finish out the season, and you had to admit that you felt honored that he was upset that you were choosing not to continue. For the first time in a while, it made you feel like you had accomplished something here and that your work was appreciated. But the hardest part wasn't telling him that you were quitting, it was turning in your paperwork for him.

You stood outside of the training room door, contemplating whether or not to call Katie and tell her that you had changed your mind, that you'd love for her to walk into the room with you so you could walk right back out. But then you thought back on all of your conversations with Big Rig since Kennedy left and how, in her absence, he's been more than willing to lend an ear and even give you some advice and boost up your confidence. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling and then opening your eyes again. "I can do this." You gave yourself a few more seconds before bringing your shoulders back, lifting your chin and pushing the door open, walking into the training room like you owned the place.

"Y/N!" Pavs cheered, throwing his fists into the air. "You're finally here! I've been waiting for you to come and tape my ankle for me, for like...ever!"

"Sorry for being late," you replied, looking immediately in John's direction to see him walking over to his desk. "I just need to–"

"And you're out of your uniform?" Dickinson scoffed, walking by you. "What are they teaching you at this fancy college?"

"Yeah Y/N, you're not on winter break yet. No, relax!" Rads chimed in as the rest of the guys just laughed.

You rolled your eyes at their chirping but kept the smile on your face because you were glad that things seemed to have rolled over when it came down to the tension whenever you, Tyler and Jamie were all in the same room. This was ringing true because the three of you were in the same room at this very moment. Tyler was sitting down by Big Rig, stealing a resistance band from him to work on his shoulder, while Jamie was lying on a table in front of John's desk, getting his hamstring scraped by Craig. Neither of them looked as tense as they had in the last week, but they still weren't paying any attention to you. Well, you thought they weren't until you caught Tyler looking away from you the moment you went to say something to Big Rig about his bands. He played it off, looking immediately to his right, probably not realizing he'd be staring at a blank wall– but you were over it all, so it didn't bother you one bit.

"Is this the paperwork we talked about?" Dave asked, finally sitting down at his chair and tossing a towel on his desk.

You walked forward with the manilla folder in hand and held it up, giving him a tight-lipped smile. "Yep, this is it. Sorry I couldn't get it to you sooner. It took a while to get together since Finals ended and everything is hectic."

You held it out to him and he grabbed it from you, placing it onto his desk and opening it, skimming through the pages and nodding. "Can I get this to you after you come back from break?"

"Absolutely. There's no need to rush," you looked off to see Big Rig giving you a supportive look. He was the only one in the room besides Dave, that knew just what those papers were for. "Just as long as it's before graduation."

"Y/N!" Miro said, rushing into the room and out of breath. "You're here! Please tape me, you're the only one who can."

"Looks like you're stuck with just Craig and me, Miro," Dave said, closing the folder and standing up from his chair. "You guys must have chased her away. She's finished with her internship and decided not to extend for the full season."

That non-existent tension that you mentioned earlier, sprung it's ugly head back into the room the moment that his announcement left his lips. Both Jamie and Tyler perked up at what Dave had said, both surprised and even had a split moment where they looked at each other. Though of course, they had no clue of your decision, so shock and confusion were along the lines of what you expected them to feel. You made eye contact with Jamie first and you couldn't exactly pinpoint just what he was feeling since three separate emotions ran across his face: shock, disappointment and finally, joy. When you acknowledged him back, he opened his mouth slightly as if he might just say something, but instead bit the inside of his cheek and rested his head back down onto his forearms as Craig continued to scrap him. Tyler on the other hand only had two visible emotions: sad and extremely pissed. And if it wasn't for the fact that his eyes carried hints of sadness, you'd only think he was extremely pissed, seeing as the scowl on his face and his knitted eyebrows were the key symbols of his anger. Rightfully, you were confused at his reaction. How could he even be bothered to be angry about your choice when he hasn't talked to you in nearly two weeks?

Screw him, he has no right to be angry.

You turned your attention away from him and started to make your way back to the training room door. "Well, shit, who the hell is going to deal with my shin problem now?" Big Rig said, clearing out the silence in the room.

Bishop laughed as well a few other guys who were still left in the training room before walking away from your desk and over to you. "You're 27 years old, figure it out, you dweeb!" He came to a stop in front of you and hugged you. "Good luck with the rest of your senior year. I hope you'll still come around."

"Eh, maybe I will," you joked, pulling away from the hug and giving the guys a small wave. "Good luck tonight guys. Someone fight Tkachuk or I'll disown you as my team and switch to the Canucks."

Your joke was followed by multiple groans and mumbles, in reply to your goodbye and to the fact that you were leaving their training room forever. Once the conversation returned to normal, you took that as your time to slip out of the training room unnoticed and back out into the hallway. The moment you stared down the empty hallway, you took a deep breath and felt as if a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You, Kennedy and Big Rig had made yourself a checklist of things to do before the year came to an end and you came back from winter break.

The first? Talk to Dave and give him the paperwork to wrap up your internship.

The second? Somehow repair your relationship with Jamie, which has yet to even have an outlined plan.

And the third? ...Close things off with Tyler on a positive note. He was a friend way before he was a hookup and he's your brother's best friend. Just because the two of you had relations, doesn't mean you couldn't still be friends.

You weren't one to lie to yourself. You knew that the last one probably wouldn't happen before the end of the year, if at all. Confronting Tyler was terrifying to you. Sure, you've planned everything that you wanted to say to him– it's been boiling inside of you for days. But there was never a moment that presented itself to where you could get Tyler alone, and you no longer felt comfortable just showing up at his place. So, you just pushed it onto the backburner and knew that somewhere down the road, you'd be able to accept that things would be like this from here on out– avoiding each other and pretending like nothing ever happened.

"Y/N, wait!" Halfway down the hallway, you stopped in your tracks as you listened to the sound of a door closing and shoes scuffing along the floor.

You didn't want to turn around, hell, you didn't even want to stop. But it was like your body turned against you the moment that you heard his voice. His footsteps came to a stop just behind you and you could hear him panting a little, trying to catch his breath. In his hand, you heard the slight jingle of a single key on a lanyard, and your heart squeezed in your chest.

"You can't do this. You can't leave!" The anger in his voice took you by surprise, just like his reaction only moments ago in the training room had. "You can't let me stop you from keeping this internship."

"Excuse me?" You scoffed, whipping around and feeling pure adrenaline running through your veins. "That's awfully narcissistic of you."

He looked taken back as he held tightly onto the lanyard he'd gifted you. "That's why you're leaving, though. Because of...everything?" He took a step towards you, shaking his head. "If it is I–"

Maybe it was the way he had phrased the sentence or maybe it was the way that he had pretty much just written off every moment the two of you had shared in a hesitant state. Whatever it was, you felt a whirl of anger and adrenaline swirling around inside of you as you clenched your fists by your side. "I completed my hours, Tyler, meaning my internship is done. I've fulfilled my duties as an intern here and even if it was about you and 'everything'," you threw your air quotes as you stared at him, your eyes hoping to burn holes into his head. "My position here was never permanent and we both knew that."

You felt slightly proud of yourself for the sly insinuation you threw in at him, and even more so proud when you saw that he understood just what you were implying. "Y/N listen, we need to talk."

Even if you wanted to, you couldn't have prevented the laugh that escaped from your mouth. "You've had almost two weeks to 'talk', Tyler. Two weeks to send me a text or a phone call to meet up someplace! But now that I'm leaving and I'll no longer be around for your convenience, it's the perfect time to talk?"

He stood there silent because he knew damn well that you were right. He had plenty of opportunities in the last two weeks to reach out to you, but he hadn't even bothered to pick up the phone and there was no denying it. You stood there, taking him in and it only made you feel worse. He had a hurt look on his face like he was lost as to what you wanted him to say or to do– and that only made you angrier. It was simple, what you wanted him to do. For the last two weeks, all you've wanted was for him to just talk to you, to let you know that he hadn't tossed you aside like another pointless hookup. But now, all you wanted to do was get everything off of your chest, and it was then that you realized...the universe was granting you the alone time you've desperately wanted.

"You don't get it, do you?" You asked, shaking your head as you felt a knot tighten in your throat. "You don't get how...how embarrassed I am! Do you know how many people told me to avoid getting involved with you? That you'd do nothing but end up hurting me in the end?"

