#not actually funny

[julezo]

thought i was a logical person until its election day and 51% of the votes being counted means 100% and “still up in the air” means “we’re all fucking dead”

[stripedstarsblueflags]

Zhou, Silverstone 2022: Well–

Lewis, Monza 2021: Actually–

Max, Silverstone 2021: In fact–

Charles, Spa 2018: Now that you mention–

Pierre, Suzuka 2022: Matter of-

Romain, Bahrain 2020: Did you really just–

FIA: Not us that’s for sure lol

[fellowplasticeater]

Please Don’t Send Me Death Threats

[eldestdauqhter]

the funny thing about carmy having to stand in the middle of culinary colleagues discussing their climb to their individual successes; is how baffled he is to silence that they’re able to talk about everything in a positive, albeit comically, uplifting light. as though they’ve lived past beyond waiting for the pot to boil. while carmy is still just there, with his hands in the simmering water. he wonders how any of this will be survivable, let alone worthy to reminisce. all his grief in clenched fists, and his grudges close to his chest; he decides he must make something he deems worthy out of all his damage. how it must count for something.

[enchantedspherosis]

How to be funny: A step-by-step guide

Step 1: So a horse walks into a bar. Step 2: So a horse slides into a bar. Step 3: So a horse gallops into a bar Step 4: So a horse bars into a gallop. Step 5: So a gallop horse bars into a. Step 6: A gallop a so bars into horse. Step 7: Ouch.

[thenamesbabe-crybabe]

Love being young but having the joints of not young. Got down in the grocery store yesterday to look at a low shelf, knee popped weird, it's been sore ever since. Selling my knees if anyone wants them

[godhelpme4141]

Tried editing ❤️

[bilberson]

I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself

[sunriseovergotham]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[desperatepleasures]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[miniaturecatmentality]

guys I just found the greatest video on the internet

[marlynnofmany]

Add another one to the list of hilarious examples of why generative AI doesn't produce correct answers, just statistically likely ones.

(Customers asked for how-to videos, which the company doesn't have. The AI chatbot decided that a million internet users linking to this video after similar requests couldn't be wrong.)

[cutiemisu]

ryoko kui: bet

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[bugbuoyx]

i made tumblr pride flags! feel free to ask for more edits

[dramatic-dolphin]

when we were studying the bible in literature class (so we have the context necessary for later works that reference the bible), i think we were at the book of jonah, and one of my classmates was studying the text very intently, and then looked up and earnestly said "professor, i don't understand the will of god"

the teacher was just like. well sadly i am a literature teacher and not a priest so i can't help you there. but if it helps, many people throughout history had the same problem.