"'He has a reputation for a reason, Y/N!' 'All he does is whore around Dallas, Y/N.' 'You guys are in two different stages of life, it won't work out.'" You laughed again, trying your damndest not to try. "I've heard it all, Tyler. From Kennedy, from your teammates, from kids at my school, hell– I even heard it from my mom!"

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked off to your left, giving yourself a few seconds to compose your thoughts before looking at him again. "But I brushed their worries aside because I saw a side of you that they never got the chance to. I saw how kind and sweet you were with me. How you'd jump at any opportunity to help me study and how you always made me feel welcome in your home."

"I saw it all and I thought, 'hey, you know what? They're all wrong. He's not that kid in Boston and he's not the same guy he was when he first got to Dallas.'" You pointed at him before letting your hand drop back to your side. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I know people can change and with my whole heart, I believed that you had."

He continued to stare at you, almost void of emotion now as if he had put up a wall and was just letting you scream at it, which only made you more upset. "I understand that you could have lost your best friend, I really do. And I'd never ask you to put our, whatever the hell we had, above your friendship with Jamie."

 Your bottom lip trembled as you thought about the nights since, where you've checked your phone every minute to see if he had texted you. "But you could have texted me. You could've said 'hey, I just need some space right now to figure stuff out' and I would have been fine with that! Instead, you just...tossed me aside and shut me out."

The more that you spoke, the more weightless you began to feel. It was as if speaking every word and feeling you had saved for Tyler was freeing you of the pain that him dropping you like nothing, had caused. Yet, you couldn't help but feel angry at how he was just standing there. You wanted a reaction, you wanted him to apologize– anything was better than this.

"Say something! Stop standing there and staring at me!" You yelled, feeling surprised at yourself for just how high your voice had gone and echoed off of the walls.

You watched his Adam's apple bob as his fingers tangled and twirled through the lanyard."Jamie and I... we've been talking and I think it's going well."

"Well that's great for you, isn't it?" You scoffed, shaking your head and motioning towards him with a hand. "At least my brother is talking to someone, right? Better you than me, I guess. I'm happy you got your best friend back, I truly am."

The longer you stood there, the more you felt your body begin to shake from the pure adrenaline running through you. And the more that he just stared at you, the more you felt your heart breaking because it was starting to become clear that you were the only one who was hurting from all of this. You laughed in disbelief at your revelation before turning away from him, preparing to walk down the aisle and out of his view.

"Why?" You asked, keeping your back turned. "Why did you do it?"

"...Why did I do, what?"

You turned around, your hair whipping into your face before you brushed it back with your fingers. "Why did you go back to Maisy?" Your voice cracked as you spoke softly, staring at him with the tears that were threatening to spill. "Why did you treat me like I was the most important person to you and then toss me aside like I was just another pointless hookup?"

"Y/N..."

"Did you even care? Wait, no, of course, you didn't and would you like to know how I know that, Tyler?" You stared at him, expecting an answer but knowing you wouldn't get one. "Because you practically rushed me out of your house and into an uber like I was nothing. You couldn't even be bothered to make sure I got home okay! The first sign of trouble and you toss me into an uber, sent me away and then ignored me like every..."

Your voice broke as you brought a hand to your mouth and turned away from him. You took a deep breath, trying to calm down your racing heart before looking back at him. "You ignored me like every moment we spent together meant nothing to you. And m-maybe they did but to me? They're some of the best memories I've had here in Dallas."

"So imagine how it made me feel, when my brother of all people, tells me that she's here...in your seats, not even four days after you had sex with me and tossed me aside." You glared at him as your bottom lip trembled once again. "You made me look like a joke Tyler."

"It wasn't like that, okay? Maisy was just–"

"I don't care what it was like, Tyler! She was here, in seats YOU bought her last season!" You yelled, throwing your arms in the air. "You told me that you guys were over! That you haven't talked to her since July and yet, there she was!"

The moment you felt the first tear glide down your cheek, you knew that you only had moments before you would burst into tears. You went to speak and a small sob escaped from the back of your throat. Tyler went into a small panic, his eyes widening as he stepped forward and reached out for you. "Y/N–"

"Don't," You stepped back, smacking his hand away. "Don't touch me, just...don't." You closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing and collecting your thoughts before opening them and looking at him one last time. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt Tyler, but it turns out everyone was right."

You laughed again, shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head. "You're still that 19-year-old kid in Boston, who doesn't have a clue about what he wants for his life...you're nowhere near the man I thought you were." You looked him dead in the eyes, not caring about the tears running down your face. "Grow up."

With that, you turned your back to him and started to finish your journey down the hall and to the elevator, choosing to ignore how his footsteps followed you. "Y/N, wait...please."

You stopped, this time choosing to and kept your head down towards the ground and holding back your sobs. "SEGGY WHERE ARE YOU? GET DRESSED, WE'VE GOT 5 MINUTES TILL WARM-UPS!" Big Rig called out, his loud voice echoing down the hall.

You expected to hear Tyler's footprints walk in the opposite direction, but you were met with silence. "Y/N, stay after the game, please? I just," he sighed, trying to figure out what to say. "We really need to talk about everything and just...please wait for me after the game? Five minutes, two minutes, one minute– whatever you want, I don't care. Just...please, let me explain?"

"SEGGY LET'S GO!" Rads called out this time, his voice louder as you kept your back to Tyler.

You heard him sigh again before listening to his footsteps run in the direction back towards the locker room. You didn't hesitate to walk as fast as you could to the elevator, letting out every tear and sob your body had held back as he pleaded for a chance to explain. It was all you wanted from him, an explanation, but he was too late. You weren't staying for the game, you were leaving the arena and hopping onto a flight to Victoria in two hours.

You just didn't have the heart to tell him that.

You were grateful for the elevator attendant who stayed silent your entire ride up to the upper level. Before the doors opened, you took a deep breath and wiped your eyes, fixing yourself up before you'd make your way through the crowds and out of the arena. The attendant gave you a friendly smile as you walked out of the elevator. As soon as the doors closed and you made your way through the crowds, you spotted Paisley turning away from the drink cart ahead of you and you were desperate for the crowd to swallow you up before she could witness you in all of your misery.

Unfortunately for you, the universe wasn't so kind because as soon as she looked up from her purse, her eyes locked on yours and she smiled and waved at you. You froze in place, probably bothering the fans trying to make their way around you as you watched in horror, Paisley coming towards you.

"Y/N, hi!" She smiled, just as cheery as the first time you met her, which again, made it so hard to dislike her. "What are you doing up here? I thought you were down in the training room and stuff?"

"How did you know that?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Cole," she scoffed, rolling her eyes before taking a sip of her beer, which was another shock because you took her for a wine kind of girl. "He complained about it and Tyler Seguin and some dude named Big Rig? But I don't understand why because like, your job sounds really cool!"

"Well, it was pretty cool, but I finished up my internship, so I won't be here much longer." You replied, stuffing your hands awkwardly into your sweatshirt pockets.

She looked at you, her eyes taking in your appearance and lingering on your face for much longer than you'd like them to. "Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

There were a lot of things you wanted to do right now and talking to the girl your boyfriend cheated on you with, was not on the list. But she was being so nice to you and after the horrible moment you just had with Tyler, you needed a little positivity right now. "I kind of just maybe...broke up with someone? I mean we weren't a thing, but we kind of were and it's just...it's a whole hot mess." You sighed, shaking your head and brushing it off. "It doesn't matter anymore."

She gasped, bringing her drink to her chest and grabbing onto your wrist with her free hand as she leaned in. "You broke up with Tyler? But why? You guys seemed so happy whenever I saw you out downtown. Even when I saw you walking around campus, you just looked so...happy."

"It's complicated."

She shook her head, sighing and taking a long sip of her wine. "I guess it is true then, men are shit. College guy or NHL player." She must have seen the shocked look on your face because she shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I dumped Cole's ass. Sometime after you left the ABC party. He's just an asshole! And I'm sorry about everything...I never knew and I feel horrible about it."

"It's okay, he really was an asshole." You laughed, feeling a small flutter of happiness rush through you for the first time in what felt like forever. As she joined you in laughter, you dug your phone out of your back pocket and smiled. "What's your number? Maybe we can hang out after break?"

"Oh my God, yes!" She squealed, taking your phone from your hands and bringing her own out. "And I'll add you on snap and Instagram, too! Honestly, you and Kennedy seem like the coolest girls and I've always wanted to be friends with you since freshman year English lit, but we never really had classes together again."

"We can make plans for spring break maybe?" You suggested as the two of you added each other on social media before putting your phones away.

"Yes! We can plan it after break! Maybe you can even introduce me to a cute hockey boy?" She winked, nudging you playfully. "It seems to have worked out for Kennedy well."

You laughed again, nodding your head. "I know a few single guys, we'll see what we can do." You felt your phone vibrating and you brought it back out to see the notification about your uber being ten minutes out. "Oh shoot, I need to go and get my bags before my uber gets here. But I'll text you later?"

"Sure thing!" She nodded before turning to walk away. "Oh, and one more thing!"

"Yeah?"

"Don't count him out just yet, okay? As I said, I saw how he looked at you whenever I saw you guys downtown and if I know boys like I think I do...I'd say that boy loves you. And a boy in love doesn't give up that easily." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders before winking at you. "Just a thought."

You watched her disappear into the crowd, wondering what the hell just happened. When you made your way down the escalators and into the main lobby, you navigated your way towards the front office where Big Rig had asked the staff to hold your bags for you. Sneaking in and then out quickly, you grabbed the Stars 'staff' lanyard around your neck and stuffed it into your sweatshirt pockets before walking out of the arena doors with your luggage in hand and made your way to the spot where you'd meet your uber. As you stood there, waiting for your Uber to arrive, you thought about what she said. Out of curiosity, you brought your phone out of your back pocket again to see a new text on your screen...from Tyler.

'see you after the game?'

You went to reply to tell him the news, but your uber pulled up and you locked your phone and shoved it into your sweatshirt pocket along with the Dallas Stars lanyard.

You were leaving for Victoria, Tyler would go home to Toronto and there would be no waiting for him in the hallway after the game, giving him a chance to explain.

The damage was already done.

[iamanartichoke]

This is neither eloquent nor organized. I’m very frustrated and I just need to get things off my chest. 

Please do not reblog this post. 

Cut for anti-Ragnarok discourse, pro-Ragnarok discourse, the Ragnarok discourse war, mention of Thorki, and general venting. 

I’m not using tags bc I don’t want this post to show up in them. Very sorry and if any of these things is one of your blacklists, please keep scrolling.

Yesterday, I read a fic.

I was wandering through some of the Thorki content on twitter, and followed a link to one of the big bang fics, bc it was a human AU and das my jam.

I didn’t recognize the author’s name. The fic was extremely well-written, though: lots of feels, beautiful narration, a sweet ending balanced with a lot of sadness. It was one of those fics that gave me a lump in my throat.

I was only going to leave kudos, but then I figured I’d take the extra five seconds and leave a comment, bc we all know how much authors like comments. I mean, I’d rather someone leave a comment than kudos, especially if the fic really affected them.I get it and I gotchu, fam. 

Anyway, so I left a comment and proceeded to click on the author’s profile to see what else they’ve written. As you do.

I recognized their AO3 icon, even though I didn’t recognize the name. I’d seen them around on some Ragnarok wank on tumblr. I went to double-check, and it was the same user, and also they’d blocked me.

I do not know this person. I have never spoken to this person. Yet they’ve gone out of their way to block me, most likely bc I associate with the anti-Ragnarok crowd. This happens to me a lot. I’ve even had a couple of former mutuals unfollow and block me (without saying anything to me) and those felt like punches to the gut.

I understand not wanting to see content that you don’t like or that upsets you. Everyone has the right to block whomever they wish. But I can’t deny that getting blocked like that – by someone I don’t know, let alone interact with – fucking hurts. I know it’s not that deep but I can admit it. It’s a shitty feeling and it’s hard not to take it personally.

It’s not really about this particular person at all, although it’s a shame bc they’re a good writer I probably would have followed otherwise. But this entire anti/pro Ragnarok war has gone so far and it’s exhausting. I stayed pretty neutral for as long as I could. 

And here’s the thing. My observations, both from being neutral and also being someone who, despite often being quietly blocked, tends to fly under the radar are this:

The majority of the negativity comes from the pro side.

Look, I side with and agree with the anti side on this one. I can admit, however, that sometimes it gets tiresome to see posts get turned into Ragnarok criticism or tiresome to see more posts on my dash about this that or another thing that sucks about Ragnarok and why. It, like anything, can be tiring.

But I also see that the anti side largely does its best to keep to itself. The pro side complained about the Ragnarok tags, so the anti side made an anti tag, and the pros still come into it to complain. The anti side will post their discussions and criticisms and they largely just circulate within the same group of people. The discussions are almost always criticisms on the source material (ie, the film) and not about anyone who enjoys it.

Now, maybe I don’t see everything. Though I don’t think I’m biased just bc I agree with the anti side – in fact, it was these attributes that made me take a closer look at what they were saying bc maybe they had a point after all. I don’t follow every anti Ragnarok user, but I do follow a lot. I can’t say personal attacks and whatever never happen - but, I hardly ever see them.

That’s not the case with the pro side. I don’t think I follow many from that side, but I see so much negativity from them. It’s like this kind of underhanded negativity that I’m not quite sure how to explain. It’s tonal negativity. 

I mean, sometimes it’s blatant. Name-calling (Loki stans, lackeys, pathetic, delusional, and racist come to mind) is an example. But more than that, there’s this collective tone among the pro side that smacks of condescension and I can’t stand it.

They make fun of the “dissertations” that have been written.

They always include an “lol” or laugh emoji or something to express that they’re not the ones taking this seriously.

They fall back on saying they don’t care about a two-year-old movie.

They’re laughing and making fun and at the same time acting like they’re so above it all.

They want us to just shut up already.

What it comes down to is this: it’s not just a matter of being able to agree to disagree because the pro side actively acts offended that the antis are even having these critical discussions, even if the antis have gone out of their way to not involve the rest of the fandom at all.

(Again, this is not every pro person, but the majority. Tone does matter online, and the overall tone of the pro side is not positive. I say this from a mostly neutral place.)

And here’s a thing about “oh my god, it came out two years ago, get over it!” Yeah, it came out two years ago. So fucking what? You guys are still engaging with it, via fics and headcanons and art. How old the movie is doesn’t matter when you’re having fun with it, but when someone wants to engage with it in a (valid) critical way that you don’t like? No. That’s unacceptable. That’s pathetic. That’s being a lackey. Get over it.

Even writing this, I know that things are much worse for others than they are for me. I get stealth blocked; others are called out by name in public posts, receive anon hate, and are actively targeted.

It’s just, this shit is so fucking toxic to this fandom and it honestly needs to stop. Both sides need to not only stop engaging one another, but also stop acknowledging one another. We get it: you either like the movie or you don’t.

Let people do their own thing. Don’t be fucking obnoxious. If you disagree and genuinely want to talk about it, then try to remember there’s a person on the other side of the screen and be civil. If you disagree and don’t want to talk about it, then just fucking don’t.

If you see a post you disagree with, scroll past. And, yes, block the person if you need to (and sometimes it might be me that needs blocking and I recognize my hurt feelings are my own personal problem, not whoever else’s).

There are a lot of movies in the MCU that are not perfect. (Btw, it baffles me a little to get hated on for my stance on Ragnarok, when I am so much more vocal [and emotionally invested] in hating the Russos and IW/Endgame – but, whatever.) There are a lot of interpretations of characters that are different. There are a lot of people who project their own identity or issues or whatever onto any particular character that resonates (and that’s okay!) and there are a lot of people who don’t project but still identify with a particular character (and that’s okay, too).

Stop judging whether someone is a “real” fan of a character/franchise or not. Just because someone isn’t engaging with the source material in the way you are, and just because they don’t see it in the same way that you do, does not make them wrong. (Yes, this applies to the pro side, too. None of them are wrong or less valid for enjoying and even stanning the movie.) It doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else here. 

Acting otherwise is honestly going to kill this fandom. Because it bleeds over. Fics will have less readers, bc they don’t want to interact with something posted by someone they dislike (or who blocked them). There’s less sharing of things like art and headcanons and content. People unfollow and block each other, people are having to watch what they say, people are losing friends (and potential friends) bc they may be a great person but they don’t agree with you about fucking Ragnarok.

I came to tumblr bc it was the only place where not only could I find other people who loved Loki as much as I did, but it was the only place where I could express that. Express it in fic, in headcanons, in meta. Being creative and starting dialogues and just interacting. I wish we could get that vibe back.

I wish none of this bothered me so much.

[tiredbiostudent]

31.12.19 // good morning only to my cat that blends into my blanket ft. muji notebooks and tombow brushes which officially make me a real studyblr tm.

it’s new year’s eve already???? ma’am?? idk if I’m the only one but this year has seemed suuuuper long (which is a good thing I think). overall my 2019 was actually pretty good but u know that one tweet that’s like “my first and second halves of 2019 felt like two different years”?? def applies because my first half of the year wasn’t great- started out in a /depressive episode/ which sucked bc I had to miss some class at the beginning of the sem. I was still v drained from sem 1 and combined w liking only one of my courses I thus had like zero motivation for school sdfjdfsjdsf. but 2019 was the year I realized (thx kylie) that having a life outside school is vital bc I focused a lot more on exercising etc. which ultimately made me a lot happier than getting one grade higher in a class (I mean I’m still not over the perfectionist thing but-). slam dunked my second year of university (hardest semesters of my life but we did it fam) and worked, had a fun trip to montreal (and got to see one of my fave artists live🥺), and then had the best semester of my life in which I made a ton of amazing friends, got involved in lab research, pushed myself more out of my comfort zone (actually talked to profs in person, who is she) and got more confident, tried to get help w an ?adhd? diagnosis even if it turned out bad sfddfhsfd, started a bullet journal, kept up w my fitness, spent more time outside, cooked/ate more healthier and improved my studying!! I also learned to genuinely like myself bc honestly I’m a moron but pretty cool once u peel off my 10 layers of shyness. happiest I have been in forever bro :) obviously there were many shitty moments (definitely overshared them on here) but I’m happy w my 2019. & tomorrow my ass is on a plane to europe which I’m probably not ready for but it’s happening so!!

three cool things I learned/lived by this year: 1. say yes- life is about experiences babey!!  2. cultivate a life outside of university- exercise, pick up a hobby, keep up with your friends, spend time outside... prioritizing things that make life enjoyable because when shit happens with school, you’ll always have them to lean back on :-) 3. life is now!! appreciate the moments you’re in, because if you’re always working towards and thinking about the future, you’re never going to be able to enjoy it. the future you were dreaming about is happening RIGHT NOW DUDE!!!

I know not everyone had a good year so I’m sending you guys some love and good wishes for 2020 :) thanks for reblogging my stupid posts, putting up with my excessive parentheses, and talking w me on here!! 😘 how were your guys’ years? (send me an ask I love getting nostalgic abt the year we just had)

[uruhabuns]

Sensuous (part 5 - Zuho)

A/N: THIS ONE IS FOR ALL THE ZUHOES OUT THERE~ Just so y’all know, writing this chapter made me lose it a few times bc daddy zuho is one of my kinks so afjdksjslfk IT’S ALSO LONGER THAN I PLANNED IT TO BE ORZ anyway, please give it a like or reblog if you’ve read!! I find that the members after youngbin aren’t getting as much attention ;____; and as always, ENJOY >:))

Word count: 4472

Pairing: girl reader x zuho

Warnings: MAJOR DADDY!ZUHO, swearing, hair-pulling, scratching (yes pls)

Prologue / Part 1 (Youngbin) / Part 2 (Inseong) / Part 3 (Jaeyoon) / Part 4 (Dawon) / Part 5 (Zuho) / Part 6 (Rowoon) / Part 7 (Taeyang) / Part 8 (Hwiyoung) / Epilogue

[ jiyoon ] : omg this is so intriguing…

[ _____ ] : And I thought I was nasty smh

[ jiyoon ] : EXACTLY

[ jiyoon ] : You are nasty

[ jiyoon ] : You can guess what the boys’ kinks are

[ _____ ] : I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY I HATE YOU BUT I DO

[ jiyoon ] : YOU LOVE ME~

[ jiyoon ] : Anyways…NEXT!!

[ _____ ] : Ugggghhh…

[ _____ ] : Okay so for Juho…his ones are pretty easy HAHA

[ jiyoon ] : I am intrigued

Juho swallowed a gulp. He always saw you as cute with a bright and sassy personality, so it surprised him to see you discussing such scandalous things with your friend. Even so, Juho knew that you were a young adult, so of course it would be normal for you to talk about these sorts of topics every now and then.

[ _____ ] : First thing’s first

[ _____ ] : Even though he’s really soft

[ _____ ] : EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM SCREAMS DADDY!!!!!!!!!

[ jiyoon ] : AAAAAAAH

[ _____ ] : HE HAS THE ULTIMATE DADDY KINK IN THE GROUP!!!!

“Oh god, why?” the male in question whined, resulting in an eruption of laughter from the rest of the boys.

“SHE GOT HIM!!” Taeyang yelled upon seeing Juho’s inability to respond to their teasing. “He likes being called daddy!!”

Juho only jabbed his elbow to Taeyang’s arm. “Why are you such a creep? Wait ’til we get to your—“

“Daddy, please punish me~” Jaeyoon teased, imitating your voice. Juho’s cheeks flushed slightly red as he buried his face in his hands.

“It’s because you look at the fans like you wanna seduce them,” Hwiyoung said, rolling his eyes.

“And because of your voice,” Taeyang added and nudged Juho’s side, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Girls love guys with deep voices ‘cause apparently it brings them to their knees.”

Juho’s ears turned a light shade of red at the younger boy’s inference. “W-wait a second, I don’t think she’ll—“

“You seem to know a lot about these kinds of things, Tae,” Rowoon said with a raised eyebrow.

Taeyang only rolled his eyes. “It’s common sense, isn't it? Everyone knows that.”

While the boys were discussing why you would see Juho in such a way, he was having a hard time processing the teasing.

“KEEP READING!!” Dawon exclaimed, “She’ll be finished in ten minutes, maybe!”

[ _____ ] : Not only that, HE’S PROBABLY FREAKY AF

[ _____ ] : I can see him being really into scratching, hair pulling, a bit of choking, and the girl being loud and really submissive

[ jiyoon ] : Oh my goddddd he does sound freaky…I need that in my life

[ _____ ] : STAY AWAY FROM HIM YA NASTY OMG

[ _____ ] : He’s too soft 80% of the time lol…

Juho immediately widened his eyes in shock. “H-hang on—“

“WAIT, WHAT?!” Dawon yelled upon reading the message. “I thought Inseong’s bondage and ice kink was kinky…”

“Juho, you are the freakiest out of all of us, don’t deny it,” Rowoon said with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“Hey, we gotta read everything before deciding anything,” Youngbin suggested, “But for now, though…Juho?”

The male in question only continued to rest his chin in his hands, unwilling to face the others.

“…are you really as freaky as she thinks you are?”

_________

The sound of sirens coming from Dawon’s phone pierced through your ears. Your best friend stirred from behind you while you whined and pulled the blanket over your face in attempt to block out the noise. Dawon reached over you to turn off the alarm, before slumping back and pulling you close to him by your waist. He then buried his face in your hair, and sandwiched you between his legs. The movement caused a sharp pain between your legs, adding to the throbbing that was already prevalent, causing a yelp to escape your lips.

What a night. You’ve just slept with another member, and it was your best friend. What happened to have you sleeping with the one of boys every night all of a sudden? Something seemed off.

“Hyukie, you have to get up,” you mumbled sleepily.

“Ugh…I don’t want to.”

“You have schedules…you don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“I’ll only get out if you come with me.”

“To where?”

“The photoshoot, of course.”

You blinked. “What? You’ll be fine. Why would you need me to come?”

“It just makes the day easier,” Dawon answered lazily. “Pleeeeeease?”

You only let out an elongated groan. “But I wanna sleep!”

“You’re always sleeping! Fine. If you don’t wanna come, I won’t shout you lunch,” Dawon compromised as he sat up.

At that moment, you found yourself already missing his warmth and touch. You didn’t feel this way since the night before he officially left to become a trainee. But now you know he won’t leave you again, so it was quite strange for you to feel that way again. Was it because you two had sex for the first time after being so close for so long?

You grabbed Dawon’s shirt, giving in. “Fine, I’ll come. But you owe me for making me wake up this early on my summer break.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Don’t call me that.”

After getting up, washing up, and changing, you realised you still had those hickeys on your neck left by Youngbin and Inseong as you were applying your makeup. You couldn’t go to an official schedule with them showing, otherwise the managers would get suspicious.

“Shit…” you hissed. You frantically rummaged through your makeup case in search for your concealer. When you found it, you applied it thoroughly on the purple marks before covering the areas with foundation.

“______, you ready?” you heard Dawon say outside his room’s door a few minutes later as you were applying your lip tint.

“Yep, coming!”

You quickly grabbed your bag, and rushed to the front door to see Dawon waiting.

“C’mon, we’re gonna be late,” he said as you got out. The two of you then speed-walked to the elevator, and making your way outside the building to where two black vans were waiting. Dawon dragged you to the one with the open door, and practically shoved you inside.

“Woah, ______-noona is joining us today?” Hwiyoung asked in pleasant surprise as you sat on the seat in front of Juho.

“Yeah, ‘cause Hyuk wouldn’t stop whining,” you replied with a roll to your eyes as Dawon got inside and closed the door.

“I wasn’t whining!” Dawon argued.

“You had to bargain for me to get out of bed!”

“That sure sounds like him,” Taeyang snickered.

Dawon glared back at the younger boy. “At least I don’t flirt to get things my way.”

“At least I don’t lose money by flirting—“

“So what made you bring her here?” Juho asked before an argument could start.

Dawon shrugged. “Can’t I bring my best friend around? Besides, she’s probably bored to death being at home by herself.”

You blew on your fringe. “Yeah, it does get boring. But I don’t wanna distract you guys.”

“If anything, we’re the ones distracting you,” Taeyang replied with a small smirk.

You turned your head around to glare at him. “What do you mean?!”

“We are pretty noisy,” Hwiyoung answered, “And you can’t do your assignments with us around.”

“Mostly Hyuk, though.” Juho added with a slightly smug look on his face.

Dawon turned around to glare at the younger male. “Oi, you take that back!”

The rest of the car trip was filled with their usual bickering and roasting of each other, so you decided to keep yourself occupied with your phone. Little did you know that Juho took glimpses of your neck every now and then, observing the patches of concealer and foundation that seemed to be layered a bit more on your skin. He knew you tried to cover the hickeys left by the members, as he could also see hints of purple around the edges. He didn’t know why, but seeing you try to conceal love bites in order to go out in public turned him on.

When the vans arrived at the photo studio, Dawon stepped out first, holding his hand out to assist you.

“I’m fine, Hyukie,” you said as you were getting out. “I’m not a damsel in distress.”

“I know you’re not, but you can barely walk right now.”

You widened your eyes, glaring at him as if to say ‘don’t fucking say that in front of everyone, or I’ll kill you!!’

Your best friend had noticed, but he only smirked and placed his arm around your shoulder as he walked in with you.

As soon as everyone arrived in the studio, the boys were rushed into the dressing rooms to get their hair, makeup, and outfits done. You awkwardly sat outside in the reception so you wouldn’t distract the stylists or boys, and so you could avoid having hairspray filling your lungs.

While you were on your phone, you heard a pair of footsteps coming towards to you. You looked up to see Juho walking towards you as he was doing up the the middle button on his loose white dress shirt.

You couldn’t help but blink in slight shock. His hair was slicked back, showing his undercut, and allowing you to see his sharp cheekbones, while his ripped black skinny jeans, and loose white dress shirt that was tucked in only at the front emphasised his broad shoulders and toned body. He looked absolutely mouth-watering to the point where you felt your knees shaking even if you were seated. Sure, you had seen them styled like this before, but there was something with Juho today that gave him a dark, alluring aura. The man in question was not oblivious to your reaction, so he smirked quietly.

“J-Juho? What’s up?”

“The photographer needs help setting up the lights and stuff,” Juho replied nonchalantly, “Apparently the assistant is sick today, so I told him maybe you could help since you tagged along.”

“Oh, sure…”

You gulped, feeling your cheeks turn warm as you stood up. You rushed past Juho without looking at him to hide your blush, speed-walking past the change rooms, and onto the set. After greeting the photographer, you put your bag next to the table with the computer for editing. You then immediately got to work on setting up the lights, asking every now and then if the lights were in the correct position or whatnot.

After 20 more minutes of setting up, you finally got everything in position that the photographer was satisfied with.

“Great. Can you see if the group is ready?” he requested.

“Yes, sure.”

I really should get paid for this…you thought tiredly as you walked off the set and to the dressing room. When you reached it, you knocked on the door for it to be opened by Rowoon, fully styled and looking like a god.

“Oh, hey ______!”

You blinked in surprise as your cheeks turned slightly pink. “A-are you guys done? The photographer is waiting.”

Rowoon looked behind him before facing you again. “I think Juho is done, I’ll go and see.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Soon enough, the door opened to reveal Juho. You gulped once more as he walked out, and closed the door behind him.

“Alright, let’s go,” you said shyly before leading the way to the set.

Juho followed closely behind you such that you could smell the hairspray and cologne. You chewed on your lower lip from how seductive he smelt.

No, not now…you’re supposed to remain professional…you thought to yourself.

The two of you made it to the set room, where Juho greeted the photographer and went over and stood at the set, while you stood beside the desk with the computer for editing.

Throughout the whole shoot, you were completely stunned at how attractive Juho really was when he was in idol mode. His intense and sharp gazes at the camera were not like any other member. There was something that just made you want to scream ‘daddy’ out loud to him; something that made you want to drop to your knees and let him do whatever he wanted with you.

You couldn’t help but notice that he shot gazes at you every now and then. Every time, you felt like he undressed one item of clothing from you with his eyes. You chewed onto your lower lip, averting your vision at other places to avoid more eye contact with Juho. What was he trying to do to you?

_______

“Kill me now,” you grumbled to yourself as you collapsed onto the couch.

Since the photoshoot had finished, the boys headed to the dance studio to practice while you went back to the apartment. You were basically the replacement for the photographer’s absent assistant, so you worked the whole time while they were shooting.

While you were lying down on the couch, you couldn’t get the images of Juho’s stares at you out of your mind. Sure, the rest of the members also looked handsome, but their expressions were more soft compared to Juho’s fierce, intense gazes. You remembered how weak your knees felt when he  looked at you as if you were his first proper meal after dieting.

“No…he couldn’t be,” you muttered. He doesn’t see you in that way, idiot! You’re just overthinking everything…you mentally yelled at yourself, shaking the thoughts away. You didn’t know if you were seeing things or if you were just horny because you slept with four members already.

After a few more minutes of resting on the couch, you got up to change and take off your makeup. You decided to leave the makeup on your neck to take it off before going to sleep so the hickeys wouldn’t be visible to the boys (as if they didn’t notice them before, anyway).

You had decided to make dinner tonight, since they always had takeout, so you headed out to the kitchen to salvage whatever they had left in the fridge and pantry to make kimchi stew. You also knew how much the boys loved your cooking, so you wanted to surprise them.

After an hour or so of painstakingly preparing all the ingredients, you began to throw them into the pot to cook them first before pouring the hot water in from the kettle. While you were waiting for the whole thing to boil before seasoning it, you suddenly felt a presence behind you. Before you could turn around, you felt a pair of toned arms slide around your waist, and pull you in so your back was to his chest.

You gasped at the sudden skinship, so you immediately assumed that it was your best friend. “Hyukie? Are you done with practice already?”

The man behind you chuckled softly, moving his lips to your ear. “He’s not done, but I am.”

You froze immediately.

That voice. That fucking voice. That fucking voice deeper than the Mariner’s Trench. If only it didn’t affect you so much so you wouldn’t want to succumb to whatever he wanted.

You felt his warm breath ghost from your ear, and trailing down to your neck. You found your knees growing weak as you felt his already-hard crotch pressed up against your behind. “J-Juho?”

“Why are you covering the hickeys? Even at home?” he questioned before planting soft kisses beginning from the corner of your jaw, and down to your neck.  

Your breath hitched as he found the sensitive spot just below your ear. “I-I didn’t think you would notice…”

“I can see them very clearly, baby girl…”

Your thighs clamped together, that spark of desire inside you igniting once more. It seemed like the guys knew how to turn you on like a light switch with just one word.

Juho continued to bite and suck on that area on your neck, eliciting a whiny moan to come from your lips.

“Juho…please…” you sighed, leaning into him. You then felt him grind his clothed hardened shaft against your ass, causing you to begin to feel a warm wetness coating your lower lips.

“Call me daddy, baby…” he said deeply, sending shivers down your body.

You gulped, sliding your hands across his arms around your waist. “Daddy…”

“That’s a good girl,” he praised softly in your ear.

You bit your lower lip; you never knew Juho treating you this way would turn you on so much. You reached to the stove to turn it off as one of Juho’s hands made its way underneath your shirt, and up your chest to cup one of your breasts. He squeezed his hand on it, massaging it a few times, making you let out a needy mewl. Juho then slid his other hand down your body to palm and massage your core, stimulating your nerves.

“D-daddy, please!” you moaned, grinding your core against his hand. You could feel yourself growing wetter as the tips of his fingers teased your entrance through the thin material of the shorts.

Juho smirked against the skin of your neck. “My little baby girl is so needy…and so wet…”

You whimpered at his degrading words, but you didn’t care. You just wanted him to make you cum regardless of method.

“Daddy, p-please,” you begged, grinding your hips more against his hand that was still teasing your entrance and clit.

“Nuh-uh,” he rejected, “You must wait first, then daddy will give you what you want. Can you be patient for me?”

You felt goosebumps form on your neck; it seemed like his voice could make you submit to every command. You only let out a mix of a whine and moan as he continued to torture you slowly. Juho then moved the hand that was groping your breast to slide up your chest and wrap around your neck. His fingers gently squeezed the sides to slightly reduce the airflow, but making sure you could still breathe.

You then felt one finger suddenly slip inside your slick cavern, causing a high-pitched mewl to escape your lips. “D-daddy!”

Juho curled his finger in a come-hither motion before dragging it out slowly. Your knees buckled in, making you almost lose balance, but Juho still managed to hold you up.

“Such a good girl,” he praised in your ear. He then slipped in another finger, and began thrusting them in and out of you to extract more of your wetness that was now dripping down his fingers and to your thighs.

“Please…please…!” you moaned, tightening your grip onto his arms. You could barely stand, but you did everything you could to not completely collapse to bring him down with you. “I c-can’t take it anymore—!”

Without warning, Juho began to massage your sensitive clit with his thumb, causing you to scream as a zap of electricity coursed through your arteries. You could barely breathe while he assaulted your core so skilfully, stimulating you to the maximum so you could feel nothing but raw pleasure. You then felt him give your clit one last hard pinch to finally push you over the edge. You felt your stomach clench as you unleashed throat-burning scream, releasing everything you had onto Juho’s hand like a waterfall. Juho left his hand in that position for another moment before removing it and letting you go. Your knees finally gave way as you collapsed on all fours onto the floor, heavily breathing.

Juho slid his tongue across his fingers to taste what you gave him. “My little girl tastes sweeter than I imagined,” you heard him say, “But I wonder what you actually feel like.”

Before you knew it, Juho lifted you up, causing you to let out a yelp, and pushed your body forward onto the counter with your cheek resting on the cold surface. He pulled out a condom packet from his pocket, ripped it open with his teeth, and threw the packet onto the counter. Your eyes widened when you saw the foil, so you assumed that he wanted to cum inside you.

After slipping the condom on, Juho pulled your shorts and underwear down, letting them fall down your legs, to which you kicked them off and to the side. You then felt him slide the tip of his length up and down your overly wet slit, eliciting a soft moan from your throat.

“Daddy…” you sighed as Juho took your wrists, and held them behind your back.

“Is my baby girl ready for me?” he asked, placing the tip at your slick, dripping entrance.

You nodded, closing your eyes. “Yes, daddy…please…”

At that moment, you felt Juho slide into you from behind, causing you to let out soft, elongated gasp at how well he stretched you out. He then began thrusting immediately without letting you adjust to his size, which you didn’t have to because you were already so wet and turned on. Your moans grew louder as he thrusted harder and faster into you.

“Fuck, baby girl, you feel so good wrapped around me,” Juho groaned. “So tight…so wet…”

You wished you could hold onto something for support, but Juho’s grip on your wrists was too strong for you to move them anywhere. You could only let out moans and whimpers as he continued to slam into you from behind, your slick walls pulsing and swallowing his hard length too easily. Your head began to feel cloudy and slightly dizzy as each thrust Juho gave you felt like a new shot of ecstasy through your veins. Soon enough, your stomach began to tighten as you felt your climax slowly building up.

“J-Juho…” you managed to whimper amongst the moaning.

He slammed into you once more before stopping suddenly. “What did I tell you to call me?”

Your eyes widened. Fuck! “D-daddy…I’m sorr—“

Juho grabbed a fistful of your hair, with one hand, and holding your wrists together with the other. He pulled your head back, eliciting a surprised scream from you. “I was wrong,” he said darkly, “You’re not obedient after all. Should I even let you cum at this point?”

“I’m so sorry, daddy,” you begged desperately, the stinging pain on your scalp making it hard for you to think to form proper sentences. “Please…please let me cum; I won’t do it again, I’m so sorry!”

A smirk curled on Juho’s lips. “I know you won’t do it again,” he said, leaning into your ear. “And I’ll make sure of that.”

Before you could respond, Juho leaned back up and began to thrust hard and fast into you again, making your hips hit the edge of the counter. You screamed the sudden pace he was tearing you up with. Moans, screams, pants, and grunts came from the both of you, while the lewd noises of skin hitting against skin, and sticky sounds of Juho’s cock ramming into you as your essence was leaking out of your hole, and dripping down your thighs filled the kitchen all at once.

In the midst of the thrusting and screaming, you felt your climax building up faster than before. Your stomach muscles began tightening, and your walls were clamping on Juho more regularly. Before you could even have a taste of becoming undone, Juho pulled out of you. Before you could cry out at the loss of pleasure, he flipped you around so you lay on your back. He then entered you once more, wrapping your legs around his waist so he could thrust deeper into you.

“God, you look so beautiful like this,” Juho groaned, loving how you wreathed and moaned beneath him, and how absolutely disheveled you looked. He then leaned down to your neck, and latched his lips onto the spot just behind your ear. You took the opportunity to hold onto Juho’s shoulder blades while he was biting, licking, and sucking at your skin to leave another dark red mark, all while thrusting deeply and quickly into you. Your moans filled his ears, driving him to thrust even harder. His powerful thrusts made you scream and dig your nails into his skin through his shirt, dragging them down his back. Even though his shirt was cushioning the impact of your nails, Juho also groaned as he could still feel the stinging sensation of your nails on his back combined with your walls clamping tightly onto his cock.

Soon enough, your climax began building up again, and you knew this was going to be your biggest one yet.

“D-daddy, I’m about to—“

“Hold on, baby girl, I’m almost there too,” Juho grunted. He then reached one hand down to your swollen, sensitive clit, giving it a hard massage with his thumb as he gave you one more hard thrust. You arched your back as you let out an earth-shattering scream, your climax hitting you like a wrecking ball. Black and white spots filled your vision as you exploded onto Juho’s cock. He held your hips to support himself as he stayed still inside you to spill his load. You felt a warm liquid coat the walls of the condom indicating that the both of you now had finally had your sweet release.

Juho softly collapsed on top of you as the both of you were heavily panting and sweating from what was probably the roughest sex you’ve ever had. You reached behind Juho’s head to lightly stroke his blue hair.

“Holy fuck…” you whispered, still in disbelief that Juho could fuck you so hard.

The man on top of you only laughed lightly. “So…daddy, huh?”

Returning back to your normal self, you flicked the back of his head, causing him to yelp. “Do not fucking speak of this to anyone, or I’ll kick you.”

Juho heaved himself off your body with a grunt before pulling himself out of you. You arched your back lightly as you pressed your lips together to fight back another moan.

“Trust me, I won’t say anything,” he responded in slight amusement as he slid off the condom to throw it in the bin next to the counter. “I’ll never hear the end of it either.”

As Juho was putting his pants back on, you painfully pushed up your torso with your elbows. He then quickly came over to support your back with his hand to help you.

“Easy now, baby,” he said, pulling your upper body slowly towards him so your torso pressed against his. Once you were on your feet, Juho held onto you as he looked at the area where he fucked you. “Hah…looks like we made a bit of a mess here…”

You wrinkled your nose, also looking at the drops of cum that was dripping down the counter. “Ugh…more things I have to clean...”

Juho squeezed your shoulder assuringly. “You go wash up, and I’ll clean this, okay?”

You sighed. “Alright, but you have to help me make dinner for fucking me so hard.”

“I’m cool with that.”

[knightedwriter]

Quick question, how to start up a writeblr, tips on getting my story noticed, etc.?

Ah the age-old question of writeblr. I know you said quick question, but my answer is probably going to be a bit long (so I’ll put most of it under the cut). I’m sorry for the time it took to respond!

Starting up a writeblr

First things first, just make your blog. Now, you may be saying “I know how to make a blog” but hold up, because I’ve heard a few complaints from fellow writeblrs about the ease of navigating people’s blogs.

Make sure your theme/text is readable and easy to navigate. I’ve noticed a lot of blog themes look nice, but the text is teeny tiny, or the background and text colors have terrible contrast. This can discourage people from following read more links and thus discourage them from reading your writing.

In addition, having tabs for your current WIPs and/or common tag lists you use will make it easier for people to find your stuff. Start this early so it doesn’t become some daunting task to organize your tags later (guilty).

Try to pick a name that makes it obvious you’re a writeblr. You don’t have to, of course, but this’ll attract other writeblrs easier.

Once you’ve made your blog, make an info post. This has been a trend recently with writeblrs, and I like it. The community might not reblog it right away, but these posts do eventually make their rounds. Some points to avoid:

Don’t use gifs in the post. it turns some people off from reblogging it. (People have specifically told me this, so yes, it happens).

Introduce yourself! I want to know about you and your works, so make room for both.

Don’t degrade yourself in your post. Things like “I’m terrible at writing” or “this is probably better than my actual writing” are tempting to say, but can turn people away. We all joke about being terrible, and plenty of us struggle to see value in our writing. It’s okay to feel that way, but you’re making this blog for a reason: to share your writing and gain interest. Degrading yourself is the opposite of your goal here.

Try to keep it short. The longer the post, the more likely people will skim or skip it completely. You can talk about yourself and your WIPs in more detail in other posts.

Once you’ve introduced yourself, start posting about your work! This can be snippets, rambles, one shots, whatever you want to see on your blog! Don’t be discouraged by the note count. I’ve had this blog since July 2017. It took six months for my note count on original posts to reach more than ten notes consistently. Even now, stories and snippets of mine tend to only get 30 or so notes, but I’m perfectly happy with that. Just understand that it takes time and patience to build a following, and that even then you might not see that much activity. The worst thing to do is pitch a fit to other writeblrs (I see this often). It may be frustrating, but not everyone is going to see or even enjoy your work. Just keep going. You’ll get people who love it. It just takes time.

Interact with other writeblrs. If you want support, give it out. Though not everyone will reciprocate (and they’re not obligated to!), some will definitely take notice and support you in turn. So reblog their stuff, send in asks, and, for the love of god, SCREAM IN THE TAGS OR ON THEIR POSTS. Give feedback! You’ll make someone’s day, and it’s just plain good writeblr etiquette.

If you’re feeling daring, start a convo with someone who’s willing. Just make sure you respect their boundaries, and please, please, don’t start with asking them to read your work. Some people find it hard to say no in that situation, and they may be busy. Just make friends. The rest will play itself out.

Getting your story noticed

Much of what I said above applies to this. The main points are: post about your story, interact with other writeblrs, and have patience. And, to reiterate, by patience I mean be willing to dedicate months or even years to building up a following. Not just a few weeks. It may be discouraging when nothing happens very quickly, but just keep. going.

Keep posting about your story. Ramble about it. Make worldbuilding posts. Reblog ask games. Show your excitement for what you’re writing, and other people will pick up on it. Show us what you love about it, and we’ll fall in love, too. If you’re excited, your reader will be.

I know it’s cliche to end on, but seriously, have fun. This is all for something you love. If you start falling out of love with it bc you’re not getting much attention, step away from writeblr and remind yourself that this is as much for you as it is for anyone else. You don’t want to lose your passion for something just because gaining a following is a long, difficult process. You got this. You’ll get people who are interested.

I hope this helps! Happy writing.

--Ri

[rachello344]

ace-of-twos:  last night you reblogged a thing and one of the options was “tell me a story that happened to you”. i’m sorry this took so long to type. but here it is. i hope you enjoy reading it. sorry it’s a mess. 

… [Rachello344: I’m adding a readmore because damn is this a helluva story, but it is also quite long XD]

first thing you gotta know is that like any set of best friends, lex and i make terrible decisions. this includes deciding to go to the fair last minute which, yes, may sound like a great idea, but just wait for it. the second thing you gotta know is there are going to be a fuckton of asides in this story bc the entire day was a magical and incoherent wreck. 

there’s a fair that comes into town twice a year. i don’t usually go bc it’s hot and loud and god there are so many people. but lex convinces me and we go.

our first mistake: we arrived as it opened, at 1pm. 

our second mistake: from arrival to departure, we did not leave the fairgrounds. 

our third mistake: we stayed until approximately 8:30pm. 

keep in mind that those numbers, first and second and third, only really apply to that particular list. many mistakes were made that day. most, but not all, were made by us. it was terrible but also mostly hilarious. 

so, to get into the fair and actually get to the rides, you have to walk through a long kinda psuedo hallway filled with carnival games. giant prizes are hanging from the ceiling. one of these prizes is a dragon. it’s fucking adorable as shit. keep this in mind. it’s important. 

at about 2pm, both of us high on adrenaline, we decide to ride the tilt-a-whirl. i have never properly been on a tilt-a-whirl so a number of things happen in rapid succession. lex scares the shit out of me by making the carriage spin super fucking fast. (i thought you were just supposed to sit there and let the momentum spin you around. oh, how wrong i was.) i discover that i fucking love the tilt-a-whirl. i demand we ride it again. we get in line. when we get back to the ticket gate, the person managing the ride tells us that we’ll have to take another person in the carriage with us. this is fine until it’s revealed that this other person is a 10yro girl. 

lemme describe this girl for you: big, trusting eyes; dark skin; the sweetest smile; chocolate colored hair in a neat bob; matching shorts and top. basically she’s the most adorable small child i’ve ever seen. 

lex and i are 100% planning to spin the ride out of control. 

i am slightly worried for this child. maybe we shouldn’t do this. i really don’t want her to throw up, specifically on either lex or i bc we are idiots who live far away from the fair and yet brought no spare clothing despite the fact that fairs are messy places. to be fair, i also just really don’t want her to have a terrible time. but mostly the throwing up would be a downer. 

we spin the ride. 

for two seconds, i watch the small child with concern. and then she screams, the delighted kind, and i help lex turn the carriage into a poorly maintained and probably dangerous metal tornado. 

(s'all good, no one’s died at the fair in… years, probably. idk.) 

i’m pretty sure we made that kid’s day. we also probably made her parents want to kill us bc we definitely turned her into an adrenaline junkie. 

moving on. there’s a swing ride called the yo-yo. (yes, it’s exactly as terrifying as it sounds. the only ride that scares me more is the zipper.) lex initially doesn’t want to go on it bc tbh it’s a wee bit rundown. it’s an old fair, everything is a little broken, but this ride is like scarily old. but then she remembers some of the nostalgia or smth and we get in line. 

all the swings are individual seats, one in front of the other, around a thing that spins. a major fucking asshole sits in front of lex. 

i’m already scared out of my mind, no matter how fucking safe they claim to be those things do NOT feel secure, and then this guy? he starts swinging back and forth, trying to hit his girlfriend that’s sitting in front of him. he hits lex multiple times in the process. i was so close to strangling him but i really didn’t want to be arrested for murder and ruin an otherwise good day so i moved on. 

(also he and his gf spent the entire time before the ride got started making out????? like wow. can there be a limit on pda? like please? chill out.) 

you remember that dragon from earlier? let’s get back to it. 

okay, actually, one more aside. it’s time for lunch. lex and i have realized too late that fair food is fucking expensive. we spent all our money getting day passes so we could ride every single ride available to us. lex is a bottomless pit and i don’t eat much, but even i’m hungry. 

we do the obvious thing and beg my dad to drive out to the fair and give us money for food.

(yes, we had passes. this means we could’ve left and come back. no, we did not do that. in our defense, going home would’ve taken like an hour and then add in food prep time and actually eating it and then coming back? yeah, no. fair only comes once a year. it’s ride or die.) 

my dad gives us way too much money. yep, his mistake. like. giving a large amount of cash to teens wandering around a fair? not smart. 

despite the fact that we were both starving, it’s also fucking boiling out. we aren’t as hungry as we think we are. so we split a poutine and still have a ridiculous amount of money left. 

back to the dragon. 

we’d gone up to one of the stalls before and asked what we had to do to win one. the lady is old and kinda grumpy, probs not super happy about working around screaming kids, so instead of telling us how many balloons we had to pop to get a dragon (the information we were looking for) she tells us how much money to just straight up buy it. 

i’m hard of hearing and have problems processing auditory input so i do not hear what the price is. this is before lunch and i have fourteen dollars. 

she walks over while we’re trying to count out how much change i have and then shakes her head. she did not say fourteen dollars. she said forty. anxiety kicks in and it’s suddenly the worst moment of my life. 

after lunch, we have forty dollars leftover. we march up to the lady and i would love to say we shoved forty dollars in her face but we did not. we crouched over her counter for about ten minutes trying to figure out what combination of change equaled forty dollars. then i awkwardly poured it into her hand. 

she’s going to just give us the dragon but apparently she has to keep up the ruse bc she drops a handful of darts on the counter. we have eight darts between us and we have paid forty dollars. all i want is the dragon. 

we each throw four darts. it’s horribly sad to pay forty dollars and get a measly eight darts. but hey, the economy is shit. we are also shit. as in, we are awful shots. i think we managed to pop a total of three balloons. it’s far more likely that we only popped two. 

i tell myself that we aren’t paying for the darts, we’re paying for a dragon. 

the lady hands us a dragon. i forget that anything bad has ever happened to me in my life. i am so fucking overjoyed to have a dragon. like damn. 

the rest of this story happens much, much later. 

it’s about 7pm. lex and i have decided to go on one last ride and then leave. we’re both wearing shorts, have no jackets, and it’s getting cold out. so we get in line for the himalaya. 

(to explain, it’s kinda like a roller coaster but it only goes around a little circular track. they play really, really loud music the entire time the ride is going. it’s awful and amazing. esp bc they play weird shit like gangam style and old justin beiber songs. it’s weird. the ride spins forward for half a song and then backwards for the last half. there’s usually a guy standing by to make sure that everything runs smoothly but he also has another purpose. he sits there with his hands out and high fives as many people as he can. it’s amazing but as the lighter person i’m never on the outer edge so i can almost never reach him and it’s upsetting.) 

we’re waiting in line for the himalaya. we’re both tired. we’ve been here for six hours. both quiet. and then lex screams. 

she’s seen our friend chris on the ride. we did not know chris was there, had no plans to meet up with him. and chris is kind of awesome and bubbly and just all around a pretty cool dude. we both love him. 

so clearly, we spend the next couple of minutes making funny faces at chris every time the ride brings him closer to us. it’s what friends do. 

when chris gets off the ride, he’s here with some other people that we barely know but that isn’t important, we make plans to ride the himalaya together as our final ride. lex and i get on the ride and we’ll meet up later. 

(before then, we also persuade him to ride the tilt-a-whirl with us and scare the shit out of him by spinning it as hard as we can. there’s videos of him just screaming. it’s pretty great.) 

then it’s the last ride of the night. the himalaya. 

we all get in line. 

after such a good day, something just had to go wrong. 

we’re getting pretty close to the start of the line and there’s a pretty decent gap in the line bc it’s late and everyone’s lazy so lines tend to be disorganized. a group of teens is kinda chilling next to the line and they do the unthinkable. they attempt to slide into the line just ahead of us. 

this brings us to the part of the story where chris almost gets in a fight. 

chris may be an airhead but he absolutely will not stand for shit like that so he just holds his arm out in front of him like a shield and tells them to go to the back of the line. the teens do not take this super well. 

incorrigible as ever, they still jump the line but this time they end up just behind us in the line. everything is fine. and then the ‘leader’ starts talking shit at chris, backed up by his boys. 

(i should mention that chris is trans, pre-t, and fucking tiny. he also lacks comon sense. for all that he may be like three years older than me, he will always be my little brother.) 

so when the leader says, “if you ever fucking touch me again, i’ll grope your ass,” we all get a little defensive. also bc the guy’s a dick. 

there’s two kids in line behind us and in front of them. lex has noticed them, i did not. they’re middle schoolers. clearly. they’re full of energy, dancing and dabbing and just generally being walking, talking memes. lex is also a memelord. these are her people. so she turns to them and asks them to annoy the shit outta the guys behind them. 

being annoying middle schoolers who love chaos, they comply. 

at some point they ask us how old we all are. now, remember how i said chris is fucking tiny? he tells them he’s 21 and they don’t believe it. and of course, i’m 19 but i look 12 so they don’t believe me either. 

chris and i are both fucking extra so we dig out our wallets to present our id cards to these kids. and my wallet is a wee bit of a disaster. i’m also clumsy. so when i try to get it back in the bag, it doesn’t end well. i decide to just carry it with me on the ride and it’s all going great until i trip. all the cards spill out. 

now there’s this guy and i’ve seen him on several rides. he’s wearing sunglasses and a frown. i have not seen him smile all day. he also keeps texting during rides with is baffling to me. ENJOY THE DAMN RIDE. 

just giving you context so he’s clearly established as a douche. 

i trip right next to his car. as i’m struggling to pick up the contents of my wallet, he turns to me and says, “how many fucking cards do you need?" 

i’m not proud, but here’s my response: "how many fucking cards does your mom need?!” then i walked away. and keep in mind that half of my cards are still on the floor as i make my exit. (luckily lex grabbed them.) 

with that nonsense over, we attempt to get on the ride. 

now, i’m a fucking twig with legs and i’ve already said that chris is tiny. we figure that all of us will fit in the one car. we have forgotten to factor in lex’s fucking gigantic hips. she cannot fit in the car with us. so she gets out and looks around and spots them. 

the middle schoolers, they’re sitting behind us. 

lex approaches their car and says, i kid you not, “move fuckers, i’m getting in.” respectful of their meme elder, they allow this. 

we figure that’s enough adventure for one day so lex and i start to leave the fair. it’s been a long day. we are very tired. i say, wistfully, “damn, we should’ve gotten a picture with the meme children.” lex and i turn to each other, communicating non-verbally, and simultaneously turn to head back into the fairgrounds. 

and that’s the story of how i ended up following two children on instagram. 

[amalasdraws]

i saw that you're drawing for more hqzines (yay! and the preview looks so amazing already) but it kinda made me feel bad bc turns out there are so many events i've missed. how do you track the events going on in the fandom?

Huhu,I know exactly how you feel. Last year I missed so many events and zines..it was terrible.I started following anime-zines.tumblr.com and zine-scene.tumblr.comBut tbh most of the zines I found via Twitter. Two of them added me so this is how I noticed them and also the fandom people I follow there speak about zines and retweet the informations. So this really helped.I also asked some artists (as are you doing now) how they got into the zines.Some really happen cause the zine organizer asks certain artists to be part of it, so it’s only via connection, but there are also many many zines everyone can apply to.Yes, mostly I got to know them cause I’m following artists who are interested in zines and retweet things or even organize own zines.

It really helps when you have a little community..people who show you zine applications or retweet/reblog them so you don’t miss them.

Some of the mods of the zines which I’m taking part in now or which I have applied to also offer other projects.Like the Ghibli zine mod says they want to do more projects in the future (here) or also the one for the flower zine runs other projects (here) and the one for the Ushijima Zine I applied to has other zines going on too (here)So it’s always good to follow artists and people that have already been hosting zines cause they might do another one and to follow accounts that promote zines.

You can also ask me off Anon and I will try to remember to message you when I hear of another zine (if you still feel you don’t get the informations on your own)

I hope this helps!!